Yeah, that's the White Stripes with the denial twist.
That's one of the better tracks, I think, from a slightly lackluster album.
What do you think, Joe?
I don't know.
OK, thanks very much.
I don't have that album.
OK.
Yeah, this is Adam and Joe.
Hello.
Here on a Saturday afternoon on XFM for the next two hours.
Two hours?
Well, slightly less than two hours.
I'm very stressed out because I was cycling to Leicester Square here for XFM from my home in London's sexy Stockwell and my phone dropped out of my jacket on the way.
I can't believe it.
You lost your phone a couple of weeks ago, didn't you?
Did I?
A while back.
No, I don't think I did.
I remember you complaining about all your celebrity numbers going.
Basically, somewhere- Oh, yeah, maybe I did.
Maybe I did.
Somewhere in London, there is a phone, a cram full of famous people's numbers, lying on the street, like some sort of, you know, wizard's wand.
It's a Sony Ericsson wizard's wand.
It's a celebrity wizard wand.
And it's silver.
If you do find it somewhere between Stockwell.
So the route I took was down sort of Vauxhall Bridge across the Vauxhall Bridge Road embankment through Parliament Square, the Mall to Leicester Square.
So if you if you happen to find it around there, I'm going to.
What make is it?
It's a Sony Ericsson Ericsson.
Yeah, silver one.
And what sort of numbers has it got in there?
Man, you know what?
I brought some... I did some name dropping effects.
Oh, well done.
Okay.
Lila's loading them in right now, but because we dropped so many names last week, I thought we should have some name dropping effects.
Maybe... Shall we come back to that in a second?
Yeah, I'll give you some of the names with the effects later on.
Coming up in the show this week, we've got Crap Commentary Corner.
We're going to have Ditties in the Dock.
We've got some great prizes.
We've got the complete Superman collection to give away on DVD.
All four Superman films on DVD.
That's good, isn't it?
That's really good.
Yeah.
Er, and also CDs to give away for Ditties in the Dock, and great music from the likes of the White Stripes, who we just had.
Yeah, so, you know, we just had them.
Killers, Gorillaz.
Killers and Gorillaz.
Oasis, Future Heads, Weezer, Kaiser Chiefs, all that sort of thing.
Got a few good, er, free plays for you as well.
And of course, erm, we'll be talking rubbish about what's happened to us this week.
Yeah, I need the listeners' help.
with some troubling kids TV I've seen this week.
Oh, really?
Yeah, I've seen some very disturbing things on children's TV that I think the adult world should be informed, uh, about.
OK, good.
I've seen some disturbing things on adult TV that I wanna get off my chest as well.
But anyway, shall we play some music?
Yeah.
And then, uh, I'll probably be appealing tediously like a kind of, uh, low-rent Bob Geldof throughout the programme for, uh, help with my phone and reminding people that there will be a huge cash reward.
That's something to look forward to.
Yeah, it's good, isn't it?
And I'll be telling you about all the names on there.
Can you not sympathise at all with my desire to be reunited with my phone?
Yeah, yeah, I can.
Definitely.
Good.
Who have we got here?
This is The Killers.
Somebody told me.
There you go, that's the killers with somebody told me.
Yep, this is Adam and Joe on XFM, London's 104.9, also available throughout the country on various different devices.
You can call us 08712221049.
At any point you can text us 83XFM, email us, Adam and Joe at XFM.co.uk.
So tell us about some of those names in your phone, Adam.
Are we ready to talk about this?
Yeah, yeah, you just tuned in Adam dropped his phone on the way into the studio today And it's crammed full of celebrity names so somewhere in London lying on the street is basically the key to the door of Fame yeah, well, I'll tell you what I'll start off with I'll try out my sound effect right now with the first name that I can think of in my phone that I really acquired and
So if some sort of criminal or nice person or scaggy picks up your phone and they go through the address book, what's the first one that would really make them think that this was the phone, a phone that belonged to someone special?
Alphabetically.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Maybe Alex James from Blur?
Ooh.
That was my name drop sound effect.
Hang on, I'm gonna put some more in there cos I've got some good names to drop.
So Alex James, you reckon that's quite good?
That's quite good, yeah.
Quite good.
I must say, I saw him on Sky Telly's, like, the TV years.
Yeah.
Commentating the other day.
You wouldn't see Damon doing that, would you?
He did that a long time ago, though.
Don't forget- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, we- we popped up the other day in a really unpleasant one.
I think scariest- 100 scariest moments.
Oh, yeah.
I'm not, for a moment, suggesting we're as famous as any of these people.
Yeah.
But keep going.
So Alex James- Alex James.
That would be good.
That would sort of- that would sort of get your, you know, the- the hairs on the back of your neck standing up, maybe.
Yeah.
Uh, I'm trying to think.
Well, I'll cut to Spike Jones.
Oh, that's pretty good.
That I got the other day.
Uh- That's not to less, though.
You'd have to scroll through quite a lot of names to get to that.
Well, there's Jonathan Ross on there, of course.
That was such a big name.
It actually hurt someone.
I don't want to do the same.
No, it's terrible, isn't it?
It's ludicrous.
But yeah, if anyone does find it, you know, give me a call.
Oh, 871-222-1049.
So it's exciting in Leicester Square today.
Have you seen what's going on outside?
Is it Harry Potter?
If you're coming into the West End and you come through Leicester Square, they're preparing for some sort of big Harry Potter shamboozle.
And they've got an enormous crane and they're lifting up the Triwizard Cup.
A giant triwizard cup.
I think that's what's at stake in the big opening goofball match in Harry Potter.
Is it called goofball?
What's it called?
Witchsticks?
Gogglelump.
Quidditch.
That's it.
There's a big Quidditch match at the beginning of the new Harry Potter film and they've got a giant cup on the balcony.
of the Odeon Leicester Square, and they're gonna do some big sort of presentation in the square, probably blues singing on McFly.
Don't you think, usually, that sort of thing?
Steve sniggers Yeah.
Or Atomic Kitten.
Oh, they don't exist any more.
I'm about 70.
Er... Ricky sniggers Don't you think it's almost premiere overload in London, though?
Too many premieres.
Steve sniggers Yeah, there's... Ricky sniggers Every night there's something.
Steve sniggers There's one on Monday... Ricky sniggers One of diminishing returns.
Is there?
Steve sniggers Er, for, er, what's it called, erm... Ricky sniggers
No, the one with Cameron Diaz and- Oh, In My Shoes.
In Her Shoes, yeah.
That looks terrible.
Anyway, if you're a Harry Potter fan, now's the time to come down to Leicester Square and actually see the giant Quidditch Cup.
Wow.
And they've put, like, a big backdrop of mountains and a castle and stuff up there.
Did you see Daniel Radcliffe on Jonathan Ross last night?
No.
No, was he actually on the show being interviewed?
Yeah, yeah.
How was he?
Well, he seems like a straight-edge person, so I don't think he was on drugs, but he was certainly behaving like it.
I mean, you can't blame the guy.
Must be pretty overwhelming if you're 16 years old and you're on- Doing my Harry Potter impression.
It's pretty good.
All you need to do is really clench your teeth.
Be very nervous.
And sort of stretch your mouth as wide as possible.
But all he does is move his bottom lip, isn't it?
Yeah.
He looks like a big Thunderbird puppet.
Harry Potter!
That's your encapsulation of the entire series.
Harry Potter!
Why are you standing next to that dead cat?
I didn't do it.
It was somebody else, Aldor.
I don't know.
It's supposed to be good, though, the new one.
Apparently, it's supposed to be the same.
He was nice, though, er... With all the others.
He was... Exactly the same.
No, it's supposed to be good.
It's supposed to be the same.
I liked the last one.
He seemed like a nice fellow.
Did you... And you missed Woody Harrelson on there as well.
I thought he... I want to be his friend.
I always thought Woody Harrelson was a nutcase, but he seemed really nice last night on the Jonathan Ross thing.
Did you see that, Lila?
No, I was watching Harry Potter.
Were you?
Yeah, I was at screening last night.
It's the same, isn't it?
No, I liked it.
It's the same.
I hated the first one.
This one, much improved.
Yeah.
It gets sexy, doesn't it?
Doesn't Harry Potter, like, have sex?
No, he doesn't.
What are you thinking about?
Well, doesn't he just kiss a lady?
Does he kiss a girl?
No.
There's no kissing.
I thought he falls in love with an Asian babe.
What are you talking about, you weirdo?
I'm gonna play music now.
Come on, listeners, that's true, isn't it?
There's some sort of Asian babe involved in the new Harry Potter.
You're going down a dirty magical alley.
This is true, it's not dirty.
Nothing dirty about love.
Nothing dirty about sex.
Unless you're having it with me.
Okay, here's Gorillaz with dirty Harry.
That's good, isn't it?
That's got to be one of the best songs with a children's choir in it since maybe, er, the Pink Floyd... Grandad.
Yeah, since Grandad.
No, since whatever it's called.
Oh, er, The Wall?
No, The Brick In The Wall, yeah, by Pink Floyd.
Yeah, I agree with that.
Good track.
And they performed at the MTV Music Awards, the MTV Europe Music Awards, using...
a special thing called Pepper's Ghost.
Pepper's Ghost, which is a sort of magic effect where you have a slanted piece of glass and it makes you appear as if you're a real ghost.
Oooh.
It was supposed to be very exciting, I haven't seen it yet.
Oh, I saw a little clip of, er, Chris Martin doing a funny sketch with Borat.
Oh yeah.
Ah, it seemed amusing.
Amusing.
I'm looking forward to seeing that.
It's Adam and Joe on XFM.
So we should play some ads and then come back maybe with a competition?
With a competition, or maybe we, you know, we need the listeners' help, don't we, Adam, with this quandary, quandary we're in.
Uh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, well, we should talk about that maybe.
Okay, well, all that after these, uh, after these messages and a bit more music.
This is XFM.
XFM.
Where do you come from, what do you know?
That's the future heads with area.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM on a Saturday afternoon.
Yes.
And Harry Potter does have an Asian girlfriend in the new film.
She's called Cho, but he doesn't kiss her.
That's for the next book.
Right.
They're taking it slow.
Wow.
So imagine what book 15 is going to be like.
Hot, hot, hot.
Hot and dirty.
Dirty potter.
Listeners, we need your help.
Because Channel 4, unsurprisingly, are doing an exciting list show called The Hundred Greatest Funny Moments.
Now this is a list show about non-scripted comedy, I think.
I've been trying to work out kind of what the criteria is, but I think it's unscripted.
I think it's almost, slightly insultingly to Adam and me, it's almost sort of accidentally funny things, isn't it?
Cos like one of them on the list is just a man's head going up an elephant's bottom.
That is funny though.
Which is funny, but you know, does it, is there any talent involved, you know, from the elephant or the man whose head is in the elephant's bottom?
Maybe not.
No.
And basically Channel 4 have got a list of a hundred sort of nominations, funny moments, on their website, channel4.com forward slash entertainment forward slash TV forward slash microsites forward slash G forward slash greatest.
I'm sure everyone's making a note of that.
I know, it's not a very catchy URL.
Um, and you can go there and you can vote, uh, for your greatest funny moment.
But in that list, currently at number one, but only because it's alphabetical, is a clip from the Adam and Jo show.
Which clip is it, do you remember?
It's, uh, 20% free, I think, which is something we did in our very first series.
Almost ten years ago, uh, where we went into, uh, a supermarket and ate and drank the 15% free bits.
And when they complained about us doing it, we told them they didn't have any right to complain because it was free.
And so that's on the list.
And we've never been on one of these shows before.
In fact, we're sort of invisible in the history of British television comedy.
Probably for a good reason, but we're quite excited because this is the first time any of these shows has ever Deemed to notice our hard work So we thought we might mobilize you listeners to go to that website and vote for us But there's another quandary we've got right Adam Yeah, well the thing is that we I think we were approached originally to talk about the you know The show and everything to be a comment on other people's clips as well.
Yeah, but to talk about our thing as well I think right
And we just said no, because we learnt our lesson a while back to just stop going on those hundred greatest shows, because they just make you feel miserable and they're awful.
But, um... But we've never been asked on one to actually talk about stuff that we've done.
Yeah, so obviously that's a bit different.
So should we go, is what we're asking you listeners.
Would you think less of us if we went on Channel 4's 100 Greatest Comedy Moments and talked in a self-indulgent way about our own work, even if, say, it was at number 99?
Even if it came below the head going up the elephant's bum, which will probably be at number one.
Well, that is a classic clip.
It is a classic clip.
If we ever did anything half as funny as that, then I'd be very happy.
Should we go on it?
The other thing is that they've already interviewed my dad.
Right.
Because he said, listen, they've asked me to be interviewed on the show and...
and they're gonna pay my train fare and give me some extra money and I really wanna do it.
So I said, yeah, okay, well, that's fine.
So that's a good option for us.
We could just be enigmatic.
Too cool to go on the show.
Instead, Adam's dad speaks for us in a kind of, you know, hardcore underground comedy way.
Alternatively, we could just be, you know, jolly idiots who just turn up to anything and willingly jabber about their own stuff.
You took your dad along to the recording, didn't you, Adam?
I chaperoned him.
to make sure he had his facts straight.
And Dom Jolly was there at the recording, talking about his hilarious moment.
He was in the hot seat after my dad.
So Dom Jolly isn't too good for it.
No.
But what do you think, listeners?
Do you think we should go on it?
Tell us.
83 XFM.
Give us some advice.
Or email us.
Adamandjaradxfm.co.uk.
Also, if you find my phone, give me a call.
I don't know what I'm going to do this weekend.
I don't understand how things work without mobiles.
How did things work in the old days?
You would make an arrangement by letter and then you'd turn up to the place and if the other person wasn't there that was just tough.
There was no way of finding out.
How did life work?
Anyway, we're going to play some music now and after this I think we should have our first competition.
the complete Superman collection.
All four Superman films on DVD.
What an amazing prize.
Wow.
Now, this is a free play.
This is from the new Fall album.
Marky Smith mumbling engagingly through a sort of uncharacteristically sweet, slightly jazzy little number called Midnight Aspen, which just makes you think of...
You know, snowy mountains and clear, clear nights and the smell of pine trees or some kind of pine fresh deodorizer.
Here's the fall.
Just like a little interlude there, a little deviation from the XFM daytime playlist.
That's a return to form for the Fall, isn't it?
After album number, what, a hundred and... Yeah, something.
Yeah, two hundred?
Are they in two hundreds yet?
No, they're still... They're over a hundred though, aren't they?
Uh, well, not original albums, no.
I imagine there's over a hundred sort of compilations and things.
Right, right.
But, uh, it's a good album.
Fall Heads Roll is the name of the album.
Anyway, it's competition time right now, and it's Crap Commentary Corner.
It's time to call in, you could win something amazing, let us begin!
Can you guess which film we're playing?
I've hit and got the same!
Crap, come and tell me corner!
Don't know about that, Jingle.
But it is crap commentary corner time, and this is the part of the show where we play you an excerpt from a DVD commentary.
You have to call in.
08712221049.
Tell us who's talking about what movie.
It's very simple.
And this week, it's a sort of delayed Halloween theme, because it's a slightly creepy, nasty clip.
And in fact, it's the makers of a mystery film confessing that they actually hurt a woman during the filming.
Good.
OK?
OK.
Now their reaction to this isn't very, er, contrite.
Is that the right word?
Yeah.
They don't seem very apologetic for what they've done.
In fact, they seem like a bunch of murdering lunatics.
Oh, that's not very good.
0-8-7-1-triple-2-1-0-4-9.
It's not quite as bad as it sounds.
I'll explain after the clip.
All right, then.
Er, 0-8-7-1-triple-2-1-0-4-9.
The prize is, of course, the complete Superman collection.
Superman 1, Superman 2, Superman 3... And all you have to do is identify the people... And Superman 4.
Identify the people speaking and the film they're speaking about in this clip.
This scene, there's a bulb in my palm with a knife and there's a tube to feed the blood there, the fake blood.
And there's a piece of tape, scotch tape, over the blade edge to keep it dull.
We couldn't get the blood out of the tube onto the knife edge.
And so after the fourth or fifth take, I turned away from everybody and stripped the tape off the knife and then actually just cut her.
And the reason was, at this point, we were insane.
What?
Isn't that, that's quite disturbing isn't it?
That can't be true can it?
It's true.
Well it's not Edgar Wright, we know that.
08712221049, if you know who that is, talking about what film.
Shall we have the second clip?
OK.
Here we go.
I was so crazy.
I mean, at this point I was so crazy and I didn't care about anything.
I didn't care about hurting her.
I just wanted to not do this again.
This is the first time I hear about this.
This is the first time I'm hearing about it.
I wouldn't have carried on on his movie.
I didn't know it was actual real bloodshed.
Well, I knew that you were very sensitive then, so I didn't want to tell you about it, but there's things a man's just got to do.
I'd say that's not one of the things a man's got to do.
Out of all the things a man has to do, no.
That's not one.
Cutting a woman.
Who was that?
I think for legal reasons we should discover who that is and report them to the police.
0 8 7 1, triple 2 1 0 4 9.
If you know who that was, talking about what film, you could win the complete Superman collection, all four films, on four DVDs.
Call now!
beep beep boop boop boop boop modern music with the noises of computers integrated amongst the guitars for modern listening tastes
Hello?
Anybody?
Er, that's the Kaiser Chiefs with Modern Way.
I was enjoying it, I was hoping you were going to carry on.
No, that was it.
I was thinking, where's he going to go now?
Hey, guess what?
What?
Richard's on the line.
Hey, Richard.
Hello.
Hello, Richard.
Hi, how are you?
Very well, how are you?
I'm teaching, yeah.
Yeah, so you're a professional student?
Yeah, I hate that, because I don't like students.
It's a bit hypocritical, but I don't watch calm down, so... Are you in the bath?
No, no.
Why is it so echoey?
I'm in the bathroom.
You don't know what I'm doing though.
I don't wanna know what you're doing, that was a disturbing little tremble in your voice as you said that.
So you reckon you know what that clip was, Richard?
Should we play it again?
Yeah, let's play it.
Just before we play the clip so we don't have to play it twice.
Er, Richard's wrong.
Oh, really?
Yeah, so have another listen, Richard, and you might- it's not a very new film, this, but it's a very, very famous horror film, and you might, er, you know, get a better idea of what it is by not listening to the commentary, er, but listening to what's happening in the background.
OK.
and listen listen richard this scene there's a bulb in my palm on the with the knife and there's a tube to feed the blood there the fake blood uh and fine and there's a piece of tape scotch tape over the blade edge to keep it dull we couldn't get the blood out of the tube onto the knife edge and so after the fourth or fifth take i turned away from everybody and stripped the tape off the knife and then actually just cut her and uh and the reason was at this point we were insane
Well, I couldn't.
There was just screaming going on in the background.
Yeah, but what movie has that much screaming for that length of time and is quite old?
And sort of noises of electrical equipment and screaming.
Are you still there, Richard?
Yeah.
What was your original guess?
It was Evil Dead, but that's not right.
Quite a good guess.
It is a good guess, because there's a lot of screaming in Evil Dead.
Is there a lot of screaming in Evil Dead?
Yeah, yeah.
Is there?
Well, no, there's a lot of evil screaming, because most of the women get turned into monsters.
I suppose there's screaming in the woods, isn't there?
Yeah.
Quite a lot of screaming in the woods.
Do you want to have another guess, Richard?
Yeah, could it be the thing?
Are there any women in the thing?
No, there's no women.
Have a little think.
No women in the thing.
Okay, yeah, there could be a bloke screaming, a very girly bloke.
I'm sure there's one in the
What would that be, though?
That movie has a very girly bloke screaming.
Oh, I don't know, but I want to see it.
Oh, wait, wait, wait, Halloween or something like that.
No, well, you had too many guesses, Richard.
Basically, listeners, it could be very easy to win that Superman collection.
We'll give you one anyway, Richard, cos, you know, you're calling from the bathroom, which is always a good thing.
Oh, by the way, I've seen your stand-up, but it's well-good, you have that on DVD.
Oh, that was Adam, not me.
No, no, no, I wasn't talking to you, Joe.
Oh.
Um, stand-up, no.
What, sorry?
Where did you see it?
I was- in Edinburgh.
I was next to the guy that you said he looked like he was from The Strokes.
Oh, yeah.
OK, good one.
Thanks for coming along.
No, er, no, it's quite a long way from DVD at the moment, but thanks a lot for, er, enjoying it, coming along and all that stuff.
Shall we talk to Debbie?
Debbie thinks she's got it.
OK, thanks for your call, Richard.
Yeah, thanks, Richard.
Debbie, how you doing?
Hello, I'm fine, thank you.
That's good.
You sound like a fruity, lovely person.
Debbie, surely you're not a fan of traumatic horror films, are you?
Only slightly, yeah.
What's your guess?
Well, I thought it might be the Texas Chainsaw Massacre and it might have been Toe Pooper talking.
Well hey, I think that wins it for Debbie.
That's absolutely right.
It's not, it's actually Gunnar Hansen or whatever he's called, the guy that plays Leatherface, talking.
But that's exactly the right film, and Toe Poop is in there, sort of being a bit shocked by Gunnar Hansen.
Right, that was him being shocked, right, OK.
So that's very good, Debbie.
That's very impressive.
And I'd just like to let everybody know that he's actually talking about cutting her finger.
which is still it's still a bit nasty but not as nasty as it might have been no no it's quite sweet in comparison really yeah does gunnar hansen still act then uh i think gunnar hansen kind of makes a living on the convention circuit yeah signing leather i may be wrong maybe he's had some roles but i haven't seen him above
the title of a film.
No one's really going to be fighting to work with him after admitting that he cuts people for real.
Anyway, thanks very much indeed for your call Debbie.
Congratulations, and we're going to send you that Superman prize.
Hope you enjoy it.
Oh, that's brilliant.
Thank you very much.
Cheers.
Have a good weekend.
Ah, there you go.
Fantastic.
Well done, Debbie.
See, that's the secret lady horror fan, Lady Gore fan.
There's not too many of those around, are there?
I don't know.
Maybe that sort of fruity cheerfulness in her voice was actually masking, uh, a life of evil, and she was standing in a bloody kitchen.
A bloody kitchen?
Hey, I want to talk about bloody kitchens, actually.
Bloody kitchens?
Have you seen the F word?
Is that Gordon Ramsay's new show?
Yeah, yeah.
I want to talk about it.
Anyway, here's an old classic right now.
This is Weezer with Buddy Holly.
That's Weezer with Buddy Holly.
So, uh, yeah.
I wanted to, yeah, talk about the... I'm really confused and sort of thrown off this week now, cos of my phone, you know?
I'm taking... I know I'm being a bit pathetic about it, but I'm really sorry.
It's just... It's just scrambled by my head.
Well, try and move on.
Try and move on.
Yeah.
All right, then.
What have you seen on telly?
You want to talk about Gordon Ramsay?
Er, yes.
You know what, I'm going to talk about Gordon Ramsay in the second hour of the show.
Right.
Did you see Broken News this week?
No.
Do you know about Broken News?
Yeah, Broken News is a kind of sub the day-to-day.
Is it on the BBC or ITV?
I'm not sure.
I believe it's BBC Two Monday evenings.
It tries to replicate the experience of surfing between news channels in a satirical way.
But very difficult thing to do because it's been done so well already in the day-to-day.
Yeah.
Years ago.
just staggeringly pointless, the whole exercise.
Um, and you just think, what- what were they thinking?
Why- why would they do it?
It's kind of like- was it Gus Van Sant that remade Psycho?
It seems to be the same sort of exercise in TV terms, because they don't really cover any new ground at all that wasn't, uh, covered in the day-to-day.
All this stuff about, you know, the ludicrous nature of
handovers on news shows, the artificiality of the kind of banter between the presenters, and they do all them sort of mad words and mad names, you know, for sports teams.
The Wolverhampton Baboons, and they've got like a travel reporter woman who says things like, traffic's not too bad on Minger Lane, not too many buses at Bigots Foot, and all this kind of stuff.
You see, he wouldn't- Morris would not use a- such obvious words, would he?
Minga.
Minga and baboon.
No.
He'd go to the next level.
But you just think why- I mean, the thing is, it's not bad.
In itself, it's not badly done, the show.
It's kind of bad.
pretty well done in fact and most of the most of the presenters that they've got on it are really good and and they really do a pretty excellent job of encapsulating what those people are like on a lot of news programs and the production values are pretty excellent and you know you can't fault any of that at all but it just seems so sort of like everyone's given up
and thought, well, we can't think of anything.
We'll just remake some stuff that was good before.
But it doesn't really have any of the funny characters that the day-to-day had, you know?
There's no Alan Partridge's and Collatorley sisters, and all you think is, oh, my God, it's gonna be exactly the same every week.
They're just gonna rotate between these, like, six or seven set-ups that they've got and established in the first episode, and that's all you're gonna get.
You should watch it.
Have you gone to sleep, Joe?
I don't want to watch it.
It sounds terrible.
You know what I think it is?
Maybe it's commissioning editors, because the day-to-day was- probably not many people watched it.
What do you think?
Million?
Couple of million?
Maybe they think if they make a slightly rubbishier version of something that was genuinely good, it'll get more viewers.
Yeah, that's an interesting theory.
I'm trying to think of other shows that support that theory, but I'll need some time.
Water it down.
Make it more accessible.
Hey, listen, can I talk about something I saw on TV?
Sure.
I've been watching some kids' TV, and I've seen an amazing thing called LazyTown, and I want to know if anyone out there has seen LazyTown.
I couldn't quite believe it.
It's possibly the most surreal thing I've ever seen.
It's on in the mornings and the evenings, and it concerns a little girl in a purple bob... She's got a sort of purple bob hair and a sort of weird pink skirt, and she's in a sort of cartoon world inhabited by giant deformed plastic puppet children,
And there's a villain who's called something like Roger Wrong or Robbie Wrong.
And there's a hero called Sportacus.
And it's all amazingly high speed as if it's been directed by Sam Raimi.
And the villain looks a bit like Bruce Campbell.
Is it live action, did you say?
It's live action, yeah.
But it's very frenetic and over the top.
And I think I might have dreamt it, so I need someone out there to text us 83XFM or email or call and confirm that this show exists.
I think it's the freakiest kids TV show I've ever seen.
LazyTown.
And they sing an awful Sub Steps gay disco song at the end.
Have you ever seen The Wiggles?
What do The Wiggles do?
They're like a bunch of... It's four Australian blokes with their sweaters tucked into their trousers.
Right.
And they sing bad, bad songs.
And, er, you should check out The Wiggles, cos that's pretty weird as well.
There was a song at the end of the episode of, er, Lazy Town, I saw, that went, bing bang, biggle bong boo, silly words I sing when I am dancing, dancing.
Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh.
Yeah?
That sounds quite good.
Does sound quite good, doesn't it?
That's the new Sugar Babes single.
Has anyone else seen LazyTown?
Where's it from?
They all speak... One of them's sort of French, one of them's American, one of them's English.
Wow.
Cosmopolitan.
It's weird.
Oh, wow.
I really want to see it now.
What time is it on?
It's on in the morning, which is why I'm... So sometime before midday... I can't actually trust.
No, I think about ten.
Ten.
I can't actually trust that I was fully awake when I was watching it.
Yeah.
OK, well, call us if you've seen LazyTown.
We should play some adverts and then we'll be back for our second hour here on XFM.
Yes, sir.
Oh, that's scary, isn't it?
The Dead Sixties with Ghostface Killer.
So I should just say thanks to... We've been inundated with texts and emails about LazyTown.
It does exist.
Good.
And it is mental.
And a lot of people like it.
A lot of people are frightened by it.
Some people encourage their kids to watch it.
Other people are worried about...
the subliminal messages buried in LazyTown.
But basically further research uncovers that it's created by a Finnish man called Magnus Scheving who took 12 years to develop the concept of LazyTown.
Look, he is a world-class athlete, an actor and comedian, and he plays Sportacus, so he's in it.
The guy that plays Sportacus actually created it.
And it's on telly in 43 countries, and it, I quote, delivers pro-health and pro-social messages in an entertaining and non-violent way.
That sounds ideal.
It sounds very good.
I've changed my mind about LazyTown.
I think it should be encouraged.
But while I was watching LazyTown, have you got my little CD there, Adam?
Uh, yes.
What number do you want?
let's have to just try one while I was watching lazy town there was a commercial break and everyone knows that kids commercials are insane right kids commercials exist on a completely different level from adult commercials and the basic formula for a kid's commercial is to do kind of a pop song with lyrics that describe the product it's an amazing fortress 16 chambers of dungeons I'm just making it up
Really fast, you know what I mean?
And then at the end, the new dungeon, blalalalala, then a really fast bit of spiel at the end.
So pretty much every kid's advert follows that formula.
But there's one that takes that formula to new insane levels.
And it's for a doll called Princess Alexa.
And I've recorded this song, and I think it's the strangest song I've ever heard.
And just to let you know what's happening on screen while this song happens, there's a tiny little girl
maybe about three or four, who appears to have been either drugged or given alcohol to make her, you know, controllable.
She's dressed up like a princess and she's pushing this crappy plastic pram, all done up with horrible little jewels.
And in the pram is this horrible baby doll, all done up like an awful tacky princess.
And it's advertising Princess Alexa, who's the doll, and her pram.
So while this strange woozy little girl plays with the doll and the pram, this is the song that plays.
And what I want you to tell me, listeners, is what the hell they're saying.
What are they saying in this song?
You can understand the first bit, but if you can understand what they're saying in the second bit, you're a better human being than me.
Have a listen.
My sweet Alexa You really are a princess Princess Alexa Know a beautiful brand made just for you With magical form that lights Nice for your music too
What are they saying?
I've listened to it so many times.
To try and make it clear what they're saying, I've slowed down the salient bits.
If you go to track two, here's the salient bit slowed down.
See if this makes it any easier to work out what's being sung.
No beautiful brand made just for you With magical warm-up lights No eyes for you, listen to me
You talk about LazyTown scaring you.
No wonder you're frightened.
You just- My sweet Alexa, you really are a princess.
Princess Alexa.
And then what do they say?
They say it's something about your special pran- with a special pran just for you.
Play the first one once more.
I'm gonna play the slow one.
If you- if you at home can- can figure out what they're saying, give us a call.
0 8 7 1 2 2 2 1 0 4 9.
The fast one's impossible.
I'll play the slow one.
Hang on.
You know what?
I think they've done it like back masking.
There's a satanic message in there, isn't there?
Well, that's it.
I think the satanic message is something about a pram just for you with magic and lights on it.
Yeah, I tell you, because I really did listen to this about 400 times last night.
Barry nearly drove me insane.
What he's saying is, Now a beautiful pram made just for you.
Now a beautiful pram made just for you.
With magical crown that lights.
With magical cram that lights.
Okay, but the next bit I cannot figure out.
Weis reusch nyap nyap music too.
It's probably backwards, but it's, they're saying it's fun to smoke marijuana backwards.
Can we hear the first one just once more?
Okay, here we go.
I love it.
My sweet Alexa You really are a princess Princess Alexa Know a beautiful brand made just for you With magical fun that lights Nice for your music too
There's something creepy going on there, listeners.
Keep your children away from that advert.
It says nice royal music too.
Nice royal music.
So the person singing it is Swedish.
Yeah.
And they've edited it to fit all that product information.
They've edited every single breath of air from in between the words.
Slightly counterproductive.
That's genius.
Just as a warning, apparently the Princess Alexa pram is rubbish and the wheels fall off.
so in case you're in a store and that song is implanted a subliminal message to make you buy it don't that's your opinion that's my opinion we have to point out yeah it might be brilliant so here's a here's a uh a free play right now this is wire with a track called outdoor miner
outdoor minor by wire this is adam and joe on xfm um we're here for another 40 minutes or so hey and thanks to everyone who's uh texted in suggestions for the lyrics to the princess alexa song we think it's something like
With magical wand that lights... Lights for you and music, too.
Basically, we still don't know.
Magical walnut lights.
It's not magical walnut.
It sounds very light magical.
They would have to... Walnut lights would be inherently magical.
Yeah.
Anyway, I don't think we're ever gonna know.
And if we did know, we would uncover some hideous satanic conspiracy.
Hey, have you ever noticed that BBC Two, maybe it's just my, um, sort of satellite box or whatever, but BBC Two, a lot of the audio is slightly out of sync.
No.
Haven't noticed that.
Have you never had that?
No.
I'm sure- at first I thought I was losing my mind.
Er, I noticed it with the Bob Dylan documentary.
I'll tell you what it is.
The shows they put out on BBC Two are slightly more intellectual, so it just might take you a second longer to- to work out what they're talking about.
What is it?
Math?
Math is not moving at the same time.
Tell us about Gordon Ramsay though.
Because I've been seeing those appalling, well, you know, their Channel 4 seem to use the same photographer for their giant posters and they're always kind of... Sub... It's kind of sub-Pierre-Egile... Who's that American photographer?
La Chapelle.
Yeah, David La Chapelle.
Sort of sub-La Chapelle, portmanteau things.
This one's got, what's his face, in a bath of caviar.
Gordon Ramsay.
And it's advertising a show called The F Word.
The F Word.
And I didn't even think- cos I'm partly thick anyway.
That's the way to get- basically put The F Word into the title of your product.
That's the way to get attention these days.
The idea- It's the same as most of Channel 4's advertising.
Like their big campaign for more for was basically looked like a porn channel, didn't it?
And then The F Word.
I didn't even, you know, food was the last F word that I actually thought of.
I didn't know what the hell was going on.
But anyway, it's a very strange mishmash of a cookery show.
It's like every single type of cookery thing that's ever been done on TV before mixed in to a great big stupid pot.
You see, I'm using kind of a cooking analogy.
Yeah similarly and it's it's really a Strange mess so what other things that have been used in cookery shows before well of course you've got your straight recipe Section yeah, it shows you how to cook something Yeah, so obviously that's there, but then that it's all set in a kind of mad futuristic space restaurant that they seem to have built somewhere and
that's all white and very brightly lit and weirdly designed with strange balconies of Kind of it looks a bit like 2001 Wow mixed in with some brilliant some really bad nightclub or other and so then they have a celebrity diner and Last week it was Joan Collins Wow so Ramsey sits down and interviews the
Collins, I don't know who thought that he would be a good person to interview anyone But anyway, so he sort of sits there asks her some boring questions She drives the whole thing pretty much single-handedly and he just sits there sort of going.
Yeah.
Yeah, right Okay, and then occasionally he'll go into the kitchen and literally they'll have a little Swearing fix of him just sort of shouting at a couple of his chefs for about 10 seconds for no reason just so you know, that's what the viewers love.
Yeah
Stir it more!
Stir it in the other direction!
Turn the heat up, you effing moron!
And then he'll get back to interviewing someone else, or chatting to someone about some food-related issue.
How do you clean your grill pan?
And then they'll have a thing where he tries to... Do you wash the fat away, or do you scrape it into a paper towel?
That's an interesting idea for a segment, yeah.
But anyway, one of the things that struck me about it was that the straight recipe section, where he shows you how to cook something, seems to have been inspired by Get Stuffed.
You remember Get Stuffed, right?
Get Stuffed was a classic late night, possibly London only late night TV show made by a couple of students who became millionaires.
Or so the rumour went.
Well, it ran for about ten years or something, didn't it?
And it was all shot on camcorders.
They just ran into a sort of mini-market and bought some stuff, took it home, showed you how to cook it.
And they would play sort of bad rock guitar behind it, really thin, reedy little guitar.
It was like a punk cookery show.
And it was like, yeah, we're gonna cook!
And they'd show you how to cook really pretty basic things.
Yeah, I think our listeners remember Get Stuffed.
So basically it's the same.
It's like, I'm gonna cook halibut.
And then there's some rock music playing behind it.
And then he just, well, I've done a little illustration for you to show you what it's like.
So imagine Gordon cooking toast.
We're gonna make some toast.
Bread out of bag.
Into toaster.
Handle down.
Draw.
Knife.
Draw.
Toast pops up.
Butter tub.
Spread butter.
Eat it.
Yum.
Toast.
That's what it's like.
I swear to you, no exaggeration.
That's sexy and exciting.
I want toast now.
Well, maybe it works.
But that's the formula they use on the F-word.
Wow.
It's pretty amazing just to sort of... Do they use sound effects on the knife being picked up?
Because that's an area they could go to.
yeah no it's all i'm illustrating that in an audio way in the on the tv show it's all fast cut shots of the food they're cooking in that kind of thing and but he literally just does that like punctuates it but with these kind of things like halibut slice it pepper
He's angry about the halibut.
He's furious and turned on.
What's the halibut done to him?
By the halibut.
It's angered and aroused him.
He's gonna have that halibut.
Anyway, it's kind of a mystifying show.
I look forward to watching it.
That's brilliant.
Toast.
Let's play some music.
Who is it, Adam?
Oh, I don't know.
I think I might have put the wrong thing.
Oh, Jesus.
I don't know.
I had the right thing all along.
Quickly.
It's hard fight.
Hard...
Hard fight, hard to beat, back off to this.
There you go.
That is the Magic Numbers with Love Me Like You.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM this Saturday afternoon.
It's almost time for Ditches in the Dark.
Not quite yet.
Should we say what the category is this week?
Why not?
We should have done fireworks.
What were we thinking?
Something firework-based.
Instead, we've done what?
Saxophones.
Saxophones, isn't it?
Saxophone night.
No.
Mind you, I can't think of that many fireworks-based songs, but I guess you could have something that was just vaguely gunpowder.
Yeah, something with bangs.
Yeah.
And pops.
Bangs and pops.
You know, I think we've actually got to the bottom of the Princess Alexa song.
Oh, yeah.
With magical wand that lights.
is what it is.
And music too, so we now know all the lyrics.
Good.
Yeah?
Are you going to say them for us?
No, I'm not going to read them out.
Unless you want me to.
Why not?
Because they're just gibberish.
Now a beautiful pram made just for you with magical wand that lights.
Oh, maybe there's still a bit that we don't know.
We'll never know though.
Well.
And the other thing we should put to bed is whether we're going to go on this clip show.
Yeah, what's the consensus?
Well, just fill for a bit and I'll tell you.
I mean, we had lots and lots of texts, but we've had lots since then.
Mostly about LazyTown, so I've got to go earlier.
OK, here's what I'm filling.
Have you ever noticed that Guy Ritchie and Madonna are turning into Richard and Judy?
No.
Are they?
In terms of appearance?
Yeah.
Have you ever?
Yeah.
Dude, I've turned into the turtle in fine emo.
So what made you notice that?
I just saw a photograph of them the other day and she looks like Judy Finnegan and he's turning into Richard Madeley.
Wow.
It's good.
I think that's good.
Well done.
Nice filling.
Thanks, Ben.
The consensus is that we should do it.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
I'm surprised.
Uh, the main comment was, I think I said that would people think worse of us if we did it.
Most people have texted in saying they couldn't possibly think any worse of us.
Yeah.
In a friendly sort of a way.
Mm-hm.
But, uh, most people think we should do it because, uh, nobody watches those things.
It's really not as if there's much mystique to protect anyway.
And the other good suggestion is, or the one good reason for not doing it is that we'll get to see other minor celebrities.
We'll be forced to talk about our work.
That'd be quite cool, wouldn't it?
Find out what, finally find out what Jane Middlemas thought of that sketch.
I can't believe she ever saw it.
She's not a minor celebrity anymore.
She's a major celebrity and she wouldn't have seen it.
They'll give her a tape.
Yeah, that's true.
She'll watch it just before they film the interview.
Have you, did we ever do one of those things where we actually hadn't seen what we were talking about?
Because that's standard practice.
You just go in there and you don't even watch the tape and you just kind of freestyle.
You watch one clip, but you've never actually watched the whole program.
And so you just talk about that one clip as if you're an expert.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Um, OK, so, yeah, saxophone dishes in the dark.
Shall we just get into it anyway?
Why not?
You know what?
Oh, go on.
What were you gonna say?
I had trouble finding a saxophone-based song.
Not sure mine.
It's got a saxophone on it.
Um, saxophone-based songs.
There's so many.
There's loads.
You could have all sorts of Bowie stuff that's got saxophones in it.
Well, Bowie was a saxophonist, wasn't he?
Yeah.
He was taught by a very famous saxophone player.
In fact, he was taught by the guy that did the sax solo on Walk on the Wild Side.
That guy was, apparently, I read on the internet, was Bowie's sax teacher.
Yeah, but Bowie does all sorts of weird sax solos.
Some quite bad ones.
that he sort of excuses by saying they're mystical and Eastern at the end of, like, TVC15 has a particularly rambling sax solo at the end that goes slightly out of tune.
Is there a sax solo on that?
I think so, a little bit of sax.
Maybe wrong.
Yeah, he plays on Iggy Pop's albums as well, some weird sax.
But I was gonna pick Soul Love by Bowie, cos that's got one of the nicest sax solos on it.
Well, you could have had Careless Whisper as well, George Michael.
I just don't think anyone would have voted for it.
I mean, there are lots of bad choices, lots of Kenny G. I was thinking the theme from Benny Hill.
That's got to be the biggest, most famous sax workout in the history of music.
Yeah.
You know that one.
I almost brought in Ark of the Diver.
Is it Ark of the Diver or Baker Street?
Or have they both got sax on them?
Baker Street's the famous one.
I've never heard of it.
What is Ark of the Diver?
That's Baker Street.
That's Baker Street, yeah.
Ark of the Diver, maybe I'm insane about that one.
That's a good song, though.
Anyway, in the end, I brought in some Madness.
Good choice.
Because that is about as good as saxophone ever got, really.
Yeah.
Madness just went all crazy all over saxophone's arse.
Well, it's true, isn't it?
To make a saxophone sound good, you just don't do any sustained notes.
Yeah.
You sort of pump it like a trumpet.
That's right.
Pump it like a trumpet.
Um, so I brought in, uh, One Step Beyond.
Good choice.
By, by Madness.
I was nearly gonna bring in Nightboat Takara.
Yeah.
But I didn't.
You didn't.
What did you bring in instead?
I brought in Pigbag, by Pigbag.
Now, younger listeners might not know Pigbag, but they were, uh, like a very early 80s post-punk band, formed by a guy called Chris Hamlin, who went to the same art school as Adam here, Cheltenham Art College.
Did he?
Um, and Pigbag, you'll recognize it the moment you hear it.
It's a fantastic, uh,
uh sort of sort of scar song isn't it with a really driving beat and a really nasty dirty bass riff and a honky tonky saxophone on it and it's just brilliant um and coincidentally enough it's one of the tracks that features on the cd we're giving away to everybody who gets on air
for Ditties this week.
It's called Going Underground.
It's a two CD compilation of kind of, how would you describe the music of The Jam, The Undertones, The Police, Elvis Costello, Squeeze, The Specials and Madness, Two Tones, Scar.
So the new wavy, yeah, that sort of business.
But Pigbag's on there, track five.
And so that's what I'd like you to vote for, Pigbag by Pigbag.
So what ever happened to Pigbag then?
They just split up, I think.
They could never really match the catchiness of that one single.
You know, some bands almost record a track that's so good.
They're doomed.
They're sort of doomed, you know what I mean?
And Pig Bag is just an incredible track and it still sounds as fresh as it did 25 years ago.
They were contemporaries of the Higgsons, I think, Charlie Higgson's band, who sounded a little bit similar.
It was kind of funky, punky.
Yeah, yeah.
It was good.
But basically, it's two really solid post-punk, scar-ish tracks in Ditties.
Pigbag by Pigbag, and from Adam, One Step Beyond by Madness.
So call 0871 222 1049.
Everybody who gets on air wins a copy of the Going Underground compilation.
Call now!
Sorry about that.
Forgot to actually play the song there.
Nod it off.
This is Block Party.
Oh, look at that.
It's gone all Armageddon outside.
It was a beautiful sunny morning this morning.
Now there is no natural light.
Armageddon time.
Nails are falling from the sky at speed.
Not actually raining, though, is it?
Don't know.
They say it's going to be rainy tonight for fireworks night.
Aw.
Oh, dear.
I take it.
Before we polish off Dizzies in the Dark,
I just want to say a few thank yous to some of the people that have communicated with us over the last couple of weeks.
Thanks, obviously, to everyone who's emailed us, but thanks a lot to Christine for this amazingly interesting email, which I probably shouldn't read out.
You shouldn't say too much about it.
Christine emailed us about one of the people that was in our 20% free
One of the people that happened to be in the shop there, she knows all about him and he's got a fairly extraordinary, rather disturbing story, which we probably shouldn't read out.
But thanks a lot for the email, Christine.
And thanks to Theo and Max, who got in touch with me the other day.
They found my details on my
on my website and sent me a very nice letter saying they enjoy the show and I did an interview with them for their website which is all about animals it was very bizarre and they sent me a copy of Dunstan Checks In to say thank you oh that's a good film yeah so thanks a lot Theo and Max and thanks a lot as well children Theo and Max I don't know they could be any age all right thanks a lot as well to the guy did you see the guy last weekend who was waiting outside for us with a top hat on yes the band and a guitar yeah
And his band was called Something Hammer.
I failed to write it down properly as I left the house.
I'm really sorry about that.
But if you're listening, thanks a lot.
I really liked your album.
Probably can't play any of it because then it'll be encouraging all sorts of people just to give me stuff which I won't be able to play.
But I really liked it.
So thanks for that.
And, you know, if anyone ever wants to send us stuff, they're more than welcome.
Right.
So let's polish off Ditties in the Dark right now.
This week it's Madness versus Pig Bag, and we've got five callers on the line.
Everyone who calls wins a copy of Going Underground, which is a great 2CD sort of music compilation.
Well-sold!
Thanks.
Nice.
So, should we go to Gail first?
Yes.
Hey Gail.
Hello, good afternoon.
How are you doing?
Very well, thank you, and you too.
Well, fine.
What are your plans for fireworks night, Gail?
very boring stealing babysitting the dog really because he's terrified i'll protect the dog i have to protect the dog so i'll be armed with beer for myself and some special oils to go in the dog's drink to knock him out are you one of these women that lets dogs lick you all over your face oh thank goodness i was really worried there for a second i didn't know which way that was gonna go
OK, what, you mean like... What's her answer?
She said no, like Sharon Osbourne and Osbourne, yeah.
Oh no, no baby talk, no face licking, none of that.
Just treat it like a dog?
Yeah.
Quite right, well done Gail.
Treat it like the dog that it is.
So what's your vote?
Madness.
Baby, one step beyond.
Thanks very much indeed for calling Gail, have a good evening with your dog.
And Martin, how are you doing?
All right, thanks, how are you?
Yeah, good, thank you very much.
What are you up to tonight?
Are you going to any exciting parties?
I'll be working in the kitchens tonight.
Are you?
Whereabouts in the kitchens are you?
I have a kitchen pause, I did a washing up.
KP, potwash.
Well done, Martin.
Misery.
Have a good night anyway, Martin.
And what are you going to vote for?
Is it madness or pig bag?
I'm going for madness.
Ooh, two for madness.
Two for hell, not looking good for Cornish.
You know, I thought it was gonna be a walkover for Pigbag, cos it is an amazing song.
Pauline, are you there?
Yeah, hi.
Hello, how you doing?
I'm good, thank you.
Plans tonight?
Anything we can join in with?
I'm going to a party, a firework party.
Private or public?
Private.
Really?
Yes.
Are they gonna have spent a lot of money on fireworks, or is it gonna be a bit measly?
No, no, they normally do really, really good shows.
Do they?
What are their first names?
Anthony and Mandy's fireworks party is always a lavish affair.
They spent so much money on fireworks.
Do you remember what happened last year?
Really?
He goes over to Eastern Europe?
Anthony's fireworks were so large last year that he lost a hand.
He'd lost a hand the previous year, so now he has no hands, but he has the finest firework display in the whole of the London area.
Is there anybody who, like, custom makes fireworks?
Like, Adam and me, when we used to make our little toy films, we used to slice up fireworks and create pyrotechnics.
Well, that's the only way we could reconstruct the sinking of the Titanic or Savory Private Ryan.
We nearly died on a number of occasions.
Of course, we don't encourage anybody to do that.
But someone there in London must sort of splice fireworks.
Don't encourage anyone, man.
OK.
I'm not encouraging.
I'm saying that's a bad idea.
Pauline, are you going to vote for pig bag or for madness?
pig bag back from the dead okay two ones still to madness have a good time tonight pauline please please be careful yes don't mess with fireworks ali how you doing there are you well i am very well thank you good what about you tonight ali what what's going down up your alley 40th birthday party
Not sure about the fireworks.
They're sure to be fireworks, but maybe not of the incendiary kind.
Emotional fireworks.
Midlife crisis.
Look at Catherine.
She's spinning like a wheel.
Oh dear.
Ali, are you still with us?
I am.
What are you voting for?
Pig bag, please.
Ooh, it's exciting!
It's a knife edge, a cliff edge.
Thanks, Ali, have a good time tonight.
Don't drink too much and cause problems.
It's all down to Dave.
Dave?
Hello?
Hello, Dave.
Hello.
OK, don't tell us what you're voting for yet.
We can spin this out just like a top ITV game show.
What are you up to tonight, Dave?
I'm going to Cheltenham for a firework policy.
Really?
To Cheltenham the place, not the football club.
What am I talking about?
Of course there's only the place.
Where else could you be going?
I don't know, my brain is really in a bad, bad situation.
Cheltenham the idea?
Yeah.
Dave?
What sort of a fireworks display will it be?
I really don't know.
Why are you going all the way to Cheltenham for a fireworks display?
I used to live in London, it moved out.
Well, make them come to you.
Fireworks are better in London.
Kids have got them tied to their hands and ears and feet.
They're running down the street, posting them through letterboxes, hurling them at policemen and blowing up cars.
They are around where we live, aren't they?
The world does basically go mad for this month, doesn't it?
Yeah, it's like Lebanon.
But not in Cheltenham.
Cheltenham's a more civilised area, right?
Absolutely.
So, Dave, come on.
What's it gonna be?
Spin it out a little bit.
Tease us a little bit.
Is it gonna be madness or pig bag?
As much as I would like to hear Pigback, which I've never heard of, I'm going to go.
Oh, he's going for the madness.
Thanks very much for your call, Dave.
Have a good time tonight.
Sorry, man.
That's OK.
I'll just bring in, you know, less interesting records.
You're not doing very well.
Well, listen, I do want to play a snatch because Dave said he'd never even heard the Pigback.
That's the thing.
I've just got to bring in better known records.
Yes.
Listen, Pigback.
Remember this?
Come on, folks, you've got to remember this one.
This is what you passed up.
Hey, but this is wrong.
Take it off.
OK.
If you lose, you lose.
We didn't even get the riff there.
It's very famous.
That's what you're missing.
Take it off instead.
Man, who is also a fantastic track.
Yeah, you can't really go wrong with this.
Hey, listen, thanks very much indeed, everybody, for listening and for getting in touch with us this week.
Yeah, thanks to everyone who's emailed and texted and phoned.
So we're gonna do the interview, right?
Well, I think so.
We'll have another look over the texts and find out what the consensus was, but I think we probably will.
We'll see you next week.
We're gonna leave you in Marsha's capable hands, cos Justin Lee Collins is chasing the A-team in Los Angeles.
I don't know what the hell he's doing.
But we'll see you next week.
Love you, bye!
Hey, you!
Don't watch that!
Watch this!