Happy Saturday morning, listeners.
This is Adam and Joel on BBC 6 Music.
That was garbage with only when it rains.
This is Joe Cornish speaking.
And the voice you're about to hear might not sound like it usually does.
I'm Ray Winston.
Good morning.
Yeah, Adam's ill today, so I'm very privileged to be joined by one of Britain's
Well, in my opinion, greatest actors.
Ray Winston, thanks a lot for coming in, Ray.
Yeah, my pleasure.
I will find you a monster.
Will you?
Yeah.
Great, good.
It's not a problem.
What's it like working with, you know, against blue screen?
It must be very difficult.
Well it is difficult, yeah, because you've got nothing to work with, you know, you've just got this big blue screen.
So if a scene calls for some interaction with a large patch of blue, you're sorted, that's great.
But if, if, if, you know, you're supposed to be talking about people and all that sort of stuff, it's difficult, you've got to use your mind, you've got to create, you've got to create people and like animals in your mind.
Let's go back to the beginning though, nil by mouth at Tour de France.
Yeah, thanks very much.
I love the Tour de France and as soon as I heard it was about that I wanted to get involved.
I love the bikes, all that stuff got cut out obviously but still, you know, punching, all the punching and shouting, I love it.
So do you want to select a first track?
You've selected some songs for A to play today.
Yeah, well I just have to correct you, straighten you out on the first track.
You had garbage, you said only when it rains.
That's an insult to the garbage.
It's only happy when it makes its whole point of song.
It's the whole point.
The whole point of song.
Don't hit me.
You know what I mean?
It's the irony of only being happy when it rains.
That's what the whole song's about.
And then you miss out the word happy.
It makes a mockery of it.
Indiana Jones?
You're in the new Indiana Jones?
Yeah, yeah, I play.
What's that about aliens?
It's about aliens, yeah, they come down, there's exciting, there's chasing.
Some bloke comes after me and I run off and I'll shoot him.
It's good, I don't know what it's about.
It's all green screen again, so they only tell you afterwards what it is, you know what I mean?
So yeah, it's exciting.
So what record have you chosen?
Yeah, I've chosen one by the young knights, you know them?
uh yeah yeah they're wicked they're a good band uh and there's three of them three blokes i love blokes and uh so that's why they're my favorite band well here's the young knives with up all night there you go that's the young knives now this is adam speaking not not really winston yeah we don't want to get fired from the castle for lying
I just got a bit of a cold, listeners, and it's gone to my chords.
It's more than a bit of a cold.
Well, it started off as just losing my voice.
I had a gig earlier on in the week, and it went wrong.
Really?
What the gig?
What the voice?
The gig was good.
The voice went wrong.
And I could feel the cold settling in there, getting into the back of my throat, you know what I mean?
First, it starts off just a little bit phlegmy.
You know?
Face it, you like it.
Uh, no, uh... Come on, you do.
I like hearing it.
It's you.
I really like it.
My voice goes wrong very rarely.
I'm not boasting in any way, but it just never happens.
And when it does, I love it.
Yeah.
It's like being possessed by a sexy man.
A sexy man?
Yeah.
Not in a sort of devil possession way, just in a sexy way, you know?
It gives you a chance to live in someone else's vocal shoes.
That's true, yeah.
Do you have vocal shoes?
You can.
Yeah, I've got them on now.
They're really nice.
Yeah, it's a new pair of vocal shoes.
Absolutely that's true, but then at the same time it's not very useful if you want to be taken seriously or just talk normally.
People think you're being a pawn.
Sorry.
Carry on.
The thing that's happening with yours is it's changing.
Right.
There are many demons within you.
It's got different, well, it sort of just cuts out every now and again, doesn't it?
It's shifting its pitch.
See, the thing is, if I speak fairly low, right, then it's normal.
Everything's normal.
No, that's not normal.
I mean, it's normal within sort of a ludicrous speaking low way.
But then if I try and go up a little bit, it just completely cuts out.
Excuse me.
And if I try and hit any high notes at all, I just sound like a kind of a weird
But freak it's how I like it.
Yeah, it's like you've got a kind of real-to-real tape player beside you and it's it's switching speeds It's gonna be it's off putting though, isn't it for I like it man?
I think it's gonna be a very it's gonna be a very distinctive show because of it Yeah, I'll just have to just have to remember to speak fairly, you know in a low register
If I'm going to make any points.
I keep talking, I just love the sound.
Anyway folks, we've got an exciting show for you this week, of course, as ever.
We're going to resolve Song Wars, last week's Song Wars, probably in the next link, don't you reckon?
Does it hurt at all?
Because it sounds painful and I want people to think you're in pain.
If it does hurt, lie.
No, it doesn't hurt.
It doesn't hurt.
You being honest?
No, not really.
It is a little painful.
But I've got- I'm- I'm hopped up on, uh, Benalyn.
Strepsils?
No, I couldn't find any strepsils when I came- You know, vocal zone is another good thing.
Do you ever have those?
Uh, yeah, no.
Good for the vocal chords.
Yeah, they're like little black, um, chewy things and you- you, uh, chew them up and they're- they're like an intense, uh, explosion of menthol.
Right.
And that helps with your vocal chords.
Of course, there are other sore throat medicines available.
And cold remedies as well.
But that's what I'm on at the moment here, and that's a little bit of stuff in it.
So we've got great music coming up, listeners, and the results of last week's Song Wars, plus Text the Nation, plus we'll be discussing the future of Song Wars.
But for now a bit more music Ray Winston, what are you choosing now?
Well, now this is a this is a new one that you might not have heard before.
Oh, is this one of mine?
Is it?
Yeah.
This is this is a free play.
This is a very good Australian band.
I think they're Australian.
They're called Operator Please.
They're very young.
Oh, this had a really good video, didn't it, with them climbing around MC Escher style.
Yeah, this is the one that I saw from the basement, that Nigel Godrich produced a program on Sky Arts.
Yeah, really good music show.
Yeah, really young Australian band.
They're aged between 14 and 16, I think.
They won a high school Battle of the Bands competition.
But you wouldn't know from listening to it, because this sounds really good.
This is called Just A Song About Ping Pong.
Yeah.
It's time for song.
That's what it's like on the show, you know?
spot free and fast and loose, real easy.
Give me a convention man, I'll stand on it.
No, I won't stand on it.
You'll flip it over.
Yeah, I refuse to, if like someone says, excuse me, could you stand on this convention, I'd say, no, I can't.
There's no way I'm going to do that.
Give me an envelope.
Yeah.
I'll push it all the way across the table.
I'll push it right off the table.
Off the table.
Yeah.
Give me an edge and I'll stand on it.
Yeah.
And I love it.
Yeah, I'll cut something with it.
Ooh, I'll cut something with it as well.
And, you know, if you introduce me to the edge from YouTube, I'll be friends with them, because I love it.
I love anything edgy.
I love edginess.
Edginess.
This is Adam and Joe on BBC Six Music.
Who was that?
That was the Temptations with Law of the Land.
And yeah, now it's time for Song Wars.
Before we get to the result, let's have a look at some of your emails.
Now, just to fill you in, listeners.
Song Wars, we've been doing this feature since we started here on Six Music last October.
And every week, Joe and I have come up with a new song.
for you guys to listen to and you send us your votes for which one you like best and I week after week have been more or less humiliated and I've lost out sometimes only just to Joe but most often and particularly last week absolutely crushing humiliating defeats sometimes you know deservedly so I lost out to
the right and wrong song, which was certainly better, you know, when all is said and done than the toothpaste brush.
Well, you're very kind, but as a number of emails have pointed out, I think some people think that, you know, your songs, even though they might sort of fluctuate in quality, when they reach a peak,
they reach a higher peak than mine do.
Oh, that's nice.
And equally that, no, that is nice.
Whereas I think some people in these emails, and I've got to say, listeners, thank you, because we've had an amazing quantity of emails, some of them very long, but the general consensus is that my tunes are a bit sort of slick and, you know, less mad and therefore slightly less
Sasses a bit mainstream.
So if we were bands, which band would you be?
Which band would I be?
I wonder I think I've got a sort of Well, you know I hesitate to say this because it might sound self-aggrandizing Well, you know mean it in that way, but I'm a bit cold play ish.
Maybe you reckon?
Yeah, you know a bit a bit kind of overly sincere a bit kind of warbly and kind of formulaic
What are you saying about Coldplay?
I'm saying that they're brilliant.
Yeah.
Did they not come across from that collection of terms?
And you would be... Shed 7.
Uh, shit, no.
Someone better than that, you know, Iggy and the Stooges.
Candy flip.
No, someone, someone good.
Yeah, well, no, if I was being flattering to myself, I would, uh, say something like the flaming lips or something, or the four.
What is that voice?
The voice that I've got.
Yeah, who are you?
I'm just, it sounds like I'm just a drunkie man that's just come in from all night drunken sessions.
So anyway, here are some of the emails we got.
First of all, Chris Brest.
Chris, I'm gonna call you Brest, because I did anything else.
Bresty, stick with it.
Has emailed to inform us, can't actually speak, that there's a Facebook group which has been set up with a poll to find out what the nation's favourite feature actually is.
And apparently, Text the Nation currently has 100% of the vote.
That's good.
Yeah, I think it might have been set up specifically before tax the nation Yeah, I wonder what the other features on there are well someone else is it Chris someone?
I'm not sure whether it's attached or not has sent a printout of the page There are two entries on it and one of which is from Chris best And they're both voting for some for song wars as the favorite features.
Okay, there are no other features nominated
Really?
So not even text the nation, which is the nation's favourite feature.
You know what that means?
That means we can say it is the nation's favourite feature.
Yeah.
As voted for on Facebook.
Everyone's on Facebook.
Everyone is.
That's almost a national survey.
Yeah, that's good enough.
Tom Blackett says of Adam's song last week.
And last week, listeners, we did songs about net piracy.
Yeah.
Tom Blackett says, in a kind of schoolteacherly way, that was really good, Adam.
Well done.
Thank you, Tom.
That's it.
And also, listen as if you've got no idea what we're on about here, the end of the whole saga is that last week, for a combination of reasons, not only because I was throwing a kind of little pathetic strop,
I said, well, that's it.
I think we should retire Song Wars for a little bit and, you know, just give it a rest.
People may have connected your losing with... I'm sure they did.
Listen, because I won't lie.
I was just absolutely... I was distraught.
I'd spent three days on my Nutty Piracy song.
I was in a very dark, dark place.
You know, like a little dark box.
Dark place?
Yeah.
Where is the- oh yeah, I was in Garth Morangie's dark place, and it was scary in there.
And so, uh, you know, but wasn't it nice though this week not to have to do a song?
Did you just do one anyway?
Yeah.
You did?
Yeah.
Did you really?
Yeah.
What was it about?
I'll play it later in the show.
Oh my God.
Here's an email from Paul de la Penne now.
Yeah.
Not sure if that's how you pronounce it.
He says, I'm voting for Adam this week.
He sounded quite miserable about song wars last week.
Although I know he's got a natural tendency towards this because he used to live on the other side of the road from me in Stockwell and drive around looking grumpy in his bright orange car.
Well, that's just creepy.
He said he used to.
He's moved.
Right.
Yeah, no, I don't have that car anymore.
That happened to me once with a neighbour who moved out, a guy that lived across the street.
And the day before he moved out, he came across and said, hello, a fan of your stuff.
I watch you coming and going.
He said that.
That's great, isn't it?
Another email from Michael Foreman, who says, Adam must win this week.
His piracy song is best.
My girlfriend says she likes the lyrics of Joe's song.
I only chose this email because it's nice about me.
She also says Adam's song was proper mental.
Perhaps hinting at a genius we can't afford to overlook.
Yeah.
Yeah, and then finally an email from Philip Koot.
Alright guys, it was me what gave you the idea for Song Wars about downloading.
So, you know, were Song Wars to continue, maybe we could say that the person who came up with the idea has a kind of more powerful vote.
Do you know what I mean?
Right.
Like they could have 10 votes.
Oh, I see what you mean.
The power of 10 votes.
No, that's no good.
Makes a certain sense, doesn't it?
No.
Ben.
That makes no sense.
It makes me quite proud to have suggested the idea that gave Adam one of his few wins, as he deserves to win this week and should, and this is whom my vote is for.
He says we deserve a rest.
Yeah.
He says, I think you deserve a rest.
That's nice.
He hopes it's not a long one.
I can't believe you've done this.
What's your song about?
Take care, boys.
Yeah, thanks a lot.
It says Phil Coot.
Thanks, Phil.
I'll tell you later.
It's about something quite obvious.
So there we go.
You know, it's not looking good for me at all.
Right.
uh having gone through the email well you said you phoned in a little bit last week i did yeah yeah i didn't make much of an effort i i didn't like my own song right thought was irritating went on for too long really and was a bit lazy that's never but you know that's never stopped you winning before
So let's find out after this.
Anyway, let's have a record and then we'll read the results.
Here's the kinks with Till The End Of... The What?
The Day.
That's the kinks with Till The End Of The Day's Adam and Jo on six music.
We'll be back with the result of Song Wars after the news.
It's time for Song Wars.
The war of the songs.
A couple of tunes by a couple of proms.
So check it out.
Uh, yes, it's time to reveal the results of last week's song wars.
The theme was illegal piracy.
Um, I did kind of an average bad one.
Adam did an insane and quite inspired one.
Yours was not, it wasn't average a bad one.
Just forget talking about mine.
I like yours again.
I don't like mine.
It made me chuckle.
Mine's no good, you're wrong.
Um, it's very nice of you though.
Uh, so here are the results.
Right.
I'm gonna make, I'm just gonna rip a piece of paper.
Yeah.
Make it sound as if I'm opening an envelope.
Open the envelope, yeah.
Again, we would not want to lie here on the BBC.
Okay, the envelopes don't even sound like that.
Yeah, they do.
Come on, that was good.
That sounded exactly like an envelope.
Did it?
Ooh, dear.
Joe, I get seven percent.
Seven?
Adam gets ninety three percent.
Wow.
You know, I worry for the people for that seven percent.
Yeah.
For their taste.
No, but on the other hand, you know, how much of mine was a sympathy vote after my pathetic juvenile strop behavior?
quite a lot, I would say.
I doubt it.
Anyway, let's not dwell on it any further and let's have a listen to what you voted for, listeners.
This is my anti-piracy song which, of course, incorporates the anti-piracy theme, the jingle, the sort of national anthem of the anti-piracy nation.
Let's hear it now.
Oh, what do ever look at that film today?
But I don't think I'm gonna pay Cause I'm bad, and I'm still I don't care, I don't fail And I don't say anything, you're gone And I put it in my pocket, yeah I still film, I still focus, I still focus, I still look I still kiss, well I don't still kiss, bye bye
That's the mind of a pirate.
Did you hear the hate and greed?
And our beloved entertainment biz is where the dirty pirates feed.
And I don't mean terrorists and their golden compass knock-offs.
I mean you and your downloads.
Oh, I ought to knock your block-offs.
How do you think this stuff gets made?
If you think artists create it, they don't get me.
It's the only reason they do what they do.
It's not the flippin' work.
Most of that's poo.
They depend on the money that you idiots give so they can make more crap and so they can live the good life.
Yes, the life of the stars.
But you're taking their pools and you're taking their cars.
You bastards!
Ha ha ha!
You better believe it, pal.
Cause we're real.
We're stars.
Yes, the world is changing I don't like it, but that's the way it is
You're ruining all the finely tuned mechanics of the entertainment biz Every file that you download to your computer represents
would have made, possibly.
And even if you're buying other stuff that don't make up, for all the phantom profit that you've slayed.
I don't care, cause I'm mental, I'm evil, and I deserve to be locked up.
Cause I'm a horse, and I smell, and I want to go to hell.
Cause Satan's got free Wi-Fi everywhere, yeah.
And at the end,
What a load of old rubbish.
You're an idiot.
That's rubbish.
I hate you and my song was better.
Yeah, there you go.
Well, thanks listeners, man.
I appreciate that.
You know, on the one hand, it is nice to get a bit of props, a bit of recognition there for my work for the anti-piracy song, but on the other hand, I know that it was, to a certain degree, a kind of sympathy vote after weeks and weeks of having my face rubbed in the dirt.
I don't mean to be rude, I just thought it was all getting a bit lovey-dovey before.
It's just not so interesting.
Listen, while we are being lovey-dovey, I got a message from Johnny Greenwood from Radiohead the other day, and he said, because he'd read on my blog that I was a bit grumpy about it all and everything, and he said, listen, sorry to hear you're grumpy, but loving the sixth music show, I couldn't get Joe's right and wrong song out of my head all last week.
He'd been humming it all last week.
That's gonna ruin his head.
Yeah, exactly.
That's gonna damage one of the greatest heads in show business.
I saw a film called There Will Be Blood.
Have you seen that one?
Haven't seen it yet.
No, Johnny does the music, of course.
Exactly.
That's why I mentioned it.
Right.
Uh, and I had no idea Johnny Greenwood did the music for it.
I actually thought, um, it reminded me of some of the music that Kubrick, uh, uses in The Shining.
Right.
Uses quite a lot of atonal music.
Uh, Luta Slavski, Slavski, stuff like that.
Uh, but then I realized it was by Johnny Greenwood.
And it's amazing!
It's a fantastic film.
Can't wait.
It's directed by P.T.
Anderson.
Yeah.
Slice of PTA.
Are you a PTA fan?
Yeah, kind of, but never as much as after seeing this one.
Right.
It's got an amazing performance by Daniel Day-Lewis.
Right.
Oh, it's brilliant.
Anyway.
So there you go.
And of course, yeah, a genius.
So I thought I'd drop that in there, a little bit of name dropping for you with... Yeah, that was a good bit of name dropping with it sort of covered in a thick layer of... Nice little complimentary machine to it.
Yeah, compliments.
I thought it would be nice just to wrap things up in song wars wise, because we're going to give song wars a little bit of rest, even though Joe's coming with his own song this week, which we'll hear later on.
When are we going to play that in the next hour?
Well, I thought we could play it when we usually play the new song.
You know, because it might be a bit, we might freak us out not to have anything in the last hour.
In the last hour, yeah.
Okay, in the last half hour.
The middle hour, maybe.
Right, right.
So around about 11.30 some time there.
We'll be hearing Joe's song.
But let's play some real music now.
Is this the new one from Adele?
Yeah, last week we put the old Adele out to pasture chasing pavements.
It's become a big hit.
It's number one and stuff.
We've already established that she's been lined up by the music industry to replace Amy Winehouse in case Amy Winehouse falls down a drain or gets her head stuck in a fence.
Or, even worse, cleans up her act and suddenly finds that the muse has deserted her.
All those things would be awful.
Exactly.
So this is the new Amy Winehouse replacement.
She's called Adele.
She's fine.
She's sober.
She's got fairly normal hair.
Normal hair.
She's gonna be like that for up to three weeks.
She currently has no tattoos.
She's got a friend who freebases.
By the end of March her face is gonna be covered with tattoos.
So until she actually spends a late night with that friend, she'll be fine.
Enjoy it while it lasts.
This is called Writer's Rain.
It's very nice indeed.
That's Writer's Rain by Adele.
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music.
This very sunny Saturday morning here in London.
Hope it's nice where you are listeners.
Now, Joe, have you seen the film Jumper starring Billy Elliot?
not yet no are you gonna is that on your list yes is it yeah why would you want to because it's directed by Doug Lyman who did the first born film and is a very good action director right he also did mr. mrs. Smith yeah mr. well I know what you mean about that film it's not that good but it's impressive in certain ways is it never made it through is it worth watching the whole way through
Not really, but you know, it's sort of machine tool.
Yeah in in in in a quite an impressive way ruthlessly efficient Yeah, exactly.
Uh, so I am looking forward to jumper.
I think it could be huge fun huge fun I was thinking last night that nothing makes life Worth living for me more than a than a stupid special effects film.
I don't care how bad it is Yeah, but what if the special effect as seems to be the case in jumper the sequel incidentally is gonna be called a
Wooly's... Cardi.
Why would you want to see a film where like the main selling point is this kind of silly whooshy disappearing effect?
He's already hooked, he loves it.
But you know what I mean?
Like a digital effect that you see in more or less any pop video or TV commercial.
This seems to be the hook for the whole film.
Wouldn't it be amazing if all these people went whooshy and disappeared?
Yeah, no, but it's not the effect, it's the premise.
Yeah, but the idea of being able to teleport instantly and what you do with it, and it sounds as if they've really thought about that premise.
Oh really?
And extrapolated it, you know, in the cleverest possible ways.
Ben's looking excited, look at that!
Look at Ben, he's grinning from the air to the air.
He's never been so excited about anything!
That's gonna be good.
Come on.
But in the, in the trail, in the trail, you don't see anything that looks exciting.
All you see is the washing.
That's nonsense.
A car comes out of the side of a building.
One minute he's in Times Square, the next minute he's at the pyramids.
What do you want, Adam Buxton?
Well, I want something that looks a bit more interesting than that.
You just want the next Harry Potter?
No, because I love that.
Can you get it for me?
Dumbledore, I didn't do it, I promise.
I'm a fairy potter.
The last one was good, the last Harry Potter.
No, it was.
Oh, come on, it was enjoyable.
But no, I didn't see anything.
Yes, so what?
They're on a pyramid.
It's like, yeah, anything's possible and all we have to connect the dots on this mad, no rules landscape is the Wauchy effect.
When was a trailer?
ever a good way to judge the quality of the film well that's true obviously but see the film reserve your judgment i think everybody should go and see jumper yeah on the day it comes out and then we'll all have a big dirty skin style naked party oh skin started again it's about to start but let's not change the subject no no no but you know i'd be more excited about jumper if it was about an actual jumper like a woolly jumper really
What would the story be?
Well, this guy's been given a jumper.
And it's a nice one.
It's a good one, right?
And his mum's knitted it.
What are the special effects?
Is it some kind of woolen portal?
No, here's the thing.
The special effects, right?
You see the jumper being knitted.
But very fast.
So she knits it really much quicker than you could normally knit a jumper.
And then at one point... Wasn't that one of Supergrande's powers?
Was it?
Wasn't Super Grand able to knit things really fast?
Possibly.
Don't bring me down.
I'm not bringing you down.
Super Grand was very successful with The Under Five.
I never enjoyed Super Grand that much.
You might be right about that, but listen.
So towards the end of the second act in the movie when things start to go wrong...
The jumper comes undone, and you see it coming undone like a thread pulls out of the- Does somebody at some stage go, DONE it?
DONE it?
And it's got two meanings.
They're going to now.
I like that idea down, I like that.
And then towards the end of the film, it's okay, the jumper is fixed.
Will the soundtrack be by Nitten Sawney?
I like that idea.
Very good.
Any other ideas for my film, which is going to be called Cardi?
I think I'd love to hear them from you and from the listeners.
Help me out.
We can make a lot of money here.
Now it's time for more music.
I picked this one for you folks.
This is from Kevin Ayers.
He used to be in Soft Machine years and years ago in the sixties and seventies with Robert Wyatt.
And then he became a successful solo artist in his own right.
And he's kind of
part of the, uh, pastoral, folk-y, psychedelic English music scene, I suppose.
Not to everyone's taste, maybe, but I really like this one particularly.
It's called Blue.
Hope you enjoy it.
Did you just stick that singing on at the end yourself?
That was me singing, yeah.
It's good.
It really gives it a lift at the end there.
Yeah, thanks a lot.
That was Kevin Ayres with Blue.
BBC.
On digital.
BBC Six Music.
Hey, this is Adam and Jo.
Excuse me, here on a Saturday morning.
Once again, listeners, I should remind you that I'm speaking in a slightly odd way because I have a bit of a cold, so my voice has gone a bit wonky.
Jo, were you going to remind... Yeah, I was just going to remind listeners of the text number.
It's 64046.
You can text at any point during the show.
uh don't text in anything negative Adam and I have had eye surgery this week that means we can't actually see anything negative right um which has really given given me a good week yeah have you had a wicked week yeah really good I simply um I simply can't see anything that's you know not cheerful
So what do you do when you're watching TV?
That must cut out quite a lot of stuff there for you.
Yeah, I don't, I can't see the TV.
Right.
Particularly Channel 4.
It's all so miserable.
Exactly.
This is total misery box.
That's what they call it, the misery box.
Channel 4.
Oh didn't enjoy celebrity ding-dong didn't watch celebrity ding-dong quite enjoyed it.
Did you?
I thought it was pretty good We were discussing the phenomena that Channel 4 seemed to be making shows longer and longer and longer Yeah, it's 50.
I didn't realize it was 50 minutes.
I didn't watch the whole read somewhere It may not be true, but they're big fat quiz of the year.
They do which is very enjoyable.
That's longer than Yeah, it is it's about two or two and a half or three hours long really something the big ding-dong
is 50 minutes.
So you said.
That's a TV one hour.
That beggars belief, I must say, because I watched about 20 minutes, which was perfectly, yeah, serviceable 20 minutes, but I can't believe that it went on half an hour after that.
It's turning into French television.
Do you ever watch Canal Plus?
Oh, look at that plus.
French television is just one show with four intellectuals and a singer in a white studio with an audience just discussing stuff.
Yeah.
And then occasionally Antoine de Cone, he pops up quite a little bit.
Yes.
And he's talking French and they always say, I like it.
I like the French.
Oh, it's nice.
Nice.
Anyway, yeah.
Now I was going to say, we should hear some more music actually, but we've got the nation's favorite feature coming up, folks.
Yeah.
And that's official now.
That's official.
Well, it's not song wars though I'm talking about.
I'm talking about text the nation.
Yeah.
Oh, no, that's what they're talking about.
Oh, okay, okay.
So the nation's favourite feature is coming up shortly, but first, here's some more music for you.
This is Block Party with The Prayer.
Text the nation.
Text, text, text, text the nation.
What if I don't want to?
Text the nation.
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
It doesn't matter, text!
Text the Nation time, ladies and gentlemen, and this week, by way of setting up what we're going to be asking you to text about, I'd like to speak about the Sarah Chronicles Terminator, the Sarah Conner Chronicles.
Can I just very quickly say, before we get into that, Lindsay Clegg, thanks for your emails.
She's pregnant and a bit mental because of it, and she's angry that we didn't read her email out.
Oh, about the jumper.
No, it was a song wars related email.
All right, Lindsay Thanks, and we did we did read it We got a lot of emails and they were all wonderful and there just simply isn't time to read them all out Otherwise it would turn into points of view.
Yes, exactly.
So no disrespect You know if we don't read yours out on the air, but we appreciate all the emails and messages we get so yes terminator the Sarah Chronicle Sarah Connor Chronicles and
See, that's problem one with it.
A better name for it would be the Sarah Conicles.
Exactly.
The Sarah Connor Chronicles.
I mean, that is a mouthful, isn't it?
Yeah.
The Sarah Conicles.
The Conicles.
Anyway, we got invited to see the screening of this, because it's going to be on what channel in the UK?
I think it's on, isn't it on Virgin One or something?
Right.
It's coming to the UK very soon, and it started airing in the US in mid-January.
Started, yeah.
Yeah, started airing on BitTorrent.
Right.
In mid-January.
No, it's actually started going out.
Oh, yes.
In the US.
Yeah.
But it's available on BitTorrent currently.
And it's... I only watched the first one.
And it was all right.
It was not too bad.
But the main thing is like the Terminator guy they've got for it.
And it's basically an extension of where they left off with the second film, rather than the third one, I think.
Because what happened at the end of Rise of the Machines?
Nuclear wall, wasn't it?
The world was just engulfed in a nuclear firestorm.
Everyone dies.
It was very bleak.
My love for the franchise died.
Yeah, quite right.
Danes, what was Danes doing in that one?
I wish I could manage Danes.
What was Stahl doing in that one?
What was anyone doing in that one?
What was Arnie doing in that one?
He was in there, wasn't he?
Looking about a hundred.
It was awful.
That was just...
That was just before he became the governator, wasn't it?
Yeah, you know, nothing makes me angrier than a really poor sequel to a great film that really ruins the, you know, logic of the franchise.
Listeners, I can vouch for that.
Nothing makes Joe more furious.
I feel so angry.
He's so angry, he hits me.
Yeah, I go to the Philippines and kill on a private man-hunting reserve.
Yeah.
It's possible.
If you're rich enough, you can do that.
He's like Predator.
Yeah.
And he gets absolutely furious.
He cries and he screams and he just hurts himself and everyone around him.
So it's a horrible thing to see.
But so maybe you should stay away from the Sarah Connor Chronicles.
because it is more or less nonsense.
And one of the worst things about it is the Terminator guy they've got looks just like a big dork who wouldn't get any acting work elsewhere, do you know what I mean?
Maybe it's doing the guy down, but there's very little that needs to be done to fulfill the requirements of the part, you know?
But you know, that was what was quite good about the robot in Terminator 2, the nasty policeman one.
that he looked a bit dorky.
Do you remember?
Like he wasn't a big beefcake like Arnie.
And if you were sending killer robots backwards in time, it would be better to let them blend in, you know?
Well, this is what they've done in this one, because as well as the big hunky dork man, who was the evil robot in the TV version,
And, incidentally, the only way that you can tell he's a robot, apart from occasionally seeing bits of his metal exposed when he gets bashed up.
He wheeze oil.
He wheeze oil all over the street.
When he blinks, uh, he blinks sideways.
It does, um, when he farts, little iron filings come out.
No, that's not true.
Um, you can tell he's a robot, because occasionally he just cocks his head a little bit.
And that's what robots and evil people, incidentally, do, you know?
Does he make little noises?
He doesn't, but occasionally, to set the scene, they tell you where everything is and what time of day it is.
I can't believe they're still doing that.
I know!
People should have realised in the mid-70s that computers were gonna no longer actually make noises when they merely produced font, you know, text.
I wonder if they ever did.
I'd like to find a computer that... It'd be good to have that function on a computer that you could switch on.
Anyway, so he's the evil guy, the big chunky man who cocks his head, but the Terminator sent to protect the hero is a little girl, a young woman.
She's a teenage girl of sort of the correct age for possible romantic entanglement with the protagonist, yeah.
So that's their big genius conceit to sort of move the thing on a little bit.
And it kind of works, and at the same time... I wouldn't have sex with a young lady robot.
Why?
You wouldn't know what was up there, whether it had been correctly smoothed.
You know, it's like popping your old fellow into a...
into a fax machine you all know that might be nice everybody's done that oh dear me what if it what if you couldn't get it out what if it got snagged on something well exactly and what what if the wiring was was bad anyway and you've got a nasty little shock
Don't know.
It's fun at first, but... It's no good.
Well, all these problems are dealt with in Battlestar Galactica, of course, and as well.
Anyway, I digress.
That kind of thing.
Really?
Do people sleep with robots in Battlestar Galactica?
That's what it's all about, man.
Yep.
Really?
Yep.
Anyway, so I was wondering listeners about what other films it would be good to see turned into TV series' and wondered if you could help us out by texting your thoughts.
I had a couple of ideas.
How about seven the series?
Yeah?
Mm-hmm.
So it starts with Mills, played by Brad Pitt or whatever, whoever you could get, some rubbish actor who looks a tiny bit like Brad Pitt, getting out of prison.
He partners up with Somerset, played by Morgan Freeman, of course, in the film.
And for the series of seven, the tone is a little bit lighter than the film, okay?
And so there's a running gag.
It's sort of like a buddy cop movie.
They go in there, every week they have a different case.
and every week Somerset will tease Mills a little bit with a box and he'll be chanting what's in the box and of course rather than it being the head of a loved one in the box it always turns out to be something fun you know like maybe a big mouth Billy Bass
Yeah.
Or a beer, that kind of thing.
Just a fun gift.
Yeah, a fun gift.
What, because there are only seven deadly sins which have all been used up by the film, so there'd have to be some other structure for the... It's just days of the week.
Just days of the week.
Really?
Yeah, so every week there's always seven days of the week, so it doesn't... You can start with the twelve days of Christmas.
Uh-huh.
yeah with the egg and you get killed with like uh five pipers piping and yeah exactly it wasn't five was it it was however many that we were the christmas edition that's right the lords are leaping and they leap right in your face and
Wow, what would the crime scene be like after that attack?
Top hats everywhere.
There's clearly been lords sleeping all over the area.
So that was my idea.
You know, and it would be fun.
You'd guess each week what was going to be in the box.
It's a little bit like finding out what flavor milkshake Alberto Fogg would have in Bod.
Exactly.
That would be good, a cross between seven and deal or no deal.
People love anything box-based.
So I'll give you some more ideas in a little bit, but that was the first one.
do that I think in deal or no deal in one of the boxes should be the severed head of a relative of the contestant that would give it a bit of a sort of mid-show kick yeah definitely yeah oh dear you know and Noel could do some amazing emoting with that kind of thing as well that would certainly cheer the whole thing up
So text your suggestions to 64046, please, listeners.
Your idea for your ideas for TV shows, spun-off movies, obviously the more stupid, the better.
Have you got another one or music?
I do.
Let's have some music, though, first, and then I'll give you a few more examples.
Right now, here's Band of Horses with No One's Gonna Love You.
Dario Lab.
That's called Miss Modula.
It's from their 1997 album Dots and Loops.
That's one of their best ones.
Yeah, their last album was in 2004.
Was it?
Yeah, Margarina Clips.
They've got one coming out later this year.
Apparently so, yeah.
In fact, I got a request from their record company for us to interview them.
Yeah, I saw that for some sort of a podcast.
They live very near us.
Right, do they?
Yes, they used to.
They certainly used to live in South London, yeah.
Would you be up for that?
Yeah.
I think, well, I certainly would.
Yeah, they're fantastic.
We love Stereolab.
They're geniuses, and hopefully they used to be still very much in love.
That they've split up, I think.
Have they really?
Yeah, Tim Gainan.
It's a shame that they're not still very much in love.
But she's happily ensconced in some way.
It is a shame, isn't it?
It's a shame she's lovely.
She feels lovely.
I would have slept, you know, slipped into bed with them.
So would I. Tweaked both of their nips.
They would have liked that.
That would have kept them together.
That's a nice thought.
Who would split up after that?
Okay, Ben.
I think it's time for the jingle.
Text-a-nation!
Text, text, text!
Text-a-nation!
What if I don't want to?
Text-a-nation!
We're at a museum email!
Is that a problem?
It doesn't matter, text!
Now, Text the Nation this week is all about films that could be turned into TV series.
And what we need from you listeners is to not only suggest the film, the more inappropriate the better, but what the mechanic of the TV show would be, i.e.
how they would stretch the premise of the film out for an infinite number of series, because no one goes into making a TV adaptation of a film thinking, no, well, it'll only be one series.
And the main difference between a film narrative and a TV series narrative is you have to avoid it ending.
In film it's important to work towards an ending.
Everything kind of comes from the ending.
Many writers write backwards from the ending.
In TV, very different.
No, exactly.
You've just got to end little trivial plots.
And then you get... And it's frustrating, of course, for the audience, because the audience believes, or would like to believe, that the people creating the TV series have an ending in sight.
This is where many series go wrong.
The X-Files lost may have gone wrong.
It might be coming back in the new season, you know.
It's like that speech in Stand By Me, isn't it?
Do you remember about when they're sitting around the fire and they're talking about wagon train?
Mm-hmm.
And talking about the fact that they'll never get to wherever they're going.
Yes, exactly.
Similarly with the old Battlestar Galactica series, when they never really seemed to find Earth.
Yeah, yeah.
And you'd be waiting for the episode when they did?
And then it's a huge disappointment.
Did it happen in the end?
In the original series, I don't know.
I think they did, didn't they?
I can't remember.
Maybe someone out there could remind us whether they actually did find Earth in the original Battlestar Galactica.
So here's a few more examples I had of movies that would be great, I think, as TV series.
You know, I didn't expand these ones, but what about Gandhi, the TV series?
What would he do week by week?
Uh, he would peacefully protest.
Yeah, that's basically it, isn't it?
About stuff.
On Golden Pond?
The series?
Is that it for Gandhi?
Yeah.
What else can you think of in there?
I don't know.
He could get in some adventures.
He could solve crime.
He could travel forward in time.
Most of my ideas involve some crime solving.
I like it when people solve crime.
Well, crime's bad and it must be solved.
Solved.
So Gandhi would solve crime.
And then On Golden Pond?
What about Gandhi and Handy Andy?
That's a good idea.
It's some kind of DIY show.
Handy Gandy.
Handy Gandy and Handy Gandy.
Just an idea.
That's very nice.
Handy, Handy and Gandy and they solve crime and there's some DIY.
Yeah.
And peace.
And on Golden Pond, they go and they row on the pond and they solve crime.
And Pan's Labyrinth, the TV series,
Well hang on, you're just saying they sold?
I know I didn't, I hadn't really thought about... That's leaving the listeners up the garden path.
That's true, isn't it?
Because if they just send those in, that's going to be a disaster.
Alright, no, that's no good.
Come on, think, what would happen in Old Golden Pond?
That's about an old couple fighting, isn't it?
Yeah, and sort of coming to terms with their Twilight years.
Yeah, yeah.
I guess they get themselves fit.
He would die.
Very nearly die at the end of every episode.
Right.
But then just pull through.
Well, here's the thing.
Here's a technique that they use in Lost a great deal to spin absolutely everything out, of course, which is the flashback.
And of course, now in the new season of Lost, they're using the flash forward, but basically flashing either back or forward from when the action is set in order to stretch everything out to an infinitesimal length.
So I was thinking Titanic, the TV series, right?
Titanic, before the burg, you could call it.
And the length of the voyage is stretched out ad infinitum for however many series you want, with the use of flashbacks for every single passenger on board.
That's good because there's lots, aren't there?
There's a lot of passengers.
And so you just have slash back.
When you've run out of legitimate ones, they're always stowaways.
Exactly.
Stowaways.
Fish.
The dolphins.
Family members of the back home.
You have their backstories.
Couple of guys hiding in the funnels.
The people that designed the ship.
If it was really successful, you could take it down to the level of plankton and knits.
The knits in the hair of the band that kept playing on.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Brilliant.
A beautiful mind.
the TV series which would be called Mind Games.
Disturbed math genius John Nash every week teams up with the FBI and each week uses a new maths puzzle to solve a crime.
Great.
It's educational as well.
That would be on in the morning and it would have wordy in it.
Do you remember wordy?
Words and pictures.
The weird orange number man with no legs that floats around the place.
I do remember wordy.
And also, of course, we're never quite sure in a beautiful mind the TV series whether it's actually happening or whether it's part of a breakdown.
You know what I mean?
It's got that added edge of reality to it.
Hey man, we've got to go to the news in a second, but first here's a message from the boss.
That's James Brown, you may have heard of him.
He's a singer from America.
That's called The Boss.
Here's the news.
That was The Beat with Too Nice to Talk To.
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music.
I'm too boring to talk to, that's my problem.
You know?
Well, you're so boring they haven't even written a song about you.
No, exactly.
Too dull to talk to.
Now I was with that.
I've got my iPhone here, Chuck.
You never miss an opportunity to tell us about your flipping eye.
Yeah, I've got my iPhone here.
Have you read they're reducing all the tariffs?
Aye.
Yeah.
That's good.
When I read that, a voice in my head said,
I hope Adam has to say on the expensive tariff.
Then I'll get one and it'll be cheaper and he'll be sussed.
And then I read.
But existing customers will have their packages, you know, the price.
What did the voice in your head say then?
Damn!
Well, it's it's one of these things it provokes a lot of Fury and people, you know, I had a really strange conversation with a good friend of mine earlier this week and Suddenly and we've had a few drinkies actually and it was sort of late in the evening but I was this this was Dougie and I was eulogizing about my iPhone and and and talking about all the great features Apparently Dougie's just written a song called too boring to talk to yeah, that's true
Anyway, he suddenly went totally nuts on me and just started coming out with this, with this kind of digital race hate.
Do you know what I mean?
About what?
About Max in particular and just saying, oh, Mum's so fed up of Max and iPhones and all them stupid rip-off products.
He didn't say them stupid.
But, you know what I mean?
Because I was talking about the new Mac... The stupid new... Yeah, well it does seem to make... The Mac Air.
They produced a new incredibly slim laptop.
Yeah.
But it does seem as if they've crossed a certain line because it's got no disk drive.
Right.
No firewire port or something.
I'm not being accurate here.
But they've skimped on some essential stuff.
That seems just a bit gratuitous, because it's all- It seems as if they've sacrificed actual usability for the sake of their idiot's sexiness.
Yeah, but it's all- That's why he was upset.
Maybe, maybe.
No, he was just upset in principle.
He said it's all just a big scam.
It's all just a way of ripping people off to seduce them into buying newer, sexier products every now and then, and actually they're not- They've certainly got that down to a T-Mac.
Yeah.
In terms of exploiting that little gene in people's brains, people out there who use PCs and shun Mac products probably won't kind of understand this, but there's something a bit addictive about it, and they really know how to exploit it, don't they?
Yeah.
I mean, people get really upset about it.
It was the most heated conversation I've had in quite a while.
If I'd been there, I would have been with Dougie.
Would you?
I would have ganged up.
on you and made you feel awful.
Oh no, but you know, I love using my Mac and everything and I'm certainly in the other camp.
I mean, it's just opened up so many avenues and opportunities for me.
I really, I really love all that.
Opportunities to surf the net.
Yeah, but maybe I'm just a drone.
I've been seduced by all the curves and the sleekness and I'm just a dork.
But you've never used a PC before, have you?
No.
Why would you?
They're so ugly.
They're so ugly, but here at the Big British Castle, we don't endorse any particular computer.
We, or indeed, what are they called?
Abacus.
No.
Any counting machine is fine here at the castle.
In fact, they only use an abacus here at the Big British Castle.
They do.
You're not allowed to use any form of computer.
or beads in bowls?
The bead bowl.
Have you seen the new I bead bowl?
I'm writing a script with beads in bowls.
Yeah.
I've got a very big tray.
How's it going?
Fine, but I don't know how I'm going to get it to America.
Yeah, it's going to take a while.
When did you start writing the bead bowl script?
1383.
Yeah, exactly.
That's the thing.
It just tends to be a little faster when you're using one of them new computers.
Anyway, it's time for more music now, ladies and gentlemen.
This is Laura Marling.
What do we know about Laura Marling?
Give me some Laura Marling facts.
Do we have facts?
Yes, her debut album, Alas, I Cannot Swim, will be released on Monday.
So that's exciting, listers.
If you like this song, you can pop a tenner aside, and on Monday you can rush out to the plots and say, give us that one.
Give us a little slice of that Marling right there, yeah.
But alternatively, if you hate it, you can go to the shops on Monday with a little hammer and smash every copy.
You'll be arrested.
You'd go to prison.
But it might be worth it if you really hate it.
Who knows?
Let's have a listen.
This is Ghosts.
There we go.
That's Laura Marling with Ghosts.
It's time to test our producer Ben to see how fast he can produce the Text-A-Nation jingle.
Text-A-Nation.
Text, text, text.
Text-A-Nation.
What if I don't want to?
Text-A-Nation.
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
It doesn't matter.
Text.
That was good.
That was very fast.
He didn't have any warning.
He was right in there.
Look at that cheeky satisfied smile.
A little bit of a giggle.
Incidentally, just a little call back to that Laura Marling track.
She's going to be on Stephen Merchant's show tomorrow or next Sunday, so not tomorrow, but the one after.
Stephen is back tomorrow though, right?
He's back from his holidays, been away for a month or something outrageous.
But he's back with you listeners from three to five.
Yeah.
Can we go away for a month?
One day we will.
Yeah, when we get fired.
In the summer.
Yeah.
Only a matter of time.
Who would fill in?
Oh, we talked about this before.
Chuckle Brothers.
Tectonation this week is all about TV series spin-offs from films, the most unlikely and nut-soid off-the-wall ones.
Yeah, we kind of had to explain the guts out of it a little bit.
Here's my apocalypse now.
Apocalypse knew it's called the missions of Ben Willard, Jr., right?
Every week, the son of Captain Willard
Uh, of course, the Martin Sheen character in the film, Ben Willard Jr.
gets a new mission, at which is resolved by the end of the show.
One week he has to confront the school bully and terminate the bullying with extreme prejudice.
Yeah?
And in the climactic scene, he confronts the bully in a dimly lit locker room and listens to him spout.
That's terrible, there's no... what?
Sorry, that was harsh.
That's weaker because it doesn't have any of the trappings of the original film.
It's not set in a jungle.
If you're a fan of the film, why would you be drawn to a Wonder Years-style school thing that happened to have a lead character called...?
Because it's a mission.
I don't know because I thought maybe the thing about it was that it was like a mission and you know He meets all sorts of people along the way, and he might be on a boat.
He might go on a boat There might be a boat trip if that's your problem, and then okay listen another week He has to visit his grandma.
She's gone completely insane, and he has to terminate her with extreme prejudice horrible
And she lives in a jungle, all right, happy?
Yeah, that's better.
Yeah, it's good.
So what about, have we got anything from the listeners?
Yes, we've got lots from the listeners.
Here's one from Shar-Miller in Colchester.
She says, Titanic the cereal.
You had an idea for Titanic there, Adam.
Before the bug.
Shar-Miller's improved it slightly after Rose dies and goes back to the Titanic.
uh, ghost ship every week.
She and Jack have to stop the ship crashing into different objects, i.e.
the Statue of Liberty, a school full of children, an iceberg full of spikes and excrement.
Every week the ship hits the object, and most of the show focuses on the sinking.
Everyone dies, but it doesn't matter because they're already dead, because of course it's a ghost ship.
That's really very good.
I love the idea of it hitting a different thing.
Yeah.
And the idea that, you know, the writers wouldn't be constrained by any sense of reality.
Yeah.
An iceberg covered in spikes.
Full of spikes and excrement.
That's a good idea for a film on its own.
Sean Miller, you've got a powerful noggin.
That's very good.
Two and a half Robocops, says Stefan in Brixton.
Robo and his roommate, Ed 209, are trusted with the care of a mouthy orphan girl with a hilarious outcome.
Now that's quite good, isn't it?
That is good, yeah.
I think it would probably just be a cheeky toaster, rather than an orphan girl.
Yes.
Don't you think?
Or maybe Orack from Blake's Seven.
Or maybe half cheeky girl, half toaster.
I like the idea of a sitcom inhabited entirely by, um, robots.
Well, Orack would be the- the kind of, uh, grandmother figure, you know, sort of wise.
How could the C-3PO could turn up for a cameo?
That is a good idea.
Metal Mickey could show up?
Yeah.
K-9?
All the robots.
That would be super.
All the robots would get together.
It'd be a big deal to get all the rights.
There'd have to be some serious conference table assemblies.
It would be- Anything's doable now in the Alien vs Predator world.
The money to be made for everybody would be extraordinary.
Absolutely.
Wow.
all the marketing and everything and yeah that's a good idea that's a great idea um well done Stefan in Brixton very good um here's another one uh yeah this will take some explaining says Adam in Brighton a spin-off from the Shawshank Redemption
set two years after Morgan Freeman has met Tim Robbins on the beach in Mexico.
They're now living a frivolous life sailing the oceans.
They have a pet dolphin who helps them, you'll like this, solve crimes.
Yeah.
And at the end of each episode, they will have solved the crime somehow using a tiny teaspoon in the most fascinating and jaw-dropping manner.
There you have it.
That's the tiny teaspoon that Tim Robbins digs himself out of there.
That's right.
And maybe a big poster of what was the poster of?
It was some film, wasn't it?
Oh.
I never... A lady poster, wasn't it?
I never bought that.
Did you not?
No.
That the guards wouldn't look behind the poster?
Well, that nobody at any point over all those years lent casually against the poster and fell through the hole.
Why would they?
Why would they be in the cell, though?
The guards don't generally go in the cell.
Yeah, they do.
Guards can go where they want.
Well, they do when they turn over the place.
Prisoners are constantly bumming each other and bouncing off the walls.
That's all they ever do.
Shooting up drugs.
They're constantly bouncing off the walls.
There's nothing else to do.
Yeah, but you're not going to bounce off the wall of your own cell and ruin your lady poster covering the escape hole.
I don't know, man.
I mean, it's a brilliant film.
I was in prison for a long time and let me tell you, you can cover almost anything up with a lady poster.
It's not a problem.
That's a good idea, though.
And also, I think you'd be missing a trick if you didn't have a scene every week where he has to crawl through excrement.
Do they do that in the short?
Yeah, they do.
Yeah, very memorably.
Like a long tunnel.
Each week, the tunnel gets a little bit long, and there's different stuff, because it could be like, I'm a celebrity getting me out of here.
That's true.
I like the fact that you would always be thinking, how are they going to work an excrement tunnel into this narrative?
There could be one set in the desert, one set in space, and you'd be thinking, wow, how are they going to work it in?
What's that floating towards us?
Looks like some kind of tube.
Some kind of tube.
Let's investigate.
Do you really think we should after last week?
Let's have some more suggestions in a little bit.
Right now, here's another piece of music that I've chosen for you listeners.
This is from one of my all-time favorite albums, from one of my all-time favorite people.
It's... It's Daz Sampson.
No, it's Chico time.
No, it's David Byrne and this was I think his first solo album after leaving talking heads after splitting talking heads up cruelly by facts He went off and he did a kind of world music album and it was mainly Latin rhythms He was investigating there and this is one of my favorite tracks from that album Ray Momo and the track is called lie to me and
That's, uh, that's A-Punk with Vampu- No, no, Vampire Weekend with A-Punk.
Have you listened to that album yet, John?
No, that's the new big thing, isn't it?
Vampire Weekend.
It's good, man.
Yeah, we took that.
We got sent freebies of that.
Uh, did we?
We did.
Yeah, you were gonna leave yours behind.
You tossed it aside.
Well, it did add a very poorly taken photo of a chandelier on the front.
No, you'd think someone would have checked that.
Casting a nasty shadow.
It should have had a Kodak sticker on it.
So yeah, this album cover is rejected.
But apparently it's the latest thing.
That would be a good idea.
Has anyone done that?
Put the Kodak sticker on the front of a crappy photo for an album?
You'd think.
Come on, bands.
You've got to sort your lives out.
Come on, bands.
Pull your fingers out.
Will you pull your fingers out and wash them before you do anything, please?
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music.
Do we have any more texts before we wrap up text the nation?
It's nearly 11.
The top of the hour is a special time on radio.
There's sometimes news.
There's something called a sweeper.
What is the function of the sweep?
It's just to let people know that it's around about 11 o'clock, right?
Have we got one of those coming up?
Just to give structure, to add structure.
So in 25, in 20 seconds we've got to do that.
What happens if we miss the sweeper?
He just automatically kicks in now.
Really?
While we're speaking it suddenly.
We've got, we've got terrific text coming in, lots to read out.
It's going to be really great.
Um, 10 seconds.
Joseph's obsessed with the sweeper now, he's worried if we miss it.
Uh, text 64046.
Three seconds, two seconds.
Uh, GBC.
On digital.
BBC 6 music.
Is that it?
That was it.
A waste of time.
It really nicely hit you though, you got that sweet book.
That means it's 11 o'clock.
Exactly, 11 o'clock.
Have you got any texts there that you can read out immediately or shall we have some more music and then wrap it up?
Let's have some more music.
That's a little bit of music.
What are your feelings on the Julian Cope situation?
I'm sorry once again listening as I apologise about my voice, it's sort of annoying.
I don't like it when people have
voice problems like this, you know, because I always think they're putting it on, really.
Do you remember the film Anaconda?
Yeah.
If I got a baro and gave you a like... Tracheotomy.
Would that help?
Yeah, that would be ideal.
Alright, we'll do that during the next song.
Yeah, so here's a little slice of Julian Cope for you.
Oh, Trampoline, this one is.
Yes, Trampoline.
So this is sort of mid... Yeah, mid period, Nutty Cope, isn't it?
This is after he got himself back together again a little bit, but was still fairly demented.
And yes, Trampoline, Julian Coke.
See, he uses the word to mean two things there.
It's not only the bouncy, fun, spring-based piece of cloth.
It's also that's what it says on that.
If you buy a trampoline, that's what it says on the packet.
Yeah.
Bouncy farm and spring based piece of cloth.
It's also the idea of being trampled by maybe women, maybe the system.
He's writing the song from the point of view of the cloth.
Yeah, exactly.
I can't believe you're trampling me.
Yeah.
I may be called a trampoline.
Might be fun for you, but you're really stretching my central tummy area.
Exactly.
Repeatedly.
You're stretching my credulity, my patience, my springs, and any second now I'm going to hurl you off into the garden, make you land on the lawn and break your leg.
Yeah, exactly.
If you're lucky.
Could be worse.
Yeah, they're lethal, those things.
They are lethal.
Gotta have a net around them.
If you were a rich man with a big garden, would you have a big trampoline there?
uh yeah i'd have a series of trampolines i'd use it to get from my main house to my pool uh they'd be about seven or eight meters apart and i'd jump out of my bedroom window and i'd have them perfectly lined up and i'd boing yeah and land in the pool
You could just boing around and they'd be at different sizes.
You could boing up the stairs instead of having stairs, just have trampoline stairs.
I saw a brilliant trampoline based video this week, you know.
I host this thing at the BFI Stroke NFT.
It's a forum for pop videos.
We show a load of excellent pop videos.
Bug, bug, yeah.
But now for March, always get sold out.
But we showed a brilliant one by this guy called Reel Vooters for a band called Zzzz.
Just Zzzz.
And it's all one shot from above a trampoline.
And he's sort of basically exploring all the various cool trippy effects you can get from having people jumping around in various ways on trampolines.
I recommend you check it out listeners.
Watch the track called, did you just say?
I can't remember what the track is called.
The band is called Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Do you have a couple of little texts?
Well, we'll do those in a second, maybe.
Okay, you're going to introduce yourself.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is a free play and this might be a bad idea, listeners, but this is six music, right?
And people are supposed to like music.
Adventurists.
Yeah.
This is, many of you may have been to see the film Sweeney Todd, Tim Burton's adaptation of Sweeney Todd.
The Demon Barber of Fleet Street.
Right.
And it's a pretty good movie.
It's based on the musical by Stephen Sondheim.
Yeah, he's something of a genius.
But Burton does a weird thing.
thing.
He leaves out the title track, which is a really famous and fantastic and scary song, the theme of Sweeney Todd.
He completely emits it.
And, you know, some people generally are freaked out by this film, not because it's gory, it is quite gory, but because they don't realize it's a musical.
In the trailer, they hardly hint that it's a musical.
Yeah.
And apparently lots of people are standing up and walking out.
Oh, really?
Because they just can't believe that people are just singing the whole time.
And they sing more or less all the time, don't they?
More or less.
Yes, there's some little dialogue exchanges.
But, you know, that's what proper musicals are all about.
Yeah, exactly.
Anyway, the music is amazing, and sometimes kind of a genius, and I thought it would be good to play the song that Burton inexplicably leaves out.
Apparently he filmed it, but didn't use it.
Maybe because it's the only time where the characters actually sing into the lens, to camera, and he thought that was too eggy.
But this song is wicked, man.
We'll be on the DVD extras, aren't we?
Maybe, and it's genuinely frightening, and it's the theme tune.
It's like leaving out the song Chichi Chichi Bang Bang from Chichi Bang Bang Chichi Chichi.
Right, or Grease.
From Grease, yeah.
Why would you do that?
Why would you?
This is the ballad of Sweeney Todd.
Hello, I'm Michael Ball.
This is BBC3, and I'm here with my guest, Joe Cornish.
He's going through some of his favourite musicals there.
Yeah, why did you pick that one for us, Joe?
I just love the costumes.
I love the stitching, the seamstressness, the dressing.
I just love musicals.
I love musicals too.
The shouting, the pointing, the tiny seats, the Maltesers.
I love the theatre.
I love Sondheim.
Do you?
Yes.
Can I say that you're looking very, very attractive?
I've got six nipples.
Have you?
You can have two of them.
That's my favourite number of nipples.
I've got no use for them at all.
Wonderful stuff.
I suckle piglets sometimes on a farm.
Wow, thank you.
Sorry if that insulted your ears, but you know, it's a bit like what people say when they do charity things, you know, if one person enjoyed that, then it's worth doing.
And you know, one person did enjoy that.
Me too.
that was good thanks i had um matt stone right it does south park yeah they went to visit steven sondheim in his new york apartment after they'd made the south park film yes that was a musical uh absolutely with a very memorable number of very memorable songs
And Sondheim was suitably impressed, so they went to meet him.
He's quite old, and he's a gay man, a man that likes other men's bits and bobs.
They said he had the most amazingly attractive sort of 21-year-old boyfriend.
Did he?
Yeah.
Good old Sondheim.
They were deeply impressed.
Nice going.
That a man as old as that could, through the power of music, attract a young... A youngling.
Nothing more attractive than success and talent.
It's true.
Props to Steve.
What other musicals has he done?
What are his most famous songs?
Into the Woods.
Yeah.
Lots of them.
He's good.
High School and Musical.
He did High School Musical too, that's true.
Yeah.
And he also did some of the songs for The Secret of Nim.
him okay it's time for a hub session now we're gonna wrap up text the nation after this folks or very shortly thereafter anyway but before that here is primal scream they're bad boys they're dirty and they come from Scotland they're gonna do a talky introduction to this yeah and you can hear from the tone of the man's voice that they just don't care they just don't they don't care don't give a fig if you want a fig off Bobby Gillespie he won't give you one
He's not going to give you one.
This is from 2006.
That's Primal Scream, recorded in 2006 for their six music hub sessions.
And they were singing Country Girl there of course.
Let's have the jingle then.
What if I don't want to?
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
I'm sorry, mate.
Yeah, you carry on.
No, you I will you go.
All right.
The theme for text donation this week, folks, is inspired by can't believe you went Terminator.
The Sarah Connor Chronicles.
So rude.
The Conicles interrupted.
And we're asking you to suggest movies that should be turned into TV series's and what those series's would be like.
Chris Eccles suggests- Christopher Eccleston?
Christopher Eccleston.
That's exciting, suggests a TV series based on falling down.
Yeah.
This would be an extension of the film falling down, but it assumes that Michael Douglas' character didn't die where he gets more and more angry about life and stuff throughout the series, culminating in him detonating a nuclear bomb in LA because he's so cross.
Fair enough there.
A little bit like Heroes.
I would suggest that you steer away from the ending there.
Yes.
And that he just gets angrier and angrier and angrier and angrier without any kind of end.
Yeah.
And you sort of can't believe at the end of each series.
Can he get any angrier?
Yes, he can.
And that's why you tune back in.
And the angrier he gets, the smaller the things are that make him angry.
You know what I mean?
So those two narrative strands, they go in opposite directions.
I'd watch that.
That's a good idea.
That would really vent a lot of spleen for a lot of people.
That would be brilliant.
Speaking of which, who was the guy that texted in earlier on to correct us about Lost?
Well, he wasn't correcting us, but he was reminding us.
that everybody knows exactly when Lost is gonna end.
It's gonna end after 6 series.
2010.
They know where it's going.
There's no question of them making it up as they go along like a collection of ludicrous ponces and everything is fine in the mythical world of Lost.
So what else have you got there?
Nick Carver says, uh, Taxi Driver, the TV series.
It's called Taxi Driver Colon Road Trip.
Travis Bickle travels from town to town in his taxi.
You'll like this bit, solving various crimes, and dealing out vigilante justice before heading off into the sunset at the end.
Each episode opens with Travis looking into the mirror and talking to himself, explaining the story that will follow.
It ends also in front of the mirror as he wraps it all up.
Perhaps telling a joke.
Close brackets.
That's a very good idea, because I've noticed that Terminator, the Sarah Connor Chronicles, has this as well.
A lot of shows end with a bit of voiceover with some kind of aphorism or thought for the day, do you know what I mean?
Yeah, TV viewers, they're simple-minded folk.
Heroes does that in a really maddening way.
Travis's resourcefulness in the film, shown through the fabrication of his slidey gun-hiding device, will be spun out into a more MacGyver-like ability to overcome obstacles with random objects.
That's good, so there's a sort of Inspector Gadget.
element to it every time he gets into some probably underage prostitute based pickle which let's face it let's face it we all do every now and then a travis pickle a travis pickle something pops out from somewhere no move on
uh yeah that's a very good idea who's that one from that was from sun bloke what was his name uh it was from nick carver thank you very much nick that's excellent we've had a couple of uh 2001 based suggestions yeah let me find them here they came in via text while you're finding those can i just give you a couple more of mine yeah um star ski and hutch now just bear with me this might sound like an insane idea well it's already done the leap from small to big screen you're suggesting
What are you talking about?
You're suggesting popping it back in the... What do you mean?
On the small screen.
Well, you know that amazing film with Ben Stiller and Luke Wilson, right?
Yeah.
That would make a good TV show, don't you think?
Yeah.
But instead of playing it for laughs, you do it quite seriously and every week they solve crimes and they drive in their car.
What about that?
That's a very good idea.
Yeah.
Go on then.
Is that it?
Yeah.
OK, here's one.
I think this is from Ian in Birmingham.
It's anonymous.
But he says, how about a TV show from the film 2001?
It's all about the adventures of the Black Obelisk and its travels.
It's a cross between Lassie and Quantum Leap.
I like the idea of the Obelisk as a kind of cute, you know, smooth, silent, immobile,
kind of... Sure, he turns up in different places every week and inspires different magical events around him.
There's that noise through the whole episode.
Because the obelisk turns out to be full of universes, doesn't it?
In 2010, the year we made Contact, directed by, was it Peter Himes?
Yeah.
I think so.
Yeah, that's what happens.
They basically tell you, it's full of stars.
I like that film.
So yes, he could sort of go out doling out universes in various different parts of the universe.
But David from Braintree has a different angle on 2001 the TV series.
He says 2001 a TV Odyssey.
Dave Bowman and his cheeky robot psychic Hal discover a new monolith each week and are sent on a quest to discover the meaning of existence.
Every week features Hal trying to kill Bowman in an increasingly comic style, with Dave then tripping out for the remaining minutes of the episode.
That's a good idea, you see, because, uh, lots of monoliths, they've each got something different inside them each week.
Yes.
Candy!
Yeah, one week.
You know, uh, puppies.
Another week?
Exactly, and sometimes it's something more profound than the meaning of life.
Yeah, and it has a connection, it connects into, you know, tic-tacs maybe.
Well, this is coming back to the whole thing about boxes, which we know is a solid gold way of generating interest for a TV show.
If you've got a box or an object with a mysterious thing inside it, people want to know what it is.
Here's a good one, uh, from Daniel Johnson, Johnston in Sheffield.
He says the Kaiser Soze Chronicles.
Every week they set up a complicated plot, then reveal at the end that he was just making it all up.
Yeah.
I wonder if that's Daniel Johnson, the musical, the tortured musical genius.
Probably.
Yeah.
Uh, another one?
Yeah, go on, give us one more before we go.
Lord of the Rings, Frodo and Sam realise their obvious feelings for each other and every day deal with prejudice against two hobbits in love.
That's very nice.
It's like Will and Grace with hairy-footed midgets.
Not majorly different.
I could be in it.
You could be in it.
Yeah.
That'd be nice.
Thank you very much indeed for all your texts and emails.
We might have some more in a bit, might we?
If something amazing comes through, but I think we should probably wrap up too, because we've got to play your song.
We've got hours.
We've got 35 minutes left.
The Witherman game show, D-list celebrity dropped off on Spooky Island in an airplane.
Island populated by creepy actor types.
That's quite good, isn't it?
Like The Crystal Maze.
Is that a game show or a series?
A bit of both.
Right.
It's a, it's a, what do you get?
What's a hybrid of a game show and a series?
A gamesries, a seershow.
I don't know, but that's a hybrid that hasn't been done yet.
A narrative, the narrative game show.
Has anyone done that yet?
Ahh, Noel Edmonds, man.
He could do that.
He's probably been working on it.
That's a good idea.
This is gonna happen, like, if we're sat here in two years' time, there'll be a narrative game show on TV.
That must have been done before.
Who is it?
Someone else, speaking of which, someone else pointed out, I was talking about the idea of putting those Kodak advice labels on an album cover for a deliberately, deliberately rubbish photo.
Delibertly.
Someone says, Tim has texted us to say, or the all seeing eye had a Kodak advice label on the cover of The Beat Goes On.
Pip pip.
Cheers Tim, thanks very much for that.
Now it's music time and this is, what is this?
Oh yeah, we're gonna have a trail, this isn't exciting.
Oh no, I'm in the trailer.
Oh, we don't want to be late for the news.
This is Licky Lee with Little Bit.
She's got a nice sound to it though.
That's Licky Licker Lee with Little Bit, which, confusingly, she also pronounces Lickle Bit as well, isn't it?
She's trying to get her name in there as well.
She's new on the scene.
That almost sounds like one of our Song Wars songs.
Don't you think?
In a good way, I'm not saying it's like a bit of a velcro, at least.
I can't once.
But, uh, that was nice.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music.
It's time now for the news.
That's Elbow with Grounds for Divorce.
Is that their new one from Elbow there?
Yeah.
That's good, isn't it?
It's one of those, he's taken that route that a lot of people take every now and again, just for the sake of it, of the convicts, you know, the kind of spiritual music you get.
It's kind of a brother where art thou type thing.
Yeah.
It's not up my street, Adam.
Is it not?
I'm going to be perfectly honest, no.
You're not having a slice of Garvey.
No.
Oh, okay.
Ah, that's Joe.
Is that a bad thing to say?
Nothing personal, it's just not- Have you seen Garvey?
No, I'm sure he's a lovely- He's a bear of a lamb.
Is he?
He could flatten you.
I'd take him.
No, he would get you instantly.
No, I wouldn't, man.
Also- You don't know my technique.
Yeah, but he could crush you with his mind as well.
I'd fight dirty.
Listen, he would start off, Garvey would come at you with his mind, and then he would- When I say dirty, I mean porno.
Sexually.
I have lots of porno mags.
I just flash them and yeah, you roll them up and you they get distracted Oh by all the stuff on display.
That's good.
Listen, um, you might remember Years ago on this show we used to have a feature called song wars And about well about this time we'd sort of be reprising the songs About this time you might have heard this jingle It's time for song
But not anymore because we've stopped it.
It's having a little break.
It's having a break and, you know, I was resistant to the idea when it was first mooted at the beginning of our tenure here at the castle.
We'd done some songs when we filled in for Sean Kievny on the breakfast show but we did one a week over five shows to carry on doing one a week.
I resisted but then, you know, when we started doing it regularly
I started to enjoy it.
I started to take pleasure in it.
It wasn't about the winning and losing.
It was about the act of creating something and then, you know, having a marginally appreciative audience to play them to.
And when it stopped, it was very sudden.
And like a bicycle going down a hill, I found it very hard to break, to stop.
You know, there's still a lot of momentum.
I don't know what the physics of it is.
You've still got songs to sing.
I've got songs to sing.
A lot of music in here.
So on the Monday, on the Tuesday after the show, I was sitting at home typing away, writing this thing, and I was getting a bit bored of writing.
And usually when I was bored of writing, I'd think, well, I have a little nibble at a song.
Yeah.
You know, keep the juices going.
So I had to do it anyway.
It's just got to come out sometimes.
And this is, this is a, it's only short, but this is a composition that expresses my, um, my, my sadness, my melancholy.
Sort of elegy for song wars.
Elegy for song wars, yeah.
It doesn't, doesn't have a name.
Uh, it's, it's a song, well I suppose it's a song for song wars.
Yeah, end of part one.
Yeah.
Of song wars.
Here, here it is.
No more song wars.
Some worlds it's over, some worlds it's over There won't be any some worlds anymore It started out as a game we played You'd write a song and I'd reciprocate We'd play the songs, let the listeners choose
It ain't a competition if nobody loses 12 weeks later and the score's 8-4 I get the feeling you don't find this fun So we say No more song wars Song wars is over Song wars is over
Making the song takes a long, long time The rest of the show suffers and that ain't fine We got day jobs, we got our guns, hey Gotta think of three hours of stuff to soon be saved
Some listeners may say, hey, that's not fair
Others might be simply delighted to hear We'll no longer be sharping our songs in your ears No more amateur crapping from a couple of... What, a couple of dears?
A couple of dears.
Um, that's very moving, man.
You sort of abandoned it at the end there, didn't you?
I didn't want it to be too long.
You suddenly, I could tell that it was very emotional at the beginning.
And then suddenly you just abandoned the emotion and you thought, well, listen, I've got a duty to amuse people and entertain here.
Yeah, I don't like to expose my heart.
This is the schism at the heart of the whole song was exercises, isn't it?
What, between sincerity and stupidity?
Exactly.
Listen, when I was putting together my anti-piracy song, there was tears rolling down my cheeks.
Why?
No, there wasn't.
But at one point I had a three and a half minute cut of the song, right?
It'll come out on the extended edition box set one day.
But it was good, man.
I'm telling you right now.
Not so much the bits with the anti-piracy chorus song and... Not those bits.
But there were some amazing bits and I got really into it.
And it was quite wicked stuff.
Well, we're going to find out a way of making the Song Wars archive available.
We're not going to ask people to pay for them, but we're going to somehow figure it out with the bearded alchemists here at the Big British Castle, a way to make a little site where they can be downloaded for the one or two people in mental homes that might be interested.
Yeah, we'll figure something out, we'll let you know what happens.
So that's it for Song Wars for the time being though, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll find something else to do in the meantime, and we may, you know, we'll bring it back as and when, isn't it?
Sometimes it'll be, you'll just have a bit of music that just has to come out, and then we'll do it.
But until then, here's some more proper music for you.
This is Morrissey with That's How People Grow Up.
That's Morrissey, with That's How People Grow Up.
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music.
So the Oscars are coming up, Adam.
Oh, good.
It's exciting, isn't it?
And it looks as if they're going to happen, right?
Yeah, well, fingers crossed it looks like the writers' strike might be resolved.
Everyone else has resolved their strikes.
The directors have.
It's starting to look a bit embarrassing for the writers and the, you know, blah, blah, blah.
You don't want to hear this waffle from me, do you?
But anyway, listen, here's the point.
What if you were a famous actress?
Uh, yes, I'm trying to imagine.
What would your name be?
Oh, something sexy, but, uh, you know, intelligent.
Right.
Uh, Cindy Maths.
Yeah, I was thinking titty genius.
Titty genius!
And what would you speak like?
Um, I would talk like this.
Oh.
You're quite a low voice, so people took me seriously.
Okay, imagine you're nominated.
Yes.
Uh, and of course you subscribe to the Sky Satellite Service, therefore you get the Sky Mag.
Sure.
Yeah?
Uh, and you turned to Sky Mag and there's an article in here all about what to do to prepare for the Oscars if you're an actress.
Right, alright.
Uh, you already have booked a top hairdresser, whittled your dresses down to a handful of choices, nabbed yourself an uber makeup artist, and upped your exercise routine, correct?
Yes, my abs are hard now.
Okay, here's some more advice.
Celebrity trainer Kathy Koehler tells her clients...
including Julia Roberts and Michel Pafaffar, to cut out sugar, salt and alcohol in the week leading up to the Oscars.
Certainly.
This is to avoid bloating to achieve a lean look.
Last year's Best Supporting Actress winner Jennifer Hudson slimmed her figure before the ceremony with a diet of smoked salmon and vegetables.
Yes, that's what I've been doing.
Okay, well that's not the end of it.
While they're purifying themselves on the inside, the ladies of Beverly Hills will also set about buffing, polishing, waxing, and, whisper it, injecting themselves.
Nobody wants that dreaded sweat patch beamed to millions, so many actresses have Botox injected into their armpits and palms to stop them perspiring.
I didn't know Botox did that.
Celebrity dermatologist Dr. Jessica Wu says this is the must for the hot, stressful red carpet.
Quote, for actresses so they don't stain their dresses and for actors who don't want clammy handshakes.
Nobody likes to stink!
Okay, let's recap.
You've whittled the wardrobe.
You've got the new uber makeup artist.
You've cut out sugar salt and alcohol.
You've fused all your pores, shut forever.
You've injected your armpits and palms with Botox.
That's not the end of it.
Uh, only Hendrickson.
Facialists, Charlize Theron and Rene Delvega, uh, recommends gals should have a facial seven days before an event, so there's time for the inevitable breakouts to heal.
Right, okay.
Seven days before you gotta have the breakout, Oscar-attending ladies will also spend this week being given free stuff.
Celebrities like Nick and Tuck, Tuck, what?
Nip and Tuck's Kelly Carlson can pop along to special lounges all over town and nab free products and services worth up to half a million pounds.
Is that just called stealing?
No, I think they're allowed to.
Oh, it's the way you said it, Mab.
I thought they were just running around nicking stuff.
I'm quoting from Skymag.
Look, we've just been robbed by Kelly Clarkson or whatever.
So you're busy.
Yeah.
And finally, Carrie Wan, hairstylist to Nicole Kidman, recommends ladies have no hair days.
to give their mains a rest from styling this week.
So it's ready for the blitz of the big night.
And you've got to get plenty of sleep.
Early nights go a long way to repairing skin and making red carpet walkers look refreshed.
Wow.
That, I don't want to go anymore.
It's like sort of the restoration or something for women.
Yeah, that's horrible.
You know?
What do men have to do?
Men don't have to do anything.
They just turn up and... No.
If you're James Gandolfini, just carry on having a burger.
Yeah, just sleep in the street the night before.
Yeah.
Yeah, and no one says anything.
Yeah, with your head resting on it.
Jack Nicholson is not sealing his flipping paws, I'll tell you that much.
No, it's men are lucky, we really don't have to bother.
That's terrible, isn't it?
How would you have a good time?
You would not, in any way, have a good time.
There'll come a day when people don't bother with that thing anymore, right?
Yes, you reckon.
Yeah, habits will change.
It's like people used to dress up smart for work.
Yeah.
Soon they won't bother.
And I can't wait for that.
They'll just turn up in t-shirts.
But then it'll be sad, you know, you'll miss the dresses.
Who are you wearing?
Dunno, just Tommy t-shirt.
Yeah, it'd be good to turn up actually wearing a person, wouldn't it?
But if Gunnar Hansen from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre won an Oscar, who are you wearing?
Well, I don't know her name, but she stumbled into my house last night.
I gutted her like a fish.
I'm really nice.
I didn't make you wear it.
Okay, now here's a song that I requested be added to our playlist this week.
I really like this one.
It's hot chip with ready for the floor.
Hot chip with ready for the floor.
That's a good example of a guy, no disrespect to the bloke, but he hasn't got the best voice in the whole world.
You know what I mean?
Like he's not classic soulful voice, but still he manages to get some real emotion out of his little boxes of tricks there and his own voice as well.
You know what I mean?
Love that one.
And that's pretty much it for us this week, ladies and gentlemen.
Liz Kershaw is waiting in the wings.
Yeah, she's sitting the other side of the double glass, looking like some kind of a sexy mermaid, lounged on the sofa.
That's right.
She's got a very low cut top arm, just making it up.
You're fantasizing.
Yeah.
And we're just about to go off and record some introductions for our podcast, of course.
Yeah, don't forget that's available on the Adam and Jo page on the BBC Six music site, or it's now available each week on iTunes.
I think it goes up on a Monday morning.
Does it, Ben?
Or does it go up sooner than that?
Monday morning, there you go.
It's like it's the 60s and they've decided that they're gonna do mono podcasts and to get that changed you have to, I don't know, sleep with Gordon Brown or something.
There might be some revisions to the whole way podcasts are sent out from the BBC but at the moment it's mono which is frustrating for me because I took a while to make some nice little stereo jingles there.
Yeah, all the song or songs are in stereo.
and they sound a little bit thin.
Yeah, exactly.
Anyway, we hope you enjoy those podcasts, and thank you very much indeed for listening today.
We'll be back with you at the same time next week.
Yeah, thanks for all your texts and email as well, and sorry if we didn't read it out.
We do secretly care.
Yeah, we care very much.
Too much.
Right now, here's a track I chose for you.
Listen, this is from a great reggae compilation called 200% Dynamite.
This is Hopeton Lewis with sounds and pressure.
Bye-bye.