Good morning, this is Adam and Jo on BBC6 Music.
It's a few minutes past seven.
Welcome to our last ever breakfast show.
That's true.
Whatever happens, we will never again wake up this early for two weeks on the trot.
It's true.
Even if there's some kind of crisis, even if like the world, even if they shift the days.
Man, if a big British castle needed us, we would.
That's true.
Don't you think you got it?
You've got to serve the big British castle.
We, yeah.
You know we're very lucky to have been given brief tenure here at the Big British Castle and at the end of today's show we're gonna go back into our little hovel of muddy huts and carry on wittling pipes and baking pigeons or whatever we do normally.
Sieving mud.
Sieving mud for rocks that can be made into necklaces, smooth pebbles and sold in the market.
And a smooth pebble!
Oh, well done!
We'll thread it on the necklace and seal it in the market!
Thank you!
Please don't beat me!
I will beat you!
Thank you!
So yeah, that's what today's got in store for me.
Do you know what?
I'm wondering... What has today got in store for you?
Sieving pebbles.
Oh, pebbles, okay.
I'm wondering if my pass, because you know when you get here to the BBC, they give you like a lovely pass.
That's right.
And on the back of the past there's instructions for how to behave at the BBC.
Have you ever read your instructions?
No.
Have you seriously not?
No.
BBC values.
Trust is the foundation of the BBC.
We are independent, impartial and honest.
Says this on the back of every BBC past.
Audiences...
are at the heart of everything we do.
We take pride in delivering quality and value for money.
Creativity is the lifeblood of our organization.
And it goes on for quite a long time.
My pass is an older pass.
What does yours say?
Because I've been working here at the castle for longer than you have been.
Mine says, this card is the property of the BBC.
And then found, please post to blah blah blah.
And then it has fire safety tips.
No values?
No, I don't need those values.
Oh, no, you have.
You've got a little one at the bottom.
It says, do not use lifts.
It just says, do not use lifts.
That's a little bit of advice, you see.
That's because I was hired here as a lift maintenance worker.
And how long do you think these passes will allow us to switch through doors at the BBC?
I think, at the end of the show today, they'll stop functioning.
They'll immediately stop, yeah.
Yeah, I think that's probably true.
So all our plans for invading other shows are gonna have to be, you know, shelved.
We'll tell you more about what we've got coming up in the show in just a second, but I think it's time for music, because that's what Six Music's all about after all.
Incidentally, you heard Madness with Tomorrow's Just Another Day kicking off the show, and now here's the Kaiser Chiefs with the Angry Mob!
That's a bit of Kaiser Chiefs satire there, and the Angry Mob, the real Angry Mob, will now be firmly put in their place by that song, I think.
Mm.
And they push things too far.
They push things over as well.
They end up ripping things apart and pushing them over.
That's true.
An angry mob is not a way to run a country.
No.
Is that the lyrics of the song?
All that stuff you just said?
No.
It's just things I'm thinking.
That's amazing.
In my head.
Because...
Adam and I are using this breakfast show as a platform to get into politics.
That's true, actually, you know, because some people would imagine that mainly we're obsessed with trivial, superficial things.
We're thinking, if Tony B. Liar and Gordon Baroon can do it, why can't... and what's his name?
Mr. Pooter?
David Cameron?
Why can't we do it?
We can do it!
Yeah, if, I tell you the bottom line, if David Cameron can do it, we can flipping do it.
I tell you the planks, my planks.
Do you want to know my planks?
Yeah, go on.
Stop it.
Don't do that.
It's the one of them.
Yeah.
The main one is stop it.
Stop it.
That's my campaign.
Policy number one.
That's our campaigning slogan.
Right, stop it.
Stop it.
Adam and Joe say stop it.
Yeah.
My, my, my next policy.
Yeah.
Put that back.
My, our third policy is shhh.
Shhh.
Just shhh.
That's a good one.
That is a good one.
Yeah.
That's it.
Those are our three prongs.
I've got one more prong.
Stop it, put that back.
Shh.
And sit down.
And just sit down.
Yeah.
Just sit down.
Cos that'll solve a lot of problems.
You know, just sit down.
You get an unruly teenager and he's hell bent on bashing and... On black-blatting.
On black-blatting and bashing with his strap.
Exactly.
Or his gat.
Or his gak.
I don't know what he's using.
And you say, hey, sit down.
and then he sits down and gives him a chance to think about what he's done.
Yeah, yeah.
That's all you need.
Policies, they're right there.
Now folks, it won't be a surprise to you after that little spiel there that BBC Six Music has been shortlisted in the best radio station category at this year's Digital Music Awards.
They're the most important awards.
They're the most important awards in the world.
They're the music... They're the ones everyone's heard of.
They're the Digital Music Oscars.
The Doscas.
The Demoscas.
The winner will be decided by you, the public, the AKA the angry mob.
So to vote for six music, go to bbc.co.uk forward slash six music.
And also don't forget while you're there to vote for either my track or Joe's track in today's.
uh, Band-Aid face-off.
It says on the script that you were supposed to say, also, check out the Calvin Harris session for Anita Rani on Tuesday, but you cleverly switched it to our competition.
I was gonna talk about Calvin Harris as a little, uh, final thing.
Don't bother.
It's more important to vote in our competition.
Okay, yeah.
So, right now, get onto bbc.co.uk forward slash six music, okay?
And while we're playing this next track by the marvellous Morchiba, sort all that out.
Vote for six music for the digital music awards and vote for myself or Joe for today's band-aid.
Here's Morchiba.
Morchiba?
Yeah, featuring Dom Jolly there on backing vocals with Trigger Hippie.
Why do you say Dom Jolly?
Because it sounds like Trigger Happy.
It's that simple.
It's early in the morning.
Simple connections, but simple DJs.
You want more Cheeba?
No, it's wrong to have more Cheeba.
You've got to have modest amounts of Cheeba.
Everything in moderation in life.
Absolutely, exactly.
A little bit of what you fancy does you good and helps your panties.
Is that the end of that, Tim?
Yeah, that's actually the end of that aphorism.
Didn't know that.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC6 Music.
A very good morning to you.
It's a Friday morning.
Friday, the day that doesn't really count.
You know, yes, you're working, but not really.
You don't really have to bother.
No.
You know you can work in a slapdash, lackadaisical fashion while listening to the radio and like wearing brightly coloured clothing and stuff like that.
And...
Go home early, you know?
Go to the pub, have a drink with your friends, and then don't watch Big Brother tonight.
No, why?
Just because, on principle.
Yeah, on principle.
Yeah, go out and do something less boring instead.
Yeah, exactly.
Sitting at home, watching TV, turn it off, it's no good to me.
So, do that.
And also, it's a lovely day in London town.
I don't know about the rest of you.
It's gonna be a cracker.
It's going to be a good weekend though, right?
I'm just making that up.
Yeah, it is, it is.
There's nothing wrong with being positive.
Yeah, yeah.
Even if it's wrong.
But listen, we've got great stuff coming up in the show listeners.
We've got terrific music.
We've already had terrific music, but in the rest of the hour, we've got some smashing pumpkins, some Jose Gonzalez.
Is that how you say it?
Yeah, you say Jose.
Jose Gonzalez.
Some modest mouse.
I'm looking forward to that.
Some Beck.
Oh, it's gonna be great, and of course we've got Serial Thriller coming up at 8.
And the most important aspect of the show is, of course, the climax of Band Aid.
Mmm.
It was Sean Kievny's brilliant segment, where he kind of got a new band, and you had to choose whether to play them or not.
We've kind of hijacked it for our own ends.
Adam and I have written a song each.
There's clips of each on the BBC 6 Music website.
Go there, listen to each clip, vote for which is your favourite.
We're gonna play the winner at the end of the show.
And I think we'll play a clip a little later on as well, won't we?
Yeah, I'll give you a little on-air reminder there.
It's European supermarket versus Jane's Brain.
Two very different track, one's rock, one's sort of Euro house.
Very different subjects.
How's the voting looking at the moment, Jenny's just gonna... Jenny's got a check there.
Is that true?
Have I made a little comeback there?
He's made an enormous comeback.
He's 61% for Adam and 39% for Joe.
Is that true?
Are you sure?
But it was the other way round yesterday.
Yesterday I was sick.
Yesterday Joe had 64%.
That's not very good because, um, shall I tell you a secret?
What?
My track's 30 seconds long.
Have you been voting for yourself?
Because I assumed I was going to lose.
So I only took 30 seconds work.
And then when... So earlier in the week, our producer Lisa said, is it only 30 seconds?
I thought that was just a clip.
Could you like finish the song?
I said, yeah, yeah, I'll finish it, no problem.
But then I saw the voting yesterday and it was like 64% in European supermarkets favor.
I thought, oh, that's okay.
I'm not going to have to finish it then because it's never going to win.
So if Jane's Brain wins today, I mean... We're all in trouble.
We might have to play European supermarket anyway, but that's not how it works.
Hey, the voting hasn't closed yet, right?
There's still a couple of hours of voting left.
Go to the BBC 6 music website, listen to those two snatches and vote for the one.
What is your favourite?
Now, here's some music.
This is Gossip with Jealous Girls.
Sounds like an excellent show.
This is Adam and Jo here on BBC 6 Music, our last day covering for Sean Keveny.
He'll be back with you next week.
And right now, it's time for our first plunder of the John Peel Session Archives.
And I've gone for a track by one of my favourite New Wave acts, magazine.
They formed from the...
sort of ashes.
Well, not the ashes because they carried on, but how Devoto, lead singer of magazine, used to be in the Buzzcocks.
And he was one of the founder members of the Buzzcocks, but he left after their first single came out, I think, and just went on because it was all, he didn't really like punk that very much, didn't he?
No, he wasn't impressed by the shouting and the spitting and that kind of behaviour.
He was too cerebral for that sort of thing.
I'm similar and too perverse.
Yeah, you would have split it up as well.
I'm not perverse.
No, but I'm too cerebral.
You are too cerebral.
That's why you'd never make a good punk rocker.
So Howard went on to form the magazine, a fantastically snooty cerebral and occasionally quite pretentious band, but all in a good way.
Do you know what I mean?
Some of their albums are amazing.
Real life is the one to check out if you're a magazine novice.
I can't remember if this track that they're going to play on the Peel Sessions is on real life or secondhand daylight, but it's called Touch and Go.
Check out the mannered vocals on the man.
I really like someone who maybe is not a great classical singer, but just goes nutty with the voice.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Uses what he's got to the best effect.
Exactly.
Like Kevin Rowland, for example.
A brilliant gymnast vocally.
And David Byrne also, you know, not a powerful singer, but
Very mannered and... Celine Dion, Bette Midler, Characteristics, Streisand.
All good examples of what I'm talking about.
So check out Howard DeVoto here singing with magazine, this is called Touch and Go from 1978 John Peel Session.
Great stuff, that's magazine from their 1978 Peel Session.
That's a track called Touch and Go.
Incidentally, Howard DeVoto's solo album Jerky Versions of the Dream is well worth checking out.
I don't know what you're talking about!
I'm just talking rubbish.
If you like kind of, uh, synthy pop music with a little arty edge to it.
Check it out.
It's one of my favourite albums ever.
Now, yeah, what?
Oh no, carry on, I was just saying now.
One of our, one of the few things sort of new we've done in the last couple of weeks has been our text the nation jingle.
Oh, yeah.
Um, we kind of invented the segment on the Monday that we started.
By Tuesday, I had the jingle.
You came up with the name Text the Nation, didn't you, Joe?
Yeah, it was a brilliant satire of Test the Nation.
Yeah, it was amazing.
And then I went home and I worked on the jingle.
For how long?
I worked on that jingle for half of an hour.
Half of an hour?
And then, by the next day, we received the news that it had become the nation's favourite feature.
I received that news from Adam, who received that news from his imagination, and we were able to announce it to the country.
Very exciting.
And now, in the days that have passed, the text the nation jingle has spread like a kind of a disgusting disease.
Around people's brains like a debilitating illness and we've had various emails requesting I mean for instance here's one from Emma Been loving the show over the past two weeks.
She puts the G on loving I'm unfairly making her sound like Davina McCall good been loving the show over the past two weeks My two boys have been singing the text the nation jingle.
How would you see it though?
How old are the boys?
If they're children, then I think we've got something to answer for.
If they're kind of surly, lackadaisical, late teenagers... It might have snapped them out of their door.
...and failed to leave home, yeah.
Then that's more acceptable, maybe.
Yeah, normally they come down, they're just monosyllabic and surly, and then suddenly they're coming down going, ticks the nation, ticks, ticks, ticks... Anyway, more of this later.
We'd better go to some news, because it's coming up to Huff Pass 7.
Here is the news with Callum and Adrian.
Wow, that's the Wiggles with Ready Steady Go.
That's like waking up and swigging half a bottle of whiskey.
Listening to that, that's Generation X with Ready Steady Go.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC6 Music on our final breakfast show for our filling in session for Sean W. Kievny, our filling in session.
Mmm, nicely put.
Thanks, man.
Yeah, I like a little filling in session.
Sean Keveny will be enjoying his last couple of lions this morning.
Lions?
Yes, he loves to eat a lion for breakfast.
He eats lions?
Well, it's grotesque.
It's disgusting, isn't it?
He has them specially killed, flown over, his wife plucks them.
Does she?
Yeah, it's quite a skilled job, especially getting the mane out.
Jamie, I saw Jamie Oliver cook some lions once.
Really?
Yeah, a little lion, cheeky little lion, and it's alright, just get his claws out, bush bush bush bush, call out the claws, ooh a lovely cheeky lion, ooh a little cheeky.
That sounds just like Jamie Oliver.
That's a good impression isn't it?
It's as if he's here.
Ooh look, a lovely little bit of tile from the lion, ooh a lovely cheeky chair, fry it all up with a little bit of sauce, ooh a lovely cheeky.
But we've, er, yeah.
We've hijacked, um, Sean Keibney's, uh, special segment Band-Aid, and we've kind of, uh, twisted it for our own use.
We've recorded a song each, Adam and me, and we're asking you to vote for the one you want us to play at the end of the show.
Up until close of business yesterday, I was winning my song, European Supermarket.
He's been winning all week, let's... I've been winning all week.
I was feeling cocky and confident.
I thought I had it in the bag.
Yeah.
But... I was on the run.
typical British public with a sudden 11th hour sway towards the underdog.
Suddenly falling in behind Eddie the Eagle Edwards or Tim Henman or whatever sad sad no-hoper catches their pathetic imagination.
Henman's not a no-hoper he's just had a little run-and-pad like that's all and now he's giving up.
What's wrong with that?
Suddenly, the seesaw has sawseed the other way, and Adam is suddenly inexplicably winning with his 30-second track.
Don't tell and don't remind people about that.
I shouldn't have admitted it earlier on.
It's 60.44% placed 39.56%.
That's literally the opposite of what it was yesterday.
Yeah, I know.
But what a 30... What have you been doing overnight?
What a 30 seconds... Listen.
I considered going home and voting for myself on all my various computers, but I didn't do it.
I didn't do it.
I swear to you, I didn't do it.
I think there's been a technical malfunction.
I didn't even care... a snafu.
So listen, listeners, it's amazingly important that you listen very carefully to these two clips of music.
Um, are we- who's- are we gonna play first?
Adams.
We're gonna play Adams first.
This is a song called... Well, why don't you explain the song, Adam?
This is a rock track.
It's called Jane's Brain.
And it's a little speculation about, uh, the things that might happen inside a woman's brain.
It's condescending to women.
No, it's condescending- a little bit condescending to a woman, Jane.
Here's Jane's Brain.
She'd use a brain to think of things that she didn't have.
She'd think of cars and she'd think of fancy dresses and she'd think of big houses and she'd think of cars.
You know, I only lasts for 10 seconds longer than that 20 20 a lot of things are explained in those 20 seconds and it takes like that There's a whole load of stereo vocal effects that come in and put it this way.
I want to hear it Yeah, but I don't want it to win.
You know, I don't understand.
I want me to win.
What's yours called?
Mine's called European supermarket It's kind of a euro house track about going shopping when you're on holiday in Europe and the the phantasmagoria that is a European supermarket shall we hear it
Mmm.
You were using all the box of tricks there, weren't you?
I'm using GarageBand.
Yeah, yeah.
Crazy vocals and all that.
I like it, though.
That's European supermarket.
So, you know, go to the website, BBC6 Music.
Click on Adam's track or Joe's track.
You can hear those little samples for yourself.
And have a good long think because, you know, this is the last thing we're gonna play on the show.
It's gonna leave either a good or bad taste in people's mouth.
It's gonna resonate down the ages, so it's an important choice.
Exactly.
Now, here's some proper music.
This is The White Stripes with You Don't Know What Love Is.
The brilliant Stephen Merchant there on BBC Six Music.
That's a really good show.
You should listen to that.
It's a peach.
Yeah.
Now, it's time for my archive session track, Joe's archive session track.
And this is kind of...
going out to anybody who's about to get married.
Oh yeah, is it, uh, is it... It's a warning.
What, what, what?
No, it's a warning.
What is it?
Uh, from the Funboy 3.
It's a song called Tunnel of Love.
Oh yeah.
And it's a bit of a depressing choice for our final show here on Friday, but I remember this coming out in 1983 when I was a kid, and, uh, you know, being quite shocked by it.
That's right.
The trial separation worked and ended up.
In a divorce case!
Exactly, it's sort of like an episode of some grim soap opera.
And it's quite a chilling song.
And, you know, it may be why I so far in life haven't got married.
Yeah, well the line, the killer line is you gave up your friends for a new way of life and ended up as ex-husband and wife.
You've lost everything!
So this is a sobering song.
This is from the 16th of January 1983, The Funboy 3 with Tunnel of Love.
Hmm, the irony.
Yeah, there we go.
The Funboy 3 with the Tunnel of Love, a bit of gloomy flamenco there.
And you know, I take back everything I said about marriage.
I think it's a wonderful, a wonderful thing.
And if anybody, I'm just thinking somebody out there might be getting married.
Right.
And maybe they heard me saying that and listened to that track and suddenly thought, what am I doing?
It's unlikely.
It's pretty, it's pretty, it doesn't... But just in case.
It doesn't hold its cards close to its chest, does it?
It's pretty well anti-marriage, yeah.
But, um... Is Terry Hall married?
I don't know, I don't know.
I know he hangs out with Nick Heywood quite a bit.
Does he really?
Hmm.
Nick Heywood.
Yeah.
He's a musical genius.
He is.
They're both musical geniuses.
We did a little bit of filming with Nick Heywood ages ago, ten years ago, over ten years ago for our TV show, and um...
I think they both struggle with gloom.
Yeah.
They have gloom struggles.
Well, a lot of very talented people do, don't they?
I do.
Yeah, do you?
I struggle with the gloom.
No, you don't.
But Nick Heywood, last time we saw him, he was pumped up like an action man.
Yeah, he's a muscle man.
He's a muscle guy.
He's hunchatronic.
Because... He's hench.
Right.
He used to be... He used to be... What's that?
You know that's a real word?
No.
You thought you made that word up, didn't you?
I thought I did, yeah.
But actually, it's a word young people use.
No.
It's like being buff, yeah.
hench since when since a few years i think i'm guessing but at least five years or so four or five years they may have got it off me then i think they might have they might have got it i should copyrighted it but uh what was i gonna say oh yes no i read i've been reading a brilliant book all about the post-punk scene and it's called rip it up and start again by a journalist called simon reynolds
And it's all about the period 1978 to 1984, which he identifies as being a kind of golden era in really creative, different revolutionary music in between punk and the end of punk and the beginning of the kind of Stock Aitken and Waterman pop money-making years, you know what I mean?
Which I regard as a brilliant, innovative era.
What, the Stock Aitken and Waterman years?
Yeah.
I mean, that's for me when things start picking up.
That's Joe Cornish's golden age.
But I think he, yeah, exactly.
Roadblock.
Oooh.
Yeah, I did like that.
Roadblock.
But anyway, in this brilliant book, which I really strongly recommend, called Rip It Up and Start Again, it's loads of little anecdotes and stories about all these amazing bands.
And I think he says that Terry Hall had been dumped very shortly before he wrote that song, Tunnel of Love, and he was very bitter about it and maybe
That was influenced by it, you know?
It was, uh... Sounds like that could be true.
Yeah.
So it's not like a definitive statement on marriage.
But let's cheer ourselves up!
With a little bit of José González with down the line... José González!
Yeah, that was the smashing pumpkins with That's the Way My Love Is, and before that you heard, uh... José González with down the line... Is it racist to say... José González!
Yes it is racist isn't it I was just checking because I said that before as like you know saying his name in a funny way that I thought hang on that's racist it is it's racialistic I'm really sorry to Jorge and any of his fans or any people that I'm ever offended with that racialistic slur
You know, that, uh, Jorge track was a little bit depressing as well.
He was repeating the line, don't let the darkness eat you up over and over again.
I like it when the darkness eats me up.
Do you?
A little bit.
Really?
Yeah, should we have some news?
Yeah, the news is read by Callum and Adrian.
Oh my gosh!
That's Candy Payne with one more chance.
She's got so many things going on in there.
She's got her tubular bells and her psychedelic sounding guitars and her strings in there, you know.
And it sounds wonderful.
Now, this is Adam and Joe here on 6 Music Covering for Sean Kievny and it's time now for our serial thriller.
This is the part of the show when we speak to one of our listeners.
They pick a couple of tracks for us and it enables myself and Joe just to go on a little breakfast mission.
Now, I've got to be honest with you folks.
We were supposed to talk to a lady named Pauline today, but she's not returning our calls.
Yeah, we've tried her number.
It just goes straight through the voicemail.
So Pauline, I really hope you're okay.
I'm sure she's fine.
She's probably just in bed, but wow, you're missing out.
Okay, Pauline, you could have been on the line with me and Joe.
It's not going to happen though.
Luckily, we do have someone on the line, a journalist, I believe, named Simon Boston.
Simon, are you there?
Hello Adam, hi.
Hi Simon, where are you calling from today?
I'm calling from Helsinki, actually, Adam.
I'm doing a piece for the Free City newspaper, City AM, a piece on European fish quotas.
So I'm actually in a hotel in Helsinki.
Are you?
It's freezing.
I'm freezing my cobblers off.
I bet you are in Helsinki.
Yeah, it's weird.
Because Joe just stepped out, actually, for a second.
He went to the Lavi.
And strange, you sound similar.
He's my, of the two of you, he's my favourite.
Busy.
Joe, he's the taller, good-looking one.
Have you been enjoying the show this week, Simon?
Well, I wanted to say I haven't, no.
I do think a lot of what you two prattle on about is pure oil and schoolboy-ish humour.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm very much looking forward to Keatney's return.
And, to be honest, I hope you, you know, leave as soon as possible.
Okay, well, I'm sorry too much.
Yeah.
And you don't play enough music, you know, six music, not six chit chat.
Yeah.
And you'd be more suited to radio one, maybe.
I think your humor is sloppy and silly.
And there's very little financial information in the show.
If you've got to keep in touch with the stock market like I do, then honestly, how am I supposed to
with content like yours.
Yeah.
You know, that moves very fast.
Fair point.
And you seem to be incapable of delivering any sort of statistical financial information.
Yeah, good point.
Thanks, Simon.
Now, can I ask you, what's your favorite film?
My favorite film is Filofax with Virgin Belushi.
Is it?
Yeah.
Why do you like that one?
Because... Sorry, it's very cold.
Because of the Filofax.
Yeah, do you really?
And what's your favourite band, Simon Boston?
My favourite band is an American band called Filofax.
Okay, is it?
Yeah, right.
And what have you picked for us today?
Music-wise, Simon Boston?
I'd like if possible to choose a song by Modest Mouse called Float On.
Yeah, do you really like Modest Mouse?
Not particularly I buy most of my CDs on a car boot sales.
Yeah anything that's under 50p I'll go for it just saves a lot of money and Modest Mouse is something I got in a car boot sale in Beck and I mean Kent Yeah, it was 20 pence and I quite like it.
And what about the next track the next track?
I'd like you to play some Beck.
I'd like to hear the new pollution and you big Beck fan and
Uh, not particularly, no.
Why don't you introduce our first track from the serial thriller today and thank you very much indeed for talking to us, Simon Boston.
This is Simon Boston, this is Modest Mouse with Float On.
Cheers, bye, thanks Simon.
I like that guy's voice.
Do you think he talks like that always?
Yes, I do.
Uh, can I have some oranges?
Sounds like a very hunky lady.
I'm going inside spot now.
See you.
Oh, you're inside.
Bye.
Oh, it's nice.
Hey, when Sean Keibney comes back on Monday, which some of you might be happy to hear about, he's got a brand new segment.
It's called Happy Days with a Z. And the idea is that you get in touch with him and ask him to play a track that brings back special memories for you that evokes a happy moment.
So if you go to the BBC Six Music website, you'll see a little link called Happy Days.
And Sean would be keen for you to click on that and nominate a track and maybe put in there a little story as well about what it means to you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Hey, I've got a conspiracy theory.
Do you want to hear my conspiracy theory?
Yeah, what, what?
Okay, this is, I'm actually quite excited about this conspiracy theory.
Is it a real one?
Yeah, no, it's a real one.
Come on then.
Do you remember in the paper a couple of days ago, there was a very old woman who got to her 100th birthday
And she had, uh, this photo was in every single newspaper on Wednesday, I think.
And the spin on the story was that she smoked ham.
She smoked all her life from the age of seven to the hundred.
And the photo, the same photo appeared in all the newspapers, and it was of her birthday candles, which were three candles, a one, a zero, and a zero.
And the candles were alight, and she was lighting a fag off the number one.
What a lovely way to celebrate your birthday.
With a cigarette.
Light a cigarette off the cake candle.
Delicious cigarette.
That is bad, mate.
What have you got mate?
Oh, cigarette.
So I was thinking this is a bit weird that this strange photo appeared in all the papers.
I was thinking who supplied that photo to the papers?
And then is it a coincidence that the following day the government announced the special new shocking photos horror photos They were gonna put on cigarettes right and the next day all the papers had Copies of these photos that they're gonna put on cigarette packets to put you off smoking one of a man with a huge tumor on his neck Yeah, another of open heart surgery.
Yeah another of a man in a guest mask.
It's all bad.
It's all bad
It's a good conspiracy theory, don't you think?
Yeah, that's probably true.
I think the photo of the old lady, because that's the most pro-smoking photo you could possibly have.
That's right.
A happy old lady celebrating her birthday by lighting a fag off the cake candles.
Yeah, it certainly cheered me up a little bit.
It cheered you up?
Because I have the occasional... The occasional tab smoker must have felt very happy.
Yeah.
And then when I saw the horror photos the next day, I'm sure I thought back to that old... I thought, oh, that looks horrible, but what about the old lady?
She's fine.
Some reporter out there needs to... So what do you say?
Are you doubting the veracity of the actual story?
I'm saying that a vast percentage of stuff that you see in newspapers and magazines these days actually has a kind of secret agenda behind it.
I'm sure that's true.
I don't doubt that that story was placed there to counteract the negative associations of all the horror photos.
It was a preemptive strike by the smoking industry, but do you reckon even that the old lady was not a sincere 100-year-old tab smoker?
She's a real person, I think.
But being exploited by the tobacco lobby.
Imagine if we went undercover and found out that she wasn't Mums.
Actually, she'd never smoked a tab in her life, and she was just a model.
She had one put in her hand.
What a scandal that would be.
I assume they were stags because their whole raison d'etre, the pigeon detectives, as far as I can tell, is kind of ladish fighting behaviour and being dirty.
Yeah, there's a lot of elk-like creatures on music posters at the moment.
There's one with a big kudu on it, you know?
A kudu's a kind of an African creature with curly horns.
Well, there's Interpol, the Interpol album.
That's Interpol.
The kudu is on Interpol.
Right.
Yeah.
And it's being taken down by some tigers, isn't it?
Yeah, I think so.
That's right, a tiger attacking a kudu.
Very noble creature, the kudu.
Do you know a lot about the kudu, then?
I do know a certain amount about the kudu.
I have a kudu head in my house.
You do?
Yeah, my grandpa shot it years and years and years ago.
What?
Well, when he was, he's dead now.
Yeah.
But he shot it like... He was shot by a kudu.
No, the kudu didn't shoot him.
They can't hold guns.
They haven't got fingers.
Can they not?
No.
Have they not got special?
Uh, he shot it when that sort of thing was acceptable.
Right.
Years and years ago.
And he was so ashamed of what he did.
Right.
Uh, he became a vegetarian.
And he kept the, uh, kudu head so he could sort of apologize to it.
Did he?
Yeah.
Well, every morning.
Sorry.
Yeah.
Sorry, mate.
Sorry about the, uh, shooting head.
Yeah, but we recently had it restored because it was a bit kind of, it was getting a bit old.
Did you put a little voice box in it so it could say, hello, it's all right mate.
Every time you said sorry.
We actually, we actually, uh, had it reanimated by wizards.
We went to, uh, King's cross.
Dreamworks.
We went to the Harry Potter platform.
We managed to run into the pillar.
We got through.
Yes.
We went to Hogwarts.
You know where this is heading, don't you?
Yes.
Yes, I do.
Anyway, they managed to... Go and say it.
They went, Kuduium restoriatus.
And it came back to life.
Yeah.
And now it lives in my kitchen and it does big kudu pops all over the floor.
Mm-hmm.
That's a good story, man.
Now, will you tell us about what?
Go on.
You had something else to say.
Nothing.
You were going to say, how do potter, weren't you?
No, I wasn't.
Okay, then.
Now, tell us about the... Harry Potter.
Harry Potter.
Here we go.
What's the name of this feature again?
This is called the Rebel Playlist.
There you go.
It's a feature from Steve LaMax Show.
Check out Steve LaMax Page on the Six Music website or listen from 4pm Monday to Friday for details of this week's Rebel Playlist vote.
I think the Rebel Playlist is a kind of Rebel Playlist.
Yeah.
The normal playlist is, uh, a Bay's orders.
Right.
It's very disciplined, subservient.
This playlist doesn't give up, uh, potato about anything.
That's right.
It's stuff that you wouldn't find on the exef- uh, sorry, on the, uh, six music playlist normally.
That's my first slip, kind of.
I haven't done that.
Uh, and, uh, what's the track that we're going to play?
This is Gallows, uh, within the belly of a shark from the Reverend playlist.
yeah boy what a frightful business that was gallows within the belly of a shark i like that i enjoy shouting music the belly of a whale isn't good enough for them it was good enough for jonah but as far as gallows are from the bible yeah but as far as gallows are concerned uh being in the belly of a whale is for wussies they've got in the belly of a shark exactly
And there's teeth on the inside of this one.
Is that true?
No.
Having said that, it's not that impressive to be in the belly of a shark.
You might have just been in your SpongeBob SquarePants swimming trunks on a lilo, maybe with an inflatable duck's head, listening to Buck's Fizz.
Suddenly, you're consumed by a shark.
Well, this is the thing.
If you're in the belly of a whale, like Jonah, or many of the other people who've been in whales... Who else has been in whales?
A whale.
uh kelly jones yeah the styrofoonyx yeah the guy from the cider advert doesn't he end up in the belly of a whale do you remember that advert yeah man there's a load of pinocchio that's true well done with japetto uh does japetto go in there too yeah he ends up in the whale yeah they they have to tickle it every most people at some point or another have been in in the belly of a whale they have to tickle the whale's uvula
I've been in the belly of a whale.
Have you?
Yeah.
I've been in the belly of an architect.
Really?
Yeah, it was amazing.
Was it?
What was it like in the belly of a whale?
It's stinky.
Yeah.
But it was the only way I could afford to get to Calais.
Exactly.
It's cheaper than the hovercraft.
Well, that brings us very neatly to news time.
And it's read by two of our favourite news readers, Callum and Adrian.
Textination!
Text!
Textination!
What if I don't want to?
Textination!
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
It doesn't matter!
Text!
It's time for Text the Nation, the fav- the wha- oh dear.
The nation's favorite feature.
Yeah.
We should put that jingle up on the Six Music website, shouldn't we?
And then people could download it and use it as a text sound.
Yeah.
As a text sound.
Maybe it'll become the new national anthem.
Maybe the Queen will hear it.
We could charge for it.
You know, we never charge for these things, man.
We should charge a lot for it.
This is why we are struggling this, you know.
Struggling what?
Struggling minstrels.
Struggling full stop.
Yeah.
uh we should charge maybe 50 pounds 50 pounds people down easily pay for that well a couple would and you'd make more money out of a couple of stupid people than you would if you charged a little that's right sensible people make a hundred pounds that's how shops like harrods operate right from stupid people who willing to say they're really rich idiots
Yeah.
That's just our opinion, of course.
Yeah, that's not true, actually.
Not the views of the big British castle.
Last time I went to Harrods, I walked past Mohammed Al Fayed.
Did you?
Yeah, it was like going to Willy Wonka's chocolate factory and meeting Willy Wonka.
Well, you know, he was... Al Fayed was shopping in the King's Road the other day when I happened to be down there.
And there was a huge crowd of people gathered around outside the shop.
There was cops holding people back.
Really?
Traffic was stopping.
I was like, who's in there, for goodness sake?
Cameron Diaz?
And it was, no, it's Alfired.
I was amazed.
Anyway, it's text the nation time, and this is the part of the show where we ask you to text us, and we read them out.
It's as simple as that.
It's really that simple.
But, there's one added complexity, the texts need to be on a particular theme, and the theme today is disastrous parties.
Party disasters.
Disastrous parties.
And, you know, everyone has got, surely, at least one story of a party disaster.
Parties are supposed to be a brilliant time when everyone's having fun and stuff, especially birthday parties or a party for a special occasion, but more often than not, they turn into a disaster.
And this is any kind of party, as you mentioned, you know, birthday party.
It could be like a child's birthday party.
It could be a celebration for your 80-year-old father or whatever.
It doesn't have to be like a raucous team party.
It could be any sort of party anecdote or disastrous story.
What are your ones that spring to mind, Joe Cornish?
Well, the key party in my memory is one that my brother had when he was about maybe 16 or 15.
When you would have been how old?
When I would have been about 12 or 13, sort of thing.
Proto-party.
That was a very early one.
It was a proto-party.
My brother decided he would boost his popularity at school by having a big party.
Yeah, good move.
Now, it still happens these days, but kind of school parties always get out of control, don't they?
Difficult move at 16, I would say.
Because you don't know when to stop inviting people.
And the whole invitation thing can snowball, word gets out, before you know it, the entire school is heading to your little house on a Saturday night, you know?
And not so much because they care about hanging out with you, because they want to destroy your house.
They pretty much just want somewhere to destroy.
So this kind of happened to my brother, my parents went away for the weekend, and suddenly on a Saturday night, hundreds of drunk kind of old, they seem to me old, old people came piling into my house.
Yeah.
I felt as if a hundred horrible stinking burglars had broken in to my sacrosanct palace of selfness.
My mummy and daddy, your fortress of solitude, and they were behaving like out of control Vikings.
They pulled the sink away from the wall in a pee bathroom.
Did they?
They did.
They spilled wine on the wall of the sitting room.
Mommy and daddy.
Daddy painted that wall.
And some brutish man.
Spilt red wine on it.
What did they did anyway, so I was very grumpy and I decided well I'll go and try and join him So I went down and I tried to tell jokes at the party to an older girl and she liked it She was very drunk I think she sort of fancied me in a kind of a cute sort of pet sort of way Yeah, and she tried to impress me by driving me around the block in her car.
What she was very drunk.
This is a recipe for that
So she was wavering from the right to the left, trying to impress me with her drunken driving skills.
That's terrifying.
I was very glad to be alive when we got back, and at the end of this story is, that traumatised me so much I went back up to my room, locked the door, there's like horrible noise coming up from the room below, and I hid under my desk, and I wrote on my desk in felt pen, I hate parties.
I will never have one in my life.
I wrote in green felt pen.
Yeah.
So there you go.
Have you got a similar story?
I'll tell you my party disaster stories in just a second, but we'd like to hear from you.
What's the Deets, Joe?
The one?
That's what the kids say, isn't it?
The Deets are 64046 to text and email adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk.
That is the Deets.
Get me and this are this is the song of the builders song all about the stuff you use It's a catalyst.
It's a kind of catalyst.
I forget what it does.
This is Cajun dance party.
There you go Sean.
Keep me back with you next week And this is Adam and Joe here filling in for him.
We've had a wonderful time for the last couple of weeks Yeah into the last 77 minutes of our fill-in tenure here at BBC six music.
We've had a great time by the way
We'll say proper thank yous at the end of the show, but we've loved doing it.
Yeah, it's been very good.
Yeah, I hope you've liked it too.
Thanks a lot for all your messages and texts, and we are asking you to keep those texts and messages coming in right now, because we're right in the middle of our feature text donation.
And today, I'll stop doing that voice, we are asking you to tell us about party disasters you've had.
We've already got quite a witty, I'm starting that voice again, text in from someone called John.
Was it a cool job?
No, James and Fulham.
James and Fulham has texted us in saying, the Tory party.
That's pretty disastrous.
Thanks very much for that one, James.
Pass it on to Moc the Week.
I like that one.
I can use that one.
I liked it very much.
True.
Okay.
Now, we were talking about, Joe was reminiscing further about that little party nightmare that he had there and basically saying that ever since that time,
You know, he's not really enjoyed parties very much, per se.
And I agree.
You know, parties are overrated.
The older you get, the more you realise one thing that's better than a party is not going to a party.
You know, uh, sorry to interrupt the essence, but it might be interesting for you to note that Adam and I have known each other since we were 13.
And we pretty much made a tactical decision aged, what, 14 or 15?
That we didn't really like big parties knew and that our preferred social gathering was about six carefully vetted close friends Well, also that that was act coupled with the fact that we didn't know any girls right made made it quite sort of you know that the best idea for us for a Friday night was six of us would go round to our mates house sometimes it was our We wouldn't call him a mate though
No, not in those days.
A friend, a chum.
And one of our chums had a lovely big house in Fulham somewhere.
It was a really posh man.
And his parents were away, do you remember this?
For a weekend.
And so we went round there, we were really excited.
Is this your story now?
Yeah.
Your party disaster.
Because we had the run of the place, yeah.
And we were well overexcited.
So we thought, okay, what we should do is dress up.
Even though it's just six boys.
Well hang on a second, wasn't it Halloween?
No.
Are you sure?
Yeah, there was one on Halloween we did dress up, but another time... We just dressed up because it was Friday and we were going to have a little party.
What did we dress up in?
So we dressed up in...
we raided the cupboard in the guy's house and we dressed up in his parents clothes we put his dad's suit jackets on there's photographs of all this I might try and put some up on my website one day and there's a photograph of me
Uh, with no shirt on, but just a jacket on, and a Stetson hat, and one of the guys, one of the bloke's father's ties tied round my head.
And I'm, uh, and you're wearing more or less, you're wearing a dinner jacket.
You've also got no shirt on, but you've got a bow tie.
Like a very thin Chippendale.
We both look like the gayest little boys ever in the world.
I think we were.
Yeah.
And we had a wonderful time at these things.
That's the one award we've won in our career.
That's right.
The gayest little boys ever.
Yeah.
Award.
We used to have a blast, man, and anyway, we had a great time.
It was a perfect party, you know?
That's not a disaster, though, is it?
It ended up in disaster.
Okay.
Because, you know, we were having a couple of drinkies, we'd seen the film Betty Blue, and in that film they do this thing called Instant Margaritas or something, and basically you do, like, the ingredients of a margarita in a shot glass, and then you add a little bit of fizzy lemonade or whatever at the last moment, and then you slam it.
They're sort of tequila slammers, I guess, but they're...
Fizzy and so we were doing these we were getting pretty tooty Then things got out of hand and we started grooving around to maybe the house Martins or something like that and then someone Shoved someone I think wasn't it you and Louis through maybe yeah and Louis shoved me and I went backwards onto the glass table valuable glass a valuable glass table in the room of this really posh house
The table smashed, didn't it?
Yeah, it smashed into a million pieces.
And after that, we were just like, okay, this is bad, this is really bad.
And it was like the Yellow Pages advert, because the parents were coming back the next day, early the next day, early flight, and we were all pretty mashed, and we couldn't figure out what we were going to do about this.
It was really bad.
And it ended badly, it ended pretty badly, because it was irreparable.
There was no way we were going to get it fixed.
So no more parties around at his place.
Anyway, we want to hear more about your party disasters in just a second.
Keep texting us and emailing us.
But right now, here's a classic from a little band called The Beatles.
They're pretty good, aren't they?
The Beatles with I'm Looking Through You.
This is Adam and Joe here on Six Music.
You know, can I say something controversial?
Oh, go on then.
I've never really got into the Beatles.
Well, you think they're overrated, do you?
No, I don't have any opinion, really.
I like the ones that are famous.
What's your problem?
They just overplayed.
You think, well, there's nothing for me here.
Kind of.
Yeah.
Is that wrong?
That is wrong.
I kind of feel as if I'm saving them up for later in life.
Maybe.
Yeah.
Well, they're not overplayed anyway, because you can't license Beatles tracks.
They're not played that much, actually.
No, generally.
Like, they don't turn up on commercials.
One day I'll get heavily into them.
They're wicked, man.
They're really good.
So I hear, so I hear.
Yeah.
We've been asking you to text in your party disasters.
Fantastic nights of jubilation that turn into hideous nights of traumatisation.
The text number is 64046.
The email is adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk.
Are you ready for Samadam?
Hit me.
Okay, here we go.
Once at Halloween, this is from Pops in Kent.
Pops?
Pops!
Uh, once at Halloween, I had a party, and only one friend made a costume.
Aha.
She was so upset, she slammed a hot pizza into my face like a mud pie.
Whoa.
It's okay, I'm not scarred.
She was upset because she just felt humiliated.
She was the only one dressed up.
Yeah, why would she be upset?
That's the reason I just said that.
It's strange, isn't it?
But that doesn't sound like a satisfactory reason to me.
No, there was something else going on, surely.
That sounds like a bad one though.
Oh my lord!
That's just from some awful Asbo family somewhere.
That's funny blurs Britain for you.
Britain's worst family.
Thanks for that text though.
Keep them coming in.
Here's Edwin Collins right now with You'll Never Know.
The fantastic Edwin Collins with You'll Never Know.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC 6 Music.
It's time for the news read by Callum and Adrian.
Text-a-nation.
Text, text, text.
Text-a-nation.
What if I don't want to?
Text-a-nation.
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
It doesn't matter.
Text!
It's the nation's favorite feature.
Text the nation here on Six Music.
This is Adam and Joe and we are asking you to email us or text us about party disasters you've had.
Things that have gone wrong or whole parties that have just turned out to be a complete nightmare.
And Joe, you've got a couple of messages.
Yeah, I've set my microphone a bit too high.
You know what you can do?
What?
It'll make a noise.
Move it down.
There we go.
Okay.
Dear Adam and Jo, this is an email from Sam.
The worst party of my life was a few years ago.
It was the beginning of the last year of school and one of the cool gang at school was having a huge birthday party.
Watch out for the cool gang.
I went with my friend, got extremely drunk extremely quickly and started throwing up.
For some reason, even though I was outside when I started throwing up, I ran inside to find a bathroom, but they were all being used, so I ran into a bedroom and threw up on the bed.
Nice.
Then I passed out.
Presumably in the vomit.
Good times.
Something I added, a bit of colour.
When I woke up, I was surrounded by chaffs, listening to jungle music and telling each other to, quote, take off his pants.
What?
I was in a state of torpor.
Oh, this is a bloke.
Yeah, well, yeah, Sam, we don't know.
I was in a state of torpor and couldn't move for a few minutes.
I just had to lie there, paralyzed, enduring the terror of being violated.
Eventually, I managed to get up and I found that I was covered in shaving foam and toothpaste and hair.
I felt around my head and realised that my ponytail, I had long hair at the time, had been cut off.
Both my eyebrows had been shaved.
Running downstairs, I found my friend Max, who explained that the cutting had been done by my then-best friend in front of almost everybody at the party while I was unconscious.
Throughout this, I still had toothpaste caked into my face and was in a zombie-like state of incoherence.
before him.
The nightmare lived on for the whole year in school as so many people had been present.
Oh man, that is horrific.
Sam, that's terrible.
That's a good one as well because I've seldom heard the story from the other person's point of view.
From the other person's point of view, yeah.
And like magazines like Loaded used to be full of pictures of like people who'd done that to one another.
But there is beautifully expressed the suffering from the other side of that fence.
Of the victim.
The flip side of the coin.
Thank you very much indeed for that one, Sam.
Keep those texts and emails coming in on the subject of party, disasters, stroke, nightmares.
Time for my free choice now.
This is my last free choice of our stint.
And I can't resist playing another track from Spoon's amazing album, Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga.
This one is called Don't You Ever.
Dig it!
That spoon with Don't You Ever from their album GAR GAR GAR GAR GAR, which is an embarrassment of riches, I strongly recommend.
That's good, that track.
In fact, I preferred it to the one you played all last week.
Yeah, well, The Underdog we played last week as our single, Breakfast Single of the Week, and it's... The Underdog is less typical of the album as a whole, and I would say that track is more typical.
Now, it's time for the Breakfast Single of the Week.
This is your one, isn't it?
Why can't we have some more party disasters first?
Yeah, let's have a couple more.
Okay, we're asking you to text in your party disasters in our Text the Nation feature.
Things that have gone hideously wrong are nights that are supposed to be brilliantly right.
That's good, wasn't it?
Yeah, very nice.
Here's one from Becky, who's e-mail.
I won't give out the full e-mail, but it's Becky at Wax Worlds.
Is that some kind of fantastic wax museum, do you think?
Or just the country's biggest candle shop?
Or a big kind of ear cleaning laboratory?
A giant sort of ear wax factory.
Who can tell?
But here's her party disaster.
Hi Adam, hi Joe.
My party nightmare story happened when we were at uni.
There was a house party and of course a bonfire in the back garden.
Now, I've got to interrupt the text or the email at that point.
Parties where people sort of start impromptu bonfires.
I'd say that's bad, isn't it?
It's instantly bad.
When people start piling stuff up in their garden and setting light to it, that's the Lord of the Flies behaviour.
Pretty much.
Yeah, no good keep up with that.
That's like tribal sort of stuff.
Exactly, because it gets primal at that point, you know?
A mix of bonfire and booze, that's disaster.
Fire, you just don't want fire around.
It's total disaster.
Anyway, as the fire started to die down, we were picking up anything to hand and chucking it on.
A girl at our university was in a wheelchair and had come to the party with crutches too so she could move around the party easier.
Thanks for that detail.
She came into the garden asking, has anyone seen my crutches?
Just in time to see them burning on top of the bonfire.
Nice.
Uh, it wasn't funny, but we couldn't stop laughing.
So they must have been wooden crutches as well, not those kind of metal NHS ones.
Here's one from Ricky Toner.
Uh-huh.
Uh, it's a good surname.
It sounds like it could be one of those Simpsons names, you know.
Yeah.
Does it, uh, spell any- does that- What, is it an anagram or something?
No, Ricky, if you say it in a different way, does it say it means something?
Like topsy-kretts.
Yeah.
I don't think so.
Okay.
Party disaster.
At a crazy party, when NWA came on the stereo with a siren noise in the background, our friend thought it was a police bust and jumped out a first-story window, then disappeared into a dark field.
Whoa.
He missed the rest of the party, which was great.
I'm glad it ended like that.
I thought it was going to say he jumped out of a first-story window, broke his legs, never walked again.
No, he was just a very guilty man who'd done something wrong.
He heard the siren on the record and scarpered.
That's OK then.
Here's one from Chris from Newcastle.
I once had a student party in which a piano was dragged from a friend's house, then smashed to bits and burned in our front garden.
What?
You see, this is why parties are so wrong.
People are so desperate to have fun that they realize they're not going to have any, like, touchy-feely fun, so they decide the only way they can have fun is by destroying things.
A piano!
Such a beautiful machine!
So intricate, capable of making such lovely sounds, beaten to death by brutish troglodytes.
Well, this is the thing, is that at that age, especially when you're a teenager, the main thing on your mind is pants and trousers.
Yeah, you know you want you would like to see some pants and trousers being taken off so you go there of course the mixture of booze and high expectations is not conducive to Romantic behavior a lot of times you know what I mean so the best you can get is a Fumble that you'll probably regret the next day and the very worst you get I've never regretted a fumble is totally destructive behavior and people going completely mental and
So, here's the end of this text.
They've got the piano, they've dragged it into the garden.
We thought the neighbours might ring the police, but instead, they bought their toddler out to watch.
Well, they're happy about it in the end.
Blur's Britain.
Thanks very much, Tony Blur.
So, breakfast single of the week, Joe.
This is your one.
Yeah, we've been playing this all week.
This is the terrific King Creosote with a track called... What's it called?
You've no clue, do you?
This is BBC Six Music, this is Adam and Jo, the last 37 minutes of our final fill-in breakfast show, filling in here for Sean Kievny.
Coming up pretty soon we've got the result of, what's it called, Band-Aid.
Adam and I, we wrote a song each.
You've been logging onto the website and voting for which one you want to hear via a little sample of each on the website.
Up until yesterday I was winning, my Euro track European supermarket was winning, but overnight something strange has happened which I'm sure has something to do with Adam breaking into the big British castle and messing with the electronics of the computer and his track has leapt into the lead.
Yeah, it's quite a significant lead now as well.
But might the runner-up get played as well?
Yeah, the runner-up will get played, but the runner-up doesn't get the sort of the king spot at the very, very end of the show.
The kudos.
I love kudos.
Could I have another slice of kudos, please?
Mmm.
Tasty.
Okay, we're still in the middle of Text the Nation.
The most, yeah, you know what I'm going to say.
It's a good one, isn't it?
You know, it's the feature and all that, isn't it?
And we've had another text of him, right, Adam?
This is from Nico in Dusseldorf.
Oh, hello, Nico.
Hello, Nico.
I had a party when I was 16.
Far too many people came.
They were all crowding outside and climbing through the windows in a Night of the Living Dead style.
That's nice.
I had to lock all the windows and doors, but then got so drunk that I lost the keys.
It's not finished, I'm just pausing in the middle there for a bit of editorial.
That's an interesting point because of course parties if you have your own party, you're expected to Control it right but also have fun which is utterly contradictory Yeah, so you get slowly drunk and this is one of the main problems with parties and you become unable to control your own environment That's right.
You're so wazzled stumbling around right word.
Yes, that is the correct term
I had to lock all the doors and windows but then got so drunk that I lost the keys.
Some of them climbed the drain pipe and came in through the tiniest toilet window you can imagine.
It's like a horror film.
It is a horror film.
The problem is they broke the toilet.
First I knew of it was when filthy water started pouring through the kitchen ceiling.
Oh no!
Nico!
When everyone finally started leaving, the only way out was through my bedroom window.
My older cousin arrived to discover the scene.
Her punishment for me was to make me cut the lawn with scissors."
That's poetic.
That sounds nightmarish.
That is horrific.
You know, when you're in that state as well at the end of the night, you're already starting to get a little bit hungover.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah.
And the house stinks of sigs and everywhere is just a mess.
And you've got a major plumbing problem on your hands.
You know what I mean?
It's a plumbing problem.
And it's coming through the ceiling, and especially if it's revolting, filthy toilet water or whatever.
Your brain is reeling.
You're just thinking, I... what am I gonna do?
What?
Because I don't know plumbing, yeah, and... Oh, it's a terrible business.
And you know what?
These are quite retro stories.
I think parties have got even worse.
Even more horrific.
Because of MySpace and texting.
Like, imagine how many people used to come in our day when you had to actually pick up the phone to communicate with somebody.
Now, you post your party on Myspace, and by the next morning, it's like a crazy episode of sexy E4 sitcom Skins.
That's what it's like, isn't it?
Gulls, boys, who cares?
Skins.
We've got the muse... the muse?
Here is the muse.
No, the news is coming up soon, but first, here's a lovely track from Jonathan Richmond and the modern lovers.
This is Egyptian Reggae.
Very good indeed.
That's Jonathan Richmond with Egyptian Reggae.
Hey, this is Adam and Jo.
We're on six music covering for Sean Keveney.
This is our last day.
Only half an hour left of the program.
A moment ago, Adam made a false declaration that the news was coming up, and it scared the news readers.
You might think that they're hardened, battle-scarred types reading all the terrible news every day, but no, they're like timid little sweet mice.
Because it's not like Radio 4, there's no pips, you know, so we just have to sort of approximate that the news is going to come up.
Well, now you're just making excuses.
On the half-hour.
Do you have a mis-announcement?
Well, no, I was teasing the news.
They've sent us an email saying, you scared us.
We thought we were on air.
Yeah, sorry, guys.
Well, very soon, you will be on air.
In fact, right now, because here is the BBC 6 music news, read by Callum and Adrian.
Squeeze with pulling muscles from a shell.
This is Adam and Joe here on 6 Music.
Now I think we should probably wrap up Text-o-Nation right now, which is our...
favourite feature.
The nation's not ours, we hate it.
The nation love it though and demand it continues.
We had a strange text in from somebody called Tim.
We've been asking for kind of party disasters.
I don't know, these don't seem like disasters to me.
Shall I read it?
I held a small gathering for the boozy boys, that's myself and Ian and his brother Neil.
Chaos ensued when Neil drank too many cans of calling and went to the toilet and was nearly sick.
So he wasn't actually sick, he was nearly sick.
The text continues.
The havoc didn't end there.
Was that havoc?
Being nearly sick?
Neil later trod on my copy of Who's Next?
which had been misplaced on the floor.
Don't worry though, the disc itself was in the player and not scratched.
It was one cracked CD case, too many though, and we haven't drunk or spoken since.
Whoa!
Who's that from, Neil?
Tim.
Tim sounds fair.
He's like got a tight rein on his life.
Going around Tim's house is like walking on eggshells.
It really is.
Walking on Who's CD sleeves.
A, that's not really a party, Tim.
That's just two friends coming round and having one bit of beer.
B, nearly being sick, does not constitute havoc, or even an accident.
And C, cracking a CD case.
You know, most people wouldn't worry about that.
Just during an average day, let alone during a party.
Give them a call.
I think maybe it's time to bury the hatchet.
What a party, though.
I'm nearly being sick!
Woohoo!
I think I've tried to know what are your CDs.
I like punk music.
I hate the world and the system.
To demonstrate it, everybody watch closely.
I'm going to stamp on a CD case.
But take the CD out first.
Take the CD out.
It's okay, the CD's fine.
I stamped on the who.
Mike's fallen over in the corridor!
Mike said bum!
Mike calling the party off, Mike says bum, go home.
Who said bum?
Get out of my house.
Thanks for your help.
That sounds like our kind of party, actually.
Yeah, I like that party.
It's time for the album of the day.
The album of the day here on Six Music is Public Enemy's new album.
Now Adam and I are kind of obsessed with Public Enemy and the way they title their albums.
Early in their career they had some quite clever titles.
But then their album titling started to go wrong.
We think about the time that they released the album Apocalypse 91, The Enemy Strikes Back.
That's when it started just getting a bit cumbersome.
Then they released the album Muse Sick.
This funny technique of, like, taking a phrase and splitting it into separate words and trying to make it mean two things.
You know, that was a reasonable one.
Muse, sick, un, our, mess, age.
What does that actually mean?
The Muse is sick because of the messiness of the age.
Okay.
Then they released one in 2005 called New Whirl Oda.
Yeah.
Like New World or do you see?
But no, it's a new world odour.
That's like a stinky ballroom dancer.
I know, it just makes you think of... Does a twirl and like emanates a bit of a stench.
Toilet fresheners or whatever, you know, like toilet dock or whatever.
Do you think?
And the new album is called... What is it called?
Oh yes, here we go.
Check it out.
The new album by Public Enemy is called How to Sell Soul to Soulless People Who Sold Their Soul.
I mean, you don't need to go into that, because if they're soulless, yeah, that's the nature of having sold your soul, is being soulless.
So you don't need to spell it out, Professor Griff.
Is he still in public enemy, Professor Griff?
I think he was chucked out, wasn't he?
He was chucked out.
He was a bit anti-Semitic, I think.
Yeah.
Anyway, sorry, that's hardly being too radical, being anti-Semitic.
He was just a bad, nasty man.
Yeah, I think he said sorry, though.
Maybe they took him back, anyway.
But Public Enemy, Talented Band, and this is, they've been around 20 years.
No, no, 20 years ago, it takes a nation of millions to hold this band.
Yeah, they happen around 20 years.
There you go.
And this song, Eve of Destruction, is a cover of Barry Maguire's 1965 protest song.
And you can hear more tracks from this album throughout the day here on 6 Music.
Here's Public Enemy, Eve of Destruction.
There you go, Steven Merchant's show coming up on Sunday on 6 Music between 3 and 5.
Now, it's, uh, we've closed the voting on Band Aid.
Yeah.
Uh, the exciting part of the show that we sort of hijacked from Sean Keveny, but we changed it from being a young unsigned band to being two tracks specially authored by Adam and I. It was my sort of Euro house track European supermarket versus Adam's track, uh, Jane's Brain.
Are we, are we going to unveil the winner right now?
No we're not.
We're gonna tease it a little bit more.
But, dear's a clue, I'm angry.
I'm not just upset.
I'm actually angry.
He's genuinely angry.
I don't mind...
You know, were it the case that I hadn't won, I wouldn't mind.
It's just the fact that life seems to make, you know, it seems to torture me.
It makes me think I've done something good right until the last minute, then it punches me in the face.
Listen, it's happened again today and I've got psychological problems and this just might be the straw that breaks the camel's back.
Who can vouch for the whims of the public?
Might be the day to do the thing I've always tried to stop myself from doing.
What's that going to the gym?
Yeah.
Start exercising.
Anyway, we're going to reveal the amazing result of Band-Aid in a second.
But first, it's time for my free play.
Now, I've got a confession to make.
When we first started doing this show, I just dragged a whole lot of tunes out of my computer onto a CD that I'd like to hear on the radio.
A couple of them I might have accidentally dragged over.
You know, by mistake.
I might have been a bit slapdash.
This isn't one of those, though.
This is a track I love.
It's either by the Jimmy Carter Bunch or the Jimmy Carter Bunch.
We're not sure.
It's called It's Just Begun.
I love this.
Let's hear it.
Nice accidental choice.
That's good, man.
It can't be the Jimmy Carter Bunch.
It's got to be the Jimmy Carter Bunch.
Yeah, I've just begun.
Famously sampled in a lot of very good hip-hop, including the Jungle Brothers.
There you go.
So good accidental choice there.
Yeah.
Now, of course, it is time in the last seven minutes of the show for us to announce the winner of Band Aid.
Yeah.
For this week.
We don't have a drum roll or anything like that.
No, but here is the result in that golden envelope.
Let's open the envelope.
That's the envelope opening, isn't it?
That's good, man.
That's wicked.
The winner with 60% against 40%
is Adam with Jane's Brain.
Thank you very much.
Thank you listeners.
I feel as if you've made the right choice on the one hand, but then on the other hand, I feel a little bit guilty.
Yeah, listen to these tracks, listeners, and then, you know, think about yourselves, think about your lives, think about the criteria you use for making not just this decision, but all decisions in your life.
Come on, the clip was pretty powerful stuff, but we're not gonna hear my song first because it's the winning track, so... Right, here's the losing track.
This is a song I wrote.
My name's Joe Cornish.
I wrote it about, you know, what it's like to go shopping in Europe in a supermarket.
I don't know why I bothered.
But here it is, European supermarkets.
I'm gonna be in a suit that I'm not kidding on
What the heck was going on in the chorus there?
That was European supermarkets.
You're going to be hearing that a lot in Ibiza, you know, on European dance floors in the kind of gay house scene.
That's going to be really big.
That was the losing track.
Um, ladies and gentlemen in Band-Aid this week.
Well, that was very good, man.
I really liked that one.
Thanks, man.
Um, so, if that was the losing track... How good could the good track be?
How good could the good track be?
Well, you know, my... I've always liked short songs, you know?
Mmm.
Uh, Great Balls of Fire by Jerry Lee Lewis.
How long was that?
That was about one minute, uh, forty seconds.
Right, that was over three times the length of yours.
Maybe!
Uh, Pixies, Alison.
How long was that?
Around one minute, twenty seconds.
Mmm, three times the length of yours.
Um... Okay, so mine is more of a... It's almost like a jingle mine.
But I believe that great rock music shouldn't outstay its welcome.
And... Hey, what are you implying?
I'm about European supermarket.
Well, it's not really rock track though yours.
That's true.
Mine is in the tradition of the Ramones, something like that.
It's very brief and punchy and explosive.
Let's just hear it, shall we?
This is called Jane's Brain.
Oh yeah, her name was Jane.
She had a brain and it lived in her head.
She used her brain to think of things that she didn't have.
She'd take her cars and she'd think of fancy dresses and she'd take her big houses and she'd make her cars.
She liked cars very much indeed.
If she had one, she would drive around and go shopping.
She'd use the car to put her shopping inside and then she'd drive back to her house and unpack her shopping and she'd eat it.
Both shopping related songs.
Yeah.
You know what, Adam, I'm going to give you European supermarket and maybe you could put it up on your website.
I will do.
So, you know, anybody who liked it, the 40% of intelligent listeners, refined listeners can download it and enjoy it.
Yeah.
You can find my website at Adam-Buckston.co.uk.
In fact, if you've enjoyed our tenure here at BBC Six Music, I want to find out more about our silly birdlings, then just pop our names into the internet and you can follow a sort of digital bread trail that'll lead you to all sorts of audio-visual nuggets.
And if you were infuriated and disgusted by our tenure here, we apologise humbly, but it's over now, don't worry about it, Sean.
Yeah, and Sean Kievny will be back.
on Monday morning.
We'd very much like to thank our producer Lisa and Jenny, our lovely lady assistant.
And Millie.
And Millie, yeah, who've been great support.
Thanks very much for listening everybody for the last couple of minutes.
And what's the name of the little chap in the jellyfish suit?
Oh yeah, quickly Phil.
And we, you know, we want to really, I'm feeling really well, aren't I?
We really want to thank you for all your messages and texts and everything, but we just got a really lovely one from a little, a little chap who was sent us a picture of him in a jellyfish suit.
It's gone, it's gone.
Oh, he's got thanks to the parents of the little boy in the jellyfish shoe.
I think his name is Harvey Harvey.
There you go.
Thanks a lot Cheers for listening Harvey.
We'll see you soon.
Yeah.
Thanks for having us.
Bye