Hello and welcome to the Big British Castle.
It's time for Adam and Joe to broadcast on the radio.
There'll be some music and some random talking in between.
Adam and Joe on Six Music.
That is wicked, man.
That is thanks.
Yeah, well done.
Thanks.
It's a cover.
That's a cover that I wrote and recorded, Joe Cornish of The Wanna Dies, the You and Me song.
I decided to make it exactly like the original.
It's amazing.
I really, I spent days and days perfecting every nuance.
Yeah.
So that it sounded just like the original in a kind of Gus Van Sant remaking psycho sort of a way.
Like an art project.
An art project, yeah.
It's very successful.
That's gonna be released directly into the catalog shelves of the record stores under W for Wanna Dies.
And you've recreated the artwork.
The artwork, everything.
It's identical, but I make all the money.
You get all the money from it.
That's good man because they've got too much money They have to hit the hitch with all that is none of its true right and this being the big British castle We can't lie so we made it a lie joke you can do a little funny lie joke But then you have to take the word lie joke back immediately most jokes
to this shop therefore we have to every stupid thing we say we have to uh you know follow it up and we say a lot of stupid things yeah we have to follow it up with a statement of fact also we say a lot of things that are just erroneous and we don't even realize that as well that's the other thing just rubbish incorrect facts we like to come out with it's fun because the people from the guinness book of records listen and it gives them good fact checking practice the McWerters are any of them at work another school with us both the McWerters have passed away sadly yeah
But their offspring listen, and it keeps their brains ticking over.
You know, I've got a fun fact from a few weeks ago.
I was listening back to some of our shows for reasons which I won't go into right now, but I found a thing that we got wrong a few weeks ago that I'd like to correct in this show.
So that's coming up later.
Brilliant.
It's exciting, isn't it?
There's sure to be more mistakes coming up later.
Yeah, yeah.
So you can look forward to them and then look forward to the corrections in the following shows.
So much to look forward to.
And maybe weeks in advance.
Yeah.
It might not be for weeks that we correct it.
But in a second, listeners, we're going to be revealing the winner of last week's song wars.
We've got lots of chit-chat coming up for you.
Plus, terrific music.
I'm really looking forward to playing you some, I've forgotten his name now, Erland... Erland... Erland... Erland... Erland... Erland... Erland... Erland... Erland... Erland... Erland... Erland... Erland... Erland... Erland... Erland... Erland... Erland... Erland... Erland... Erland... Erland... Erland... Erland... Erland... Erland... Erland... Erland... Erland... Erland... Erland... Erland...
What are you looking forward to playing the listeners, Adam?
Well, I've got Erland Oyer.
He is from... Where is he from?
He used to be in the Kings of convenient.
Yes.
And they are from that place, Sweden.
I've got a Sweden band as well.
Suburban kids with biblical names.
And I've also got the band that gave them their name.
The song that inspired their name.
So it's all sort of connected in a way.
I've got a third song which has got nothing to do with either of those two.
So lots of great music coming up here on the Adam and Jo Radio Show on BBC Six Music, but right now, here's, uh, Santagold with Les Arteists.
Santagold with LES Arteists, uh, so that's a, um, LES stands for Lower East Side.
Does it?
Lower East Side Arteist.
It's all about, you know, Bonvivers and Arteists in, in New York.
Ooh.
Is that where they're from?
What's it like in New York?
I don't know, I've never been there, but apparently the buildings are tiny.
Very narrow and squat.
And the people are very thin and small and poor and they're furious.
The cars are all blue.
And the roads are very narrow.
What kind of taxis do they have taxis?
Yeah, they do.
They have orange taxis, round, perfectly round orange taxis.
With the word taxi spelled in balloons.
Is that true?
What do you mean spelled in balloons?
Like they've made balloons into the word taxi.
That's right, that's right, that's right.
They're helium balloons.
It takes ages to maintain them all.
Everybody speaks German.
Do they really?
What an amazing place, I'd love to go.
If there's any New York people listening.
Are those facts correct?
Some of them are, come on, some of them have got to be.
That's what it says in Encyclopedia.
Yeah, that's what it says in Wikipedia.
It says weasel words next to the balloon thing.
What does that mean?
You know, in Wikipedia, when you get something that's clearly unsubstantiated, it says brackets weasel words.
Really?
Yeah.
It's just quite a good phrase, isn't it?
Weasel's a very distrustful.
I mean basically we we just speak in this is the weasel word show.
That's all we do is speak in weasel words.
So last week's Song Wars listeners was a battle of songs about festivals.
Mine was about Glastonbury Adams was a broader sort of festival song.
It was about the kind of posture end of the festival going experience.
The general consensus just having a look at a lot of the emails is that mine was lyrically poor but maybe musically
Possibly a little bit better.
Well you had that amazing middle eight, the trippy middle eight.
I wasn't that amazing.
Not sure it was amazing.
I liked it, it was impressive.
Thank you.
But generally the listeners seem to think that yours was lyrically superior.
I'd probably agree with them.
I had more lyrics.
More lyrics.
Maybe a cleverer angle.
A less obvious angle.
I need to think a bit more just generally.
So we'll reveal the results of Song Wars after the next record, why not?
Yeah, now this is a track that I've chosen for you listeners, which I've played before.
I played it on Stephen Merchant's show when I was a guest on there, but it's a different show though, isn't it?
Maybe some of our listeners won't have heard it and they'll enjoy it.
And this is by Silver Jews.
That's a good name for a band, I think.
And that's one of the great names for a band.
And this guy, I always forget, he's got a pavement connection.
Uh, I think he's just friends with Stephen Malcolmus, who plays on this album.
Maybe some of our listeners can correct me if I'm wrong about that.
But this is an album called American Water, and he's a brilliant, sort of, non-singer, this guy.
He's also a great lyricist, and this is a track called People.
Enjoy, which, and this track, incidentally, gives its name, one of the lyrics in here, gives its name to the band Suburban Kids, with biblical names, who we'll be playing later on in the show.
This is Silver Jews with People.
That sounds to me as if Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs decided to launch a music career.
That might be the kind of song he might compose between putting lotion in buckets.
I'm tucking his old dodge between his thighs and doing a dance.
At one stage, the lyrics of that song said something about, I like seeing rainbows in water hoses.
In a garden hose.
And then... Lit up like the blood of a centrefold.
Yeah.
What's going on there?
That's just a little metaphor.
Who knows what that means?
I think I know what it means.
Do you?
I think that letter should, er, that song should be sent to the police.
He's got amazing lyrics in there.
People ask people to watch their scotch.
People send people up to the moon when they return.
Well, there isn't much.
People be careful not to crest too soon.
That's good.
He should, er, do a duet with Martin Fry.
They've got a new album at ABC.
I know.
I saw their new single on iTunes.
I wonder if that's any good.
Come on, he's a genius.
Yeah.
Uh, Stephen Maltmus is in the American Water Band.
American Water is the name of that album, the Silver Jews album.
And he is one of the players on there.
You can hear his backing vocals on that track, which is called People.
The guy's name is D.C.
Berman.
I don't know what D.C.
stands for.
But he's brilliant.
And that was the Silver Jews.
Now, let's resolve Song Wars.
It's time for Song Wars.
The War of the Songs.
A couple of tunes by
Yes, it's time to reveal the winner of this week's Song Wars.
It was Festival Songs.
Adam wrote a song called The Festival Song, right?
Yeah, we shouldn't really go into the names because they're so feeble and mine was called The Glastonbury Song.
One or two people have emailed in Adam to say that your song sounded quite similar to the theme for the 70s detective series Van der Volk.
Oh yes, yes that's possible.
Which was known as eye level.
Cross between the theme to Only Fools and Horses.
Someone else said it was a bit like the theme to Lovejoy as well.
So you've also got a 70s detective thing.
You know I've never watched an episode of any of those shows.
Really?
I can say with my hand on my heart.
And you're in by saying that you're defending yourself from in any way cribbing them for your song wars Which is an outlandish thought that you'd go to van der Volk.
Yeah inspiration for your song Well, no, there's a possibility obviously that it might have seeped into my subconscious and be leaking out through my song all sorts of things seep into yourself Strange liquids dripping
in there.
But no, as far as I'm aware, Your Honour, I don't think, uh, I consciously predict it.
I'm guessing, I'm guessing you've won.
I'm guessing I've got... It's got to be close.
No, I don't think so.
I think it's going to be like maybe 75.
If it's not close, then there's no justice.
Yes, it's 75.25.
To Adam!
So let's hear Adam's song again.
This is called The Festival Song.
Please leave a message after the tone.
Gaz Man, it's the Julienator.
Just to let you know, I bought the tickets in Sludgefest, as well as Chillax, Wicker World, the Inoffensive Electronic Festival, Wet Weekend, and Pims in the Park with Timbukh 3 Headlining.
Drops a text if you think I've missed any.
Cheers ears.
Load up the four by four, it's festival time We're stuffing the chill bag with nibbles and wine We're going to sleep inside a collapsible yard We've got a nurse in case anybody gets hurt
Festivals used to be awful, just crusties and weirdo groups.
There was nowhere to charge your mobile and nowhere nice for doing poops.
Now they're often in stately homes with global cuisine as ace.
And you can leave the kids in a really nice crash while you get off your face.
look kids that's Keith Allen that's Lily Allen's dad he's been coming since the 50s and apparently he's really mad and over there that's Katie Moss that's right that crazy drug is X let's ask her if she'll join us for a boogie and some sex
We've got some chill pills, some wizwahs and a gram of some stuff But I'm a little bit worried, that won't be enough So could you call Jemima and ask her to bring a bit of rice Some jelly and a big ball of string And don't forget the Baroque and the yoga mats too Because there's going to be healing and yoga too
a blow from Tibet who can teach us to breathe and after that we'll see Moby then we'll probably leave load up a four by four it's festival time we're starting
I've got van der Volk in my head now.
Yeah it is not entirely dissimilar.
That's van der Volk isn't it?
Yeah.
Yeah it's the same isn't it.
That's the winning Song Wars song composed by Adam Buxton and we're excited to tell you that pretty soon an album called Song Wars Volume 1 will appear in various digital music outlets not for a few weeks or months.
What are you saying there?
Uh, and so that'll be exciting.
We're working on it now.
Mmm.
They're being specially buffed up.
All the first, what, we're gonna put something like 24 songs on it?
There's gonna be a lot of stuff on there.
It'll be very cheap.
It'll be cheap and cheerful and it'll all sound shiny.
There'll be some extra songs on there.
Bonus tracks.
Could've never been heard before.
But forget about that for now if you're interested because it's not gonna happen for a little while.
Yeah, we'll tell you more about it as and when things develop further.
We've got to figure out what we're gonna do for next week's Song Wars.
Yes.
So, listeners, if you have any suggestions, the festival suggestion was brilliant.
I don't remember who suggested that.
But that's a perfect kind of subject for Song Wars.
And it wasn't too hard to come up with stuff, was it?
Uh, no.
It was fairly easy.
Yeah.
So, if you've got an idea for next week's Song Wars, do text it to 64046 or email Adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk.
But now, to clear the air, like a squirt of Febreze, is a delightful trail.
Always nice to hear that song.
That's Echo and the Bunnymen with seven C's.
Our producer Jude was a little bit worried that they're... kissing the tortoise shell might be a little kind of filthy euphemism for something.
That had never crossed my mind!
Because I always just imagined... Well, it did cross your mind just then though, didn't it?
Well, after she mentioned it... Well, you're the one that suggested it.
Yeah, but I put two and two together as our listeners might like to do if they're that way inclined.
You know, they can choose to ignore it and then they'll be none the wiser or they can think about what that might be.
I just think it's kissing a tortoise.
Well, if you're a child or a young person or even an adult and you've got a pet tortoise, I just have a pet tortoise.
He was called torty.
Was he?
Yeah.
No, he wasn't really.
He was called torty.
Torty?
Like a cake.
One day he disappeared and you know this kind of story.
A couple of weeks later, my mum had a bonfire.
Aww.
Tortee didn't run.
One of the most shocking moments of my childhood.
He ran out and he was on fire.
Tortoises can't run.
Can they not?
Not even if they're on fire.
He was walking very slowly.
No, he didn't manage to emerge from the bonfire unfortunately.
And you just found his shell.
Yeah.
Well, yeah, it was like a burnt house.
You know, the ground floor was still intact, but the upper floors.
It was awful, wasn't it?
That is terrible.
What you need is Ian McCulloch to come round.
He could have kissed the tortoise shell.
That would have revived it.
I think maybe that's what inspired that song.
It's dedicated to torty.
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music.
Time now for the news read by Nicky Cardwell.
That's the Wombats Backfire at the Disco.
This is Adam and Joe on BBC 6 Music on a Saturday morning.
Do you think the Wombats are known to their friends as the Wombles?
Uh, yeah, they are.
They are.
Mmm.
This is only it's a short, uh, trip from there to actually dressing up as the Wombles.
Yup.
And appearing on top of the pops and then you are, to all intents and purposes, the Wombles.
You can't do that without getting bat involved, though.
A bat involved.
Of course you wouldn't want to.
Because he's the genius behind the Wombles.
The batsman.
The batsman, so that would be difficult.
That would be expensive for the Wombles.
He's a crazy kind of genius.
A favourite you used to love, the Wombles.
Didn't you?
What makes you think that?
You seem like a Womble person.
I used to like watching the Wombles.
But you thought- When I first went to Wimbledon Common as a child I was terrified that the Wombles would emerge from the undergrowth.
Do you not have any of the albums?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
You love the Wombles.
Yeah, and I had an Orinoco.
I had one of them.
And you used to dress up.
And I used to dress up as a Womble.
So, listeners, later on, after our show today, there's a camera crew.
They make television programmes and they come round... Camera crews do.
They've got cameras.
Yeah, the camera crews, they wander around, they make up all these shows that you see on TV.
They're like gangs, like crews that you get in the inner city, right?
They just go round with cameras.
Exactly, and they're assaulting people.
The best camera crews, you know, they might assault someone really talented.
They might get Justin Lee Collins and Alan Carter together and assault them and film them in a crazy kind of studio.
And there you go.
You've got BAFTA nominated joy there in a box.
But the camera crew that we're dealing with today, they are making a promo for the culture show, I think.
And it's the relaunch of the Culture Show.
When is the Culture Show relaunching?
It's sometime in June or thereabouts in the summertime.
And they're getting a new presenter to join Lauren Laverne and all the regular team, I think.
And we are going to say a few words about what culture means to us.
That's right, isn't it?
Yeah, I think it's similar to those Channel 4 identities where they get... Channel 4 faces from the channel to talk about a theme.
Yeah.
And we're not really faces from the channel so much as part of the BBC Extended Family, right?
Yeah.
Because we haven't... our faces haven't been on a tele for some time.
But we are going to have to talk about culture.
So what does culture mean to you?
Have you got something worked out, Joe?
Not really.
I thought of the obvious things.
The thing about taking a hoarder water.
Do you remember that?
Oh yeah, hoarder culture.
Yeah, sorry, to culture.
But you can't make her think.
Right, right.
Yeah, I thought of that one.
Yeah, that's a good one.
It's tricky though.
How do you do that kind of thing and not sound really pretentious?
Well, there's only two ways to go, isn't it?
You can either be serious, in which case you're a ponce, unless you're very clever, which we aren't.
Or you can be glib.
I think we should go for glib.
Yeah, we reckon.
So we'd like your suggestions, listeners.
Please text them 64046 of what we should say to the camera crew.
But listen, they don't have to be glib suggestions.
You know, we always welcome a glib suggestion.
But if it's a serious suggestion about what culture means to you, then so much the better, because then then we might actually have something intelligent to say.
What are they going to say to us?
They'll sit us down and plop the camera down and then they'll just say, Come on, guys, talk about culture.
What is culture?
You mean to you I mean I was having this discussion with my wife last night So we all liked to talk about culture and she was saying that she didn't believe there was any such thing as really indigenous British culture Yeah, this is a serious conversation we had which I said were you talking about?
There's loads of things that are typically British part of British culture and the only thing she could think of that was quintessentially British was Morris dancing right as the only one and
Uh, you know, what about, uh... And I couldn't, I mean, I couldn't think of that many other things.
I would say football is very much associated with British culture, but then it's a very global thing.
Football as well, though, isn't it?
Well, I'd say your wife is insane.
Yeah, well, what do you, what would you come up with?
Well, I'd come up with every writer, filmmaker, musician, classical composer.
Yes, I know, but they're individual parts.
Yes, but their work, when gathered together, is British culture.
Every television program maker, every artist, every person who's created something.
That's one way of looking at culture, though.
There's many other ways.
I mean, there's culture in a broader sense, and that's what she was talking about.
This is what I'm going to be saying.
And they're not going to be able to use it, because it's just going to turn into an argument.
a long-winded argument.
So we'd like to hear your suggestions anyway.
What do you consider to be a part of, A, what makes up culture in the first place, and B, what do you think is part of British culture?
Now this isn't a text the nation thing, I'm just curious about this, we can trickle this throughout the show.
What about some kind of Yakult's joke?
Yeah, well, I was thinking about saying something like that.
Yeah, something about growing cultures and microbes.
And, you know, Mark, what's his name with the quiff?
Camode.
Camode in a lab coat.
Growing.
Microscopes, that's what culture means to me.
I was gonna say in that voice as well.
That's good, it's gonna be good.
It's gonna be exciting, isn't it?
Now, I was in the lift today, and as I was coming up, my MP3 player, which was on shuffle mode, suddenly loudly started playing Coldplay, and I got a little bit embarrassed for a second.
There's no reason for that, is there?
It was a brilliant song, the scientist, wonderful, moving song, but it was just a knee-jerk reaction.
It's pathetic, isn't it?
Well, it is shallow.
It is pathetic.
But sometimes some Coldplay songs do trigger BBC sports montages in my head.
You know, when they reach their emotional climax, I just think of a series of great goals.
Yeah.
And is that good?
I suppose that's good.
Yeah, if they're amazing goals.
Yeah, or maybe somebody at the X Factor losing.
Right.
That's the other thing that Coldplay reminded me of.
But I felt ashamed of myself.
You know, I was in the lift, there was another person there, and I was thinking, oh, it would have been nice if it was something a bit more indie or obscure that they were hearing blaring out of my headphones.
But instead it was The Scientist by Coldplay.
But then they're very popular and extremely talented and they've got a new single that you can hear on George Lamb's show during the week.
It's called Violet Hill.
That sounds exciting.
Tuesday about it gets its first airing on Tuesday, Violet Hill.
Maybe it's a misprint and it's a violent Hill, maybe.
But here's some old play.
This is talk.
That's an exciting new band called Coldplay with a very handsome lead singer with curly hair who is rumored to be going out with Connie Huck.
– Connie Hock, that's true, isn't it?
And they've got a daughter, a tiny daughter, called Plums.
– Called Jolly Roger.
– Jolly Roger!
And they're gonna move to Bryson.
And buy a big house in Brighton, because that's where all the stars live!
– Yes.
– So that's something to keep your eye on.
And Connie Hock, of course, is starring in the new film, Iron Man, as Pepper Potts.
So there's some facts for you some film facts always getting it right here on the Adam and Joe radio show now It's free play time in a second, and I'm gonna play you some orange juice I'm gonna play you what presents it's one of my favorite orange juice songs It's from the album the orange juice which has a fantastic cover just like a just juice Carton isn't that right with a beautiful fresh orange on it do you remember?
Yeah, you really, do you really believe that?
Why?
You made that cover as a compilation.
It doesn't have a beautiful orange on it, the actual album.
What's the cover of the actual album?
Well, I think it's got dolphins jumping, hasn't it?
The orange juice.
You see why I confused again.
But you're right, I did make a fantastic version of it for you at school with a Just Juice cart.
It was brilliant.
It was absolutely brilliant.
Thank you very much.
Because everything about it was brilliant.
It said pure juice, 100% juice, so it all fitted in perfectly with a compilation.
It wasn't the real cover of the real album.
When I was at school, there was a school concert performance, and I played this song at the school concert.
And your congas fell over.
Yeah, I had all sorts of school friends in inverted commas watching, and I did a kind of... Was it a cowbell or a congas solo?
Whatever it was, it was really ill-advised.
I sang the the lyrics obviously and then there's a break in the song and I did some kind of weird solo and My congas fell over I hit them too hard and the little Stan fell over in front of the whole You know a winkle picker brigade a winkle picker brigade that kind of the lads the tufts the bullies and
Yeah.
And they all laughed at me.
The Jesus and Mary chain team.
But I soldiered on and picked up the congas.
And he kept on grooving.
And carried on grooving and singing like a professional.
Like a white soul genius.
Like a complete idiot of myself.
No, you didn't.
It was good, man.
I'm gonna search for what the cover of that album was while we listened to what presents by the orange juice.
I think the cover was just Edwin Collins and one of the other band members.
Let's have a look.
Yeah.
Here's the record.
That was The Pogues, A Pair of Brown Eyes.
That was a session recorded for the Phil Kennedy Show on Radio One in January 1985.
Do you remember Phil Kennedy, Adam?
As a DJ on Radio One?
Kenners?
The Kenners?
The Philly?
The Philpot?
Yeah.
The Phil Monster?
Everyone remembers the Phil Monster.
Of course you do.
What was his catchphrase again?
Oh, don't do that.
All right, do do it.
Oh, don't do that.
All right, don't do it.
That time when he when he was on comic relief It was a first ever comic relief.
I was embarrassed when he slipped over in the in the custard But you remember the classic the big Philpott scandal though, of course when he was when he caught diddling a donkey Yes after one of the radio one road shows
Phil the donkey diddler!
Oh dear, that was the headline in The Sun, wasn't it?
And then of course... Ooh, don't do that was the headline!
Now he's Minister for Circuses.
It's true, he's travelling circuses.
No, that's true.
Not a single word of that is true.
Phil is out there, we hope, somewhere happy, delighted and not involved with any of those activities whatsoever.
This is Adam and Jo, here on BBC Six Music.
Yes it is.
Now, last Sunday, listeners, I was very privileged to see an exciting film at one of London's biggest cinemas, the Empire Leicester Square.
It's simply huge, isn't it?
Oh, what, London?
Yeah, and that cinema.
Oh yeah.
It's enormous.
It is big.
And anything you project on there is immediately very exciting, but they showed a restored digital print of an old James Bond film.
My favorite James Bond film, that's not a James Bond film, that's a James Belushi film.
Oh!
James Bond, they showed the spy who loved me.
Ooh.
What a film that is.
That's the one where the ship opens and it swallows the subs.
With the tankers, which is also in Thunderball, I believe.
Is it?
Yeah, they kind of recycled the plot.
The sub-swallowing tanker.
It's got tanker-swallowing subs, it's got the underwater lotus of Spree.
It's the absolute king of the Bond movies.
It's got Jaws.
It's got that amazing sub-aqua base that the villain has.
What's the villain called?
Uh, is he Glofeld in there?
No, he's not Glofeld.
He's, uh... He's a slightly forgettable... Stromberg.
Stromberg.
Yeah, he's a little bit forgettable, but he does feed people to the sharks in that filming.
He's very good, and he's got a very long dining table.
Yes.
And he sits his enemy at the other end of the very long dining table.
And he's got a long gun back.
He's got a gun with a very long barrel, just in case he misses.
It goes all the way to the other end of the table.
But man, I loved that.
That was such an enjoyable screening.
There's nothing more pleasurable than going to a cinema with, you know, a few hundred people who really, really want to revere and pay close attention to the film they're watching, because it's a revival.
Do you know what I mean?
That's what it's going to be like when people go and see what happens in Vegas this weekend.
Do you think?
With Ashton Custer.
There's going to be a sort of religious silence.
Absolutely.
Yeah, making notes about everything that the Ashton does.
Exactly.
Because it's a battle of the sexes they're waging there.
It is.
And they're playing dirty.
They are.
Who can imagine what's going to happen?
That sounds cool, though.
It was cool.
It's got some great moments, the spy who loved me, and some brilliant kind of anachronistic moments that take you back to when, or took me back to when I was seven or eight, or however old I was when it came out.
One of the spies receives a message at the beginning.
on his watch receiver thing.
And it's ticker tape that comes out that's right.
It's not ticker tape, it's dynamo ticker tape.
Or Dymo, I think.
Dymo, yes.
There you go.
Do you remember that stuff that you would print?
You dial the dial and press the thing.
They still have them, man.
They're useful.
They are for labelling things.
Absolutely.
But there you go, secret agents in the late 70s.
I know.
I saw that recently and I was thinking, how are you going to stalk?
Because that's bulky, that tape.
Well, he sticks them on his pencil case.
But you can only- You'd only be able to print out, like, a couple of messages.
You know, maybe you could store the tape in the strap, but you're not gonna be able to have a whole roll of tape attached up- Well, maybe up your arm or something.
It is useful for everything that a spy has to have a sticky surface, though.
Yeah.
I mean, he may as well just hire a secretary with a Dymo machine and just-
Uh, could you, uh, print out the secret message?
That's what he sounds like.
It is what he sounds like.
He's Russian, actually, the guy that receives the message, I think.
Is he?
Or is it Bond?
I can't remember.
There's the amazing bit when the Union Jack parachute opens, the amazing stunt at the beginning.
I almost cheered.
I thought, this is a home crowd.
Everyone's gonna cheer when that parachute opens.
No, racist.
Yeah, too patriotic.
He was racist.
I started cheering and then had to stop because I was the only one.
The cinema was full of lots of middle-aged men.
Lots of bald patches.
Yeah.
I was sitting near the back.
Did they have Union Jacks on?
They didn't.
They should have, shouldn't they?
Oh, Mr. Trick.
uh yeah what a movie um and the most one of the most uh amazingly exciting bits i'm exaggerating is at the very end of the film it says james bond will return in for your eyes only that's right which was wrong of course oh was it yeah because moonraker came next did it really so it's a mistake bond mistake
Yeah.
And the director was there, Lewis Gilbert.
He's a very old guy now, but brilliantly clever.
He directed stuff like Educating Rita and lots of good stuff.
I went up to talk to him when he was coming out of the loo.
What was your opening gambit there?
I said... Well done, Mr Gilbert.
That was good.
I said, hello, Mr Gilbert.
I'd just like to say thank you to you.
You've brought me so much pleasure as a child and you've brought me so much pleasure today.
And I welled up while I said it.
No.
Yeah.
Get out of my way, you crazy kid!
He looked at me like I was a bit mad and overdoing it.
I shook his hand just as he'd come out of the loo as well.
That didn't seem very hygienic.
And he moved away as quickly as he could.
But it was a fantastic screening.
So that's what has been re-released at the cinema, is it?
I don't know whether it's getting a proper release, but it's a pristine digital print.
It must be coming out on Blu-ray or something like that.
Fantastic.
But it looks amazing on the big screen.
Made me feel like a virile child.
You are a virile child.
Come on, let's face it.
Music time now.
Oh, we can have the top of the hour sweeper.
I love sweeping at the top of the hour.
Let's have that.
And then after that, we'll have the rapture.
That's nice that he's come round.
To a more positive way of thinking.
That's the rapture with W-A-Y-U-H, which stands for Woo or Right?
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
He's got a kind of vocal style that's not dissimilar to the Kings of Leon there.
The yelp.
Yeah, that's quite fashionable these days.
Isn't it kind of talking like that the whole time?
Yeah, the rock yelp.
Yeah.
The laid back.
Was that something that was invented by the Kings of Leon, or would you say that was invented by an older musician?
Oh, that's been around for years, certainly since the days of New York punk.
In fact, yeah, it's a bit David Burney, isn't it?
A little bit, no.
You know what?
I heard that David Byrne and Brian Eno are going to be touring, because they've done an album, they've done a new album together, their first since My Life in the Bush of Ghosts seminal kind of cut-up, you know, sampling album in the early 80s, and they're going to be touring the album.
Apparently, this is what I've read online.
What, instead of releasing it, just playing it live?
No, no, no.
They'll be releasing it and playing it live, but they will be playing it live.
That's the exciting thing.
And they will be playing, apparently, about 40% Talking Heads material.
I mean, that is very exciting.
That's as good as a Talking Heads reunion.
That's a little bit insulting to the rest of Talking Heads, obviously.
What would Eno play on the stage?
What instrument would he play?
Uh, he'd just do treatments, wires, he'd write things on blackboards, he'd plug tubes into David Byrne's bottom, and he would be thinking of things all the time, very fast.
And he also might play the keyboard.
Okay, thanks.
Um, but that'll be good.
Also, he'd be, he'd be on backing vocals as well, you know, he loves to do a little bit of... Really?
Ian, uh, you know.
That's exciting.
Ian, I was gonna call him there.
That'd be confusing if his name was Ian.
Ian Eno.
Mm.
Um, but that, wow, that would be amazing.
I'd love to have those reports confirmed, because so far I've just read them, uh, you know, on kind of, uh, tittle-tattle sites on the internet.
Now listen, I teased the fact earlier that I was gonna correct something we got wrong in a show a few weeks ago.
And these things bother me, you know?
I just don't like the idea that we're just randomly saying things and they're going out unchallenged.
I know.
I've already made a hideous orange juice boo-boo.
Right.
Well, we corrected that there within the body of the link there.
But the thing we were talking about the other week was the word criteria and criterion, the difference between those two.
And I was saying, is criterion always the singular of that word and criteria always the plural?
Oh, boy.
What would you say, Joe?
I don't know.
I feel sleepy.
Feel a little bit sleepy.
Yeah, a little bit drowsy.
Well, on the show, you assured me that, uh, no, criteria could be used in the singular as well.
So you could say it's the only criterion.
Not true.
Is that so?
Yeah.
Criterion is always the singular.
If it's the only criterion, you have to say that it's the single criterion.
If there are many criteria, you have to use the plural.
Right.
Yeah.
This is good, isn't it?
It is good.
I mean, this is exciting.
It's like QI.
Yeah, it is, isn't it?
It's like the Lynn Trust show or whatever she's called.
She's not got a TV show, has she?
It's only a matter of time.
Lynn Trust.
Shoots and leaves.
That's right, that's what she's done.
She's done a more recent one as well, hasn't she?
She keeps churning them out.
She's a best-selling wordplay queen.
She is.
But that's good.
I'm glad we've cleared that up.
Well, I thought we should, you know, just for the sake of grammatical correctness.
Now it's Tingting's time.
This is a hot new single.
People are crazy about this.
Is this the new single?
The latest single.
People are going mad for this.
Who's going mad for this?
People.
Oh.
Yeah.
In the streets, they're going crazy.
Are the kids going crazy for it?
The kids love this business, yeah.
The Ting Tings.
Absolutely love it.
They're on fire.
Well, this is called That's Not My Name.
The Ting Tings with That's Not My Name.
That is brilliant, isn't it?
I mean, is that the new one?
That is the new one, re-released May the 12th.
So not entirely new, but it's getting a little push off the back of previous successes.
Here's one you may have missed from the Ting Tings, is what they're saying.
And they're right in that case, because that's very good.
How could we have missed it the first time round?
How could it have slipped through the net?
We're stupid.
We're stupid?
So here on the Adam and Jo radio show on BBC6 Music we've been attempting recently to provoke some feuds.
You may have heard about our top gear encounter at the big awards ceremony where we won a big award.
We take every opportunity to remind you of that award.
We tried to pick a fight with Top Gear and engage them in a feud, but it hasn't really worked.
All the effort was coming from our side, wasn't it?
It was like punching someone and they didn't bother punching back.
They just turned the other cheek and sort of walked away.
They drove off.
We wanted to try and harness ourselves onto their massive wagon of success by provoking a fight, but no, it hasn't worked.
They've just rumbled on.
I was quite relieved.
Yeah, I'm relieved as well the feuds however that we didn't really want to pick that has rumbled on those the our half I was thinking about this in the week I was wondering if really gonna a couple of weeks ago Adam made some they weren't necessarily Disparaging but they were certainly interpreted as such by some our half fans He made some comments about the fact that our heart were doing this tour where the three individual members of the band play individual sets But they never play together they're playing at the end
Albert Hall in a few weeks.
Adam was implying that perhaps people might come to see them as our heart.
Your words are being twisted already.
What were you implying?
I was asking what the point of doing that was and I was suggesting that it might be a little pathetic to gather your solo efforts under the banner of the band that you are refusing to perform as.
Nice feudstoking.
Because that's what you said two weeks ago.
Just said again and then last week we were discussing it more and were you apologizing or were you...
uh no no i'm just putting the point of view of aha fans and making yes exactly i was reading out a very angry email from a big aha fan saying that uh you know they're brilliant and it's a great idea for them all to perform because they've all got their solo identities and blah blah blah blah and they'll be playing future aha shows that's something i didn't realize actually i didn't realize that there was still an ongoing touring concern so here's another email that's come in
from somebody called Mark.
He says, you seem to rub your face in this whole mess every week and say the most ridiculous of observations about the best band in the world.
Say the most ridiculous of observations.
The three members of Aha have a huge catalog of their own songs, with which to form quite a number of concerts each.
Which is why it is that just about everyone seems to see them as some sort of cheap euro trash band that is merely eye candy.
This is so far from the truth.
I might have to jam a fork in your eye to know in my eye to stop myself from going on some crusade to teach people that Mags, Morton and Paul are simply sublime artists in and outside of Aha.
And no one knows just how feverishly good the songs they write are.
Do not make snap judgments about them again, without hearing their vast quantity of amazing songs.
Fair enough.
No band is as good as A-ha-ha, and no band has ever delivered a work of genius after genius after genius.
Now he's gone into a sort of mental land.
I know you won't read this out.
I was with him before.
Yeah, but who cares just so long as you read it and our horror from Norway What we saying Sweden probably maybe possibly that's very lazy.
So this but this could be a better feud couldn't it?
Why because that it's more like seem to be responding to it.
Well, yeah, I'm less frightened of our half and certainly than I would be of Top tier yeah, yeah, our half fans are very beautiful and they've got long fingers and fragile arms and
Although, on the other hand, with some of those kind of bands, you know... They do have long fingers and fragile arms.
Like Morten Harkett.
Like aliens.
If they tried to punch you, they'd just snap.
He's very muscly.
No, he's very muscly.
Jude's saying you couldn't take on the Harkett.
Well, you see, the thing is... Harkett's a muscle man.
...that Jude, our producer, is a very big, genuine fan of Aha.
So, if you're upset by our comments about Aha, take Harkett and the fact that...
Uh, Jude likes them.
Take her heart.
Uh, I think it's a fair point that he makes that I should listen to some of their solo work.
And I am going to.
Should we play some Aha next week?
Well, I'm going to endeavor to do so.
Where should I start?
Maybe he could suggest, uh, where I should start with their solo albums.
Could you suggest the best solo albums by each of the three members of Aha?
I swear to you, I will listen to them in their entirety, and I will pick what I consider to be the best track out of those three albums that you've recommended, and we will play it on the show.
There you go, Mark, there's a challenge, okay?
Um, so you're welcome to keep the Aha feud rumbling on, and I'll do my best to be reasonable about it, but...
What was he saying?
They're the best band in the world and they've done genius after genius.
You know, I've only heard.
Take on me, I've heard.
The Sun Always Shines on TV, I've heard.
The theme from the James Bond movie.
All very good.
All fine.
I don't know about very good.
I'd say very good.
They're all absolutely fine.
As good as anything by Strawberry Switchblade.
Hey, no, that's not true.
I'm giving a feud with you now.
Candy flip.
They're much better than that.
Come on.
Hey, you're putting down strawberry switchblade.
They were very good.
You know?
I've got a fuzzbox and I'm gonna use it.
They were good too.
As good as the sun always shines on TV.
That's not true.
Anyway.
Now here's a band that is from Sweden.
Listeners.
This is a pick for you.
They're suburban kids with biblical names.
Of course they took their name from that lyric in the Silver Jew song that we played earlier on.
And this is a track from their excellent album.
I think the album is called Number Three.
And it's called Peter's dream suburban kids with biblical names and that's a track called Peter's dream from their album number three Which I heartily recommend if you enjoyed that.
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 music on a Saturday morning and We're about to launch text the nation very shortly.
Maybe even now should we play the jingle?
Yes
What if I don't want to?
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
It's the nation's favourite feature, uh, from the award-winning Adam and Jo BBC Six radio prog.
And, um, this week we are talking about, what are we talking about?
Oh yes, this is something we were talking about last week and it's something that we've, we've sort of skirted around before.
It's not like a mind-blowingly original topic for, for, for text fun, but it's always enjoyable to hear people's anecdotes about times that they have humiliated themselves in front of celebrities.
Yeah, if you've met a famous person, someone you idolise, or maybe someone that you don't care that much about, but is very famous, and made a complete tit of yourself in front of them.
I would say tottie.
A tottie of yourselves.
Yeah, yeah.
But you know, it happens because...
sometimes you just feel compelled to go up and talk to famous people, because you think it'll be sort of fun, you know?
You see a famous person, you might not even be a big fan of theirs, but you think, I'm going to go up and talk to them, and I'm going to galvanize the small part of myself that has any appreciation for their irvula whatsoever, and I'm going to go out and pay them a compliment just for the fun of it, you know, so I can interact with their famous world.
And usually it goes wrong, or you come out of it feeling a bit ludicrous, like, why did I do that?
I was talking to a friend of mine last weekend who had an encounter that I hope she won't mind me relating.
I'll call her Janine.
And Janine was with her children, shopping at Tesca's, and she saw at the end of the aisle, Lisa Tarbuck.
Wow.
Actress, presenter, and all-round good egg.
And she suddenly thought, ooh, Lisa Tarbuck.
What's Lisa Tarbuck?
I'm going to talk to her.
I feel compelled to talk to Tarbuck.
And I'm going to, and she was thinking, what can I say?
What's Tarbuck's latest thing?
I'm trying to place Tarbuck on the telescope at the moment.
Well, she pops up in, in the show within a show in extras.
That's true.
She is, she does a lot of sort of ITV drama, comedy drama type stuff.
She's always working, man.
She's good.
Anyway, she also does a certain amount of radio work and she regularly, I believe, fills in for Steve Wright, along with Mark Radcliffe.
They pair up and they provide excellent, depping work when Steve Wright is otherwise indisposed.
So, my friend Janine, she thought, I'm going to pay her a compliment about how good she is when she fills in for Steve Wright.
That was her gambit, right?
So she skirts around Tarbark for quite a while while she's shopping, but she keeps chickening out at the last minute, and she's like, no, I can't do it.
No, I can't.
So she chickens out, and she's in the car park at Tesco's, and she's loading her stuff.
She's got the children running around there.
It's always a dangerous time when you're in the car park.
You don't want to keep an eye on them.
You don't want them to run out in front of the cars, and you've got to load the shopping in the back of the car.
And then suddenly, ah, from nowhere, Tarbuck.
She's there again, right?
And our friend Janine looks over and goes, oh, Tarbuck!
This is my last chance to pay her a compliment!
So she drives a big rig.
She does.
How do you know that?
The tar truck.
It's well known.
The buck truck.
Well, Java!
It's not like a big, big rig.
It's not like you, Bank.
It is.
It's like convoy.
It's not like you, Bank's convoy truck.
That wasn't my joke, but she does really drive a big one.
Well, no, no, no.
Apparently she drives a nice car, though.
My friend was saying, like, quite a big meaty car.
Anyway, she was loading the bags in the back of the car, and at that moment, Tarbuck emerges.
She turns round to address her comments to Tarbuck, drops the bags.
Oh God.
There's food all over the floor and all over the car park, and she's still trying to pay her a compliment.
She sort of goes around and says, I like it.
I like it when you fill in on the radio.
I like it.
Good when you fill in on the radio.
Um, and Tarbuck looks, uh, looks harried and doesn't, doesn't look in the mood to hear about it at all.
And also it's a little bit of a weird situation because does she start helping her picking up her food and stuff like that?
No, because she's busy.
She's jumping in her car.
The last thing she wants to deal with is someone else's problems and also to deal with this little conversation.
So Tarbuck sort of brushes her off a little bit.
Or so my friend Janine thought I suggested to her.
What does Tarbuck say?
Well, she just sort of went, oh thanks, and climbed in her car and shot off, but my friend was left absolutely humiliated.
Talbot clearly wasn't rude in any way whatsoever.
It's not in her nature, I don't think, having met her once or twice, very nice person.
But my friend felt absolutely devastated afterwards, because she was just full of self-loathing and embarrassment and humiliation that she'd had this kind of psychodrama raging in her head right the way through her shopping trip, and it was so unfulfillingly concluded, you know.
Anyway, we want to hear stories that are maybe a bit more dramatic than that even, if there can be such a thing, and maybe we'll tell you some of ours as well in the next few minutes.
So, are we okay with texting?
We are!
Okay, so you can text your stories about humiliating encounters with celebrities on 64046, or you can email us, and the address is AdamAndJoe, A-N-D-Joe, .6music at bbc.co.uk.
It's trail time.
It's a little bit insulting to television though, isn't it?
I mean, goodness sake.
That's the Disposable Heroes of Hippoprosy.
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music.
It's time now for the news.
In some ways, I wish Britain was the 51st state of the USA.
Then we'd have better fast food, cheaper car hire.
What's going on there?
That's a little, um, out- what it does.
Out-groove the Matt Johnson thing, yeah.
Don't you?
You know, telly, we get all the American shows, we get the movies sooner.
Yeah.
Well, we are.
I mean, we basically... What's the time lag now between America and the UK movies?
Depends where about... Oh, movie-wise, yeah, not that long, that's true.
Not the actual time difference.
No, you know, we essentially are.
I mean, when Matt Johnson recorded that song, that was back in the 80s, and he was standing there, canute-like, trying to hold back the tidal wave of American culture.
Too late for that now, mate.
No one's singing songs about this being the 51st day of the USA now, because it's... It's a foregone conclusion.
It's a moot point, isn't it?
It's true to come true.
Johnson, he was right.
Once we feel sick... Should've listened to Johnson.
Now, this is the Adam and Jo Show on Six Music.
We're in the midst of Text the Nation and we're asking you to relate to us your stories about times when you have humiliated yourself in front of a celebrity.
I've got so many.
Well, we were discussing the fact during the break there that
you know sometimes these humiliations are only in the mind of the people themselves who have who reckon they've humiliated themselves you know that the celebrity in question won't be aware of it because someone comes up to you out of the blue and shakes your hand or whatever you just say hey nice to meet you whatever that's it they go about their business none the whiter but it's but there's a whole inner world of turmoil going on in the person who's uh gone up to them right and they think oh
Oh, and I shouldn't have said it like that.
Oh, no, I don't.
I'm an idiot.
Why did I do that?
I've made myself seem less important than him.
And, you know, why am I any less of a person than he is?
Oh, she is a massive psychological contradiction, isn't there?
Because you feel you know the famous person.
Yeah, the famous person doesn't know you, but knows you know their work.
And then you have to bridge that kind of
you know, chasm of knowledge and ignorance with some kind of idle chitchat.
Yes.
Which is very difficult.
You know so much about them, but yet so little at the same time.
You know, you know about their professional life and their work life, but you don't know what they're like as a person.
And they know nothing whatsoever about you, so they've got to rely on platitudes.
That's all they've got to go on, you know.
It's a difficult exchange.
I'm thinking of one or two times when we did Final Justice, a segment we used to have in our old telly show, and we did, uh, we did it with Dweasel and Ahmet Zappa, Frank Zappa's kids.
And I lied to them that I'd, uh, listened to their new record.
That's right, yeah.
Oh, you're very young and stupid at the time.
And, uh... In order to endear yourself.
Yeah, yeah, I said, oh, I really like your new album.
And they were in quite a spiky mood as it was, and we hadn't even started filming yet.
We were dressed as idiotic policemen, it was all very awkward.
And, uh, either Dweasel or Armit, I can't remember which one, just said, ah, you haven't listened to... You haven't heard the album.
And he called my bluff, he was right, I hadn't listened to the album, I was incapable of lying, so I just looked like a terrified bunny rabbit, and went, yes, yes I have!
But I so clearly hadn't!
And it was just a terrible atmosphere in the room, and... Did we even bother filming the segment, or did we just leave?
Er, no, we filmed it, it's very excruciating, I watched it when we were putting the extras together for the Atom Joe DVD.
Did you?
We didn't use it.
No, it's painful to watch.
And another one was, for some reason that's too complicated to go into, I was in a cafe in Vauxhall with Christian Bale around the time of Velvet Goldmine being released.
I was quite excited to meet him, followed his work since Empire of the Sun.
I also owned a slightly odd sort of underground comic book called Horror Hospital, which has homoerotic content, including some homoerotic drawings of Christian Bale.
And I decided this was the moment to show Bale these drawings.
He'd love it.
Yeah, I, you know, was man to man.
Who wouldn't want to see that?
Who wouldn't want to see those?
He looked at them like I was mad and was going to assault him in some way.
Of course he did.
And I did see him again, though.
And we made love.
Yeah.
It's not true.
It came true.
I did see him again, but he always looked slightly frightened of me.
Alex James is another person who's been the object of a lot of homoerotic fantasies in graphic novels as well.
And I remember someone showing him one of these things in an interview and he responded the same way.
I mean, how would you?
You would feel slightly terrorized, wouldn't you?
To be the object of someone's fantasies in that way.
Hey, he wasn't the object of my fantasies.
I happened to own the book.
I was just... So what did you say, like...
Look at this, Christian.
You wouldn't believe what some of the weirdos out there are thinking of you, like me.
I said all of that apart from the like me bit.
That's very frightening.
Have we got people emailing us and texting?
We certainly have and you can carry on texting your stories about humiliating yourself in front of famous people.
to 64046 or email Adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk.
We'll read out a whole lot very soon.
Now, here's a track by Supergrass, who I went to see playing at the Astoria on Wednesday this week.
It was the last night of their UK tour, and they were extraordinary.
Have you ever seen Supergrass live, Joe?
No.
And it's like a...
It's like a nuclear bomb going off.
You know, this is a band that has been around a proper British treasure that for whatever reason have never become so massively globally famous that they no longer play, you know, decent sized venues and they are still sort of accessible to their fans in that way.
You know, despite the fact they've got an embarrassment of brilliant albums and amazing hits.
It's good though, isn't it?
So you still get a feeling of intimacy when you go to their gigs.
Yeah, it's a good thing.
I mean, you wouldn't know it.
I don't know.
Perhaps they feel as if they would like to be more successful in some way, but from the fans' point of views, it's amazing because they are so tight now.
They've been together however many, over 10 years, you know, maybe 15 years.
They're incredibly tight, they've got these amazing songs in their catalogue, and they're loud.
Man, it is really... I was deaf for about a day afterwards, I should have worn earplugs to that gig, but what a fantastic show it was.
And so, you know, if you've never seen Supergrass before, boy, I really recommend you catch them whenever you get the chance.
And this is one of their new ones, it's called Rebel In You.
Text-a-nation!
Text, text, text!
Text-a-nation!
What if I don't want to?
Text-a-nation!
But I'm using email, is that a problem?
It doesn't matter, text!
Yes, it is.
Uh, sorry.
Textination time.
Before that, you heard Rebel and You by Supergrass, and I just remember that I- I promised the, uh, coat check girl at the Astoria that I would give her a name check because she looked after my bag really nicely.
Helen, thank you very much.
What do you mean by looked after your bag?
For doing that.
Well, she made sure no one ran off with it.
What are you thinking?
What- what possibly could that mean?
Oh, your- like your bag, right?
Sorry.
What the heck were you thinking of?
It's time to read some of the Text-The-Nation texts.
We've been asking you to text in stories about meeting your heroes.
What's the matter?
My bad.
For goodness sake.
Carry on.
Stories about when you've humiliated yourself in front of some sort of a celebrity.
And you've sent lots of them in, so here are some.
Are you ready?
Yep.
Here's one.
Okay, this is about Paul McGahn.
You remember Paul McGahn?
What do you mean you remember Paul McGahn?
Well, the younger listeners might not know who he is.
He was in Withnel and I and Doctor Who.
And the monocled mutineer.
Right.
This is from Vicks in Brighton.
I once drunkenly vomited in Paul McGahn's lap while telling him I didn't like his hair in Doctor Who.
That's extreme.
He was surprisingly kind about it.
He must be an amazingly kind man because that's horribly insulting both physically, to have the vomit in your lap, and to have your hair insulted.
That's way over the line.
I mean, he would be well within his rights to just give you a little duffing there.
Yeah, exactly.
If he beat you up, he would get off in court.
At the very least, he would, you know, he'd be all right just to scream at you and say, why don't you get away from me, you freak?
Ian in Twickenham says, my girlfriend fell off her seat as we were leaving a restaurant in front of Paul Gascoigne.
It was about seven years ago when he was with Cheryl, Cheryl, and not mad.
Anyway, it was embarrassing, so I dragged her up quickly by the hand, not realising she'd fractured her wrist in the fall.
We spent the rest of the day in Hampstead Free Hospital, but I like that because it means that not embarrassing yourself in front of Paul Gascoigne is more important.
than the welfare of your girlfriend.
Yeah, than her fractured wrist.
That is terrible, yeah.
That's an illustration of the kind of weird chemistry we're talking about here.
Here's one from Bruce in Newbury.
When asked to get Helena Bonham Carter's autograph by a friend, I panicked, and instead of talking to her, blew a large raspberry, shouted ass, and ran away.
She looked scared.
So he flipped.
He went 360 degrees the other way, 180 degrees maybe.
Yeah.
You know, this is a strange thing that does happen with a lot of fans is that they feel the best way to deal with their inner humiliation is to insult the famous person.
Is to go on the offensive, yeah.
And that's not enjoyable for us.
I know all about that.
I read the texts and emails we get.
I understand that dynamic.
Here's an anonymous one, I think.
I met Simon Callow once in Birmingham.
I couldn't think of anything to say, so I shouted
I'm gay, you know?
And he started laughing and waving at me.
That's good, isn't it?
Yo, I'm gay too!
Hi!
Simon Gallo.
Gay thing goes wicked, isn't it?
Gay!
You!
Me!
Gay!
Both gay.
Okay.
Petrosexual people should do that as well.
Yeah.
Hey!
Straight.
I'm straight.
You straight, right?
All right.
Straight, mate.
You're straight!
Hey mate.
It's just a jishua de vivre.
See Ricky Gervais.
Alright Ricky!
Women hey!
That would work, he'd like that.
He'd love it because he's straight.
Here's one from Jordan Sheffield.
Not so much me but my dad.
At Easter we saw Jude Law at Petersfield Railway Station.
I'd be frightened of Jude Law.
I was very excited and told dad to take a look at him.
The law man was near enough to hear my enthusiasm.
And he turned to give me a withering look just as my dad loudly announced that he didn't know who Jude Law was.
And anyway, he's got a very tatty briefcase.
Jude gave us such a filthy look, I practically had to go home and wash it off.
Who's that from?
George in Sheffield.
Very good text.
Very good.
And one last text.
I started to talk to Danny from Supergrass in a club once.
I was drinking wine from a whisky tumbler at the time and decided to compliment him on a Supergrass song.
Obviously I picked a rare one.
so that I seemed cool and knowledgeable.
Unfortunately, I got the title entirely wrong.
He didn't know what I was talking about.
All I then did, or all I then remember is drunkenly trying to tell him, no, you did write that song, and then being sick in a bin.
He looked to ghast.
I like ones that climax with throwing up.
It's so like neurotic and anxious making is the situation.
It's a good physical illustration of how you're feeling.
Do you want a quick Tom Yorke one?
Oh yeah, go on.
I haven't pre-read this one, so I don't know what's in it.
I saw Tom Yorke in Oxford train station.
He is a lifetime idol, so I felt compelled to go and speak to him.
He was buying a smoothie, so I saw my chance.
I managed to choose the one moment when he was getting handed the change to go and shake his hand.
This caused great confusion between the cashier, Tom and me, all trying to shake, receive change and give change at the same time.
This was amazingly awkward.
All I could manage was a nervous laugh and then scuttle away.
He then got on the same train as me and got off in Taunton, my hometown.
This managed to make sure I was a blithering wreck for the rest of the day.
Yeah, you see, and Tom would not have been aware of any of that psychodrama, I would have thought.
You've gotta time it right.
Yeah.
It's very important to time it right.
So keep those texts coming in about your embarrassing encounters with famous people, 64046, Adamandjo.6musicatpvc.co.uk.
Just before we play this next track, which Joe has picked for you.
What is it?
Erland, oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
I was gonna say, you know, on the subject of people getting facts wrong about the people they meet, you mentioned that Danny from Supergrass won.
Have you checked out the clip on YouTube of John Cusack doing an interview?
He's being interviewed by this girl from a student.
She gets all her Cusack facts wrong.
And she says, I've had so weird seeing you because we were just watching American Beauty.
And he goes, right.
What's amazing about that?
Well, because you were in it.
Oh, it wasn't.
It's amazing.
Check it out.
Type in John Cusack Wrong Interview or something into YouTube.
You'll find it.
So here's a free play.
This is Arland Oye.
He's one of Kings of Convenience.
And he also has a band called The Whitest Boy Alive.
But this is his kind of electronica album called Unrest.
It's a great album.
It is very good as well as being great.
It's also very good.
And it's got some crazy lyrics.
He speaks very fast, but you should listen closely.
He's got lyrics including, When in Rome, they're digging to extend the lines.
They're running into ruins, got to stop all the time.
and stuff like bought a CD player to be checking our song didn't do recordables so we moved along stuff like that that's really good stuff and then in the middle watch out for the moment when the song stops and he does possibly the worst chat up line in the history of chat up lines he says what's your name you want to come in room
Which is really odd, if I was a woman I wouldn't go in room with him.
This is Erland Oye with Bregu Amore.
You're not a big fan of that one then, Joe.
Well, I don't mind that track, but it does remind me of a very depressing period in the life of the country and, you know, my childhood.
There was Bronsky Beat, Incidentally, listeners with Small Town Boy, and it brings back a lot of traumatic memories for Joe
Well that makes it sound like I was a sort of gay, bald, closeted man riding on a train.
Yeah.
In the suburbs.
Which I sort of was.
But it was a depressing time, wasn't it?
You know, Thatcher and AIDS and depression and small, bald, repressed men in speedos in council swimming boats.
Well that's what he was singing about.
He was singing about how it wasn't such a welcoming place to live in, especially if you were.
But that one just brings back memories of misery.
Is kind of the bleak, isn't it?
Especially the videos, all like... But our producer, Jude, loves it.
She loves it.
It's completely made her day to hear it, so that's the main thing.
Shall we have the jingle?
What if I don't want to?
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
Text the Nation this week is stories of you humiliating yourselves in front of your idols or famous people.
I'm going to read out some emails now.
Are you ready for these, Adam Buxton?
Yes, please.
This is from Mike in Wivenhoe.
He says, Morning.
Morning, Mike.
I blagged my way into an album launch party and saw Charlie Hixon.
Mmm, someone had lent me a Higgson novel a week earlier, and not knowing what to say to the great man, I tried to suck up to him by pretending that I was reading his book and that I really liked it.
Really?
Which one?
he asked.
I panicked.
I'd been found out as a fraud, but luckily I recovered the situation by seamlessly responding.
uh the green one green one and he got away with that did he he smiled pointedly and moved away yeah you know what i've humiliated myself with hixon really before yeah because he's a hard man to read sometimes you know he can be he's nice and friendly very dry he's very dry he can be a little bit taciturn
And we were out in a boozy place one time and everyone had had quite a lot to drink.
And we got to talking about Michael Barrymore, I think.
Right.
And I just sort of got flustered and trotted out some fairly tabloid style views about Michael Barrymore.
And he and Hixon quite rightly came to Barrymore's defense like in the name of level headedness and sort of saying,
You know, you don't really know what you're talking about.
All you've been... you're just regurgitating stuff you've read in the tabloids.
You don't really know what the man's like at all.
You don't know the true facts of the case.
I was like, ooh, that's a good point, isn't it?
Anyway, okay, bye-bye.
It was awful.
Crikey.
Here's another one from Stephen Riley.
This is a short and sweet one.
In a nightclub in Glasgow, my friend got Johnny Vaughan in a headlock and took him around saying, look who I've got.
The end.
That's quite good.
I don't believe that one.
I don't think Vaughanie would put up with that.
He wouldn't put out with it for very long.
He's a big strong chap.
I mean, you put up with it for a little bit.
Someone came up to me at the Supergrass gig the other day and this bloke sort of went, ugh, and put his arm around me and sort of grabbed me and got his camera out and stuck it in front of us.
And he said, you don't mind, do you?
I just want to take a picture of myself with someone mildly famous.
Fair point, fair point.
I'll mind in about 30 seconds if this continues, but for the moment go ahead.
Johnny Back in Preston has sent this email.
I came across a weird situation at my dad's house a few years ago when John Matson, commentator extraordinaire, was in my dad's housewarming party.
It turned out my current dad's lady friend, I think he means my dad's current lady friend, knew Motti, and after doing the rational, excited phone call to my friends upstairs to say I was in his Mott's presence, I inevitably met him in the empty dining room gathering finger food.
I'm sure how to approach him.
I said, I was my dad's son.
This seemed like a good start, but then there was a silence, and I blurted out that I loved his work, to which he scurried away, and I was left a destroyed and confused teenager, been replaying it ever since.
That's a good example.
Motti would have been flattered.
He may not have been able to respond exactly the way he wanted, but there's no way, unless he was clinically insane, that he wouldn't have appreciated that.
It's just that you can't always think of exactly the right words to reciprocate.
Can you love a commentator's work?
Certainly.
Would you have albums of someone's commentary over a particular game?
Well, it's difficult for us to say because we're not big sport heads, you know, but certainly people who are into their sport, they absolutely... Yeah, a good commentator brings it to life, adds an extra level, can make or break a game, it's true.
Very much so.
I love Mutty's work, I don't even know it.
Here's one from Angus Malcolm, who's put his full address, I like people who put their full addresses, because we can get them.
Yeah.
I was at a party and met a guy whose partner turned out to... Oh, I wasn't going to read this one actually, but I've started, so I'll have to.
I was at a party and met a guy whose partner turned out to be Sinead O'Connor.
This was the 80s.
No, we can't read that one.
Okie dokie.
I'll show that to Adam during the next record.
Okay.
Here's another one Steve Evans in Brighton morning chaps.
I once stood on Douglas Adams is Benson and hedges Hmm.
He kind of looked at me.
That's a pretty good claim to fame already Yeah, don't you think he kind of looked at me and then signed my hitchhiker's book?
I could tell by the intensity of the signature that he wasn't best, please Mm-hmm.
I also used to work in borders in Brighton and JK Rowling came in to do a signing So I asked her out.
She said no her loss
Steve Evans.
There's more later, keep them coming in, 64046 or adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk It's Adele time.
This is Cold Shoulder.
That's Adele with Cold Shoulder.
This is Adam and Jo here on BBC 6 Music.
It's a lovely Saturday morning here in London Town.
I hope it's as nice where you are.
It's a lovely Saturday morning here in London town The pearly kings and pearly queens are walking up and down.
Carry on.
That's the end.
I can't.
That's the end of that song.
That's good though, isn't it?
I love that song.
We still need suggestions for next week's Song Wars.
A good subject for Song Wars next week.
Jude's making it.
Our producer's making a note.
She makes notes after we do links.
It's a bit like having a teacher.
uh like ticking or crossing our performance she made a note after that song uh she had a very sort of sober look on her face i don't think she liked the song i think she's made a note saying she might be making a note saying joe let's to sing the song let's put joe's song in the podcast
Really?
There you go.
She loves your songs.
What about that one?
Here, I'm making a note now.
Make sure Jew doesn't put Joe's song on the podcast, because it's not that good.
But yeah, we still need suggestions for song wars, okay listeners?
And we've only got less than 45 minutes to go, so you know.
We've got a few that have come in.
Have we?
Yes.
Any good ones?
Yeah, do you want me to read them now?
Let's have a quick look at some of them, yeah.
Quick look at some of the song wars.
First of all, there's an angry one from Bill in Derby who says that we blew him out with the movie trailer wars idea.
That's true, Bill.
Sorry about that.
And then he voted for my tune.
He was one of the 25% that liked my little song.
uh... there's another one here from somebody called Alice Whittaker uh... she says i've got an idea for song wars next week inspired by your orange juice anecdote perhaps something on the theme of childhood memories you could either choose one at random or pick a generic theme such as the first day of school parents evening or pick something you both remember and convey both sides of the story she's got more ideas there it's quite an involved uh... email someone else says Michael Paley says what about a song based on public information advice Michael Palin
Paley.
Michael Palin?
Paley.
We did that already.
We did instructional songs already, I'm afraid, Mike.
Michael, Mikey.
Michael Palin.
Yeah, Michael Palin, thanks.
Oh, that's a good idea, though, Michael.
Good luck on your travels.
Yes.
Say hello to the Dalai Lama, please.
And the Monty Python.
Here's one from David Melbourne.
He says, my idea for the Song Wars theme is worst cinema experience, which can include bad movies or talkers or loud eaters, etc.
Uh, that's a good idea.
I feel that we would probably go for exactly the same content.
It's not that musical though, do you know what I mean?
It doesn't, it doesn't immediately suggest a... You could do at once the Perlondine tune.
Right?
Yeah, musical things you could do.
The Kaya Aura.
It's not clearable though, is it?
We need to keep doing so.
That's true, that's true.
Daytime television, says Rob Gold.
Uh-huh.
That's not a bad idea.
I mean, there's all sorts of things you could do.
You could do something about loose women.
You could do a one-minute one about 60-minute makeover.
Yes.
How about that?
With a whistle at the beginning of the end.
Yeah.
And that would, you know, keep it down to one minute as well.
Yeah, that's a good idea.
Everybody say something.
So that's in the lead, maybe.
Someone else, Lewis in Liss Forest.
I think for Song Wars next week, you should write songs about each other.
That's a good idea.
That's often suggested we were going to do it for Valentine's Day, weren't we?
But there's something went wrong.
There was no Song Wars.
There we go.
So keep those coming in as well and we'll get back to your text the nation text as well.
Very soon.
Now here's a track from a new hot band.
Have you heard of Fleet Foxes?
No.
Well there's a lot of kind of psychedelic folk units around at the moment.
A lot of them come from the American states and Grizzly Bear have you heard of them?
No, yes, they're good.
They're really good and they sound similar to fleet foxes They've got a similar thing going on there, but that's not to do down fleet foxes Their debut album is out in a month or so I think and is it just called fleet foxes?
I'm not sure about that, but I think it might be eponymous, and this track is called Ragged Wood.
Hope you enjoy this.
That was very nice.
That was a free play chosen by Adam Buxton, and that was Fleet Foxes with Ragged Wood.
Am I correct?
Yes, absolutely.
And Jude was pointing out that it also sounds very much like My Morning Jacket.
I suppose that very echoey, reverb-heavy vocal there.
Very nice indeed.
Hope you enjoyed that, listeners.
Now don't forget, listeners, a podcast of this show is available from the Sunday evening after the show.
It's up there on the BBC Six music website and another commercial podcast site from Sunday evening.
I'm quite obsessed with our position in the podcast chart.
Right.
There's a top ten.
If you're in the top ten, you get on the front page.
How often do you check?
Twice a day.
No.
Sometimes.
more often than you brush your teeth it's part of my surfing ritual you know if you're going to work on your computer and you boot up your computer you'll inevitably have 10 or 11 things you do before you actually get down to any work check the podcast look at some knockers exactly film site exactly it's one of my little ritual things i check anyway so i'm depressed to see that we've dropped out of the top 10 we've gone down to number 12 it's bound to happen
And that's because two exciting new podcasts have launched.
And the podcast chart works in such a way as it's the most new subscriptions that day, even.
It seems to be updated all the time.
Nobody really knows how it works.
But we've been pushed out of the top 10 by a Radio 4 sports comedy show called Look Away Now.
So I'm thinking we should do some more sports comedy.
can you do some sports comedy make a sports joke something ball-based yeah yeah yeah oh man that's difficult if there's any horse racing this weekend the going is gonna be tough and if the tough gets going
The... Yes!
No, I can't, I can't!
Yes, sports comedy, that was good, that was good, that was nearly there!
Okay, and the other thing we've been pushed out by... What, have you got it?
The tough gets rougher.
Billy Ocean.
Something with Billy Ocean.
That's good, that's good, there's a template for a joke anyway, we work on that.
The other thing that we've... Because that's going to satisfy the sports comedy fans now, they're going to abandon the Radio 4 podcast and come to us for sports comedy now that you did that one, yep.
And football and the word balls as well.
Yeah, have a keep thinking.
Okay, tricky one.
The other thing we've been pushed out by is the Ann Summers guide to dot dot dot open brackets, explicit closed brackets.
Oh, well, that's fair enough, isn't it?
So that's obviously some kind of explicit sexual advice podcast.
There's a few of those out there, you know, I'm amazed that they always get big ratings.
Yeah.
So can we do some non explicit sexual advice at all?
Uh, well then it would be like sexual and marital problem.
Actually no, sexual and marital problem's on LBC.
Keep, keep, keep clean.
Absolutely filthy.
Have a bath every day.
Yeah.
Uh, and just don't... Wash your bits.
Tug.
What?
Wash your bits, I'm saying.
Yes.
As if by... That's slightly explicit.
It is a little bit explicit.
I think you should be less explicit.
Uh, wash all over.
Yeah.
Has that, uh... I don't think this is gonna do us any favors, you know?
You don't think that people looking for sexual advice will come to us now?
I don't think so.
I was hoping it would get us back in the top ten.
Anyway, please subscribe, listeners.
Get us back up there, okay?
You know, it's a free, fun thing that flops in there every week and, uh... That sounds like non-explicit sexual advice now.
That is a little bit explicit, isn't it?
I'm gonna play some music for you.
This is Serge Gainsbourg, uh, with Balladee de Meledinelthon.
It's probably dirty as well.
It is a little bit dirty.
It's a little...
A little tiny slice of sexiness there from Serge Gensberg.
That's a ballad de melody Nelson from the amazing album that is titled similarly there.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC6 Music.
It's time for the news with Nicky Cardwell.
Someone's car alarm going off during that song.
I'm not sure if it's yours.
That's all about the house that Funk built.
Yes, she says at the beginning this is the house that Funk built.
Not a very stable house.
Very peculiarly decorated.
Be awful.
Ill-fitting brakes.
Shag pile carpets.
Yeah, on the market very cheap.
It's a fixer-upper.
Wobbly walls there.
That's of course a song about the boots of cars.
But the foundations would be deep.
They would, wouldn't they?
Deep, deep, deep house.
Yeah.
Exactly.
That's filthy, isn't it?
And it would have some good techno around the place.
So it's pure pornography there from Groove Armada with I See You Baby.
I think it's time to wrap up Text the Nation.
What were you going to say something there, Joe?
No, I was going to say this is Adam and Joe on BBC Six Music.
It's worth saying that every now and then, just so people feel orientated.
Just so they know we're not just too random.
Yeah, people like we sound.
Exactly.
It's time to wrap up the segment known as...
What if I don't want to?
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
Okay, there are some very good ones, so I'm gonna speed through them.
You better pay close attention.
I'm paying attention.
Listen, peel your ears.
Here's one from Maisie and Harrow.
When I was eight years old, I was at Kew Gardens with my parents, and my mum whispered, there's David Attenborough.
For some reason, this compelled me to run as fast as I could, making a red Indian noise, until I tripped and fell down a little way in front of him.
Kew's how old?
Eight.
That's the correct response to the sentence.
There's David Attenborough.
Exactly.
Especially if you're in Kew Gardens.
She knew it was embarrassing.
So she just lay there, not moving until her mum picked her up.
Oh, very sweet.
Here is one from a person who is anonymous.
I met the cockney rhymer James Blunt at dinner as he was dating my ex.
I was sat next to him, and he had had a little too much—oh no, I had had—a little too much wine.
I kept on asking him, in a horrible nasal voice, why he thought his life was brilliant.
He apparently is permanently scarred by the experience, and I have a strange mix of pride and shame.
I don't believe that he's permanently scarred.
He must have to deal with that all the time.
He just rubs a million pound note on his face.
He seems like a nice person James Blood.
He's lovely.
Have you read like he's sort of launched a comeback offensive over the charm offensive over the last few months.
His response to those accusations is very good.
He says well look I just I do have an amazing life.
I go around singing.
I'm very rich.
I date beautiful women.
Call me what you want.
His response which is sensible which is fine.
I'm not having a midlife crisis.
I'm having a midlife Christmas.
Yes That was a joke the warm-up man at Chris Rock did yeah related to me.
Yeah Here we go.
Here's another one from will turland in Nottingham a few years ago I was on a night out in Rock City Nottingham a friend spotted minty out of crossroads on the dance floor I've got no idea that is but that's part of the charm I didn't even know who he was but it was overwhelmed by drunken excitement you too and ran towards him shouting
Unfortunately, I fell on my arse right at his feet.
Despite his large frame, he kindly bent down to help me up.
Later, I was violently sick.
There we go.
That's the punchline.
Me too!
Here's another one from Lizzie.
I went up to Amanda Barry, star of Cory and Carrie on Cleo, in a dark underground bar in London.
She was wearing sunglasses, in a lost in showbiz kind of way, and I'd had a couple of glasses of wine.
Despite this, I had a sensible conversation with her and she gave me her autograph.
Then, as I made to leave, for some reason I thought it was a good idea to pull my own sunglasses down from the top of my head onto my face and tell her I was wearing them as a tribute.
I left covered in embarrassment.
So that's a last minute sarky joke.
Yeah.
Spoiling the atmosphere between the two of them.
I shouldn't try and be funny in circumstances like this, should you really?
Especially not if it's gone so well hitherto.
No, I mean like circumstances like a radio show.
You shouldn't try and be funny.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Sorry.
Here's another one from Robin Sheffield.
I once met Phil Okey in a nightclub and lost for conversation.
I asked him the black hit of space.
What's that all about?
But mused, he replied, the song was just a joke.
So I wrapped it up with the words.
Sorry, Phil, I'm really pissed.
I bet Phil thinks about that a lot.
And now, how much time have we got?
Because do I need to whittle these down?
I thought there's a couple I've got to get out here.
Here, can I just tell you one more from my own memory box?
This is something that I do think about every now and again, and it gives me the shivers.
But I auditioned for a part in Black Books, the first series of Black Books, Graham Linehan's sitcom.
And in the end, it was a part that was played by Nick Frost.
Um, a repairman who comes in.
And he's got a little action figure stuck in his hair or something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Um, so I went to audition for that part, and it was just after the actor Dermot Morgan, who played Father Ted, had died.
And so I went in there, did an absolutely rubbish audition, and very flustered on my way out, shook Dylan Moran's hand and said,
Nice to meet you, Dermot.
Uh-oh.
Sort of because he's the only other Graeme Linehan man I could think of.
I fused them in my brain.
He didn't look happy about it.
Then I didn't get the part.
I've whittled this down to my favourite three now.
At number three, this is from Dave.
I saw Sylvester McCoy in a pub in Cambridge.
Hey, Sylvester.
It's always bigger on the inside than it looks from the outside, eh?
I leered drunkenly.
He looked at me as if I was mad.
Yeah, then Dave said at least I wasn't the most rubbish Doctor Who ever.
It's very contentious.
Here's another Doctor Who related one.
Good morning, Adam and or Joe.
I once saw David Tennant filming Doctor Who and took a photo of him as he walked past.
I pressed the wrong button in my excitement and the batteries fell out.
He looked at me, though I was a retard.
Thank you, says Darren Floyd.
That's good, isn't it?
Yeah, it's a nice moment.
I would think you would reach down and pick up the batteries for you.
And finally, here's a great one.
In the late 90s when I was working at the BBC in Pebble Mill, I was walking down an empty corridor chewing my fingernail.
Just as I turned the corner of the corridor, I spat the piece of nail out and watched as it spun in slow motion and landed on the man walking towards me.
It was John Craven.
Ahhh... On the jumper...
Nell in Manchester.
That's the award.
If we were allowed to give out prizes if this was a competition, Nell, you would win a brand new car and a caravan and a million pounds and a house in Barbados and an ancient Chinese wok and the Chippendale men to do your cleaning.
Thank you very much indeed to everybody who texted an email.
We read all your texts and all your emails and we're sorry if we didn't read your particular one out, but we thank you very much for all the effort you put into them as always.
And don't forget that we still... Do we still want their suggestions for...?
Don't forget that we're still training to do radio.
Still training.
So, if you feel the show's inadequate in any way, it's because we're still learning.
We'll be ready in about four years.
Get back to us then, it'll be amazing.
We'll be tight as anything.
Uh, no, are we gonna call a moratorium on suggestions for song wars?
Let's come back to that in a moment.
We've talked for a very long time.
We should have some music.
Okay, this is Sia with The Girl You Lost.
See you there with a girl you lost.
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC six music and It's Saturday, you know, what would be nice?
No, and I don't mean to be contentious but would be to have a black female soul singer in the chart singing Black female soul.
Well, there's loads though are there?
This is what Estelle was complaining about actually in the music press recently that Amy Winehouse and
and Sia and people like that are all um and what she called uh Duffy yeah are all kind of you know uh stealing the mobo oh come on i mean that's the history of pop and rock though i know does that make it right though no it doesn't make it right but there's still a lot of very prominent black artists
I hear there's an amazing old ITV documentary from the 70s about the history of pop music being re-released on DVD.
I'll read about it and say more about it next week, but apparently it covers a lot of stuff like that and people say it's one of the best
television documents ever of the evolution of popular music.
I'm going to try and pick that up this week and have a look at it, but apparently it's got a lot of stuff about that, you know, showing you exactly how black blues music was, prolonged by white artists in a very blatant way, you know, in the 50s and earlier even.
So I'm not, this is not my opinion, I'm merely reporting what Estelle was talking about in the press and pointing it out that if you do have a look at the charts, there is a bit of a sort of a kind of a colour imbalance really in terms of the sort of music they're singing and its roots.
Just opening it up as a little bit of conversation.
There's different charts though now, aren't there?
Yeah, but is that right?
Wow, I mean, that's a whole other cattle of cod, isn't it?
There are different charts, but I would say that the charts, in terms of the top ten, is a kind of overview of all of them.
You know, it can include rock or R&B or metal.
Well, it would be interesting to see what their figures were, but surely some of the most successful artists in the world are R&B artists at the moment.
That's very true.
You know?
Chris Brown.
Exactly.
Usher.
Ursher.
So I don't know about it.
It's just a trend anyway, you know in a quick few couple of months There's gonna be something else coming along isn't it and you'll look back and you'll think oh I'm glad that whole business of whiny white girls from the Sylvia Young School is put to bed now
This is a free play chosen by me.
This is a tortoise.
Where's my notes?
Oh, no, I've thrown them away.
What an idiot.
Where's your tortoise notes?
Tortoise are Canadian, aren't they?
No, Chicago.
They're from Chicago.
Yeah, they start... What are their names?
Well, I know one of them is... Oh, no, it's all gone out.
I had it all in my notes, but I put them in the recycling box.
What an idiot.
Jim McIntyre.
Right, they started out... They wanted to be a freelance rhythm section in the style of Sly and Robbie.
Did you know that?
No.
When they first formed, they decided they'd just be a rhythm section for hire.
Ah, but in the end they became quite a crazy kind of avant-garde.
What would you call their sort of music?
It's very funky, but also very rocky.
Some people call it post-rock, but it's not really like that because that sort of implies a certain lugubriousness that tortoise don't have.
Yeah.
Hey, do you ever listen there off shoot the sea in cake?
I love the sea in cake.
I love it.
What's that one called Kissing the... Kissing the... What's that?
You put it on a compilation from me once.
Jacking the ball.
Jacking the ball, that's right.
But here's some tortoise.
This is from their album, Standards.
This is called Six Pack.
That is good in it.
Yeah, that is tortoise.
I've dug my piece of paper out of the recycling bucket.
And I've had some notes on tortoise.
Where have they gone?
Yes.
From the album, Standards.
Formed in Chicago in 1990.
Standards was released in 2001.
Founder members Doug McCombs and John Hendon.
mm-hmm originally intended to be a Sly and Robbie style freelance rhythm section and I got that off Wikipedia which is a site you might know it's an encyclopedia site you want to sound clever you just you just look at it and write copy it down then read it out unless they're weasel words unless they're lies in which case you shouldn't quote them
Here's a quick message from Martin in Derby to his wife.
Hi fellas, enjoy the show immensely.
Could you let my wife, Mayor, know that I'm just having five minutes on the computer while the kitchen floor dries, then I'll carry on cleaning.
She's listening in the lounge and I can't get to her because of the wet floor.
So there you go, Maya, or Mayor, that's for you.
And do you have another message there?
Well, we've had some very good song wars suggestions, and we think we might have decided on a theme for next week's song wars.
Where is that text?
Yes, it's from a gentleman called Jason, who's obviously excited by...
uh by by what by the stories oh yeah by your uh non-explicit sex advice right that we were talking about earlier wash all over yeah and also the conjunction of that and uh and the surge gamesborough song he says please do an almost sexually explicit porn music style song for song wars so we're gonna yes we will jason that's what we're gonna do next week we're gonna do clean erotic songs
Yeah, so it doesn't have to be like porno music.
No, erotic songs for all the family.
Exactly, erotic, like a Prince-style thing, right?
Like a filthy Prince-style thing that we can play.
Is that appropriate?
Yeah.
Yeah, but we promise you there will not be a single, you know, rude word.
Well, it's gonna be innuendo heavy though, isn't it?
Possibly.
Yeah.
Saturday morning filth.
I'm hearing yours already in my head.
Various references to sponges and bongella and just random things that suddenly sound very rude.
I'm gonna do it fast.
Thank you.
Sponges and bongella.
Yeah.
See, that's already sexy.
Your brain is like a sewer anyway.
If you can twist the phrase taking care of my bag into something revolting, then that's your problem.
Anyway, that's pretty much it.
Don't forget to download the podcast and for goodness sake, subscribe, you know, just for the sake of our own self-respect.
Don't forget you can email us during the week at AdamandJoe.6musicatbbc.co.uk if you're listening to this, fire listen again.
Stay tuned for Liz Kershaw right now and thank you very much.
Have a good week.
Thanks for listening.
We'll be with you again next Saturday.