There'll be some music and some random talking in between And then, eventually, the whole thing will just end Black Squadron!
Always catch the beginning of the show Black Squadron don't wanna miss a thing That's not the one, Black Squadron roll
Went to bed at a reasonable hour Gotta be sharp on Saturday morning That's the secret of the squirt brings power
It's a little bit lugubrious, that jingle I always find.
Well, it has a seriousness and import that Black Squadron deserve.
That's true.
It was designed to be a serious jingle.
Yeah, you know, military music isn't sort of all fey and skippy and cheerful.
I think it'd be nice if we had an alternative version that was fey, skippy and cheerful.
American military music is, isn't it?
Yes.
All the complicated rhythms, and they're not afraid to do a coordinated dance routine, are they?
and stuff in there.
They're not afraid to step up to the streets.
Exactly.
That's the number two.
So welcome listeners.
This is Adam and Jo here on BBC Six Music.
I'm Adam.
I'm Jo.
Are we panned left and right then?
But my mum pointed out, you know, that's meaningless to her because she's just got a little DAB with one speaker.
Right.
So she can't tell who's who.
Well, they can imagine us like Zafod Bebelbrox.
I was thinking of doing the show with the Jamaican accent this week.
That's not going to be offensive, is it?
Yes.
Because that would help people tell who's who.
Aritmon!
It's Adam!
From Adam and Jo!
Like that.
That's not a problem, is it?
I don't know.
It smacks slightly of problems.
Do you think dodgy area?
Sort of entering into the arena of the Davidson.
It's one of the problem accents, isn't it?
Yeah.
Steer clear.
Alright then, I won't do that one.
But I don't know any other accents that well.
French!
Oh, that's true!
Thank you for reminding me!
You see?
Immediately we're transported to leafy France.
Leafy France!
Welcome to France!
Would you?
Vous les vous?
No, no, no, no, no.
I didn't say transported to leafy France.
I said leafy French.
Leafy French?
Yes.
That's nice.
Would you like a baguette?
We eat them!
Yes.
Okay, what about a Chinese accent?
No, but that's dodgy again.
Is it?
Yeah.
It's weird, it's slightly arbitrary, isn't it, these rules?
We don't really understand them, but I just get the sense that that would be dodgy.
Yeah.
With the French it's fine.
It's absolutely fine with the French.
It's over in season on the French.
Why is it?
Is it because the French themselves tend to be a little on the racialistic side sometimes?
No, no, no.
Obviously that's not the reason.
An Irish accent.
That's problematic as well, isn't it?
French is the only one.
An Australian.
And New Zealand, mate.
And New Zealand.
They can take anything.
It's just to do with the robustness of the nation.
Exactly.
Is it?
That's right.
It's to do with how sensitive they are.
It's to do with how likely they are to punch you in the face if you meet them and you antagonise them.
And the French, that's not to say that, like, any other nation couldn't stand up for themselves in a fight.
That sort of is what we're saying.
Well, it's ludicrous, isn't it?
Like a Chinese person is just as likely to wallop you if he's offended as a French person.
I think we should ask our producer James.
He'll know the BBC guidelines on comedy accents.
It's bound to be in the system.
There should be a proper BBC directive about comedy accents.
I'm sure there is.
Let's ask James while we pay a record.
Which accents are acceptable?
Have you thought of a Black Squadron command?
Yeah, yeah, I have.
We just before you read it.
I've got an email here from Gil from Essex He says hey Adam and Joe could the black squadron task be a bit less physical I'm in my 50s and I have arthritis and the forward roll you commanded us to do last week nearly killed me You don't want blood on your hands.
Do you at this point?
I guess I'm supposed to say I love the show and I think you're wonderful Well, I'm not going to buy Gil
Well, I guess that's true.
I mean, it was a test with, you know, all these tests mean something.
They're all building up, so we're not just, we're not just making them up in the two or three minutes before we come on air.
I mean, that would be absurd.
What a ridiculous suggestion.
They're all dovetailing towards a really quite startlingly well thought out operation.
It's like lost.
It is like lost.
This Black Squadron command is not going to be fun for vegetarians.
In fact, it might be impossible for vegetarians.
So if you're a vegetarian, you're excused.
Are you ready?
Yeah.
Okay.
Let me tell you that immediately after the Black Squadron command, we're going to play some mystery jets for you, two doors down.
But right now, here's Commander Cornish with the command.
Black Squadron.
Bacon bracelet.
They're so overexcited, aren't they?
I like that record.
Mystery Jets, two doors down.
This is Adam and Jo here on BBC 6 Music.
We're going to be in Glastonbury next weekend, listeners.
Yeah, you know what's happened, listeners, is the kids, like we're talking under 20s, in massive numbers have demanded this year that the BBC sort their act out and send
the two jowliest, most middle-aged men they can find in the corporation to cover the festival because kids are just bored of young presenters.
You know, they're bored of Grimshaw and that kind of thing.
They want a couple of, they want some jowls up there.
Are you feeling a little old this week?
No, I'm just thinking that, I mean, I'm just feeling maybe we're going to be a bit out of place at Glastonbury now.
Do you know what I mean?
Well, we're not going to have, like, crazy hair.
I tell you what I'm looking forward to is entering the kind of peel, kind of, you know, elder statesman.
Exactly.
I mean, we've got many years and a lot of, we've got to be a lot better before we get there.
But you know what I mean?
I do know exactly.
I get some respect.
I feel a bit between two stools.
Yes.
But we just shouldn't be there.
We should be at home bathing kids or cleaning up sick or something.
Yeah.
Or doing our accounts.
Between children's dolls.
Or mowing a lawn.
Do you know what I mean?
No, I know exactly what you mean.
Or washing a car.
Well, maybe we could get some kind of mobility scooter to go around.
To go around, and that's a very good idea.
Don't you think?
That would be nice.
And have some collecting tins.
Because they do have those things at Glastonbury, like they have at airports when they drive people around.
Golf caddies.
Carts.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Golf carts.
I think they do, don't they?
Am I imagining that?
They do.
Yeah.
We should get them.
Because we're old.
Yeah.
You know?
That's a good idea.
James, can we get them, please?
Because how old is Lauren Laverne?
What, 50?
early fifties?
Oh, she early fifties.
She's early fifties.
Dame Lauren Laverne.
Yeah.
I think she's in her early 50s.
Dame Lauren, they don't even drive her around in a golf cart.
No.
She just has to use her Zimmer frame.
She does.
She tucks it under her dress.
You can't see it.
Mark commode.
He has to be choppered in and out.
Commodes in his late 80s.
Yeah, he's in his late 80s.
He can barely move.
I like the way you just repeated it.
That's one of my tricks.
It's good.
You can double the length of the program and use half the material.
Exactly.
Use half the material that way.
These randoms are totally giraffe alarm clock.
I can't even remember that one.
Look, I got an email from one of our competition winners, right?
Because we had a competition on the Six Music website to win tickets to Glastonbury.
And Jason Carty was one of the lucky winners.
He says, Dear Adam and Joe, a few weeks ago you suggested going to the Six Music website, entering the competition for your Glastonbury tickets.
I did, as a Black Squadron operative.
Yes.
And since I was listening online, it was no biggie, just to go clickity-click, tap-tapity-click.
he says.
Anyway, cut to last Monday and six music contacted me to tell me I'd won, which means at 34 years of age, thanks to Adam and Joe, I can finally cross Glastonbury off the to-do list of my life.
after always thinking I was too busy to pull off travelling to the festival, especially this year with our beautiful 10 month old baby girl still living with us.
Congratulations.
Out you get.
The random bestowment of tickets has meant that I will finally get to go to Glastonbury.
Thanks guys, you made it all a reality.
I'll make sure to give you a hearty Stephen at appropriate points over the weekend.
Keep up the brilliant work, regards Jason Carty.
That's a pretty good prize, isn't it?
It's a great prize.
Tickets to Glasto.
Do they get special accommodation?
No.
They get transport?
They get like a bag to put over their head when it rains.
A bat!
A zigzag.
Flacky bear.
That's an awful prize.
But we still have to figure out a few things for people to do to identify themselves as listeners to this show.
We've had some suggestions and I think we should cover that in a later link maybe once we've collated all the various submissions we can decide James our producer's picked one he thinks is the winner.
If you've only just got one there James.
But that's good, I bet it's a good one.
He's rigged the vote.
We'll find it out later on.
And also, we were thinking that maybe he's President Ahmad's dinner jacket.
Ahmadinejaz.
Can we listen to some Ahmadinejaz?
Ahmadinejaz.
What?
I haven't even thought that through.
Sorry.
Also, I was thinking that the whole Stephen thing, maybe that might come to an end at Glastonbury.
It might come to a head.
Might come to a head.
It's the correct word to use.
An explosive head.
Right.
You think you've spots at that moment.
Scanners.
Yeah, OK.
So listen, folks, we're going to play some music right now.
This is a free choice and it comes from the new Eels album, Ombre Lobo.
And this is a really nice track.
If a trifle overlong, maybe.
A tiny bit overlong.
But it's nice and it's got a good little unusual rhythm.
It's like a kind of half funky drummer rhythm.
I'll be the judge of that.
He sort of got halfway there and they thought, no, I'm going to give up.
And it's nice.
And, you know, he's very good at doing quite stripped down, very simple stuff that almost sounds like a demo.
Hope you enjoy this.
This is the eels with the look you give that guy.
the bees with chicken payback.
And this is Adam and Jo here on BBC Six Music.
Our command for Black Squadron earlier in the show was just the Nomic bacon bracelet from Joe Cornish there.
What does that mean, Nomic?
I know what it means, but I just thought listeners might like to, some listeners might not know.
Well, it sort of means obscure and gnomic.
Really?
How's that spelled?
G-n-o-m-i-g-o.
Really, like a gnome.
Like if a gnome did it so you wouldn't notice it.
Maybe that's where it comes from.
Do you know?
It's one of those words I know what it means, but I find it hard to define.
You have a sense of it.
Yeah.
But you don't know what it means.
No, I do know what it means.
Well, I do know what it means.
But you have a sense of what it means.
Is that not the same thing?
Is it not fair to have a sense of what a word means?
Like, if I'm pretty sure that's what it means, no, Mick.
Can we look at the dictionary definition?
I just want to use it.
James, he's got enough on his plate.
He's jealous.
We've already given him about half an hour of work to do.
I use a word he doesn't know.
He immediately gets jealous.
He asks me to define a learn.
I'm unable to give a dictionary definition immediately on air.
That's bringing me down questioning the veracity of my no me cutthroat It's a new design of torpedo, but I'm just testing wheels that is special to be new brain torpedo An innocent inquiry torpedo all my all your torpedoes instead of going hit that target immediately it goes
So it does a little jazz dance to distract you.
What's that over there?
That's not a torpedo.
Yes it is!
Like Stephen Fry, you couldn't get anything through Stephen Fry's defenses.
Let's talk about Stephen Fry later.
I've got stuff to say about Stephen Fry.
He would immediately give you the dictionary definition of no mechanic.
Listen, let's focus.
Black Squadron.
Bacon bracelet.
The squadron interpreted it correctly as a command to wrap a piece of bacon around your wrist in the style of a bracelet, and we've already had some photos through.
One from Chris.
The thing about the modern world is if someone sends you an email and they're just called Chris, that's all you've got.
Chris.
It's not really enough, is it?
It could be any Chris.
But he calls himself Crispy.
and he's lying in his bed there, he's got a hairy chest and a hairy chin and a little tuft of hair and he looks good with a, it looks like a triple strip there, doesn't it?
Is that three pieces or is that just an exceptionally long bit of streaky?
It looks like a bandage, like he's bust his wrist and he's... It's a meaty bandage.
I think actually, medically speaking, if you had an injured wrist, wrapping bacon round it would help it.
Look at this guy, he's just got...
Three cans of lager round his wrist.
He's hung them on with the... Maybe he thought I said nice Macon bracelet.
Yeah, that's not so good.
Well, he tried.
I'd put him at the front of Black Squad and he could just be cannon fodder, couldn't he?
I mean, it wouldn't matter if he got blown away fairly swiftly by the first artillery line.
And another one from Eggman and his daughter.
That's very good.
They've both got bacon bracelets.
Look at that.
It looks like a piece of back bacon there on Eggman.
And his daughter may have a piece of streaky.
I'm not quite sure.
That's David in Canada with the beer bracelet, incidentally.
So he's just chosen to customize his squadron.
And you can only speculate as to what role that piece of bacon will have in the final command.
Maybe a group of you will have to distract some pigs.
Maybe the operation will take place on Glastonbury Farm.
Maybe it's a farm-based thing.
I remind you that all these commands are very carefully designed, and they're all leading towards a brilliantly thought-through operation.
Nomic.
An adjective operation.
Like or containing gnomes.
Or aphorisms.
Like or containing gnomes.
What contains gnomes?
How is a gnome the same as an aphorism?
Like an aphorism is like a saying, right?
I suppose maybe when gnomes existed.
Because they did exist, right?
They just were wiped out by... We've got to find a definition of gnomes then, I think.
I know what a gnome is.
Yeah, but a gnome is obviously...
Nomic.
Pertaining to or resembling a gnome.
I tell you who could tell us all about gnomes.
Yes.
There's one man who knows everything about gnomes.
Britain's gnome exponents.
I'm the king of the gnomes.
Hello.
What a funny face.
But beautiful eyes, though.
I'm the king of the gnomes.
You must do my bidding.
So I was totally wrong, basically.
I described your command for Black Squadron as being gnomic.
I thought it meant sort of obscure and strange.
I mean, you could say the gnome was obscure and strange.
Describe something spoken or written that's brief, mysterious and not easily understood.
Yes!
But often seems wise.
Yeah, well, it doesn't matter.
Don't read that bit.
No, that's good.
You got it, man.
You nailed it.
Yes!
Well done.
You're officially clever.
Thank you.
Unarticulate.
Clever and articulate.
We'd better stand down the squadron and go to the news, haven't we?
Clever and articulate.
Gnomic.
Your new word.
I read the Franklin there with Baby I Love You.
Thank you so much for joining us.
It's a nice sunny morning, not you.
Hey, thanks to everyone who's even though texted us all about the fact that the man wearing beer cans round his wrist was of course doing a brilliant phonetic joke.
Did you get that one?
Yes, because we started off the show talking in a Jamaican accent there, and so he'd combined the Jamaican accent with the Black Squadron command bacon bracelet to make beer can bracelet.
Which is racist, so he should be ashamed of himself.
And that's why we didn't in any way allude to that so-called racist joke.
Imagine all the people that will have offended.
My day was going perfectly well until I tuned in to BBC 6 music when I was very, very offended.
by Adam Buxton.
It wasn't me, it was David in Canada.
It's David in Canada's fault.
Go to Canada, get David.
Blame Canada.
Sorry about that, David in Canada.
And thank you very much to all of you who complied with the Black Squadron commands.
We're still, we're cogitating, right, about the best way to harness the power of Black Squadron at Glastonbury.
We're going to think about that more and get back to you later on in the show with various things we can do.
We're going to launch Text-o-Nation in the next 20 minutes or so, so stay tuned for that.
I'm filling.
You're doing well.
I've got nothing.
Launch Text-o-Nation.
I like the use of the word launch.
Do you think it fooled anyone?
Like launch the words out of our mouths.
Like all the other ones.
No, it's good.
It's exciting.
It's like a proper radio show, you know.
Do you get annoyed by the way BBC programmes, even though there's no commercials on the BBC, the way some programmes pretend they've got commercials and do kind of pseudo breaks?
Well, we do trails and stuff, but... Yeah, but some programmes... There was a show all about the real Swiss family, Robinson, where families went on a desert island.
Did you see that at all?
No.
That was constructed like an ITV programme.
Every ten minutes it would have coming up and what you've just missed.
Oh really?
A little tease.
Yeah, it was very odd.
It was as if they were going to sell it to a commercial broadcaster.
Well maybe it's the- And they got it all nice and ready for adverts.
People are so used to the rhythm of commercial TV that they need to see that even on... Well, that's what they said.
Somebody complained about it on points of view.
James, if you were on the ball, you'd have the music ready.
He doesn't know where it is.
Anyway, someone complained about it on points of view and that was the BBC's excuse that the audiences actually like it.
It makes them feel orientated and comfortable.
That's what they said on points of view.
It's a bit late, really.
Again!
Blah-boo-dee, blah-boo-dee.
Go on.
Oh, man.
If we could just find a band to play that with us at Glastonbury, that would be amazing.
Yes.
That's a good idea.
You know?
If someone could send up... Would they need sheet music?
How would you play that song?
Can any musician read sheet music?
Can they?
Can the average band read music?
No.
A lot of very famous composers can't, can they?
The Sex Pistols made it illegal for bands to read music, yeah.
But if we could find someone with a keyboard and a little amp, and they could, you know, if they could get in touch with us, text us, the text number, incidentally, for anything you want to get in touch with is 64046 for this programme, or if you want to email us, the email address is AdamAndJoe.
.6musicatbbc.co.uk.
Adam and joe.6musicatbbc.co.uk.
So if, for example, you did have, you were going to be at Glastonbury, you didn't want to sing blah-boobity-bye out with us, we could like film it for the blog or something.
A black squadron choir.
Yeah, that would be good.
We're also trying to think of ways that we can get maybe a Black Squadron member who would prove to us his loyalty by executing all the commands that we have issued thus far, and then he would go on special ops for us during the Glastonbury weekend, maybe interview members of Spinal Tap, that kind of thing.
We're getting all this together, so more information will be forthcoming throughout the show.
Keep listening, here's some music.
This is Back for Lashes with Pearl's Dream.
with Pearl's dream Adam and Joe here on BBC six music I had an amazing idea last week well done it was an idea for Google oh yeah for the company Google yeah and you know that thing Google Earth sure it's amazing
I thought, wouldn't it be cool to have a single button that you clicked on that told you exactly so you could locate your house precisely and then you click one button and it would tell you what was on exactly the other side of the world.
Right.
Exactly who lived there or like what building was there.
I thought that's a brilliant idea.
Cornballs.
You're in the money.
Yeah.
Is that a good idea?
It is really don't like it, do you?
No, I do.
I don't see the point.
It's just an exciting thing to think about what's on the other side of the world.
Yeah, because if you've got like an imagination, that was a little bit of a dig there.
It was, wasn't it?
It's an angry dig.
You could dig.
It wasn't even gnomic.
You'd think about how far you could dig, you know, down in the earth.
If you own a house, sometimes you think, well, how much beneath it do I own?
You know, do I own the soil all the way down?
But then I looked on the internet and I realized that actually very few places in the world, if you dig through, do you get solid earth?
It's mostly just water.
If you're in South America, you're quite lucky.
You can dig through and I think maybe you get a bit of Japan.
Well, something like that.
But most of the world, if you dig through, it's just water.
Is it?
I thought there was caverns and stuff with crystals and dinosaurs.
Oh, in the middle?
Well, in the middle of the earth.
Yeah, well, you just watch the film The Core for that.
Exactly.
That gives you a scientifically accurate depiction of what's in the centre of the world.
Computer-generated bubbles.
Bubbles.
And Hillary Swank.
And a load of crystals.
So that was an idea I thought for a moment, for about half the week, I thought, this is a brilliant idea.
Google are going to really go with it and it's going to become the new phenomenon.
You know, kids will love it.
That's a good kids love that kind of thing.
You ever think of assumptions, geography?
Sure.
Well, I guess you could link it to the phrase, you know, on the other side of the world, you know, that phrase.
What sort of a phrase is that?
I wonder what's going on.
That's not a phrase, you see.
I don't know.
It was literally on the other side of the world from me.
I'm trying to big up your idea.
I appreciate the efforts, man.
I really thought that was a brilliant idea for Google.
It was exactly the kind of thing that could catch on.
For a week, everybody would be doing it, and they'd be going around boasting.
They'd be writing letters to the person who lived exactly on the other side of the world.
Your opposite neighbour.
It'd be like a twin town or something.
Right, your global opposite neighbour.
It would give you a set.
You could make them a pen pal.
It would have been like wildfire.
It would have been really, it would have caught on.
That's if there's anyone living there.
You might just be living opposite a large area of sea.
I like that.
That's a good phrase.
I live opposite them.
Yeah.
Cause it makes it sound like they're near action.
Or you might just be opposite like a big sewage works or something.
Most people are just opposite ocean.
That's right.
And that's just a little factoid.
Do you ever think of applications for iPhones and things like that?
No.
Do you not?
No.
Have you thought of one?
Well, no, I'm just amazed that because most of the applications available are so utterly rubbish, like especially the free ones.
OK, I've thought of one.
What?
It tells you who lives on exactly the other side of the world.
You see, that's the kind of thing.
That's better than the average free application you get.
Like, for example, this week, when I was at work, there was people frantically downloading applications to amuse themselves throughout the day.
And there was one guy who was going around saying, look at this, I've downloaded the sexy alphabet.
And it's an application, right?
Which is just the alphabet laid out like a keyboard.
You press whichever letter you're after, and it's just a woman's voice saying, hey,
F. That sounds good.
X. G. You know?
Can you make her say a whole word sexually?
Oh, just the letters.
Yeah.
You could shoot you pay for that?
I think that was a free one.
What was this?
But what the hell?
You know, someone has had that idea, thought, this is a good idea, the sexy alphabet.
A lady would be saying the words just in a lady's voice.
I'm going to turn this into an iPhone application.
This is the beginning of an amazing new chapter for me and my ideas.
I downloaded one that's the stupidest one I've got is a heat pad.
Right.
And you put your fingers on it and it glows.
Have you got that one?
No.
And that's it, is it?
Yeah, it's rubbish.
I've got bubbles, right?
And when you pass your fingers across the screen, some bubbles appear.
And if you tip the phone, the bubbles will sink down to where you're tipping the phone.
Rubbish.
My baby likes it.
Really?
A little bit.
I think my ghoul one's a goer.
I always think my baby, I mean, my wife.
OK.
My baby really likes it.
Got a lot of babies in your life.
Maybe this could be a textination, like the worst kind of...
Well, no, it's a bit centric to that particular brand of phone and we don't, you know, many other phones are available.
In fact, many people say that many other phones are better.
I'm starting to think it myself.
Yeah, but then you could, you know, you can get those similar types of applications for other devices, can't you?
Or am I insane?
Sort of just starting.
Right, right.
All right, it's a terrible idea.
Let's play some music.
This is a free play.
This is Björk with Venus as a Boy.
Vampire Weekend there with A-Punk.
They were one of the big bands at Glastonbury last year, of course.
I mean, I looked at the rundown for Glastonbury and it is pretty impressive this year.
There's lots of good stuff, but I still can't recall any of the actual names.
Well, we've got a big list of them and we're going to be filling you in about exactly who's on the bill and the kinds of stuff you can expect from Six Music's extraordinary blanket coverage of the event a little bit later in the programme.
Unprecedented blanket coverage, isn't it?
There are no precedents.
There's never been a blanket of this size.
No, a presidential blanket.
Barack Obama's actual blanket.
is going to be covering part of Glastonbury.
Is that what we're saying?
Yeah.
OK, so possible text the nation topic here, right?
Now, I was reminded of this by an incident that occurred to me a few weeks ago.
But I will fill you in about this thing that happened a few years back now.
And I was sat down at work and there was a guy sat next to me.
And a lady came over and he said, and he was making to stand up and offer her the seat, right?
And she said, oh, no, you're all right.
You sit down.
And almost immediately he laid his hand on her tummy and he said, no, no, no, you should sit down in your condition.
That's nice of him.
And she said, I'm not pregnant.
So, and I was sat right next to them and I, and I was absolutely mortified.
Like I felt like I had literally been turned to stone because obviously in that situation, the woman would be upset.
What sort of environment was this?
A party or a work environment?
Yeah.
Everybody needed a bit of a sit down to rest their legs.
Yeah.
There was a limited number of chairs.
That's right.
He thought he was being chivalrous because he thought she was brave.
Not only was he being chivalrous, but he was being really, you know, he was sort of wanting to bond with her at that moment.
Yes.
And enthused with her about the happy arrival of the baby.
Yes.
Unfortunately, there was no baby forthcoming.
It was merely the happy departure of several cakes.
Yeah.
So it was a terrible moment.
I mean, she didn't even look.
The thing is that it was kind of mad of him because she didn't even really look pregnant, right?
Right.
But he'd gone for it anyway.
And he just made that bad call.
He made a very bad call.
And so I was sat there right next to the bad call.
And I just didn't know what to do.
I was sort of thinking, this is awful.
This is absolutely awful because she's probably mortified and he is doubly mortified.
the thing is that they had to go through this ritual of just carrying on speaking to each other.
Yes, because yeah you don't you I suppose naturally you would just go oh my god I'm such an idiot whole yeah this is awful I'm gonna pop off and kill myself right that's sort of what you want to do but you don't you have to feel you have to soldier on make light of it yeah she I mean I would imagine both of them I would imagine as you say wanted to scurry away and hide in a corner for a long time
and not speak to anyone.
But instead they had to tough it out, especially as I was sat next to them like a lemon.
So they kind of went through the motions.
Were you laughing or were you just sort of ambulance chasing?
My face was absolutely expressionless.
It didn't crack in the least because I just thought if I make any expression right now it's going to be the wrong one and it's going to give away the fact that I am currently dying inside.
So I just didn't even move my head.
I was absolutely motionless like a statue to the extent that I was sort of the logic was I'm going to pretend that I'm just I've just zoned out.
I'm just meditating.
This is the kind of guy I am.
I like to meditate.
I'm just staring at a speck of dust at the other side of the room there.
I'm not even aware of what's going around me.
Certainly not the unbelievable car crash that just occurred a second ago there when you asked if she was pregnant, more or less.
And so they go through the motions of like chatting and
So, you know, what are you doing later on?
Oh, you noticed?
So they just switched instantly onto another topic.
Yeah, totally.
Don't even discuss, don't even go there.
As if it meant nothing to either of them.
Right, right.
That's not a problem.
Yeah, that's a good tactic.
People offer an incorrect pregnancy diagnosis all the time.
Let's talk about something else now.
Both adults.
Absolutely, it's not a big deal.
No one's taking any offense.
Who cares?
It's absolutely fine.
They chatted for a while and I was really thinking I've got to do something.
Was there a relaxed atmosphere during the subsequent chat?
It was pretty good but you could hear they were breathing in all the wrong places.
They were clearly both absolutely rattled.
And I was thinking to myself, I've got to do something.
I've got to be like Gandhi in this situation and smooth the waters.
What would you do?
Oh my God, I've been shot.
Yeah.
Would you say something?
Because I was thinking maybe the best thing to do now is say,
Wow, that was bad and a bit awkward for both of you guys, but, you know, you shouldn't be upset because you don't look pregnant.
I don't know what he was thinking because he shouldn't have said that.
And you must be mortified because you made the incorrect pregnancy diagnosis.
But, you know, don't worry about it kind of thing.
So what your question is for tactics for dealing with situations like that?
Well, what happens?
Because the other thing that happened to me recently, right?
And this again, I observed was this guy went up to someone very similar thing.
And he just launched in, and she really didn't look pregnant this time, and he launched in with... Oh, congratulations, when's it due, right?
And this has happened to a lot of people.
And she had a little tummy on her but nothing really to speak of.
Certainly not enough for a congratulations when it's you.
So he goes in with congratulations when it's you.
And then realises before she's really said anything, like he properly checks her out and she looks mortified, he realises that he's insane.
So then he starts going...
like trying to make noises that sound like he's singing something that sounds a bit like congratulations when she's misheard yeah she's like hallucinating right she's like what do you mean i'm not pregnant what do you oh i didn't see you i was just singing congratulations that's a good tactic
That kind of thing.
That's a good idea.
To make her feel insane.
So I'm curious about other situations like that that are absolutely mortifying that you try and wriggle out of somehow.
Yes, tactics first.
So we need to sort of hear the embarrassing moment.
Yeah.
And then the technique you use to try and cover it up, to recover.
I mean, maybe you didn't.
Maybe you didn't successfully wriggle that.
Damage limitation.
Maybe you made it worse.
I'm curious about all those situations.
Because these things you see in shows like The Office and Peep Show, and you know, they're a staple for comedy writers, those moments.
Ricky Gervais especially.
Yeah, and you sort of think moments.
Right, and you think those can't happen in real life, but they do, they continue to happen.
I think everyone makes, I reckon a lot of men make the incorrect pregnancy diagnosis once in their lives, and thereafter they are never going to do it again.
Because the logic is, from their point of view, they want to be nice, right?
It's a moment of empathy and reaching out and they sort of think, I'm going to show off about the fact that I'm so observant and sensitive that I've noticed you're pregnant and I'm going to congratulate you, talk about it.
But then to even go a step further and lay your hand on the tummy, which is something that some women don't even like very much,
It's just madness.
Being touched on the tummy.
Madness.
Well, yeah, because some men think that they're allowed to touch women on their pregnant bellies.
I always thought that was a bit stepping over the line.
Yeah, that's a different subject, isn't it?
Yeah, yeah.
Anyway, that's Texanation for this week.
We've even got a jingle.
We've got a new jingle from a Russian listener.
That's true.
We should remind listeners that the number is 64046, or you can email adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk
Here, have we not played any kind of a jingle yet?
Not yet, no, because I've been rambling.
This is made by James, who lives in Barnal in Russia.
He says, I only listen to the podcasts.
We don't have six music here.
So if by chance you use it in the live show, can you please make a recording of it for me?
Well, we can include it in the podcast.
We'll stick it in the podcast.
This is the Russian text the nation jingle.
Jex the nation!
What if I don't want to?
Can I use an email?
Is that a problem?
That's good, isn't it?
He is.
I got his name wrong.
Sorry.
When he said James, he was referring to our producer.
His name is Aleksey Parfianov.
He's going to be happy with the way I've read that, isn't he?
So that's textination.
Get your ideas coming in right now.
And we've got some music for you.
This is Amadou and Miriam with Massitelladi.
Massitelladi.
Hooray!
Gorillaz with Dirty Harry.
This is Adam and Jo on BBC6 Music.
Hope you're having a lovely Saturday morning listeners.
If you're a regular listener to the show, you might have heard last week we played a kind of abridged version of an episode of The Archers to highlight the amount of sighing that goes on in that very popular Radio 4 soap opera.
uh just as a reminder here it is this is all from one episode of the archers and i just took out everything pretty much everything that wasn't a sort of a world weary sight dramatic breathing yeah dramatic breathing and and this is it ended up sounding quite filthy like a sort of very filthy episode of the archers where there wasn't a lot of talking it was it was pure action just loving have a listen
Thanks.
Anyway.
Tom!
I'm just... ready.
Very satisfied residents.
Strange, is it just me or do all sighs sound as if they are somehow connected with the toilet area?
Yes.
It is just me, isn't it?
What do you mean by the toilet area?
The trouser zone.
The trouser zone, okay.
I'd say there were two separate areas.
There was a toilet area and the bedroom area, but is your bedroom in the toilet?
Is that where you sleep?
No, I was identifying a part of the body as the toilet area.
Oh, right.
Good.
OK.
Well, I was very excited to see that we got a letter from the producer of The Archers, Kate Oates, who says the following.
It was with a mixture of delight and sorrow that I listened to Joseph Bridgeman of The Archers last week.
Delight that our actors have finally been recognised by six music as being capable of carrying dramatic storylines through the medium of sighing.
and sorrow that Adam, despite his best and brave efforts, couldn't quite reach the bar set by our actors.
Because last week after playing that clip, I then auditioned Adam, who as you will know is a professional actor, having appeared in several major feature films.
I auditioned him on sighing.
I thought he did extremely well.
Maybe not as well as you did in The Grunting the previous week.
Come on, I was drinking some tea and then sighing in all kinds of different ways.
That kind of thing.
A bit big, that's all.
And I think, I'm not sure whether Kate Oates, the producer of the archers, thought you were any good either.
In fact, I think she thought you didn't do very well.
She goes on to say, I would like to reassure Adam and encourage him not to lose heart at this early hurdle.
She's suggesting that you fell over the hurdle.
Many of our actors have been sighing for almost 60 years and many of our younger performers have completed extensive and exhaustive training in Capital Letter's emotional exhalations.
It was clear that Adam gave his best efforts on Saturday and we were moved.
Now get this.
As a gesture of thanks, we'd be only too happy to offer some coaching at the hands of one of our more experienced actors or directors if Adam feels like he would like to increase his capabilities in this area.
Alternatively, we'd be delighted to invite Adam into the studio to take part in an episode.
Not!
As a fully-fledged character, you understand, brackets the audition that he provided on last week's show simply wasn't up to scratch, I'm afraid.
Close brackets.
But as a background sire, a disgruntled customer in the bull, perhaps, or a weary churchgoer in St.
Stephen's, the choice is yours.
Many thanks for your kind mention on the programme.
We were delighted by the tribute.
Best wishes, Kate Oates.
Now, Kate, I've got a side with Count Buckley's here, because he is an experienced big screen feature film actor.
Professional, I mean, you can't call me a trained actor, certainly.
Hot fuzz, stardust.
What was the other one?
Son of Rambo.
Very, very good films.
Let's not forget The Lowdown.
And The Lowdown, exactly.
We're both in that.
And to say that he would be under qualified to, you know, he'd only be qualified enough to sigh in the background.
Plus, you know, I've done radio drama.
I did the yellow plush papers at the beginning of this year.
You could have heard on Radio 4.
Have you done a Spotify advert?
Everyone seems to be... That's true.
You know, I'm an experienced voiceover artist.
I could sigh for England, woman!
We're too aggressive.
Well, you might flip out on the set.
It's not done live, the archers, is it?
It's pre-recorded so they could just edit your freakouts out.
The only way I would do it, right, is if I could choose the level of sighing myself.
I think you should play a local posh landowner who has bought a mansion in the village of... What's it called?
And you just come in for one episode very haughtily and maybe romance a couple of ladies.
But you're sort of in and out in the romancing stakes.
And then, you know, it's a one episode only cameo that has a major impact.
So I think on those terms, yes, Adam would be prepared to be in the episode.
See, I think she's not really thinking about something like that.
No, I want us to write the episode.
Yeah.
I'd like them to give us the archer's Bible, which gives you the guidelines of the characters so it fits into the ongoing storyline.
But then we write a special letter in which Count Buckley's arrived in Ambridge.
And I would be called Count Buckley.
You would.
I don't think that would throw off the seriousness of the show.
Well, it would be tonally interesting.
You'd be much broader than their usual characterisations.
Right, right.
There'd be a lot of roughty.
There'd be loads of roughty.
Oh, you're a good looking woman.
Get out here.
Oh!
Hahaha!
What's happening then?
I don't know.
Just use your imagination.
That's the wonder of radio though, isn't it?
Exactly.
It would be a fruity character.
So on those terms, Bucky Lee's is prepared to appear on your programme.
I've slipped!
Mmm, my trousers have come off.
Oh, it's a lovely day.
I'll be off good with you.
That would be fine.
That would really lift the ratings, I think.
So that's a proposition for you there, Kate.
Otherwise, the deal's off.
But nevertheless, thank you very much for your kind letter and tolerating our Mickey taking.
Who's been on my field?
Look at your giant... Here's the Beatles.
Oh, come on.
I just don't know what to say when you do this.
Neither do I, I just go blank.
Yeah.
Got no idea what to do.
Filled with rage like a little red mist.
No, not with rage, just nothing blankness, emptiness.
Emptiness.
Bar and tundra.
Tundra.
Is that how you say it?
Tundra.
Oh, I say it.
Hey, so listen, man.
Listen to me.
I'm listening.
Did you hear about this woman in the States who was fined $2 million for file sharing?
They're making an example of her.
They certainly are.
I don't agree with that approach to life.
What the heck is that?
Don't make examples of people.
But I don't understand.
Surely, if she's... So here's the details, right?
They are trying the R-I-A-A.
What does that stand for, incidentally?
Royal Institution for Amazing... What are the next letters?
Annihilation.
R-I-A-A.
Think of something.
Keep talking.
The RIAA is trying to teach people a lesson about illegal file sharing, what they call piracy, of course, through our judicial system.
And they have find this woman from Minnesota.
She's called the Royal, the Recording Industry A-hole Academy.
There you go.
Here's what it stands for.
Jamie Thomas Rasset.
Jamie, Jamie.
Anyway, she's been saddled with a $1.92 million fine for sharing 24 songs.
That's $80,000 fine per song.
Does it say by what artist?
I think it was Beyonce.
Beyonce.
And her fiancé.
Yes, I think it was Beyonce that she was uploading to a file sharing site.
I think she's done it before, but I don't think she does like it.
She doesn't do it in huge numbers and stuff.
She's not selling these things illegally or anything like that.
And she's been, like, she doesn't seem that phased by it.
It was the second time it had been in court, the first time she had a slightly smaller fine.
And this time she appealed and they upped the fine.
Well, they did this to a lot of people, didn't they?
And most people settled out of court for about $1,000, but she stood her ground.
And the jurors were not satisfied.
The jurors didn't believe that Thomas Rassett's denials of illegal file sharing were true and they were angry with her.
The jury were angry.
The jury were angry and being provocative, decided to be harsh.
I wonder what's her argument?
Well, I suppose your argument would be, well, everyone does it.
Why is it a big problem?
You know, I'm still like investing in other media.
What your argument is going to be.
When I get my $2 million fine, well, I don't upload music illegally.
No, of course not.
And I don't recommend anyone else does.
No.
But if you're doing that, compared to some of the things that people do wrong in the world, that seems like one of the more minor crimes.
So if this woman actually has to pay out this fine, which it seems she does because it's been handed down by the court,
That's going to destroy her life completely.
Presumably.
Possibly.
Mother of four from Minnesota.
She's not a wealthy woman.
She's just an ordinary woman, I think.
So what happens in that situation?
All your possessions are taken away?
What?
I mean, I don't understand it.
Well, her only choice is to launch a Beyonce-style singing career.
Right.
That, I think, is why Beyonce herself went into music.
because she downloaded another R&B singer's tracks and was massively in debt.
So she was forced to launch a highly successful booty-shaking R&B career.
As a result, she's now cleared the debt and she's considerably into profit.
So look out for the first album by What's Her Name?
Jamie Thomas-Rassett.
Yeah, she will be doing some stadium tours and appearing at the O2 Arena quite soon.
She said, outside the courtroom, she described the fine as kind of ridiculous and expressed resignation over the decision.
She also added, there's no way they're ever going to get that.
She says, I'm a mum of limited means, so I'm not going to worry about it now.
So I admire her detachment, but surely she's going to be forced to worry about it at a certain point.
When they come knocking?
Yeah, I mean it's just distressing, the whole thing freaks me out really badly.
Why?
Well, because I do some things wrong in my life.
Am I going to get a £2 million fine for all of them?
This was your response to the MP's expenses as well.
Oh, no, we've said those words.
What did I say?
You said that you sometimes fiddle your expenses.
No, I didn't.
Well, it was a similar sort of response in that you were saying, you know, what if it happened to you?
What if it happened to me?
And it seems like an over the top reaction for a small infringement of like a relatively minor infringement.
I don't think I said exactly that, because there are some aspects of the MP fiddling thing that are... But you're right, that's a gross overreaction.
I'm on both sides of the court, you know?
I think it's right on the one hand that she should be sued, and on the other hand I also think that it's wrong.
Okay?
Judge Cornwall.
In a way it's right, in a way it's wrong.
So what she's got to do is spend half of every day in prison.
Just from nine till noon.
And then she's allowed to go wherever she wants.
But she has to be back there, back in prison at midnight.
That's right.
Yeah.
Is that fair enough?
Absolutely.
Man, you're the best Judge Cornball.
It makes her life inconvenient, but at the same time she can let off steam in the afternoon.
I wonder how Beyonce feels about it, because it doesn't reflect well on her.
I mean, unfairly so, because she's got nothing to do with it, right?
She's massively out of pocket from illegal downloading.
Oh, right.
Yeah, not anymore.
She's not but man, it can't be good because You know when you think that that kind of negative feeling would Would reflect back on Beyonce.
It's not her.
It's a record company.
I'm sure she's not personally responsible Let's not blame it on Beyonce.
Can we not don't take the shine off her boot?
Hey We've got in the world.
This is BBC six music.
You're listening to Adam and Joe.
It's just gone 1030.
It's time for the news
Text the nation.
What if I don't want to?
Text the nation.
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
It doesn't matter, text!
That's joke.
I'm just chuckling away.
That was genuine at a text that I'm going to read out in a second.
Genuine chuckle from Joe.
Joe did something genuine there.
That's quite exciting, isn't it?
You just heard Pixies, of course, with Here Comes Your Man.
And it's time to get into Text the Nation, which this week is all about hideously embarrassing moments that you've had, and particularly the things you've done to try and gloss over them, extricate yourselves from them, that kind of thing.
Yeah.
Here is one from Matt in London, Matt Walton.
He says, A few years ago I was walking through Hitchin Town Centre, where I lived at the time.
It was shortly before Armistice Day and I hadn't already bought a poppy.
As I crossed the square, I noticed an old war veteran stood in the corner selling poppies from a little tray round his neck.
I walked up to him to purchase one.
He was proudly done up in his military regalia, and even, I think, had some medals hanging from his chest.
I reached into my pocket to find some change.
What I pulled out was a big handful of coppers, five pences, the odd ten pence, but nothing very much to speak of.
Embarrassed that I'd already started the purchase process, but only had an insultingly small amount of funds to offer in return for the poppy, I apologized.
Sorry about the shrapnel, I said.
He gave me a very odd look.
I suddenly realised what I'd done, but by now I had the poppy half pinned to my jacket.
I scuttled off as quickly as I could into the nearest shop I felt awful, but couldn't help but laugh.
I hope the veteran felt the same.
Oh, dear, oh, dear.
So that's a good, embarrassing, awful, compromising situation.
His tactic there, Matt's tactic, was to scuttle into nearest shop, the running away tactic.
That's fair enough, isn't it?
It's one of my favourite tactics for dealing with those situations.
Just leave and let the world turn.
Let the next event, you know, take over in the person's mind.
The problem is that it comes back to you, those moments come back to you and make your blood run cold.
They do tend to haunt you.
No amount of scuttling will stop the haunting.
It's true.
Tim on the Whirl.
I think he's a regular texter.
I'm sure we've read out one of Tim's before, but here's a good one.
I'm a paramedic and some years ago I was asked to take a pregnant woman who was in labour to the labour suite.
She was full term and the birth was imminent.
When she answered the door, I asked her how far apart her contractions were.
Quote, it's not me you're here for, it's my daughter, came the reply.
I asked her, and this is good, I asked her to close the door so that I could knock and start over.
She duly complied, we pretended nothing had happened, and got on fine.
That's great!
So that's a very good, just you request that you rewind as if, and just repeat the action.
Yes.
That's probably actually a genuinely good psychological technique for erasing a memory.
That's very good because that acknowledges that there has been something appalling said and done, right?
And that there's an embarrassment on both sides.
And you sort of express regret by saying that and just, you know, just literally say, can we just rewind?
That's very good.
Good old Tim.
Here's another good technique from Stephen Coventry.
I go rock climbing at an indoor walk.
Are you all right?
Just having a little scratch is that illegal now?
Am I going to get a two million dollar fine?
A noisy jacket, you know, you can't do that sort of thing during a recording of the archers, for instance.
It's my new jacket from my wife.
That would mean an entire plot point.
What are you saying about my wife's choice of jacket?
Can't buy a new jacket.
Your wife's bought you a very radio unfriendly jacket.
It does happen to be made of a material that's sort of waterproof.
Extremely noisy.
It's the radio equivalent of a newsreader wearing one with, you know, stripes that interfere.
Strobing stripes.
Makes me sound like an action hero.
Where were we?
Stephen Coventry.
I go rock climbing at an indoor wall in Warwick.
It's a great place to climb, but also attracts a certain kind of beautiful woman.
Lady climbing, ladies.
A woman.
Sometimes if me and my mate Jan see one come in, see one come in, we can be a bit tactless and say something like, oh, she's got a nice bum.
A bit too loud.
If I think she could have heard us, I usually follow with something like, and she was great in Transformers.
What was she in before that?
Nice.
That's good, isn't it?
Very good diversionary tactic.
It's only quite specific context you could use that in, like you couldn't have employed that.
The guy in your story couldn't have employed that.
No, with the incorrect pregnancy diagnosis.
Once you've laid your hand on someone's tummy.
That's the best one, a sort of grammatical or linguistic switch that makes the person think they've just misunderstood the sentence.
Yeah.
If you can mangle the grammar somehow or complete, make the sentence longer and somehow get out of it with the use of skilled sentence construction or tense manufacturing.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Oh, no, I didn't say when you do.
I said
When are you Jewish?
Yes.
When are you due to take a train again?
You haven't ridden on a train recently.
And I was just put the reason I put my hand on your belly was I can't control that hand and you brought it up again.
I can't believe you would.
Bye.
Now, those are the ones I've read through.
I could do a random Lucky Tip one.
That's never a good idea.
Let's have some more later on.
I've got a free choice for you right now.
This is for my mum.
You were complaining that all my mummy choices... Mummy choices.
This is manly, isn't it?
Manly behaviour.
We're all very old.
Well, this is a more recent one, right?
Although it is sort of mummy-ish.
No disrespect to Travis, who this song is by.
But I've got a very soft spot for this song.
It was played at my wedding and I love it very much.
It's from the album The Man Who and it's called Indefinitely.
Oh, that's the only bad bit about that song is the... That's exactly the sound of my partner's alarm clock.
Yeah.
I hate that sound.
Never put that sound on a song.
That's very good, isn't it?
I haven't investigated the rumble strips properly, but that sounds great.
Not the only person it's called.
Now, do you know that show Wife Swap, Adam?
Sure I do.
On Channel 4.
It's the show with the voiceover guy who says everything in exactly the same way.
It's been going for a while now and I'm worried that the format's a bit tired.
Do you know what I mean?
Well, it's a classic format though.
Well, I thought that maybe I've come up with an idea for a new twist, an idea for an episode.
Do you want to hear it?
Sure.
This week on Wife Swap, an Anglican priest from Shropshire who loves fell-walking and lives without electricity, swaps wives with an Anglican priest from Derbyshire who loves fell-walking and lives without electricity.
There's one big dramatic difference.
One couple's dog is called Pongo and the other couple's dog is called Bongo.
Oh man, how are they going to cope?
I know, could you think that would be an exciting episode?
Well they'd get confused about calling the dog.
Household one, I'm just going out fell-walking.
Wife, can I come too?
Yes of course, let's take the dog.
Okay, come on Pongo.
Oh no, I called him Pongo instead of Pongo, but look he's coming anyway.
Cut to the other house.
You get exactly the same thing at the other house.
Kerry is incorrectly called her dog Pongo.
Where actually his name is Bongo.
Would that be a good episode?
Meanwhile in the other house... Pongo is...
Doing well and has been called by his master.
Is that the kind of thing?
Yeah, yeah I mean that would be the only possible source of friction other than that.
It would it would just be lovely They'd both fit in very well and they'd go and they'd have what lovely fell walking Joe, man You know, the point of the show is the friction, but my point is the friction is tiring You know the other week it was Rona Cameron and some sexist comedian and it's just the second you hear it it's tiring
You just think, I just know exactly what's going to happen.
He's sexist, she isn't.
He's going to make her angry.
They'll be angry.
You know, you're not going to learn anything from this.
It's just going to be, so why not have a nice one?
I mean, in a way that would be more refreshing.
Don't you think the fell walking?
Well, you could kind of return it to the original sense of the title.
So it's a wife swap and it's just sexy.
It's all bedroom-based.
Yeah, and they all just fool around a little bit.
Do you think?
Yeah, because they're married.
They do tiptoe around that, don't they?
I mean, usually the idea that they might sleep with each other is completely far-fetched because it's so abrasive.
They're opposites.
They don't want to have anything to do with each other's lifestyles.
They just pair people up.
They just pair up adventurous couples who want to spice up their marriage and they fool around a little bit.
What's the big deal?
That's probably what would happen with the Anglican.
And you watch the Anglican priests and the show is about watching people fooling around to spice up their marriage.
What's the big problem?
None, according to Buckle's household.
We're not going to put it on in the afternoon, obviously.
No.
Put it on after nine.
You can do anything after nine.
I think if they did another series and it integrated both of our ideas, very similar people who get on very well.
Yeah.
And a bit of nookie.
Yeah.
The ratings would rocket.
Carol and Roger have brought out a packet of peanuts and undressed in the living room.
A packet of peanuts?
That's what they do at those things.
Really, that's the first, that's the sort of entree.
Yeah, wife swapping, they have peanuts and stuff like that.
Really?
It's important to have salty fingers.
You've got free play here.
Yeah, this is The Associates.
This is their album, perhaps.
When was this from then, Adam?
It's like 80, early 90s, late 80s.
That was their golden period, wasn't it?
Oh, no, this was slightly past their prime, wasn't it?
It was.
I think it was there slightly going off the boil, 80s one.
The cover was odd.
He had a sort of tartan, brightly coloured tartan jacket.
Do you remember?
And I bought quite a similar jacket and took it on holiday when we went on holiday to Spain.
Right.
To Mijas.
I figured I looked a bit like the guy from the Associates.
I didn't realise that was your thinking.
My hair wasn't like his hair, thankfully.
He wanted to take his jacket on.
It was an unfortunate jacket.
But anyway, I did like this album at the time, and I still like this track from it.
The Associates, the album's called Perhaps.
This has got great lyrics that really chime with me as a teenager, going off going out, nothing new to wear, found a pair of scissors, cut chunks out of my hair.
Yes.
You know?
Buy my address book!
Amazing vocals.
Doesn't he say that?
He does indeed.
This is Waiting for the Love Boat.
This is the voice of the big rip.
It is the top of the apple, that's wonderful I got so bored with the last hour and glad it's gone Now here's the new one, it's exciting and it's new, how do you do?
That's the Popo's.
I bet he can't stand losing just in general though.
Stung.
I bet he hates to lose.
He's pleased to win.
That's why he's always doing his mantras and tantric.
They should change their name to the Popo's, don't you think?
The Bluefoot.
The Popos.
Some more records to the younger listeners.
To jazz themselves up a little bit?
Yeah.
What, just to make themselves a bit streetwise, a little bit noughties, a little bit wanties.
They're not going to do anything more though now, are they?
They've collected all the money from the world that they need from their last door.
They've got it all.
They're just going to make clothes out of it now.
How much money do you think you've given the police?
The Stung based police.
How much money do you think you've spent on the police?
I bought... Been an interesting list to make.
How much money you've given individual bands, you know?
How much you've sponsored their duck houses.
The police.
I would say I've spent about £120 on the police.
Into Stung's pocket.
What do you think he's spent it on?
uh probably i don't know tantric cleanups yeah tantric wipes clean up those tantric bottles get rid of the tantric goo so listen folks we're going to read out some of your made-up jokes in a second but
I'm going to tell you right now that we will be doing this at Glastonbury as well.
We will have classic made-up jokes from the last few months that I will read out in the cabaret tent next Saturday at the Glastonbury Festival.
So if you're there, why not come along?
We don't know the exact time we'll be there yet, but it'll be sometime between four and six in the afternoon on Saturday.
We will say more about it when we do this is in fact You know if you're gonna sell this in an exciting way you could say that this is your chance To perform live to have your material performed live at Glastonbury by a professional comedian by a professional if you said well if you make it Non-specific to comedy as well.
It'll sound as if you're a
pop style won't it yeah like my my work has been performed live at Glastonbury so by sending in your made-up joke and remember they have to be made up and they have to be original that you could get it performed at Glastonbury that's a pretty amazing thing to offer I mean in no way is it any sort of competition no because that's illegal
Just to remind you that next week you can hear us on Friday evening from 9 p.m.
with a special Adam and Jo Sunset show.
On Saturday we'll be along at a slightly later time of 11 a.m.
We're doing the 11 to 2 slot there.
What's the earliest time our show starts?
Well, usually it starts at nine, right?
Yeah, but at Glastonbury.
Eleven.
Oh, that's good.
It's nice.
So we don't, we're not gonna have to get up till nine.
No, it's that we do the Sunset Show, and then we go absolutely insane.
Really?
On Friday night.
Really cool.
Completely insane.
Really.
And then, so we don't even... Do you think we get fired?
I mean, are we going to do something really outrageous in the Glastonbury area or anything?
We go just nuts enough so that it's nuts, but not so nuts.
So we get in the papers.
We go absolutely insane.
And then we start the show at 11.
So first hour of that show, we can't really speak very well because we've gone so insane.
Nothing new there.
And then we go until 2 p.m.
Then we have an extra show on Saturday night as well, once we've recovered, at 9 p.m., another sunset show.
And that's it for us.
So we do those four shows.
I think we're also doing other bits and pieces there, so keep a listen out.
But overall, as you will have heard in the trailers, 6 Music is the place to come for Glastonbury coverage this year.
It's absolutely the king of coverage.
So if you're keen to hear highlights from the festival, a lot of 6 Music DJs will be there.
And this is definitely the place to stay tuned to.
But yes, I'll be doing a short set in the cabaret tent on Saturday, reading out some classic new and old made-up jokes, you know, because we've got a load to choose from now.
And they will all be properly credited to the creators.
But we've got a few for you right now.
Do you want to kick off, Joe?
Well, do you remember a lady called Miss Taylor who sent in that rutitut joke that we laughed at?
Yes.
Now many people were furious.
furious about that word because saying that's a very old joke and I think we've got to be you know first of all acknowledge those people you're right it obviously is a very old joke and we were wrong to read it out even though it was funny but we need to be stricter with our criteria do you know we need to sniff out the contract the old ones a bit better well sometimes people feel as if they've arrived at those things themselves legitimately you know what I mean I think it's I've never heard rootitude before I thought that was still chucking yeah it's good
uh you go first okay uh hello chaps this is from james from bath oh no that's pop appropriation sorry i'm insane hang on it's just up i'll go with one okay here's one from joe gulcher in bingley what do you call a what do you call projectile phlegm that flies out of the mouth of heavy metal singers air guitar
Air guitar.
Come on, that's good.
That is quite good.
All right, here's a similarly themed one, right?
And this is from Steve Woolard.
He's a Welshman living in Banff, Canada.
Hi, Adam and Jo, long time fan.
First time pest.
I'm pretty sure I made this joke up myself, and I think it's a corker.
Where are you taken to if you get injured in the crowd of a heavy metal concert?
Oh, I don't know.
A moshpital.
Nice.
That's good.
Here's one from Chris.
What do you call a man who jumps from a roof onto your window ledge, looks through your window, then runs away along your drain pipe before somersaulting onto a passing bus?
A nosy parkour.
Parkour.
Free running.
That's definitely, it's so contemporary.
It can't be an old one.
That's a contemporary phrase.
That's why that passes, muster.
Here's a message from Nick Turner.
We were complaining last week about the fact that Joe's Apprentice song was not played on The Apprentice.
And Nick Turner says, well, dear Adam and Joe, sorry that your hopes of having your song wars song, Joe, played on The Apprentice were so cruelly dashed.
Now you know how I feel.
I sent you guys a joke ages ago that I had carefully crafted for your enjoyment and I convinced myself you'd read it out on the show.
By the time Saturday came around,
I was sure I'd hear you chortling over my joke, but no.
I listened to the show on the iPlayer again just in case I missed it, but it wasn't there.
I checked the podcast, but again, no luck.
And each week since then, the same routine as I convinced myself that you either saved it up or rediscovered it after dropping it on the studio floor.
And here was the joke.
So we finally found it.
Nick, I am going to read it out for you right now.
Are you ready?
Okay, my wife is doing a new exercise class.
It involves walking along pieces of wood to improve your inner body balance.
It's called piratis.
Piratis.
You see, that's probably definitely made up, but is it good enough?
I mean, he just bullied you into reading it out there.
I felt sorry for him.
Piratis.
It doesn't really, because there's no way of pronouncing it so it sounds like pirates.
That's good, though.
There's something good about that.
I mean, how many times have you said it now?
Pirotes, piratas.
Six, seven, eight pirates.
See, they don't even sound the same.
Pilots.
They're spelled the same.
Written down, it works.
But when you say it out loud, it's nonsense.
I think the one I've got here, this could be really old.
Pirotes.
Caroline from Scarborough.
This is my favourite ever joke.
I normally manage to mess up the punchline.
It's still a winner.
What do you call a French man wearing sandals?
Oh, I don't know.
Philip, Philip.
That's quite good.
I bet that's old.
I'm referring that for, you know, we're going to send that to the joke detectives.
That's a good one.
Here's one from, he says Ringo Starr.
Not really.
Sam Leaf Halvorson in Gateshead.
Dear Adam and Joe, please read this out.
He says, please read this out dad, because remember you said you would please, please, please in capitals.
You said, remember, please.
This joke is my brainchild born in the past few weeks.
I'm very proud.
What do you call an island full of Scottish comedians?
Oh, I remember this one.
Billy Colony.
I just think that's got to be old.
You reckon?
Because Anthony liked it.
Maybe it's new.
He says, I've received nothing but sheer looks of disgust when I've told people this joke.
And I've had to be... Yeah, anyway.
So thanks very much indeed, Sam Leaf, Halvorson and Gateshead.
Yeah, keep those made up jokes coming in.
You know, you can also contextualize them with stories of how you've tried to make people laugh.
Oh, got one more.
One more quick one.
From Liz in Bath.
How do hobbits dry themselves?
Oh, don't know.
Tolkien powder.
Here's some cassabia.
What's he on about?
I've no idea.
Never may come.
Devil may come.
Never may come.
But I won't be there.
Doesn't pay to think too hard about these things, does it?
No, no.
That was Fast Fuse by Kasabian.
And this is Adam and Jo here on BBC 6 Music.
Last night I went to the BFI IMAX to see Transformers 2.
Right.
Good one.
Just came out yesterday, didn't it?
Did, yeah.
Is that Michael Bay at the helm again?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The Bay Monster?
Yeah.
My mum taught me, you know, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.
Right, so how did you like the film?
But the thing about films like that is that my mind started wondering.
And that's the sign of maybe a not particularly successful massive blockbuster, is when you start thinking about something else,
and how long it takes you to start thinking about something else.
Most movies can keep you gripped for at least 10 or 15 minutes, but then, you know, especially sometimes modern blockbusters, where maybe you get the feeling that they haven't thought that much about it.
You know, they've sort of rushed it into production a bit and had to squeeze it out for the date, the release date.
Sometimes you find your mind wandering.
And before I'd seen Transformers, I asked someone in the office while I'm working,
for a proper job, who'd seen a preview of it.
Nice young lady, I asked her what she thought of it, and she said, oh, you know, it was all right.
It was quite good at the beginning.
And I said to her, oh, how long into it did it take you for your mind to start wandering?
And she said, oh,
Well, yeah, yeah, I was enjoying it for about half an hour, but then I started to think about an anorak that a friend of mine had lent me that I needed to give her back.
I thought that was a nice juxtaposition, you know, enormous battling robots over the pyramids, enormous spectacle, and you start thinking about a borrowed anorak and when to return it.
And then interestingly, Peter Bradshaw's review of Transformers 2 in The Guardian mentions a similar phenomenon.
I quote, While the Transformers were clanking noisily around, my mind wandered, and I found myself thinking about Hazel Blairs, Swine Flu, and whether Waitrose was going to take over all the empty Woolworths buildings.
I mean I suppose this what this is actually is a sort of slightly nebulous potential text the nation topic like things you've started thinking about during films it's quite nice to think about what's actually happening on the screen when your brain loses it you know oh man I thought of bad a lot of very boring stuff during Australia for example did you yeah well it's a nice chance to really sort of think through your life you know flick through your mental filing cabinet rearrange your index cards yeah make sure everything's sorted in your brain
Where's my favorite hoodie?
I haven't seen it yet.
I like that.
Being someone who writes every now and then, I find it's kind of easy to think about your own ideas when someone else's white noise is playing in front of you, you know?
If you ever get writer's block, you can just put on a movie or turn on the telly and let your mind wander.
Right.
Well, it's sort of the mind's defense mechanism when you get overwhelmed with information, isn't it?
Right.
The mind can't let itself be completely idle.
Yeah.
Do you think that was, I think that's true.
I think what might happen in Transformers 2 is a complete and utter vacuum of any ideas, you know, truth or life.
It's sort of sensory, meaningless sensory overload.
It's so completely meaningless that it's actually almost Buddhist and it sends you into a sort of quite profoundly useful internal state.
I was looking around at everybody else in the IMAX and the looks on, because there wasn't much else to do, the looks on their faces were quite extraordinary, no sort of expressionless, as if they were post-apocalyptic, half-semi-humans with a distant sense memory of the cinema and what it used to give them.
Total numbness.
Didn't cinema used to be fun?
Wasn't this a place where I used to experience enjoyment?
When my senses were heightened.
Yes.
This is a film, isn't it?
I mean, there's things moving and a lot of noise and that's definitely a man.
And there's a woman, they appear to be in danger.
But no.
I feel nothing.
All I'm getting is a distant echo of a memory long ago of enjoyment.
They're using it for complex operations now, I think.
Really?
They play it to the patients just beforehand.
Right, as a sort of method of anesthetizing someone.
It just completely shuts down all their nervous system.
So if you must go and see Transformers 2, you know, make sure you use it as an opportunity to do some thinking about other things.
All the work that goes into these films, though.
That's a thing, man.
It's a shame.
All the talented people involved.
It's so weird.
What should they do instead?
Well, I think they should just try and check the scripts right before they launch.
That's the technique.
Yeah, maybe.
I don't know.
I'm going to go see it.
I haven't seen it.
I can't wait.
I'm sure it's brilliant.
Add, add, add.
Yeah, don't.
Oh, OK.
Here's a free play for you right now.
I discovered this song on... I discovered this song... I'm saying me personally, my experience with this song.
I'm not saying I'm the only one who discovered it because I got it off the orbitals All Back to Mine compilation.
Those All Back to Mine series often have great nuggets hidden away.
And this is Susan Cadogan with Don't Burn Your Bridges.
That's lovely.
Susan Cadogan with Don't Burn Your Bridges.
It's time now for something that we usually just do on the podcast, but Joe has to rush off immediately after the show today.
So we're going to include it in the body of the live show just to give you a little taste of what you're missing by not downloading the podcast if you're foolish enough not to do so.
Yeah.
This is a segment called Retro Text the Nation, and usually it's a chance for people who only ever listen to the podcast to join in with the previous show's Text the Nation subject.
So we're actually going to refer back to the subject we had last week, and we've got a terrifically powerful jingle that introduces this segment.
Here it is.
I'd like to listen to Adam and Jo but I listen to the podcast not the live show I used to feel a cute frustration cause I couldn't join in with text the nation But now my worries have disappeared because we're projects the nation city And now my mail might be read out instead of throwing the trash and forgotten about
There we go, I thought you didn't play the choral one.
Now that's the super old-school sort of funky one.
If we've got time we might play, because Joe asked if anybody who was in a choir might record a choral version of that.
Sort of only makes sense if you've heard then the other mix of it kind of thing.
It's getting quite complicated.
we should keep it simple yeah so last week's text the nation was about confrontations that have gone wrong and you have basically revealed yourself as something of an idiot whole it was inspired by a contretent i had with a traffic warden last week which i was very ashamed about my
behavior of therein with which.
Yeah, that's right.
So here's a couple that we received during the week.
This is from Steve Hodgson in Leads.
He's a regular listener.
First time emailer.
Welcome Steve.
He says, Hi Adam and Joe.
A couple of years ago, I was in the soup pile in the supermarket looking for some minestrone.
And a man was stood in the way.
The soup pile.
Yeah, you said it like it was a pile of sous.
Right, the soup pile.
A big pile of women called sous.
Susan Boyle.
Have you got any sous?
Yeah, they're over in the soup pile.
Have you got Sue Perkins?
She's over there next to Giles Curran.
I was in the Sioux pile and there was a man blocking all of the soup while he and his girlfriend, stroke wife, discussed which flavours to get.
I was absolutely exasperated by his positioning but didn't say anything in the great British way, he says in brackets.
Instead, I just glared at the back of his head.
His girlfriend, stroke wife, saw me and gently pulled her boyfriend's stroke husband's arm so that he would move out of the way.
I smiled at her, picked up my minestrone and walked off.
I'd barely gone two steps when I heard the lady's voice as she spoke to her partner, saying, he could have just said excuse me.
Now, I'm not sure why I did what I did next.
There's no rational explanation for it, and it's not something that I'm proud of.
But I turned to the lady and opened and closed my mouth a couple of times, then waved my hand in front of my throat to imply that the reason I hadn't said excuse me was that I couldn't, because I was in fact mute.
The colour drained from her face, from top to bottom, just like in a cartoon.
Taking slight satisfaction from her look of apologetic horror, I turned on my heels and continued my shop.
Unfortunately, I kept passing the couple again and again as we made our ways up and down the aisles, so I had to maintain the facade of muteness throughout my shopping visit.
I wanted to get some ham from the deli counter, but I couldn't because I would have had to speak, so I had to buy pre-packaged ham from the shelf instead.
Unhappy emoticon.
Then, when I got to the checkout to pay, the couple were at the checkout next to me.
Now normally I'm very polite at checkouts and I say please and thank you a lot.
But not on this occasion.
Would I like cash back?
All I could do was shake my head.
Then at the end of the transaction the nice checkout lady said thank you and I did a terrible, quite offensive and probably very patronising impression of a mute person trying to say thank you.
Put my bags in the trolley and left.
I also wanted to pick up a lottery ticket from the kiosk, but I couldn't, because I was sure that I didn't have the mime skills to ask for it.
Oh, the shame.
I've never done it again, although the look on the lady's face was priceless.
Steve Hodgson.
So that's going to fairly extreme lengths.
It is.
You've got to admire his ingenuity, though.
Yeah, to win a confrontation.
And following it through.
Exactly.
That's the kind of low behavior we would encourage.
Now, we may have to go to the news in a second.
So we'll carry on this retro-text the nation after the news.
But now it is 11.30.
And time for this.
I like to listen to Adam and John But I listen to the podcast, not the live show I used to feel a cute frustration Because I couldn't join in with Tex the Nation
But now my troubles have disappeared Because rent rotates the nations here And now my letter might be read out Instead of thrown in the trash and forgotten about
Yes, listeners, we're continuing with, for one week only, Retro Text the Nation here in the live programme.
This is a segment that gives podcast-only listeners a chance to join in with the previous week's Text the Nation subject, if you can get your head round that temporal loop.
So we're reading out some emails we got in during the week on the subject of... What was the subject?
Confrontations that you have badly handled.
Yeah, not that dissimilar from this week's Text the Nation subject.
Well, no, this week's is all about horrifically embarrassing moments.
True.
These are just kind of angry exchanges that you have made a bit of a jackass of yourself.
Here's one from Joseph Denson.
He says, A couple of years ago I was on the bus home from a shocking day at work.
At the stop before I was due to get off, an elderly lady got on.
Before I could offer her my seat, as I was getting off anyway, she barked loudly, Can I sit there, please?
Is that a good impression?
That's very good.
It made her sound quite sort of evil.
Exactly.
Yeah, giving everybody on the bus the impression that I was some sort of young rude yop.
Or so I imagined.
I looked her in the eye and muttered, yeah sure, in a passive aggressive manner, before putting on the most outrageous limp
when walking to the front of the bus, in order to try and get the other passengers on my side.
As I was getting off, I turned to look at her horrified face, with almost everyone else shooting daggers at her.
Brilliant.
It made it appear as if she'd made a lame man have to stand up.
Unfortunately for me at this point, instant karma took hold and my poor acting skills caused me to fall off the bus onto my backside.
I ran down the street, not daring to look back, shaking in equal parts anger and embarrassment.
I'll be honest, it wasn't the proudest moment of my life.
What a lunatic, who's that from?
Joseph Denson.
Running away, that's the only sensible option in a situation like that.
Run!
Here's one from John somewhere near the Thames.
He says,
Now, I was far enough away that as I approached the action, I had time to build up a rage as I thought, I bet they don't pick that up.
They didn't.
Yes, I thought to myself.
Righteous indignation and carried on happily walking in my direction, leaving the poo mine to be discovered by runners and children who frequent the area.
Do you feel the rage?
I feel the rage.
By the time our paths crossed, I'd built up a head of steam, but in true passive-aggressive style."
Joe knows all about this, he says, after your encounter at the gig the other week.
I calmly said, is it okay if I tread in that?
to the couple.
Nice line.
Well, the man went mad.
He started ranting about people like you and the like.
What?
I was not only surprised at his vitriol, but secretly overjoyed that he'd set the parameters of the confrontation.
And remember, I was in the right too.
Yes.
So open the floodgates of poo-related anger.
Cue revenge for all those humiliating incidents in past years.
Finally, I caught one at it.
I won't bore you with the ensuing few minutes, suffice to say that it ended with me waving the poo in the old man's reddening face, and counting down from five to one, at which point I was going to, well, cross the pooey line and throw it in his fence.
Fortunately, his lady wife stepped in and de-pooed the situation, although he and I never really resolved things, and the crazed ranting continued as we went our separate ways, in front of the sizeable crowd that had built up.
In my head they were chanting at me, DO IT!
DO IT!
I had about an hour or so's walk to reflect on my behavior, and I'm still not very pleased with it.
I may have overreacted a smidge, but people who do this kind of thing must be stopped.
At the end of the day, can I really be a winner?
I picked up the poo."
So he sort of saying, you know, he's the genius there.
And he says, don't even get me started on litter.
John from Somewhere Near the Thames.
There you go.
I mean, that's right behind you there, John.
I think that was all right.
He didn't cross the line.
Would you really?
Yeah, not just thrown it, but like an extended window washing hand movement with the muck.
Ah, how people can do that.
That's horrible.
Absolutely is the worst.
Anyway, that was retro text the nation listeners.
This has been an exclusive chance for live listeners to hear a thing that's usually unique for the podcast.
Yeah.
And we're going to play you out now with a sort of response to a request I put out on the podcast last week.
I was asking whether like a local amateur choir would like to cover the retro text the nation jingle.
And lo and behold, a local amateur choir has covered it.
And this really is quite an extraordinary noise they make.
I'm hesitating because I don't want to be in any way rude.
And you'll understand when you hear the beautiful singing that they've supplied us with.
Did I negotiate that all right?
Yeah.
I've sort of been rude now, haven't I?
A little bit.
Just by saying the word rude.
Damning with faint praise.
This is really beautiful.
This is good.
I couldn't join in with Texas nation
I like the ending.
Oh, no, there was a bit at the end where they're all saying, play it back, play it back.
That's I mean, we're amazingly touched that some that acquire would go to those lengths.
I mean, that's in a way, that's sort of an amazing avant-garde talent there because they just seem sort of surgically a tiny, tiny bit off the note.
This one guy, I think maybe he's a little off key and it's making it very dark sounding.
Yeah, but it has got a certain resonance that's quite unique, don't you think?
Yeah.
You know what it reminds me of?
Is the choir of mutant people underground who worship the bomb.
In Planet of the Apes.
Yes.
I was getting exactly the same thing.
It feels like a dungeon or the children locked under the castle in Chichi Chichi Bang Bang.
It feels like they're in bondage and you can hear a skeleton sort of flop to the floor halfway through as if the string that it's been hung on has finally frayed through and the bones just clatter to the stone floor.
Every single one of that choir aged 11 to 50 hates us now.
Is that really how old they are?
Here's the letter.
Yeah.
Dear Adam and Joan, in response to your call for a community choir to record Rhetrodix summation, Jingle, a couple of weeks ago, here's the choir that I run on Saturday singing my arrangement of it.
We rehearse on Thursday mornings in Bouldic in Hertfordshire.
We have members ranging from 11 to 50 something years old.
I've got nothing but praise.
That was fantastic and very unique and brilliant.
And thank you so much.
Is that anything unique?
I'm falling into the Sal Simon Cowell trap now, aren't I?
Words like special, unique, unusual, things like that, you've just got to avoid.
Sincerely, we're very touched that you guys would get it together.
And thank you so much, Charlie, for organizing it.
That's amazing.
And please don't let our stupidity put anyone else off doing something similar with the textination jingle or indeed any other jingle on this program.
Can we send them something?
to make up for it.
No!
It's not allowed for big British castle rule reasons.
We'll try and think of something that we can do.
Can we ease it?
Like, we'll send them a message of some kind that isn't snooty and smug and ungrateful.
But seriously, thanks chaps.
Here's Adam and the Ants right now with Kings of the Wild Frontier.
Is this your choice, Joe?
No?
Oh.
Adam and the Ants, Kings of the Wild Frontier.
When are they gonna reform?
couple of weeks surely I want them to reform and play Glastonbury we're gonna be there of course next weekend Glastonbury that is for the festival six music will be there from dusk till dawn bringing you the best of live music and all the action we're gonna be joined by Steve I'm reading this off a sheet but I'm trying to make it sound like I'm saying it off the top of my head is it working yes yes thanks very much
We're going to be joined by Steve LaMac, Kerris Matthews, Gideon Coe, Lauren Laverne, Lozinger, the Lozmistress, and the Six Music News team.
If you're going, then hopefully we'll bump into you.
Specifically, we'll be at the Cabaret 10, as I said earlier, on Saturday afternoon between 4 and 6, telling made up jokes.
So that's something to look forward to.
If you're not going, don't worry, you won't miss a thing, because we'll bring you the results of what?
The results of that one.
Of that one on one of our Glastonbury shows.
My dear.
You take over now.
You take over.
I've stopped talking naturally.
Next week you can hear us on Friday from 9pm with a special Adam and Jo Sunset show.
And on Saturday we'll be along from slightly... This is badly written.
Look what it says here.
On Saturday we'll be along from slightly a later time of 11am.
And we have an extra show on Sunday morning from 11am as well.
We also have an extra show on Saturday night at 9pm.
We're not very good DJs are we?
Our producer now took all the legs to write this out and now we're just being weird.
Hopefully you'll want to enjoy the festival with 6 Music on at home.
If you go to the events page of the 6 Music website you'll find a Glastonbury Party Pack to help you get things started.
Don't say it like that.
I'm just laughing.
It's very dismissive.
It's fun.
It's party.
I'm in a party mood.
First we insult the choir, then we insult the organizers of the party pack.
I did not exaggerate my assaulting of the choir.
I was just being... It's just fun and you've made it all sound awful.
It's your fault.
Michael and Emily Evis cut out masks.
I just want to drop this piece of paper and run from the studio right now.
What would happen?
Shall I take over this bit?
Michael and Emily Evis cut out masks and an invite you can...
Hey listen, Michael and Emily Evers cut out masks and an invite you can send to your friends.
We'd love to see your photos while we are there.
We should have got Michael and Emily Evis cut out masks and an invite you can send to your friends.
We'd love to see your photos while we are there.
pbc.co.uk forward slash six music forward slash events.
Do you think anyone has grasped any sort of information?
Maybe then we're going to be at Glastonbury, but apart from that, no.
Listen, just check out the website and you'll find all sorts of exciting Glastonbury stuff.
This is your free choice, Joe.
Yeah, this is Ugly Duckling with Abigail Silk.
Yes, ugly duckling with Abigail Silk.
This is Adam and Joel on BBC6 Music coming up to the end of our show list.
Kershaw's just about to take over with her marvellous programme.
Don't forget to download the podcast on Monday evening and we hopefully will include...
some of this week's Text the Nation stuff.
We've not been very organised about the Text the Nation this week, sorry about that, if you sent us in stuff.
It may well be included in the podcast next week for Retro Text the Nation.
week or so and of course we will be broadcasting live from Glastonbury our first show is at 9 p.m.
next Friday evening so we can't wait to be with you then right now listening here's blur the headliners for Sunday night this is charmless man have a good weekend