Hi, I'm Adam.
Hi, I'm Joe.
Joe.
Yeah.
See, the problem with that is that it's a bit like Dizzy's in the Dock, isn't it?
Adam, there's no problem with that.
Starts out ironic and then it ends up just being a thing.
There's no problem with that.
All right, man.
But there's no problem with today.
Look at it today.
It's amazing, isn't it?
It's a beautiful day.
It's crisp and cool like New York in the winter.
Oh, like crisps.
London is my New York.
Mmm, I agree with you.
I've just had an amazing thing happen to me.
What?
I went into one of my favourite shops, the Cinema Store on Shaftesbury Avenue, on the way into the show, and I saw in there, behind a table, all on his own, Michael Winner.
Michael Winner!
Was he having dinner?
He wasn't having dinner, surprisingly, but he was doing his signing, and there was nobody there.
The staff of the shop were chatting to him.
What was he signing, just random DVDs?
His books, his biography, which is called...
Come on, Adam Buxton.
What would Michael Winner's biography be called?
Autobiography.
I'm a winner.
Nearly.
Winner takes all.
Well, it's not true.
He hasn't taken everything.
And I've been watching Michael Winner films recently.
Which ones?
Particularly a film called The Sentinel.
Do you remember The Sentinel?
Yeah.
We watched that when we were younger.
It's quite a gross film, I think.
Listeners, I recommend The Sentinel for an unintentional laugh-fest.
It's about a house that's built on a portal to hell.
and the Sentinel has to guard the portal to hell.
And at the climax of the film, the denizens of hell emerge from the portal.
And because they couldn't afford elaborate prosthetics, they just got freaked.
Oh yeah!
Do you remember?
They get genuinely deformed people.
Yeah, nice one.
Do you want me to go into this?
I've got a small anecdote about this.
Come on, let's hear about it.
OK, so... Well, are you reading from Winner's Book now?
I'm going to paraphrase from Winner's Book.
It was a reasonably budgeted film, The Sentinel.
Didn't have enough to make up 50 people in prosthetics.
So I decided to use genuinely deformed people.
My assistants gathered a group of the most amazingly deformed people.
They were all very very nice human beings.
But then things go wrong because the crew of the Sentinel refused to eat with the freaks.
They're so disgusting.
You remember them, they've got like big deformed lips and huge saggy faces and elephantiasis and all these genuine conditions.
Not sure a huge saggy lip is a genuine condition.
But the crew refused to eat with them.
The crew demanded a screen is set up.
That's pretty rich coming from your average crew.
You know?
Yeah.
So they demand a screen to split up so they don't have to lay eyes on these freaks while they eat.
Winner can't take that.
He says, this is disgusting.
And Winner always eats in an air-conditioned Winnebago.
He never even eats with the crew, so he goes... He's actually called a Winnebago.
Called Michael Winnebago.
So, Winner says, I'm coming to lunch today.
I'm going to sit with the freaks and show the crew my view on this matter.
Does he use the word freaks all the way through?
He does.
I'm going to sit with the freaks, I quote, to show my view of this matter.
Okay, so lunchtime comes around, and the punchline to the anecdote is, to my endless and great shame, I didn't eat with the freaks.
I went and ate in my Winnebago, because they were a bit too horrible to look at.
Is that what he says?
Yeah, so for half a paragraph he goes on about how he's going to rise above it and eat with the freaks and show the crew that when push comes to shove, he just eats in the Winnebago.
And I got him, so with this anecdote in mind, I got him to sign my book,
I should have eaten with the freaks.
Full stop.
Nice people.
Full stop.
That's brilliant.
Wow.
And all that happened in about half an hour on my way to the show.
Wow.
I can't compete with that.
Wow.
No, it is a lovely day though, isn't it?
It's a beautiful day.
You just can't help feeling very positive about everything.
And we've got an amazing show for you, ladies and gentlemen.
Mainly ladies, listening to action.
Ladies, gentlemen, and tiny children, we have a very good show for you, apart from the usual fantastic music from the likes of all your classics from Kings of Leon, Police, Nick Cave, 2Pac, The Streets, The Black Keys, all sorts of good stuff coming up for you.
We've also got a new twist on Ditties in the Docks.
Yeah, a great new twist.
Basically, we were having trouble picking tunes because the field was too broad.
And it was hard to win, for me, personally.
You were winning quite a lot!
Well, we decided to narrow the field, and we're gonna have theme ditties in the dock.
So this week, the theme is... Musicals!
Musicals!
Joe chose that one!
I did choose musicals, because I love musicals!
You're quite a big musical fan, aren't you?
Not really, to be honest, Evan.
Yes, you are.
I'm not!
You love musicals!
I don't love musicals!
All you do is sit around singing- You're calling me a musicals fan.
You- Saturday night, tonight, you'll be sitting around singing show tunes.
Won't you?
In drag, yeah.
Yeah, with Dave Walliams.
No I won't.
That's what you'll do.
I tell you, I only like a limited number of musicals.
Okay.
And I bought a track from one of my favourite musicals.
Yeah, and I think I know what it is, and it's a good one, but I've got a peach up my sleeve as well.
Song-wise, not an actual peach.
Plus, this week, another great element of the show is, of course, Crap Commentary Corner, and I've got a very, very good one this week.
Difficult?
It is difficult, it's challenging, but the prize is good, and it'll make you laugh.
Well, to balance that out, I've got a very easy mummification competition, if you can guess what my ma is describing your winner prize.
Do we know what the prizes are?
We've got some great prizes.
We've got Dave Gorman's Google Whack DVD.
We've got tickets to see The Incredibles.
A special screening of The Incredibles.
That is a good prize.
I've seen The Incredibles.
It's Incredibles.
No, it's not.
I just had to say that.
It's actually brilliant.
Is it?
Yeah.
It's a shame it's not good, otherwise you could call it The Incredibles.
Right.
Repeatedly.
But I've done it anyway.
Instead you can say it's incredible.
Yeah, and it doesn't have balls in it.
I know, it's less impressive, obviously.
And, you know, I've got a peach of an article to read out from a school mag this week.
You're loaded with peaches.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're a sort of peach salesman.
Peach vendor.
OK, let's test it.
A peach munga.
A peach... munga.
Munga, yes, I'll stick with peach munga.
This is Razorlight.
Yeah.
You're so eccentric.
It makes you interesting.
Crazy person.
And I'd buy copies of Smash Hits and stuff like that.
It's enjoyable to read the reviews from way back when.
And Rip It Up by Orange Juice got a terrible review when it came out.
The single?
Yeah.
Said it was just sell-out rubbish.
Who was that?
Dave Hepworth?
No, Dave Hepworth's got good taste.
And he's a fine writer.
It was someone who is no longer a known critic.
And it wasn't, um, what's he called from the Pet Shop Boys?
Miel Tennant.
Miel Tennant, of course.
Who used to edit Smash It.
That's right, yeah.
And he was just obsessed by Kid Creole and the Coconuts.
Rightly so.
I'm obsessed with Kid Creole and the Coconuts, but they're wrong.
Orange Juice is a great band, and Rip It Up is a great song, but that was Razorlight, who were also a great band, you know?
Yeah.
Now, the bravery I haven't heard of, but let's see, this is a track called Unconditional and you're listening to XFM with Adam and Joe.
Well, uh, that's a very brave sound from the bravery.
A brave sound from the bravery.
Brilliant, brilliant.
Thank you very much.
Apparently, the focus of a recent A&R scrum.
Wow, I would have loved to have seen that.
They're a New York quintet.
Imagine all the hairy legs of the A&R people poking out from the scrum.
Wow.
And, um, oh, I would have loved to have been in that scrum.
I would have grabbed one of the groins of the A&R men.
Yeah.
That's what I used to do in scrums.
Did you ever play, uh, what's it called?
Rugby?
R-Rugger.
Yes, I did.
Rugger.
Yes, I did, Adam.
What's the difference between rugger and rugby?
Uh, rugger.
No.
Wicked.
That's the answer.
That is rugger.
Wicked.
Okay.
In a second we're going to be playing a track by the police, a great track.
It's an 80s classic.
Yeah, our 80s classic for this week.
And after that we're going to give you I think what might possibly be the British radio premiere of the trailer for the new Star Wars film.
Now I know it doesn't make that much sense showing a trailer on the radio, but maybe with the power of our listeners' imaginations they can imagine a trailer that's better.
than the one that they'll be seeing at the cinema soon.
Like Michael Winner's trailer.
His Winnebago.
That's very tangential.
Well, it's a trailer.
But we're going to talk you through the new Star Wars trailer and just analyse it.
Have you seen it yet, Adam?
No.
How did you get hold of it, Joe Cornish?
Uh, Throom sources.
Throom sources, H.P.
on the internet.
Oh, clever.
It's wildly available.
Clever.
Okay.
In fact, if you're listening to us at work or at home and you have access to the internet, you could go do a search for the Revenge of the Sith trailer, line it up on your desktop, and you can watch it while we talk through it.
Sync it up with the audio.
Do that now, and after the police will be back with an exclusive preview of that Star Wars trailer here on XFM.
Fantastic, that's the police with So Lonely, our 80s classic this week, Adam and Joe on XFM.
And remember you can text us on 83XFM or you can phone us when it comes time for our competitions on 08712221049 or email us, adamandjoe at xfm.co.uk.
OK, excitingly, it's time for an exclusive... Oh, it's so exciting.
Come on, Joe.
So this is the British radio premiere of the new Star Wars trailer, the third Star Wars trailer, is that?
No, the third Star Wars film?
I lose count.
What, three 1s before three 4s before two?
Yeah, no, it is.
Yeah, the third.
This is, of course, the movie when we see how Anakin Skywalker turns evil, becomes Darth Vader.
This is the first trailer.
I think it's going in front of Prince of the Incredibles, that opens this Friday, so you can see the cinema from Friday.
There's not a lot of dialogue in it, there's some at the beginning, but at the end it's mostly just noises.
So I'll explain what's happening.
OK.
Give me a shout when you want me to start.
OK.
I think we should start it.
Now.
So this is just the Lucasfilm logo.
Oh, it's that music!
Then we get a shot of Luke on the surface of Tatooine in the twin sons of Tatooine.
The Jedi Knights were the guardians of peace and justice in the Old Republic before the dark times, before the Empire.
A young Jedi named Darth Vader, who was a pupil of mine until he turned to evil, helped the Empire hunt down and destroy the Jedi Knights.
Vader was seduced by the dark side of the Force.
This is from Star Wars, isn't it?
Okay, listen to this.
Listen to this, Ben.
Yes, master.
Rise.
Rise?
They're bringing back Rise?
My favorite channel for breakfast program with Ian Lee and that bird from Big Brother?
I love Rise.
I will motivate the armies of the universe to bring back Rise!
Now basically it's just a lot of spaceships flying very close to each other.
A lot of loud explosions.
Wookie soldiers waving their jub-jub sticks in the air.
Not sure they're actually called jub-jub sticks.
Natalie Portman with Princess Leia buns.
Snogging Anakin.
Yoda drawing his lightsaber.
Man with very bad teeth.
Wow, and there it is, that's it.
Yeah.
I'm exhausted.
Could you imagine the sort of thing that was happening there, Adam?
Yeah, they're bringing back Rise.
They're bringing back Rise.
Isn't that the most deep throaty voice you've ever heard in a trailer ever?
Rise.
Oh, that's actually a bit adenoidal.
That's revolting, isn't it?
Yeah.
I've got a bit of a sore throat.
You see, the skill that guy has is he can make it that low, but also make it sound kind of macho and crunchy.
That's Ian Lee.
Is it?
Yeah.
Is he doing Darth Vader's voice?
Yeah, he's amazingly adaptable.
Right.
Does it look exciting?
Yeah, it looks the same, but different colours and different combinations.
But this is the dark one, isn't it?
This is the dark one, and there's a particular shot that kind of annoys me, where they show, what's his name, Hayden Christensen, turning evil, and it's an over-the-shoulder shot, and he's got his hood up, and he turns towards the camera, and what do they do to show you he's evil?
How can you make somebody evil with one simple move?
I thought it was the hooded top.
That's what usually tips people off to evilness.
Coloured eyes.
Yellow eyes.
Isn't that always the way in life when someone goes evil their eyes go yellow?
Or red usually.
Usually red in Star Wars it's yellow, but it's like The Omen isn't it?
Or the end of a bad film where there's going to be a sequel and the baby's born and it goes...
and his eyes are all red.
Right, there you go.
Red, yeah, that's right.
Red is pretty much the devil.
If your eyes go red, you're in the, you know, payment of Satan.
If your eyes go yellow, is it a more sort of animal evil, a more bestial evil?
Yeah, it's something- You're like a sort of wolf.
That's right.
You're just a renegade, a maverick.
And if your eyes go blue, it means you've got ice powers.
Has that ever happened in life?
Is there a precedent in life for evil people's eyes going a funny colour?
Yeah.
Yeah, there is.
Great.
OK.
Let's leave it at that.
OK then.
Brilliant.
Glad we've solved that.
Kings of Leon.
Is he talking about going bald?
18, balding starts.
I don't know.
Well, the Kings of Leon are one of those bands where I don't even attempt to comprehend the lyrics.
They're very her-suit, so I don't suppose baldness is a problem for them.
No.
But maybe it's a song written out of anxiety, like, what if we were to go bald?
Would our fans desert us?
Well, often people who are going bald grow their hair very long.
in order to comb it forward.
Like Bill Bailey?
Yeah, exactly, because it hides the retreating bits, you know, at the sides.
I don't know what they're called.
Retreating bits?
Retreating bits, yeah.
Yeah, that's what they're called.
Coming up after the break, we have the first of our competitions here on the Adam and Joe XFM show, and it's mummification.
Very simple.
All you have to do is
decode what my ma is rambling about.
She's talking about a well-known personality this week.
It's very easy.
And if you know, all you have to do is give us a call.
0-8-7-1-2-2-2-1-0-4-9.
Stand by those phones.
What can they win?
And they will win.
Not them.
Don't they win these DVDs?
They win the Google whack.
A copy of Dave Gorman's Google whack adventure on DVD.
Which is supposed to be very, very good and very funny.
So stay by your phones.
We'll be right back after this.
That's Kasabian with Process Beats here on XFN.
This is Adam and Joe.
It's competition time, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh yeah, it's a very, very, very easy one, I think, this week.
I might have to do a few more of these with my ma, because she's getting too good at just describing things.
Her mind is unaddling itself.
So all you have to do is figure out who my mum is talking about.
She's talking about a very well-known personality who's kind of in the news at the moment.
Can I ask you a question?
Go on then.
When you first recorded these mummification things, was your mum a little bit tipsy and tired?
No, you know what, she wasn't.
She does sound it.
Because her voice is a bit slurred.
Yeah.
Or was a bit slurred in the first ones.
This one, she sounds a bit more compass mentis.
I think she just got quite relaxed and I've got a big couch at home and she's just...
sank into the couch, and as soon as she sits in the couch, she starts thinking about sleeping.
Because she's got to that age.
And she enters that state of mummification.
Yeah, exactly.
You want to do that more, and you maybe want to get her a little bit tipsy.
Okay then.
But I'm looking forward to hearing this one.
I don't know what this is, so I'm going to play along with everybody at home.
Alright.
So the number to call if you know who my mum is talking about is 0871-222-1049.
Now who's she going on about?
I first saw him many years ago on Top of the Pops which I used to watch with my children.
and really enjoyed and this must have been about 20 years ago I guess.
At the time I thought there were all sorts of others that were much much better than he and his band at that time.
But I thought they were very kind of mediocre, really, and would have sunk without trace.
If it hadn't been for the main singer, was he the main singer?
I don't know.
Who then went on to do great things with charity work and raising money.
mediocre yeah mediocre mediocre um yeah yeah yeah you know it's it's anyway uh so that's easy who who is she i know who it was of course you do everyone does i want to win dave gorgon's gorgon dave gorman's google wack adventure gorgon that's the prize up on offer as has he got his sideburns in that
Yeah, he's got a whole sort of 70s TV presenter beard sort of thing going on.
So that's in his ludicrous hair days.
He's always got some ludicrous facial hair furniture going on, doesn't he, Gorman?
He does, but that's what's at stake.
You could win a copy of Dave Gorman's Google Wack Adventure if you call 08712221049 if you know who that was.
We'll be right back after this.
Now, who's this, Joe?
This isn't a free play of ours.
Who've we got?
Oh, is it my one?
Yes, your one.
Yeah, well, this is just a celebratory Saturday song.
This is Tell Us Soul with the roller skating jam named Saturday.
And funnily enough, that is one of my Mars favourite songs.
Is it really?
Yeah, Roller Skating Jam Named Saturday by De La Soul.
And do you know what it is Saturday?
Isn't that a clever choice?
It's Saturday and it's a nice day.
Yeah.
And I just thought it'd be an exciting, uplifting song to hear, you know, because it's a beautiful day.
Absolutely.
Oh, and it's a lovely day to give away some DVDs of Dave Gorman's Google Wack adventure, which will bring internet-based nerd fun to, uh... Everybody.
Your living room.
Yeah, your living room.
So we've got two callers on the line, right?
Yes.
Who's first?
I think Joanne is first.
Hello, Joanne.
Hello there.
Thank you for calling.
You're welcome.
How are you?
Very well, thank you, Joanne.
Now, before you reveal who your guest is, if that was a very badly said sentence, but could you talk us through some of your reasoning?
Well, I thought it was Paul Weller in the end, but it was a wild guest.
Twenty years ago he was in the jam, wasn't he, roughly?
Yeah, the end of it.
that's my guess and I saw him in Berlin a couple of weeks ago and he's been in the news because he's lost his stroke and had a very bad throat infection.
So, but listen, what was it that Adam's mum said that made you think it might be Weller?
It was this sort of old Top of the Pop stuff, wasn't it?
And you fixated probably on the mediocreness.
Yeah.
You know, did you like the way Adam's mum pronounced the word?
Midi- mediocre.
I thought if we could, this is another idea, but if we could, you know, there's words that parents always pronounce in a different way, like that.
If we could collect enough words, we could trick one of your parents into saying a sentence with all these words in and see how many they say in a funny way.
Midi- mediocre would be one of them anyway.
Joanne, sorry to spin it out there, but you're wrong.
You're wrong about that.
Sorry, Joanne.
But you can have a Dave Gorman Google Wack Adventure DVD anyway.
Thank you.
Yeah, sorry, what was your child saying?
Natalie and Russell is also here.
You can't hear him.
What are they trying to say?
No, Natalie's just shouting what we've won.
What have you won?
Tell her Dave Gorman's Google wack adventure.
Let's see what she says to that.
Go on, tell her.
She's gonna get all excited because she'll think, oh, it's like the Gruffalo or something.
Can't we get through that?
No, we can't.
It's too big to post.
We won't tell you what it was.
OK, well, you've got a fantastic DVD.
Oh, thank you anyway.
The kids are going to love it.
Kids love eccentric browsing on the internet.
And crazy men with facial hair.
Thanks for calling, Joanne.
Thanks very much indeed for calling, Joanne.
Who else have we got, Jo?
I think we've got Sam.
Hey, Sam.
Hiya.
How you doing?
Thanks for holding on.
That's OK.
Now, Sam, who do you think my mum was talking about just then?
Well, I thought it was Bob Geldof.
Geldof?
Why do you think that?
Well, mediocre obviously, no, that's mean.
I thought because 20 years ago, and in the news at the moment, Father for Justice,
charity that was the key thing wasn't it that was the giveaway the charity work absolutely correct that was brilliant yeah very very well done indeed so listen you're you know according to the logic of this we give you david uh gort david every time i read it out i say a different thing isn't it exciting dave gorman's google wack adventure but if we gave the person who lost dave gorman's google wack adventure surely we should give the person who won something more
this out to me.
Well your boyfriend's right, we could give you two copies of Dave Gorman's Google Whack Adventure.
What about 28 copies of Dave Gorman's Google Whack Adventure?
And then you could set up a little stall and you could glue some little bits of carpet onto the side of your face and pretend that you're Dave Gorman and tell them.
I'd try to go see him and he wouldn't let me in because I was late so I didn't see Google Whack Live.
Well, you're better off on DVD because the kind of people that go and see him, they frankly have bad odor.
Wait, he personally banned you from coming in the auditorium?
Well, not me per se, but apparently no latecomers were allowed in.
OK, you know what we're going to do?
We're going to give you three copies.
Three copies of Dave Gorman's Google Work Adventure.
Hey, you know what?
Do you want a copy of the Adam and Jo DVD?
I would love one.
Can I just ask, why don't you already have one?
Because I've been waiting for my boyfriend's wife for Christmas.
The sales of our DVD are going to rocket at Christmas.
Rocket!
So there you go.
You get four amazing DVDs.
Well, one amazing DVD and three Dave Gorman DVDs.
Congratulations.
Thanks very much for calling.
Thank you.
Bye-bye, Sam.
Bye, Sam.
That was my modification for this week.
Coming up in the second hour of the show, we have got Crap Commentary Corner, where we play you a sample from a movie commentary.
You have to guess what it is, and it's a really good one this week.
Very difficult.
Quite the grumpiest person I've ever heard on a DVD commentary.
An oldster?
An oldster.
Somebody who respects the truth and veracity in movies doesn't find it in the movie he's commentating over and tells it like it is.
Wow.
That's crap commentary calling up.
Jim Belushi?
It's a good guess, Adam, but it's not Belushi.
Oh, okay.
Plus we've got some great music in the second half of the show, right?
Absolutely, amazing stuff.
We've got a 90s classic coming your way from Tupac.
A lot of amazing music as well from the likes of The Streets, The Green Day, The Snow Patrol, The Black Keys, The Zoutons, etc.
So stick with Adam and Joe here on XFN.
That's Keen with one of their wicked songs.
That one's called This Is The Last Time.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM London's 104.9.
Remember, you can text us on 83XFM or email us, adamandjoe at xfm.co.uk.
I think they're better at the slow numbers, Keen.
Oh, I like that one.
Yeah, I think they're better when they're slower.
Yeah, yeah.
That's just me.
OK.
So we were discussing there Adam's mum's weird pronunciation of the word mediocre.
Mediocre, she says.
Mid-yoker, she said there in mummification.
And we've had a very nice text from somebody who will remain nameless because he hasn't sent his name, or she, who says his dad aloo-min-um.
Aluminium.
Well that's how the Americans say it, isn't it?
Aluminium instead of aluminium.
We were trying to think of some others.
How do your parents describe pizza?
Well, we talked about this years ago, but my mother-in-law calls it pizza.
Pizza.
Would you like a slice of pizza?
And is that the correct Italian pronunciation or something?
I have no idea.
I would say not.
The Italians would call it pizza, wouldn't they?
Pizza.
And they also... That's because that's Italian, the Italian speak.
That's right!
And they, her parents also, my wife's parents also insist on referring to rosé wine as rosé.
That's just mad.
Like that, rosé.
But they'll be talking completely normally and then suddenly the word rosé will come up and they'll say, oh would you like a bit of rosé?
So what we want you to do is text us in words that kind of the older generation, or people you know, insist on pronouncing in a weird way.
83XFM, we're going to try and build up a list and then we're going to try and trick Bad Dad, or maybe Adam's mum, into reading this sentence and see how many he mispronounces.
It's going to be amazing.
Speaking of my dad, he is obsessed by the concept of saying, rather than necessarily, which most people would say, he insists that the correct pronunciation is necessarily.
So you just speed through the beginning?
Instead of speed through the middle, how would you describe that pronunciation?
Umm... contracted?
But to me, it's such a bizarre pronunciation, you can't even describe how to pronounce it, so it must be wrong.
Do you know, it's not as if he's putting emphasis on one syllable or another, it's just to do with the speed with which he says it.
Well, to break it down, he reckons the word is comprised of two basic parts.
Necess and really.
Necess-really.
So he doesn't say the error, necessarily.
So he's actually removed a syllable.
Yeah, but he reckons that including the syllable is itself an error.
Does he say buzz-dop?
What?
Does it say, I'll meet you at the buzzdop?
No, who does?
Me.
Because we can start inventing words that our generation can say weirdly and I think we should start with buzzdop.
Okay, I'm up for buzzdop.
Which buzzdop are you getting on the buzz- oh, I don't know.
Yeah, yeah, that's U2 with Vertigo.
That wouldn't be nearly so bad if it wasn't for the- I mean, that's a good song, obviously, but I'd like it even more if it wasn't for the yeah, yeah, yeahs at the end, which just seem to be trying a bit too hard.
Before the break, you heard Take the Skinheads Bowling by Campervan- Campervan Beethoven.
Another free play of ours here on the show this week on XFM.
Now, Joe, who have we got on the line?
Well, Jonathan Ross is on the line because this whole mispronounced word thing has exploded.
It's taken off.
It's got a life of its own.
It's a phenomena.
We played mummification and in mummification, Adam's mum mispronounced the word mediocre.
She said mediocre, so we were just discussing words that parents, people in the older generation or friends, pronounce in a different and annoying way.
Are you there, Jonathan?
You sound miles away.
He's distant.
There we go.
Yeah, that's much better.
Thanks for calling.
God bless you.
I know, it was, wasn't it?
It was just, it was awkward and embarrassing, because I was obviously nervous and the audience were nervous.
It got back towards the end though, didn't it?
Well, yeah.
Oh, you'd stopped listening, didn't you?
Yeah.
So listen, I know I'm enjoying this, mummification's great, and here's the words I would like to chip in.
My father always used to pronounce salt salt.
He used to pronounce the salt, and it was really annoying.
It was just such a small, squashed vowel, but that was enough.
He also used to say, mustache.
That's just ridiculous.
Mustache?
Mustache, but the best one we heard was we were out once with a friend of ours, who you know, Emily, I know you know her.
Yeah.
She overheard a guy in a restaurant, a nice middle class man, and he was out with his kids, and he was chasing them around the restaurant, it was a Sunday afternoon, you know, he was having a nice time, and he was chasing them, and he was overdoing it all because he was saying, come on kids, I'm gonna catch you, that air storm monster is coming, that air storm monster!
Was that not just for the benefit of the kids?
the sort of bloke you can see when he's loading from head to toe, he always can has restaurant, restaurant, because then when he left he went, come on then Tommy, come on Molly, Narnia's going to start soon.
I think that he probably comes from the same universe as my mother-in-law, talking about rousie.
So how about, we've had quite a lot of texts on this Jonathan, we've got somebody who says that a relative pronounces crisps, crips.
That's horrible, that's a bit creepy.
That's quite a common one, crips isn't it?
It's not people kind of like doing it just to be sweet.
Well, it's probably more like just people being thick, isn't it?
It's like George Bush and a lot of other people who are unable to say nuclear and say nuclear.
Well, you hear someone say a newscaster, instead of saying cocaine, they say c-c-cune.
What?
C-c-c-c-cune?
Listen, have you never heard people say c-c-c-c-cune?
C-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-cune?
If I'm the government donut, he'll say, he'll go, and you know, I did that because that was Len Henry's thing.
It was his funniest thing.
He said, he used to say, and he used to say, obviously four million pounds of gin.
But he pronounces everything weird, doesn't he?
He's got the weirdest intonation in the world.
Well, it's his own though, isn't it?
Maybe he thought, you know, this will make me memorable.
Well, yes.
And how about, how about the word stereo, which dads often pronounce stereo?
Stereo, stereo.
Stereo?
So they would pronounce posh so they can't help it.
They speak posh even if they're not posh.
Your daddy isn't really posh at posh at the minute, but he's sort of like, you know, has a posh outlook on life.
Yeah, no, he does.
He's spiritually.
He speaks basically, he speaks correctly.
What are you really doing here?
You know what you're really doing?
You're celebrating mediocrity.
That's absolutely true, mediocrity.
And in fact, we've already been corrected on our pronunciation of pronunciation, which is actually of course pronounced pronunciation.
Have you got, what a sound of sheep in the background Jonathan.
Ah, that's amazing.
So Jonathan, you're back home after your radio show, what does the rest of the afternoon hold for you?
Very little, I'm going to lie around like a fat sultan, like an old Turkish sultan, being afraid to face sweets meets by my children.
If they make any mistake when carrying the sweets tempted morsel to my mouth, I should shout at them and send them to bed early.
Ah, listen Jonathan, but why don't you invite us around one day?
We haven't seen you for ages.
Keep in mind Joe, when he never comes, and you've got too many children to come out now Adam, you stay at home looking after your children.
It's true, although me and my wife sat down this... You know, we've really got to start getting out more because you and I are just beginning to argue quite a lot.
Well, Wednesday night, I'm going out for my birthday.
Do you want to come out then?
That would be great, yeah.
Yes, please.
has to spoil it has to ruin it he starts off with a dig and he ends up with a dig with a stab there you go listen if you've got any mispronounced words by dads or the older generation do text us 83 XFM you're listening to Adam and Joe on XFM London's 104.9 you see I press it yeah it just doesn't start it's exciting so I was trying to make it all slick and then there's a little pause here's baby shambles
XFM, XFM, XFM Yes it's XFM and it's in London, London, London
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's the Zutons with confusion.
Sounding a little bit like, uh, Beautiful South there, I thought.
Is that an insult, Adam Butler?
No, it's not.
I like the Beautiful South.
Do you like the Beautiful South?
Uh, they're not my favourite, but I- No, you don't like the Beautiful South.
I do!
Come on, come on, come on.
Hey, just because I don't buy them, I hate them.
Did they do, uh, Think for a Minute?
No, that was the House Martins.
Oh, really?
That's when I stopped buying the Beautiful South.
Okay, this is Adam and Joe on XFM London's 104.9.
Coming up is Crap Commentary Corner, where we record some commentary from a movie.
You have to guess who's talking and what the movie is.
Are we gonna do this now, Adam?
We're not gonna do it right now, we're gonna do it after the next song.
OK, but stand by your clothes, that's a little tease.
So the number is 0871-221049.
You've got a very special screening of The Incredibles this Wednesday night.
The Incredibles is brilliant.
It's one of these films that's going to be marketed with a sort of suffocating barrage of nonsense.
But it is actually really good.
It's a Pixar animation.
It's directed by Brad Bird, the guy that made the Iron Giant, which was a lovely hand-animated film.
Came out about seven or eight years ago.
Maybe.
Maybe five.
I don't know.
Yeah.
Underrated.
But Incredibles is terrific.
Really, really good.
And we're going to give quite a lot of tickets away.
So this isn't just four.
This is four tickets.
So you and what?
Five tickets?
Four pairs?
That's eight.
So you and like seven friends could go?
You and McGregor.
Could go.
Wow.
He could go on his bike with Charlie Borman.
Yes.
So that's a big prize.
It's basically a party, an Incredibles party.
The only downside is it's at Whitley's of Bayswater.
Whitley's?
I don't know.
Your mum might say Whitley's.
The only downside to that is that there's so much great shopping to do that you'll lose a lot of money.
It's a fine screen and it's a wonderful shopping experience.
Brilliant.
So stay tuned for that crap commentary corner coming up any second.
Also forgot to say about the Zutons, they are one of many fantastic bands who will be appearing at the XFM Winter Warmer, a kind of amazing mini festival taking place at the Hammersmith Apollo on the 5th of December, Sunday the 5th of December.
I think we'll be there as well.
We're going to be there.
We agreed to introduce one of the bands, but it seems we might have been dumped.
Lila, our producer, doesn't know anything about us.
I bet Justin Lee College is introducing one of the bands.
I've seen him wandering around there like one of them.
Is he?
Yeah, like the Abominable Snowman wandering around the office there.
He's probably introducing something.
And the whole thing is going to be opened with, did you just say this, the winner of the Rock School competition?
I didn't know.
You see, I want to be there just for that.
Yeah.
Man, that is some of the stuff.
I don't know if we can play any of the entries that Christian O'Connell's been getting, but some of those things are amazing.
There's one like, there's this kid doing a version of the White Stripes.
song.
What's it called?
I don't know.
I don't know whether we can play it.
We're going to see if we can get a mission to borrow Christian O'Connell's award-winning gags.
I said Winter Warmer.
It's the Winter Wonderland, okay?
That's what it's actually called.
And it may be nearly sold out, so I don't know if you can still get tickets to it.
But you can call the XFM switch board if you're interested in that kind of thing.
Or, you know, stick with us here on the Adam and Joe XFM show, because I think we're going to be giving away tickets to the winter warmer at some point in the future.
Anyway, it's time for a 90s classic now, and after this, it's crap commentary corner, but first, here's 2Pat.
See, my ma would probably call him two-park, like two different parks.
We've got such a lot of good mispronounced words by the older generation, just to tease people.
How about muesli instead of muesli?
Yeah.
Muesli?
Is that a good one?
Well, you said one that I do.
Which is that one?
I say migraine.
instead of migraine migraine migraine uh Pete said that uh someone he knows says instead of radar radar that's just stupid radar that's just posh how about this Rob's art teacher uh instead of saying tissue paper says tissue tissue that's quite I've heard that before I don't know about tissue that's like tiramisu or something but my mum says tissue tissue yeah
Anyway, listen, it's time for Crap Commentary Corner now.
This is our regular competition where you have to listen to an excerpt from, well you don't have to, but we invite you to listen to an excerpt from the commentary.
I think they do, I think they do.
Okay, you're compelled to.
You have to.
The power of Christ compels you to listen to this sample of a DVD commentary.
You have to tell me who is talking and what they're talking about.
So here is the set up for it.
Listen carefully.
Of course the numbers 0871, 2221049 in the prizes tickets to a screening of The Incredibles.
Eight tickets to a screening of The Incredibles this Wednesday.
Okay, so this is the director of this film, but he doesn't really get a word in edgeways, because he's doing the commentary with the author of the book that this film is based on.
Now, the author of this book is a stickler for detail.
He likes veracity, verisimilitude.
He does not find it in the film adaptation of his book, and he does not mince his words.
He calls it like he sees it.
So what I've done here is I've sort of jammed together a lot of his negative comments about this adaptation of his book.
See if you can guess who this is.
08712221049.
Who is this guy?
What's the film he's talking about?
This scene struck me as unlikely.
This organization could never exist in the real world.
By the way, the president never participates in these exercises.
Never.
This is both.
One kind of airplane.
Is that supposed to be a bomb or a torpedo?
A bomb.
Wrong proportions.
That would not work in the real world.
Does anybody really believe this except in Hollywood?
This is not very good stuff here.
Why is that?
It just doesn't correspond with reality.
And this is total crap.
That's an uncomfortable commentary.
And who was that, the director with him?
That was the director getting a couple of words in there, but you heard mainly speaking the author of the book on which the film was based.
Notation.
Who was that?
That's really hard.
Do you know Adam Buxton?
Did you see what I've written on the CD label?
I snuck a peak, yeah.
I know the film, but I don't know who.
That's going to be difficult asking people the name of the author.
Do you think?
Well, I tell you what, if nobody gets it, we'll play it again and we'll also give you some more clues.
But for those eight tickets to The Incredibles, we'd like somebody to get it straight off.
08712221049.
If you know who it was in crap commentary corner this week.
We'll be back after this.
Imagine, Joe, walking along the boulevard of broken dreams.
Where is the boulevard of broken dreams?
In Paris?
No, it's off Tottenham Court Road.
Is it?
Yeah.
Is it where the record and tape exchanges?
Yeah, exactly.
It's like a little alley.
More than a boulevard, really.
Yeah.
That's Green Day.
And this is Adam and Joe here on XFM.
Now, if you were listening just before we played that amazing song by Green Day, you would have heard a quite difficult bit of crap commentary.
And we have a couple of people on the phone who think they know who it was talking and which film they were talking about.
Who have we got, Joe?
Shall we play a little excerpt?
We won't play all of it again.
We'll play a little bit of it again just to remind you.
We're looking for the name of this author who's talking about an adaptation of one of his books that he's not very impressed by.
And here he is.
Is that supposed to be a bomb or a torpedo?
A bomb.
Proportions.
That would not work in the real world.
Does anybody really believe this except in Hollywood?
This is not very good stuff here.
Why is that?
It doesn't correspond with reality.
And this is total crap.
That must really hurt.
This is not very good stuff here.
Yeah.
Because he's trying to be nice about it.
He's using the word stuff and not very good.
Yeah.
That's really withering, isn't it?
And the director sounds sort of patient and like, why is that?
Yeah.
Why don't you like this now?
Well, let's find out who it is.
We've got Mary on line one.
Mary, are you still there?
Yes, I am.
Thank you very much for holding.
Thank you for listening.
No problem.
So who do you think it is, Mary?
We think that it's Tom Clancy.
Why do you think that?
Because my boyfriend said it was.
Why didn't your boyfriend make the call, Mary?
He's shy.
Does he make you do things for him a lot?
It's coming on now actually.
Fair enough, fair enough.
Family show.
But do you know what film he's talking about?
Is it End of Days?
What has Tom Clancy got to do with End of Days, Mary?
Oh we thought that he'd done it.
He did not done it.
Someone else done it.
He did not done End of Days.
End of Days was done by someone with a very big hand who couldn't hold a pen proper.
It was probably Arnold Schwarzenegger wrote End of Days.
That's a terrible film.
But was it the right author?
You know what Mary, you've got the author right but not the film right.
So we are going to take another caller but we're going to do something controversial and split our Incredibles tickets down the middle and give you four.
Brilliant.
Thank you.
Yeah, well that's a pleasure.
We really hope you enjoy it.
I'm sure you will.
It's very, very good indeed.
It looks good, yeah.
Thanks for calling, Mary.
And now we're going to go to Andrew, who we hope might have both parts of the answer.
Hello Andrew.
Hello.
Hello, how are you?
Yeah, I'm not too bad, not too bad, just doing a lot of work and trying to finish off essays for Monday.
Listen, I'm really sorry that we've interrupted all the work and everything.
Don't worry, I'll finish that.
What's it on your essay, Andrew?
Geography.
What sort of geography?
Oxbow Lakes?
The boring environmental one.
So it will be a bit of Oxbow Lake action.
Well, that is basically why pollution is bad and basically the tree-hugging stuff.
Oh, pollution's not bad, come on, get with it.
Um, Andrew, so who do you, so you, do you know it was Tom Clancy?
Yeah, I know it was Tom Clancy.
And do you know what, uh, movie and book they're talking about?
Um, yeah, he was talking about the Sum of All Fears.
Yes, how do you know, how did you get that?
Um, well, it's because my mate, uh, actually got the DVD.
Right.
And he was talking to me about how Tom Clancy was completely ripping into... Really?
into how crap the movie was.
So there you go.
Someone apart from Joe actually listens to the commentaries on these things.
That's amazing.
Andrew, that's very good.
Congratulations.
I'm really sad for watching the commentary.
No, it's a good commentary, man.
I swear, I have to look through a lot.
It's really becoming a bit of a burden, this whole crap commentary competition.
I was up till about four in the morning looking for that and I have to watch the whole film and then load them into my computer and edit them.
Ah, it's exhausting.
So thank you for sharing in my misery and for tickets to The Incredibles.
Oh, thank you, thank you.
Well done, Andrew.
Well done doing your essay and everything.
I hope it goes well.
And thanks very much, Mary, as well, for your call.
That was Crap Commentary Corner this week.
Wow, we've only got 20 minutes left.
We've got to pretty much launch Ditties in the Dark after this one from the streets.
That's the streets and Could Well Be In.
This is Adam and Joe here on XFM.
Yes, it is.
No.
Why are you looking like that?
Dunno.
I'm not, I'm not looking normal.
You looked shocked as if someone had just put something in your bottom.
I don't think I'm going to win.
Do you not?
No.
Why have you seen what I've got?
Because you're over confident and I think you've probably pulled something curious out of the bag.
Ah, do you want to go first?
Is it Jesus Christ Superstar?
No.
No, it's not very curious at all.
Is it Oliver?
No.
Is it a stage musical you've chosen?
Well, I think it's been made into a stage debuting on film.
A debuting on film?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What about you?
Do you want to go first?
I'm just wondering whether we should have been specific about stage musicals.
Oh no, hang on, Mike has mine debuted on film.
Okay, okay, I'm gonna go first.
So this is my choice, Joe's choice, Bugsy Malone.
Uh, one of the greatest film musicals of all time, directed by Alan Parker in 1980-something.
One, two, something like that.
Or maybe late 70s, I don't know, can't remember.
But, I wanna play, um, So You Wanna Be A Boxer.
It's a good one.
So you wanna be a boxer, in the golden ring!
Can you punch like a southbound freight train?
Something like that.
Well, you'd be able to sing the whole thing.
We did a production of this play at school, didn't we?
Yeah, when we were at school, aged a little too old to do boxing then.
We were about 17, I think, but we still had a fantastic time doing it.
And this, you know, maybe one of the most heartwarming songs from it is the closing song, but I think So You Wanna Be A Boxer is a genuinely good song.
It's catchy, written by... Who wrote all those songs?
Andy Williams?
Isn't he called?
It wasn't Andy Williams.
No, did you see the whistling bird, man?
I don't remember.
I don't know.
Listeners, you'll know, I know, if I just haven't got the CD with me.
It's an unusually brilliant collection of songs though, I agree.
Yeah, and So You Wanna Be A Boxer is one of the key songs.
It's got a fantastic rhythm, fantastic lyrics, and it's great if you want to be a boxer.
So if you want to vote for So You Wanna Be A Boxer from Bugsy Malone, 0871221 049, or you could vote for this.
Well, it's an equally, if not slightly better song, and it's from The Jungle Book.
And of course it's I Wanna Be Like You, which is sung by Louis Prima, who is a sort of classic old rock and roller.
And wow, what can I say about it?
It's every child and every adult's favorite.
You can get The Jungle Book on DVD, I looked for it the other day and I was frustrated in my efforts.
Or like, I actually bought something which I thought was The Jungle Book, got home and it was just like a...
a series of stills with stories that you could read along with it.
Oh, it's very depressing and frustrating.
And my son was not at all impressed.
But I Wanna Be Like You is a peach of a song.
Well, I'm the king of the swingers, oh, the jungle VIP.
It is.
I've reached the top and I've had to stop and remain.
Oh, this is a little extract.
So what's it going to be?
Is it going to be the Jungle Book or Bugsy Malone?
Oh, 871-222-1049.
I've got a free play right now.
Hey wait wait wait before that we should say we're giving away a copy of the Verve singles collection to the vote that wins it.
The deciding vote.
The deciding vote wins the Verve the music singles collection 08712221049 Bugsy vs Jungle.
Here's a little nugget now from Gorky Zygotic.
What was all that about, Adam?
You see, that's what I call indie pop.
What was that about?
That was Gorky's Zygotic Monkey, a fantastic Welsh band, of course.
Singing in Welsh.
Yes, who now sound very different, very folky, but that was when they were all about, sort of, 14 or 15 years old, and that's called Iford Oren.
And it reminds me, actually, of some of the stuff that you can hear on Christian O'Connell's Rock School, and a reminder, as well, that this week is the last week for entries.
You've got to have your entries if you're under 18 and you've done a cover of a rock song with your band.
or it doesn't have to be a rock song any song or does it maybe it has to be a rock song anyway entries in by 18th of november please the address is on the xfm website out and uh he's got some pretty hilarious things in already that'll be well worth catching on the christian o'connell show we'll be back with dittys in the dark after this
Yeah, it's time to wrap up the show again this week with Dities in the Dark, which this week is a choice between two classics from Film Musicals.
And they were, Joe, what was your choice?
My choice was, from Booksy Malone, it was, Do You Want to Be a Boxer?
So You Want to Be a Boxer.
And my choice was... I can't remember.
I had to do West Country Accents because we're acclimatising you for Justin Lee Collins, who's about to come.
It's West Country Lunacy.
It's a bit patronising, though, isn't it?
He might come over and beat us up.
Yeah, but he likes it.
He likes it.
My choice was I Wanna Be Like You from The Jungle Book.
So, you know, difficult to tell between those two because they're both amazing, but we've got five quarters on the line who are going to do just that.
They're going to say the word Bugsy or the word Jungle or maybe more words than that.
I don't know, we've got Chris on the first line.
Hello Chris.
Hello.
How are you Chris?
I'm grand, thank you very much.
You're grand, good.
Grand, grand don't come for free, you know.
What are you voting for Chris?
I'm going to go for a bit of Bugsy.
A bit of Bugsy, very good call, well done Chris.
That's one nil for me.
Cornish takes the lead in the early stages of Ditties in the Dock, but here comes Steve.
Hello Steve.
hello steve steve steve steve steve steve steve steve steve steve steve steve steve steve steve
I was going to vote for the Jungle Book but it's really annoying so I'm going to go for Bugsy.
What do you mean?
Are you serious?
Yeah.
So your final vote is Bugsy?
Yeah.
What do you mean?
I was going to vote for the Jungle Book but it's really annoying.
What are you talking about?
It's just going to be running around my head for the day and I don't really need that.
I'm not going to argue with you, Jon.
That's 2-0 for Bugsy.
This isn't looking good for the jungle.
You sound like a man who means business, Jon.
Are we abandoning, Steve?
Okay, we just need one more for Bugsy, and that's it.
I can't believe no one's going for the jungle.
What do you mean it's annoying?
The jungle book's genius!
Who's this now?
Debbie.
Hello, Debbie.
Debbie, speak to us, Debbie.
We've got a line two problem, that's what it is, mate.
You know, this goes wrong all the time.
For the last three weeks, this has gone wrong.
Debbie, hello, are you there?
Debbie?
Look, you see?
Oh, Debbie.
We've got a problem.
No, no, she's there.
Hello, Debbie.
Hello.
Hello, Debbie.
We can only apologise.
I think there's something funny going on with the phones here.
Very good of you to call, Debbie.
How are you today?
I'm fine, thank you very much.
Good, I'm fine.
You've got your radio on, haven't you, Debbie?
But you know what?
I'm not going to be like other DJs and say turn it off, because I like it.
It makes you sound like a cyborg.
So what are you voting for?
Jungle Bic, of course.
Oh, it's back in the game.
It's 2-1 to Bugsy.
Thanks very much for your call, Debbie.
Call still leads by one vote.
If this is another jungle vote... It's going to go on forever.
It's going to go on forever.
Amy, are you there?
OK, Lila, you're fired now.
Do you realise that?
Our producer's fired, we've fired her live on air.
Amy, keep speaking, Amy, because we might be able to hear you.
Keep speaking, Amy.
This might be Sophie.
It's Sophie.
Hello, Sophie.
Hello.
Sophie.
Sophie, but I've never been called Amy before.
Well, I'm sorry, Sophie, Amy.
Do you think, is this, to listen to, is this a disaster?
As a listener, is this a disaster?
Yeah, quite right.
Otherwise Justin Lee Collins is going to come and go on.
So what are you voting for, Sophie?
Bagsy, of course.
Bagsy?
So that's it, isn't it?
That's the decider.
So, Sophie, you win the... Do you like the vav?
Yes, I do.
Well, you're going to get the music, the singles, 92 to 98.
There we go.
Thank you very much, everybody who called.
That's it for us this week, isn't it, Adam?
That is, yeah, can I just say, well, school mags, I'll read out that article next week, keep your school mags coming in if you want to.
Also, can I just say to the fellow, I think he was called James Mills, who sent us a mini-disc last week, thanks very much, but either we've lost your address, or you've failed to include a stamped addressed envelope, so we can't return it to you just yet, and if you want us to return it to you, please send in an SAE, thank you very much.
So we'll be here on XFM the same time next Saturday, 1 o'clock till 3 o'clock.
Thanks to everyone who's called, texted and emailed.
We'll come back to mispronunciations again next week.
More titties in the dock next week.
More crap, crunchy corn and more mummification.
You said titties in the dock.
I did not say titties.
I did never say titties.
Yes you did.
We'll leave you with the winner of this week's Titties in the Dock from the film Bugsy Malone.
Wanna be a boxer?
See you next week.
So you wanna be a boxer in the golden ring?
Can you punch lots of softbound freight trains?
Tell me just one thing.
Can you move in a word like a hummingbird swinging if you need to?
Ooh, that's fancy!
Can you bother me if we think they can't see when you need to?
Well, you might as well quit if you haven't got it.
So you wanna be a boxer, can you pass the test?
I can tell there's a gauntlet in you.
I've trained the best.
When you're working and you're sweating and you're fat you just train you a buzzsaw.
Then you need to lose your mind when you find that your boy has his last jaw.
So you might as well quit if you haven't got it.
So you wanna be a boxer, wanna be the champ
There's a golden boy inside you, not a punch-back tramp.
If you listen and you learn, there's a party you can earn and defend here.
When you do see the crown, you're a king, not a clown, a contender.
Money away from what that chicken will grow!
Let me have him show!
Aw, still here?
That sounded so good.
Just waiting for Justin Lee Collins to come in.
That is amazing, though, isn't it?
Yeah, what a track.
Same, we couldn't play the Jungle Book.
Maybe it can be your free play next week.
Maybe it can.
That's something to look forward to, isn't it?
That is something very much to look forward to.
Here comes Justin Lee Collins, the big mad cat mounted man Bigfoot Bigfoot man.
But first, here's the man.
See you later.
Bye.