What is going on in there?
That's the JB's fooling around with the man, with the president, with the pipe fitter, with the funky prince of Bel Air.
Who's that?
James Brown.
Oh, they're having a terrific time.
They're having an absolutely great party there, although they all would have been fined by James.
For misbehaving.
For misbehaving for going too far at the party.
Right.
Is that what the kind of thing he used to do?
Definitely.
He would fine you for anything.
Litter.
He's a harsh disciplinarian.
Dropping your H's.
Like Hucknall.
Is Hucknall?
Well, there are certain people in the music business that have a reputation for dominating their bands.
Like Hucknall famously owned all the rights to all the Simply Read songs.
If you played in his band, you were just a for hire backing band.
Don't get any ideas about getting any of the limelight.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah, sure.
And Brown is similar.
Is he?
He keeps his backing band in line.
Yeah, well, you know, he had a tight band there.
I mean, not for nothing, but they were absolutely the tightest, you know, group going because he was hard with them.
He was.
With Pee Wee and with all the rest of the team.
You've got it.
If you're going to have a successful band, it's important for the front man to keep the troops disciplined.
That's how Johnny Borrell in Razorlight does it.
Do you think so?
Yeah, he's a very harsh taskmaster.
What kind of thing would he do to the rest of the band?
Show him his nipples.
Right, by ripping his shirt open.
No, look, I'm going to show you my nipples, unless you step into line.
That's also what Chris Martin does.
Is it?
And that's why he's formalised it with the military.
Chris Martin just, like, feels his hands in the air and goes...
as if he's doing a pretend bullet time in The Matrix.
Do you think he's a crier when he gets angry and frustrated with the band?
Yes.
Do you think so?
Yes.
Like, what sort of sobbing would he do?
Would he try and hold it in or would it just be uncontrolled sobbing?
Uncontrolled sobbing.
Please do what I want.
Please, will you agree with me?
That's Martin through and through.
You reckon?
Yeah.
I think this is a good idea.
What have you done?
You're just the drummer.
It's constantly like that in Coldplay's studio.
I can't believe it is.
Surely not.
Hey, this is Adam and Joe.
Good morning.
Welcome.
It's nice to have you along We're gonna be here with you for the next two hours and 55 minutes and it's a great pleasure But listen, let's not ramble too much more.
Otherwise, you'll hate us before we've even begun Let's play some more music and then we'll chat about what's coming up in the show after this is bruises with chairlift.
That's
Bruises with chairlift.
I bet they get beaten up a lot, don't you think?
Do you think, no, I think they've probably got a lot of respect in New York.
They're from New York.
Because American people, God bless them, they would take that quite seriously, I think.
Right.
The man in the middle of the song there.
I've got some strawberries I put them on your knees to do your bruises with.
She said bruises.
She's got tattoos of Bruce Forsyth on her knees.
She's got various, various bruises.
Bruce Foxton, he's on there as well.
I hope she's not American, sort of putting on that accent.
No.
You think she's probably Swedish or something.
Oh, do you think it was like a Euro accent she had there?
Yes, I think.
Yeah, I think that was a little nest of current, like, middle-of-the-road indie cliches, wasn't it?
What are you talking about?
I've, um, criticized them in a nasty way.
I liked it.
It had the sort of theremin stylophone thing going on in the middle.
Very nice.
It had sort of naive play group style singing in the middle.
Tick.
Love it.
It had a sort of boy girl duet.
Wonderful.
It was a bit like that song.
What's the whistly song?
You know that we play all the time.
Oh, Peter Bjornen.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
A little bit.
That's got to be on an advert, hasn't it?
It was not afraid to be vulnerable.
That's true, you know?
That's very sweet.
It's asking for a little punch.
Yes.
Well, it got one.
Joe Corley's came along and lamped it.
No, that's good.
That's going to be very big if you're a sort of willowy-winsome lady.
Like strawberries.
It has tattoo-defarious tattoos.
They're from Brooklyn, New York.
How do they survive on the streets of Brooklyn?
That's what I'm saying.
I'm sure they get a hard time.
Yeah.
Oh well.
Our work's being done by other people.
So listen, listeners, we have an amazing show coming up for you.
Yeah, it hasn't started yet.
It hasn't started yet.
It's going to start around about 5 to 12.
Go on for about five seconds.
Five seconds and then Liz Kershaw will come along and it'll be over.
But for those five seconds.
It'll carry on being amazing.
Yeah, absolutely.
In her hands.
No, I mean, our bit will be over.
But we got Song Wars coming up and we had to come up with TV theme tunes for TV shows.
You'll be finding out how we did within the next hour sometime.
And of course we've got Text the Nation.
I tease that as if it's
as if we know what it is.
We haven't thought of anything yet.
We'll think of something though.
It's all going to be fine.
Don't worry.
Don't panic.
Now here's a free choice for you listeners.
I still haven't unpacked my CDs from my move, right?
So I've just got my essential selection that I'm carrying around with me.
You know, it really forces you to confront the signature selection.
Yeah, yeah.
There's a photo of you on the cover of each one in a signature.
That's right.
In gold.
On Scott Ford's little picture of me.
And on prefab sprouts.
Yeah, of course.
Steve McQueen, there's a picture of me grinning as well with a little thumbs up.
And so I've selected a track from Steve McQueen, because that's an album that we both love.
It's a good album.
I mean, you can't really beat it with a stick.
You can if you want, but it's not going to do you any good.
And this is the first track on there, Farron Young.
Let's have it.
This coaster's there with Down in Mexico.
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music.
Nice to have you along.
Hello.
Now, I don't know if you noticed, Joe, but this week in America they had a big party.
There was an election.
They got a new man in to runtings and his name's Barak Obama.
Did you watch the whole shebang?
Yes.
Did you stay up and watch it?
Yes.
I watched until about half past four in the morning.
Right.
By which time it was all done and dusted, right?
By which time John McCain had made his giving up speech and I fell asleep before Barak did his big speech.
Right, so you had to watch it the next day.
Yeah.
I set my skybox to record it all.
Next day, it failed.
It was on standby mode.
Oh dear, well that's not a problem anymore.
You can find it on the internet very easily.
Baroque speech, it was very moving, very emotional, lots of people crying in the crowd.
Oprah Winfrey was...
kind of in a sort of in a clutch of people.
She was in a proper crowd with strangers pressed up against her.
That must have been very disarming for her.
Do you think they were strangers?
I thought they were members of her entourage.
Maybe they were, but just for someone to be pressed against her.
You know, you don't expect, in any kind of gig, you're often pressed against strangers, aren't you?
Often in a way that might have you arrested in other circumstances.
Sure, sexy way.
Yeah, that was happening to Oprah.
Maybe she liked being touched.
I would imagine it's very comfortable being pressed up against her.
Pillowy.
Not sure how often her husband Steadman
gets close to opera.
I mean, only because she's very busy.
But that must have been exciting for her.
And then Jesse Jackson, he was in floods of tears.
Weeping.
It was a fantastic, sort of bittersweet moment for him.
That's right, because he had been a bit down on Barrett before.
Yeah, this is what he told me anyway.
Yeah.
No, he wasn't down on him.
He just thought, oh, that could be me.
Well, he said that Barrett wasn't black enough before.
Did he say that?
Yeah.
So, but anyway, he was happy about it.
He was very uplifting.
Like a lady man.
Very exciting.
Do you have a little weep?
I did a bit of bottom lip quivering.
Right.
But I, you know, I'm a tough guy.
My throat got a little painful.
Did it?
Yeah.
And did a lot of that, you know.
It felt momentous.
It's exciting.
It's exciting for everybody.
And he's certainly not going to make all the mistakes, right?
No, no mistakes.
No mistakes.
So surely he's got it all, like every mistake that could have been made by a popular new incumbent or whatever the word is, has been made like in recent history by Tony Belya and by, you know,
Clinton.
Yes.
The jazz man.
I made the little motion of the jazz man there to explain who I meant.
And, you know, all he has to do is look at the examples that those two have set and just cross them off the list.
Exactly.
It's going to be easy.
It's easy.
Easy.
I could have done it.
Yeah.
I could do.
I could still do it.
What if the world is on a course to go to hell in a handcart?
No.
Unstoppably so.
He can't.
What if he can't stop it?
Because he's not superhuman.
No.
He gets blamed for it.
Well, he will not set everything back.
He's bound to get blamed.
Can that turn the clock back again?
Yeah, sure.
No, surely not.
No, he's too decent a man.
He's too good a man.
He wouldn't let that happen.
He's like Morgan Freeman at the end.
Yes, isn't he?
Deep impact.
Yes.
He's too good a guy.
He's not going to let that happen.
How long do you think he practiced his speech for?
Do you think it was all written before?
His speeches are written by someone in their mid to late twenties called John Favreau, who's got the same name as the famous Hollywood director who made it.
I was gonna say I hope it's not yeah.
Yeah, but he's I believe I read that he's like a guy in his mid-20s And I saw a photo of him just a sort of quite quite geeky student II looking guys sitting at his laptop Mm-hmm.
That must be fun.
Don't you think to write a presidential speech?
Yeah, do you think the West Wing or something?
I've done a version of their presidential each for YouTube.
Yeah, it's fun My version was less gracious than his writes a little bit more bitter and like saying in your face a lot to people and
Wow.
Because that would be what you wanted to do, surely.
Anyway, good luck.
Barak Obama from the Adam and Jo program.
I know he listens.
He'll be chuffed.
And he likes all the music we play on here.
He's a big Santo Gold fan.
So this one's for you, Barak.
Best of luck.
Hope it goes well.
And don't do anything with your interns, please.
Thank you.
very exciting that was santa gold with say what was it called it just vanished say anna say aha oh say aha oh dear why would you want to say anna well it's just the start of the next song anna um this is adam and joe on bbc6 music we've just been watching the hologram of will i am if you watch the uh american election coverage on cnn uh which i was doing but i missed this adams just pointed out that in the middle of their coverage
a hologram of the Black Eyed Peas man Will.i.am appeared in the studio to report from the crowd in the park in Chicago.
Is that correct?
Yeah, that's right.
Now I'm already slightly obsessed with CNN's line-up of news readers.
Anderson Cooper!
Anderson Cooper is obviously kind of an icon in America.
And then Wolf Blitzer?
And then there's a third guy, but he's not so good because he hasn't got the name and his hair isn't white enough.
The key to being a authoritative news anchor on American television is to have a young face but old hair.
Like Philip Schofield.
Exactly.
He'd do very well.
But if I dyed my hair white and went to the gym a bit more, I could walk into a job on one of American networks.
And you got a silver tie.
Right.
Yes.
Absolutely.
Man, well, they're going the whole hog because they've got, they just very nonchalantly introduced the fact that they are going to interview Will.i.am via hologram.
Which as far as I know, isn't actually possible.
You can't conjure a hologram from nowhere in a studio.
What they've done is they've green-screened Will.i.am into the studio, but they've got it
so cleverly set up that the camera when the camera changes angles it pans so it does look as if he is in there but it's it's just sort of green screen mapping technology as far as we can tell yeah it's not and I've got him standing on a little red dot on the studio floor as if
There he goes.
It's as if he's the evil emperor talking to Darth in Return of the Jedi, isn't it?
It's really good.
Not mentioning the fact that he's pretending to be a hologram.
All this technology I'm being beaming to you like in Star Wars and stuff?
Yeah, it looks like basically like exactly like in Star Trek when they would beam people down.
That's what it looks like right here.
Yeah, but yeah.
Yeah, but yeah, he's so excited by the technology itself that it's actually sort of superseding the conversation about Baroque.
Well, actually they get back to the conversation about Baroque very quickly and then they don't mention the fact that they're pretending to be a hologram for the rest of the interview.
It's amazing and exciting and I can't wait for British.
It's one of the stupidest things I've ever seen.
Used to get like that.
And what do you search for on YouTube to find that?
Will.i.am hologram.
Yeah, did they choose him because of the rhyming thing?
I think they did, yes.
sensible choice well I don't think there's any holograms but we've got news for you right now
That's right, Song Awards time, listeners, and last week we said that we were going to create new theme tunes for various TV programs, and we had a lot of very good suggestions for what those shows might be.
I was thinking about Songs of Praise all week, but then I thought, maybe I should steer clear, do you know what I mean?
Because you don't want to upset
the songs or the praising, so I thought I'd give that a miss.
And in the end, I went... Shall I tell you what I went for?
Yes, please.
I went... I did a little cop-out and went for the news.
Did you?
Yeah.
That's quite a good idea.
Which news?
BBC or ITV?
Or Sky?
Or Fox?
Or CNN?
BBC News 24, it would be.
Right.
Yeah.
Do they have a thing?
They do have a theme tune.
They sometimes play it a lot on the build-up to the hour, don't they, when they've got space to fill.
Boop.
That's exciting.
Hey, you should go first.
Let's not bother tossing a coin.
Oh really?
Yeah, we're ready now for yours.
We're excited and prepared.
Well, I mean, it's a little bit slight.
And when I say slight, listeners, what you could do is just substitute the L in that for an H and you'd have a pretty good idea of what kind of thing you're going to get.
It's short because it's only a TV theme tune, right?
So it's only 40 seconds worth, right?
Yes.
You don't want to go over the top on the thing.
So without further ado-do, here it is.
Here's the news, here's the news All the things that have been happening are good and bad, you'll find they've been in use It's all through, all the facts gather carefully for you Don't want every single fact, cause they simply use the time to get over all, it would be impossible Keep a breast, keep two breasts Of what's occurring in the East and the West and the North and the South
That's good, I liked it!
So, one or two comments.
They're not criticisms.
Don't get me wrong.
No, no, far away.
It doesn't have...
The impact, you know, the actual, the news... The gravitas.
Yeah, the gravitas.
Exactly.
That was intentional, was it?
Yes, yes.
Because the news just needs to be a bit breezier.
I just thought it was time for a change.
Right.
Yes, you're right.
And in the world in general, people are saying it's time for a change, Barack Obama.
And I think the news...
Do with the chain do with the chain.
Yeah, that's what that's the thinking So would that bleed through to an overall sort of hoedown style news?
No, maybe hay bales.
No.
Oh, I see what you mean like a whole theme.
Yeah straw hats Yeah, no, that's what I was thinking instead of desks.
Yeah checks and hayberries and they sat round Don't don't don't don't don't don't yeah much more informal
much more informal because you know at the moment uh on the bbc they have those kind of news blips don't they where there's just someone standing in front of a silly a screen and and she sort of goes hi that's bbc three you're talking about it bleeds across to the other channels i've seen it on two as well i think i might be wrong about that but i i think so so never wrong about anything
I'm very seldom.
So this is the way I'm thinking.
It should go more informal, but more like a party hoedown thing.
That's very good.
That's song number one, Adam's song.
What would that be called?
The News.
Here is the news.
I chose the Antiques Roadshow.
It was suggested by...
David in Exeter.
He sent an email last week.
He said, I believe that the Antiques Roadshow theme is long overdue some lyrics.
It's about time I had something to sing along to on a Sunday evening, especially as the evenings are drawing in.
As we know, the Antiques Roadshow is one of the top rated programmes on the BBC now, right?
Had an incredible week last week, got seven or eight million or something, thrashed all the other channels.
It's the backbone of the BBC.
It's a place of comfort and security that we can retreat to in these troubled times.
Certainly.
You won't find any disgusting swearing or anything.
No, no.
And I've written some lyrics for it, so I've satisfied your commands in as much as I've written words, David.
They're not necessarily any good, but here they are.
You're bored, it's Sunday 6.15 There's nothing else on the TV Check it out now, it's the Antiques Roadshow Lookin' at old stuff, seein' if it's worth though You and Bruce pushed the event Which comes this week from Stoke-on-Trent Check, check, check it out now, it's the Antiques Roadshow Lookin' at old stuff, seein' if it's worth though Where did you find this delightful clock?
What a nervously unusual jewellery box!
What a stunning lithograph of the Albert Stocks!
What a beautiful painting of hollyhocks!
I just adore his chest of drawers of yours, it's from the Civil War!
Check it out now, it's the Antiques Roadshow, lookin' at old stuff, seein' if it's worth goin'.
The sun is bright, the crowd's polite, and low is the white, but that's alright!
Check it out now, it's the Antiques Roadshow, lookin' at old stuff, seein' if it's worth goin'.
On the other side it's Brit and your highboy That show is done back to channel one Here's a farmer with a super farmer Man from Ghana with a stuffed plumber Those cufflinks in the expo sounds cost ten-fond Follow a 30 grand Bring your stuff to the BBC We'll evaluate your antiques for free You might even get to be on TV
I was trying to, uh, evoke the man from G4.
Uh-huh.
Do you know that guy?
The blonde guy?
Yeah, sure.
The upper man.
He's split from G4 now.
He's gone solo.
I don't know what his name is.
Wow.
Cornish back to his brilliant best.
Do you think?
Yeah.
I don't think the lyrical content is very strong.
On the advert it would say, his best since, uh, Quantum of Solace.
Ew.
Well, that doesn't say much to the Quantum of Solace, does it?
It's just a list of antiques.
Painting of Hollyhocks.
That's good, man.
That was a good one.
You've won.
Well done.
You've won.
It's a dumb deal.
Well, I wouldn't speak too soon.
I would.
The audience said they're very fickle.
Absolutely.
But I should thank Phil Thornally for suggesting Newsnight.
which is a little bit of an inspiration.
I didn't go for the actual News Night thing, I made it more general, Phil, because I thought, I thought, you know, even if I lose, and there's a possibility that I might, then we could perhaps use the user-clipped version as a little news jingle.
Is Phil Thornley, who he mailed you, the man that engineered Into the Gap by the Thompson Twins?
I don't know.
I mean, that name really stood out when I saw the email.
I thought, hello Phil Thornley.
He's a producer for The Cure.
Yeah, he's and psychedelic furs he was involved with.
I thought, I know that Phil Thornley.
I wonder if it's the same guy.
Phil, if it is the same guy, let us know, because you're kind of genius in my book.
So there you go.
Those are the two songs for Song Wars.
This is the news, was it called?
Here's the news.
Sorry.
I'm really sorry.
That was Adam's song, song number one and Antiques Roadshow.
That's what it's called.
Yeah, I'm going to lose so badly.
I wonder if I'll get any votes.
You can vote via the email adamandjoe.6musicatbbc.co.uk or via
Can they vote via text?
No, don't vote via text.
It's silly.
Why would you want to?
Why would you think of voting via text?
Here's some real music.
This is the Beastie Boys with Intergalactic.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well done.
That's the Beastie Boys with Intergalactic.
This is Adam and Jo here on BBC 6 Music, keeping things ticking along, keeping things mellow.
And, uh, Joe, I'm just rambling here.
Yeah, you're doing a very good job.
I was hoping you might stop me.
It's a free choice now, uh, coming up.
Listeners, uh, and it's a song by Jimo Rourke, and this is a song that Adam Yoo stuck on a compilation for me many years ago.
Do people still make compilations?
Do you think the MP3 player has torpedoed compilations as a phenomenon?
No, surely not, because they'll just compile them on their computer and burn off a CD, won't they?
I don't know.
But will people bother to make a little sleeve?
Make... I'm going a little bit of New Zealand to gimbal.
Do you think people will bother to make a little... Oh, you've made a little sleeve.
Oh, that's really nice.
What is that?
What's the voice indicating that it's a bit precious?
No, well, no, it just cares about the world, you know, right sensitive big big country small population Yeah have to work that little bit harder at keeping everything in line and we do it with a very gentle stick a stick with a sponge on the end But um, do you think people are still making copies?
Yes, I think they would mate because it's it's it's surely it's not a dying art that can't be a dying
I mean, that's one of the most rewarding things a person can do.
Really?
I mean, I feel depressed because I haven't had a chance to make one for ages.
I used to make them very regularly for my friends.
They were one of the key tools in your social skills toolbox.
Arsenal, yeah.
Certainly, if there's a present to be given or anything like that, generally I'll try and do a compilation.
Because it says I care, it says I've thought about this.
It says I'm a slightly needy person who wants approbation.
I want you to love me because of all the cool tracks I've chosen.
That's one of the negative things it says, but generally it's just you can't beat it.
And I would think nothing of spending hours.
So how do you feel about this recent announcement that they're dead?
I feel depressed about that.
Really?
Yeah.
I can't believe it's true.
It might not be.
I think it was just some DJ on a minor D-B-B-D-D-B-B-C station in the digital hinterland that was talking about it.
Anyway, here's Jim O'Rourke with Ghost.
What's it called this one?
Ghost Ship in a Storm.
Thanks, mate.
It's a lovely song.
That was Miranda, one of our interns here at BBC Six Music, who brought in her piano and played that.
Well done, Miranda.
That's alright.
Now go make us some tea.
Okay, would you like tea?
Yes, that's what I said.
Tea.
You're fired!
Sorry!
It's a shame, isn't it?
It's a shame about Miranda, but she's very talented, so I'm sure she'll be fine.
She was helped out by Regina Spector.
Actually, that's the wrong way to pronounce her name, isn't it?
But... But there you go.
That's who she was.
And this is Adam and Jo here on BBC Six Music.
So like many people in Great Britain this week, I went to see the new Bond film Quantum of Solace.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, it's very exciting.
Oh, is it, though?
Yes, it is.
Yeah, I liked it.
I enjoyed it.
Not boring.
I've still got my reservations.
I'd like some more quippage and gadgetry and a little more sleeping with lady action.
Sure, wouldn't we all?
Because he's in a terrible huff.
Because his girlfriend Vesper got killed in the last one.
Right.
But he doesn't snog the lovely woman.
He doesn't snog the lovely Russian lady, no.
He sort of, it insinuates that he snogs Gemma, what's her name, from St Trinian's.
Gemma Craven.
Cottage.
Yes.
Yeah.
He does.
Not.
Yes, he does.
Oh, he does nothing.
Good.
That clear?
But do you remember in the first film, he, there was a little bit of a celebrity camiage.
Is that a word?
No.
It's sort of a celebrity cameo combined with product placement, right?
Richard Branson appeared didn't he in the first one?
Do you remember?
Yeah, and he sort of stuck out like a sore thumb.
Mm-hmm.
He is a sore thumb Yeah, well in this one, there's more Virgin Atlantic Branson style product really yeah bond flies from somewhere to somewhere I'm not sure where but he flies in Virgin Atlantic in first class and there's a scene at the bar in the Virgin Atlantic first class with quite a prominent logo
behind him and a sort of virgin man serving cocktails with a little virgin logo on his coat.
And it's Branson.
It's not Branson, no, but the Branson's not in there, but the logo heavily is.
And I think there's even a little shot of Bond or maybe Felix is on the plane as well.
I can't remember, there's another character on the plane lying in their little first-class beds.
Now that seemed a bit strange to me.
Why?
I mean, Bond, it's part of the whole Bond deal.
He'd fly British Airways.
Oh, you reckon?
Of course.
Of course he'd fly British Airways.
Times have changed, man.
Well, what are British Airways thinking?
No wonder they're having huge losses this week.
They should be straight in there as the flagship British carrier, they should be in the Bond film.
Of course.
I mean, I do like Virgin, obviously, but, you know, they don't have the Union Jack.
on the tail of the plane.
And it got me thinking how James Bond would actually behave in First Class on Virgin.
Would you think you'd know if you were flying that a secret agent was sitting next to you?
Would there be telltale signs?
He's very well dressed.
I think he's in quite a lovely pressed shirt.
tie while he's on the plane.
That would be the first standout thing.
Well, if it was a real guy, I mean, sure, this is what Roger Moore was saying, though, the other day, is that one of the ludicrous things about the whole Bond franchise is that he advertises his presence so much wherever he goes.
Well, the Virgin Atlantic bartender gives him a cocktail and he gives you the instructions, the ingredients for the cocktail, the recipe.
Yeah.
So it's sort of saying that he's an excellent bartender and it's also classic James Bond to drink his silly martini.
Shaken not stirred.
What movies do you think he would watch?
He would almost certainly watch Fool's Gold though, wouldn't he?
Lilo and Stitch?
Yeah.
Surely he'd flick around.
If he likes a bit of escapism, do you think he might watch the first film just to catch up with what he's thinking?
With his situation.
Do you think he'd watch I think he'd watch The whole series of Gavin and Stacy right just to catch up.
Yeah.
Yeah, cuz he's got behind a couple of dinner parties Maybe a bit of Rob Brydon's annually retentive.
Do you think he's good in that kind of conversation bond talking about the latest TV show?
Do you think he's seen the wire?
Is he up to date with The Wire in 24?
I think he loves The Wire.
Does he?
He thinks it's the best series on TV.
Almost certainly.
He's probably got it on his PSP.
And I reckon that he's a big X-Factor fan as well.
Do you?
It's like a guilty pleasure but it's so rubbish but it's marvellously camp.
Yes.
He would say just before he shot you.
When they bought round the basket of lip balm and mints, do you think he had some?
Had some mints.
One.
Polos.
Oh, I see.
Not mints.
Like I thought he meant, yeah, like mints meat.
I didn't realise they did that.
No, he would have his own balm on his utility belt, wouldn't he?
His own balm?
No, his balm next to his balm.
He's got his balm, his balm, and next to his balm.
Right.
All on his balm bag.
It's unlikely that he would get through a transatlantic flight without killing somebody.
You'd think so.
He'd go into the toilets and kill them.
Yeah, he'd hide the bodies very stealthily, but you'd notice that there were fewer and fewer people in first class as the flight progressed.
It would be annoying because he'd kill the guy in the toilet and then you wouldn't be able to use the lav.
It would be occupied the rest of the flight until the flight attendants got suspicious.
do you think he would sleep with one of the uh one of the ladies on the in the for the mile high club mile mile spy club uh certainly he would why wouldn't he why wouldn't he because you'd be missing a trick if he didn't well i wanted to see all that happen in this bun film but none of it happened there was no killing there was no sex with what are they called the hostesses uh women i think
There was no footage of James Bond watching Lilo and Stitch.
Well, it's not just women stewardesses on those virgin flights anyway, it's men.
Well, maybe he's bi-curious.
Right.
It's a new Bond for the noughties.
That would have been a good little... Would that be a good direction for the franchise to go?
Definitely!
Just a little hint of it, a little sniffle-snaffle.
That would be real progress.
Of homoeroticism.
That would definitely... I'll give it 10 years.
And I will applaud it when I see it.
Really?
Stand up and I will applaud.
As soon as he starts coosin' a male flight attendant.
I'll be happy.
Excellent.
The end.
OK, it's time for the top of our jingle jungle, is it?
Or are we just going to go straight into Adam?
Yeah, let's have a little top of our thing.
Hello, the name's Moore, Roger Moore, and you are listening to Adam and Joe, or Joe and Adam.
Text-a-nation, text, text, text, text-a-nation.
What if I don't want to?
Text-a-nation.
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
It doesn't matter, text!
It's the nation's favourite feature where we ask you, the listeners, to help us out and communicate with us via email or text.
Yes, we ask you a question, give you a sort of a premise, and you send in your ideas based on that premise or question.
Sorry, I saw you need to know.
Flemming thing going on there.
Did you?
Ian Flemming.
Yeah.
Adam and I have been watching a certain amount of daytime TV recently.
Well, we always have done.
And we think it's got problems.
Right.
Uh, there's just simply not any good programs on.
I mean, you say that, though.
I don't agree.
Well, that's my opinion.
You were being a bit sniffy about this morning with Fern and Phil.
I've gone off Fern and Phil ever since they did their Kerry thing.
Kerry Katona.
Oh, right.
I thought Phil was very mean to her.
You fully handled it badly.
Yeah, she was obviously just fine, just having a tough morning.
Yeah.
And he made a disgrace of himself.
No, he never did.
He was tiptoeing, he did take a bit of a gamble.
He decided, he clearly decided that she was doing some tippling and toppling.
Just, I just feel there's nothing in it for me that, with this morning, you know?
It's not aimed at people like me.
Well, you're a human being, aren't you?
I don't care that much about ladies' fashion.
Paul Ross, he's on there giving his film reviews.
Soap news, mostly.
He did a funny review of the Crystal Skull the other day.
Did he?
Yeah, he loved it.
The other show that really gets my goat on daytime TV is called 60 Minute Makeover, and we've discussed this before.
It used to be hosted by, was it Jane McDonald or somebody like that?
It isn't anymore.
They've got a new lady doing it, but they send a team of about a hundred
decorating student types into a house, and they make over entire sections of a house, not just one room, but a whole floor in 60 minutes.
And they make an awful, awful, horrible pig's ear of it, usually.
Well, you know, anything worth doing is doable in 60 minutes, I would say, as a rule.
Anything worth doing is doable in 60 minutes.
If it takes longer than an hour, it's not worth doing.
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah, that's what you're trying to say.
Fair enough.
That's exactly what I'm saying.
But, you know, it's a shame that a lot of daytime TV doesn't get the attention it deserves, I think.
Maybe that's why standards tend to drop sometimes.
Right.
Because, you know, in the listings mag, I have one here, I have the one from The Times, The Knowledge.
They like all listings mag they concentrate on the evening shows the prime time shows I think it would be nice if there were more magazines and Publications that reviewed the daytime shows as well, you know, because then they would feel the spotlight was on them a bit more That they see there's an atmosphere of they don't really care too much, you know, the only they think are the only people watching are maybe mums You know toddlers some toddlers a few students I never title Yeah, elderly people maybe prisoners
And there's a... Yeah, they can be a little bit patronizing sometimes.
I don't agree with you about this morning.
I think it's one of the best shows ever made.
But it seemed to me if you wanted to break into telly, then daytime is the place to do it.
Loose Swimming?
What about them?
You a fan?
No.
What?
You've got some problems.
You've got some issues.
What kind of daytime show do you want to see?
What could be better than Loose Swimming?
Well, this is precisely the problem.
There's nothing for me out there.
Yeah.
So I was trying to come up with some better ideas.
for shows and two of the shows that particularly depress me or one of the shows that depresses me is Bargain Hunt.
I feel sorry for the people that make and present that programme because it's on every day, isn't it?
For months and months and months and they're in a different town every month in a car boot sale?
I mean, God, who does that?
Eric Knowles, is it?
One of the Antiques Roadshow experts, I think.
I'm looking at the listings here, BBC One.
Imagine life.
Man, it's all, yeah, it's bargain.
10am, home's under the hammer.
He must spend 24 hours a day doing bargain hunt.
11am, to buy or not to buy, this is BBC One.
11.45, cash in the attic.
There's a kind of a pattern forming here.
12.15, bargain hunt.
And then at one, you're into the news.
But that's an entire morning of selling old rubbish.
Right.
Yes, so one of the ideas we had, listeners, and we're getting round to the point here, which is for you to pitch your ideas for daytime TV.
I had an idea that would involve finding two vagrants, men who'd chosen as a lifestyle choice to live on the street.
and survive through alcohol alone.
Yeah.
Right, so I'm not talking about a homeless person or anybody who's fallen on hard times, someone who's chosen to live that life, the Romany lifestyle.
What?
Not Romany.
What's the word?
For someone who, you know, that's... Itinerant.
Yes.
Hobos.
Thank God for that.
A hobo.
You'd get two of them and then you'd challenge them to find the most valuable thing from the bins of a particular city.
So it would come from a different market town or city, you'd get to see different areas of Britain.
And this is presumably inspired partly by Bargain Bin.
Yeah, exactly.
Bargain Hunt, you mean.
My show would be called Bargain... Oh, I see.
Bin?
Bargain Bin.
Bargain Bin, yeah.
They'd be rifling through the bins and whoever found the most valuable or maybe edible or drinkable thing would win.
I found a sandwich that looks pretty good.
See, that would be a big moment for an episode.
Yeah.
Over here, this orange is fine.
It's only half eaten.
Exactly.
What would it be, the climax?
How would they?
Because you'd have to sort of settle it with some kind of thing.
Well, they could prepare a meal for some of their itinerant friends.
Right.
And then... Because then you could, like, fuse a few.
What if it wasn't edible, though?
Like, what if they'd found, say... Points off, then.
Really.
Yeah.
But it's like that show where people cook meals, you know, and... Yes.
And they go around and there's a celebrity one.
So they have to create some kind of a presentation.
I don't think you could keep it too strictly to a meal, but I think the word presentation...
with the vices.
It's either a meal, or it's a sculpture, or a painting, or something, or it's just a gift for a sick kid.
Anyway, that's a good idea, don't you think?
It's low budget, it's good for Credit Crunch Britain heading into recession.
You know, we've got to make the most of what we've got.
Good to recycle bins.
Absolutely.
Bargain bin.
That's a nice name.
So listeners, similar types of ideas we would like from you.
Well, not necessarily similar as such.
Ideas for daytime TV shows that could really take off.
It's about being able to do it a lot.
Yeah.
You know, and my idea, Bargain Bin, that could really go out every day for years.
And I'd be happy to watch that.
Absolutely.
Are you going to maybe think of an idea?
Yes.
Yes, I am.
And I tell you what I'm going to do to give myself a bit of time to think about it.
I'm going to play quite a long free play.
Hey, can I remind people of the text number first?
Oh, yes, please do, yes.
The text number is 64046, if you would like to respond to that text donation.
Or you can email adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk.
Yes, so quite a long free play, but I hope you won't mind, listeners, because it's just a smash.
I would say this is the great curve from the Talking Heads album Remain in Light, which is one of the best albums ever made anyway.
But this song, perhaps, is one of the most exciting songs ever recorded.
I think it's a kind of dense web of loops and grooves and rhythms.
And it's just as good as it gets, I think.
I hope you agree.
This is the great curve.
C3PO, CBBs, C sickness, semi-after, C5.
That's what he says, isn't it?
He says CBeebies at once taste, doesn't he?
I don't think he does.
Could you figure out what he's rapping about?
No, have you got that little clip there, James?
C-3PO.
What is he talking about?
He's saying with the same sword they knight you, they're going to good knight you.
He's saying basically success and failure come hand in hand.
And that's only half if they like you.
That ain't even the half of what they might do to you.
If you don't believe me, ask Michael.
See Martin, see Malcolm, see Biggie, see Tupac.
See success in its outcome.
See Jesus, see Judas, see Caesar, see Brutus.
Success is like suicide.
It's strong stuff, isn't it?
It is strong stuff.
He's doing all right.
He hasn't had any trubs yet.
Exactly.
He's hardly one to talk.
He's sitting on top of the world.
He's going to be Barack Obama's head of economic policy.
Jay-Z.
Yes.
It's not going to happen.
But that's a good rap.
Wow.
I mean, the thing about the rap... I thought he was just talking rhyming words to fill the space.
No.
But it turns out he's actually saying something.
It's an important bit of information there.
The problem is, though, that you wait for the rap.
Do you not find?
Throughout the song, you're just sort of thinking, oh, rap coming.
Here comes the rap in a bit.
Rap coming.
Why is that, do you think?
Rap coming.
Because it's so... it jars so much, you know.
I mean, obviously, that's the point.
It's such a contrast to Martin.
I really like that song, though.
That's a good song, don't you reckon?
Yeah, that's the good song.
Is it not Up Your Alley?
Yeah, no, I quite like it.
It's enjoyable.
I like the tempo and the clapping.
Yeah.
I'm not so sure about the rapping.
No.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music.
What are we going to do now?
Well, if only I could play my news jingle, but that would be in breach of Song Wars rules.
Why, to take us into the news.
Yeah.
Here's the news.
What if I don't want to?
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
Yes, Text the Nation this week, listeners, is your ideas for revivifying daytime television.
We were looking through the schedules there, the schedules.
I think I said revivifying last week a couple of times.
You know, sooner or later.
I don't think it exists.
It doesn't exist.
You're always in danger of just using made up words so much that they'll just become part of your normal speech and people will think you're ignorant.
I'm part of the nation's normal speech.
Yeah.
I could make that like an aim for next year to get a new word in the dictionary.
In America, that kind of thing is not frowned upon.
They think nothing of... Creating new words.
Yeah, just randomly creating new words and just acting as if it's totally normal.
Americans are free.
yeah you know in so many ways that we're not free speech yeah free um speech moisturizer um so here are some of your ideas for new daytime shows are you ready Adam yeah go on then you're gonna have to commission these or not uh how about money for old rope
Set in a different town each week, two teams have to see what's the best price they can get for some old rope.
Wait for it.
I used to present A Place in the Sun, and I'm happy to present this for you, yours Victoria Hollingsworth.
She's adorable.
She is adorable.
Oh my lord, she can present anything she wants for me.
What about her?
So you're commissioning it, based purely on your adoration of her?
Yeah, that's how TV works, didn't you know?
Is it?
Yeah.
Do you think the old rope idea though?
Don't mind.
I mean, she's taking literally a phrase literally there.
You know, it really doesn't matter when you've got a presenter like that.
Even when the joke wore off.
Even when the wordplay wore off and you ended up with a show where you had to travel around the country with bits of rope.
Doesn't matter.
You still got a lovely person to look at.
Good.
Well, that's a commission.
I mean, that sounds sort of reductive and sexist in a way.
It does, doesn't it?
But that's deceptive because... But that's how a lot of things on TV work.
I'm trying to get into the mindset of the commissioner.
So I would say that's an excellent idea.
Plus, a lot of people like old rope.
Right.
And they're interested in various different kinds of rope.
You know, there's all sorts of different rope.
There's nothing sexist about being sexy.
That's right, to quote final tap.
Here's another one from Paul.
He says, how about a horse racing show?
But instead of horses, dogs and kids for jockeys, it could go on before Animal Hospital and they could link between the two.
Why dogs?
Because it's toddlers on big dogs.
Oh, I see.
I thought the dogs were riding the horses.
Well, that's another series.
Dogs tied horses.
That's just cruel.
I know it's cruel, but I mean, but not if you taught the dog really how to ride.
think their hind legs are built for that sitting position they can do anything dogs you can train them to do anything if they can say sausages they can ride a horse true so but hang on you're forgetting to focus on the actual idea which is toddlers on big dogs
That's very good too.
I think that would be great.
And you'd get John McKirrick.
It'd be quite boring and very long.
And there'd be lots of preamble.
What do you want to be boring about it?
Well, it's because it would be like horse racing.
You'd make it feel exactly like racing on 4.
Because for the whole afternoon, Channel 4 is just this awful, miserable, bleak racing.
Show unless you like racing.
Yeah.
Anyway, I think that's a very good idea.
Is that getting a commission?
Certainly.
Yeah.
And maybe the the dogs one may be on more for the dogs.
Very sized.
Well, you'd have to get a dog big enough for the rider unless unless, you know, you wanted novelty points.
Right.
That's a very big toddler.
And it's the commentators Australian very big commentator on a very, very small dog.
It's an absolutely giant toddler there.
It's the kind of toddler that you worry about.
It's slightly too large.
The huge pudgy tree trunk legs.
It can barely fit around the little poodle that he's been married to there.
And off they go.
And he's off already.
He's married to the poodle.
Well, I don't mean that in the religious sense.
Do you want another one?
Is that getting commissioned?
Oh, certainly.
Doing very well.
For a long time, that's going to be on for about 15 or 20 years.
Joe from Hive suggests, I think that ITV's Loose Women could be reworked, replacing the current presenters with genuinely loose women, aka ladies of the night.
They could entertain the audience with bawdy stories and offer sex tips for the less loose.
I wouldn't watch it personally, but I'm sure lots of people would.
That sums it all up.
Who's that from?
That's from Joe in Hive.
Joe, that's what the show is like already.
You don't think it'll make any difference?
They've already done it.
No, that's a good idea.
That is a good idea.
And that's certainly one of the last boundaries for daytime TV.
To have actual sex workers presenting.
I mean, Jeremy Kyle is filthy enough, because over on ITV, by contrast to the BBC's obsession with selling bits of old tat, you've got on ITV all kinds of bits of humanity colliding in shocking ways.
The Jeremy Kyle show is what you start your morning with on ITV.
Then you go into two hours of this morning with Phil and Fern, which is excellent.
Then you've got The Loose Women.
Um, so it is, there's a lot of sexy chat in those shows anyway.
You know, you've got Ayman, is it Ayman Holmes who's on, uh, he's the fill-in guy on, uh, this morning.
Yes, he does it with his lovely wife every now and then.
Right.
And he presents the show.
Thank you very much Alan Carr and he is on there like the other day I was watching it and they just had like a load of housewives in their pants sat on stools and they they were testing various kind of wraps that you put around you in order to lose weight like you can lose you can shed inches in an hour because it basically drains all the fluid out of you and they were testing the efficacy of these various fluid draining systems.
And meanwhile, Eamonn Holmes was sort of stood there sheepishly making jokes about how he'd like to have some of the fluid drained out of him and staring at these women in their pants.
It was quite a bizarre bit of telling.
Lovely morning for Eamonn.
I had a good time, though.
You can get really filthy stuff in daytime.
Certainly.
It's a strange sort of no man's land, isn't it?
Well, in the olden days... The famous testicle examination on the... Sure, Richard and Judy were very... Yeah, but we should sit, because you can't talk about stuff like that on a Saturday morning.
You shouldn't talk about stuff like that, ever.
Technically.
Another quick idea?
Yeah.
I like that idea, by the way.
That's a good idea for loose women.
Yes.
A stool pigeon.
I like it already.
Hosted by Gillian Mckeith.
Dressed up as a big bird.
Can you guess the rest?
Yeah.
Going round the country, checking out peoples.
Well, she does that already, but I was thinking maybe she would do it for birds.
Would that be fun?
Part of the logic of daytime is you take a formula that's worked weekly on proper television, and then you spread it incredibly thinly, don't you?
Yes.
And you make it just go on forever.
So Gillian, five days a week, just knocking on doors, shoving her hand down people's toilet bowls, and ranting about what she finds therein.
That would be good, wouldn't it?
Yes, it would be very good.
Very good.
That's a complete... They're all commissioned.
Yeah, so far so good.
That's amazing.
This is an excellent raft of ideas.
Let's have some more after some more music.
This is exciting though, man.
And this is Florence and the Machine with Dog Days are over.
I don't know this track and I'm excited to hear it.
James, our producer's giving it the thumbs up.
It's very exciting to find out whether we're going to have to beat James up or not.
So here it is.
very nice Florence and the Machine with dog days are over we won't have to beat James up for popping that in the playlist there somebody was pointing out that on Stephen Fry's program all about America they they had a bit where people where kids rode sheep they were they were slightly older though they were about five or so we're talking about toddlers on our show yeah very very different two-year-olds
And some of the time, or younger, some of the time we're strapping them on there because they can't actually hold off themselves.
That's our young man.
I mean, obviously there's certain guidelines and restrictions that we'd have to deal with and some hoops we'd have to jump through to get this on air, but I'm pretty confident that we can get it done.
I think it's a goer.
Keep those ideas coming in.
The text number is 64046.
It's Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music.
Now, if you're a regular listener, you'll, uh, know about our obsession with Stephen!
Stephen!
It's our catchphrase.
Uh, kind of thing.
If, if you didn't... The problem is, if you didn't listen to that one show... You'd be mystified.
You're gonna be mystified.
And the more we continue coming back to Stephen, the more mystified people will be.
I did a gig this week and someone shouted out Stephen.
Well, it's becoming a sort of Masonic handshake type of thing.
A kind of a way that people who listen to this show can recognize one another.
Yes!
and then sort of cuddle and comfort each other.
It's like an invasion of the body snatches instead of pointing and going... Here's an email on this subject from Tim in Sheffield.
He says, hello Adam and Jo.
During a pub quiz this week, someone trying to name a celebrity on a picture round suggested they thought it might be a Steven.
I instinctively replied, Steven!
in the muffled holler style of the eponymous comics title and started to regret it because I doubt I could explain it without a guess you had to be their reaction.
But then, one of my friends looked up, paused, pointed at me and said, Adam and Jo, Stephen, Stephen seems to work as a bit of a Freemason's handshake.
There you go.
And then there's another email that came in from Megan saying, hey Adam and Jo, how's it going?
Just popping you an email to say, thanks for the shows.
Oh, and way back when,
Quote it's a poo-poo party pom-pom.
Did you remember that?
Yeah, sure we were talking about that thing that goes down Frank said yeah She says for my 18th birthday party I wrote that in huge letters and stuck it on the wall where nobody understood But there you go.
I loved it
That's a slightly sadder tale.
It is a sadder tale.
Nobody there picking up on that.
But it's showing that some listeners to this show want to share their, you know, the things they've observed on the show.
It's a secret.
It's a special secret known only to DAB owners.
So that is a way that people could communicate.
It was suggested that if you were in the cinema
and you heard our cinema advert that you could shout Steven and see if anybody else shouted Steven and then if they did you could go up and talk to them you'd immediately have a smorgasbord of subjects to talk to them about most of them toilet joke related you probably have a smorgasbord as well just yeah you could go home and have a delicious
It would be great.
And also it wouldn't be too disruptive because I think I'm right in saying that those ads play at the beginning of the ad lump there in the cinema when very few people are in the auditorium.
That's the best place.
It's the best time.
Best time to advertise.
People just getting comfortable.
The fewer people the better.
That's right.
Keeps the brand cool.
Not Russell Brand though.
No, he ain't cool.
No more.
Noob.
He's hot.
He's out there in the States.
Anyway, there we go.
That's just an idea for fans to communicate to each other with.
We've got a little Steven clip actually that someone else found.
Have we?
Yeah, yeah.
Let's see if you can guess what this film is from.
What?
Say that again.
What film this clip is from.
There you go.
Thank you.
Steven.
Are you rescuing me?
So that would be a good little... That's good.
...non-exciting bit in the film.
Yes, I am.
Yeah, exactly.
Yes.
Yes, I am.
I don't even think you would say yes, I am.
Not I am.
No.
Yes.
Steven, are you rescuing me?
Yes.
And that would be the end of that scene.
It's a good scene.
Don't tell people what that was from.
Oh, really?
We were going to get people to get... Play it once more, even.
Steven.
Are you rescuing me?
You see, it's underplayed.
If you're the first person to tell us correctly what that film is, we will improvise a song in your honour.
How about that?
What?
I know, that's an insane promise to make.
You're an idiot.
But we're going to do that.
We're going to do that.
Why did you say that?
When I say a song, you know... That makes it a competition and that's illegal on the BBC.
No, it's not.
Well, it's a prize.
It's not.
There's no money or things changed in hands.
I'm going to whip this up and get you fired.
Are you really?
Yes.
Good.
The text number is 64046.
You know what?
I'm going to resign.
Really?
I'm doing it fast!
I'm gonna resign before you.
Right.
Is it your free choice now?
Yeah, this is John Legend.
He's contemporary R&B's answer to Lionel Richie.
Does that excite you?
Yes, it does.
Do you like Lionel Richie?
Certainly.
Who doesn't?
I like Lionel Richie's album, the one with All Night Long on it.
What's it called?
That's what it's called.
Anyway, John Legend's the new Lionel Richie, but this is one of his best moments.
This is a song called Slow Dance.
the big, pretty castle.
It is the top of the hour.
Ooh, that's wonderful.
I got so bored with the last hour and had
And so are we.
We're Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music.
We're just normal everyday people.
We don't have any skills.
We certainly don't have the skills to present radio.
So if you're looking for that kind of thing, then you're on the wrong show.
Who is it you say that we got an email last week from some guy saying, because Jonathan wasn't on?
And he was listening to our show for the first time and saying, this is a very poor substitute for Jonathan Ross.
I just love the idea that someone would sit there and get a bit huffy and listen to us for 20 minutes and think, these guys are idiots.
I'm going to tell them.
I'm going to compose an email just to let them know, because I hate the idea that they might be sitting there thinking that they're not idiots.
And I think they need an idiot wake-up call, and I'm the man to give it to them.
Well, well done encouraging that kind of person.
Well, you know.
There's only one text out of many.
And it takes all sorts.
You know?
Does it?
Yeah.
All sorts of sweets everywhere.
Yeah, everyday people.
Yeah, sure.
What's happening now then?
We should say that lots and lots of people got which film that Stephen Clipp was from.
We can't pick out anybody because in no way is this a competitive thing.
They all came in at the same time, so sorry about that.
Exactly the same time.
So well done everybody, but it was The Life Aquatic.
The Life Aquatic.
Thank you very much for your texts and emails on that subject.
We are going to pick things up with text the nation in a little bit, but I've been doing some thinking about the credit crunch again, you know, because I think people are... The country needs you to turn your mind to that problem.
They're not talking about it enough.
You know, everyone's gone off about there was Brandon Rossgate and then there was Obama and stuff.
And I'm not hearing enough about the crunch.
Well, it's not a crunch anymore.
Yeah.
Well, this is what I was going to say.
What is it now?
Well, a crunch is just a sort of a nibble, it's a momentary sensation, isn't it?
This is now, I mean, this is a permanent, profound and scarring thing, according to all the newspapers, right?
Well, for a while it was called the slow down.
Right.
It stopped being called the crunch.
It's a crisis.
It became the credit crisis for a bit.
Right.
And then I saw it referred to as the slowdown.
Then I saw the downturn is the other one.
Right.
And so I'm trying to think where they're going to go next with it.
I was thinking because this is the you're sort of following the progress of something sort of falling off a cliff almost.
Right.
You know, first there's the crunch and then there's the slowdown and then the downturn.
And then after that, it's the plummet.
Yes.
And then when things get really bad, it's the final hurdle.
the credit hortle the credit hortle hortle uh more news on the hortle and um the hortle the hortle oh yeah that's probably what they call it in holland in sweden holland credit hortle yeah it is oh are you depressed about the hortle certainly have some hortle frankfurter some hortle they will help you feel better about the hortle i can't afford i can't afford the hortle because of the hortle
What?
I can't afford the francs.
Oh, yeah, great.
Thanks.
That makes sense now.
All right.
You were the one that brought up the herd of herders.
Hey, let's don't fight.
Come on.
The hurdle.
So after the hurdle, the impact, right?
When do you actually get to the worst bit?
When does the bottom of the barrel suddenly get orderly?
What about the credit massacre?
I mean, that's actually suggesting that there'll be some kind of a massacre.
Is that what you want?
I mean, that's frightening, no, but it's more frightening, isn't it?
Yeah.
That you might actually be massacred.
Well, this is the thing, I was thinking it was getting too frightening, so after the impact, what happens after the impact?
You know, where do you go from there?
I was thinking the boink.
The credit calm.
Yeah, but that's, it's the moment before the pain hits you, you know?
Or the caboosh.
The credit cabouche.
What's that?
That's just a word from Kung Fu Panda, isn't it?
Maybe.
It's all just the bits of the crunch just hurtling off, like... What about the bits of the credit crunch that get stuck in your teeth?
What would they be called?
Oh, um, credit pips.
The credit pips.
But, um, what?
No use, is it?
Oh dear, oh dear.
Do we have some music?
Okay then.
It's Friendly Fires with Paris.
Oh, it's like dolphins.
It's like relaxing mew... mewd?
Mood music that you might get in a flotation tank.
Hmm.
Have you ever been in a flotation tank?
I'd love to go.
I mean, I was scared of them because of Altered States.
Yeah, Altered States is a very good Ken Russell film.
Yeah, but that would have done... I mean, the flotation tank industry would have been outraged by... You were frightened you were going to devolve.
Yeah.
You know, Altered States is quite hard to get hold of, so younger listeners might not have heard it, but it's an amazing film about a guy that decides...
decides to sort of go on an inner journey involving various mushrooms and flotation tank devices and sort of slightly Sixties and seventies hippie type devices he yeah using a sensory deprivation tank to regress to an earlier state of man He devolves into a sort of primordial being yeah, but first of all like his muscles turn into weird bits of It's very like that our heart video.
Well the video was inspired by the final right that was after
after Altered States.
When Morten Harkett is throwing himself against the walls of the corridor and he's turning from a cartoon back into live action, William Hurt does the same thing in Altered States, but turning from a kind of weird, muscly primordial blob man into a real man.
It was a knowing reference from director Steve Barron, who is a pop video legend who directed that, our hard video, which of course is enjoying a new lease of life thanks to the literal version.
Didn't he direct that film about the man that falls in love with the computer?
Electric Dreams?
I don't know, Steve Barron.
Did he?
Oh no, maybe that was Annabelle Harkerton-Morton, oh I don't know, what are they called?
Jankle and the people that did Max Hedrum.
Oh yeah.
Jankle and I've forgotten their names.
I don't know their names.
He's got a new film coming out, Steve Barron, Choking Man it's called.
But wow, we really skidded around there.
That was informative.
It was informative.
Maybe some crazy kids that wanted a good movie for the weekend might rent Altered States.
Have you seen Altered States recently?
Yeah, it's very weird.
It's really weird.
It's boring in part, but it is pretty unique.
But it's like a proper art film in places.
There's an amazing montage when he goes and he takes peyote or something with the Indians in a cave.
Yeah.
And an extraordinary sequence where he turns into like a kind of sand.
He's just constructed from sand and then he just blows away.
And you've got to see it.
Drugs are a terrible, evil, stupid, stupid thing.
But sometimes films represent what it's like to take them really well.
Well, it's not about taking recreational drugs, though, is it?
No, it's about travelling into the mountains and eating some weird mushroom or something odd.
So it's more kind of... Who's the guy that goes around in the Amazon?
Bruce Parry, Perry.
Oh, I know the guy you mean.
It's more like one of...
It's a film you should see, they don't make them like that anymore.
Mmm, I tell you, because they're not allowed to.
No.
Because no one would see them.
But, er, it's quite a peach.
So, shall we pick up a few text-a-nation, um, ideas there?
Certainly.
Shall we have a jingle to make it seem more organised and structured, James?
Text-a-nation!
Text, text, text!
Text-a-nation!
What if I don't want to?
Text-a-nation!
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
It doesn't matter, text!
Yes, text the nation this week, listeners.
We're asking you for your ideas for daytime programming.
We feel that it needs a shot in the arm the whole world of daytime.
Telly, it's got very stuck in a rut.
It's all about selling your house or selling antiques or being a miserable woman or what else is it about?
Desirable woman.
You'll get complaints for that.
Why?
Tell me why.
Because you're calling women miserable.
I'm calling the presenters of loose women miserable.
Yeah, but that's very offensive.
They're not miserable.
They're funny, informative, informed.
They seem unhappy to me.
Sexy.
And they're modern.
You're right.
Thank you very much.
So here's an idea that's come in from Mike of Bethnal Green.
He says, ultimate housewife, a cash event to seek out the best housewife in Britain by putting them through trials of domestic chores.
judged by expert panel, including the likes of Richard and Judy, Jeremy Kyle and Simon Cowell.
Britain's favourite housewife, you could call it.
Ultimate.
Favourite isn't good enough.
Ultimate housewife.
That way you have an excuse to put them through some quite extreme business.
Right.
Don't know what that would be.
Maybe some kind of massive nappy changing challenge.
So literally business, yeah.
Yeah.
Extreme business you could call it.
Some cleaning, like an enormous section of lino.
It's not very progressive in terms of the representation of women and their role.
Would it have to be women?
Because there's a lot of house husbands these days now.
Exactly.
House person.
Ultimate house person is a better name, Mike.
That was a very retrograde suggestion for a title there.
It should be ashamed of himself.
Are you commissioning that?
Yes, I am.
Yeah, that's commissioned.
That's good.
Now you're commissioning everything.
Well, I don't see how it could be worse than what's currently on us.
Really?
Yeah.
Wow.
It's open season.
Who are you going to get to present that?
Well, we've got suggestions for the expert panel to present it.
I think Jane McDonald.
She's your favourite.
Well, she's not in 60 minute makeover anymore and she's very good.
Yeah.
She looks great blowing a whistle.
Certainly.
Here's another idea from Jem from Brighton.
The show is called Prize Drawers.
I'm saying it like that because he's written it in capital letters.
Exclamation mark.
It consists
of looking, hang on I've got to read this in a different voice, it consists of looking into drawers to see what treasures lie in depth in the depth occasional celeb specials occur he's actually put the um in but that's good just rifling through drawers that's a very nice idea don't you think because drawers are fascinating what's in there what's at the back might be some money
You could randomly go into houses and every house has a sort of bits and bobs draw.
So basically you're kind of rationalizing your storage space.
That's the thrust of the thing.
It could be like through the keyhole, but just with the contents of drawers instead.
It's a fun thing to do.
Certainly we've talked about this before.
That's a genuine program.
Throwing things away is very hard to do, and it would be nice to have an expert just going through your stuff and saying, you don't need this.
What's in Famous People's Bits and Bob's Drums?
I mean, they did do that.
What was the show where they go through and they throw out loads of your junk and stuff?
Uh, Clutter, Clutter, Clutter, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug
There was an American lady, and sometimes it would result in tears.
You know, people... Oh, that's right.
And then they would put all the stuff in the garden.
Yeah.
And then they'd get a kind of shredding machine.
Right.
And yeah, they'd have to shred stuff, and it was letting go of their past.
I mean, that's a good idea for sure.
That's a good idea.
But it's being done, isn't it?
But the bits and bobs drawers, I think, is a definite goer there.
Yeah.
Gem.
Whatever gender you are, we're not sure.
Quite a few people have suggested a cosmetic surgery show that travels around the country but does the cosmetic surgery very quickly.
That's a good idea.
And you would keep it if they botched the operations and stuff?
One of the people that suggested it is just O from London.
I'd like to see a makeover show that follows a cosmetic surgeon on the streets of towns across Britain performing his improvements in a makeshift tent in the course of 60 minutes Mmm, right like a 60 minute makeover but with actual surgery.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's a nice idea But they would you wouldn't have time for them to heal you wouldn't be able to get the after properly would you?
No, but still be scarred and in bandages.
That's the only drawback there Yeah, but you could you could catch up with them every show you could like have a few people from eight weeks before you know and
60-minute menagerie.
A travelling zoo turns up at offices, hospitals and schools for an hour.
Everyone loves the monkeys.
Sophie and Hernhill.
It's all true, Sophie.
That would be good, wouldn't it?
It would be an unstructured programme.
Just the animals going wild, different people dealing with them in a different way.
Yeah, like all those- They wouldn't be allowed to be cruel to the animals or hurt them in any way, because that wouldn't be allowed on telly.
No.
So that would create an even more dramatic situation.
Everyone loves those bits from TV shows anyway, where animals get out of control.
Yeah.
And so this is a TV show designed to create that.
It's just wall to wall that.
Do you think the law of diminishing returns would become less?
No.
I mean, the law of diminishing returns doesn't apply to daytime television, right?
Bargain Hunt gets better and better.
Certainly.
No, and you get, you get deliberately annoying presenters, maybe Jeremy Spake, like he needs, his career needs a little boost.
Yeah.
So you get Spake back and he just gets attacked by birds and monkeys and all kinds of creatures, you know?
Right.
And it's Chuckleson.
Well, maybe you can seal tidbits of food.
Yes!
I thought it was before.
Like between his thighs and stuff.
Yeah.
You sew it into the clothing and put various animal-attracting chemicals.
And he doesn't know.
He doesn't know what kind of animals they will attract.
Brilliant.
And then suddenly he's just getting attacked by an ostrich.
Very good television.
It's good.
You know, like he's not in danger of his life.
He can't hurt the ostrich either.
You don't use crocodiles.
He can't fight back.
But you get animals that would inflict a certain amount of damage without being life-threatening.
Just pecking.
yeah pecking and quite quite aggressive pecking hair pulling like being attacked by a swan in the park i really like that idea let's get spake's agent on the phone keep them coming in the text number is 64046 we're going to revolutionize daytime television and it's about time too here's a free choice for you listeners as i was saying i'm selecting many of my free choices from my um my classic albums list uh with my picture on the cover with me giving a little thumbs up
And I feel like I've played some of these tracks before on the radio, but I hope not for a while.
This is from one of my favourite bands, Spoon.
They're an extraordinary album, Gimme Fiction, and this is I Summon You.
That's the mode.
Depeche mode means fast fashion, Joe.
Yeah.
I knew that.
And the track's called Enjoy The Silence, sounding very New Order-ish there, I was just saying.
Actually, I was thinking that maybe even predated New Order kind of sounding a bit like that.
Did it, though?
No, I don't think it did.
It was early 90s, though.
Very nice indeed.
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music.
Do you go to any firework displays this winter?
No, I didn't, actually.
It's your problem.
Well, I was out every other night.
and I just needed a bit of time off, bit of time in.
So I didn't bother with the F-Works.
I feel I've seen them.
What?
I just think I've seen it all when it comes to fireworks, yeah.
There's revolutions happening in the fireworks industry.
Are there though?
I went to the banks of the River Thames last New Year and they sure they had some spectacular stuff.
They need a new innovation.
The latest thing is to put them up the side of a building, right?
That was in the millennium.
uh in uh sydney they famously did the sydney bridge with those amazing plumes of that was the last thing i saw that was sort of a new thing yeah they've got ones that can take shape yes haven't they they're like little glowing lights that are in the shape of maybe a a happy face yeah it's i mean it's a long way off um
The Lord of the Rings.
Do you remember when Pippin and Munchkin and, you know, Tiffins are stealing fireworks off Gandalf's locker and they set one off and it turns into a big swooping eagle.
Oh, and burst into lots of different things.
When can they do that?
When will they be able to do that?
Well, I'm not bothering with fireworks until they pull something else out of the bag.
Right.
Not even a sparkler.
You just jaded with the whole thing there.
No sparklers are fun.
You know, it's hard buying fireworks nowadays because there's so many
Rules.
Rules and regulations.
If you go into the supermarket and try and buy something, you can't buy them until you've finished all your shopping.
Really?
In case you set them off while you're shopping.
Exactly.
What if you want to set them off while you're shopping?
Well, that's what they're worried about, is that some kind of lunatic with that in his head would come in and think, I'm gonna have a firework party while I'm shopping!
But I'm going to do it.
It sounds like a fun guy.
Now I want one of those rockets.
I'm going to go to the poultry aisle and set the rocket off.
Is that OK?
No, sir.
I'm afraid you once you've purchased your your food, then take your fireworks and leave the shop immediately.
I'm afraid you can't set them off.
I just tell listeners that Adam at the moment is standing up with his legs apart and his hands on his hips.
Why have you adopted this position?
I just was worried I was getting DVT.
Right.
So I thought I'd stand up.
I gave an extra peak policy.
I'm going to set off the firework in the poultry section, is that okay?
Do you not feel a bit jaded with fireworks?
No!
I guess your kids have given you a fresh set of eyes to look at them upon.
But for jaded people like me, I don't know, I think I've seen every colour, every bang and boom, every combination.
That's a shame, man.
Someone needs to put one up your rectum.
That would give you a shock.
Is that an expression?
It's not what it is.
I'm sorry about that, listeners.
It's time for the news.
Don't forget while I remember listeners, if you come across somebody saying the word Steven in an emotive or exciting fashion in a movie or on a record, you know, nick the mp3 and send it to us, because it's brilliant, people are sending them in, we don't have to lift a finger.
Yes, nice.
Very good.
Very generous.
Also, if you have a Stephen encounter in public, if you connect with another person who understands what you're talking about, tell us about that.
We'd like to know about that.
That would be very nice.
We should have credited the person who sent... Because someone sent in the life aquatic, didn't they?
Did we credit them?
Well, whoever you are, thank you very much.
And what about if people see you or myself wandering around?
Would it be appropriate?
Stay away.
Would it be appropriate to get to Shout's even?
Or would that turn into a nightmare?
Yes, it'd be fun depending on what sort of a mood we were in.
Yeah.
If you just had like a terrible argument or something.
Yeah.
If you were rushing one of your kids to the hospital, it just might be tricky.
And the ambulance driver would say,
Stephen!
Alright mate!
Cheer up!
Anyway, it's time to wrap up Text the Nation.
No, it's not.
It's Song Wars, mate.
I thought we had the Text the Nation jingle.
That was the Song Wars jingle, Grandad.
I don't think I actually have woken up this morning.
What time did you get to sleep in the end?
About three.
Because we were out having a bit of supper last night.
I went out to supper after I'd finished my song and Joe Cornish went out before he had even started or completed his song.
I'd got halfway through.
Halfway through and he was sat there and he was saying, oh, I've got to go back and finish.
Oh, dear.
It's not time to wrap up Texanation.
It's time to hear the Song Wars songs again.
So these songs were about, well, they were basically new themes for TV shows.
Yeah.
Joe did Antique's Roadshow.
And are you sampling a bit of the real theme there?
We got the real theme tune.
Yeah, which was some difficulty.
I sort of tried to sync it up to a beat.
Yeah.
Oh, very nicely.
Let's hear it right now, in fact.
There's nothing else on the TV Check it out now, it's the antique smoke show Looking at old stuff, seeing if it's worth though
Which comes this week from Stoke-on-Trent.
Check, check, check, check it out now.
It's the anti-stroke show looking at old stuff seen in this video.
Where did you find this delightful clock?
What a nervously unusual jewellery box.
What a stunning lithograph of the Albert Stocks.
What a beautiful painting of Hollywood.
I just adore this chest of drawers of yours It's from the Civil War Check it out now, it's the Antiques Roadshow Lookin' at old stuff, seein' if it's worth it The sun is bright, the crowd's polite And mostly white, but that's alright Chin chin chin, check it out now, it's the Antiques Roadshow Lookin' at old stuff, seein' if it's worth it What's on the other side, it's Britannia Highboy That show is done, back to channel one Here's a farmer with a super farmer Man from Ghana with a stuffed farmer Those cufflinks in the expo sounds cost $10 for a farmer worth $30
And bring your stuff to the BBC We'll evaluate your antiques for free You might even get to
If they don't adopt that as the BBC... That's the exciting thing about working for the BBC.
Even though we are like a small arm of the BBC, we're still attached to the main body.
Do you think they might use that?
No, there's no chance.
Come on, what about the Christmas special?
Listen to me, listen to me.
celebrity not only is there no chance they won't use that obviously yeah there's no chance no chance they won't use it as a double negative you mean they will use that no there's no chance of them using it right ever right also there's no chance of them hearing it or even acknowledge come on i bet you someone who works on the antics road show how much do you want to bet me i'll bet you a million
Rubles.
No, what's the bet?
Bet me something proper that anyone connected with the Antiques Roadshow would even acknowledge the existence of that.
What's your definition of connected?
Somebody who works on the crew.
Yeah, like a producer or a director or a presenter.
Somebody whose name appears in the credit role of the Antiques Roadshow.
20 pounds.
20 pounds, right.
That's a shake.
We're shaking hands there.
because I don't believe that I don't believe that really I bet you this time next week I'll be sitting here with an email from someone who works on the Antiques Roadshow saying what a wicked thong that is not gonna happen anyway here's Adam's song he also provided a new theme tune for a classic TV show and TV shows don't come any more classic than the news
Here's the news, here's the news All the things that have been happening are good and bad You'll find them in the news It's all through, all the facts gather carefully for you Don't want every single fact, cause they simply use the time to get them all It would be impossible Keep the breasts, keep your breasts Of what's occurring in the East and the West and the North and the South
He's doing a couple of jobs.
Yeah, what are those jobs?
Well, first of all, it's telling you that the news is coming out.
It's also telling you what you can expect from the news, what kind of thing, what kind of program it is.
It's also warning you to pay your license fee.
Exactly.
And that's one of the main things because they've got those slightly offensively scary ads about what's going to happen to you if you don't pay your license fee.
What does happen to you?
Well, they've got computers and they'll get you and they've got black monoliths with little glowing red dots and they know where you are.
And it's sort of, as I say, slightly offensive, those ads, I think, personally.
Speak for yourself.
I love them.
As a licensed payer myself.
And I was thinking a slightly softer approach would be to use my jingle jangle there and then you kill all kinds of birds with stones.
I bet you.
I bet you know one from the news.
What am I trying to say?
You get what I'm trying to say?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No one's gonna know.
Of course they won't acknowledge.
I freely admit that no one from the news in their right mind would acknowledge the existence of that song.
Even though, I mean, even though your song is better and I'm prepared to lose this week.
The thing is, they could slip that in on News 24 at four in the morning?
No.
When no one's listening.
That would result in sackings.
No, they'd have to be insane because it's not even that good.
But the thing is, I mean, I think your song is good, but I still think that you're not going to get any purchase on the 20 pounds life of the roadshow.
OK, don't forget that the email is Adam and Joe dot six music at BBC dot co dot UK.
And that's how to vote for song wars.
Vote either Adam or Joe.
We will toss up the results and read them out and play the winning song in the show next week.
And yeah, do vote via email, not via text.
Thank you.
We will wrap up Text-o-Nation very quickly after this delicious slice of purple ponce-ery.
Prince, of course, with his drum machine there.
Always forget the name.
We've asked people before what the name of his drum machine that he used on all those tracks was.
Drum-o-tronic 4000.
That was when Doves cry.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Very good.
Now, listen, let's wrap up Text-o-Nation.
We've been asking you for your ideas for new shows that can go in the daytime slots on BBC One and ITV, particularly.
You're still standing up.
Yeah, I'm just disconcerting.
Is it?
Well, I just thought I was getting too relaxed before.
Right.
You're right.
You know, it's been a slack show.
Well, full of mumbling and mumbling and stakes.
Yeah, never mind business as usual.
So here we go.
I'm going to pitch some new ideas for daytime shows to Adam Buxton.
He's going to tell me whether he's commissioning them ahead of daytime.
You've got a broad portfolio.
Thank you very much.
That's just apropos of nothing, I noticed on the way in.
No, but you were in charge of daytime programming for the BBC and ITV.
Yeah, that's true.
Which is terrifically powerful.
Multi-platform.
Yeah.
Cross strategy.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's ring fenced around the whole area.
Well done.
Thank you.
So here's an idea from Simon Bell.
He says, Jigsaw Ramble racer, people travel around Britain's roads collecting bits of cars from the edge of the road until they have enough for a whole car.
Then they race the cars.
Well, that's almost like scrap heap challenge, isn't it?
Yeah, but it's much longer.
It takes a much longer time.
Yeah, because you wouldn't have to.
car till about Wednesday.
It takes long enough on Scrapheap Challenge.
Let's say you have the bits by the beginning of Wednesday's show.
By the end of Thursday, you've built the cars.
You know on Scrapheap Challenge, they tend to get people who have some kind of skills.
That wouldn't be the case with this.
No.
You just get ordinary...
Yeah, good idea.
Commissioned or not?
Yeah, it's commissioned.
Jigsaw Ramble Racer.
It's a peculiar title.
Jigsaw Ramble Racer.
I guess they're rambling, cars are like a jigsaw and they're racing.
I like it.
It's fine, it's a good title.
Ryan in Glasgow says, I think a good daytime show would be 60 minute laundry.
Claire Sweeney or similar would travel two homes, the length and breadth of the country, doing people's washing and ironing.
They simultaneously dispense fashion tips to the householder and have a bit of a giggle about rubbish pants that their hubby owns.
If you're doing the ironing at home, it would be lovely to be watching someone else on the TV doing the ironing and chatting about... Chuckling about the pants.
About rubbish pants.
Oh, look at these pants.
They're so rubbish.
And they used to be white.
And now look at them.
They're grey.
I'm loving it already.
It's fun stuff.
Commissioned?
No, I'm not commissioning.
What?
That's the first one today that hasn't been commissioned.
I'm sorry.
I feel like we've got too many of those shoes already.
Ryan.
That's depressing for Ryan.
Sorry, Ryan.
I mean, he's going to think he's really
No, there's no disrespect.
No disrespect, Ryan.
It's just a scheduling snafu clash.
Really?
He should keep pitching.
Yeah.
We've got too many pants shows.
Brian Eggo has emailed in three different ideas.
Well, actually five, but I'm going to read out three of them.
Truant Watch filmed live Bill Ody going around shopping centers of the country, hunting out kids who've knocked off school.
You see, that's a good idea, isn't it?
Yeah.
Then delivering them back to the school, maybe visiting their parents, getting to the bottom of the reason they're truanting live on television.
Yeah, with a sort of harmless little pellet gun that he could fire at them.
It wouldn't injure them, but it would just wake them up.
Exactly.
Yeah.
That's nice.
Well, I think they should have more things in shopping centers.
What's the name of the huge shopping center that's just opened in Shepherd's Bush?
I don't know.
Is it called Westlake or Westfield or something like that?
And I like TV shows that are set in shopping shows.
I'm going to speak now.
Hey, he's got two more ideas, Brian.
This morning, spelt with an M-O-U-R-N-I-N-G, quiz show where members of the public gate crash funerals armed with hidden cameras.
The longer they stay undetected, the better it's tasteless, but also quite moving.
BBC Three.
Three's going for that.
And then Kyle's Piles.
Jeremy Kyle goes around hospitals interviewing people with hemorrhoid issues.
Any commissions there?
Yes.
Yeah, no, the first one definitely for BBC Three this morning, and Kyle's Piles, I like that for BBC One.
Do you want some more?
Because they used to have a doctor show with Nick Knowles, didn't they?
Yes, there was Nick Knowles just hanging out in the hospital.
Hang out in the hospital.
What's wrong with you?
You're grotesque.
Can we spend half an hour with you?
That kind of thing.
It was fun.
So I think it would be nice with Jeremy Carr because he could really be rude to some of them as well.
And Nolz was always too nice.
Too nice.
He's too nice at chap Nolz.
He's amazing.
He's the king of daytime.
Absolutely.
He's got daytime jowls.
one more then one more okay here's one from what kind of a name is that jenny what kind of a name is jenny i was referring to the email address uh my idea for a daytime television hit is one that branches off from the usual real life hospital stroke ambulance based fare right rather than following the ambulance crew and their patients the ambulance chasers program would focus on the employees of a slightly less than ethical insurance company as they patrol their local a&e departments
I don't know about that.
The thing I liked was the idea of a show that chased ambulances but without permission.
Right.
So literal ambulance chases rather than metaphorical?
Yeah, the show starts with the camera crew and the team hanging out by some parked ambulances in a hospital and they just follow them.
And they don't have permission.
They don't have any clearances, but that's part of the excitement.
The camera keeps getting pushed out of the way.
And you have to hide.
Yeah.
And it's hard for them to find real facts about what's happened to the person.
But that's a good thing.
It makes it more.
I think Ambulance Cruise would enjoy it because they have a very stress free life most of the time.
They love that.
They love it.
And they, you know, they like to encourage that kind of behavior.
Help them save people's lives.
Exactly.
That's being commissioned, is it?
Yeah, I'm commissioning that.
Well, what a hugely successful day for many of our listeners who struggled to get programmes commissioned and now it's a red letter day.
They've been commissioned left, right and centre.
Together, we have changed the television landscape.
Yes, we can, listeners.
Yes, we can change daytime.
Thank you.
Together, we've done it.
Joe, it's your free choice.
Hey, thanks a lot.
This is Gangstar with Step in the Arena.
That's nearly it for our show.
Sorry, man.
I crashed over you.
I liked it.
That was gangster with Step in the Arena.
That's all I'm going to say.
Oh, okay.
Folks, thank you so much for listening to our show this week.
We really appreciate it, as always, and really appreciate your texts and emails.
A particularly good response we had this week, and thank you very much for that.
Don't forget that this show is... My brain is really letting me down this week.
What about you?
Me too.
I feel it's been a shoddy programme.
Next week we're going to just get a bit more sleep and do a bit more preparations.
It's going to be terrifically slick and we're going to win a lot of awards.
But if you want to hear a condensed version of this show, then you're welcome to do so by downloading the podcast, which will be available later this evening, I think.
Also, you can listen to the whole thing again if you're insane on the function on the website or iPlayer.
And boy, what else can I say?
Have a good week.
Take care of yourselves.
Be nice to each other.
Keep your feet on the ground.
Keep reaching for the stars.
Any other things that you can think of there, Joe?
Keep watching the skies.
Stop that.
Don't put your nose.
If someone shouts, Steven, to you in the street, then the correct response is,
just coming coming coming something like that stay tuned for Liz Kershaw her special guest is Eda Maria in the studio so that'll be good thank you very much indeed listeners take care bye bye