There you go, that was Blur with Sunday Sunday getting us off to an exciting indie pop style start here on BBC Six Music.
It's the new year.
Happy new year, Joe!
Hey, thanks a lot.
Happy new year.
Happy new year, listeners as well.
I'm just making some notes in my notebook about material that I'm going to be using later in the show.
What kind of material have you got there?
A bit of corduroy?
No written material.
Some gags.
Some routines.
Yeah, good one.
Were you watching the 100... It'll be the first time we've ever used a gag or a routine.
That's true, actually.
Well, I used the gag once, but it went down so badly that I vowed never to do it again.
Were you watching the 100 greatest catchphrases, 50 greatest... How many catchphrases were there?
Three minutes of it.
Three minutes.
Which three minutes did you get?
Which catchphrase?
Porridge.
The one before porridge.
Porridge is all I remember.
What was the catchphrase for porridge?
Somebody explaining the roots of the phrase naff.
Naff?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What was the catchphrase from porridge?
You're banged up now.
Something like that.
Get it.
You what would you like it was enough off naff off.
Yeah, right Anyway, we've got great stuff coming up in the show.
Sorry to change the subject.
No quite right We know I only had 49 other catchphrases to talk about but you carry on later.
We've we've got text the nation coming up We've got the return of song wars after it's kind of Christmas confusion.
We did something like
three pre-records for the Christmas period, and some of them are dipped in quality.
So we apologise to any listeners who might have noticed that.
But things are going to be back to their award-winning best.
We haven't actually won the award yet.
No.
But all that to look forward to, and of course, great music coming up.
Folks, you know, this is the place for great music.
And we're gonna play some right now.
This is... You love this one, Joe.
I do like this one.
He's gonna be big this year.
It's a very exciting new talent, ladies and gentlemen.
And who knows what he could achieve by the end of February.
This is Jay-Z with Rock Boys.
Yes, that's very funny, Jay-Z.
No, it's actually silly.
Please don't hurt me.
Uh, that's American gangster music right there.
Hobie's home?
No, Hobie's home.
Hobie?
Hobie City?
Yeah.
Someone's bought the DVDs of Hobie City.
Exactly.
Jay-Z's excited.
He's waving them in.
He's standing there in the doorway.
Hobie's home!
We're gonna watch a lot of Hobie City tonight!
You know what?
You don't even have to get your purses out.
What?
I think he's talking about giving away free rocks.
Oh... That's how he gets everybody buying his rocks.
You know, I got a new purse for Christmas.
I thought you were going to say you got some free rocks for Christmas.
No, I never got no rocks.
That's what I wanted.
Then Christmas crackle.
I wanted some crackling.
Christmas crackling.
No, I didn't get none.
Not a single one.
That's what I wanted, didn't get it.
I got a wallet.
I asked for a wallet.
Is it?
Yeah, and it's... What?
Is it?
What are you saying?
I'm only going for the kids.
Is it?
The kids only understand that kind of thing.
Is that what they say?
Is it?
Yeah.
They don't say that.
We will have attracted some because of that Jay-Z track.
I got a wallet.
Listen, Drew trying to tell... Will you shut up?
What I said was Drew...
What were you going to say?
True say.
Anyway, keep talking.
Well, there's no point.
There's no point in me.
Go on, I want to hear about the wallet.
No, you don't want to hear about the wallet.
To be honest, how can it be interesting, a wallet?
Well, you'll never know.
Now you'll never know.
Okay?
No, I was going to say I got a wallet, right?
Listen to this.
And it was just not what I wanted.
All right?
There you are, he's right, all along.
Here, tell us about this track you've chosen.
It's by Vampire Weekend.
They're gonna be one of the hot bands to watch for the new year.
You know, do you find that exciting or depressing when people predict what they're gonna be like?
Exciting, optimistic about the new year.
Yeah, very positive.
You like scanning all the... New black president in the US, hopefully.
Either that or a lunatic.
Which one's the lunatic?
Huckabee.
That's just my opinion.
Yeah.
Uh, so it's exciting.
You know, lots of good new music this year.
Yeah, good.
There's gonna be.
I got a wallet for Christmas.
I don't know if you know that.
But, um, this is Vampire Weekend with A-Punk.
There you go.
That's Vampire Weekend with A-Punk.
What were you saying, Jude?
That it's A-Punk or?
A-Punk.
A-Punk, yeah, that's what I said, isn't it?
Yeah, A-Punk, there you go.
And that's gonna be a hot band for this year, apparently.
It's been predicted, but they're good.
I've listened to some of their stuff and they're excellent.
That's good news.
Yeah, good.
It's good to have good bands be hot rather than bad ones, you know?
Really rotten ones.
Yeah.
I agree.
So coming up quite soon listeners, we're going to be unveiling this week's Song Wars.
We've got no last week's Song Wars to announce the winner of because we took care of that in one of the many complicated extra New Year's Eve shows.
But the theme for this week's Song Wars is ringtones.
Ringtone madness.
It's going to be our attempt to get you guys basically to create a ringtone so powerful that everyone who listens to this show has to have it on their phone.
We're not asking them to create one.
Oh, is that what I said?
Yeah.
Uh, I meant us.
We're gonna create it, but it's gonna be so good that you're all gonna wanna have it on your phones.
Yeah, that's true.
And it's so far, this would be a no-money-making exercise, isn't it?
No.
If there was any money made, it would go to charity.
Right.
But we'll take care of giving it to charity.
Trust us.
Which charity would you give yours to?
Uh, probably Poppy Day.
Poppy Day.
Poppy Day?
Yeah.
Um, mine would be something to do with children.
Really?
Yeah, because I'm poor kids.
I really feel for the children.
Yeah, they're so small.
They can't go on good rollercoasters.
They can't really reach anything.
No.
So that's what I would mainly be.
To extend their arms.
Trying to give them things to clip onto their arms.
Yeah.
With sort of hooks on the end.
So, you know, it's a dream.
And that's coming up very shortly, folks.
In fact, after this, I think we're going to unveil song wars.
But first, we've got a trail for you.
What do you hope for the trail?
What do you hope will be in the trail?
Oh, my hopes for 2008 trails.
I hope there's going to be lots of microphone effects on voices.
Yeah.
You know, in the middle of a sentence, it might go coming up on six music, like just the last two words as if they're through a megaphone.
Yeah.
Some words processed as if they're through a telephone.
Uh-huh.
And hopefully just just clip some exciting music behind them and lots of little clips of people laughing at things Yeah, you don't really know why they've laughed right right here.
We go.
Let's see.
Let's see your economy Oh, there we go.
They did it at the end.
That was pretty solid though Yeah, that was a conventional that was a proper big British castle trailer It was a good trail on that faffing around for the show for a show that would be interesting to you that you like all that stuff Isn't it?
I enjoy them a lot a nice bit of gambling and huffing sounds great
Okay, now it's time for song wars after this next track folks.
This is those dancing days with Hiten.
Thought we'd go with that jingle this time as a little counterpoint to what's bound to be fairly annoying and jarring and Well, you know ringtones are all about sticking in the mind in a very catchy way, aren't they?
Yes, the key is to be really annoying irritating is it mmm Itchy I found but have you ever actually used a ring have you ever downloaded a ringtone and had it on your phone?
Like what's the current ringtone of your phone?
It's just one of the standard one one of the standard one.
Yeah
You never- I put the ones that I did for the show in there, that.
Did you?
Yeah, did you do that?
I thought about it.
And then I decided not to.
Because listening to the stroke customers, I can tell you, you know, I can demonstrate how mine sound on an actual phone.
Yeah.
You know, we'll play them in proper stereophonic first.
Right.
But then for that added, you know, incentive, I can demonstrate how they sound all tinny on the bus.
Yeah.
And they sound good.
Do you know what?
I was going to do that on mine, but I've got an iPhone.
Do you now?
Yeah.
So it would have sounded too good.
Really?
That's true.
They've got like amazingly good speakers, those like
Wicked speakers.
Really?
Yeah, really.
Is that an iPhone?
That's an iPhone.
Wow, look at that.
It's got a leather case there.
I glipped it on.
And it's got a big bit of plastic that I put on the cover to protect it.
Don't you have to pay like £400 a month for that thing?
And can you not only get access to the internet in 5% of the country?
I'm just being negative because I'm jealous.
No, you can get it everywhere.
It's wicked.
Really?
Yeah, it's really wicked.
And I... What was I saying?
What was the other thing you said?
It cost a lot of money.
Oh, yeah, no, no, no, because I was already on there.
Of course, listeners, there are many other phones available and... But no other phones that make you look like such a pants.
Genius, such a genius.
Sorry, I chose the wrong word.
He's very jealous.
Can you hear him?
Jealousy seeping out there.
Anyway, listen, song wars.
ringtones.
Now listen, I heard that you've come in with about nine of them or something.
I did.
Basically, I did some very short ringtones.
And they were only about 20 seconds because I thought they needed to be pithy.
And the more I did them, the kind of better I thought I got at it.
I started out trying to do a kind of a non-hateful ringtone that would be soft and kind of soothing and that you'd like to hear and that was flattering.
But then I realised that was a bit wrong.
Right.
So I went for a more funky one, then I realised that was a bit wrong, and I went for purely irritating.
So are you just doing the sounds?
Like, because, no, mine have got vocals.
You also got vocals.
Yeah.
But you're approaching it more from a sort of Brian Eno startup noise standpoint.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Because that's, is there not a definite, like, Brian Eno's ill?
There is, is there not a distinction between a ringtone and a sort of alert noise?
Like, because a lot of people now, their ringtone is like a whole song.
Yeah.
So that's what I was assuming that we were going to do.
Cool.
But you brought in three and you're not allowed to bring in three?
That's not fair.
Uh, they're very short ones, though.
Not fair!
Let's hear yours first, and we'll see how many I need to deploy.
I don't think so.
Let's hear yours first.
If you got three, that is gonna be useless.
If I play mine, and then it's just a complete tidal wave of Joe Cornish ringtones, then that is prejudicial.
They're only short.
Okay, I'll play you a teaser.
So play, dude, play number two.
So this is like a, this is a funky one.
Uh, this is like, so imagine your phone going off, and you hear this.
Go, shoot.
Yo, funky mother, it's your telephone ringing.
Time to confiscate, cause somebody's ringing.
So that's quite good, isn't it?
What if they're ringing for longer than that?
It just starts again.
It loops.
Right, right, right.
Which is even more irritating.
Which is even better, I suppose.
So that's quite short.
You see, if I just bought that in, it would have been a little bit insubstantial, I felt.
Well, that was the whole point.
You were the one that lobbied for ringtones, because you said, oh, no, we're going to have to do all that work.
It's going to be New Year.
Let's hear your one.
This is how he operates, listeners.
This is the absolutely dishonest way that Joe Cornish operates these scams.
Let's hear your one.
All right.
Well, this is not fair that you are allowed to play one and then just sandwich the whole thing.
It's a competition.
OK.
And you are not playing by the rules.
All right.
Well, this is mine.
This is like a whole ludicrous thing that's not going to win.
I don't know why I bother, come on.
You got a call coming in, it's exciting.
Perhaps it's from an actor or a model, or maybe Russell Brand.
But more likely, it's from someone at work saying, why ain't you done?
All your work.
Just let it really all go.
Or anyway you could, this ring turned into different answers.
Special endless pitbull all around who haven't heard it before.
You got a call coming in, you got a call coming in.
On your phone in the old days this was enough.
But not now, you've got to have a flipping song to express yourself before you answer your phone.
What's an... That's an odd voice phone.
So that's the song.
You see, you would never hear the end because generally... What accent's that?
That's just an accent.
Generally, the song would cut off after the first...
I don't know how many well people usually answer their phones very quickly But the logic of that one is that people would be so delighted with it.
They would just let it ring They would even switch off their voicemail in order for the song to get to the air.
Yeah, so should we hear your two hundred ones now?
There's only two others and and the third one I wasn't gonna play at all So yeah, why don't we play why don't we hear my other one?
This is the super irritating one All right, you're ready for it.
Yeah Yeah, number one, please
See, this is how it sounds actually, imagine that on the bus.
Well, they're not... Just to take issue with some of the lyrics.
They don't want to.
They are telephoning you.
That's like having someone saw your brain.
They don't want to telephone you.
They are telephoning you.
So I take issue with that.
It just doesn't make any sense.
It makes no sense.
What about the other one?
What, this one?
No, not that one.
Not that one.
I don't think we want to hear the other one.
Well, the other one's even worse than the telephone call one.
No, it's not as irritating, it just goes in a different direction.
What a sexy direction.
Play number three then.
It's not very good, I didn't want to play this one.
Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt whatever you're doing.
But you are so popular, your phone goes off the whole time.
With people all desperate To hear your opinions On subjects and matters And invite you round to their houses For parties with ladies The invitations are relentless Sometimes it can be hard to be
You don't want that, what you want is... is this.
Televocal!
Yeah, I've been learning the words, yeah.
Are you gonna nail your colours to the mast, then, Jo?
Are you going with that ringtone?
Can I bundle my ringtones one and two into a kind of twin pack?
No!
And, uh, I can't.
Look, Jo, Jo's laying down the law.
She's laying down the law.
I've got to pick one of them.
I get punished for making extra effort.
Punish with cheating, I think you're fine.
Okay, I tell you which one I'm going for.
This is exciting, isn't it, listen?
This is suspenseful.
Yeah, I'm gonna have a little think.
I think I'll go for this one.
Cheating.
Right.
Right, that's my one.
Okay, well, we'll remind you of the final selection later on, ladies and gentlemen.
Much later on, don't worry.
There'll be quite a significant gap between then.
Hey, and you can vote by texting 64046, text Adam or Joe, or you can email, if you're listening again, adamandjoe.6music at bbc.co.uk.
But now, it's time for the news.
That's good, isn't it?
It's nice to hear the beta band that was outside.
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music.
And we were just talking about whether we'd finished watching all the extras on our Blade Runner DVD giant box sets there.
And the answer was no, not quite yet.
There's still quite a lot more to watch.
But I watched some new movies over the Christmas period.
Folks, I imagine that you probably did as well.
Um, didn't enjoy any of them.
I'm just having a look, remembering.
The best one was probably Bee Movie, which I went to see with the children, um, a couple of days ago.
Even though, totally went over their heads, I would think.
I mean, it's just stuff full of things that no child would ever get, plus a load of very, uh, American-centric jokes as well.
Yeah, it's written by Jeremy Seinfeld, though, isn't it?
Yeah, yeah.
So it's gonna be all, um, all sophisticated New York intellectual, isn't it?
Fairly.
But I know what you mean.
That's one of the things that's weird about it.
Yeah.
You know, like fluffy, fluffy bee animal film, but then it's the Seinfeld sensibility.
It's a strange mix, doesn't work for me.
It was very odd.
I mean, basically the central conceit is that more or less the bee, played by Jerry Seinfeld at the centre of the whole thing, the bee protagonist, ends up having a sort of affair with a human being.
Mmm.
No, that can be sexy.
played by Renee Zellweger.
Women and bees.
I've got some mags with that kind of stuff going down at home.
Yeah.
And it's interesting because you have to use a split focus lens for the different depths of field.
Bee filth.
But it is sexy.
It's definitely sexy.
Because at the end... A little sting in the right place.
Well, after the sting, presumably they die.
So that's the ultimate climax to a little act of love.
Anyway, it was still pretty good though.
You haven't seen it.
I've issued a Cornish moratorium on animated animal films.
Oh, really?
No more.
Well, I can't do that.
I've got a family.
This is no question.
If you were doing that, I'd be in terrible trouble.
I also went to see I Am Legend.
I Am Leg End.
Here's another name for I Am Legend.
Hey.
I Am Useless.
Hey.
Now, some people out there won't have seen I Am Leg End.
Don't.
It's good for an hour.
I tell you what, if you really want to see it, save your money, come round to my house, I'll smack you in the face for four hours.
I've got a lot to say about I Am Leggen, but I can't really say it because people get upset about spoilers.
Most of the outrageous things about I Am Leggen happen in the last 45 minutes.
It's torture.
It kind of eats itself.
It starts out being brilliant, but then completely shoots itself in the smith.
I don't know about it being brilliant at any stage.
I thought it had a very
Here's the premise, listeners.
The film starts, and here's Will Smith.
He's driving around a deserted New York City.
It's a bit like the beginning of 28 Days Later.
And I believe they shot it in similar circumstances.
Yeah, they shot it in London that morning.
Yeah, right.
But early in the morning in New York City, they shot a lot of the stuff, apparently.
When the streets were all deserted, and they ran out there and messed it all up and made it look as if they'd been a big plague that had wiped out the population of the earth.
And Will Smith is the only man left and he's still in New York City and he's trying to find a cure.
In the meantime he sort of amuses himself by driving around shooting deer and antelope and stuff that have escaped from the zoo presumably and are roaming the streets free.
But here's the thing, in the evening when the sun goes down
the kind of survivor zombie population of New York City comes out.
The dark seekers.
The dark seekers, that's what they're called.
And they've got the worst, stupidest CG faces.
It did make me think, who named them dark seekers?
And at what stage in the disaster was that name coined?
Right.
Do you know, because you'd be less likely to call them that than, oh, those awful people.
Yeah.
The ill people.
Yeah.
The very ill people.
Or the computer men.
Exactly, which is what they are.
I mean, they're a total disgrace.
Presumably, they're computer men so that they can move incredibly fast, right, in a sort of weird, slightly scary way.
But what's wrong with... could they not just, uh, have close-ups with people in prosthetics and stuff and do a bit of old-fashioned makeup?
That would have been better than the stupid faces they've got on there with the computerized faces.
I liked it.
Did you really?
Yeah, I didn't mind that.
I just didn't like the god-bothering aspects of it.
Oh, yeah.
It turns into a Christian film at the end.
No insult to Christians, but, you know, it's all over that film in a weird way.
But listen to it.
Should we have a bit of music?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Here is Adele, ladies and gentlemen, and this is Chasing Pavements.
Oh, that's nice, isn't it?
That was Adele.
That was like us.
That was like my mum.
What?
Singing?
No, it's just that he'll have my mum, reminds me of my mum.
No, I was going to say, it's like, it's like your mother coming and laying a warm towelette on your face and then pushing it.
You're going to say something else though, I'm glad that sentence ended with towelette.
Pushing it into your face and until you can't breathe, take it off, take it off!
God, that explains a lot.
Oh, that was lovely.
A deal with chasing pavements.
What does that mean, chasing pavements?
That's like falling over face first.
Outside of clapping visuals, maybe.
Chasing pavements, unless she's really, really on drugs and it seems like the pavements are kind of getting away from her.
That's not, it couldn't be that.
Is it text the nation time?
It got to be text the nation time, surely.
Nation's favourite feature.
What if I don't want to?
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
So, it's time for Text the Nation.
This is the part of the show, and listen carefully, because this is quite complicated, where you text us on a kind of a theme, or you can email.
Yeah, if you're listening, fire Listen Again, you can email.
Email is adamandshow.6musicatbbc.co.uk.
The text is 64046.
Text the Nation this week.
Are we going to do this one?
Do you think?
Why not?
Yeah.
Why not?
Okay.
If it goes wrong, we can do something else.
It's just a simple one.
Do you ever, when you see a famous actor or actress come on telly, you know, one of the ones that's in lots of things, they pop up all the time, do you ever invent silly names for them?
Right, give us parallel names for them.
Like, I was watching a terrible, terrible film called Balls of Fury.
Oh yeah.
The other day, no good.
And it had Christopher Walken in it.
Yeah.
I like to call him Christopher Walk-on.
Nice.
Because he has so many Walk-on parts.
Yeah.
I say, look, there's Christopher Walk-on.
Or might expect people to laugh.
Right.
In a kind of a dad way.
Exactly, exactly.
Or if you didn't like him, you could call him Christopher Walk-off.
Yeah.
I wish.
Well, I like to call the conservative leader James Cameron James Cameron on.
Oh.
Because he's only, you know, he only behaves in that way when the cameras come on.
James Cameron on.
James Cameron off.
And I get some very loving looks in my house when I say that.
Good.
Joe, you're so funny.
You are funny.
When Josh Hartnett comes on the screen.
What have you got?
I like to say, look, Josh Hernett.
Nice.
Yeah.
Because that'll teach him a lesson.
He's so vain.
He's a pretty boy.
He probably does wear a hair net.
He's probably got one stuffed in his pockets or maybe down the front of his trousers.
When Harrison Ford comes on, I like to call him Harrison Board.
Oh, why?
Because he looks so bored all the time.
He looks so bored.
That's one of the things about him.
Have you got any of these, Adam?
No, because you just told me it's five seconds ago.
This is what we were gonna do.
Think of someone during the next record.
Okay, I will.
Yeah.
Cake blanket?
What do you call her?
Cake blanket.
Nice.
I call her cake blanket.
Cake blanket.
That's taking it one further.
I don't know what it means.
It bears no relation to it.
We're not expecting, as you can see, any genuine wit in this, but, you know, I think this is a habit that a lot of people have, and we'd like to hear, you know, some of the ones that you guys come up with.
I would imagine Amy Winehouse is a popular one, there's got to be loads of variations for that.
Yeah.
This is a kind of, maybe young people don't do this so much, but as you get older it starts becoming, I think there's some sort of little bit of the brain that starts growing and just gets cynical about everything and you know what I mean?
Well it's, we were talking about this last year at some point, weren't we?
It's a very dad thing to do.
It's the sort of thing your dad might just walk into the room while you're watching telling him, huh, Josh Hermit.
Yeah.
My dad used to come and, oh, Angelo Ripoff.
Oh look, it's Angela Ripoff!
I've talked about that before, but so do text us in with your kind of, what would you call them, like, you know, mutated celebrity names that manage to kind of coax something more, something meaningful out of it, you know what I mean?
Some added truth.
Yeah, text 64046.
We've also got quite a lot of emails about the thing we were doing on one of our pre-records, which is a kind of a placebo textination about the Bourne
Ah, supremacy, identity.
Yes, yes.
Give me... What is it?
It's the ultimatum.
Ultimatum.
No, is it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
No.
That was one of the first ones.
The final one is called the born ultimatum.
And we were going through on our pre-record some of the stupid things they say to each other in the control room.
Give me eyes.
I need eyes on the... What's he called?
The asset.
Give me eyes on the asset.
Give me a tic-tac-toe.
And that sort of stuff.
Yeah.
Can't find it.
Here we go.
I got it down here somewhere.
That was anyway, but so there are some of those to go through, but maybe we'll do those after the next record.
We got some great emails about that.
So this one is one of your choices, I think, Joe.
Yeah, this is a Tribe Called Quest with a track called Excursions.
Gregory Isaacs with Permanent Lover.
That was recorded for John Peel, one of the Peel Sessions on Radio 1 on the 26th of October 1981.
I had a bit of a kind of a soft reggae thing going over Christmas, personally.
Mmm, I bought that album, I got given that album that's compiled by the Super Furry Animals bassist.
It's called Furry Selection.
And it's a fantastic compilation of kind of, you know, really good dub reggae.
To have a bit of Lovers Rock in there as well.
Yeah, yeah.
I'll be playing one of the tracks from it a little later in the show, so there's something to listen out for.
You went to see the Super Furrys on New Year's Eve, right?
I did, yeah, at the Royal Festival Hall.
How was that?
It was quite good.
Yeah.
They were very good.
The event as a whole left a couple of things to be desired, I'd say.
Well, New Year's Eve, eh?
It's always a nightmare.
Yeah, that's a slightly odd atmosphere.
And it was in the foyer.
Wow.
And there was just a kind of, you know, an unforgettable atmosphere of foyer-ness about it.
Right.
Do you know what I mean?
When you do an event in a foyer,
The whole thing just stinks slightly of foyer.
It's a little bit dissipated, everyone's- Dissipated, people wandering around- Well it's a thoroughfare, isn't it?
Exactly, exactly.
It's actually at the royal festival hall.
It lacked a sense of, you know, of, uh, you know, I can't think of words this morning, will that be a problem?
No, listen man, I know where you're at, it's difficult, because technically we've been away for a few weeks.
So listen, the other week we did a pre-record where we were doing a kind of simulated text donation, we were asking you to suggest phrases that could be used in one of the born identity films in the control room.
In the actual film, they say stuff like, we went in for a sneak and peek, which means they broke in and searched the flat, they say stuff like,
Get me a tic-tac-toe, which is kind of special speak for elevations of a building.
Plans.
Floor plan.
Activate the asset.
Asset.
Activate the asset.
Cross deviation.
Release the funds.
That sort of thing.
So people have sent in some quite good suggestions here.
Do you want to hear some?
Yeah, go on then.
Here's one.
Let's consult the owl.
Right.
Consult the owl.
Yeah, this is from Jason.
This means we should run the plan past a wise, experienced, intelligent officer.
Very good, Jason.
Yeah.
This is one I like a lot.
Maybe that was from Jason Pawn.
Maybe that, yeah, yeah, that's true!
Here's a good one.
Dust and polish.
Dust and polish?
Dust and polish.
Yeah, that's good.
What is completed following a property search to remove any trace of entry?
Dust and polish.
I bet either cops actually say that.
That's probably real, isn't it?
Maybe he's a cop.
He probably is a cop.
He's letting out secrets.
This is from Akio.
Apologise if I haven't said your name correctly.
The chicken is in the oven.
Mm-hmm.
That's good, isn't it?
Yeah.
What would that mean?
That just means that it's almost dinner time, the chicken's gonna be cooked fairly soon, and they're gonna eat some chips.
Right, so that's if they're gonna have chicken.
Exactly.
Yeah.
What about if someone goes, turn down the music?
Yeah.
Turn down the music.
That would just mean turn your volume down.
Exactly.
It's a little bit loud.
It's very hard for everyone to concentrate.
Yeah.
Here's a good one.
Dust the shelves and replace the ornaments.
The kettle is boiled.
We are out of milk.
That's a good one.
The freezer is in critical need of defrosting.
Yeah.
Somebody's left the freezer door open.
Someone's suggesting put the doggy in the basket.
That's a different one, isn't it?
From Silence of the Lambs.
Finally, we got an email from a guy called Richard Oldham.
He says, as a way of exciting our boring office life, my colleagues and I have taken to renaming everyday office items with overtly masculine names, e.g.
the stapler has become magnum.
And the staple remover has become Cobra.
Recently we've taken to using this to create born ultimatum control room phrases, so instead of saying, oops Daisy, I've been stamping too many pages together, we say, uh, rookie's gone rogue with a magnum and I need the Cobra to clean up the mess.
That's Richard.
In Bermuda, designing houses for filthy rich people.
No.
What a job.
Man, Richard, can we come and help you, Richard?
Yeah, please, can we go out there?
That'd be great.
My dad is a little bit confused by The Bourne Ultimate and we watched it as our Christmas movie this year.
We had it on DVD and we projected it with the surround sound.
Nice.
Oh man, it was exciting.
My mum had never seen it before and she was digging it, but my dad couldn't.
He kept on leaning over going, what, what is going on?
Who is he?
So I had to explain this and that and then every now and again he would turn around to me and say, so what is asset doing now?
Oh, if only his name was Asset.
Yeah.
Like, I wish that Christian Bale's character in Rescue Dawn was called Dawn.
It would improve the film massively for me.
It certainly would.
Do we have some more music?
Is it more music time?
I think so.
And it's the Wombarts.
With BBC.
On Digital Online BBC Six Music What an exciting sound!
The sound of young people getting excited about life, making love to one another, drinking too much wine, locking themselves in hot rooms with instruments until they don't know what's what or who's where.
Pushing things off desks and refusing them to pick them up.
Refusing them?
To pick them up.
the electricity that sparks between young people with freshly washed hair.
Three was forgetting to write the correct year on the top of checks, like writing the previous year.
And tax, obviously, is another depressing thing.
Pretty much as soon as your present wrapping paper is in the bin, you get the tax bill.
And the recycling books, I hope.
Yeah, of course, absolutely.
Did a lot of recycling this Christmas.
And what's the other depressing thing?
I don't know, you just, you know, it's just a whole new raft of things, isn't it, to deal with?
A new year.
That's one way of looking at it.
Yes, I've got another raft.
While up with things.
So listen, we're in the middle of... Eventually they'll stop coming.
What, the raft?
And it'll just be the void.
I know, that's true.
See, you always look forward to that.
That's true.
Yeah, sweet, sweet void.
But before that, before the void, I think it's time we checked in with Texas Nation.
What if I don't want to?
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
Yes, it's text the nation time, and this week we're asking you to text in sort of stupid mangleings of celebrities' names that make you happy to say when you see the celebrity.
It gives you a little bit of power against their world-dominating, uh, everywhere-ness.
Yeah, perhaps.
Uh, examples being... My girlfriend's mum calls certain stars Ray the Otter.
That's a very common one for Ray Lee Otter.
But then she carries on to John the Vulture.
What's John the Vulture?
John Travolta.
That's a bit left field.
And Stephen Seagull.
Stephen Seagull's fine.
That's quite a good one.
I think this is because she likes animals.
She's got two dogs, says Gus.
She goes for John the Vulture over just the simpler John Revolting, which is what most people call it.
Yeah, but they're good.
John the Vulture is quite idiosyncratic.
It's quite, you know, mummy-ish, isn't it?
It's not that much to do.
The funniest joke in Bee Movie is flying a plane.
How hard can it be?
John Travolta can do it.
Something like that.
I slightly mangled it.
It's funnier in the film.
Doesn't sound promising.
I always call Eric Clapton.
Here's a good dad one.
Eric clapped out.
Nice.
Yeah.
Ha ha ha or not, says Nicola in Glasgow.
Bill Oddy, Odd Billy from Dave in the Highlands.
That's good.
What about for Bruce Forsyth, Bruce Forkknife?
That's strange.
That's quite good, isn't it?
He's just made that one up, hasn't he?
He's got a slash in between.
Bruce Fork slash Knife.
That's from Andy in Birmingham.
Bruce Fork Knife.
That's quite good, I think.
I'd be happy saying that whenever I saw him.
What did they used to call him there?
It was something like Bruce... false... false tights.
I don't know.
Have a think about that one.
Obviously there's a load that you couldn't say on
Mo in Aberdeen has a good one for Keira Knightley.
IKEA Knightley.
Nice.
Yeah, that's what she's like.
Nearly works.
It's nearly an anagram.
And she turns Amy Winehouse into Amy Wine Lake.
Nice.
Yeah, because she drinks a lot and she's got difficulties.
An awful lot.
Because of it, uh, Panda Wolf in East Coat.
What a bizarre name.
Uh, calls Whoopi Goldberg.
Wait for it.
Hmm.
Whoopi Goldfish!
Goldfish!
Yeah, my friend's got a joke that goes, did you know that Gerard Depardier is marrying Whoopi Goldberg?
Yeah, she's gonna be called Whoopi Doopi Doo.
That's quite a good joke.
Anybody?
Hello?
That is good, that is good.
I was just, my brain was processing it.
My dad calls the Toyota Prius, hang on a second, my dad calls Toyota Prius drivers, Toyota Pius.
Yeah, because of their smug, self-righteous choice of car.
He also calls Natasha Kaplinsky, Natasha Lipstick-sky.
Lipstick-sky.
From Jenny Lipstick-sky.
Yeah.
Uh, Tom in Bournemouth says, you know, they're not supposed to be funny-funny, but they're just strange and they're like little family secrets.
Just words?
We like to call Amy Winehouse, Amy Hairhouse.
Because of her hair.
I'd call a like Amy Amy face house.
Yeah, you know, I know I call her Amy tattoo has
Because she's got tattoo.
That's good.
That is good.
House.
What?
Amy Tattoo Hair's house.
Because then it sounds like her name.
I just thought at the end there, I just popped it in.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm just looking through the rest of these.
You know, I might have to vet these a little bit.
Pete, drink, drugs, tea.
That's good.
Write some of those down.
We'll come back to that.
Keep them coming in at AdamandJoe.6musicatbbc.co.uk or text 64046 if you've got any kind of clever ones.
Sounds unlikely but you know.
Hey it's our first show back in the new year folks, come on.
You know, colour some slack will you please.
Now here's a choice that I made for you listeners.
Hope you enjoyed this one.
I don't hear too much Frank Zapper on the radio.
uh, possibly because a lot of the stuff in his songs is sort of filthy and um, profane.
He writes a lot of songs about sex and stuff.
Um, even though that was, that was his big vice-apper, wasn't it?
He was a sort of sex, sexaholic, a bit of a pornocrat.
Um, but that was it.
He never took any drugs.
The worst thing he did was smoke a lot of Siggy's, which may have contributed to his eventual demise, unfortunately.
But he was a great guy, I've always been a big fan of his and this is a track from one of his best albums, Overnight Sensation, and it's called Camarillo Brillo, hope you like it.
Frank Zappa there with Camarillo Brillo.
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music.
What's that all about in that title, Camarillo Brillo?
Is he saying that something is Brillo?
Like Brillo pads, really good.
Is Camarillo a place?
I think it is.
Like Amarillo.
I know Amarillo.
Yeah, maybe it's a kind of a car.
I'm not sure.
It's a load of arcane American references that I'm not familiar with, but it's nice.
I like his voice.
Even though he's just mining pretty much one little tune there.
He just carries on, he's not bothered about it.
The worst you can say about Frank Zappa is that his voice is very insincere.
Do you know what I mean?
Like he's... He's... He's... He's got... He's got his length kind of business.
Yeah, exactly.
But I don't mind that.
You know, you couldn't only listen to Frank Zappa would drive you nuts, but every now and again it's nice.
It's like a little tasty doughnut.
Hey, this is Adam and Joe on BBC Six Music, the station where we play six bits of music.
over and over again.
That's true.
Yeah, it's not true.
No, isn't it?
No.
Okay.
A lot more than that.
You know, one of the weirdest things I saw on Telly over Christmas.
Oh, yeah.
Was Shane McGowan on TV burp.
Wow.
Did you catch that?
Didn't catch that.
At the end of Harry Hill's TV burp, he has a bit where he illustrates one of the things he's talking about by having a fight, usually between two celebrities.
It's the kind of thing that goes into the break, bridges the break kind of thing.
But on the Christmas special he announced that I forget what the lead-in was But the build-up was building up to Shane McGowan versus a bottlenose dolphin And I thought it was just a word joke you know a little picture painted for the mind But he gestured to his left lo and behold out came Shane McGowan now looking
quite extraordinary I mean he's always an amazing man to look at yeah because he's lived such a life and he's sort of out of the limelight a lot so every time he pops up it's like kind of looking under a rock and seeing how things are progressing in the nicest possible way you know I think he's a genius he's very seldom sheveled certainly absolutely yeah
And he was looking very, very disheveled.
Yeah, not a lot going on in the tooth department.
Yeah.
The eyes seem to be interested in separate things.
Much too much extra skin on the face.
Right.
All heading downwards.
Yeah.
Big as well.
Uh-huh.
Lots of booze still in there.
The boozy pillow.
Yeah.
But, you know, still understanding, you know, Composementis and punching the dolphin.
And, you know, I really like that when kind of your heroes turn up on slightly mainstream trashy programs.
There's something really cool about that, don't you think?
Yeah, absolutely.
That'll be a great TV moment.
Seeing someone like sort of holier than thou turn up on something because people like that they kind of wouldn't turn up on a on a Respectful program, you know, they kind of purposely go for something a bit a bit mainstream and even though that program is fantastic Yes, brilliant program, but I couldn't quite believe I'd seen it and I thought maybe I was hallucinating That'll be on YouTube presumably won't it?
Maybe
Yeah, I'm gonna have a look at that later on.
It was good.
That sounds excellent.
The best thing, I didn't catch any of those special shows, you know, I didn't see the extras Christmas special or anything like that.
None of the things that you were supposed to watch that were like exciting appointment-to-view type things, instead I caught like loads of dreadful stuff, like I ended up sitting right the way through the best of Top Gear.
I've never watched Top Gear in my life and I watched the best of Top Gear.
It was torture.
There was absolutely nothing else on at the time.
And, uh, I was just flicking around, we were in the countryside, we didn't have satellite or anything, we just had the five channels.
Channel 5 was so fuzzy, you couldn't really see it, it was just like a snowstorm.
So, more or less, that's actually what they were doing for Christmas.
Was it?
Yeah, snowstorm.
Oh, seasonal.
Right.
Right over the Christmas period.
There you go.
Anyway, it was, it was barely watchable, I was quite bored of the snowstorm, so, ended up with Top Gear.
Have you ever watched Top Gear?
Yeah.
I quite like Top Gear.
What is your mental problem?
I like it.
I saw their one where they went to the North Pole.
How can you stand it?
Because it's like Blue Peter for retarded men.
Which is your favourite man?
Uh, I don't like any of them.
No, of course not.
Which is your least favourite man?
How can you deal with Hammond, the hamster?
Well, listen, hey, our producer, Jude, has just... She loves Hammond.
Let's play a record.
Talk about this and make sure we're not hurting anyone's feelings.
Jude loves the hamster.
And then we'll talk about Hammond after this.
People love the hamster.
Listen, they love him.
Here are the Staple Singers.
They hate Hammond.
I can't stand it.
I happen to know.
This is called Let's Do It Again.
That's the New Young Pony Club with The Bomb.
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music.
Now we came across a band called the Young Pony Club, didn't we?
Are they now called the New Young Pony?
Is that a different band, or have they had to put New in front of them because there's another band called Pony Club?
Something's going on there, some kind of Pony Club politics.
It wasn't, they were called something slightly different, but it was... They were definitely called Young Pony Club, weren't they?
No, there was ponies in there, but it wasn't exactly Young Pony Club.
But anyway, that's the new young pony club, and as far as the world is aware, it's the main pony club to be concerned with at the moment.
Now, we're in the middle of Text the Nation.
Have you got any more mangled celebrity names there, Joe Collins?
Yeah, lots and lots and lots and lots and lots.
Okay, the idea for Text the Nation this week, listeners, is, you know, celebrity names, famous people's names that you mangle domestically for your own personal entertainment.
We're not saying these are brilliantly clever or funny, even though some of them may be, but they're just weirdly satisfying.
Um, so are you ready?
I'm gonna go through them quite fast.
I remembered the name of the band.
What is it?
Vote Show Pony.
Oh, that's right.
It was confusing.
Okay, here we go.
Uh, this is from Matt Garner.
He says, instead of Christopher Eccleston... Can you guess any of these, Adam?
Christopher Eccl's cake.
Correct!
Nice!
Instead of Michael Parkinson... Michael...
Fartinson!
No, Michael Park your bum.
Michael Park your bum.
See, he's a chat show host.
Not at all.
Instead of, and this was one that was very popular in America with the people that don't like the lesbian ladies, instead of Ellen DeGeneres.
Ellen DeGeneres.
Correct.
Oh really?
That's a little bit anti-gay though, isn't it?
Yeah, but you know.
Right.
It didn't even be connected to her sexual preference.
Well, it's bound to be though, isn't it?
With DeGeneres.
That's from Bryn.
Uh, here's another one, this is from Dee, the D-man, Damien.
Yeah.
Uh, instead of Nellie... Uh, hang on, I've forgotten her actual name.
Furtado.
Well, she's almost there.
Or, anyway.
Uh... F-F-F-F-Fartardo?
No.
What?
Nellie Ritado.
Oh, that's not very nice.
Instead of Gwyneth Paltrow.
Gwyneth Poultry.
Poultry.
Right.
Yeah.
Lots of them there.
Maybe it's part and parcel of being famous that you have to have a name that's easily mutated, that people can have fun with.
Well, mine, of course, would be very easy.
You just stick an F at the beginning of Buxton and you're sorted.
That's what used to happen to me at school.
What about you?
Uh, just pasties.
Joe, you know?
Joe Cornish pasty.
Yeah, corn plasters, that kind of thing.
Cornballs.
Never, no one ever said that.
My dad calls Colin Firth, Colin Filth, to annoy my mum as she fancies him, says Becky in Norwich.
Also, when I was a child and a big stock aching and waterman fan in the 80s, my dad called Rick Astley dick ashtray.
dad nice one dad you would have totally dealt with the situation Chris in Whitley Bay says I've heard people using Joe corny as a slight on mr. Cornish recently Joe corny I'm flattered to be talked about anywhere I don't know if it's if this one thing you're not it's corny hey Joe okay yeah I just thought I'd help you out there thanks man
Edward Woodward becomes, says Claire, if you remove all the D's, ee wah woo wah.
That's very lateral.
That's quite good, isn't it?
Ee wah woo wah.
That's all we've got for the moment.
Blobby Williams, of course, is the other one.
More text the nation coming later.
Keep them coming.
Text 64046 or email adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk.
Is it time for the news now?
Yes, here's the news.
Is that where they got their name from?
Yes, that is where the band got their name from.
Does that mean that's their favourite Talking Heads film?
Yeah, no, it's not their favorite.
You'd have to be insane if that was your favorite Talking Heads song, but it's not a bad one.
Come on, that's Talking Heads with Radiohead, that's from there.
Probably, I guess most people would agree, their worst album being True Stories.
Oh, I've got a soft spot for that.
Listen, I've got a big soft spot for it.
I love it.
It was their big launch, it was a movie, and it was supposed to take them to the mainstream.
Yeah, there was even two versions.
There was the soundtrack album of all, like, original music from the film.
Lovely cover design, kind of typeface and logo, that big kind of bold red and white thing.
David Byrne incidental music.
Films good.
Cronus Quartet.
The film's kind of a bit of a lost classic, isn't it?
Is it, or a lost average not very classic?
Haven't watched it recently.
Is it even on DVD?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Is it?
Oh yeah, definitely.
It's worth seeing, certainly if you're a Talking Heads fan.
But the album, the album by the band that accompanied the film, the big hit was Wild Wildlife.
And it's an odd one.
It's a very odd one.
It was David Byrne making his transition into kind of his fascination with world music and Cajun and all sorts of different styles and the band was a little bit disparate there.
Anyway, that's more than you needed to know.
Oh, phone call.
Sorry, this goes my new return.
Yeah, there you go.
Yeah, sorry, look at that.
Well, speaking of which, we should remind people what the deal is with Song Wars this week.
Joe and I, as you can hear there, are trying to construct ringtones that you might like to use.
I mean, trying.
Well, okay, we have successfully constructed ringtones that you, the listeners, might like to use on your mobiles.
We don't actually know how to get them from the radio into your mobiles.
We'll sort that out at a later date, if demand is sufficient.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
But I mean, it's a genius conceit there for Joe to actually put his ringtone on the mobile there by demonstrating the efficaciousness.
Don't play that one.
Why not?
Because you stick- Listen, don't make me get angry again.
Hey dude, listen, I really object.
I went- I made extra effort.
I did three.
Listen, I made extra effort and I'm being treated like a pariah and a cheetah.
It's not- Why is that cheetah?
Listen, I'll explain to you carefully.
I went out of my way to do extra work.
Yeah, but after- So if I write an extra long essay, do I get thrown out of school?
He's not listening.
This is what happened, this is what happened.
Last show that we pre-recorded before Christmas, Joe was huffing and puffing.
Oh, all these pre-records.
There's too much stuff.
I haven't got enough material.
You know, we're running out of stuff here.
Can we not do song wars for a few weeks?
So we said, all right, listen, let's just do something simple.
So Joe said, I know, why don't we just do ringtones?
That'll be nice and simple, super short.
We don't have to really kill ourselves to do the ringtones.
Fine.
Everyone agrees that to give Joe a little break, because his brain's running out, we'll do something simple.
This is exactly what happened then.
You wanted to do something super short and easy for Song Wars because you said it was too much to get it together for the new year.
That's fair enough.
I wasn't purely... I was gonna help everybody.
It was an altruistic thing to help us through the Christmas period.
Here we go.
So anyway, everyone agrees and then he comes in with a big arm full of his crazy stuff.
That's not fair though, that's trampling all over the rules.
So you're suggesting that what I was doing was a kind of, you know, deflective tactic?
Is that what you're genuinely suggesting?
That I was like thinking, I know.
No, no, I'm not.
But you can't just suddenly change the rules when it suits you and come in and say, oh, well, you know what?
I know that I wanted to do something easy that didn't take too much effort, but I've decided to go completely the other way and trample all over the rules by having three instead of one for Song Wars, which is no...
I think I've done quite well, because I've managed to play all three.
Yeah, well, you've done very well.
But now we're narrowing it down to just the one.
Yeah.
So we've reminded listeners of yours, I think.
Do you think?
Yeah, I think.
Do you think, no, but that was through the phone.
They might want to hear it in proper stereo.
You made your bed, Mr. Corner.
Yeah.
OK.
Oh, fair enough.
So we'll just hear Adam's one.
Here we go.
You got a call coming in.
Exciting, perhaps it's from an actor or a model, or maybe Russell Brand.
But more likely, it's from someone at work, saying, why ain't you done all your work?
Just let it really all go to voicemail in the second they can leave a chippy message, which you're welcome to ignore.
Anyway, you got this ring to live so differently.
So there you go, that's mine, Adam Buxton's ringtone.
Let's play Joe's.
Come on, I don't want him to be upset about the whole song wars thing.
Here's Joe's.
Yeah, so there you go.
Which one of those would you like to hear coming out of your mobile phone listeners?
Second one.
As you can hear, someone emailed us last year to say, oh, come on, stop being so nice to each other about song wars.
We know there's tension bubbling underneath.
All right, now the tension has properly surfaced this week.
Hey, there's a text here from Jane from BBC Interactive saying we can put the ringtones on the website for download on Monday.
Jane, there's going to have to be financial discussions first.
We're going to have to talk about how we'll split the revenue stream.
So this is it, man.
This is a big one, you know, because fortunes could be made of this.
So it's a very important song for so many reasons.
I'm going to put all three of mine up.
Here we go.
Look, let's now this is your choice.
I'm moving.
I'm moving on.
I'm segueing to another thing.
Look, I found out some facts about Tennesaw for you, Joe.
Hey, so we should just tell people vote for either Adam or Joe on 64046, or email adamandjoe.6musicatbbc.co.uk, the winner of Song Wars this week, possibly the most vitriolic and, uh, you know... divisive song wars of all time will be announced on next week's show.
A lot is riding on this vote.
But now, coming up, here's a record I chose from the album I was talking about earlier there.
Oh, okay.
Ooh, look, Facto's on the iPhone.
On Wikipedia for you, though.
This is from the compilation album put together by the bass player of the Super Furry Animals.
It's called The Furry Selection, and this is by Tennesaw.
It's Ring the Alarm.
You'll recognize it when you hear it.
Some facts about it coming up after the track.
Oh, that just suddenly ended there very quickly.
We were looking at Tennesaw Facto on Wikipedia.
He died when he was 22.
That's tragic.
Killed by a speeding car in Houston, Texas.
There you go, a great loss not only for his family, but for reggae music as well.
Quite right.
Yeah, that's a ring the alarm.
It's a classic track, and yeah, must recommend again that compilation with the furry selection.
If you like a little bit of dub, rub-a-dub-dub.
I love to be rubbed.
Then that's the album for you.
It's really, really very good.
I'll be playing some more from it in forthcoming shows.
So stay tuned.
Have you had the sick bug joke, Ornish?
No.
No sick bug yet.
No sick bug, yeah.
Have you just been, uh, keeping yourself away from humans?
Uh, no, I eat an enormous amount of fruit.
That's not gonna protect you from the bug.
You know, I didn't get ill at all in 2000- 2007.
Did you know?
No.
Not once.
No time on.
No, I don't get ill a lot, generally.
Didn't get the snuffles?
No, not in any major way.
Right.
Good job, man.
Yeah.
Very good.
Are you taking any vitamins there or any supplements?
No.
Really?
Just a lot of acid on weekends.
Yeah.
What's your secret then?
Lots of fresh fruit.
I think just lots of fruit.
I don't know.
I eat a lot of fruit.
Watch out for the acid on your teeth, man.
Yeah?
Yeah.
It can really play havoc.
Really?
I'm not listening to the downsides of fruit.
No.
People say it's going to make me more farty.
People say it's gonna make me go, you know, yellow.
Mmm.
Because of all the oranges.
Right.
But I don't listen to them, I'm just gonna eat that fruit.
It's good for you.
It's basically good for you.
Little sweet apples.
Mmm.
Oh.
What's your favourite kind of apple?
Little sweet, uh, royal gala.
Ever had a Fuji?
Mmm, don't like the Fugees.
You don't like the Fugees?
Nah.
Why not?
I just don't like, um... One time!
That's where you were going, wasn't it?
Yeah.
Yeah, it was delicious.
Listen, you better watch out, though, because you'll get the bug.
Everyone gets the bug, the norovirus.
I'll wash my hands when I come indoors.
Uh... Always wash your hands with soap and water when you come in the house.
It's not gonna help you.
Oh, it does.
Everyone gets the norovirus.
What's the norovirus?
This is it, man.
It's called the winter... The winter vomiting bug.
Yeah, it's the... Never had it.
It's new.
I've never vomited from a cold, ever.
No.
I haven't vomited since about 1987.
Right.
Seriously, I don't vomit.
Man, I hadn't vomited for a long time before I got this one.
It was not a welcome return to vomit land.
It was awful.
And the worst thing about the virus, if you're unlucky enough to get it, listeners, is that you can't even enjoy yourself when you're lying there in bed, you know?
Because one of the nice things about being ill is you can just lie there, do a bit of work, maybe read some books that you were meaning to read for ages, watch a few movies, you know?
You can't even do that because you're constantly nauseated, right?
You're right on the verge of the vomitorium and it's uncomfortable.
You can't really sleep properly.
It's just the worst.
Luckily it only lasts about a day and then you're sorted.
But you're not supposed to go out afterwards.
Don't go into contact with other human beings for a couple of days because you're still contagious and this thing could get way out of hand.
You know, we might have to get Dustin Hoffman involved.
and the whole place, it might turn into I Am Legend, which would be incredibly boring.
So, for goodness sake, take care of yourself, is what I'm saying.
That was a little public health.
Yeah, I kind of tuned out.
I just came back in for goodness sake, take care of yourself.
Yeah.
I'm right behind that.
Yeah, just spun round green.
Absolutely.
Listen, here's a band called the Duke Spirit.
This is a track called The Step and the Walk.
All we know about them is the following six words written on this sheet.
They toured the UK in November.
Ooh.
That's the Step on the Walk by the Duke Spirit.
They toured the UK in November.
They've got a beautiful and funny lead singer called Lila Moss, and that's from their forthcoming second album called Neptune, which is in the shops on February the 4th.
Joe, who said we don't know nothing about them?
Exactly, exactly.
Uh, now the-the-the-the direct decorations are still up and- Hey, listeners, you've gotta take your decorations down today.
Today, is it?
Yeah, today's the deadline, is it not?
Or is it tomorrow?
You know what happens if you don't take your decorations down?
Oh.
Evil Santa comes.
Good Santa comes on Christmas Day if you have the decorations up and leave them in spies.
If you don't take them down, Evil Santa comes.
Satan?
No, he's just Santa.
Right.
He's got a blue suit and he nicks things every day of the year for a whole year until Christmas.
Yeah.
Oppa Santa.
Yeah, and if you're unlucky, he'll have an affair with your girlfriend or wife.
Oh, that happens anyway.
Santa's really?
Yeah, the real Santa's got cop launched a snog who he wants.
It's true.
Women love Santa.
They really do.
They go crazy for Santa.
Nothing gets a woman hotter.
Than Santa.
Than a big fat man in a chimney.
I ain't gonna miss Santa.
Oh, Santa.
I am.
You know, I see so little of him.
I've seen so little of him.
My brother used to set traps for him.
He pops around at Christmas, people still believe in the Santa, you know, my little nephew who was about eight or nine, quite old you would think to still be, that is old, in Santa conflict land.
He got genuinely upset about it because he basically knows and his older brothers have told him, like obviously there's no such thing.
thing.
Oh, what?
Oh, I'm not supposed to say that, am I?
Because, you know, some children are listening.
But he is, man, he's really conflicted.
He absolutely doesn't know.
Listen, children, there's no conclusive proof either way, all right?
So you believe what you want to believe.
But, man, he was struggling with it.
He was in tears on Christmas Eve just saying, I don't know what to believe.
I felt really bad for him.
He was in tears.
Yeah, he was.
He was absolutely distraught because he was getting so many conflicting messages, you know, from the kids telling him the cynical line.
Surely, why does it matter to him as long as you get the prezzies?
No, because it's about more than that, Joe.
Is it, though?
Try cast your mind back to the magical times.
I can't.
All I knew was that a weird man was breaking into my house and...
Did you get no excitement out of the fact, though, that there was like an actual physical presence involved in the whole situation?
Like a bloke.
Yeah, like a strange guy, you know.
You know what, I can't remember.
I remember my brother laying traps for Santa.
Right.
Well, he was excising about it.
And that caused some difficulty for my parents.
Yeah.
And you never thought,
I think I think I saw him you never like your parents didn't like used to creep into your room with the stockings and stuff and then Then you would think I think I saw him mummy.
I think I saw him last night.
Do you?
Yeah, did you definitely I can remember a couple of Christmases where I was pretty confused because the most of my brain was telling me no Some kids have parents who actually dress up in a costume.
That's right.
Of course.
Yeah
I don't think my parents ever did that.
Not that they would have done, of course, children.
Because they had nothing to do with it.
It was the big fat man.
But take those decos down, today or tomorrow.
Yeah, absolutely.
And burn them.
You have to burn them.
Really?
No.
No, you don't burn the tinsel.
That's bad for the planet.
But if you want to be certain that Evil Santa won't come, you would burn them.
Did you have a tree this year?
Yes.
Uh, have you disposed of it already?
No.
Today, this afternoon.
What do you do?
Do you just put it outside?
Eat it.
Always eat it.
Eat it?
Yeah.
How do you prepare it?
Just use it as a garnish.
That's nice.
One very big garnish.
Like a big sprig of parsley?
Yeah, a huge sprig.
Yeah.
On one mince pie, we have the last mince pie.
Stick the tree in the top of it, pour some honey on it, eat it.
Yeah.
Yum, yum.
that's nice and that's good for the environment as well it is should we have another trail you end up with a very prickly poo though no we're not having a trail who would want to trail hey this is a bit of rhythm and blues from the good old days this is howlin wolf the primitive drum sequencing of run dmc an early primeval hip-hop band from america can you imagine how a detail
How giant that drum machine must have been.
It must have been the size of three houses.
It's true.
In the early days of computing, drum machines, they used to take up the size of a football pitch to make the sound of a cymbal.
In the early days of hip hop, that's right.
It used to take a sort of aircraft carrier just to get the samples in there.
Now you can get the whole Wu-Tang Clang on the head of a pin.
Amazing, isn't it?
How times have moved on.
That's true.
I was thinking about, uh, there's lots of Wu-Tang Clan, or is it just one on Knocked Up?
Uh, yeah, yeah.
That's a good one, isn't it?
I hadn't heard that one before.
The one at the very beginning.
Uh, that's, isn't that Shimmy Shimmy by Old Dirty Beastard?
Yeah.
Beastard.
That was good, there was some good music on that film.
Uh, as opposed to A Good Year, is it?
The Ridley Scott ones.
Oh, did you see that?
Well, because you said it was worth seeing.
Yeah.
So I sat down last night and tried to watch it.
This is the one with Russell Crowe as a kind of city boy who goes off to live the good life of Provence.
Deliciously poor.
I didn't make it through.
You've got to see it at a cinema where you're trapped.
Right.
It's a big screen, you know.
And part of the problem with the whole thing is that it's got some of the worst
film music like songs, you know, use of songs that I've ever heard in my life.
And I couldn't, I didn't make it through to the end, so I didn't see if they were songs that were specially written for the film, or if it was stuff that Riddles had gone out and then it turned up on his iPod and he thought, oh, this is gonna be good for the film.
I'll pop this one in the film.
Oh my lordy.
I might try and find some of it and bring it in next week.
Do, I can't remember the music.
It was shocking.
Is it all like Renault Clio advert type stuff?
No, it's nothing that good.
It's like sort of overwrought sub Rufus Wainwright ballads.
But up-tempo, it's hard to describe.
It was really horrible music.
Great film.
And yeah, I'm going to see it.
I'm going to try and bring some film.
What a film.
So here's a quick email from Green Cools.
What sort of a name is that?
He sliced his lip with it.
Immediately stabbed myself.
That kind of dampened the excitement on the day.
But how's it been going?
It's been good, man.
I haven't got it with me.
No.
Have you been playing it?
Have you played it at all?
Be honest.
No.
Have your fingers touched it since that day?
Yes.
I played it for my son when I got home.
Did you?
He wanted to know what it was and he was fascinated by it.
Really?
How did that go?
It was good, man.
He thought it was amazing.
Don't let him try.
It's dangerous.
I said no, I kept it away from him.
Because there's two types of those things you can get.
You can get one that looks, it's sort of mushroomy.
an expensive one and a cheap one and then well no I thought yours was charming and the one that Joe picked up which was like a sort of decorated little cardboard tube with a very sharp metal prong in it stuffed inside and basically you kind of vibrated the prong against your lip but I was a little tooty maybe we had some champagne in the studio when we did that pre-record and I just whipped it out not knowing what it was in my excitement and jammed the thing right through my lip pretty much it was real I was bleeding all over the area
But no, it was a lovely present and I'll cherish it forever.
Bring it in next week and play some.
Maybe I will.
Yeah.
Things to remember for next week.
Music from a good year.
Yeah, and jaw harp.
Jaw harp.
There you go, Kuzi and Dee Dee.
That's dealt with that one there for you.
I've got a... Have you got anything else there, Joe, that you need to read out?
No, shoot.
I've got a track for you listeners.
I picked these at random during the week, you know.
Jude, our producer, she emails us and says, what do you want to play on the weekend chaps?
And it's always the wrong moment for some reason, do you know what I mean?
Like, you sort of hear things as you're going along or listening on your iPod and you think, hey, that's going to be good for the show.
But then when the email comes through, you're a bit panicked and you think, oh, I've got to respond.
I just picked some random tracks from a random playlist and this was on one of them.
But it's one of my favourite police tracks, as in the band The Police, led by Stung.
Um, but it's not a Stung track.
It's written by, I think, I'm writing saying, Stuart Copeland, the drummer.
And I've always got a soft spot for- We do, drummer!
For Copeland's tracks, you know?
Because usually when the drummer gets writing, Copeland is a very accomplished film soundtrack composer, amongst other things.
That's right.
Yeah.
But his pop songs are sort of cheesy and ludicrous.
And I'm always amazed that Stung allowed him to actually put them on the albums.
You know what I mean, in a way?
There's a couple that are a total disgrace of his.
In a good way.
Which album is this awful?
This is off Synchronicity, I believe.
Oh, I love that album.
Yeah, I really do.
It's got one of the best songs ever written about, Nessie.
Right, Synchronicity 2.
I love pop songs that mention Nessie or Big Foot, anything like that.
Especially, it's rare to find a song, a serious song.
You know, you get a lot of tenacious D-type stuff about mythical creatures, but a serious rock song.
They're all dark Scottish luck.
I love that.
Yeah.
And back then, you know, it was as if Nessie could have existed in the 70s.
There's a film coming out all about it, of course.
The Water Horse.
The Water Horse, yeah.
They should put that track on it.
Anyway, that's Synchronicity 2.
I've picked for you listeners a very odd song indeed.
It's called Miss Gradenko.
Enjoy!
I like that.
It's good, isn't it?
Yeah, I like the police a lot.
I don't suppose you're gonna see them live.
They're still touring, right?
I think?
No.
Have they finished touring?
I don't know.
No idea.
You're not forking out 75 quid or whatever it is for their coppers.
No, no.
Apparently they're playing a storm though, wherever they go, they're great.
I like to personally see the band.
These bands that do these reunion tours, they play in such huge arenas that you can't really, one can't afford.
Yes, you like mortgage your house to sit close enough to see them.
Right.
Just like standing in a big field watching a giant telly, isn't it?
So you didn't go to Zeppels?
I didn't see the Zeppels, no.
And sorry to be ignorant, I know everyone knows this, but are they still touring, or is that just a one-off?
No, that was a one-off, it was a benefit gig, but there's rumours that they might.
Rarry on touring, yeah.
Oh, are they?
Is that official?
Wow.
I thought it was kind of like a test gig.
Well it went very well apparently.
I think everyone I know who saw it said it was amazing.
Check this out though, I heard about a friend of mine who got his mate like as a present, he got him tickets to the Zeppels, right?
To the Zeppels gig for I don't know how much those tickets were, over a thousand pounds.
But they were a lot.
You know, it was like about a hundred quid or something.
Anyway, he got them fairly on.
He was one of the first people to book the tickets.
But then, by the time the gig came along, and the prices of the tickets on eBay were just spiraling out of control, astronomically, people were paying thousands of pounds for them.
So his mate said, listen, you know, I just can't give you these tickets.
Because he hadn't actually handed the tickets over.
He said, I could get like a grand for these.
So I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna give them to you.
I'm gonna sell them myself instead.
I'll get you something else.
This is like the story you told the other week of the friend who bought the friend, the little Banksy.
That's right, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Your friends are always involved in- No, no, that was a happy story, though.
A happy story, yeah, but there's a lot of selling and trading and financial- This is not a close friend.
It's only two stories.
It's someone I heard.
Right.
But that's pretty rough, isn't it?
Makes a certain amount of fiscal sense.
You would be hard put to forgive a friend who did that.
Maybe they're a hard-up student trying to pay their student loan off.
I don't think so.
I think I heard it was there.
The guy just couldn't bear the idea that he'd bought his mate something that was actually worth thousands of pounds.
Hey, listeners, this is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music.
It's the last hour of our show, coming up to the last 45 minutes.
Before that record, the police record, we were talking about their track, Synchronicity 2, which features a reference to the Loch Ness Monster, and it's given us a brilliant idea for Song Wars next week.
Mythical Beast songs.
Oh, that was for Song Wars, was it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Songs about Bigfoot, Sasquatch Yeti, three separate entities, of course.
Don't get them confused.
You'll only make them angry.
the, the, the, the Loch Ness Monster.
Yeah.
Poltergeist.
Ghosts.
Uh, could we do poltergeist and ghosts?
No, you think it has to be, it has to be cryptozoological.
But there aren't that many, are there?
A unicorn.
If any, if Adam does a song about a unicorn, I'll be quite upset.
Why?
Because I just don't like the sound of it.
general idea.
Just the way you turn out.
I've never really liked unicorns.
Even that one in Blade Runner, the prongs, all comes back to Ridley, doesn't it?
Centaurs?
No, come on, these have got to be, you know, creatures that some people believe might currently exist on the planet.
Oh really?
Yeah, it can't just be like fairy stories.
Well, there's not that many though, are there?
Coelacanth, I suppose I could write about.
No, there's lots, man.
The chocopopopopora.
What's that?
It's a kind of Mexican goat-eating thing.
I thought it was like a lollipop.
The Mothman?
You know all about this stuff because you read a lot in times.
Yeah, it won't take you long.
Just a quick look up on Arthur C. Clarke's mysterious website.
Uh, alright then, well listen, I bags the Loch Ness Monster.
Loch Ness Monster?
The Loch Ness Monster.
You've got him.
The Water Horse.
The Water Horse, that's right.
Loch Ness Monster is a sort of benign monster.
Not like the Yeti that's vicious.
Bigfoot.
Oh, horrible little temper.
Joe's a creature obsessed by Bigfoot.
I've got a Bigfoot print.
I've got a cast of his footprint.
Has it signed?
No, he couldn't hold the pen.
He's too angry.
More music now.
Here's the new single from the White Stripes.
This is Conquest.
Text the nation.
Text, text, text.
Text the nation.
What if I don't want to?
Text the nation.
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
It doesn't matter.
Text!
Yes, it's Text the Nation time here on the Adam and Jo radio show thing on BBC Six Music this Saturday morning.
And this morning we've been asking you to text in your mangled famous people's names that you use in your households.
Whatever kind of modern cohabitation or setup you have.
Maybe two gay men and one lesbian.
Maybe six lesbians, one gay man and an old man.
And... I don't know, a policeman.
Maybe a disabled policeman.
A disabled policeman.
Three lesbians, two gay men, and... What about the straights?
Why don't they get a look in here?
It's just not very modern.
Oh.
It's a bit of old hat.
It's an old-fashioned straight.
It's been done before.
Yeah, it's been done, isn't it?
Yeah.
Oh, how did we get into that?
You got into that, mate.
You ploughed us into that one.
Can you get me out of it?
Please.
Here we go.
Grab hold of this.
Not that!
Yeah.
So yeah, we've been asking you to text in ways that you mangle celebrities' names in your houses to make it more interesting when you see their faces all over the shop.
And you know, these aren't particularly witty or original, but there's something strangely satisfying about them.
Of course, Hugh Grant.
Yeah.
Huge grunt.
Yeah.
He might as well change his name to huge grunt.
And I think that's one of the things, you know, another part of this is, is the theory that to have a name that can be easily mangled actually helps you.
That's true.
Up the slippery showbiz slope.
Huge grunt.
Steven Rodley reminding us of huge grunt.
Here's an email from Helen Williams.
Jim Carrey.
Jim Carrey on.
Because his films are ridiculous, like carry-ons.
Right, right, right.
Yeah?
Yeah.
For Demi Moore?
Uh, Demi... No, you can't say that!
Can I not?
No.
Sorry, I was spelling it H-O-A-R-E.
Oh, right.
You know, it's like a family name.
Oh, whore.
Yes.
Whore.
Uh, Helen Williams calls Demi Moore.
Demi Talented.
Yeah, half talented.
Oh.
Yeah?
That is very sophisticated.
You thought she was just being flattering.
Yeah.
Instead of calling her Demi Moore, I call her Demi Talented.
Demi Talented.
Because she's so talented.
Do you know what I call her?
Demi Fantastic.
Uh, Janet Street Porter.
Uh... Janet Street Cleaner.
Yeah?
Right.
Eh?
Let's roll from Helen.
It's alright, you're allowed to feel a bit silent about these.
Yeah.
Uh, here's one from Richard Hitchens.
My brother and I always pronounce Sean Connery.
Oh no, I can't read that one.
Richard.
You know what I thought of one the other day?
And it was, uh, when I was watching This Morning, usually fronted by Phil and Fern.
yeah and who was who was standing in but Julian scary really scary do you think he is scary oh my lord have you seen him recently he's he was dressing all super straight and he had like a very natty suit on yeah daytime look
Yeah, but he can't do the sincerity thing, you know what I mean?
Very well at all.
His eyes are slightly lidded and there's a cynical aspect to him that doesn't sit well with the daytime format.
Plus he has a very young haircut, like he has a young boy's haircut.
It's sort of a feathery, almost like a schoolboy pageboy cut or something.
Like Richard Hammond.
It's very odd, no, not a pageboy cut, but no, it's much shorter than the hamster.
But anyway, it occurred to me- We met him, haven't we?
I've met him.
We met him a couple of times at Jonathan Ross's house.
Julian Scarry.
Yeah.
Jonathan Ross had a go-karting party that we went to.
During which my girlfriend very nearly got killed by Jonathan's agent in a go-kart.
And Julian was there, he was very nice.
I'm not saying he's not a lovely chap.
His boyfriend at the time was a very old small bald man.
It surprised me, I thought, you're on telly, you'd have a really attractive boyfriend, but no, tiny, tiny little bald old man.
There you go.
No insult to anyone, in case they're still... Very happily cohabiting.
Brilliant.
Brilliantly sidestep there, Joe.
Well done.
Thanks.
I should cover all angles legally.
You should work for the UN.
My dad is a keen gardener, changing the subject, so some of our mutated names stemmed from gardening, as in spruce forcythia.
Nice.
That's quite an elaborate one for gardening, dad.
Have we had spruce at some manglerization of Bruce Willis yet?
Uh, no.
Willy's.
It's always Willy's, isn't it?
Yeah.
It's gotta be.
Bruce.
Bruce Forsyth.
Oh, Bruce Forsyth.
That's the one I was thinking of.
Yeah.
From James and Lewis.
Back in the 80s, I used to refer to Molly Ringwald as oily ring mold.
Mmm.
That's quite good, isn't it?
That is good.
Yeah, that's a more sophisticated one from James.
Uh, Chris also has a Molly Ringwald one.
Uh, Molly Ringworm.
Yes, that's, of course, that's the old one.
That's your standard one.
Yeah, yeah.
I can't help but refer to the third doctor who was John Terp-wee.
What?
Twerp-wee?
I meant to say.
I kind of ruined that one.
Sorry, Paul Kelly.
More of these?
Give us exactly one more.
Okay.
My girlfriend Karen uses Lenny crab sticks.
Come on, they're not supposed to be funny, but you can just imagine someone going, huh, with Lenny Crabsticks again.
Yeah, exactly.
And expecting some sort of response.
That's right.
Lenny Crabsticks is an absolutely ideal way to conclude that part of the programme.
That was text to nation, but not, you know, not for nothing.
Is it known as the nation's favourite feature?
It is.
And let's hope it keeps hold of that title in 08.
Do you know who's a big fan of the feature?
Who?
Barack Obama.
Is that true?
It's his favourite feature.
He's the first black president.
The only thing that worries me, it obviously hasn't done it yet, but it's got to be a shoo-in.
They can't possibly vote for that nutty other man.
I hate the Huckabee's.
Can they?
Well, is he the Democratic candidate?
No, he's the Republican.
I don't know what's going on.
I know there was a caucus.
Is that good?
Yeah, there are several caucuses.
In Iowa?
Yeah.
And Barrett won that one.
The thing that worries me about Barrett winning is all the big disaster movies have black presidents in them.
Yeah, you know, it's always Morgan Freeman.
So the second we get they get a black president, the disaster, that's the trigger for the disaster.
Aliens are going to invade.
Actually, no, when Independence Day was Bill Pullman was the president, wasn't it?
It's true.
But yes, Morgan Freeman was the Deep Impact.
Deep Impact president.
Stay after tomorrow.
I don't know.
Yeah, the aliens are going to invade.
Not saying that's in any way, you know, connected in a meaningful way.
Lots of people thought it was.
Play a record.
No, there's no records now.
It's going to be news time shortly.
Are you going to step out to the sales after this?
Just quickly before we go.
Step out to the sales?
Yes.
No, I'm not.
Have you ever been to a sale?
No, I don't know.
Why would you want to go?
It's been the HMV or the Xavi one.
There are other megastores available.
It's nice when they have a sale in the middle of the year, but the whole idea of doing the winter sale thing is just a total.
Nightmare anyway, that was just a little aside.
I was thinking about it now Apparently there are other things going on in the world that you need to know about I find it hard to believe but here with details is the news that was Bell and Sebastian with wrapped up in books But it sounds almost exactly like
You're gonna find me out in the country by the farmers, boys.
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.
You know that track?
That's a good track.
Both good tracks.
Listen, you know, he's done something extra with it, which makes it okay, and Belle and Sebastian have their own unique thing going on.
I'm just pointing out that there are similarities there.
He better watch out from a legal point of view, that's all I'm saying.
This is Adam and Jo here on BBC 6 Music, and now it's time... For a jingle, jingle!
For a jingle, jingles.
Jingles.
Jingle jingles.
It's time for song wars, the war of the songs A couple of tunes by a couple of proms, so check it out
Yes, indeed.
It's not the right jingle.
I wanted to play for this email.
Oh, you wanted the... Here's an email from Dick Thompson.
Right.
Hi, Adam and Jo.
Can I just say what a refreshing change it is to hear two well-spoken lads on the radio, instead of those awful estuary English accents we're normally forced to endure.
Now, I'm sure you have... I'm reading this quite posh now.
Yeah.
I'm sure you have high standards in everything else you do.
So can I point out a little faux pas in one of your jingles?
In the Song Wars one, you can be heard saying, quote, which one will you vote for?
Which one is the best?
close quotes.
Now I'm sure I don't need to tell you that when comparing two objects, you should be using the word better.
Best can only be used for three or more objects.
I've therefore taken the liberty of rewriting the two lines affected by this as follows.
Which one will you vote for?
Which one is the better?
Vote for them now by email, text or letter.
If there is anything else with which I can help you out, just give me a call, regards Dick Thompson.
They say email has been scanned by Net Intelligence.
That's great.
Thank you very much, Dick, for that.
That's absolutely true.
That's correct.
The subject of the email is suggestion for improving your show.
That would improve it.
Do you want to sort that out next week?
I will.
Give that to me and I will fix that for you, Dick.
Make that adjustment.
Although to take you up on something,
It's not which one will you vote for which wouldn't scan it's which will you vote for which one is the best?
That's how it goes currently shame me.
You've marked him up.
You know I absolutely marked you is that another another street saying oh, man
Anyway, to deal with this week, though, boy, what a tense-making song was it's been.
You know, I'm relaxed about it.
I've come to terms with the fact that you perceive my generosity of creativity as cheating.
You know, I know I agree with you.
I agree with you.
It must seem like an underhand tactic, but I assure you it was done in all innocence.
And, uh, now, um, I am a bit... I think I might have chosen the wrong one.
This is the thing, you see.
He walks out, feeling as if he's been the victim of some kind of religious persecution.
Can I switch mine?
Nope.
Because I think the other one's better.
He's gonna go home, he's gonna go... I've got it on here, if you wanna hear it.
He's gonna go, oh, I got it so hard, no one understands me.
You know, they give me such a hard time.
What's cheating?
Trying both.
He's doing it again.
I'm not, I'm not gonna play.
He's doing it again.
I thought we'd resolved this, I thought we were gonna move on.
I'm not gonna play the other one.
He's gonna walk out of, uh, not gonna play the other one.
But if somebody happens to call me...
Look, she's faded in there.
She's trying her best to fade all the mites there.
You know, they'll all be up on the website.
If you're around for the sales in the West End, you might like to look at Joe Cornish coming out of the building at around about 5 past 12.
He will be looking like Jesus and he will, in his mind, there'll be a halo.
Why am I being persecuted?
Why, what have I done wrong?
I just wanted to bring light to the world with my cheating jingles, and instead I'm being beaten with holly branches for the trouble I've gone to.
That's what's going on in your mind, isn't it, Jesus?
I'm turning the other cheek.
All right.
Slap me, hit me again.
So let's remind you listeners of what we have here.
Let's hear Adam's first.
Let's hear mine first.
This is my jingle I want you to vote for.
Jingle for ringtone.
Ringtone.
This is Adam's ringtone.
You got a call coming in, it's exciting Perhaps it's from an actor or a model Or maybe Russell Brand But more likely, it's from someone at work Saying why ain't you done?
All your work Just let it ring, it all goes
Ignore any way you got this ringtone It's so different and so special And there's people all around who haven't heard it before You got a call coming in You got a call coming in On your phone In the old days this was enough But not now You got to have a flipping song To express yourself Before you answer your phone
There you go, that's Adam's ringtone there.
Sorry that I didn't load it onto my phone the way Joe did to demonstrate to you exactly how great it would sound coming out of your phone speakers, but use your imagination.
Now, Joe Cornish, would you like to introduce yourself?
It's just that that one seems very bassy, and I'm not sure that mobile phone speakers could handle that kind of thing.
I did.
What you need is something a bit more sharp and irritating.
Right, okay.
You know, a bit more like cheese grater-y.
That's what the kids like.
Oh, shut up!
Kind of thing.
Something a bit like this.
telephone yeah joe was grooving around
There's a lot more to it than meets the ear.
Let me put it that way.
You put that on your phone then, you know, hidden, it's like a flower, hidden depths will open up.
So get voting.
You can text us, either text us at number 64046,
64046 is the text.
You text the name Adam or Joe, depending on which one you want to vote for.
Yeah.
And that's just for the remainder of this program.
If you're voting during the week, email AdamandJoe.
That's AdamandJoe.6music at bbc.co.uk.
And of course, if you're listening again throughout the week, that's the case for you as well.
If you want to vote, you can.
You can vote right up until Saturday morning, pretty much.
When do the votes close?
We don't want to get into any kind of scandal.
Uh, Saturday morning.
Saturday morning, okay.
They're collated just before the show on Saturday morning.
Okay, see?
By a team of collators.
Mmm.
Or, yeah, what?
My... Here's Cajun dance party with, uh, Amelie.
No, either way, is it?
No, no, you're right, you're right, sorry.
I'm really sorry, man, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Cajun dance party with amalets.
They're an English five piece.
They're all still in the sixth form according to these notes.
That could be slightly outdated now, but they're certainly very young.
So if you like them, good for you.
You're you're helping out the kids, helping out the little if you didn't like them, then give them a break.
They're tiny little kids.
What are you doing?
Honestly, there was I was watching that program that Nigel Godrich does that you were at one stage going to present until they decided that would be a dreadful idea from the base.
It's really good from the base.
Yeah.
It's what cable channel is it on?
It's on their Arts channel, isn't it?
Sky Arts?
Yeah, if you've missed it, listeners, you should check it out.
It's one of the best, you know, pure music shows on telly.
It's got no presenters at all.
It's just bands performing in this sort of underground studio space.
It's really well shot.
Very kind of unpretentious and really good.
And there was a band on there the other day.
I can't work out what they're called.
But their drummer was... He looked about 10.
Right.
Curly blonde hair.
Do you know who that is?
No.
thrashing away amazingly at the drums and they had a slightly Asian looking girl singer.
Oh wait, maybe it was a three piece.
It could have been Deerhoof.
Was it Deerhoof?
No, because I saw Deerhoof at the Royal Festival.
They were brilliant supporting the super furry animals.
They were fantastic.
They had a fantastic drummer as well.
He just had one cymbal and a drum and he was making all kinds of racket out of it.
It was brilliant.
Maybe no, they're older than that.
Yeah, I don't know.
I'd be interested to know.
But the general point of that blurbl was that you should check out From the
Basement.
From The Basement, I believe I was one of the people that came up with that title.
Really?
Well, I originally suggested The Basement.
I hate the title, but the show's brilliant.
Basement tapes I suggested, but Nigel said no because it'll be too much like the Bob Dylan album and people won't be able to get the association out of their head.
And then maybe our friend Garth came up with From The Basement, in fact.
It's very good.
That was before we got edged out of the whole project.
I know.
Better than the Holland.
Who I find a little bit grating.
I don't know, it's just me.
Great bands on there.
But Holland just looks tired with the gig.
He looks bored.
Well, he's got too much of an editorial policy on there.
What do you think?
Yeah, it's too... Does he vet the bands?
Well, he's... I mean... Do you have to... Even though it's not all the bands aren't to his taste, there's still very much a kind of editorial through-line on that show, even though they've got such a wide, hmm, ranging thing, you know what I mean?
Sometimes when they jam together, the noise is awful.
It's almost like you want a certain type of music.
You don't want such a wide variety of choice sometimes, you know, because you always feel with duels that you have to switch off for a few minutes sometimes.
Yeah, I don't know what you think, listeners, but From the Basement is a bit more streamlined.
Certainly, I would say it would be more to the taste of your average six-music listener.
Even though there probably isn't such a thing as the average leg's music lesson.
No, no.
They're all lesbians and gays and policemen.
You're obsessed with lesbians, gays and policemen.
It's just a call back.
Now, this is a track that you chose show.
Oh yeah, this is from a film that I saw over the Christmas period.
I saw this film in Paris.
I went to Paris before Christmas.
I love Paris.
That's my favorite city.
I live there.
I am French!
Who used to be French's?
Oh, it's two words!
Really?
Oh, see?
I did this thing right.
Ah, fresh short story.
A friend of mine bought a hat.
Ah, he wore it.
A chapeau?
A chapeau, from a pretty magazine.
Oh, yeah.
That means from a little shop near the Pompidou Centre.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
A touristy shop.
He bought a hat.
Thank me, Nuit Poutart.
Five minutes later.
Yes, yes.
Le chapeau et cassé.
Oh, the hat is broken!
The hat broke!
Yes.
I had to go back and do the negotiation.
With the hat man.
Hat man, hat man John.
Ah, so I had to speak in French.
I said, monsieur, s'il vous plaît.
Mon ami avais ashtait cette chapeau.
My friend has built this hat.
Ah, mais le chapeau avait cette.
But the hat has broken.
Es que c'est possible pour et chanje le chapeau.
Is it possible to exchange the hat-ho?
The man said, ah, he said, no.
He said, nah, mate.
Nah, he said it.
The French equivalent of nah, mate.
You've got to be kidding.
Your English will never come back here.
I don't give up.
He was very rude and abrasive.
Now, my French is limited, as you can tell.
Be at O-level.
I've got nothing between please exchange the hat and... So I went straight for... He looked at me, startled, laughed at me.
I was all over the place with my, um, French arguing.
Right.
Uh, and in the end he called me, uh, Sarkozy.
Sarkozy!
Excuse me of being on the side of France's, you know, uh, riot police, uh, enforcing... Right.
Basically saying you're a fascist.
Yeah.
Right.
But then his mates stitched it back and mended it.
Aww.
It was all okay, don't look mad.
It's nice, nice at the end of the day.
Anyway, the film that I saw was called Paranoid Park, Gus Van Sant's new one.
Now, a teen skater that kills a man and feels very guilty.
Oh dear.
And wanders around.
I loved it.
Yeah, good one.
Extraordinary sound design.
Ooh, people listening to Six Music Mutes didn't sound design.
The year's most beautiful film.
Very good sound design.
Does it?
It might be true.
But this is a track he uses in it.
This is Elliot Smith with Angelis.
That was Elliot Smith with Angelis.
That's it for this week.
Thanks a lot for listening, everybody.
It's a very long fade-in to our track there.
I like a nice long fade-in.
It's good to play the whole fade-in as well, not like chop it up like other less, you know, less good shows might do.
Less tall DJ's might do.
Yeah, yeah.
No, it's nice, you know, you don't want to talk right the way up to where the singing starts.
Because you lose all, uh, maloness.
Yeah, there we go.
It's mellowed me right out now.
Thanks for everybody who's texted and emailed as well this week.
And keep those votes for Song Wars coming in.
Don't forget to vote Joe.
Just text Joe to 64046.
Or you can text Adam to 6406.
Or you can, of course...
You can, of course, email that's absolutely correct.
Don't bother to do it.
E-mail Joe to Adam and Joe.6music at bbc.co.uk.
And of course, don't forget, you can listen again to this show on the BBC's website.
It's very easy and enjoyable thing to do.
And we're going to sort the podcast situation out, listeners.
I know it's taken us a long time to get round to it, but we're still settling in here.
We're banking material.
Yeah, we're banking material.
It's all going to be exciting.
I think there's even going to be like
two types of podcasts.
There'll be like a regular one that's a digest of each week's show, you know, like a little condensed version.
And then me and Joe are really gonna do our best to do one that's especially constructive with kind of... A family one and a blue one.
A little bit of a blue one, yeah, kind of Derek and Clive one.
Not that extreme.
But anyway, we'll let you know what's happening as and when.
Liz Kershaw is coming up very shortly, ladies and gentlemen, but for now we're gonna leave you with Kate Nash.
Happy New Year, lots of love, have a great week.
I love you, bye!