Hello and welcome to the big British castle!
That was Skeleton Boy by Friendly Fires, and this is Adam and Jo here on BBC Six Music.
My name's Adam.
Hey, my name's Jo.
Good morning, listeners.
We've got a very exciting show lined up for you.
Um, I... think?
You know, every time you say that, I think... I tell you why.
He's got something in his locker there that I don't know about.
It's because we've got a possible new segment we're going to try out today.
Oh, yes.
Don't we?
And I believe we might have a couple of new jingles.
Couple of jingles.
Don't we?
What's more?
Adam Buxton has shaved his beard off.
Yeah, that's exciting.
Has that got something to do with Valentine's Day?
No, no, that's it's a professional thing.
Really?
Yeah, it's not to do with some sort of a kiss that might be happening for the first time in a while My wife facial contact after weeks of acrimony inspired by my comments on this radio program You know, we got a lot of email this week from listeners and as usual it was forwarded to us by a producer Ben and we read it all and
And there was a couple of comments from people about my wife and some of the comments I've been making on this program and speculating about the fact that maybe our marriage is going to be in trouble there.
Consequences, the repercussions.
Yeah.
So because of that, I've taken this opportunity on Valentine's Day to make some romantic gestures to my wife throughout this program.
All right.
To show there's no hard feelings.
Really?
Yeah, yeah.
That's nice.
I've dedicated my free plays to her.
What were you going to say?
Nothing.
You're going to say something dirty?
No, not at all.
Something degrading.
You're going to dedicate your free plays to her?
Yeah.
With what?
Have you prepared something or will it be a little speech?
Well, no, no, no.
I've picked some songs that I think she'll like.
Oh, that's nice.
Yeah.
Have you done that?
No, my girlfriend's out of the country today.
So what?
She's in Germany.
She can't listen in Germany.
No, she cannot.
She can't listen in Germany.
They do not permit people to listen to her in Germany.
It is 9 a.m.
Time to listen to Adam and Joe radio program.
Is that how they speak?
Yes.
That's quite racist thing to do, isn't it?
It's not racist.
In a way to characterise.
It's not racist, it's a caricature.
Yeah, it's a racist caricature though, isn't it?
Yeah.
I don't think it's racist.
Yeah.
It's anachronistic.
That's true, isn't it?
Yeah.
It's stuck in the old and rut times.
Yeah.
But no, so she won't be listening, I don't think.
No.
So that's me off the hook.
Okay.
She can do listen again though.
She can, yeah.
I've got some stuff for her, some gifts for her.
Right.
She's coming back tomorrow.
And I've done a little song for my wife as well.
Oh, that's beautiful.
So instead of song wars later on, maybe I can unveil that.
There you go.
I told you it was an exciting show.
Yeah, you were right.
We got great music as well.
Here is some.
This is Run DMC with Walk This Way.
It's Run DMC with Walk This Way.
This is Adam and Joe on BBC Six Music.
Aerosmith, don't they get a name check there?
No, no, no, no.
They're completely irrelevant.
They were very much involved with that production.
No, no.
The Toxic Twins.
All right, fair enough.
Listen, hygiene news.
We also had a lot of correspondence during the week about Adam's revelation that he shares an electric toothbrush with his wife.
And I have to say, a lot of it was quite revolted.
Yeah.
And saying it was unhygienic.
I noticed that.
On behalf of the listenership who are probably concerned about the germ situation in the Buxton household.
The germans!
Are you going to make any changes to that situation?
I have already made the change.
You've implemented changes.
This show has improved my life in so many ways, listeners.
I got this email.
This is typical of a lot of the messages we got this week.
This is from Mike and he says,
uh really enjoy your podcasts the latest one from saturday was especially interesting particularly the marital adventures of the buxtans as a married man my tips would be a buy or clean your dishwasher since mine doesn't leave any brown crusts or streaks or anything buy or clean
Yeah.
Buy your dishwasher.
Buy a new one.
Oh, I see.
Okay.
Or clean your dishwasher.
Right.
Since mine doesn't leave any streaks, I was complaining about that last week.
B. Purchase or reuse from elsewhere in your home a mains adapter complex enough to allow the simultaneous connection of toaster and kettle.
These are very simple acts, aren't they?
They're true, but they're, I mean, they make sense.
They do.
Actually, someone called Ben Smith wrote us a lovely letter and he sent a adapter
Where is that adapter?
I've got it in my bag.
The nice thing about it is it's slightly cracked and used.
Yeah, well... It's not... I like that.
It's not new from a shop.
But it does the job.
It's got character.
You know what?
Ben, it's very useful.
I'm going to use it elsewhere in the house.
But I went out and I purchased another adapter to solve the problem, like Joe suggested.
When Joe suggested last week on the programme, you know you could get one of them adapters.
Wow.
A light bulb went off in my brainium and I thought, yes, I can.
So I went out and got one.
It's amazing, isn't it?
It's a sort of fix-it show for a complete idiot.
Yeah, thank you.
Mike also continues.
See, that shared toothbrush thing is cutesy, but mainly gross.
Throw the communal one away and purchase two new toothbrushes.
Is the plural toothbrush?
No, I just added that.
Tradition is one pink and one blue, however colour is not important.
Just enough to distinguish his from hers.
Well, you know, what I did was I actually got it together with the removable head for the electric toothbrush.
Right, you've got another you got a head each now.
We got a head each makes more sense and They're color-coded and everything with the little rings, which I never understood gone for I went for blue.
Of course.
I'm a man, right?
What are you saying?
Why would I go for any other color?
I thought you might possibly go for pink
Why would you think I would go for pink?
What do you say?
You're a girl.
Yeah, that's true, isn't it?
You're a lovely little girl.
Thanks.
Skip skipping through daisies.
What do you think of my dress?
Scratch, hairy feet.
Do you like my dress?
I do like your dress, even though your chest hair does pop out the top quite a lot.
That's why I shaved my beard off now.
You can see because I thought it would go... Yeah, you appear to have glued it to your knees.
Better with the dress.
Anyway, that's a surreal flight of fancy for which I can only apologize.
But yeah, life's been improved in the Buxton household, you know?
So we're no longer going to catch each other's diseases.
That's good.
Illness rates could plummet in your household.
Illness rates will plummet.
Everyone is having toast and drinking tea at the same time.
It's all- Are you still sharing bathwater?
Yeah, is that a big problem as well?
Sharing toilet paper?
Well, you see, a lot of people drew that analogy of the toilet paper sharing and the toothbrush sharing.
No, that's going too far.
It's going much too far.
It's not the same thing at all.
Yes, we do share toilet paper occasionally, but, you know, only if the use is very light.
I don't want to go into any details.
No, that's too disgusting.
Already that's too disgusting.
Anyway, well that's good news.
Thanks a lot.
Well done.
Congratulations for taking action.
You know what, my wife is actually listening to this program today.
I told her to listen because I said I was going to play her some songs.
And here's the first of those.
This is my Valentine dedication to my lovely wife, Sarah.
This is Lou Reed with I Love You.
Don't kick off like that.
That's very nice.
Well, you know what?
When I was listening to the lyrics there, they're not entirely romantic, like he's saying, at least for now, I love you.
But still, the sentiment is there, I think, and I really love that song, so Sarah, I hope you enjoyed that one.
She shouldn't listen too closely to anything in life, generally, don't you think?
It's a good bit of advice.
It's a good rule just to half listen to things and take the top line off them.
Get the gist, be a thin slicer.
Exactly, exactly.
You get through life faster and you don't get too bogged down with truth.
Yeah.
Or reality that way.
Unlike Peter Bogdanovich.
He got terribly bogged down.
Yeah.
Hey listen, did not a lot of the stuff that you said about your wife get back to her last week?
Because I was trying to dredge up a couple of annoying things about my cohabity and I managed a couple and they immediately got back to her.
People she knew, people she knows were listening and they emailed her in Berlin.
No.
Yeah, so by the time I got home, I'd got an email from her throwing them back in my face in a nice way.
Yeah, okay, she wasn't upset.
But no, she wasn't upset.
I'm surprised your wife wasn't upset.
I would have thought she would have been.
Specifically what sort of things?
Not because of anything in particular you said, but just because of something I'm very grateful for, and I think all listeners are very grateful for, but your willingness to air your dirty laundry
and brandish your filthy panties publicly.
Well, she's listening now, so she's going to be worried, isn't she?
Well, I'm... What specifically did you think was stepping over the mark?
No, just turning your domestic life, details your domestic life into material for the programme.
It wasn't that extreme, was it?
My question is, was she at all upset in any way?
She wasn't aware of it until now.
She wasn't aware of it.
Nobody that she knows listens to the show.
I don't think so.
I went home and I said, oh, you know, I talked about us on the radio this weekend.
I didn't go into any details.
I was trying to gauge how she would deal with that piece of information.
She seemed to be fine with it, so I didn't think it was important to actually be specific.
She's robust and she probably just thinks it's silly, which is correct.
It is silly and you're silly and the whole thing's silly and not worth getting too worried about.
Well, the thing is that you're more sensitive about certain things than I am as well.
That's true.
You think it's scandalous to talk about various bits and pieces of personal details that I really don't care about and I don't think are a problem at all.
But what sort of thing?
Well, let's discuss it during this trail.
Okay, but that's good news, so basically there were no repercussions, really.
No.
Good.
Not so far.
Let's have a trail then.
Here it is, a trail.
Boy oh boy, that could be like the theme tune of some trendy new children's programme.
Yeah, gabba gabba.
Have you seen Yo Gabba Gabba?
Oh, I heard about it.
I saw it on Charlie Brooker's show.
I saw it when I was in America.
It was really pretty good.
Yeah.
Yeah, really genuinely amusing and good.
But it's a deliberate attempt to be as insane as possible.
Yeah.
Yeah, but it works.
Yeah.
And as an adult, with a mature brain, you know, comparatively, it was really good.
I wonder if it works for children equally well.
I bet it does.
Because sometimes things that are that sophisticated.
I know what you mean.
Go over the heads of children.
Too cool, yeah.
No, it is good.
Good, that's the relief.
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music and we're sort of tidying up some of the loose ends left by last week's outpouring of domestic anxiety.
Mainly led by me it has to be said and I was complaining about various things around the house that irritate me about the domestic regime.
I've been alone for the past week.
Sorry to hear that because my partners in in Berlin as I keep saying yeah, she's working out And I've been slightly going slightly mad.
Uh-huh I went on one outing on Thursday night.
It wasn't a very successful outing.
I went to see Friday the 13th
at the midnight show in Leicester Square.
No, with some friends.
But it was a weird collection of people who would go and see that film at midnight on a Thursday.
It didn't make me feel very social.
Other single men.
Other killers.
People considering some murder and looking for some ideas.
But other than that I've been going slightly mad.
Do you ever get that?
I guess you're not alone for very long.
I've started talking to myself a lot.
Singing very loudly quite a lot.
forgetting where I've put things and just walking around the house quite you know from room to room very quickly mm-hmm not bothering to get fully dressed staying in my dressing gown for most of the day sexy getting a bit too closely involved with the cat yeah well that's been building up for a while now nothing filthy it's not like that
But just talking to it a bit too much.
Crying.
Getting a bit angry with it.
Yeah.
Then getting, you know, feeling ashamed that I got angry.
Throwing it against the wall, going into the next room, coming back saying, I can't say.
Hearing what's happening in the neighbours' houses through the walls.
Oh, actually, have you used a glass yet?
No, not yet.
But I've turned the telly off and strained to listen.
I'm feeling a bit jealous.
of the fact that there's life and yeah yeah yeah community in there yeah that kind of thing falling asleep on the sofa and waking up and not knowing what time it is or how old I am wow that kind of thing are you getting some amazingly good work done in the meantime some yeah little bits of work wow you'll look back on this period and think I was really inspired then I doubt it
Now, I've had a very frustrating week.
I didn't get anything done.
Mainly, all I did was try and get a printer that actually worked.
You know what I mean?
Do you ever get into that thing of you buy a piece of equipment, it doesn't really do exactly what you want it to do.
You think, I'm not going to put up with this.
I'm going to get customer satisfaction.
And then you launch into a series of exchanges and calling helplines and trying to get satisfaction that ends up dominating your life for several days or weeks.
And it becomes a nightmare.
In the end, I replaced various kinds of printers.
I just kept on taking them back to the shop and exchanging them and saying, listen, you know, this one doesn't work either.
And every day was just going back to the shop saying, this one doesn't work, can I try another one?
And actually they were very nice in the shop there, luckily, which made it more pleasurable.
But it turned into just a nightmare.
I realised that whole days were being swallowed up with me just going to this shop, bringing back a new printer, installing it, installing all the...
printer drivers agreeing to the licensing agreement and then phoning up the helpline, trying to find the number for the helpline online, getting through to Ghana or wherever the call exchange centre was, talking to very nice patient people out there who were trying to help me.
Have you tried turning it off and on again?
All that sort of stuff.
It was a nightmare!
What a nightmare.
Listen, you're just stroking your juice bottle there and looking at the clock, as if what I'm saying about the printer... Well, I want to talk more about this, but I just wonder whether we should have a record and then have the bottom of the hour, because I think it's an interesting subject, printer repairing.
And I'd like to dedicate a good... Walking around in your dressing gown, talking to the cat.
That's interesting.
But me and my printer, I thought we'd just, you know, maybe go into a record and come back to the printer.
Fair enough.
Because it is interesting.
Yeah.
And you're getting angry and that's always good.
So here's a record.
What is it?
This is Franz Ferdinand.
Who?
Eleanor.
PUT YOUR BOOTS ON!
That's a good effort, isn't it, from someone who you would think had been consigned to the dustbin.
Hey, that's Grace Jones with William's blood.
I don't mean that in a bad way.
She's the star of the film of You To A Kill.
Of course she is.
Yeah.
Well done.
It's your Grace Jones fact.
Yeah, just in case anyone needed to place her.
She's the one that cars drive out of her mouth and she's got a telescopic forehead.
That's true.
And she's got conical metal boobies.
And she can kill you with her thighs.
Oh, and she once, she once punched, she once punched, she once punched, she once punched, she once punched, she once punched, she once punched, she once punched, she once punched, she once punched, she once punched, she once punched, she once punched, she once punched, she once punched, she once punched, she once punched, she once punched, she once punched, she once punched, she once punched, she once punched, she once punched, she once punched, she once punched, she once punched, she once punched, she once punched,
Yeah, she's Brill's.
Grace Jones with William's Blood.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music.
Now it's time for us to try a new segment in the show that we've been discussing for a few weeks.
And Adam, you've done a jingle for it.
Done a new jingle?
Why are you giggling in that way?
I'm giggling with joy, excitement, pleasure.
I can't wait to hear the jingle.
Shall we just hear it then?
Yeah.
Come on then.
Your drummer is a drama queen Your singer is a brat Your bassist is a racist And here there's a stupid hat You've got to solve your problems Or your band will never last You need some pop psychology And you need it very fast
Wow.
Yes, it's a new segment called Pop Psychology, and we've been asking listeners who are in bands, whether they be young emerging bands, bands that are currently dragging themselves around the country doing pub gigs, or big famous bands, to contact us with their internal psychological band problems, right?
Things that may be threatening to split up the band.
problems that are storms that are swelling in the band members' heads that could one day burst out and fragment or ruin the band.
We're particularly interested in the problems of maybe the peripheral members of the band, shall we put it that way?
Yeah.
Or at least the band members that are not the leaders of the band or the lead singers.
This is the kind of thing that simply isn't talked about while a band is successful.
Only when they split up, if they're famous and release biographies, will you learn about what was going on within the band during their successful period, right?
Yeah, often they are extremely colourful members, a very obvious example being Stuart Copeland from The Police.
All the attention quite rightly and understandably in most bands is on the lead singer and the main songwriter, right?
Right.
Because they tend to be the most flamboyant characters, and creatively they're driving the unit, so it's fair enough.
But the other members of the band sometimes wrongly get completely overlooked and sidelined, and they have a lot to say for themselves too, you know.
Yeah, and often these problems are things that could have been fixed.
And if they had been fixed earlier, then some of these great bands wouldn't have split up.
You know, early intervention is what we're trying to do here.
The kind of bitterness you get from people like Tina Weymouth, from Talking Heads, when she talks about the split of that band and the way that David Byrne used to conduct affairs within the band.
I mean, it's amazing.
She's a very talented person, too.
And of course, talking here is a good example of a unit that was so important to all of them were important to make that band great, you know.
You're trying to move me on, aren't you?
I want to talk about Tina Weymouth for an hour, for one hour.
Here we go.
Okay, so we have got a young member of a top new band on the line.
His name's Liam.
Hello, Liam.
Hello.
How are you doing today?
I'm fine, thank you.
Now, Liam, you've contacted us because there are problems in your band, is that right?
Yes.
What's your band called?
Stroking Coat.
The Stroking Coat, singular?
No, plural.
The Stroking Coats.
Now that's a good name, don't you think, Adam?
Yeah, they're very, very good.
Are you using the definite article there?
Is it The Stroking Coats or just Stroking Coats?
It's just Stroking Coats.
And how many people are there in your band, Liam?
Four.
And what sort of music do you play?
Uh, kind of indie rock kind of stuff.
Okay, and how long have you been together for?
Do I sound like a doctor?
Nearly a year now.
Yeah, I do sound like a doctor.
You should, you should.
This is what it's about, yeah.
How long have you been together?
Nearly a year.
And, uh, what gender are the members of your band?
We are all male.
An all male band.
And what sort of age are you?
I'm 16.
Right.
And the others are 15.
And what's the problem, Liam?
With the stroking coats.
With stroking coats.
Dr. Sexy's now got his white coat on, his pop-psychology coat, and he is conducting an interview with Patient Number One.
His name is Liam from Stroking Coats.
Liam, please answer the doctor's question now.
Where does it hurt, Liam?
Well, me and the lead singer, he was very cool, I must add.
Right.
And we both find that the band's boring, so we need something to make us excited.
You think the band's boring.
Now there's a picture of you.
You've got a MySpace site, right?
Stroking coats.
And there's quite a cool picture of the band there on the MySpace site.
You've got a copy of it there in your notes there, Adam, as well.
And you've also told us that the band takes more time having photographs taken of itself than you do writing songs.
Is that correct?
Yeah.
How many songs have you written so far?
Two and a half.
And how long have you been together?
A year.
Right.
So this is problematic.
Now, is it... What I'm deducing is that there's one member of this band that maybe has more sway over what the band does than anybody else.
Somebody who's kind of the kingpin.
Is that right?
Yeah, kind of.
And it's not you, is it?
No, it's not me.
Don't name him, but who is it in the band?
Is it the lead singer?
No, he's away.
It's kind of the drummer's dad.
The drummer's dad?
What's going on with the drummer's dad?
Well he kind of makes decisions for us, like whether we should do gigs or not.
And it's kind of annoying because he's not in the band so he kind of wants to be in the band.
What does he turn up at your rehearsal space or are you rehearsing in his house or what?
Well sometimes we rehearse at his house but then he gives us tips but we don't really need them because
He's a builder or something.
What does he know?
He listens to a lot of music on the radio probably while he's doing the building, so he probably knows what constitutes a good song.
Can I ask you Liam, I don't know if you asked this already Joe, what are your ages in the band?
I'm 16.
15 and 16, I did ask that already, yeah.
Well, this is a whole nest of problems, Liam.
There's all sorts of issues going on, but your main one is that you don't think the band is interesting enough, right?
You think the music is a bit boring?
Yeah.
So what would you say the band's image is like?
I mean, you look like a fairly standard bunch of indie layabouts there.
Although I would say, looking at this picture, they look very happy.
I would, you know, they look a bit like a Christian rock group to me.
Which one are you, Liam, in the picture?
I'm the tall one with curly hair.
Oh, the... Oh, right.
Ah, you see.
I would think... You know, I naturally thought that that was the lead singer.
You've got a look of the man from Dodgy about you.
Is it Dodgy?
No, not Dodgy.
The guy from Top Loader.
Joe... Joe Hair Bear.
Joe Hair Bear.
That's the guy.
So listen, let's surmise the problems.
Number one, you believe band is too boring.
Do you think it's the musical style or the image or what's too boring?
I think it's both.
musical style and image okay you don't like the intervention of the dad no and is that it so there's no one member of the band who's too dominant it's just this dad that's walking all over everybody yeah
Okay.
All right.
Well, what we're going to do, Liam, is we're going to go away and we're going to consult and we're going to come back with some advice for you later in the program.
Any questions you want to ask Dr. Buckles?
What kind of thing do you imagine?
I mean, have you got any ideas yourself about how you would like the band to be, Liam?
It's kind of different and new.
Different, new and exciting?
Yes.
Would you use the word edgy?
Oh, that's a good word.
Yeah.
Yeah, so you'd like the band to be edgy.
Yeah.
Okay, and image-wise, are you happy with that picture of you?
I mean, because you all look very handsome and you've got skinny jeans and stuff.
What would you say yourself are the main problems with the band in that picture?
That was kind of too plain.
Like you said, we look like a Christian rock band.
So listen, Liam, if we come up, for instance, with a new name for you and some new image ideas, how likely are you to implement them?
Um, yeah, if they're good enough.
If they're good enough, okay.
Well, they will be.
They will be.
They've got to get past the building dad, though.
They'll be more than good enough.
Well, we might be getting him out of the equation.
Right, right.
That might be part of our advice.
Okay.
So, Liam, we're going to go away and draw up a plan for stroking coats.
They may not be called stroking coats for much longer.
And then we're going to tell you about it slightly later in the show.
Thanks a lot for telling us about your problems.
OK.
Thanks, Liam, and stay tuned.
Right, now here's some music.
This is not Stroking Coats.
It's probably not as good as Stroking Coats.
This is Oasis with Falling Down.
That was Fleetwood Mac with Man of the World, and that was a kind of a dedication to Ollie, who was on the show last week, of course.
Quite a lot of ladies emailed in saying that they fancied Ollie, saying that they thought he was a sort of handsome version of you.
I didn't put that very tactfully, but you know what I mean?
Like, slightly younger.
Mm-hmm.
And taller.
How did you get on with Ollie?
Because, you know, we asked Ollie all about what it was like for him being in the studio.
How did you find it?
How did I find having Ollie here?
I liked it.
I think it's always fun to have someone to not show off, but, you know, like perform to.
Right.
Didn't cramp your style.
Not really.
Did it you?
I don't know.
I found it a bit weird.
I find it weird having people in the studio.
Really?
Yeah.
I don't miss having guests at all.
No.
Well, yeah, after my Roger Moore trauma.
Famous guests don't really go down very well with my brain.
I like normal people.
Exactly, it's difficult.
It's hard enough to talk to you, let alone another human being.
It's hard enough to talk at this time in the morning, full stop.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music.
What?
It's your free choice now.
Is it?
Which one am I having?
A bit of Hudson, isn't it?
Yeah, this is Leroy Hudson.
This is my special Lovey Dovey Valentine's choice.
And I'm dedicating this to Annabelle.
Oh.
My girlfriend.
What's it called?
It's called It's Different.
This is quite long.
We're going to play you the full version of It's Different, and it's got a wonderful sort of 70s, synthy, squidgy intro.
So this is Leroy Hudson with It's Different.
Enjoy.
Oh, it went all sitcom there at the end.
It did, didn't it?
Like a commercial break in a sitcom.
And, aptly enough, it's now time for the top of the hour, sweeper, is it?
Yeah.
Very nice.
Now, we have had a huge amount of correspondence during the week, as I was saying before, and one of them stood out to me.
I love these kind of emails from people.
Where is it?
Oh, you know what?
You should have prepared this by having the email ready.
Is that how you do it?
That's a tip, yeah.
Well, not all the time, but it's often good if you start talking about something to have it in front of you.
Yeah, to have the thing you're talking about, like, nearby.
Right, right.
It just makes it flow more smoothly.
You reckon that's how Steve Wright does it?
Possibly, yeah.
It's one of the tricks of the trade.
Got you.
Anyway, listen, I found it now.
Hi, A&J, this is from Robert.
very much enjoying your shows for many years now.
I was recently watching some of your back catalogue on YouTube but found it a little disappointing.
Like watching an episode of the A-Team and realising that the programmes of your youth were actually quite lame.
Yeah, you know what, while he was doing that I was watching him through his window and I found him a bit disappointing.
Yeah, his face, his life, he had a stench of him.
I love the fact that you're trying to get back at him for being disappointed by 20 year old for being disappointed by late night comedy.
Yeah, because that's the thing is that a lot of my bits are brilliant.
Your bits are brilliant.
Yeah, they're brilliant.
There are some lame bits in there, though.
And that's why we did a DVD, though, to filter out all the lame bits.
Anyway, what else does he go on to say?
He says that he was suggesting a topic for.
Oh, no, no, he was actually talking about my whole problem with
with cold milk and the fact that sometimes I come down in the morning and find that the milk is a little bit warm.
This is one of the things I was complaining about last week.
Uh, no, I mean, when I come down for breakfast and sometimes the milk has been left out and it's not sufficiently chilly, well, Robert's suggestion was, uh, ice cube milk things, right?
Milk cubes.
Yeah.
And he says... To fill an ice cube tray with milk and then... Exactly.
Wow.
Yeah, for the purpose of replacing the regular ice cube, all he has to do is stand... Oh, I am prepared as fuck.
I just launched into it without even thinking.
What, and you get these ice, these milk cubes out of the freezer and you put them on your cereal and let them melt?
Is that it?
Yeah, take a while wouldn't it?
Yeah, exactly, exactly.
It's a stupid suggestion.
That's the worst email I've ever ridden.
You know, he starts off by insulting us.
You've ever ridden?
I've ever ridden.
I can't speak.
My brain's completely sea-style by the launch.
into this without thinking about it.
It's good.
There's so much in it.
There's something to say.
There's him looking... I blame you.
You know what?
I blame you.
I am to blame.
Because at the beginning of this link, I looked over at you and you were just looking blankly.
I thought, well, Joe's got nothing.
That's my default face.
I'm going to go into this email.
But look, it's fine.
There's a lot in there.
There's this man being disappointed at our stuff on YouTube.
There's me being angry at him.
There's his suggestion for the frozen cubes.
He says, I've tried something similar with beer as a backup when I want ice cold beer, but the fridge has not been kept stocked.
As I recall, the carbonated nature of beer makes it not ideal for freezing.
Also, never attempt to shake a beer in the cocktail shaker.
Beer cubes are many magnitudes better than beer cubes.
Why are you eating this?
Just thought I'd go back to it.
Right.
Hoping that it would pick up and it wouldn't come together again.
So did you try and freeze milk or anything?
No.
You haven't taken any action or- No, there's no payoff.
Why would you think that there would be a payoff after such a disastrous opening?
I don't know.
There's no possible- I thought there might be like a raison d'etre for the whole- No, no, no.
No, that's too much to ask.
There's nothing.
Good.
So shall we move on?
Luckily some bands have actually completed some songs and we've got them and they give a kind of sense of completion to some parts of the programme.
So here's a band called Blur with a track called Parklife.
That's Blur with Park Life.
Now, a band that could be heading for similar success as Blur are called Stroking Coats.
Hey, Ben, should we have the second of the Pop Psychology jingles?
There's another one.
Well, it's just the A, other one.
Yes, in this segment of the program, we've been asking people in band to email us with their internal band problems so that we can attempt to fix these issues before they explode the band at a later stage in their career.
And we have been joined on the line by Liam, who is in a band called Stroking Coats.
Hello, Liam.
Hello.
Sorry, whereabouts are you from in the country again, please?
Bournemouth.
Bournemouth, very good.
Okay, so thank you for joining us.
Earlier you told us about some of the problems in your band.
To recap, you have dads who are kind of muscling in on the action and attempting to manage the band and influence your decisions.
Yes?
Yeah.
You feel that the look and musical sound of the band is a bit boring and isn't really going to stand out properly, right?
Yep.
And you haven't written enough songs, you spend more time taking cool photos of the band than you do actually doing preparing material.
Is that correct?
Yes.
Okay, so we've had some suggestions in from the listeners and we've also got one or two ideas ourselves.
Are you ready for these, Liam?
Yep.
Dan from Bristol says, you should change your name to the Skinny Leg Boys.
I think it's just Skinny Leg Boys.
And write a song called Drummer Dad Bad.
Also, sack the drummer and get a hot female drummer.
Good idea.
Now that's a good idea.
A hot female in the band could change everything.
Random female element is always good to keep... She could just play the triangle.
I mean, you could possibly get a very talented female musician, but if you couldn't, you could just get a decorative one.
Is that condescending?
A little bit.
I'm just opening up the options there.
Yeah, sure.
You know, don't feel you cannot hire a girl because she can't play.
Get a really pretty one to play the triangle.
That's what Joe suggested.
Put her up front of the stage.
That could work, man.
That's a good idea.
It's not mine anyway.
Not even the tambourine, but the triangle.
Get it?
Get a girl with a giant rack to play the kazoo.
That's a good piece of advice.
So there's one bit of advice.
Bernadette and Dan suggest that stroking cats is a more logical name for the band.
Not stroking coats, stroking cats.
That's a joke though, isn't it, Liam?
It's logical, yeah.
Was that an intended play on words, though, in the name of the band, Liam?
I don't know.
I don't think I was there when they named the band.
There we go.
Let's have a look at some more bits of advice.
John Temple has contacted us via email.
He says, I think Liam needs to go solo.
The band is holding him back.
MySpace is so 1996 they need a Twitter account.
Mmm, Twitter.
Twitter.
I wouldn't listen to that kind of, um, talk.
But what do you think?
Go solo?
You're thinking about possibly, um... Go on, right there.
Do you have ideas for songs yourself, Liam?
Yes.
Aha!
Now, that's an important piece of the puzzle.
You're the bassist in Stroking Coats.
Of course, there are precedents for other bassists with ideas.
Turning into a very important part of the band, The Beatles, for example.
Paul McCartney, of course, was quite an integral part of that unit.
So you should get in there, and all you need to do is find the Lennon to your McCartney, who is maybe the lead singer already, and perhaps, you know, split off.
It's worth thinking about.
I wouldn't say anything out loud to the rest of the band.
Hopefully they won't be listening to this, but think about it.
And Liam, Adam and I have been thinking as well, and we've come up with some tactics for you.
The first thing to do is to deal with these dads.
You've either got to get rid of them, get them out, put your foot down and say, you know, look, dads, this is our band.
Yeah, you're turning us into like a Jimmy Nail sitcom, for goodness sake, dad.
Exactly.
The dads just need to go away.
They need to butt out.
You know this is your life, not theirs.
They had their chance for rock stardom and they failed.
They can't try and live it vicariously through you.
Is that ringing any bells there, Liam?
Yeah.
Yeah, just be firm.
Dads like it.
They'll be compliant to that if you really stop freaking out and shouting at them.
Write that phrase down.
You can't live your life vicariously through this band.
Get back to the building site, Grandpa.
Right?
Write that phrase down word for word and see how it goes.
Or if that doesn't work, use the dads.
What about being a band like Kraftwerk who used to put dummies on stage and stuff?
Have the dads actually play?
And you're the Machiavellian puppet masters.
So you're at the back of the stage all dressed in black.
And at the front of the stage are your dads with instruments that aren't plugged in.
And here's another idea.
You dress the dads up like schoolboys, like Angus Young and ACDC, right?
And you guys are all dressed in suits like businessmen!
Exactly, and maybe you even tie strings around their wrists to your own wrists so they're like puppets.
Exactly, to make the whole puppet master thing overt.
And then see how much they like being involved in your band.
And then see how much they like it.
Here's another one.
Or you could put the dads in the photo, so the promotional material for your band is humiliating pictures of the dads, right?
On a serious note though, Liam, the dad thing is a disastrous development for the band.
You have got to deal with that.
That's point one.
Deal with the dad situation and be unequivocal about it.
No dads.
Who's the band where the dad is actually in the band?
What are they called there's a young thrusting band and the dad is actually involved I think maybe that I'll find out during the next record, but wouldn't it mystery jets?
Yeah, exactly the mystery jets.
What?
Yeah.
He's involved.
Isn't that right Lehman?
He plays with them and stuff Yeah, so that has empowered dads hasn't it?
That's a terrible development really because it's made other dads think that they've got some kind of a right or claim to be in their Offsprings Enterprises.
Yeah, that's disastrous.
Oh
Uh, the other thing that we thought you could do, Liam, and this is the final bit of advice, is that you could become very flamboyant.
Mm-hmm.
Like start dressing really crazily.
We're thinking multi-coloured, uh, boiler suit.
Because you've got good hair there.
You could dye that hair like, like, like, Stroll Peter or whatever he's called.
You could put things in it, man.
Yeah, little birds.
Little bits of birds.
It doesn't have to be whole birds.
You can get just bits of birds and stick them in their beaks and feet.
But then you get a really foxy girlfriend.
Again, you could advertise for her or just rent her.
And you bring her to all the band practices and stuff, and you kiss her in the middle of songs and stuff.
You need to hook up with the most attractive bird in Bournemouth, right?
That everybody wants to get with.
That's your version of the Gwyneth Paltrow thing, right?
I mean, Chris Martin, talented fellow, Coldplay, wonderful band, but they were nothing until he got together with Paltrow.
So by sheer force of personality, you dominate the rest of the band.
Now that you've got rid of the dads, you're calling the shots and it's all back on track.
One final piece of advice actually is to use all of this in your songs.
You've only got three songs, so write a song about the annoying dads.
Yeah.
Write a song about how you think the band is boring.
Express all of this stuff in music.
Don't be explicit.
Maybe use metaphor and analogy to put across these problems.
I don't think you should.
Adam thinks you should just be explicit.
Absolutely explicit.
Because fans like nothing more than a song that's really sort of nakedly, brazenly, confessional about what's happening in the band, right?
Hello?
Liam's weeping.
He's yawning and weeping.
There's a whole raft of ideas for stroking coats.
Yeah.
And that's it, really, Liam.
Do you think any of that's any use?
Yes.
I'm going to say that's a great answer.
Some of it is really good advice, Liam.
Some of it isn't.
It's up to you to choose.
The girl with the kazoo.
I like the girl tambourine thing.
Well, exactly.
That's used because it's all gold.
Ma'am, we're going to be watching out for Stroking Coats.
Please keep us in touch with any developments, like how your dads respond, how the auditions for the kazoo player go.
All that kind of stuff.
Will you, Liam?
And send us some of your music as well, if you can.
You can hear their music on their MySpace page.
Yeah, about MySpace.
Yeah, good point.
Liam, it sounds like some sort of industrial whistle is going off and you need to go back to making football shirts or whatever you do.
So thanks for calling.
Okay, thank you very much.
Take care, Liam.
Have a good weekend.
Bye.
So that was it.
Our exciting new pop psychology segment.
If your band would like the same treatment, then feel free to email us, adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk.
The more specific the problem, the better, right?
And we don't necessarily have to speak to the person on the phone sometimes if it's just an emailed problem that is worthy of reading out, we'll do that.
Please don't use this as an excuse just to get your band talked about on the radio.
We do need genuine psychological and internal problems in bands, and we'd love a famous band.
Yeah.
We could protect your voice or just read out the email if you're in a famous band.
We wouldn't even say the name of the band, but we'd need to know.
Wouldn't we?
For our own personal satisfaction.
You wouldn't tell the listeners.
Well, it would be exciting for us.
Now, here's a band that seems to have taken a lot of the advice that we just gave to Liam there.
This is Empire of the Sun with Walking on a Dream.
The Sound of the Lady Men.
That's Empire of the Sun with Walking on a Dream.
Have you seen the advertisement for their new album on magazines in magazines?
No.
They've made it out to be like a film poster, right?
For what looks like a very bad film.
With these two flamboyant characters from Empire of the Sun all dressed up in their finery with their ludicrous makeup on, etc.
And in the background, there are sort of airbrushed sci-fi vistas, stampeding elephants, planets ringed by strange lights and stuff.
Sounds like an amazing film.
You reckon?
I'm gonna look at it on the internet.
Do you reckon?
Looks like a bad film.
I mean, there have been precedents for that kind of thing.
Who was it?
There was the band Terrorvision did a film poster album cover and I think a few bands have done that.
Gone the film poster route.
But certainly no one has done it with quite so much.
Elan, if I may use that word, is Empire of the Sun.
They've cornered the market in the fake film poster album stakes, I think.
Now I'm going to introduce my free play and make this a slightly... I'm going to take a little Mexican detour, Joe, right now, okay?
Because this also ties into a Stephen email that we got.
Dear Adam and Joe, this is from Ricardo in Mexico.
Should I read this out with a Mexican accent?
Yes.
Okay, you told me to.
Yeah, it's my fault.
Dear Adam and Joe, I am a huge fan of your show.
I said Mexican accent.
Is that not Mexican?
I don't really know.
I think he's Speedy Gonzalez.
He's Mexican.
And enjoy listening to your broadcastings and podcasts.
I don't know how many fans you have here in Mexico, but at least you have two.
Let me explain.
Some 10 days ago, I attended a gig of the dinosaur band Yes.
The place was packed and the gig went well, but that's not the subject of this email.
I'm not going to do that anymore.
I want to inform you that at the beginning of the show and when the audience was sort of quiet, I dared to throw a Steven.
Two things happened immediately right after that.
A few rows behind my seat, a voice in laughter, responded, I'm coming.
I couldn't believe what I'd just heard.
I turned my head and there was a man giggling and pointing at me.
Nobody else seemed to notice what had happened.
The other surprising thing was that Steve Howe from Yes the Guitarist
raised his eyebrows when he heard my Stephen, and I can swear he kind of giggled too.
Can you believe it?
By the way, there were no interruptions to the actual show due to Stephen shouting.
This was a gig-safe Stephen, because Riccardo.
Responsible Stephenage, that's what we like to hear.
So could it be possible that Steve Howe from Prog Behemoth's Yes is aware of the Stephen phenomenon?
I don't know.
What I do know is that when you're in the audience for a big band like that, strange things happen between an audience member and the people on stage.
Don't you think like it's a common phenomenon for one to think that the lead singer is singing directly to you?
That's true.
Even though they're not.
Yeah.
Or that somehow you're having a greater influence on their performance than, than anybody else.
Because the likelihood is that when you're up on stage there and you're in the zone, you're not going to be thrown off your stroke by a bit of stamina.
No, plus you can't really see the audience, can you at a gig like that?
Because the lights are so bright, you can only see the first couple of rows, so you just look randomly into the lights.
But what if, Steve, how is the exception?
What's the evidence?
He smiled very slightly.
He raised his eyebrows slightly and sort of giggled.
Well, in that case, who can argue with that?
Okay.
Now, here's the end of my Mexican segue because it takes us into our free play.
This is a Mexican band or combo.
I don't know exactly what the deal is with them.
They're called Sonido Lacer Draca.
And this is a track that I heard on YouTube.
It was on a video by an amazing guy called Keith Lautet.
That's me.
Have you ever heard of Keith Lutet?
No.
L-O-U-T-I-T.
I suggest you search for him listeners.
He does these tilt shift videos where you've seen the technique on adverts where people film large vistas but make them look like tiny models by blurring the top and the bottom of the picture, right?
Anyway, Keith Lutet does these amazing ones.
You can see them online there.
And this is a track that was on one of those.
It's called I Feel Great.
Oh yes, this is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music.
Very nice to have you along.
It's Valentine's Day.
Couple of bits of housekeeping.
Sorry to spring this on you, Joe.
There was someone who emailed us about the dangers of using the double plug with the kettle and the toaster, wasn't there?
There was.
Apparently you're overloading a single socket by plugging in both a toaster and a kettle.
It may result in the socket melting or your house burning down.
I mean that seems unbelievable doesn't it?
Well the person probably knows what they're talking about.
Really?
More than we do anyway.
I dunno.
It's not difficult to be an expert on this show, is it?
Two 13 amp products, is it?
You can't put them in the same plastic socket.
Yes.
I think you should be very careful there.
Well, in that case, what I'm going to do, right?
Billy on the canal that came from, from Billy on the canal, who has personal experience of not one, but two house fires.
He lives on a canal.
Yeah.
What?
What do you expect?
He's probably in like some weird houseboat or something.
Yeah, what you think he can have fires because it's got dodgy wiring around.
Yeah.
You know, we've got like a modern house and everything.
You can be... I know, but you're not on a canal.
You can be faster and looser with electrical issues if you're on a canal.
Right, you reckon?
Yeah, because you've got easy access to water to put it all out.
Put it out.
Fair enough.
If you set the house on fire, you just roll the house, like in a canoe, you know?
Yeah, yeah, there's a lever.
Flip it over and dunk it.
Pull the lever, it starts rolling.
It comes back up.
Like a drum in a washing machine.
It's a fun place to live, but you're not on a canal.
No, no.
So you can't do that.
Well, okay, how about this?
Rather than putting two plugs in the same socket via a adapter, how about I splice the cables of the toaster and the kettle together and then just have the one plug at the end?
That makes good sense to me.
That would be a very stupid and dangerous thing to do.
And that kind of chit chat is not permitted in the castle.
Not even as a joke.
No, not even as a joke.
I'm sorry.
Because the public are confused about jokes at the moment.
Some of the public are stupid, aren't they?
They're not stupid.
The public just generally don't really, they've lost, they've lost their grip on what a joke is.
They're not stupid.
No.
I said two bad things that have an eye about heck.
You have.
You're fired.
Spicy red kettles.
You're fired.
And the toasters.
Get out.
Shall I get my papers?
Yes.
Here's the news.
That was The Bomb by New Young Pony Club.
They're a real band!
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music.
So, Adam and listeners, imagine you've got a 17-year-old daughter.
You're very protective of her.
Well, one day I will have a 17-year-old daughter.
Well, cast your mind forward.
And maybe in that future scenario you're not a radio DJ anymore.
What?! !
you're an ex-military man and bodyguard, what could be termed a preventer.
You prevent things from happening, you're highly trained and skilled in martial arts and the killing of people, of bad people.
So this 17-year-old daughter who you're very protective over announces to you one day, you're divorced and she now lives with her posh mother and stepdad, so you feel even more protective towards her.
She announces one day that she wants to go to Paris for the summer because some cousins of hers
have invited her over to Paris and they've got a great apartment overlooking the Seine and she wants to explore the city of Croissant.
She wants to explore the city of Croissant.
She's very into art.
She wants to go to La Louvre.
What would your response be?
Um, and I am an ex-military preventer man.
Yes.
I would say there's no way that you can go.
Right.
Well, that's interesting because the scenario I just described to you is the scenario of a new exciting thriller that's out on DVD this week called Taken starring Liam Neeson.
I think the way to pronounce the name is Liam Neeson.
Listen, in Taken he plays a preventer man whose daughter wants to go on holiday to Paris.
And this is Liam's response to that question.
Putting our daughter at risk by going to Paris?
You're pathetic.
The wife thinks it's pathetic.
She thinks he's being overprotective.
What's wrong with letting your 17-year-old daughter have a holiday in Paris?
So eventually, Liam concedes.
He lets the daughter go to Paris on the insistence that she calls him every night and every morning.
and that he can drop her off at the airport.
But when he gets to the airport, have you seen this film, Adam?
Yeah.
You might remember when he gets to the airport, it turns out that a piece of information is being withheld from him.
Right.
She's not just going to Paris.
This is what's happening.
Lenore, you know about this.
She's not just going to Paris.
She lied to me.
What is this?
It's U2's European tour date.
She's following a rock band around Europe.
All the kids do, so we've arranged for her this day in the best hotels.
Best hotels?
You know, you live in your little bubble here.
You have no idea what the world is like anymore.
Yes, and neither will she, unless she goes out and experiences it.
That's the mum, Lenore.
Yeah.
She's called, named after a popular fabric softener.
So she's not going to stay in Paris after all.
She's going to follow the band U2 around Europe.
It's a rite of passage for many teenagers.
But she's only 17.
And the world is a cesspool.
Well, she's going to stay in the best hotels.
The best hotels.
You live in your little bubble.
You've got no idea what the real world is like.
The rock band U2 have got very strong connections to Christianity.
They wouldn't let anything bad happen to their fans.
Do you think?
Yes.
Well, of course, in the film taken, the second the daughter gets to Paris, she's picked up at the airport by an apparently nice-looking French boy, who turns out to be in league with foreign sex traffickers.
That's right.
And within, what, 45 seconds, the daughter's being kidnapped.
Yeah.
and dragged away but luckily she's on the phone while it happens so she's on the phone in her so-called apartment and these thugs sex traffickers are dragging her friend away but she's got Liam on on the other end of the line let's hear that Kim is there anything else you want to tell me give me her cousins are back oh my god they got a man there
She's being tracked away there by the kidnappers.
Sounds like there were some ghosts in there as well.
They're haunted kidnappers.
So of course this results in quite an excitingly absurd revenge thriller.
Yeah, Liam has to get out there and do some extreme kicking and punching.
He wastes absolutely no time.
It's as if he wanted it to happen.
Don't you think?
Well, the great thing, I don't know if you are going to say this or not about this film, but it moves in a straight line in a very weirdly satisfying way.
Almost nothing impedes the progress of Liam and his revenge.
He's entirely successful in killing about 500,000 people who stand between him and his daughter, one after the next, yeah.
It's a ridiculous film, but it would have been more exciting if they'd done something more obvious with the plot, like she's going around Europe
following you too.
She's kidnapped by an evil man who... The edge.
Well, I was thinking something else.
You know there's a famous bit when Liam picks up the phone to the killer very early on.
Yes.
So just as the daughter's been kidnapped, she drops the mobile phone on the ground and the kidnapper picks it up.
Right.
And he has what's gonna become quite a famous conversation with him.
They use it in the trailer.
Yeah.
Where he just immediately threatens to kill him.
Yeah.
And it would be more interesting perhaps if that conversation went a bit like this.
I don't know who you are.
I don't know what you want.
Hello, my name's Bono.
If you're looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money.
I'm not asking you for your money.
But what I do have are a very particular set of skills.
Being a band requires skills.
If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it.
But if you don't, I will look for you.
Oh god.
I will find you.
Wouldn't that be a better film?
That would be amazing.
If he had to work his way across Europe to kill Bono.
That would be brilliant.
It's like there's got to be a spate of films like that after JCVD, wouldn't you think?
Right, which is the new film in which Jean-Claude Van Damme plays himself involved in a hostage situation.
Yeah.
To recontextualise someone like Bono with his skills and fame profile,
I know he's got to be evil, hasn't he?
Or that would be a satisfying dramatic twist if instead of being the world's most altruistic man, he turned out to be an evil teen sex trafficker.
Yeah.
I don't know if Bono would go for it.
I think he might.
He's got a sense of humor.
Yeah, that's true.
Maybe we should write it.
Did you enjoy Take Him?
Yes.
It was enjoyable, wasn't it?
It's reprehensible and pathetic, but strangely enjoyable.
A bit like 24.
Same kind of kick you get from it, a guilty kick.
There you go, film news.
Right now it's time for the Kings of Leon.
This is revelry.
That is the Kooks.
Was that a live session or something?
You don't love me.
It was live.
Yes, sounded very, very stripped down indeed.
That was recorded in the hub for Gideon Ko on the 14th of July 2005.
I didn't know the Kooks were around in 2005 even.
So many years, so many kooks.
That was, yeah, You Don't Love Me.
And right now, I think, are we going to launch Text-a-Nation?
Why don't we?
Yeah, because we're a bit late.
We're like an hour late.
Yeah, well, never mind.
It's one of those kind of shows, though, isn't it?
Yeah, it is.
Let's plunge ourselves into Text-a-Nation.
Text-a-Nation.
Text, text, text.
Text-a-Nation.
What if I don't want to?
Text-a-Nation.
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
It doesn't matter.
Text.
Yes, we've delayed Text the Nation this week, listeners, because the texts keep breaking.
They've broken again.
The screen keeps going white.
But we decided we'd sort of do a slight sort of variation on last week's Text the Nation, which was annoying things that your partner does.
We were going to switch it round to ask you this week to send us annoying things you deliberately do, so things you enjoy doing to your partner.
consciously to wind them up.
Not really horrible things.
Not horrible places.
For instance, what I like to do to Annabelle, my girlfriend, if she's lying on the sofa watching telly and there's just an air of sort of boredom and a lack of fizz in the house, is I like to come in and grab her by the feet and then pull her off
the sofa, not violently, gently, but relentlessly, pull her off the sofa, then across the sitting room, so she usually rucks up the carpet and brings the carpet with her.
So you do this slowly so her head doesn't slam on the floor.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm not hurting her in any way.
She's usually giggling and going, what are you doing?
Yeah.
I pull her all the way across the front room, out into the hall, down the hall, into the kitchen,
And she's got the carpet with her and any other shoes or stuff that's been gathered.
And then I just leave her in the corner.
And then go, what are you doing there?
And then ask her what she's doing in the corner.
Why have you got the carpet with you?
And does she play along with you at that point?
She's giggling at this point.
Good times.
And then I just walk away and leave her and go about my business.
But it puts a bit of pep into the day.
Sure.
So that to her might be a very annoying habit of mine.
By the end of that, you're probably both quite turned on.
Possibly.
Sorry.
But then I saw it.
But then I've lost my train of thought now.
Sorry.
I'm terribly sorry to bring the topic on to a rough day.
I'm terribly sorry to mention rough day.
I imagine you're both quite turned on at that point.
You could say that at any point during any anecdote.
During the news.
And I imagine that turns you both on.
And at this point, were you both quite turned on?
Mr. Obama, can I ask you, were you, at that point, very turned on?
Do you do anything like that?
Do you enjoy doing anything like that to your partner?
Is there anything you do that wines are up that you enjoy doing?
I don't know, because a lot of what I do wines are up accidentally, so to do something deliberately would seem excessive.
I'm trying to think.
Well, I just point out the annoying things that she does and I laugh about them.
Does that count?
I'm not sure it does.
Maybe you should have a bit more of a think.
We'll both have a bit more of a think.
But if you can think of any stuff that you do on purpose that really winds up your partner, then give us a text on 64046 or email adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk.
Is this going to work, do you think?
Yeah, it's going to be good.
Is it?
There's just an atmosphere of general stinkage around the Texas Nation area this week.
No, no, no, no.
No, no, no.
Put that out of your mind.
This is a good one.
Is it?
Things you deliberately do to annoy your partner.
We could write a book about it.
Really?
Yeah.
Well, let's see what happens.
It's going to be a really good book.
Right now, this is your free play, Joe.
What have you got for us?
Yeah, this is a hip-hop track by somebody called Steezo.
He was involved in the band EPMD, used to be a dancer for EPMD.
Do you know anything about EPMD?
Yeah, they're all physicists.
Are they?
Oh, I don't know.
Anyway, this is Stizo, and this is a really good one.
It's called Bring the Horns.
Vampire weekend, last year's news, somewhat, really.
I mean, it's all over for them, isn't it?
They might as well not bother.
I mean, they've had their 15 minutes in the sun.
Is that true to any extent?
Give us something new, boring, seen it before, heard it before.
What have you got?
I'm pretending to be, you know, like an enemy journalist.
Like a prat.
No, it was nice to hear that.
That's Oxford Comer, of course, from the Marvelous Vampire Weekend.
This is Adam and Jo here on BBC Six Music.
Happy Valentine's Day, listeners.
I don't know if you're celebrating or not.
I'm not a big Valentine's Day person.
You know, I'm not really going out.
You don't really like love.
I hate love.
It's a negative emotion to me, you know, it just causes complications.
You prefer anger.
I prefer Naked Fury.
Naked Fury.
If there was a day where I could celebrate Naked Fury by sending cards that screamed... Naked Fury.
That would be your action thriller.
Your version of Taken starring you.
Yeah.
Would I actually be nude in it?
Yeah.
As an expression of your anger, you'd just rip off all your clothes.
Like the Hulk.
Exactly.
But you wouldn't go green or anything.
You'd just reveal your tiny little bits and bobs and your hairy tummy.
And then you'd take action.
Don't say tiny little bits and bobs like that.
I'm just like... I know it's just for humour and stuff, but people, that kind of thing sticks.
It's a cold day.
That kind of thing gets absorbed into the consciousness and then suddenly people think, oh yeah, that's the tiny bits and bobs guy.
I know you've said that, they will.
What are we going to do now?
Yeah, I'm going to do something for my wife, okay?
I told you at the beginning of the show that I was going to dedicate a few songs to her, and this is one that I've actually created myself in lieu of a song wars this week.
First of all, I'm going to read this email from someone who wrote in, who was a bit concerned about some of the comments I've been making on the show.
And I had it in front of me, but I've lost it again.
Oh, you're joking, aren't you?
Do you want to come back to this later?
No.
Oh.
It's wasting valuable time.
What are you going to do instead?
Play a record and you can find this email.
Let's play a record.
This is Tom Steiner by his note what?
Wait, I've got... I mean, it's just absurd.
It's wasting time.
Here we go.
Valuable taxpayers' money.
Got it.
Okay.
Sorry taxpayers, this is from Lee and Gemma in Derbyshire.
It says greetings Adam and Jo.
Last week's show was most amusing, Texanation in particular providing many enjoyable moments.
You could skip those bits.
Yeah.
Get to the meat.
Get the meat.
Alright Johnny text face.
It's free Jack Mick Jagger.
Get the meat.
Oh, God.
I'm just never, this is the last, I'm telling you listeners, this is the last email I'm ever going to read out because for some reason I just can't do it.
Blah, blah, blah.
This relentless pursuit of other women is becoming almost obsessive, she says as well about the fact that we've been talking about Icelandic models and stuff.
Yeah, you were drawing up a list of potential suitors.
You did that.
You pushed me into that corner.
I can only imagine the scene when he stormed through the front door after last week's show demanding separate toothbrushes.
Poor woman, buck up your ideas, Buxton.
Okay, well, I think that's all fair, Lee and Gemma in Derbyshire.
And I have created a song, especially for Valentine's Day, to try and ameliorate, to make up for some of these potential hurtful things you've said or insinuated.
So I think this is very romantic and I think it's going to fix it all up in the Buxton household.
Here it is.
I was just hanging out with boring models and going to parties and stuff But you turned my life around and showed me that world was just not enough Then I saw you scantily dressed in my bathroom one time using far too much crest on your toothbrush But I said nothing because I wanted to see
The rest of you Now we are married You're obliged to stay with me, contractually And though we're both older and weirder And you've had three children, you're actually More attractive and wonderful now than you ever have been Since the first day you stood in my lap
Cause you've given me everything I really care about I'm so lucky to have you But if you continue to put dirty glasses and forks back in cupboards and drawers I swear there'll be trouble and then
DIVORSE.
That's just so she gets the message at the end there.
Yeah, but that's also rhyming doors with divorce, but then you can't... you're refusing to end the word because it actually doesn't rhyme.
If you're in denial.
Drawers and divorce.
Divores.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, that was very sweetly moving.
Well, it's romantic.
For most of it.
Informative as well.
Until the divorce bit.
Yeah, but that's just how she gets the message.
It's realistic as well.
Exactly.
That's how a marriage works.
You give with one hand, you take away with the other.
Wow.
Well, listen, I think we should just let that song resonate.
And we'll come to some text the nations in a second.
Until then, here's a bit of Suzanne Vega with Tom's Diner.
Suzanne Vega with a remix job by DNA.
That was Tom's Diner.
from way back in 1990.
That still sounds good today, though, doesn't it?
Yes, it does.
Very good.
Well done.
Suzanne and DNA.
Now, I think we should get back into textination, don't you, Joe?
Yes, I do.
Let's have the jingle.
Textination!
Text!
Textination!
What if I don't want to?
Textination!
It doesn't matter!
Text!
Text the Nation this week, listeners, is all about things that you deliberately do to wind up your cohabity or partner.
Things that annoy them but give you pleasure.
Right.
So we've had some quite good ones in.
Here is one from Caroline.
She says, I'm five foot four and my boyfriend Gareth is six foot three and clearly stronger than me.
but getting his hands and pushing them at him, repeating, why are you hitting yourself is still a winner.
That is a good one, isn't it?
Yeah.
To gain control of the other person's hands.
I like to do that while Annabelle's eating.
I get her wrist when she has a fork with food on it and then just push the food into her face.
Is that funny?
That is quite funny.
And then go, what are you doing?
I think maybe a lot of these things don't happen when you have children, because they provide you with all those moments.
Right, right, right.
They're doing that sort of non-deliberately.
Because I can't think of anything that I do.
I mean, it sounds fun.
You should do more of this stuff.
It's playful.
The thing is that I don't know if it would go down well if I got Sarah's hands.
You should try it.
Like maybe started slapping her lightly in the face with her own hands.
I'm pretty sure she'd punch me in the solar plexus.
Because I think it's... Yeah.
It's clear who wears the trousers in your household.
Who?
You do.
Oh, you rack on.
Yeah, no, she does.
No, she does.
Here's one from Magnus in Greece, in Simi in Greece.
That's my parents' favourite holiday island, Simi in Greece.
They go there every year.
Maybe you've seen them, Magnus.
Anyway, he says, Dear Adam and Jo, me and my girlfriend are living in Greece for the low season.
When we go out, I wait until Celia has closed the door, then exclaim, Have you got the keys?
She looks at me in horror.
No, she replies.
Don't worry, I've got them.
That is a good one.
I smugly reassure her.
he he he it gets her every time also when i'm working downstairs there's an outside staircase and it's raining and i need to ask my girlfriend something i call her on the phone she doesn't answer her phone i have to go upstairs and ask her face to face she thinks it's really funny hmm don't know about that one here's another one from dc mike in barewood is that a police officer detective constable
Guys, when me and my girlfriend are at parties, oh I don't like this one, I don't know why I've read it out, I'm gonna have to read it anyway, I tend to break smelly wind next to her, and whoever we're talking to, I'd then like to rub my girlfriend's belly and remark on her having a bad tummy.
quite funny typical policeman behavior wind games is he DC maybe they're just his initials here's another anonymous one my husband creeps up behind me and pulls my PJ bottoms down exposing my bottom that's funny it really annoys me especially when I'm pouring boiling water from the kettle oh that's dangerous well exactly that's that's a good comeback hmm that he's actually endangering her life by putting
You know what, I used to do that but I got stopped because it was like not funny in any way.
Yeah, you got stopped by DC Mike.
Yeah.
Who then did a little stinker next to you.
But I used to really enjoy that because it was also quite sexy.
It's time for you to say your line again.
I'm feeling... what was it?
I can't remember.
But at that point they were both extremely turned on.
Yes.
Here's one from Martin in Kingdom in Hackney.
He says, my girlfriend wears glasses and sometimes I pretend to lovingly hold her hair stroke head in my hands.
But then I get my hand behind an ear and repeatedly press on the leg of her specs to make them fly up and down on her face.
She hates it.
I always laugh.
That's a perfect one, you see.
Yeah, that's very good.
So I'm going to look through.
We'll have some more of those in a second, but keep them coming in.
Things you deliberately do to annoy your partner.
Oh, you know, one thing I enjoy doing sometimes is putting my finger in inappropriate places.
Right.
On the face.
Like sometimes I put my finger in Sarah's ear or maybe up her nose.
Right.
What?
Just apropos of nothing.
Yeah, yeah.
Like when she's talking about having a serious chat or something.
On the phone to someone else.
That's exactly the kind of thing we're looking for.
And I just stick my finger up her nose and leave it there for a while.
And she bats it away and goes, don't do that.
It gets really angry because it's very invasive.
Invasive things are fun, though.
Yeah.
It's the abuse of your intimacy privileges.
Oh, don't do that.
And that makes me want to do it more.
So now you're getting it.
Yeah.
Oh, I tell you another thing.
Yeah, it's all, it's all flooding out now.
When she's bathing the children, right?
And she's, she kneels down by the bath.
Sometimes she gets quite a wicked builder's bottom showing, right?
When her jeans ride down.
So I like to pop my finger in there as well.
And she gets really freaked out because obviously that's not a fun place to visit if you're another person.
But if you're married, sort of a sentence is that?
I don't know.
That's gone wrong again, isn't it?
Not a fun place to visit if you're another person.
Oh, I see, for a stranger to invade.
Yeah, exactly.
I mean, you tend to be... It's a very vulnerable area.
Yeah, it's not generally thought of as a sexy thing to do for someone to, you know, pop their finger in the top part of your bottom.
Let's stop this.
Here's a trail.
Why did you come back to us?
Because I was going to introduce my free play.
I was trying to think of the best, least offensive way of describing that area.
When you failed.
Quickly, free play.
Okay, this is for my wife.
This is the last of my Valentine's dedications to my beautiful wife.
It's a song by the Beach Boys.
It's probably one of the Beach Boys most well-known songs.
God only knows.
You know this one, right?
Yeah, sure.
And this comes from the Stereo Mix.
I prefer the Bowie cover.
From the album tonight.
Yeah, you know what?
I was even thinking of bringing that one in, but it's so grotesque.
I thought, no, it's not even funny.
I'm gonna play the original version, although yes, as I said, this is the stereo mix of it.
Originally it was a mono track, of course, show, but it is just a wonderful song, and it makes- it's one of those songs that makes you wish you could really sing as beautifully as someone like Brian Wilson.
Why don't you stick your finger in the top part of your bottom?
Because I don't want to turn myself on, unduly.
It's also being used as the theme tune to a show called Big Love.
Yeah, that's the polygamous family thing with Chloe Sauvignon.
That's right.
And beautiful Jean Triple Horn and Bill Paxton.
It's a fantastic show.
You should check it out if you haven't done already.
It's also my wife's favourite programme at the moment.
So this is a double dedication to you and she always sings along to this when the theme titles come up, the opening titles.
And it's one of the songs that I enjoy listening to her singing along to.
So I hope you enjoy it too, listeners.
This is The Beach Boys.
Here we go.
Happy Valentine's Day, listeners.
That was The Beach Boys with God Only Knows.
We're in the midst of Text the Nation and we're asking you for things that you deliberately do to annoy your flatmate or your partner.
We've had some very enjoyable things coming in.
We're getting a few bodily function-type things coming in.
Yeah, there's a thin line here.
Some of them cross that thin line and just become naked antagonism.
Right.
Or provocation.
Uh-huh.
We're looking for sort of... More playful stuff.
Yeah, playful, endearing, sweet things.
Yeah.
Here's a good one from Edgar Cartwright, who lives in Swansea.
Hi Adam and Jo.
When I'm eating hot food like soup, I like to blow onto each spoonful to cool it down before I eat it.
However, this can be cleverly coincided with just blowing in my partner's face, who sat opposite me just for fun.
When she complains I apologise and say, sorry, it must be bouncing off the spoon.
Then I do it again, I'm 45.
That is exactly the kind of thing we're looking for.
Well done, Edgar.
Here's another one from Simon.
Hello again, Adam and Joe.
Sometimes after an argument with my ex, when she slept, I would go downstairs to her car and reverse all of her buttons, e.g.
blowers on, wipers on, radio full blast, put it into gear, etc.
So that when she turned the key, I'd hear brackets from the comfort of my warm bed, a stalling car, some loud muffled music and squeaky wipers were no longer together.
It says Simon.
I'm sure.
That's dangerous.
The gear thing's very dangerous.
The rest of it's quite funny, I would say.
Um, John in Oxford says, I tried to pull my missus off the sofa in exactly the manner you described last week.
I was describing playfully pulling my girlfriend off the sofa then through the house and just putting her in a far corner of the house.
That was this week.
yeah he said last week oh no that he tried to do it last week oh i see right unfortunately no pep was put in the day but she did injure her shoulder and consequently she was unable to check her blind spot whilst driving for a whole week oh so that's not so good
Er, Darryl in Wheelstone says, whenever my girlfriend makes a joke that's only a little bit funny, I laugh really, really sarcastically.
She absolutely hates it.
I don't know, that to me is crossing the line as well.
It's tricky because that kind of thing becomes... That's just winding her up.
Right, it becomes a habit and then it starts getting... Her self-esteem is lowered after a while.
Exactly, exactly.
It wears away.
Right, yeah, that could have permanent psychological effects, unlike the, say, the blowing in the face or the tweaking the glasses.
Shame though, is it?
Because it is funny.
Do you think?
You should try it.
Try it this week.
Well, I do, but it is tricky because, you know, sometimes things that you think are funny and just playfully annoying to the other person, they're maddening and they wear away at the relationship.
Here's another one from John in London.
When we're at the supermarket, I like to fill my wife's trolley with large amounts of silly objects like mops or turkeys and pretend she did it.
That's quite a good one, isn't it?
Yeah, that's pretty funny.
That's like you and I used to do that in HMV.
We'd go and like find the worst album we could find and take all of them out of the section on the shelf and then just bring it over to each other and hand it.
I forgot about that, yeah.
That used to really make me chuckle.
Yeah, it's funny.
We used to hold hands and walk around the Trocadero.
Here's another one.
Darryl in Willsden.
Have we already had Darryl in?
We've had someone else in Willsden.
I don't know.
Anyway, he says, I hide in various places around my flat and jump out at my girlfriend.
She's extremely jumpy and she hates it.
I often get our duvet cover, put it in random places and hide under it.
She knows I'm there, but squeals as she approaches the Mound of Terror.
Extraordinary sentence.
By which time they were both extremely turned on.
Yes.
Here's a bit of Supergrass before the news.
This is Mansize Rooster.
Supergrass with Mansize Rooster.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC6 Music.
It's time for the news.
Good gracious.
That Sleepy Head by Passion Pit.
No, I didn't get the Passion Pit memo.
Have you heard that one before?
No, that was odd, wasn't it?
I mean, that's the future, isn't it?
Is that the Smurfs relaunching?
It's kind of like the Smurfs and... Chipmunks, rather.
Alvin and the Chipmunks.
Yeah.
That's a very obvious thing.
It's that sort of techno, extremely speedy voice thing, you know, the helium voice that they used to have in the mid-90s.
People like the Prodigy used to do it.
And they're doing it again, though, aren't they?
It's coming back, all that stuff.
Oh, no.
What happened to proper singing?
Thank God for Simon Cowell.
He's properly selecting people who can actually sing.
Well, you've gone too far the other way.
There's a happy medium.
Is there?
It doesn't have to be either Cowell or Chipmunks.
Or Lady Gaga.
There's something good in between.
What's your problem with Lady Gaga?
Well, the obvious things.
All the obvious ones.
The noises, the face, the lightning bolt on the face.
Anyway, let's try and do some more text-to-nations.
We've been asking you this week about things you deliberately do to annoy your partner or best friend.
Is that right?
Yeah, absolutely.
Playful things that you do with a partner or best friend to wind them up.
Yeah, here's a very good one from a good friend of mine and Adam's.
Mark, who has texted us in to say that he has a friend in New York who will turn mid-conversation to his long-suffering girlfriend when travelling with her on the subway and pretend that she's a total stranger.
So when she talks to him, he'll go, uh, sorry, I don't know you.
Could you stop talking to me, please?
He would then get up and leave at the next stop and carry on the charade, telling her to stop following him, confusing and funny to all concerned.
That is a good one, isn't it?
Yeah.
And you get, there's all kinds of variations you can do on that one as well.
Um, to make it a bit more outrageous and stuff is just go into a little charade about the other person.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
To embarrass them.
To isolate them and make them feel, yeah, disconnected.
Yeah, it's funny.
Here's another one, a strange one from Jed in Glasgow.
Sometimes in the dead of night I like to put tangerines in the kettle.
It means that my girlfriend's cup of tea in the morning comes out all orangey.
That's a strange thing to do.
That is peculiar.
Let's move on quickly.
Are you scandalised by that?
Tangerines in the kettle?
It might be dangerous, I don't know.
There's lots of people saying that when their partner tries to yawn they like to pop the finger in the mouth.
Yes, that's a fun thing to do.
And that's a good popular starter level.
If you're new to this kind of thing, that's a good one to start on.
Play for the knowingness.
Here's one from Max who says, I do this with my sister.
I make my hands really cold then put them on her face.
This makes her scream, it sounds immature but I'm only 12.
Says Max.
Is he really 12?
Yeah.
Damo in Dundee says spoiling a yawn or a sneeze is a good way to upset your cohabitor.
Works for girlfriends and housemates.
How do you spoil a yawn or a sneeze?
A tickle in the ribs mid-yawn.
Yawn or finger in the mouth.
What about a sneeze?
How do you spoil a sneeze?
Erm... I don't know, we need to know, we need more information there, Damo, cos we'd like to be able to do that.
Where was the one from the guy who licked his girlfriend's face?
Er, we've had a sort of two of those.
Er, there's one from an anonymous text who says, Hi Adam and Jo, my boyfriend pretends he's going to kiss me.
And then at the last minute he licks my face instead.
He calls this a ninja-licky.
Ugh, I mean that's... I think we've got a text either from the boyfriend or a different boyfriend as well.
Here we go, Matt.
I like to hold the sides of my girlfriend's face like I'm going to give her a lovely passionate kiss.
Then I just lick her face from chin to forehead.
It's brilliant.
That's horrible, though.
That's a hygienic.
Well, you've got to be very confident about the state of your mouth, you know what I mean?
To do that.
Has to be a very hygienic mouth.
And that coming from Mr. Toothbrush Sharing.
With Mr... With... What?
Well, you're the man who shares the toothbrush, yet to lick the face is... is... overstepping the boundaries.
I'm not saying it's overstepping, I'm just saying you've got to be confident that you've got minty fresh breath, otherwise, because someone else is spittled.
You're revolting.
The sort of thing only Jim Carrey could get away with.
Right.
If you were going out with him, it would be all right.
Exactly.
That's the kind of mad cat thing he would do.
The problem with a lot of these things, right, is that once you start transgressing some of these boundaries, it's very difficult then to make the transition back into other more intimate love play.
Sing as it's Valentine's Day.
I thought I'd use the correct terminology.
You should write a kind of sexy book.
Yeah.
A relationships book.
With your beard, you look a bit like that man from the 70s.
Dr. Buckles is intimate love play guy.
Exactly.
That would fly off the shelves.
By which time you should be both very turned on.
It could be a good audiobook.
This is a family program.
Right.
But it's Valentine's Day.
That's true.
Philip Lockett has emailed to say, our bathroom has no windows and the light switch is outside in the hall.
Need I go on?
When my partner's in there, I like to switch the light off, plunging him into darkness and possibly weeing on his foot.
He's in the shower at the moment, actually.
I think I'll go and do it now.
Right.
That is a good one.
It's daylight now.
That might not work so well unless he's showering in the dark.
One thing I like to do...
Uh, one thing I like to do sometimes is, is go into the, if I'm using the bathroom immediately after my wife, I like to make exaggerated gagging noises and stuff like that, you know what I mean?
What, as if you're being violently sick?
Yeah, well, no, no, as if, you know, just go in there and go, whoa, okay, whoa, and hold my nose and stuff like that.
Okay, as if she's made a stench.
Exactly, exactly.
Okay, two more quick ones.
Got time for a couple more quick ones?
And what I said though, that was funny though.
That was really good.
Well done, Adam.
This is from Richard in Leamington.
When in the car with my wife when she's driving, I like to give her directions when she already knows exactly where she's going.
Brackets, supermarket, home, etc.
She hates it!
It tends to be men doing it to women a lot of the time, isn't it?
There is a male bias in the correspondence we've received.
And here's a last one.
Poor old women.
Poor women.
from Roscoe in Islington.
When my girlfriend gets angry, this is a good one, I repeat her phrases back in a high-pitched country accent, therein undermining the force of her vitriol.
Surely that just makes her even more utterly furious.
She's gonna leave you, man.
That's the worst possible thing to do.
We've had one more hot off the presses.
This is from Nick and Yeatley.
The best way of interfering with a sneeze is to pinch the nose during the build-up of the nose twinge, if that makes any sense.
That's dangerous, though, isn't it?
Your eyes can pop out if you hold a sneeze.
If you deny the release.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Or you can soil yourself.
Right.
All kinds of things.
You just evacuate your whole body.
Yeah, that's very dangerous.
Anyway, there we go.
Thank you so much for this week.
It's a pleasure, man.
Thanks for saying thank you.
Not to you, you buffoon.
To our listeners, thank you very much indeed, and to you, man.
You did a really good job.
I appreciate.
I've been reminded this week how hard it is to actually just read out texts.
Well, I'm good for something.
Anyway, so good job.
And thank you so much to everyone who emailed us and texted for Text the Nation this week.
What are you pointing to there, Ben?
My free play now.
This is slightly ill-advised.
Are they using this on a commercial?
Yes, living on the ceiling.
No, it's not living on the ceiling.
Oh no, they're using living on the ceiling at the moment.
Right.
Blamonge.
They're an 80s band.
They're having a bit of a revival courtesy of an advert.
This still sounds pretty good to my ears, though.
Neil Arthur?
Was that his name?
He was a genius.
This is one of their singles from back in the 80s.
This is called Don't Tell Me.
Blamonge there, yeah.
Yeah, Brills and Skills.
Don't tell me that was called Joe's Choice there.
Yes.
What was that album called?
I can't quite remember, but it had Egyptian hieroglyphics on the sleeve.
Right.
And I spent a long time trying to figure out what they could mean.
Mm-hmm.
In case there was some special coded message from Blamondge to the fans.
Do you remember in the song living on the ceiling there was a line that originally said, on the album it said, up and down, I'm up the wall, I'm up the bloody tree.
And that was too rude.
It was too rude.
So they had to change it to, um, up the cuckoo tree.
Ah, that's less rude.
Yeah.
How times have changed, eh?
Exactly.
I mean... Now you can't get in the charts unless you swear.
Right.
Lily Allen's got a track on her new album, which I was listening to for research purposes this week, and it's called, uh, F U. Yeah.
You know, F star star star U. Yeah.
It's a terrible song.
I mean, we should play it.
She's done it like so she's deliberately censored it herself.
Right.
So it's playable.
It's playable.
Yeah, exactly.
So she begins to do the swear and then she puts kind of crazy farmyard noises and stuff over it.
It's rubbish.
You think, what's the point of doing that?
Because you don't get the satisfaction of the swear.
It's not edgy in any way.
You've censored it in a really goofy, childish way.
But maybe I'm just too old and I'm missing the point.
Is that right?
Yeah, that's right.
You're too old and you're missing the point.
I didn't hear the first bit, but that last bit is definitely spot on.
We're still getting loads of annoying things people do to each other, but we've sort of run out of time.
It's crossed our mind to have a retrospective segment for the previous week's Text the Nation the next week.
Or to do some catch-ups.
Lots of people email stuff in during the week, people who only listen to the podcast, and they feel a bit left out because they can't email to the live show, but would that be too much to do?
No, I mean, that's what I was trying to do earlier in the programme, was catch up on some of those, but it just went badly for me.
Just needs more organisation.
Yeah, well maybe we'll try that.
But we should set something up for next week listeners.
You might remember months and months ago when we first started on 6 Music, we had a text the nation on the subject of Juvenilia.
Stuff that you've created as a child.
It was what started the whole Steven thing.
Exactly.
comics you'd written, or stuff like that.
And we're thinking of doing it again next week, to ask you to send in your juvenilea once more.
So, but we thought we'd focus it in a bit more on recordings.
Right, specifically audio recordings that you made as a child.
So either you singing perhaps, or, well, Joe and myself, I think, have both got recordings of us pretending to be radio teachers.
Yeah, I was digging through cassettes.
This week a couple of days ago I got all my cassettes out from the attic And I found I didn't have anything to play them on there were no cassette players left in my house So I had to go and buy a little 20 pound cassette recorder thing won't be able to do that much longer No, I was lucky I I felt lucky to find one so easily and I plugged it into my computer And I was starting to burn off some of my old tapes, you know on to make turn them into mp3 files, right?
But I came across
across a copy of the Four Bucketeers album, the Tiswas album on cassette.
And as a kid I discovered that thing that people of our generation discovered as a huge revelation that you could tape over the holes in the top of a cassette and turn a manufactured album into a blank cassette basically.
Exactly, but not a very good quality one.
A low quality
but at least cheaper than actually going to Smiths and buying a new cassette.
Right.
So over the four bucketeers, I'd recorded 60 minutes of me pretending to be a radio DJ.
I can't believe you taped over the bucketeers.
I know.
Wait till you hear what I taped over it as well.
You're going to bring that in next week.
You're going to bring it in.
It's an hour of me, I'm not going to play, an hour, I'll just play you the most embarrassing highlights.
Are you going to play it now?
A little squeaky high voice pretending to be a DJ introducing 80s records.
Very, very posh young boy.
And it's really embarrassing.
Bet you weren't posher than me.
Well, we're going to find out.
I'm going to try and find some stuff of me.
I remember record, I used to listen to, my tactic was to listen to Radio 2, which my mum listened to a lot.
So there's lots of Terry Wogan and stuff like that.
But then I would dip down, when he started speaking, I would dip it down and I would do the talking.
That's clever.
Use his records.
Yeah, yeah.
So if you listeners have done anything similar, if you, when you were a kid, pretended to be on the radio, had your own fake radio station, or any kind of ambitious pathetic childhood media escapades that you still have evidence of, we'd be keen to hear about, the email is adamandjoe.sixmusicatbbc.co.uk.
Yes, that's the best way for them to... I'm just thinking about whether... Is there any sense in giving them an address?
Yeah, okay.
Here's an address if you just want to send us a CD.
It's 99A Great Portland Street, London W1.
Couldn't be simpler.
Adam and Joe at 6 Music you could put on the top of the address.
99A Great Portland Street, London W1.
So that's what we'll be doing next week.
More juvenilea, and do send in your stuff to us.
Also, don't forget those, you know, pop psychology emails and letters.
Yep, if you've got a band and you've got problems, psychological problems, do, again, email us, Adamandjo.6musicatpbc.co.uk.
Yeah, because otherwise I will have made two jingles for no discernible reason.
It went all right this week.
Yeah, it was okay in the end, it was okay.
We're gonna hone it.
It was good.
Thank you very much Liam and Dave for being our inaugural pop psychology customer.
Are we saying goodbye here, Ben?
No, no, no.
We'll say goodbye to you shortly.
Well, people might want us to say goodbye.
There's still more.
Why are they saying goodbye?
Well, we're going to play a trail and then a little bit of a session track for you, ladies and gentlemen.
So is that correct, Ben?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So here it is.
Yeah, come on.
That's Deep Purple with Speed King.
Me saying, yeah, come on.
Yeah, because we love Deep Purple.
Have you got any Deep Purple records?
I do, but I don't listen to them that much.
Really?
Have you ever listened to them?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Burn is an amazing track.
Really?
I don't know enough about them.
I just associate them with that sort of Steve Coogan character.
That's good stuff, man.
Thank you very much for listening to the show, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll be back with you at the same time next week.
Don't forget to download our podcast, which should be out on Monday evening.
It varies because there's so many complicated rules now and hoops that you have to jump through at the big British castle.
Everything has to be checked.
Every little syllable has to be run through a large supercomputer to check for potential offensiveness, so sometimes that takes longer than others.
A little bit of housekeeping.
I played a track by a sort of German hip-hop band a few weeks ago, and a lot of people have emailed about it.
I didn't know what the name of the track was, but Ben, our producer, has discovered that it is called Liebersbrief.
I love his brief, I imagine.
Liebersbrief in German, and the band is called
Die Fantastischen wir, which means the Fantastic Four.
So there you go.
Thanks a lot.
Thanks to everyone who's texted and emailed this week.
We'll be back at the same time next week, 9am till noon here on BBC 6 Music.
But now we leave you in the capable hands of Liz Kershaw.
And a little bit of Electric Six.
Have a good weekend.