WEBVTT 00:00.069 --> 00:01.849 That's the new sound. 00:01.889 --> 00:03.170 It's called nerd rock. 00:03.510 --> 00:04.490 I don't understand it. 00:05.590 --> 00:06.730 A, it scares me. 00:06.990 --> 00:09.611 B, I can't make sense of it musically in my head. 00:10.971 --> 00:13.331 It's made me feel old and out of touch. 00:14.351 --> 00:15.632 And I'm worried for the kids. 00:16.092 --> 00:18.752 Well, get with it, Granddad, because that's the kind of thing they're listening to. 00:18.772 --> 00:20.112 Yeah, because that's nerd rock. 00:20.232 --> 00:21.833 They might be giants they're called. 00:21.873 --> 00:23.033 It's the new thing. 00:23.493 --> 00:25.193 And it's a new kind of nerdy sound. 00:25.233 --> 00:26.773 You have to wear a bow tie. 00:26.793 --> 00:27.374 But get this. 00:27.654 --> 00:29.094 The bow ties have razors. 00:30.114 --> 00:35.739 on the side of the bowties, and they twirl around like comedy bowties, but they can kill people. 00:35.879 --> 00:37.080 The person wearing it. 00:37.140 --> 00:37.760 Exactly. 00:38.161 --> 00:39.101 What's the point of that? 00:39.162 --> 00:40.162 What is the point of that? 00:40.322 --> 00:41.263 But that's nerd rock. 00:42.604 --> 00:43.565 It's not really nerd rock. 00:43.765 --> 00:45.367 That was from, when was that? 00:45.727 --> 00:45.367 1989? 00:46.067 --> 00:47.869 1990. 00:46.087 --> 00:47.869 1990, there you go. 00:47.889 --> 00:48.629 They might be giants. 00:48.649 --> 00:51.932 Hello, this is Adam and Jo on BBC 6 Music. 00:51.992 --> 00:55.335 It's a newest radio station all about music. 00:55.695 --> 01:15.215 hmm and and the number six yeah and we've got a great three hours of stuff coming up for you we're gonna have song wars oh yeah a bit later the theme this week is festivals so we're gonna be fighting our homemade songs a little bit later in the show we're going to have text the nation even though we haven't really decided what it's gonna be yet 01:15.495 --> 01:18.518 We like to throw it open sometimes, we like to be free and easy with it. 01:18.839 --> 01:20.681 Maybe it could be something about festivals even. 01:20.881 --> 01:25.826 Although, perhaps that's jumping the gun a bit, but seeing as we've done festival song wars, you know? 01:25.846 --> 01:27.188 It's confusing, I'm confused. 01:27.868 --> 01:36.418 Plus, of course, we've got terrific music coming up, including in this first hour alone, such exciting bands as Frank Black. 01:36.698 --> 01:37.279 Is he a band? 01:38.151 --> 01:39.692 He's not coming up in this first hour, I don't think. 01:39.752 --> 01:40.193 Oh, isn't he? 01:40.273 --> 01:40.513 Yeah. 01:40.933 --> 01:42.054 According to this list, he is. 01:42.655 --> 01:45.917 Julian Cope, Delos Sol, Funboy 3. 01:46.297 --> 01:48.899 You're just reading things off the... That's good. 01:48.959 --> 01:49.860 ...listeners love reading. 01:51.221 --> 01:54.123 And yeah, so lots of stuff to get excited about. 01:54.424 --> 01:54.844 Absolutely. 01:54.904 --> 01:57.186 What kind of free plays have you brought in with you this week? 01:57.206 --> 01:59.187 Well, I've got some Ben Folds 5. 01:59.267 --> 02:00.128 Yeah. 02:00.268 --> 02:01.969 Who's played a lot on 6 Music. 02:02.830 --> 02:06.233 He's kind of one of the artists who represents what 6 Music means. 02:06.673 --> 02:09.216 Right, sort of cerebral, but very musical. 02:09.356 --> 02:10.517 Cool, but business-like. 02:10.617 --> 02:11.578 Yeah. 02:11.718 --> 02:12.679 Good on a piano. 02:13.100 --> 02:13.640 Nerd rock. 02:14.421 --> 02:14.862 Exactly. 02:14.922 --> 02:17.124 He wears a bow tie with razors on the end. 02:17.705 --> 02:20.748 Plus I've got a bit of something else. 02:20.908 --> 02:22.289 Oh yeah, a bit of Jungle Brothers. 02:23.070 --> 02:23.310 Yeah. 02:23.550 --> 02:25.051 Then I've got one I'm not sure about. 02:25.231 --> 02:26.651 I've got one I'm really not sure about. 02:26.771 --> 02:26.911 Really? 02:26.931 --> 02:31.712 And I can't believe it didn't get weeded out, because we have to send our free plays in towards the beginning of the week. 02:31.872 --> 02:32.973 Maybe that's a new feature. 02:33.093 --> 02:33.353 Yeah. 02:33.813 --> 02:35.113 They're not sure about its slot. 02:35.453 --> 02:37.354 And it's quite a long one as well. 02:37.434 --> 02:37.754 Is it? 02:37.814 --> 02:38.194 Yeah. 02:38.274 --> 02:39.674 Now I'm not sure about it either. 02:39.934 --> 02:41.014 So that's all coming up. 02:41.035 --> 02:42.135 It's exciting, isn't it, listeners? 02:42.575 --> 02:44.075 Now... No. 02:44.315 --> 02:44.935 No, it's not. 02:44.955 --> 02:46.396 It's the sound of one of our listeners. 02:47.281 --> 02:48.102 What's your name, listener? 02:48.222 --> 02:49.102 My name's Trevor. 02:49.263 --> 02:50.123 Trevor, what? 02:50.183 --> 02:51.724 Shut up and play some music. 02:51.744 --> 02:52.425 Oh, gosh. 02:52.725 --> 02:54.026 Trevor, he's upstairs. 02:54.046 --> 02:56.388 Stop gassing on and play some music. 02:56.408 --> 02:57.209 Sorry, Trevor. 02:57.249 --> 02:57.969 Do you like James? 02:58.029 --> 02:59.530 Six music, not six chads. 02:59.611 --> 03:00.411 Do you like James? 03:00.571 --> 03:02.673 Shut up and play some music. 03:02.713 --> 03:03.433 Well, here's James. 03:03.654 --> 03:06.456 What on earth is going on in that song? 03:06.616 --> 03:07.016 What is it? 03:07.717 --> 03:10.379 I think it's about, you know, white boy men. 03:10.779 --> 03:13.902 But his mum seems to be saying that to him. 03:14.662 --> 03:14.922 Right. 03:15.303 --> 03:19.226 And he's saying that she's so pristine in her own body bag. 03:19.306 --> 03:19.507 Mm-hmm. 03:20.307 --> 03:23.490 Is he describing the clothes she's wearing as being like a body bag? 03:23.710 --> 03:26.573 Yeah, it's the same kind of philosophy as people who drive in cars. 03:26.613 --> 03:28.375 They're just more or less driving around in metal coffins. 03:28.395 --> 03:28.695 Right. 03:29.135 --> 03:33.819 And she's saying to him, uh, you wanna talk to me, white boy man? 03:33.839 --> 03:33.879 Mm. 03:34.760 --> 03:38.421 You'd think the mother would know, uh, what colour her son was. 03:38.701 --> 03:40.062 Well, she's a red Indian, his mother. 03:40.082 --> 03:40.442 Is she? 03:40.542 --> 03:41.342 I think so, yeah. 03:41.622 --> 03:42.403 And is he not? 03:43.063 --> 03:45.123 No, he's, uh, he's just a white boy man. 03:45.344 --> 03:46.144 How does that work? 03:46.644 --> 03:47.704 Well, maybe he's adopted. 03:47.784 --> 03:48.224 Adopted. 03:48.244 --> 03:49.145 I don't know if that's true. 03:49.165 --> 03:49.285 Right. 03:49.325 --> 03:51.586 No, this is becoming clearer now that you're explaining it. 03:51.766 --> 03:54.807 Because, uh, there's stuff about TV dinners in there microwavable. 03:54.847 --> 03:55.967 He looks like Yule Brenner? 03:56.007 --> 03:57.047 He looks like Yule Brenner, too. 03:57.067 --> 03:58.168 It's all making sense now. 03:58.328 --> 04:01.029 Was he too young to play Lear, too old to play Hamlet, or something? 04:01.049 --> 04:01.829 Something like that. 04:01.889 --> 04:02.049 Yeah. 04:03.386 --> 04:05.047 That makes perfect sense now, thanks. 04:05.488 --> 04:10.631 You know, James, have they got together and they've split up and got together just once or more than once? 04:11.491 --> 04:11.791 I don't know. 04:12.412 --> 04:13.793 They were away for a long time. 04:13.813 --> 04:14.913 Our listeners will probably tell us. 04:14.933 --> 04:15.834 And they're back together again. 04:15.854 --> 04:26.621 But do you remember a few weeks ago, if you're a regular listener, you might remember that, I was talking about an advert that I saw in the back of a music mag for an exciting gig by all three members of Aha! 04:27.757 --> 04:30.799 They were going to play a gig at the Royal Albert Hall. 04:30.899 --> 04:32.140 I don't know if it's happened already. 04:33.121 --> 04:34.082 No, May 24th. 04:34.322 --> 04:34.782 There you go. 04:35.463 --> 04:38.204 And they are not playing as A-ha together. 04:38.405 --> 04:42.888 They're doing three individual sets to showcase their individual solo talents. 04:43.708 --> 04:47.371 And as a sort of ignorant person, someone ignorant of the genius of A-ha, 04:47.951 --> 04:59.135 I made the casual comment that, you know, it seemed a little bit of a desperate move that you would capitalise on the fame of your band in order to showcase your solo talents. 04:59.335 --> 05:00.176 How wrong you were. 05:00.276 --> 05:01.076 How wrong I was. 05:01.116 --> 05:01.956 How stupid you were. 05:01.976 --> 05:03.517 That was a tidal wave of... 05:04.057 --> 05:04.517 Fury. 05:04.557 --> 05:06.959 We dealt with this in some detail on the show in question. 05:07.559 --> 05:09.781 Well, there was a few angry emails that came in. 05:09.801 --> 05:14.503 We established that they are very famous in their own right, in their home country. 05:14.523 --> 05:17.885 Well, you leapt to their defence, calling them the Norwegian Beatles. 05:18.026 --> 05:18.966 They're not Norwegian, are they? 05:19.446 --> 05:20.367 I don't know. 05:20.427 --> 05:22.548 No, they're Scandinavian, but that's more than one place. 05:23.189 --> 05:23.409 Yeah. 05:24.309 --> 05:24.890 So that'll do. 05:25.590 --> 05:29.556 You immediately knew you instinctively were aware of their beetle-like status. 05:29.576 --> 05:30.337 Well, I like them. 05:30.818 --> 05:32.300 You do like... I do like a heart. 05:32.340 --> 05:33.943 I don't have any of their records. 05:33.963 --> 05:34.283 Right. 05:34.303 --> 05:35.685 But I don't get angry when I hear them. 05:35.725 --> 05:36.206 I like it. 05:36.286 --> 05:38.109 No, but nothing happens to me when I hear them. 05:38.429 --> 05:38.689 Really? 05:38.729 --> 05:40.232 I'm just amazed that they... You flat-line. 05:40.252 --> 05:40.332 Yeah. 05:40.532 --> 05:41.593 Yeah, well I disagree. 05:41.653 --> 05:43.013 I think there's a lot of talent there. 05:43.274 --> 05:44.094 Of course there is. 05:44.594 --> 05:49.477 Anyway, a lot of people agree with you, and we had an essay sent to us this week from an Aha fan. 05:50.138 --> 05:52.319 Obviously I can't read the whole thing, but I'll paraphrase. 05:52.339 --> 05:54.740 This is from Claudia from the Netherlands. 05:55.301 --> 05:56.802 She's certainly going to that concert. 05:57.142 --> 06:00.404 They've never played solo concerts over here either, and I doubt they ever will. 06:00.484 --> 06:02.445 So she's very excited about the fact that they're doing so in 06:03.145 --> 06:10.227 in the Royal Albert Hall, but she says that a friend of hers described our comments to her, so she never actually heard what we were talking about. 06:10.627 --> 06:13.347 But that was enough to get her absolutely incensed, she said. 06:13.448 --> 06:23.570 My fellow Aha fan, Amanda, who had to hear you, she had to sit there hearing you, mocking her favourite band, gave me more than enough of an idea of what you were saying. 06:24.170 --> 06:28.052 First of all, they do not in any way trick people into thinking this is an a-ha gig. 06:28.272 --> 06:30.073 They don't say it's a-ha, do they? 06:30.153 --> 06:32.214 They don't bill it as a-ha, do they? 06:32.395 --> 06:32.815 Fair point. 06:32.835 --> 06:34.876 She then restates, I never said they did. 06:35.556 --> 06:39.158 You were saying that it gave the misleading impression that you might be seeing an a-ha concert. 06:39.218 --> 06:40.699 No, I never said anything of the sort. 06:40.819 --> 06:41.660 I did, though, just then. 06:42.700 --> 06:43.501 No, I didn't. 06:43.601 --> 06:46.324 It doesn't give the impression that they will be doing an Aha gig at all. 06:46.344 --> 06:48.347 What was your point then, when you was it? 06:48.387 --> 06:50.589 I just made my point before, if you were listening. 06:50.649 --> 06:51.190 Well, I wasn't. 06:51.450 --> 06:52.431 No, of course you never do. 06:52.812 --> 06:59.700 But the point was, it's a little bit desperate, is it not, to convene the three members of a group under the banner of their... Not have them play together. 06:59.780 --> 07:02.323 Exactly, and not have them play in the Aha brand. 07:02.803 --> 07:04.665 But no, obviously, these people don't agree. 07:05.025 --> 07:08.088 It just seemed like, you know, can't they just find individual kids? 07:08.108 --> 07:09.329 No, I think we're toying with fire. 07:09.589 --> 07:10.210 Yeah, I know. 07:10.270 --> 07:16.975 Our fans are dangerous, they're prepared to do whatever it takes to defend the integrity of their... bands, you know? 07:16.995 --> 07:17.536 I know. 07:17.776 --> 07:20.418 You've crossed the wrong fan... Rubicon, you've crossed the Rubicon. 07:20.718 --> 07:29.345 She says later on, For some reason you also seem to have completely missed the fact that Aha had a top ten single hit in your country with analog brackets, all I want. 07:29.365 --> 07:33.248 A mere two years ago, with an album and a tour to accompany it. 07:33.368 --> 07:34.369 In your country. 07:34.769 --> 07:37.071 Were you a big fan of analog, the single, the top ten single? 07:37.091 --> 07:38.112 You know what, I missed that one. 07:38.312 --> 07:38.692 Did you? 07:38.752 --> 07:38.952 Yeah. 07:38.972 --> 07:39.593 I thought you loved them. 07:39.953 --> 07:42.074 Not only your favourite band, you're right. 07:42.195 --> 07:42.855 You love them. 07:43.175 --> 07:47.438 Hey, listen, here's a free play while those Aha fans get texting again. 07:48.378 --> 07:53.562 If it was sunny today, this would be a really good choice, but it isn't, so at least down here in Londinium it isn't. 07:53.942 --> 07:54.922 So it's a bad choice. 07:55.243 --> 07:57.004 Here's the Jungle Brothers with Sunshine. 07:57.524 --> 08:00.206 A spiz energy there with... Where's Captain Kirk? 08:00.246 --> 08:03.208 This is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music. 08:03.288 --> 08:08.671 It's kind of a miserable Saturday morning here in London town, but we hope it's a bit more sunny where you are. 08:08.911 --> 08:12.835 And if it's not, well, let us bring some sunshine into your lives. 08:13.255 --> 08:14.076 How are we gonna do that? 08:14.096 --> 08:16.659 I was really hoping that you might know. 08:17.640 --> 08:19.922 We could try and put together a cloud bursting machine. 08:20.823 --> 08:25.588 Yeah, or just some... they probably sell cans of sunshine in places like Jamaica, don't they? 08:25.925 --> 08:28.886 Yeah, we could bring some sun-kissed into your life. 08:28.986 --> 08:29.546 Yeah, yeah. 08:30.146 --> 08:30.866 Billy said something else. 08:30.886 --> 08:32.487 Someone's gonna be having fun editing that. 08:33.867 --> 08:35.708 It's weak. 08:35.868 --> 08:36.848 That's all right, that's accidental. 08:36.868 --> 08:38.709 We can't get checked out of the big British castle for that. 08:39.709 --> 08:43.610 Now, listen, Joe Cornish, you love to follow the news, you love to read the newspapers, right? 08:44.130 --> 08:47.031 Did you know what the 10p tax rate was all about? 08:47.491 --> 08:49.692 You know Gordon Brown is getting in loads of trouble for. 08:49.792 --> 08:51.453 I'll answer that honestly, no, not really. 08:51.473 --> 08:52.393 Neither did I, right? 08:52.953 --> 08:55.259 And it's just everyone's talking about the 10p tax rate. 08:55.299 --> 08:58.086 Gordon Brown, he's in hot water because he's getting rid of the 10p tax rate. 08:58.427 --> 09:02.216 Claire, our producer who's standing in for Jude this week, do you know what the 10p tax rate is all about? 09:03.140 --> 09:03.980 I do know one thing, though. 09:04.920 --> 09:06.241 It's hitting the poor very hard. 09:06.421 --> 09:07.021 Well, exactly. 09:07.061 --> 09:07.741 We know that much. 09:07.761 --> 09:10.101 We know it's not a good thing if you're a low earner, right? 09:10.682 --> 09:16.443 But everybody talks about it as if everyone knows exactly what it is, the 10p tax rate. 09:16.623 --> 09:17.703 Maybe everybody does. 09:17.883 --> 09:18.923 I don't know if they do. 09:19.043 --> 09:20.204 I just think people are lying. 09:20.324 --> 09:23.624 Well, listen, my natural assumption is that I'm stupid, right? 09:23.664 --> 09:26.045 And I just don't happen to know because I don't read enough newspapers. 09:26.685 --> 09:32.066 But then I asked a few people throughout the week if they knew what it was and if they could explain it to me. 09:32.406 --> 09:32.987 None of them could. 09:33.287 --> 09:36.230 And these were all fairly well-educated people, you know? 09:36.710 --> 09:39.873 And so I had to go and research it myself and look it up. 09:40.013 --> 09:42.235 Still found it quite hard to understand a little bit. 09:42.635 --> 09:47.260 But 10p tax rate is something the Labour Party introduced around about 1999. 09:47.840 --> 09:55.187 It was one of their big, you know, it was one of the big incentives to vote for them at that point for the general election. 09:55.227 --> 09:55.647 They were going to 09:56.428 --> 10:15.430 it was the lowest it was a new low rate of tax this is getting slightly political so here at the big british castle i have to balance anything politically biased that Adam says i'm just warning listeners that no i'm not talking about political bias this is a statement of fact right so it's a 10 you pay 10p on every round uh if you're earning between around 5 000 and 10:17.433 --> 10:17.813 7,000 pounds. 10:17.853 --> 10:19.895 It's the lowest bracket of tax, basically. 10:20.376 --> 10:27.583 And so he's getting rid of that, and you now have to pay 20p on the pound, and so that's hitting certain income brackets harder than others. 10:27.603 --> 10:28.644 It's helping them. 10:29.285 --> 10:30.566 Well, it is helping some people. 10:30.686 --> 10:31.367 It's hitting some. 10:31.807 --> 10:33.269 You could see it that it's helping some. 10:33.669 --> 10:34.210 That's true, yes. 10:34.230 --> 10:34.811 Just being balanced. 10:34.831 --> 10:35.732 Oh, you're being balanced, yeah. 10:36.532 --> 10:54.172 But you know like on the news everyone was talking about it last night, and they never really explained like I thought the news I Watched some idiot news as well You know some are on the idiot channels and not even they really properly explained it you think they have a little sidebar Maybe explaining what the heck the 10p tax rate was but no 10:55.267 --> 10:56.588 They just expect you to know. 10:56.768 --> 10:57.609 I'm scandalised. 10:57.629 --> 10:58.810 I'm speechless. 10:58.850 --> 10:59.671 I'm scandalised. 11:00.752 --> 11:02.633 I'm still trying to say sunkissed. 11:02.733 --> 11:02.953 Yeah. 11:03.454 --> 11:04.034 In my head. 11:04.054 --> 11:05.115 Sunkissed. 11:05.415 --> 11:06.016 Sunkissed. 11:06.096 --> 11:06.957 That's what threw you off. 11:06.977 --> 11:08.238 Don't mess those syllables up. 11:09.058 --> 11:10.179 Not on the BBC. 11:10.840 --> 11:11.661 What were you talking about? 11:11.681 --> 11:12.701 Sunkissed. 11:13.002 --> 11:15.944 I was making a brave admission of ignorance there. 11:16.084 --> 11:19.007 But you're... I'm more ignorant than you, so I can't help you. 11:19.027 --> 11:20.688 You're talking to the wrong person, mate. 11:20.868 --> 11:21.649 Alright then, fair enough. 11:22.489 --> 11:33.916 Now we've got some more music coming up for you and news very shortly and after the news and some more music we're gonna be unveiling our new song wars songs on the subject of festivals and That's gonna be exciting. 11:33.976 --> 11:34.956 Are you happy with yours? 11:35.777 --> 11:36.617 Yeah, I'm quite happy. 11:36.637 --> 11:37.398 You never know though. 11:37.438 --> 11:38.839 What the other person's come up with. 11:39.319 --> 11:40.380 Mine's quite boisterous. 11:40.580 --> 11:40.800 Is it? 11:41.100 --> 11:42.981 Yeah, it's gotta be for a festival isn't it? 11:43.021 --> 11:43.701 Yeah, does it? 11:44.082 --> 11:44.302 Yeah 11:45.503 --> 11:48.567 Okay, anyway, here's Ida Maria before that. 11:48.587 --> 11:49.548 This is Queen of the World. 11:49.749 --> 11:51.070 That was the Choral Within the Morning. 11:51.090 --> 11:52.793 This is Adam and Jo on BBC6 Music. 11:52.833 --> 11:54.915 It's time for the news read by Catherine Kratnall. 12:13.720 --> 12:14.880 Yes, it's Song Wars time. 12:14.920 --> 12:17.642 Before that, you heard Ryan Adams with So Alive. 12:17.682 --> 12:19.604 This is Adam and Jo on BBC6 Music. 12:20.084 --> 12:32.773 If you're a new listener, Song Wars is the part of the show where Adam and I make homemade songs on a theme and then we play them both and they kind of fight each other through the medium of listener votes. 12:33.273 --> 12:36.795 It's the closest you can get to a competition on the BBC Air these days. 12:36.975 --> 12:37.696 Competitions have been 12:37.796 --> 12:58.676 because they're evil and but it's this is a sort of thousands of lives were lost last year thanks to BBC competitions that's true and it's a tragedy that's never going to be repeated again yeah certainly not in the big British castle no it's a warning from history but it's okay for the presenters themselves because we're trained to scrap it out to have a little competitive scrap 12:59.116 --> 13:00.818 Me and Jo- But there's no prize. 13:01.139 --> 13:01.820 No, there's no prize. 13:01.880 --> 13:03.402 Or it's the greatest prize of all. 13:03.542 --> 13:03.903 What is it? 13:03.923 --> 13:04.283 Respect. 13:04.444 --> 13:04.784 Pride. 13:05.004 --> 13:05.465 Respect. 13:05.485 --> 13:06.066 Respect. 13:06.226 --> 13:06.567 Yeah. 13:06.967 --> 13:13.196 You know, in Stockwell, outside the tube there, they've got that, um, in- in Bricks, they've spelt out the word respect. 13:13.977 --> 13:14.197 Right. 13:14.377 --> 13:15.980 Over by the, uh, Monolith. 13:16.460 --> 13:16.740 Yeah. 13:17.140 --> 13:17.541 That's good. 13:17.581 --> 13:18.681 That's an important monolith. 13:18.901 --> 13:19.302 Exactly. 13:19.362 --> 13:21.263 I like walking across that bit of respect. 13:21.583 --> 13:23.304 Violet Sharbo, Zabo. 13:23.364 --> 13:24.264 She was a war hero. 13:24.424 --> 13:24.644 Yeah. 13:24.924 --> 13:25.185 Yeah. 13:25.605 --> 13:26.925 And she deserves your respect. 13:27.006 --> 13:27.686 She's got it. 13:27.806 --> 13:28.386 She's got it. 13:28.406 --> 13:30.867 It didn't sound like it to me, so be perfectly honest. 13:30.988 --> 13:31.688 Oh, wow. 13:31.888 --> 13:32.849 She's got loads of it. 13:33.309 --> 13:34.870 Anyway, yeah, respect. 13:34.890 --> 13:35.770 This is all about respect. 13:35.950 --> 13:38.631 And so do you think you're going to be winning the listeners' respect today? 13:38.852 --> 13:39.372 I don't know. 13:39.432 --> 13:43.814 But I do know this, that the overall score for Song Wars is nearly neck and neck, isn't it? 13:43.894 --> 13:44.955 Isn't it even neck and neck? 13:45.635 --> 13:50.316 For a while, I had a commanding lead and was resting on my laurels. 13:51.936 --> 13:52.916 But not anymore. 13:53.376 --> 13:54.597 Yeah, it was like Laurel and Hardy. 13:54.817 --> 13:55.217 It was. 13:55.237 --> 13:57.217 In what way? 13:57.897 --> 14:01.978 Well, a sort of tall bloke and a slightly chunkier bloke. 14:02.398 --> 14:02.718 Right. 14:02.778 --> 14:04.519 And one of them was resting on his laurels. 14:04.539 --> 14:05.999 What does that mean? 14:06.679 --> 14:07.679 Laurel and Hardy! 14:07.939 --> 14:08.839 Yeah, no, that's good. 14:09.799 --> 14:11.840 So this week's theme has been festivals. 14:12.757 --> 14:16.439 Uh, because it's the start of the festival season, so we've both written songs about festivals. 14:17.460 --> 14:18.460 Uh, and we're gonna play them now. 14:19.261 --> 14:24.664 And when you've decided which one you think is the best, text 64046, who's gonna go first? 14:24.684 --> 14:25.624 I'm getting the coin out. 14:25.965 --> 14:27.426 And we're gonna toss a coin! 14:27.466 --> 14:30.888 So you never told the listeners, though, who- what the actual tally is, do we know? 14:30.908 --> 14:32.749 Uh, I'm not sure. 14:32.869 --> 14:35.090 It's gotta be quite big, because we've done enough of these things now. 14:35.230 --> 14:39.211 Well, the thing is, the confusing thing is that it's been a bit erratic the last few weeks, you know? 14:39.371 --> 14:41.111 Some weeks we do it, some weeks we don't. 14:41.131 --> 14:43.572 Well, we started doing it every week and then it became every other week. 14:43.592 --> 14:44.232 Yeah, exactly. 14:44.272 --> 14:45.012 It's easier doing it every week. 14:45.032 --> 14:46.593 We'll find out while we play the first one. 14:46.893 --> 14:48.153 So the coin is being tossed. 14:48.413 --> 14:48.753 Okay. 14:50.834 --> 14:52.474 We're calling it, I'm gonna go for Tails. 14:53.074 --> 14:53.934 Tails, you go first? 14:54.014 --> 14:54.294 Yeah. 14:54.514 --> 14:54.754 Okay. 14:54.774 --> 14:55.515 Sonic and Tails. 14:55.875 --> 14:56.315 It's heads. 14:56.535 --> 14:57.895 It's heads, so you get to choose. 14:59.075 --> 14:59.656 No, I... Or whatever. 14:59.716 --> 15:00.196 Oh, you go first. 15:00.276 --> 15:00.936 Yeah, I go first, yeah. 15:01.832 --> 15:06.958 Okay, so, um, my festival tra- I'm not gonna- I'm not gonna talk too much about it before, okay? 15:06.978 --> 15:08.280 Well, we'll go into it afterwards. 15:08.700 --> 15:11.724 This is a very- very straightforward, uh, speaks for itself. 15:12.164 --> 15:14.407 It's called Festival Song by Adam Buxton. 15:14.527 --> 15:14.928 Here it is. 15:14.948 --> 15:18.312 Please leave a message after the tone. 15:19.201 --> 15:20.823 Gaz Man, it's the Julienator. 15:21.463 --> 15:31.893 Just to let you know, I bought the tickets for Sludge Fest, as well as Chillax, Wicker World, the Inoffensive Electronic Festival, Wet Weekend, and Pins in the Park with Timbukh 3 Headlining. 15:32.213 --> 15:34.095 Drops a text if you think I've missed any. 15:34.295 --> 15:34.856 Cheers ears. 15:35.476 --> 15:50.821 Load up the four by four, it's festival time We're stuffing the chill bag with nibbles and wine We're going to sleep inside a collapsible yard We've got a nurse in case anybody gets hurt 15:51.821 --> 15:55.083 Festivals used to be awful, just crusties and weirdo groups. 15:55.363 --> 15:59.425 There was nowhere to charge your mobile, and nowhere nice for doing poops. 15:59.465 --> 16:02.907 Now they're often in stately homes with global cuisine as ace. 16:03.207 --> 16:06.729 And you can leave the kids in a really nice crash while you get off your face. 16:06.809 --> 16:10.511 In hip hooray, it's time for festival fun. 16:10.591 --> 16:12.772 We've got our hats and our sun cream. 16:13.112 --> 16:37.989 In case there's some sun But when it rains We've got our green welly boots And if we feel the love We've got our birthday suits Look kids, that's Keith Allen That's Lily Allen's dad He's been coming since the fifties And apparently he's really mad And over there, that's Katie Moss That's right, that crazy drug is X Let's ask her if she'll join us for a boogie and some sex 16:43.073 --> 16:43.457 Move on 16:53.522 --> 17:21.308 We've got some chill pills, some wizwahs and a gram of some stuff But I'm a little bit wary, there won't be enough So would you call Jemima and ask her to bring a bit of rice Some jelly and a big ball of string And don't forget the Baroque and the yoga mats too Because there's going to be healing and yoga to do And there's a bloke from Tibet who can teach us to breathe and laugh 17:21.448 --> 17:25.452 After that, we'll see Moby then we'll probably leave. 17:25.512 --> 17:30.017 Load up the 4x4, it's festival time, we're stuffing the 17:48.361 --> 17:49.182 It's a fade-out. 17:49.602 --> 17:52.464 Yeah, I don't think we've ever had a fade-out on Song Wars before, have we? 17:52.584 --> 17:53.945 Yeah, yeah, I've had a couple of fade-outs. 17:53.965 --> 17:54.265 Really? 17:54.385 --> 17:55.166 I like a fade-out. 17:55.226 --> 17:55.646 That's good. 17:55.686 --> 17:57.427 That's Adam's Song Wars song there. 17:57.547 --> 18:02.751 If you... Well, you shouldn't vote yet because you haven't heard the other one yet, but the text number is 64046. 18:03.431 --> 18:04.252 What? 18:04.292 --> 18:05.713 Can't vote for text for Song Wars. 18:07.334 --> 18:18.681 Really they can text during the show But after the show you can't text you have to email So what was that one called the Glastonbury song? 18:18.701 --> 18:20.142 No, that's just a festival. 18:20.342 --> 18:23.304 So that was good That was quite a classy festival you were singing about. 18:23.404 --> 18:25.145 Yeah, really quite a posh one certainly 18:25.345 --> 18:27.688 Yeah, did you have any particular festival in mind? 18:28.890 --> 18:29.551 Just all of them. 18:29.771 --> 18:30.412 Just all of them. 18:30.452 --> 18:33.857 I mean, you know, it sounded quite like an exclusive country house one, maybe. 18:33.977 --> 18:36.941 I haven't, yeah, because I went to a country house one year. 18:36.961 --> 18:38.002 For a slightly older crowd? 18:38.183 --> 18:39.264 Yeah, yeah, exactly. 18:39.304 --> 18:41.888 For slightly ravey, you know, ex-ravers. 18:42.148 --> 18:42.428 Yeah. 18:42.588 --> 18:46.552 Who are now looking for a comfortable festival, nothing too crazy. 18:46.572 --> 18:46.652 Yeah. 18:46.993 --> 18:48.674 They certainly don't want to get burglarized. 18:49.075 --> 18:49.335 No. 18:49.755 --> 18:51.877 But they would like to do a little bit of ravey dancing. 18:51.897 --> 18:52.218 Yeah. 18:52.298 --> 18:53.619 And maybe have some fizz-wizz. 18:53.639 --> 18:54.640 Somewhere safe for the kids. 18:54.740 --> 18:55.200 Exactly. 18:55.220 --> 18:55.961 While they do that. 18:56.021 --> 18:56.241 Yeah. 18:56.261 --> 18:56.642 That's right. 18:56.662 --> 18:57.302 Some fizz-wizz. 18:57.483 --> 18:57.703 Yeah. 18:58.003 --> 18:58.784 Some chompers. 18:59.004 --> 18:59.404 Chompers. 18:59.424 --> 18:59.785 That's right. 19:00.245 --> 19:03.709 And so thematically, were you on the same kind of 19:04.449 --> 19:04.810 Sort of. 19:04.890 --> 19:14.940 Mine's specifically about Glastonbury and it's a kind of song from the point of view of a couple of boisterous lads who are preparing to go down to Glastonbury. 19:15.420 --> 19:19.344 But I would point out that there are a couple of similarities between our songs. 19:20.185 --> 19:21.226 The spoken word intro. 19:21.346 --> 19:21.566 Yeah. 19:21.987 --> 19:22.948 And a mention of pooing. 19:23.348 --> 19:23.788 Of course. 19:23.868 --> 19:26.050 Well, I mean, that is one of the central things, isn't it? 19:26.111 --> 19:26.411 Yeah. 19:26.771 --> 19:28.253 Pivots of the festival experience. 19:28.553 --> 19:29.294 So here's my one. 19:29.314 --> 19:30.575 I'm not really sure what it's called. 19:30.875 --> 19:32.657 I think it's just called the Glastonbury song. 19:32.917 --> 19:34.859 But here's song number two in Song Wars. 19:36.010 --> 19:51.776 Right, yeah, register, download the correctly formatted passport, photo, get a hundred and sixty-four pounds out, you'll be looking for your postage, burn a coat, five and ten, and now, me and my mate Terry, we're gonna glist on very, we're gonna have a very good time. 19:53.196 --> 20:00.579 Don't care if it's all muddy, we'll just dive in in the muddy, and dance and drink and try and snuck, girls. 20:02.012 --> 20:16.590 I'll try to get on telly but hello mum on my belly Eat full of apples then full of birds then be sick Add if someone licks or ten I'll get angry and violent Punch a hippie, smoke a cigarette 20:19.747 --> 20:46.244 Last time I was here I ate a space case And it made me feel a little geekly And like I was in love with everybody in the whole world I tried to help them live up their bases Turned into demons I lost out in the madness These are tick monkeys don't do drugs So what we do this year 20:46.704 --> 20:52.746 It's just drink a lot of beer, buy a Jester's hat, and throw things at Jay-Z. 20:53.666 --> 21:01.889 I hate those quarter-loos, so for three days I won't poo, then I'll do one by the road on the way home. 21:02.269 --> 21:09.231 We'll go to see hot chick, then have some nice hot chips, meet a sexy girl, and get on really well. 21:10.982 --> 21:21.219 She'll take me to her teepee And hopefully sleep with me We'll text for two weeks They'll never see each other again Oh, Glastonbury's gonna be wicked 21:22.403 --> 21:26.464 There we go, so it's the Glastonbury song versus, what was your one? 21:26.584 --> 21:27.484 Just the festival song. 21:27.504 --> 21:30.065 The festival song, couple of inspired titles there. 21:30.465 --> 21:39.427 Vote for your favourite by text during the live show on 64046, or by email only if you're not listening to the live show here on Saturday morning. 21:39.687 --> 21:45.349 And if you're confused, or maybe slightly hungover, what you are now listening to is live. 21:45.369 --> 21:47.930 Well that's not going to do them any good though if they're listening again. 21:47.950 --> 21:49.470 But if you're not listening to it live, 21:49.830 --> 21:51.130 This is not live. 21:51.190 --> 21:53.271 The best way to judge it is... How can you tell? 21:53.391 --> 21:53.931 How can you tell? 21:54.011 --> 21:58.772 Well, you look at a newspaper, or think about what day it is, or look at the clock, right? 21:59.332 --> 22:05.014 And if it's not between 9 and 12 on Saturday morning, it's probably not live. 22:05.494 --> 22:07.294 It's gonna be confusing for some people. 22:08.254 --> 22:08.995 So get voting. 22:09.255 --> 22:13.236 But we'll have a reminder of those songs, of course, before the end of the show today. 22:13.576 --> 22:15.136 But now it's back to some real music. 22:15.496 --> 22:16.396 This is young chap. 22:16.436 --> 22:18.957 He's called Sam Sparrow, and this is black and gold. 22:20.188 --> 22:20.788 No it isn't. 22:21.169 --> 22:21.949 Oh yes it is. 22:21.969 --> 22:23.130 Here it is. 22:24.711 --> 22:25.331 Who was that then? 22:25.512 --> 22:26.472 How was Julian Coke? 22:26.913 --> 22:27.573 Oh I like him. 22:27.733 --> 22:28.534 He's good isn't he? 22:28.554 --> 22:30.675 You see the one that writes the books about the stones? 22:30.955 --> 22:31.315 Yes. 22:31.436 --> 22:31.796 Yeah. 22:31.916 --> 22:32.917 We've got one of those books. 22:33.157 --> 22:34.798 He's one of the most intelligent men in rock. 22:35.538 --> 22:37.480 It's wicked, the book about the big stones. 22:37.980 --> 22:40.582 He's done all kinds of amazing things Julian Coke, you know. 22:40.882 --> 22:49.207 He's one of these people whose knowledge and enthusiasm is even, you know, it's even greater than his talent. 22:49.327 --> 22:50.048 I'm one of those people. 22:50.248 --> 22:50.768 No, you're not. 22:51.368 --> 22:51.588 Really? 22:51.888 --> 22:52.348 No, no. 22:52.709 --> 22:53.729 What kind of books have you written? 22:54.409 --> 22:57.770 I've written a series of detective novels. 22:58.470 --> 22:58.750 Yeah. 22:59.030 --> 23:01.150 I wrote them when I was seven. 23:01.811 --> 23:10.953 Well, I'm sure you could relaunch the... Because more or less Julian Cope is credited with kind of re-establishing Scott Walker as a credible musical presence. 23:11.553 --> 23:16.674 After years and years of sort of relative obscurity, he brought out a compilation in the 80s 23:17.774 --> 23:27.624 of all Scott Walker's best kind of tracks and in the process kind of completely helped people to reassess the canon, the Walker canon. 23:28.005 --> 23:33.230 And now Scott Walker has a huge influence on many of the young bands what are in the charts. 23:33.370 --> 23:38.717 Yeah, I mean I'm not saying obviously that people wouldn't have discovered Scott Walker without Julian Cope, but Julian Cope certainly helped. 23:39.238 --> 23:46.287 And of course he wrote a book called Crap Rock Sampler, all about amazing German music from the southern... The myth thing. 23:46.487 --> 23:47.068 The myth thing. 23:47.589 --> 23:49.912 And of course the book about stones that you're talking about. 23:49.992 --> 23:50.633 How come you've got it? 23:50.653 --> 23:51.174 Have you read it then? 23:51.634 --> 23:56.935 Uh, we've had a good flick through it when we go on journeys into, uh, into Britain's hinterlands. 23:57.455 --> 24:02.796 We often look at the book to see whether there's any kind of, uh, you know, neolithic thing that we can go and see. 24:03.076 --> 24:03.276 Yeah. 24:03.936 --> 24:04.936 Get out on the coat book. 24:05.357 --> 24:05.617 Yeah. 24:05.717 --> 24:08.217 Plus he's got, uh, good things to say about parenting. 24:08.677 --> 24:09.037 Does he? 24:09.237 --> 24:09.537 Yeah. 24:10.257 --> 24:11.518 He's generally a genius. 24:12.058 --> 24:12.978 Uh, yeah. 24:13.158 --> 24:18.499 He's a good guy, but, um, you know, unhinged, obviously went through a long period of being completely nuts. 24:18.559 --> 24:18.919 I like. 24:19.179 --> 24:41.554 me like you so the votes are coming in thick and fast for song wars uh i'd say it's quite divided this week with a slight bias towards uh adam's songs so far that's the early running uh we've had such text as this one from ross saying love them both especially adam's line about the creche but joe's just won it for me this week with the awesome space cake interlude that was a very good interlude 24:41.934 --> 24:42.454 Nicely produced. 24:42.474 --> 24:43.774 You're just padding it out. 24:43.994 --> 24:45.115 You're very, very kind. 24:46.115 --> 24:47.135 But here's another one. 24:47.815 --> 24:50.516 Hang on, where's the one... Yes, Joe is a white Stevie Wonder. 24:50.916 --> 24:54.876 In his golden period he was untouchable, but now he's a shadow of his former self. 24:55.216 --> 24:57.237 Today he reached a musical nadir. 24:57.757 --> 24:58.917 Says Tommy Danger. 24:59.277 --> 24:59.717 Danger? 24:59.737 --> 25:00.577 What are you on about? 25:00.857 --> 25:03.418 So I'd say Buxton's just about pipping it at the moment. 25:04.278 --> 25:05.838 So get your vote in via email. 25:06.078 --> 25:08.579 I take all that stuff back about the texts I've been told off. 25:09.139 --> 25:13.824 Because apparently it's wrong to encourage people to text, so you've got to send your votes via email. 25:13.904 --> 25:20.271 Adam and Jo will one word with an A-N-D, not an ampersand, dot, six music, uh, what? 25:21.433 --> 25:22.634 At bbc.co.uk. 25:23.175 --> 25:26.118 Yeah, don't text for song wars. 25:26.158 --> 25:27.599 You can text for other things though, right? 25:28.460 --> 25:42.646 The problem with texting for song wars is that because we encourage people to vote for song wars right throughout the week, because we don't reveal the winner until next week's show, the texts can't be counted during the week, so we don't want you to waste your text money on a vote that won't be counted, you know? 25:43.226 --> 25:46.167 We're looking out for you, listeners, at the end of the day. 25:46.207 --> 25:46.707 Well said. 25:46.867 --> 25:47.127 Right. 25:48.468 --> 25:51.409 Excuse me, I've got a little bit of a frog happening in my throat area. 25:52.189 --> 26:07.526 But Song Wars, the last thing I'll say on Song Wars is that I felt as if I was not scraping the bottom of the barrel, but certainly some of my techniques were getting a bit samey, and certainly the structure of my song was very samey, and I think I even used the same drum and bass pattern that I'd used before. 26:07.906 --> 26:08.928 And that's a disgrace, isn't it? 26:08.948 --> 26:09.528 We need new life. 26:09.568 --> 26:13.693 We either need a new idea for a kind of segment, 26:14.253 --> 26:18.094 Or we need some new instruments, or some new garage band loops. 26:18.394 --> 26:19.234 Well, let me ask you this. 26:19.594 --> 26:22.615 Is it acceptable to recruit other musicians? 26:23.895 --> 26:25.976 To get session musicians in of some kind? 26:26.176 --> 26:26.916 I'd say no. 26:27.196 --> 26:27.516 What? 26:28.777 --> 26:31.857 Well, let's talk about it more later in the show, maybe. 26:31.897 --> 26:33.918 That's an interesting premise. 26:33.958 --> 26:35.318 Let's have a bit of De La Soul. 26:35.398 --> 26:39.079 Someone emailed in very angry that I'd pronounced them De La Soul. 26:39.099 --> 26:40.820 Of course, it's De La Soul. 26:41.180 --> 26:42.320 And this is me, myself and I. 26:42.600 --> 26:45.001 That's After Hours by We Are Scientists. 26:45.101 --> 26:47.861 This is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music. 26:48.261 --> 26:50.902 So let's have this discussion about song wars then. 26:50.962 --> 26:53.283 Your suggestion is to bring in other musicians. 26:53.743 --> 27:01.845 I'm saying that we should throw open the doors to all kinds of musical influences and techniques in order to broaden the palette. 27:01.965 --> 27:02.825 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 27:03.125 --> 27:08.487 I'm just worried that it shouldn't be a competition for who has the most time during the week. 27:08.527 --> 27:09.067 Do you know what I mean? 27:09.967 --> 27:16.129 Sometimes if you're very busy during the week or I am, then it's not song wars, it's availability wars. 27:16.449 --> 27:18.950 Well, that's something that you just got to live with though, isn't it? 27:18.990 --> 27:21.491 That's what was happening before. 27:21.551 --> 27:23.711 We've both got to struggle with that occasionally, don't we? 27:23.731 --> 27:32.714 Sometimes we have a busy week and then... Well, you're right, because on the other hand, one wouldn't want any sort of competitive feeling to in any way stifle creativity. 27:34.346 --> 27:39.690 You wouldn't want one person not to do a thing just because the other person fears losing. 27:40.070 --> 27:40.731 Well, exactly. 27:40.771 --> 27:41.552 That's no way. 27:41.572 --> 27:43.953 You know, we're striving for musical excellence here, aren't we? 27:43.973 --> 27:46.675 But at the same time... Joe fears losing. 27:47.096 --> 27:50.739 I might fear losing if you bring in... You've got more rockstar friends than I have. 27:51.439 --> 27:51.979 Than I have. 27:52.360 --> 27:53.561 Well... You have. 27:53.641 --> 27:54.822 I don't know anybody, really. 27:54.922 --> 27:56.083 Of course you do. 27:56.143 --> 27:56.983 No, not as well as you do. 27:57.023 --> 27:57.744 You know Travis. 27:57.944 --> 27:59.465 You've got blue tones in your locker. 27:59.485 --> 28:00.566 That's it. 28:00.746 --> 28:02.748 Martin Morris is probably the only musician... Charlotte Hasley. 28:03.448 --> 28:04.108 Mmm, true. 28:05.269 --> 28:06.529 Um... That's it. 28:07.489 --> 28:08.090 Who do you know? 28:08.110 --> 28:10.150 I know them all, all the greats. 28:10.250 --> 28:10.791 Exactly. 28:11.311 --> 28:15.212 Yeah, but, um, who do I- I can get, uh, yeah, I can get Tim Bucks 3. 28:15.252 --> 28:20.534 You could get the Travis, you could get, uh, you could probably get the Spoon Man if you haven't scared him off. 28:21.949 --> 28:22.289 Maybe? 28:23.090 --> 28:25.391 Listen, I'm not proposing, I'm sure these people are busy. 28:26.112 --> 28:28.494 They've got their own things to do, they've got their own careers to worry about. 28:29.134 --> 28:33.817 I am proposing, you know, if you've got a mate who can play guitar, you get him in. 28:34.418 --> 28:34.758 Right. 28:34.838 --> 28:35.959 Do a bit of session guitar. 28:36.079 --> 28:36.739 Session guitar. 28:36.759 --> 28:38.220 Take you to a different level, right? 28:38.621 --> 28:40.702 So you don't have to lean on GarageBand the whole time. 28:40.722 --> 28:41.122 Yeah. 28:41.743 --> 28:44.305 Johnny Maracas, he comes round, he's the king of Maracas. 28:44.485 --> 28:45.966 Well, let's throw this open to the listeners. 28:46.026 --> 28:47.207 Listeners, what do you think? 28:47.227 --> 28:48.308 Do you think we should do that? 28:49.348 --> 28:52.731 Give us a give us an email Can they text about that? 28:52.931 --> 28:56.975 Yeah, because it's non-competitive you can text 64046 in a second. 28:56.995 --> 29:02.179 We're gonna have Some text the nation fun, but right now here's a little bit more music. 29:02.619 --> 29:08.784 This is one I've chosen for you listeners This is Frank black and it's from an album that came out a couple of years called 29:09.645 --> 29:10.265 Chris Mass. 29:10.285 --> 29:11.986 A couple of years ago. 29:13.287 --> 29:14.027 Did I not say a go? 29:14.087 --> 29:14.228 No. 29:14.348 --> 29:15.068 I'm very sorry. 29:15.088 --> 29:15.888 He's popping it in for you. 29:16.049 --> 29:16.829 How embarrassing. 29:17.809 --> 29:19.050 Thank you very much for popping in there. 29:19.070 --> 29:19.690 That's alright. 29:19.751 --> 29:20.311 A go there. 29:20.711 --> 29:24.193 Yeah, Chris Mass is the album, and this is a great track on here. 29:24.473 --> 29:30.856 And as far as I can recall, it doesn't actually have drums in it, but it's so... though his playing is so percussive, it really drives along. 29:30.876 --> 29:31.577 I hope you enjoy it. 29:31.597 --> 29:37.300 It's almost like a sort of mantra of this song, and it's called, Do What You Want, Guinashua by Frank Black. 29:37.600 --> 29:40.102 Frank Black with Do What You Want, Garnishois. 29:40.142 --> 29:45.145 This is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music, and I think it's time to launch Text-o-Nation. 29:47.807 --> 29:48.647 Text-o-Nation. 29:48.687 --> 29:50.588 Text, text, text, Text-o-Nation. 29:50.649 --> 29:51.609 What if I don't want to? 29:51.869 --> 29:52.590 Text-o-Nation. 29:52.690 --> 29:53.690 But I'm using email. 29:53.851 --> 29:54.591 Is that a problem? 29:54.631 --> 29:55.472 It doesn't matter, text! 29:58.511 --> 30:00.653 This week it's a confessional text the nation. 30:00.673 --> 30:05.337 We're going to do a text the nation about terrible things you've done to teachers. 30:05.998 --> 30:17.989 Yeah, because people complain obviously a lot about their teachers, you know, and there are terrible teachers out there who inflict a lot of pain and suffering on their students, as well as obviously many great 30:18.109 --> 30:20.291 Well that's how it used to be in the old days. 30:20.371 --> 30:23.473 These days it's more about feeling pity for the teachers. 30:23.493 --> 30:24.214 Well exactly. 30:24.354 --> 30:27.036 And the awful things that pupils do to the teachers. 30:27.056 --> 30:37.784 We're talking about, or I'm thinking about that particular period in your mid-adolescence when something chemically inside you forces you to push the boundaries of the world. 30:37.924 --> 30:38.525 Do you know what I mean? 30:38.545 --> 30:39.205 When you say you. 30:40.086 --> 30:41.447 Are you mainly talking about yourself? 30:41.487 --> 30:42.488 Yeah, that's what I'm saying. 30:42.528 --> 30:43.028 Yeah, sure. 30:43.068 --> 30:43.549 Me, you. 30:43.729 --> 30:44.309 Yes, of course. 30:44.529 --> 30:50.734 But I think every teenager goes through a phase where they kind of have to experiment with the limits of human endurance. 30:51.574 --> 30:52.975 And humour endurance as well. 30:53.135 --> 30:54.556 I can't actually talk this morning. 30:54.596 --> 31:05.144 No, because a lot of the time, you know, the teasing, once you find a teacher who's a little bit vulnerable, and one person starts going at that teacher and teasing and niggling a little bit, 31:05.784 --> 31:11.529 that teacher is doomed if they don't immediately squash the humor front. 31:11.989 --> 31:18.374 So we're looking for your shameful stories, and we're not trying to sort of aggrandize this kind of behavior. 31:18.434 --> 31:20.395 No, this is... We want confessional stuff. 31:20.415 --> 31:26.019 We want people who are sorry for taking advantage of their teachers in a terrible way. 31:26.139 --> 31:28.121 And this is an opportunity to apologize. 31:28.661 --> 31:35.028 And we might add that it might be a good idea to maybe create pseudonyms for some of these teachers, because we don't want to humiliate real people. 31:35.048 --> 31:36.169 We don't want actual names. 31:36.269 --> 31:38.712 Call them Mr. or Mrs. X. Yeah. 31:38.732 --> 31:40.413 Or just invent a name for the teacher. 31:40.954 --> 31:42.295 And yourself, if necessary. 31:42.956 --> 31:44.518 The whole thing can be done anonymously. 31:44.818 --> 31:51.001 Yes, and we certainly don't want to be humiliating teachers who are, you know, teaching that's a hard enough job as it is, right? 31:51.181 --> 31:58.265 So this is an opportunity for you to say sorry and to make amends, but we also want to hear the stories of what you actually did. 31:58.625 --> 32:06.089 For instance, when I was at school, I picked on a particular teacher who I'd identified as maybe somebody who couldn't fight back. 32:06.949 --> 32:10.410 And I burst into her history class. 32:10.710 --> 32:11.610 I wasn't in the class. 32:11.670 --> 32:14.471 I had a kind of free study period, but I wasn't studying. 32:14.991 --> 32:18.612 I burst into her class, sort of dressed as a ghost buster. 32:20.033 --> 32:21.953 First of all, I pushed a friend into her class. 32:21.993 --> 32:23.013 He was covered in a sheet. 32:23.133 --> 32:23.834 He was a ghost. 32:24.354 --> 32:28.355 I pushed him in first, waited a couple of minutes for him to have done a bit of haunting. 32:28.915 --> 32:43.412 then got a fire extinguisher and I don't know how else maybe a satchel on my back and burst in claiming I was a ghostbuster I didn't set off the fire extinguisher but I chased him round the classroom I think I was in that class possibly as a as a 32:43.712 --> 32:46.034 a ghost buster and then chased him out again. 32:46.054 --> 32:47.316 Of course it grew ha ha. 32:47.556 --> 32:48.998 The teacher got very very angry. 32:49.038 --> 32:49.558 Of course. 32:50.039 --> 32:58.848 So about ten minutes later I took a, you know, one of those horrible paintings you have on the wall of a school, Constable's The Hayway, and a nasty print with bits of bubble gum all over it. 32:58.868 --> 32:59.208 Yeah. 32:59.449 --> 33:00.229 I took it off the wall. 33:00.510 --> 33:01.431 I walked into the classroom. 33:01.451 --> 33:04.674 This is the most awful bit that makes me feel really genuinely ashamed. 33:06.035 --> 33:19.820 and I started an apology I said miss I'm really really sorry that's such an awful thing to do I'm sorry I disrupted your class she believed me at this point I was being very sincere and I said so as a gesture of apology we'd like to present you with this 33:20.703 --> 33:22.405 copy of Constable's The Hayway. 33:22.705 --> 33:24.007 Right, and what did she do then? 33:24.307 --> 33:25.388 She cried, I think. 33:25.428 --> 33:26.629 She got really upset. 33:26.809 --> 33:27.070 Yeah. 33:27.150 --> 33:28.331 It was really horrible. 33:28.471 --> 33:30.934 She wasn't crying because she was so touched, though, was she? 33:31.074 --> 33:31.374 No. 33:31.695 --> 33:34.477 She was crying because she was completely humiliated. 33:34.558 --> 33:38.702 It wasn't, you know, a genuine version of The Hayway, and it was just a print 33:39.022 --> 33:42.563 So do you ever wake up sweating and sort of thinking, what the hell was I thinking about? 33:42.783 --> 33:43.203 I do. 33:43.503 --> 33:43.743 Yeah. 33:44.003 --> 33:44.323 Yeah. 33:45.043 --> 33:45.604 So, yeah. 33:45.624 --> 33:48.984 And this is an official opportunity for you, Joe Cornish, to say, I'm sorry. 33:49.064 --> 33:49.545 I'm sorry. 33:50.325 --> 33:51.685 Did you do anything similar, Adam? 33:52.005 --> 33:53.486 I never went to those extremes. 33:53.566 --> 33:56.186 I mean, you were really pushing the boat out there. 33:56.206 --> 33:57.186 Are you sure you didn't? 33:58.507 --> 34:03.328 No, not really, because I was fairly timid and I was too frightened of authority. 34:04.348 --> 34:16.293 I didn't want to get busted, you know, I would sit around, I was one of these weeds, even worse maybe than the bully boys who just sat around and giggled when there was another bully boy doing their stuff, you know, pathetic. 34:16.653 --> 34:27.898 We were in the same history class and we did a thing where, well, the history teacher made a bit of a mistake when we were misbehaving, he said, look, I'm going to leave the class and stand outside the door until someone comes out here and apologises. 34:28.098 --> 34:29.999 This was in the first few minutes of the class. 34:30.680 --> 34:31.260 40 minutes later, 34:31.960 --> 34:32.441 Still there. 34:32.721 --> 34:33.642 Still there. 34:33.662 --> 34:35.504 We all just filed out of the classroom. 34:35.904 --> 34:36.545 Bye-bye, sir. 34:36.805 --> 34:37.366 Bye, sir. 34:37.406 --> 34:37.966 Sorry, sir. 34:38.627 --> 34:47.956 But the thing is that there was a sort of... The problem is that there's always an atmosphere of bullying at a lot of schools anyway, and part of it is the fault of some of the bully boy teachers. 34:48.096 --> 34:51.660 So you've got other teachers at the same time as maybe the weaker ones, 34:52.020 --> 34:55.963 You've got other real ruffians who perhaps shouldn't be teaching who are behaving disgracefully. 34:55.983 --> 34:56.803 Encouraging the kids. 34:56.883 --> 34:57.284 Exactly. 34:57.344 --> 35:03.648 So maybe the kids, they find a slightly weaker teacher, more easygoing teacher, and they vent all their frustration and fury on that one. 35:03.968 --> 35:09.672 I'm thinking about another teacher that we had who would routinely humiliate people by making them sit in the bin. 35:09.952 --> 35:10.153 Right? 35:10.193 --> 35:10.733 Did you have that? 35:11.233 --> 35:11.914 Sit in the bin! 35:12.194 --> 35:12.354 Oi! 35:12.514 --> 35:13.175 Sit in the bin! 35:13.655 --> 35:22.978 And so you'd have to go and sit in the bin, and he'd always pick on, like, the fat bloke as well, you know, or, uh, there was a Chinese guy in there, he'd go, oi, chinky, sit in the bin. 35:23.339 --> 35:26.880 I mean, it was totally outrageous stuff that you could never get away with, you know what I mean? 35:26.900 --> 35:35.503 Like, now you would immediately get fired, you would get, uh, disciplined, the school would be shut down quite rightly, but, you know, he was coming out with some outrageous stuff. 35:35.523 --> 35:36.324 That's outrageous. 35:36.684 --> 35:41.587 So listen, text your stories of awful things you've done to a teacher to 64046. 35:42.828 --> 35:45.450 We want shame, we want contrition, we want apologies. 35:45.630 --> 35:45.850 Yeah. 35:46.630 --> 35:46.931 Okay. 35:47.091 --> 35:47.851 And sincere ones. 35:47.971 --> 35:50.873 And use made up names, otherwise we'll all be in trouble. 35:51.153 --> 35:52.855 Now here's Chromio with Fancy Footwork. 35:53.135 --> 35:55.116 Fancy Footwork there by Chromio. 35:55.216 --> 35:58.358 That sounded a little bit like... What was that song? 35:58.398 --> 35:59.239 You're the one for me. 35:59.899 --> 36:03.201 Open up from the ground and shout out loud. 36:03.262 --> 36:04.803 You're the one for me. 36:06.670 --> 36:07.331 Who was that by? 36:07.351 --> 36:08.451 I don't know. 36:08.772 --> 36:09.492 We'll find out. 36:09.612 --> 36:09.972 Okay. 36:10.193 --> 36:11.233 But that was good, wasn't it? 36:11.754 --> 36:14.476 This is Adam and Joel on BBC Six Music on a Saturday morning. 36:14.816 --> 36:18.219 Coming to the midway point in the show, we've already launched Song Wars. 36:18.239 --> 36:20.580 We'll be playing those songs again towards the end of the show. 36:20.981 --> 36:22.582 And we're in the midst of Text the Nation. 36:22.882 --> 36:27.045 And we're asking you about shameful things you've done to sort of pick on a teacher. 36:27.085 --> 36:29.607 And we're not aggrandising this kind of behaviour. 36:29.627 --> 36:30.808 No, we look down on it. 36:31.188 --> 36:31.789 Yeah, no, definitely. 36:31.829 --> 36:35.692 We don't want to hear just horrible stories about bullying that you've been doing to teachers. 36:35.712 --> 36:36.152 No, we want to hear 36:36.372 --> 36:37.453 kind of sort of St. 36:37.493 --> 36:41.796 Trinian's, Billy Bunter style, you know, Beano style activity. 36:42.236 --> 36:48.061 We don't want stabbing and text bullying and all these nasty, naughty behaviours, do we? 36:48.141 --> 36:48.781 No, exactly. 36:48.821 --> 36:50.763 We want to go kind of period with this. 36:51.143 --> 36:51.543 Japes. 36:52.424 --> 36:53.545 Japes is the word. 36:53.645 --> 36:53.925 Yeah. 36:54.225 --> 36:55.026 Lovely japes. 36:55.586 --> 36:57.888 Not things that actually ruined people's lives. 36:58.448 --> 37:00.409 Which maybe my Ghostbusters thing did. 37:00.809 --> 37:01.390 Well, exactly. 37:01.410 --> 37:03.931 Do you think that was really horrible, my Ghostbusters story? 37:03.951 --> 37:05.552 It was totally undermining her credibility, isn't it? 37:05.572 --> 37:07.313 There's a certain amount of either in there, though. 37:07.673 --> 37:10.555 No, I mean, it's how vicious can Ghostbusters get as a premise? 37:10.875 --> 37:13.337 It's not, it's not like totally malicious. 37:13.377 --> 37:16.539 You're not like pinning up against a wall and threatening her with a knife or something. 37:16.559 --> 37:17.139 That was a ghost in there. 37:17.239 --> 37:19.180 That's what they do at Grange Hill nowadays, you know? 37:19.200 --> 37:19.620 Is this? 37:19.640 --> 37:22.502 It's all knives and pinning people up against walls and stuff like that. 37:22.522 --> 37:23.543 I think it's guns these days. 37:23.683 --> 37:24.123 It's guns. 37:24.143 --> 37:24.863 Rocket launchers. 37:25.043 --> 37:25.444 Exactly. 37:26.044 --> 37:33.831 But that kind of mental cruelty and humiliation and ribbery, right, that you're indulging in there, that can be just as damaging sometimes. 37:34.512 --> 37:35.873 I didn't know I was very young. 37:36.073 --> 37:36.554 Yeah. 37:36.854 --> 37:37.595 Didn't understand. 37:39.073 --> 37:40.034 I was being bullied. 37:40.294 --> 37:41.455 You were being bullied? 37:41.475 --> 37:42.796 I wanted to bully someone else. 37:42.836 --> 37:46.218 The hard lads, you see, all, everybody hands it on to each other, don't they? 37:46.438 --> 37:48.039 Yeah, let's not make this about me though. 37:49.060 --> 37:49.860 Oh, I think we should. 37:50.120 --> 37:50.741 Please don't. 37:51.021 --> 37:52.862 Okay then, have you got any of that have come in there? 37:52.962 --> 37:57.826 We have, but I'm gonna sort through them because, you know, these have to be looked at with a precise psychological eye. 37:58.106 --> 38:02.629 We have to bring in various big British Castle rule books to filter them through and experts. 38:02.969 --> 38:05.130 It's a controversial show this morning. 38:05.651 --> 38:07.072 It seems strangely controversial. 38:07.092 --> 38:08.673 There's an air of edginess in the air. 38:09.773 --> 38:11.774 Yeah, so we've got a bit tread very carefully. 38:12.914 --> 38:13.474 Yeah, okay, then. 38:14.495 --> 38:15.375 What about this trail? 38:15.415 --> 38:16.595 What's going to happen in the trail? 38:16.655 --> 38:17.735 Something's going to go wrong. 38:17.775 --> 38:19.096 Someone's going to say something bad. 38:19.196 --> 38:20.296 It's going to be an edgy trail. 38:20.336 --> 38:20.876 Who's it for? 38:22.317 --> 38:24.117 Saturday, so I presume it's Saturday. 38:24.477 --> 38:25.638 Edgy day, difficult day. 38:25.818 --> 38:27.498 It could have been about George Lamb. 38:27.598 --> 38:29.559 That would have been potentially more tricky. 38:29.819 --> 38:30.099 Yeah. 38:30.159 --> 38:32.319 But no, Saturday's a day of joy and fun. 38:32.359 --> 38:34.280 Let's find out what you've got to look forward to, listeners. 38:34.580 --> 38:36.961 Sweet Jane there by Velvet Underground. 38:37.321 --> 38:38.681 What's that keyboard noise there? 38:38.701 --> 38:41.302 That's a really nice noise, isn't it? 38:41.322 --> 38:42.822 That is a keyboard, isn't it, I assume? 38:42.842 --> 38:44.563 I wonder what sort of a keyboard that is. 38:45.863 --> 38:48.324 Now that we do Song Wars, I envy noises like that. 38:48.404 --> 38:49.864 You know, noises I can't access. 38:50.004 --> 38:50.944 You're a noise queen now. 38:50.964 --> 38:53.445 Yeah, you get quite obsessed with keyboard noises and stuff. 38:53.765 --> 38:54.565 And that's a nice one. 38:54.585 --> 38:55.306 I want to get hold of that. 38:55.326 --> 38:56.626 That sounds analog-y though. 38:56.746 --> 38:59.887 You can get lots of vintage keyboard noises, you know, that you can plug into. 38:59.907 --> 39:00.247 Can you? 39:00.307 --> 39:00.767 Can you? 39:01.027 --> 39:02.369 That's what we need, new loops. 39:02.669 --> 39:02.949 Yeah. 39:03.350 --> 39:05.492 This is Adam and Joel on BBC Six Music. 39:05.532 --> 39:08.355 We've been talking about weird commercials over the last few weeks. 39:08.415 --> 39:14.822 Adam, you had a bit of a problem with the clearest old advert with the mum and the boyfriend and the daughter on the sofa. 39:14.962 --> 39:17.304 Yes, thanks to everybody who explained that to me, by the way. 39:17.625 --> 39:20.127 You were having some problems with Andy McDowell's hair advert. 39:21.008 --> 39:25.110 Yes, she's got storylines instead of just wrinkles. 39:25.210 --> 39:32.494 Yeah, someone was suggesting, I can't remember who it was, someone sent in an email suggesting that if you had a double chin you could call it your subplot. 39:32.854 --> 39:34.134 Haha, that's very good. 39:34.195 --> 39:36.155 I'll try and find that person's name to give them credit. 39:36.476 --> 39:42.439 But I've spotted an advert that's weirding me out for a new breakfast cereal called Optivita. 39:42.779 --> 39:43.039 Oh yes. 39:43.619 --> 39:45.321 And it's from Kellogg's. 39:45.361 --> 39:49.825 There are many other companies that make cereals and many other cereals available. 39:50.706 --> 39:52.667 And I'm not talking really about the product here. 39:52.968 --> 39:54.249 I must be careful to stress. 39:54.769 --> 39:56.371 Just the advert for the product. 39:57.131 --> 39:59.313 It starts off with a chef called Aldo Zilli. 39:59.814 --> 40:00.855 He's Italian. 40:01.295 --> 40:03.877 And he has this sort of silly Italian accent, you know. 40:03.897 --> 40:06.219 He probably just talks like this when he's off camera. 40:06.900 --> 40:08.881 But when he's on, Camry talks like this. 40:09.041 --> 40:09.601 I know, Zilly. 40:09.861 --> 40:12.842 He's walking through a market full of fresh produce. 40:13.422 --> 40:15.002 Ooh, it's so fresh and good for you. 40:15.102 --> 40:15.462 Yeah. 40:15.802 --> 40:17.643 And he's talking about cholesterol. 40:18.283 --> 40:21.584 And how if you've got high cholesterol, you have to watch what you eat, right? 40:21.604 --> 40:22.544 You have to watch everything. 40:22.564 --> 40:23.484 You're living on a knife edge. 40:23.604 --> 40:25.645 People are always saying, don't eat that, mate. 40:25.965 --> 40:27.385 It's not good for your cholesterol. 40:28.125 --> 40:30.106 No, it's not good for my cholesterol. 40:30.746 --> 40:31.026 Right? 40:31.046 --> 40:32.208 It's like the Dolmio. 40:32.228 --> 40:33.729 This is a terrible stereotype. 40:33.950 --> 40:35.451 It's like the Dolmio family, you know? 40:35.491 --> 40:35.811 Right, yeah. 40:35.852 --> 40:38.114 I'm not reflecting the way real Italians speak. 40:38.394 --> 40:38.534 No. 40:38.554 --> 40:41.037 I have to be so careful here on the big British castle. 40:41.077 --> 40:42.118 It's a minefield. 40:42.699 --> 40:44.120 Anyway, he's walking through this market. 40:44.160 --> 40:47.344 He starts banging on about this new cereal, Optivita. 40:47.744 --> 40:51.468 And he says, it's a specifically designed to combat a cholesterol. 40:52.309 --> 40:53.130 Literally like that. 40:54.090 --> 40:55.311 Now, this is my point. 40:55.872 --> 40:57.973 He says, specifically designed. 40:58.714 --> 41:01.456 And he makes a great play of the word, specifically. 41:02.036 --> 41:03.277 And that's why they've got him. 41:03.457 --> 41:06.079 Because he's Italian, and he doesn't say specifically. 41:06.439 --> 41:07.520 He says, specifically. 41:07.820 --> 41:08.120 Right. 41:08.380 --> 41:13.384 And they're so pleased with the way he says, specifically, that they've put it on the box in huge letters. 41:13.564 --> 41:16.046 Specifically designed to a slower cholesterol. 41:16.586 --> 41:17.186 Now, why... 41:18.146 --> 41:20.287 Does it matter that it's specifically designed? 41:20.927 --> 41:24.929 You know, would it matter if something was accidentally designed to lower cholesterol? 41:25.489 --> 41:26.569 We have two cereals! 41:26.929 --> 41:33.232 This one accidentally lower cholesterol, this one specifically lower cholesterol, or choose the specifically lower cholesterol. 41:33.837 --> 41:34.977 Does that make sense to you? 41:35.458 --> 41:38.599 Yeah, because, you know, you know, it's gonna do a really amazing job. 41:38.819 --> 41:43.181 Because it's- but what if- what if something does a better job, and isn't specifically developed? 41:43.801 --> 41:46.942 That's not as good, because, you know, scientists weren't involved. 41:47.342 --> 41:51.964 Well, now it's time to hear from Catherine Cracknell, and she was specifically designed to read the news! 41:53.385 --> 41:54.366 Ooh, ow, ow! 41:54.706 --> 41:57.968 Ooh, no, let's not play Master and Servant any more that hurts. 41:58.348 --> 41:58.888 That's filthy. 41:58.929 --> 41:59.949 That's gonna leave a scar. 42:00.009 --> 42:00.409 Stop it. 42:01.010 --> 42:01.650 Absolute filth. 42:01.710 --> 42:05.292 Pure pornography there from Depeche Mode with Master and Servant. 42:05.733 --> 42:07.474 This is Adam and Jo on BBC6 Music. 42:07.734 --> 42:09.335 We're in the midst of, uh, textination. 42:09.695 --> 42:12.477 We should have set ourselves a little bit of a tricky one this week. 42:12.617 --> 42:13.318 I don't think so. 42:13.338 --> 42:19.083 I just think there's a sort of inappropriate and unnecessary post-9-11 atmosphere of paranoia in the studio today. 42:19.423 --> 42:19.603 Yeah. 42:19.683 --> 42:21.104 I think we're going to be fine with this. 42:21.525 --> 42:28.371 The thing about this is when you sort of, um, bully's the wrong word, torture's the wrong word, are naughty towards teachers. 42:29.091 --> 42:31.393 It's the sort of thing your parents always tell you off about. 42:31.433 --> 42:32.414 They go, oh, how could you? 42:32.454 --> 42:33.255 That's so cruel. 42:33.275 --> 42:34.035 You're so horrible. 42:34.436 --> 42:35.056 Then there's a pause. 42:35.076 --> 42:37.458 Then they go, I remember when I was at school. 42:37.498 --> 42:39.360 And then they tell you some hideous thing they've done. 42:39.600 --> 42:44.345 Yeah, it's a kind of cyclical rites of passage that will be stopped today. 42:44.606 --> 42:50.252 It's a psychic proving ground, the relationship between teacher and student. 42:50.452 --> 42:53.575 Maybe that's why we played Master and Servant there by depression mode. 42:53.675 --> 42:56.799 You know what though, we'd really like to hear from some teachers as well. 42:57.219 --> 43:03.685 Either there's some teachers who've endured Jaipuri, or some teachers who've got some ideas for how to deal with it. 43:03.705 --> 43:05.447 Well, let's not forget the actual Jaipuri. 43:05.747 --> 43:07.669 Let's have a look at some of these texts that have come in. 43:08.229 --> 43:11.893 Here's someone called RME, they're gonna remain anonymous. 43:12.273 --> 43:19.220 Apart from that, in primary school, inspired by a Grange Hill story involving humming during classes, an angry teacher was targeted. 43:19.660 --> 43:22.061 and the mental destruction began over a long period. 43:22.421 --> 43:24.661 During the final term, he was continually hummed at. 43:25.041 --> 43:27.582 Humming would pass like a torch from one person to another. 43:28.042 --> 43:31.523 It was cruel, as he would have to chase the hum around the classroom. 43:32.383 --> 43:33.844 I won't go into what happened to him. 43:34.104 --> 43:34.924 No, but he was fine. 43:35.184 --> 43:36.705 But humming is a big thing, isn't it? 43:36.725 --> 43:39.245 Yeah, that's very destructive, and that's really... But that's classic. 43:39.265 --> 43:40.186 That's an age-old thing. 43:40.206 --> 43:41.386 That's a good way to wonder mine. 43:42.767 --> 43:46.091 If the teacher, yeah, if it's an unpopular teacher, because you can't tell who's doing it. 43:46.172 --> 43:51.078 Or the other thing to do is, whenever the teacher says um or are, you just say um, are. 43:51.298 --> 43:53.441 A little bit like, do you remember that bit in the day-to-day? 43:53.461 --> 43:58.608 I think there was a great sketch with Steve Coogan in there, and they were all, and Patrick Marber. 43:59.168 --> 44:08.975 And it was some kind of team building thing, and they were all, every time he said um or ah, the rest of the team had to say um, ah, um, um, to make him totally nervous, and he can do that with a teacher. 44:09.215 --> 44:09.775 Don't do that. 44:09.875 --> 44:11.336 Don't do any of these things, listeners. 44:11.696 --> 44:12.377 Don't do this. 44:12.957 --> 44:15.619 Once, when I was 15, we had a supply teacher for English. 44:15.659 --> 44:22.163 Due to a leak in our classroom, we were moved to the home economics room, which had a large cupboard at the back, hidden by a giant poster. 44:22.764 --> 44:24.685 When the supply teacher came in, we all stood up. 44:24.765 --> 44:27.207 She went to get some paper from the English room, and the whole class 44:27.887 --> 44:29.548 piled into the cupboard and hid. 44:29.949 --> 44:31.870 She came back and couldn't work out where we were. 44:32.211 --> 44:35.133 She came back with the head, and we all fell out of the cupboard. 44:35.393 --> 44:36.735 She cried, don't do that. 44:37.395 --> 44:39.157 That's an example of something not to do. 44:39.517 --> 44:41.379 Here's another example of something never to do. 44:41.939 --> 44:48.745 In an attempt to wind up the IT staff, I put a series of password protected bespoke screensavers on the library computers. 44:49.225 --> 44:52.227 They featured Richard Nixon saying hello on an endless loop. 44:52.727 --> 44:58.070 Unfortunately, this ended up annoying only the librarian who was a lovely woman and a friend of my mother's. 44:58.430 --> 44:59.010 There you go. 44:59.331 --> 44:59.751 Typical. 44:59.871 --> 45:00.571 Shouldn't have done it. 45:01.752 --> 45:02.672 Here's another one. 45:04.173 --> 45:14.339 At college, we used to wind up the principal by implying that he was an alcoholic and placing adverts on the notice board for his car and other possessions that needed to be sold due to urgent debts. 45:14.619 --> 45:16.680 With his direct telephone number, it was funny. 45:17.220 --> 45:17.941 Cheers, James. 45:18.941 --> 45:19.502 Don't do that. 45:19.822 --> 45:25.848 No, very few of these people are actually trying to make amends or apologize for the things they've done. 45:25.928 --> 45:26.589 Here's another one. 45:26.909 --> 45:33.496 At the start of our very first physics lesson at my new school, the teacher announced, you can give me any nickname you like as long as you don't call me Biggles. 45:34.036 --> 45:36.117 Guess what we called him for the next five years. 45:36.617 --> 45:38.498 Sorry, Biggles, from Stewart in Liverpool. 45:38.518 --> 45:39.159 There you go. 45:39.519 --> 45:49.424 So, there must be, as part of teacher's training, a section of the course that teaches you how to deal with at least the classic sort of teacher trickery. 45:49.644 --> 45:51.305 Yeah, Pranks 101, surely. 45:51.385 --> 45:52.426 Humming is so old. 45:52.466 --> 45:54.407 I mean, that's been going on for hundreds of years. 45:54.647 --> 45:57.808 There must be an agreed technique to dealing with humming. 45:57.889 --> 45:58.789 Maybe it's just attention. 45:59.069 --> 45:59.289 Yeah. 45:59.589 --> 46:00.550 Maybe it's just an iron fist. 46:00.590 --> 46:01.971 How would you deal with it, teacher Buckles? 46:02.811 --> 46:04.673 You've got to earn their trust, don't you? 46:06.095 --> 46:08.217 You've got to... I would do some rapping. 46:08.257 --> 46:12.841 I would make up a rap about how it's bad to hum, and then I would do the rap to the class. 46:12.861 --> 46:14.663 Because the kids love rap. 46:15.224 --> 46:15.905 They love to rap. 46:16.125 --> 46:19.168 So I'd say, OK, hey, hey, class, calm down. 46:19.208 --> 46:19.969 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 46:19.989 --> 46:22.171 Listen, can I just say to you this? 46:22.411 --> 46:23.232 I'd say it like that as well. 46:23.252 --> 46:24.473 What would you rhyme with humming? 46:25.714 --> 46:26.855 Hey there, kids. 46:27.015 --> 46:27.855 Stop your humming. 46:28.515 --> 46:29.376 Hey there, kids. 46:29.416 --> 46:30.436 You got trouble coming. 46:31.256 --> 46:36.198 If you're not careful, you're gonna be slumming in a world where humming ain't acceptable in that way. 46:36.498 --> 46:37.819 Hey, just stop that. 46:38.459 --> 46:44.882 Otherwise, I'm gonna have to give you a smack, you prat. 46:47.153 --> 46:50.815 At that point, your head is struck by 50 textbooks. 46:51.875 --> 46:55.317 No it isn't, they got... they got asked though, were you kissing me? 46:55.337 --> 46:59.599 We used to think Mr Buckles was a jerk, but then he started rapping and he really want me over. 46:59.660 --> 47:01.420 He really want me over. 47:01.841 --> 47:04.322 I'm not gonna misbehave in Dr Buckles class anymore. 47:04.522 --> 47:06.443 Keep your tame, we stress tame. 47:06.483 --> 47:10.364 We don't want any actual, like, long-lasting psychological damage done to teachers. 47:10.404 --> 47:15.526 And remember, this is all in an instructional context, where warning kids not what not to do. 47:15.966 --> 47:16.247 Yeah? 47:16.267 --> 47:19.808 264046, this is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music. 47:20.348 --> 47:21.288 Is it music's time? 47:21.629 --> 47:21.909 Yeah. 47:22.189 --> 47:23.769 So, are we gonna play this David Byrne track? 47:23.789 --> 47:24.870 Do you wanna play it later? 47:25.492 --> 47:26.813 Well, there's no sense in playing it later. 47:26.833 --> 47:27.773 We either play it or we don't. 47:27.833 --> 47:31.596 The only reason I was... Listen, I was hovering, because I do love this track, right? 47:31.636 --> 47:34.557 This is from a great album by David Byrne called Music from the Knee Plays. 47:35.418 --> 47:36.118 Was it a bit weird? 47:36.198 --> 47:37.059 It is a bit weird. 47:37.499 --> 47:45.664 And he did it for this production of a stage thing, Robert Wilson's Knee Plays, and Byrne wrote some music for it, and it's a little bit like... 47:45.984 --> 47:46.624 Let's give it a go. 47:46.664 --> 47:48.585 If it doesn't agree with us, we can come out of it early. 47:48.725 --> 47:50.246 But I like it for a number of reasons. 47:50.266 --> 47:54.008 A, it's very self-consciously sort of pretentiously arty, right? 47:54.349 --> 47:58.551 But the thing that he's doing throughout, it's called In the Future, the track. 47:58.611 --> 48:02.493 He's making predictions, kind of nomic predictions for what will happen in the future. 48:03.233 --> 48:09.096 And so this came out in the early 80s, and a lot of his predictions, even though they're fairly vague, are sort of on the money. 48:09.417 --> 48:12.318 Listen to what he's got to say, and we can come in, because this is a long one. 48:12.458 --> 48:13.699 We'll come in, we won't play the whole thing. 48:14.279 --> 48:15.941 We played the whole thing in the end that was good. 48:16.021 --> 48:16.921 I like that good. 48:17.042 --> 48:17.602 That was great. 48:17.642 --> 48:36.798 I want to live in that future Well, it's the kind of music you either love or loathe, but I love that kind of thing That's David Byrne from the knee plays that was called in the future And that was probably one of the last times that he did that kind of thing You know, he's got such a wonderful voice for declaiming in that very monotone way What's he doing at the moment David Byrne? 48:36.998 --> 48:38.019 What's his latest release? 48:38.039 --> 48:38.299 You know? 48:38.519 --> 48:38.939 Burn. 48:39.920 --> 48:41.562 I always buy his records when they come out. 48:41.582 --> 48:48.127 Well, he does the music for a show called Big Love, all about, well, there was a news story all about the oligomists. 48:48.928 --> 48:50.749 And it's a good show, actually. 48:51.050 --> 48:52.971 And he does it for that. 48:53.251 --> 48:54.372 It's a show about Mormons. 48:55.393 --> 48:57.075 It's about a polygamist family, yes. 48:57.095 --> 48:57.636 Are they Mormons? 48:57.896 --> 48:58.757 They are Mormons. 48:58.897 --> 48:59.958 I think they are Mormons. 49:00.279 --> 49:00.880 Mormons? 49:00.960 --> 49:01.640 Mormons. 49:02.541 --> 49:03.803 He does loads of things, David Byrne. 49:03.823 --> 49:09.169 There's a good interview between David Byrne and Tom York, which is in Wired magazine, and that's online. 49:09.870 --> 49:12.593 It's well worth checking out if you're a fan of either of those two people. 49:13.134 --> 49:14.315 But he's a genius. 49:15.696 --> 49:19.717 Now, I should say thank you to everyone who's been texting in for Text the Nation. 49:20.557 --> 49:25.819 Some of you should really look deep into your souls, though, and have a think about what you've done in the past. 49:26.179 --> 49:28.759 There are some terrible, terrible, terrible confessions coming in. 49:28.799 --> 49:31.240 Well, there's loads that we just can't read out, because they're so grim. 49:31.260 --> 49:34.201 Quite a lot that we can't read out, because, yeah, they're just not very nice. 49:34.641 --> 49:37.641 But there are some light-hearted, funny, and enjoyable ones. 49:38.362 --> 49:42.823 Or ones that are kind of nasty in an amusing way that, you know, compel themselves to be read out. 49:42.843 --> 49:43.763 Do you want to hear some more? 49:44.423 --> 49:46.664 Yeah, go on, give us a couple more before we play some PJ Harvey. 49:46.764 --> 49:49.586 Well, why don't we play some Harvey, then come back and have a proper go at them? 49:49.726 --> 49:50.606 Alright, that's a good idea. 49:50.746 --> 49:53.267 Here's A Perfect Day Elise by PJ Harvey. 49:53.547 --> 49:56.709 Polygene Harvey with A Perfect Day Elise. 49:56.909 --> 50:00.571 This is Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music. 50:00.891 --> 50:01.991 That was from her 1998 album, Is This Desire? 50:05.593 --> 50:06.894 I would say yes, that is. 50:07.694 --> 50:08.694 Glad we cleared that up. 50:08.975 --> 50:10.175 We're in the middle of Text the Nation. 50:10.215 --> 50:15.157 It's the exciting part of the show where we ask you to text things into us and we read them out to you. 50:15.457 --> 50:16.778 It's the nation's favourite feature. 50:16.818 --> 50:17.058 Yeah. 50:17.218 --> 50:24.561 And this week's subject is... We haven't found the correct way to word this without using any inflammatory words like bully. 50:25.261 --> 50:27.803 or torture, or make life hell. 50:28.864 --> 50:30.345 What would be a nice soft way? 50:30.525 --> 50:30.785 Tricks. 50:31.066 --> 50:31.706 Classroom tricks. 50:31.866 --> 50:32.287 Pranks. 50:32.407 --> 50:32.667 Pranks. 50:32.767 --> 50:33.187 Pranks. 50:33.287 --> 50:34.288 Pranks to play on teachers. 50:34.308 --> 50:34.668 Pranks. 50:34.728 --> 50:35.309 Japery. 50:35.689 --> 50:37.210 Pranks not to play on teachers. 50:37.430 --> 50:37.811 Ribbing. 50:37.911 --> 50:38.531 Yeah, exactly. 50:38.631 --> 50:40.873 These are all things that you should never do. 50:41.413 --> 50:43.635 Well, it started off as well as a confessional, didn't it? 50:43.655 --> 50:43.795 Exactly. 50:43.815 --> 50:47.198 It's an opportunity to say sorry for things that you've done at school. 50:47.278 --> 50:47.558 Right. 50:47.618 --> 50:48.098 To teachers. 50:48.379 --> 50:49.840 So here are some what have come in. 50:51.241 --> 50:53.723 This is from someone called Rill in Peckham. 50:55.004 --> 50:57.807 He or she says I'm from Oz, so you don't need to worry about names. 50:57.927 --> 51:01.892 In year seven, my classmates dared me to ask if our teacher was a virgin. 51:02.773 --> 51:07.359 So I stuck up my hand and said, Miss, have you ever been mated? 51:08.573 --> 51:09.514 She went bright red. 51:10.074 --> 51:10.415 Mated. 51:10.775 --> 51:11.255 Mated. 51:11.275 --> 51:12.276 I like that. 51:13.077 --> 51:14.678 Here's another one from Sophie. 51:15.038 --> 51:18.041 Not me but my brother used to do classroom surfing. 51:18.421 --> 51:24.225 The game was to stand on one's desk while teacher Mrs. H's back was turned. 51:24.666 --> 51:26.727 Particularly difficult as the classroom was very small. 51:27.288 --> 51:28.529 Six desks only in it. 51:28.889 --> 51:29.430 Poor woman. 51:29.790 --> 51:30.691 Desk surfing. 51:30.711 --> 51:34.614 So you had to actually get up on your desk and then I suppose down again before you were seen? 51:35.234 --> 51:35.735 That's good. 51:35.795 --> 51:36.856 I like that. 51:36.936 --> 51:37.896 That's a very good game. 51:38.157 --> 51:38.917 These are just games. 51:38.957 --> 51:39.798 They're innocent games. 51:39.818 --> 51:41.199 They could do that in the House of Commons. 51:41.660 --> 51:42.580 They should do that. 51:43.161 --> 51:44.842 This sort of thing goes on in the House of Commons. 51:44.862 --> 51:46.284 It's part of the national character. 51:46.424 --> 51:47.244 Exactly. 51:47.264 --> 51:48.686 Brownie definitely does that. 51:49.226 --> 51:56.613 Here's another one for someone called... No, this is an anonymous text, but the trickery was aimed at someone called Mrs. Moose. 51:57.253 --> 51:58.573 Not a good name to start with. 51:58.973 --> 52:00.014 Maybe it's a pseudonym. 52:00.394 --> 52:08.895 We used to rewind the harrowing film Escape from Sobibor every time our hum teacher, humanities, what would hum be? 52:09.135 --> 52:09.515 Yeah. 52:10.176 --> 52:11.596 Every time our teacher left the room. 52:11.936 --> 52:14.956 So this is a classroom where they were being shown a movie, right? 52:15.537 --> 52:19.737 Sometimes if you're lucky towards the end of the term, they'll show you a movie vaguely connected to something you're studying. 52:19.837 --> 52:20.097 Right. 52:20.117 --> 52:22.898 It's just an excuse for the teacher to remember Escape from Sobibor. 52:23.238 --> 52:28.745 But this class rewound it every time, so they started from the beginning and watched the same bit for about a year. 52:29.266 --> 52:31.408 So they made a, like, 90-minute feature. 52:32.009 --> 52:32.610 Last a year. 52:32.790 --> 52:36.034 We also used to sing Happy Birthday to her at the beginning of every lesson. 52:37.557 --> 52:42.518 That's nice and abstract because it's so joyful you can't interrupt a round of happy birthday. 52:42.938 --> 52:47.820 It's not my... Here's another one from Jill. 52:47.880 --> 52:52.401 My uncle used to get sent out of class and stand in the quad by the classroom window. 52:52.841 --> 52:53.141 Okay. 52:53.381 --> 52:59.463 When the teacher then handed books out, the class passed them along and out the window to him and he hid them all. 53:00.703 --> 53:04.306 I like the idea of passing books around a classroom and then them just going out the window. 53:04.386 --> 53:04.666 Yeah. 53:05.366 --> 53:05.627 Yeah. 53:05.947 --> 53:07.468 None of them arrive at their destination. 53:08.409 --> 53:09.549 Another one from Jimin Hackney. 53:09.790 --> 53:21.358 When Mr Jackson left our chemistry class in a rage of fury at someone setting fire to a textbook, we put cellotape across the door so he became entangled like a big fly when he burst back in. 53:22.841 --> 53:23.722 That's quite good, isn't it? 53:24.462 --> 53:26.764 That sounds a bit out of hand though, you're burning the books in there. 53:26.804 --> 53:31.247 I know, the fire... Let's forget the fire thing and just go with the innocent japery of the sellotape. 53:31.287 --> 53:32.487 The fun sellotape, Jake. 53:32.768 --> 53:34.169 Yeah, okay, one last one. 53:34.449 --> 53:37.291 And this is kind of like a French art movie sort of thing. 53:37.711 --> 53:38.371 Hi, Adam and Jo. 53:38.411 --> 53:42.034 In my old school, there was a supply teacher who was known for being a real pushover. 53:42.074 --> 53:45.156 You could do almost anything in her classes without fear of punishment. 53:45.536 --> 53:52.501 This reached its zenith when a particularly naughty kid stripped down to his wife fronts and began smoking one of his dead cigars. 53:54.783 --> 53:58.386 That's the sort of thing Gerard Depardieu did as a boy in school, don't you think? 53:58.406 --> 54:00.087 I mean, that's way out of control. 54:00.368 --> 54:06.153 It's difficult for the supply teachers as well because they often, you know, they don't have the relationship there with the children. 54:06.233 --> 54:08.995 It's way out of control and way into cool troll. 54:10.216 --> 54:12.418 Well, that's the kind of thing that Tom Cruise might have done. 54:12.458 --> 54:12.918 Exactly. 54:13.099 --> 54:14.840 It's wrong, but yeah, right, but wrong. 54:15.120 --> 54:15.300 Yeah. 54:15.360 --> 54:15.961 No, bad. 54:16.061 --> 54:16.281 Good. 54:16.441 --> 54:16.702 Bad. 54:17.422 --> 54:18.783 Nakedness is a- is a good one. 54:18.803 --> 54:20.285 Oh, it's a problematic area though, isn't it? 54:20.365 --> 54:21.386 It is, these days, yeah. 54:21.406 --> 54:23.968 But Wyffronts, there's nothing sexual about Wyffronts. 54:24.088 --> 54:24.869 I don't know, Wyffronts. 54:24.889 --> 54:25.649 It's been tested. 54:25.789 --> 54:25.990 No. 54:26.550 --> 54:29.312 If your teacher got down to his Wyffronts, so that would be a problem, wouldn't it? 54:29.332 --> 54:30.734 No, there's nothing sexual about Wyffronts. 54:30.754 --> 54:34.557 They were designed by the British in the, uh, to stop people becoming aroused in the military. 54:34.597 --> 54:36.158 You are happy with the teacher in Wyffronts? 54:36.298 --> 54:37.179 Anyone in Wyffronts. 54:37.199 --> 54:38.741 There's nothing sexual, it's- they're revolting. 54:39.261 --> 54:40.521 Okay, this is official then. 54:41.322 --> 54:44.902 Joe Cornish BBC says there's no problem with teachers just wearing Wi-Fi. 54:44.983 --> 54:46.443 Or kids, anyone can wear Wi-Fi. 54:46.723 --> 54:49.484 They're designed to cancel out any kind of sexual feelings. 54:49.764 --> 54:51.564 It's totally appropriate for any situation. 54:52.665 --> 54:53.165 Moving on. 54:53.865 --> 54:56.245 We'll come back to some more texts quite soon. 54:56.285 --> 54:57.086 Do keep them coming in. 54:57.106 --> 54:58.926 The text number is 64046. 54:59.186 --> 55:02.407 The email is adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk. 55:03.907 --> 55:05.268 Is this a top of hour sweeper? 55:06.380 --> 55:08.561 Well, it says it on the thing. 55:08.581 --> 55:09.621 I think we should do what we're told. 55:09.641 --> 55:10.501 Okay. 55:10.521 --> 55:11.201 Here's the sweeper. 55:11.502 --> 55:13.582 High fidelity by Elvis Costello and the attractions. 55:13.982 --> 55:15.103 You're an Elvis fan. 55:15.183 --> 55:16.543 Where's that from, roundabout? 55:16.783 --> 55:17.883 It's from 1980, Adam. 55:18.604 --> 55:18.704 Oh. 55:18.744 --> 55:19.964 Yeah, you'd have the answer. 55:19.984 --> 55:20.524 Thanks a lot, mate. 55:20.804 --> 55:21.805 Which album is that from? 55:21.965 --> 55:22.485 Uh, I don't know. 55:22.865 --> 55:25.826 Um, so, uh, I went to the theatre this week. 55:26.046 --> 55:26.166 Oh. 55:26.446 --> 55:27.206 Yeah, the theatre. 55:27.226 --> 55:28.106 Do you remember the theatre? 55:28.126 --> 55:28.607 Yeah, I do. 55:28.627 --> 55:30.007 I try and avoid the theatre. 55:30.327 --> 55:31.548 What did you go to the theatre for? 55:32.148 --> 55:34.951 My lady friend bought tickets, so I went along. 55:35.171 --> 55:37.012 Does she love the theatre? 55:37.052 --> 55:38.333 We like to see things, you know. 55:38.974 --> 55:40.355 Well, she's got shorter legs than you do. 55:40.435 --> 55:41.095 She does. 55:41.536 --> 55:47.020 This is a play that's going on in London in The Old Vic, which is run by the great Hollywood actor Kevin Spacey. 55:47.440 --> 55:48.221 Oh, Speed the Plow. 55:48.281 --> 55:49.062 Speed the Plow. 55:49.082 --> 55:50.423 I've been thinking about going to see Speed the Plow. 55:50.443 --> 55:50.563 Really? 55:50.603 --> 55:52.604 I was going to break my no theatre rule to go and see that. 55:52.804 --> 55:53.465 Well, I'd done it. 55:53.905 --> 55:54.366 How was it? 55:54.606 --> 55:55.667 It was pretty good. 55:56.287 --> 55:56.927 Oh, come on. 55:57.087 --> 55:57.888 No, it was pretty good. 55:57.948 --> 55:58.948 I tell you who else is in it. 55:59.168 --> 55:59.648 Goldblum. 55:59.868 --> 56:00.649 Jeff Goldblum. 56:00.669 --> 56:01.349 He's amazing. 56:01.369 --> 56:01.949 I love Jeff Goldblum. 56:01.969 --> 56:02.489 He is amazing. 56:02.509 --> 56:03.090 And you know what? 56:03.130 --> 56:08.052 The thing about Jeff Goldblum is that he is obviously physically extraordinary. 56:08.212 --> 56:10.292 Yeah, he's got the best hand gestures in the business. 56:10.353 --> 56:10.693 Absolutely. 56:10.753 --> 56:20.877 But in the movies, you seldom get a full body shot of Jeff Goldblum, so you don't get a chance to watch his hands moving in consort with his feet and head and other bits and areas. 56:20.897 --> 56:21.897 He's hugely tall, isn't he? 56:21.997 --> 56:22.857 He's hugely tall. 56:22.937 --> 56:24.318 He might even be taller than me. 56:24.438 --> 56:25.258 Maybe, I don't know. 56:25.678 --> 56:26.698 I'm pretty hugely tall. 56:26.878 --> 56:27.038 Yep. 56:27.298 --> 56:28.939 But man, he looks amazing. 56:28.959 --> 56:29.439 How tall are you? 56:29.459 --> 56:30.499 45 feet. 56:30.819 --> 56:31.099 45 feet? 56:31.139 --> 56:32.860 That's hugely tall. 56:32.880 --> 56:34.160 I mean, that's too tall. 56:34.900 --> 56:35.620 It's impractical. 56:36.320 --> 56:37.141 You're about six. 56:37.201 --> 56:37.981 No, I'm six foot two. 56:38.101 --> 56:38.721 Six foot two. 56:38.821 --> 56:39.101 And a bit. 56:39.401 --> 56:39.941 That's right. 56:40.081 --> 56:40.321 Yeah. 56:40.882 --> 56:45.483 So, but he's a big chap and he's got huge hands and a tiny head, which is very exciting to look at. 56:45.503 --> 56:46.623 What's going on? 56:46.983 --> 56:51.705 You feel like you're at the foot of a mountain, or maybe on drugs, because nothing's the right proportions. 56:51.805 --> 56:55.426 He looks a little bit like the action figure that came out for his Jurassic Park character. 56:55.466 --> 56:55.726 Right. 56:56.106 --> 56:57.307 Well, no surprises there. 56:58.087 --> 57:00.528 Or maybe that is a surprise, because action figures don't usually get the lightness right. 57:00.548 --> 57:04.189 Well, do you remember the... It had a big chunky body and a tiny little... Tiny head, that's true. 57:04.309 --> 57:04.809 ...plastic head. 57:04.829 --> 57:05.189 That's true. 57:05.670 --> 57:08.991 Anyway, watching him move around in full body was extraordinary. 57:09.731 --> 57:11.512 And Spacey does a good job. 57:11.553 --> 57:12.853 He tries very hard as well. 57:13.694 --> 57:16.956 And it's generally not such a good play for the beginning. 57:16.976 --> 57:18.497 I was thinking, this isn't very good. 57:18.778 --> 57:19.678 This is a bit obvious. 57:20.139 --> 57:21.379 These are Hollywood cliches. 57:21.900 --> 57:25.122 But then in the third act, it suddenly all starts to make sense. 57:25.783 --> 57:27.384 And it suddenly starts to be really good. 57:27.484 --> 57:28.665 What's it about, Brief Synopsis? 57:29.025 --> 57:39.072 It's about a head of production at a studio and a producer, and they're fighting, and they've got a big pitch to make in the morning, and they're deciding whether to do a crappy movie. 57:39.632 --> 57:45.157 or whether to do an adaptation of an amazingly profound sort of philosophical novel. 57:46.097 --> 57:47.038 And it's by David Mamet. 57:47.098 --> 57:53.343 Yeah, and there's a sexy girl who I think in the first production was played by Madonna, she's like the intern, and she's passionate about the novel. 57:53.823 --> 57:55.264 And who's it played by here, Kat Dealey? 57:55.605 --> 57:56.065 You know what? 57:56.165 --> 57:57.446 I don't know the name of the actress. 57:57.486 --> 58:00.128 I didn't look at the program. 58:00.148 --> 58:00.588 Kat Dealey? 58:00.789 --> 58:02.650 It was Kat Dealey, which is brilliant. 58:02.710 --> 58:04.772 It was Natasha Kaplinsky. 58:04.792 --> 58:05.372 She's brilliant. 58:05.432 --> 58:06.473 Kaplinsky Dazzles. 58:06.733 --> 58:11.675 Yeah, that's very bad of me not to know the name of the actress, but she was radiant and marvellous. 58:11.955 --> 58:13.015 Was it Honeysuckle Weeks? 58:13.256 --> 58:13.536 Yes. 58:13.916 --> 58:14.436 Who's that? 58:14.776 --> 58:16.497 Don't you know who Honeysuckle Weeks is? 58:16.517 --> 58:17.897 No, she's in Foil's War. 58:18.477 --> 58:18.938 Really? 58:19.078 --> 58:19.298 Yes. 58:20.349 --> 58:21.069 She's attractive. 58:21.609 --> 58:22.349 Anyway, carry on. 58:22.430 --> 58:23.430 I don't think it is, honey. 58:23.590 --> 58:27.731 Anyway, the last point was, my final point is, there is an atmosphere of terror at the Old Vic. 58:27.751 --> 58:28.331 Do you know why? 58:28.931 --> 58:29.131 Why? 58:29.191 --> 58:34.532 Because it's run with a rod of iron by Spacey, and he shouts at people if their phones go off. 58:34.592 --> 58:34.892 Does he? 58:34.912 --> 58:35.872 Do you remember that story? 58:36.052 --> 58:36.732 Yes, I do. 58:36.772 --> 58:47.034 If your phone goes off during the production of Speed the Plow, the play will stop, Spacey will come out of character, and like a teacher, he will turn to you and shout at you. 58:47.855 --> 58:49.695 So I think this was at the forefront of everyone's... 58:49.815 --> 59:14.626 minds in the auditorium it was a bit like a class of children sitting down for a talk yeah given by big hollywood men and uh someone's alarm did go it was on buzz what did kpax do well it came at a point when there was a dramatic pause yeah so it was a very dramatic pause he didn't know whether he was gonna but no he he got over it he ignored it but i could have been embarrassed in the theater yeah of course because it's a bit of an artificial situation isn't it 59:15.166 --> 59:21.133 Well, it certainly strips away all the levels of craziness, and yeah, you're confronted by the ludicrousness of acting, aren't you? 59:21.153 --> 59:22.354 Yeah, it's odd, it's odd. 59:22.535 --> 59:31.405 Especially when dramatic things happen, and there's lots of moments in this play where someone will shout and then go really quiet for a long time, do you know what I mean? 59:31.425 --> 59:32.846 And that's why I can't stand you! 59:37.116 --> 59:53.465 like that and the man that my brain is just going so wanting me to make a noise or throw something at another point spacey pushes over an aluminium ladder in fury there's a very long silence after that he really milks that everyone's going 59:55.598 --> 01:00:08.868 Panting on stage that's the next production milk the silence really that would be good under milk silence over milk silence even Anyway, I do recommend it if you live in London, maybe it'll tour it's short. 01:00:09.089 --> 01:00:10.670 That's the main thing is it how long? 01:00:11.390 --> 01:00:11.651 90 minutes. 01:00:11.711 --> 01:00:12.611 Oh, that's no interval. 01:00:12.811 --> 01:00:13.252 Ideal. 01:00:13.352 --> 01:00:14.613 But Goldblum, what a genius. 01:00:14.653 --> 01:00:15.233 His hands. 01:00:15.493 --> 01:00:16.134 I love him, man. 01:00:16.154 --> 01:00:17.114 They were doing amazing things. 01:00:17.134 --> 01:00:19.156 I'm up for pretty much anything that he's been in, Goldblum. 01:00:19.176 --> 01:00:20.277 Would you sleep with Goldblum? 01:00:20.357 --> 01:00:20.897 Definitely. 01:00:21.217 --> 01:00:21.517 Really? 01:00:21.658 --> 01:00:21.958 Definitely. 01:00:21.978 --> 01:00:22.438 In a bar? 01:00:22.818 --> 01:00:23.759 Somewhere near the Old Vic? 01:00:24.199 --> 01:00:25.400 What, sleep with him in the bar? 01:00:25.420 --> 01:00:26.521 Can I not go home to bed with him? 01:00:26.561 --> 01:00:27.402 No, I hadn't finished. 01:00:27.622 --> 01:00:30.544 What if his huge hands settled on your tiny knee? 01:00:31.685 --> 01:00:33.526 It's sounding a bit awful, isn't it? 01:00:34.258 --> 01:00:34.999 No, I like it. 01:00:35.099 --> 01:00:36.800 His beady eyes and his tiny head. 01:00:36.880 --> 01:00:38.241 Nothing you're saying is putting me off. 01:00:38.741 --> 01:00:39.582 He's very thin. 01:00:39.782 --> 01:00:40.882 He obviously works out. 01:00:41.003 --> 01:00:42.644 His suits are beautiful. 01:00:42.684 --> 01:00:44.785 The best thing about the production was Goldblum's suits. 01:00:44.825 --> 01:00:45.085 Yeah. 01:00:45.566 --> 01:00:46.586 Oh, he looks great in a suit. 01:00:46.606 --> 01:00:47.107 I fancy him. 01:00:47.127 --> 01:00:47.967 He's the opposite of me. 01:00:48.347 --> 01:00:48.688 Really? 01:00:48.708 --> 01:00:48.968 Yeah. 01:00:49.048 --> 01:00:49.788 It's true, isn't it? 01:00:50.309 --> 01:00:50.729 I love him. 01:00:50.989 --> 01:00:54.231 It's like Captain Caveman and Crazy Legs Crane making love. 01:00:55.412 --> 01:00:56.713 Here's some Portishead for you. 01:00:56.773 --> 01:00:57.674 Is this new Portishead? 01:00:58.014 --> 01:00:58.094 Yes. 01:00:58.594 --> 01:01:00.495 Magic Doors, they were amazing on Jules Holland. 01:01:00.515 --> 01:01:01.636 You didn't happen to catch Jules Holland. 01:01:01.676 --> 01:01:04.318 I didn't, but I hear their live sets are extraordinary. 01:01:04.338 --> 01:01:04.678 They're the best. 01:01:04.698 --> 01:01:05.899 They're playing at the moment, aren't they? 01:01:05.919 --> 01:01:06.019 Best. 01:01:06.039 --> 01:01:06.879 They're back with a bang. 01:01:06.919 --> 01:01:08.340 Jules Holland thing I've seen for ages. 01:01:08.380 --> 01:01:10.142 Tumane Diabate, have you ever seen him? 01:01:10.502 --> 01:01:12.963 Playing, what's the instrument that guy plays? 01:01:13.103 --> 01:01:13.904 The harmonica. 01:01:14.224 --> 01:01:16.405 It's not the harmonica, but he was extraordinary. 01:01:16.425 --> 01:01:17.686 I've never seen him in action before. 01:01:18.247 --> 01:01:19.548 Lost Shadow Puppets they were on. 01:01:20.088 --> 01:01:20.928 They were amazing. 01:01:21.089 --> 01:01:22.690 And Portishead were fantastic. 01:01:22.830 --> 01:01:24.731 It was the best Jules Holland I've ever seen. 01:01:25.111 --> 01:01:26.832 Anyway, here's Magic Doors by Portishead. 01:01:27.052 --> 01:01:28.733 That is Portishead and Magic Doors. 01:01:28.773 --> 01:01:30.475 That is not the track they played on Jules Holland. 01:01:31.653 --> 01:01:33.854 Didn't you like that one as much as the one they played on shows? 01:01:33.874 --> 01:01:34.334 No, I didn't, no. 01:01:34.554 --> 01:01:35.314 Is that their single? 01:01:35.634 --> 01:01:36.034 No, it's not. 01:01:36.074 --> 01:01:39.696 That's just a track from the new album, which is called Third, and apparently it's good. 01:01:39.856 --> 01:01:43.817 I don't know, it's one of those albums that's been getting between three and four stars, you know? 01:01:44.137 --> 01:01:46.518 Do you know what's funny about the timing of Portishead's comeback? 01:01:46.538 --> 01:01:46.798 No. 01:01:47.658 --> 01:01:50.239 Well, I'll tell you what it is, is that things have gone depressing again. 01:01:50.799 --> 01:01:55.301 When all those Bristol bands became big, it was during the recession, wasn't it, of the mid-90s? 01:01:55.341 --> 01:01:55.481 Uh-huh. 01:01:56.901 --> 01:01:58.924 Uh, and things seem to be going that way again. 01:01:59.285 --> 01:02:01.768 At least all the papers are very keen for it to go that way again. 01:02:01.788 --> 01:02:03.951 Financial crunch, that's when people just had come out of the shadows. 01:02:03.971 --> 01:02:04.171 Exactly! 01:02:04.632 --> 01:02:05.313 They've timed it. 01:02:05.333 --> 01:02:06.975 They just keep their eye on the stock market. 01:02:07.015 --> 01:02:08.537 Whenever shares plunge, bang! 01:02:08.938 --> 01:02:09.238 Album. 01:02:10.079 --> 01:02:10.940 Don't you think that's true? 01:02:11.181 --> 01:02:11.561 Possibly. 01:02:11.581 --> 01:02:12.002 Yes, I do. 01:02:12.202 --> 01:02:21.585 Well, Beth Gibbons came out with an album with Rustin Man, that's the pseudonym of one of the other members of Jeff Barrow, is it, from Portishead? 01:02:22.205 --> 01:02:32.808 And that was a lovely album, and that was back in 2003, thereabouts, and it was very similar to the track they were playing last night on Jules. 01:02:33.528 --> 01:02:37.069 So I'm hoping that maybe, I haven't listened to the whole of the Portishead album yet, 01:02:37.629 --> 01:02:38.970 But I'm hoping it's more of the same. 01:02:38.990 --> 01:02:41.370 You know, I'd be happy if it was like that Rustin man thing. 01:02:41.590 --> 01:02:42.571 It was the wicked man. 01:02:42.651 --> 01:02:43.611 Well, give it a listen then. 01:02:43.631 --> 01:02:44.271 I will give it a listen. 01:02:44.291 --> 01:02:45.792 You've got no one to blame but yourself. 01:02:46.172 --> 01:02:48.273 Well, listen, I don't want to buy it, right? 01:02:48.593 --> 01:02:52.334 I want to steal it from someone's desk. 01:02:52.734 --> 01:02:53.715 That's six music. 01:02:55.276 --> 01:02:56.497 There's a warning to everybody. 01:02:57.198 --> 01:02:59.060 This is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music. 01:02:59.461 --> 01:03:01.463 Pretty soon we're going to be playing the Song Wars songs again. 01:03:01.483 --> 01:03:06.910 We're also going to be wrapping up Text the Nation, which is going to be tricky to do because we've been inundated with amazing stories. 01:03:07.170 --> 01:03:08.872 Have we got any responses from teachers? 01:03:08.932 --> 01:03:09.513 Yeah, we do. 01:03:09.773 --> 01:03:11.295 So we'll be coming back to that in a second. 01:03:11.315 --> 01:03:14.259 But first, if there was an award for Best Track 01:03:14.779 --> 01:03:38.751 on most incongruous cd then i think the following would get it this is from the Godzilla soundtrack Roland Emmerich's disastrous blockbuster remake of Godzilla which i've got a soft spot for well you know uh you love that film don't you we do like Roland Emmerich's Godzilla yeah you are a weirdo yeah another good album with uh incongruous album with excellent stuff on it is which we talked about a few weeks back is the a 01:03:39.531 --> 01:03:40.992 original soundtrack for Cool World. 01:03:41.573 --> 01:03:42.573 Right, which has what on it? 01:03:43.354 --> 01:03:46.456 It's got a couple of Ino tracks, Brian Ino tracks. 01:03:46.476 --> 01:03:46.777 Really? 01:03:46.837 --> 01:03:49.719 That at that point had not been released in their beautiful tracks. 01:03:49.839 --> 01:03:54.983 Well, similar thing here at this point, or at the point of which... I'm going to start that sentence again. 01:03:55.283 --> 01:04:00.387 At the point when the Godzilla soundtrack was released, the following Ben Folds 5 track wasn't available anywhere else. 01:04:00.447 --> 01:04:02.809 It's now available on the reissue of their first album, I think. 01:04:03.129 --> 01:04:05.410 But this may be my favourite Ben Foll's track. 01:04:06.271 --> 01:04:07.832 And it was written for Godzilla. 01:04:08.032 --> 01:04:08.292 Wow. 01:04:08.432 --> 01:04:10.173 And apparently he wasn't that happy with it. 01:04:10.233 --> 01:04:11.734 He felt it was kind of unfinished. 01:04:12.094 --> 01:04:13.895 Yeah, plus he was writing it for Godzilla. 01:04:14.856 --> 01:04:18.638 Well, it doesn't necessarily reflect on the song itself, which is pretty incredible. 01:04:18.898 --> 01:04:19.738 This is called Air. 01:04:20.059 --> 01:04:22.200 That's the Funboy 3 with Bananarama. 01:04:22.640 --> 01:04:49.717 with it ain't what you do it's the way that you do it are they a new band they're brand new uh it's very exciting that's going to be a big hit i think uh that's out on monday it's not it's not out on monday it's they're old all right it came out in the 80s that was a bit of a joke here little one the little tiny joke for you there but that's good that song man i mean that hasn't dated badly at all that still sounds amazing and when terry hall comes in there that's a thrilling moment that's uh tingles down the back of the spine 01:04:50.117 --> 01:04:58.141 And, of course, the connection with that David Byrne track that we played earlier is, not that you need one, but David Byrne, of course, produced one of the Funboy 3 albums. 01:04:58.161 --> 01:04:59.082 Do you remember that? 01:04:59.122 --> 01:05:00.783 You were a big Funboy 3 fan, right? 01:05:01.143 --> 01:05:01.943 Uh, yeah, kind of. 01:05:01.983 --> 01:05:03.284 I had a lot of their seven inches. 01:05:03.604 --> 01:05:07.546 I think maybe the album that Byrne produced is deleted now? 01:05:07.786 --> 01:05:08.767 I might be wrong about that. 01:05:09.027 --> 01:05:09.967 I like to get things wrong. 01:05:10.007 --> 01:05:10.968 Let's have it deleted. 01:05:11.028 --> 01:05:12.689 In fact, I got something wrong very recently. 01:05:12.829 --> 01:05:18.612 I said that Beth Gibbons and Rustin Man was Beth Gibbons with Jeff Barrow from Porter's Head. 01:05:18.732 --> 01:05:19.172 Oh, dear. 01:05:19.932 --> 01:05:21.093 Ahhh, you idiot! 01:05:21.353 --> 01:05:22.573 I hate you! 01:05:23.153 --> 01:05:25.154 It's Paul Webb from Talk Talk. 01:05:25.254 --> 01:05:26.254 I was just joking. 01:05:26.274 --> 01:05:27.175 It was a joke. 01:05:27.195 --> 01:05:28.275 It was one of my jokes. 01:05:28.335 --> 01:05:29.415 It's a new type of humour. 01:05:30.056 --> 01:05:31.196 Just called wrongness. 01:05:31.216 --> 01:05:32.616 Just saying the wrong thing. 01:05:32.856 --> 01:05:33.377 It's a joke. 01:05:33.417 --> 01:05:34.137 It's a funny joke. 01:05:34.497 --> 01:05:36.679 I could go, like, do a whole tour, you know? 01:05:36.699 --> 01:05:38.560 And, um... Jingle! 01:05:38.580 --> 01:05:40.281 Uh, Jingle Jingle Jongles? 01:05:40.321 --> 01:05:41.582 No, it's time for the news very soon. 01:05:41.642 --> 01:05:41.902 Is it? 01:05:42.462 --> 01:05:43.923 Oh, okay, I do apologize. 01:05:43.943 --> 01:05:45.164 Why did you just say Jingle like that? 01:05:45.184 --> 01:05:47.006 Because I thought we were gonna do some text the nation. 01:05:47.046 --> 01:05:47.906 I was all excited. 01:05:48.126 --> 01:05:48.647 Oh, I see. 01:05:48.667 --> 01:05:50.348 I completely forgot it was news time. 01:05:50.448 --> 01:05:52.029 Hey, you gotta make way for the news, yo. 01:05:52.069 --> 01:05:53.090 Make way for the news. 01:05:53.130 --> 01:05:54.731 We've only got half an hour left of this show. 01:05:55.191 --> 01:05:57.172 Oh no, we're overloaded with stuff. 01:05:57.312 --> 01:05:57.852 Absolutely. 01:05:58.372 --> 01:06:00.492 So after the news, we're going to resolve Texanation. 01:06:00.533 --> 01:06:04.454 Plus, of course, we have to remind the listeners of our festival songs from Song Wars. 01:06:04.494 --> 01:06:04.894 We do. 01:06:05.194 --> 01:06:06.614 Lots to be done in the last half hour. 01:06:07.414 --> 01:06:07.935 Absolutely. 01:06:07.995 --> 01:06:09.555 Don't say it in that final way like that. 01:06:09.595 --> 01:06:11.455 You still got a little while before the news. 01:06:11.475 --> 01:06:12.056 It's exciting. 01:06:13.076 --> 01:06:13.236 Yeah. 01:06:14.076 --> 01:06:14.836 What were you going to do? 01:06:14.876 --> 01:06:16.457 I'll say it in a different way. 01:06:16.677 --> 01:06:19.558 You're holding up the sheet of paper as if you're going to say some things. 01:06:19.818 --> 01:06:20.059 I am. 01:06:20.119 --> 01:06:21.939 Keep your teacher stories coming in. 01:06:22.139 --> 01:06:31.703 If you've done slightly unpleasant things to teachers in a confused adolescent state, tell us about them on 64046 or email adamandjoe.6musicatbbc.co.uk. 01:06:31.984 --> 01:06:38.706 And we've also got a few responses coming in from teachers now, some of which we're going to read out after the news. 01:06:38.926 --> 01:06:42.088 Favourite news story at the moment, Joe, apart from the 10p tax rate? 01:06:42.848 --> 01:06:46.551 My favourite news story is probably, uh, just the weather. 01:06:46.792 --> 01:06:50.535 I mean, it's a slow news day on the cover of, what is it, the cover of The Sun. 01:06:50.635 --> 01:06:53.698 You've got a picture of Anne Robinson and the headline is, what is it? 01:06:53.778 --> 01:06:54.639 The Weakest Freak? 01:06:55.119 --> 01:06:57.141 Yes, she's just stuck her top lip out slightly. 01:06:57.161 --> 01:06:58.102 Freakest Link, sorry. 01:06:58.682 --> 01:06:59.423 Freakest Link. 01:06:59.883 --> 01:07:02.566 And they've just got a picture of her where she's pouting a little bit. 01:07:03.106 --> 01:07:08.071 And it's a big story on the cover of The Sun, all about the fact that she's got a trout pout. 01:07:08.351 --> 01:07:09.372 Not exactly news, isn't it? 01:07:09.392 --> 01:07:11.174 I don't know, see if that makes the bullet in. 01:07:11.214 --> 01:07:12.195 Let's see if it gets covered. 01:07:12.215 --> 01:07:12.756 Here's the news. 01:07:13.056 --> 01:07:14.277 What if I don't want to? 01:07:14.317 --> 01:07:16.339 But I'm using email. 01:07:16.359 --> 01:07:17.320 Is that a problem? 01:07:25.325 --> 01:07:30.049 I was epilae by Reuxop that you heard just before the Text the Nation jingle there. 01:07:30.069 --> 01:07:32.111 Hard to tell one from the other, really. 01:07:32.131 --> 01:07:32.811 It is, isn't it? 01:07:32.891 --> 01:07:34.693 Both masterpieces of contemporary music. 01:07:34.773 --> 01:07:35.373 Electronica. 01:07:35.654 --> 01:07:41.759 I'm going to speed through some of these texts now about bad things you've done to teach us to make their lives misery. 01:07:41.799 --> 01:07:44.621 We got so many of these in, and there are so many good ones. 01:07:44.681 --> 01:07:47.444 I do apologise if I don't get to read yours out, but here... 01:07:48.044 --> 01:07:49.985 is the pick of the cropping in the time we've had. 01:07:50.045 --> 01:07:51.406 This is from Marian Lincoln. 01:07:51.826 --> 01:07:54.508 When I was about 14 we had a maths teacher who we called Kipper. 01:07:55.088 --> 01:07:58.330 One day before he came into the lesson I drew a Kipper on the blackboard. 01:07:58.590 --> 01:08:01.172 It was wearing little glasses and a moustache like his. 01:08:01.652 --> 01:08:06.215 When he came in and saw it he was apoplectic with rage, went purple in the face and was shaking. 01:08:06.875 --> 01:08:09.297 The whole class held out though and didn't let on who had done it. 01:08:09.737 --> 01:08:12.259 It was only so funny because he was so angry. 01:08:12.739 --> 01:08:15.661 I'm 51 now but can still remember what a laugh it was. 01:08:15.841 --> 01:08:16.982 So no remorse there. 01:08:17.782 --> 01:08:20.383 The other thing I like about that is the teacher shouldn't have got angry at that. 01:08:20.403 --> 01:08:21.844 The teacher handled it very badly. 01:08:21.884 --> 01:08:22.385 Very badly? 01:08:22.425 --> 01:08:23.745 Sometimes it's the teacher's fault. 01:08:23.825 --> 01:08:24.306 Exactly. 01:08:24.406 --> 01:08:25.346 Here's another one from Rob. 01:08:25.686 --> 01:08:33.510 I rolled up a bundle of my cat's surplus fur and glued it into my exercise book before handing it in to my cat-hating maths teacher. 01:08:34.191 --> 01:08:38.893 Sadly, he turned out to hate cats because he was very allergic to them and ended up in A&E. 01:08:39.373 --> 01:08:43.976 I was so guilt-ridden, I worked ultra hard at maths and somehow ended up doing a PhD in maths. 01:08:44.276 --> 01:08:45.477 So the joke's on me now. 01:08:46.397 --> 01:08:47.438 That's a good story. 01:08:47.478 --> 01:08:50.461 That's an extraordinary rollercoaster of consequences there. 01:08:50.862 --> 01:08:51.002 Yeah. 01:08:51.042 --> 01:08:53.905 This is from Rich P in Gloucester aged 33. 01:08:54.385 --> 01:09:01.253 I turned my exercise book upside down and gave myself a new name on the back cover to fool a substitute teacher. 01:09:01.293 --> 01:09:03.054 Richie P, my man. 01:09:03.435 --> 01:09:06.278 The name he gave himself was Barry de Radish. 01:09:07.520 --> 01:09:09.441 Barry, Barry de Radish, what do you think about that? 01:09:11.201 --> 01:09:12.722 You said Barry de Radish. 01:09:13.062 --> 01:09:17.223 Matt in Canterbury says two friends and I had won the confidence of our newly qualified history teacher. 01:09:17.523 --> 01:09:24.866 She told us that she had her driving test one evening after school, so we tailgated her around in her test car. 01:09:25.746 --> 01:09:27.627 with our car covered in good luck messages. 01:09:27.647 --> 01:09:28.367 Does that make sense? 01:09:28.888 --> 01:09:32.589 To her credit, she still passed and later became my boss at another school. 01:09:33.069 --> 01:09:36.351 That's not really a prank, that's just over-enthusiastic niceness. 01:09:36.571 --> 01:09:39.112 Yeah, that's sort of stalkerish waste of tea. 01:09:39.152 --> 01:09:39.672 Yeah, too nice. 01:09:40.353 --> 01:09:40.873 Here's another one. 01:09:40.913 --> 01:09:41.633 Hello, I'm Luke. 01:09:41.914 --> 01:09:46.756 And once I was the editor of my school magazine, I filled it with some rebellious satire. 01:09:47.096 --> 01:09:53.519 There was something about the food, we rewrote the sports reports as if I were eight, and we said the headmaster was a racist. 01:09:54.379 --> 01:09:56.941 The teacher meant to be in charge almost lost his job. 01:09:57.041 --> 01:09:57.621 Of course! 01:09:57.661 --> 01:10:00.463 How can you get away with that in the school mag? 01:10:00.743 --> 01:10:06.546 Another one Katie says during our German classes when the teacher was writing on the board we used to stand up and shout cabbages. 01:10:07.186 --> 01:10:09.707 By the time the teacher turned round we'd be sitting in our seats. 01:10:10.308 --> 01:10:13.910 He just looked totally bemused and never once said anything. 01:10:14.770 --> 01:10:15.811 That's a good tactic. 01:10:15.851 --> 01:10:16.111 Yeah. 01:10:16.371 --> 01:10:17.612 Just freeze the kids out. 01:10:18.032 --> 01:10:18.872 Yes, psych them out. 01:10:18.892 --> 01:10:20.673 Just act as if it's totally normal. 01:10:20.893 --> 01:10:21.334 Cabbages. 01:10:22.910 --> 01:10:23.230 It's good. 01:10:23.250 --> 01:10:23.870 Yeah, it's good. 01:10:24.030 --> 01:10:26.511 I think the teacher's got the right way to go around it. 01:10:27.031 --> 01:10:28.952 And here's another classic one from Phil Gallagher. 01:10:28.992 --> 01:10:37.794 He says, every time a particular one of our teachers look down in one lesson, we all shuffled our tables forward a tiny bit and ended up encircling him in a corner. 01:10:37.834 --> 01:10:39.115 Hey, we did that one. 01:10:39.155 --> 01:10:39.875 That's a classic one. 01:10:39.895 --> 01:10:40.695 That's a good one. 01:10:40.715 --> 01:10:42.796 If you do it incrementally, the teacher doesn't notice. 01:10:42.836 --> 01:10:43.056 Yeah. 01:10:43.937 --> 01:10:44.758 That's brilliant. 01:10:44.778 --> 01:10:45.699 That's a loud, isn't it? 01:10:45.799 --> 01:10:46.080 Yeah. 01:10:46.240 --> 01:10:47.401 That's like classic stuff. 01:10:47.421 --> 01:10:48.303 That's actually permitted. 01:10:48.443 --> 01:10:50.285 I think it's illegal for a school to punish you for that. 01:10:50.506 --> 01:10:53.710 If they turn round as well and go to the blackboard, you sort of creep forward. 01:10:53.770 --> 01:10:54.531 That is a good one. 01:10:54.551 --> 01:10:55.352 I've forgotten about that. 01:10:55.372 --> 01:10:56.033 Yeah, that is a good one. 01:10:56.053 --> 01:10:57.014 Any from teachers at all? 01:10:57.114 --> 01:10:57.535 Yeah. 01:10:57.555 --> 01:10:59.377 Do you want the teacher one? 01:10:59.578 --> 01:11:00.419 No, here's the teacher one. 01:11:01.740 --> 01:11:02.861 It's from Mark Johnson. 01:11:03.381 --> 01:11:06.423 Hi, I feel the need to let you know about teacher's tricks too. 01:11:06.803 --> 01:11:11.366 When invigilating exams, teachers play a few different games as the little lovelies are bent over their tests. 01:11:11.646 --> 01:11:17.110 Game number one, walk around the desks in the shape of letters, usually spelling out swear words. 01:11:17.470 --> 01:11:19.051 No, they don't do that. 01:11:19.151 --> 01:11:22.053 Number two, standing by the ugliest child. 01:11:22.113 --> 01:11:23.714 Spelling out swear words. 01:11:23.794 --> 01:11:24.454 I can't believe it. 01:11:24.474 --> 01:11:26.055 We're standing by the ugliest child. 01:11:26.075 --> 01:11:30.118 Yeah, this one I've heard before that like if there's two teachers invigilating an exam, one will just go, 01:11:30.718 --> 01:11:59.957 ugliest okay and then they wander around and stand by the ugliest one that's a good game uh and then number three is wandering around but when you come to the front add a line to a limerick usually an offensive one about the kids are the sweet taste of revenge another teacher texted in and and said just you know you mustn't forget that uh teachers go into the common room at the end of every lesson and exchange very cruel stories about the children yeah their hopeless uh complexions of course their future 01:11:59.997 --> 01:12:07.582 teachers, their appalling sex lives, their home lives, their stench that follows them around, the status of their brain. 01:12:07.602 --> 01:12:08.262 That's right. 01:12:08.903 --> 01:12:14.646 You know, all of these things have probably featured in the hit TV show, Teachers, at one point or another, wouldn't you say? 01:12:14.967 --> 01:12:16.848 That's probably true, yeah, and to link on. 01:12:17.008 --> 01:12:17.789 Do you want a couple more? 01:12:17.909 --> 01:12:18.410 Yeah, go on. 01:12:37.296 --> 01:12:45.399 The beauty of this story is that one of the other boys had the same surname and hair as me, and he was bigger and of a less punishable disposition. 01:12:45.519 --> 01:12:46.239 He got blamed. 01:12:46.660 --> 01:12:50.941 I gained credit for this great piece of wit for a day or so before I got back to being bullied. 01:12:51.181 --> 01:12:53.042 I'm happy now, says Bruce in Stressham. 01:12:53.222 --> 01:12:54.082 Well done, Bruce. 01:12:54.383 --> 01:12:54.883 Skills. 01:12:55.683 --> 01:12:57.786 There you go, another one from Steven Hinchley Wood. 01:12:58.026 --> 01:13:01.550 At my school we had a very kindly bearded physics teacher who was close to retirement. 01:13:01.810 --> 01:13:09.239 He was a victim of humming and other japes, but the funniest one was when he was asked by one of the kids, sir, do you have any photos of your wife naked? 01:13:09.720 --> 01:13:12.163 He of course replied in an outraged tone, no! 01:13:12.543 --> 01:13:15.026 To which the kid replied immediately, would you want to buy some? 01:13:17.108 --> 01:13:19.169 Nice, and I think that is where we should probably leave it. 01:13:19.209 --> 01:13:21.390 Thank you very much indeed for all your texts and emails. 01:13:21.410 --> 01:13:23.151 We don't encourage or condone that kind of behaviour. 01:13:23.171 --> 01:13:26.613 You should be nice and respectful to teachers, and teachers should be nice and respectful to children. 01:13:26.653 --> 01:13:27.333 Absolutely. 01:13:27.473 --> 01:13:29.414 More love in the classroom, please. 01:13:29.574 --> 01:13:30.615 Not that kind of love! 01:13:31.435 --> 01:13:36.441 Now it's time for my last free play and I've been sticking a couple of little pretentious ones in here. 01:13:36.461 --> 01:13:39.243 Can I just say I dropped a free play in this week's show? 01:13:39.283 --> 01:13:43.548 I was gonna play Jazzy Jeff with the theme tune to the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. 01:13:43.568 --> 01:13:45.089 Why did you lose confidence on that one? 01:13:45.109 --> 01:13:45.870 Because I listened to it. 01:13:45.990 --> 01:13:46.391 Oh, right. 01:13:46.651 --> 01:13:49.354 And I decided it would be best to not inflict that on people. 01:13:49.634 --> 01:13:54.438 Well, this is another slightly sort of, um, utré, toe tapper. 01:13:54.939 --> 01:13:59.423 But I thought, if there's anywhere where you can play this kind of music, surely it's got to be six music. 01:13:59.463 --> 01:14:01.424 Yeah, where people are open-minded enough to enjoy it. 01:14:01.745 --> 01:14:05.027 Anyway, a lot of you guys will probably have this album already by Silver Apples. 01:14:05.067 --> 01:14:09.491 They were a duo from New York City, making music from around about 1967 to 69. 01:14:11.753 --> 01:14:14.495 And they've sort of re-emerged in the mid-90s. 01:14:15.136 --> 01:14:20.600 One of them sadly died a few years ago, but the remaining member is now touring, still under the name Silver Apples. 01:14:20.620 --> 01:14:22.141 I think they're playing some festivals this year. 01:14:22.622 --> 01:14:27.846 But it's amazing psychedelic electronic noise, and very much ahead of its time. 01:14:27.886 --> 01:14:32.550 If you consider this would have been 67, 68, this one is called Program by Silver Apples. 01:14:32.912 --> 01:14:37.175 You got to love music that has scanning through radio waves on there. 01:14:37.195 --> 01:14:39.537 It's getting a bit of interference in that studio. 01:14:39.597 --> 01:14:41.778 That's at Silver Apples with Program. 01:14:42.439 --> 01:14:48.503 You had an email from someone correcting me about the David Byrne track that we played earlier on. 01:14:49.123 --> 01:14:51.105 The knee place wasn't the actual play. 01:14:51.245 --> 01:14:53.406 This is turning into the Adam Buxton correction show. 01:14:53.526 --> 01:14:55.148 Only two things I did, done. 01:14:56.228 --> 01:15:01.652 Um, and it is, uh, it says on the CD available, like, because it's just been re-released on CD, you see. 01:15:01.672 --> 01:15:02.273 Time's running out. 01:15:02.433 --> 01:15:06.736 David Byrne and Robert Wilson's 1984 collaboration from the theatrical epic The Civil Wars, alright? 01:15:06.816 --> 01:15:07.056 Yeah. 01:15:07.176 --> 01:15:09.598 Okay, now it's time to play you the two Song Wars songs. 01:15:09.618 --> 01:15:11.339 We're gonna hear Adam's first and mine's second. 01:15:11.359 --> 01:15:15.603 Don't forget you can vote via email, Adamandjo.sixmusicatbbc.co.uk. 01:15:15.623 --> 01:15:16.383 Here's track number one. 01:15:16.423 --> 01:15:18.244 This is called The Glastonbury Song by Adam Buxton. 01:15:19.585 --> 01:15:21.387 Please leave a message after the tone. 01:15:22.290 --> 01:15:23.911 Gaz Man, it's the Julienator. 01:15:24.552 --> 01:15:34.981 Just to let you know, I bought the tickets for Sludgefest, as well as Chillax, Wicker World, the Inoffensive Electronic Festival, Wet Weekend, and Pims in the Park with Timbukh 3 Headlining. 01:15:35.301 --> 01:15:37.163 Drop us a text if you think I've missed any. 01:15:37.383 --> 01:15:37.944 Cheers ears. 01:15:38.544 --> 01:15:53.890 Load up the 4x4, it's festival time We're stuffing the chill bag with nibbles and wine We're going to sleep inside a collapsible yard We've got a nurse in case anybody gets hurt 01:15:54.910 --> 01:15:58.192 Festivals used to be awful, just crusties and weirdo groups. 01:15:58.432 --> 01:16:02.475 There was nowhere to charge your mobile and nowhere nice for doing poops. 01:16:02.715 --> 01:16:06.118 Now they're often in stately homes with global cuisine as ace. 01:16:06.298 --> 01:16:09.760 And you can leave the kids in a really nice crash while you get off your face. 01:16:26.151 --> 01:16:27.573 Look kids, that's Keith Allen. 01:16:27.773 --> 01:16:29.434 That's Lily Allen's dad. 01:16:29.514 --> 01:16:33.738 He's been coming since the 50s, and apparently he's really mad. 01:16:33.878 --> 01:16:35.620 And over there, that's Katie Moss. 01:16:35.660 --> 01:16:41.325 That's right, that crazy drug is X. Let's ask her if she'll join us for a boogie and some sex. 01:16:41.826 --> 01:16:43.507 Everybody over to the output stage. 01:16:43.707 --> 01:16:45.029 Mo is on, oh yes. 01:16:45.669 --> 01:16:48.272 Then it's Groove Armada with the theme from M&S. 01:16:55.794 --> 01:17:23.265 We've got some shield pills, some wizwahs and a gram of some stuff But I'm a little bit worried, that won't be enough So could you call Jemima and ask her to bring a bit of rice Some jelly and a big ball of string And don't forget the Baroque and the yoga mats too Because there's going to be healing and yoga to do And there's a bloke from Tibet who can teach us to do 01:17:27.125 --> 01:17:31.691 We've learned of the four by four, it's festival time. 01:17:34.935 --> 01:17:39.019 That's the festival song, not the Glastonbury song. 01:17:39.039 --> 01:17:42.502 I was trying to trick them into voting for mine. 01:17:42.522 --> 01:17:45.665 Well let's hear, that was Adam's one there. 01:17:45.905 --> 01:17:46.846 Let's hear Joe's now. 01:17:46.926 --> 01:17:49.008 This is the Glastonbury song. 01:17:59.764 --> 01:18:07.246 Right, you've registered, download the correctly formatted passport photo, and you'll see some form of how to actually put your feet on the page. 01:18:07.366 --> 01:18:15.549 And now, me and my mate Terry, we're gonna blast on very, we're gonna have a very good time. 01:18:16.949 --> 01:18:23.772 Don't care if it's all muddy, we'll just dive in in the muddy, and dance and drink and try and snog girls. 01:18:25.757 --> 01:18:29.680 I'll try to get on telly, right, hello mum, on my belly. 01:18:29.860 --> 01:18:33.402 Eat full apples, then fall over, then be sick. 01:18:34.322 --> 01:18:38.125 Addix up one licks our tent, I'll get angry and violent. 01:18:38.605 --> 01:18:42.087 Punch a hippie, smoke a ciggy, then be sick again. 01:18:43.508 --> 01:18:55.511 Last time I was here I ate a space case and it made me feel geeky and like I was in love with everybody in the whole world. 01:18:55.671 --> 01:19:01.553 I tried to help them live up their bases, turned into gee-munks. 01:19:02.113 --> 01:19:08.034 I passed out in the mud and missed these antique monkeys drug to drugs. 01:19:08.454 --> 01:19:10.875 So what we do this year is just drink 01:19:11.015 --> 01:19:21.218 Drink a lot of beer, buy a Jester's hat, and throw things at Jay Z. I hate those four to lose, so for three days I won't move. 01:19:21.358 --> 01:19:25.659 Then I'll do one by the road on the way home. 01:19:26.039 --> 01:19:32.921 We'll go to see hot chips, then have some nice hot chips, meet a sexy girl, and get on really well. 01:19:34.748 --> 01:19:58.949 She'll take me to her TV And hopefully sleep with me We'll text for two weeks They'll never see each other again Glastonbury's gonna be wicked There you go, that's this week's Song Wars, so send your vote by email to Adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk Either for the first song, which was Adam's song, the festival song, or for the second song, which was Jo's song, which was called a Glastonbury's song. 01:19:59.349 --> 01:20:00.229 Simple as that, yeah. 01:20:00.409 --> 01:20:02.330 Almost to the end of our show, listeners. 01:20:02.990 --> 01:20:06.892 We've got a Liz Kershaw coming up very shortly, so stick around for that. 01:20:06.992 --> 01:20:13.874 But here's the pigeon detectives for you right now, just to play some proper music for you, otherwise your brains might melt after our film and stuff. 01:20:14.555 --> 01:20:15.775 Here's This Is An Emergency. 01:20:16.175 --> 01:20:17.996 What's the nature of the emergency there? 01:20:18.716 --> 01:20:23.159 It's just in an emergency because they're running out of money and they need you to buy their record. 01:20:23.579 --> 01:20:23.979 Fair enough. 01:20:23.999 --> 01:20:28.142 That's the Pigeon Detectives and that's pretty much it for our show this weekend, listeners. 01:20:28.162 --> 01:20:30.924 Thank you very much indeed for being with us. 01:20:31.324 --> 01:20:33.125 Thank you so much for your texts and emails. 01:20:33.205 --> 01:20:36.227 As usual, you know, you're helping us out and we really appreciate it. 01:20:36.287 --> 01:20:39.289 Seems a shame that we can't reward you in some way, but that's not what it's about, yeah? 01:20:40.089 --> 01:20:40.349 Right? 01:20:40.789 --> 01:20:42.910 That's absolutely correct, that's not what it's about. 01:20:43.690 --> 01:20:56.876 And don't forget you can listen to a podcast version of this show that's uploaded onto iTunes and the 6 Music website at about 6 o'clock on a Sunday evening, or you can listen to the whole show via Listen Again via the 6 Music website. 01:20:57.156 --> 01:20:58.256 That's probably the best way to do it. 01:20:58.496 --> 01:21:02.798 But don't forget that both those things are only around for the week following the show, yeah? 01:21:02.818 --> 01:21:08.020 They're not sort of archived somewhere, so you've got to subscribe to the podcast if you want to keep receiving it. 01:21:08.380 --> 01:21:09.742 Stay tuned for Liz Kershaw. 01:21:09.762 --> 01:21:14.348 We'll be back with you live next Saturday from 9 till 12 here on BBC 6 Music. 01:21:14.368 --> 01:21:14.849 Have a good week. 01:21:14.889 --> 01:21:15.509 Thanks for listening. 01:21:15.529 --> 01:21:15.710 Bye.