Well, what is your problem?
My problem is that I've had an hour and a half sleep.
Yeah.
And I've got to do a three hour radio show.
Yeah, what were you doing?
I was just excited.
Really overexcited about doing the show.
Yeah.
So excited that you couldn't sleep.
Yeah.
That's amazing.
What's your problem?
My problem is Keira Knightley's face and it's like a kind of annual problem now, isn't it?
That comes around every few months when she has a new film out.
Sometimes it's even more often than a year and then every single magazine in the world that you see in every newspaper has her face on it.
And it's nice, obviously it's a lovely beautiful face, but it's just a face that she pulls, that face, as if she's, you know, got some kind of lozenge.
Yeah.
That she's sticking out there.
Yeah, I like it.
Do you?
Yeah.
Do you actually snog the mags?
No, I don't.
It's a good idea, though.
I bet you do.
I don't.
Because that's basically what she's asking you to do.
She's saying, why don't you give this magazine a snog?
But you know what the thing is that some women have a practiced way to pose for a camera.
Yes.
They're given a particular face.
Yeah.
Like, didn't the wonderful Princess Dai have a thing where she looked down and then looked up?
Right.
And you see that with certain famous women.
They always hold the same pose in photos.
A studied look, something they know is going to work.
I mean, you'd think they'd have more than one, though.
Especially if you're knightly and you're going to be on almost every single mag in the area.
You know what I mean?
We should get her in to chat about it.
I'm sure she listens to the show and she almost certainly would like to come in and talk about all that So next week, maybe next week.
That's a good idea.
So we've got song wars this week listeners We should say who we are.
Oh, yeah, we should say who we are.
We're Chris Moyles and It's Evans and Chris Evans two biggest Chris's on the radio together at once.
We're called Chris Chris and
And this is the show.
No, it's Adam Buxton here.
My name's Joe Cornish, and this is 6 Music from the BBC.
We're here until 11 o'clock today.
12 o'clock today, and we've got lots of good music for you.
We've got Song Wars, which this week is about... Oh, it's Grazia, isn't it?
Yeah, let's have another record, then let's explain what Song Wars is about.
Why not?
Well, it's not that difficult to explain what it's about.
It is when I do it.
Right, okay, okay.
So we've got a bit of classic new wave, nuggetry for you now, listeners.
This is XTC with Making Plans for Nigel.
XTC with Making Plans for Nigel.
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music tonight, nice Saturday morning.
I was going to infuse a little bit more about the quality of the morning, but I've just noticed that it's a little hazy and the haze is turning to overcast-osity.
So I'm not so excited about it now.
No.
We were telling the listeners that we were going to explain what Song Wars was this week, and we're going to be playing those songs in maybe 20 minutes, 25 minutes, the first playing of the new Song Wars songs.
If you're a new listener to the show, Song Wars is when we battle out stupid self-composed
songs that we've done during the week and you vote for the one you like best via the texts.
But the theme this week was to take a piece of text from Grazia magazine, which is one of the many magazines for sort of slightly slow women available.
That's not true, man, is it?
Grazia is the choice of the sharper woman, I would say.
What'd you say?
In its favor, yeah.
I mean, if you have to read a magazine that rots your lady brain, then Grazia is at the upper end of the scale.
That's what I was guessing at.
Right.
We're agreeing, really.
Well, we are, but I wouldn't say.
There's certainly scummier titles out there than that.
Oh, no, absolutely.
It's a sophisticated title.
You can tell by the font.
Absolutely, yes.
And the quality of the paper.
The quality of the paper's extraordinary.
It's printed on silk.
It really is.
You know, you'd be able to legitimately eat your food off it.
If you were a hobo, which in a way you are,
And you wanted to sleep on the street in luxury.
That's right.
Uh, Grazie would be the equivalent of silk sheets.
I thought you said you would be just able to eat the paper.
You could probably do that you could make you could because what you could do is you could drool on it It's soaked in skin cream.
Yeah, you rub it against your face and that makes you younger.
That's true, isn't it?
But you could you don't you think you could chew up the pages?
You could spit them out and then you could make a like a little cake or a patty You could pop that under the grill if you wanted for a toasty patty or a patty and you could pop it between two buns well until
about now.
Two man's buns and you could have a delicious kind of hamburger.
So many uses for it but we shouldn't give the magazine undue prominence because at the big British castle we can't, you know, do anything commercial or be seen to be promoting the magazine Grazia.
No.
So we're going to constantly remind you that there are other lady mags.
Available.
Tittles, spritzer, nips, wifter, and... Totties.
And balloons.
Yeah.
And the other competitors in the market.
Exactly.
But sorry, we went off on a bit of a tangent there.
The idea was to set a piece of text from Grazia to music.
And so that's what I've certainly done.
Is that what you've done?
Yeah, we did discuss the fact that we would have to stick verbatim.
You can't edit the text.
Right.
Have you been editing text?
No.
Yes, you have.
I haven't.
And you have to stick to the text.
You can't embellish.
So you've just got to use what's actually there, right?
You can't just invent stuff.
Right.
I didn't invent anything.
The other problem with Grazia, of course, and other lady mags is the collision of very serious topics with very frivolous topics.
So you have to be careful which one you go for, obviously.
Yeah.
So I wasn't.
You weren't, you failed to be careful.
I failed to be careful.
I went for one of the more serious things.
Because there's some really quite upsetting stuff that you get in those moments.
Well that's true, and any lack of taste in this morning's song wars songs is not our fault.
No.
The complaint should be addressed to the editor of Grazia magazine.
That's right.
We're merely performing a musical service.
Yeah, so listen we're gonna play you those songs I would say before the news In this next half hour so within the next 15 that way they can be in the news.
That's right Yeah, now it's time for a free choice of mine.
This is from the fall and I was thinking of doing like
an actual fall-type version of a Grazia article, because that's one thing that he does, actually, Marky Smithy sometimes... Spoken word, kind of poetry sort of thing.
Yeah, I thought that would get me out of a hole if I was, you know, in a tight Grazia lady corner.
But in the end, I didn't go for it.
Anyway, here's a nice bit of The Fall.
This is one of their less common mellow numbers from an album called Fall Heads Roll, which came out a couple of years ago.
And this is inspired by Hunter S. Thompson.
and the idea of Hunter S Thompson out in his log cabin shooting at the stars while drunk on a frosty night in Aspen.
This is The Fall.
He's got a better voice than I expected.
The Grim Reaper.
You'd expect him to be a bit croaky, wouldn't you?
Yeah, because of all the fags he smokes.
Exactly, plus he's Death.
You know what I mean?
You'd expect him to have a little rattle in his voice there.
Hello, I'm Death.
Something like that.
Yeah, that's too obvious for Death.
But actually, it talks like this.
He's a cheerful fellow.
That was his track White Lies, so that's nice.
You wouldn't think Death really needs the money as well.
That's the other thing.
Why does Death need to have a pop career?
Isn't he busy reaping?
He's got a huge amount of reaping to do.
He controls the entire rock industry, of course.
Death?
That's right.
Death Records?
Yep.
Phantom of the Paradise?
Exactly.
You know what I'm talking about?
No.
And he's also in charge of, you know, all the dead rock stars as well.
Exactly.
He's got them all on his roster.
He's interested in the same things that rock musicians are.
Sex, violence, drugs, depravity.
Headingism, depravity, very loud noise.
Yeah.
Crowds, heat.
He's probably got...
Uh, messy floors, aggressive bouncers, bad decorations, overpriced tickets.
That's right.
And he's got Cobain writing for him, he's got all the great musicians in his locker there giving him tips, sticky floors, and then he comes out and he just lays white lies on you like that.
Well that's out on the 22nd of September.
And it's a taster from Death's debut album due in January of next year.
It's exciting stuff.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Six Music.
Six Six Music, that's the new way we've been told to say it.
By Death, yeah.
So Adam Buxton, you've been away.
this week yeah i went to amazing los angeles i don't know if you've ever been there amazing car it's extraordinary it's the brave new world i was invited out there by uh the rapper will smith right i stayed with him and jader pinkett smith in there i've never been there what's it like
Well it's amazing, it's built, it's made from gold his house and it hovers 28 feet above the ground and it can go higher than that if he wants it to go, you know, if he's got any problems, if people are putting ladders up there or anything, he can make it hover higher over the smog as well, 29 feet.
29 you can go I can hover up to 50 feet really the house Which is amazing considering it's made of solid gold so anyway I was staying there, and I went to see a couple of radiohead shows they were playing out there at the Hollywood Bowl and That's like one of the world's greatest venues have you ever been there.
I don't think I have ah it's extraordinary I've never been there before I've only ever seen it and there was a famous
Bugs Bunny episode, I think, where he ruins a concert at the Hollywood Bowl.
And, of course, I've seen Monty Python at the Hollywood Bowl.
And what are the Hollywood Bowl?
But there's loads of Hollywood Bowl-based greatness.
And it is like an actual bowl.
It's called a bowl because it's like a kind of bowl carved out of the valley there, on the west side of LA up there.
Yeah, I think so.
And it's really... No, it's on the east, isn't it?
But it's it's beautiful and amazing anyway so I had a good time and I sort of wondered around cuz I don't really I do drive but I'm not a big fan of driving I would rather find an alternative if there's always you know if there's any possibility to do so but it's not a big cycling town there are people that cycle around LA but mainly it's made for getting around in cars.
So I didn't hire a car, I was only there for a few days.
And so I walked.
And the only people that walk in LA are nutcases and sort of tramps, really.
And tourists.
British tourists.
Not too many.
I mean, that wasn't a question.
Yeah, that was a statement.
No, no, they don't.
I didn't see a single British... Oh, really?
Yeah, people in sort of silky shorts.
Maybe around the Hollywood area, but not so much anywhere else.
I mean, some British tourists take the bus, which is a very weird thing to do in LA.
Only kind of workers and, again, homeless people and sort of loonies take the bus, really.
in LA and me.
So I was walking around and I collected a few little things on my camera phone there to tell you about and chat to you about.
I've got an amazing list of famous people, which I'll tell you about throughout the show that I saw.
I didn't actually talk to any of them, but I saw them all.
That's good.
And I was only there for like three days.
How many people have I got on my list?
About 20.
That's quite good, isn't it?
That's very good.
Twenty quite properly famous people for four days.
That's what Los Angeles is like.
I don't know if you've ever been.
It's amazing.
I haven't.
Yeah, it's extraordinary.
And I went to see an exciting movie out there, Tropic Thunder, which I'll tell you about in a little bit.
I'll tell you about all the amazing famous people I saw.
I'll tell you about my time on the airplane.
Have you ever been on an airplane?
No.
They're amazing.
They're like buses.
Again, we were talking about buses before.
What's a bus?
A bus is like a huge sandwich with wheels.
Who are you?
I'm a genius.
I'm Will Smith's personal assistant.
Right.
Anyway, so I had a really good time out there, and this is by way of kind of teasing some of my amazing anecdotes out there.
Yeah, I went to see Tropic Thunder.
You heard of Tropic Thunder?
Yes.
That's coming out.
That's coming out like in about two or three weeks out here, I think, is it?
Yeah.
Seen it.
Seen it already.
Yeah, I can tell you all about it.
Ask me a question about it.
Oh, is it good?
It's all right.
Ask me another one.
Wow.
How long is it?
It's around about around 40 minutes.
Go on, ask me something else.
I can't because it's time for the news read by... This is a new news reader, isn't it?
This is exciting.
We're going to hear the news in a completely new way read by Anthony Burchly.
Yes.
What's it called?
The Cardigans, that's called.
And my favourite game is the name of the track.
Yeah, from 1998.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music.
Good morning, listeners.
You join us at an exciting time.
We haven't done it for a few weeks.
But we are going to do it now.
It's time for Song Wars.
The War of the Songs.
So if you are clever and even if more likely if you're a bit stupid you might have a copy of Grazia and you might even have the one that we used to get our lyrics from for this week's song was just to remind you
We agreed that we would use a piece of copy from the ladies' magazine Grazia.
We chose the Peaches' Geldof issues.
It's a sort of pink-themed one.
This week's is green and features Jennifer Aniston.
Last week's, however, is pink and features the Peaches.
And also Jennifer Aniston as well.
Last week she was reeling.
She's got two tough times.
Because she'd been dumped again by me.
Really?
I dumped her again.
She's reaching the big four-oh, she hasn't had any kids, and you know if you're a woman and that happens, you are likely to get ripped apart by other furious women.
Yes, exactly.
And men.
Most of them are journalists.
And we said that we could have used absolutely any bit of copy within the magazine.
It could have been the adverts, even if you wanted.
And as I said before, the thing about a lot of these magazines, not just Grazia but all ladies' mags, is the juxtaposition of very serious subject matter, i.e.
pieces about women who've had tragic things happen to them in one way or another, with very frivolous stuff about fashion and gossipy star stuff, you know, that kind of thing.
Sometimes they come together in a
especially amazing way.
But this week, so what did you go for in the end?
Can I ask you?
Well, yeah, I went for the contents page.
The contents page?
Yeah, I went for the contents page.
Good idea, right at the top there.
Yeah, so mine is an overview of the contents of Grazia.
Which me, I mean, we usually flick a coin for this, but there's something telling me that that should really happen first.
Should it use, because the contents page is the first thing.
Okay.
I mean, what if the content, will it make sense for the contents page to come after a feature article?
Well, no.
I mean, if you're happy to go first, let's do that.
I'm happy to go first.
I think I establish a kind of general broad, you know, feel for the whole magazine, and then you can focus things in more with a laser-like precision later.
So this is my song Joe's song it's called this week in Grazia It's based on the contents page if you've got a copy you can sing along a song wars by having a look at the the contents page there and Imagine you are a lady
Uh, even if you're, even if you are a lady, imagine that you're even more of a lady than you already are.
And you're in, say, a dentist's waiting room, uh, and you pick up a copy of, uh, you decide to pick up a copy of Grazia.
And this is what might, might happen in your head.
Hmm.
Let's see what's in this week's Grazia.
This week in Grazia.
Fashion charts.
It's peaches, what do you expect by James Brown?
the great A-list baby-weight race, and the return of leather trousers.
Leather trousers, yes.
How could they jump in next to my drowned daughters?
That's shocking.
Style hunter.
That's terrific.
Fiona McIntosh.
On the issues.
And Hathaway says I'm just trying to live my life.
Me too.
I fell in love.
Four months later I discovered I was dying.
God, that's really worrying.
They're here.
It's the back half list.
Laura Craker fashion spot on who is wearing what this week and why.
Who is wearing what this week and why.
Wow.
So that's song number one.
That's This Week in Grazia.
That was good, man.
You've got like a really nice little synth package there in your Garageband locker, haven't you?
Yeah.
Very nice.
I think that's standard.
I don't think that's a jam-packed thing.
Really?
I think so.
I've got to investigate.
Nice noises.
Very nice noises.
Well, I went a different route in every conceivable way.
I had a bit of a Latin tune because I thought, you know, is gracia a real word from a language?
Yes, doesn't it mean thank you?
Well, it does, but is that actually the word in Italian, I suppose it would be?
I think so.
Right.
A lot of these magazines originate in Europe, don't they?
Hello that started the whole thing off wasola.
Spanish Spanish.
Yeah, of course, but Grazie, isn't it Grazie?
They say or do they say Grazie in Italy?
Anyway, there you go It's a sort of word, but I went for an actual Latin type.
That's a good idea Because Latin things are sexy there.
They're very now Strictly come dancing women love that I'm glad they're now.
Yeah.
No women love Latin things They like to you know, do their maracas and all that sort of business
And you covered there in your content page the fact that there are, as we said, some very sad articles in amongst the jolly stuff about leather trousers and stuff.
And one of the... How could they sunbathe next to my drowned daughters?
That is one of the sad ones.
Plus there's the woman who only has months to live in there.
And there's a regular column that they have in there as well by a lady who lost her husband who didn't lose him like on the tube.
He died a few years ago.
She writes a column now about life after the death of her husband and all the things she's getting up to.
And the fact that she's becoming a less shallow person, she says, I read it quite regularly.
I started reading it about three weeks ago.
Your wife buys Grazie, doesn't she?
Yeah, she loves it.
Loves a slice of Grazie.
So I read that, and I was inspired to do a song about it, and I was worried about the taste issue.
But then I thought, well, if she's happy writing a column about it, then I'm happy doing a song about the column, you know?
So this is my song, which is about this week's column, which is by Samantha Warwick, and it's called After Him, that's her regular column.
And she is talking about the fact that she's met someone new, so there's a lot of difficult issues after you're getting over losing someone.
And is this a good idea?
Do you think you've made a good choice?
Well, I don't know.
That's a good question.
Right.
And this is set to a Latin rhythm.
Yeah.
Wow.
This is going to be interesting.
Now that I'm saying the words.
Yeah, and these are real people.
Yeah.
But I mean, the whole magazine's full of real people, so what do you do about that?
It is.
It's very real.
And we did say that we were going to do songs about it.
Yeah, no, it's good.
I don't think we should pre-judge it.
I think we should play it.
What's it called?
It's called Too Beautiful for a Cranky Old Bag Like Me.
Let's hear it.
It's one of the bits from the article.
And so this is about the fact that she's met someone new.
Here it is.
Nearly three years after Sam lost her husband in a climbing accident, she's falling in love again.
But can she dare to let go of the past?
We'd start to see each other nearly every day, but never talked of the future or uttered the L word.
That would have been crazy.
In fact, she was right.
Rob-O was only 27.
I had more baggage than Terminal 5.
Better to let it go now.
So I ignored Rob-O's texts when they came.
It was cold to him on the phone.
Better to hurt now than later.
Eventually, after a week of the cold shoulder, he came looking for me.
What's going on?
He asked, his pale blue eyes looking hurt.
It all spilled out.
Rob's death.
The age difference.
My fear for the future, if we had a future.
I like you a bit too much.
I said, I'm scared.
Do you think I'm going to let you go?
I'm out of here a block.
That wolf out of the fairytale I'd once lived And tried to give this crazy thing a proper go I was too old to damage He was so full of life, always excited Always wanting to do so much, see so many things He was too beautiful for a cranky old bag like me
I think they should dance to that on the final of Strictly Come Dancing.
Yeah, you reckon?
Yes.
It's a sexy song, isn't it?
And I would like to stress, obviously, that my intention is not to make light of the bereavement.
We were in a tough corner.
Yeah.
So much as the fact that it exists within the magazine Grazia, you know?
Yes.
And we should also remind you that many other equally good ladies' magazines are available.
And, you know, yeah.
So there you go.
There are the two songs.
Vote for Adam or Joe.
That was Joe's first and Adam's second.
Vote by email only.
Is that correct?
Yeah.
AdamandJoe.6musicatbbc.co.uk.
And if you'd like to hear those songs again, you're mad.
Yeah, we might do a little reminder though before the end of the show today.
Now, Joe, this is your choice, is it?
Yes.
What is it?
What have you got for us?
I don't know.
What is it?
Oh yeah, here we go.
This is a very mellow track.
This is Cornelius, the Japanese conceptualist, musician, genius.
Is this from Point a couple of albums ago?
I think it is.
This is very mellow.
You can start playing it now, please, lady producer.
And we can all imagine that we're on holiday in Santa Parks.
A holiday the weather can't spoil.
Even though it's a nice day today, they could raise the dome in Centre Parks.
The sound of cicadas in Centre Parks is recorded, but put that out of your mind, as you lie back and watch hooded teenagers.
smash things.
That's Keene, the new sound of Keene with spiraling.
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music.
Keene have obviously got rid of the synthesizer Phil Okey used for the track Mirror Man.
You remember that?
Here comes the mirror.
Oh no, no, keep feeling fascination.
That's the one I'm thinking of.
But from around that era of the human league,
Well, it's basically the 80s again, isn't it?
Mid 80s.
We've discussed this before, the mid 80s, yeah.
Down to checky shirts coming back.
Have you noticed that?
If you go into the streets, it's as if the government have issued an order for everybody to wear a sort of hoedown style, red, white and blue checked shirt.
Those big checks that they had in the 80s.
I know what you mean.
Well, the Howard Jones thing that happened, wasn't it?
Big black and white checks.
It's like that, but a bit more colour.
But it's very much sort of Dexi's banana-rama.
Banana-rama used to wear those shirts.
Accessories were slightly different.
You know, the bananas would maybe have rolled up sleeves.
Yeah.
The occasional knotted tail.
Backcombed hair.
Well, the backcombed hair is in, obviously, but in a more gothic way.
You're listening to two men who've read Grazia very thoroughly.
Roughs are in.
But yeah, it's weird if you walk in the streets, it's as if a government edict has come down about checky wild west shirts.
Right.
I've seen more clothes clashes in the high street this week than not that I've ever looked for them before, or that I'm actually telling the truth.
Joe clothes clash cornish.
I'm the grassiest fashion spy.
The thing that I've obviously not noticed because it's been around for a while, but it's now like getting out of control, is the weird sort of drain-pipy trousers, the low drain-pipy trousers that men wear, which make them look as if their arse is incredibly low and their legs are incredibly short, as if they're little pony men.
Well, it's strange, isn't it?
Because baggy jeans were very in, hip-hoppy sort of skate jeans.
And then suddenly drain pipes came in, but they forgot to adjust the saggy bum.
Yeah.
So you've got this weird combination of a saggy jeans bum and the pipes.
That's right.
And then the winkle pickers.
Yeah.
So you've got winkles and bums.
It's fair.
Everything's on display.
It's weird because it makes a lot of good-looking men who are clearly well proportioned look totally out of proportion.
Makes them look sexy.
Do you think so?
Makes them look like Noel Fielding.
Right.
Fielding and brand are the standard bearers for this fashion, aren't they?
The tapering legs, the saggy bum.
I suppose.
It's sort of like a sexy chimney sweep.
I suppose, but both of those people... Can you imagine that?
Sorry.
What, a sexy chimney sweep?
Yeah.
You're watching the telly.
Yeah.
There's a puff of soot.
And you think, what, Santa?
It's not Christmas?
Down the chimney comes a soot puff.
Russell Brand.
Yeah.
Covered in soot.
Yeah.
Proceeds to leave smutty fingerprints all over your body.
I can imagine that.
I am imagining it.
That's delighting me.
But it's time for the sooty chimney sweep look to go.
You reckon?
Brand will be the first one to sense it.
He's got such a distinctive look.
He hasn't sensed it so far for the last three years.
No, because it's still here.
He's got to change that look at some point.
He is due for a rebrand to work his TV show.
Otherwise the world's going to move on and he's going to be left behind looking like some relic from the Victorian times.
That's going to be exciting, isn't it?
When he comes out with the new look.
What's his new look?
I wonder what it'll be.
And if he gets it wrong, he'll go completely the other way.
It'll be enormously wide legs.
I mean, absurdly wide.
A couple of metres.
I mean, if he's got any sense, it's going to be a similar look, but a few steps to the left so that it's obviously he's changed it, but not so much that he's going to lose his whole fan base.
You know what I mean?
He's got to handle it the same way that a band might.
But, you know, like a band, I mean, even you too, Bano,
He didn't stick with the sort of sincere mullet face of his career for as long as Brand has stuck with his look, you know?
And he made the transition to being Johnny Ironico a little bit more smoothly than I think Brand's going to have to make his transition.
There's going to be a screech of chimney sweep gears, you know, when it finally happens, because Noel Fielding, he can switch around a little bit more.
with the looks, and he does do, you know?
But Brand basically has just the one thing that he's got going there.
So, uh... It's exciting, very handy stuff here, uh, in Adam and Jo's new fashion segment.
That's the kind of thing they don't deal with in Grazia, because Grazia is... Am I mentioning it too much, man?
Yeah, we are.
We should say, though, that, um... It.
Now.
Hello.
Grazia means grace, not thank you, okay?
Obviously, you idiot.
Listen, this is a session track recorded for Joe Wiley on Radio 1 on an unknown date, possibly 1996, possibly 1997.
This is the Eels with Susan's House, or just Eels with Susan's House.
Welcome to Paradise, say Green Day.
I imagine they're being ironic there, because they wouldn't just, you know, be straight ahead.
They're an angry bunch, yeah, they wouldn't be saying that.
That's from 1994, when things were very different.
Or were they?
It was, yeah, they were.
Yeah, they were.
This Adam and Joel on BBC Six Music, I should say quickly before we do the next thing, thank you to Gemma Kemp who suggested the idea for Song Wars.
We won't mention what it is again because we can't mention that magazine again, but thank you Gemma for providing that idea and saving us a bit of effort because it meant we didn't have to write.
Lyrics even though it actually wasn't that much easier than it usually is now for me.
It was bettering.
It was slightly harder It was difficult plus I went through a little bit of Anxiety about the whole thing.
What's just the whole idea?
It's just the whole idea the taste issue
yeah well rightly so but i think you negotiated it well yeah you know flamenco can be applied to anything that's right we are going to have to probably mention um that mag again although no we could mention others because uh we're going to have a magazine based text the nation aren't we but let's have the jingle first text the nation text text text text the nation what if i don't want to text the nation but i'm using email is that a problem it doesn't matter
Yes, it's text-the-nation time.
It's a complicated feature, so listen carefully to the instructions.
Where GNU give you a sort of a premise, and we'd like to receive your thoughts, your ideas on the premise.
Do you understand that, for instance, Adam?
Well, I understand the first bit, the GNU.
Yeah, what's the whole last bit?
I was lost.
I don't really know.
See if you're... Just thoughts on the premise.
It'll become clear.
Yeah, okay.
So this week, the premise is new magazines.
We want your ideas for new titles because we're thinking... Well, you were talking about the fact that some of the men's mags, the latest reading figures, I don't know what they're called, you know, the figures for which magazines are doing best and which ones are doing not so best.
have come out and they've shown a sort of a shift a seismic shift I think is the phrase right in people's tastes the naughty lads mags like nuts and bazaar yeah and zoo and that sort of stuff have gone down they've plummeted it seems men don't want that kind of stupid tittle tattle anymore they can get it on the internet
Exactly.
Why buy it in a weekly mag form?
Well, that's right.
Because they filled a little gap, those mags, didn't they?
Between the time that the internet started and then got successful.
Kind of, I guess.
They were sort of internet... They were like a distillation of fun things from the internet for people who didn't necessarily spend a lot of time online.
Plus there's lots of free papers and stuff nowadays which have the same stupid stories in them.
uh magazines like Q and the sort of uh you know good rock magazines have taken a bit of a fall I think have the empire's gone up but anyway things are changing so we want your idea for an amazing new magazine we want to know the title and we want to know what kinds of features it would have it in it to attract
What are the magazines that are doing well then?
We mentioned The Week the other day and you said that was doing well.
Well the magazine on which Song Wars is based is I think currently the top selling lady mag.
What the current top selling men's mag is?
I don't know.
Is it still FHM or Maxim or Esquire or something like that?
Something like that, probably.
Some of those.
Does the Maxim still exist?
Yeah.
Yeah, all three of those still exist.
GQ, very possibly.
There are still some, you know, basically man-lady-max, lady-man-max, that are like Vogue or something, but with blokes in them.
Yeah, exactly.
Did you ever read those kind of magazines?
No, but I do love to flick through them.
So send in your ideas, we want the title and then any other kind of concept that you think might draw people to you.
We're going to have a think of some of our own in a second and we'll look at your ideas and see whether they might be offered to the commercial arm of the Big British Castle and actually launched because the Big British Castle does do magazines, doesn't it?
It's sort of a commercial section does.
What kind of mags do they do?
Top Gear mag, you know, Jack and Ori mag.
Top Gear mag was on the plane when I flew over.
That's nice.
It's outrageous.
Yeah, they've got travel mags.
Every show, I'm surprised we don't have a mag.
Every show has a mag.
What would be an arm mag?
The Fimbels, the Teletubbies have mags.
See, BBC, have you ever been to a news agent?
No.
Have you been to a harvester?
Yeah, they're amazing.
If you go into a news agent, you'll see that BBC basically rule the shelves.
Right.
Some people don't think it's right.
Right.
They think that BBC have unfair influence on a market like that.
Other people think it's so wrong.
Other people think it's wonderful.
Other people give it two thumbs up and say, yes, well done, BBC.
Crash the competition with your monopoly.
With your, yeah, exactly.
But anyway, ideas for mags, we're going to suggest a couple to get the ball rolling.
It might not be very good because... It's just a bit, yeah.
State funded.
Says Joe, that's just the opinions of one presenter.
And they're ill-informed opinions of a stupid presenter who's only had an hour's sleep.
There you go, exactly.
And who'd like to keep his job?
Now, friendly fires we've got coming up for you listeners before we maybe hear some of your... Yeah, we'll sort of... Sorry to interrupt.
Carry on.
Man.
The text number.
Yeah, right.
Of course.
64046 for those new ideas for new mags.
64046.
Or you can email us, of course.
Adamandjo.6music at bbc.co.uk Yeah, we'd like to hear your ideas for new mags.
And the more you can tell us about them, do you think they should be sort of narrow casting their ideas as well?
What does that mean?
Well, isn't that a word that was used by... You've made me feel dizzy and stimulated.
You know, the idea of narrowing the field of your market.
What?
What are you talking about?
Aiming the mag at specific, very specific people.
Oh, your sort of niche, sort of niche targeting.
I don't know if they should be doing that.
I think they can do anything.
I'm exhausted.
Let's hear some music.
Here's friendly fires with jump in the pool.
Friendly Fire's there with Jump in the Pool.
They're going to be playing on George Lamb's show.
They're going to be in the Hub and it'll feature within George's show on Wednesday the 3rd of September.
We should say as well that exciting people are coming in to Six Music today.
Coldplay are going to be here with Steve LaMac who's filling in for Lauren Laverne from 4 o'clock.
And the young knives, I'm more excited about the young knives, no disrespect to Coldplay, who are mighty, but you know, they've got enough accolades, haven't they?
They're playing at the BBC Theatre today, I think, for a gig that will presumably be broadcast at a later date, I suppose.
Oh, it's actually going to be tonight, is it?
Live, even.
That's an amazing place to see a band.
It was a very famous magic venue, wasn't it?
That theatre, before it was owned by the BBC, had amazing turn-of-the-century conjurers.
Extraordinary history to that place.
I don't know why I've suddenly become an Australian.
Who is it?
Is it New Zealand?
I don't know the accent after now.
New Zealand's a little more whispery, isn't it?
You know, I flew on Air New Zealand to Los Angeles.
They're a very good airline powered entirely by koalas.
That's true.
I enjoyed it very much.
And the good colour scheme on there.
Really, really relaxing.
It really does.
You know, if you're trapped in a tube for 10 plus hours, you want it to be a nice relaxing colour scheme.
And I was very impressed by the colours.
shades of brown and cream.
Maybe that was just in the section that I was sitting in.
In the loo.
Staring into the bowl.
It was a nice way of going to Los Angeles where I was for a few days this week.
I've been there for about 10 years to Los Angeles.
You've flipped there a lot more than I do these days.
But it hasn't changed at all.
I thought it was just exactly the same and all the better for it beautiful weather America as a whole is stuck in about 1976 right and they will not let go yeah, it's nice, and I was struck by I was struck by the fact that
Yeah, exactly.
People driving around with their windows down, beautiful weather all week.
A lot of people listening to The Doors, you think, wow, it's still like the late 60s there or something.
The music on the radio there is really good.
Obviously, it's very good on six music and all other BBC stations, but it's really good there.
They don't have any prejudice about any time period at all.
You hear loads of really good 80s music there that people wouldn't play unless it was on some ironic show over here.
They play stuff like the Thompson twins.
But I'm going to play later on this show.
They play it just as if it's a normal record.
Stuff that defies revival.
You know what I mean?
They don't apologise for it.
Yeah.
Even though, which, I'd be curious to see which Johnson twins track you're not going to apologise for.
Anyway, that's coming up later.
But very soon I'm going to play the Doors because, you know, I've always been a Doors fan and they're a group that's
I suppose they're a little bit more fashionable now.
They kind of come around a little bit more fashionable.
But they are seen as kind of a dinosaur band by some people, I suppose.
And they are ludicrous and pompous, I suppose.
But a wicked as well.
And this is a track that I'm going to play shortly called Love Street, which is inspired by a time when Jim Morrison in around 1967 was living with his girlfriend Pamela.
in a house in Laurel Canyon, which is very near where I was staying this time round, and it was opposite a place called the Country Store on Laurel Canyon, which is like the Laurel Canyon Corner Shop.
It's a very famous shop.
Yeah.
being a district in Los Angeles, very leafy, and lots of people in the 60s.
60s, all the hippies, Joni Mitchell, people like that, all crossing round there.
Yeah, Crosby, Stilzen Nash, and Frank Zappa had his log cabin there, wherever all the freaks would come and congregate.
and Jim Morrison and Pamela would hang out in their house opposite Love Street.
And I think there is a line in the song that talks about the fact that, um, there's a store where the creatures meet.
I wonder what they're doing there.
Summer, Sunday, and a year.
What are they doing?
They're drinking latte and chatting about their screenplays.
Yeah, it's not too much like that at the country store, is it?
It is.
Well, every time I go there it is.
Oh, right.
Well, that's because you're doing it.
That's me doing it.
Yeah on my own what they do have at the country store is is One of the aisles is stocked with British products like you can buy all kind of British chocolates and things there I think it's even known as the British aisle and it was Apparently the idea of David Bowie that he should have that the storekeeper should start importing Flakes was what Bowie wanted to get his filthy hands on and then Mick Jagger apparently wanted them to import Kit Kats
So they started having this aisle for all the expats there that would stock British products.
The British aisle!
Quite a good... I don't know if they actually call it the British aisle.
Yeah, there's a little piece of paper on there.
Is there?
A little sign, yeah, and it's all done with little flags and ribbons.
There you go.
I missed that.
But it's a charming part of the world, and this is a song that sort of encapsulates it.
The Doors, Love Street.
Marvin Gaye with What's Going On.
This is Adam and Joel on BBC6 Music.
That's from 1971.
Marvin trying to tell us to pay more attention to the environment and to try and stop wars.
Did we listen?
Did we pay attention to the environment?
Did we stop the wars?
No.
Thanks, Al Gore.
Thanks a lot, Martin.
Thanks.
Marvin Gore Gaye.
Very much indeed.
Marvin Martin Gore Gaye.
Martin Gore gay.
Martin Gay Gore.
I know you should go down that road.
So listen folks, just before the news, I'm going to give you some poster news from Los Angeles Joe.
Posters?
Yeah, I'm going to tell you about all that.
That's exciting, isn't it?
Because when you drive up and down Sunset and forgive this sort of indulgent LA babble, but it's quite cheap to go there.
Actually, not any more down there.
Now that the flights are all expensive, it's unbelievable.
But the posters are amazing.
It's very exciting, it's very easy to crash.
Especially the ones over at the Chateau Marmont that always have very attractive young ladies wearing very little on them.
And they're quite huge.
I wasn't thinking so much about those posters as just the posters for exciting new TV shows and movies that you can expect.
New season of Prison Break, just about a star over in the States.
I bet you're excited about that.
This time, they're having their revenge this time around.
It's revenge time on prison break.
It's revenge!
Hooray!
Revenge time!
So I'm excited about that.
What do you mean?
Doesn't matter, don't worry.
No one's going to be watching the third series of prison break, I don't think.
There's even the fourth series.
Anyway.
Exciting new show, The Mentalist.
Right.
Is coming out.
That does sound good.
And it's got a big picture of a slightly goofy looking guy.
It's supposed to be a serious cop show, right?
It's about this former mentor.
What's another word for a mentalist in that way?
What, in terms of a conjurer guy that does psychic tricks?
A Darren Brown type person, yeah.
Yeah, I'm not sure that there is one.
That's the official name.
It's not a psychic.
It's someone who is... But it's an old-fashioned way of referring to them, isn't it?
Mentalism because the thing is that that word has been superseded in the UK by someone who's nutty.
Yeah, exactly Yeah, who's who'll smash your head in to me?
It's no not so much that it's just a nutty, you know what I mean?
It's like Steve Coogan used it in In Alan Partridge Sydney, you're a mentalist.
I just remember him saying which was the first time I heard that expression and
But obviously it's not a big expression in LA or America because they've got a whole show dedicated to it with this mentalist who's helping the cops, the catchphrases, the mentalist.
He reads between the lies.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, so he's doing that.
The mentalist, he looks slightly, he looks a little bit special on the poster.
But listen, I'm going to tell you more about the posters after the news in the
second half hour before 11 o'clock.
And we'll also have some text the nation stuff for you listeners.
We're asking you to send in ideas for new magazines.
But before that, here is the news.
Gabriel's trumpet?
What's that?
It's probably rude.
It's probably filthy, isn't it?
That's black kids with look at me when I rock with you.
They spell with you in a strange way.
And that's another track that makes me feel as if I'm living in the Breakfast Club soundtrack.
It's quite a nice place to live.
This is my favourite place to live.
This is Adam and Jo here on BBC Six Music and it's... Hey first!
Yes.
I should just say that a lot of listeners are very angry with us.
Why?
What have we done now?
Because of a mistake we made in the first half hour of the show, which is famously...
The time when we make all the mistakes.
Most of our mistakes, not all of them.
Yeah, most of them.
A lot of them.
Some of them.
That we confuse the band with the track again.
The track was called Death and the band is called White Lights.
That's quite a bad mistake because we went on and on about it.
Entire link on it.
So we'd like to apologise.
Fair enough for that.
But you know, all the mistakes we make on this show are deliberate.
Just to keep you on your toes.
The band was called White Lies.
I don't even know what day it is.
What day of the week is it?
I don't know.
Is it a Wednesday?
Feels like a Wednesday.
I have no idea what we're doing here.
This might help orientate you.
The following jingle.
Text-a-nation.
Text, text, text.
Text-a-nation.
What if I don't want to?
Text-a-nation.
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
It doesn't matter.
Text!
It's Text the Nation time, the nation's favourite feature.
It's a feature where we ask you something a new answer via text and then we read them out and this week we are asking you to suggest new ideas for Macs.
A lot of money to be made in mags.
Is there really?
Yeah, no one reads books anymore.
Everyone loves a mag.
I can't believe there's a lot of money to be made in mags.
I'm just trying to make it sound exciting.
Yeah, that is exciting though.
I'm excited about it.
The use of just lies and ill-informed exaggeration.
Yeah.
Is it working?
It works on me.
Good.
I want to set one up now.
Here's my idea for a mag.
Yeah.
Teets.
I like it.
It's about talking.
It's about tea towels.
Well, that's disappointing.
Well, it is, but I'm suckering people in with the title.
Suck, suckering, suckling.
Yeah, I'm suckling people in with the title.
That's more like it.
Teats.
And then it's about tea towels.
But listen, I would, I would, would it have?
a sort of cape, sorry, I'm preempting you.
Yeah, no, no, there would be scantily clad ladies and they would be dressed only in tea towels on the front and they'd be draped over.
You see, a tea towel is a very good thing to give away free.
Exactly.
Low cost, you can make a lot of them, a free tea towel every week.
Free towel.
And?
A free tea towel.
Free tea towel.
You could even have the cover of the magazine, Teets, would be made, it could be torn off and used as a tea towel.
Well, it would be printed on fabric.
Yeah.
It would be 20 tea towels a week.
It's about everyone's favorite item of, would you call them linen?
No, they're not.
I would.
Everyone's favorite item of household, linen.
L-L-L-Lilin.
L-L-Lilin.
L-Lilin would be the name of the editor of Teets.
There'd be articles like the best places to dry your tea towels.
You know, do you favor the dryer or are you going to hang them on your cooker?
That kind of thing.
Maybe not that many articles on that.
New designs of tea towels, famous tea towels, you know.
Give me an example of a famous tea towel.
Oh, the tea towel that Meryl Streep uses in the hours when she's in the kitchen there.
She's a little bit depressed.
You're on it today.
I'm totally on top of the... So, Teets, that's my idea.
Let's have an idea from the listeners.
I've got other ideas.
I've got an idea.
What have you got?
Stars.
S-T-A-R-S-E, stars.
Just pictures of the bottoms of the stars.
Celebrity bottoms.
That's all you need.
That's paired.
It does.
Genius.
Paired.
Yes.
You know, that would be on the front.
We paired it down.
Yeah.
We've paired it down for you.
I've got another one.
That's very clever.
Flunt.
What's flunt?
I don't know.
It's a good title though.
Thanks.
What's wrong with that word?
It's just a blank.
I think the front cover's just blank.
It's one of those.
It's closer.
Oh dear, it's one of those fashion mags, you know?
You're not quite sure what's going on.
Right, like nylon or paper or... Yeah, you buy it just for the pictures.
Flux or whatever it's called.
What did you just say?
Wasn't there a magazine called Flux?
Yeah, there probably still is.
That's another one.
I had another one.
A snooze mag.
It's a mag for while you're asleep.
And it's padded and scented and it has a couple of dirty pictures.
What good is that to you while you're asleep?
That's for before you go to sleep.
Oh, I see.
To send you off.
It's watchable.
The other magazine I thought, surely it's only a matter of time before we get Keira magazine.
Right, Kira's own magazine!
Yeah, like Oprah's magazine.
You know, if Orpa gets a magazine... Oh, magazine.
Ooh.
Then there should be K. I'd rather read all about Kira than Orpa.
Yeah.
I've always thought there could be a sort of clubbing mag that was just dipped in, uh... Illegal substances.
Right, I'm sure.
So it's just, just, just... You know, I'm not gonna go into that any further anyway.
Chew on it.
Anyway, listen, let's have some ideas from our listeners.
Yes, what now?
Oh, we should have a record and then come back to it.
Let's have a record.
This is a very silly record.
It's a free play.
We'll come to your suggestions after this.
This is by little Kim, who's a lady rapper.
I believe she's served some time in the clink, in the slammer for something or other.
Not sure what.
Why are we encouraging her, then, by playing her on the... She was probably just arrested for being overly exciting.
The big British castle.
And this is a song that includes an anatomically specific word for which we apologize in advance, but you can't deny their existence.
It's called Shake Your Bum Bum.
There we go, that was little Kim with Shake Your Bum Bum.
And I hope somebody, at least one person out there, shook their bum bum.
to that she sounds a little bit like you don't watch the wire do you no there's a girl called snoop in there very frightening little gangster woman right she sounds a little bit like that but no that was delightful thanks is that vintage kim or uh it's one of my favorite kims personally i like the fact that it's uh just a drum machina silly little whistle and yeah that sample it's so thin nothing ever happens and at first that can be frightening but once you embrace it it's good
No, absolutely.
And I love to shake my bum-bum.
I like to keep it all stripped down and I too enjoy shaking.
Sometimes I don't shake my bum-bum, I just wobble it.
Do you?
Voluntarily or is that just general momentum?
I just get my hands and I wobble the bum-bum around and it's something I enjoy doing so it was nice to hear that song.
Um, have you got some texts?
Text!
Yeah, I do.
Let's have the Text-a-nation jingle just to give us a sense of orientation in this slightly chaotic program.
Text-a-nation!
Text!
Text-a-nation!
What if I don't want to?
Text-a-nation!
But I'm using email!
Is that a problem?
It doesn't matter!
Text!
Yes, Text the Nation this week, listeners, is all about your ideas for new adverts, and here are some adverts.
Adverts?
Oh, God.
Magazines.
Plus, you said the G word.
You're not supposed to take the Lord's name in vain, or even, you know, the head of the council.
Whatever he's called.
Really let the air out of my balloon today.
I'll start again.
Yes, listeners, it's time for Text the Nation.
This week, we're asking for your ideas for magazines, new magazines.
Yeah?
There you go.
There, did it.
And here are some that have come in.
This is from Jamie Pembroke.
All right, it's the new beginning.
It's gonna go well now.
Now the show's taking off now.
Okay.
I feel tired again.
I think we just peaked.
Okay, here's Jamie's ideas.
Idea number one.
It's just called ad, exclamation mark, and it's 174 pages of adverts.
that's a good idea is it no that's a terrible idea no it's a good idea magazines are almost there anyway yeah like looking at the magazine whose name we can't mention because we mentioned it too much it's amazing how much of that is just a catalogue yeah and it's interesting to look through magazines and see how much is just basically like a shopping catalogue some of the thicker men's magazines some of the bigger titles have
I mean, there's almost nothing there.
You have to really get flicking if you want to find an actual one.
What I'm saying is, what I'm saying, Adam, is that even the articles are adverts.
You know what I mean?
There's something about a new range of products or reviewing products or, you know, there's little sponsorship things and everything.
He's also got an idea for a magazine called Blank.
174 pages of nothing.
Well, it's just blank paper.
And then he says, I could go on, but I need to feed the baby now, Jamie and Chelteney.
Here are some more from Douglas Courtney.
Are you launching any of those magazines?
Any of those going to BBC Worldwide?
I like blank.
You like blank.
It's a bit like flunt, isn't it?
Right.
That's what you could call it.
You go with flunt and there's absolutely nothing inside and you can just fill it with doodles.
that's true it's like a sort of a it's more of a it's more of a pad yeah than a mag in fact it should be just be called pad why stock pads in the stationary section when they could be in the mag section
There was a magazine once that was just a piece of wood.
Yeah.
Did you see that?
Oh, I remember that one.
It was just a bit of wood.
Are you sure about that?
Yeah, yeah, it was a fashion magazine.
It was just a bit of a wood.
It was an art statement.
They had it in borders.
Right.
And who could edit pad... We wouldn't really need editing.
Paddy... Someone.
Paddy Ashdown.
There you go.
Here's some more ideas from Douglas Courtney, who is somewhere abroad, because he says it's 4.30am, so they're probably only funny to me.
Seat!
The magazine for chair enthusiasts contains pictures and articles about chairs owned by celebrities.
Oh, that's a good idea.
It is a good idea.
Well, because celebrities have all the best seats anyway.
They always get the best seats.
The most comfortable ones.
That's a good idea, because you'd love to see where celebrities sit, and they could do a special issue with your mag as well about the bottoms.
They could do it.
Well, when they both started to fail, they'd merge, like wizard ships and crazy.
They could merge, and you could just see them, what kind of chairs the celebrity bottoms were sat on.
What was your one called?
Stars.
That's right.
So it would be a stars and seat.
Stars seat.
star seat yeah very nice i like that nothing more to say uh doug thank you he's in st louis in the usa dean j michael who sounds like some kind of uh actor from 70s tv movie but i'm sure he's not sure he's very uh great great guy uh suggests sorry soldier of misfortune based on the
Oh, based on the live with my mother, gun-obsessed, freaky magazine, Soldier of Fortune.
A magazine dedicated to the actual lives of the reader of this and other gun-obsessed magazines.
Right, so the truth behind that macho image.
That's a good idea.
And in a similar vein, what about Jugs magazine?
That exists.
Yeah, but this one would be about actual Jugs.
Right, but again we'd have a topless woman on the front.
That's your gambit basically for seizing the market.
Holding some jugs.
Very sexually exciting photo and then inside just Tupperware.
Yeah that's right.
That's an age-old technique actually.
This week using jugs as vases.
You should try watching the film Calender Girls, you'd enjoy that.
It's about a similar sort of idea.
Dean includes an index for Soldier of Misfortune magazine, page one, shopping with my mum, tactical defence and surveillance prior to entering pounds, stretcher, page two, food of war, 20 ways to cook meals for one, page three, etc, etc.
That's good, man.
Dealing with cracks in jugs.
This week how to don't throw that jug away.
He's aware.
Oh, you know you get the picture jugs
Yeah, I like it, I like it.
Here's one from Graham Gilks.
Is that correctly pronounced?
I apologise, Graham, if I pronounced that wrongly.
Dear Adam and Jo, I think I would appreciate a satirical magazine for women called... Oh, please.
What about a magazine called... Hang on, it's from Jane in Alton, in Hampshire.
Using Graham's email account.
Oh, Jane.
What about a magazine called Can I Just Say?
Right.
For ladies as well.
Wait.
Are you washing your dirty laundry on air?
Yeah, maybe.
Just articles.
Let's start with the phrase.
Can I just say?
Here's one from, my favourite one from, I thought it was going to be from Joe Leeway.
Was he in the Thompson Twins?
Yeah, man.
But it's actually from Joe Lucy.
Oh, it's from Tom Bailey.
He says, this is my favourite one so far, he says, Hi Adam and Joe, how about a magazine called Disc 2?
It's spelled T-double-O.
It's a DVD mag that reviews extras and commentaries whilst completely ignoring the actual films.
That's a proper good idea.
Yeah.
Each exciting monthly edition could include a different celebrity picking out their top 10 self-indulgent documentaries that are longer than the actual film, as well as their favourite pointless photo gallery that no one ever looks at.
Agree on the photo gallery, can't agree on the documentaries that are longer than the film.
There's nothing I love more than those.
Yeah.
Pointless documentaries that are longer than the film, there's no such thing.
I like the documentaries that are better than the film.
That's right.
That's a good idea.
Who is that from?
That's from Joe Lucy.
Because magazines generally do, you know, they feature like a little nod and a little condensed overview of what you can expect from the special features, but a whole magazine dedicated, that's making my mouth water.
Keep those emails and texts coming in.
64046 is the text number.
Adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk is the email.
I was talking about the mighty Coldplay being in the house later on.
Here's a trail to tell you more.
Oh.
What is it?
Oh dear.
When did we play the Coldplay trail then?
Well, why is it there in the thing?
There we go.
Super furry animals with something for the weekend.
And, you know, there's a couple of versions of that track floating around, aren't there?
Are there?
Yeah.
And you never quite know which one you're going to get.
Sometimes you're in a shop and you hear a different version of it.
And that's the superior version in my mind.
They're a good band, wouldn't you say?
They're a sort of completely untouchable band.
How'd you mean?
I'd say, well, they've just done nothing wrong.
Plowing their own furrows.
Yeah.
Yeah, you can't say a bad word against them in any respects.
Yep.
I would agree with that.
So I was in Los Angeles recently, ladies and gentlemen.
I was out there for a few days this week and I went to go and see Radiohead playing at the Hollywood Bowl.
I'm just reminding you there.
They played a couple of nights there and I went both nights.
I'll tell you a bit more about that later on.
But I hadn't been on like a transatlantic flight for a very long time.
And I've forgotten what an unpleasant experience it is.
You know, unless you're in the first-class lounge and you can lie down and get massages and all that stuff.
They don't do those anymore.
Do they not?
No, they've stopped the massages to keep costs down.
Oh, it's just a little bit of info.
Keep you up to speed.
A little bit of first-class tittle-tattle there.
But where I was set, it was less fun, even though, you know, it was nice, comfy seat, good service and all that stuff.
And you can't complain about the amount of movies that you get these days.
I mean, it seems unbelievable that in my lifetime, you would sit there and the screen would lower from the end of the bulkhead and everyone would kind of crane their necks in order to be able to see Beverly Hills Cop 2, extremely censored.
And you'd plug in your little plastic headphones.
In them days, in the old days,
They were just hollow, weren't they?
It was just holes.
They might as well have had yoghurt pots on strings.
You could, you know, and if you didn't pay your two quid for the headphones or whatever, you could just lean your head down and actually listen to the sound coming out of holes.
It's a little gust of air, basically like stethoscope.
Yes, exactly.
Wasn't it?
It was as if the film was a dying man.
That's right.
Now it's all very high-tech, of course, and you don't have to pay for your headphones most of the time.
And the headphones that we got on Air New Zealand were huge, chunky things that very efficiently... Noise-reduced.
...reduced the noise for other people.
Was this in economy?
Oh, this was premium economy, yes.
I upgraded when I went to check in at the airport and they only had... I was sure I was going to be able to get an aisle seat, because I need the aisle seat to go to the lobby about 15,000 times.
But they didn't have any aisle seats left, so I thought, oh, stuff this, I'm going to upgrade my arse.
I noticed you'd upgraded your arsenal.
Yeah, it's nice though, isn't it?
As soon as I saw you this morning.
It's more roomy.
Yeah.
So you've got like 90, 97 movies were available on the thing.
I mean, that's amazing, isn't it?
Is that standard nowadays?
No, that's a lot.
They have them on, they have them there all stored on the hard drive or whatever it is.
The only problem with that is that when you go for a popular movie like Iron Man or whatever, the whole system kind of slows down a little bit.
Because everybody's watching this.
Yeah, it starts jittering quite badly.
So I ended up going for a few more obscure movies that I otherwise would not have seen unless they had been free on an aeroplane like What Happens in Vegas, for example.
I take the same tact, you see, this is where I saw Fool's Gold.
I think you've got to go for the really bad movies.
Well, bad.
Or the sentimental ones, because there's something about flying that makes anything vaguely sad, incredibly powerful.
Yeah, that's true.
When you get to that height, there's something about the air pressure that falls with your mind.
Existence seems so fragile.
I remember watching the Annapatquin classic Fly Away Home.
And it moved me to a big pool of blobs.
With Bill Pullman?
I couldn't believe it.
I wanted to...
Take all those geese home and cuddle them.
And Anna Paquin and Bill Pullman.
Yeah.
I know, it's weird, isn't it?
And everything sounds better, and if you have a little glass of wine with your meal, then that sends your mind reeling in another direction as well.
That's why you're not supposed to be so careful when you drink on planes, because, like, one little glass of wine that does twice as much damage to you as it does on the ground, because of the air pressure, it gets you really tooty.
And so everything sounds amazing.
Like they were playing lots of Timberland stuff.
I was going to suggest that maybe we do a Timberland song wars, you know?
I don't really listen to that sort of music very often.
And I heard there was a whole channel dedicated to it, like one after the other.
Mariah Carey and Madonna and all the other people that have worked with Timberland.
It was good.
And it was extraordinary.
He's a kind of genius, isn't he?
Or be it a slightly tedious one after about three songs.
But anyway, I thought we could do a Timberland Song Wars.
But what I was going to say was, one of the interesting things is reading the mag that tells you about all the movies you're going to get.
That's the most exciting thing as soon as you get on.
Yeah, it's fantastic.
So you go through all the different movies you're going to get on there.
And I wanted to do a little quiz on you.
Good one.
I thought maybe I could read out some of the synopses of the films.
Do it.
And if you get the... And you have to tell me what the film is, right?
I understand.
And I'm going to slip in a couple of not real ones in there as well.
So you have to tell me if you think it's not real, you have to say, don't think it's real.
All right, I'm with it, man.
All right, here we go.
You ready?
Okay, here's the synopsis.
Set in London in the 1960s, a soon-to-retire janitor convinces a disgruntled female executive to help him steal diamonds from their employer.
Hmm.
Well, that's got to be real.
I'd say that's a real Brit crim flick.
I don't know what it is, though.
That is Flawless starring Michael Caine and Demi Moore.
There you go.
Demi Moore.
That's not a new film, is it?
Well, I don't know how new it is.
But she plays, she is the most badly miscast in that film.
She plays like a posh British woman.
Okay, here's another synopsis for you.
You have to tell me if this is real or not and give me the title if it's real.
A newly married couple, Nima and Koju travel from Japan to Paris on their honeymoon, but tragedy strikes when first Nima then Koju are run over by cars.
Are they the cars from the film cars?
They might be.
I don't know.
You know what?
I think that's probably real.
It's probably a Japanese film because they tend to put on quite a lot of Japanese and often Nollywood, like Nigerian films, sometimes they have.
I sometimes watch those.
So I think that might be sort of a very sentimental Japanese film.
The Japanese love Europe.
They love Paris.
They love death.
That's not really what it should be.
What was it called?
Love, loss and traffic lights.
That was what I was going to call it.
I wish that was real.
You ready for another one?
Yes.
We'll do a couple more.
I might do some more of these later on because it is a fun game, let's face it.
I don't want to face it.
Do you want an easy one?
The ugly truth is that it is fun.
Here's an easy one.
Dennis tries to win Libby back from her new bow and announces he'll also run in the marathon that Whit has been training for.
I know what that is.
I'm just remembering it.
Right, right.
It's run fat boy run.
Yay!
One point.
When you get to 20.
That's a good plane movie.
Yeah, that is a good one.
No disrespect.
Okay, we all did.
Should we do some more of those later?
We'll do some more of those later.
What did you say later like that?
I don't know.
I was just trying to stop myself saying later with Jules Holland.
Thank God you did.
Here's some music.
This is The Associates.
Is it?
Yes.
That's a classic.
Let's hear it.
Party first two.
That's Oasis, of course, and The Shock of the Lightning.
That's new Oasis, I believe.
Isn't it?
Yeah, it is.
It's released on the 29th of September, and it's taken from their forthcoming album.
Is it called Dig Out Your Soul?
It's misprinted here on our playlist.
Dig Out Your Soul.
That's out on October the 6th, if you like that kind of thing.
Which, of course, you do, because it's good fun.
It sounds like they've gone back to the motherlode there, haven't they?
Back to their rooty-tooties.
Recharged their batteries and had some vim and a little slice of vigour.
Yeah.
And that's all jolly.
You know what I like in a magazine, Adam?
Well, obviously there's that.
But you know what else I like in a magazine?
No.
I like a really good interview with someone interesting, but I don't like it editorialised.
I like it when they just print the question and verbatim print the answer.
Right.
And I like it to be long.
Four, five pages, six pages even.
They do a very good one in Empire.
yes they get a star and they really grill them they do it really well it's kevin cost a lot this week yeah i love those don't you like that kind of thing that would be my favorite article in a magazine would be a good proper directly transcribed interview with someone interesting
Do you like it when it gets a little prickly and the star gets a bit gnarkey, maybe walks out?
Yes.
I especially like it when they transcribe completely verbatim all the ums and errs and mistakes and stuff.
Do you know what I mean?
It's very unforgiving for the star, though.
I mean that it's good.
Yeah, but your PR is going to be steering you away from that kind of interview.
You know, it's not going to be easy to keep that kind of thing going in your magazine because everyone, the word on the street is going to be don't do that one.
Don't do the flunt interview.
Because they write everything down verbatim.
You don't want everything written.
You trust the journalist if you do an interview to edit out all the bits where you sound like a complete drongo.
I mean, Lord knows.
We always hope that they're going to make us sound nice.
We are always.
What?
Don't you think, though?
Yeah, no, that's absolutely true.
That's absolutely true.
But I know what you mean.
It is enjoyable.
Just saying that that's my favourite thing.
You read those magazines about rocksters.
I love it.
Do you like that kind of thing?
Do they do that kind of thing in Mojo and Q and that kind of mag?
Yeah, no, absolutely.
There was an interview with Morrissey a while back in Mojo that was so compelling and well-written.
Long, was it long?
It was really long and that was one of the only times I felt like writing in and saying,
I just read, I just read that article about Morrissey, I just wanted to write in and say, erm, well done, in that voice.
Don't need to be ashamed.
Be nice, they'd like to get your letter.
Yeah, maybe.
Er, anyway, can we have the jingle again, please, lady producer?
Thank you.
Text-a-nation, text, text, text, text-a-nation.
What if I don't want to?
Text-a-nation.
But I'm using email, is that a problem?
It doesn't matter, text!
Text the Nation this week, listeners, is about coming up with ideas for new magazines.
And here's one from Steph Heald in Redcar.
I'm not going to read out the beginning of your text, Steph, because it's obscene.
But the second part is good.
Quip magazine.
Full of interesting facts, witty remarks, one-liners, all you need to disguise social inadequacies.
I imagine articles being no longer than five words.
That's a good idea.
I was thinking of something very similar.
I was thinking of a compendium of comebacks and put-downs.
Right.
That's more like a mini-book by The Till, isn't it?
Could be a book, but then you could have... Hey, what's the difference between a book and a mag anyway?
What is it?
Not a lot these days.
Well, I'm asking, why?
It's just the size and that's it really.
The staples.
Yeah, it's just the design differences.
The content actually doesn't have to vary.
Can't get as many ads into books.
Got you, got you.
OK, is Adam and John BBC Six music?
What?
I was thinking of another mag, OC Daily.
Right.
Is that about the show, the OC?
No, it's about it's for people who suffer from OCD.
Right.
Obsessive compulsive disorder.
Yeah, exactly.
Even mild forms thereof, because let's face it, increasingly in the modern world, everyone is afflicted with some form of mild obsessive compulsive behaviour.
page layout would be critical wouldn't it yes very organized and you might repeat pages maybe just to write to make it more exciting plus I think you'd sell a lot of copies because people once they started buying it they wouldn't be able to I think it wouldn't be a normal magazine that would would that was bound on one side it would be it would be on a stick and the pages would just revolve around the stick do you know what I mean yeah so you could just read it
interminably.
Right, right, right.
You can just flick it round and round and round.
Wouldn't have a cover.
It's just an idea.
Here's some more text from readers.
An anonymous text says, men's unhealthy.
A mag with ideas on how to stay fat and not get the ladies and ways to make sure you don't have a successful life.
I've got that mag.
You edit that one, don't you?
Here's another one from Neil in London, forgive me if I haven't pronounced that correctly.
My magazine is called Cheek, C-H-W-E-K, in a pun on chic.
It's basically the same as other lady brain rotting mags, but everyone wears a hat at a jaunty angle, thus cocking a snoot at men, saying, hey, we don't play by your rules.
That's nice.
I like the fact that the only difference is the angle of the hat.
Also, I like the fact they're cocking a snoot rather than a snook, which is what you would normally cock, I believe.
That's very true.
And finally, a text from Dom from Nut, The Gentleman's Weekly, saying, because earlier we were saying that their sails were going down.
Is he complaining?
Yeah, he's saying
We sell 12 million copies a year, millions more than FHM or GQ.
Good show though.
Hey, thanks.
Thanks, Dom.
We didn't mean to, you know, we were talking about minor fluctuations in the markets and exaggerating them in order to make a sort of a stupid feature to pad out our program.
Exactly.
Is there anything wrong with that?
I mean, God, you work for nuts.
Are there any rules against that?
But no, sorry about that man, no disrespect, you know, good on your nuts.
Yeah.
And finally, even though the last one was finally, definitely finally, Andy Fromstoke, Newington, procrastination today.
What do, why, what?
Why do today, what doesn't matter anyway?
Hey, that's a brilliant idea.
I mean, there's all sorts, my whole life is just a continuum of procrastination.
Or you could have
interesting articles, tips for things, different new ways to put things off.
You know, one day it's alphabetizing your CD collection.
I think one of, in my mind, the main idea for that would be all articles would just flow into each other.
So you'd have the occasional big bit of font that would pull you into a particular place on a page, but it would just be one huge article.
You know, because you couldn't stop reading it.
Right.
Unput-downable.
That's a good idea, man.
There's some very good ideas.
Again, lots of opportunities for making money.
Hooray, that's what it's all about.
What's life's about?
Here's Free Choice, listeners.
This is a classic from Neil Young.
And as I was boasting earlier, I went to see Radiohead playing in Los Angeles this week.
And when Tom York bounded out on stage, and they were very excited about doing the shows, right?
Because I was chatting to them beforehand, a little chit chat.
So they were excited because there was a lot of celebrities in the audience.
They were probably excited because you were there.
They were very excited because I was there and also they were... Shall I tell you some of the people in the audience?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You teased your list of 20 famous people.
Were they all in the Radiohead audience?
Yeah.
I'll guess some of them.
Stiller?
Stiller was not there.
He was not there?
No, it was a funny mix of people.
Rufus Sewell.
Right.
First one I saw.
You can't have that, not for seeing somebody.
Can you?
We don't need the name drop sound for the rest of these because a lot of them don't deserve it.
Ellen DeGeneres, right?
Justin Timberlarken.
Oh, that's exciting.
It was quite a good one.
He was there snogging a beautiful woman.
Really?
Snogging her during the song?
Making a big deal out of it.
Really?
Snogging her face.
Oh, easily tongue.
Really?
Everyone must have been looking.
He was practically reproducing.
People get off on that kind of thing.
He disgusts me.
He absolutely disgusts me.
Keep talking.
Timberlarken.
Rosanna Arquette, grooving with her hands in the air.
Really?
And which was making everything considerable below their shake around.
It was brilliant.
Doesn't this take the edge off the mood of Radiohead a bit?
You don't want to be listening to Radiohead and turn around and look at them people doing them things.
Well, Radiohead shows at the moment are kind of a party event.
Really?
They're upbeat now.
Well, they have honed their craft in such a way as every single song is really punchy and a lot of their stuff is quite dancey.
Right.
So you're grooving around a lot of the time.
I find it hard enough to deal with the fact that other people like the bands I like, let alone stars.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah, but when you're in L.A.
Keep going.
Dave Grohl?
Good.
Looking gorgeous.
Really?
Lovely hair.
I had to really stop myself going up and... He should do a pandemic first.
He should, shouldn't he?
He should take over from Pierce Brosnan.
He should just take over from Davina McCall in general.
And present Big Brother.
Yeah.
You alright?
That's a very good idea.
James Blunt.
Blunt was grooving around there, looking exactly as you would expect.
Heather Graham.
Oh.
She's just not aged in however long it's been.
Ten years or whatever she looks exactly the same, i.e.
very nice.
Keanu Reeves.
Hard breasts are full of helium.
Are they?
No.
Oh, we're not going to have time to play this song now, are we?
OK, listen, I'll do... Yeah, OK.
I'll race through these other ones.
Juliette Lewis.
She was there, looking nuts.
Who else have we got?
Oh, I mentioned... That was it.
That was it for the radio pitch.
That's not 20, but that was good.
Anyway, they played a cover of this track.
by Neil Young, and they did it amazingly well.
You can imagine that Tom York's voice is suited to doing a good Neil Young thing, and so he and Johnny Greenwood just went out there with their acoustic guitars and did this, and it was one of the highlights of the shows.
Tell Me Why by Neil Young.
There you go, that's Tell Me Why by Neil Young.
This is Adam and Joe on BBC 6 Music.
Time now for the news.
They're from, I think, Manchester, and there's four of them, and their thing is that they use, like, cleaning equipment on their head.
These guys have got mops, and they're called the Beatles, and it's like a joke, but they're not actual, like, insects.
They're spelling it like the beat, you know?
I didn't like it.
You should listen to some Thompson twins.
They're coming up in a second.
Right, anyway.
They'll teach you a thing or two.
Yeah, I don't know.
If you like that kind of, that was called Glass Onion.
And this is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music.
And we are going to recap right now on the whole song wars situation for you, if you've just tuned in and you're a little bit frightened and worried and anxious that maybe you missed song wars.
It's okay, don't worry about it, because we're going to play our songs again for you now.
And maybe, I don't know, we should play them in the other order.
Don't think you need to bother playing mine, really.
I get a sort of sneak, sort of temperature test, what do they call it, a snapshot of the results?
Because I'm looking through the emails here for the Text the Nation, and I think I've got one vote so far.
Right, you never know.
You've got a lot.
It can always go a strange way.
I know.
If you didn't listen before, our songs this week are inspired by articles or bits of text in the lady magazine Gracia.
And let's play.
Let's do them the other way around this time, shall we?
I don't know.
I think you should play mine first.
I think the problem with mine is is everyone's tired with my kind of pseudo Heaven 17 Bowie impression.
Let's face it.
I'm tired of it.
You haven't done it that often.
I've fallen into a rut.
But, you know, there are hidden depths in my song.
Yeah, I liked it.
It was groovy.
Your stuff is always very well produced, if I may say.
Thanks a lot.
You're one of the best producers in the world.
Why don't they produce them?
You know, they have them.
They have that trail for the Brian Wilson thing.
They should, shouldn't they?
Yeah.
Brian Wilson, Schmelson.
Cares about him.
Has he ever done one star?
So what?
Let's, you know, let's hear a program about how you make something like this.
Let's see what's in this week's Grazia.
This week in Grazia.
Fashion charts.
It's Peaches.
What do you expect by James Brown?
Oh, Peaches.
including the great A-list, baby weight race, and more time.
Wow!
Meet ya!
Who is wearing what this week and why?
I'm panicking!
The Atkins diet is back!
Oh God!
Oh God, that was just the contents page.
That's the song number one, Joe's song.
We had a couple of texts earlier complaining about a slight sort of tone of misogyny in the programme at the beginning because we were being derogatory about lady magazines specifically, not the gender of women
uh who you know we have nothing against as a whole the woman gender the woman gender it's just the magazines yeah uh women's magazines are stupider than men's magazines now i think generally absolutely know what you think but uh anyway so that's song number one
I didn't really actually get around to apologizing if we were being misogynistic, so I apologize.
We were talking about the mags, not the people.
No, there's absolutely no misogyny implied.
In fact, it's a sense of kinship and oneness with ladies that makes us upset on their behalf when you read some of the stuff that you get in these mags.
Not like Grazio, of course, which is wonderful.
Very different.
Well balanced.
It's like a great novel.
Um, so here is my song, which is, I forget what it's called, but it's a good title, man.
It was called something like I wish it was cool.
It's called too beautiful for an old bag like me.
Yeah.
No, this is not the song.
This is Adele with many shades of black.
Oh, hmm.
That would have been crazy.
In fact, she was right.
Rob-O was only 27.
I had more baggage than terminal 5.
Better to let it go now.
So I ignored Rob-O's texts when they came.
It was cold to him on the phone.
Better to hurt now than later.
Eventually, after a week of the cold shoulder, he came looking for me.
What's going on?
He asked, his pale blue eyes looking hurt.
It all spilled out.
Rob's death, the age difference, my fear for the future, if we had a future.
I like you a bit too much.
I said, I'm scared.
Do you think I'm going to let you go?
She replied.
The wolf out of the fairytale I once lived I tried to give this crazy thing a proper go I was too old, too damaged He was a girl of life, always excited Always wanting to do so much, see so many things He was too beautiful for a cranky old bag like me
Ah, there we go, song number two.
That was Adam's song.
Vote for either Adam or Joe at the email address adamandjo.sixmusicatbbc.co.uk.
You can listen again to those songs online from tomorrow evening they go up or something or you can listen to the whole show.
via the Listen Again function on the BBC6 Music website, or there's the podcast that'll go up again at about 6 o'clock tomorrow, beautifully edited, it will be, by our crack team, by our team who are all on crack.
And if you want to read the words to those songs, then you can buy the Lady Mag that we've been talking about too much.
So what about some final text the nations, just to round that up?
Well, I tell you what, why don't we play your free choice now and then do the Texas Nations after that?
Because you've got a bit of Thompson Twins in your life.
Yeah, this is the Thompson Twins.
This is Love On Your Side.
This is from Quick Step and Sidekick, isn't it?
Yeah.
And I like this particularly because they reference their own record in this.
Yes.
You played me all your favourite records!
which is a riff from a previous Thompson Twins single called In the Name of Love.
Can you think of any other records that do that?
That actually, um... Oh, there's loads.
Really, that have bits of an artist's previous record in them.
I think so.
His poppers do it quite a lot, lyrically and stuff, and with samples.
I bet you our listeners can tell us a few.
Anyway, this is the Thompson Twins with Love on Your Side.
There we go.
That's how to make music.
That's how to sing.
That's how to play instruments.
That's how to produce.
That's how to arrange.
That's exactly how to say rap, boy rap.
That's how to get people to rap, generally just walk up to them and shout that at them.
And then I'll bust some rhymes.
That's the Thompson twins with love on your side.
Very, very, very, very good indeed.
Happy about pulling that one out of the bag, will you?
Yes.
Very good, yes.
So let's do some final text the nations.
Jingle time?
Little jingle jingle.
Text-a-nation!
Text!
Text-a-nation!
What if I don't want to?
Text-a-nation!
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
It doesn't matter!
Text!
And this week's Text the Nation idea is asking for ideas for new magazines.
That wasn't a very successful sentence, was it?
That was fine, man.
Really?
All the salient facts were in there.
So here are some more to the final ones.
This is from Jim and George, who have put their combined imaginative talents together to come up with the following.
They're manheads.
Our idea is for a magazine devoted to self-tanning called Going for Bronze.
It has special features on celebs favoured
Pantone of tan.
It also features... Oh my god.
Also features on tanning gone wrong.
The tagline would be the opposite to the free newspapers where the ink comes off in your hands, yeah, and can be applied as tanning lotions.
Yes!
Get the drift?
Very good idea.
So you come away with the palms of your hands.
or your fingertips tanned.
Going for bronze.
I like it.
I was thinking the other day on a slight tangent.
Did I say this already?
They missed a trick during the Olympics by not having the theme be going for gold.
You know?
The heat is on.
The time is right.
Did they be missing the trick for several Olympics?
When was that last on that programme?
Doesn't matter.
They could revive it for the next Olympics though.
Right.
People are coming.
Everyone's trying.
Trying to do.
Neil Littlejohns says hi, how about a magazine that's a sort of reality version of magazines like HEAT where the paparazzi go around taking obtrusive pictures of and just generally harassing members of the public?
Quite a few people have given us this idea, actually.
Oh, really?
The idea of just turning the whole paparazzi lens on normal people.
Well, famous people would enjoy that, and maybe the magazine would only be read by famous people.
After the photographers have taken the pictures, the writers can make up absurd claims about people they know nothing about.
That's almost what happens already.
I can't think of a good name for it, though.
Big bother, perhaps.
or I'm not a celebrity, get me in there or something like that.
That's quite a good idea, isn't it?
Yeah, I like that idea.
Matt Gary, his idea is a magazine called Angry Commuter, a weekly magazine full of rants and rages about public transport.
It also includes large print pages of specific written rants, which the readers can turn and aim at any annoying fellow commuters whilst pretending to still read the other side.
Well the one I had when I was on the Tube this morning was people leaving their rubbish and debris on the seat and if it's the only seat available to you, you're charged with the task of removing all their rubbish.
What kind of person just leaves the empty plastic drink?
Hey, it's carton and the... I need... If they treat the world like that, imagine how the world's gonna treat them.
That's what I think.
Their own punishment is to be themselves.
There's an article on this in Angry Commuter magazine as well.
I'm working on it right now, that was a quote from it.
Christopher Long emails us.
He's in Greece, he's lucky.
He says, hey guys, what about a colouring magazine?
I have no idea on the content, but when you're finished reading it, you can colour in the pictures.
I think that's a good design idea to apply to.
Like, heat would be better as a colour in mag.
That's right.
You could just... All the pictures are outlines and you just give it your kids afterwards.
That colour in.
That's a genius idea.
Isn't that brilliant?
It's a kids magazine and I've got a magazine on it.
I'd definitely buy that.
Uh, yes.
And finally, Steven Todd says, instead of giving away free samples with magazines, you could have things with articles and writings printed on them.
So if you wanted a drink, you would buy Quench magazine, a bottle of water with writing on the label, so that in between drinking you could read the article that's on the label of the drink.
Sort of like the way there's writing on drink labels anyway.
Which is true on smoothies and stuff, you get some really annoying kind of pally prose little stories about
raspberries and all sorts of nonsense like that wacky personally make me want to go on some kind of awful crime spree whenever I read them yeah yeah but that's a good idea isn't it so you're basically merging magazines with products he's filling a very tiny gap between you know the text on the side of the bottles yeah and a mag and the fact that you get free bottles in mags anyway what's the difference anyway
You could apply that to all sorts of things.
Packets of things.
You know, once or twice in my life.
Maybe more.
Maybe hundreds of times, in fact.
I've gone into the lavatory armed with packets.
Just to read.
Because I have to read something.
I'm going into the toilet.
And there's no mag or newspaper around.
So think, okay, I'm going to read the back of the cornflakes.
I mean, that's one of the better ones.
I'm never eating food at your house ever again.
I wipe them down when I'm finished.
What?
That's even further down the revolting street.
I don't like them down, but it's interesting some of the stuff on there, all the ribo flavour.
I'm sure there's a lot of interesting stuff on there.
That's why I'm not eating in your house ever again.
Thank you very much for all your texts and emails for Text the Nation this week.
Here's a trail about the mighty boosh, is it?
Let's have a listen.
Enter the bizarre world of The Busch.
Alright people, welcome to Fossil's Fun World where fun plus world equals world fun.
Enjoy a visit to the zoo and meet keepers Howard Moon and Vince Loire.
Gamma llama down, gamma llama deep down in the ocean blue like a barnacle sitting in a tight place.
The Busch.
Another chance to hear the original radio series Tuesday nights at 11 on BBC7.
Vince, I'm leaving the zoo.
What?
That is an absolute peach if you've never heard that before.
Have you heard the whole of the Boosh radio series, Joe?
You know what?
I don't think I have.
It's amazing.
It's really good.
It's possibly my favorite... I hear they're good.
Boosh item.
No, but it's, I mean, if you're a fan of the TV series and you've never heard the radio series, you should check it out, man.
It is wicked.
That's it for our show this week, listeners.
Thank you very much indeed for listening.
Yeah, and thanks to everybody who's texted and emailed.
Please vote for Song Wars, please check out the podcast tomorrow evening, and all that sort of business.
And stay tuned right now for Liz Kershaw, we'll be with you again next week.
But here's the new Roots Maneuver single released on August 25th, so it's already taken from the new album Slime and Reason, which is out on the 1st of September, which is what tomorrow is it?
The next day?
I forget my months.
We'll see you next week.
Thanks for listening.
Cheerio, bye!
Bye!