That's Prince, the tiny pixie man.
He comes from a purple fairy land and you can buy tickets there if you want.
Now that's Prince and the new power generation as distinct from Prince and the Revolution.
Right, the NPG.
Or Prince and Madhouse, who was his backing band.
Right.
But he never made himself publicly known as Princeton Madhouse, though.
No, that's correct.
But he does play on all those Madhouse records.
What's he playing on those records?
Keyboards.
He plays everything.
Scrabble.
Go.
He likes Go.
Does he play Boggle?
He loves Boggle.
What about Coggle?
He hates Coggle.
Because he thinks it's a step too far.
He flies into a little purple rage.
Kogel had my studio!
No Boggle, he's fine with Kogel, he doesn't like it.
Sorry, he made a mistake.
How does he talk again?
Like this!
I don't know.
Hey, this is Joe speaking.
And this is Adam speaking.
Welcome to the Adam and Joe radio show here on BBC Six Music on a lovely Saturday morning.
But with a view to complete transparency listeners, we should let you know that this show is pre-recorded.
This is a pre-recorded programme.
It was pre-recorded a week ago on Friday.
Yeah, it was actually recorded before last week's live show.
That's confusing, isn't it?
Which is confusing because as we stand now, we have to think about things to say that won't be out of date in a week.
It sounds like you're having trouble thinking of things to say per se.
No, I'm just trying to get my head round the time-travelling aspects.
We can't see anything topical.
That's the thing.
Do you think it affects the mood of the show and do you think it affects the listener, the fact that this is pre-recorded?
Yes, I do.
Do you think people are less interested?
Ah, that's a pre-recorded.
Yeah, people get absolutely furious with things that are pre-recorded.
Really?
Yeah, because... Like they'll be saying, this was two weeks ago, how can this be relevant to the world now?
So much has changed.
That's because that's half the reason you listen to the radio, is to hear what's happening right now.
Yeah.
And there's something depressing about it.
You know in the film, The Thing, the remake, the John Carpenter version.
Yeah.
They sit round in this ice station where all these guys work, and they watch old video tapes of game shows.
And that's one of the most depressing images in a film that I can think of, is watching like, not like classic films or anything, but ephemeral bits of telly that you know the ending of.
I had a friend who would switch off a DVD in order to watch the same film on telly because he felt that it was a collective experience watching it on telly absolutely he liked the subconscious idea that millions of other people were watching so this shows a bit like that even though it's not live lots of other people are listening
Yeah.
So it's vital and brilliant and everyone should carry on listening.
And you know, someone said to me the other day, they were talking about Russell Brand, like when Russell had his show on radio too, they objected to it when he pre-recorded because they said it made them feel that he was too good for them somehow.
Like he was, he was lording it over them.
Oh, look at me.
I've got so many things to do.
I'm so busy that I'm pre-recording my show this week.
Except of course, he would say in his photo Kensian way,
And it kind of rubs it in people's faces that, oh, I'm too busy to do the show.
Why are we pre-recording this show?
Well, you tell them.
Because I'm going away.
Because you're going away.
And what are you going to do?
I'm working.
I'm not going away on a holiday or anything, but I'm working.
Who cares?
It's all something that you are saying is more important than this show.
But it is.
Well, that's what you think.
Nothing's more important than this show.
You know what I'm going to do?
I'm going to turn up and sit in the studio as this pre-record goes out.
I won't be interacting with it in any way, but I'm going to make the effort.
I'm going to turn up.
You're better than me.
While this show is going out, ladies and gentlemen, even though it was recorded over a week ago, I will actually be sat in the sixth music studio in central London.
So listen, let's get on with the program now and have a bit more music and we'll return after this track by... Well, this is Airborne Toxic Event.
Airborne Toxic Event!
Are you sure that wasn't Deacon Blue?
It could have been Deacon Blue.
I think they popped Deacon Blue on by mistake.
Which would be great, of course.
Yeah.
Love Deacon Blue.
Who was the lead singer of Deacon Blue?
Deacon Blue.
Johnny Deacon Blue.
Bluey Deacon.
Joey Deacon Blue.
That was sometime around midnight.
And this is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music.
Joe, you're probably a bit worried about...
some of Anastasia's comments from before Christmas.
Well, I've been disappointed because I love Anastasia's music.
Of course.
If anybody out there doesn't know who Anastasia is, she's the extraordinarily shouty blonde-haired lady who announced before Christmas that not only did she lie about her age, she's in her 40s, I think, or around 40, but she also has admitted that she hates music.
Isn't that right?
I don't know if she said she hated music,
The quote from an interview she did with the Daily Mail, I think, was, this might sound unbelievable, but I really don't like music.
And then she goes on to say, I like writing and performing, but I prefer silence to putting on a CD.
Listening to music doesn't relax me, and I find it hard to think straight when it's on.
Well, maybe she's just talking about the same thing that directors do about their own films, you know, and artists do.
It's common for artists not to enjoy their own work.
Right.
For directors not to go and see their own films, like Woody Allen famously hasn't seen any of his films.
You know, when you know the actual process that went into creating something, the act of consuming it is often less pleasurable because it just reminds you of the work.
Yeah, but she's not just talking about her own music.
She's talking about all music.
All music.
Well, again, she's a professional.
All she can see, you know, if you're a builder, you look at a building and you think of all the effort that was put into putting it up.
I'm just trying to defend her.
I don't know why I'm trying to defend her.
No, you're doing a very impressive job.
She says, I have an iPod, but I can't recall the last time I used it.
I've never bought a record in my life.
I bought a Janet Jackson cassette once, but that's it.
Music has never moved me.
It doesn't do anything to me.
To be honest, I find it irritating.
No.
And that's coming from anesthesia.
Well, it makes a bit of sense, doesn't it?
Because her music is awful.
the thing.
And you wouldn't want to listen to it and it's not relaxing.
No.
And you wouldn't want to buy it.
But it's no disrespect to anyone who likes Anastasia out there.
This is just my opinion, Joe Cornish.
It's not the opinion of the BBC in any way.
But I think it's awful.
You know?
I think it could be used as a military tool.
For the sake of balance, I'd like to say that I very much enjoy it.
And I start every morning grooving around to it.
Over by the fridge I'll start grooving around to it.
Can you name any Anastasia song?
I like the way you, is that the way you pronounce it?
Anesthesia.
Anesthesia, yeah.
I'm all out of love!
Isn't that one?
I don't know, I couldn't name a single one, no.
I can't name it, but I think that... I imagine one of her songs would sound like what you said, yeah.
Although I'm all out of love, that's someone else's song, isn't it?
I don't know.
Wow!
You gotta look at me now!
Look at me, baby!
Look at my legs!
Is that one of them?
Yeah, that is one of them.
It's that short as well.
Yeah.
Sounds exactly like... Whoo!
Hug me!
Hug me, baby!
Please, hug me!
Oh, you know what?
I think I hate music.
I don't think I'm ever going to buy any more records ever again.
Do you find it irritating?
I find music irritating.
By anesthesia.
Yeah.
And one of her ballads would be... Whoo!
Hug me!
Look at my thighs!
Hug my thighs!
She's obsessed with her legs.
Why is that?
Extraordinary noise.
That's one of our biggest hits.
Good stuff.
Free Playtime?
Some Anastasia?
No, you know what I'm going to have is a lovely delicious portion of the Staple Singers.
You're familiar with the Staple Singers, yes?
Sure, yeah.
They're one of the all-time legendary soul acts.
They're an urban act.
Right, right.
And this is a track which was later sampled, or at least someone... Who was it that used the bass line for this?
Do...
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
DJ Bobby Bubba boy.
Bobby Bubba boy.
His name.
Bobby Bubba boy.
That's the guy.
Anyway.
He's got all the facts for you here, listeners.
Here it is.
This is I'll Take You There.
That was A Camp with Stronger Than Jesus.
Now, of course, A Camp are a solo side project of Nina.
Do you say Nina Pearson or Nina Persson?
Persson.
She's the Persson and she's also the lead vocalist for the cardigans, of course.
You remember the cardigans, right?
Of course.
That's all they did.
I hope the person that made up that guitar line made all the money.
Yeah.
Surely.
It would have been Pearson though.
She's genius.
Pearson, yes.
And now she's got not one but two bands.
I think it's a bit weird when you suddenly have two bands.
It must be weird for the other people in the band, because it's basically just saying, I don't really want to hang out with you anymore.
I'm going to go off and make very similar sounding music.
Like the Arctic Monkeys and His Side Project.
Yeah, yeah.
What are they called?
God's Socks.
The Lost Prophets.
The Genie Puppets.
The Holy Monkeys.
The Last Shadow Puppets.
Yeah.
I know, but their music does sound a lot different to the Arctic Monkeys.
Even so, it must make the rest of the original band feel very insecure and unloved.
I would think so, yeah.
You know what you and I should do?
No.
What we should do is run an illegal psychological therapy group for bands, because we have over our time on this radio show identified a couple of big problems for bands.
Yeah.
First of all, positioning in photos and album covers.
Yeah.
Does the lead singer stand in front?
Does the drummer stand at the back?
Does the drummer get anxious and insecure?
Yeah.
That's problem one.
Problem two, member of band form solo project.
Side project, yeah.
Yeah, there must be a lot of
guitarists, drummers, bassists and keyboardists in bands who have serious mental problems that they can't talk about because it's too uncool.
Well, you and I could provide a kind of discussion space area.
We could do it privately or we could do it on air.
We're not certified in any way.
That's why I'm saying it would be sort of backstreet.
But if you are a bassist or a part of the rhythm section of a band, preferably a well-known band,
You can call in anonymously.
We can probably protect your voice, can't we, using vocoder technology?
Yeah.
Get in touch with our producer, Ben.
Email him.
And the email is Adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk.
Get in touch anonymously if you like.
Tell us what specific problems you are having with the band and we will try and help you on air.
We can sort it out.
And the thing is, because we don't have any qualifications and we're not a legal service, we can use violence.
and intimidation and hate campaigns to sort your problems out.
That would be especially effective with a band like the Stereophonics where the lead singer is fairly diminutive.
We could just go in there and sort all your problems out in one afternoon and just beat the guy up.
And I would personally enjoy that.
We'll try not to resort to that kind of thing.
We'll try and do it through verbal therapy.
But what a brilliant opportunity for all insecure members of rock groups.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC6 Music.
Here is Snow Patrol.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC6 Music.
It's 9.30 and time for the news.
That was Morrissey with throwing my arms around Paris.
Coincidentally enough, just before Christmas, I, Joe Cornish, went to Paris.
Did you throw your arms around it?
I tried to, but it was much too big.
How long did you spend there?
I was there for four days.
How many people did you have with you?
Three people.
Did you have fun?
Yes, but you know what the thing is about Paris?
No.
Is it's terribly expensive at the moment on account of Le Crunch.
Le Crunch, the euro's more or less one for one, isn't it?
It was terrible, an orange juice.
Le Jus d'orange.
It cost me four pounds in Zei Strand.
Just for a glass of Le Jus d'orange.
Yes, yes.
And did they put ice in there as well?
No.
No, because you asked for no ice to get extra... Four of us went into a reasonably priced cafe for breakfast, came out 60 quid poorer.
Oh, I know.
It was terrible.
It was quite limiting.
The other thing about Paris is it's beautiful.
I love it.
I really love it, but it's quite filthy.
Is it?
Has it got filthy?
It has a little wee cane.
Has it always been quite filthy?
Well, the metro.
The metro is quite filthy.
Wee, wee.
We came out of L'Eura Star.
It's full of wee, wee.
Onto the metro.
And Ilia un pouda human.
No.
Don L'Etano.
Wee.
Now, some people have asked me how I know it was le pou de human.
Le pou pou ma.
Le pou pou du ma.
Le pou pou pou du ma.
Le pou-dom.
It was because of its sheer heft.
There was no dog big enough who could deposit such a parcel on the floor.
It was a human parcel.
Oh my goodness.
I know, it wasn't very nice.
All Le Parisians were carrying on about their business trying to ignore Le Plop Dom.
And if you can think in a Gillian-McHeath style, was it a healthy human, do you think?
I didn't.
My eyes didn't linger on it.
It would have made me be sick.
The other thing about Le Paris, it's a wonderful city, but Iliabocou de Homelas.
We, we, same, massive problem.
Same problem, massive.
May, on the bright side, les homeles avèques les bouté du van exponcive.
Part exponcive.
They've often got champagne.
No.
Because it's cheaper over there.
Is that really true?
Yeah, wine and champagne and stuff is much, much cheaper in France than in Britain.
So I couldn't help noticing that a lot of the les winos de France had very good quality booze.
Excellent champagne.
Yes.
So, you know, you've got to look on the bright side.
And were they sat around like chinking?
They're not having it from glasses though, they're just drinking it from the bottle.
uh drinking it from the bottle yes even though we walked down one street behind La Santa Pompidou the Pompidou center and there was a sort of a Christmas party for men of the street going on they'd found a doorway and they had a ghetto blaster and they were playing very very loud techno
They had some bottles of vodka, there were three or four of them, a couple of ladies, and there was some wee around.
But that's all right, there's wee in most West End clubs.
I mean, you're just describing an average lad from me and my friends.
Are you sure they weren't just regular chaps, not homeless people?
No, but they were having a very good time.
Apart from that wonderful city, Le Ende Fan.
Oui, c'est le fan.
This champagne is quite excellent, my friend!
I think it was you, I saw.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music.
It's time for some more music.
This is Fleet Foxes with Mykonos.
That was Fleet Foxes with Mykonos.
This is Adam and Jo here on BBC Six Music.
We'd just like to remind you that this is a pre-recorded programme, listeners, and that's no disrespect to you.
It was unavoidable circumstances that meant we had to pre-record this show over a week ago now.
But, you know, the intervening week has been more or less meaningless.
The fact is that we're together now and bonded by space and time and the use of recording technology.
Fleet Foxes, the band we just heard, have a very distinctive sound, don't they?
Yeah, something inside me wants to do a Fleet Fox's song wars.
Oh, quite difficult.
Do you think?
Well, I know that maybe coral folk thing, all that layered harmony and echoes, something tells me it might be easy.
Or do you think I'm wrong?
Maybe you're right.
Well, there is a lot of stuff that sounds like that.
There is.
It's a whole school of music.
What would you call it?
New folk?
Yeah, well it's almost psychedelic, isn't it?
I think of that because they put so much reverb on there.
Because there's Bon Iver, who sounds like that.
There's Fleet Foxes.
There's My Morning Jacket, who occasionally sound like that, although not exclusively.
Who was the band that did Trials of Van Ocupanther?
Midlake.
They sound a bit like that as well.
Well, that's an idea to pop in the basket for a potential song wars in the future.
It's like Crosby stills a Nash with extra reverb and a bit of psychedelic.
Could be fun, yeah.
We've got a lot of ideas backed up though, haven't we?
We've got the Icelandic idea.
Hey, you know what?
I wouldn't mind doing that one because... Because of the lady.
Because of the lady that you met.
A beautiful model.
So a beautiful model, listeners, emailed us a couple of weeks ago encouraging us to do Icelandic song wars because she was from Iceland and she said, by the way, if nothing, that we could come and hang out with her in Iceland.
And she says, I'm a gorgeous... Did she say that?
Yeah, she said come... Did she invite us there?
Well, no, she said come and visit or something.
Right.
Or let's go to Iceland.
I don't know, but it sounded good.
because she said, uh, I'm a gorgeous model living in London and I'm glamorous or something.
So it sounded like a joke, but when we checked out her website, it was true.
I imagine her like, uh, that woman in the Narnia films.
Was it Kate Blanchard?
It's usually Kate Blanchard.
Or was it Tilda Swinton?
It was always one or the other in films these days.
I see ladies.
Yeah, no, but she's more beautiful than Tilda, or you know, more conventionally beautiful, but I imagine her in a sort of a nice palace with a chariot carved out of ice and maybe some gnomes.
I would happily be her gnome with some French fancies or fondant, you know, Turkish delight on a tray.
Hello, mistress!
What would you like me to do?
Are you okay?
I could do that, no problem.
more rice for you for your rice yeah rice for your drink ice oh sorry i thought you're putting rice in her drink no i do not rice you're probably sick of ice living in a nice palace my lady i'll get you some rice for your drink the fun thing about it is it expands after a while
That's how I would talk.
We've got to go there and see whether this kind of thing comes true, see whether it is true.
I've got a shameful admission for you.
You never do shameful admissions.
I'm always the one that reveals parts of my life that are disgraceful and shameful.
Anyway, I told my wife all about the model lady that emailed us, right?
I was trying to analyze why I did it afterwards, because I couldn't figure out exactly what I was trying to do, but I guess I was trying to make her jealous.
You were preparing the ground for the affair.
Right.
Did you think?
I don't know.
Tell me what you said.
I said, oh, this woman emailed us on the show and she was boasting about being a glamorous model.
Anyway, turns out she is.
And then I showed her the web page on the internet.
I said, yeah, she's pretty beautiful, isn't she?
She emailed us.
She says she really loves our show.
And how do you think my wife responded?
Slaps.
No actual physical slaps, but... A Marge Simpson-style grumble?
No, she sort of laughed at me like I was the most pathetic person in the world.
I don't know why that could have been.
Well, what's the plan?
What's our next move with the Icelandic ice maiden?
Well, you would think that she almost certainly is involved with some kind of man.
Yeah, but that can be dealt with.
Or a woman or whatever.
She's probably got a relationship... Plus there's two of us.
We're double any man.
Exactly.
So I guess hers is the next move, don't you think?
The bulls in her court?
Yeah.
Is it?
What?
Well, I've prepared the groundwork with my wife, everything's fine.
Right.
Which is like the sort of adult visit to Lapland for you.
Yeah.
Like a child visiting Santa Claus.
I guess what I'm proposing is that we go and we live with her in an ice house in Iceland.
Right.
And I would be her known.
Well, listen, I think the first thing we'd have to do is satisfy her request to do an Icelandic song wars.
True, isn't it?
And then if we can get her on the phone to judge the songs and we'll take it from there.
Yeah.
You know?
on the most positive thing that could happen is you leave your wife and children and shack up with her.
You know, the worst.
When you put it like that, it doesn't sound so positive.
The worst that could happen is nothing happens.
Yeah.
OK.
So I think we should do that.
This is Adam and Joel on BBC Six Music.
It's time for some more music.
This is a free choice by me.
It's a band.
You know a lot about this band, Adam.
Foster Silvers.
They're a kind of knockoff Jackson Five.
Oh.
From the early 70s?
No, you know what?
You played me some of their stuff and it's amazing.
But I've since gone out and tried to find one of their albums without success.
I wonder what it's like.
I think I'm right in saying that there are sort of cash-in Jackson 5 that were around the same time when ABC was in the top of the charts.
Other producers tried to replicate its success.
And this is a band that was formed to try and do that.
And this is a great track by Foster Silvers.
It's called Mr. Meena.
That was Foster Silvers with Mr. Meena.
That is amazing, that song.
It's a good one.
And while we were playing that track, we've looked on something called Google.
Right.
Which is an internet program.
Funny name.
And found out some information about Foster Silvers.
Foster Silvers.
Foster Emerson Silvers was born on the 25th of February in 1962.
He's not a band.
He's a guy and he had a top 10 hit with Misdemina, which has since become a rare crew classic.
It was written by his brother Leon Silvers III and produced by Jerry Peters.
There's a picture of him looking a lot like a young Michael Jackson as well.
He was later to sing the lead vocals on the family group songs Boogie Fever and Cotton Candy.
He also co-wrote and produced Janet Jackson's song Come Give Your Love To Me.
Ooh, I don't know the song but I bet it's good.
Wow, look at that.
So he's very successful.
Wow, look at that.
I'm just reading this stuff.
Now, if you're psychic, you'll be able to pick up on what I'm reading.
If you're not, then this won't be very interesting.
Who would have thought?
Wow.
I never knew.
Anything darker there all sounds fun, the stuff you're reading.
No, he's had a terrific time and he's a big success and he's not obscure at all.
Jolly good.
He's less obscure than us, if such a thing is possible.
I've got a question for you, Joe Cornish.
And this is something I don't want you to go into too much detail about, but just genuinely curious.
You know when people say, pull your finger out, where are they asking you to pull your finger out from?
Is it from your behind or from somewhere else?
I think pull your thumb out is your behind, right?
Isn't that the expression?
I never heard pull your thumb out.
You look very worried.
You've got your thumb in your... Oh, yes, yes, yes.
That's... I'm trying to think of expressions to do with digits and bottoms.
Right, right, right.
That was the one that sprung to mind.
Pull your finger out.
You're looking for the origin of that phrase.
Is that pull it out?
Because there's the story about the guy with the... Yeah, there's the story with the guy... The boy with his finger in the dyke.
In the dyke.
Yeah, but that finger's an important finger.
If he didn't have his finger in the dike, the dike would burst.
Exactly, so you don't want him to pull his finger out.
No, don't pull your finger out.
For God's sake, don't pull your finger out.
In fact, don't use that phrase around, that boy or that dike.
No, don't give him any ideas, otherwise it's going to be a massive flood.
But when it comes to pulling your finger out, I think it could mean sucking your thumb.
Really?
Stop being babish, I'm guessing.
I don't know.
I've got no idea.
What's your guess?
I've got no idea.
I assumed, scatologically, that it was up your bottom.
What about pull your socks up?
Yeah.
I mean, when has the lower sock ever been a problem?
Well, sometimes if you're wearing very baggy socks, that can be a massive problem.
Right.
You trip over them.
Pull your finger out.
But where is the finger?
That's what I'm saying.
Maybe it's up the bottom of the person who's saying it to you.
Pull your finger out!
Oh, sorry.
Thank you.
I'm so sorry.
I didn't realise it was there.
I had no idea.
I had no idea my finger.
I'm so sorry.
I'm Adam, by the way.
Offers hand to shake.
That's it.
Well, I'm glad we've got to the bottom of that one.
Excellent.
Okay.
Shall we have some more music?
Yeah, this is Sergio Mendez and it's a session track.
It's called Matkinada.
Radiohead with karma please from 1997.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC6 Music.
Welcome to the second hour of this specially pre-recorded show.
When I say specially, I mean that we bother to do it.
Rather than get someone to stand in yeah, thank you for listening And you know don't approach this show in any different way from a live show just because it's pre-recorded Two weeks ago hmm now one week ago one week ago.
That's if you're listening on Saturday It was recorded one week ago.
Yeah, if you're listening during the week it might have been a little more than that
Now we've had an email here from a gentleman called Gavin Moreis, M-O-R-A-I-S.
He says,
Ah.
Are you aware of the many microcosmic climates of fear I suspect you're currently creating around yourselves wherever you and six listeners find yourselves?
I think he means whenever you and six listeners find yourself in the same vicinity.
Does he mean we have six listeners?
Does he mean the listeners to six?
I think he means the listeners to six, although the two could be interchangeable.
I was scared I might be ignored, or worse still, find myself on the receiving end of a witheringly contemptuous look.
Yours ashamedly, Gavin.
Now, you usually respond correctly to Stephen shouts in public spaces.
It's me who gets in a bad mood and freezes people out.
I got a complaint one time that I did not return a bit of Stephenage fast enough.
But that's the one time, I think.
I've always given a just coming back to people who've shouted Stephen at me.
I mean, it hasn't happened more than three times, but I would have easily given him a just coming back.
In fact, I think I know the guy who it was because he did give me a funny look when I was walking purposefully with my hot chocolate that day.
And what was going through your head?
I think it would be interesting for Gavin to know what was going through your head at that point.
Well, I know what was going through Gavin's head now.
I was a little bit flustered.
I think I had my headphones in as well.
I was listening to David Sedaris' audiobook and I was really enjoying it and giggling.
And as I was striding through, I saw this guy and he was giving me a funny little look and I was half thinking about taking my headphones out and preparing myself for a Steven.
But then I just thought, now I'm insane.
I'm just imagining it.
Because, you know, from my point of view, what's the world gonna look like if I think everyone's just about to say Stephen to me at any point?
I would be insane.
It would be difficult to go about your daily business.
Yeah.
So my message would be, don't worry about it.
Unless I'm actually crying, unless I'm with my wife and she's arguing with me, unless I've just fallen over and broken one of my limbs, it's not a problem.
But would you prefer, for instance, for Gavin to shout, Stephen, at you?
Or to gently clasp your arm and say, excuse me, hello, I'm a fan of your show.
I'd prefer it if you gently clasped my buttocks.
No, I don't mind.
Either one is fine.
What about you?
I'd like the talking one.
Yeah.
Rather than the shouting of the catchphrase.
Incidentally, if you're a first-time listener, this whole thing, Stephen, is something that some of the people that listen to this program shout to each other in public spaces to identify other people that listen to the program, if that makes sense.
You know what I mean?
The theory being that if you're around and you want to see if anyone else listens to this program, you just go, Stephen!
We didn't invent it.
It was an invention of our listeners.
Yeah.
And then if they do listen, they go, just coming.
And there you go.
You're linked.
Anyway, interesting stuff going on there on the 430 from London to Norwich between Adam and Gavin.
Thank you for emailing in, Gavin.
If anyone else has seen Adam in the street and felt, you know, nervous or angry or just can feel threatened, then do let us know and we'll take care of it.
Thank you very much.
It was horrible hot chocolate, by the way.
It was much too hot.
It was one of those ones that had a little cap on it.
Hot, hot, hot, hot chocolate.
That's from the Polar Express.
But it wasn't tasty enough.
All it was was just the heat.
That's all I was getting from it.
You know what I mean?
Had to wait for about 45 minutes before it was hot enough to actually drink.
And by that time, it tasted of nothing except hot water.
It was very disappointing.
I would have much preferred an enjoyable conversation with Gavin.
But there you go.
The Gav Man.
Missed the opportunity there.
Next time.
Here's some more music.
It's Eagles of Death Metal with Wannabe in LA.
Hey, this is Adam and Joel on BBC Six Music.
Hey, how you doing?
I'm good, man.
So do you remember last week, Adam, you said something about an advert you'd seen on the telly.
Well, this would be two weeks ago.
That's correct.
Two weeks ago, Adam was talking about an advert he'd seen on the telly.
Do we have a clip of it there, Ben?
Let's hear what Adam said.
Have you seen on television the teaching advert where the boy comes into the classroom
And he makes some finger gestures, taunting the teacher, who incidentally appears to be maybe a year older than the child that's coming in.
But this teenage boy is kind of taunting the teacher, sort of going, you know, 2-1 or whatever, I don't know, maybe referring to some sports event.
The teacher goes, alright, sit down.
And then it says, teaching, you can earn up to 35k a year or whatever it is, and the banter's not bad either.
His haircut is even more daft than the student that's coming in.
Yeah, that's alright.
Alright, sit down.
You see, now you are starting to sound like your dad.
What's he gonna be teaching that guy?
You'll be complaining about how young policemen look next.
Classic stuff.
Classic stuff from the Adam and Jo radio show.
Little did you know, Adam, that a few days ago we received the following email.
Hello Adam and Jo.
Turns out I'm the teacher with the daft hair off that advert.
I teach maths and economics at Rickmansworth School near Watford, Hertfordshire.
Colleagues, mates, students and I have thoroughly enjoyed my ripping on last Saturday's radio show.
Thanks, Jo, for sticking up for me.
You're the first to comment on my resemblance to Ricky Wilson from the Kaiser Chiefs, but I'm afraid I'm nearly immune to insults about my hair.
Indeed, if the advert was filmed a year earlier, I would have had a full-blown mullet.
Well, listen, I think it's important, Adam, for you to realise that, you know, this show isn't an island.
Is this still part of his email?
No, this is me now.
We're not doing this show in isolation.
There are people out there, you know, with feelings.
Wait a second.
And if you're rude about someone's hair, you know, that person with the hair out there might, you know, have a heart, might be vulnerable and sensitive.
That would be a nice song as well.
Do you think?
That person with the hair out there might have a... Stuart.
All right, Adam.
Wait, hang on.
This is all getting a little bit siller.
Surprise, surprise here.
Stuart, how are you doing?
Pretty good.
Now we should just make it clear that Stuart, you are the teacher from the advert we were talking about.
You're a real teacher and you were asked to appear in the advert and I think a colleague of yours heard the show right and sort of mentioned that Adam was being a little bit disparaging about your Barnet.
Yeah, that's right.
It's our husband of a fellow teacher at my school who subscribes to the podcast.
And I was called over early one morning a couple of days ago and played the entire two minutes of my personal ripping.
I really enjoyed it.
Well, listen, Stuart, I need to find out some facts.
This is amazing to have you on the line.
Thank you very much for allowing us to speak to you.
But what do you teach?
Is it actually France Ferdinand studies?
No, no.
Unfortunately, yet, France Ferdinand Studies doesn't really come into either the maths curriculum or economics at A level.
Those are the subjects I teach.
Tends to be a little bit more serious than France Ferdinand Studies.
Well, that's a matter of opinion.
But also, how old are you, Stuart, if you don't mind me asking?
Because on the ad, you seem to be, I would say, 17 and a half.
I'm 24.
I'm 24 years old.
I filmed it last year, so I would have been 23 then.
I'm amazed that they used real teachers.
I just assumed it would be an actor, and I was only being, you know, offhand about the whole thing because I thought it was a bit strange of the people that made the ad to cast an actor who was so young.
But you are a real teacher.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, real teacher.
And, yeah, not that young.
To be honest.
To be honest, I'm a little, it's cut me up a little bit.
My girlfriend, my girlfriend, Tara, actually cuts my hair.
And so kind of the public humiliation of her hairdressing skills is it's not gone down well at home, to be honest, I'm struggling a little bit.
Do you have a message for Adam Stewart?
Because I think this is important for him to realise the repercussions of some of the things he says, don't you?
Well, yeah, I do, actually.
I do.
And, you know, I think this is, you know, this is entirely incentive comments in the area.
Being described as uninspirational on national radios, I mean, I've lost all control of my classes.
They're running rings around me now.
It's a nightmare.
Do you know what, Stuart?
I'm serious about this.
I would never have said those things if I'd known you were a real teacher.
I'm amazed.
I can't believe that they would choose a real... The whole world is crumbling because I just assumed that it was all fake.
And also the lad in the advert, yeah, real pupils.
Was he one of your pupils?
Yeah, yeah, one of my pupils, yeah.
Is that true?
Genuinely, an Arsenal supporter.
No.
We had a bit of football banter, yeah.
Wow.
So, wait a second.
All these adverts, right?
Is this what you're telling me?
They're all real?
Does that mean the Davina McCool ones are real?
Are those real conversations with her mum?
Yeah, I don't think that's real.
Unfortunately, yeah, but no, I mean, indeed, the advert was entirely improvised.
So yeah, credit to my acting skills, obviously.
Listen, finally, Stuart, is there anything we can say or do to put this right to mend your relationship with your girlfriend, to mend your integrity with your students?
Well, I mean, ideally, I'd kind of like to see Adam just pop over to school and maybe teach a couple of my lessons and to see what it's like.
I think I'll settle for a public apology.
I think I'll settle for that.
Well, Stuart, I unreservedly apologize.
You are one of the finest teachers we have in the educational system today.
Your haircut is wicked.
Your students obviously think a great deal of you.
You are the kind of person that I wish I'd been taught by in the olden days.
If I had, I probably would not have such a massive loathing for the sciences and mathematics, which has crippled me in my life.
And I wish you all the best and thank you very much for talking to us.
Excellent.
Thank you very much.
I wholeheartedly accept your apology.
Thank you.
Thank God that's over.
Stuart, thanks for talking to us.
No problem.
Cheers, guys.
And best of luck.
Bye.
Cheerio.
That was the Velvet Underground.
A little free play for you there, listeners.
Beginning to See the Light was the name of the track, and this is Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music.
Now, Adam, this week, or because this is a pre-record the week before last, I went to see the film of the moment.
The movie everyone's talking about
It's, um... Despero.
Oh, Despero.
No, I'm lying.
That's not the film.
No one's talking about Despero.
I was talking about it the other day.
Oh, no.
What was I talking about?
It looks good.
Um, the movie of the moment.
I just, I'm so isolated from the outside world.
Slumdog Millionaire, of course.
The feel-good hit of
the year Danny Boyle's Mumbai classic well how interesting that you should call it the feel-good film of the year right because ever since the success of the greatest film ever made Mamma Mia have you seen that yet I'm trying to avoid it doing you have to see it seriously ever since Mamma Mia took over the world was the highest grossing film of all time
People have tried to make every other film like it.
OK.
You know, they've tried to market different films in the same way as Mamma Mia.
Sure.
And the key factors to Mamma Mia are, you know, bright smiling faces on the actors, a nice white background and confetti falling from the air or something.
Are you talking about the packaging here?
Yeah, the poster.
Yes.
So if you look at the Slumdog Millionaire poster, it shows the lead man and lady, Dev from Skins,
who's the lead actor, and a beautiful lady, smiling and hugging each other, being showered with confetti, as if it's some kind of wedding movie.
Four weddings and a funeral.
Meet some kind of Bollywood confection.
The confetti's all day glow and multi-coloured, and it looks very bright and chirpy, when actually, of course, it's really a film about child slavery, life in the slums of Bombay, and surviving, grinding poverty.
It's confusing, isn't it?
Yeah.
But that's just a little warning to people, you know, if they think it's going to be a bright fun fest.
Well, it's written by Simon Beaufort, who wrote The Full Monty, so I was expecting something very similar, you know, something with a superficially gritty backdrop.
But actually it was about some lovable characters who end up doing something fun.
That's pretty much correct.
But it's really good.
I thought it was excellent.
Yeah.
The cleverest thing about it is the way it works, the game show who wants to be a millionaire into the film.
And it's basically the world's first hybrid of a TV quiz show and movie narrative.
Right.
Which I'm surprised no one's done that before because, you know, weakest link.
Well, hang on.
What about quiz show?
Well, that didn't actually
You know, that had little bits of quiz show in it, didn't it?
Yeah.
This film, Slumdog Millionaire, actually is like an episode, a full episode of Who Wants to be a Millionaire?
Oh, I see.
From beginning to end, if you intercut the little narratives behind why the person knows the answer to the question.
It'll flash.
And also some behind the scenes action.
Got you.
So literally every 10 minutes it comes back to the studio.
You have the graphics on screen.
You see the questions and the choices.
You can try and guess them for yourself.
It's brilliant.
I look round at the rest of the audience every time the
film went back to the who wants to be a millionaire studio and everyone was silent, nobody munching food, everyone craning forward, completely gripped by it.
But could that be done with other game shows, I'm thinking?
You know, could there be some kind of weakest link movie, you know, that was about the life of, let's say, a minor celebrity and it was a celebrity themed weakest link?
And, you know, they were trying to bank the money and all that business.
And would that work?
Certainly.
Would you get Robinson involved?
And Robinson would be involved, yes.
Because it would be very easy to get hold of her, I would imagine.
I think it's a very effective tool for keeping audiences' interest in a story.
Yeah, that's genius.
Uh, yeah, I mean, you could do it with all kinds of TV shows.
Well, that's gonna open the sluice gate, though, isn't it?
Do you think?
Yeah.
I think we should work on our own, uh, idea for something like that.
What's the most popular quiz show on telly?
Uh, well, it used to be Millionaire, didn't it?
Is it Golden Balls?
Almost certainly.
Almost certainly not.
Carrot.
Jasper Carrot's Golden Balls.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, it's Knoll and his boxes.
Deal or no deal, the movie.
Yeah, exactly.
Right, we're gonna get working on that.
I'm gonna get working on it.
Good.
I'm gonna win an Oscar.
You're listening to Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music.
It's 10.30, time for the news.
That was the giantific Coldplay with Life in Technicolor 2.
That's the sequel to Life in Technicolor 1, of course.
I learned something about Coldplay the other week, you know.
What did you learn?
They did a concert in the BBC TV centre.
It was broadcast on the BBC HD channel.
And I watched it because I watch anything in HD.
And they had an interview with the band and it turns out they made all those clothes themselves.
No.
One of Brian Eno's tactics for immersing a band in the atmosphere and paraphernalia of record or a recording session is to, you know, take the creativity beyond merely recording music and he encouraged them to design their own clothes to wear whilst playing the music.
Right, he probably offered them a choice of creative things to do.
You can design your own range of perfume, something that Eno has done himself.
Has he?
He's got a perfume.
I don't know if he's got a perfume, but he is dabbled in olfactory kind of science.
I've got a perfume.
Have you?
What's yours called?
Airborne toxic event.
Yes.
Sorry.
I was picked that up.
That's okay.
Oh, that's absolutely fine.
What are you talking about?
Sorry, that was really good.
It's part of the course.
Thank you so much for this Sony Award.
It means so much to us.
There's so many people we have to thank.
And I would imagine that that would have been one of the many things on the menu for Coldplay to do creatively.
What else could they have done?
Design greetings cards?
Yes, maybe written over, just drawn tattoos on each other's naked bodies with felt pens.
Right.
Paint their toenails in fun ways.
Yeah.
Got some graffiti.
Right.
Like, graffitied up a wall, a graffiti wall.
It would have been painted over after.
Yeah.
But they could have had some fun.
They could have stuck bits of pasta to paper.
And little bits of couscous and stuff.
Things like that.
But they went for the clothing option.
They did, and they were being very self-effacing about the clothing in the interview, talking about how it was now all, you know, falling apart because their sewing wasn't very good.
Was it Martin doing most of the effacement?
Martin, yeah.
He was being very self-effacing and he was flattering a lot of his other bandmates as well.
You know, it's difficult to be too cynical about Coldplay, because they tend to undercut it.
They're not what you'd call an arrogant band.
No, not in the least, but there's something self-serving about his self-effacingness sometimes.
But this is Crash 2 Catch 22.
What's the guy supposed to do?
Well, exactly.
I mean, we've been in that position sometimes.
Have we?
Well, you kind of want to... Being an internationally successful multi-millionaire rock band.
Yeah.
Produced by Brian Eno.
And going out with Gwyneth Paltrow.
That's what I meant.
Now, you know what I mean?
Like, sometimes you want to undercut yourself before someone else gets to you.
And you would rather call yourself rubbish than someone else.
It's called false modesty.
Right.
And sometimes I feel like maybe some of Chris Martin's selflessness.
I found it kind of impressive because the way he danced was embarrassing.
When he performed, it was cool.
And it was cool that he's not embarrassed by it.
But any other human being would be ashamed of doing the things he does behind the piano.
and falling over and rolling around in a stupid manner.
What's he doing behind the piano?
Playing it.
You know, he just pulls weird faces and does odd things with his hands and then falls over and looks as if he's got very bad cramp down the right side of his body and, you know, while he's singing.
Yeah.
in a kind of, sort of, bono kind of a way.
Like he's channeling some kind of wild spirit.
Yes, exactly.
And it's a bit of a weird, dark, wild spirit.
Yeah, it's maybe an old maths teacher.
He's channeling.
It's not Stuart, is it?
Stuart's too young.
It's an old one from the 50s.
Anyway, I love Coldplay.
They're the best band in the world, and I'm very glad we played that record.
So am I. Listen, don't get me wrong, I still want to be friends with Chris Martin if I ever get the opportunity, right?
Right.
So I'm just, I'm taking, now I'm worried, now that I've spoken to Stuart, the whole idea of being rude about people in the outside world is freaking me out.
Shall we have a bit of more Chiba just to clear the air?
Yeah.
This is part of the process.
That was more Chiba with part of the process.
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music.
This program is pre-recorded, incidentally, listeners.
We wouldn't want you to think that this is live and text us or email us, expecting us to read out your texts or emails, because it's not going to happen.
I'm really sorry about that.
Circumstances beyond our control dictated the fact that we had to record this show over a week ago, but hey, it doesn't matter.
It's still a great show, right?
Yeah.
Hey.
Dirty.
Don't worry, I've got your money.
Don't you worry.
A dirty.
That's ODB.
I don't know, I just felt like rapping.
Just couldn't stop myself.
Well, that's good.
You know Van Morrison?
Yes.
Have you ever heard his contractual obligation songs?
No.
I've heard that he's, and I don't know to what extent these stories are apocryphal, but there's an awful lot of Grumpy Van Morrison stories that swill around the pop gossip sphere.
Well, this is something that I've read about before in various magazines, and you can find it fairly easily on the internet.
But the fact is that around 1967 van Morrison was involved with a record deal that he wanted to get out of I think the label was bang records that he was on and Basically what he did to fulfill this contractual obligation was just crank out 31 songs, right?
Just went into the studio had his acoustic guitar The guitar doesn't even sound really very tuned and he just bashes out songs that are about a minute and a half Which is about the minimum length that you could call a song
What stage in his career is this?
This is very early on.
So his big hit up to that point had been Brown Eyed Girl, which I think was first released on Bang Records.
So he's trying to get out and he's got various axes to grind.
He's obviously very upset with someone in the label that won't release him from his contract.
And he actually sings a song sort of insulting this guy, which I'll play you in a second.
But let me play you a clip from one of these tracks just to give you a flavour for what kind of thing it is.
This one is called The Big Royalty Check and he's just moaning about the fact that there's various monies due to him that he hasn't received yet.
And this is the song that he's obviously made up on the spot about it.
For my royalty check to come and it still hasn't come yet It's about a year overdue I guess it's coming from the big royalty check in the sky I waited and the mailman never dropped it in my letterbox
And so he goes on like that for about a minute and a half, and then just stops.
And all the songs are more or less like that.
Just him and his guitar, very basic rhythm, and he's just singing away.
And they get progressively bizarre.
Like, he starts off in the session with songs like Jump and Thump, and another one called Scream and Holler, another one called Shake and Roll, and one called Twist and Shake.
And they're all just him sort of going, yeah, Twist and Shake, Twist and Shake, yeah.
And then Jump and Holler, Jump and Holler.
But then as he gets on he gets more and more grumpy and starts singing more and more pointed songs, so the big royalty check in the sky being one.
Here's another one that he sings that's obviously directed at one of the executives at Bang Records.
Right.
And it's called Up Your Mind.
That's what he does when he runs out of steam on a lot of these tracks.
He just starts going... The funny thing is you can hear little sort of snippets of his actual good records in there, can't you?
That's the thing is that even when he's not trying and when he's just being a jerk... There's still something there.
There's something brilliant about it because he's just got such a wonderful voice.
He can't help being quite good.
Yeah, and the rhythm of his voice.
Yeah.
That's a good thing to say to a person that you want to diss though, isn't it?
Up your mind.
You've only got one brain cell up your mind.
But the best track on Van Morrison's Contractual Obligation album, for my money, is Ringworm.
I can see by the look on your face that you've got Ringworm.
I'm very sorry but...
I have to tell you that you've got ringworm.
He's having a bit of thinking space here.
Very common to see.
And then he gets to the melancholy towards the end.
You're very lucky to have Ringworm because you may have had something else.
You've got Ringworm.
Wow, this is what he would have sounded like if he hadn't made it in music and had just been a vet with a sort of frustrated musical vet.
Exactly.
I'm sorry to tell you, you're a dog's god, please.
That's amazing.
And those recordings are commercially available now.
Well, they certainly used to be.
They would churn out Van Morrison compilations at a frightening rate.
Really?
And sometimes they'd stick some of those on.
Yeah.
I don't know if they're still available or if there's been some kind of injunction which has removed them from public consumption but they're easily findable on the internet and they're pretty funny stuff but I was thinking because we've got no song wars this week perhaps we could do a similar thing towards the end of the show I like it if I play you a little rhythm on the acoustic guitar
Why are you always forcing me to do songs without any warning?
Something like that.
Yeah, I'm up for it.
Okay, so that's to look forward to at the end of the show, listeners, an improvised contractual obligation song wars.
But right now, I was just going to point out we do that sort of thing at the end of the show so that we can leave the studio as quickly as possible and get to safety.
That's right.
In case people are angry.
What's happening now?
Yeah, music.
And this is your free play, Joe.
Yeah, this is Elvis Costello from the album Goodbye Cruel World.
I do believe this is the only flame in town.
That was keen.
That was a session track recorded for six music on the 3rd of May 2003.
Somewhere only we know, of course, was the track they were playing.
And before that trail, you heard Joe's free play, which was Elvis Costello.
And he was wielding some vicious 80s sax in there, wasn't he?
Do you think?
I like that album.
It's called Goodbye, Cruel World.
It obviously got solo and the attractions, of course.
Yeah.
Do you think that was particularly 80s?
Well, the saxophone sound.
Yeah, good horns, though, in that song.
Oh, yeah, sure.
I mean, it's a great track.
Sax solos, it's true.
They have gone the way of the dodo, even though Keene's attempting to bring them back.
Well, I was just gonna say, I wonder if Keene would do something as big as that sax solo, cos that really stamps your record with an 80s sound.
Yeah, it's like the guy in that film, The Lost Boys, on the beach, you know, with the curly hair and the shirt all muscly and sweaty and the little sax.
Blowing it as if he's trying to burst the moon.
Bill Clinton, you're talking about.
Yeah.
And also, what's his face?
The man who was involved in the scandal with the underage girl who was then in the West Wing and he was in Wayne's World, Robert Lowe.
Rob Lowe.
Right.
He played the sax in About Last Night, was it?
Yep, I think that's right.
They all hung out in that bar.
Or St.
Elmo's Fire?
That's right, St.
Elmo's Fire, yeah.
He got up on a table in their stupid bar.
It was the sexiest thing you could do, was wear a white dinner jacket with no shirt underneath.
The sax is the sexiest instrument, not only because it sounds like the word sex, but because it's the shape of an erotic snake.
Is it?
Yes.
That's right, because you could just pop it out of your pants there and it would look like you had a turbocharged organ.
Mmm, that was the noise it would make.
Eda Maria with Oh My God.
This is Adam and Jo here on BBC 6 Music.
Very nice to be with you listeners, albeit in pre-recorded fashion.
So please don't text or email us today expecting us to read out your messages because we simply won't be able to.
Now Joe, who do you think is the kind of pop star who would never ever sell out as far as TV ads go?
I'm thinking about this because of having seen in rapid succession John Lydon advertising British butter and then Iggy Pop recently.
gyrating around advertising.
I think it's car insurance.
Now, Iggy Pop previously has sold his services to Gap, I think.
Right.
So it's not like the very first time for... Alice Cooper is another one who's all over the telly at the moment in that very annoying advert that tells you about Norwich Unions renaming.
Rebranding.
I mean, I wouldn't be surprised necessarily by Alice Cooper taking the dirty advertising dollar.
Who would never sell out?
Who's got the most integrity?
Let's say, I would say, Tom York.
You'd be hard pushed to find the Yorkie bar in an advert, wouldn't you?
But then you'd say that about Leiden.
Imagine looking at Johnny Leiden in 1977 or whatever it was, at the peak of his furious powers.
He was an awesomely frightening figure.
I mean, he really was.
It still packs a punch when you see clips of him in his prime.
And you would think there's someone who would never, ever sell out.
So you say you think 30 years is enough to erode even the most solid lump of integrity.
30 years after that, you know, maybe you have a family, your perspective on the world changes completely.
You stop worrying about impressing people and upholding, you know, what do you think your principles might be, that kind of thing.
And everything becomes a little bit more flexible in a fun way.
So I would say even the Yorkie bar, in 30 years' time, might be thinking about taking the dirty dollar.
I'm not saying, like, you're going to see Tom York driving around in a car.
I think he might be.
I can just imagine, like, karma police.
Ah, Cadbury's twirly.
It's a new bar, the twirly.
Yeah.
You know, in 30 years' time?
Yeah.
I can see him doing that.
For a minute now, I lost myself in Cadbury's twirly.
There's a song was, isn't there?
That was the delightful sound of Super Furry Animals with Hello Sunshine from way back in 2003, the good old days I like to call them.
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music.
Now, Joe, a while back I was doing a little bit of voiceover work.
for an ad for Walker's Crisps.
I don't know if they ended up using my voice or not.
Other crisps are available, aren't they?
Of course they are.
Many other fine brands are available.
But they are launching a whole new range of flavours that the public can vote for, right?
Right.
They've done this before, haven't they?
I don't know if they've done one where... Well, maybe I've just seen the campaign.
Yeah, I don't know if they've done one where the public are actually in a position to vote for.
I know.
They've done a show where singers sing and you vote for your favourites.
Right.
That's what I'm thinking of.
X-Factor, is it called?
It's called the X-Factor.
Yeah, that's what you were thinking of.
But some of the flavors they've got are fairly challenging, you would think.
They've got onion barge flavor, fair enough.
Pretty basic flavor.
Easy to replicate as well, I would think, because I tried all these crisps before doing the ad to see if I could taste the difference.
They were all very nice.
They had builders breakfast,
That was... That'll be beans, egg, bacon and sausage and buttered fried bread.
Yeah, there was egg and bacon.
You could taste the egg and that's what builders eat.
Britain's built on builders' breakfasts.
It's very nice.
Chilli and chocolate.
No, that's bad.
Or is it bad?
That sounds like some sort of Heston-Boomintall style fusion recipe.
It just tasted very much like something vaguely beefy.
Right.
You know, it wasn't that offensive.
Fish and chips, quite nice, but it again tasted a little bit like prawn cocktail.
Salt and vinegar, I would imagine.
no it was less it was more poor cocktail god you really slapped me down on that one sorry mate but i couldn't i couldn't stand for salt and vinegar all right especially the way you said it sorry you're so confident those flavors sound tasty so far squirrel mmm that's a famous old one isn't it was it hedgehog someone famously issued hedgehog that was big in the 70s even wasn't it or was it 80s that's the kind of thing they'd cover on that slide with great hilarity
It's not just squirrel on its own, it's some type of squirrel.
It was not the 9 o'clock news.
There was a phase in the early 80s when hedgehogs were the comedy creature of choice.
Then it became fish.
And then it was monkeys in the 90s, wasn't it?
Yeah.
Python, it was always fish.
Not the 9 o'clock news in that lot.
Mel Smith and Griff Reese Jones, it always used to be hedgehogs.
Every decade has its comedy creature.
What's the comedy creature for the noughties?
The trouser snake.
I don't know.
Maybe we're not into the noughties enough.
We've only got one year left.
I mean, people still find that in 2001.
Monkeys funny, don't they?
Monkeys are funny.
Maybe it's squirrels.
Maybe it is squirrels.
Anyway, where are you going to?
Well, I was just wondering, I mean, the thing is that there's really very little difference between the actual flavours, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
And you could more or less just call them anything.
What kind of flavours would you go for?
What would I like as a crisp?
Yeah.
I mean, what's your favourite food first of all?
Why are you laughing?
Because this is so lame.
I like the way you set up a topic in a quite long winded way and then you close your notebook, wrap the elastic band round your notebook and then look at me and go, so what kind of Christi?
As if I've got to try and come up with some sort of satisfactory punch line for this.
It might have been okay, but you said, where are you going with this?
I started worrying about it and then I lost my confidence and then I thought I'd shift it onto you.
Cheese.
Cheese and onion.
I really, I wish they'd make Cheese and Onion favourite crisps.
They do.
German Electro-Hip-Hop Fund there, from a band that I think is called De-Fant-tition-Vier.
What else might it be called?
That sounds like a pretty unique name.
How could you get that confused with anything else?
Well, I'm guessing that's what they're called, because I got the track from somebody's iPod and there was no music details on it.
It was completely blank, right?
And I haven't seen that person since, and I've never been able to find out
anything about the track.
Was it someone you attacked at night in the street?
No, I just, it was a friend that I met a while back and we exchanged lots of, it was a name dropping friend.
Oh.
Spike Jones.
No.
And I got his, we did an evening of swapping music and he just copied a whole load of stuff across to mine and I copied a load of stuff across to his iPod and
And that was one of the tracks that he copied across, but there was no details on it.
So I did that thing where you go on your phone, and I think it's called Shazam, and it identifies music usually pretty brilliantly, but it drew a blank with that one.
And the only reason I think it's that band, the Fantastic Four from Germany, is because there's an AFX Twin remix album where there's a track by a band called De Fantastician Vier.
that sounds similar, like the guy's rapping style is similar, so I'm assuming it's them.
Well, I'm sure our listeners will enjoy correcting you if you're wrong.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I've searched everywhere on the internet and tried to match that track, but no one's ever been able to help me.
Now, listeners, one of the playlisted tracks here at Six Music at the moment is by a gentleman called Frank Turner, formerly of the hardcore band Million Dead.
It's called Reasons Not To Be An Idiot, and we're about to play it, but we're excited to announce that Frank has emailed the show,
He says, Hi Adam and Joe, my name is Frank Turner.
I have a song on the playlist at your venerable institution of a radio station.
A little bird tells me, that means he doesn't listen to the show, that you played it on your show the other day.
Words cannot express my joy at this if true, and maybe he does listen to the show.
I'm a long-standing fan, he does listen to the show, and think you're both simply super.
Good stuff, have me on the show, go on I dare you Frank.
We tend not to have professional musicians with the exception of Roger Moore, who has been in the game rather than on the game for 40 years.
In the acting game rather than the music game.
50 years, even 60 years.
Apart from him, we don't really have guests.
We have the salt man, but that's different.
Who wouldn't have the salt man on?
We have guests when it suits us to do so.
Yeah.
But we don't really feel obliged to have guests and we don't have like a roster of people that we call in.
So we don't want to set any precedents.
But if it amuses us to get Frank in, then he doesn't really... You know what?
I sense Frank no longer wants to come on the show.
I can sense Frank getting the flu.
I said that in the wrong way.
Listen, I didn't mean that.
I think it would be delightful.
What would we do with Frank?
I don't know.
You know what?
I think the only excuse we could have for having musical guests on this show is if we were to do a collaborative song wars.
Right.
Which people often suggest that you and I get together with a musician each and go off into a proper studio and collaborate with that musician to produce a song.
Who would you use?
Dizzy Rascal.
Yeah, but have you ever met him?
No.
I think this is something that we'd, you know, we'd start this ball rolling.
Yeah.
And we might have a kind of a top trumps thing in terms of musicians who are offering to help.
Right.
I mean, it's possible no one would offer and I am fantasizing here.
Yeah.
And probably being a bit self aggrandizing.
But just imagine if like record companies were keen on the idea and they started offering various artists to us.
And each week, it just might go up and up and up, you know, like some sort of Blue Peter appeal.
Well, let's make that official then.
We would like bands, currently established bands or acts to help us with song wars.
But they've got to like go into a studio with us for a day and that costs money and stuff.
Yeah.
So I don't know how that's going to happen.
All we need is their skills, right?
Yeah.
So if we were able to just hook up with them, we could just bring our laptops, use what we usually use.
and then just use their skills.
And you think?
Oh, are you talking about something a bit grander?
I think it would be cool.
Like, I imagine, I just imagine me and Dizzy and, you know, we're getting, we're in the studio and we're collaborating.
I'm throwing various rhymes down and he's getting really excited and, you know.
Keep imagining.
I think that's what I'm aiming for.
He's not going to do anything with you.
He's not, I mean, he's got a sense of humor.
I'm not, you know, certainly I'm not saying he doesn't, but he would hate someone like that.
He hangs out with Cecil, what's his name, whatever he's called.
Cecil B. DeMille.
What's he called, not Mark Ronson, the other... Calvin Harris.
Calvin Harris?
Yeah, he'll hang out with Calvin Harris.
He's very tall as well, so maybe... I'm better than Calvin Harris.
Really?
Yes!
I am, I know I am.
Calvin Harris is quite moody though.
Yes, so am I. Are you?
Yeah, if you don't listen to this programme.
You're haughty.
What's different?
Dizzy likes haughtyness.
Yeah, maybe.
Well, let's get the ball rolling.
Let's see who we get.
It'll be interesting to find out, like this time in a month.
So what are we saying?
We're saying record companies or artists.
If you'd like to collaborate with either Adam or I on a song wars song, write to us, please.
No one's going to want to collaborate with me though, are they?
Of course they are.
Your songs are brilliant.
No, they're not.
Your songs are brilliant.
Adam and Jo Dot
6MusicAtBBC.co.uk is the email address.
They're going to be falling over themselves to get in touch with us.
Absolutely.
Well, here's Frank right now with reasons not to be an idiot.
You're listening to Adam and Jo here on BBC 6 Music.
It's time for the news.
That's Althea and Donna with Uptown Top Ranking.
That's got to be one of the greatest one-hit wonders of all time, wouldn't you think?
From 1978.
Yeah, it certainly gets a lot of airplay, doesn't it?
And it always sounds brilliant every time it's played.
Sounds fresh, though.
Yeah, it does.
They're like the Mel and Kim for the 70s.
Mel and Kim.
They're better useless association.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music.
If you were listening to the whole show, you'll know that earlier Adam played some tracks from Van Morrison's contractual obligation album, an album of hastily made up rants that he... Which I don't think was released at the time, which was 1967, but it's since found its way onto the internet.
But we promised that later in the show, which it is now, we would try some of our own similar songs.
I'm just a bit worried that away from the white heat of that link, where the context was very clear, this might not work.
Well, let's just remind ourselves of one of Van's songs.
Let's just play a little bit of Ringworm again, Ben, if we could.
I can see by the look on your face.
That you've got ringworm.
There you go, that's more or less it.
It's just bad talking about it.
And later on he says... Aim high, huh?
There's worse... Actually, you should be pleased that you've got ringworm.
It could have been something worse.
So as a kind of space-filling song wars for this week, we have decided that we're going to sing slightly vitriolic songs about one another that are made up on the spot, right?
You're going to go first, Adam.
Oh, am I?
Yeah, you're going to sing a song about me.
Oh, no.
And you've recently accused me of being haughty.
When I say recently, I mean in the previous link.
And I'm clearly quite upset about it.
Yeah.
So, unfortunately, you're under contract to me to record an album.
Right.
But I've been very haughty about this and held you to it.
Okay, okay.
And the tapes are rolling and you're not going to get your money unless you produce some sort of melody and lyrics.
All right, here we go.
Oh, long boy, haughty man!
Oh, so long and superior, haughty man!
Brilliant, don't you?
With your clever comments.
That was... I'm really hurt.
Well, I was really going for it.
I've never experienced such unfettered vitriol.
Was that a bit too much?
Man.
I didn't realize.
No, that was satisfactory.
I mean, it was a bare minimum, but we will be releasing that.
Will we?
But you may have your tenor.
I mean, we are going to put these songs up for consideration as far as song... Oh, Joe gets the extra mic on his guitar.
Ben, our producer, has just given me a little extra mic there.
Those are my chords.
And what's the subject of my song?
Okay, so for this one, you've got to be talking about the fact that maybe earlier on in the show, it wasn't such a good idea for me to talk in that sleazy way about the model that I wrote in.
Your wife and kids are leaving you Cause you're going out with Mariela Frostdrop Not actually Mariela Frostdrop But a woman from the same neck of the woods She's a model that wrote to the show And now you and her go make love in the snow Your wife is very angry Your kids are very sad Your wife is even angrier Since I sang the last bitches got even more mad Happily
The model is really good looking and the love you're making in the snow is hot and sexy and real cooking.
That was sort of an upbeat song.
That was a good song.
And it was quite erotic.
Especially off the top of your mind, but I mean...
What do you mean?
I'm just a bit worried about Haughty Man now.
What do you mean?
Is there any way I can go back and retake Haughty Man?
You can do another one.
Let's have some real music first, and if you want to come back and re-do Haughty Man.
I think I should just move on and let you have the victory this time.
Now, yes, real music.
This is TV on the radio with dancing chews.
That was TV on the radio with dancing chews.
It's written on my list here.
Dancing C-H-O-O-S-E.
Is that right?
Or is it supposed to be shoes?
It's supposed to sound like shoes, right?
S-H.
How do you spell shoes?
S-H-O-E-S.
What is it?
Well, the band New Shoes, spelled it S-H-O-O-Z.
Ah, well, dancing shoes is the second single following the album Dear Science, released through the label 4AD on the 23rd of September 2008.
Now, listeners, this show is pre-recorded.
We recorded it the day before last Saturday.
right a week and a day ago yeah is that correct it's the 16th is it today 16th of January and obviously in the past week in the future where you people are currently listening something very exciting has happened in the world the United States of America the most powerful country in the world has got a new president and America's first ever black president a kind of um
sort of comic book sci-fi style development that you saw in movies and you know stuff like that in Hollywood fantasies has now come true and it's a massively progressive and optimistic and wonderful thing for the world, correct?
Yeah, until it all goes wrong six months later.
Are you one of these people that thinks it's all gonna go wrong?
Do you think the bubble's gonna burst very quickly?
Well, he's just a man, isn't he?
With a man's body.
Whoa.
Nothing but a man who can never fail.
That's right.
No one but the Purin heart can find the Holy Grail.
Oh, is that what they say?
Yeah.
Ah.
Find the golden veil.
That's fash.
Is that what you thought?
Yeah.
I think he's going to fix it all.
Good.
Obama will fix it.
I think he's going to sort out the Middle East.
Bish.
Yeah.
I think he's going to sort out the credit crunch.
Bash.
And I think he's going to sort out racism, inner-city violence and all hate.
And what's he going to do about the Middle East?
He did that first.
Oh, Bish.
That was the Bish.
Oh, was that the Bish?
Yeah, wasn't it?
I've got short-term memory problems.
I think so.
We both have.
Anyway, in celebration of that, here's a bit of hip-hop from Big Daddy Kane, who was a very exciting artist back in the early 90s.
Me and my lovely lady girlfriend partner went to see him at the Brixton Academy, and it was so exciting, my lovely lady girlfriend fainted.
Did she actually faint?
Yeah, and I missed most of the gig because I was, you know, wafting her with various bits of paper.
But this is Big Daddy Kane from a time when the idea of there being a black president was, as I say, a fantasy notion.
This is called Ain't No Stuff in Us Now.
That was LL Cool J with Mama Said Knock You Out, trying to blame the whole knocking out incident on his mama, which is really quite a disgusting thing to do.
Pretty cowardly behaviour from Cool J. From LL Cool J in 1990.
Ladies love Cool J, so he says.
Yeah, even though he knocked that person out in 1990, let's hope the law catches up with him, is what I meant to say.
Right, right, right.
This has been Adam and Jo on BBC6 Music.
It's been a pre-recorded show, so there's no thanks to be given for emails or texts used in the show, but we would like to thank anybody and everyone who's emailed us anyway.
You can email us anytime, and those emails build up in a wonderful kind of vault, which we will plunder for our next show.
Next week, we are going to be away proper, and filling in for us will be the multi-talented Danny Wallace.
Yes, he has recently had a book turned into a Hollywood feature film, The Yes Man starring Jim Carrey, so he's got a lot of money.
I would have thought the main thing to ask him about would be whether you can have some of that money.
Yeah, and what kind of gold house he lives in.
Yeah, and what Jim Carrey's really like.
What do you think his sidekick is called?
Little Steph.
Gromit would have been the correct answer.
Really?
Gromit.
No, I think his sidekick is called Richard, who's a comedian who I used to do some gigs with.
He was over at one of the Ealing live posse.
Back in the day, that will mean nothing to anyone.
He was over at one of the Ealing live posse.
Is that what I actually said?
Yes.
I'm a total disgrace.
You mean he performed some stand-up at Ealing Live, which is a comedy club in Ealing that he used to go to, and there was a posse of performers there of which he was one.
Don't be translating, yes Joe, yes.
Thanks for listening everybody.
We'll be back with you the week after next, live here on BBC 6 Music.
We look forward to it.
Until then, here is more music.