Oh, my head.
Franz Ferdinand, they're so hot right now.
They're from Scotland.
They're so hot right now.
Oh, they're exciting.
They're the new sound.
Have you heard them?
Shut up.
Did you hear them?
Shut up.
It's too early.
It's nine, it's past nine o'clock.
Nine.
What's your problem?
I'm sleepy.
What have you, what, what time do you go to bed?
I've just come from the West End stage.
Have you?
Yeah, I've just come from seeing Jane Asher.
Right.
In an amazing play.
Did you?
I was sitting in a plastic garden chair on the stage.
Right, and then at one point, she needed to sit there for the play.
I was asleep.
What time did you go to sleep?
About one.
One.
That's too late, man.
It is, isn't it?
Keep doing an early morning.
I mean, this is still relatively early morning.
It's irresponsible to go to bed at one.
It's totally irresponsible.
I was excited.
Were you high?
No.
You bad bet you were.
I wasn't.
I bet you.
Only on life, really.
That's irresponsible.
Is it?
It's very irresponsible.
You shouldn't touch life.
I mean, for goodness sake, what are you thinking about?
The kids out there, listening to this show, they're gonna go out and they're gonna try it themselves.
And it's a gateway, uh, thing, you know?
Anyway, this is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music, on this bit of grey in London this morning, listeners.
I hope it's nicer where you are.
But, uh, we've got a fun show for you, so you don't have to worry about any of that.
For the next, uh, two hours and 55 minutes, we'll be here with a, uh, a mix of great music and chat.
Yeah?
Mmm.
Absolutely.
Do you like great music and chat?
I love mixing them together.
Do you?
Well, we're the best at doing the mixing.
Good stuff.
We've got great music coming up.
We're going to reveal the winner of last week's cryptozoological song wars.
Launched this week's song wars.
Do text the nation, plus loads of fantastic chit chat.
Did I mention the music?
I mentioned the music before.
Well there's going to be some.
I wish I hadn't mentioned the chit though.
You know?
Really?
We're fine with the chat.
It's a load of chit.
It's a little bit rude to mention the chit.
So let's have some music right now.
Here's the Duke spirit with the step and the walk.
That's Duke's spirit there with the step and the walk.
Hi, this is Adam Buxton.
Hey, this is Joe Cornish.
Good morning.
We hope you're feeling very positive and happy this morning.
If you're not just going to the bathroom, look in the mirror and repeat over and over to yourself.
I am the coolest one.
Mm-hmm.
I am the coolest one.
I am Mr. or Mrs. Cool.
I'm Mr. Cool.
Yeah.
And that'll do the trick.
And then get back into bed, and I'd like to challenge listeners this morning to stay in bed for the whole show.
Yes.
Not get out of the gym jams till noon.
Yeah, until the afternoon, basically.
If you're really strong,
Try and go the whole day.
Exactly.
You'll get that kind of pajama fudge at about four or five when it just feels wrong.
Yeah.
You know, you'll feel like a wino.
But if you push through at about seven, it'll start, you know, coming on again.
You might want to change into some new gym jams then.
No, no, no, that would defeat the purpose.
You got to go the whole day in the same gym jams.
You feel a bit weird about tea time, but then come six or seven it feels right again.
Life has peaked on the tea.
And my gym jams.
Yeah.
That's what it must be like.
But try and make it through till noon, listeners.
There's no point in leaving the house today.
There's no point in really leaving your bedroom.
Radio's got much better as well, you know, in the last few years.
I'm not just talking about our own excellent show, but you know, generally you could stick with six music pretty much all day.
All day.
If you didn't like the six music,
You could switch over and listen to the last hour of Jonathan Ross's program.
A different BBC station.
Exactly.
Just don't stray outside the walls of the big British castle.
You should never do that.
It's totally insane.
It's just rammed with advertising hoardings.
Sellers of cheap vittles and trinkets.
People don't talk properly.
It's very hard to understand what they're saying.
Stay in the castle walls.
Yeah, there's a lot of bad language out there.
Don't stray into the forbidden zone.
There's no rules.
There are mutants.
It's like the Omega Man outside the big British castle.
Omega.
Have you ever heard of
Bob Marley.
Is he... No.
Have you heard of Damien Marley?
No, yes.
You don't know what I'm talking about, do you?
Joe's coaching me to give these answers.
We'll talk about that later, actually.
Some people will realise.
Let's have some music.
Oh, what?
Is that an advert?
No, it's an I Am Legend reference.
Oh, Bob Marley.
Get with it, Grandpa.
Did you bring in your... No, I Am Legend stuff.
No.
Oh, when are you going to do that?
Maybe next week.
He plays Bob Marley and I, I imagine.
Listen, put a record on, I'll explain it.
You can't just launch in with the crypto stuff.
Right now, here's one of my choices for you listeners.
This is from Frank Black's debut album, and it's a lovely song popped up on my iPod the other day and enjoyed it very much, so I hope you do too.
This is old Black Dawning.
There we go, that was De La Soul.
They're a hip-hop band, hip-hop's a new type of music that just involves talking.
Well, it's people from Daghetto.
Some people call it rap, which means just to chat.
Rhythm and poetry.
Yeah.
It's an acronym.
It's not really, is it?
That's what Coolio said.
Rhythmic American poetry, but he made that up.
Well, Eric B and Rakeem say that as well.
Do they?
Yeah.
Well, that's just a convenient acronym.
It just means to talk.
Of course it does, of course.
To chat.
Yeah.
And it's just talking and beats.
So don't expect any melody.
Some of you might be upset or singing.
And do expect some braggadocio.
Is that the right word?
Braggadocio?
Braggadocio.
I'm not sure.
Anyway, that's hip-hop.
You'll get used to it.
That's hip-hop dealt with.
Can we deal with Bob Marley?
Yeah, in the film I Am Legend, I don't know whether anybody's seen it, there's a lady character.
This film's set in 2012.
She turns up at Will Smith's house.
You know, they're the only people left in the world.
And he plays Bob Marley to her.
And she's never heard of Bob Marley.
She says, what do you mean?
Do you mean Damien Marley?
He says, no, no, his father, Bob, she just stares at him blankly, doesn't know what he's talking about.
Yeah.
So that struck me as stretching credulity a little bit because in the future she's from Brazil.
Right.
And it's 2012.
Yeah.
And she's never heard of Bob Marley.
Seems a bit ludicrous, doesn't it?
I think everybody's heard of Bob Marley, haven't they?
Uh, yeah, I would say so.
He's got to be one of the most famous musicians on the planet.
Him and the guy from the Jingjangjong hovering above the planet.
Yeah, yeah.
Now, I think it's time to deal with the song wars.
Deal with it.
clips.
You know, we get a very full email bag about song wars, and the reactions from listeners vary enormously.
Yeah, well it's nice that we're getting reactions, you know, because we put a lot of effort into the wars of the songs.
But there's no unity in response.
For instance, Caroline People says, this week I think both were a bit weak.
Adams was lazy, long, and filled with ennui de vivre,
bit disappointed really says Caroline whereas Max Ellis says hello I quite like Joe's song as far as the structure and lyrical content but his high-pitched squealing made my head hurt so I'm plumping for Adam's Nessie special thank you they're polite but rude at the same time it's sort of passive-aggressive listeners yeah
uh well they have every right to expect the best actually that's not true i just said that no they got they didn't expect nothing they've got no right not much we don't get paid any extra if you think of the price of the license fee yeah then divide it by the number of services the bbc provides and then divide that by the number of djs on six music yeah as we have done they're spending on us we've actually done this calculation we should do that calculation yeah then we can work
out actually how much money you should be getting value for and it's gonna be under a penny right isn't it it will be under a penny for three hours and that you might as well just give you drones it doesn't give you exactly so drone wars how about that
Something like that would be good.
That's almost what we've got this week.
Dean Summuk, really?
I'm voting for Joe Sasquatch song this week, even though I am, in fact, from Saskatchewan.
And there don't seem to be any Sasquatches here.
That's very disappointing.
That's BS, Dean.
That's a load of BS.
I've seen some rather hairy people, but never a Sasquatch will try harder because they're out there.
Here's one.
Listen to this.
Lily Elbra.
Adam Adam Adam.
You've let me down.
You've let the show down.
And you probably know in your hearts that you've let yourself down.
My name's Mike.
I'm a big fish horse.
What are you talking about?
She's suggesting you've got more than one heart.
You're like Doctor Who.
Good lord.
Someone's just emailed in a spoiled ballot paper.
Try and make people happy.
And this is what they do, they throw it right back in your face and they slap you and then they run round the back and they kick you.
Paul Bradley says can't say I was too taken with either song.
Oh my lord.
Why do we bother?
Shall we close down song wars?
You know what?
We could close it down.
Let's shut it down.
I mean, people are... Well, you're the only people who like it.
Ladies of production.
Plus, you're the producer.
If you didn't say that, it would be a very bad thing.
No, but everyone hates it.
Well, you know what?
We could take a break because it is hard to do the songs week after week.
Are we ready for the result then?
Alright, let's hear the result.
It is hard to do then.
You know?
Here's the result.
somewhat cryptozoological songs Cornish takes it I'm afraid I was expecting to have lost it I was excited very very close 42% plays 58 very close did it it was switching around all week wow it's not really fair is it
Well, life's not fair.
I've resigned myself, apparently not.
Isn't it?
You'd expect that it would be, wouldn't you?
Seeing as it's like all you've got, and you have to live it for years.
But no, it's not even fair!
Anyway, let's hear the winning song.
This is Joe's song about the Sasquatch.
Oh dear.
Here we go.
Baby, let me take you down to Sasquatchu one, two Me and a little friend of mine Goes by the name of Pitful, can prick your arms out Pull your head off, baby Honey, do not be afraid to Step into this cave, too
He's big and hairy and smelly You might have seen him in a documentary on the telly They captured him on Super 8 But they can't catch him, he's a Super 8 The missing lick with the dreadful stink
He's ten feet tall with enormous balls, yeah You might think he don't insist or prove it, baby Don't resist, just take my hand, watch for his tracks He'll heat us up like a twin twig's pack Ooh, we could try and make a blast
But believe me, baby, we won't last.
No, human being can run fast enough to escape the creature that's that vast.
Believe it, I can understand you're scared to go.
You wanna click here?
Samples and receptacles don't believe the cryptozoological.
Believe me, baby, the world ain't always so logical.
They call him Bigfoot, some call him Sam.
But Sponge, he's also catchy.
He makes spaghetti.
All your insides, nobody can hide.
Because he exists, you know his name is.
Bigfoot.
That is the song that the nation voted their favorite of all time in the context of song wars.
There was only one other one.
Congratulations.
I liked you one, Adam.
Thank you very much.
I always liked yours better than mine because I'm so sick of mine by the time I finished it.
Right, right.
How are you with this week's one?
Sick of it.
Are you sick of it?
How long is yours this week?
40 minutes.
Is it?
40 minutes.
Mine's only one minute.
Really?
It's very short.
That's a major discrepancy between lengths.
Yeah, it's very pithy, mine, because I've been working hard on jingles for the new podcast.
Oh, we've got a podcast for you.
Thanks for taking care of that.
Well, you know, I just sit at home in a bath of champagne.
Do you?
Yeah.
Just splashing little bits of champagne on you and maybe use, what do you use for shampoo then?
I can't say.
Baby sham doesn't froth very easily.
Is it not?
No.
Okay, we have more song wars for you later on in the show.
You'll be happy to hear it listeners But right now here's some real music for you.
This is the record.
What do you mean real music?
How rude how rude as Jar Jar Binks Yeah, yeah, it's nice to hear Jar Jar Binks quoted on a Saturday morning.
I'm gonna be quoting Dobby the house off a bit later So stay tuned.
Oh, man, you didn't see the JK Rowling thing.
All the rubbish CGI creatures are here.
Did you see that year in the life of Rowling?
Let's talk about it.
Let's talk about it later
Here's the raconteurs.
Then are you just writing, making a little note then?
Song slows down.
Breaks at the end there, put.
At the end.
End.
Please check.
Please fix as well.
Please withdraw.
And re-release.
With fixed ending.
I know Charlotte Haffley, who used to be in Ash as well, so I can get to them.
Not sure she's in touch with them anymore.
Maybe she is, I don't know.
She hates them, man.
Hey, I don't know that.
She probably hates them.
She probably loves them.
She probably absolutely hates them.
She probably loves them.
And she's probably cheering that the end of the song broke, yeah.
It's very, very poor.
This is Adam and Jo here on BBC 6 Music.
We were talking about Louis Theroux's programme last weekend.
He went inside San Quentin.
You only caught the last 10 minutes of the show.
I did.
I tried to miss Louis's programmes because he's a good friend of mine and it makes me jealous.
You make me a little bit jealous.
If I miss them, then I can say to him, oh, I missed your show.
Yeah, but his show was really good.
If you miss them, though, then you can't join in the water cooler chats that always occur throughout the week.
at the water cooler anymore.
I love the water cooler.
I mainly go there as soon as Louie's programmes finish.
I saw him at the very end looking very sort of dismissive at a mass murderer.
I don't think he was a mass murderer.
He'd done a bit of torturing and her invasion.
Louie wasn't impressed by him.
He was looking down his nose slightly at him.
Well, yeah, exactly.
He can't condemn them utterly, can he?
He has to remain impartial, because it's the big British castle going out there, being represented by the room.
But he certainly can look sniffy at them, and he absolutely took full advantage of his sniffy powers.
But the guy who was in there for, I think, 500 years or something... That's a long time.
Do they keep him alive for that length of time?
Yeah, he'll do the whole stretch.
And he was basically saying, it's not so bad.
You know, Louis was saying, wow, that's pretty, that's depressing, isn't it?
That you're going to be in here for all those 500 years.
The guy was saying, no, the main thing, the main things you've got to get rid of in your mind, right?
To make it bearable.
You just got to basically set your standards right down.
You got to lower your sights.
He said it was women.
Yeah.
Forget about women and forget about what goes on on the outside world.
He mentioned boat rides.
It's one thing that a lot of people mention, I noticed.
I was watching a thing about- Well, a boat ride.
Someone else mentioned a boat ride.
Charles Bukowski, I saw an interview with him and he was talking about boat rides as being something that made life worth living.
It's euphemistic, I suppose, but it's not that euphemistic because they are wonderful.
Yeah.
Bob around.
When was the last time you went on a boat ride?
A boat ride?
I don't know.
Never go down the Thames?
I don't know on a boat.
I'm trying to think of boat ride.
I've been down the Thames in a speed boat.
Yeah.
That was a brilliant boat ride.
When did you go on there?
Were you with James Bond?
I went to pitch to direct an advert that I didn't get, but it was an advertising company that had a private speed boat.
Speed boat.
Picked you up and took you to Canary Wharf.
We want you to direct an advert for us, Cornish.
We're gonna pick you up in the speed boat.
Exactly what happened.
Yeah.
We changed our mind, Cornish.
We don't want you to direct the advert.
Get back on the speed boat.
The advert's for guns and bombs.
What do you got?
What was your idea?
Guns a man, bombs a woman.
And they're happy.
Don't like it.
You're out.
We're gonna get the guys.
Get back on the speed boat.
You can't even go on the speed boat.
You gotta go on the bus.
On the bus boat.
So there you go.
The guy who was doing 500 years.
That was the main thing that he'll never go on.
He'll never go on a speed boat.
Unless it's hard to come to terms with.
What would be the circumstances whereby he went on a speedboat?
If they had to transfer him to another prison really fast.
Right, if the whole prison got invaded and blew up and stuff and it turned out that he was, despite all his hideous crimes, he was the only man for the job to... I bet he's quite a character.
I bet if there was some kind of prison breakout, some kind of Michael Bay style adventure happened... Yeah.
I bet that mass murderer would be a good, he'd be wisecracking.
I'm not so sure.
You know, the thing that came across, because he's capable of anything but, but he'd be pretty cool.
One of the things that came across most strongly in the, in the doco was how boring most of the criminals were.
In fact, all of the criminals were.
Have you not seen Conair?
Well, this is what I'm saying though.
Have you seen Reservoir?
None of the personalities.
Have you seen Goodstellers?
Yeah, criminals are.
We've been misled.
They're brilliant.
We've been misled.
They're fine.
They're wisecracking.
Listen, I'm telling you they're violent, but oh sometimes that can be really cool.
I'm telling you I think we've been misled head in a vice No, you know, it's not nearly as fun as you would expect and also I watch prison break You don't even watch prison break all the people in prison break.
They're fun.
They're sparky.
They're generally in there for the wrong reason not real and It's all the criminals are boring.
They're boring.
They're quite stupid.
They're stupid.
Yeah
And, uh, they're generally just quite tedious people.
Note to Hollywood.
Yeah?
So can you just put that under the ash note there?
Put it under the note to Hollywood.
Criminals.
Stop glamorizing.
Yeah.
Do it more accurately.
Do it through, says.
Stop it.
They're boring.
Okay.
Now it's time to chase some pavements here on BBC 6 Music.
This is Adele.
Have you got a stamp?
Yeah, here you go.
Thanks.
That's a Dell with chasing pavements.
That's a that is that a big hit that one?
Yeah, that's a big hit.
I heard that on Capitol radio this morning, which is a London's mass market radio station.
So it's definitely broken through to the mainstream there.
Definitely, you know, are you suggesting it's time for it to maybe leave six music and go on to a little bit because we're mainstream.
We're trying to cater for the margins here, you know?
And the margins get very upset and vocal sometimes.
They get scribbled in the whole time.
Exactly, doodled.
People go around, they just do a doodle right there in the margin.
Was it?
Is there a band called The Margins?
Oh, I don't know!
Was it?
For a moment, I saw you as you would look like if you were a tramp.
Or that!
Well, I'm heavily bearded at the moment, so that's not very hard to do.
That should be a bank or the margins.
That'd be a good name, someone can nick that.
You know what happened to me this week, right?
Which has nearly happened to me a number of times, that I've always just avoided it at the last minute.
I ordered a DVD from the internet and it took a couple of weeks to arrive and it turned out... From America?
From the Americans and it's a two DVD set of interviews with Charles Bukowski I mentioned before there.
Very interesting stuff.
But the DVD case, right, the little teeth thing that hold the disc in place.
There's a name for that.
Yeah, I don't know what it is.
Someone will tell us.
The spindle, the teeth, I don't know what you would call it.
Anyway, you know how sometimes there's a little technique that's required.
It's not as easy as just popping it out.
You have to maybe push down in the center in order to release the DVD, or maybe you have to squeeze the...
somehow pinched it in some way.
I tried all this.
None of it was working and then in my frustration I just yanked the sides of the disc.
It broke.
It snapped.
As I was pulling it out of there.
And then you think, this is not right.
This is, you know, this design is bad.
Did you do a Bukowski-esque howl of rage?
Yeah, I went and I got really drunk at the way Charles Bukowski would have done for the rest of the day and wrote some poems about it.
But it was depressing and, you know, you got all the trouble of ordering the thing and you think, this is wrong.
So much of the world is like this now.
It's over-designed to the extent that it's just become totally self-defeating.
Do you have to say, has that ever happened to you?
You've actually bust the thing, pulling it out?
No, because I think there's a way to do it.
Well, obviously, but I was, you know, I was saying before I tried all the different ways, the squeezing and the teasing and the pinching and the... Yeah.
And none of it happened.
Did you twist?
Well... Rotate?
Did you rotate the desk?
Oh, well, what good would rotating her didn't screw in and out?
Maybe it did.
Maybe it's a new American technique.
Oh, my lord.
I don't know.
It's depressing.
Excuse me, I did a little belts there.
Put it this way, I think it's probably your fault, not the DVD packages.
So I can't sue anybody?
Mmm, probably not.
Oh, that's a shame.
Have you ever sued anyone?
being good if you said yes though then we could have a little story about it.
Oh well.
Listen, coming up soon is going to be Text the Nation time, the most important part of the show where we ask you a question of national significance, you text us and we of course collate the information and send it to the relevant government department who then issue a piece of carefully considered policy and lawmaking based upon it.
That's right.
Gordon Brown deals with it mainly.
It's not true.
Now, here's a free music choice.
This is one of yours, Joe Cornish.
Yeah, this is also from the compilation put together by the Soupy Poopy Furry Animals bassist.
I keep going on about this, I apologise.
It's called the Furry Selection.
It's a compilation of kind of classic dub reggae type business.
And this is one of my favourite ones off of that.
It's by Susan Cadogan.
It's called Do It, Baby.
Text the nation!
Text, text, text!
Text the nation!
What if I don't want to?
Text the nation!
But I'm using email!
Is that a problem?
It doesn't matter, text!
yes it's the nation's favorite feature text the nation and before that you heard a session track there that was recorded for the janice long show on the 20th of february 1985 it was furniture with brilliant minds not the not the nation's favorite feature what is it i'm just being the small print that's fine oh i see i see yeah but it's not it's not provable they can never get us for that
really no no it's a lie and they're not tolerated at the big british yeah how could they disprove it how could they we could we could do a survey and most of the nation would not be aware of that feature i didn't realize you were going to pull out a survey
Yeah, they could easily do a survey.
They're always doing surveys.
Most of the news is generated by stupid surveys.
Forgot about the survey.
That was the one chink in my armour and you just went in there and mentioned the survey.
Don't forget as well that we are going to be putting up the Text-to-Nation jingle.
the website someone emailed or got in touch during the week and said where is the website how do you get to the website and you get it on you get there on your phone says Jude how do you what do you dial in internet on your phone you go to the sick you go to the BBC mobile site BBC access the six music website on your phone
Yeah, let's not get into it.
Well, people want to know.
Yeah, but they can find out from better sources than you and Jude.
I don't know if they can.
I'm not convinced by either of you.
I mean, you don't know anything.
No.
She's away from the mic and she barely knows.
But I'm trying, at least I'm trying to spark debate.
What are you doing?
I'm just encouraging things to move forward towards the theme of this week's Text the Nation, the nation's favorite thing.
Now this is inspired by a trip I had to Sticky Fingers, which is a restaurant in London's Kensington District owned by the former Rolling Stones bassist Bill Wyman.
He was the bassist, right?
He wasn't like, I'm just checking.
You know, sometimes these things sort of slip your mind.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure he was the bassist.
And Sticky Fingers, as far as I'm aware, has been around for at least 20 years or something.
It was there at the beginning of the 80s in the kind of theme restaurant boom.
You know, it sort of started with
Um, have the Hard Rock Cafe and then of course in the 90s you had Planet Hollywood and places like that.
But Sticky Fingers, he got in there fairly early with the whole thing, you know, when it was still fairly unfashionable and ludicrous for a pop star to be doing that sort of thing.
Yeah, I suppose it's always been traditional for famous people when they retire to open restaurants.
Yeah.
And hold court.
It's what Rocky Balboa did.
That's right.
In the film rocky Balboa haven't seen that yet stood around looking like a brick wall boring stories about things that never happened Yeah, cuz he's fictional but then the restaurant was fictional as well.
So why am I complaining sounds great?
Really?
I've got to see that I love fictional restaurants
Uh, so you know, have you ever mean a Sticky Fingers?
I don't think I have, certainly not for years and years and years.
It's like a burger joint, it's very similar to the Hard Rock Cafe.
It's classy American food, but well, high quality burgers, and presumably it's got Rolling Stones memorabilia all over the walls.
Does it?
Has it got anything good?
Uh, it's got some wacky posters, and it's got various guitars that you would cover.
What would you kind of want?
You'd want stuff, Naked Ladies.
Uh, you'd want drugs, uh, paraphernalia.
Right, right.
Wouldn't you?
I guess so.
Uh, you'd want, I don't know, some dead groupies.
Little bits of mix, body.
Died and was overdosed in the 70s.
That kind of thing.
You'd want them, the available members of the band, in glass cases.
I got one of them.
Did you?
Bill Wyman.
He was there.
Wow.
He turned around.
It was a very quiet Monday afternoon that we went along.
And this is with the children.
We took them out for a treat.
And they were up for a burger.
So we went and had the burger.
Quite disgusting.
It was ranked despite the fact that the restaurant has been rated as like one of the top really burger purveyors in London anyway, maybe it was an off day, but we Turned round and suddenly there was bill standing there and because I was thinking to myself I bet bill doesn't come here and eat this this stuff I turn round and there he was standing there with his children mind you does he have teeth I
Did he just mash it up?
Like a tortoise.
Someone mashes it up for him and then he has it through a straw.
No, he's in good shape, man.
He's in good shape.
Is he in good shape?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He was looking pretty good, actually, yeah.
So I was impressed by that.
Anyway, it got me thinking, like, maybe the whole theme restaurant thing should be due for a bit of a revival, because there haven't been too many.
You know, the last one I can think of was the Model Cafe, which was a bit of a disaster.
Yeah.
With Naomi Campbell and Elmer Furson, wasn't it?
Yeah.
I hope Elmer Fudd.
Nice.
Yeah, very good.
So we were wondering, listeners, if you could come up with some ideas for more contemporaneous yin restaurants for celebrities.
We'd like you to think of a celebrity, think of the name of the, the nim of the restaurant, what food they would serve and how they would decorate it.
For instance, Steven Spielberg had one, didn't he?
In Hollywood.
Did he?
Yeah, he had one.
It was called Dive!
It didn't really connect to anything he'd done.
Maybe it connected to Sequest DSV, his executive-produced, stupid submarine thing.
He would have thought that he could have gone for so much else, apart from that.
Well, in Dive, it was like you were in a submarine.
Yes.
And then every 15-20 minutes, it went Dive!
Dive!
and water all filled up in the windows.
Oh my lordy, I've got another fun fact about that restaurant.
Thomas Dolby created music for it to be playing in the restaurant.
I'm pretty sure about that.
There's one in London called the Rainforest Cafe, isn't there?
Where there's a kind of a storm and gorillas.
That's not celebrity based.
Not really, no.
We want ideas for specifically celebrity-based things.
So you've got Bill Wyman.
Obviously, he's gone for Sticky Fingers.
That's the name of a Rolling Stones track, isn't it?
Yes.
I'm pretty sure.
And it's good because it ties into food.
He's got all his bases covered there.
He's got good old American food, you know, burgers, rock and roll food, that kind of thing.
He's got his memorabilia on the walls.
So that's the kind of thing we're after.
But different celebrity versions thereof.
Yeah, text 64046.
If you're listening to this on Listen Again, you can email adamandjo.sixmusicatbbc.co.uk.
There'll be no prize and no competitive element to text the nation whatsoever.
We scorn competition here.
We hate it.
Everybody is equal.
Everyone hates competition.
There's no best one.
There's no absolute point to it whatsoever.
Now it's time, ladies and gentlemen, for some more great music.
Here's the cardigans.
Ah yes, the Cardigans with my favourite game.
That was the one with the lady in the car.
She has a crash.
Mmm, she flies out of the car.
Ooh, onto the road.
It's exciting.
Does that happen in the video?
Don't you remember that one?
No.
It's a classic video, is it?
Nina Person.
Ah, I like that name.
You know, Nina Person.
It's like being called George Man or something.
Oh, I watched The Invasion this week.
Well done.
It's a film with Nicole Kidman and Craig Fairbrass.
What's the name of the guy that plays James Bond?
It's Craig Fairbrass.
Anthony Stojkins.
Anthony Daniels.
Jeremy Stojkins.
Yeah, Tony Stojkins.
Douglas Craig.
Big head.
What's he called?
Daniel Craig.
There you go.
The Invasion's a film what went wrong.
It was originally directed by Herschel Gordon-Lewis, Michael Herschel, the guy that did, what was it called?
We're pretty on top of all the facts today.
The one about Hitler.
Downfall.
Downfall, right?
Yeah, he did that and he got headhunted by Hollywood and given a big remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers to make.
Then it all went wrong, he started making a more serious film than the Hollywood suits wanted, so they booted him off and bought in the Wacka Wacka Kowski brothers to try and zip it up a bit, the creators of The Matrix.
They shot some new stuff, uh, used some innovative editing techniques to try and give it a bit of vim and pep.
Are they still using their little, uh, bullet-time stuff in there?
No, their tactic for livening up the invasion is it's about a virus, as every film is these days.
But, uh, their tactic for livening it up is every time anyone mentions the virus, they go schwoooosh into the person's head and schwoooosh into their bloodstream.
And you see the globules of virus and then it goes Out of their heads again Yeah, and they also cut forward in time.
Mm-hmm.
They they intercut little moments from scenes like what who just to get you confused and excited and the moments work the moments that are in The future are they instead of desaturated and slightly blue?
No, no, no, they don't do anything.
It's all wrong
but it nevertheless has some pretty good bits in it, where you can see the director's original intentions coming through.
But my girlfriend and I became fascinated with Nicole Kidman's forehead, and Annabelle commented that it never moved.
I had a big argument with someone about this the other day.
And she's right.
That's how she gets through Nicole Kidman films.
She just watches the forehead, and there is absolutely zero movement from
the eyebrows.
But before you tell me your thing, I'll just finish this thought.
So in the end, we did notice that in one scene, the left eyebrow raised very, very slightly, but it was down and then it cut away, then it cut back and it was up.
So we think that they detach the eyebrows and that between takes, you know, they're raised, the left one's raised a bit if something awful's happening.
Right, a little bit like stop motion.
But this is why she plays robots and brainwash people the whole time.
I see ladies, yeah.
Mmm.
Because she's got very little... No, absolutely no move facial range.
Well, my friend's theory was that she's had a lot of surgery.
Botox.
And a lot of botox in there.
And I said, no, not Kidman.
She must have done it.
She's a natural beauty.
I've never seen less expression, but then we started looking at Craig Fairbrass' eyebrows.
Yeah.
Daniel Craig.
John Donkins.
Yeah.
And they weren't moving either.
Were they not?
So maybe this is just how to be a great screen actor.
To completely still face, they do say stillness, don't they?
Absolutely, you gotta have the stillness.
Completely still face, no expression.
You see, Roger Moore, his eyebrows went up and down the whole time.
Right.
And he became a laughingstock.
Exactly.
No control over his eyebrows, but Kidman... To be a great actor.
... she micromanages the eyebrows.
Yeah.
That's impressive stuff.
She's weird, isn't she, Kidman?
I saw her in the Golden Compass the other day, and I guess she was pretty good, pretty well cast in that, because she plays a sort of Ice Queen person, you know?
She's good at that.
And that's about the limit of her abilities.
Would you say?
How many stinkers has she had in a row, though?
She's had so many stinkers.
We'll do some research.
It does hurt.
She's got a big stink trail.
He's leaving a trail of stench behind her that surely must have some repercussions soon.
Anyway.
You would think.
Here's some music for you.
This is I Was a Cub Scout with Pink Squares.
Text-a-nation.
Text, text, text.
Text-a-nation.
What if I don't want to?
Text-a-nation.
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
It doesn't matter.
Text.
Text the Nation time, before that you heard.
I was a Cub Scout with Pink Squares.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music, and we have some of your suggestions for celebrity restaurants.
Yes, Adam, thanks very much.
Here are some of the texts that have just come in.
Neil in Leeds.
He's 68 minutes into his bed in... Is he?
Yeah, that's pretty good, isn't it?
Good job, man.
I wish I was there with you, Neil in Leeds.
Do you?
Well, yeah.
I mean, he sounds nice.
I bet his bed's comfy.
Hmm.
You know, Gordon Ramsay could have a blue-coloured establishment where he sells, wait for it, FOOD!
Whilst he swears indiscriminately at any and every poor soul who has the misfortune to cross his foul-mouthed path, he could call it Angry Gordon's Blue Resturant.
Right.
Nice.
What is Ramsay's real restaurant called?
Is it, uh... Clarities.
Is it Claret?
No, which one is it?
It's called Globodyne.
Globodyne.
It's on a space station.
Yeah.
Welcome to Globodyne.
And it's got robots in me.
Sure it does.
They've got lasers, they kill you if you don't like your food.
There are topless girls with silver on them dancing in tubes with air.
Robodyne.
Jetting upwards from the world.
I love that restaurant.
That's the one in Outland, isn't it?
What?
If you could visit any science fictional restaurant, I'd visit the one in Outland.
With girls in tubes?
Yeah, baby.
Are you not confusing that with Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?
No.
Augustus Gloop gonna come on.
Someone out there will know what I'm talking about.
Here's one.
This was inevitable.
This is an anonymous one.
Come to Docherty's Junkie Food Restaurant.
There you go.
No food served.
Rockstars don't eat.
No memorabilia on the walls.
Only blood.
Yeah, nice.
Because everyone's nicked all the memorabilia and sold it for crack, presumably.
What about Dan in Birmingham?
How about Oasis starts up a soup kitchen called?
Do you want to roll with it?
That's good.
Come on.
Good.
That's good.
I don't know.
That's got a sort of Chris.
Do you want to roll with it?
I like that one.
Who's that Dan in Birmingham?
Yeah, Dan.
If we had a prize, you'd get one.
Hey, it's only the third text.
Still, I don't believe it's going to get better than you want to roll with it.
Steve in St.
Is that a place called that?
That's good, it's like Neo from The Matrix.
The Kaiser Chiefs could open an all-you-can-eat curry house called Ruby Ruby Ruby Ruby's.
Nice.
Yeah, that is good, man.
Let's get that.
Well, it's the curry house connection.
What do you think?
Ruby Curry?
Oh, is that a type of curry?
Ruby Murray.
I don't really eat curry.
But here's another one from Rusty.
Brad Pitt should open an all-you-can-eat buffet called The Bottomless Pitt.
Nice.
I like it, because he doesn't have much of a bottom.
no oh you were thinking about it from quite a different angle i know it's like all you can eat but your stomach is a bottomless pit but the actual literal reading of the phrase would be bottomless pit yeah pit without a bottom
And a wool shop called Pit Knits, where he can make and sell bottomless merch.
That's nice.
That's short for merchandise.
That's from Rusty.
Very good.
That's good.
He does have a very small bottom, doesn't he?
In Thelma and Louise.
Have we seen it?
The bottom?
In Thelma and Louise, you see his bottom.
Is it nude?
Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
Really.
It's nice.
Is it?
Yeah.
Is it as nice as Michael Douglas' bottom in, um... Is it Basic Instinct where he... And it's like... You see his bottom in almost all his films, don't you?
It's like two skin-coloured hot water bottles hung from a belt.
Is it?
I like it.
Keep those coming in, please.
The text number is 64046.
Celebrity restaurants, the food they'd serve, and the decor and stuff.
Can you say it with a little bit more enthusiasm, please?
I'm just being cold.
I was experiencing your soul.
That's experiencing your soul.
Is it?
It's cool to be bored.
Here's a track that I've chosen for you listeners.
And this happens to be coming out this week, I think, as a single.
And the album comes out later on in the month.
And it's by a young lady.
I think her name is pronounced tau.
T-H-A-O.
Maybe it's thou.
And where is she from?
I forget.
But she's from America somewhere.
And this is a really nice album.
It's called something like The Bees and the Stings, or it's got bees in it.
Anyway, this is the single from the album.
I hope you enjoy it.
This is Bag of Hammers.
That was Tau or Thou.
I don't know how you pronounce it, with Bag of Hammers.
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music.
It's trail time!
I'll just make you happy as I go along.
Yeah.
That's another example of this new wave of music that's coming across from America.
It's called Rap Hop.
It's really exciting.
Rhythm and Poetry.
That's the Sugarhill Gang, of course, with rappers delight.
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music.
Yeah, so if Claire Scothern is listening, is that right?
S-C-O-T-H-E-R-N.
Claire Scothern, I'm not sure where you are.
You're probably in your house.
Can you see a man called Alan Hobbs?
Have a look with your eyes around the place.
You might spot a bloke called Alan Hobbs in your vicinity.
He would like us to help him propose to you.
He wants to marry you up.
He wants to do the marriage thing.
Marriage you all over the shops.
And now listen, is she called Susan?
Claire.
That's not a good start, is it?
It's a good question, though.
Is she called Susan?
No, she's not.
She's got Claire.
It's the kind of thing you've got to check before you go into the marriage.
Make sure you get the right thing.
If you think it's Susan, wrong.
You shouldn't be getting married.
It's Claire.
Now, this is for the rest of your lives, okay?
And I know celebrities as much time as you wish to blast her into space.
I like using the Flash Gordon marriage vows.
Listen, if you are going to blaster into space, that's one thing.
But if it's just some smutty affair, or you just lose interest, or you're not prepared to do the work that goes into a successful marriage, then I don't want you to enter into this contract.
Imagine then now, if they're listening to this, hopefully you are listening.
He's just proposed all over your face.
What are you going to do about that, Claire?
This could either be... Maybe they're crying and hugging.
Maybe they're punching each other.
Maybe they're just confused.
She's like, what?
You?
Who knows?
They could just be awkward silence.
How lovely of you to have asked us, Alan, to help you.
And we're very pleased to help with that engagement.
She doesn't know whether she says yes or no.
Yeah, exactly.
We'd like to hear about that.
She might just be sort of staring off pretending she didn't hear, like really washing
Well, congratulations, if you do say yes, and it's exciting, let us know what happened.
Well done.
We'd love to know how it all turned out.
And if anyone else out there would like... Call us in 40 years.
We'd like to... Yeah, exactly.
You know, would like us to help out with any wedding proposals, that kind of thing.
We could also marry you, I'm sure we could get the right paperwork to do all that marriage kind of stuff, you know, that wouldn't be a problem.
I'm like a priest.
It's time for the news now, here on 6 Music, read by Harvey Cook.
Text the nation, text, text, text, text the nation.
What if I don't want to?
Text the nation.
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
It doesn't matter, text!
Text the nation time.
Before that you heard, uh, teardrop explodes with reward.
This is Adam and Jo on 6 Music.
Max Ellis says, hello Adam and Jo.
I'd like to visit a Radiohead themed restaurant called In Rainbows.
The building would be a giant fibreglass rainbow trout and diners would have to dress in worm costumes.
There would be piped ambient digesting noises to accompany the eating experience.
Food would be weed based confections.
What sort of a weed does he mean there?
Garden weeds.
Well, no, no, because you're under sea, right?
Oh, seaweed.
Yeah, so it's like in rainbows.
I have to go back.
Oh, yeah.
He's building a bed for a five-year-old called Gulliver.
That's a good name.
Yeah.
What do you think about that for the Radiohead restaurant?
That's nice, man.
It's elaborate.
It's realistic as well.
I'm sure that the band would be into that, definitely.
Wouldn't you think?
I don't know.
I don't know as much about them as you do.
I don't know much about them.
But yeah, that's good, man.
Who was that from?
That was from Max Ellis.
Well done, Max.
Here's another one.
How about Pete?
He's another Pete Dougherty one.
Yeah.
Have we not got any Amy Winehouse ones?
Not yet, no.
Pete Dougherty's cracker den serving a wide range of cheese and biscuits.
I thought of that one as well.
Did you?
Oh, did I?
No, no, no.
I was thinking Jerry Seinfeld.
He would have Wisecrackers.
That's from Nice.
That's from Andrew Thomas.
That's all that would be on the menu.
Here's one I like a lot from Mick Ailing.
Stephen Hawking's food and physics restaurant.
The diners sit in chairs just like Stephen's and order their food via his patented talking type pad.
rather than the normal table-based dining experience, the diners drive around the restaurant, eating their meal from their labs.
Every half an hour, the siren goes, then for five minutes, everyone charges around in a massive game of Dodrom's.
Is that what Stephen Hawking does?
I like that.
I had Stephen Hawking on my list.
I was thinking of... Wait!
The restaurant would be called a brief history of THYME time.
Nice!
Love the show and my mum, says Mick Ayling.
That's very good.
All base is covered there.
I was hoping that maybe someone would send in a suggestion for a Russell Crowe theme restaurant of some kind.
What would that be?
Well, I haven't got any ideas.
I'm very, like, gruff, abusive, service.
They'd be punch-ups.
Exactly.
You'd get slapped if you, you know, took too long to order, that kind of thing.
Waiters would push you around.
You'd say, hello, what are the specials?
What do you want?
Just hurry up, mate.
I haven't got all day.
That kind of thing.
Would be like a lot of steak.
You know?
Very rare steak.
Be a big, rare steak restaurant and you'd carry your knife around.
I wonder what Kidman's theme restaurant would be like as well.
I don't know.
Any suggestions, listeners?
Here's one from William Ross.
I like this.
It's a very stripped-down email.
It says, uh, Pease Academy.
Peas-based dinners served by Steve Guttenberg.
Space, then the word, terminator.
Space, then his name, Will.
Foxtrot Oscar, because that's like saying F off.
Oh, is it?
Yes.
That's brilliant.
Well done, Ramsey.
Is that all there is to his bag of tricks?
Yep.
More than we've got, I suppose.
He's the swearing chef.
He's got the Michelin stars, though.
He didn't get those for swearing.
Michelin.
What would our theme restaurant be like?
We'd just serve sour grapes, wouldn't we?
No, we'd do combo platters, you know?
Yeah, Adam and Jo, we'd be all about twinned up stuff.
It'd be like children's food, maybe, wouldn't it?
Yeah, that's right.
Everything.
It's for the very young.
We need to think about that a bit.
I'll take food.
Keep those texts coming in, the text number is 64046, or you can email them at Adamandjo.6musicatpbc.co.uk, something like that.
And now we are gonna unveil our new songs for this week's Song Wars after this next track.
This is Feist, this is presumably her new single, is it?
After the intoxicating one, two, three, four, this is an ad for an iPod, this one is called My Moon, My Man.
It's time for Song!
Wars, it is the song Wars, time for some song Wars, song, song, song, song It's a battle between two songs One song and two songs Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
are composed by a dementia themselves and inspired by a given theme.
We play clips and the listeners choose which one they like and the winning song will be played at the end.
Yeah, that was the original Song Wars jingle.
Here's an email pertaining to it from Neil Littlejohns.
Hi Adam and Jar, I seem to have a bit of a problem related to your original Song Wars song, based on the Star Wars theme.
My flatmate and I are currently playing through Lego Star Wars, the complete saga together.
After a friend of mine gave me the game for Christmas, the game makes very heavy use of the theme, but every time it plays, I can't help but sing the lyrics from your Song Wars theme.
I don't, I don't particularly mind this, but I think my flatmate might be getting a little bit fed up with me singing songs, songs, songs, songs, songs, is that how it goes?
All the time.
That's fair enough, I would say.
Stop it.
That would be my advice.
Do you think there is a way for me to disassociate the Song Wars lyrics from the Star Wars theme, or will I forever sing?
You're discarded!
Lyrics whenever I hear the theme.
Well, you should write new lyrics yourself that would fit with the Star Wars theme, you know?
Turn them into such an enjoyable little ditty that that will forever be what you sing when you hear the Star Wars theme.
I mean, you know, before we crapped all over it, it was Star Wars, the Star Wars, right?
That's what you would sing for yourself.
Yeah.
That was the official lyrics of Star Wars.
Hey, have you checked out the Family Guy version of Star Wars?
No, I'm boycotting that.
Really?
Why?
I'm not a big Family Guy.
Neither am I, but that's funny.
Is it?
It's worth downloading.
There's some funny bits.
Right.
I pop them in my head out of the window.
Yeah, you can't tell that that's funny, but in context, it's very funny.
Yeah.
Yeah, I recommend it.
Don't pay any money for it.
No.
Just watch it on YouTube.
Borrow it from a friend.
Borrow it from a friend whose name you don't know who lives on the other side of the world who's got a computer.
Here's another quick song wars related email.
Hi Adam and Joe, last week you read out a text from my sister Lily where she complained about Joe's alleged cheating on song wars.
Since she heard her name on the radio, she's been walking around like she's Queen Latifah.
Can you please read this out to prove that you'll read any old rubbish and help reset the siblingly balance of power?
That's from Nick.
Yes, I did it.
Uh, maybe she is Queen Latifah.
You ever think of that?
How does Queen Latifah walk anyway?
She's certainly sassy.
She's got a big booty.
Yeah, you know, she wonders around as if she owns the whole area.
Yeah, she's a queen after all.
Exactly.
Queen of the Latifah's.
Only she was the queen.
If only she was, there'd be a whole lot more booty-shaking going on in Da Palace.
And Wills and Harry, they would be more... Or would they be more... They're like that already, though, aren't they?
Okay, so song wars this week.
Now, the theme, correct me if I'm wrong, Joe, but it's certainly what I constructed my song about, was instructional songs for children.
Yeah, I've got the original email here somewhere, but I'm... We sort of deviated from that email somewhat.
Someone suggested last week a kind of Danny Elfman thing for children.
Yeah, here we go.
We haven't really stuck to the Danny Elfman thing.
James.
James Houston from Scotland.
Why not have a song wars in the style of a Danny Elfman-ish Disney song for kids?
talking through some of the more mature themes that you've discussed in your feature today.
So we kind of, yeah, we strayed from that a bit.
We settled on instructional children's songs, right?
Yes.
So songs for children that have some element of sort of educational elements.
And yours is 40 minutes.
It's 40 minutes.
No, it's not.
It's like 150.
150.
Is it?
147?
147, yes.
Quite long, is it?
Well, you see, I got some very negative reactions for going over the two-minute mark last week.
Ooh, lordy, people didn't like that.
Not from me.
So, no, no, no, you were nice about it.
But I rained myself in and I went back to the, what I consider to be the core of the song wars ethos, which is something very short, pithy.
I went for the one-minuter.
I actually used a backing track from GarageBand this time.
So the whole thing is all...
You shouldn't even admit that, should I?
But I did some... So it's not composed, it's sort of... Yeah, it's ready-made, but it's one that you used before yourself, actually.
Did I?
Yeah, yeah.
You used it for the... You did your stadium bowie thing for... Oh, the meatballs.
Meatballs, yeah.
Is that allowed?
Yeah, that's allowed.
Anything's allowed musical-wise, musical construction-wise.
It's just bringing in more than one song that is not allowed.
um clearly so uh so anyway shall i play mine first i'm why not i'm not i'm not for it i'm pretty not confident you know i've got used to the whole world of uh lucid don't start now because what what you know i said you're making and then made a note a noise yeah yeah yeah we know what that means
We know it means that I'm not allowed to say absolutely anything because you think it'll prejudice the vote, even though I'm doomed to lose every week anyway.
You're doing very well.
It's like 4-6, isn't it?
Or something?
No, it's not 4-6.
Isn't it?
No.
It's 7-3 or something like that.
It's more like 8-3.
Is it 8-3?
Yeah.
Anyway, so here is my song.
This is an instructional song for children and it's about... Well, it's fairly self-explanatory.
It's called Toothpaste Brush.
Every morning you should get a little toothpaste And pop it on the bristles on your brush Then get to work with the brush and the toothpaste Cleaning off the dirt no need to rush I care so much for the health of my gums and teeth That I have a brushing session after eating every meal And I also use some floss and some mouthwash
And perhaps an incidental brush, defending how I feel.
Apart from cutting down on expensive, dim-cheese bills, this routine keeps my breath smelling nice.
And of course I have to say that there's nothing worse than to decay.
Look out for your teeth, that's my advice.
An electric toothbrush is what dentists recommend.
Just go easy or you'll mess up the enamel.
Come on meatballs!
Sorry.
No, well, you know, I think I was a little more adventurous with that track.
That was good, that was good.
Than you were with your meatballs.
Yeah.
Bowie yodeling one.
But anyway, there you go, that's Adam Buxton's one, toothpaste brush.
What have you got for us, Joe Cornish?
I've got a song designed to teach kids right from wrong.
Oh my lord, that's a big subject.
It is.
You know people always complaining that kids don't know right from wrong?
They've forgotten the distinction between right or wrong.
These days.
That yeah, they're doing some really upsetting things.
They're crossing lines that kids might not have crossed in the past.
Right.
And they've just forgotten right from wrong.
Okay, good.
So you're gonna sort that out for them?
I'm gonna fix that.
Excellent.
It's a bit strong this song.
Is it?
Yeah, it's a bit strict and harsh.
Well, you gotta be strict with the children these days.
Yeah, so imagine me singing it in like a big knitted jumper.
Like Nick Heywood.
Yeah, like a sort of grey, like Nick Heywood now, like slightly graying Nick Heywood.
Right, okay.
A kind fatherly figure.
Nick Heywood crossed with Val Doonican.
Yeah, I'm singing the verse, and then the chorus is sung by a big crowd of people and kids, and the actual chorus line is sung by a chicken, like a Cajun chicken.
Yeah.
This is good, man.
I can't wait to hear this.
It's important that you visualize a Cajun chicken.
All right, then.
And so this is called the right and wrong song.
Is it right to join a gang?
Is it right to kill a man?
Is it right to buy a gun?
Is stabbing people fun?
Is it right to read and write?
Is it right to be polite?
Is it right to work at school?
Don't ever play the fool It's right This is a song about wrong and right Those things are right This is a song about wrong and right Is it right to have a smoke?
Light a split for slips and coke?
Is it right to deal crack?
There's nothing wrong with that It's wrong
Is it right to sit up straight?
Is it right to clean your plate?
Is it right to clean your room?
Learn facts about the moon?
Is it right to happy-slap?
Is it right to blap, blap, blap?
Is it right to trash your place, put your party on my space?
It's wrong This is a song about right and wrong From those things It's wrong This is a song about right and wrong This is a song for right and wrong
So that's for kids, and you know, you can listen to it and then guess whether you think that things are right or wrong.
Right, right.
And then like, they go, right, it's right, or it's wrong, depending on whether it's right or wrong.
And then in future life, if you come across any of those situations, like if you're offered
membership of a gang or drugs.
You can think back to the right and right or wrong song.
That's the idea.
Does it help you with your teeth at all?
It doesn't, no.
No, it doesn't, does it?
That's where, yeah, that's where your song comes in.
That's where mine comes in.
Yeah.
And what's more useful at the end of the day, if you're sitting there, if you've got severe tooth decay, if you've just had, you know, you've spent the weekend with a rubber dam in your mouth and you're having all kinds of root canal.
It's a rubber dam.
Well, you'll find out if you don't take care of your teeth.
A rubber dam.
with the world of the rubber dam, my friend.
And then you won't be singing your chicken song so much anymore.
I can't believe I'm gonna have to sit there next week and listen to that chicken song again from Joe Cornish.
The chicken song.
That's who's singing it.
You said that.
It's a Cajun chicken.
I'm gonna have to listen to that again, aren't I, next week.
We're gonna have to listen to them again before the end of the show, even.
Not that it's a foregone conclusion or anything.
Absolutely not.
But that was Song Wars for the time being.
We will return.
I'd say you're bound to win.
You reckon?
Because I've been cast in the light of like an evil... something.
You see, you're the worst winner in the world.
You win week after week and you solve and you complain.
I want to lose.
Right, right.
I want to feel what it's like to lose.
Here we go.
Okay, uh, music time listeners, this is Sylvia Stripline.
Is this new music?
This is mine.
Oh, this is yours.
And watch out before you hurt me even more.
Come on then.
Yeah, this is, this is, uh, I like this one.
It's by Sylvia Stripline.
It's called You Can't Tell Me Me Away.
And I propose that this has the most satisfying sort of squidgy baseline ever.
When is this from, date-wise?
The past.
I love that place.
Here we go.
The Undertones with Teenage Kicks.
I was always confused by Fergal Sharkey when he was around.
You know, I didn't know about the... Actually, no, my first exposure to The Undertones was a track called Julie Ocean or something like that.
It was just after Teenage Kicks.
And it's gonna happen, do you remember that one?
That was a good track as well.
And then when Fergal came back with a good heart, it's hard to come by.
You used to like that one, didn't you, Joe?
Uh, mmm, kinda.
You loved it.
I didn't.
I don't own it.
I think my brother had it.
Oh, really?
Yeah, I never bought it.
Yeah, it was good.
But I could never get over his cheekbones, man.
He's quite a proposition, isn't he?
He's got a very particular voice.
Very kind of warbly, high-pitched voice.
And then with the cheekbones.
With the cheekbones.
And then with the hair.
With the cheekbones and the hair already.
Yeah, with this guy.
I logged onto a celebrity gossip video site last week called TMZ.
Have you heard of that?
I've heard of TMZ.
It's a big noise in America.
If you want celebrity tittle-tattle, you go to TMZ and it has all the latest paparazzi video footage from the streets of L.A.
What does TMZ stand for?
Totally mad, mad zebras.
I don't know.
I really don't know.
Anyway, I saw a headline.
It said, it said, Seinfeld.
He's not only funny.
or something, I thought, good, some Seinfeld gossip.
It was a video of Jerry Seinfeld outside of Premiere in New York.
He's standing in the street.
Matthew Broderick comes out.
Jerry Seinfeld says to Matthew Broderick, hey, Matthew, you got a ride?
Matthew Broderick says, I did have, I don't know where it is.
Jerry Seinfeld goes, here.
They go to the car, get into the car.
That's the end.
That was it.
That's what you want, isn't it?
Someone had posted that, and it was a big headline.
Right.
You know, I thought I was gonna get news, but it was just them.
Was that YouTube?
No, that's on their own site.
No, it was TMZ.
It's a big TMZ scoop.
Broderick, Seinfeld, exchange words, get into car.
But could you see how many hits that had?
Uh, no.
I bet it had millions, though.
Yeah, because you go on, you search for similar sort of things on YouTube, and there was one, uh, that purported to be someone getting into a fight with, uh, maybe Bruce Willis's minder or something like that.
And basically, it was just some guy trailing along.
I know it's Kiefer Sutherland's, that's right.
Kiefer Sutherland's, um, security guy.
And this guy is sort of trailing along, uh, behind him.
And this thing has got thousands and thousands, hundreds of thousands of hits.
I'm thinking, oh, this'll be good.
So check it out, and it's just this guy sitting going, excuse me, can I get a fart of Kiefer, please?
And the guy saying, no, can you leave him alone, please?
Um, please, can I?
Listen, buddy, leave him alone, otherwise I'm going to have to get rough with you, okay?
And I don't want to do that.
Please, come on, come on, man.
Just leave it alone, okay?
And that's... Sounds good, man.
Where's that YouTube?
Are you writing that one down underneath the action notes?
What's that search for?
Kiefer, security, guy, ruckus, that kind of thing.
But that's all you ever get on those things.
I mean, it's... I thought, you know, the thought process in my head was, why would people be interested in Seinfeld and Broderick like doing something completely boring just because they're famous?
Is it interesting just to see famous people doing mundane things?
And I thought, yes, it is.
Wow.
Celebrity big brother, isn't it?
That's true, isn't it?
You know, what I was thinking about the other night was when I was reading my son a bedtime story, I was thinking how amazing it would be to see someone like Harrison Ford reading a bedtime story to his children.
You know what I mean?
Like, how amazing it would be to be there if you could kind of teleport into the brain of his child and hear some really rubbish children's story read in that voice.
He wouldn't be very interested, would he, in the story?
No, but he would just be kind of bored.
You reckon?
You don't think he'd put his all into it?
No, that's his bag.
He's kind of a- Or like Anthony Hopkins, you know?
Imagine getting a bedtime story from Hoppo.
The kids probably have to pay.
Yeah, they'd probably be traumatised afterwards, no matter what it was.
That would be amazing, wouldn't it?
Wow.
Or De Niro.
Has De Niro even got children?
You know, I'd like to be read a bedtime story by Adam Buxton.
Oh, yeah.
Can you imagine?
Yeah.
I do all the voices.
I bet it's good.
It's good.
I bet it's good.
I'm reading Harry Potter to them at the moment.
Harry Potter?
And, uh, we're talking about, we mentioned J.K.
Rowling earlier on.
Boy, when you read it out loud, it's not very easy to read.
She, I mean, she's got an amazing imagination and everything, and all credit to her, wonderful stories, etc.
But brother, she, sometimes her prose is a little elliptical.
That's all I'm saying.
But if anyone's interested in me reading some children's stories, I'd be very happy to come into a studio and get paid loads of money.
Do you think we could do that together, don't you think?
We should do that together.
Funny voices we would come up with.
Would you be any good at writing the stories?
Yes.
You reckon you could write some stories?
Yes.
It's not that easy.
Oh yes, it is for me.
You reckon?
Yeah.
Maybe we should do that next week.
Forget the song was just bring in some children's stories.
They only need to be about 200, 300 words.
Let's think about that.
You know, if you hook up with a good illustrator, that's all you need.
Illustrator?
Yeah, boy.
You could do your own pictures.
You're good at drawing.
Are you good at actually publishing books now?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Everyone thinks about it.
Do you ever see that episode of Black Books where they try and write children's books?
That's a good episode.
Anyway.
Uh, boy, we really rambled all over the area there.
Uh, let's have some more music now.
This is the Mighty Morrissey with That's How People Grow Up.
That's Morrissey with, uh, That's How People Grow Up.
That's a new one from the Mighty Moz, right?
Racist.
Racist?
Yeah, there you go.
Um, don't know what I'm talking about, by the way.
No, exactly.
Now, I had a little quandary, Joe, I wanna run this past you, okay?
Sure.
And, uh, and can I ask you, while I'm running this quandary by you, please don't start leaning into the mic and saying things like, Adam Buxton talking, not Joe Cornish, that kind of thing, okay?
Not that this is gonna be particularly controversial, it's just a lie.
Alright, you've done it for me anyway.
It's just a little grubby.
I found this website, right, that has all these kind of classic films and amazing documentaries and stuff on it.
But it also has classic filth on there.
You know what I mean?
Filth of yore.
When filth was fun.
Particularly enticing was a filthy version of Alice in Wonderland.
which I've actually heard of before on my travels, and it looks pretty amazing.
You know, like, really well-made filth about Alice in Wonderland.
What more could you want?
This is live action.
This is live action, yeah.
Yeah.
And so I was thinking, that would be great.
I would love to see the filthy version of Alice in Wonderland.
But then, on the next page, when I was looking through the documentaries and stuff on there, they also had this... Is this a DVD site?
Yeah, yeah, DVDs.
They also had the Sorrow and the Pity.
Right.
And I was thinking, I've never seen that.
It's not that arousing.
Well, no, exactly.
But I really want to see it, right?
Right.
So I wanted to order both titles at the same time, but I thought, you can't do that.
It's totally disrespectful.
You know?
That's outrageous.
You can't order the sorrow and the pity and the filthy version of Alice in Wonderland.
What's the filthy version of Alice in Wonderland called?
I don't know, it's just... I don't think it's got a particularly ingenious filthy title.
Alice in Bum-der-land.
Something like that, you know?
Yeah.
Um, listeners, you can suggest some titles just for our own amusement.
What's wrong with Alice in Bum-der-land?
Alice in Bum-der-land?
I wouldn't buy it if it was called Alice in Bum-der-land.
That's just sounds rubbish.
But anyway, maybe it was just called filthy Alice or something.
I don't know.
But I was, you know, it's a bit of a quandary because, you know, if you if you the obvious solution is to order them separately, but then you have to pay extra post and packaging.
What's happening in your head?
What do you imagine is happening in the office of Dirty Videos Incorporated when they receive your order?
What do you think?
Picture the scene.
I mean, what's your nightmare scenario?
Well, I hope your mum...
has got a part-time job there.
Yeah.
That's the worst it could be.
Right.
And she's sorting through the orders and she's reading them all really carefully because she loves her job.
Yeah.
And, ooh, Thomas Turner has ordered, yeah, and making judgments about, is that what you're afraid of?
No, I just think it's a set of totally metaphysical quandary that I have.
Like, I'm not even worried that I would get busted or anything.
Like, I don't think I would go on any lists.
It's all above board.
But, um, it just seems wrong.
morally.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Right.
To order those two titles together.
I think, okay, let me sort it out this way.
That in times of war, there is a lot of sexual activity.
Right.
In fact, during 9-11, you know, when the world changed,
There was a big birth boom and a marriage boom Equally, you know during the second and first world wars.
There was a big baby boom Yeah, people like to you know, counteract the violence and death with pleasure and birth Mm-hmm.
Look at it that way.
I will look at it It's a twin pack a yin and yang the sorrow and the pity and the film the stiffy
It's a twin pack.
Excellent.
Thank you very much, Dr. Cornish.
That's exactly the answer I was hoping for.
Now, listeners, here's a track that I have selected for you.
This is from a man whose work I've only recently kind of stumbled across, Peter Hamill.
He became famous in a band called Van de Graaff Generator.
They were sort of prog behemoths.
in the 70s.
And in 1977, as Fandigraph Generator was breathing its last, Peter Hamill went out and he was making his solo album, The Future Now, I think it was called.
And it's quite an extraordinarily odd album, and I'm going to play one of the oddest tracks from that album.
It's a very sort of experimental
thing that he's created.
Bear in mind this is 1978 or 77 that he's recording this and it's him sort of tinkering in the studio and making a song all about what fun you can have tinkering in an analog studio in the pre-digital days.
Just imagine the work he must have done with the razor blade to do this before Pro Tools or anything.
This is Peter Hamill with the cut.
It's got quite a soft little intro here.
The guitar's coming in.
Goes pretty weird.
Stick with it listeners.
See, now just goes wobbly for about a minute.
A little weird sounds.
Incipient white noise.
He sounds a little bit like Neil Hannon from the Divine Comedy, you know?
Same sort of timbre, timbre to his voice there.
That's Peter Hamill with the cut from The Future Now.
If you enjoyed that, listeners, if you didn't enjoy it, don't worry.
I won't be playing it again.
any time soon.
I like that one.
If you like that kind of thing, incidentally, if you're adventurous of Spirit Musically, then I'm sure that you're already familiar with the Freak Zone here on BBC 6 Music hosted by the excellent Stuart McConey.
That's from 5pm.
Lost a couple of hours, doesn't it?
Three hours.
Three hours of experimental fun.
His mission is to only play that kind of thing.
You know, really way out stuff.
For three hours here on BBC Six Music.
That's The Freak Zone with Stuart McConey on a Sunday afternoon at five o'clock.
This is Adam and Jo here on BBC Six Music.
It's trail time!
Six Music.
Oh my gosh.
Oh godly.
That was soul wax.
With much against everyone's advice.
That was a session track.
That's what they sound like when they're strutting their stuff live, Joe Cornish.
That was recorded before the world changed in June 2000, when there was no fear in the world.
No, it was good times.
Everyone was singing and dancing.
Yeah.
People, you know, if you wanted to hold hands with a person, it was fine, it wasn't a big problem.
Exactly, and you didn't instantly catch some kind of revolting disease.
in the olden days.
So that's all rubbish.
Good times.
Hey, this is Adam and Joe on BBC Six Music.
We're gonna do a few more text-the-nations in a while.
We're gonna... We should wrap that up.
We should wrap that up soon.
We'll be replaying the song wars again before the end of the show.
We've only got 37 minutes left.
You know the plane business?
Oh, the Captain Coward.
Yeah, all of that business.
The narrowly averted disaster.
The brave co-pilot who saved everybody.
This is a plane, you've probably read about it in the papers, listeners, that nearly crashed a Heathrow, but luckily didn't.
I read a quote in the paper, and this is of course not making light at all of what could have been a very grave situation.
I read a bit in the paper, a quote from a worker on the ground about the crash, who said, and I quote, it's a miracle.
The man deserves a medal as big as a frying pan.
I like the idea that medals, you know, go by their size, their surface area.
Absolutely.
It would make the Poppy Day Parade, is that what it's called?
Yes.
Make that more fun, wouldn't it?
Remembrance.
Really big medals.
Giant poppies.
Couple of metres.
Yeah.
In circumference.
That's right.
Yeah?
That's not really how it works, though, is it?
Well, that was the logic on wacky races, wasn't it?
Really, giant medals.
He wanted... Muttley was always after the largest medal, because some of the most valuable medals... The Jim will fix it medal.
That's quite... That is large.
That's the biggest medal known to man, isn't it?
But the Purple Heart and the George Cross, they tend to be fairly small.
Yeah, because, you know, the idea is quantity, not size.
That's right.
What would be impressive would be a guy at the Poppy Day Parade, or whatever it's called, Army Day.
where they all march up and down, who was wearing an entire suit made out of metals.
From head to foot, medals.
Medals.
Almost like chain mail.
Right.
Can you picture it?
I can.
Just row up, like, a bit like, uh, Martin Frye's gold lame suit.
Yeah.
But he would be the bravest soldier.
Unless he was someone like Alexander McQueen.
He hadn't earned any of the medals, he was being totally disrespectful, and it was just some kind of fashion comment on the meaninglessness of that kind of decoration.
There is no meaning.
Literally using it as decoration, okay?
Right?
Think about that.
How specious.
Typical Alexander McQueen to do something like that.
He's a disgrace.
Is anyone else outraged by this suit made of medals that Alexander McQueen has made?
What?
Has he made that suit?
No, he hasn't.
Is anyone raised at the suit of medals he hasn't made?
Exactly.
Get to work, McQueen.
What do you do all day, for goodness sake?
The so-called enfant terrible of fashion.
You don't shock me.
Is he responsible for the plane crash?
probably probably he did his best to bring the plane down but no he didn't quite work uh that's not true listeners none of that that's not true he didn't have anything to do with the mercifully averted plane you're really angry with him anyway i'm absolutely sick of the so-called enfant terrible of the fashion let's have some music and you can hit something to the beat is this is this new music now
Rapture with W-A-U-H.
This is an acronym, W-A-Y-U-H.
What does it stand for?
They're not supply you with the details of the acronym.
This song's gonna tell us, let's hear it.
The Rapture with W-A-Y-U-H.
Stands for woo, alright, yeah, uh huh.
I'm not sure that's worthy of an acronym, though.
That violates all kind of acronym codes.
I mean... It does, doesn't it?
It's not like a compressed sentence.
You should only use an acronym for a proper sentence, I think.
Those are just sort of utterances.
You know?
Very angry this morning.
There's a campaigning show this morning.
You shouldn't start putting utterances into acronyms.
Because then everything gets totally confused and meaningless.
You know, there's chaos in the world, then.
things start disappearing into black holes.
It's like time bandits, you know?
Do you like news?
I love news!
Do you long for a pair of news readers that make the news sexy again, that dare to care, that make it dramatic, inclusive, take it seriously, but at the same time aren't afraid to raise an eyebrow at some of the more extraordinary things going on in the world?
I'd love that, but if only there were a pair like that.
There are!
Really?
They're called Harvey Cooke and Ruth Barnes.
And here they are!
Yes, that's Radiohead with Jigsaw falling into place.
That's got a particularly good video.
I don't know whether you've seen it, Adam.
It's amazing.
If you haven't seen the video for that, listeners, you can check it out.
For some reason, it's linked to on our page here at Six Music.
It's very, very good.
Apparently it was... Apparently the person who made it is like a genius.
I've fired that he's... He dresses like a genius.
What have you heard about him?
I've heard he dresses like a genius.
Yeah, what else have you heard?
But actually now...
What?
No, no, he is a genius.
He is a genius.
Yeah, yeah.
Have you heard this?
He is a genius.
Well, it's him and another person as well, of course, Garth Jennings.
That's right.
But what else have you heard about the other person?
I've heard that he's attracted... He's really tall.
Uh, he's like a short brown hair and his name's Joe.
Oh no.
And he's with it.
That's wrong.
That's incorrect.
Incorrect information.
What would you do if I got an award for directing that radio?
I would say, plu-ther-change, business as usual, in the Adam and Joe can.
I love that song, man.
I can't get enough of it.
Thanks, man.
It gives me the chills.
You are not responsible for that song.
How about this song?
Hang on.
Oh, hang on.
Just before you play that.
uh it's gonna be good sorry man to interrupt your little smash there but for radiohead fans i just wanted to say that colin greenwood uh the mighty bassist from the mighty radiohead is co-presenting brain surgery with mark riley here on bbc6 music on thursday commencing at 9 30 in the pm so i will be listening and you is that sensible should be trained in brain surgery
Uh, yeah, yeah, all of Radiohead can do brain surgery.
They're clever, man.
They were... They lived in Cambridge, they didn't go to Cambridge University, but just living in Cambridge means that you're able to perform a very simple brain surgery opposition.
Nothing too complicated, but basic brain surgery, they can do.
Hey, listen to this tune.
Text-a-nation!
Text, text, text, text-a-nation!
What if I don't want to?
Text-a-nation!
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
It doesn't matter, taste!
Cause it was, uh, they live in Oxford, knock.
I'm thinking of Pink Floyd, you see.
That's the other, uh, mighty band, Pink Floyd.
Doesn't matter, just focus on the videos.
It's fine.
My ears really hurt after that jingle.
And you said he was sexy, the guy that did it, attractive, the video?
The video?
Yeah.
And he did it with Adam Buxton after two of them.
Um, okay.
It's time to wrap up Text the Nation.
We'd been asking you, uh, to suggest celebrity restaurants.
uh, what sort of decor they would have and what kind of food they'd serve.
Do you reckon this is one of our best texts?
Text the message.
It just makes me feel like I'm, like, Chris Morals or something.
But anyway, we've actually had some good ones.
Chris Morals is one of the most successful DJs in history.
Yeah, that doesn't mean he's any good.
Oh, come on.
He is brilliant.
Dear Adam and Joe, was that sincere?
No.
Didn't come across as... Dear Adam and Jo, I'm allowed to have opinions.
Yeah.
Yeah?
Are you?
Are you there?
Am I?
Dear Adam and Jo, how about an establishment based on the work of Marky Smith called The Man Who's Gut Expanded?
It would have a limited supply of crisps, but a plentiful supply of boozes and substances.
There would be a rapid turnover of staff at the whim of the grumpy proprietor, resulting in an erratic but strangely satisfying experience.
That would be good, and you could have little siggies on the table when you sit down next to your knife and fork, you get a siggie.
That's from Chris Eccles.
Is that the name of a full song, The Man Who's Gut Expanded?
I don't know man, there's a lot of real songs.
What's going on there?
The Gut of the Quantifier is a full song.
That might be a good name for a restaurant song.
Here's one from Andy and Folkestone.
Morrissey could open Meet Is Murder.
There'd be live cows and an abattoir next to the kitchen.
When people order a steak, he will wheel in, wheel a cow into the abattoir and say in a loud voice, could you do a Morrissey voice?
What does he say?
Where is he?
Is this really what you want?
You want me to push... put a ball through his head, you murderer?
What's wrong with my uranium soup?
That's not a very good voice, it looks like Ken Korder.
Yeah, it was.
He wasn't even from Manchester.
Tom from Kettering says, Mr. Beans.
Where Rowan Atkinson provides a variety of bean themed dishes.
Nice.
And not just baked beans, I'm thinking chillies and kidneys too.
That's very good.
I was thinking maybe the meat is murder one was going to be a celebration of... of... no.
No.
Because that would be a nice little twist on it, but obviously he'd have to do a 180 on his vegetarian views.
Jack Peek!
That's a good name, Jack Peek.
The Flaming Lips should open a restaurant eponymously named The Flaming Lips.
Serving especially hot food, jalapeno, pepper, laden, pizzas, vindaloos, etc.
They would also have especially capacious toilets that played soothing classics from their albums.
Kind of like a chill-out area.
That's good, man.
Jack, Andy, Richards, good morning, lads.
Britney Spears could open an all-you-can-eat restaurant called Gimme More, where you're plagued by paparazzi from the moment you arrive, and halfway through the meal, they take your kids away.
That's quite good, isn't it?
I like the idea of being plagued by paparazzi.
Yeah.
That's quite easy.
It's cheap.
You just get students to do it.
Right.
No, filming the camera just flashes.
Or maybe there is filming the camera.
Yeah.
And you buy the pictures on the way out.
It's not a bad idea.
It's a brilliant idea.
And you have a red carpet and a crowd of... Exactly.
Oh, that's a good idea.
Who's that from?
Uh, Andy Richards.
Andy.
Let's do it, Andy.
Because you've sent that into the Big British Castle, it's now our copyright property.
We're gonna nick that idea off you.
So, we'll have all the money as well.
Hooray!
Uh, Andy T. and Brighton Robert De Niro could have a place where he prowls around menacingly with sharp knives by the rotisserie called Are You Cooking At Me?
Yeah.
That's quite good.
Uh, Vordman.
Uh, this is from Nicky Impainton.
Vordman.
Detox smoothies.
Letter stroke numbers games on a big screen.
Count Dine.
Adam in London, a restaurant serving low-fat food for the bodily paranoid by the Kaiser Chiefs called I Predict a Diet.
Nice.
That's good, man.
Maybe he's got one of the guys on the writer's strike.
That's the end.
That's the end of Text the Nation for this week.
Wow, we've still got to revisit song wars before the show ends.
We're rapidly running out of time.
Oh, my lordy, there's less than 20 minutes left to the program.
Hey, shall I quickly pop in a factoid?
Yeah, go on then.
Podcast of this show listeners will be available from when next week Tomorrow 6 p.m.
iTunes.
It'll be a kind of filleted version of this film's film We are in a film of this show Yeah, and it's available from from tomorrow from tomorrow
Oh, it's a good one.
Yeah, of course it is.
It's a good one.
It'll be good by the time we chop all the fat off.
And thereafter, every 6pm, every Sunday, you'll be able to hear the condensed Adam and Joe show podcast.
Downloadable via iTunes.
That's exciting, isn't it?
And we are, listeners, still working on yet another podcast for you.
So, which will be sort of stuff that hasn't been broadcast.
It'll be just sort of all kinds of dangerous stuff there.
But we'll tell you more as things develop.
Right now, here's a track that Joe's chosen for you.
Yeah, what's this?
Oh yeah, this is a good bit of old-school hip-hop from a time when hip-hop wasn't about killing or bragging, when it was about brotherness and togetherness.
This is a band called Brand Nubian.
This song's called Wake Up.
Brand Nubian with Wake Up.
I love that one.
That's the Loma Lacom.
He's got a manly voice, that guy.
Yeah, I like it when rappers almost sing.
Mm-hmm.
When there's proper melody in the speech.
Right, right, right.
Yeah, and it's... Yeah, everyone cares about what I like.
Yeah, and who's the other guy lab cabin, California?
Who did that they're called the far side far side?
They do a little bit and they yeah split up sadly.
That's a shame right.
It's time for It's time for some wars the war of the songs a couple of
It's a time for song was the part of the show where we both record We compose and record songs individually on a theme and then we kind of battle them And then we get emails from people telling us how bad they are Here's an email a nice one though from Nick and Denise
They say simply, our five-year-old, and I should remind people who've just tuned in that we've already played these songs earlier in the show, so Nick and Denise have heard them, our five-year-old said she found it very difficult to judge.
That's in quotes, very difficult to judge.
Wow, that's good.
That's nice of your five-year-old.
Yeah.
There's another one that says so this is from Laxmi and mark in Leeds dear Adam and Joe We love your show has anyone ever told you that your voices sound nearly identical?
We have trouble telling you apart, especially in song wars making it difficult to vote.
Oh
I wouldn't agree with that.
I'd say our speaking voices can sometimes sound a little similar.
Tudes actually panned us.
So Adam is on the right and I'm on the left if you have a stereo radio.
This is Adam talking right now.
Yeah.
And shall we flip the songs around?
Shall we start with my song?
Alright then.
So this is Joe's song.
The theme this week, listeners, was instructional songs for children.
That might you know teach them something so these are songs for for kiddies my songs called the right and wrong song This is to teach kids to be able to discern the difference between right and wrong See if you as an adult can tell during this song which things are right and which are wrong.
Here we go
Is it right to join a gang?
Is it right to kill a man?
Is it right to buy a gun?
Is stabbing people fun?
It's wrong!
Is it right to read and write?
Is it right to be polite?
Is it right to work at school?
Don't ever play the fort.
It's right.
This is a song about wrong and right.
Those things are right.
This is a song about wrong and right.
Is it right to have a smoke?
Light a split for slips and coke?
Is it right to deal crack?
There's nothing wrong with that.
It's right.
Is it right to sit up straight?
Is it right to clean your plate?
Is it right to clean your room?
Learn facts about the moon
Is it right to happy slap?
Is it right to black, black, blacked?
Is it right to trash your place, put your party on my space?
It's wrong!
This is a song about right and wrong!
There we go, that's Joe's song this week.
It's called the right and wrong song.
Is that you playing recorder there?
No, that's off of garage.
No.
You've got recorder skills though, don't you?
Or Annabelle does, anyway.
Annabelle does, yeah.
I've got kind of, you know, I was educated up to the age of seven in recorder.
If you want to vote for that one, you text Joe to 64046.
Or if you want to vote for Adams, you text Adam to 64046.
Or if you're listening again, email adamandjoe.6musicatbbc.co.uk.
Now here is my song listeners, this is Adam's song and it's called Toothpaste Brush.
Every morning you should get a little toothpaste And pop it on the bristles on your brush Then get to work with the brush and the toothpaste Cleaning off the dirt, no need to rush
I care so much for the health of my gums and teeth That I have a brushing session after eating every meal And I also use some gloss and some mouthwash
And perhaps an interdental brush, depending how I feel Apart from cutting down on expensive dentist bills This routine is my bread smelling nice And of course I have to say that there's nothing worse than to decay Look out for your teeth, that's my advice An electric toothbrush is what dentists recommend Just go easy or you'll mess up the enamel
sort of abrupt ending there you see that caught everyone by surprise it's true you know if you go too hard on the teeth that's true you can damage the enamel and you don't want to do that no uh so that's a little instructional song there for children i thought that you know in my defense there because i'm my prospects oblique i have to say your song is impressive man and and uh you know it's you're dealing with more universal topics that i am
And people might not like it.
They might think it's like voting for McDonald's against a nice little knitted woolly sock.
Do you know what I mean?
Yes, I do know exactly what you mean.
So anyway, that was Adam Buxton's toothpaste brush track.
So vote for me, listeners.
A vote for me is a vote for teeth and the care thereof, which is an important thing, you know, to worry about.
But that's pretty much it for our show.
A couple of housekeeping reminders.
Don't forget our podcast is available from 6 p.m.
tomorrow evening.
That's the condensed version of this show.
And also, if you'd like to get hold of various jingle jangles and things for your phone, like the Text the Nation jingle, there's various edits we've done there of that jingle that'll go on your phone.
Go to the website.
All you have to do is text the word mobile on your mobile phone and
No, yeah, text the word mobile to 64046.
64046.
And then that'll take you to the website and you'll find all kinds of amazing little bits of rubbish there to improve your life.
That's pretty much it for this week.
Thanks to everybody who's texted and emailed.
Keep emailing in.
We read everything that you send even during the week.
Even during the week!
We should say that the guy who proposed to his girlfriend earlier on, Claire,
She's saying yes!
So that's our first marriage here on The Element Show.
That means we can have sex with either of you.
Remember that.
Okay.
The lovely Liz Kershaws coming up soon.
Stay tuned for that.
We'll see you next Saturday.
Have a good week.
Bye.
Bye-bye.