Today from four, John Holmes.
From one, Liz Kershaw.
Right now, it's Adam and Garf!
Laura, Laura, plan the data, lollipop.
Hello and welcome to the big British castle.
It's time for Adam and Garf, the broadcast on your digi machine.
Joe is away, pulsing round and round Los Angeles.
But Mr. Jennings is here with his lovely, cheery face and patties ablaze.
Yay!
That's Vampire Weekend with cousins.
Hey, this is Adam Buxton here, and I'm joined today by... Garth Jennings.
How you doing, Garth?
I'm very well.
How you doing, Adam Buxton?
I'm good, fine.
Nice to see you.
Beautiful day you've brought with you.
Yeah, thanks for that.
Yeah, Joe is away.
He's in Los Angeles.
I'm not exactly sure what he's doing there, but it's probably Ponce-shaped.
I hope he doesn't get any sort of those viral infections he got last time I sat in.
Remember, he got all shingled up, didn't he?
He got shingles.
He's in a right old viral state.
That's right.
Well, hopefully this is a, you know, a bug free trip for Joe.
Stress free.
Just come back with a little pot belly and a cocktail.
You've just described me.
Thank you so much for coming and stepping in.
You know, I think it's probably quite daunting for someone to visit our stinky little shack in the middle of nowhere.
I wonder what you're about to say there.
No, I
to be honest this is like a holiday for me because normally at this time I'd be taking the kids to swimming lessons and that's at least two hours of you know running around in swimming pools and people not putting the right shoes on.
Give them swimming lessons.
Yeah.
I mean they to teach them how to swim or to teach them how to swim really good.
Well you have to because we've got quite a few kids I have to take the ones that can't swim while the others that are having the lessons are swimming up the other end of the pool.
It's a really boring
conversation to share with your listeners.
Sorry about that.
But the reason I mention it is because this is so nice.
I've got a nice cup of coffee.
Yeah.
Sitting here with you lot.
What kind of muffin have you got going on?
It's a blueberry muffin.
Mate!
It's a little Australian place around the corner that does them and they're really warm and nice.
What's it called?
Blueberry.
Oh what?
The blueberry muffin or?
I can't mention it.
Oh.
Because it'll be a BBC thing, won't it?
OK, and it's called Caffeine.
Caffeine?
Caffeine.
And are they all Australian?
They're all Australian.
There are a lot of piercings there.
No, they're pretty pierce free.
A few tattoos, I think.
It's a shame that they're pierce free, because I was just trying to think of some tortured way of getting Bronhomme in there.
Oh, Bronhomme.
We've got a clip that someone created for us, actually.
We'll play it a bit later on.
Taffyn is on this weekend.
Is it actually playing?
I think it's tomorrow, somewhere on the BBC.
Pierce Brosnan as Taffyn.
is it tonight wow that's exciting um oh have you got the clip there james have you got the extended oh just play the normal one then maybe you shouldn't be living here someone sent in a uh even more extended one that we might play a little
But later on, that's exciting, isn't it?
Now listen, Garth, you're taking over Joe's Torpedo Commander Black Squadron duties today.
Yeah, I'm going to stand in like the new boss, the new Sergeant Major who's come in to shape up the troops.
Black Squadron, of course, is our elite listing force that listened to the show live.
from 10 until 1030 and they are the fittest of the fist, the best of the best, and they are going to get a squadron command right now.
Once the squadron command is issued, their challenge is to take photographs enacting that challenge and then send them in to the following address.
They can either text them to 64046 or email the pictures to adamandjoe.sixmusic at bbc.co.uk and of course if you send in your pictures you are agreeing thereby for us to possibly feature some of them on the blog
and yeah that's pretty much all you need to know I think yeah so Garth we're going to fire off the strokes taken for a fool immediately after you issue this command so standby black squadron with your cameras here is the command now from commander Jennings okay the command is catalog pose
Yes That's the strokes with taken for a fool Hey, this is Adam Buxton here with Garth Jennings this week filling in for Joe who is away Very nice to be with you listeners this lovely Saturday morning I mean, it's the kind of morning that makes you feel very happy to be alive.
I'm so happy to be alive Adam
And I hope it's nice where you are as well, listeners.
If it's not, if it's rainy, then we can't be held responsible!
Hey Garth, how many times have you seen people stealing things?
Have you ever witnessed a theft in public?
No.
I don't really... I remember watching my sister try to steal something when she was little.
We were kids.
Bit of shoplifting.
Little bit of minor shoplifting, but that... No, I don't think I've seen anyone.
I came home the other day to find my bike had almost been stolen.
Oh, really?
There was someone actually fiddling with it?
No, they weren't actually, they'd sort of tried to fiddle with it and then thought, ah, it's not going to come off.
So they thought, let's batter it to pieces instead.
Yes.
Thanks for that.
Whoever you are.
Yeah.
I can't actually steal it.
I'll just kick the spokes until the wheels all bend.
You see, if you did that in shops, if you thought, oh no, I can't steal this, you know, this crockery set, I'd just smash it on the floor instead.
It'd be quite a good idea.
I wanted to steal those bananas, but they're looking.
I'll just stamp on them.
Right.
What is the logic of just trashing the bike?
You're so outraged.
This guy's chained his bike up properly.
What's that all about?
I'm gonna kick my wheels in.
I'm gonna teach him a lesson.
And I'm gonna really bend his bell right round so he'd have to twist his wrist at an awkward angle to play it.
You can't say bend his bell.
the other day I was in the supermarket and I was in the supermarket queue and I looked around and next to where everyone was queuing up they had one of those deli counter things bits of couscous and strawberries and you know all that with a sneeze shield on top of it you know they have like a little sneeze shield so you can't just go and everyone gets you
germs.
Anyway, there was a lady wandering around, she must have been around the 50, 55 mark, fairly smartly dressed, and she had a little tub and she was spooning bits of couscous in there into the tub, a few strawberries here, a bit of chicken, salad.
Cuscous, strawberries and peaches?
She was trying everything.
Okay.
She was just eating it.
Just having a little eat.
Like it was a buffet on a cruise.
No, no, no.
OK, because that's naughty.
Yeah, I don't think she was putting the spoon back in, but she was basically just treating it as a free buffet.
Just wandering around there.
And then at the end of it... There is a little bit of license there though, isn't it?
Really?
Well, we often give our kids a bag of grapes at the beginning.
Yeah.
Because that keeps them quiet.
Yeah, but you're gonna pay for the grapes.
Yeah, but by the time we get to the end, there's only about three grapes left.
So you think, oh, I may as well not pay.
Yeah.
Sorry, so you know we're talking about people stealing things.
It's me!
Are you seriously, like, you have the grapes and then by the end you think, oh, they've gone there.
Well, I think they weigh the grapes, don't they?
There's only two grapes on there.
Oh, I see, they weigh them.
So you've got four grapes and a mass of stalks?
Yeah.
Yeah, we're too poor to afford the whole bunch.
We just love the stalks.
We just nibble on those when we get home.
So I feel like I, you're not impressed though by the fact that this lady was doing some free shoplifting.
I mean, maybe that doesn't count as shoplifting.
She was just having a nice little buffet.
You know, the trick is to be blase, I guess, isn't it?
To just get in there with a spoon and not try and look like you're trying to hide it.
Yeah.
Just make it look like, yeah, I'm just having a bite to eat.
That would be fun, wouldn't it?
And then just go and uncork a bottle of wine, have a little glass of wine.
Top tips from Garth Jennings.
Yeah, that's all I can offer you people.
Right now, here's a free play for you, listeners.
This is a band that I knew nothing about before last week when I filched the CD from someone's desk here at Six Music.
That's not true.
It was given to me by someone legitimately, because even that's a crime.
You can't do that.
You can't just go around stealing CDs.
The world's gone mad.
You can't steal anything these days.
This is tune yards.
Do you know anything about tune yards?
The only thing I know about them is that they're spelt funny.
They use upper and lower case.
And when I listened to this, to me it sounded like a kind of feisty black lady singing the heck out of an unusual hybrid hip-hop indie pop song.
I'm sold.
But then I googled her and she is about as unlikely looking as you could possibly imagine.
You should check her out.
I think her name is Meryl something or other.
She's a kind of blunt featured white lady.
I think she's a kind of New York... She'll be so pleased with that description.
Did you hear what Adam called you on the radio?
A blunt featured white lady.
That came out wrong.
But she's attractive.
In a blunt featured kind of way.
Yeah, but she's incredibly charismatic and she's got this amazing way of singing and delivering her stuff.
So some of the sounds you hear on this track that I'm about to play, this track is called My Country.
And it sort of starts off with, it sounds a little bit like a horn section, sort of going...
And I think it's her just making those noises.
I really enjoyed this.
I hope you like it too.
This is Tune Yards with my country.
That's Desmond Decker there with 007, Shantytown.
Adam and Joe's show, but we're here joined by Garth, who's filling in for Joe today.
Good morning, everybody.
How you doing, Garth?
I'm doing all right.
Yeah, good.
Later on in the program, we've got some Song Wars songs to play, you listeners.
Garth and I entered into the challenge of writing songs, composing songs and recording songs on the subject of toys and games.
Yeah.
How do you think yours went?
It's gone alright, actually.
Yeah, it was a mad dash.
Quietly confident?
Yep.
I think that I've created the most unlistenably demented pile of dogplops.
that's ever been on this programme.
And if you're a long-time listener, that's quite an achievement, you will know, right?
So… You're just putting yourself down.
I mean, obviously… Didn't you win last week?
I did, yeah, but… See?
This is no Katie and Willy.
Katie and Willy.
That was a… That's a smash.
You could release that.
Welcome, lovely couple to a happy family.
It's the way you say families.
This is no Kate and Willy, let me tell you.
yeah but you've done this before you've done this whole build up where you've gone nah it's not gonna be any good then wham you come out with your weapons of mass destruction all right blow me away in your song wars you can be the judge of that shortly after 11 o'clock we're going to be unveiling those songs but our black squadron command this morning was catalogue pose and you've been sending in your photographs thank you very much black squadron i can't believe how
how many people do this for you every week.
It's incredible.
And they're really good.
There's a guy from Adam from Sheffield has managed to find a human skeleton and dress up and put it into a catalogue pose in a brilliant way.
Look at that.
That's perfect.
Sometimes torpedo commander Cornish sits there and he sort of goes, I think one of these photos were hanging around already.
I mean, there's one here definitely.
that someone sent in a very nice photograph of their dog in a sweater, looking extremely handsome, very handsome dog, from Mark in Gretna Green, or maybe Mark Gretner, is that his name?
I don't know.
Anyway, but he's in front of a Christmas tree.
Yeah, he's giving it away.
Mark, that's a giveaway, mate.
You just had that one in the locker there, and you just popped it out for the squadron.
That is not squadron-like behaviour, Mark.
Yeah, you're out of the squadron.
Just drop and give me 20.
A lot more than 20.
Alright, one-handed.
Thank you, Mark.
I've got this one from Steve from Saltash.
That's phenomenal.
The man has got into his garden.
He's got into a three-piece suit.
He's got, I think that's a wig.
I hope it is, and I hope I haven't offended you.
And he is next to all his garden.
And he's pointing at the shrubbery with his hand.
He's got the point right, because they always do that sort of casual look into the distance, like, oh, what's that over there?
That's the key to a catalogue pose.
It's that, oh, hello, what's that?
That's my yacht.
Over there is my yacht.
That's the pose that I imagine that they're doing.
And it doesn't matter whether they're modeling underwear, watches, or bathroom equipment.
It's always, that's my yacht.
And then if they're waving, I'm waving at my wife on my yacht.
Darling, you're standing on my yacht.
How are you?
That's my favorite pose as well, sometimes for photographs.
I like to look into the distance.
What's your favorite photograph pose?
Oh, it's definitely a mouth open if I'm caught in the midst of laughing.
I do a fake, ha!
Yeah, I've got a cheesy grin.
I've got a chin stroke where I look confused.
Hmm.
I'm thinking about it.
Then I've got a point at my wife on the yacht.
And I think that's it.
Well, that's all I've got in my locker three.
My grandma just had one setting which was just before the photograph was taken.
She'd lick her lips a bit like a snake.
And then bare her teeth.
Her fangs.
Yeah, her fangs.
And do this really fake smile.
And it was the same in every photograph.
Except she was really funny and always looked good in the photographs.
But she had, when he went into photograph mode, she just slipped into this routine.
And ding!
My dad does the dead-eyed smile.
Oh does he?
Yeah.
Like no mirth whatsoever behind the eyes.
But it kind of forces his mouth up into a grimace.
A kind of rictus grin.
But there's nothing behind the eyes, at all.
Dead behind the eyes.
I don't like smiling.
That's his line.
Alright now, we've got some Sparrow and the Workshop coming your way.
That's good.
Yeah, okay, this is snakes in the grass.
Sparrow in the workshop, snakes in the grass, we're trying to figure out what that sounded like.
Sonic Youth, I think you're right.
I think it's got a sort of sound of Sonic Youth but without the performance.
It's got the same shape as one.
That's what I'm saying to you.
It's Kim Gordon shaped.
They pop up in Gossip Girl, you know.
Who do?
Uh, Sonic Youth.
Really?
What, physically?
Yeah, they do a little cameo in there in an incredibly cheesy scene.
What, as themselves?
As themselves, playing for like, there's a kind of rock dad character in there.
Oh yes.
He lives in a loft apartment and his son reads Noam Chomsky, so they're groovy.
Oh that's groovy.
And he used to be in a band, I wish I could remember the name of the band, someone can email in the name of the dad's band in Gossip Girl.
But they have a party or some kind of anniversary party or something like that, or engagement party, I'm not sure.
And Sonic Youth turn up.
And they're playing there in the loft with lots of fairy lights around them.
And it's not supposed to be ironic or anything.
No, it's supposed to be an indication of how groovy and well-connected they are, I think.
Okay.
And Kim Gordon does a little dedication at the beginning, and they all look about 150 years old.
Ah, dear.
And they're all sitting there on their stools.
I still love them.
Yeah, are they great?
Sure.
I'm not putting them down, obviously.
I know.
Thank you.
Now it's time to stand the squadron down before the news, so let's have the jingle.
Stand down, your work is done You've earned yourself a nice warm bath And maybe a nice little bun Thank you very much Squadron, you may stand down Thank you for all your responses, they were fantastic This is the Adam and Joe programme here with Garth Jennings standing in for Joe It's 10.30 and time for the news
That's Daft Punk with Daft Punk.
Hey listeners, how you doing?
This is Six Music, I'm Adam Buxton, and this is... Garth Jennings.
Yeah.
That wasn't too bad, was it?
It was great, man.
I'll try and get a bit hotter on the back of your announcements.
I'm, you know, so you can say, I'm Adam Buxton, I'll come in with, and I'm Garth Jennings.
I wouldn't worry about it.
Sometimes, you know, Joe Scornball's just doesn't bother.
Okay, well... I'll say, hey, Adam Buxton here!
Anyway, so this week on Text the Nation, and then he just carries on to the next thing.
Speaking of Text the Nation, we're going to be doing retro Text the Nation, talking about last week's subject, which was new ideas for kind of buddy cooking shows that'll be coming up shortly.
I wrote a few down.
Yeah, we'll have that after a bit of my morning jacket.
But first, I wanted to ask you, now you're someone who stays in hotels on a fairly regular basis, aren't you?
Because Garth, for those of you who don't know, is a film director.
I am a film director.
Your last project was Son of Fran Bow.
Yep.
And you are currently working on your next project and you've been in Cannes.
You were in Cannes last week trying to raise finances, right?
Yeah, we were out there.
It was the different side of Cannes because you've got the side you hear about which is all the films being shown.
Lars Von Trier going a bit nuts.
Sure.
But then the other side of it is it is the sort of corporate side where everyone's trying to raise fun and finances for their films or sell their films and I was part of that market bit doing deals on napkins and blimey it was I've never really done it properly before and It was full-on.
It's absolutely bonkers all on fun
Not fun.
Well no, getting your film financed is exciting and I think it's going alright but it's pretty intense.
There's just hundreds of people just swapping tables and having meetings and it's like speed dating.
It's like speed dating but trying to get your film financed in the heat.
It's about a guy whose head is replaced by a football and the football next.
It's a bit like that.
It's really funny.
Oh, we don't want funny.
Oh, you want dark?
Yeah.
No, it's quite dark.
It's that you can go that route if you want.
But actually we were really lucky.
We met very, very, very nice people who seemed to really enjoy what we were talking about.
Yeah.
Is Jennifer Aniston in it?
No.
Oh wow, that's where you're going wrong.
Yeah, that's probably what slowed us down.
But you were asking about hotels weren't you?
Yes, I was asking about hotels and particularly receptionist patter.
Like I've been doing a few shows, I do this show called Bug and we went to Manchester this week and we've been travelling around the country a little bit with the show.
So I've been staying in more hotels than normal, and I've realized that modern receptionists have got a lot more patter than I think they used to, and they fire it off sometimes in a fairly non-committal way.
And they, like, they're not even listening to their own patter.
No.
But they've just had all the little phrases, and while they're doing their logging in, you know, to fill in the awkward silences, I guess the theory is, they fire off these inane questions at you, and you're not quite sure, and they're the kind of questions that a friend would ask you,
But they're being fired at you by someone who clearly doesn't care about the answers, so you're not sure if you should respond sincerely or just, you know, fob them off, but it feels a bit weird fobbing them off.
So let's see how you respond to my receptionist patter.
Oh, right, okay.
Oh, okay, Mr. Jennings, let's just put your details in here.
How was your weekend, Mr. Jennings?
Oh, it's fine.
Okay, are you going to have a chance to relax while you stay with us, Mr. Jennings?
Yeah, I hope to relax.
Are you having a pleasant trip today?
Yes.
Have you come far today, Mr. Jennings?
Not that far, no.
It's quite easy.
Would you like me to book you a table for dinner tonight, Mr. Jennings?
Maybe, yes.
Are you having a relaxing trip so far, Mr. Jennings?
Yes, very relaxing.
You have far to go today.
Not to go today, Mr. Jennings?
No, not far, no.
Do you have a relaxing weekend, Mr. Jennings?
Stop, it's torture!
Is there anything I can get you today?
Would you like a paper?
No.
Would you like a paper tomorrow morning?
No, I don't.
Would you like a wake-up call, Mr. Jennings?
No, I don't need a... Would you like a paper?
I don't need a paper.
Would you like a table for dinner?
Actually, no, I'll go out.
Are you having a relaxing day?
Yes, I am.
Do you have far to go today?
I don't have far, no.
Do you have a chance to wander around today?
No, I'm gonna... Do you have a chance to wander around today?
I think I might go out, yes.
Okay.
How was your weekend, Mr. Jones?
Do you have a chance to relax today?
Stop, please.
Can I go to my room?
Yes, okay.
It's on the very top floor.
It's the size of a shoebox.
And it looks out over an air conditioning unit through a frosted window that you can't open.
Enjoy your stay, Mr. Jennings.
If there's anything else I can do for you, please let me know.
Bye.
I had the same thing once.
There was this one hotel we stayed in that had a sort of a special line that everyone in the building had to say to you, whether they were cleaning your room or checking you in.
I won't say the name of the hotel, so I'll just say the hotel.
But they would say, Good morning, Mr. Jennings.
How can I enhance your hotel experience?
Shut up.
I'm not joking you.
Shut up.
Shut it.
Shut up!
Stop!
Shut it!
Well, because you'd wake up in the morning very early, because you were jet lagged, and you'd go, you'd ring up for a cup of coffee, you're not too welly, you'd go, hello, can I have a cup of coffee?
Yeah, sure, and how can I enhance your hotel experience?
Just bring me the coffee!
What?
Yeah, seriously, and then the cleaner came in and said, good morning, how can I enhance your hotel experience?
You can clean my tiny shoebox, you lunatic.
Nonsense, nonsense, nonsense!
Here's my morning jacket, this is holding on to black metal.
Well, that's very good, isn't it?
My morning jacket with holding on to black metal available as a download now and physically on the 13th of June.
That's the first single from their new album circuit, which is out on the 6th of June.
My morning jacket.
Okay.
I think we should get into retro text the nation.
Now let's have the jingle James.
I like to listen to Adam and John But I listen to the podcast, not the live show I used to feel acute frustration Because I couldn't join in with Text the Nation
But now my troubles have disappeared Because red throat explanation's here And now my letter might be read out Instead of thrown in the bin and forgotten about Yeah
Some people's favorite jingle from the show there.
A lot of people like that jingle that Joe did.
The one jingle that Joe ever made.
I think he made like maybe one other for a Glastonbury show that we did.
Apart from that, that's the only one that he's ever done and everyone thinks it's really great.
Me too.
It's the best one.
It's the best jingle, isn't it?
The other day, and I think my wife understands how I feel about, you know, Joe and my ongoing competitive world with him.
Let's work it out here on the radio.
We were on a car journey and gratifyingly she suggested that we listen to one of our podcasts because she doesn't get a chance to listen to the show live, right?
She's mum force.
Were you quite pleased about that?
Yeah, yeah, I was happy about it.
I never miss an opportunity to force the podcast on people.
So she said, let's listen to the show.
Yeah.
Great.
Yeah.
Come on.
Come on kids pay attention.
Uh, so we stick the podcast on when retro taxonation comes on, she starts singing along with scorned balls is flipping jingle.
She's not singing along with traveling tales or, or, you know, prop propreation or made up jokes.
You wanna have a word, Ad?
And then later on, she starts singing like just off the top of her head, like it's a great song.
Oh, I've got that great song stuck in my... Shut up!
What are you doing, woman?
Drive the car!
I didn't say that.
That is actually how he speaks to his wife.
But other people, I think, have been listening to this jingle as well, right?
There was a clip sent in, and I'm so sorry, but I think I've lost the name of the lady who sent in this clip.
I might try and find it later on in the show, but you know who you are, lady, thanks.
It was really nice.
She sent in this clip of Norman Smith, I think, probably on the Today programme on Radio 4.
Here he is in action.
You have to say the whole NHS reform package appears to be on the cusp of getting chucked in the bin and forgotten about.
Chucked in the bin and forgotten about.
That's true.
I mean I don't know if we owned that phrase, I don't know if Joe coined that phrase, but there's a lot... You know what, he'd probably just been listening to the podcast and it had soaked into his subconscious.
Sure, and he went for bin and not trash.
But listen, do you realise the power of your podcast if that's what you can do with it?
You could say anything, you could change the world.
Yeah, we can feed messages direct into the minds of our leaders.
Via jingles.
Nonsense, nonsense, nonsense!
OK.
Retro Texanation is cooking shows, new cooking shows.
Last week, if you remember, we were talking about the shows like Two Greedy Italians, Two Fat Ladies, Hairy Bikers.
I came up with Skinbird and Yum Yums, Tubby and the Feeder.
Have you got any ideas?
I got a couple.
I got a Cannibal Run.
cannibal run yeah it's like you know I'm a celebrity get me out of here yeah but you drop the people into the jungle and there are cannibals in the jungle and they've got to run from the cannibals and and then the slow ones get eaten I like and that you did they're cooked in a different way each week well that's nice I know because you wouldn't want to do it the same thing with a big pot every week because I've all seen that exactly
But yeah, they come up with clever ways and then maybe the loser of a test has to then eat the other contestant Yeah, you know that's not too bad is it they already eat pretty nasty things on that show So they might as well eat each other.
What if you just ate chefs this week?
We're serving up Heston Blumenthal delicious giant head.
He's been frozen in carbonite Yeah, that add some asparagus to Ainsley there.
Yeah
It would be a very short show, wouldn't it?
At the end of it.
One season only.
What about if you just drop them in the jungle, so it's like I'm a celebrity, but they just have to eat each other.
You don't give them any food at all.
Yeah, that's true.
That could work, but I like the running man aspect to it.
I like the thrill of the chase through the jungle.
Well, make Ant and Dec eat them.
Yes, well, they could judge it, you know, in the same way those two guys on MasterChef come in and go, mmm, that's a bit tart.
They go, ooh, you know, if you were going to cook Ainsley Harrier that way, you should have really added more sauce.
Ademant's shins are a bit chewy.
Yeah, you should have cooked them longer.
I do like the idea of them eating each other though, because it could be like a bush tucker trial.
Well exactly.
Stop torturing the insects and the indigenous wildlife of the Australian jungle and make them eat each other.
Yeah.
I think that's a fun idea Garth, I'm commissioning that.
Here is an idea from Gwilym Jones.
He's a mailman.
He says, how about Sushi Sous Chef?
Lawley and Barker have a cook-off to decide who will be the top sous chef in a new sushi restaurant.
Spin-off concept number one.
Sue Sushi the... I can't do it.
Sue Sue the Sushi Sue Chef.
This follows the legal battle between Lawley and a disgruntled customer who gets food poisoning at said restaurant.
Spin-off concept number two.
Same concept but with Barker's rival restaurant and it'll be called Sue Sue the Sushi Sue...
Sue Sue the Sushi Sue Chef Sue 2.
It's a hit.
Thank you very much, Gwilym Jones.
I'm commissioning that immediately.
I found one, but I forgot the name of the person, which was called, and the show was called Bigger Fish to Fry, and basically each week Stephen Fry cooks a progressively bigger fish.
I think that's a great idea.
That's an excellent idea.
You know, he'd start by reeling in a, you know, an anchovy, and then by the end of it, he's pulling in a humpback whale and working out how to divvy it up.
Very good idea.
Yeah, I'm commissioning that too, thank you.
To the anonymous person responsible for that one, here's one from Zach Arendel, speaking of Heston Blumenthal.
He says, uh, dear Adzi Baby and Joss Stig, uh, I didn't realise that he would be filling in this week, Garth, sorry about that.
Yeah, it's embarrassing.
He says, my show is called Heston's Trick of the Pie.
Trick of the pie.
Trick of the eye.
Yeah.
Heston Blumenthal takes well-worn recipes and injects new life into them by changing one word of the recipe with a superficially similar word.
A homonym, ideally.
It's sort of like a pun thing.
For example, he says, mints cobbler becomes mints cobbler.
So instead of mints, mints, m-i-n-t-s, a kilo of fox's glacier mints covered in scones.
Pea and ham soup,
urine and ham.
Perhaps a daily show like that runs for years, like this morning, he says, hopefully.
After the dish is made, the celebs come by and try it.
Lots of amazed voices and applauding at the food.
Crucially, the celebs are told what's on the menu by voice alone, so the big surprise isn't ruined when they read Mince Cobbler, for example, of the show.
Thanks, guys.
Zach Arendel.
Thank you very much.
Zach, I'm commissioning that because I like the idea of steak tartare.
Lovely bit of... Here's central offices, this is the office from Brazil.
Central services.
Ah, lovely.
Now of course that was...
Now, of course, that was Garth's free play there.
You just walked right in there and shot it off.
I'm so excited with the biff.
I just launched straight into it.
All I do, I've got a computer screen here, listeners, that tells me what the next song is coming up.
And so sometimes I just see a name of a band or whatever, and I think, well, I've never heard them.
But it's very exciting.
You know, lots of new bands here on Six Musics.
So I thought, oh, who's this new band, Central Services?
Oh, the track's called The Office from Brazil.
Just fire into that, and it'll be great.
But it was Garth's replay there.
You totally swept it away.
Sorry mate.
But it was nice to hear it.
Thank you for letting me play it.
That's a wonderful film though, isn't it?
I mean that... Do you know, I haven't actually watched it for years and years.
It's good, man.
It stands up really well.
Yeah.
Okay.
Cause I have such fond memories of it.
And that track in particular is amazing.
Yeah.
I mean, it's great, isn't it?
That whole business when De Niro turns up there, the service engineer.
Yeah.
Ah, it's, it's so wonderful.
And even the incredibly bleak ending sort of makes sense.
Yeah, but I just remember seeing things like, um, as you know, when he's got, he's pulling that woman's face and it's all stretching, things like that.
I remember thinking, God, I can't believe you can do this in a film up to that point.
I hadn't seen anything like it.
Yeah.
Completely amazing.
Uh, okay.
Now let's have a little trail here.
What have we got?
Oh, this is exciting.
Come on, James.
Man, that's a smash isn't it?
I love that song.
It's really amazing.
I remember when it came out I felt I mean like I in no way was the kind of person that was being described in that song But I felt like it was he was communicating directly with me and my generation.
I
I remember at the Brits, he went flying up on some wires at the end, and didn't come down.
Oh, yeah, that was good.
Come down and he floated up into this up into the scenery.
Wow.
That wasn't the same Brits that he got in Jackson trouble, was it?
I don't know.
I can't remember.
I've been it was all around that time, wasn't it?
Hey, listeners, how you doing?
Welcome to the show.
This is Adam Buxton here, joined by... I'm Garth Jennings.
Hello, I'm standing in for Joe while he's away in Los Angeles.
Los Angeles!
And what an exciting weekend it is, folks, because of course tomorrow evening on BBC One at 11.55pm,
you will be able to hear Pierce Bronholm in action on the film Taffyn where Bronholm plays a debt collector or something like that or he gets into some trouble with a local community who want to build an oil refinery and Bronholm is trying to stop them from doing so and he's conflicted he's got issues he's not entirely good he's he's partly very
angry and of course in one wonderful scene he gets in a little argument with his girlfriend there mate and uh she says as long as i'm he says it's none of your business anyway she says as long as i'm living here it is to which bronholm replies then maybe you shouldn't be living here
Someone sent in a fantastically extended version of that little exhortation.
Matt Power in Greenwich.
Thank you very much for this.
And I'm suggesting, listeners, that maybe you somehow make a recording of this and then play it out the window.
Well, I think when you're watching the show tomorrow night.
If any of you've seen the net the film network, you'll understand that thing of People, you know rising up out of their seats leaning out of the window and saying I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore Well, I think we should do a taff inversion So when that line comes on the film tomorrow night just lean out of your window and shout the line, you know Well this line, where is it?
Then maybe you shouldn't be laughing here
Just do it.
Thanks to Matt Power and Greenwich for that.
Very good.
Here's another message as well from someone else talking about another bit on the show.
And have I written the guy's name down here?
I'm not sure if I have.
Oh, no, here we go.
Rear Admiral Scott, Black Squadron App Division.
And he says, Hi, Adam and Joe.
I've created no, he says, Dear Mr. Buxton and Master Jennings, I've created a nonsense button app.
for Android phones.
It is now live on the Android marketplace.
If you can plug it in somehow, Nonsense Mania, or he calls it Nonsenia, I don't think that's a good name for it.
Nonsenia is no good.
I think what you mean is Nonsenia.
He says that this could sweep the nation.
I've already had over one downloads.
And the news is spreading fast.
So when you mean over one download, do you mean two?
I think what he means is he's had one download, in which case over one download would be exaggerating the situation.
He says it's free, check out the YouTube video for a taster and the awesome power of the buck button.
I don't know if that's what he's actually calling the app there.
Thanks very much, Rear Admiral Scott.
He says, PS, I'm also working on a Steven app now too.
But that's old.
We should promote that guy in the Black Squadron and give him some sort of commander position.
Do you know what I mean?
He shouldn't just be down there in the ranks with the others.
He's shown excellence.
Well, yeah, I mean, he's gone out and he's created a nonsense button for the phone, which everybody needs.
Nonsense, nonsense, nonsense!
We've got Song Horse coming out very soon, ladies and gentlemen.
Maybe not immediately after this track from the Arcade Fire, but within the next 10 minutes or so, so stay tuned for that.
But this is The Suburbs.
This is a great track, isn't it?
This is as good as it gets.
Here we go, Arcade Fire.
That's a smash, isn't it?
Arcade fire with the suburbs and we were playing pulp before that sorted for ease and wiz of course and we forgot to say that You know with pulp Reforming I don't know if they ever split up.
But anyway, they are touring with the original lineup, isn't it?
I think and Jarvis whose show of course is on six music at what time is it at four o'clock and
Yeah, tomorrow.
And Jarvis is going to be joining Steve LaMac for an exclusive interview this coming Friday, talking about the upcoming tour, so listen out for that.
That'll be very good.
Now I've got a free play for you, Garth.
This popped up on my MP3 player this week, and I forgot how much I loved it when it came out.
But it is more or less nonsense.
Nonsense.
Nonsense!
What is it?
It's the police.
OK.
Were you a fan of the police?
Yeah, very much so.
My mum was always into the police, so I got into them via my mum.
You know who loves the police?
It's Ed O'Brien from Radiohead.
Right.
He is obsessed with the police.
He will not have a bad word said against them.
What would you say against them?
Well, that they are occasionally a tiny bit rubs.
Okay.
And the track I'm going to play... He's probably listening now fuming.
He's probably punching his fist like... They're good.
I mean, surely even Ed would have to admit that sometimes they stray too far into the smelly world of stink.
um synchronicity 2 you remember that track uh from 1983 from the album synchronicity i don't know how it goes and the video was um police uh that's like sting it was a bit like the duran duran oh is he loads of candles and he was
I feel like he was attached to another windmill as well or something.
He was scaling a big kind of apocalyptic thing.
He had wind blowing in his hair and there was explosions going off.
It was very much like the Wild Boys video for Joanne.
Well, they had a huge set left after that, so they might as well reuse it.
Yes, I guess so.
but the the song is a kind of a story song it's in three acts and it's all about it's juxtaposing a story about a man living a kind of boring suburban family life going into work with a creature crawling from uh Loch Ness
Oh, somewhere.
Yeah, you know, I know how that one goes.
Yeah.
Um, so you've got lyrics like another suburban family morning.
Grandmother screaming at the wall.
Let's not forget that stung was actually an English teacher at one point as well.
We have to shout above the dinner bar Rice Krispies.
He doesn't say that.
Yes.
We can't hear anything at all.
Mother chance, a litany of boredom and frustration.
Excuse me, Mr. Stunk.
In your poem here, Synchronicity 2, what does it mean when you talk about... Where's the other great line?
oh yes yes another working day has ended only the rush hour hell to face packed like lemmings into shiny metal boxes contestants in a suicidal race I remember how he sings that shiny metal boxes shiny metal boxes I mean I'm being you know I haven't written any really good songs recently as you will find out after this next link so it's a bit rich coming from dr. buckles and still I love the song it's synchronicity too here's the police
Every single meeting with his so-called superiors is a humiliating kick in the crotch!
Mr. Stong, what did you mean by... Anyway, that was the police of course with Synchronicity 2, and this is the Adam and Joe program here with Adam Buxton and Garth Jennings for the end of the show.
Hello, yeah, I'm the stand-in guy.
Hey, stand-in guy!
It's nice to be the stand-in guy.
I couldn't deal with the pressure on a weekly basis.
And how you guys cope with it.
I'm sure you couldn't deal with the shouting.
The shouting is a bit much.
I'm going to have to move to a new studio.
The shouting, the nonsense and the constant references to the Netherlands.
Okay, I think it's song wars time folks.
Oh boy.
I mean if you're not a fan of shouting and stupidity then probably best to do a bit of gardening for five minutes.
Because there's gonna be, this is gonna be difficult.
Is it dirty war?
Let's have the jingle.
to the listener test.
So check it out.
That's a jingle that doesn't get heard very often anymore at the big British castle.
Because it's hard to do these songs, you know, we've got busy lives, we've all got busy lives, right?
It is tricky.
You're busy, I'm busy, we're all busy.
And to create a song, if that's not really your job, you know, if you are not a songwriter, a singer-songwriter.
Like Shtong.
Like Shtong, who can just knock off a song on his mandolin between yoga sessions.
Yeah.
Then it's very hard.
you know.
So our theme this week was toys and games.
How did you feel about that theme?
Well when you first said it, I thought, oh that's a funny subject.
There'll be, there'll bound to be loads of ideas there.
I was thinking it'd be good because we're both parents, we have, you know, hundreds of children.
Yeah, between us there's a good few hundred there.
But no, I really struggled.
But then found something towards the end of this week.
So hopefully it'll be a fair, fair battle.
what what theme did you go for in the end what was the subject of your song oh i took a game i took twister uh-huh you know i don't know why it just sort of felt like the one that i could relate to the most find the most material in
All right, well, you can tell us a little bit more about the style and whatever just before we hear it.
We're going to flip a coin in a second.
I should say now that you can hear both these songs again that we're about to play on our blog, which is bbc.co.uk slash blogs slash Adam and Joe, or you can listen to them in the podcast, which of course will be available from around 6pm today.
Then you can vote for your favorite song if you want to get involved.
via the blog or our usual email address which is adamandjoe.sixmusic.bbc.co.uk emails only for this and the best thing to do to make it simple you don't have to include any message in the email all you have to do is in the header just call it just say you're either Song Wars I vote for Adam or Song Wars I vote for Garth that would be the easiest thing wouldn't it
vote Adam or vote Garth.
There you go.
That's the, that's the simplest way.
Doing some subliminal on their asses.
Um, you've got until 11 PM on Friday, the 22nd of May to cast your vote.
Full terms and conditions can be found on our website and the winning song will be announced on the show next week Saturday 28th of May.
I was a computer doing that.
So yeah, just vote Adam or vote Garth right now.
Let's flip a coin baby.
Who goes first?
All right.
Nice cat.
What are you going for?
I'm going for heads, heads.
It's tails, mate.
You're up.
I'm up first.
Oh, Lordy.
Now, I'm not exaggerating.
This has been the toughest one.
Like, I started with a nice little piece of reggae music that I put together.
It was a nice track, but then I started crooning over it and it sounded... That sounds like Sting again.
A bit of Sting, yeah, with some light reggae.
Yeah.
But it sounded a little bit too lame, so I thought, I've got to toughen this up a bit.
Basically, the song is about my children playing video games.
And do you remember years ago, I spoke about the fact that Natty, as he was then three years old, saying, oh, you're going down, pom pom, when he's playing video games with my son, Frank, and they would taunt each other.
you want to come to a party pom-pom you better come because it's gonna be a poo-poo party he was at that phase where everything's like poo-poo and poo-poo head and all that stuff so I kind of constructed this song around around that but I did it in a in a sort of Jamaican dancehall style Wow so this may be offensive to a lot of people
But the production got away from me and it's a bit like pirate radio style as well.
It's all distorted and you might not be able to hear what I'm actually saying.
So that's the other thing.
If you want to go to the blog, Adam and Joe, no bbc.co.uk slash blogs slash Adam and Joe, the lyrics for both our songs are there.
So if you want to see what we're actually saying in the songs, then go and check them out.
But this is called Party Pompom.
Here we go.
My friend Frederick said come round I said yes We can play a bit of Wii We can play DS We can play Super Mario Galaxy 2 But I'll tell you right now that I'm better than you I know this is your house where you live with mom and dad I know you want to win And that is very sad cause I got the tricks bruv I got the skill I've been training pretty hard and I'm ready to kill I'm a cold blooded plumber I'm a nunchuck
King, when you begin to lose, I begin to sing And here is the thing, the thing that I sing And I feel the thing from the thing that I sing Would you like to come to a party, pom-pom?
Would you like to be my guest?
It's gonna be a poo-poo party, pom-pom A poo-poo party is the best You don't need to bring no presents There ain't gonna be no king
Just bring the weed and you better guarantee that you don't be no mistake.
Are you gonna come to my party, pom-pom?
Are you gonna be my guest?
It's gonna be a poo-poo party, pom-pom.
A poo-poo party is the best.
Are you enjoying all the humiliation?
Would you like some more on your daddy's PlayStation?
Hold up a second, cause your mommy's coming in.
We're in the middle of a party, pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom
I am about to come to the party, pom pom Did you get a special invitation?
It's gonna be a boo boo party, pom pom We're celebrating your annihilation
So I apologize to anyone.
I don't think you should apologize for that.
That was marvelous.
Yeah.
That was a master.
I am going to go out there and say that was one of the best you've ever done.
Thank you very much.
I mean, you know, cause we talked about doing pirate radio jingles.
Yeah.
I've made some this week.
We'll play those a bit later on.
But Garth, ages ago when he came on the show, pointed out that thing that happens when you're listening to the radio and suddenly the pirate stations drift into your frequency and you suddenly get interrupted.
You're gonna talk like this over massive beats.
I love that when you're listening to something very mild and calm and then some really inappropriate thing comes in.
Yeah, we're shouting out to me big brand, you know, just right in the middle of, you know, Shania Twain or something.
So I think that was partly responsible for my approach to that song.
Anyway, that was a master stroke.
Time for yours now, Garth.
What's yours called?
Mine's just called Twister.
That's pretty much all I can say about it.
I just, I did my best.
Here we go.
This is Twister.
Yeah, we playin' Twista Take your shoes off unless you wanna blister We break a sweat but we never break our wrist-a You can bring your friend but please don't bring your sister Yeah, we playin' Twista Even MPs play it in Westminster If you's a young'un or if you is a spin-star
Wheelman Right foot blue and left hand green I'm like a human crab baby I'm a twister machine Left hand yellow and right foot red Now my booty is getting a bit close to your head Right foot green and left hand blue My legs are in a knot I can never undo Left hand red and right foot yellow Now you see I am a bendy fellow When it comes to playing twister I'm a natural
And I think it really helps that I'm not that tall If I slip when I'm tied up like a pretzel You'll see the very definition of a pratfall Now it's clear to me you never had a wash first Cause your armpits are smelling like a brat first And your feet is smelling even more worse Any minute I'll be living in a black hearse Yeah, we playing
Twister, take your shoes off unless you wanna blister.
We break a sweat but we never break our wister.
You can bring your friend but please don't bring your sister.
Yeah, we're playing Twister.
Even MPs play it in Westminster.
If you said younger, not if you is a spinster.
We can all have a little game of Twister.
There you go, that was Twister.
That's great by Garth Jennings.
Yeah, we took similar approaches.
Yeah, isn't that weird?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Collective consciousness.
Donkeys seldom differ.
So, vote for your favourite song there or your least worst song if you prefer.
Just put vote Adam or vote Garth as the header of your email to adamandjoe.sixmusicatbbc.co.uk and you can do that
right throughout the week, whether you've listened to the podcast or you're doing Listen Again.
Right now, some real music.
This is Franz Ferdinand with Know You Girl.
Pixies.
With Here Comes Your Man, Adam and Joe program here on BBC6 Music with my good friend and your good friend Garth Jennings standing in for Joe who's in America at the moment doing his dealy deals.
But right now I think it's time we had some travelin' tales.
And do you know where that's from at the end there?
Isn't that Captain Pugwash or something?
No, it's Noah and Nelly.
Oh, Noah and Nelly, yeah.
Well done.
That was, I think, the same studio, the animation studio that used to do Rhubarb and Custard.
And it may even have been, what's his name, the same bloke that did the Rhubarb and Custard narration that did Noah and Nelly.
I'm not sure.
People can correct me if I'm wrong.
Incidentally, we were talking about Gossip Girl, the name of the band that the lame rock dad in Gossip Girl has.
They're called Lincoln Hawk.
Not Linkin Park, you see.
But Linkin HONK.
I think that's how you pronounce it.
Anyway, yeah, traveling tales.
Now we've been asking you to send in any stories you have of things that have happened to you whilst you're traveling.
A bit later on in the show we're going to play some more announcements and, you know, conductor messages that people have been sending in.
Conductor messages?
Is that the right way of doing it?
Anyway, here's a message though from Michael Kelly.
He says, uh, dear Frodo and Gandalf, referring to me and Joe there, not sure I'm happy with that.
About 30 years ago when I was a young child, I was travelling from Dublin to Galway on the train.
I'd just been treated to an ice lolly, and like a good little boy, I was looking for somewhere to put the wrapper.
Quite right.
I asked the conductor, and he very helpfully took it from me, opened a window, and said, here's a bin that never gets full, and threw it out.
I've often thought the Irish tourist board could use that as a slogan.
Ireland, a bin that never gets full.
Michael Kelly.
What the heck is that?
That's fantastic.
What a lovely sales pitch.
Marilyn, the bin that never gets full.
The bin that never gets full.
What are you doing looking for a bin?
Look there's a window right there.
It's popping out the window.
What are you doing wasting your time looking for a bin there?
Thanks Michael Kelly.
Now another thing that people have been
Sending in messages about, there was a little pause there.
I like that, you were breathing.
Building up to something rare.
I wondered if I should feel.
I just got emotional.
It is the whole business of trying to keep the seat next to you free when you're sitting, particularly on a train.
yeah and it's amazing as soon as people get on a train I've been really thinking about this they get very selfish and protective over their little space I say they I mean I include myself very much in this you know I like to I think it's it's the fact that a train journey can be so pleasurable maybe the most pleasurable way of traveling you know as far as I'm concerned and if you're having a relaxing journey if it's not too busy nothing beats a train journey I reckon
So the, you know, yearn to... Yearn?
Are you alright over there?
The desire... Do you want me to step in?
The word desire is what I think.
The desire to keep your personal space free is considerable.
So people have got lots of different techniques for doing that.
Here is one from Pip Haylett.
He's a man.
He's been called Pip since he read Great Expectations at school when he was 14.
Very good Pip.
He says the other day I spotted a very good trick which might prove useful.
I had booked my seat via a well-known pre-booking type of site on the internet for trains, also via blah blah blah other site, long convoluted process, but it comes with a reserved seat by default.
So imagine my happiness when I'm finding my reserved seat on the window aisle on the next one to it.
Sorry Garth, my brain occasionally malfunctions.
We're just going to wheel him out folks, push him outside.
okay thank you i know where he's going with this story right so he basically he he sits there and he is smugly in the non-reserved seat of course right so you get your reserved seat and then you sit in the one next to it which is non-reserved knowing that that reserved seat is going to stay free for the rest of the journey good tactic because the other one of course is the you know falling asleep and looking like you're a bit mad yeah we've had that that's a classic one that's an absolute smash
Yeah, I had a friend who hurt her foot on a holiday, and on the way back she thought, I'd better take some crutches just in case my foot hurts a bit.
As soon as anyone saw the crutches, she was given sort of two seats extra and loads of space, and first off the plane and everything.
She'd only hurt her foot a little bit.
Yeah, it just shows you, isn't it?
She's lucky that she... Take some crutches.
Next time you go on a plane, get yourself a nice big space.
Unless you bump into Shtung, and he'd give you a humiliating kick in the crutch!
Um, that is a reference to the song Synchronicity 2.
I'm not saying that police, uh, members and Shtong in particular go around kicking the crutches out from people.
I don't believe they do.
Uh, here's a message now from Steve Curran.
He is Steven.
Okay.
He's the original Steven.
Okay.
Yeah.
Hi Adam.
Hi Garth.
Last week's email from the woman who acted as if she was pregnant to save someone's feelings on public transport reminded me of a similar piece of public pretending.
Uh, now did you hear that thing last week Garth?
I didn't.
It was a lady who got onto a bus and someone offered her a seat because they thought she was pregnant and she wasn't.
Oh no!
That's awful.
She just had a little belly there.
Yeah.
So what the lady did was, to save the person's feelings, she acted as if she were pregnant.
Oh my goodness.
Only in England would somebody go through with that.
She stuck her tummy out as she was rubbing her belly and patting it and stuff and then holding her back.
Oh no!
I've got such a lot of back pain since I've been pregnant, which I am.
Holy moly.
So Steve had a similar type of thing.
He says, as I'm sure you'll know, it's frequently difficult to judge whether a fellow passenger or is preggers or just a little paunchy.
So in order to avoid causing offence, either by failing to offer my seat or inadvertently making the person feel fat, I simply stand up and disembark at the next stop.
This way, the person in question gets the seat, and I'm no longer in danger of upsetting anyone.
And then I'll either sneak into the next carriage, or wait for the next bus, train, or tube to come along.
Bongo!
I do the same thing for people who look quite old, but not decrepit.
Uh, now that I write this down, it looks a little bit mentile.
Am I alone in doing this?
Always seems like a good idea at the time.
You're definitely alone there, that's a bit much I'd say.
You reckon, actually getting off rather than- Yeah, getting off the whole-
vehicle.
Oh no, there's someone who is either fat or pregnant.
Yes.
I'm going to have to get off.
Could you imagine it, cause if that caught on and then everyone would just be getting off trains all the time.
Yeah.
Oh no.
I can't tell if that's real or.
And then they'd have to ban people with a little belly or who are pregnant.
Yeah.
You have to have separate services laid on for the.
Just have to have a badge.
For the porky and the pregnant.
Yeah.
I am poor Keith.
You know, there's no baby here.
That's right.
Exactly.
Little badge system.
I just love cakes.
It's okay.
You can stay in your seat.
I love cakes.
Yeah.
Thank you very much for all those messages.
Here's Holly Cook right now and that very night.
Love it.
Talking Heads with Heaven there.
I was saying to Garth, you've got that album, haven't you?
Fear of Music?
Yeah, now you do this a lot.
You say, you've got that, right?
And I go, nah.
And then you get really cross with me and say, but you've got to have it.
You can't exist without that album.
That's maybe the second best Talking Heads album, I reckon.
OK.
Remain in Light being perhaps the best.
The one with Once in a Lifetime.
And you haven't got that one either.
Well, I just know all the hits.
I'm a bit of a loser in that respect, but I'm gonna catch up this weekend.
Get remaining light.
It's just amazing.
Amazing!
Let's have a jingle, and it's time for Text-A-Nation, I think.
Text-A-Nation!
Text!
Text-A-Nation!
What if I don't want to?
Text-A-Nation!
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
It doesn't matter!
Text!
Text the nation time listeners and a couple of weeks back I read out an email from Ed Bailey he had this to say I love pink lady apples but they're so darn expensive so every lunch time for about the last year I go to the self-service aisle of a certain supermarket to pay for my lunch and when paying for my pink lady apple I select Cox apple from the list instead.
Beep!
I reckon I save about 20p a day.
But I'm starting to get a bit twitchy now it's gone on for so long I always try and stand between the staff guy and the screen so he can't actually see.
I'm ringing in a cheaper apple than the one I'm buying.
I keep expecting to be seen on an in-store scoundrels list.
Love the show, keep up the good work.
Thanks Ed Bailey.
So he is sticking it to the man.
Right.
I mean I would say strictly speaking that's breaking the law.
And I wouldn't encourage that.
No, you can't encourage that.
No, you can understand it.
You can sort of understand it, but that is, that's law breaking there, Ed.
And I wouldn't like you to get busted or think that that was entirely acceptable.
However, I am interested in other ways that people stick it to the man, you know, ways that you sort of, you have your little moment of victory and you think, yeah, come on, I'm making things right.
I'm living in an unfair world and I'm trying to straighten it out.
Yeah but it was small and slightly pathetic.
A little bit pathetic.
You know a bit like apples really.
Yeah what kind of thing do you do?
Well we were talking about this a bit earlier and definitely if I'm traveling in low class which is normally where I end up traveling.
In steerage.
Yeah in steerage.
On a plane?
Yeah on a plane or a train or something I like to use the high class first class facilities.
Sure you do.
Even if somebody says ah sorry actually you're supposed to be back there.
Oh sorry I was just using the toilet.
very fascistic about it these days.
It used to be that you could wander up there through first class, have a little look at the celebrities sipping their champagne, having their massages, and use their laves, which actually were not that different from the economy class.
They're much nicer soap, I seem to remember.
So yeah, sometimes they have little napkins and stuff out there, don't they?
But what they do have is, they're easier to use.
Sometimes there'll be a queue, an economy, right, for the lab.
But up in first class, it's all, no one's really using it.
They're too busy getting massages, isn't it?
Yeah, and it's the same sitting in an economy seat.
And then after we took off, there was loads of space in the front section.
I said, can we just move into that?
And they said, no, no, no.
Get back in your box, Jennings.
That's a funny joke you made.
Now get back in your tiny seat!
It was pretty much it.
And then the lights went down because everyone was going to sleep, and I just walked forward and sat in the front section for the whole way.
Slept the whole way.
And the funny thing was there were some people in their own front, in the proper, who'd paid for their seat, who were furious.
But they couldn't bring themselves to say anything, so instead they would just keep turning round and going, you know, a stern look.
I'm doing a stern look, Radio People.
And it was quite, so I just went to sleep, and had a nice sleep, then went back into my seat for landing.
They've stuck it to the man.
If I'd paid top whack for first class and some guy crept in and sat behind me, I'd be upset if they were causing nonsense.
Yeah, but I was just sleeping.
But you were just sleeping, that's no problem.
You'd just think, yeah, good on you mate.
Most people in first class haven't paid anyway.
You know, it's there on business or something, because who can afford to pay, it's usually about five or sometimes ten times as much as it is in economy, isn't it?
And that's why now, I think a lot of the staff on those planes are aware of the fact that the people who have paid get very proprietorial.
They don't like to see interlopers coming into their zone.
So as soon as you go in there and try and have a go at the first class labs, the lady's right there, bang, sorry sir, curtain.
you know, drawn across little cattle products.
Get back to your seat.
Exactly.
Please can you stick to your own lavish place, the tiny lavish.
Tiny dirty lavish.
Don't ever come up here again.
No, no, don't even set foot.
No, no, don't even look.
Don't even look at it.
It's not your place.
Thank you.
Don't come.
So that's what we're asking you about, listeners.
Times that you have managed to successfully stick it to the man without the curtains being drawn on your ass.
The email address, if you'd like to email us on this or any other subject, is adamandjoe.sixmusic at bbc.co.uk.
Or you can text us.
Texts will be charged at your standard message rate at 64046. 64046.
four six keep those texts and messages coming in and if you're listening to this program during the week on listen again or the podcast that's fine you can like email us it's not a problem don't text if it's during the week all right here's simian mobile disco now and this is the audacity of huge with a bit of fat inside as well a bit grizzled that is nice big fat which is cool and i'm gonna cut it
quite rough.
This particular one you can make it with any kind, cheap cut of meat.
Cheapest meat you have a better taste because there is inside and there's a bit of fat inside.
Yes, that's two pack with Dr. Dre, the California love.
Adam and Joe program here on BBC6 music with my friend Garth.
Hello.
How are you doing?
I'm alright, how's it going there?
Very enjoyable, thank you.
Good.
Nice to have you here.
It's nice to be here.
I was talking about greetings with some folks yesterday and you know like kissing people high and hugs and things like that.
Yeah.
What's your approach?
Are you a hugging guy?
Yeah, I will hug you or kiss you depending on where you stand.
So you're generally hugging, how quickly will you start hugging men?
You won't do it on a first meeting.
On a first meeting, no, that would be strange.
Although I had a hug with a guy on a first, like at the end of a first meeting yesterday, we were hugging.
Well that- it depends how the meeting goes, doesn't it?
Yeah, it was fun, it was really nice to meet him.
But- and also I think we've been talking about it, so it was- it was legitimized.
Well you had to get- just do it.
And how about ladies?
Are you hugging the ladies?
Are you kissing the ladies?
What are you going for?
Normally, a little kiss on both cheeks.
Confident kiss on both cheeks.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's what I like.
Don't go for the lips.
No, my friends, my Swedish friends go for the lips.
Per and Christina, they go right for your lips, and they really smack on there, and it's quite alarming when you first have that.
So the man does it as well.
He does it right on my face.
Why I had to copy your Australian accent then, I don't know.
It's the best accent.
It's very easy to slip into, but anyway, yes, they like a full-on smooch.
Well the lady, one of the ladies that I was speaking to yesterday, said that sometimes what happens when people go in for a hug or when they're just standing there perhaps in company and they sort of keep their arm around you sometimes.
Like some people just keep their arm around a woman or something.
You know what I mean?
Like, hey, we're all friends.
Anyway, sometimes when people go in for a hug, they say apparently they reach around a little too far and the hand comes to rest on the sort of breastal area.
Well I don't do that.
No.
No that's naughty.
And then the lady I was speaking to said I find it very annoying when men go in for a weak hug.
She said I'd prefer like a big proper bear hug type thing.
Oh I know you mean where you're just sort of like putting your arms around them and touching them a bit.
And touching them because you don't want to get sued.
Yeah like yes exactly I don't I'm touching you but no listen you can almost hear that
I'm not trying to touch any of your parts.
I'm just giving you a little touch for some human contact.
It's kind of like a granny hug, isn't it?
Yeah.
Well, no, my grandpa was big on the hugs as well.
You have to get in there.
But if you're hugging like a very fragile old person or something, you wouldn't go in for a big man hug.
That's true, you might hurt them.
But generally, I suppose you should think about it as like a handshake.
No one wants a, you know, a weak handshake.
No.
What about the over-emphasized handshake?
Yeah, the constant shaking one.
Yeah.
Yeah, there's a lot of people out there doing that.
That's just a bit silly.
It's like showing off.
I'm not going to let go of your hand and just shaking it all over the place.
Pumping, pumping, pumping.
Yeah, what I do in that scenario is just stare at my hand with really wide eyes.
just stare at it while it's shaking as if, you know, what's this?
And the other thing this girl was talking about was how angry she gets again with, you know, a hesitant kiss.
Like a hesitant peck, not sure which way to go for.
She would rather, she said, get a full-on lip smooch than have someone go in for a bit of a weedy peck on, I'm not sure which cheek to peck.
I normally find that if I go going to give a lady a kiss goodbye,
that she just throws her cheek at me she's not going to she's not coming in with the kisses no it's not mutual but surely i was thinking i said to her like but if doctor you know that's fair enough if you're uh you know pierce bronholm but if your doctor buckles going in there with your hairy little face yeah and you're expecting a lip kiss from someone at the end of a meeting you're gonna get sent to prison yeah it's gonna end in jail
And in absolute jail.
Yeah, absolute jail.
Wow.
You know, I'd be curious to know if there's anyone out there with any special techniques or any things that they like in a greeting, that kind of thing.
You never reach around.
The other thing that these ladies were talking about was people
letting, like, I think it's tall people, big, long, gangly people with the big, long, rangy arms.
They don't know what to do with their arms sometimes.
So that's when you find the arms drifting around to the breastal zone or sometimes coming to rest on the butox.
Well, I've never had that.
I've never had that by, I mean, I suppose you've just got to be very careful and take your time and just think about it, you know, just take your time.
Treat every woman as if she were a nun.
That's my technique.
So actually you should kneel before them and make the sign of the cross.
Pray to them and confess all the terrible things you've done.
Let's see if they still want to snog you.
OK, before we say goodbye I'm just going to kneel here and just tell you what I did last week.
I've got a few things to confess.
OK, it's free play time.
Now I have to say that I've played this on the relevant joke program before but I really love it.
And I think the first time I played it I didn't even know
who it was by or what it was called or anything because it was one of those things i'd got off a friend off their mp3 player or whatever and right it was just untitled so and it didn't work on the shazam thing where you hold it up to the phone and you know you hold the phone up the speaker and
None of it worked and I couldn't find it on the internet or anything and then I can't remember exactly how I narrowed it down.
I think I heard some music by this band that this guy is part of and he's part of a German kind of rap combo called the Fantastic Four or Die Fantastischen Wir and he's called Thomas D and they sounded a bit similar so I thought ah I bet that's the guy.
and sure enough i i tracked it down the track is called liebes brief by thomas d hope you enjoyed this bit of nice german rapping in it that's good isn't it i mean there's times when a bit of german really hits the spot bit of german nice german motorway at night some nice charm that's thomas d and the track is called liebes brief
Yeah, I liked it.
I got a little message here about, you know, the whole social etiquette thing.
It's from Lucy.
It says, apropos of your handshake conversation, the headmaster of the primary school I teach in gave the whole school a handshake lesson in assembly last week, or this week rather, focusing on the importance of a strong shake.
An important life lesson, I thought.
Not bad.
That's from Lucy.
That's a genuine... Good idea.
thing that the headmaster sat them all down and said, this is how you're going to do it.
Yeah.
And then you reach around so you can just get the edge of the breastal zone and then pop your hand on the butox.
I think it's time for some poppropriation.
Let's have the jingle.
I like to change the lyrics of songs from time to time.
To make them refer to things I do.
I wonder if it's something you do to me
There you go.
So that more or less explains the idea of popopreation, I think.
Quite hard for people to say sometimes, or to write down.
You just think of pop rope.
Popopreation, alright?
Got it.
That's all it is.
Here, I'm going to tear one off for you, Gareth, mate.
Because, you know, you're our guest.
That's one for a little bit later.
You can read it and digest it in your digestive system, mate.
I'll give you an example though.
Here's one from James from Highgate.
He says, hey, when I'm in dire need of a haircut, I sing to the tune of the Bonnie Tyler song.
I need a haircut.
I'm holding out for a haircut.
Yes, a haircut.
That's right.
Well, it's gotta be short and it's gotta be neat and it's gotta be something I like.
I need a haircut.
I'm holding out for a haircut.
I need a haircut.
I'm rolling out for a haircut in the morning light.
I like that one.
Oh, I can't possibly top it.
This is from Nathan in London.
Following on your theme of Beatles tunes, I used to sing to myself to the tune of Here Comes the Sun.
Here comes my mum, do do do do.
That's pretty good.
Yeah.
Here comes my mum and she's alright.
I've got one which is, when I need the toilet in my office, the toilet's quite far away, so I always have to run to the loo, so I sing, um, I'm Gonna Run To You by Bryan Adams, which is, I'm gonna run to the loo, when the feeling's right, I'm gonna run all night, I'm gonna run to the loo.
That's how I do it.
I thought you were gonna go for Iron Maiden.
Run to the loo, run for your life.
There's another one for you, mate.
I like the fact you're tearing them off now.
Very nice.
Yep.
A little bit of confetti.
Here's another one from Meredith.
She's female.
16 and not old enough to know any better.
Uh, hi Adam and Joe and Garth.
I have a nice bit of prop-ropriation for you.
My best friend's dad started doing this once when they were eating buns, but now it's absolutely all I can sing whenever I hear this song, uh, Breakfast in America by Supertramp she's talking about.
And is this a kind of a bun, a Belgian?
A Belgian bun?
Yeah yeah I think you can have that.
So she says take a look at my Belgian, Belgian it's the only bun I got.
It's not much of a Belgian, Belgian there's half a cherry on the top.
Oh dear, oh dear!
That's good, Meredith.
Oh god, what have I got?
Um, hang on.
Uh, I, uh, this guy, um, Keith, from Harmonden, he says, I often put my laptop into sleep mode to take a short break to eat or something, and when I wake up, uh, it's from a slumber, from its slumber, the laptop wakes up, sorry, not when I wake up, when my laptop wakes up, the screen shows the words, resuming windows, and then proceed to cheerfully sing, when I'm resuming windows, to the George, the tune of George Formby's When I'm Cleaning Windows.
There you go.
I'm resuming windows.
Sorry Keith, I read that out very badly, but it was a good one.
Oh, that's good, man.
And finally for Pop-opriation today... Actually, no, we got a couple more that I want to share with you.
This is from John Webster.
He's a mailman from Macclesfield.
He says, my wife quite often leaves things precariously balanced in the kitchen.
So does mine!
This can be a dangerously teetering pile of drying up or some badly placed consumables on the pantry shelves.
And if I'm not careful, it can lead to quite a serious gravity based disaster when reaching to grasp an object, for example, my favorite mug or a jar of peanut butter.
I mentally refer to these situations as booby traps, even though I'm sure my wife doesn't create them on purpose.
But whenever I encounter one of these situations, I sing the words booby trap, doo doo doo doo to the
In the style of boogie nights by heatwave if my wife hears me it annoys her So now I've changed it so I sometimes sing precarious Instead of notorious by Duran Duran.
I don't think it's really helped matters Hope you don't think I'm not completely mentile a few biases John Webster from Macclesfield is
Jon I totally sympathize and I'm going to be using those myself because my wife sets booby traps as well her favorite thing is to get like when we have guests and stuff she'll make coffee and things and she'll put out a little milk jug right yeah rather than just because she's fancy it's nice she doesn't put out a whole table now because
It's so ugly, Garth.
So ugly to have a carton on the table.
So she gets a little milk jug, pops it out there, very nice.
But then afterwards, when people have gone, if there's still some milk left, she doesn't want to chuck it away and waste the milk, so she pops it back in the fridge.
But what happens is you get, no one's going to use that little flipping milk jug after that.
So you get a whole collection of these milk jugs teetering on piles of, you know, low-fat spread and yoghurt and stuff at the very top of the fridge.
And the other day I went in there to grab me a low cholesterol spread mod.
Sorry about that sound.
And so I knock off one of the flipping teetering milk jugs and it tips right the way down the back of the fridge and it starts dripping.
I could hear it dripping on each one of the shelves, you know, all over every single item there.
You must have been furious.
I was human!
Half an hour.
Half an hour I spent that I couldn't afford taking every single thing out of the flipping fridge and hosing it all down, taking all the trays out.
I mean it needed a clean anyway so I guess it was worth doing.
And did you as you were cleaning it out really do it aggressively, silently but aggressively so your wife was aware that you were really angry?
Yeah, she was doing some work in the next room.
So I knew that it was unfair to really give her a hard time because essentially I should have taken more care getting the stuff out.
However, I was furious.
So every, like right the way through the cleaning process, which kept on getting messier and smelly.
I don't like milk very much and it was all smelly.
You were a bit weird with the dairy stuff on you.
So every time I was cleaning, I was like, oh, are you done?
So she could hear me, you know.
Because it always find the milk always soaks into the pizza box and then reduces it to a sort of marsh, doesn't it?
It's all yellow and crusty.
It's a living nightmare!
Thank you very much for all your appropriation this week.
And we have skidded right past the 12.30 mark.
It is time for the news.
That's Malcolm McLaren there.
Cheeky Malcolm with Double Dutch.
And this is BBC six music the Adam and Joe programme here with the mighty Garth Jennings.
Hello.
Filling in for Joe.
How you doing, mate?
I'm hanging in there for Joe.
Now listen, let's have a couple of text the nation things right now.
OK, because we were talking about sticking it to the man earlier on, and people have been regaling us with a couple of the things that they do, just to make themselves feel a little bit better about some of the more unfair aspects of life.
Actually, a lot of people are just setting in stories about them nicking things.
Yeah, it's quite bad, actually.
You know, we're not encouraging that.
We want sort of legitimate ways of, you know, getting your own back.
Can we have a little jingle for this bit, James?
Text the nation!
Text!
Text the nation!
What if I don't want to?
Text the nation!
But I'm using email.
Is that a problem?
It doesn't matter!
Text!
Here's one from Gina and this is very nice.
She says my rather pathetic way of sticking it to the man relates to the pay and display business of car parks.
I hate them.
You don't know how long you're going to be and so inevitably you overpay.
A recent example of this is when I went to St.
Ives.
The car park was very expensive.
We arrived mid-morning and had to pay a huge amount for a ticket that lasted until 8 p.m.
even though we knew we wouldn't be there that long.
So when we left around 3pm, I made sure to give the ticket to someone who was arriving so the man wouldn't get another fee.
Take that, man!
I always do this.
Thanks, Gina.
I do that too.
And that is very satisfying, isn't it?
It is nice.
In your face, man!
I did it at a hospital recently.
Because hospital car parks, you invariably have to buy one of those things.
You think, oh no, and you're buying, spending loads of money on it.
Especially at hospital, it's rather nice to say, hey, hey, here, have this.
And they've got another, you know, two hours on it.
Hi, I'm Jesus, and I've got extra time on my car park.
I was wondering if you'd like it.
The awful thing is if you've got a number of people to choose, and you start selecting on their appearance,
Do you know what I mean?
You're sort of looking around thinking, well, I could give this to anyone.
They don't look like they deserve it.
They don't deserve it.
They're not, you know, they're just not down enough.
Yeah, that's absolutely true.
They don't look troubled by this enough.
It was nothing for them to buy a ticket, but those guys over there, I could make a difference.
That guy's rich.
He doesn't deserve it.
I know I do that sometimes when I'm getting off the tube, if I've bought a travel pass, like a day travel pass, and I know that I've done my last journey, I look around at the other end and think, no,
Whose day am I going to make?
It's like the secret millionaire.
St.
Buculli's is going to bestow upon someone one of the greatest gifts that they have ever received in their pathetic lives.
A day travel pass to take them whenever they want within most of the zones of the London Tubal system.
And usually I go and I try and be counterintuitive like I'm aware of the fact that I'm screening out students and rich looking people and I'm trying to go for offbeat people and then I think no come on
The students and the Richos, sometimes they need a break too.
Yeah, but you don't want to give it to someone in a group, because then you've isolated them.
Exactly.
You've made them the favourite.
And then you've ruined everything.
But then the thing that happens sometimes is, what I do is I'm thinking about it so much that I hang around for way too long and I start looking creepy.
And I look like someone who wants to sell their ticket, because that's the other thing you get is people saying, hey, do you want to buy a ticket?
No, not really.
I'll buy my own.
Um, so people think I'm going to charge them.
So you go up to someone and you say, Hey, hi, I'm St.
Buckles.
Would you like my day travel pass?
And then, well, now I'm just going to buy one.
Thanks.
No, no, I'm giving it to you.
I'm St.
Buckles.
My hairy smiley face.
And they don't wear these sandals for nothing.
And you very seldom get the kind of response that you're imagining.
Like, you know, the arms being thrown around.
Thank you so much.
That's the kind
most people are like you're weird exactly I'll take it you weirdo thank you very much you out of my face for that one there Gina I very much strongly agree with your whole approach here's one from Ed from Birmingham he says hi Adam hi Garth when I was a teenager me and my friends would always go to a supermarket cafe after school to hang out with
We were quite sophisticated, and would always have a cup of tea.
We discovered, though, that if we ordered a pot of tea for one, and a pot of hot water, we could make the pot of tea for one stretch between two, thus only paying for one!
Ahaha!
In your face, man!
We eventually got rumbled.
Because we eventually got rumbled and it brought an end to our little after-school gatherings.
I still look back on that period as one of the best in my life, says Ed from Birmingham.
That sounds like the best time of anyone's life.
And he was sticking it to the tea man.
But in a way he was paying a price because it was getting quite weak, that tea, by the end of it.
Well, exactly.
You just end up, like, sticking it to the man and drinking rubbish tea.
So, how was that good?
OK, right now I think we're going to move on and play a little stuff... OK, I'm going to start that sentence again.
Not happy with that sentence, listeners, I'm starting again.
Just press the undo button.
OK, right now it's time for a little bit of fun that our guest Galf Jennings has brought in this week.
Galf, tell us about this.
Sorry, you can't set it up like that.
I'll lose it.
Okay, years ago, when I first came in, stood in for Joe, we both agreed to make pirate radio interruptions based on the whole idea that when you drive around town, you often get your FM broadcast interrupted by the local pirate radio stations.
And they're quite fun.
And we talked about making some more and you haven't.
No, I'm sorry.
But I managed to make a few more this week with a couple of new ones as well.
There's also some cab, local cab company interruptions.
So they're peppered throughout this next track, which is Take Me With You by Prince.
I'm sorry, Prince fans, but I hope the rest of you enjoy these interruptions.
We're gonna drop the new one from DJ Sprocka.
Here it is.
Drop it!
What's that?
I don't like that.
We're coming to you live from my nan's greenhouse.
Sorry about the strawberries getting squashed nan.
Pub for Dave, picking up from Lainstow.
Going to Shepherds Bush.
If anyone's going near the chip shop, can they pick me up a satellite?
Picking up 15 people from the King's Head and taking them to the hospital.
Passenger name Cameron going to the planet Pandora.
Got it fixed.
On my phone right now is it from here?
It's Richard.
It's a picture of his feet.
Why won't anyone return my calls?
Anyone?
I'm so lonely.
And this room smells of fish.
There's quite a lot of interference on that one.
Yeah, sorry about that interference there folks.
picking up a local cab company isn't it yeah okay now I think we're gonna have a bit a few more traveling tales right let's have a jingle again James
And in this section we're going to be dealing with conductors.
People, you know, the people on the trains that do the talking.
Are they the drivers or are they the ticket collectors that do the talking?
I think it's the people that collect the tickets generally, isn't it?
The conductors, they would be called.
Anyway, also the phenomenon of people on planes as well, who like to do a bit of patter when they're giving the instructions at the beginning of the flight.
I don't like any patter.
No.
Did you ever hear the American flight attendant doing his rapping?
Oh, yes, I heard about that, yeah.
It's a couple of years ago.
David Holmes, his name was.
He became a YouTube sensation in 2009 after someone filmed him wrapping his welcome aboard spiel on the plane.
I'd never seen that before, but let's see, Martin, aged 22, says, Hey, Count Buckules and Monsieur Cornballs and Dr. Jennings.
Been listening for a few years now, first time writing in.
This is not my own traveling tale, but thought you might like this amazing airline stew- steward.
I'm now tempted to try
and travel on their airline.
So he absolutely loves this Martin age 22.
But Dr. Buckles would be a tiny bit more grumpy about this kind of thing.
Here's a clip of David Holmes in action has to be said though, he's pretty good.
Like at first you think don't wrap, please don't wrap.
And he's getting all the passengers to join in and do the beat for him and everything.
And when you're watching the video, you think please, please
Please don't do that.
Yeah, but actually he he does a decent job of it.
Here's a bit of him All I need you to do is stop and clap and I'm gonna do the rest cuz I just I've had five flights today And I just cannot do the regular boring announcement again.
Otherwise, I'm gonna put myself to sleep So you guys with me?
All right, so give me a stomp, clap, stomp, clap.
Come on, stomp, clap, stomp, clap.
Stay on beat there.
There you go.
Keep that going.
This is flight 372 on SWA.
The flight attendants on board serving you today.
Teresa in the middle, David in the back.
My name is David and I'm here to tell you that.
Shortly after takeoff, first things first, there's soft drinks and coffee to quench your thirst.
But if you want another kind of drink, then just holler.
Alcoholic beverages will be $4.
If a Monster Energy drink is your plan, that'll be $3.
And you get the whole can.
We won't take your cash.
You got to pay with plastic.
Before we leave, our advice is put away your electronic devices.
Fasten your seat belt, then put your trays up.
button to make the seat back raise up sit back relax have a good time it's almost time to go so i'm done with the rhyme thank you for the fact that i wasn't ignored this is southwest air lines welcome aboard he's good though isn't he i can imagine that not working quite so well in england that's the thing isn't it yeah yeah well here's a little clip of um the guy on board my train oh right uh yeah back to norwich uh doing something similar
Okay London to Norwich train, give me a beat.
Yeah, this is fun.
Hello everybody, welcome on the train.
I'm your conductor, I'm clinically insane.
I'm going to entertain you while you're on the train.
Every single station, I'll do it all again.
Please don't smoke, there's no smoking section.
Please have your tickets ready for inspection.
Don't use the toilets in station please.
It makes the whole place smell of booze and wheeze.
If you don't want no one sitting next to you, say there's someone sitting there and they've gone to the loo, or pile up your bags or pretend you're asleep, then everyone will know you're a selfish little creep.
That was you, Dr. Buckles, thank you.
That's superb.
A little bit personal at the end there, isn't it?
Oh dear.
But no, on the whole, it's not a good thing, is it, when they start getting into the rapping and stuff.
Anything that's over-familiar, I just don't like it.
You want to keep it functional, especially on a plane.
You know, it's a nervous environment.
A lot of people are frightened of flying and they're nervous anyway.
It's not a relaxing way to travel.
And the last thing you want is some guy doing his flipping Britain's Got Talent audition for you.
Yeah, exactly.
You know what I mean?
Because you can't all be David Holmes.
All right?
So stop it!
Nonsense!
Okay, here's some more music for you listeners.
This is Friendly Fires with True Love.
maybe she'd just be more lovable maybe that's your problem that's friendly fires with uh the song they just done true love was it suddenly the name of the song vanished from the computer screen as it finished folks that's it for our show today thank you very much indeed for listening Liz Kershaw is up next so please stay tuned don't forget that the podcast version of this show will be available this evening after around 6 p.m
and you can hear our Song Wars songs again they're also available on the blog bbc.co.uk slash blog slash adam and joe you can vote by email email only please for the song wars voting and just put vote adam or vote garth you don't need to put a message in there uh just put vote adam or vote garth in the headings there for our song wars songs the voting closes at 11 pm on friday the 27th just before our next program we'll be back at the same time of course next week and joe will be back in the seat but garth
Jennings, thank you very much.
Thanks for having me everybody.
It's really nice to see you again.
Lovely to have been here and thanks for your hard work and your jingles and your jungles and your interruptions and your song or stuff and best of luck with everything and we hope to see you soon.
Take care listeners is the stones.