Big British Castle, it's time for Adam and Joe to broadcast on the radio.
Hey, good morning, my name's Adam.
Good morning, my name's Joe.
And if you're a regular listener, you might think this morning that the world's gone mad.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Why?
Because we played that jingle after the first record, not before.
Yeah, that'll be on the news.
People will be confused running around like headless chickens, not knowing what to do or where to do it.
Have you ever seen a headless chicken?
Just do it on the floor.
That's fine.
Sorry?
Ever seen a headless chicken?
Uh, no.
I've seen that video of Sarah Palin giving an interview while somebody kills turkeys behind her.
That's good enough, isn't it?
Yeah.
That's all you need.
That was great.
That was really good.
Fantastic.
Hey, it's nice to have you along, listeners.
You know, it's really a pleasure.
And we're going to be here with you until 12 o'clock today.
Do you think the people that listen to the very beginning of the show are special?
Yeah, they are, because they've made the extra effort.
They have.
They're either working, or in rare cases, they've actually woken up early to listen.
Right, they're early morning people, they've been out for a jog.
Yeah, it's like when you were a kid and you woke up early on Saturday and you caught the very beginning of Swap Shop.
That rare, the rare air of the first half hour.
Yeah, sometimes it was the best stuff.
Sometimes.
You know, because they're all keyed up.
Yeah.
A lot of people maybe, you know, they might have heard about this show, right, from other people.
Oh, it's really amazing.
It's the best radio show ever.
You should listen to it, for example, is something they might have heard.
Yeah, very powerful.
But then they tune in around 11.
We're both a little bit under the weather and tired by then.
You know, we've caught flu by around about 11.
And they will be thinking, well, this is not good.
There's an exclusivity and sophistication to listeners who listen at the beginning.
Yeah, absolutely.
Like a special club.
Now, my mum was complaining to me the other day.
She likes to complain about our career, you and I, Joe.
Various aspects of it.
I mean, this is an option to just get her to manage us.
Right.
That you could think about, you could consider.
Well, keep talking.
She's got some great ideas.
What was she saying?
Well, she's very unhappy with our publicity photos, for a start.
The old ones?
Yeah, the ones that you can see on the 6 Music website.
And the iPlayer.
Yeah.
Yeah, she's not the only one.
We're not very happy with this.
She's not happy about it.
You look like a football hooligan.
I look like a face painted on an egg.
Yeah, so that has to change.
Also, she's worried that we sound too similar when we're speaking.
She can't tell one from the other.
We get a lot of mails about that, actually.
And so she wants us to refer to each other by name more, Joe.
OK, Adam.
Yeah?
Yeah.
So if you can bear that in mind, Joe, that would be ideal.
Sure thing, Adam.
That's fine.
All right, Joe.
Shall we have some music, Joe?
Yes, Adam.
That feels perfectly natural, doesn't it?
Yeah, it's fair enough.
I mean, Ant and Dec don't do it enough, I think.
Well, you can see them.
They don't care.
I think they've got to the stage where it's such a, it's like a joke how no one can tell them apart.
That's true, Joe.
So they're not bothered.
Graham.
That's correct.
I'm getting confused.
Okay, here's a bit of depression mode for you before we tell you a bit more about what's coming up.
Your confusion in today's show.
This is master and servant Jack Graham.
Dear me.
What's going on?
That was quite a rude awakening for you listeners.
That's a bit like us putting a dustbin over your heads and then banging cutlery against it at 10 past 9 in the morning.
We call it master and servant.
It's a lot like life.
I'm a sexy robot.
I'm going to strap you down and teach you a lesson.
What do you think of that?
I'm excited.
You should be.
Um, if you're just waking up, you might still have some dream residue in your head, listeners.
So it makes it a perfect time for me to read you a couple of dream-related emails.
Here's one from Scott in Doncaster, who says, Dear Adam and Jo, I feel compelled to tell you about the strange dream I had last night.
I dreamt that I met the two of you immediately after recording the show, and we were all in the living room at my parents' house.
For some reason, Adam wandered off somewhere, at first leaving Jo and I alone.
I feel, I'd better point out, at this point, that it wasn't one of those dreams, this time.
Anyway, long story short, I got along famously with both of you.
When you were separated, but once you were together, you became very vindictive.
And worst of all, you took to dissecting and mocking my DVD collection, taking particular exception to my fondness for the Canadian comedy show, Trailer Park Boys.
Before I took my leave, strange, given that I'd imagine that I'd have more call to stay in my parental home than your good selves.
That's dreams for you.
Hmm.
So we were mocking his DVD collection.
You know, that's not a dream.
That actually happened.
That is what would happen, though.
Well, it did happen.
Did it happen?
Who's that from?
Scott in Doncaster.
Yeah, Scott, that happened, if you recall.
We went round to your house and we did mock your collection, and we couldn't believe that you were into trailer park, boys.
And the bit that you missed out was, we beat you up at the end of it.
So that's just a memory.
Here's another one from an anonymous author.
It says, Hi Adam and Jo.
My girlfriend and I, like most Adam and Jo fans I would imagine, frequently discuss who's better Adam or Jo.
My girlfriend has come to an interesting conclusion that while she would like to sleep with Jo, she would like to marry Adam.
I thought this was quite an interesting testament to your two different characters until she told me about a rather filthy but comical little dream she had.
I'm going to have to read this carefully.
She dreamt that we were invited to the Adam and Jo studio and there were loads of free gifts, one being some body lotion.
She saw this and casually asked Jo if he would mind rubbing some on her bottom.
Jo said that would be fine.
She looked at me, I gave a little nod of permission and apparently the dream ended there.
How do you feel about this?
From anonymous.
Brackets.
My girlfriend didn't want this linked to her, but my email address gives a fairly good indication of my name.
Alex Dowding.
I think that, again, that probably happened, but not to us.
It was something that occurred on Russell Brand's show, I would imagine, when he was still with the station.
And she just got confused.
She just got confused, yeah.
No, we don't encourage that kind of thing.
No.
I like rubbing body lotion.
into ladies bottoms are you yeah he's just saying that by way of yeah it's just just funny it's a coincidence that you know you should get that mail and that is one of the things i like that is one of your just a funny that that's one of your hobbies anyway if we featured in any of your dreams we'd like to hear about it especially if it's slightly saucy
Later on in the program, we don't have Song Wars as such this week.
I think we should do one next week, though.
And we're going to need some good suggestions for what we should do for Song Wars next week.
You can send those throughout the program.
You can text us on 64046, or you can email us adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk.
You can text or email us about anything, but yeah suggestions for next week's song wars would be very welcome Also, we're gonna be talking about I'm celebrity get me out of here Joe because it's your favorite TV show today.
We are yeah Okay, you know I actually watched it last night specifically because I knew you talk about okay good You didn't watch it last weekend though.
Did you when David van de did his biff baff bough song?
No, I didn't okay.
Well.
I'm gonna fill you in on the biff baff bough song a bit later on that's
All to look forward to, folks.
Right now, here's a free play for you.
This is Spoon from their album, Ga Ga Ga Ga, and this is Don't You Ever.
That was very nice.
That's amazing, isn't it?
I think it might be their new single.
I'm not sure.
You love the spoons.
I love a bit of spoon.
In fact, I love a load of spoons.
I tell you what you'd like.
Give me more spoon.
King Prawn spoons.
Oh, yes.
Didn't they look delicious?
Yeah, now these are advertised on the bumpers.
They're the interstitials, they call them.
They're the little sponsored adverts either side of the brake on I'm a Celebrity and they feature
Uh, Kerry Katona and, um, Christopher Biggins at a so-called celebrity party.
It looks great, isn't it?
It looks like a good party.
Well, ITV's idea of celebrity generally is anything that's purple and silky.
Glitzy, yeah, chintzy.
Yeah.
And the so-called celebrities, they're having a party and the party's supplied with a lot of food from a popular high street freezer store, freezer food store.
And it looks as if Strictly Come Dancing is taking place in the background and they're all waltzing around and stuff.
And it also looks like the most revolting food that no human would eat, let alone a celebrity.
The duck and vegetable boats.
They look like someone's got little dog turds, hollowed them out into boats with their thumb and then puked daintily at each one.
Duck and vegetable boats.
Mini Cornish Pasties and the King Prawn Spoons.
The Prawn Spoons.
It's basically a way of dressing up, sorry, 12 King Prawns and charging whatever they charge for them.
I don't quite understand.
The spoons themselves are not edible, right?
No, but you get a plastic spoon.
It's not very environmentally friendly.
A black plastic spoon.
And so what do you do?
Put them in the microwave?
I don't know.
No, you put them in your mouth.
Yeah, I know, but to prepare them.
Nothing.
Maybe you defrost them.
Right.
Maybe you don't defrost them.
They're like lollipops.
Right.
Frozen prawny pops.
You know what?
I don't want to know.
I do want to know.
I never want to taste one.
What if we bring some in next weekend?
Obviously other frozen prawn spoon food is available.
I tell you what they'd be good for.
It is a food fight.
They're like a prepared food fight.
You could just flick that prawn at everyone on the end of the plastic spoon.
But that's very deadly.
That's what the gangs are using in tough estates now.
I bet it is.
They don't defrost them.
It's the frozen All kinds of injuries coming into hot they've got another frozen prawn spoon injury right in the eye this goat bloke got one if we get some in Then you can try it and while you're trying it.
I'll flick them at you.
Do you even do you like prawns?
No, do you not even like prawns?
Not really so you're ill-disposed towards I mean I'm pro prawn I like prawns
I love any kind of prawn, and even me, as a prawn fan, as a prawner-crat, would turn my nose up at a prawn spoon.
I'm glad you noticed those.
All week I've been looking at those and thinking,
Why?
Why would you ever?
Why would you ever want that?
Well, that's what the current people in the current series of I'm a Celebrity want, isn't it?
Right.
That's their ultimate goal.
Oh, if only we could be in the interstitials of the next series.
Right.
They want that advertising deal.
It's got to be keep big cash money, surely.
Must be at least £30,000.
But Biggins looks like he's genuinely having a good time.
He is.
That's the best time he's ever had.
It's the best time peak of his career.
Despite the fact that they've invited Katona to the party.
Yeah, well, she's on good form that day.
Even that's not ruining it for her, right?
She's sparkling that day.
Exactly.
We had such a great party last night.
Prawn spoons.
Kerry was on wonderful form.
I had a great dance with big ins.
She arrived in a duck and vegetable boat.
Here's some more music.
Actually, we're going to play a little trail for you right now.
Is that right, Ben?
Yeah, let's have a little trail.
You never know what's going to be in the trail.
This is just for the hub combo, yeah?
Let's find out.
That's The Shins with Australia.
Nothing to do with the forthcoming Baz Luhrmann film, starring Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman.
The Kid Monster.
He's done a big thing about Australia, has he?
Yeah.
Oh my lord.
Massive historical sweeping epic.
Three hour epic.
Thank goodness.
At last I have been counting the days and finally Lerman has pulled it out of his Australian bag of tricks.
Hooray.
When can we expect that?
Pretty soon, I think.
Good.
Something to look forward to in the new year.
Music?
Has it got musical numbers in it?
Oh, I'm sure.
I hope so.
Oh, dancing, you mean?
Just anything glitzy and song and dancey.
It has to be.
You can't stop Lerman from the dancing.
What if you could stop Lerman?
Then somebody would have.
Now, listen, folks, it's just gone 10.30 and it is... No, no, 9.30, I'm so sorry.
God.
I'm really sorry.
Yeah, it's just gone 9.30 and now it's time for the news read by Catherine.
That's very enjoyable, I think.
You'd have to be hard-hearted to really loathe that, wouldn't you?
Yes.
I mean, I think so.
You know, it's enjoyable stuff there.
That's catchy.
The Mighty Coldplay featuring Jay-Z there.
Wouldn't buy it, though.
Would you not buy it?
No.
That's a tough one, isn't it?
Because it is enjoyable.
It's around so much.
I can just, I'll just hear it in shops.
Right.
And on the telly.
And that's as much as you need to hear.
Yeah.
Plus we get to hear it when we come into work.
Exactly.
Yeah, it's nice.
But you wouldn't ask for respect.
No disrespect intended.
No, they don't need the money either.
Right.
Who would you be more frightened of disrespecting?
Martin or Jay-Z?
Oh, Martin.
Right.
Because he's a bit of a ruffity-tuffity man these days.
You know, he's friends with Noel Gallagher now.
Well, I've told you my story about him being rude to me.
Many times.
Really?
Yeah.
I don't remember that one.
He came to see a recording of a kind of problematic talk show I did once years ago on The Telly.
Oh, yes.
He came to the first recording and then I met him, because he was a friend of Simon Pegg and Nick Frost was in this show.
This was way back in 2001, I remember.
Something like that, yeah.
And I met him in the corridor afterwards and I said,
Oh, Chris, hey, what did you think of that?
Did you enjoy it?
He said the sh1t word.
No.
He just said no, I didn't.
It was... He came right out with that.
I didn't know whether he was joking or serious, you know, he was kind of right.
But it startled me and that's it.
That's my last encounter with the Martin.
Was that the last one?
Oh, I've encountered him since then.
Have you?
He's been charming, if slightly awkward.
Has he?
But that's his MO, you know.
Sometimes his awkwardness spills over into... He's very honest.
Yeah.
He can't censor himself.
He will say what he thinks.
He will, won't he?
That's what I respect about him.
That's what I respect as well.
But that's why I'm more frightened than him than Jay-Z.
Yeah, exactly.
Jay-Z would have been polite.
Right, he would have probably enjoyed your show as well.
That was good, Dog.
Dog, I really dug it.
It was dope.
I dug it, Dog.
Dog, I thought it was dope.
It was deaf.
You know, my granny's deaf and she thought it was deaf too.
And I also, I worked on Death 2 with Janet Street Portadog.
What?
Thanks for having me, bye bye.
Thanks, bye bye.
See you later.
I'm rapping.
That is what he sounds like, that's the funniest thing.
Yeah, you know, after this next record, folks, I'm going to take you into the jungle.
No one else in the British media has talked about this show, I've discovered it.
It's called I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, I don't know if you've seen it.
And I've got some amusing things to say about it that I don't think anyone else in the country will have said.
So that's exciting, isn't it?
Brilliant.
Joe Cornish?
I cannot wait.
Say your name.
At last, Joe Cornish.
Remind people who you are.
Graham.
No, you see, that's confusing.
I'm Adam.
I'm Joe.
And that's Joe, okay?
And you can tell who we are by our names.
So, here's a free play for you right now.
This is you, isn't it, Joe?
Is it really?
I thought we were gonna have Phoenix.
Oh, it's not.
I assumed it.
This is a song that neither of us take responsibility for.
Right.
Even though it's probably very good.
Well, you're a Phoenix fan, though.
Yeah, I like Thummideth.
Duff, definitely.
So this is from 2004.
It's Phoenix with Run, Run, Run.
Phoenix with Run Run Run.
This is Adam and Joe on BBC 6 Music.
Wasn't the lead singer of that band going out with some sexy actress?
Spea Coppola he was going out with.
I may still be.
Oh, he's French, you know.
He has his pick of the ladies.
I mean a French Bond, you know, that's how they pronounce band.
Bond, yes.
Ladies love the stink of a French man.
Oh, look, especially if he's a rock man.
It does not matter if he has not washed, because he has a natural baseness and fecundity that the ladies love.
Even if they don't smoke, they smell of chitin.
I've just played a gig.
Smell my armpits, they smell of chitin.
Would you like to make some love?
Was he just sick on her?
He threw up on her.
A little bit.
That's cool.
She likes that.
It's okay, that's cool.
Oh yeah, I love the smell of your vomit.
You went too far.
I went too far.
You went too far.
She was French as well.
She wasn't French.
She isn't French.
She's American.
I've ruined that.
Yeah.
Thanks a lot for ruining it.
Oh, that's that balloon.
What an idiot.
Thank you very much.
What an idiot.
For literally puking all over that beautiful image.
So ashamed.
Now, folks, I don't know if you've seen this show.
I'm just about to get me out of here.
They put has-been celebrities in the jungle, and it's kind of a sociological experiment.
It's fun.
And it's one of my personal favourite shows.
I can say that unironically.
I enjoy it.
I look forward to it every year.
And every year you cross your fingers for an amusing, lunatic personality to come forth.
And obviously the producers of the show hope that'll happen too.
And they have a Trump card in the shape of ex-Dollar and Bucks Fizz member David Van Day.
This year, also known as DVD, he calls himself.
And you were a Dollar Fan, Joe, weren't you?
Well, that would be going a bit too far, I think.
We were both dollar fans.
I bought one of their seven-inch singles when I was very, very, very young.
I enjoyed video tech.
I thought that was the sound of the future when it came out, the song video tech.
And he is in there in the jungle.
And he's a ludicrous character, but in a very enjoyable way.
Why does everybody hate him so much?
Well, because he's one of these people who is completely self-absorbed, but everything he does is incredibly aggressive, because he's determined not to be walked over at any stage.
So if he thinks it's unfair that he hasn't got a bed, rather than just being polite about it and negotiating and saying, listen, I hate to be a pain, but is there any way that I could get a nice, comfy bed tonight?
It's my turn, perhaps.
He just goes in there and kicks up a massive fuss and says, oh, this is unfair, you know, when's it going to be my turn?
He picks the worst and most unpleasant way to deal with any situation.
Excuse me.
And immediately ruffles feathers.
And already there's someone in there, this glamour model called Nicole, who I was not aware of.
Was she the one that was evicted last night?
No.
The one that was evicted was Carly, some footballer's wife.
She's beautiful.
She was very lovely, wasn't she?
But she didn't do much other than... I don't care.
She was beautiful.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, she's out.
She's going out with Joe Cole.
That's right.
He's a footballer.
He's a football man.
That's what happens if you play the football.
I'm going to get in there.
I'm going to kick him to the curb.
Are you?
Yeah.
What does that mean?
You know, elbow my way in.
Oh, I see.
You've got to learn how to play football really well.
Nah.
Anyway.
Listen, David Van Day though, one of the things that, one of the amusing things that he's done is formed a kind of alliance with Timmy Mallet, right?
Who compared to Van Day looks like a level-headed and, you know, nice person.
So, him and Mallet are convinced that they're a kind of crazy entertainment twosome on this show, right?
And they were caught having a little chat about how best to exploit what they saw as their burgeoning popularity on the show, and they were sort of saying, you know, after we get out of here, we're probably gonna get asked to do quite a lot of gigs and stuff, you know?
So we should really keep up the banter between ourselves while we're here in the jungle, you know?
And it's always hard to tell on the show like how much they are saying these kind of things knowing that they're being filmed, like for entertainment value, and how much they really mean it.
But one suspects that generally they really mean it.
And one of Van Day's plans for world domination is to create a pop song.
It's something that's been done a lot in the show before.
Peter Andre most famously penned the classic Insaneia and then released it when he got out.
And Van Day plans to do the same thing with a track called Biff Baff Boff, right?
Excuse me, I've got some problems in my throttle area.
You'll have to bear with me, ladies and gentlemen.
I'll just have a little bit of water here.
So I've got a couple of clips here to play you of the actual moment
that Van Day created in his mind the structure for Biff Baff Boff.
And this is amazing.
This is like hearing John Lennon... This is an historic clip.
...writing Imagine or something like that.
So here's the first of those clips.
We'll wake up in the morning and we're feeling all right.
We're looking to the guys, but we don't want to fight.
We're going through the jungle, here's a good among.
A temperature's rising, something's going on.
Then you better watch the sun.
Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I mean, that's it.
The lyrics are there.
That's how it happens, doesn't it?
That kind of thing.
That's more or less what he was singing, and it's perfect stuff.
It's all there.
It's genius.
I like the lyrics that are less clear.
I think it should be totally made up of... Well, that's what I took from it.
There's a little bit more where he's talking to Mallet about how to hone the song and which lyrics to draw out for the chorus.
Let's just have that clip there.
Let's take that second line of the chorus and make it the third line.
But have the second line about being down on your knees.
Yeah.
So are you OK?
I like the idea of being down on our knees.
In other words, we're celebrities.
Being made to look foolish.
Yeah.
So it's all gelling.
I mean, it's amazing.
It's like an episode of classic albums, really.
So what I've done is I've taken that basic structure and stuck as closely as possible to create my own version of the song, or at least a little short demo version of it, of what you can expect when it gets released.
And it's really very exciting, the way that it's come together.
I'll play it for you now.
We're looking to the guys, but we don't wanna fight We're going through the jungle, is he got a heart?
I gotta make a system
We're going to have some fun.
I mean, maybe some of the chords aren't there, 100%, but it's basically there.
And the lyrics, I think, are there.
My sister done a rum.
Something like that.
Yeah, his su dada rum.
His su dada rum.
Yeah.
Biff, buff, buff, his su dada rum.
and what's your bada bum what's your bada bum what's your bada bum yeah i like the end the yes yes yes at the end it's very affirmative yeah that's what he does if you had any doubts about that song they're really cleared out of your mind by by yes yes yes yeah exactly yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
It's nice, isn't it?
It's clever.
It's very clever stuff, and I look forward to it being released.
But that's just my, you know, that's just my cover of the track.
It's good.
So you were watching it last night.
What did you think of the show?
I liked it, I guess.
Well, you were just watching it.
I can't really speak after that song.
I think we should have a record.
A trail, let's have a trail.
Yeah, this is my free play.
This is somebody called Mayor Hawthorne and the County.
This is called Just Ain't Gonna Work.
It's not gonna be... Hang on.
It's not gonna be as good as Biff Baffboth, mate.
It isn't.
This is called Just Ain't Gonna Work Out.
Mayor Hawthorne and the County with Just Ain't Gonna Work Out.
He's 29 and white and he's from Ann Arbor.
Oh, really?
Yeah, and that's on Stones Throw Records.
Wow, that's a very convincing impression of a bit of Philly Soul there.
Yeah, lovely sound, I think.
Charles Peterson's a fan of his.
Is he?
Yeah.
Charles Peterson.
I played that on Radio One.
He's a funky man.
Is he still on Radio One, Charles Peterson?
I think so.
He's about 150, isn't he?
Yeah, but he's brilliant.
Yeah, well, that's fine.
It's not a problem.
A couple of reactions to the Biff Baff Boff demo there reminded a couple of people of the TV series starring Alan Cumming, the comedy, the sitcom about, you know, stewardesses and airline stewards.
Yeah, what was that called?
The High Life.
And there was a song in there, apparently, that Alan Cummings sang called Piff Paff Poff.
I want to have it off.
A little bit of musing.
Um, how depressing.
Naughtiness.
What do you mean depressing?
Not the new song.
The new song is enlivening.
Yeah, but Piff Paff Poff.
That's depressing.
Piff Paff Poff, I want to have it off.
You're the kind of person that doesn't like saucy seaside postcards.
That's true.
You are a disgrace to this great country.
I like Piff Paff Poff.
We're going to throw you out of the big British castle.
And so that was from Sarah in Japan who was reminded of Piff Paff Poff.
Can you believe that she's listening to us in Japan?
We get quite a few emails from people in Japan.
That's exciting, isn't it?
What time would it be there?
Like it would be... Four.
It would be next year at four o'clock in the morning.
Also from Eliza, just listening to the I'm a Celebrity song, can't help thinking of this track from the classic airplane based cult comedy show The High Life, you can see it on YouTube.
Has Mallet had a single in the charts?
Didn't he do Nicky, Teeny?
Yes, that was a number one.
As he keeps reminding people, he keeps singing it whenever he gets the opportunity.
Does he?
Yeah, to lodge it in people's brains.
You know, Mallet was a guest on the show that I was talking about earlier that Chris Martin insulted me about.
What was the name of the show again?
This week only.
It lasted for one series.
Well, it was very unfortunate timing because it happened just after 9-11, didn't it?
But I can't remember how.
It was one of the great tragedies of the Twin Towers.
Yeah, exactly.
The show was buried.
Yeah.
It was the first casualty.
But Mallet attacked me with his foam mallet on that show.
Did he?
I did something to provoke it.
And he attacked me with genuine force and violence.
It was a big foam hammer he had.
Mallet's mallet.
And he really laid into me with genuine aggression.
It was frightening.
Right.
He stood up on one of the desks and went at me with the mallet.
I think there is some violence inside him.
Of course.
I mean, it was the same with Rod Hull.
God rest his soul, you know.
And it's a wonderful thing.
Can you imagine you would you'd be able to tell your children that you were attacked by mallet's mallet the same way that if you were attacked by emu, that would have been a great honor.
Yeah.
It's good as an entertainer to have some kind of foam-based outlet for your aggression.
Right, right.
Well, Kenny Everett had those big foamy hands, didn't he?
He never hit people with them.
He never walloped people.
He just did preaching.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What would yours be?
I don't know.
I think I might get some kind of foamy weapon and attack you with it during the program.
That would be nice.
I'm well up for it.
Do you remember when The Flintstones came out?
The Flintstones.
Uh, starring Ray, Ray, Ray Flintstone, no.
Uh, but the, the Flintstones movie came out and they had... And all the kids had inflatable wham-bams.
Yeah, whammy.
Mallets, yeah.
Mallet things.
They were fun.
That was, we did a bit of bashing with those.
Yeah.
Get some of those out of the cupboard and have a little bashing fun.
Biff Baffboth.
Biff Baffboth, we're celebrities.
Down on our knees.
Okey-doke, folks, we are coming up to the top of the first hour here at BBC Six Music.
Still so much great stuff to come.
We're going to be launching Text the Nation very shortly.
We'll be asking you for all kinds of interactive suggestions.
I'm just rambling now.
It's good.
Keep going, man.
I'm not having to do anything.
For quite a lot longer.
All kinds of suggestions we'll be asking from you when you phone in using your telephones or mobile phones.
You can use either of those two methods of communication to call in to the show or, of course, you can text us.
Please stop me.
Stop!
Thank you very much.
Here's a trail.
They're from Brooklyn in New York and they're called Chairlift and that track is called Bruises and the first time we played we had a little giggling fit after the song because of the
because of the rhyming about strawberries and knees and things like that.
But it's good, it really grows on you.
Yeah, it's a nice song.
It's very nice indeed.
So Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music, I'm Adam.
I'm Joe, and I've been invited to an amazing Christmas party, Adam.
I don't know whether you've been invited.
Have you been invited to Twiggy's Christmas gathering at her house?
No, I'm going to Twiggy's Christmas gathering.
It's brilliant.
Wait a second.
That's not the one with Take That, is it?
Yeah, I'm going with Howard and Gary.
I think Gary's going to bring a camcorder because he usually just, you know, he brings a camcorder and he films from the moment Twiggy actually opens the door.
Yeah.
She's so welcoming and she lives on her own now, but she's living, she's spending Christmas with Erin O'Connor.
and Lily Cole.
I was surprised to find Erin O'Connor there.
Well, the nice thing about Twiggy's party is Nomi's always there.
Mm-hmm.
And she's always in her underwear.
That's right.
She is.
She never wears clothes.
She just sits around in her bra and panties smiling.
Mm-hmm.
And it's such a lovely Christmassy touch.
So it's Nomi, is it?
Where's Nomi from?
Noemi.
I don't know.
She's from Bra-land.
Okay.
Panty area.
Yeah.
Anyway, it's gonna be a brilliant party because some all of the that boys are gonna be there.
Yeah Probably start with mark and Lily Cole playing some Scrabble.
Mm-hmm.
They love to play the Scrabble.
They've got the rotating board In front of a lovely fire, there's always a lovely fire And no meal probably be sitting in the window seat painting her nails right in her underwear You know what?
I can't make that party
Why not?
Because I'm going to Ant and Dec's place with Jamie Oliver.
Oh, really?
Yeah, and I'm going to help them make lunch.
But Mylene's bought Gary a stripy shirt.
No, I'm... She's wrapping it.
Jamie asked me ages ago to go there.
We met in Sainsbury's in the aisle.
Really?
What'll happen at that party?
I'm hanging out mainly with there's been a problem with between ant and deck right and Ants put a lot of no decks put a lot of work into to some profiteroles that ants not interested in right and there's some squabbling There's a little bit of squabbling similar things gonna happen at Twiggy's because apparently mark Owen swapped a couple of the tags on a couple of the presents that's typical and My leans ended up with a telescope.
Yeah, and marks ended up with a bra
Actually, that's correct.
That's the way it should have gone, I think.
Mark asked for a bra.
You jealous?
I'm a little bit jealous.
I'm jealous of the panty ladies.
Yeah.
There's none of those at Jamie Oliver's house.
Wouldn't that be brilliant to actually go to that party?
Yeah.
That's the best possible Christmas, don't you think?
Well, or you could be with Des O'Connor, where all the prices keep appearing in front of his face.
I don't like that one so much.
No, he's all on his own there.
I want the thatters.
I like models.
I prefer the Jamie Oliver party, to be honest with you.
Folks, after this next track, we are going to be launching Text the Nation today, so stay tuned for that.
Ooh, it's going to be exciting.
But first, here is... Are we going to play Laura Marling now?
No.
Oh, Goldfrap, of course you said before.
I'm so sorry, Ben.
Ben's our producer at the moment, folks.
Our producers always leave with frightening regularity.
I don't know if it's us or what.
James went off to Australia.
So Ben, you know, Ben's going to be with us for a while.
Nice to have you with us, Ben.
Hope you don't go to Australia too soon.
Here's Goldfrap with Ooh La La.
What if I don't want to?
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
It doesn't matter, text!
Yes, it's time for Text the Nation, the part of the programme, where we talk about a thing and then ask you, our listeners and friends, to email us or text us your thoughts or suggestions thereon.
Can I just say, last week we were talking about anthropomorphising inanimate objects.
Well, somebody called Stuart made an animation to one of the emails that we read out about somebody who felt sorry for his left hand.
and gave it a character and started talking to it.
I remember.
And if you go to our Six Music website and you click on the little link there, you can see this rather brilliant little animation that the guy's done to illustrate that email.
Mmm.
That's it.
Thank you very much indeed for that.
What's his name?
Stuart Bannocks.
Thank you very much, Stuart.
Now, this week on Text-A-Nation, we are talking about a book by Malcolm Gladwell called Outliers.
That's the inspiration for this Text-A-Nation.
Now, he's a terribly important and exciting, what would you call him, sort of a social... Pop sociologist, I suppose.
Yeah, and he's quite unique looking.
He's a sort of weedy middle-aged white man with a big afro of crazy hair.
And he's written three very successful books analyzing the way social trends occur, right?
Or, yeah, that kind of thing.
Yeah, I think the one that everybody knows is the tipping point.
He might have written more than three, but there's three that we know of.
Sure, the big ones.
The tipping point, which is brilliant, which I have read, which analyzes how things become successful and how trends spread across over.
Yeah, how they go from sort of street level to a commercial reality.
And it takes all kinds of various examples about
How these things like crime in new york how it spreads and how it was some how it was stopped from spreading and fascinating fascinating examples about how you know fashion trends spread and the kind of elements you need to make.
Yeah, the moment when things kind of start running out of control and how to either stop that or harness it.
That's right.
Then he wrote a book called Blink, which I didn't read.
I didn't read it either, but I understand that's to do with taking instinctive decisions, not analysing stuff too much.
If you're given a proposition or asked a question or given a choice, you should go with your instant blink of an eye response.
I mean, that just seems insane, though.
We haven't read the book.
I might be wrong.
I think that's what it's about.
Because my first instincts are usually wrong about almost everything I found.
But maybe that's where I'm going wrong, is thinking that they're wrong.
And actually, I should trust them a bit more.
Right?
Got to read the book, I suppose.
Yeah.
His latest, which I've just bought in super hardback, is called Outliers.
I heard them chatting about it on Radio 4 earlier this week.
And it is looking into what goes into making certain people successful, i.e.
concentrating less on the people themselves, the genius of certain people who are very successful, and looking more at the circumstances of their success and the opportunities they've had to make themselves successful.
And one of the things that he talks about in this book
is the so-called ten thousand hour rule.
Right.
And he says, and I quote, everyone from all kinds of groups, successful groups, started playing or working, oh no, he's talking about sports people now, and...
Oh no, I'm sorry, he's talking about violinists in this case.
Everyone in these three groups of violinists, i.e.
violinists who are good, world-class and just indifferent, started playing when they were roughly the same age, around five.
In those first few years, everyone practiced roughly the same amount, two or three hours a week.
But at the age of eight, real differences started to emerge between these players.
The students who would end up as the best in their class began to practice more than anyone else, six hours a week by age nine.
8 by age 12, 16 hours a week by age 14 until by the age of 20 they were practicing well over 30 hours a week.
By then the elite performers had all totalled 10,000 hours of practice.
So his basic theory is that success and genius level talent relies on putting in hours and hours of practice and also am I not right in saying it's to do with being in the right place at the right time?
Yeah, exactly.
Doesn't he talk about how Bill Gates went to some school in America that was the first school ever to have a PC?
So he was learning how to program long before anybody else.
Yeah, he looks at all kinds of factors that affect success.
And the other factor with Bill Gates was when he was born.
He says the computer revolution happened in Silicon Valley around 1975.
Bill Gates was born 20 or 21 years before that.
So he was exactly the right age to be kind of fired up into it.
But the overall point
for our listeners is that this chap Malcolm Gladwell is making a mint by producing this new type of book, this kind of social theory book.
Yeah, identifying these kinds of... Yeah, practical techniques, sort of identifying some sort of social trend and a practical technique that people can apply to their own lives.
Because by buying the book, they're almost like sort of self-help, how to make money books, aren't they?
Because by buying it, you think you're getting a slice of that intelligence.
You think, hmm, I'm going to make better decisions.
I'm going to be more creative and successful and a genius.
It's a way of looking at the world in a different way that might be helpful to you, I suppose.
Yeah.
Did you not think when you read the tipping point that you were going to apply some of those theories to your own work?
You do sort of think, hmm, yes, I've got a little insight into how things happen now, but it's hard to apply practically.
I mean, the comforting thing about this book, Outliers, is that it makes you think, well, it's not my fault if I'm not successful.
No, it's still possible for someone who is not like a natural genius to make themselves into a successful person by sheer dint of hard work.
I mean, that's what people always suspected, of course, but he makes a very good case for saying that that's true.
You know, you just have to put in the hours.
I was thinking about you and I being on the radio, right?
And in total, since we've been like doing radio shows, we were at XFM for around about three, three and a half years.
In that time, we only did about 100 shows in total of around about three hours.
That's 300 hours there.
We've only done about 60 shows here at the BBC of around three hours.
So what's that?
That's another 180 hours.
So 280 hours.
That's all we've got in the locker.
What have we got to do?
We've got to do 10,000.
before we're any good.
How old are we gonna be then?
Well, very.
Very old.
Something to look forward to.
Unless we really knuckle down, unless we do a daily show.
I was thinking the only thing that I've spent 10,000 hours on in my life.
Don't talk about that.
I know exactly.
I mean, I could be the king of Onan, but nothing else.
Hey, so the point of this, listeners, is we want your ideas for Malcolm Gladwell-style books.
We want you to think of some kind of social theory, it can be very stupid, but some kind of idea that you could spin a book out of and make as much money and have as much impact as Malcolm Gladwell has had.
Here's one that I would genuinely like to read, right?
Is something called Grump.
And it would be identifying how moods happen, how you get in a bad mood and how to get yourself out of a bad mood.
And how you can harness bad moods to manipulate your life and people around you.
Don't you think?
Yeah.
How if you enter a room and you're clearly in a grump, how you can get what you want.
Yeah.
I mean, generally, you can't.
That's the thing.
I mean, David Van Day possibly could write this book.
But it's a real problem I have is getting out of moods.
How are you when you get into a mood?
Is it easy for you to just pop yourself out of there?
No.
Because when you're in a mood, people say, hey, cheer up, and things like that.
That generally doesn't help very much.
And you can see it in children as well.
When they're determined to be in a mood, they really dig their heels in.
And it's very hard to get them out of it.
And it's a trend that you sort of think, oh, if you were able to master your moods and just pop yourself out of a bad mood, you would be the king of your chosen field.
My book would be called Lamp.
Right.
Lamp by Joe Cornish.
It's all about how to use hitting people as a tool to get ahead in life.
I think Vinnie Jones has already written that book.
He might write the introduction, but it would tell you when's the right time to punch someone.
You know, you shouldn't use it a lot.
It's got to be targeted and limited when to threaten to use violence Yeah, when to appear to be about to go off the handle lamp how famous people have used tantrums and they're similar books I think our books.
Yeah, how famous people have used hitting in the past to get to get ahead
Guy Ritchie could write a forward as well.
Yeah, there'd be lots of... it would be mostly forwards.
Do you think that would sell?
Lamp?
It would be very classy, very stylish.
You have a white background and all lower case with a full stop and everything.
So you would actually, in a way... And a picture of a broken lamp.
Right.
To confuse people.
A smashed lamp, yeah.
I mean, in a way you would be... Well, when I say in a way, you would be directly condoning violence.
In used in the right context.
Oh, yes.
Yeah.
But like most people would think of the right context for violence being war.
Right.
So you're moving it out of that context into a social context.
Yeah.
That's interesting.
Yeah.
Very interesting.
I definitely buy lamp by Joe Cornish.
So we'd like to hear your ideas for similar kind of pop sociology tomes in a Malcolm Gladwell style.
The text number is 64046.
That's 64046.
The email is adamandjoe.6musicatbbc.co.uk.
Here's a free play for you listeners.
This is an artist that I've enjoyed for many years, Square Pusher, and he for a long time sounded a lot like Aphex Twin, that kind of
a slightly unlistenable drill and bass type electronic music, which I've got a soft spot for.
But he's also, the thing about the guy in Squarepusher is that he's got jazz bones, right?
He loves jazz.
And that keeps coming through, but he's got a very odd head on him as well.
And his new album is a mix of all these types of influences.
And this song is one of the most insane things I've heard for quite a while.
But I like it because it's sort of computerized, and it's got a computer voice in it, and it's called A Real Woman by Squarepusher.
Sorry Ben, we played that one already, that spoon.
Square Pusher I think is track two on there.
I mean it's a good track, the spoon one, and I'd certainly enjoy hearing it again, but for the sake of variety, here we go.
This is Square Pusher.
That's good.
How does he make that noise with his voice?
That's a vocoder, isn't it?
Really?
Yeah.
Have you got one of those?
Yeah.
How much did it cost you?
A couple of hundred quid.
Is it a keyboard that comes with a sort of a tube?
Yeah, I've got a cool one.
And then you sing and play the keys simultaneously.
Exactly.
And it modulates them.
There must be a computer application to do that now, now that they're like the...
Nintendo DS's and Apple iPhones have things you can blow into, don't they?
Yeah, exactly.
So there must be some kind of, uh... basic one.
Way to get that without paying a couple of hundred nicker.
Like the knockers.
Well, yeah, exactly.
Cornballs has already done his outlay on his chaos pad.
What have you got your... Chaosulator.
Chaosulator, yeah.
Yeah, but I'm in the market for buying a new noggin.
You get a vocoder, do you think?
It's enjoyable.
Although, I only play with it, there's only so much.
You used it on A Song Wars song, didn't you?
I used it on Dirty Robots, I think.
And it was quite hard to hear what you were saying.
That's the problem.
I did find it quite hard to make it sound distinctive.
He's done a great job there, Tom Jenkins.
Yeah, that's great.
AKA Squarepusher.
His new album is out now and that's from it.
I forget the name of it.
I'm sure you can find it fairly easily by going on some online store.
My sister done a rum.
Watch for your batter bum.
Yeah, that's Biff Baffboth, of course.
Yeah, it's catchy.
It keeps coming back into my head.
Biff, bath, boff, we're celebrities Biff, bath, boff, we're down on our knees You know, in a couple of months you'll be singing it If that actually came out, would you think we'd play it on this programme?
Yeah, definitely, 100% We've played much worse than that on this programme And we'll do again, almost certainly I'm just having one of my five a day here, do you mind?
Having a carrot?
Oh tasty, very healthy.
Crunchy carrot.
One of the things I enjoy about it is making patterns in the top of the carrot where I bite with my wonky teeth.
Is that something you've got nice straight teeth?
Thanks.
Maybe that would have been a better text the nation.
We're worried about this text the nation that it might be too sophisticated and difficult.
It's a bit up itself isn't it?
Something like not funny ways of eating food might have been better.
What are the quirky ways to eat food?
That would have been better, wouldn't it?
Maybe we can switch it.
You reckon?
Well, we'll see.
We'll see how we get on with the Malcolm Gladwell one.
We're aiming high.
But maybe we should have aimed a bit lower with the quirky ways to eat food.
Fun ways of eating carrots.
That's quite a good pattern.
Narrow it down as well.
I'm not sure we should narrow that narrow.
Do you have your five a day?
You pretty good with your five a day?
I eat a lot of fruit.
Right.
And some veggie.
If you've got, like, if you eat different types of fruit, does that, do they count as two different ones from your five a day, right?
I don't know.
I really don't know.
Does smoothie count as part of five a day?
Well, sometimes you buy, like, I get these orange lollies made from pure, a fresh orange juice, right?
And it says on the box, counts as one of your five a day.
Really?
Yeah.
It can't be right.
True.
No.
I mean, a lot of people, they did a survey recently, a lot of people believe that one of your five a day is crisps because they're made of potatoes.
Oh, that's a vegetable.
So, and chips.
People think chips is one of your five a day.
It's not, not.
Here's the news.
That's The Cope Man, The Cope Monster, The Copester, Julian and that track, of course, is World Shut Your Mouth.
This is Adam Buxton here on BBC Six Music and this is...
uh... joe corny well done that was good man you've got a panicking why what's the matter because we've said we're going to do a steven update and i haven't really got my bits of paper in order well i can tell you right now for a start that uh... it says here this is from who is this from this is from the face book team uh... it says there is of an event today a minute of steven a worldwide synchronized shouting of steven
And it starts at 11 o'clock today.
So that's in 22 minutes.
That's in 22 minutes time.
It says, where is it happening?
The world, right?
So at 11 o'clock, and it ends five minutes after 11, right?
So it lasts... So you have to shout Steven for five minutes.
Well, yeah.
Well, just within that allotted time, between 11 and five past 11, you just go out into the street and shout, Steven!
And if someone says, just coming, then you know that they're... Is that sensible?
Is this something we should encourage?
Why?
What possible bad consequences could there be?
Just disappointment.
Yeah, obviously.
I mean, that's a risk with life in general.
We should log on to Facebook and see how many people are in that group.
How many do you reckon?
21.
I would say less than that.
Would you?
Yeah, I would say maybe 15 at a push.
Well, listen, things are starting to turn on the Steven front.
We're not really going to attempt to explain this anymore.
It's just a silly call and response thing that arose during A Text the Nation a while ago.
If you want to find out about it, you can search on YouTube for Adam and Joe Steven with a pH.
And there's a little film there of the original segment.
Right.
that somebody's done.
Maybe we'll try and put that on our website so it's clearer.
That would be good.
But here's a couple of emails that have come in.
This is from Ben Haley.
He says, further to last week's missive about the Fleet Fox's Steven incident, I bring exciting news from Thursday's Ida Maria gig at the Scala in London.
This time it was a drunken me who, fighting back the giggles and egged on by friends, shouted, Steven, in between Ida's songs.
She paid no attention.
However, a good five seconds later, a reply came from somewhere to our right.
Just coming!
Hoorah!
I've not got any more gigs in the diary, and fear my girlfriend's patience will soon wear thin, but I will endeavour to spread the good news of Stephen and update you accordingly.
Girlfriend's patience?
To say nothing of the artists, surely.
I mean, this is something... That might irritate performers.
Yeah.
Do you think we should encourage people to shout it before?
It's alright, between songs.
Between songs is alright.
It's fine.
That's fine.
Not during the songs.
No, never during.
But that's good a result.
That's very good result.
Must be quite a little thrill.
Yeah.
Here's another one from Molly in Brighton.
Hello Adam and Jo.
I was at my favourite pub quiz last night and one of the teams was called Steven.
When the quiz master read the scores so far and got to their name, I dutifully shouted, Steven!
From somewhere in the pub a voice called,
just coming.
I was thrilled.
Stephen came a second after a Jenga tiebreak round.
What?
I don't know what that means.
I did a gig this week at the BFI and there was a lot of Stephen action.
really and I came back with just coming but but but I but I got annoying no it was absolutely fine they all came at the same time and when the first one happened like about this during one of your gigs yeah after the first one happened there was about five or six right right and so I just dealt with all of them with just the one just coming did you but I heard someone one of the later Steven Shouters going oh
Like, he wanted a personal one, you know?
Yeah.
But that's, I mean, if it's multiple Stevens, it's very hard to come back with multiple just comings.
The nice thing about this is that it's so underpopulated.
Right.
It's kind of pathetic.
It's like a sort of lame, hobbling, little Dickensian street urchin of a phenomena, isn't it?
Well, if Malcolm Gladwell were to study this one... That's what our book would be called!
Steven!
It'd be a very short book.
Yeah.
I think that's it for the Stevens.
I'll try and dig up a couple more.
We did get quite a lot of emails, but I am rubbish and haven't organised them.
uh... so there you go it's going to be time for that steven event will check out face book and see how many people are so far involved in the steven event which starts today at eleven o'clock right now here's some more music this is the yeah yes with turn into she was just being recorded in the studio strumming her guitar she didn't know she was being recorded no that was completely a surprise to lucky the first time she found out was just the other day when she heard on the radio cute guys
Yeah, I didn't realise that, that you were recording me just strumming there in the studio on my own when I was unplugged there.
Who was she?
Who was that singing?
That was the lady from the Yeah Yeah Yes.
Ah, that's nice.
Is she called Karen O?
Tina O?
Hey, come on.
What do you think this is?
A music station?
I don't know.
We don't know.
I don't know.
Hey, Ben, play the Text the Nation jingle again, please.
Now?
Please?
Text the Nation!
Text!
Text the Nation!
What if I don't want to?
Text the Nation!
But I'm using email!
Is that a problem?
It doesn't matter!
Text!
So Text the Nation this week, listeners, is all about coming up with your own idea for a Malcolm Gladwell-style book.
We have trouble even describing this Text the Nation, so it's little wonder that people have had some trouble... Responding.
Texting the Nation.
But I'll read you out some of the ones we've got and you can see what you think.
This is from Ross Foley.
He says...
no eye contact this incredible hardback will teach you in a matter of weeks how to master the ancient art of retinal intercommunication however it's not just a book the text comes with two mirror pads and a code to an incredible instructional mp3
That's the end.
Boy, he's really thought that through.
He has.
I think the freebie element of that denigrates the book slightly.
It makes it seem like a cheap... I mean, Gladwell wouldn't go for any cassette, you know, cassette or CD-based.
I don't think he would.
He's pure text, isn't he?
But he doesn't... Gladwell doesn't make the self-help element of his work overt in that way.
No.
You know what I mean?
But maybe... It's more an analysis.
Yeah, exactly.
It's a... A practical analysis.
Shin-stroking.
That is good though, making eye contact, that's an important part of life.
Handshakes is the other one to get right, you know?
Isn't neuro-linguistic programming to do with eye contact?
Oh, I don't know.
What's that?
A branch of psychology?
Yeah, it's to do with where your eyes go when you're thinking.
Oh, I see.
And if you divide the eyeball into a kind of a clock, depending on where the eyeball looks, you're either lying or recalling something from memory.
Right.
So if you're trained in it, you can tell when people are telling the truth or not by where they look when they're thinking.
There you go.
No, certainly my eyes go funny when I lie.
Do they?
Yeah.
What do they do?
They go cross.
Yeah, that's unfortunate.
Here's one from Kate in Anychem in Oxen.
She says, how about face?
How people judge each other from their facial features and how you can use facial expressions to manipulate others?
Well, that must exist surely.
I mean, that's just like Joe's making faces at me now.
What are they communicating?
You're a jerk.
Correct.
What do you think of that one then?
Face.
Well, that's good.
I mean, that's pretty basic though, isn't it?
I mean, that's the problem.
We left the parameters a little wide for this test session, perhaps.
It's not too late to do funny carrot eating.
How do you eat carrots?
Do you bite off the top?
Do you like to make patterns in the side of the carrot?
Do you slice up the carrot into long thin sticks?
What's your favourite carrot recipe?
Here's quite a good idea.
Do you prefer discs?
From Sarah Dirty.
She says, I'd like a study on why sometimes, when something you like gets popular, you stop liking it.
Ah, that is interesting.
That would just be called snob.
Wouldn't it?
Uh-huh.
Right, right, right.
No, it's not, but it's, you see, ah, you've identified- I admit to being a snob.
I am one of those snobs.
But no, you've identified a lazy prejudice about the phenomenon.
It's not just snobbism, it's something else.
That's why it's interesting.
Carry on with the- What is it, though?
Oh.
You're going to tell us what it is.
No, you find out if you read the book.
Also, why sometimes an impersonation of a comedian you don't like is funny when the actual comedian isn't.
I'm thinking about Dane Cook here.
I don't know who Dane Cook is.
He's an American funny man.
Oh, yeah.
That's getting a bit sort of off-map.
That's more just sort of teasing though, isn't it?
If you do an impression of someone you don't admire.
Here's one from Keith Jewett.
He says,
I think this proves the lamp theory.
There you go.
You could have that as a little anecdote.
Yeah.
Maybe it's just slapping because in the olden days, a good, short, sharp slap used to solve lots of problems.
You know, in the 50s, if a woman was stepping out of line, a slap.
Well, the upper classes used to think nothing of a little slap, did they?
And indeed, if a man was stepping out of line, a woman would feel free to slap him.
You know?
And he would just go... Have you ever been slapped by a woman?
Uh, no.
I'd like to be, though.
Have you never been?
I've been slapped.
Can we arrange it?
I was slapped by a woman once.
I don't think I even deserved it.
There's some women through a piece of glass there who are looking interested in the slapping scenario.
I bet you a few women have wanted to slap you once or twice.
I bet.
We've had emails about my slapability.
Right.
I have been slapped.
Have you?
Yeah.
For saying something cheeky?
Yeah, I said something saucy at a party, and it was inappropriate, and I got slapped.
I tell you what it is, it's like sort of a low-level jackass, isn't it, being slapped?
Right.
But it was not, I mean, it was not so saucy that I really deserved the slap.
Really?
And it was a girl who clearly... A sexy slap.
No, it was a painful slap.
Really?
Yeah.
And it was a girl who clearly thought it was somehow glamorous to slap men.
Right?
Right.
And I got quite angry about it.
And I think she followed up the slap with a punch to my chest.
And then I got really angry and I left the party.
Wow.
I just thought, well, that's not on.
You can't just go around punching people and think it's cute and sexy.
She was quite sexy.
Really?
That's the thing.
So I was a little confused for a while.
I thought, am I enjoying being punched by a sexy woman?
And then I realised, no, I think I'm not.
I'm going to leave this party.
So I wouldn't recommend it personally.
Less slapping.
I would have just pushed her over.
Joe Lamp Cornish.
Just shoved her into a bowl of crisps.
Just giving her a prawn spoon and let her get on with it.
Flicked a prawn in each eyeball.
Anyway, if you can think of some better responses to text the nation, do text us on 64046.
Alternatively, we might switch to funny ways of eating carrots.
It's never too late.
Here's a free play.
This is from the JB's album from 1974.
Us.
that I bought on highly overpriced Japanese import this week.
Us is a great album isn't it?
Oh it's fantastic this is a track called Drowning in the Sea of Love.
How do you do?
That was Elliot Smith that you heard before the top of our stab there with the track called Son of Sam.
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music.
I'm Adam.
I'm Joe and we're excited to be announced that the BBC have recently rehired us.
They've renewed our contract so we're going to be here for another year.
Yeah, we're delighted.
It's very exciting.
But it's made me think that we should maybe raise our game a bit.
Oh, really?
Yeah, I was listening to Steve Wright the other day.
And he's a very professional and seasoned DJ, isn't he?
Yeah, he's got his 10,000 hours in there.
One of the things that, you know, differentiates him from us... One of the many things.
...is that he never says... Does he not say, ah, mon ah?
Ah, he doesn't ah, mon ah.
If you listen to Steve Wright, he seems to know what he's going to say, and he says it with no ambiguity or dilly-dallying.
And we're not very good at that.
He might script some of his stuff, though.
Do you think?
Possibly.
Well, maybe we should start scripting.
I just think we are Manar a lot.
Well, we do, but that's because we're thinking off the top of our very small brains.
But don't you think more professional DJs are better at talkings?
There's no question.
We're never going to be one of the greats.
We're never going to be at the level of Nicky Campbell.
You used to annoy your brother, didn't it?
Yes.
The amount that we are in our.
That's funny that it's stuck in your head.
Well someone as well once sent me a mini disc where they had edited out all the ums and ahs from our show.
No.
And left just the ums and ahs in and got rid of everything else.
No.
It was just a lot, it went on for about five minutes.
Did it?
Yeah.
I think he'd done it like as, it was just a listener, you know, it was not someone I knew.
I think he'd done it because he thought we might find it amusing.
But it was like a corkscrew to my heart.
Well, expose your heart because I've tried it as well.
Oh, have you?
I took a 15-minute section of one of our podcasts.
Oh, duh.
And just left the ums and ahs.
Right.
Do you want to hear it?
Alright then.
This is how many we do in 15 minutes of broadcasting.
Just 15?
Yeah.
You could make a really good song out of that.
Do you think?
Would it sound a bit like this?
I'm home, you know joy I'm home, I'm home
That's not dissimilar to the Timmy Mallet song.
It's a lot better than Biff Baff Boff, I'm ashamed to say.
Do you think?
It's got stronger lyrics.
That's very good.
And did you have to change the pitch of any of those ums and ahs to make them fit there?
Nope.
No, you just... It's musical though.
At least our upping and ouring has some kind of tuneful quality to it.
Do you think?
It's not just... You know, I think we shouldn't be ashamed of it.
We should be proud of it.
We should make it one of our trademarks.
We should do more stumbling and fumbling.
It's hard.
The thing is that once you start thinking about it, if you start worrying about things like that, it's going to get much worse.
Do you think, once you make it conscious?
I noticed that.
I know I do that a lot.
You do that.
That was really noticeable.
You do the tarts.
Also, I say really?
Yeah.
A lot.
I say yeah.
And you know... Sure.
You've got to have these little punctuation points.
You've got to have your props.
It's true.
Otherwise you're nowhere.
Yeah.
Um... Let's have another record.
This record is... What is it?
This is... Is this James Brown?
Yes.
But this is like wall to wall James Brown.
It's a bit of a clash, isn't it?
It's a bit of a massive JV trash.
Nevermind.
Well, enjoy it.
Let's enjoy it.
There's nothing wrong with lots of James Brown.
This is talking loud and saying nothing.
That's the new young pony club with the bomb.
You're listening to Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music, and someone has brought in for us a present of 12 King Prawn spoons with cocktail sauce.
I should say we were talking about these earlier because they are advertised on the interstitials for I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here.
Very beautifully advertised by Christopher Biggins and Kerry Katona.
But I'd never come across a prawn spoon before.
Seems strange, doesn't it?
I'm a worldly wise man.
Well, it seems unbelievable that they haven't been around.
Maybe they were recently invented.
The idea of already having the prawn on the spoon is brilliant, isn't it?
All the effort it saves you of putting the prawn on the spoon
Well, it's nice, isn't it?
Because, you know, a prawn cocktail is a fun thing, but one wishes that one could have a prawn cocktail experience whenever and wherever.
Why not fuse entire meals to the cutlery?
Why stop at just a prawn on a spoon?
What about a slice of cake fused to a knife?
That's nice.
Or you could have meals that are pre-cooked on plates.
You could call them ready meals.
Uh-huh.
And you could have a whole section of the supermarket devoted to them.
I don't think that would ever take on, catch on.
What about soup spoons?
And you'd have to peel off like it would be a... That's very good.
And you'd have to peel off a little thing and then you could just...
It's like one of those big serving spoons they have, but it would be the size of a soup bowl.
And if you're on the go, it's nice.
You don't have access to a microwave or an oven.
What you can do is you can pop the soup spoon in your pox next to your julies, and they will warm up by natural friction of walking.
And then after about a half-hour walk,
They've warmed up.
What have warmed up?
The soup spoon.
Because you get the soup spoon, you buy it, it's maybe 25 pence at the news agent.
You could call it nut soup.
Nut soup is nice.
It's nutty.
Warm nature's way.
Right, right.
And whether you're a man or a woman, you just put them in your pocket and you walk around with them for a while.
You could have little pork pies in foil sachets that are designed to be popped in the armpit.
That's nice, you see.
To heat them up.
If you're on the run.
If you're really pressed for time.
You've got too far.
I'm sorry about that.
But listen, what we're going to do is defrost these King Prawn spoons.
Apparently, according to the packet, it doesn't mention microwaving.
So I'm assuming that that microwaving is discouraged.
Well, somebody here attempted to microwave one, and if you've got the results here, she said that the, uh, the sauce exploded, and the prawn is, like, particularly dead.
It looks a little bit, uh, wankoid now.
So, what we're gonna do is present them nicely on a plate, and by the end of the show, just before 12, they should be correctly defrosted, and we can have a little prawn spoon party.
There's no way.
You have to try one.
I'm not gonna eat one of those.
What?
It's gonna be revolting.
No, it isn't.
It's gonna be nice with cocktail sauce.
Look.
No, there's a sprig of parsley on there.
I don't like them.
You have to have one.
You brought it up.
Yeah, but because they look disgusting.
Yeah, but now you have to have one.
You can't end this.
No, for balance, this is a big British castle.
You can't just go around saying that commercially available products look disgusting and they're not even try one.
What kind of sick world would that be?
Well let's cross this bridge when we come to it.
Alright.
Now here's a free play for you listeners which may upset and outrage some people because it features some pirate radio interruptions that I've created.
If you're a regular listener to the show you may remember that a few weeks ago when Garth was filling in for Joe
We did some specially made pirate radio interruptions of the kind that you hear if you're a listener to analog radio But you never get on digital radio if you're listening to your analog radio in the car sometimes when you cross kind of band Waves or bandwidths or whatever the word is you know you'll get a little interruption
suddenly in the middle of whatever you're listening to and it'll be a pirate radio station with the frequency interrupting there.
But you don't get it on digital radio, of course.
So we've decided to put that right by having occasional pirate radio interruptions to some of our songs.
And this time I've decided to interrupt the Pink Floyd classic, Breathe.
give me a little
Don't be afraid to care Leave, don't leave Easy virtue, Kristin Scott Thomas Just one minute Around How you live, how you fly Stars will give and tears will cry
This one's going out to my mum.
Thanks for cleaning my pants.
Any chance of doing my show as well?
Nice look up there.
Steven!
He's back.
Is he?
Yeah.
Oh, he's back, is he?
Yeah, he's back.
Oh, that means he's got the tooth fairy with the rock in the can.
What's that?
He's, that's why he's been in America because he was, um, he's appearing in a film with the rock.
What's the rock's real name?
uh Bernie Torpin Jimmy Pebble Jimmy Pebbles uh yeah it's a film about the tooth fairy and Stephen Merchant is in it playing an elf he's not he's he's tall he's not he's tall not like an elf and uh i think the rock had some sort of bereavement in his family right what so they had to stop filming so they stopped filming yeah a very sudden and abrupt well we were talking about bereavement we were talking about bereavement so the tone had to shift you shifted it really weird yeah it was good though wasn't it
And that's that story then.
Yeah.
Hey, I printed out some more Texanation responses.
The tone shifter.
But I haven't got them off the printer.
What are you doing tone shifter?
A shifting that I'm just keeping it real.
Here we go.
Here comes the lovely Zanthi.
She is lovely as well.
With some print heights.
I'm just checking on the prawn spoons and the progress of the defrosting.
They are now, they're still a bit crusty and frosty though.
Really, the only use I can see for these prawn spoons is to flick this at you.
Don't do that.
But they're so mucky because the prawn is on a little sort of, you know, blob of mayonnaise.
And so it would make a hideous mess on Adam's clothes.
Cocktail sauce.
It would splatter the carpet.
Yeah, it would be disgusting.
It would make the studio sink, sink, stink.
So I can't do that.
You have to, you have to.
And even if they're not defrosted, you'll have to suck one of them.
I bet it'll be nice.
I bet it'll be really nice.
I really, really, really don't want to burn my mouth.
Listen, listen.
Why would they make them if they weren't delicious?
Can we see the ingredients?
Yeah, there's the box.
Is it environmentally friendly, though, to create, like, hundreds and thousands of plastic spoons to use an individual piece of cutlery per bite?
Because people can't be bothered to just have like a metal spoon and reuse it to eat a prawn cocktail ingredients.
King Prawn, which is 58% shellfish.
That's very shellfish.
So what's the other 42%?
of a prawn that isn't shellfish cocktail sauce salt parsley leaf cocktail sauce contains water sugar tomato paste soybean oil modified tapioca starch skimmed milk powder salt acidity regulator acetic acid thickener xanthan gum clove oil and mustard powder that's all good stuff like it still not eating it though yes you are how are you gonna make me well if you don't it'll be a disgrace if you really then this show is worth nothing
Really?
Yeah.
If I don't eat a revolting... I hate prawns!
Come on!
What if I've got a medical allergic reaction?
After we've gone on about it, to this extent, you refuse to listen as their satisfaction of hearing you eat the prawn.
That would be very low.
That would not be worthy of an employee of the Big British Castle.
That's all I'm saying about it.
What if I made you eat a big lump of cheese?
would you eat it you know i would would you because i'm an idiot would you yes let's have some music now before we wrap up text the nation just before the news this is talking heads with radio head
Would you call that, that sort of Cajun Zydeco, isn't it?
What happened to Cajun Dance Party, the band?
Are they working on their follow-up to their hugely successful last one?
Probably.
That music had a moment, didn't it?
In fact, back then, what was that, about 97 or something?
Zydeco, er... Well, early 90s.
But that movie, The Big Easy came out, that Dennis Craig movie, which had a really good soundtrack.
Late 80s, yeah.
Maybe, I don't know.
But, yeah, you're right, that was a good soundtrack.
Listen, it's time to catch up on Text the Nation, maybe even polish it off for this week.
Yeah?
Do we get to have a jingle?
Little jingle-jungle there, Ben.
What if I don't want to?
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
Text the Nation this week, listeners, has been your ideas for Malcolm Gladwell-style books.
Yes, good enough.
Sort of social theory kind of things.
Here's one from Charlotte.
She suggests a book called Get Over It, a book designed for the caring professionals.
Are you a social worker, therapist or counsellor?
Are you sick of listening to people talk about feelings?
Then this is the book for you.
This fail-proof guide will enable you to develop the skills to discourage people from sharing with you.
The Get Over It Guide teaches you how to encourage people to repress their feelings and ignore their early childhood memories.
Order early and you can receive a limited edition t-shirt with the words it's not rewarding emblazoned on it.
For those tedious occasions when people suggest that your job must fulfill your emotional needs.
I like that.
My dad could write a forward to that.
That's one of his pet theories is that people should get over it.
He's a big advocate of stoicism.
He thinks it's a dying, you know, what's the word?
Habit art.
Art or strength or whatever you want to call it.
But he thinks that young people these days need to be more stoical and stop complaining and complaining that they're victims about everything the whole time, you know?
So that's a good one.
Although I'm worried that it's not exactly like Gladwell.
It's not really identifying, like, a social phenomenon so much as just, uh, that's more of a self-help thing.
I think it's good.
I think it's a contemporary trend.
People are taught to indulge all their, uh, you know, memories and vulnerabilities.
Yeah, but I'm talking about the exact letter of the law for Tex the Nation this week.
Okay, you're right, you're right.
Don't think that she is sticking to Charlotte.
Here's another one.
Right.
From Samuel in Manchester.
Hi Adam and Jo, my book is entitled, Dosh!
It's a study explaining how having more money allows you to buy more things that you want.
See, that's much more within the realms of what we're talking about.
If you follow the advice of this book, i.e.
have more money, you are likely to find happiness.
That's a good idea.
I would have sent this in earlier, but I was making breakfast.
That's a good one.
That is a good idea, isn't it?
Yeah.
Dosh.
An examination of how things become easier when you've got lots of money.
Yeah.
Mo money, Mo problems.
Send me IG popper.
You don't want too much money.
See, that would be a chapter.
You don't want too much money would be the name of one of the chapters.
Right.
Because then you got problems.
Right.
Here's a good one.
Is it good?
I'm not sure.
It's from an anonymous.
No, from Sophie and Herne Hill.
How about tweakonomics, exposing the way we all use and abuse facts, figures and statistics in order to win arguments, examining what goes on in the brain when we hear them, when we hear and then recall new neurological information?
Why did you make that sound?
It was a thoughtful sound.
Was it?
It came across as a little bit offensive and dismissive there.
It was a raspberry.
I know a raspberry's not traditionally an encouraging sound.
I know Sophie, she's a tough nut.
Really?
She's robust.
Not after that.
She's taken the feeling to write in and she gets the raspberry.
It was a kindly raspberry.
Didn't sound it.
I'm being wrapped up.
It's time for the news.
Hang on, one more.
Okay, this is from David McCormick.
How about moron?
A study of the appropriate level of projected stupidity one should display when starting a new job.
Try too hard and your employer comes to expect it too little and you get sacked.
Striking the perfect balance has the added benefit of enabling you to shine occasionally after a time, perhaps when you get wind of a pay rise and or promotion being discussed.
We should take note of that.
Certainly with our contract just renewed.
Moron.
I like it.
I'd buy it.
That's from David McCormick.
Thank you very much, David, and to everybody else who texted and emailed us for textination this week.
It's time now.
Don't do that.
That was just for the whole textination as a whole.
That was more for us.
Like full stop.
More for us than you.
It's time for the news.
Justice versus Simeon, we are your friends.
This is Adam and Joe on BBC6 Music.
I'm Adam.
I'm Joe, a photographer and a journalist from Word Magazine have arrived in the studio to do a sort of an interview thing.
And the photographer's taking photos.
He's snapping away.
And we're not very good at having our photos taken, all right?
I'm not very good.
I get very self-conscious.
Yeah, of course.
And a photographer always wants to take a sort of verite image, you know, of when one isn't aware of the camera.
Not having a lot of luck with us.
It's instant gurning.
It's a gurn-a-thon.
The thing is, I'd really like to have a very atmospheric, candid photo taken, you know?
Moody, black and white.
Um, I'm not aware of the camera, I'm deep in thought.
But then the chances are, if they've grabbed you unawares, you're gonna look ugly.
Well, I think, I think real stars probably, uh, have a method of, of doing that.
Everyone's got their techniques.
I mean, pretending they can't see the photographer.
Right.
Although, I mean, well, the other way to go, of course, is just to be very good at posing.
Yeah.
I mean, you can see that on the on the red carpet.
All the actresses shamelessly have been taught how to to stick out certain parts of their body, how to twist their bodies 45 degrees.
Well, that's that's a lady.
have it isn't it especially with the lady who's showing some flesh the positions they can talk themselves in but you can see that men are learning how to do that more and more as well but there are a couple of tips one of which we were given at a photo shoot the other day we did a photo shoot for new BBC promotional photos because as we've already mentioned in this show my mum was outraged by the old ones we think the old ones are weird we're not
We don't hold out a lot of hope for the new ones either.
Fingers crossed.
But one of the tips the photographer there gave me, okay, and this is something listeners you can apply if someone's taking a snap of you, you stick your chin right out and then you lower it.
Right.
Like that.
You can hear the difference it's making to my voice.
You sound like Keira Knightley.
Exactly.
It's already working.
That's what happens.
Like that.
And that, you look sort of pouty.
Another one that my girlfriend taught me is one that Princess Diana used, which is to be looking down.
It's the same, really.
You look down and then you just look up with your eyes as if you've been surprised.
Is that good for a man?
Well, you tell me I'm doing it.
No.
No, that's creepy.
Creepy.
David Van Dain might do that.
Well, one could try it in one of the snaps, you know, because photographers take a lot of pictures, you can try all these different... Certainly.
Have you got any... And again, the photographer just gave us another one, which is to push.
What was it?
This is if you want to accentuate your jawline, if maybe you're not happy with the encroaching progress of your second chin, which I know I certainly suffer from.
You stick your tongue to the roof of your mouth, like you put the back of your tongue
That's what you do when you get brain freeze as well.
It's a tactic for getting rid of brain freeze.
And it lifts your kind of wattle a little bit.
Apparently Posh does it.
That's the secret to her.
Not that she needs to.
She's too thin.
Is she?
She's too thin.
She needs to pop on a bit of weight.
You know, she doesn't need to raise the tongue on the roof of the mouth.
Anyway, do let us know if you've got any tips for a way to guarantee one looks good in a picture photo.
Do you pull one face?
I've got a friend who always does the same face when you take his picture, and I notice that I do it a lot as well.
Really?
I wish I did.
I wish I knew what my best plan was.
I've just got one face, which is just a very big goofy grin.
And when I was younger I used to do a kind of Ian Brown monkey pout.
Right, that's a bad idea.
Simian pout.
Yeah, stupid idea.
That's what you're doing in the publicity, in the six music publicity photo.
Right, that's true, isn't it?
Sticking my hand out and doing the monkey pout.
It's a disaster.
I'm pretty happy with it.
My mum hated it, though.
Anyway, we'll see how these come out.
Here's some more music for you listeners.
This is Neon Neon with Dream Cars.
That's Neon Neon.
Uh, Gruff-Rees, of course.
It's pronounced Griff.
Is it?
Yeah.
Not Gruff.
No, Griff-Rees.
Griff-Rees, like Griff-Rees Jones.
As in Griff-Rees Jones, yeah.
That's a disgrace.
Somebody emailed in to point that out.
Sorry.
Sorry, Gruff.
Sorry, Griff.
And of course, the album is a kind of concept album about John DeLorean.
Very enjoyable.
It is too.
Do you want to deal with something here, Adam?
Okay.
From somebody who came to one of your bug nights at the BFI.
Martin Jowers.
It says, Hi, Joe.
Right.
It's aimed at me.
Right.
I went to see the bug thing at the BFI on Wednesday.
I read through the little sheet that you're given on the way in, and noticed that one of the directors of a video, Aha's take on me, uhm, what?
Uh, Steve Baran.
Yeah, he's missed out a bit of the sentence.
He noticed that one of the directors, his name was Steven, and he thought it might be funny to drop a Steven when it was mentioned.
Oh yeah.
Well, I did it as Adam paused to see who it was directed by.
I don't know why that's not making much sense, is it?
But at the perfect time, so he shouted Stephen, he thought at a very apposite time.
This is what happened.
Adam slowly looked up at me with utter scorn and replied, what?
So I said, Stephen, once more, resulting in the most callous and unbelievably disgusted, just coming,
Never.
That's not true.
I spent the remaining amount of the evening carrying in my chair.
See, that's weird, isn't it?
People just get things wrong.
Not at all how I remember it.
What's this guy's name?
Martin Jawas.
Martin.
That's not how I remember it at all.
I was in mid-flow.
I didn't quite hear what was said.
I looked up, realised that it was a Steven shout-out, responded with the just coming, delighted to do so.
And as I mentioned earlier on, there was multiple Stevens by that point.
but I just responded with the one just coming and I thought that was handled beautifully.
Maybe we should stop the whole Stephen thing.
It's getting out of control.
It's an albatross around.
Cowering in his seat for the rest of the programme, that's a disgrace.
Well, listen man, get in touch and I'll get you a free ticket for the next show.
How about that?
That's where complaints get you.
You're going to get a lot of complaints.
No, that's the only time I'm ever going to do that.
the only time.
I wonder how the 11 o'clock Steven experiment went on that Facebook site.
Well, there's no telling, is there?
We'd better log on and find out during this next record.
What are we going to hear?
It's very nearly time for us to try those prawn spoons as well.
You excited about that?
Hooray.
They're nearly defrosted.
They look very much like the alien in, you know, when they pick the alien off Kane's face in the film Alien and they turn it over and they're prodding at it.
How about this?
This is an email from Emma in West Wales, referring to the prawn spoons.
The face hugger is what I meant to say.
You may be wiser not to eat the prawn.
Did you know that Scottish prawns have been all the way to China to be hand peeled because it's cheaper than peeling them by machine in Britain?
King prawns are mostly farmed these days and the farms become so overpopulated that they produce too much heat and promote disease.
So they're treated with large doses of antibiotics and other treatments.
I would not eat the prawn.
Good luck Emma, West Wales.
Yeah, but they're delicious, Emma.
It says on the box.
Yeah, but they're disgusting.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Delicious, it says on the box.
Oh, that's rank.
Come on.
That's rank screen advertising.
Don't prejudge the prawn.
We're going to be tasting that just before 12 o'clock.
And I've got, I'm going to do, listen to this, Joe.
Yeah.
I'm going to do some telly choices, you know, because that's what people do on the radio sometimes.
That's exciting.
I'm going to do that after this track, I think, or maybe after the trail and the track.
But what have we got here?
Trail and then a bit of Johnny Cash.
Like it.
Let's have it.
What is that version of that then?
That's a bit lugubrious version of Walk the Line there by Johnny Cash.
It's wonderful.
Nevertheless, this is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music.
A quick rundown of what you can expect on the telly tonight.
I think when people do this sort of feature, usually on the radio, they would prepare it beforehand and they would look through and carefully select a few shows they thought their listeners should watch.
How are you going to do it?
The way I'm doing it is I'm opening the page to today, Saturday, November the 29th, and I'm just looking at it for the first time.
Brilliant.
And I can tell you from a very cursory inspection of the main terrestrial channels that ITV is the place to be tonight, I would say.
And surely, in a general way, ITV are regaining.
Are they not winning the Battle of Saturday Night?
No, they're not winning the Battle of Saturday Night.
Who is then?
The BBC with Strictly Go Ponsing.
No.
Which is not on tonight.
Has it finished?
Must be on.
Surely.
No, it's finished, I think.
Has it?
What have we got?
Merlin 735 on the BBC.
Casualty.
You can't just read out the listings.
920 out.
You have to have some sort of editorial line.
Okay, casualty.
We're not just reduced to reading out the listings.
Outnumbered.
I haven't seen it.
It should be wicked.
Uh, no, no, look.
ITV1, I'm saying, is the killer line-up.
635, you've been framed.
Wallop.
Come on, we haven't even eaten the prawn spoon.
5 past 7, Harry Hill's TV burp.
What about the result smash of the Steven experiments?
Look, I'm going through the schedules on- You're reading out the schedules from the telemagazine.
Well, if you say it like that, then it sounds bad.
It is bad.
No, you say it like this.
I'm reading out the schedules from the telemagazine.
Schedules?
Yeah, but I'm trying to make it sound fun.
The X Factor and the 915.
I'm a celebrity.
You're ruining the feature.
It was going very well.
You're ruining the whole show.
Harry Hills TV Bubs.
He's reading it out of We Love Telly magazine to add insult to injury.
do that feature ever again good what are you gonna do then play another record or watch you eat a prawn spoon now we eat the prawn spoon just before 12 okay well let's get to the results of the Steven experiment on Facebook this is some peculiar group brilliant brilliant group that have decided to try and shout Steven at 11 o'clock this morning and see if they could get any replies some people have now posted on the feedback string
Is that the correct way to describe it?
On Facebook, a man called Richard Strange in York, he tried it.
Quote, my dad said I need to expletive grow up and that I'm 30 expletive five for Christ's sake.
Somebody else said, sorry, just a blank look from my son and a whatever from my daughter.
These are all correct responses.
um that's it really nothing no one within earshot of my steven lucy clark tea says clark tea says not a sausage uh that's it someone says frayed not japan remains oblivious to adam and joe so that's nothing nothing no one's got any response at all yeah to me that's the hallmark of a successful feature the second people start getting responses we should stop this okay so
But as long as it remains a failure, we should keep it alive.
Very good.
Hey, do you think Liz Kershaw might be tempted to try a prawn spoon?
No, she's too busy preparing to read out the TV listings on her show.
OK.
That was a good feature.
You ruined it.
Here's some music now.
This is The Killers with Human.
And someone texted in and said, oh, they're not saying, are we human or are we dancers?
They're saying, are we human or are we denser?
Incorrect.
They are saying dancer, but they're saying dancer, not dancer.
Can I go out on a limb here?
Yeah.
I think this record's rubbish.
Ooh, that is a very long one.
Is that dangerous?
Now you should be balanced.
I like the record.
You like it.
I genuinely enjoy it.
And it's rubbish.
You're weird.
And it's like from the past, the sound is irrelevant.
How've they got so big?
I'm gonna use your raspberry right back on you.
Really?
That's good, that's balanced.
It's just me, it's just my opinion, and I'm sure they're lovely attacks.
What do you know about anything anyway?
You don't like features where they read out TV listings on the radio.
You're a mental case.
Here's the killer's, it's Ace.
The killer's there with human.
We're joined in the studio now by Liz Kershaw.
Hello, Liz.
Hi.
She'll be taking over for the next few hours.
If I don't be sick.
Um, she's looking at the prawn spoons here.
I'm just not gonna, I'm sorry.
Are you seriously not gonna have one?
Yeah, I'm seriously not gonna have one.
After all that, worse!
First reason is I hate prawns.
Second reason is I hate mayonnaise.
Third reason is I think it's dangerous to eat unfully defrosted fish.
It is defrosted.
We've defrosted it for an hour though.
I don't trust it.
Liz, will you have one?
Um, I'd rather eat the spoon.
Is there a bug some horrible?
Three two one always is it going to swallow hmm That is delicious is it yeah, would carry katana
She lives on them.
That's how she's got where she is today.
That's how she bites her cutlery.
What a diet of prawn spoons.
I'm having a posh drinks reception at my house later before we go off in a mini bus to a dute.
Should I just stick them in the box and take a moment?
Yeah, you can have those.
Yeah, serve them at half past six, they'll be defrosted then, won't they?
Posh in a box.
There's eight tools you need.
How much are they?
Yeah, well, let's not advertise them too much.
They're very reasonably priced.
There's eight left for you there.
Other prawn spoons are available.
Other brands are available, of course, ladies and gentlemen.
Thanks a lot for listening, listeners.
We'll be back at the same time next week.
We leave you in Liz's very capable hands.
Take care, bye.
Yeah, please set them with you.
Are you sure?
Yeah, please, please.
Six music.