How terrifically exciting.
Who was that then?
Uh, that was the President of... Guess.
Go on, guess.
The United States of America.
Well done.
With Love Everybody.
This is Adam and Joel on XFM for the next two hours until three o'clock.
We've got, uh, a bumper load of stuff to give away.
We've got block party albums.
We've got copies of Man on Fire, the exciting new Denzel Washington film on DVD.
We've got tickets to see Goldie Looking Chain, The Carling Academy,
Er, and we're gonna have competitions to enable you to win those things.
We've got one pair of tickets for Goldie Looking Chain for the winner, and for the runner-up, we've got two pairs of tickets to Goldie Looking Chain.
That's a little joke about Goldie Looking Chain.
Yeah, XFM, yeah, yeah, cos when we came in, you know, if you could see the offices around here, I'm looking out over the XFM offices, listeners, and there's beer, bottles everywhere, strewn around, old takeaway cartons.
There's a guy, yeah, crashed out on the sofa.
Yeah?
Did you see the guy crashed out on the sofa?
I did, yeah.
He might just be a model.
I don't even know what his name is.
He's just crashed out.
It's probably just fibreglass to make the place look cool.
Yeah, exactly.
Listen, and, er, listeners, you can call us on 0871 222 1049 when it comes time for competitions.
You can text us at any point on 83 XFM.
Er, or you can email us, adamandjoe at xfm.co.uk.
My first question to our listeners is, has anybody been to see The Son of the Mask, the sequel to The Mask?
Well, that's aimed squarely at toddlers.
Yeah, but the mask was popular with people of all ages.
The thing that worries me about Son of the Mask is I read this plot synopsis and apparently they have to get rid of Jim Carrey, obviously.
He didn't want to do the second film.
So the scenario is that this guy discovers the mask.
It's that guy that does that prank show.
What's he called?
Jamie Kennedy.
He discovers the mask.
He puts it on and has sex with his wife.
and they produce a baby that has mask powers.
What's that scene like?
What's the scene like when he puts the mask on and makes love to his wife in a PG or a You film?
How'd they do that?
You know, with the language of innuendo.
What, so closed bedroom door and green lights and noises of wacky splotching and stuff?
Maybe not wacky splotching.
Maybe not the wacky splotching, but yeah, that kind of thing.
You know, he might raise his kind of crazy green eyebrows and close the door.
That just doesn't seem suitable.
It's the language of innuendo.
Anything suitable in the language of innuendo.
I think if you could call us and prove to us that you'd been to see Son of the Mask, that would deserve a prize.
Just for going and watching it.
I must say it's not high on my list of must-see movies.
I saw Sideways in the end.
That's a good one, isn't it?
I really like that one.
That was fantastic.
I left with a very warm feeling and I went and drank 10 bottles of wine.
And I had an even warmer feeling.
We've got very good music in this show, ladies and gentlemen.
So stay tuned for all kinds of things.
E Pro, that's the new one from Beck.
I haven't even heard that yet.
We've got Killers, Athlete.
I'm just looking through the list here.
Queens of the Stone Age, Roxy Music, Green Day, Doves, Kaiser Chiefs.
Lots of good stuff, so stay tuned.
And yeah, probably about half an hour.
Do you think we'll have our competition?
Dizzy's in the Dock coming up in about 25 minutes, yeah, 20 minutes maybe.
So, yeah, stick with it.
Dizzy's in the Dock, I'm sorry, Crap Commentary Corner.
Crap Commentary Corner.
Dizzy's in the Dock this week, when we battle it out for the play at the end of the show, will be between songs that have been on advertisements, is that right?
Yeah, something like that.
Anyway, Adam and Joe on XFM, stick with it.
Right now, here's the stereophonics.
That is my favourite ever stereophonic single, Joe.
– Sincerely?
– Yeah, sincerely.
Well, congratulations to them and to you.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM, London's 104.9, here with you until three o'clock.
Now, on this show we've talked about Crazy Frog before.
I think everyone's talked about Crazy Frog, haven't they?
Yeah, in fact we should play your special jingle for things that we can't talk about.
Yeah, line that up.
And also obviously Sweetie is all over the telly, the sweet little chick that can dance but she can't fly.
And people are making millions out of these ringtones.
The guys that invented Crazy Frog are multi-millionaires.
Crazy Frog?
Are we gonna talk about Crazy Frog?
Play the jingle.
big brother has already done it there's nothing more to be said the subject's totally dead it's a tired old cliche but we're gonna talk about it anyway oh that's quite hard work that shingle isn't it i think we need to speed it up or something it seemed to go on for hours it's very tuneful i like it i hum it to myself in the evenings do you when you start thinking about something that's in the papers yeah any tired cliche
So anyway, the idea here, listeners, is we want to create our own ringtone.
And we want to become- we want you to help us become ringtone billionaires.
Because it seems to me there's a formula to these things.
Basically, you take an animal, right?
A frog or a chick.
Right?
So a recognisable animal.
Or I think we could broaden it into an inanimate object.
OK?
That's factor number one.
Number two, you give it a human characteristic, a broadly common characteristic.
It's crazy.
It's sweet.
You know?
It's something that lots of people can empathise with and you might buy it for a friend.
You know?
Then you add to that some sort of physical gimmick.
So I'm thinking maybe the inability to fly for Sweetie the Chick or a tiny little willy and balls for the Crazy Frog.
So a visual, a physical gimmick.
Add to that some sort of action.
Crazy Frog's motorbike revving, Sweetie's dancing.
It needs to do something, right, when you download the little cartoon.
So we've got an animal, plus a characteristic, plus a physical gimmick, plus an action, plus of course the noise.
It has to make a noise.
What is the noise that the chick makes?
Er, something like that.
Wow.
We were trying to hear the lyrics last week, it's something like, um, um... I can't fly, but baby, I can move my legs.
Ah, you really don't want to hear me do that any more, do you?
Keith Harris is going to be fuming about that.
He must be fuming.
Orville would make a fantastic ringtone.
Er, so that's it.
So animal, plus human characteristic, plus physical gimmick, plus action, plus noise, equals multi-millionaires.
So I've come up with some ideas to, er, set you guys off, er, you know, with your ideas to inspire you.
I might just skip to the best one, cos basically some of them- and I'm not saying these things are funny, they've just got to be really annoying and, er, lucrative.
Yeah.
So my favourite one that I came up with, well, my second favourite one was Silly Sausage.
Silly Sausage, right.
Silly Sausage.
Text Silly to whatever number.
Silly Sausage is a sausage, an oily British banger with little legs and eyes, and it slips around and falls over in its own oil on your mobile phone.
But the trick is it's got tits.
Right.
It's got human boobs.
So while it's slipping around, its boobs are jiggling.
And it's falling and it goes, oh, oh, yeah, and jumping up, boobs are jiggling all over the place.
I'm not sure what the song would be.
That's what I've got so far.
Sausage with boobs slipping in its own oil.
Silly sausage.
Wow, man, you've been busy this week.
That's good, isn't it?
Yeah.
The second one, which I think is even better, is Cheeky Chihuahua.
Yeah.
Text Cheeky too, blah, blah, blah, blah.
It looks like a normal chihuahua, right?
And it sings, it woofs a little song, a woofy song.
Yeah.
It turns- when it turns- it dances around, but when it turns around, it's got a human bum.
A human bum?
Like a kind of chimpan- one of those big apes?
No, like a- like a big person.
A Ranultan?
No, not a- a human bum.
Yeah, but that's what I'm saying.
You know when those orangutans turn around?
Yeah, well it would be the same sort of impact.
Oh my God, there's some sort of hideous bum, but it wouldn't be as ugly as a monkey bum.
Yeah, sweet, it's a sweet, we're talking about a sweet kind of baby bum.
It's a big saucy seaside postcard bum, and at the very end it does a little poo.
That's great.
It pops out a little poo.
Very good.
I'm not saying that's clever or funny.
I just think the kids would go mad for it.
You've got- you've nailed it.
You see, I had- I had a go and I didn't do quite so well.
But you've- I mean, I've got nothing that compares to Cheeky Chihuahua.
Or Silly Sausage.
I haven't even got, like, funny names for them.
Except the one I'm most fond of is Yakety Yak.
It was a yak.
Right?
Is that real?
Er, no, this is- I made this one up, yeah.
It sounds so good, it sounds real.
Yeah, he's a yak.
Tell us about yakety yak.
And he keeps yakking, he's yakking.
You get where I'm coming from?
What, he's talking?
Talking.
He keeps talking, cos it ties in with the fun.
Like us, talking.
Yeah.
He yaks.
Yakety yak.
And he's got a big nut sack.
That's good!
Yakety yak with a big nut sack.
And he jiggles the nuts.
And his catchphrase, which is the only catchphrase I've got, but it's a series of similar ones, is SLAPPY PAPPY!
That's good.
So that's the ring turn.
That's the ring turn you go and load.
Yeah, you can get different ones.
Slappy pappy!
Burnt broccoli!
Unusual prices!
Bad hotel!
Lazy tailpipe!
Nasty basket!
And it's all- you can get different ones for Yakety Yak.
I'm gonna make a note of that.
Is that your only one?
Well, I did have another one.
I started off with an ape, and the human characteristic was he wears a hat.
The physical gimmick was he's got long arms.
Action was he rides a biplane.
That's good, you see.
Really?
Yeah, that's good.
And he sings the theme from the third man.
That's very good.
Is there anything filthy about him?
No, you see, I hadn't nailed him.
Oh, you've got to have a touch of filth.
Yeah.
So do e-mail us.
Adam and Joe at xfm.co.uk, text us 83XFM.
That formula again, animal plus human characteristic plus physical gimmick plus action plus noise equals multi-millionaires.
We'll share the profits three ways.
And now, here's the Foo Fighters.
Oh, that's the bit at the beginning.
I love that bit.
Go!
Oh yeah, went for the fade there, I wasn't expecting that, I was expecting a clean exit to that track by Beck, and that's E Pro, which, er, is gonna be off, like, his new album, right, and the new album, do you like the way I'm talking?
I li- I like it a lot.
I was trained to do this on the radio.
Can't speak for the listeners, but I like it a lot.
Yeah, yeah, no, the listeners like it, yeah.
It's the new album, right, it's gonna be called
guero, right?
I think the correct pronunciation is guero.
And apparently that's Spanish slang for white boy.
And it's the Dust Brothers who produced Odile are producing this new album by Beck.
And I happen to know that he's also working on an album with Nigel Godrich, radiohead producer.
And I think it's pretty much done and dusted and that's going to be out towards the end of the year and that is going to be a really exciting one as far as I'm concerned.
So that's Beck News for you here on XFM, ladies and gentlemen.
Right now, it's competition time!
Oh, that's exciting.
So it's Crap Commentary Corner, the part of the show where we play you an excerpt from a DVD commentary.
You have to tell us who's talking and what movie it's taken from.
We've got three clips for you this week, but before we get to those, let's tell you the prize.
Your incentive is a copy of Denzel Washington's new thriller, Man on Fire, starring Denzel and precocious cute child star Dakota Fanning as a couple of people what get in the middle of lots of explosions and killings.
and gun bashing and stuff like that.
Apparently it's very violent, has a lot of jump cuts and speeded up bits.
Have you not seen it?
No I haven't, but I hear it's brilliant.
It is brilliant, I'm telling you.
I've seen it and it's okay.
It'll set your telly on fire.
It's Man on Fire and you could win it by guessing this correctly.
So, um, on Crap commentary competition, uh, Corner this week, we've got some kids.
We're gonna be taking the mickey out of kids.
Is that okay with you, Adam?
Why are we taking the mickey out of them?
Because they're kind of pathetic.
But of course kids have an excuse to be pathetic.
Like, listen to this first one, okay?
Remember the numbers 0-8-7-1.
2221049 to win a copy of Man on Fire.
Guess which movie commentary this is taken from?
These kids are doing their best to sound as if they're adults doing a commentary and one of them is trying to tell a little anecdote about something he's spotted in the film.
Shall we have a listen?
Oh, see those blankets?
Uh, yeah.
My dad has those exact same blankets in his, the sheets in his room.
Did he buy them before he saw this?
Uh, yes.
Was it after the movie?
He's had them for a long time.
These are some comfy sheets.
How funny.
I think originally Jack had some rainbow sheets on there.
Jack and rainbow seats.
Sheets.
It was cool.
That's for sweet, don't you think?
That's sweet, yeah.
Why would you want it?
You can't take the mickey out of that.
That's lovely.
No, they're lovely.
And, er, OK, so remember 08-71-222-1049 to win a coffee man on fire if you know what movie that's taken from, and who's speaking would be good as well.
Shall we have clip number two?
OK, here we go.
Listen up.
Let's have a burping contest.
Someone?
Anyone?
No.
Fine.
Excuse me.
Oh, gosh.
Evacuate the area.
We're special.
We're special kids.
Very special kids.
No, it's called... Getting slightly creepy there at the end?
A little bit, yeah.
But that's amazing stereo separation on the voices there.
Thanks.
I really felt as if I was in the room with the little people.
Little buggers.
O-8-7-1-2-2-2-1-0-4-9.
That's quite an easy one, I think.
There is a third clip to play, but we'll wait and see how easy you listeners find it.
O-8-7-1-2-2-2-1-0-4-9, if you know what movie that was from and who was speaking.
And we'll find out a winner.
That's rubbish, isn't it?
We'll find out a winner after this from Athlete.
No, this is not Athlete.
This is The Killers.
Sorry.
That's the Killers with all these things that I've done from their album Hot Fuss.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM.
You join us in the middle of crap commentary competition.
Maybe we should play that third clip.
Okie doke.
So this is the children, just to remind you.
This is a group of children doing a commentary over a movie and you have to guess which movie it is.
Uh-oh, Robert wants to say something.
But you realize that whoever is watching this commentary has to watch the movie first.
So it doesn't matter if you say something that comes afterwards.
I guess.
Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame Blame
Are you having a nice Saturday afternoon?
Yes, lovely one, yes.
Good.
Emily, you sound perky.
You define perky to me.
I'm very nervous, actually.
Are you really?
Yeah.
Well, you know, just being on radio and stuff.
Emily, this is- you have no reason to be nervous when talking to us.
We can hardly operate the flipping controls.
We can barely- you can- we can barely speak, we can't street-center together, and very few people listen to us.
It's like talking to a minor hospital radio station.
No, no, it's not, it's very nervous.
With broken equipment.
We're very excite- we're nervous to speak to you, in fact.
We're intimidated by your perkiness.
Now, talk us through your logic.
Don't tell us exactly what your guess is just yet, but kind of talk around, tease us with your guess.
I'm thinking kids must be something to do with schools, perhaps, and talking about music.
Keep talking, Emily, keep talking.
Erm, and general annoying American kids, I'm thinking it can only be one film, so... And that film is...?
School of Rock.
Did she get it right, Janice?
She did get it right.
Well done, Emily.
That's 100% correct.
Congratulations.
Do you realise, not only have you won Man on Fire, starring Denzel Washington, that is out on DVD this week.
Is that the sequel to Man on the Source?
Good one.
But not only have you won that DVD, but you've also won some shot glasses and a T-shirt.
Oh my goodness.
Yeah.
So I don't know, maybe you can douse yourself in flammable alcohol and set yourself on fire.
Like Denzel Washington.
Yeah.
Don't do that.
Don't do that though, anyway.
But yeah, well done getting that.
That's quite an unsettling commentary because they bully... Did you see the film School of Rock, Emily?
Do you remember the Asian kid that was on keyboards?
They bully him quite badly.
He's the coolest one of them all.
And Kevin, the drummer boy with the blonde spiky hair, is basically king of the castle in the commentary.
And he bullies the Asian boy quite badly.
I wouldn't bother.
I wouldn't imagine that anyone except Joe has, actually, Emily.
And the kids have possibly listened to it, and maybe their parents, for five minutes.
Well, listen, congratulations, thank you, you got that absolutely right, brilliantly teased as well, and it was a real pleasure to speak to you.
Thanks for calling in, Emily.
Thank you.
This is Anna Mongeau on XFM, we'll be back after this.
That's Rylo Kiley with Portions for Foxes.
Rylo Kiley being hotly tipped, Joe.
What?
Portions for what?
Rylo what?
Foxes.
There's a lot of hot tipping going on.
I can't keep up anymore.
She's almost too good at singing.
She?
Yeah.
Do you know what I mean?
It's like sometimes it's too good.
I like people who can't really sing that well.
But anyway, it's a good album, Rylo Kiley.
I think it's called... What is it called?
Look at my shape here.
More Adventurous is the name of the album and it's strongly recommended.
Now, here's an exciting new track for you from Brendan Benson.
This one is called Spit It Out, and it's from a new album called Alternative to Love, which is out on the 7th of March now.
I'm a big Brendan Benson fan, so I'm excited to hear this.
And if you are a fan as well, then give us a call.
The first person to phone in will get tickets to go and see Brendan Benson at The Hundred Club on Wednesday the 23rd of February.
If you want to go and see Brendan Benson on Wednesday the 23rd of February at 100 Club give us a call 0 8 7 1 2 2 2 1 0 4 9 the first Person to call in as long as you don't sound like a bit of a toolbox will win those tickets now.
Here's the song
Wow, that's very good.
Brendan Benson with Spit It Out, that's taken from his new album.
And Patrick from Queen's Park was the person that phoned in first and won those tickets to go and see the gig, so have a good time at that, Patrick.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM.
Coming up in the next hour, Joe, have we got any people sort of suggesting ringtone stuff?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we've had a huge response to our ringtone formula plea.
We'll be getting to those in the second hour of the show.
Excellent.
And we'll probably be giving away maybe a prize to the best one.
Maybe the tickets to Goldie Looking Chain could go to the best wacky ringtone, you know?
It's a sort of wacky package.
Yeah, exactly.
If you're the kind of person who's into making up crazy ringtones, you'd probably enjoy Goldie Looking Chain.
Yeah.
Have you got the Goldie Looking Chain album, Joe?
No.
But you love rap.
Yeah, exactly.
So I don't have the Goldie Looking Chain album.
This is Adam and John, XFM Now.
Here's a free play and it's a shouting classic that I've selected this week from Who's Could Do.
If you like all the guitars and the shouting, then at some point you've got to familiarise yourself with Who's Could Do.
They should have inspired the Pixies and lots of other shouting bands.
And if you hate it, don't worry, it's only very short.
We'll be back shortly.
This is Who's Could Do with blah blah blah.
That's Green Day with Holliday from their multi-million selling seventh album, American Idiot.
Multi-million, Joe.
They're on top of the world.
They're straddling the world like a geeky rock colossus.
Maybe we can straddle the world.
with our ringtone.
Maybe.
We've been asking you to text an email in with your ideas for a ringtone that could make more money than the highly irritating Crazy Frog and Sweetie the Chick.
And we've been inundated with ideas.
I want you to be the judge, Adam.
OK.
I think the one that you think is best should get- win the tickets to go and see Goldie Looking Chain.
Are you ready?
All right.
I mean, I should say that I worry about my qualification to be an expert in this field because I've never used a- downloaded a ringtone or anything like that.
Yeah, but you know annoying.
A crocodile who gyrates on screen, makes grunting noises in an attempt to become grimely excited, has a green winky.
Well, it's a bit derivative, isn't it?
A bit derivative.
OK, Wacky Whale wears a spinning bow tie, shoots urine from his spout.
I- I like that.
How could you say it was urine, though?
Wouldn't it just look like yellow seawater?
It might look like lemonade, but that's no bad thing.
You don't want to be too revolting.
OK.
OK, we've got a few more.
Zebra Dunes Triptease sings a song that says, uh, take off ze bra, baby.
That's from Holly in Croydon.
She's got another one in a second, Holly.
So don't pass judgement on Holly yet.
Steve- Not so sure about the zebra.
Ricky- Smug Slug.
Does the blue steel pout from Zoolander sings, I love me, I look great, you look great?
It's from Matt the student.
Steve- That's- that's- I mean, it see- it comes on banal, that one, but it's got- Ricky- Yeah, Smug Slug.
Steve- It's got potential.
Smug Slug is pretty good.
Ricky- Okay, asthmatic antelope.
Sings bohemian rhapsody but wheezes and then takes a puff on an inhaler.
Toby and Brighton.
Good for asthmatic people.
That's stupid.
Empowering for asthmatic people, though.
It's just stupid.
Are you calling asthmatic people stupid?
No, I'm calling the asthmatic angelos stupid.
OK, OK, we should be specific about that, yeah, OK.
Doesn't look like you're gonna get the tickets there, Toby.
Uh, prickly pimp, hedgehog with a huge cigar.
Why pimp?
Like a pimp.
Like a pimp daddy, mac daddy, puff daddy.
You know, like a- Do pimps smoke cigars?
Yeah, of course they do.
Come on, zoot suit.
That sort of thing.
Priggly pimp, hedgehog with huge cigar.
That's all I've got.
It's anonymous.
Let's move on.
There's better ones.
OK, this is one of my favourites.
Nothing beats the whale so far.
No, this is one of my favourites because it's so simple.
This was sent without even a name.
A lollipop with a cute face called yummy yum yum.
That's it.
That's good.
I see what's missing, of course, is the sounds for all of these, and that's the key component.
Well, yeah, but this is just, you know, we can work on that.
I've got two more, OK?
Camp Camel.
This is the second one from Holly, who also gave us a zebra.
A Camp Camel, a camel, and its humps are boobs.
I think she's- she's nicking your, uh, sausage with boobs.
Oh, she's copying.
OK, finally, this was via email from Ian, uh, who has a P.S.
Please read this out.
Here, your dream's gonna come true, I'm gonna read it out.
Platypus, which smokes cannabis.
Well, you can't get away with that.
The platypus- the platypus?
Platypus, sorry about that, has a huge mohican which flaps around all the time.
He sings a song which would go something like this.
Ian's actually written the song.
Right.
I don't think I can sing this song.
You should have read the song first before you- It's basically a song that advocates the use of Class P drugs.
Er, and then it says with a doo-doo-dah-doo-doo in the background.
Does it go dooby-dooby-doo?
Er, it doesn't.
He's missed that trick.
He would jump up and down while the mohican shakes and he would be smoking cannabis during the whole advert.
Well, it's fine, but it's totally impractical.
You can't get away with that.
You can't tell the kids to go and smoke drugs.
That's a disaster.
Well, is it right to have a frog with a willy and balls?
Well, yes, it is.
Everyone's got a willy and balls.
That's true.
OK, so who's your winner, Adam?
Well, I think it's a no-brainer.
It's the whale.
It's the wacky whale.
I don't even know if he got a name for the wacky whale.
Well, I'll tell you, it's between the wacky whale and the lolly.
And the lolly.
Yum Yum the lolly.
Yeah.
Yum Yum the lolly lacks edge, though, doesn't it?
Well, I'd like to get the person that thought of Yum Yum and maybe get them on the phone and see if they could come up with some kind of Yum Yum theme.
Let's go and see if we can summon the people who've come up with these.
All right, now, um, we've got a track now from Queen to the Stone Age, and it's got a cow bell.
All right?
Steve Laughs
what?
I know where they're gonna go with that.
Yeah, it's a turtle shell that- or either has a burping head or a farting or turd popping rear end and it burps out of its front and then farts out of the back and it gets faster and faster and faster.
The turtle shell spins round because of the velocity of the burping and the farting until it gets so fast that it explodes.
Too complicated.
No, that's good.
Too complicated.
Because that's a ringtone, it's a-
When your phone rings, that's going to get everyone around you on the bus laugh.
And then you've also got the visual imagery, the spinning shell.
I think that's really good.
OK, yeah, yeah, you've talked me around.
But we've also got on the phone, David Enfield, who came up with our leading contender so far, which was Yum Yum the Lolly.
We had some reservations about Yum Yum Lolly.
Well, it just seems a little babyish, a little immature.
It's a little blank, but let's talk to its creator.
Hello, Dave.
Hi, Dave Cohen.
You all right?
Yeah, we're fine.
Thanks a lot for coming on the show.
It's exciting to have someone like you on the show with a mind like yours.
Tell us, what's the story behind the genesis of Yum Yum the Lolly?
I dunno, just popped in the head.
Yummy yum yum, the yummy yum lolly.
Dave, you're a kind of genius.
How often do you have ideas like that?
Do you carry a pad around?
No, I just came in the head.
Right.
And did you know, when you got the idea for Yum Yum the Lolly, did you know this is a winner?
Could you feel it, or did you just think, well, this is just another idea?
Oh, it's just another idea.
Really?
Yeah, daily occurrence.
And now, Dave, have you got any ideas for what kind of theme tune or sound the Yum Yum Lolly could make?
Well, she's gonna have a high-pitched, squeaky voice.
Do it for us, do it for us.
So our phone rings, and what do we hear?
A yummy yum yum, he's got a sticky bum bum.
He's got a sticky bum bum, that's new.
And so what happens visually, because it needs a visual gimmick as well, what happens with the lolly on the screen?
He takes on fire, he just freestyled, yummy yum yum, he's got a sticky bum bum.
What more do you want?
He's got to dance, he's got to move, you know.
He's got- did he have little arms and legs or is it just literally like a lolly waggling on- On a stick.
On a stick.
That's not an original idea to put a lolly on a stick, is it?
I think you might have copied that off lollies.
Off lollies, generally.
Dave, thanks a lot, man.
I think we're all going to make quite a lot of money and as soon as we get the idea off the ground, we'll be in touch.
Dave, do you want us to go and see Goldie Looking Chain?
Yeah, sure.
Are you free on when is it?
Next Thursday, the 24th.
Are you free?
Yeah, I think.
Oh, there we go.
Two tickets to Goldilocking Chain coming your way.
Thank you very much for sending that in.
Cheers, mate.
And that's awesome.
You know, that's going to be annoying everybody on every mode of transport very soon.
Genius.
Thanks a lot, Dave.
And we still haven't managed to contact the person that created the whale with wee coming out of its blowhole, but we will.
And when we do, we'll ask them what they were thinking about.
This is Adam and Joe on XFN.
XFN.
Oh my God, I can't believe it.
Hey, listen, you know you introduced a song, was it the Food Fighters song, and you said this song has got a cowbell?
Uh, Queen's of the Stone Age.
Queen's of the Stone Age.
We've received an email, uh, from Cressida Greening.
It says, uh, the subject is, you're wrong.
The message reads as follows.
I think you'll find it's not a cowbell, it's a word block.
Dash, get it right.
Oh, well, I've been told.
Yeah.
You see, I thought you'd like that one.
Good.
Thank you very much indeed.
Who was that?
Cressida Greening.
Thank you very much indeed, Cressida.
And, um, I know where you live and I'm gonna come round and use the woodblock on your head a bit later on.
No, I'm joking.
Obviously, Cressida, I really appreciate that.
Thank you very much.
I've been humbled and told and that's very interesting as well.
Um, and thanks for getting in touch.
Um, now, I think we've got Louise on the line.
Hi, Louise, are you there?
Hi.
Hi, how are you?
Good, thanks.
How are you?
Yeah, very well.
And Louise, it was your idea.
Now, in fact, talk us through your idea for a great new text character.
Thanks.
Well, I was thinking wacky whale, text wacky.
Are you?
He wears a spinning bow tie because he's that wacky.
And he actually, I don't want to say the word, but he does actually shoot urine from his blowhole.
Wow.
This is Blue Monday by New Order.
Oh, that's very good.
So the ringtone is Blue Monday?
Yes.
And then he shoots wee from his... What's Blue Monday?
Am I missing something here?
What's Blue Monday got to say?
That's Blue Whale.
Well, kind of Blue, Blue Whale, and, you know, you heard that tick song.
It's about time the music got good, isn't it?
Yeah, I must say we'd have to pay quite a lot of money to New Order, probably, for the publishing rights for Blue Monday, so that's a bit of a- a bit of a- Louise, I'm worried as well about what's happened to the whale that it's got urine coming out of its blowhole, because that's not right.
Oh, wow.
It works on a number of levels, doesn't it?
Do you- are you with your children there, Louise?
There's probably some around.
I'm not with them per se.
Right.
Oh, I hear little voices.
Maybe you're just haunted or possessed or something and it's the sounds of demons.
Louise, thank you so much indeed for calling in.
We'll give you a copy of Man on Fire.
Would you like that?
It's featuring Denzel Washington and a t-shirt and some shot glasses.
Yeah, I'd love that.
Bring it on.
So once you put the kiss to bed you can sit and get smashed and watch Man on Fire.
Ricky Laughs Ricky Laughs
Absolutely.
And put it on the website or something.
Free play time now.
Joe, do you want to introduce this one?
Uh, yeah, this is, uh, Ian Durie and the Blockheads with Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick.
That was Smoke Patrol with How To Be Dead, the fourth single taken from their Mercury-nominated third album Final Straw.
How could they possibly know how to be dead?
Well, maybe they don't mean actually dead, maybe they mean how to sort of play dead, so for instance in a war you don't get killed.
Um, I understand now, thank you.
OK.
This is Adam and Joel on XFM, we're here with you for another 25 minutes.
Coming up now, it's Ditties in the Dark.
This is, of course, the segment of the show where Adam and I battle it out to play the final track of our two-hour slot here on XFM.
He said slot.
Yeah, I did.
Only one of us can win, and you, the listeners, get to decide.
Everybody who... basically, we take five calls, the best of five votes wins, and everybody who comes through will win a copy of the block.
party album.
Now how do you say, how do you pronounce the name of that band?
Because there's no K on the end of Bloch.
It's not bloke?
No.
I'm having a bloke party tonight.
Just loads of blokes are going to play the bloke party album.
Now that would be B-L-O-Q.
Bloch party.
Anyway, this is supposedly a superb album.
Do you own it, Adam?
You're a fan of these guys?
Yeah, I went out and bought it this week.
I can't believe it.
I could have nicked one off the listeners.
Do you like it?
I do like it.
Don't you think the cover looks like the cover of The Man Who by Travis?
It does.
It's just a sort of snowy wasteland.
So you could win a copy of that album if you vote for your favourite one of these two tracks.
The theme for Ditty's in the Dock this week is music connected to advertising or used in adverts.
Tracks that have been used in adverts rather than advertising jingles, you know?
Yes, not jingles.
No.
So shall I tell you what I've got this week, Adam Buxton?
Go on then.
This week I've got a song called Halotosh Godotoshiba by Pato Banton.
He's not one of the nasty homophobic Bantans like Buju Banton.
He's a lovely Banton.
He's based in Birmingham.
He's one of Britain's biggest dancehall stars.
And in 1985, he recorded this track to the tune of Halotosh Godotoshiba, which in itself was based on, I think, an Alexei Sayle track.
Hello, John Gotten You Motor.
Yeah, exactly.
which was then turned into the famous 80s advert, Hallo toshiko toshiba, and this is a spin-off from that.
It's a fantastic, very accessible dancehall ram jam reggae track with hallo toshiko toshiba as the chorus.
It's brilliantly funny, you'll never hear it again, and I'd love to be able to play it to everybody today.
So call 0-8-7-1-2-2-2-1-0-4-9 and vote Hello Tosh God of Toshiba if you want to hear that record.
Alternatively... Well, I'm just a bit worried because you're just bending rules, aren't you?
Why?
That's rule-bending.
Why?
Because it's ad-related.
It's not been used on an ad.
Yeah.
Well, it has.
Hello Tosh God of Toshiba is an advert.
That's a jingle.
Yeah, that's pretty closely related.
Rule-bending.
Well, I set the rules.
I put a little kink in them when I set them.
What have you got, man?
What have you got?
I've got Spike Jones and his wacky, wacky, wacky Keons.
In this case, with a track called... I've forgotten what it's called now.
So thick.
It's called Hawaiian War Chant.
Right.
And it goes... I can't do it because it's too impossible, but... I'm ruining it.
Which advert was it used on?
I can't remember it was on I think maybe something food related like crisps or chocolate dippers or didn't obviously do the job of keeping the product in my mind but I was disappointed I was really gutted when they used it because it was always a favorite song and I thought it was a little secret that I had a secret song so it's a track that's been sort of ruined by advertising
Yeah, it has, but I'm trying to get over it because I keep getting in arguments with people who just say, why don't you just grow up and stop being such a snob?
Who cares if it's on an advert?
Which is fair enough, but I always get really upset when my favorite songs get used on ads, especially if I feel that I discovered them, you know?
Anyway, this is a song that children everywhere love.
I play this one to my son a lot, and it makes him giggle.
And it is very funny, and I wish I could do a better rendition to remind you of it.
But that's what I'm going for.
Spike Jonze, not the film director, but the amusing musician.
So that's it.
So it's Hello, Toskato Toshiba versus Spike Jonze in this week's Ditties in the Dock.
Call 0 8 7 1 triple 2 1 0 4 9.
Everyone who comes on air wins a copy of the block party album.
The lines are open now.
Get dialing.
Here's a record for while you're doing it.
that's block party with so here we are from their album silent alarm and that album is new out and you can win it if you get through on this week's this is in the dark
Just to remind you, this week the battle between myself and Joe for who gets to play the last song of our show is between songs that have an advertising connection after the rules were bent by Joe Cornish.
Originally, they were supposed to be songs that had been used on ads, but Joe got one that was ad-related.
Well, Hello Tashkara Toshiba, I think, was used on an advert.
Not this version, though.
No, that's true.
But, you know, a little bit bendy.
Never hurt anybody.
Anyway, so Joe's bendy attract is Hello Tosh, Goddess of Shiba by Pato Banton.
The one I'm asking you to vote for is Spike Jones with Hawaiian War Chant.
We're gonna take five calls, and the best of those five calls will win it.
Who have we got, Joe?
Oh, we've got Sarah.
Hello, Sarah.
Hello.
How are you today?
I'm very good, thanks.
Good.
And what are you voting for today, Sarah?
Uh, Tosh.
hello toshikata shiba yeah well done that's that's very very clever of you congratulations it's only a bit casual there sarah yeah well no she's she's passed she's so passionate that she you know can't express it properly yeah yeah is that right sarah yeah i'm so excited about hearing this
Yeah, man, you're going to love this track.
It's fantastic.
It's going to be so good.
Oh, you're brilliant.
Sarah, thanks so much.
Thank you for listening to the show, and thank you for calling.
You win a copy of Silent Alarm by block party, bloke party.
Aidan's next.
Hey, Aidan, how you doing?
Hiya, how you doing?
Yeah, very good, thanks.
How old are you, Aidan, if you don't mind me asking?
I'm 38, going on seven.
Are you really?
You sound very, very chirpy.
Yeah, I'm not too bad, yeah, I'm at home.
Yeah, good.
I'm not always doing any ass work.
Really?
You sound like some sort of Dickensian pickpocket.
Are you gonna- Can you sing Pick a Pocket or Two?
I could do, yeah.
What could it be for me?
Nothing, absolutely nothing.
Copy of Block Party's new album.
Um, have you been up any chimneys recently?
Um... Doesn't matter to us, that's a ludicrous thing to say, I'm sorry.
What are you gonna vote for?
I'd like to hear Spike Jones, please.
Oh yeah, good move, good move, thanks very much.
It's 1-0, one to Cornish, one to Buxton, one to Hello, Toskara, Toshiba, and one to, what's your song called again, Adam?
Hawaiian War Chant.
Hawaiian War Chant, there we go, 1-0.
Hailey's on line three, hello Hailey.
Hello.
Alright, today Hailey.
Yeah, everything's grand, yep.
Yeah, good.
You've been told to sound chatty.
That's what Lila says to people before they come on.
But you sound like it's a bit of an effort.
You're having a bit of a crap day.
Well, yeah, I've been let down a bit.
Who's let you down?
Oh, just, you know, people.
Delivery men.
Plumbers.
I hate people.
What, did you have some exciting plans that got the kibosh?
Yeah, yeah.
What kind of thing?
Well, wasn't that exciting?
Just leaving the house is pretty much quite exciting for me, definitely.
Right.
Now I'm not leaving the house.
Oh, well, that's the same.
Well, you can snuggle up with Nathan Barley and the repeat of the Friday night project tonight.
Is Nathan Barley on tonight?
I think.
Isn't it repeated Saturday midnight or something?
Oh.
Maybe.
I don't know.
Anyway, you can have a nice evening in.
And what are you going to vote for, Hayley?
Is it going to be Tosh or Adam's one?
I'm going for the, the Jones, the Spike Jones one.
The Spike Jones, oh no!
Thanks very much, Tosh, your Adam's won.
Cornish is suffering, that's 2-1 to Busting.
Cornish needs another vote for Tosh, otherwise he's out of the picture with his bendy rules.
Oh no, all of my hopes are pinned on Geoff.
Hello, Geoff.
Hi there.
Hello, Geoff.
Geoff, what?
I'm fine, are you going to vote for Toshiba?
I'm going to make it 2-1.
Way, well done, Geoff.
It's almost as if these phone calls have been cleverly engineered for the maximum dramatic curve.
Well, that's very true.
Jeff, I like your thinking a lot.
That's good logic, Jeff.
Well done.
Thanks very much for your call.
You win a copy of Block Party's Silent Alarm.
The album of the year.
Who's gonna be... Is that Joe Cornish saying that?
Well, yeah, just for the week.
It's the album of the... It's my album of the year as well.
Just because people give us these things to give away on the premise that we'll sort of sell them on air and we're usually just a bit sniffy so I think we're gonna change our tactic and say, you know, this is a must-have album.
Everyone loves the Block Party.
So it's now to all.
This is the deciding vote.
And it comes down to a lady called Bella.
Hello, Bella.
Hiya.
How are you today, Bella?
Don't tell us what you're voting for, just tell us how you are.
I'm fine, I'm sitting outside my gym, I'm about to go in and work out.
Really?
Wow, so, wow, what are you going to be voting for?
Posh.
I can't believe it, you ludicrous, vicious freak.
You're very clever, this is a great track, this is a fantastic track.
Bella, have a good, have a good workout.
How long are you going to spend in the gym, if you don't mind me asking?
I'm going to spend a while in the gym and you know what, I'm going to spend a bit longer because thanks to you I don't have to go and buy a block party because you're going to give it to me.
Hooray!
Well you know what Bella, get into that gym, strip all your clothes off and pump your booty to this track, Hello Tosh Got to Shiba by Pato Banton.
Thank you very much, everyone, for calling in.
Thanks for listening as well.
Enjoy your block party albums, I'm sure you will.
Yeah, thanks a lot for listening.
Next weekend, I'm gonna be away.
What?
Yeah.
I'm going to All Tomorrow's Parties, the exciting indie festival full of bands that I've never heard of, curated by Slint.
So I'm on my own?
Well, what we're gonna do, I think, is I'm gonna come in during the week and we're gonna record a few bits and pieces, but you'll be helming on your own.
I want to go to a party.
It's all tomorrow's parties.
I can have a party in the studio.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you could.
I'm gonna have a party in the studio.
You could get some bands in.
I'm just gonna get listeners in.
I'm gonna get listeners in.
Listeners, come and hang around in the West End next week.
We'll get you all in and have a party.
Joe Cornish curating the Adam and Joe radio show next weekend.
So this is the winner of Dishes in the Dock this week.
This is Pat O'Bannon with Hello, Toshiba.
We'll see you next week.
No, I'll see you next week.
We'll both see you the week after that.
Alright.
Thanks for listening.
Love you, bye!
Bye!
Come on, Pato.
That's the wrong button again.
Here we go.
This one is a date to check.
I'm really sorry.
You've actually ejected my CD.
Was that an accident?
Yeah, it was, it was.
Was that bitterness?
Sorry, I'm a bit tired.
We can hear the beginning bit again now.
OK, here we go.
This is unbelievable.
This is sabotage.
Sorry.
Sickening.
working my name is
To tell the truth, but I cannot remember All I know it was the middle of winter And I was on my way to go and visit my mother And I've done it on the one day when I called her Ten minutes later got lit in by my sister I ran inside and sat down right there
The season tell me what is the matter?
I said, when my name is Kato, I'm a cool entertainer I only came here because of my matter Every time I tell her that I'm not confused
I'm not bored with you whatsoever.
How would you like to turn yourself up with Fiverr?
Just repeat that line into my game disorder.
Alright?
Hello, Dutch, got it to say Ba ba ba ba.
Hello, Dutch, got it to say Ba ba ba ba ba.