Always catch the beginning of the show Flack squadron don't wanna miss a thing That's not the one, black squadron roll Went to bed at a reasonable hour Gotta be sharp on Saturday morning That's the secret of the squadron's battle
Good morning.
Welcome, Black Squadron.
This is Adam.
Hey, this is Joe.
Good morning in particular to Master Jay and Deb, who've already texted us in.
I mean, that's really good, Black Squadron.
What have they texted?
Well, I'm not sure whether it's worth reading out.
There's a bad joke from Master J, and there's a little anecdote from Deb.
Come on, you've got to have the joke from Master J. Dear Adam and Jo, what cheese is very popular aboard the Battlestar Galactica?
You see, I don't really understand this joke, so I don't know how I can do it.
Go on.
That's right.
It's Lir Damer.
Lee Adama.
He's one of the guys on Battlestar Galactica.
Is he?
Yes.
On the new series.
Yes.
And he's got the same name as some cheese.
Yes.
I've got a bit of a funny throat this morning.
You've got a very funny throat.
That's a bit odd.
What have you been doing?
I've just had an operation on it to improve my voiceover chances.
Have you?
Yeah, I wasn't getting enough voiceovers and I want to start doing some very gruff.
work.
That's my area.
Smooth.
I can't do it like you.
Smooth.
You see, I've had, so once the operation has healed, I'll be able to do that.
Yeah.
But I've just, yeah, I've had it operated on.
What were you doing?
Are you shouting at a gig or something?
No, it happened.
It happened a bit.
I think I got it off Claire Slevin at the Sony's.
Did you?
Were you snogging her?
Yeah.
No, but she was talking right into my face.
Unstoppable for the whole evening.
having announced she had a really bad cold at the beginning of the evening.
That is one of your bug bears, quite literally, isn't it?
Is it?
Yeah, I feel like talking into my face.
Well, no, people with colds getting into your space.
Yeah, I don't mind it, usually.
I'm usually quite resilient, but this time it went in there.
She was talking and what she was saying was very boring, so I was yawning.
I'm not suggesting that she has the swine flu, but she is contravening all kinds of swine flu directives.
Yeah, that's not true, Claire.
In case she's listening, what she was saying wasn't boring.
That is a risk.
If a very boring person with a cold talks to you and you yawn, then that's it.
Game over.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
You suck in all the boringness.
So folks, thank you very much for joining us this morning.
Do we have a command for Black Squadron of any kind?
I mean, I was thinking... I think we do.
I've got a couple that you rejected last week that I could issue.
Yeah, go on then.
Are we going to go into a record after the command?
Immediately after the command.
Yeah, because then they have to do it.
Okay, we've queued up Lovefool by the Cardigans, and we'll kick it in as soon as you issue your command for Black Squadron.
Standby.
Here is your room.
Sorry, mate.
Egg in mouth.
That's the Cardigans with Loveful.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC 6 Music on a Saturday morning.
It's quite nice at the moment weather wise.
Quite nice.
It could go either way.
Yeah.
Have you got any idea of the forecast for this weekend?
It's very changeable.
On the BBC weather they had a huge planet of rain.
Yeah, you know she stands next to a big floating transparent globule that's full of whatever the weather is going to be.
Right.
And it was full of rain.
Oh no.
A huge raindrop.
I would see Star Trek yesterday.
Oh, did you like it?
It was just great.
I was absolutely, I must say I preferred, if I had to be critical about it, I preferred the first hour to the second hour.
Right.
You know what I mean?
There came a point
where I just peaked.
I couldn't get any happier than I did.
You know, I was pretty happy right the way through, but I peaked shortly after.
I mean, there was just a nonstop series of fantastic fights and set pieces in the first hour.
And isn't Zachary Pinto good?
Spock.
Spock, yeah.
Spockles is great.
You know who my favourite was?
Chekov.
Oh, really?
The 17-year-old Chekhov.
Like, the first time he speaks... Anton Yelich or something he's called, yeah.
Is he really East European, the actor?
No.
Extraction, I think.
He's an American when he talks normally.
His parentage might be Eastern European.
He does a crazy accent, like, over the top.
They make a joke out of the fact that his accent's so mental in the first few minutes.
But he's a really good character.
He's really sparkly.
He's good.
He's in that film Charlie Bartlett.
How is he?
Yeah.
I say that as if I've heard of Charlie Bartlett.
What's that film about?
I've never seen it.
It's an eccentric film about an eccentric young man, kind of, you know, a bit like Rushmore or something.
Right, right.
Sounds good.
But last week you were talking about creating taglines.
I know, I'm embarrassed about this.
I was mocking a zoo journalist for putting the quote, set faces to stunned on the Star Trek poster.
And of course, as hundreds of people emailed in, that's a Simpsons quote.
What Bart Simpson says before he's about to open
some sort of cupboard in the school, and Miss Crabapple is snogging someone or something.
And he says to his schoolmate, set faces to stunned.
So that's a bit embarrassing for me, isn't it?
I've been casting aspersions on Matt Groening and The Simpsons writers.
Joe had to... Everyone knows they're amazing.
He even had to wheel out the pirate Arr there for you.
Arr.
Because he was so ashamed.
That's how bad things are getting.
I don't think that's a terrible mistake because I think in the Simpsons episode that that occurred in there was no actual Star Trek reference even you know so it was I would say it was lazy of the Simpsons writers yes right and it was brilliant of the zoo journalist to finally find the correct home for that line
I've discovered a new way of ego surfing, and it's Twitter searching.
It's a way you can be involved in Twitter without actually joining Twitter.
You can just search it for what people are saying.
And I came across a Twitter from the Zoo journalist who'd written that quote, going, Adam and Joe are currently taking the Mickey out of my quote.
He was a bit angry.
So I apologise to him.
We weren't taking the Mickey, we gave it maximum respect last week.
I was taking the Mickey.
Well, people have emailed and texted in their own suggestions.
Here's a few from Barney.
These are actually very good, Barney.
The first two or three are wicked, aren't they?
He says, dear Adam and Jo, thanks very much for your weekly podcast, which I enjoy very much.
There's almost no chance of me ever joining the ranks of Brown Nose Squadron.
As the thought of being up at 9am, he's taking the mick out of Black Squadron now, you see.
Calling them Brown Nose Squadron.
The thought of being up at 9am on Saturday fills me with a breathless horror and disgust.
So he won't be hearing this being read out unless it's included in the podcast.
But Barney suggests for Star Trek taglines, boldly go and see it.
Yeah, and see it as in brackets.
Yeah.
That's funny.
It's alright, isn't it?
From your list of films to see this summer, this is one to check off.
That's good.
Make no bones, brackets McCoy, about it.
Spock notch entertainment.
That's my favourite.
Spock notch entertainment.
That's fun to say.
Spock notch.
That is Spock notch.
It's absolutely Spock notch.
You know, what did you think of the film?
It was Spock notch.
Yeah.
And you could, instead of giving two thumbs up, you could just lift your ears.
Lift your ears.
Or if you were a crew member of the Enterprise, you could pop something up to Spock's notch.
celebration a barrow or something in fact why don't they have instead of like how would Spock react to that he would say that's logical would you because why would you put why would you put that up someone's notch watch what is his notch don't go into it even further don't go into the notch totally going into Spock's notch it's a thriller minute smash Jim but not as we know it
Yeah.
Perfect for a first star date.
I mean, it peaks with Spotknotch.
It does peak.
You see, look, I only put the first three on there.
Did you?
Yeah, I edited the rest of them out.
Using editing.
But you're boldly going.
I'm boldly going where I shouldn't be going.
Into Spotknotch.
Thanks, Barney, and thanks to everyone else who suggested those Star Trek titles.
And apologies to the zoo journalist.
It's a very tough job working on zoo, you know, working with all the boobs and animals.
And I don't mean to bring him down working with all the boobs.
Here's a free play for you right now.
This is late period Talking Head.
Always brings a smile to my face.
Heads?
Plural?
You just said singular.
Talking Head.
Yeah, you forgot the S. I'm using the singular for this song.
That's cool.
It's a piece of Talking Head.
It's called Wild Life.
Wild, Wild Life, even.
That was Noah and the Whale with Five Years Time.
This is Adam and Jo here on BBC Six Music.
It's a great pleasure to be with you this fine Saturday morning here in the heart of London Town.
Yes, and we should let you know that we're going to reveal the results of last week's Song Wars.
Somewhere in the middle of the show, usually we do it at the beginning, but we've decided to, you know, tease people.
Teasing?
Yeah, because that's what it's all about.
You might even hold it back until the last hour, just after 11.
What about the very end of the show?
It could be the very, very last thing we say.
What about getting Liz Kershaw to announce it?
In her show?
In the first hour of her show?
Force her?
And then, like, let's just write a whole script for Liz Kershaw and force her to do it.
She won't be allowed to do any of her own stuff.
She's got to do all of her own emails and stuff.
But you know, if we were more...
sort of audience-hungry, we would do that because in the media, when you've got a piece of information that people are waiting for, the thing to do is to make them wait for as long as possible.
Spin it out.
And then sell advertising space, you know, before you reveal it and everything.
Isn't that the case?
I mean, it's a reflection of how unprofessional we are that we don't do that.
That we're not making money hand over fist.
Yeah, well, that's another conversation.
Yeah, yeah.
Hey, speaking of making, you see, the way to make money is to win awards, right?
How do you make money hand over fist though?
You just do.
I don't know what that expression means.
Neither do I. But keep talking.
What were you going to move on to there?
The Sonys.
Yes.
It was, of course, the Sony Awards listeners.
And as Adam so cleverly said to somebody the other day while I was listening in America, they refer to the Oscars as the Sonys of the movie industry.
That's right.
They're that important.
Yeah.
Very important.
In fact, I think all DJs have been talking about them a lot because a lot of them were nominated.
I heard Danny Baker getting a bit annoyed.
Was he?
On his programme on BBC London, he was getting a bit annoyed about losing.
I mean, it's weird because they nominate a bronze, a silver and a gold.
Yeah.
And then only the gold winner goes up to accept the award.
And the gold winner is the only one that gets any kind of thing to take away.
I think they get a really nice bit of purse.
So you sort of feel like you've won when you're nominated, but then when you don't win the gold, you sort of feel like you've lost.
It's strange.
Well, because you have to sit through the ceremony and everything.
Yeah, which is a losing proposition.
And some people come up to you afterwards because we were very excited that we won three silvers.
You know, that was amazing.
We're excited that anyone listens at all.
But a lot of people came up to us afterwards and some of them would say, oh, congratulations, amazing.
And other people would go, oh, bad luck.
And it was hard to know how to feel.
Yeah.
How did you feel in the end?
Did you feel disappointed or elated?
No, I feel elated.
Three silvers for this.
Amazing.
My mum was absolutely over the moon.
She couldn't believe it.
Yeah.
She was absolutely delighted.
Do you know what I thought though?
What?
I thought, well, I wonder what the relative value of silver to gold is.
And I wonder if actually three bits of silver are worth more than one bit of gold.
These days.
So I actually went on the internet.
and looked at the precious metal currency rates and no gold's worth much much much much more than silver and three bits of silver no they they just make up a fraction of the cost of gold's really valuable yeah is it yeah i mean just its reputation is justified
The only thing that troubled me about the silver award right is a routine by Jerry Seinfeld.
Have you seen that where he's talking about the Olympics?
No.
Let me quote it for you.
He says the Olympics is really my favorite sporting event.
I won't do a Jerry Seinfeld impression.
Although I think I have a problem with that silver medal.
Because when you think about it, you win the gold, you feel good, you win the bronze, you think, well, at least I got something.
But when you win the silver, it's like, congratulations, you almost won.
Of all the losers, you came in first of that group.
You're the number one loser.
No one lost ahead of you.
You know what I mean?
There's something true about that, isn't there?
Oh dear.
But then I found when I was searching around for that routine on the internet, I found a very angry letter from a gentleman who'd seen that quote in an article about the Olympics and he says he's called Jerry Parsons and he wrote into this website called The Pantograph.
to their sports section and said, I was shocked and very disappointed to read the Jerry Seinfeld Olympics quote on the front page of the Pantograph Sports section on Wednesday.
I don't know if it was an attempt at humour or a statement of philosophy.
Either way, it was inappropriate.
In the midst of the Olympic Games, calling an athlete who places second in the world a loser appears to be an extremely poor choice of words.
The tremendous positives of athletics, and this could apply to our show as well.
include enjoyment, realistic goal setting, discipline, dealing with setbacks, building self-esteem, sociability, and, less applicable to our show, physical fitness.
These positives, mixed with sacrifice and practice, produce an athlete who cannot be called a loser.
An athlete does not need to be first to be a winner.
Gerry Parsons.
Point well made, yeah.
Thanks very much, Gerry.
Must be tough getting through life if you don't have a sense of humour, mustn't it?
I mean if you've got none at all.
Imagine how annoyed you'd get at comedy and jokes in general.
They'd make you furious all the time.
I thought you were talking about me for a second there.
Here's Willie Mason with We Can Be Strong.
Yes, he's irresistibly drawn towards a pub.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music.
Now, a friend of ours works in the advertising industry, and they've been doing some commercials recently.
And in the course of doing these commercials, they came across a whole new load of kind of special advertising demographic jargon, right?
Oh, I love advertising jargon.
And in the olden days, they used to refer to... advertising people love to put people in boxes.
That's their favourite thing, you know?
You know the way bands hate being put in boxes?
Well, bands hate being pigeonholed.
They hate being pigeonholed.
That's different.
But advertising people absolutely adore pigeonholing people and popping them in boxes.
And what they do is they separate groups into categories like ABC ones.
And that's the only one I can ever remember.
Well, there's the famous very rude one to describe washing powder adverts and stuff, isn't there?
Two TKs.
Yeah.
Which was very... Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, move on.
Two tarts in the kitchen.
They're all faintly disparaging though, aren't they?
Yes, they're faintly disparaging, but no, but the technical ones, but ABC1s and things like that, that's just sort of technical.
It's a way to target and break down your market.
Exactly, and absolutely be specific about who you're selling to.
Absolutely.
But now it's a little less clinical and a bit more colloquial the way they talk about their target market.
But they're still talking about them absolutely humorlessly.
So I was told that these people were referring to the target audience as, for example, Charlotte's, Tina's and Betty's.
Oh my gosh.
Are the Charlotte's going to get this?
I'm not so sure, I think the Betty's will get it, but I'm not so sure about the Charlotte's and the Tina's.
What's the difference?
Well, Charlotte's, let me tell you, and this is obviously mainly female audience.
This is real, is it?
This is real terminology.
This is real terminology that's used by a lot of advertisers.
Excuse me.
Charlotte's women aged between 25 and 28 years old who are single and go out a lot.
They spend lots on beauty products and looking good.
They work, but they don't earn much.
They tend to read magazines like Grazia, things like that.
Right.
Tina's.
They are mums between the age of 30 and 35 years old.
It's all about the family with Tina's and less about themselves.
They spend a lot of money on family things rather than themselves.
They buy lots of treats for the kids.
My wife's a Tina, incidentally.
They love family packs.
I mean, my wife adores family packs.
Two for three, that kind of thing, right?
She gets very excited.
You get her a family pack of anything and she'll start crying.
With emotion, with a raw emotion.
With absolute joy, tears of joy coming down her face at the sight of a family pack.
Tina's are known as the primary caregivers.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
PCGs.
Okay, PCGs.
Betty's, they are older women, right?
Old.
The families have grown up, moved out, maybe.
They're really into living life to the full.
They spend a lot, you know, because they've been living life, not to the full, they've been living life about a quarter or maybe a third.
That's how I like to live life.
Yeah.
Half full.
Just, you know, leave a bit of room.
It's less risky.
Exactly.
So they really love to live life to the full.
They spend quite a lot on health improvement stuff.
Yes.
Vitamins and things like that.
Vitamins.
Jane Fonda would be a Betty, for example, with her wrinkly skin.
Yeah.
Well, she'd be a very sexy Betty.
All three of these groups, the Charlots, the Tina's and the Betty's, have a lust for life.
That's useful when you're selling to people to know that they have a lust for life, because it informs the tone of your advert.
Well, because your product's going to improve their life.
Yeah.
and that they're interested in anything that will improve it.
Have they got those names though?
Why have they chosen Charlotte, Tina and Betty?
I mean, Betty's more obvious because it's more of a sort of cliched, older lady name.
Tina and Charlotte?
Where have they come from?
I don't know.
I suppose Tina is slightly more lower middle class, Charlotte maybe more upper middle class.
Tina.
I imagine a Tina as maybe a bit of a spinster who can't get a boyf and watches a lot of Bridget Jones, you know, reads a lot of Bridget Jones and stuff.
No, they've got them as the mum.
I wouldn't imagine Tina as a mum.
Here's a group that our friend Garth Jennings thought of when I was talking to him about this phenomenon.
Paddies, right?
Married with children.
I think he was thinking about himself when he thought of this group.
Yeah.
They are married with children.
They spend a long time, longer on the toilet than they used to because it's such a peaceful place to escape from children.
This is men specifically.
Paddy's rarely checked to see what the wife is spending money on, but when he does check on her purchases, he explodes with fury at the madness of it all.
Paddies spend a lot of money on leads and connectors for computers rather than clothes or personal items.
Paddies have rediscovered the joy of riding their bikes.
Paddies can drink half a bottle of wine extremely quickly over an evening.
That's good.
I thought of my group was Shedwoods.
Men called Edwards with... Men called Edward with sheds.
I'm a Shedwoods.
That's what you would fit in.
I think I'm a Nancy.
Are you?
What's a Nancy?
No, I'm not sure I'm a Nancy now that I say it out loud.
I'm having second thoughts.
Edwards, right?
Men with sheds.
Yeah, I think I'm a Gunther.
A Gunther.
Like the guy from Friends?
Yeah.
Men with sheds act like they are in charge of the shed, make it clear that the shed is boring and cluttered and dangerous to stop other people going into the shed so that they can have it for themselves.
They are secretly spending money on luxury items for the shed that could conceivably be intended for use by the whole family.
For example, folding chairs, beer fridge, DAB radio, candles, etc.
Isn't that an Adam?
Yes, that's what I'm saying.
They're just designed to improve your life in the shed.
I'd be curious to know if any of our listeners could come up with some more useful categories for advertising.
Well, this could be a text-the-nation, couldn't it?
Yeah, what about this as text-the-nation?
You have to invent new advertising categories, I mean, so that advertisers can target their products more precisely.
Are there any demographics that they're missing that could be summed up by a single person's name?
We haven't even touched on the teens yet and the stuff that's there.
That's true.
So we need a name and then a sort of description of the kind of thing they do that would help us target a product.
So that can be Text-a-nation for this week's listeners.
The text number is what?
64046?
We could even bang in the Text-a-nation jingle, James.
Text-a-nation!
Text!
Text-a-nation!
What if I don't want to?
Text-a-nation!
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
It doesn't matter.
Text!
Or if you can't access a texting device, you can always email adamandjo.sixmusicatbbc.co.uk.
And I think we've got one or two listeners in the advertising industry, right?
Yeah.
So we'd love to know any more authentic terms that are currently used for describing a target market.
A target market.
Target Margaret.
With her lovely white hair.
I'm just thinking of Martin.
Yes.
Well, we can talk about all that later.
All our Apprentice song war stuff is coming up, of course, in the show.
Right now, here's some lovely music.
Is this your choice, Joe?
Yeah, this is a little sort of remix type thing by our friend Al Fingers.
I played a few weeks ago a mix he did of a Johnny Osborne reggae track and Marvin Gaye's What's Going On.
This is a similar thing he's done rather beautifully.
I don't know what the reggae track he's used is called.
Maybe someone can tell us.
But this is Smokey Robinson with Being With You Reggaeth.
Very good indeed.
That's DJ Format with Separated at Birth.
You're listening to Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music.
Thank you very much for joining us.
Hope you're enjoying your DAB radio.
Life's much better, isn't it, since you bought it?
You've been wasting your time, it seems like, ever since.
With analog.
Yeah, with analog.
I mean, that was just... Yeah, embarrassing.
Retrograde.
Pathetic.
Foot in the past.
Pointless.
what are you doing welcome to the future yeah exactly where uh when radio kind of loses the signal it just goes and then that kind of thing does it do that i wish it did yeah we've got some clearing up some house cleaning to do
Yes, the reggae track with which our fingers mixed Smokey Robinson's being with you is apparently surfing by Ernest Wranglin, says T. in Bristol.
So thanks for that.
And the other thing was the expression hand over fist according to... Oh, they haven't put their name on, have they?
No, they haven't put their name... Yes, they have Alison in Edinburgh.
The illusion is to sailors climbing up or down the rigging.
The notion is that one grasps a fistful of coins with one hand while reaching out for more with the other.
Well, she's mixed her metaphors there.
Which one is it?
Exactly, because if you do sound good to me... I don't know.
The rigging's bad.
Then you're going to be falling down the rigging.
You can't reach out for coins while you're climbing rigging.
You're trying to escape from the pirate ship with your booty.
You're making money and climbing the rigging.
You're making money like you're climbing rigging.
Is that a new expression you formulated?
Well, that's what it is, isn't it?
You're making money hand over fist.
Ah.
Like you're climbing rigging.
I'm confused now.
I don't think we've cleared that up.
We've made it messy.
It's kind of like a cow.
He's like he's climbing rigging the amount of money he's making.
He's got so much money.
He's so attractive as well.
We got an email as well.
Actually, this is something that is going to be in retro text the nation in the podcast, right?
Because this was last week's text the nation subject, but I'm reading this one out anyway, because we won't be able to include it in the podcast.
because it features a little bit of music that we won't be able to clear for the podcast, as I understood.
So many rules and regulations.
We were talking about songs that you customise to fit in with your everyday routines, right?
And the second series of The Wire is going out on BBC Two at the moment, I think.
It's BBC Two, I think it is.
He's still not watching it yet, Joe.
No, no.
Well, I watch it patchily and I catch enough to know that it's good.
You're an Apache.
Apache Indian.
I'm watching with Apache Indian.
And we're having a relationship.
So we set up in bed.
Boom shaka lak.
And watch the wild.
He will say that the whole time.
Wind and go up.
It's getting me annoying.
Wind and go down.
On the other hand, he's so physically attractive.
Watching the wild.
He swings him roundabouts, isn't it?
And then you wind it up.
OK.
This is an email though from James in Birmingham.
He says hello Adam and Joe.
Hope all is well in the big British castle.
It's fine.
Thanks James
A little bit of retro textination news here.
When season one of the fantastic US drama The Wire was shown earlier this year on BBC2, my flatmate and I instantly became hooked.
Especially as it was shown almost every night.
Needless to say, the favourite part of our evening needed some kind of theme tune.
So we decided on the chorus from the Pixies song, Dig for Fire.
Cleverly sung using the lyrics, I'm watching the wire.
And they took it to an extreme.
They said, there's a little bit at the beginning of that before the chorus,
Are you looking for a boring show?
Huh?
No.
No, my child, this is not my desire.
I'm watching the... I don't know that song, so... Pixies fans will know it.
Come on.
There's a lot of Pixies fans listening to the show, I'm sure.
And if you listen to the track itself, it's remarkably close.
In fact, you could say instead of I'm watching The Wire, I'm digging The Wire, right?
Have a listen.
My desire And then she said I'm digging for fire I'm digging for fire
It's completely applicable.
Yeah, isn't it?
That's good.
That's exactly the same.
That's exactly right.
Thanks very much James from Birmingham.
And don't forget, of course, if you want to hear more of those songs that you apply to your everyday life, you have to download the podcast on Monday and it'll be in retro textination.
What is your text thing doing?
I don't know.
I got a text.
You're not supposed to put the audible tone on while you're doing the radio show.
I don't know.
I only just got this thing.
I don't know how to switch it off.
Raving ponce.
Here's some more music now.
This is depression mode with peace.
This would be a good song to sing at the urinal, wouldn't it?
Oh, he didn't sing it again.
What was he singing?
Peace will come to me.
What's it called when you when you're in a urinal and you can't move yourself to stage fright?
Stage fright.
Yeah.
Be a good song for that.
It would be good.
Yes, exactly.
Because I like to get myself in the zone sometimes.
And when you when you get bad stage fright and you're surrounded, if you if you're a lady and you don't know what we're talking about, this is when men go into a urinal and it's a thing that ladies don't have to deal with.
Well, they have the opposite.
What, they have peace fright?
No, they can't... Oh, let's not go into it anyway.
Keep talking.
We'll talk about it off air.
The opposite of stage fright is just being very relaxed though, isn't it?
Yeah.
So they have a nice time in their cubicles.
Yeah.
Right, right.
But if you're a man, sometimes you go in there and you're standing next to... James knows what I'm talking about.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
Sometimes you're standing there next to five burly men, you know, and it's very anxious making and you can't get in the zone and relax your muscles in your groin wall area sufficiently to do your wee wee business.
Why is that shocking?
You're making your shocked face.
No, I'm not shocked.
I'm just enraptured.
Yeah, by grinal muscles.
Painting such a wonderful picture for burly men.
So sometimes, you know, you have to kind of breathe deeply through your nose and close your eyes.
What I do is I close my eyes.
I close my eyes, pull back the curtains.
And then I sort of get in the zone and then I'm able to do my business.
Just move on.
I regretted saying that as well personally, so just move on.
Don't even think about it.
And then you could sing, peace will come to me.
This is a disaster, isn't it?
We're going to have our Sony's removed from us.
They're going to be prized of us.
Listen with crowbars.
Hey, speaking of which though, I'll take this into a slightly more family area, right?
Slightly more.
If you go into a Lavi, this is something I've been thinking about and it's happened to me a few times recently.
I'm still in the Lavi.
There's no question of me coming out of the Lavi.
Sorry, it's a family Lavi.
It's a fun Lavi.
Everyone goes to the Lavi, right?
It's a leveller.
The levelers go, everyone does.
So you go into a Lavi, right?
And there's only one guy stood at the urinal and there are maybe four free ones, right?
But you just think, I would rather go into a cubicle.
Do you feel like a bit of a snob?
Do you think it's a snobbish thing to do?
You think, I don't want to stand, I'm going to go for a cubicle.
Well, the worrying thing is, if you go into a cubicle... And then you're busted for not actually... Well, then you emerge from the cubicle before the guy at the urinal's finished.
And then he knows that you've got something to hide.
Yeah, and he can hear probably that you're just doing a whistle-wazzle, you're not even lifting the seat.
Sometimes I get to elaborate... You're not lifting the seat?
You have lifted the seat.
You're not putting the seat down, is what I'm saying.
Sometimes I go to elaborate lengths to pretend that I do need a number doble because... A number doble.
Do you know what I'm saying?
So that the guy won't think I'm being snobbish.
So he won't think, oh, too good to stand next to me at the urinal.
He has to go into the cubicle.
I don't want him to think that, right?
So I do all this stuff like very loudly tearing off bits of toilet paper, you know, doing all the flush and all that stuff.
I mean, I do the flush anyway, of course, and then come out sort of
You know acting like I've done my business Looking relieved Let's play some more music.
I'm so sorry about all this.
Ladies and gentlemen, it's Joe's fault.
This is blondie with rapture
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that is Blondie with Rapture.
This is Adam and Joel on BBC6 Music.
This morning's Black Squadron command was egg in mouth, and we had some terrific photographs emailed in from Matthew Borg, Nick Reed, Mr Anonymous Man, and Andy Hill.
Here are these photos, Adam.
I guess we'll try and put them on the websites, even though our website's a bit of a...
a disastrous mess at the moment.
It's about to be relaunched.
But one of them is quite frightening.
Who's the gentleman there with the balaclava in the egg in his mouth?
Andy Hill.
Andy, I guess he's got his black squadron balaclava and he wants to protect his identity in case he's on any undercover operations, but it does look quite alarming.
That is a shocking picture because the balaclava has kind of pulled his eyes on a bit of a wand.
So one of them is all squashed up, the other one's kind of lolling down and then he's got an egg in his mouth in one of the balaclava holes but it looks like someone's just shoved a snooker ball in his mouth and they're just about to do something very bad to him.
Yeah but that's exciting in its own way and we must give enormous respect to those individuals who actually did hold a fresh egg in their mouth.
No one looks good with an egg in their mouth.
Well, Black Squadron isn't about looking good, Adam.
No, it's not.
It's about being efficient and ruthless.
It's about getting the job done.
And those four gentlemen have really got the job done, so congratulations to you.
Have you ever put a whole leg in your mouth?
No.
In that way, with the shell on?
Probably.
It's a strange thing to do because it's a bit like standing on the edge of a precipice.
Right, you want to bite, don't you?
You want to bite down on the edge!
The natural urge is to bite, but you can't because you'd get all eggy.
And then you do the, have you done the fun thing of squeezing the ends of the egg?
Oh, you can't break it, can you?
You can't break it!
No.
With your, just your finger and thumb.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You cannot break.
Because it's beautifully designed.
Beautiful bit of design.
By, by Hen's Bottoms Incorporated.
By Salman Rushdie.
Good job, Salman Rushdie.
Listen, I need some advice from listeners.
All yesterday and the day before, and a lot of today, I've had a spasmodic muscle beneath my eye.
Know it very well.
You're talking to Dr Buckles.
What's going on beneath my left eye in the baggage area?
Very familiar with it.
There's just a little muscle that just can't stop partying.
The eye twitch.
It's like it's having a rave.
all on its own.
The rest of the body is failing to rave.
Call me Dr Buckles and I'll tell you what's wrong.
Dr Buckles?
Yeah.
I've got this dance party in my eye bag and they won't stop it.
It's been going on for two days now.
I think they're taking illegal drugs in there.
The muscles going crazy.
Dr. Buckles says, don't worry.
First of all, don't worry.
It's absolutely normal.
I would have gone to Dr. Sexy, but there's a busy notice on his door.
And there's strange noises coming from him.
I think he's operating.
He's in surgery.
Don't even go further down that path because there's all kinds of terrible twists and turns you could take.
But let Dr. Buckles reassure you that you are suffering from prodigy eye
Prodigy.
And it's a perfectly common complaint.
But seriously for a moment, it's because you're tired, man.
You're under that.
It's what you get when you are tired and you get a little twitchy nerve or whatever it is, muscle under your eye.
You could probably search for it on the internet and find out exactly what it's called.
But yes, it's prodigy.
And you just need a bit more rest and sleep.
Really?
You need to take care of yourself, yeah.
Really?
I'm a bit overstretched.
A bit overstretched.
Going to bed too late, burning the candle at both ends.
I have been.
Prodigy.
Wow.
Okay.
Thanks, Doctor.
Don't worry.
Anything else?
No, no.
I'm still going to pop in and see Doctor Sexy.
I wouldn't do.
Can you give him another half an hour?
No, I'm going to go in there.
He's really very busy.
No, I am.
I'm going to force my way in and let me page him.
Get operated on.
All right.
Because I'm very tense.
I've got a free choice for you right now, listeners.
Hope you enjoy this.
We can fire this one off because it's got a nice... Yeah.
Imagine you're sat on a stoop.
A brown stone in New York.
It's a lovely, balmy, sunny day.
Keith Richards comes along.
He picks the remains of a sandwich from his hair and starts munching on it.
Offers you a little bit.
He likes him and my sandwich, man.
He says, thanks, Keith, you say.
Bite into it.
You have to spit it out again because it's been there for a while.
It's got all moldy and stuff.
And just at that moment, Mick Jagger comes around the corner, limbo dancing.
And this is what he says.
What if I didn't want to like textination?
But I'm using email and nothing, is that a problem?
It's like Pants Man all over again.
That sounds like Philip from The Apprentice singing that one.
that jingle and of course that means that it is time for Text the Nation which this week is all about kind of advertising jargon, the way that advertisers categorise and break down their audience into little groups and name them.
We were talking about Tina's and Betty's and Charlotte's earlier on
and describing what characterise those people.
Yes, this is going to be a very useful text donation for people in the advertising industry.
I'm sure a lot of the names we come up with, and our listeners come up with, are going to be used.
For instance, here's one from Adam Yaitley.
He's suggesting a Herman.
And a Herman can't cook, drive or earn money.
A Herman relies on friends and family.
And the target products for a Herman are instant meals, oyster cards and Jimmy Carr DVDs.
I like the idea of somebody who's completely dependent on other people, a sort of a sort of parasite of a person, a sort of a limpet who just attaches himself onto other people's households.
And you know, you were a bit of a Herman for a while.
Do you think?
It makes you say that.
You used to always hang around our friend Mark's house.
Yeah, but it was nice.
It was lovely.
I'm not saying you're an evil Herman.
I think it's a bit harsh to characterize Herman's as parasites because sometimes they're very nice.
Yeah.
And also there's people that I know a lot of people who can't drive and I don't think of them as parasitic because they can't drive.
No, but you can do that for a bit.
It's all right.
But some people make a whole sort of life out of it.
Well, Brian Eno always boasts about the fact that he can't drive saying that it leaves him more time to do more useful things.
Really?
Yeah.
He's got an excuse for everything.
Here is another one.
This is from Dan in Bethnal Green.
Hi Adam and Jo, what about the Flash Eddies?
This is a demographic of men of working age who generally believe status is defined by the width of their TV screen.
Yes.
They can be seen every other weekend slowly walking around curries and other electronics stores, assessing new products and are never afraid to go one bigger.
Size matters to these men.
If it's big and it's plasma, they're king of their worlds.
Eddies, are they?
That's a flash eddy.
Flash eddy.
What do you think about that one?
That's very useful.
I mean, you absolutely need to know your eddies, especially if you're in the... Tele-business.
Tele-business.
Yeah.
Here's one from Ra from Naam.
meaning, shout them, Davos.
They are 18-22 year old blokes with unimaginative nicknames who incessantly hug each other but constantly make anti- let's say homophobic jokes to balance the books.
They're interested in buying bullet-style deodorants and bodybuilding aids to sort out their weenie bodies.
Oh, a Davo.
Does that fit with you?
Can I make a confession that I haven't actually read these through?
I'm kind of just reading them out live as they come to me.
Oh, you're making all kinds of... Oh, look at this thing I can't read out.
Shame I started on this one.
Davos is good though, that's a well observed one.
And that ties into your observation about those bullet shaped deodorants.
Have they removed those adverts yet?
I don't know, I hope so.
It's the power of this programme.
Absolutely.
Bad news Terry, it looks as if our new bullet shaped deodorant campaign has got the thumbs down on the Adam and Jo show on 6 Music.
Quick, pull it off all bus shelters.
And it cost ten million quid for crying out loud there.
Do we still have to take it up?
Yes, because it got the thumbs down on their show.
Not only did it get the thumbs down, but Joe gave it the thumbs down.
Joe even gave it a pirate R. Here's another one from a person.
Who knows, I might come across their name whilst reading the email app for the first time in the text.
I thought this was your domain.
I thought text was yours.
It was, but I'm ill today.
I've got a twitchy eye in my chest.
It's got prodigy and dodgy throat.
In order to dispose of this income, effectively, they buy equipment for activities they've tried once and really want to get into, e.g.
climbing, a climbing harness, a surfboard or a piano.
These items are never used but make the owner appear active and interesting to any visitors.
What are they called again?
Alora.
That's good, isn't it?
That is a good category, certainly.
Who sent that?
They didn't give their name.
Probably Laura.
We'll have some more of these in the next half hour.
We're going to play some music now and take us into the news.
This is the Beastie Boys with Intergalactic.
Yeah, the song's finished.
Don't know what you're still doing going on.
Very excitable, they are.
That was Sly and the Family Stone with Sing a Simple Song.
And this is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music.
How's your prodigy, man?
It's still there.
It's still twitching.
Thank you to everybody who has texted in telling me I'm potassium deficient.
Someone else had an actual, oh, the muscle involved is the orbicularis oculi.
And apparently, yeah, I've got to have some bananas and sleep.
That's nice.
I'm just going to stay in bed tomorrow.
Bananas and sleep.
Good excuse to stay in bed all day.
Bananas and sleep.
Yeah, absolutely.
Mmm.
Delicious bananas.
And do you mush the bananas up and rub them into your eye?
I will do now that you've said it.
That's the way to go, isn't it?
Yeah, I won't just rub them into my eye either.
No.
All over my nude body.
Spock notch.
All the way up my Spock notch.
It's absolutely Spock notch.
I can't believe you've never had Prodigy before in your life.
I have, fleetingly, but it's never hung around for a couple of days like what it has in the last couple of days.
I'm just under the weather.
I'm involved in so many high-powered projects.
The first time I got Prodigy, I was really worried about it because I thought this is no good.
My body is completely malfunctioning in a very distressing way.
And it's not something you're taught about.
It's not something that parents say... Unless you listen to this program.
Right, exactly.
We're like the parents of stupid teenagers everywhere.
Yeah.
Not just stupid teenagers.
Intelligent people.
But, you know, no one tells you when you get a bit tired and run down and become potassium deficient, your eye might start twitching.
And you said a few weeks ago as well that you don't get floaters.
Floaters being, they're also known as...
Oh, what are they called?
Serial entoptics.
It's when you get tiny little, what looks like bits of hair or something floating around and it looks as if they've been magnified and they're floating across the surface of your eye or something.
You know what I mean?
And you reckon you never get those?
When I close my eyes, yeah.
No, that's a different thing.
When you close your eyes and you push them, you can kind of see mad patterns.
All sorts of things.
Crazy patterns, yeah.
Crazy patterns.
There's an amazing artist called David O'Reilly, who makes amazing computer animations.
And he's actually made a thing called Serial End Toptics, and he's created with computer animation that effect that you get when you get floaters, and also the effect you get when you close your eyes and you push on them.
You can check out his website, and they're on there, I think.
Well worth a big look at.
So that's health news for you listeners.
Are you doing that, man?
You're staring now in a mad way.
I think I'm dying.
Are you feeling a bit zoned out?
No, I'm fine.
I'm ready for the next thing.
Okay.
We've got Jarvis coming up.
Now, apparently Jarvis is going to be behind the counter at the HMV in Oxford Street on Monday to promote the launch of his new album.
He's actually going to be, you know, like working there.
Wow.
That would be good, wouldn't it?
To get served by Java?
Yeah, I hope he's a sort of opinionated server.
Right.
Do you know what I mean?
The kind of person who would encourage you not to buy something.
Well, look at your purchases.
Yeah, I used to do that when I worked at the now defunct Tower Records.
That's the worst kind of serving person there.
I'd go, no mate, you don't want that.
That's rubbish.
Did you really?
Yeah, with films.
If someone was buying a real stinker, I would try and talk them out of it.
He puns.
If they were buying a record by Bros, because that was the circular era when I was working.
It's not.
I'd refuse to give them their change.
And they'd go, give me my change.
And I'd go, I owe you nothing.
Nothing at all.
Like that, and they'd look confused.
You are exactly the kind of jerk that makes people slice.
I was only a teammate.
That's enjoyable.
Well, let's hope Jarvis doesn't do anything like that.
Here's his new single.
This is Angela.
Jarvis Cocker with Angela, this is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music.
That's from his new album and I've been reading a few reviews of that.
They seem quite mixed.
Some people loving it, some people complaining about the rhythm track or people complaining about some quite specific element in there.
The rhythm track.
Yeah, and two or three reviews weirdly have brought it up.
The hi-hat sound.
I was appalled by the hi-hat.
on Jarvis Cocker's new album.
Oh, I see.
Holloway Road.
I do apologise.
Firstly, because we too sing this each time we're on the 43 bus to Islington, but not least because we sent you an MP3 of us singing Adam and Jo to the very same tune a couple of weeks ago.
We were a trifle myth that our favourite radio rapscallions didn't give it a mention.
That is, if it did reach you the first time around.
Well, this was last week's Text of the Nation when we were asking people about the songs they sang, you know, as part of their everyday routine that they customised.
Yeah, retooling pop songs to fit some kind of banal activity.
Domestic jingles, if you like.
And we did read out somebody who's sung Holloway Road to the tune of Holiday Road, but this is Ed and Varric's version of that song, but they've changed the lyrics to be a kind of jingle for this show.
Here it is.
Alimenta, alimenta, alimenta
That's very nice.
We don't want to encourage people to bully us now if they send us something and we don't play it, you know?
Yeah.
Because we don't want to be seen to be giving in to terrorists.
No, and also there's no favouritism or anything like that.
In a way, in the sort of low-level playing field of this programme, that is an act of terrorism, to what they've done.
Email us.
Yes.
That's terrorism.
To email us.
They haven't in so much as threatened us, but they have emailed us.
What part of it was threatening?
We've absolutely folded to it instantly.
There was no threatening part of that anywhere.
We were a trifle miffed.
Now come on, that's threatening.
I'm feared of miffness.
In Cornball's government, that's absolute terrorism.
Oh no, they're coming this way and they're a trifle miffed.
We're going to have to erupt.
and remove some more basic freedoms.
But listen, that comes, of course, most famously, that tune was used in National Lampoon's Vacation, which is a terrific film.
And we were talking about the scene where Chevy Chase has a little... Chevy Chase.
Chevy has a little dalliance with a lady in the hotel pool.
We were trying to remember who it was.
I think it was Christie Brinkley, wasn't it?
It was whoever was the most attractive woman on the planet that week.
Billy Joel's wife, Christie Brinkley.
Yeah.
Hot mama.
You can always tell they're really attractive women because they always end up with a slightly duff-looking man.
Right.
Well, yeah, they're fulfilling the wishes, the fantasies of all duff-looking men.
Like all duff-looking men were so delighted when Julia Roberts went out with that wonky country western guy.
What was his name?
Lyle Lovett.
Everyone's like, yes!
There is hope.
And then they got divorced.
It's like, oh!
Anyway, here's Lindsay Buckingham with Holiday Row.
There's not enough synthesised dog barking percussion on records, I don't think.
Oh, that's a good track.
That's brilliant.
He was quite big for a while, wasn't he, Lindsey Buckingham?
I know he was absolutely big because he was in Fleetwood Mac, wasn't he?
And he had that song.
And I go insane like I always do.
That doesn't sound anything like the song.
Is it good that song?
It's quite good.
I mean, he was a comforting presence in the 80s with his mad eyeliner and stupid hair.
That's a good song.
Thank you very much indeed.
I don't know who I'm thanking.
Well, Lindsay Buckingham.
Yeah.
And the man who invented CDs.
And pop.
Thank you very much.
That was Jules Holland, I think, that invented pop.
Was it?
Yeah.
Oh, I was hoping you might do that.
You're worried about jinxing the genius of your original impression by doing another one.
Yeah, I can't repeat my Jules Holland impression because it might go wrong.
Has to come naturally.
So Joe, MPs, expenses.
Oh, I'm glad you bought this up because there hasn't been enough talk about this subject in the media.
I know you like hot button topics.
I love hot button topics.
I saw Dervla Cohen.
Do you know the actress Dervla Cohen?
She was in Bally Kiss Angel and she's a well-known TV actress.
And she was on The One Show.
Is it still called The One Show?
Yes.
With Adrienne Childs and The Lady.
And they were talking about MP's expenses and they just asked Dervle Cohen.
And I thought maybe she'd come out with some kind of wishy-washy.
Yeah, you know, well, that's shocking.
That's what I would come out with if I was asked about that in a TV show.
She was absolutely adamant.
She said, it's a disgrace.
It's an absolute disgrace.
We've been let down.
I spent my whole life being honest.
I never fiddled a single thing in my life.
And I think it's shocking.
And even Adrien Charles was like, what, you never fiddle anything?
Not a single thing you've been dishonest?
No!
Came the answer from, she said it nicer than that, she didn't shout.
But her attitude was saying... Well now I'm worried about you and Adrien Charles.
Why?
Because you've clearly fiddled things.
Have you not fiddled nothing?
Never.
You're like Dervle Kerwin.
I've never fiddled anything.
I don't believe you.
I do believe Dervle Kerwin.
I don't believe you.
You are the fiddler.
You're Johnny Fiddler.
What thing to accuse me of?
What's your evidence?
You're the Yehudi Menuhin of life.
I fiddled.
You loved to fiddle.
What?
Where's your evidence?
I don't know.
I'm projecting.
I fiddled lots of things.
Clearly.
You've never taken like toilet paper from work?
No.
A bit of computer printing paper?
Pens.
Sometimes I steal pens.
You're the Fiddler.
A biro.
Is that bad?
Yes.
Could an MP be thrown out of court for nicking a biro?
Definitely!
What about a lighter?
Sometimes I go home with other people's lighters in the past, I've done that.
Public apology.
I hereby apologise unreservedly to listeners of the BBC Four in 1985, taking Chris Barnes' bit lighter accidentally from his house.
Now you've busted barns for being a filthy smoker.
So I'm going to thank you for that.
This was in the 80s.
Yeah, well.
Everyone smoked in the 80s.
That's true.
It was healthy back there.
It was acceptable in the 80s.
That's the only thing you've ever fiddled, is it?
You've never tried to.
You are such a liar.
I know I'm not a big fiddler.
I'm not a big fiddler, but I'm he can't even look at me Well, I'm not looking at cuz I remember I'm trying to remember some of your fiddles What about the photographs that we've got of your fiddles all the good times that we used to have oh, okay?
That was stealing
That wasn't as subtle as fiddling.
Fiddling's a nice word.
That was just theft.
I may have done some shoplifting in the 80s, but that's something that lots of kids go through.
That's not true, and we're not encouraging it by any means.
No, it's a terrible thing, but that's a bit different.
That's a kind of rite of passage when you're discovering the nature of property and theft.
You weren't shoplifting, though, come on.
That was.
kind of wasn't all right wasn't technically shocking as a member of the big british carl you could even get thrown out retrospectively for admitting something i did in in 1986 definitely definitely come on if they're putting people in prison for with dna evidence you know i mean that's murder obviously it's slightly different but
Yeah, they could retrospectively caution you, hang you out, because they don't... I can't believe that this link has ended up with me being forced into a criminal confession about petty shoplifting I did in the mid-80s.
when it started out with MPs tax fiddling and now I'm on the ropes.
See this is a good example of me not I didn't want you to confess to any grand larceny.
I was interested in like pens and print paper.
I've been skillfully manipulated by Sherlock.
Buxton, into making a confession.
We better play some more music before, before we're all fired.
This is Fresh Go with Got to Be Real.
That's Fresco.
We've got to be real.
That was a free play chosen by me.
And it's good, wasn't it?
Wasn't it good?
That's good.
Where'd you find that one?
Fresco is from the year 1989 and his DJ is called Miz M-I-Z.
1989 was a big year, man.
And he was a great year for hip hop.
He was the, you know, the the rapping champion that year and Miz was the DJ champion that year, you know, top in the world.
And they got together and formed Fresco and Miz.
Yeah.
And they released that record.
What?
What did you do there?
I just was talking.
Where you started talking though?
Yeah.
And they're from Philadelphia.
Old school Philly hip hop.
Yeah.
I just want to make it clear that that's a really great free play.
That is a great free play.
Just in case you had any doubts.
that's a flea play a flea play that's a great flea play um so i've been watching little bits of telly this week and i found myself watching uh what are they called what's she called um cat dealie no jordan and peter peter and jordan oh pandre yeah on i tv too poor old pandre
And obviously, apparently, the ratings have gone up.
What's that program called?
It's called KTMP Stateside or something.
It's the new series, the reality show of their life in Los Angeles.
And obviously, the very sad news that they separated, split up, came through this week, didn't it?
So it gives an interesting sort of tone to the show.
And presumably they will have filmed right up until and including the split.
That'll be... Who knows, we're gonna have to keep watching.
Something to look forward to.
You know, it's a very obviously powerful, intelligent and taxing program, but I've managed to watch some of it.
And obviously once looking for cracks in the relationship in a kind of morbid way, you know, it's only human, isn't it?
To morbidly.
And there was quite a big... To be studying other people and to be hoping and rubbing your hands together with glee.
That's what ITV2 is all about, isn't it?
taking pleasure in other people's misery.
Yeah, exactly.
It's the sort of ambulance chase this channel.
That's the only slogan.
It is.
They've got the new Carrie Catona series coming on there.
That's right.
She's actually in quite serious difficulty, isn't she?
I do, me too.
Taking pleasure in other people's misery.
They're still in there with a camera crew.
Anyway, Peter Andre, there was a little clip, and he was going up to one of their big cars outside the house in Los Angeles, and it was one of Katie's 4x4s, you know, and he opened the door and was met by a very overpowering stench.
Oh, God, that smells... What the... Oh, God, what's... This is Katie.
Katie's been using this, and oh, and he pulls out these old cartons of rancid food.
That's eight week old chicken in there.
I thought maybe it was her new scent.
She's turned her car into a complete trash heap.
Some people do that with their cars, you know, they'll just fling stuff in the... In the foot world.
My wife.
Really?
And they will just turn their cars into a... skip.
Will you turn your phone off?
You turned it off for me.
That wasn't fine.
That was someone else's.
Who's was that?
James, a producer.
Very bad.
Anyway, the cars are complete stinky trash heap.
Peter opens the door.
He's hit by a wall of stench and he looks really depressed.
And this seems to trigger some kind of thing about his relationship with Katie as a whole.
And there may have been an edit here.
I'm not sure whether it was the same thing, but moments later he's going, I hate Katie.
Actually, I hate too strong a word, but sometimes I really, sometimes she really annoys me.
I mean, when I love her, I really love her.
She's amazing.
But when I hate her, I really hate her.
But that's their relationship in a nutshell, isn't it?
That's why it's so dramatic and fun to watch.
Yeah, because she can be damningly down and sort of grumpy.
But I thought, you know, using the H word there, I thought, you know, that's maybe strong and maybe that's just, you know, the little fissure there and the stench in the car.
He's learnt it off Katie because that's her whole grammar is just hate and contempt.
Is it?
She displays the kind of contempt for Pendre that it would be very difficult for any man to live.
Really?
Every now and again.
You've watched more of this programme than I have.
Yeah, because he's a likeable fellow, you know, and I wish him the best.
And she's likeable.
He's a gentle giant.
She can be likeable too, you know.
There are moments when she's very lovable.
But sometimes the contempt that she exudes for Ponderay is shocking.
Her sons are obsessed with her breasts.
Yeah.
Have you noticed that?
Well...
I mean, it's natural for the children to be obsessed with their mother's breasts.
But markedly so.
To a certain degree.
Why?
I mean, in what way?
Are they hanging off them and just ogling them and tweaking them?
Everything a fully grown man would be doing.
Sometimes pondering gets quite jealous, doesn't it?
I haven't seen those bits.
I'd better watch more.
Anyway, it's a great series.
Don't forget to tune in.
Tune in.
Sooner or later, you'll see them split up.
More music.
Here's Little Boots with New Intel.
squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky
still listening, putting off their shopping expeditions.
Desperate to hear the result of the most important competition in the world of the week today.
The nation's second favourite feature, because the nation's favourite feature is song water, is text the nation.
And here is a little text the nation jingle that was created for us by young Charlotte Gilman, aged I think around four or five, six.
And here's her version of our text the nation jingle.
Text the nation, text, text, text!
But what if I don't want to text the nation and send you an email?
Is that a problem?
It doesn't matter!
Text!
I'd like her to perform that live in the studio.
Is that possible?
Yeah, she's amazing.
If we go on holiday, she should just fill in for us.
She really should.
It would be amazing.
Text the Nation this week is all about how if you were in the advertising industry, you would break down your demographics and basically create new types of categories of people.
That's pretty bad.
I'll make the idea where we get into it.
This is one from Alistair that has come via text.
His idea for a new demographic group for advertisers to target is big smokies.
These are young graduates that move to London as soon as they graduate and then find a way to shoehorn that fact into any conversation they have.
They think it makes them look important and thrusting and perhaps they're right.
Big Smokies.
I mean, we've always been Big Smokies, you and I, having grown up in there.
So yeah, it's hard to, yeah, detect that kind of thing, but I imagine it happens a lot and Alice just pointed it out there.
Right, right, that's a good one.
Yep, good stuff.
Here is one from Holly in Leamington.
The best one I've heard is the slash slash kids, i.e.
designer slash model slash DJ.
It's someone who can't be pinned down to one career, particularly a 20-something who isn't great at any one thing, so becomes average at many things.
Right, right.
I was good.
I would put myself in that cat.
Yeah, we're slash slashers dilettantes Yeah, Jack of all trades, but masters of none masters of niche Here is one from mmm.
I don't know.
No, I'll just read it and see if the names in there
You haven't read these, have you?
Yeah, but I forgot.
Suggested name for text the nation are Chloe, an upper-middle-class student-y type whose entire life consists of sitting around in coffee shops attempting to appear bohemian.
Suggested products to sell to them, beret, silk scarf, fancy wellingtons for the all-important festival season.
Are people wearing berets in silk scarves now?
Yeah, I mean that's an insane thing to do is it do you think well actually I say that but I saw someone dressed almost exactly like Molly Ringwald yesterday You know the way Molly Ringwald used to dress in the Breakfast Club and pretty in pink 16 candles and things like that ie Adorable and lovable and very individual.
Yes, you know what I mean in a coin in in a really nice way that have exactly
Yeah, flowery dress.
Well, that's good news then.
You know, and I thought, hallelujah, if that part of the 80s is coming back, then I'm glad.
Yes.
OK, here's one from Robin Birmingham.
A Dean.
Dean's hobbies are stellar, internet pornography and fighting.
He has read one book, Bravo 2 Zero by Andy McNabb.
He doesn't vote, but would vote for Clarkson if he were a politician because he says what everyone's thinking when he writes for the news of the world.
Right.
Dean thinks that domestic violence is OK in some circumstances.
That's a bit extreme, isn't it?
I was thinking it was a fairly... Not our opinion or the opinion of the BBC.
It's not even the opinion of Robin Birmingham.
It's the opinion of a made up character called Dean that advertisers might use.
It's important to contextualise that statement.
If they're advertising something that has something to do with domestic violence,
A slight shade.
So what kind of person do you think would find domestic violence acceptable?
I think you're talking about a Dean there.
I think that's a bit extreme, though, for a Dean.
Like, you don't instantly have to think... I think we should move away from Dean.
Yeah.
Let's get away from Dean as quickly as we can.
And here's one from Paddy in Exeter.
For this week's Text the Nation, I thought advertising agencies ought to have a demographic for slightly older men and they ought to call him Brian.
Brian is a well-dressed man, apart from his odd socks, in his sixties or seventies and is a kindly grandfather.
He collects toy soldiers and is very excited by the History Channel and the little adverts in the Sunday Telegraph supplement which offer innovative gardening trousers.
He is a tough nut to crack in terms of selling a product, especially if it's one more aimed towards the youth market, but when a successful sale is made, both parties will be nothing short of delighted.
I like that last sentence.
It doesn't have anything to do with anything.
It's just describing the sale that will be made.
Who's that from?
Paddy in Exeter.
Thank you very much.
Patrick Johnson.
That's very good.
For all your texts and emails for Text the Nation today.
We're not concluding it just yet.
We might have a few more before the end of the show, but we're going to play a little bit more music right now.
And this is Ray Charles with Shaker Tail.
It's time for song wars, the war of the songs, a couple of-
That's right, it's Song Wars results time listeners.
Of course, last week's Song Wars, of course, he says, as if everyone would know, was themed on The Apprentice, the exciting reality programme on the telly.
I missed it this week.
I wasn't able to see it.
Yeah, was it a good one?
It was a very good one.
Yes, they had to rebrand Margate.
And one team made it a family destination.
The other team went for the pink pound.
And the pink pound team lost because their posters were very poor and they did a leaflet and they didn't even finish it.
They left it blank.
And then the woman with the face like a plate said, oh, we've left it blank so that local businesses can advertise there.
And Sir Alan did not like that bear, that plate-faced lying.
Now, the other week we were saying it's wrong to be rude about people's faces.
And there, you might have just noticed, I just described her having a face like a plate.
Well, I assumed you were talking about a beautiful spode plate.
Exactly.
I wasn't being rude.
A wonderful bit of china.
I love platey faces.
Yeah, a beautiful, like her complexion is like bone china.
Exactly.
That's what I meant.
I wasn't being disparaging.
Anyway, it was a good episode, and you're silly to have missed it.
And just to remind you, if you didn't hear last week's show, you didn't hear the songs.
My song was kind of a goofy overview of the whole apprentice experience from the point of view of various morons.
And Joe's was very specifically about Margaret Mountford and her hair, which he described as being like a cloud.
And I was convinced, I mean, it was a beautiful piece of work musically and in every other way as well.
I was convinced that it would be used on The Apprentice You're Fired.
And I was absolutely sure that someone would get in touch with the show from that program.
Any word from, no, not a peek, not a squeak.
Not a single person from the apprentice universe is conscious of what we've done.
I mean, maybe it's a little bit haughty to think that they would care, presumptuous.
I just thought the only reason I thought maybe it might happen is because in the past Stephen Fry has got in touch with the show when we've done... He's just a bit more in touch.
We're just a tiny little shack.
on the side of the big British castle.
They can't hear us up in the main tower.
Obviously.
I feel very disappointed.
Here are some emails we received in response to the songs.
Jeff Riley said, I like Joe's song this week.
It really reminded me of Sufjan Stevens.
That's a big compliment.
Matthew Cloth.
said, dear Adam and Jo, I would like to vote for Adam this week.
Jo's song was very good after I heard it.
I didn't think that Buckles was going to be able to overcome it, but it's Team Velocimax for the win in my book.
Cormac Lawler says, James has given me this email and they're all pro me, which is a bit misleading.
This guy says, by the way, if it's any consolation to Adam, I don't think there's any musical gulf between you.
You simply both have different ways of approaching the subject.
Yeah, I know that sounds straight out of a self-help book, but I love these differences and I always love both of your songs.
Oh, that's nice.
James has given us a nice selection of emails.
He has.
And I've got no clue which way it's going to go.
You know, I was convinced that I was going to get soundly thrashed.
No, I've got a pretty strong clue of which way it's going because we get sent all the emails and I added them up.
Did you?
I didn't add them up but I definitely kept a little mental note going, oh damn, oh damn.
So I think you've taken it.
You reckon.
Here's the special.
Not by very much.
I predict it's going to be quite close.
Maybe a 60-40.
It is 76 votes for Joe's Margaret Mountford song.
146 votes for Adam's Velocimax song.
What's that as a percentage?
That's 34% plays 66%.
That's a resounding victory.
I must say I'm surprised by that.
I mean... Well, I think, you know, the funnies, I just didn't make it funny.
And people love to laugh, especially in these tough times.
The two, don't they?
And times are very tough.
But yours has been going round my head all week, I'm not joking.
Well, that's nice of you.
But clear it from your head, because this is the winner.
What's it called?
This is just called The Apprentice.
Yeah, come on, be proud.
I am proud.
This is The Apprentice by Adam Buxton, from the point of view of Ken Corda, my character Ken Corda, and various other prats.
I'm going to be the next apprentice I'm the best man for the job Although I'm vain and self-deluded And I'm quite a massive knob Sir Alan, please believe me I'm a business typhoon I could sell ice cubes to the Eskimos And deck chairs on the road
Think you're a good team, lady?
I can't believe you'd ask.
Team Velocimax did great on this task.
Yeah, we made no money and we fought all the time.
And I refuse to listen, but is that a flipping crime?
You should be fine, man.
You should be fine.
You should buy the boring one.
He doesn't seem to realize that it's a TV show.
You gotta act like a total utter brat otherwise, you know.
You're fine.
Thank goodness you got rid of him Cause I'm the one who's best Although I'm bitchy and insufferable And thick like all the rest But I've got management experience from my time in burger shops And I really love to delegate and think outside the box You're fired, you're fired For your task this week you must rebrand some vegetables And then convince a load of kiddies that the vegetables
The vegetables are cool and then the team that sells the most amount of veggies gets the prize of doing something that's more dull than you could ever realize.
I was the project manager.
We tried hard at the test.
Although we didn't sell a thing, I think we were the best.
You're fired.
Stupid moron, she's a stupid moron.
I'm going to win, cause I am a genius.
For goodness sake, Sir Allen, don't deploy a moron.
Take a look at me, get back to the house.
I'm going to be the next apprentice.
I'm the best one for the job, although I'm vain and self-deluded.
And I'm quite a massive knob.
You're fired.
I'm going to be the next apprentice.
I'm the best one for the job, although I'm vain and self-deluded.
And I am...
Quite a massive knob!
You're fired.
Very good.
Thank you very much indeed.
Thank you very much indeed to everyone who voted for Song Wars this time.
What are we going to do next time for Song Wars, Joe?
Nothing.
Well, not next week, but maybe the week after, though, we've got to come up with something.
If you can think of a theme for the for our next Song Wars, please do email us and suggest it.
AdamandJoe.6musicatbbc.co.uk.
And if you are in any way connected with The Apprentice, get on the case with Margaret Mountford, the Margaret Mountford song.
You think?
I definitely think.
We don't want to force it or make them do it out of a sense of, you know, corporate loyalty.
I think we do.
Do we?
I think if they want to mess with the songs then they should do it organically.
No disrespect to the show and this is not damning with faint praise.
And when you say the show you're talking about You're Fired.
I'm talking about The Apprentice You're Fired presented by Adrian Charles.
They have little humorous montages and edits on there but nothing as funny as your Margaret Mountford song.
Well, they've got enough to talk about, I think.
I'm trying to be nice to you.
You're doing very well, but you're, you know, I'm a bit embarrassed by the praise.
I don't have to respond.
You're pushing me away.
Yeah, I'm pushing you away.
I'm trying to lick your face.
I don't want your gigantic fake breasts.
I'm trying to lick your face and you're pushing me away.
Here is the new one from Kasabian right now.
This is fire.
Sabian with Fire.
This is Adam and Jo here on BBC Six Music.
Now, Jo, I went to a quiz night last weekend in a pub.
No, no, no.
It was organized as a birthday celebration for a friend of mine and my wife's.
And her husband and her had got together and concocted this big elaborate quiz and they'd put tables out in their house and there was a little gazebo.
It was really a lovely evening.
But I'm not very good at those quiz things.
Do you go to quiz nights?
No, not for a while.
I was put off the experience years ago.
Did you come to this quiz?
I wonder with a little name drop here, Jonathan Ross and Jane Goldman.
And they took us along to this quiz that was hosted by Jeremy Beadle.
God rest his soul when he was around and he was an absolute, he had an encyclopedic brain.
He's a real brainiac Beadle and he knew all kinds of facts and figures about all sorts of things.
And the quiz that he hosted was the most ludicrously difficult thing I've ever heard in my life.
I didn't get a single answer.
It's the same with pop quizzes.
They're very, very hard.
They are really hard.
The one I've won on a couple of occasions, there's a big charity film industry quiz.
Oh, yeah.
I've won that.
in the past you've won it yeah what your team has won yeah yeah and you've been able to get lots of because they're all film based questions yeah yeah that's a bit better if it was all themed a bit more pop quizzes tend to be very difficult historical questions read the real minutiae check out some of these questions from the quiz which state was created by the signing of the lateran treaty in 1929 the 51st state starring Samuel L Jackson
That's correct, that's the right answer.
The Vatican, that was the answer to.
What is the name for the horizontal movement of air?
Slipstream, starring Mark Hamill.
Advection.
Oh, nearly.
Name all seven of the Von Trapp family children.
Oh, Curly, Titty, because I might sound silly that name, but they used to use it a lot in the 20s.
Little Runjans, Rowland, Tick, Nelly and Sid.
There's one more.
Ben.
That's correct.
Do you want the real one?
Liesl, Friedrich, Louisa, Kurt, Brigitte, Marta and Gretel.
There you go.
Little Runjans I think they were playing with for a while.
That seems like a comparatively easy one.
Yeah, I guess.
For the ladies, maybe.
Yeah, for movie fans.
Oh, nothing.
It was humiliating.
Really?
Were you on a team?
I was on a team.
We didn't do too badly the team, but no thanks to me, I'm afraid.
Here's a little free play from me now, just before we go into the news.
This is Tigger or Tiger, a Canadian electro DJ Ponce.
And this is a song about shoes, Joe.
Shoes.
Check this out.
It's ludicrous and enjoyable.
I like it.
Hit me with it in the face.
DJ Tiger.
I would say Tiger not Tigger.
I would say Tigger.
Tigger with shoes.
Great video for that as well that we played at Bug this week at the BFI.
This is Adam and Jo here on BBC 6 Music and it's just gone 11.30 time for the
R.E.M., the one I love.
This is Adam and Joe here on 6 Music.
How often are you washing your hair, Joe?
Well, I was interested to read that Prince, which one is the ginger one?
Not William.
Harry.
Oh, right.
Prince Harry.
Ginger Prince.
I read in the paper, he doesn't wash his hair.
Does he not?
He is of the School of Hair, washing what doesn't wash their hair at all.
That's right.
And apparently if you don't wash your hair for long enough, and this is something that used to go around when we were students.
Yeah.
If you don't wash your hair, nature takes control.
After about six months, a kind of oily balm.
Six months?
Yeah, as long as that.
Maybe not.
Maybe it's six days or something.
It's like, you know, people who say you shouldn't use moisturiser or anything, that the skin can take care of itself, but you just get it used to these weird creams and unctions, and then you make it dependent on it.
And if you just stop washing, you'll go through a weird period, but then
I don't mean like washing completely because I don't think this counts in the, you know, the basement areas.
Right.
But if you stop washing the the roof garden, then not the spot notch.
No, not your spot notch.
That has to be kept very clean.
I think I've made my point.
Yeah, keep the roof garden clean.
Yeah.
Um, I mean, it's, I think all those things are probably true.
Maybe they would have been true if we were still living in jungles and stuff like that.
You know what I mean?
But when you're living in the city and you know, sometimes you get back because of extra pollution, you get, you know, if you cycle for half an hour and you just wipe a tissue across your forehead, it's black.
yeah no absolutely not he's got a car he's got a helicopter a chopper an absolute chopper he's got a wicked chopper um i'm because i'm experimenting with not washing my hair right yeah because i usually i used to until a few months ago i would wash my hair every day sometimes twice a day and that's very bad for your hair
right?
And I would also favor a shampoo that was a two-in-one shampoo and conditioner because they've got some they used to have some terrible chemical in them didn't they?
Like magnesium or something awful.
Those sulfuric acids.
Was it sulfuric acid?
Yeah.
Alien blood.
Alien blood but they do say the two-in-ones are very damaging in the same way that some people say if they see you drinking like a diet soda they'll say oh
Oh, they're deadly.
You'll get cancer immediately.
They're the most carcinogenic drinks you can buy.
I agree with that.
I buy that one.
So I'm experimenting with the notion of not washing my hair for a few days.
And I found the thing is that if I've got something special coming up, like with the Sony's, right?
I thought, if we win something, we might get photographed.
So two days before, I washed my hair for the last time.
And then I know that two days thence, my hair will be manageable.
and we'll do what I want it to do.
It's working quite well.
What do you think?
I think you should do one of those adverts like what Davina McCool does.
That's true, I should.
The one where she goes, you voted Chestnut Brown, the nation's favourite hair colour.
I knew you would, because it's mine too.
Did you take part in that vote?
I know I did.
Did you?
Of course I did.
Well, yeah, who wouldn't?
It's a very important national vote.
Yeah.
Yeah, but you should do that advert.
I would love to.
You could toss your mane and wrinkle your nose.
But the thing I don't understand about those is how often is she washing with that?
Whenever they'll pay her.
Yeah.
She'll do whatever they want.
I find it very difficult to to suss out exactly when I should be shampooing and when I should leave it for a while.
And I thought you're going to leave it constantly now.
It constantly just seems a bit extreme.
I don't want to look like the bloke from Shameless.
You know what I mean?
I don't want to look like just a tramp.
Well, keep going.
We'll check in every week.
I think you should keep it unwashed until next week and we'll... The other thing is it gets very itchy.
I don't understand if you're a non-hair washer, are you supposed to rinse it through water?
Nature provides you with armies of knits that live in your hair and eat all the bits of stuff that get in it.
Mother Nature.
Mother Nature's Knit Squad.
They get all the crusty bits and eat them up.
It's healthy man and they go to sleep in your ears.
And then you can have them as a snack.
Do get itchy now and then.
But they're perfectly natural.
That was Phoenix with Listermania.
Joe found some interesting hair facts, actually, just while we were listening to that song.
Well, a kindly listener sent through a link.
Let me try and credit that listener.
Basically, they say... I think it says on Wikipedia... Chris Britchard, his name is...
And yeah, he's saying, step one, lose the shampoo and conditioner.
Yeah, shampoo strips your hair of the oils, which prevent build-up of dirt, making your hair dry.
When your hair tries to restore these oils, it overcompensates, makes your hair greasy.
Right.
So you stop washing.
For how long?
Six weeks.
It takes for the natural balance of oils to be fully restored.
You're going to look rank though in those six weeks, aren't you?
The worst rankness will occur during weeks three and four.
Rinse your hair thoroughly using hot, not scalding water.
then cold water to make it smooth and shiny, brush your hair regularly with a scalp massage brush twice a day.
Don't be self-conscious.
As long as you rinse and brush your hair properly, it won't smell or look dirty.
People won't notice any difference.
And you can just use the excess grease for cooking and stuff.
Delicious.
Absolutely.
If your hair becomes really greasy during the rebalancing, that's what it's called, rebalancing.
It's like a sort of a kind of Scientology screening process.
Are you going through rebalancing at the moment?
Yes, I am.
Have you noticed?
The grease is literally dripping off my hair.
You might want to occasionally remove the build-up of grease with vinegar.
Vinegar?
That doesn't sound good.
I mean, that's going to make you a big... It's very good.
It removes the greasiness without stripping too much of your hair's natural oils.
Yeah, but you'll stink like a big...
Disastrous stinky men.
If people do start to notice, just do a ponytail.
A ponytail?
Then the attention will be on your face rather than your hair.
This is women they're talking about.
Or certain men.
So you're gonna go for this?
Maybe, I'm thinking about it.
But I don't like the idea of week four with vinegar stink all over me.
But that's subversive stuff, though, isn't it?
Because that is undermining the stranglehold of the shampoo industry and conditioner industry.
And Davina McCall's not going to be happy about anything.
No.
Plus, you know, the global economy is in a meltdown.
We've got to be buying everything we possibly can.
Sure.
Oh, it's so tricky, isn't it?
You've never read that out.
Listen, here's a free play.
This is the band Supercar, who a few weeks ago we played their track Recreation and Betrayed Your Trust by telling you they were still recording and then listeners told us they'd split up in 2005.
But this is a track of theirs from 2001.
It's just a little nugget of Happy Japanese Electronica.
It's my favourite little nugget.
I'm picturing when I play this record listeners who are driving along, maybe on a B road or a motorway and it's quite sunny and the windows are down, you know, and they're going to turn this up and really enjoy it.
These listeners in my head.
Excellent.
I wonder whether they exist in the real world.
They might do.
This is Supercar with Yumaguer Last Boy.
Bye!
you
That supercar with Yamagawa Lasterboy, and that's actually from one of the albums, but also featured on the film Ping Pong, which is a very good Japanese film, based on the manga by Taiu Matsumoto.
Very nice.
I love things that are based on the manga by Taiu Matsumoto.
Taiu Matsumoto.
He did Black and White, Tekkon Kinkreet.
Ah, yes, yes, yes.
Come on, get hit to the streets.
Kinkreet.
Kinkreet, Tekkon Kinkreet.
Is that like a special type of concrete?
It's a film, it's an anime film.
Oh, got you.
It's very good.
Folks, it's nearly the end of our show.
Don't forget to download the podcast on Monday evening.
And a few weeks back, I encouraged listeners to our podcast to subscribe to my YouTube channel.
Oh yeah, what happened?
They did, man.
Did they?
Yeah, because I was almost about to drop out of the top 100 most subscribed.
How humiliating.
Very humiliating.
And they helped me nudge my way back up to number 90, even though, you know, I still need all the subscribers.
How many subscribers would you say you've got?
I've got almost 15,000.
That's good.
And it's a great channel.
It's got lots of fun stuff on it.
One of the things I... Sounds pathetic, doesn't it?
One of the things I put up recently was a video of myself in my shed actually listening to the Adam and Jo podcast and sort of laughing in a very self-congratulatory manner while I had a glass of wine.
Here are some of the comments that people left under the video from YouTube.
I, you know, both of us very much enjoy going through YouTube comments every now and again.
Ain Fang says simply, poo poo.
He was the first comment.
First person to leave a comment.
Really?
Do you think that's a disparaging comment?
I don't know.
Or do you think he's sort of just caveman-like behaviour?
He's just smearing some of his defecate on the wall.
All one word.
Boy Mandeville said, I love the thought that Adam's wife and children are just inside living without him during the filming of this.
Open another bottle, Dr Buckles.
Smiley emoticon.
He's encouraging you to abandon your family.
Yeah.
Tagerman Bagram says, the way the economy is going, soon we'll all be living in sheds listening to podcasts.
Donahue says, so that's how Adam lives his life.
In a grubby house with no power and cheap decor, narcissistically listening to his own material but finds himself getting irate at Joe's jokes because they're better.
Yes.
Joe must be making all the money, living in a palace of some sort, leaving Adam with nothing.
Who's that from?
Donahoe.
Yes, Donahoe.
You know the, you keep it real, you know the truth.
Creation Guy Sexposed.
I love that guy.
Says, Hmm, Adam Buxton was very much part of my formative years with his baby face, silly hat and gerbil grin.
Now I find he's a bearded man who lives in a Norfolk village and he's married with kids and he owns a shed.
Something is not right with the world.
It's disturbing, isn't it, the passage of time.
Tuk Tuk says, this is an astonishing and disturbing self-portrait of a man consumed by his twin demons of narcissism and jealous rage.
That's absolutely true.
Finally, there's a little exchange between someone called CoolStuff2000AD who says very simply, you narcissistic cockle, Buxton.
Doesn't use the word cockle.
Slightly shorter version.
Underneath, someone says, Lucasway Films says, well, if you listen to the Adam and Jo show on BBC Six Music or the podcast, then you'd get the joke.
And then underneath Cool Stuff 2018 says, yes, sorry, I was trying to sound funny.
I don't know how to download podcasts or catch them when they
That's quite touching.
Listen, thank you very much for listening, listeners, and thank you to everybody who's texted and emailed.
We will be reading all of your emails.
Don't forget, the podcast will be up for downloading at about five o'clock on Monday.
Or you can listen again, even though we understand there might be some problems with the iPlayer, but it's fixed.
The iPlayer's fixed, so that's all good.
Stay tuned for Liz Kershaw.
Have a great week.
We'll be back with you next time from nine till 12 on Saturday.
We love you.
Bye.