Oh, dear me, that's all going badly there.
She's got horribly lost in Paris.
For Lady Hawk, that's a shame, isn't it?
She's forgotten to bring her map, her guidebook.
She lost her boyfriend.
She needs the rough guide to Paris.
She does.
But she's forgotten to bring it.
She's upset because she's found out the exchange rate is very bad.
She doesn't have nearly as much money as she thought she might have.
Paris is screaming in the night, she says.
Yeah.
Maybe that's her baby.
Uh-huh.
Paris.
Right.
Won't sleep through the night.
It's just a guess.
I think that's almost certainly right.
Hello, this is Adam Buxton.
Hey, I'm Joe Cornish.
And this is Adam and Joe here with you on BBC 6 Music.
We're here until midday today.
This is the live show.
You're listening to the live show.
This is actually happening, right, in your life.
This is not the podcast.
This is not pre-recorded.
Obviously, if this bit is included in the podcast or you're doing listen again, then everything I've just said is meaningless.
But right now, Saturday morning, this is actually happening and it's going to be an amazingly exciting show.
It is.
We're going to have some exciting Steven updates.
There have been all sorts of events in the Steven sphere this week.
Steven has just gone insane.
It's gone crazy.
I got a couple of Stevens in public this week, yeah.
We're gonna be filling you in about all of that.
What else have we got?
Juvenilia.
Yeah, more juvenilea.
We have had a flood of responses from people sending in clips of themselves, recording bits of audio when they were very little.
Some people doing radio shows, the same way that Joe did last week.
We played a clip of Joe pretending to be a DJ that he'd invented called John Scott.
And there was also a clip of myself doing a kind of lame breakfast show as a seven-year-old.
And we've had loads of clips from people doing similar things and also just some very funny stroke disturbing rambles from four and five year olds that we're going to be playing later on in the program.
I'll stop saying that sentence because I thought you were going to leap in there, Joe.
No, no leaping.
We're also trying to think of a good text the nation.
We've got various ideas circling.
Some of them are a little bit lame.
Yeah.
Well, hopefully one of them will touch down.
You know what?
One thing we discussed was even doing like a part two from last week's public pretending text the nation.
Because we had so many good follow-ups in, didn't we?
But I think what we're gonna do is include the pick of those good follow-ups in retro text the nation in the podcast.
It's getting very complicated our world now, isn't it?
There's so much business.
So much business to get through.
Also, of course, we'll just be talking about
random nonsense and playing all kinds of amazing music including free choices.
Wonderful free choice.
We brought some vinyl in this week.
Yeah, I've got some vinyl as promised.
Yeah, I'm gonna play some vinyl as well later on.
Real records from the actual... You know, the thing about vinyl is when you look at the sleeves, they're almost frightening because they're so huge and colourful.
Yeah.
They're almost overpowering.
Look at Edwin Collins on the front of, what's that, our EP there?
This is, uh, Orange Juice, or as they were called, The Orange Juice.
And he's, it's like a film still on the front there.
And Collins aged, what, 19, maybe 20, something like that.
He looks otherworldly.
with his long face.
That would frighten a contemporary kid, don't you think?
Definitely.
They wouldn't be, contemporary kids can't handle an image of that size.
They would think it was real, they would think Collins was actually stood right in front of it.
They'd think it was a space-time portal.
Right.
Like in the time bandits.
Yes, exactly.
They'd want to jump in and tweak his oranges.
Exactly, his navel.
Okay, right now, here's some music for you.
This is Private Life by J...
I've got a... by who?
This is private life.
That's not supportive.
What if I... Someone suggested... It's just fun.
It's like-hearted fun.
It's banter.
Come on.
Is it?
I'll read out an email later on from someone who suggested that I might actually have dyslexia.
And if that turned out to be the case, then you would be a dyslexia bully.
Yes.
Finally, my life's goal achieved.
Genuine laugh.
This is Grace Jones.
I'm going to introduce the record.
The morning's first genuine laugh from Cornish.
Callings.
Oh, just play the music.
That's Grace Jones with Private Life taken from her fourth album, Warm Leatherette, released in 1980.
What a year.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC6 Music.
Now, last week and in previous weeks, my co-host Adam has had some trouble reading.
Yeah, a little bit.
Is that fair to say?
reading some emails.
I mean, you do very well when you get into the body of the things, but sometimes it's the in and outs that... Yeah.
And it is tricky.
It's a tricky skill.
What do you do when you're reading them through, like, off the computer screen?
Do you go out into the loo and practice there?
I do, yeah.
I've been trained.
Right.
Heavily trained.
And do you read, like, in your own life?
Yes, I do.
Yes.
So you're used to reading?
Yeah, I'm a highly skilled reader of words.
Okay, got you.
Here's an email that I got right that I'll try and read out.
Actually, it was quite a long email, but I'm ignoring most of it.
And just going to the end bit, this is from a lady from Taiwan.
That's in the Republic of China, Jo.
Did you know that?
And she lives in room 220.
Don't say her address.
Poor woman.
In the Institute of Plant and Micro...
I'm not supposed to say her address.
It's all right.
She lives in there.
This is her office, obviously.
Anyway, she's called Paula.
Hi, Paula, how are you doing?
And she says, do you think that you have dyslexia, Adam?
As you seem to have some of the classic signs.
Maybe you're just borderline, she puts.
She's dyslexic.
Well, exactly.
I'm not really going to get too upset about a diagnosis of dyslexia from someone who can't even write borderline.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah.
But what if she's right?
Well, what if she is right?
What's the test?
How do you test for it?
Well, it's complicated, isn't it?
I mean, that's a proper condition dyslexia.
Yeah.
Maybe we should get a doctor in.
But if, but if I start getting tested for dyslexia, who knows what else they're going to find?
Well, it's too late there.
It's just too late for me.
It's never too late, man.
If you're seriously ill, then you should get something done about it.
Dyslexia is not a serious illness.
It's a, I mean, it is serious if you're... Yeah, but it's affecting the show.
It's bringing the show down.
Right.
I think the BBC should pay for it.
Well, I think I agree with you.
Oh, you agree?
Oh, you agree.
You've got West country items.
What you've got.
You're the cause of my dyslexia because I don't have it anywhere else in my life.
Look, I think you should try and read most of the emails today.
How about that?
All right.
I will try.
But listen, if it does turn out that I do have dyslexia, which is a serious condition,
Well, then you could get fired for bullying.
Yes.
Do you realise that?
Yes.
Yeah.
Yes.
I mean, that could be a massive storm of controversy.
Yes, controversy.
Could be just what we need.
To push us into the public eye.
Right.
Well, so we need to get hold of a doctor.
Well, if you know how to test for this condition, and we don't mean in any way to trivialise it, other than in the context of Adam having it, let us know how we could test for it.
Yeah.
The text number is 64046.
Now, here's a free play for you listeners, and this is from a chap called M Ward.
We played a single of his a few weeks ago, I think, didn't we?
He's got a little hairy beard there, and he's got a nice warm retro sound.
I think I read somewhere that, I don't know if he still does this, but certainly for a while, he only used to record on old analogue equipment.
What's his name?
M. Ward.
And he refused to use any digital recording devices whatsoever.
That was a point of principle.
That's cool.
He's cool.
If he saw any like computers or protals, he would start getting very angry and just, you know, go back into his room with his tape recorder and go there and record there instead.
What do you think of that?
I'm scared by it.
He's a hard liner.
Yeah.
Which is strange, because when you listen to his music, it's really very mellow.
So is this recorded in that way?
I think it probably is.
This is called Shangri-La, and this is from his new album, which is called Hold Time.
Talking of bullying, which we were just before that lovely record, it was lovely.
That was M Ward, by the way, with Shangri-La.
So natural and analog-y.
Thank goodness.
I loathe anything digital.
As soon as I can whiff a little bit of 1-0 on anything, it gets me furious.
But we were talking about bullying, weren't we?
Yeah, you specifically bullying you.
We had an email in from somebody called Dan referring to a conversation we had last week about the Empire of the Sun, or Empire of the Sun, the exciting band.
and we were talking about their imagery and stuff.
And Dan says, hello, just listening to your show, heard you talking about Empire of the Sun.
I'm friends with the front man, Luke Steele, and he was far from hassled about his individuality when he was younger.
I know the banter between the English and the Aussies always revolves around the English thinking of us as brutish and the Aussies of you as wet rags.
Is that true?
That's the national stereotypes, yeah.
And playing up to these stereotypes is all very entertaining.
However, I thought six music was above the stereotyping and more about the music.
What's his name, this chap?
Dan.
Come on, Dan Grower!
Obviously, you are wrong.
We're not about that kind of thing at all.
No, you're right.
You're right, Dan.
We shouldn't pander to lazy stereotypes.
What did we say exactly?
Well, no, all I said was that I was surprised given how extremely flamboyant and ridiculous looking he is, right?
That he was I speculated that he must have had a hard time growing up with that level of ludicrous flamboyance in somewhere like Australia right which is generally thought to be and I did say at the time I said this is a lazy generalization, but you could say that Comparatively Australia wouldn't be a harder place than most to grow up looking like that
He was far from hassled about his individuality when he was younger, says Dan.
In fact, which means he was cock of the walk.
That's right.
Do you think he came into school wearing his... G'day, Luke.
You're looking absolutely ridiculous this morning.
I love it.
I absolutely love it.
Now, I love what you've done with your hair this morning, sprayed half of it pink and the other half green.
Usually we discourage pupils from coming in dressed in anything other than school uniform.
But the way Luke's dressed this morning, I mean, I mean, it's true.
It's true.
Luke, you've elected not to wear pants this morning.
That stripe across your eyes is terrific.
Yes.
The cockatoos nesting in your armpit hair are provocative.
And you've painted up your buttocks there.
The size of those shoes, the right ones are metre wide.
The left one's tiny.
Absolutely tiny.
I don't know how you squeeze your foot in it, mate.
And you appear to have taken a lady's bra and used it as shoes.
And the way you've still got your umbilical cord attached and you've tied a shoe box with glitter on it onto that, that's really pushing it over the edge.
Well done, mate.
In fact, I think the whole class should stand up and salute Luke for the way that he's come into school this morning.
But he's an example to us all.
In future, don't bring the tiger, mate.
It's just mauled Tom Tommy.
Tom Tommy the Tigers are dangerous.
Yeah, it's not the tiger You've gone too far with the tiger and can you get the spaceships to hover a little higher?
They're just they're grazing the heads of some of the younger pupils and also Luke You're not a robot from the future just to tell you but everything else is great and good on you.
What a brilliantly accurate Depiction of the Australian accent was his name there who sent the email again Dan.
There you go.
You happy now Dan?
That'll solve those issues.
I think it's time for a trail, isn't it Ben?
Here we go.
Well, Ben, where's the trail?
There you go.
That's for any listener who's at sea or is a sailor.
Who was that?
Or a pirate.
Captain Pugwash.
Was that the... What was that?
The wonder stuff.
There you go.
That's not new wonder stuff, is it?
No, it's from 1992.
They haven't reformed.
I mean, they've reformed for gigs, haven't they?
But I don't know if they're producing new actual music.
So listen, Joe, last week, right, on Friday, when I came to London before our show,
I was cycling down south London and crossing a busy junction when I saw right in the middle a wallet, a big fat wallet on the road.
So I leapt off my bike as soon as there was a lull in the traffic.
Had to do it quickly because it was a really busy junction down there near the oval.
And I scooped up the wallet and immediately pulled over onto the side of the road by a pub and had a drink and I was there for about a day.
To celebrate the wallet.
No, I didn't have a drink.
I just pulled over and I inspected the contents of the wallet.
First thing that went through my mind, what do you think the first thing that went through my mind was?
It depends how much cash was in the wallet.
Well, exactly.
I was curious to see if there was any cash in the wallet, right?
Because it had clearly just fallen out.
of either a cyclist's bag or, I don't know, maybe someone... So you mean no-one had time to get there before you?
Exactly.
I was the first person on the scene.
You think somebody might pick up the wallet, take out the cash and pop it down again?
Yeah, yeah.
A yobo.
You know, like a thief or whatever.
If they'd nicked it, they might have taken the money out and just lobbed the wallet out the window.
That's what the thieves do sometimes.
That's true, that's true.
And, uh, I, so I checked for, for cash, and it flashed across my brainium in just a second.
I have a split second, even.
Not, not as long as a second.
Like, if there's any cash in here, I might just nick it, and then get rid of the wallet.
Right?
I'm admitting that, because I believe that most people would, would entertain that thought for a microsecond, and then discard it, as I did.
almost immediately.
I mean, it came back again a couple of times, but I got rid of it each time.
Actually, it was moot because there was no money in the wallet.
So, what I then did... What about card fraud?
Well, exactly.
I can't help noticing that sometimes, despite the world of chip and pin and super security, sometimes you go into a shop
There's absolutely no chipping and pinning.
It's the telephone ordering though, isn't it?
Right, exactly.
You can buy anything on the telephone with a card, right?
All they do is flip it over and ask you for the security code on the back.
That's right.
What kind of security is that?
It's a joke.
You can go telephone shopping mad.
You can go telephone shopping mad for about... Catalog shopping.
At least a day, I would say, before the bank get wise.
this isn't this is this irresponsible yes but we're talking hypothetically were you a criminal or somebody with no morals right that's what you would do and i'm talking from the perspective of a victim yeah i'm saying that were someone to steal my wallet yes you say i'm talking from the perspective of the perpetrator yeah yeah thinking oh
Um, no.
Well, instead what I did was I went through... What sort of a criminal is that?
Who thinks, ooh!
Little bit of fraud.
It's not very Tarantino-esque.
That's what they really like, though.
Tarantino fails to grasp.
Little doggy.
You go to the bathroom, you go to the bathroom.
You're barking.
Cut your ear off.
I might have to cut your nails off.
I might have to cut your hair.
Do your nails?
What kind of grotesque caricature is this now?
Anyway, listen.
What I did with the wallet was I went through the contents, right?
And I got the guys, you know, trying to find some phone number or other.
So I found his gym membership card or what I assumed was like, it was a card from some gym and I phoned up the gym.
It's probably a gym membership card.
You reckon?
Yeah.
So I phoned up the gym and I said the name of the guy of the wallet that I had found.
Well, the dyslexia's really kicking in.
Do you know what?
I was pausing because I was anticipating the end of this story and I was anticipating the scorn bucket that was going to come from corn bucket.
No, I'm enjoying it.
It's an exciting story.
Yeah, well, just don't talk about dyslexia in the middle of the exciting story, then.
I mean, you've derailed my printer story on a number of occasions.
I know someone emailed in about that, didn't they?
Yeah.
Don't you dare derail this one.
Finish this one.
Come on, push.
I'm worried now because it doesn't have a proper ending.
Well, the words were going to continue, weren't they?
So what I did was I phoned up the guy at the gym, right, and spoke to quite a clueless sounding guy there.
I can you bring the wallet in.
Oh, can you drop it off?
No, because I'm in South London and your gym is in Norwood.
Yeah.
Oh, well, what, why are you calling?
Well, because I was hoping you could get in touch with this member and then tell him that I found his wallet and give him a call thinking that they would have his detail.
Oh, so you want me?
So I would call him.
And you would drop off the wallet?
So, no, it took a while to establish what I wanted, but eventually, the guy said he was gonna do it.
He was dyslexic too.
You're gonna be in trouble now.
I am gonna be in trouble.
And, uh, sure enough, it worked, though.
The guy sorted it out.
And a few minutes later, I got a call from this chap.
He said, ah, you found my wallet.
I'm so grateful.
Thank you.
He cycled round to my house.
He wasn't too far in South London.
And I just I got such a huge amount of pleasure from like not making a big deal out of it, right?
I just handed it over.
Just open the door.
Yeah.
Hi Yeah, I'm the I'm the wallet finding guy haven't stolen anything from your wallet might like to have a look I've seen nothing missing.
I'm just gonna hand it over.
I'm not gonna know you'd replace the entire contents with duplicates Yeah, little plastic cards that I just scrolled up just handed over.
It was a wonderful feeling.
I felt fantastic feeling
It felt like Jesus.
It was wonderful, you know?
And I really made a meal out of not making a meal out of it.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah.
In my own head.
Yeah.
It was like a saint.
That's a good story, man.
We should talk further, but we've got to go to the news.
Stop.
Shut up.
The music's still playing.
That's milk, milk, with love, get out of my way.
Is that milk with Sean Penn?
No, they've got an E on the end, as you say.
That was a record that went out to all dogs or anyone who likes ultrasonic whistles.
And it's got a very sexy cover.
Ben, our producers, put a little capture of it there.
Can you see that, Adam, on page three of your list?
It's got a couple of gender ambiguous people.
Well, men they're called.
Well, one of them could be a lady.
Oh, I see, I see, yeah.
It's a bit like that.
Was it Pulp who did a similar... Oh no, it was... Who was the band that did the similar Androgynous Kiss in the 90s?
Placebo?
Maybe it was Placebo, was it?
I can't remember.
No, it was what's his name.
I mean, it's an old thing, everyone does it, the Androgynous Kissing.
But this time there's a bit of tongue.
Right.
Or is that a lip?
No, I can't quite tell what's going on, but it might be a sweet.
It's provocative and sexy.
Is it one of those sweet shrimpy sweets?
What, like a powdered shrimpy shrimp?
Yeah.
Like a marshmallow shrimp.
Is that what they call those shrimps?
Are they just called shrimps?
Yeah, they're called shrimps.
No, it isn't.
I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be.
Do you think that would make it less cool?
Yeah.
Two androgynous people passing a shrimp.
No, I think it would make it more cool.
Anyway, that was Milke.
Were you happy about Sean Penn winning for Milke?
I was, yes.
But I thought this was at the Oscars, obviously, which I didn't watch.
I only watched the highlights.
But did you watch it?
My, you know what, I can't figure out how to get my skybox to stop switching itself off automatically.
Really?
You've got the sleep button or something perfect.
Yeah, so I only taped an hour of it and then it switched off, or rather I only taped an hour of fern cottons.
I had to stop myself doing some swearing in the middle of saying her name there.
Coverage of the red carpet stuff.
Right.
Why does she have to cover everything, phone call?
Because she's very peppy.
I know, but is there no one else?
She's wonderful and talented and beautiful, but there must be other people.
Like you.
Like me.
And me.
On the red carpet.
But no, so I didn't really see, all I heard was stuff on the radio thereafter, bits of speeches, Kate Winslet's so-called restrained speech.
Well, that's the thing, things you ask.
What's his face?
Sean Penn, he did a very self-aggrandising speech.
Self-effacing, surely.
It was, but it was in this sort of weird, cosmic language, as if it was a bit of Marlon Brando dialogue from Superman I. Mickey Rock has risen again.
Phrases like that, you know, as if this is an event that gods hold from mortals.
Whereas all the British speeches were very self-effacing.
It was Danny Boyle jumping up and down like Tigger and Winslet talking about shampoo bottles.
kind of letting the air out of the whole thing.
Whereas milk was still in old... milk?
What's his name?
Sean Penn was still in old-school Oscar mode.
I prefer that, though.
You know, the whole thing... Grandiosity.
Yeah, the whole thing of Winslet and her shampoo bottle rings totally hollow to me anyway.
in a way that it doesn't with Danny Boyle so much, you know?
Because it's empty.
Yeah, with the shampoo bottle.
Yeah.
She's used it all.
Yeah.
Yeah, fair enough.
Not that I begrudge her wins.
She's a wonderful, talented actress.
I can't wait to see Revolutionary Road.
It's top of my list of my seeds.
Is it?
Yes.
It's been out for weeks.
I love domestic drama.
I don't want to go and see it, but my lady friend says it's too depressing.
Oh, really?
I know, apparently it's not a good date movie.
It convinces you that marriage is a hollow institution.
I know, it's a tough one in that respect, but maybe I'll just go on my own.
But I was glad that Penn won for Milk, because he is very, very brilliant in that film, even though, as Rupert Everett says, isn't it weird that only a straight man can play one of the most famous gay men in history and get a big prize for it?
Why?
You think if it was a gay guy playing him, he wouldn't have won?
Yeah.
Possibly not.
Or no, he wouldn't have got cast in the first place.
Really?
Yeah.
It's still the same thing, you know?
Because the public can only handle pretend kisses.
Exactly, yeah.
They can only handle a pretend gay.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
I mean, the whole film's about homophobia and everything like that, and you still think, well, homophobia's still a very big part of the movie industry.
Yeah.
In a lot of ways.
Yeah, definitely.
Don't you reckon?
Is that controversial?
I'm not sure it is, but maybe it's right in a way.
Yeah, like in terms of how the outside world perceives it, yeah, this is getting a bit serious.
Yeah, yeah.
Listen to Rupert Everett's, or read Rupert Everett's biography, Red Carpets and other something.
He talks about it at the end.
It's interesting.
Anyway, uh, what was I saying?
Oh yeah, I was gonna say that I was sad that Mickey Rourke didn't win.
Yeah, that's sad, isn't it?
But he's won lots of things.
He's won his globe.
He's had a great, a great year.
But you think once you've won the globe, you're in, you're shooing for the Oscars.
It's cruel to be robbed of the Oscar.
Listen to you.
You're talking like phone cotton now.
In a second, we're going to have a go at launching Text the Nation listeners, but let's have a bit of music first.
Are we going to have some Jimi Hendrix?
Yeah, this is a guitar player from the olden days who used to set fire to things.
This is called Purple Haze.
Jimi Hendrix there with Purple Haze.
This is Adam and Joel.
He says, excuse me while I kiss this guy.
Does he say that?
Yeah, sounds like it.
Excuse me while I kiss this guy.
It sounds like that's what he says.
Okay?
You're really taking a stand.
I am taking a stand.
The time is now for me to stand up and be counted.
Who do you think should have played Milk in Milk if it wasn't Sean Penn?
Um... Rupert Everett.
Do you think that would have been good?
Yes.
He would have done a great job.
He's a great actor.
He's more flamboyant.
It's true.
I mean, he physically's ungainly maybe and less suited to the role than Pen was.
He's very tall.
He's not ungainly, but you know what I mean?
Milk wasn't that tall, but they could shorten him with CGI.
Exactly.
They could squash him down.
Like in Forrest Gump.
He'd be on his knees with slippers on his knees and then blue over the bottom of his legs.
Blue screen legs.
Exactly.
Yeah, they photoshopped my legs out.
He could easily do it.
He could do the accent.
He could do any of that stuff.
You know, and it makes me absolutely sick that they just had to go to Sean Penn.
Mmm.
As great an actor as he is.
Mmm.
What are we gonna... We should launch Text-o-nation, right?
Yes, we should.
Shall we have the Jingle Jungle, Ben?
Text-o-nation.
Text, text, text.
Text-o-nation.
What if I don't want to?
Text-o-nation.
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
It doesn't matter.
Text!
So, listeners, I was looking through my vinyl this week to try and find something to play.
I'll be playing something off vinyl a bit later.
But I came across a kind of a valuable collectible that when I first acquired it, I thought was going to be like a sort of family heirloom.
Right.
What was this Beatles signed Beatles record?
No, this is a signed copy of The Lexicon of Love.
by ABC.
That is a classic album.
Yes, signed by all of the band.
No way.
Martin, Tristran, Herbert and Tony.
Wow.
What are their names?
Yeah, Martin, Tristran, Herbert and Tony.
Yeah.
They all signed it in silver.
Yeah.
And I bought it in Woolworths, the late great Woolworths.
Where did you get it signed?
It was just on the shelf.
They'd been in for a signing.
They'd over signed.
Right.
And there were some leftover ones.
Hard to believe.
I remember how excited I was at the time.
I thought this was like finding, you know, the golden idol in Raiders or something as if... Or Nemo.
Finding Nemo, exactly.
As if I'd sort of stumbled upon the world's most precious thing.
But 25 years later, looking on eBay, $29.99 for a signed vinyl copy of... Not bad.
Not bad, you think?
I would think... You know, I would have thought about 15 quid for some... Really?
I was expecting triple figures.
So our question for you in Text the Nation this week, listeners, is what's the most valueless bit of pop culture collectible?
Does that make sense?
What's the most valueless, pathetic pop culture collectible you've got?
Like a thing that you thought was really precious, maybe 10, 15 years ago, or maybe even recently that you've stopped your partner from clearing out of the house.
Maybe you've packed it in bubble wrap in the loft.
But you fear now that it's absolutely pathetic and worthless.
I mean, I've got crates of that stuff.
Really?
Literally crates, about five or six crates of stuff that I cannot throw away because I think, ooh, ooh, can't throw away the very first Lord of the Rings plastic cup from the... You've got one of those?
Yeah, yeah.
You know, I've got a big... What sort of a cup?
Well, it's like a big gulp thing.
Oh, I've got a fifth element big gulp.
And it's got lenticular on it, so when you turn it round Frodo's doing things.
Mean it's a man.
I thought how much do you think that's worth?
Well, absolutely nothing.
I would say 30p 50p maybe I'm gonna find out now all I've done the only the only The only thing I do with it now and I winced to think of it now is that at some point my wife used it to Put some paint in she was doing some painting right?
She put a bit of paint in there
here they are uh three lord of the rings return of the king holograph cup so yours return of the king uh that's the last film oh maybe it is return of the king yeah how much 399 for three that's more than i thought really 399 for three 399 for three on ebay but i've yeah i've still got those even though they're covered in paint now and everything and
totally messed up.
They wouldn't even be worth $3.99 for three.
The text number is 64046, listeners.
Text us in the most worthless, pathetic item of collectibles that you possess.
The other thing, this is, are we extending this to hoarding in general or not really?
I mean, we've talked before about things that you can't throw away, like my collection of Mojo magazines and stuff like that.
Which I don't I still don't understand what some of those have collectible I mean the word collectible is used very very loosely, isn't it?
Yeah, it's as if all you have to do is write it on something and then that object becomes collectible Yeah, you could write it on Some litter or a wall or a tramp's head or something and then if you put a signature on it as well, right?
Then it becomes really but magazines sometimes have collectible issues, right?
Empire always do like for Empire's birthday was it they had a hundred different covers
So presumably somebody out there has collected all a hundred and is expecting them to increase in value.
Do Mojo ever do that?
Sometimes, yep, yep.
They had the Beatles covers.
But haven't they got some Who covers at the moment?
Two Who covers.
One of Pete Town's End and one of like the old Sellout covers.
Oh right.
I think they've got collectible covers at the moment.
Are they worth anything?
Surely not.
At the moment, they're probably worth about 450 or whatever the cover price is.
Yeah, but no, I mean, I can't believe that they would be worth anything even in a hundred years' time, really.
They would be worth marginally more than the cover price.
I'm very happy to be corrected if that's not the case.
But the stories we'd like, I suppose, it's a sort of ratio of how coveted they are to how worthless they are.
Yeah.
Do you know what I mean?
The lengths you go to protect them, to stop people throwing them out, to take care of them, not to have them damaged, to pack them away, and then, as time passes, you realise that you've completely wasted your time.
Yeah.
Because I did find a load of stuff the other day that...
I've kept with me not exactly collections of stuff, but I had loads of packets of photographs, like old-school photographs that I'd taken to the printers and got back, you know, and kept them all religiously, wouldn't throw any away.
You know, like now with digital photography, when you're skimming through them, right?
and organizing them, if you're that organized, then you get rid of all the blurry ones, right?
And the ones that are absolutely rubbish, you just trash them.
But you didn't do that, really, with old-school photographs.
You'd keep every single one, even if it was a bit blurry.
I'm not sure photographs count.
Do they not?
Well, they're not really acquired, are they?
Yeah, but it's things that you find difficult to... No, that's a different topic, isn't it?
Yeah.
It's good, though.
Listen, here's some... The tech number is 64046.
Here's some vinyl.
We said last week we were going to bring some vinyl in and play some vinyl, but what's happened is I bought it in this morning and then our producer, Ben, said we couldn't actually play it, spin it live in the studio.
We had to sort of burn it off a turntable onto digital.
Are you upset that I've told them that?
When it comes to the same thing, it's a completely pointless thing to admit.
Do you think?
Well, it's obviously you're going to be broadcasting it digitally anyway, because that's the way that this radio station is broadcast.
I wanted to hear the needle go on the vinyl and the popping and stuff.
You wanted to put the needle on yourself, as William wanted, and fool around with it.
And maybe tickle the stylus a bit.
Yeah, maybe that would have been rubbish anyway.
But see if you can hear any sonic difference in the quality of this recording that's come off vinyl.
This is Orange Juice from their EP, The Orange Juice.
Or was it an album, The Orange Juice?
This is called, I guess I'm just a little too sensitive.
You can definitely hear that it's vinyl.
Do you think?
Yeah.
Because you can hear that the treble on the hi-hat there is a little frayed.
Do you know what I mean?
Oh, the bass is supposed to be a bit more sort of warm and deep on vinyl, isn't it?
Because digital recordings tend to sort of CRISP-ify everything.
They're quite treble-y, aren't they?
We're using all the technical
terms.
Crispify.
Crispify for aid.
But you know when you get a low-quality digital recording and it sounds as if, you know, it's being channeled by aliens.
All the compression is horrid, yeah.
Yeah, and there's weird tones and notes and sort of a tinny, whistly sound to everything.
It doesn't have that, does it?
No, it does not have that.
No, it is much more warm and analog.
I tell you who'd like that.
Who?
Your bloke that likes analogue things.
And Ward.
Yeah, he'd love that.
He would absolutely love that.
That's the only track he'd like on today's show.
Yeah.
He'd be furious about the rest.
He absolutely livid.
Livid?
Let's not hear how that would sound.
Why did you make that face, then?
It's like you're encouraging me.
Because I thought you were going to go livid.
You wanted me to go livid.
Yeah, but I'm enjoying, like, getting you excited, then stopping it.
Winding me down again.
Yeah.
That would be insane for me to go livid.
How are you doing that?
Isn't it fresh on your face?
You're like a little geezer that's about to blow his top.
Bouncy puppet man.
I'm not your bouncy puppet man with dyslexia.
Why have you come in this morning thinking, I'm going to treat Adam like a bouncy puppet man.
I'm going to accuse him of having dyslexia.
I'm going to tease him.
I'm going to take him to the brink of blowing his top.
And then I'm going to pull him right down again.
It's so easy though.
It's just fun.
Why do you think it's easy?
You know what?
I wish everybody could come in and have the fun that I have.
It's easy because I want to make you happy.
Oh dear.
Let's have some music.
Now let's have a trail.
Oh a trail, is it?
Trail for merchants.
Merchants back.
It's not my favourite blur track.
Did you watch Damon and what's his name, Mr. Cox, playing together for the first time in ages at the NME Shockwave Awards?
No, I missed this Shockwave Awards.
So did I. I had to go to bed because it was about midnight last night.
It had to be up early to come here.
What were you doing watching, even, thinking that there might be some bad behaviour?
I turned on and I saw Charlie Brooker give an award to the Boosh.
Oh.
And that was amusing.
And I remembered our time at the NME Awards.
Oh, yes.
When was that?
Burned into my mind.
Ten years ago or something?
Around, yeah.
And it was not a happy experience for either of us.
We were accepting an award on behalf of Travis or something.
That's right, yeah.
But it was so rowdy, it was unpleasant.
Somebody kicked over the podium.
Uh... Gruffrice.
Was it Gruffrice?
It was scary.
It was like one of those school assemblies where it gets out of control and the teachers can't control anything.
Not why we're screaming abuse at people.
People were swearing.
It wasn't very fun, was it?
No.
But times have changed and things have become more conservative and it was a bit like the Brits.
It seemed a very problem-free and sort of respectful NME Awards.
Anyway, that's why I was watching.
And how we're all born and... Didn't see them.
You didn't?
No.
I'm sorry I brought it up.
Well, so am I.
I'm sorry that I said that it wasn't my favourite Blur song.
It's not a constructive thing to say after you've just listened to a piece of music.
You know what I mean?
If the DJ ostensibly is playing the music and then he says, I didn't really like that one.
Yeah, why would we play it if you don't even like it?
Well, it was on the playlist, but I mean, I love Blur, right?
And I do like that song, but it's not my favourite.
Plus it has that very slow
which is deliberately designed to Fox DJs, right?
Presumably, that's part of the fun.
At the beginning, yeah.
And it just creates a gap in the soundscape of the show where people think, oh, they've messed up.
And actually, no, they haven't.
It's just the blur and their sonical games.
And I hate that!
All right.
So much hate today.
Just getting it out of my system.
It's nice, this program for... Listen, I went to see Bolt, right?
I'm changing the subject.
Yes.
You did it in the middle of a sentence.
I like that.
I abandoned it.
Absolutely jumped ship.
I went to see Bolt.
It's a bad dog.
And it was in... It's in 3D.
It's in 3D.
I went to see the 3D version.
When you go and see these films, you have a choice of seeing the normal 2D version, or you can go to a 3D screening.
It's in Realty, in fact.
Is it?
There are two rival 3D systems, Realty and Dolby.
Right.
Yeah.
I met the guy that runs Realty when I was in America.
He was very nice.
Was he?
His name was Josh.
I bet he's nice.
He invited me to come over and look at some 3D things.
Yeah, why don't they call it reality?
Because they're not as clever as you.
Yeah, that's the reason, isn't it?
Reality.
Yeah.
I mean, real D. I mean, they're just missing a trick, not calling it reality.
You're right.
I would think.
Yeah.
That's another conversation, isn't it?
Why am I not more famous and rich?
I just can't understand it.
So it is another conversation.
I went to see it in 3D or real D or whatever you want to call it.
I saw about four or five trails for forthcoming CG-based attractions in a similar vein.
All in 3D.
Monsters vs. Aliens.
Monsters vs. Aliens was in there.
Coraline.
Coraline, yeah, that looked really good.
About a little girl who finds a portal in her house to a magical land where everything's slightly different.
By the guy who did Nightmare Before Christmas.
It's a Neil Gaiman book, yeah.
Henry Selleck.
Right, yeah.
Looks great.
Done it.
Anyway, all these things were in 3D and it was pretty gobsmacking.
The 3D is amazing now, right?
And you've got these little glasses that look, they're slightly larger Wayfarer or Ray-Ban.
Yeah, they're not red and blue anymore.
No.
They're just like sunglasses.
Exactly.
It looks like everyone is wearing Blues Brothers style shades in there and they're just slightly large.
It doesn't look too ludicrous.
Everything about seeing a 3D film has been sort of fixed.
And the 3D itself is amazing.
The most amazing thing is the company logos that come at you, right?
Yes.
For all the actual makers of the 3D and stuff, to the extent that they were even gasps in the auditorium a couple of times, right?
Appreciative gasps and whoops of joy at a couple of the 3D bits before the film started.
Then Bolt starts, right?
Bolt's a good fun film.
Children really enjoyed it.
Actually, that's not entirely true.
My son Frank didn't enjoy it so much, because you know the premise of Bolt?
Yeah, I hear that Bolt's not that sympathetic himself, is he?
He's an arrogant dog.
He's quite an arrogant dog.
He thinks he's got superpowers.
Well, the film is about a dog who genuinely believes that he is a super dog.
It's a bit Truman Showy, isn't it?
Right.
And he discovers throughout the course of the film that actually that's not the case.
He's just a normal dog who was part of a TV show where he'd been conditioned to believe that it was actually real.
And my son was very disappointed when that happened, because what's fun about that?
He wants to see a film about a dog with real powers.
You know what I mean?
Like, if you're a seven-year-old, um, being told that actually, in reality, you don't have superpowers, it's not a fun thing to be told.
Anyway, so he was a bit disappointed about that, but no one could quibble with the quality of the actual 3D.
No quality quibble.
No quality quibbles there.
Oh no.
It actually seemed real and happening.
I was in there.
Yes.
For about ten minutes.
And then, my brain adjusted, and I completely forgot that I was watching a 3D film.
And my brain did what a brain always does when you go and see a 2D film.
It took you into the film and made you forget that actually it wasn't happening.
I'm not explaining this well.
But if you go and see a 2D film, right?
Then after a while, if you're sufficiently absorbed and enjoying the film, you forget about the fact that it's 2D.
You're in there.
And the same thing happens in reverse when you see a 3D film, right?
And I was thinking like, why are they plunging all this money and excitement into a technology that actually is... I know, the problem cancels itself out.
The problem is I know too much about this.
Right.
And it's not very entertaining.
Yeah.
And it'll go on for ages.
But why is it... I mean, I really do know too much about the Z axis.
Yeah.
Axis rather.
But why do they think people need to see films in 3D when they're branched?
Well Josh, the head of RealD, I asked him exactly this, I said does it wear off?
And he said no it doesn't wear off because the main application for this technology is military simulators where they have to sit and watch it all day.
So if it wore off then our boys in the military and girls would be endangered.
But for a cinema audience... So he claims that it doesn't wear off.
It does wear off.
It doesn't wear off.
You're still, if you remind yourself consciously... Oh, but you just forget about the effect.
Yes.
Yeah.
You're no longer amazed by it.
Yeah, but you've become more absorbed.
But that's the thing, do you?
I just don't know if you do.
I just think you watch it and after a while, after you're used to it, your brain adjusts and that whole part of the experience is eliminated and you're just watching another film.
And the fact that it's projected in 3D is completely meaningless.
And actually, if it was suddenly in 2D, you would sort of think for a second, oh, it stopped being 3D, but again, you would get used to it in five minutes and it would just be an old film.
I don't know, I can't answer this.
I want you to answer it!
I'm going to stop shouting now.
But it's interesting.
It is interesting.
Yeah, no, it is interesting.
It is interesting.
Let's just have a little think about it.
Okay, some music.
Shall we have some music?
Here's Dov's.
We're going to come back to that.
Come back to it in 20 years' time, right?
When the industry has woken up to the fact that they are wasting their time!
That's doves with Kingdom of Rust.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music.
It's time to catch up with some text-the-nation submissions.
Let's have a jingle.
Text-the-nation.
Text, text, text.
Text-the-nation.
What if I don't want to?
Text-the-nation.
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
It doesn't matter.
Text!
The Text the Nation this week is all about the most pathetic collectible thing you've ever bought.
Something that claims it's going to be valuable and it's collectible and oh, mustn't be thrown away or in any way damaged that years later is clearly worthless and a complete waste of time.
I still have my train spotting VHS collectible set with free glasses.
Oh free shot glasses.
No, no, no.
Like shades with orange
Oh.
Glass in them.
Yeah, cool.
Round spectacles with orange glass.
I mean, no, not cool.
And also a Rizla holder, and basically it was really... A drugs kit.
Yeah, it was like a bit of lame drugs paraphernalia.
Along with a copy of the film.
And I think the script as well.
really yeah i mean obviously i didn't buy it for the film i i wanted the glasses and the and the rizla holder and the lighter yeah with tray spotting right across the syringe how much do you think that would be worth um i don't know it's easy to find out these days on ebay yeah i could find out and make a little note of it
Now can you do it now?
I think it'll be fun radio.
Do you think the tip-tapping on the keys?
Let's have some text from people then.
Here is one from John in Bristol.
He says, Hi guys, in 1997 I spent a whopping £20 on a 12-inch copy of the Manic Street Preacher's debut single apparently signed by the whole band from a record shop in Norwich.
That's where you live.
You always say that.
Oh look, Norwich!
It's exciting!
Even though the shop owner was arrested for forging autographs the following month.
And it was all signed in an unconvincing crap barrow.
Did you listen to that last bit?
Yes, I did, yeah.
Arrested for forging autographs.
He still can't throw it away.
It lives in his dad's loft.
So that's a forged signed Manic Street Preachers debut single.
That's insanity.
Wow, that's quite a good idea for raising money, isn't it?
Forging stuff.
Yeah.
No, it's not a good idea.
But you know, laws are going to have to be pushed a bit in the recession, aren't they?
That's what I say, of course.
What does that mean?
So, Mr Cornish, would you like to make a statement?
Yeah.
You know, a little bit grey area.
Yeah, but what is forgery?
Well, Mr Cornish, forgery is when you deliberately mislead people into thinking that something is signed by Richie Manic and actually it's just you.
I think that's a better text the nation.
I had an idea for raising money.
Oh, I won't go into that, actually.
It's a different taxonation.
Criminal.
What criminal behaviour?
Well, it could be a good taxonation.
Things that are just on the edge of the galaxy.
A little bit dodgy.
Or forging a signature of someone and selling an album.
Yeah, but can you prove it?
Yes.
What if the manics were drunk that day?
What if they were hungover and their hands were a bit shaky?
Can the manics prove that it's not their signature?
Graphologists are employed to do exactly that.
They're fallible.
No, they're not.
Aren't they?
Okay.
You win.
Case closed.
Here's another one from Pierre in Birmingham.
Hello Adam and Jo.
I went to great lengths of sneakiness and subterfuge to swipe a towel from off the stage at a polyphonic spree gig.
That's a bad start already.
There's about 40 of them.
Just random people turn up for that band.
He continues.
I've kept it safe in my room for about eight years, convinced it's a piece of rock history, when in reality it's just a plain white towel like any other.
Well, that's a different debate, isn't it?
There is a lead guy in the polyphonic spree, isn't there?
Yes.
What's his name?
But they're eclectic.
Happy, Johnny, happy face.
Johnny, happy, Johnny face.
Yeah.
They are eclectic, though, haven't they?
They're like a commune, aren't they?
Yeah, so that's... No, there are loads, as you say, and you would imagine that the value, the provenance of a sweaty towel would be hard to establish and also hard to care about.
Well Pierre in Birmingham cared about it.
Well done Pierre.
Keep hold of it.
Don't let it go.
Steven Sheffield says we have a prized white towel from an NERD gig which my wife fought tooth and nail for at the gig.
Wow.
know how frenzied people get at gigs when they throw something out?
Absolutely.
People go mad.
Even if it's just some free promotional single, it suddenly, whilst flying through the air, attains an enormous worth, doesn't it?
You know what?
It always makes me sad whenever I see it happening.
Whenever like a guitarist out there, because sometimes they make very over-the-top gestures.
Yeah.
Maybe they'll even lob a whole... Why does it make you sad?
Because of the behaviour of the audience, a kind of prehistoric... No, it makes me sad because I always think,
I wouldn't get it.
Then shove me out of the way.
So you want to be in there scrabbling for it?
No, I don't.
I hate scrabbling.
It makes me anxious.
You just want to be given it?
Yes.
Instead of it being thrown out.
Please, can I have it?
I was going to throw this out, but I'm going to give this to Adam.
That's my Pharrell impression.
Thanks.
Thanks, Pharrell.
What's the end of that?
Did I finish that one?
No, I hate scrabbling.
It's awful.
Did I finish that one?
Yeah, his wife fought for the towel, tooth and nail at the gig.
It turned out to be a brand new IKEA towel.
Worthless.
So it hadn't even been wiped on Pharrell's head.
Because here's the thing as an addendum to my comments there, right?
I always imagine the feeling of disappointment of the person right next to it, because sometimes the item lands in one person's hand, and then someone else in the crowd assaults them.
And how are you going to be happy for the rest of that gig?
If someone's just nabbed the drumsticks off you.
Now I've remembered the idea for Text the Nation.
Right.
But we can do it next week.
Okay.
I'll tell you about it.
It was for a manifesto for behaviour at gigs.
Okay.
Because I saw the Fleet Foxes.
Yes.
And there was some poor behaviour there.
We're going to talk about that later on then, right?
Yeah, we'll talk about that later.
Another one then, this is one from Eddie and Lester.
I have a life-size Adam Ant cardboard cutout stuck in the loft that my wife thinks is priceless.
Frankly, it gives me the willies.
I'm not surprised.
Might give her the willies too.
That's probably quite valuable though, isn't it?
Yeah, surely.
That sounds cool.
I like cardboard cutouts.
You know those cardboard cutout policemen they have in supermarkets?
No.
Have you not seen them?
No.
What to make you think you're being watched?
Exactly.
No.
Yeah, the Constabulary have decided it's a genius mind plan.
They've got life-size cutouts of constables standing there looking serious, and they're putting them in public places.
Constable cutouts?
Yeah.
To make people just feel that there is a police presence.
Morning, Constable Cutout.
And I keep thinking I would love to steal one of those.
Really?
Yeah.
They're not so that people think that it's a real policeman out of the corner of their eye, are they?
Are they?
It's just to instill a feeling that there is a presence there.
Really?
Are they mounted on skateboards?
A feeling of authority.
On the end of a bit of rope?
No, they're not a stupid idea.
I'm one of the members behind the delicatessen counter.
That's an absolutely stupid idea.
Pulls them along the bottom of their eyeballs.
No, pathetic corner.
Just a pathetic stupid response to a brilliant idea by the Met Police.
Dontable cutouts on patrol.
No nicking.
We're just a member of the staff behind the cut-out saying, can you put that back please?
He might take you to a paper court and give you a foldy fine.
Give you a paper cut to put you off.
Any more or shall we come back to these?
Let's have one more.
This is from Jake.
I have a Daphne and Celeste autograph.
That is absolutely worthless, I'll tell you right now.
It's pride of place on my pinboard.
I'm 23.
My punk band was playing at the same free festival in Cambridge as they were when I was about 15.
We got them ironically, of course, says Jake.
But doesn't irony wear off after a number of years?
Irony certainly wears off very quickly and it's worth nothing financially.
That's eight years now.
Irony can't last eight years.
It means you're a fan of Daphne and Celeste.
Like David Quantick.
He was always an advocate of theirs.
Really?
Yeah, I always remember him championing them.
But there you go.
Keep those coming in, please, listeners.
The text number is 64046, the most worthless bit of pop cultural collectible ephemera you've got.
So Ben, are we playing the trail and then my free choice?
Is that the way it's going to work?
Yeah.
Do your free choice first.
Do my free choice first.
I like that idea better because then then it all gets a bit muddy and confusing.
Then that way it's about you sooner.
Exactly.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
And then I'm happier, more happy.
This is the Electric Six and it turned up on my, you know, I wasn't a huge massive fan of the Electric Six album when it came out a couple of years ago, a few years ago, but actually it's one of those things that's popped up on my MP3 player on random and this track really jumped out and I thought, wow, how could I have missed this the first time around?
This is Synthesizer by The Electric Six and Ben, our producer, is lining it up right now and I'm filling for him while he does so.
Thumbs up, here we go.
See, it faded out in the end, didn't it Ben?
You thought it was going to be a big crash-bang wallop ending, but no, that song goes on for about 15 years.
If you don't fade it out.
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music and I wish they would read the news.
I wish they could wrap the news in the same kind of style.
But some people think that that's not the way to go with the news.
Trivialises the news to parents.
Apparently for some people it trivialises.
It's a shame because kids would like it more.
But there you go.
These are the times we live in.
It's just gone 10.30, time for the news.
It's the ethereal, folky sound of Fleet Fox's with He Doesn't Know Why.
Who was talking there?
Somebody was talking.
What was that, Ben?
Was someone just talking at the end there?
How dare they?
But you know I went to see Fleet Foxes at the Roundhouse in London last Sunday evening.
They were playing three nights there?
Something like that, yeah.
And unfortunately, kind of stupidly, I mentioned at the end of the show that I was going to be there, and I think I may have encouraged some Stephen shouting.
Right.
For people that don't know about this or have just started listening, this is not something that Adam and I have actively encouraged, right?
Well, I suppose we have a little bit.
But listeners to this show have taken it upon themselves to do a call and response thing when they're in public.
One of them shouts, Steve, and the other one shouts, just coming.
It's a way for people to connect with each other who listen to the programme.
We've tried to just let this thing grow naturally.
Networking.
People love networking.
Yeah, yeah.
But anyway, it happened a lot at the Fleet Foxes gig.
Right.
before the show there was one as i went in and went up the stairs there was a very loud one from close behind me yeah and i was just giving the woman my ticket so i i didn't even look round no on that one there were lots of people there that ultimate steven denier wait a second though i get into the gig and then there was one very loudly from right beside me yeah and i went and i spoke to that guy it was a guy i didn't know i spoke to him oh yeah you gotta let me off the hook for the first one it was very crowded
You think I should have turned around and waved?
How hard is it just to say, just coming?
That's the point of the thing.
Of course it's embarrassing.
Tough luck.
But then there was, after the first song the Fleet Foxes played, there was a very loud one from the upper circle, I think, or somewhere quite a long way away from me.
And that got lots of replies from the audience.
And the Fleet Foxes were kind of baffled.
They said, the lead singer said, you guys talking to each other?
Like that.
He felt a bit, I think, left out of the exchange.
This is the potential problem with the whole Stephen thing.
But anyway, there was a lot of general, not heckling, but people shouting out random phrases and stuff to them, and they were a very laid-back band, so they enjoyed it and they were shouting back, and people were, you know, requesting weird songs, shouting out Bob Dylan and stuff, and in the end he played a Bob Dylan track, because people were shouting out,
Dylan's name so much.
So they're an affable sort, they don't mind that kind of thing.
But we've had various emails from people who were at the gigs on the following nights.
And here's one from a guy who's actually called Steven, I think.
He says, you've probably already been told this by other people, but I thought I'd chip in just in case.
I was at the Fleet Foxes gig on Monday night and heard someone shout, Steven,
Before I had a chance to reply, as I feel being named Steve and I have an extra right to do, the lead singer of the Fleet Foxes got there first.
He laughed a lot and said something along the lines of, I'm on to you, I'm on to your little social interaction thing there.
So clearly someone had done it the night before.
Well they certainly had done it the night before.
I'd call balls night.
Then here's another one from Lucy, who was I think at the same concert, and she says just as the applause died down from one of their tracks, what should ring out from the back of the auditorium but a loud explosion of Stephen!
As if not shocked enough by this sudden outburst, with lightning quick reactions, a chorus of coming, rebounded back,
from the stage.
Yes, the Fleets, as Robin Pecknold stated, are on to you.
We know there is no actual Stephen, he said.
This was greeted with much laughter, particularly from myself and my boyfriend, for whom it was our very first public experience of Stephen.
Oh, that's a happy Stephenage incident then.
So they're on to it.
And the reason is that they came into Danny Wallace's show during the week, right?
And Danny Wallace and his broadcasting partner, Richard, explained it to the Fleet Foxes.
Here's a clip of that explanation.
Someone shouted in the audience someone shouted Steven and then on the other side someone shouted coming Did do you remember that at all kind of yeah?
Yeah, did you know what the hell was going on?
No, no, I think that Steven was going to meet his buddy
There you go.
We'll explain that.
Well, thanks for it.
There is a lot of robust interactions last night.
Well, I can clear this thing up for you so that you don't have sleepless nights.
There's actually a couple of presenters on this show called Adam and Joe, and they have this thing that anyone that listens to them, randomly a person just out in the open can shout Steven, and if someone else is in on it, they'll just shout, coming.
And then you know that in the world, there's like-minded people, so it's a friendly, happy thing.
So yeah, it's like Twitter.
Very much.
Live Twitter is what that was.
Yeah, like analog Twitter.
I believe they used to call that talking.
There you go.
So the final punchline to this whole story is the Fleet Fox is then set off to play in Paris, and we have a correspondent in Paris, two correspondi, Nick and Caroline, who say, dear Adam and Jo, international Stephenich here from France, already weak need with excitement about seeing the Fleet Fox's play in Paris and the prospect of actually letting a Stephen loose into the audience reduced me to jelly.
Wait until the first few songs went by someone else shouted something the foxes look confused so to put them at ease I shouted Steven whereupon the lead singer Robin Pecknold quick as a flash said just coming Do you guys have that here too Wow?
International Stevenage there you go, but you think he is gonna be quite annoyed and fed up by it
Well, it's funny how it seems to have targeted the Fleet Foxes specifically.
I mean, why would it?
Is it because I said I was going to that concert?
I'm sure.
Or do you think it's just a band that listens to this show enjoy?
Yeah, you know, we all love the Fleet Foxes.
Everybody loves the Foxes.
They're a very quintessential six-music type band as well.
I did feel a bit responsible on Monday.
Because there must be people there as well who find it irritating.
Baffling and annoying.
Yeah.
And it interferes with their enjoyment of the gig.
Because especially Fleet Foxes, you would imagine it's quite a sort of hushed, not to say, reverential atmosphere when people aren't shouting, Steven!
But people heckle at gigs anyway.
It's something you deal with generally, isn't it?
I suppose.
Right, it's sort of accepted.
Not heckling, but trying to make contact with the band.
Between tracks.
That's all we ask, listeners, that you do it between tracks, not during the rise?
Yes.
We're trying to figure out our relationship to the Steven phenomenon.
But people would figure that out for themselves.
We've always encouraged responsible Stevenage.
Yeah, yeah.
and don't ruin the enjoyment of other people in whatever environment you happen to be.
I'm feeling bad that I didn't reply to the loud Steven.
Do you think that's bad?
I would say that that's the worst thing about the whole story.
Do you think?
Well, you're making me feel very bad and culpable.
You are bad and culpable.
I was in a swanky club last night, right, and having a meeting with some people I wanted to impress, and this guy shouted out, Stephen, as I was walking through, and I gave him a just coming back.
Oh, I would have replied.
A swanky club, I would have replied.
It was very embarrassing.
Even he was embarrassed.
Honestly, because when I came back from the lose, he went, Oh, sorry about that.
And it's because his friends look baffled and looked at him like you're a bit of a loser What are you doing at the swanky club?
So it was an embarrassing thing, but I gave him back.
They're just coming.
I've replied to a couple in the street couple How many of you a crowd it is to more than I think I'm two two.
Yeah, two up two down Well, your disgrace is all I can say so sort your Stevenage out.
Here's LaRue with in for the kill
She just sounds out of control, don't you think?
She is an 80s revivalist.
She's doing a sort of an Annie Lennox.
Yeah, but Annie Lennox has got real range though and... Poor LaRue.
I'm not saying that LaRue's got a bad voice, just...
I think it's Brill's.
They're the London Synths duo.
They're the talk of the town.
They're all the rage.
But proving that this 80s thing is out of control and it's sort of completed its comeback.
And to celebrate that, we are doing an 80s song wars next week, supposedly.
And we've got some rules for our 80s songs, right?
Well, we do so far.
We've kind of agreed that we're going to try and do the ultimate 80s song, a song that kind of harnesses every single 80s trope that exists.
Oh, really?
Well, that's what I thought, even though I haven't started yet.
How would you do that?
Yeah, I've started.
I mean, I've got something fairly generic.
Have you?
Yeah.
What have you gone for?
Well, I don't want to tell you.
Why not?
Because it's secret.
I mean, the thing is that there are so many parts.
You could go for early 80s synth pop, right?
Yeah.
That's a classic 80s.
Well, 80s was a long decade.
It was 10 years long.
It was.
But I would say that if you went for something like, I mean, late 80s, was the Stone Roses.
That would not be... But I think you'd describe it as 90s music, the Stone Roses.
Yeah, well, of course, that's sort of a saying, though.
If you stick strictly to music that was produced in the 80s and ate that style, that's not going to give you a classic.
Because there's everything from jangly guitar pop
Yep.
To synth-pop.
Yep.
To pump-pop.
Pump-pop.
Pump-rock.
Pump-pop.
Yeah, the big massive drums and synths and things like, Take My Breath Away.
Yes, exactly.
That's very 80s.
Their sort of 80s metal is a very distinctive sound.
Right.
isn't there so that's four different but you know what the thing is that the what the eighties rival include pump i'm talking about the what the what the eighties revival really has honed in on is the honed in on is the early eighties synth sound though right yes synth pop yeah eurythmics yazoo the human league yeah synthy stuff it's the instrumentation they're keen on yeah vince clark here so that's where we've got to go do you think i think so
I mean, then, later on you got people like Paul Hardcastle and stuff like that.
That still counts, doesn't it?
When was that single?
1985?
Was it?
Something like that?
Yeah.
Oh well, lots of different directions to go, but I think I've got a good handle on where you're going.
Now.
No you don't.
Yes I do.
No you don't.
With my brilliant interrogation technique that's made you reveal your strategy.
Damn it, damn it, damn it!
No, it might be.
No, no, no.
They've done it!
I'm the world's worst liar.
I can't cover anything up.
It's disgusting.
Listen, here's a free play.
This is a band called Hatchim Social, and they're really good.
They sound a... And this is very reductive when people on the radio say things like that, but they do sound a bit like orange juice.
Yeah.
That's what's got me into them.
He's got a slightly Edwin Collins-y sort of a voice.
Where did you come across them?
I came across them on another radio station, actually.
Ooh, you listen to other radio stations.
But they have been played by, I think, queens of noise, and also, who does the rock show here?
Um, Riley.
Mark Riley?
John Riley.
No, someone like that.
They've been played by a couple of DJs on 6 Music.
They're the latest thing.
Ooh, Hatchim Social.
They're named after a social club in Peckham.
and they're from New Cross and this is really good I've been listening to this song all week it's from their forthcoming album that's out at the beginning of next month and it's called something like if I remember rightly you dig the tunnel and I'll hide the soil you know with a pen you could have written that down
I wanted to train my brain to remember things.
Is that a good... And I'm going to try and remember what the single's called now without writing it down.
I think it's called So So Happy.
Oh, I can't remember.
So So Happy Making.
There you go.
This is it.
Hatchim Social.
That's good stuff, man.
Yeah.
Hatchim Social.
Can't wait for that album.
And you know what?
It sort of disproves what I was saying about bands having latched onto just the synth pop sound of the early 80s.
They're going definitely for that.
Orange juice postcard record sound I was doing that very well Yeah, and the wild beasts who we played a while back as well They sound a bit like orange juice stroke the associates that kind of thing You still have to be able to write a good song.
Yeah, and you still have to be able to sing in an interesting way Yeah and play
Right.
You know, I mentioned this book before on this show, but there's a book called Rip It Up and Start Again by Simon Reynolds.
About postcard?
Oh, no, no, about postcard.
Just about early 80s music in general, the whole sort of indie scene.
And about all the music that we really loved from that time.
It's such an enjoyable book to read.
It really is.
I highly recommend it.
But I'm getting a bit emotional about the book.
You know like when you when you do you have this problem is when you try and be sincere suddenly in the in the midst of all the glibness your voice goes on on this program sometimes yeah you kind of go the other way and you start getting a little bit of much well it speaks in troughs isn't it it's very passionate program yeah fury most it's mostly fury quite a lot of bitterness and jealousy and then occasionally some sincerity and sometimes that yeah that can tip the balance
When you repress so much emotion, sometimes it will come leaking through.
It leaks through and then it's very embarrassing.
It's like a stain.
Just try and repress more.
You need some sort of pad to soak up the sincerity.
Yeah, an emotion pad.
Yeah, sincerity pads.
Where would they go?
Arm pits.
Is that where sincerity leaks out of?
Yeah.
I don't know.
No, it comes from the corners of the eyes.
Yeah, does it?
Water is leaking from their eyes.
It's what they call tears.
It's a sign of their weakness.
As Emperor Ming says in the film Flash Gordon.
So much that Emperor Ming can teach you about it.
He should do some educational records for kids.
You're quite right.
Listen, we'll have some more text the nations very soon.
What are we going to do now?
We're going to play a trail and after that it's your favourite flaming lip song which reminds you that one day you'll be dead.
Yeah, thanks for that.
Thanks for that.
But here's the trail.
Yes, indeed.
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music.
We're in our last hour now here on a Saturday morning and... Sorry, I just looked at Joe and he was smiling and that set me off a little bit because you were looking at your screen there.
My screen, I was reading some texts.
There's no telling what you were smiling at.
Right now, come on, get it together, yeah?
Let's have the jingle and get back into textination.
Come on.
Do you want to have a go at reading one of these emails, Adam?
Yes, I mean just to test the distance.
What if I give you quite a long one?
Oh, I could do it.
And then you'll have to read it quite fast.
It'll be fine.
Okay, this is quite a long one.
You're gonna have to speed through.
There's not that fair because you've read it before even.
Alright, here we go.
Text the nation.
Can you just remind people what text the nation is?
It's about the most worthless items of pop culture collector bulls you have collected.
Right, this is from David.
He is emailing from Singapore and he says, at the climax of their concerts, Jethro Tull used to launch massive balloons about five feet in diameter with the Tull logo on them into the audience.
Much fun would be had as the crowd punched the balloons around the auditorium.
At their concert at Hammersmith Odeon in 1989 on the Rock Island tour, one of the balloons hit the ceiling light and burst as the deflated gas bag spiralled to the auditorium floor.
I knew I had to have it.
It's a giant Jethro Tull balloon!
It didn't land that close to me.
But that didn't make any difference.
I muscled my way over to where it looked like it was going to land, and made full use of my full 6 feet 4 inches height, oh my god he's a giant this guy, to pluck it out of the air.
Success!
Of course success, you're a freak of nature at 6 feet 4 inches.
Oi, he's only an inch taller than me.
Yeah, I'm joking.
I'm just jealous because I'm a little man.
The glorious toll keepsake was mine.
For 20 years I have guarded the burst balloon carefully because it's surely a valuable collectible item.
About once a year I would remove it from my box of mementos and keepsakes and look at it for about 11 seconds enjoying its beauty.
I overlooked the fact that it looks like a whoopee cushion with a hole in it on one side with a toll logo on the other because this was a rock treasure.
Last year, Tull celebrated their 40th anniversary, the perfect time to cash in on interest in the band.
I put it on eBay expecting it to make £30 or more.
I got no bids.
Well done.
I hate it now.
Every time I look at it, I feel deflated.
That's not the email.
That's me talking to you.
Really?
Yeah.
No.
That's from David.
Thank you very much indeed, David.
I think you'll agree.
I read out your message.
Really?
You did a ruddy good job.
Well done.
I think you're off the hook.
You're perfectly normal.
Well done.
Thank you.
Here's one from Johnny.
When I was 12 I visited New York with my godmother.
This is a really good pathetic bit of rock memorabilia.
I made her take me to CBGBs.
That's a famous rock bar, correct?
Yeah, of course.
That's where the birth of punk occurred, amongst other things.
I expected to meet some cool bands there.
However, it was the daytime, the only people there were some decorators.
I wanted to get a souvenir to prove that I'd been there.
And as there was nothing else around, I asked the decorator if I could take a roll of toilet paper, as there was a big box of them in the middle of the room.
I took the toilet roll all round America with me and back home to England.
I thought it would be obvious that the toilet roll was from CBGBs, and that it would be valuable one day.
It dawned on me that this wasn't the case when I was in the coach on the way back from Heathrow, and as time passed I began to resent the toilet roll, which came to represent my painful transition from blissful ignorance to hardened cynicism.
I still have the toilet roll though, and for some reason it still somehow seems valuable.
Yeah, that's insane isn't it?
I want that toilet roll.
You know, when we were doing our TV show, we did a segment called Vinyl Justice, where we went round to Popstar's houses and looked at their records.
And we did Kanicki one time.
Of course, at that point, the band was fronted by Lauren Laverne, although she didn't show up on the day to actually do the interview.
No, she wanted the others to get a bit of the spotlight.
Right, right.
But as we were leaving,
I swiped a pick, a guitar pick.
You didn't, yeah.
Because I was just starting.
You thought it would be super valuable.
I don't know, yeah.
And then I... You still got it?
I still got it because, and I know it's the right one, because I wrote Kiniki on it with a silver pen to remind me that it was their pick.
You should give it back to Lauren.
Well, I think it was one of the, it belonged to, what's her name, M.E.
Montrose, I think she was called.
So I'm sorry, I stole your pick.
That's disgusting.
I'll give you two more.
But I've had it all this time and I've never thrown it away.
Here's a good one from Vince in London.
Hmm, this kind of counts.
When I was a kid, I went to Disneyland and spent ages collecting all the autographs of the characters in the park in a special book, convinced that the signature of the actual Mickey Mouse just had to be worth something.
But it's not, it's just a lie.
That's true, they must be the most worthless signatures it's possible to obtain.
Yeah, absolutely, from an actor playing the character in a big suit.
Oh, the only thing worse than that would be one of those knock-off Mickey mice on the South Bank or in Covent Garden, you know, the illegal ones that look like they've just come out of some sort of shelter.
Yeah.
I used to get people asking me for my autograph when I was a DJ at a restaurant.
Did you?
You know, like children and stuff.
Yeah.
Because they'll ask anyone for their autograph.
Yeah.
And I always felt a bit fraudulent.
I used to, like, I started off saying, you don't want my autograph, it's worth absolutely, it's, there's no point.
But then all the waitresses said, why don't you just shut up and make them happy?
And so that's the thing is you just don't mind, do you?
Did it make you a bit happy?
a little bit yeah yeah first few times you feel important when the six year olds were clamoring yeah here's the very best one i think we've had in so far though this is from john in manchester i've got a drumstick wrapped in silver foil uh which was thrown into the audience by the singer from babylon zoo before he was in babylon zoo wow should have sold it when spaceman was number one what was he called jasmine yeah
Wow.
That is worthless.
Presumably that he had wrapped in silver foil, yeah.
Yeah, because it made it look like it was a space drumstick.
It's from space.
In the future people will have drumsticks like this.
It's an easy way to make anything look futuristic.
It's also very dangerous, I think.
Wrap it in tin foil.
Because it becomes a kind of superconductive lightning rod.
Yeah.
It's a sexy robot game you can play with your partner tonight.
Just wrap a bit of yourself in tin foil and get an electric shock.
Uh, is it a sexy game?
Have you done that?
What's sexy about that?
Why would you get an electric shock?
Well, if you put a current through it.
Why would you do that?
Yeah, make it more sexy.
Really?
I don't know.
You're the one who's wrapping yourself up in tin foil.
I'm just in courage wrapping a part of your body in tin foil and pretending it's robotic.
You're encouraging listeners to then... Pass a low current through it to make it sexy.
Yes!
That's a terrible idea, listeners.
You are the one wrapping yourself in foil!
Given that's not intrinsically dangerous, you're the one passing electricity through that foil.
I'm just saying, if you're gonna wrap yourself in foil, why not pop a little current through it?
just like from a 9 volt battery or something.
I'm not talking about connecting yourself up to the mains.
Well, obviously, I'm not talking about that.
Obviously, if you're insane and you're listening to this program, please don't go and do that.
Listen, here's the Pet Shop Boys with what's this one called?
Love, etc.
Is this their new single?
Oh, it might be.
We're not really sure.
It must be on the sheet though, isn't it?
On the sheet.
They were playing at the Brits.
Checking.
Did you see them at the Brits?
They're not very good at dancing.
They just stood there for their whole song.
That's not their forte though, is it?
It was a... I'm being sort of ironic.
Yeah, this is their new single, I think.
Certainly from this year.
This is called Love, etc.
We've got another version of that jingle with an actual child singing it, which slightly excuses it a bit more, do you think?
I mean it's a terrible jingle.
You got that one there Ben?
You don't want to hear it immediately.
That'll drive you insane.
Look, we're going to do more juvenile later in the program.
Well, you'll have to wait, OK?
Because we're breaking this up.
We have such a wealth of stuff to play from people that are very kindly sent in their juvenile recordings.
And this is following on from some clips that Joe and myself played of us pretending to be DJs last
Yeah, and we have to trick curfew in this area because there can be sometimes nothing more sort of self-indulgent than playing clips like that.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Childhood clips.
But some of the stuff we've had through is just so insane and brilliant that we have to play it to you.
And thank you to everybody who sent through an MP3 file of their stuff.
We did listen to them all and had a very good chuckle.
But we've had to be slightly ruthless in pairing it down to fit into the show, haven't we?
Yes, absolutely.
And we might, I mean, if we get more stuff like this, we should do it as a regular thing.
So we might play some of the other bits that we got on another show.
But anyway, as far as today's concerned, we'll do maybe two or three of these.
And I'm going to play you some clips right now from someone called Naomi.
And here's the email that she sent.
Dear Adam and Jo, I seem to be emailing you all the time suddenly, but I'm not a crazed weirdo.
I just really want to get this nonsense recording to you.
Here it is.
It's an eight-minute MP3 of my radio show when I was a little idiot, she says.
And we've cut it down, obviously.
Uh, but it's all good stuff.
She carries on,
Also, in the original recording, I say that John Major and Janet Jackson... Oh yeah, that's... No, that's quite good.
She mentions in the original recording that they're going to have sex.
And then a year later, she's so guilty about saying the word sex in her childhood recordings.
Sorry?
We don't have that, though.
Oh, really?
Well, it's funny anyway.
She went and replaced it with the phrase... Record token.
Record token.
They're going to have a record token together.
I thought that was nice, but we can't illustrate that.
She says, I hope you like the show.
Basically, it was a very long clip, so what I've done is I've just cherry-picked a few bits that give a flavor of it.
But this is amazing.
How old was she when she recorded this?
Well, she doesn't actually say.
I think it was, was it 11?
I think so.
It was around that.
We might talk to her on the phone afterwards.
Yeah, we can ask her.
But this is, you've got to imagine, a very young girl and a little tape recorder pretending to be a radio DJ.
So let's have the first clip from Naomi there, Ben.
It is real cold, so it's cold, it's fine.
John Major, so it must be brilliant.
Everybody around?
Yeah!
It's brown!
Right!
Right, here is another tune.
So, off we go.
Oh my darling Barnabyne, oh my darling Barnabyne, Macaulay Goggin, Brian Adams.
This is a mixture of the dog.
Oh, why are you over there?
Why are you here?
I don't know, but why are you over there in the drunken sea?
Because I'm over here.
Why can't you come over here?
Why do I have to go over there?
I'm so lazy, I'm so lazy.
Why are you over there?
That's incredible.
Amazing.
What's that record she's playing at the beginning?
That's her, I think.
Is it?
Yeah.
She's a very creative and talented young girl.
Have we got another clip?
Yeah, we've got a couple more clips.
Here's a clip right now.
She does another short song and references Danny Minogue in this song.
I mean, she's rapping there, right?
She's being the DJ and then she became the record.
She was rapping.
She was the artiste.
Yes, exactly.
And that was a bit of freestyle rapping.
Incredible.
She does something a little bit similar here.
So now, if you don't mind, I'm going to play a tune with my voice as I don't have anything else in my substance and a hairbrush.
So here I go.
Sorry about that.
That was rather a short burst.
She's sung by John Major, so it must be quite a good song.
Indeed, yes.
Well, she just goes... That was John Major with his new single.
Don't even know.
He must have been quite good.
Well, I'd want to live in that world.
Yeah, that's an excellent radio show.
Here's one final clip right now before we actually talk to Naomi, because I think we've got her on the phone.
Here's Naomi with the news.
Right, this is some more news on Radio 3 in the morning.
Tonight actually.
So now, this morning I have for you is about George Bush.
He set off his fire alarm to make everybody run to his house so he can have a bit of attention.
More news in a minute.
The minute has gone very quickly because here I am again.
The small news is about Paul Simon, the senior.
He fought ten donkeys and he's hailing them to do donkey rides at a fair.
That is all I have tonight.
How about listening to Michael Jackson blow his nose?
He's gonna be up his nose now.
It stung him.
Wow.
So she's using all like sound effects and everything in there.
That's incredible.
We better get her on the line.
Is she there?
Naomi, hello?
Hello.
Wow.
We're like completely blown away by that.
How old were you?
Sorry?
How old were you is the first question to ask.
I think I was about 11.
Wow.
And how old are you now?
I'm 29.
29.
Well done.
Thank you.
I mean, what was the music you're playing there, that insane synthesizer stuff?
The first one, it was, I think I had it on demo and then I was on this little keyboard and then I was switching between lots of different instruments and hitting notes.
Just doing all I could at once, I think.
Wow.
And, you know, you've got such an amazing repository of surreal juxtapositions and crazy names there.
Where's all that coming from?
Who knows?
What was the John Major thing?
Had you just found out or you heard your parents talking about him or something?
I don't, I think, probably, I think I just found the name quite funny.
Yeah.
And I just like saying it and the fact that I obviously knew nothing about politics.
There's like an abstractness to it.
I just said it, you know?
It just sort of cracked me up to say his name.
George Bush setting his burglar alarm off so people would come over because he likes the attention.
What was going on in your house then?
Were you locked in your bedroom?
Were you shut in your bedroom on your own there recording those?
You know what?
I think I did, by choice, shut myself in my bedroom.
I could do it all day.
I would just sit there doing it.
And in fact, I got known for just leaving the tape recording in rooms and then it going out.
I was just obsessed with my tape recorder.
So what's your life turned into now, Naomi?
What are you doing?
I manage comedians.
Do you really?
Yes.
What are you doing managing them?
That's funnier than most of the material that anyone I know comes out with.
That's right, that's like early Vic and Bob or something.
Actually, stand ups aren't very funny, are they?
But you do radio as well now, isn't that right?
Yeah, well, I had a show on Resonance with my friend James the other night, and we're hoping to make that regular.
Wow.
And you know, it's a mishmash of nonsense and stuff similar to that.
Do you feel you could ever capture that level of innocence and spontaneity without the use of drugs?
Without the use of what?
I was just being glib.
But do you feel you still got that?
It's funny, actually, when I was talking to the assistant producer before on the phone, and she was saying,
It's funny listening to something and not imagining being able to do that, you know, and it's like another world.
But it doesn't feel like that.
I do sit down with my friends and we just sort of ad-lib nonsense sometimes.
So it's still like when you listen to it back, you can still hear yourself.
Because sometimes when I listen back to like last week the clip we played...
But the thing with girls is the voice doesn't break.
I mean, there is a tonal change, isn't there?
The thing that's so mortifying as a man is hearing your own broken voice.
And that really brings the sort of years home, doesn't it?
But Naomi actually speaking to her now, it almost sounds like we're talking to the 11-year-old Naomi.
Well, the nice thing to hear is that the enthusiasm is still there in your voice.
Life hasn't beaten you, do you?
I like the way you do your own audience as well.
Do all the cheering.
You know those tapes with the radio on top, you know, you just switch between.
Yes, exactly.
You know what you were going to get, which was part of the fun, just sort of saying something and then switching into the radio.
It's really great, yeah, it's fantastic.
Yeah, I bet you know what Naomi, I bet you're a really lovely person.
Yeah.
That's a little bit of sincerity leaking out of Joe now.
Aww, look at that.
Leaking out of my eyes.
Um, Naomi... Oh no, you're lovely too.
No, I'm a sod.
He's an idiot.
Have you got like a website?
Do you ever post any of your clips up online and stuff?
No, but I do have a Myspace with my friend James for our band, You and Me.
What's that called?
We Love You and Me is the Myspace.
I'd love to hear that stuff.
I'll go and check it out.
It's a bit for the multi-pitch of these type stuff.
Yeah.
Naomi, thanks so much for sending that stuff in.
That's brilliant and well done to you and to your childhood self.
Yeah, good luck with everything.
We'll listen out for you on resonance.
Hope you get a regular gig there.
Thank you.
Cheerio.
Let's have a little more music.
Bye-bye.
Then we'll come back to... I said goodbye as if she was still 11.
That was quite a patronizing bye-bye.
Bye-bye, Naomi.
Bye-bye.
Careful on the stairs.
Here's some music from Snow Patrol.
There you go.
That's The Sound of the Future, kids.
Deal with it.
That's Passion Pit by Sleepy Head.
No, other way around, isn't it?
All right, Grandad.
It's just gone 11.30 and it's time for the news.
Who's that band then?
That was the grass, man.
That was the mighty super grass with grace.
Wonderful to hear that.
This is Adam and Jo here on BBC Six Music.
And now, of course, yesterday there was a huge hoo-ha, not a sad diamond hoo-ha, in the centre of town because you too were playing a gig on the roof of Broadcasting House here.
Yeah, I got a lovely call from a BBC marketing lady inviting me to some drinks last night.
She didn't make it clear that they were drinks overlooking the amazing gig.
I said, no, I had to get an early night because I had the show and she said, are you sure?
He said, yes, I am sure.
I was going to try and make it, but I couldn't.
Apparently there were thousands of people in the street and it was like a big rock phenomenon event.
Well, they're the biggest band in the world.
So we're told.
But this is one of these things where you just kind of feel like, are they really the biggest band in the world?
Or is it just one of these monikers that gets ascribed and then people just are happy to go along?
Well I was thinking it's important to be balanced here at the BBC, and the BBC have had a lot of U2 on this week, right?
They've been all across the BBC, so surely it's right that two 6 Music DJs should maybe spend 10 minutes being really rude about them.
Well you can be rude about them, I'm not going to trash them because I don't want to rule out the possibility that I might one day be friends with them.
Right.
And that's what that's the main thing for me is I don't want you know, I want to hang out with them.
Well, one thing Bono was complaining about last night in his interview with Lauren Laverne was that apparently white musicians aren't allowed to run huge companies.
He was saying it's all right for Jay-Z to run a huge franchise.
Oh, right.
But when white musicians do it... Who's complaining about white musicians running companies?
I don't know, but this is what Bono seems to think.
He seems to think that you two are less credible because they're interested in their business ventures.
Yes.
You know that they're perceived like Richard Branson rather than like a proper Devil May Care rocker.
Well, he says that hip-hoppers, but isn't that because traditionally and historically African-Americans have been disenfranchised and not allowed to run companies because of terrible racism?
Isn't that that argument?
Well, obviously that's part of it, but obviously in hip-hoppers as well, they're completely naked hip-hoppers about there.
But the whole point of White Rock was that it was a reaction against the establishment and against all white people running companies.
For him to complain about some kind of inverse racism seems very disingenuous.
Maybe he wasn't complaining about inverse racism.
Oh, he was.
Look, I'm trying to slap them off.
I know, but I'm trying to stand up for them for balance, right?
Okay.
Here's one thing, though.
See how you can balance this one out.
When he was playing on Jonathan Ross's show last night, they played a couple of numbers.
From the new album and and you know, they sounded fine and everything and bonus died wandering around in the audience But because he still does all his moves Yeah, even though he's now of a certain age and he's he's filling it he's filling out in that way that men do when they reach a certain point Morris he isn't and
we all are, and then he kind of, but he still does all his young man rock moves, like he leans on his amps, he leans forward, he does the classic Bono moves, and he obviously feels like even in a TV studio he's got to do something slightly outrageous, so he sort of wandered off the riser there and wandered around the TV studio audience, he didn't really know what to make of it.
They're supposed to be trying to touch the hem of his coat, aren't they?
A couple of people were reaching for it, but not that many.
A couple of people were reaching forward and said, go and touch me please, Saint Bono.
And then he went and just lay down on some people's laps.
And you could see the camera, they weren't really touching and they didn't really know what to do.
They had their hands in the air sort of going, should I, what should I do if there's an Irish man lying on me?
Should I touch him or feel his leather jacket or just leave him alone until he gets up again?
And that's really, and he had a shot of him in, he just kind of had his arms folded, he was looking sort of, you know, just having a little nap, I'm a bit tired after all the jumping around.
If he was, if he was less successful and a wino outside a railway station, he could pretty much do the same thing, couldn't he?
Singing very loudly and just lying down in strangers laps.
Yeah.
But people would let him because he has got a good voice still.
He does.
You know?
You're so positive.
They're the biggest band in the world.
What's your problem?
I don't know.
I just don't think I'll ever make friends with any of them.
Right.
And so, yeah, but... I won't now anyway.
Exactly.
What if you find yourself in a room with them?
The edge is gonna come over and... It's not gonna happen.
It's gonna get his bobble hat and try and throttle you with it.
You know what?
He wouldn't because they're too magnanimous.
They're too nice.
Really?
They've seen it all.
They've done it all.
They're like politicians.
They can't afford to alienate anybody.
Yeah.
I mean, Bono must be aware that he has had a huge amount of vitriol directed him at various points.
In fact, I think he even writes a song on his new album about it, about the perils of, you know, putting yourself out there.
Anyway, enough U2 on the BBC.
If you haven't had enough U2 on the BBC, you can go to the red button, though.
We've been asked to tell you where you can see more U2 at the BBC.
But that'll be the end of it for our show.
Although we are going to play some right now from the gig last night.
Are we?
Which track are we playing?
It's called Red Button.
It's not called Red Button.
It's called Magnificent.
This is U2.
That was U2 playing on the roof of Broadcasting House yesterday.
Can I read an outer text for balance?
Yeah.
Bill says, can you turn that portentous, turgid vomit off, please?
Well, you have to... It's just balance, man.
Yeah, but where's the positive text saying that was absolute wiggle-waggles?
The record was doing it in itself by being called Magnificent.
Yeah.
Well, I thought that sounded great.
So did I. For Balance.
A band absolutely on top of its game.
Although, again, when they were on Jonathan Ross last night, right?
Like a few weeks ago when Morrissey was on, Morrissey handed Jonathan an album by... I'm not going to be able to remember the guy's name now.
A bloke that Jonathan is obsessed by, an old 70s actor guy.
Er, did you remember that, Joe?
Er, no.
You weren't listening, were you?
No, I tuned out, sorry.
Absolutely wasn't listening.
But anyway, so Morrissey had thought of a good present for Jonathan that was actually, you know, perfect for him.
Right.
And had some kind of point to it.
Yeah, Morrissey.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I thought we'd talk about Bonnet up.
When I stopped listening, we were talking about Bonnet.
We do this show and it's on the radio and actually goes out live.
Does it?
Yeah.
So Morrissey's given a present to Jonathan and it's something you can't remember.
It was a record by an actor who Jonathan is obsessed by.
Right.
And anyway, it was a good present.
Now this story is going to be no good because of your lack of attention to that.
It could have been a great story.
The ending is that you two gave Jonathan a president.
Jonathan was like, Oh, this is great.
This is becoming a tradition, giving me a present.
But it just turned out to be a copy of their album.
Nothing special about it.
It wasn't even signed or anything.
And that's the end of the story that you didn't even listen to the
beginning of.
Don't blame me.
It could have been amazing.
For your rubbish stories.
It could have been Sony award-winning genius story and you know because you could have chipped in and go and added something to it and provided the name of the actor that I was searching for.
Instead what do I get?
Nothing.
Stonewalling from Joe.
What's the point Cornish?
What are you even reading there?
I'm reading texts.
So that we can do so not we can do a really good final text the nation in a couple of minutes after your free place Earlier on Joe brought in a bit of vinyl He played some orange juice and here is my bit of vinyl that I lovingly transferred and listen to the scratches popbles and crackles on Therapy growth.
Is this an obscure B side by Thomas Dolby?
It's a good track.
It's a lovely track though.
Enjoy
Thomas Dolby there with therapy growth.
And genuine snapcrackle and popping there.
Not sort of digitally added snapcrackle and popping.
No.
Transferred that off my, I don't know if you can get that track on CD, maybe you can on one of his compilations.
The orange juice one I played earlier you can't get digitally.
It's quite frustrating, there's lots of orange juice you can't get.
There's only, there's a compilation called the Glasgow School.
with lots of their tracks on, but loads of stuff that's on vinyl you can't get digitally.
It's bound to be a question of time for the reissue, certainly.
Shall we wrap up Text the Nation?
Yes, thank you to everyone who's texted.
The subject this week was the most worthless item of pop-cultural memorabilia that you've got, or supposedly collectible stuff.
Uh, here is one from Andy in Brighton.
Ooh, live Sesame Street!
Nice!
I showed it to my mum, who instantly took it off me so I wouldn't lose it.
She then kept it from me, as she thought I couldn't be trusted with it.
I would often tell my friends about it, but I could never show them as I couldn't find it.
This went on for about 20 years.
What was his mum thinking?
She can't be trusted with a big boat feather.
He'd lose it and get upset.
Yeah.
She didn't want him to be upset with himself.
Right, right.
But then he doesn't get the benefit of actually having the feather.
Yes, well it's in the family.
Last year I got very angry with my parents, this is 20 years later, and accused them of losing it.
The argument became quite heated and my dad stormed off and got it for me.
We do have the feather!
It's now in my hands and I'm still a huge Sesame Street fan.
He refers to it as SS.
Andy and Brighton.
That's not a good way to refer to it though, is it?
Hi Adam and Joe.
In relation to useless pop culture acquisitions, this is from Nick in Sheffield.
My girlfriend's brother-in-law was in the audience at the top of the pop show that Nirvana played.
Wow.
Post stage invasion, he got chatting to Dave Grohl and got his drumsticks.
Good one.
Unfortunately he didn't get Dave to sign them and so really they could be anyone's drumsticks.
Yeah but that doesn't matter.
I've suggested he gets the sticks DNA tested like a drumstick paternity test
That would certainly be mad.
That's like a rock and roll version of the Jeremy Kyle show.
Can they do that, I wonder?
Just a little bit, I guess you can.
Yeah, of course you can.
Bits of... If they can catch thieves via DNA, they can trace drumsticks.
I imagine there's a lot of DNA in drumsticks as well.
And imagine what Groll's done with them.
Probably be covered in his DNA.
Exactly.
And finally, from Matthew in... Just carry on reading.
In Groll's... A flood of images.
It says, Dear Adam and Jo, Years ago, in 1989, my friend invited me to a vanilla ice concert.
Not a fan of vanilla, but wanting to ingratiate myself at my new school, I accepted the invite.
During the concert, vanilla threw his towel into the audience, and lo and behold, I caught it.
Make me an offer.
That is surely the most debased piece of pop-cultural memorabilia we've had today.
Is that worse than the tinfoil-covered drumstick from the man in Babylon Zoo before he was in Babylon Zoo?
Much worse, because you've got Jazz Man's effort that's gone into wrapping the stick there.
You think the vanilla iced towel?
I think that takes it.
That takes... Thank you very much indeed for all your texts and emails and don't forget that you can keep those coming in if you're listening to this show on Listen Again or on the podcast and your communications might be included in next week's retro text donation on the podcast.
Yeah, it's a bit complicated but...
Not that complicated if you think about it.
That's it though, isn't it?
Yeah, we've got time for one more free play Yeah, thanks for listening everybody and we'll see you at the same time next week.
This is a track from the new Lonely Island album Do you know Lonely Island?
Oh, yeah, they did.
Well, you can't really say any of their titles.
No, Andy, they're really good
They're on Saturday Night Live, and everyone knows who they are, but they've released a lot of their songs on an album called IncrediBad.
This is one that's sung by Jack Black.
I've cleaned it up a bit, cut a couple of swear words out, but this is pretty funny to my ears.
This is called Saxman.
We'll see you next week.
Cheerio.
Bye.