Yeah, my Sharona, that's the future heads with decent days and nights.
And before that, you heard the fantastic new single from The Coral.
In the morning, this is Adam and Joe here on XFM for your Saturday afternoon listening pleasure for the next hour and 55 minutes.
Thanks very much to Alex Zane and the afternoon team.
That's what I call them.
And of course, after us, you'll be hearing the mellifluous sounds of Justin Lee Collins.
Joe and I are wearing black polo-necked shirts today.
Both, just by accident, threw them on.
So is Alex Zane.
And so was Alex Ayn, except his had the little polo logo.
Are you wearing a black polo neck t-shirt?
Uh, they're not polo neck, they're polo shirts.
Oh, did I say polo neck?
Sorry.
Yeah, yeah.
Are you wearing a black polo neck shirt?
Anyone else out there in London?
If there's something weird going on, then you're part of our gang.
And you can come to Leicester Square and we'll have some kind of party, uh, black polo party.
And, uh, so I guess it means that you and I are kind of perfectly in sync today, Joe.
I think so, I think definitely, I think this is going to be one of the best shows we've ever done.
Start a sentence and I'll finish it.
Er, I like big, big, fat, fat, happy, happy.
Er, Nazis.
Wow, that's amazing.
So don't forget, if we say anything that provokes you into wanting to call us, 08712221049, you can text us on 83XFM, you can email us, adamandjoe at xfm.co.uk, we've got ditties in the dot, we've got crap commentary corner, we've got three pairs of tickets to the next XFM live session with Jameson Irish whiskey featuring the coral,
to give away.
We've got five copies of California Dreaming, the best of the Mamas and the Papas to give away for Ditties in the Dark, and we've got two pairs of tickets to see The Fall at The Forum on Friday the 20th of May.
That's quite an exciting prize.
That's exciting.
That gives me an excuse to play something by The Fall.
And we'll have to come up with some sort of Fall-based text competition, maybe.
Yeah, good, yeah.
Marky Smith impressions.
We've got lots of stuff to talk about as well.
You went to see the new Star Wars film.
I've had such a busy week.
Busy week?
So culturally busy, I feel like, uh, Echo Eshun from the late show.
I feel like Codwoe Eshun.
Who's he?
His brother.
Really?
Codwoe?
Codwoe.
Wow.
Where did they name them?
I don't know.
In a cave?
Echo, Echo.
Woah, God.
That's terrible.
Shut up.
What are you talking about?
I'm gonna kill myself.
Don't kill yourself yet, man.
I forgive you for all of that.
Um, but yeah, you saw the new Star Wars film, uh, your- I did.
Your show was out, Modern Toss was, uh- It was.
One of the comedy labs very much enjoyed that.
I did stand up at the comedy store.
Did you really?
Yeah.
Wow, I want to hear all about that.
Oh, amazing.
And, um, also we've been watching a great deal of television this week.
Of course, shows like The Farm, uh, which I watched.
But, Joe, you haven't watched it yet.
Haven't watched The Farm yet.
No, I can't- I find it really hard to watch Justin and Colin.
Uh, and what about Justin Lee Collins?
Uh, he- he's alright.
Yeah, he's good.
He's- he's been on telly a lot.
Justin and Colin don't really figure that heavily on the farm.
Good.
Er, they are in deep trouble over themselves.
I just think Justin should shut up.
I much prefer Colin.
Really?
You've got a preference.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What's your problem?
I want to kill the one that talks all the time.
Is there a difference between them?
Yeah, the sort of older grey-haired one and the young- I want the older grey-haired one to shut up!
You fancy the younger one?
I don't necessarily fancy him.
You love the younger one and you hate the old one?
Yes.
I don't feel the same way at all.
I don't like both of them.
But I, uh, fancy Justin Lee Collins.
Oh, or anyone else with the name Justin, Colin or Lee.
Um, and what else was I gonna say?
Oh, yeah, yeah, I wanted to talk about the Kentucky Fried Chicken ad.
You know where they're eating?
There have been lots of complaints, over a thousand complaints about that KFC ad though.
Fantastic.
Yeah, because of people singing and eating with their mouths full.
Well, good, I wanna talk about all these amazing things we have to talk about.
Play some music so we can't.
Yeah.
Oh, sort of faded out there, I didn't realise that.
Well, that's good.
You respected the tune, let it play completely in full.
Yeah, that's true, that's exactly what I was doing.
That was Weezer with Beverly Hills.
I think that might even be number one, that song, do you know?
Really?
I thought Acorn was number one.
I think he's number one.
I don't- I mean, I'm not sure.
I'm just saying- So many different charts anyway now.
Who can tell?
Yeah.
There's the Airplay chart, there's the Buxty chart, and there's almost nothing on the Buxty chart at the moment, except 50 Cent.
So you're listening to Adam and Joe on XFM.
We're here with you until three o'clock.
Can I raise a small point?
You know the post office ads with the little ants?
Steve Laughs
The post office ants, yeah.
Listeners, you know what I'm talking about.
The little CGI ants that advertise at the post office.
They've got shoes that are the right size for an ant.
They've got a little camera.
The one when they're at the beach with the ice cream, they were taking a camera with a little camera the size of the ants, weren't they?
When in the latest one, they're in a house.
and they're on a sideboard.
But the house is the size of a human house.
And they're on the phone, but the phone's the size of a human phone.
And there's photos that look as if they were taken in the previous beach advert, but they're giant human-sized photos in giant frames.
What, photos of the ants?
Yes.
But they're huge.
Well, are they huge or are they big or small?
Wait, the photos are huge.
Do you understand my-my-my logic?
Yeah, yeah, there's a scale problem.
The latest ant advert has completely thrown the world of the post office ants into confusion.
There's a scale discrepancy.
Cos they seem to be little ants who've invaded a human home in this one, but in the other ones...
their tiny ants in- in a giant world.
Steve Well, do they not coexist?
I mean, they've got their ant material and their- Ricky Well, I- I want to know the- I- the- I want to know the logic.
Steve Yeah.
Ricky Behind it.
Because why would they take- why would they take- why would they have a camera that's tiny, the size of an ant hand,
and then develop the photo enormous.
They might have just got a blow up.
And frame it in an enormous, in an enormous frame.
In an enormous frame?
Yeah.
That might, it just might have been a deal, like a pronto print type blow up deal.
Why would they, why would they use a giant phone that's so big if they dropped it, it would kill them?
Because maybe they're just trying to get, integrate.
They don't understand.
They might just be integrating.
Well listen if anyone involved with the ant ad could give us a call and explain the whole situation to Joe that would be much appreciated So what were you saying about the Kentucky Fried complaint?
Situation you know so this is the Kentucky Fried chicken salad ad that we're talking about now, which there's some lady Office types, and you know like ladies do they're eating salad.
They love salad Can I just say something before you to go in depth with the KFC ads on?
We've got a text here saying, hello, I did that KFC ad you're talking about.
It's the most complained about ad ever.
I love your show, by the way.
Oh, nice one.
I wonder what he did on it.
Is it a he or a she?
Well, maybe we can get he or she to call in.
Carry on talking.
Yeah, give us a call right now.
The number is 08712221049.
You can talk to our producer, Lila, and explain that you're involved with the KFC ad, which I'm about to rail against in a small and slightly pathetic way.
So yeah, obviously, the thing about the ad is that these people are singing with their mouths full, and that's the conceit of the ad, ha ha ha.
The, you know, it's so delicious they've just got to sing about it, and all the normal codes of decency have gone out of the window because they're so in love with the salad.
But it is revolting.
All I can imagine is how
how many bits of spittle and salad and stuff?
They open their mouths.
You can't see the food in the mouth, can you?
No, you can't see the food.
It's very cleverly done.
Well presumably there have been some guidelines and someone, the client or whoever- Well that wouldn't be appetizing, would it?
Mashed up food.
It's not appetizing anyway.
It's revolting.
I mean the logic of the thing is supposed to be the salad's so amazing that they don't care about the fact that it's revolting to sing with your mouth full.
But all I can think is that
You know, if they've lost control of the rules of social interaction to that extent, they're probably farting as well.
The room stinks.
They're probably going to the toilet, right, where they're sat.
They're not paying attention to any of the normal codes of... They're horrible piggies.
They're horrible pig people.
So what it's saying is horrible piggy people eat at KFC.
It's saying that the... Which isn't...
an outlandish idea.
It's saying that the salad is kind of like a drug that will make all your inhibitions go away and turn you into a kind of a pig person.
It's quite sexy.
Imagine the piggy sex.
You're putting a positive spin on it in a really odd way.
But anyway, I do call the person involved with the KFC ad.
I'd love to talk to you about... Yeah, call the person involved in the KFC ad.
Don't, you know... What you were thinking.
What are you talking about?
The way you said it, it sounded like we were asking our listeners to call the guy in the KFC ad.
Oh, I see.
I'm sorry.
Not for him to come on air just to do it separately in their own time.
No, I was speaking to the person involved with the ad.
Shall we have some more music now?
We'd better.
This is the Kasabian with club foot.
That was a long link.
Sorry.
This is a long intro to the song as well, God.
We'll make everything shorter and tighter and punchier.
Audio slave, there you go.
Someone whispering, stay there for me, stay there.
There's Adam and Joel on XFM, it's nearly half past one, that's a time check.
We don't usually do time checks, I did a time check nearly half past one.
Hey, that means it's almost competition time.
It's almost competition time, it's almost time for Crap Commentary Corner.
We'll play another song and then we'll do Crap Commentary Corner.
And the person who was staying on the line there.
is a mystery person involved, who was part of the creative team for the KFC singing with their mouth full.
I'm not going to identify him because I don't want to get him into trouble.
Him or her, okay?
Nice.
or her, but I'm going to talk to him, find out the inside gossip or her about what the hell they were thinking when they did that advert, and get into the mind of a creative on the cutting edge.
And after this song, which is a free play, incidentally, by Landscape, we will play a crap commentary corner on our competition today.
Well, which other one would I play by landscape?
I dunno, I thought there might be some new trendy band called Landscape.
No, this is going to be the untrendy band from the 1980s called Landscape, and this is called Einstein Go-Go.
Just played that one right to the end as well.
That is Landscape, who had an amazing album called From the Hell Holes of Mars to the Tea Rooms of Uranus.
Or maybe the Tea Rooms of Mars to the Hell Holes of Uranus, I think you're supposed to pronounce that, to avoid any kind of embarrassment.
Joe Cornish just went to the, had a bit of a lavish break there, but he's back!
Hey, Joe, how was it?
what in the lobby yeah why isn't landscape still going because we only had two minutes on it's only a short they were short in the 80s those songs sorry everybody so i just concluded my conversation with the mystery person kfc person kfc person what did he or she say well he or she basically was the actual uh part of the actual duo that came up with the idea that people should be singing with their mouths for good identity concealment and uh
Ricky and Steve laugh Ricky and Steve laugh
Well, basically, that they didn't really want- they didn't set out to offend anyone at all.
Of course not.
And, uh, it wasn't supposed to be like a controversial ad the way that the Tango ads were conceived, for example.
Yeah.
You know, and, uh, I said, well, surely there must have been like a filtering process and people saying, you can't do that, it's disgusting.
But he said apparently no one batted an eyelid, they didn't realize that it was going to upset people.
It's a victim of its own success, isn't it?
Because the first one was much milder.
And it really caught on.
Everybody loved the first one, where it was just the basic premise of somebody singing when they were ordering the burger, wasn't it?
They weren't even eating it.
And then it sort of snowballed.
But it's funny how people get upset about manners, table manners, more than they do about sort of more extreme things in adverts.
Yeah, because of course it doesn't infringe any advertising guidelines as such, because it's just a politeness thing.
Why can't the man who- or woman who wrote the post office ants advert call up?
and explain to me about the scale of their props.
Then we'd all be happy.
Seriously, there's about 20 texts here about the ants.
I'm not alone.
People are texting and going, thank God someone's pointed out the ant scale issue.
People have pulled their hair out.
It's a massive concern to the citizens of London.
Well, listen, shall we do a competition and then we can give people a chance involved with the ants to call in?
OK.
Incidentally, the number is 0-8-7-1 for the competition and the ants.
0-8-7-1-2-2-2-1-0-4-9.
Shall we play the competition check?
Just remember this jingle stops suddenly.
There we are, very abruptly.
OK, so it's crap commentary corner time.
This is a recording taken from the commentary of a famous movie.
Now this is pretty... Well, when I say famous, infamous perhaps, this is pretty obscure stuff.
And there's not many clues in the commentary, so you're gonna have to be a real movie buff.
But I can... Adam, you don't know what this is, do you?
No, no idea.
We saw this, we went to see this on its opening night in the West End.
OK, so this is the director of a movie.
Listen carefully, cos there are one or two clues.
And, according to the director, as you're about to hear, there's really no problems with this movie.
In fact, it could well be the greatest movie ever made.
Yeah.
I mean, nothing went wrong.
It was brilliant, and the film's brilliant.
Listen to this.
This is a movie.
It's a textbook in everything.
You know, a lot of kids who saw this when they're young that are now young adults.
This is one of their favorite movies.
Most people thought the idea of making a live action picture of it was impossible.
And while one may quibble with this element or that element, overall, the picture worked.
You start out every project and you want to make it the greatest film ever.
We had a team of great people.
I think we did it.
That's amazing positivity.
They did it.
They made they set out to make the greatest film ever.
They did it.
I've got an idea what that might be.
I think there's some clues in the background there.
You can hear a little bit of growling and stuff.
You may quibble about one or two things that might not be exactly right.
But overall, the movie's a massive success, says the director.
Now, here's another clip.
He's particularly pleased with the performance of his lead actor.
And these are little moments taken from all the way through the commentary.
He's very, very pleased with one performance.
Let's hear just how pleased he is.
I love Frank in this particular performance.
I think this is great.
Just a brilliant performance there.
Frank, fantastic here.
Love that shot coming off him and coming into Frank.
Frank delivers just a great performance.
Frank's great here.
I actually didn't want to cut away from him at all.
I want to stay on him and I think he does a brilliant performance.
The first preview where that scene played, people actually cried.
I like Frank's performance.
I think Frank's performance elevated the picture.
So Frank does well.
I liked Frank, I wanted to stay on him.
I love Frank and he's handsome, he's very handsome and I love him and I wanted to kiss him at this point.
That's difficult though.
It's tricky isn't it?
It's clearly a massively brilliantly successful movie.
Would I be correct in saying, because I think we need to throw people a steady clue.
Do you think?
Yeah that is tough.
Do you think, but you know what it is.
I'm not sure.
Write it down.
Er... Write it down.
Tell me what you think it is.
There.
OK... Remember, the number is 08712221049, or, er, yeah, to enter crap commentary competition.
Do call right now if you think you know.
No.
Wrong.
Oh, no.
The box is wrong.
It's not Bowie-based.
That's really difficult.
Is it?
Is anyone calling in?
No one's calling in.
That's too difficult.
08712221049.
Shall I tell you it was made in the late 80s?
No, we're on.
It's got a guy called Frank playing the lead villain.
I'll give you a clue.
What, Frank is the character's name or the actor's name?
It's a kid's film.
People said it was impossible to adapt.
I don't know.
Maybe we should play a record and I'll think of a clue.
Do you know what?
I thought it was, listeners, I thought it was Labyrinth.
It's not Labyrinth.
Then I thought maybe Company of Wolves.
I'm just trying to think of the things we went and saw on Saturday nights at the Odeon Esther Square.
Well, let's play a track and see if anyone gets an idea and gives us a call.
0 8 7 1 2 2 2 1 0 4 9 is the number to call.
Here's the ordinary boys.
Is it worth playing one of those clips again, do you think?
OK, let's have a quick listen.
This is Crap Commentary Corner.
The first one, maybe.
And you've got to guess, do they have to guess who's speaking?
Not necessarily.
You've got to guess the film that this director is speaking about.
OK.
This is a movie, it's a textbook in everything.
A lot of kids who saw this when they were young that are now young adults, this is one of their favorite movies.
Most people thought the idea of making a live action picture of it was impossible.
And while one may quibble with this element or that element, overall,
The picture worked.
You start out every project and you want to make it the greatest film ever.
We had a team of great people.
I think we did it.
Now, when you find out what film it is, which I now know, that will seem extraordinary.
Let's go to Clive.
Hello, Clive.
Hello there, mate.
How you doing?
Not bad.
Have you got an idea what this is then, Clive?
Yeah, I thought I'd have a guess and I assume I'm going alright by the sounds of it.
Magic roundabout.
What was your logic there?
Can you explain how you arrived at that answer?
Well, it's just the greatest film ever made, I suppose.
It's got to be, hasn't it?
Have you seen The Magic Roundabout, Clive?
No, I'm afraid I haven't.
I watched it as a kid, but... Right.
But you're just getting the general impression that, just from the posters, that it could be the greatest film ever made.
Hey, Clive, I don't wish to rain on your logic parade, but you know that The Magic Roundabout's not out on DVD at the moment.
I don't think it's been released yet.
Not yet.
So how would we have got the commentary off it?
I don't know.
Poor Clive, he's not a release schedules expert.
OK, I'm sorry.
I think it's a good guess, Clive.
That was a very good guess, Clive.
I was just flexing my sarcasm muscles.
He's obviously a very, very, very good film.
It was really impossible.
Can we give Clive some kind of prize?
Can we give Clive a prize?
We'll give you some tickets to something, Clive.
We'll give you tickets to see The Coral.
Do you want tickets to see The Coral?
I'd love tickets to see the call, yeah.
Well done, but you are 100% wrong.
Wrong.
But thanks a lot for your call, Clive, and sorry about my sarcasm there.
Hello, Pete.
It's Pete there.
Hiya.
Hey, Pete, how you doing?
Oh, fine, thanks.
Do you think you've got it right?
Er... What's your guess?
Er, kindergarten cop.
Kindergarten cop.
Now, that is an interesting guess.
It is a great film.
It is.
But that is genuinely one of the greatest films ever made.
Well, listen, man, you've got it wrong, unfortunately.
That's not correct.
But good guess.
And sort of in the right area in a funny way with the kind of star of the film.
Yeah.
Not I'm not saying that Schwarzenegger is the star of the film in question, but same sort of ballpark.
But thank you very much for your call.
Er, Pete can have tickets to the coral as well.
Would you like tickets to go see the coral?
Yeah, good one.
That'll be a great gift.
Thanks for calling.
Now, we think Aidan might have got it right.
Hello, Aidan.
Aidan?
Oh, Andrew?
Is it Andrew?
Yeah, hi there.
How you doing?
How are you, er, fine.
How are you doing?
Is this a different voice on the phone?
It is a different voice.
It seems like Aidan has gone and Andrew for some reason.
Andrew, what's happened to Aidan, Andrew?
Poor Aidan.
The problem is that Aidan's the one that got it right.
What do you think it is, Andrew?
I think it is the wonderful, wonderful version of He-Man and Master of the Universe.
Yes!
Congratulations, that's absolutely right.
How did you guess that?
Sadly, I have seen a bit of you in question.
And talking about Frank Langella.
That's correct, who plays Skeletor.
He's so happy with Skeletor's performance.
Seriously, there's long passages where he talks about how Frank Langella gives Skeletor inner life and makes him an intelligent villain.
It's quite a moving commentary because this poor guy had basically Canon, the company that produced it, collapsed before the end.
So he sort of couldn't finish the movie and they were going to release it with no ending.
So he got the actors back and he basically put his own salary into finishing Masters of the Universe.
That's hot and silent to a wonderful movie like that.
Yeah, didn't make any money.
He's never directed anything again.
He directed the 3D Terminator ride at Universal Studios.
That's it.
Well, he doesn't have to.
Once you've directed the greatest film ever made, there's nowhere... His name's Gary Goddard.
To go, really.
Anyway, listen, Andrew, thank you very much for your call.
That was amazing.
Extraordinary.
You've got too much time on your hands.
Absolutely.
What does Andrew win, then?
What's available at the moment?
Well, coral tickets.
Are you happy with coral tickets?
I can't.
My wife's actually just about to give birth, so it's a bit tricky at the moment.
Yeah, that's not good.
Have we got any kind of DVD action we can chuck his way?
We'll take something up for you.
Congratulations, Andrew.
That's amazing.
And I don't know what happened to Aidan.
We're going to send you a congratulations DVD care package from XFM.
Thanks very much for your call.
That could be the obscure death squeal of crap commentary corner.
Wow.
That was really tricky, man.
He-Man and Masters of the Universe.
I can't believe you- What?
I couldn't believe there was a commentary on it.
I can't believe you bought it, Tri.
I only found it at 1am.
It's got Courtney Cox in it.
Courtney Cox, is that why you bought it?
It was her first film.
Okay.
This is Ed and Joe on XFM.
XFM.
Uh, now Joe, I- I'm quite happy this week for a number of reasons, just the joy of being alive.
Uh, plus as well, I won my very first confrontation with a member of the general public,
Oh, well done.
What, during one of your gigs?
Uh, no, no, it was just in-in the street.
Well, in fact, it was in Sainsbury's car park.
Right.
And I was, uh, going shopping on Sunday morning with my son, Frank, in the back.
Mm.
And, uh, it was really busy.
Sainsbury's, Nine Elms, it was absolutely jammed.
And the car right in front of me, I was heading towards the parents and children bay, parking bay, yeah.
Mm, mm, mm.
And the car in front of me just slipped in to the-the-the space that was vacated by a mother and her child.
What a sod.
And of course, sure enough, the guy that gets out of his car- No child.
No child.
So, you know- Naughty man.
Naughty man.
So I just thought, that's- I'm gonna- I'm sorry, but I really need this space, you know, cos I had some time pressure, pressure of stress, legitimate reason for needing the space, you know what I mean?
So I just wound down my window, said politely, sorry, excuse me, mate, those, er, that's the parents and child bay, parking bay.
And he said, so, so what?
But it's all full.
Good point, good point, good point.
And I said, what, how is that a good point?
Dunno, I'm just being devil's advocate.
I'm being sarcastic.
OK.
Um, and I said, yeah, but, um, you know, I'm sorry if it's full, I'm sure another space will come up elsewhere in the car park, but I need to park there.
So you're being a gentleman, you're taking the higher ground, you're being very polite.
Yeah, taking the higher ground, being dead polite, and maintain the whole confrontation at top levels of politeness.
So he says, no swearing, he says, uh, he says, I don't care.
Basically, he just says, well, people are parking everywhere.
I said, well, they're not parking in the parents and children bays, because, you know, unless they've got children.
He goes, so go in and tell them in the shop there.
So I said, what's your problem, man?
What is his problem?
Trying to be really calm.
And he said, no, I've got no problem, you know, I've got no problem.
I said, what, you just don't?
So you said to him, what's your problem?
I said, what is your problem?
That's code for I'm gonna hit you.
Well, no, I tried to say- You realised that?
No, I said it- I said- Do you reckon it is?
Yeah.
What's your problem?
I haven't got a problem.
No, I didn't say- I didn't say it like that.
What do you say I've got a problem?
My problem?
That's fist language.
No, it isn't, because, you see, I said it like a genuine inquiry.
Right.
Excuse me, sir, I'd like to know what your problem is.
I don't understand.
Like a doctor.
Like a doctor, exactly.
I don't understand where you're coming from on this whole you've parked in my space issue.
So he said, I've got no problem.
I said, right, I think you just don't care about anyone else.
Is that right?
You said that to him?
Yeah.
I said, you just don't care about anyone else, right?
Ooh.
And it got to him.
That's a good line because you can't, I mean, that's quite an accusation.
Yeah, yeah.
And he- that sent him reeling.
What did he say?
Could he speak?
He couldn't speak for a little while.
And when he did speak he just said, it's not that I don't care about anyone else, I just- And then he went to his car and he moved it.
No.
I'm the king!
That's amazing.
That's like a Steven Spielberg film.
Yeah.
I am the king.
That's extraordinary.
And there was no swearing, there was no punching.
And now he cares.
Maybe it's your beard.
Maybe when you grow a big beard you get Jesus powers.
Maybe you're Jesus.
I don't think I am Jesus, but still it was pretty amazing.
And I was just wondering if anyone out there had won any confrontations of their own recently, and what kind of incidents as well would make you intervene?
Like what would you take a stand on?
Because usually that's the kind of thing you might just forget about.
Was this man physically threatening looking?
Was he a little old man?
no he wasn't he was he was definitely could have punched me quite hard in the face yeah could he he was quite frightening um so i'm wondering like would you intervene if you saw some happy slapping
Oh, wow.
Well, that's a whole different conversation, isn't it?
Yeah, yeah.
This is a whole different conversation, yeah.
Would you intervene if you saw some- It depends, it depends.
Some littering, for example?
I tend to- well, oh, this is a long conversation, Alan Foxton.
Yeah.
OK, I'm throwing open the floodgates for the second hour.
Yeah, just keep asking the questions, we'll answer them after a record.
Would you intervene if you saw a really crap presenter doing a wind-up vox pop for a Channel 4 show?
That's a good one.
You know, I'd just like to hear from anyone who would intervene in these situations.
So many questions, I'd be curious to know how it went.
Now, we've got some fall tickets to give away later on.
I'm not exactly sure how we're going to give them away.
Maybe we can, you know, wind this together in some clever, ludicrous way.
But it's an opportunity to play a song by the fall.
This is a cover of a track by someone called S. Bent.
I don't know anything about S. Bent, but it's called I'm Going to Spain, and it's kind of the lighter side of the fall.
Oh, that's exciting music.
Who's that man called then?
That's my block party.
Oh, they're the latest thing.
That's very exciting.
This is Adam and John on XFM.
Before that, man.
Well, I heard the Coldplay.
The Coldplay, wow.
I'm privileged.
And Speed of Sound.
Uh, 50 minutes left of our show.
We've got Dizzies in the Dock coming up, obviously.
Can I just make another point?
Go on, then.
Um, like, prank shows on telly, right?
Sort of celebrity stitch- Did you see- Did anyone see celebrity stitch-up, is what I'm trying to say?
What was that?
Celebrity Stitch Up is a weird ITV show.
Basically the whole Stitch Up genre is dying.
Just when you think it's dying, they find some new way of revivoring it.
Obviously it was big in the 80s with Beadle and stuff and it's going through its sort of death throws and as a result there are lots of different little Stitch Up shows.
But the problem with these little Stitch Up shows is no one knows what
what these shows are.
So that key stitch-up moment when the prank's been played and if it was Beadle, Beadle suddenly appears and you see him and you instantly realise what's happened.
That moment is sort of becoming very weird on some of these shows.
For instance, Celebrity Stitch-Up is an ITV show where celebrities like Greg Rudetsky, is that how you say it?
The tennis player, is he?
The tennis player, yeah.
He got stitched up.
But the problem with the show is there's no presenter.
Right.
So the moment of the reveal is really odd.
Plus it's not a very famous show.
So poor old Greg Rudetsky's had his cats kidnapped or something.
And it's gone on for ages and it's really not that good.
He's been punked.
And suddenly the guy, the vet, the fake vet turns around and goes, uh, do you want your cats back?
I bet you do.
And I bet you don't know that there's a camera there and a camera there and a camera there and a camera there.
And Greg goes, oh.
What?
And he sort of expects the guy to go, the guy goes, you've been stitched up for ITV!
And Radecki goes, oh, what?
Ant and Dec?
The guy goes, no, no, no, no, no, because they've got very weirdly edited.
They've obviously cut this exchange out.
They've obviously had it.
He's gone, Ant and Dec?
No, no, no, not Ant and Dec.
it's just a celebrity stitch-up show on ITV.
It's just called Celebrity Stitch-Up.
Doesn't it really have a presenter?
Oh, when's it going out?
Pfft.
Eleven.
On Wednesday.
Oh.
Yeah.
Anyway, that's the end of my rant, basically, but it's now become one of the most enjoyable bits of stitch-up shows, is how awkward the revelation is when there's sort of no presenter or name and no one knows what the show is, really.
It's tough, isn't it, cos you don't want to be a spoilsport and just say where you're not using it.
Well, bring back Beadle, I say.
Poor old Beadle's very ill, apparently.
Is he?
What's wrong with him?
He's been diagnosed with leukaemia or something really bad.
Oh, man.
He was such a hero of ours in the 80s.
Still is a bit of a hero of ours.
Bring back Beadle, you know, cos that was a brilliant idea the second you saw his happy, furry face.
Yeah.
You knew exactly what was going on.
Absolutely.
And he was the master of getting those things exactly right.
He was.
And doing really amazingly elaborate ones.
Everyone's got their favourite Beadle stunt.
What was yours, Joe?
My favourite Beadle stunt was where he arranged an entire wedding and everybody at the wedding
Apart from this photographer was fake.
And the photographer had to marry the woman.
It was a sort of gang wedding, wasn't it?
And he was pressured into marrying the woman.
Can you imagine how surreal that would be?
To be in that event and every single person in it is conspiring against you.
A lot of Beatles things like stumbled into the realm of art.
They really do.
It's like the Truman Show before the Truman Show even happened.
Man, I'm sorry to hear he's ill.
I hope he gets better.
OK, well, here's a bit of music for you right now.
And who is this spy?
I'm not very good at this still, am I?
This whole DJing business.
Isn't it British Sea Power?
Please stand up.
Yeah, British Sea Power.
Here we go.
Now, they're very good.
I've seen them live, British Sea Power.
Have you?
Yeah, they're fantastic live.
I saw them supporting... Oh, I've even forgotten their names.
Er, the band that have the big party and the balloons and people dressed as animals.
Erm... The Superferries?
Yeah, Flaming Lips, that's right.
They were supporting The Flaming Lips.
I thought they sort of played The Flaming Lips off the stage.
I've heard that from a lot of people.
The Flaming Lips are an unknown quantity, as far as- Well, the Flaming Lips, when he was- Well, what is it he sings to?
Don't you realize?
Every day will die.
Yes, I do.
Shut up.
I don't need you to tell me.
Anyway, I like British Sea Power a lot.
Well, that's good, man.
I didn't know you went to rock and roll gigs.
Yeah.
Well, just the one.
Are you gonna go to the fall?
Now, if you want tickets for the fall, we haven't really thought of a good way, a good kind of competition.
Maybe if you're just a fall Maddie, you should, uh, phone up and impress us with, you know, give us a reason why you should have the fall tickets.
Simple as that, really.
I wouldn't think of a fall text competition.
Not really, because, I mean, people- We were gonna have people send in fall-style poetry, but we've only got 11 minutes now.
It's difficult, isn't it?
Or maybe do a Mark E. Smith impression?
Well, 11 minutes till half past and at half past it's Ditty's.
It's time to think about Ditty's.
That's how the, er, the show is segmented up, Lila, producer.
It's not that strict.
Oh, yes it is.
OK.
Uh, 08712221049.
Lila, um, do people have, has it just been a whole week of people going, hey, Lila?
Slightly, yes.
Yeah.
It gets funnier every time.
Yeah.
And you know that, the beginning of that song, it's just like Street Fighting Man, isn't it?
Everywhere you hear the sound.
That's the new Oasis single.
And you know the Kelly Osbourne single?
It's exactly the same as Visage.
You know that track?
Um, which is the one- Faye De Grey.
She's got- basically nicked the melody from Faye De Grey.
You know, anyway, she's doing her best and that's the main thing.
But, um, I wanted to ask you, Joe, have you- have you seen The Farm at all on Channel 5 this week?
Are you avoiding it or you just haven't caught it yet?
Just haven't caught it yet.
Well, The Farm is Channel 5's reality show for those of you who don't know.
I know who's on it.
Emma B, La- La Chichiliona, the Italian porn politician.
Chichilina.
Uh, Keith Harrison Orville.
Yeah.
Uh, Lionel Blair.
Yeah.
Is this right so far?
Correct.
Uh, that's all I know, actually.
Emma B, I said to her already, didn't I?
Yeah.
Who is Emma B?
I think Emma B is a DJ or something?
No, she's a, um, a topless model.
She's a topless model.
There you go, there you go, there you go, there you go.
Topless model.
Anyway, what happened on it?
And Ron Jeremy, the porn star, is in there.
I don't really like seeing Ron Jeremy on a reality show.
He's not getting his bits out, though, is he?
No, he's not.
Well, you prefer to see him with his bits out?
No, I don't want to see anything of him.
He's like Jabba the Hutt, and he's frightening.
Jabba the Hutt, who hasn't shaved.
And he seems like a nice enough guy, and he's pretty funny and all, but...
I've seen some of his films.
So all I can imagine is him like working.
Do you know what I mean?
Anyway, I was curious to see Keith Harris and Orville on there because we worked with Keith Harris and Orville.
We haven't worked with Ron Jeremy recently, but we have worked with Keith Harris and Orville.
We went to New Zealand with them over a year ago now to shoot an advert when our careers were really going crazy for a while there.
And I remember Keith saying that
he had just passed up the chance to be on I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here.
Well, he said he wouldn't do it because he wouldn't sort of lure himself to that, didn't he?
Yeah, and it turned out that it was- So they offered him a huge amount of money and he refused to do it because that would be sort of- He passed up basically the best series of I'm a Celebrity, the one with John Lydon and Peter Andre and George- And now he's on the farm.
Now he's on the farm with Ron Jeremy.
Wow.
That's not a step up, Keith.
No, but there are lovely- Orville's got his own bed, hasn't he?
Yeah.
His own little bed.
I like that.
He's got his own little bed and yesterday Keith was taking nude shots with Orville apparently balanced on his will-oy.
No.
So I... He'll stop at nothing really, Keith.
I don't see that that's a step up, Keith.
He hates the bird.
He hates that bird.
He does.
He hates that.
He genuinely hates the bird.
It's like that Anthony Hopkins film, Magic, without the supernatural thing, just quite banal hatred and resentment.
Wow.
Well, you should watch the farm and see if that comes through.
OK.
This is Adam and John, XFM.
XFM.
That's the Kaiser Chiefs every day.
I love you less and less.
This is Adam and Joe here on XFM on a Saturday afternoon.
A little bit of housekeeping now.
The fall tickets have gone.
Thank you very much to our callers.
Hope you enjoy the gig.
I'm sure it'll be fantastic.
Actually, I'm not sure the fall are one of those bands who you never quite know what you're gonna get, but it's never less than interesting.
This week, couple of dates for your diary.
I've got a new jingle for this.
This is like things that you should watch on TV, Joe.
Here we go.
Quite gay, isn't it?
That's extraordinary.
I thought- I thought we needed a- a- Why did you do that?
I don't know!
I don't know why I did that.
I just- yeah.
Do you- do you wish I hadn't?
No, no, it's good.
It's just very odd.
It is a bit odd, isn't it?
I'm sorry about that.
It's odd, but it's- let's face it, it's a slightly odd Saturday today, isn't it?
Yeah.
Everything's a- everything's a bit odd today.
Why are you feeling odd?
I don't know.
You feel ill.
a little bit.
The weather's non-committal.
We've all turned up wearing black polo tops.
It's fun though.
Let's, hey, let's celebrate.
Oh, the weirdest, I don't know.
I was gonna say though that, um, people should put a date in their diary for a couple of TV shows that look good this week.
OK.
What are they?
Uh, Armando Iannucci's show The Thick of It.
Right.
Which is, uh, supposedly a kind of yes minister meets Larry Sanders
It's a heavy, super-intelligent, political actor-rama, isn't it?
Yeah, but it's got trailers with Chris Langham delivering very dry, funny lines.
And Peter Capaldi.
But it's, you know, it's funny.
It's a comedy.
Probably for grown-ups.
Partly improvised, apparently, but no, it looks good.
I've heard very good reports about it.
People have seen it.
It looks prestige.
It's on BBC 4 on Thursday, this coming Thursday.
Everybody needs a place to think.
Yeah.
I love BBC Four.
It's good.
And, uh, also, Pete Do- uh, the Pete Doherty thing.
Stalking Pete Doherty on, uh, Tuesday on Channel 4 at 10pm.
I don't know about that, you know.
Why not?
That's gotta be worth a look.
Well, at first I was very excited.
I thought, oh, that'll be brilliant telly.
But then it's all, uh, did he get beaten up simply just to promote the documentary?
No, that was- that was- Because as soon as I saw the trailer, I thought, oh, man, that's the guy that was beaten up.
It was in the papers.
Yeah, exactly.
But then I thought, I'm- I'm being manipulated.
That's exactly what they want me to think.
No, basically the whole thing's a- couldn't the whole thing just be a sort of drummed up ballet of violence?
It could be.
I think the deal is that Max Carlish, who is the documentary maker, started out trying to make this thing about Pete Doherty, who he was semi-obsessed by.
In love with, it appears, from the clips.
Yeah, it looks as if he more or less crossed the line between being a documentarian and being- And sexual obsession.
A bit of a fan.
I don't know about se- you mentioned sexual obsession, man.
Well, he's very, very, uh, passionate about his love of Pete Doherty, but anyway, we'll see.
So yeah, it just- it looks like an interesting watch.
I think it was the fact that he had shot a few scenes with Pete Doherty maybe taking drugs that Doherty wasn't happy about.
They got in a fight about it and that's why Doherty got arrested because he basically punched Max Carlish.
Anyway, it's worth a look, surely, stalking Pete Doherty.
Channel 4, 10pm on Tuesday.
Now also, on a purely selfish note, I've got one of my comedy evenings coming up this Wednesday the 18th.
This is a semi-regular thing where I'm trying out little bits and pieces of things for my Edinburgh show, which I'm doing this year.
But I've also got amazing performers also joining me, like Kevin Eldon, is going to be there.
Dave Armand, who is part of a group called The Hollow Men, but he's also very funny in his own right, does an amazing kind of
You know what, I might come down next week.
I've never been, but I might come down this Wednesday.
Yeah, good one.
So you could see us both.
I won't be performing.
You could perform if you wanted to.
I don't want to, thanks.
Are you sure?
Nah, I'm fine, thanks.
OK.
Basically, we- It's at the Zetter Hotel, isn't it?
It's at the Zetter Hotel, which is in Clerkenwell Road, and, er, the nearest tube is Farringdon.
Basically, you can book a table or just turn up and take a chance that you can get in.
Sometimes it's really packed, so you've got to turn up around seven to ensure that you get a space, cos it's only a small little room.
324-44-55 is the number for the Zetter Hotel.
Z-E-T-T-E-R.
And it's on this Wednesday.
Wednesday the 18th starts about 7 o'clock.
Should be finished by about 9.30 and it's relatively painless.
It's only five quid and you can eat there as well.
It's like an amazing kind of comedy supper club.
Imagine all the exciting things you'll be seeing.
Did I- did I sell it well or-?
You sold it very well.
I- I'm excited.
I'm gonna come down.
It's gonna be great.
Yeah, good one.
You sure you don't wanna do anything?
Yeah, I'm absolutely positive.
Are you all exhausted after doing your-?
Yeah, I'm- I'm doing far much already.
You did your Star Wars thing this week.
At the comedy store.
That was fun, right?
That was fun.
Should I have a record?
Talk about it after.
No heckling?
No heckling, no, no, no.
They were nerds.
I still wanna find out what you thought of the film.
Yeah, let's play a record.
This is the magic numbers.
They're so hot right now.
There's a lot of hype around the magic numbers, Joe Cornish.
They're supposed to be the next big thing.
And that track is called Forever Lost.
Very nice indeed it was too.
So you saw the Star Wars film, the Return Revenge.
Yeah, yeah.
I did this bit of, I call it stand up, but it wasn't really stand up.
I just went to the comedy store and discussed
discussed it with some of the nice, nerdy Star Wars fans there.
But discussed it on stage with a microphone, really.
But I did that purely to get tickets to the sneaky-peaky screening the previous Sunday morning.
And I feel a bit bad talking about it, because basically I thought it was rubbish.
I know.
And I don't like to be the bringer of rubbish tidings.
Surely he spent so long and there's so much money.
It's very enjoyable and it's wonderful eye candy, but it is rubbish.
And the fact that it sort of ties up strands with the films, the good ones, the good old ones, just makes it worse.
What, he's trying to kind of, er... He's sort of messing with things you actually care about.
You don't really care about the rest of it, Queen John-Jinn and midi-chlorians and all that, cos it doesn't really matter, does it?
And you can sort of let slip that all the stormtroopers look like that New Zealand actor under their mask.
You can sort of push that under the carpet.
But you can't ignore the fact that when they're naming Darth Vader, whoever it is, who is it, General Palpatine or whoever it is, just goes, I shall call you Darth Vader.
that's it that's it that's it no clue as to why just random just that's it yeah you know and that's reflective of the of the whole thing really I thought it was a stinker not even enjoyable it definitely enjoyable oh really yeah of course because the design is amazing and the CGI is amazing but there's no it's there's no set piece comparable to anything in the original three films well I when I was leafing through the book in borders
Of course the book looks good, because the stills look good.
Yeah, I liked the look of Hayden Christensen getting badly burned and stuff.
That's quite good.
Yeah?
Well, I can't really talk too much without giving stuff away as well.
Right.
But I was telling you during the record what happens in that bit.
Yeah.
Just before his legs are cut open.
Well it sounds like the video game, and in fact they're promoting the video game on TV by saying, play the game before you, oh, live the film before you see the movie.
Yeah, and the video game, which I rented from Blockbusters, has got long clips from the film.
Basically starts with the opening shot of the film.
So more or less all you need is the video game, really.
Yeah, the video game's possibly more enjoyable.
Well, there you go.
Yeah.
Sorry about that, Star Wars fans.
I thought it was a stinker, but still go and see it, because it's good fun.
And if you lower your expectations to the floor, then maybe you might find it rewarding.
Because, you know, friends of mine like it.
Edgar Wright likes it.
He thought it was really good.
Yeah.
I think he's the only one.
So far.
Well, he just sort of bounces through life in a very positive way.
Yeah.
Unlike you.
Rightly so.
No, I'm still excited, I guess.
Are you going to get it on DVD when it comes out?
Oh, of course I'll get it on DVD.
I'll go and see it again even.
Yeah.
But it's a stinker.
OK, well, we should battle it out now.
We've only got a few minutes left until the end of our show.
So who gets to play the final track of this?
This is our penultimate show, incidentally, listeners.
We're going to take quite a long break after next week's show.
Are we allowed to announce what's happening after next week's show?
Is it public knowledge?
It is.
Well, Ricky and Steve are back for a special... Well, they're sitting in for us.
Yeah.
Because we're busy and they've got nothing to do.
Yeah.
Because they're sitting in for us.
They've stopped winning awards for a while, so they're going to come back and keep our seats warm.
Yeah.
Until such time as we decide to let them go and come back.
Exactly.
But we'll be back in September, I think.
That is, if we're asked back.
Anyway, so this is Dizzy's In The Dock now, and Joe and myself are going to battle it out for who gets to play their final track.
And the theme this week is, Joe, the theme this week is the productions of Trevor Horn, Britain's greatest producer, a man capable of turning any band into an extraordinary sound effects-laden orchestral...
phenomenon some some of his credits include the art of noise tattoo tattoo Frankie goes to Hollywood yeah none of those have been selected I don't know certainly not by me no no not by me I'd like to play the first Trevor Horn record I ever really got into massively and that's poison arrow by ABC I'm a major ABC fan
Well, Lexicon of Love's a classic album.
Lexicon of Love is a classic album, it turned up at like number... in the top ten all-time British albums, right?
Really?
Yeah, yeah, when they did that in all the music nags a few months ago.
It's a fantastic album, I know the whole thing word for word.
I used to perform it in front of the mirror to myself, and boy was I sexy.
Wow, that's so scary.
It was amazing when I was a kid, back in 82, when I was about 12.
Were you an absolute queen in those days?
I was, and no, I just didn't have, you know, any filtering methods.
I didn't know what was what.
And ABC excited me, amazingly.
Wow.
So I'd like to play Poison Arrow.
It's an extraordinarily ridiculous single with a bombastic orchestral backing, ridiculous falsetto lyrics, extraordinarily funky.
It's the sort of thing you just don't get anymore.
An amazing melange of styles and operatic melodrama.
Well, come on, Martin Fry Cornish, give us a quick blast.
Uh, shoot the poison arrow through your heart!
Yeah?
Yeah.
No rhythm in cymbals, no tempo in drums.
Is that the right song?
Love is, that's a different song.
That's the look of love.
Oh, I've got all confused.
But anyway, I want to play Poison Arrow.
So if you want to hear Poison Arrow, call 0871-222-1049.
That's 0871-222-1049 and vote for Poison Arrow.
Everybody who gets through is going to win a copy of California Dreamin', a fantastic Songs of the Mamas and Puppas DVD.
That's good, isn't it?
That's exciting.
Yeah, that's nice for pop fans.
Yeah, everyone who gets through.
So call 0871-222 and vote for ABC or vote for Adam's song, which is... Buggles.
Good choice.
Of course, you know video killed the radio star was one of the it was one of the first kind of synth pop Classics that I ever heard and I just thought well This is futuristic and I'm buying into this because this is blowing my mind Also is accompanied by what looked to me like the most amazing video I'd ever seen it was one of the first videos in those days at the beginning of the 80s and
and i seem to remember it had a tube like a plastic tube with a lady painted silver kind of going up and down the tube maybe she was the radio star and trevor horn was stood there because he was actually one of the buggles he was in the band and so he had to front the the band what's the first line of that song
Uh, I, I heard you on the wireless back in 52.
That's a great record.
Lying awake intently tuning in on you.
What a playoff!
ABC with Poison Arrow versus Video Killed the Radio Star by Buggles.
Yeah.
Who's gonna win that?
I won't go on about it anymore, but that's, that's your choice.
0-8-7-1-2-2-2-1-0-4-9.
Get calling now!
Very nice.
That's Ben Folds with Landed.
We're getting out of that slightly early.
Sorry to Ben Folds fans there because we've got to resolve our Diggies in the Dock competition this week.
That is correct.
It's Poison Arrow by ABC versus Video Kill the Radio Star by Buggles.
Both tracks produced by Trevor Horn, Britain's most talented.
producer.
Oh, we've got, what?
Yeah, sorry, I was going to say that someone reminded us via email that he also produced Bell and Sebastian.
That's correct.
Among the list of his series.
So you've still got it.
And varied credits.
We've got five callers on the line.
Everybody is going to win a copy of California Dream in the New Mommas and the Puppas DVD that's in the shops now.
Uh, courtesy of Universal.
DVD's limited.
Nicely done, Jay.
Thank you very much.
OK, Ken.
Hello, Ken.
Hello.
How are you?
I'm very well, thanks, have you?
Hmm, very well.
What do you do for a living?
I'm going to try and guess what you're voting.
What do you do for a living?
Um, at the moment, not very much.
Oh, dear.
Unemployed.
Well, then- Well, no, I get paid.
I just don't do very much at work.
Really?
How do you manage that?
I got no idea.
He runs Channel 4.
Wow.
Find me out soon.
There you go.
Okay, well, I'm guessing you're a Buggles man.
Yes.
Is that what you're voting for?
It is, yeah.
Buggles, you see, there you go.
So there we go, 1-0 to Buggles.
Congratulations, you win the Mummers and the Puppers DVD.
Anything to say to Ken, Adam?
Thanks very much for calling, Ken.
You voted correctly.
Thank you.
And 1-0 to Buxton.
All power to you.
Damn him.
Thanks very much for your call.
Who have we got next, Joe?
Jason.
Jay Horny.
Hello, mate.
How you doing, Jason?
Yeah, not so bad.
What are you up to this afternoon?
I just got out of the bar.
You got out of the bar?
Are you naked?
I've got a towel around me.
Have you?
Well you're turning me on now!
Wow.
Oh my god, are you so wet?
What's going on?
What order of drying are you going to do, Jason?
I'll just give it the one round the back of the vigorous one.
Don't you ever get- I'll make this quick, I get out of the bath, I think I've dried myself off, I put clothes on, I find wet bits that I haven't got, but usually on the arse area, and on the middle of the back, usually still wet.
Spend a bit more time, you reckon?
What kind of regimen have you got, man?
Not a very good one.
Anyway, so what are you going to vote for, Jason?
I'd like a bit of ABC.
Hey, good man!
OK, it's one all.
One for the Buggles and one for ABC.
This is very exciting.
James, hello, James.
Hello.
How you doing, James?
Not bad, you?
Very well, thank you very much.
You're a man who sounds business-like.
Cut to the chase.
Yeah.
Have you got time for chitchat?
Er, if you want.
Yeah, what are you doing this afternoon, James?
Er, not much.
Just sits out some days.
Really?
On a bench, shooting up?
Yeah, hopefully.
Yeah, well done.
Yeah, well, you know, be ambitious.
What are you voting for, James?
ABC.
Hey, that's 2-0 to Cornish.
You know the track, presumably, do you, James?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
It's a classic album, but do you know the Buggles track?
Ricky and Steve laugh Ricky and Steve laugh
Er, well, well done for not being in the same house.
Are you also going for ABC?
No, I'm not.
OK.
What are you playing at, June?
Well, she's levelling the playing field a little bit.
She's insane.
Thanks very much, June.
And you love the track, presumably.
You're familiar with it?
Yeah, one of my favourites.
Yeah, yeah, good one.
Well, thank you very much for your call.
Thanks to all.
You're going to get the mamas and the puppies DVD.
This is amazing.
Wow.
This has never happened before.
So this is the deciding call.
Is it Hayley?
Hailey.
Hello, Hailey.
Hello.
Hello, how you doing?
I'm fine, thank you.
You've got a momentous responsibility on your shoulder.
You're the deciding vote.
Don't tell us what you're voting yet.
OK, well, it was a very close call with me.
I love the vote, the vote songs.
Do you?
You've got good taste in music.
Thank you.
Hailey, have you been listening to the whole show today?
Yeah, well, I missed the point.
OK.
Oh, that was the best half an hour.
Yeah, we were flagging.
Well, apparently, I just heard that we just won an award for that first half hour.
The Rage Off figures went through the roof.
Yeah.
And it's very exciting.
There's going to be a ceremony.
That's a very charitable laugh, though, from me.
She's like, yeah, you're never going to win anything because you're too lame-o.
So Hayley, what are you voting for then?
What's the answer?
Why don't you, before you tell us, just leave a pause of about, say, six seconds, then tell us.
Yeah, like on Big Brother on a farm.
Right, exactly.
OK, or playing it straight.
Make it unnaturally long.
So what are you voting for, Hayley?
So sorry, Hayley, say, this week I'm voting for, and then leave an unnaturally long pause.
OK, go.
This week I am voting for.
Oh, sweet.
Thanks very much, Hayley.
Nice.
Thank you very much for your call.
Thank you very much to everyone who called this week.
You've all got the Mommas and the Papas DVD coming towards you.
Coming towards you?
Yeah.
What kind of word is that to use?
Anyway, we'll be back next week for our last show before we take our summer break.
That's right.
It might be special.
It might just be normal.
Who knows?
It'll probably be underwhelming.
Before we go, Adam, can I- before you go, can I ask you one question?
Are you or are you not gay?
I am not gay.
No, I don't think I'm.
I had to- I had to- I had to, uh- OK.
It's- it's- it's a joke.
It's a playing it straight joke.
It's not a genuine question.
Oh, I see.
I thought they'd say I'm playing it straight.
I thought maybe someone had asked you via email or something.
It's the new- it's the new trendy thing to say before you leave someone.
Oh, by the way, before you go, are you or are you not gay?
And, uh, right.
I didn't realize that.
Yeah, yeah.
Is playing it straight good?
Well, this is a conversation for next week.
No need to care.
Ah, it's Buggles time.
Thanks very much for listening everyone.
Bye.
Justin Lee Collins coming up in one second.
Hardest matter working man in show business but first here's the horny horn.
I heard you on the wireless back in 52.
Lying awake and simply tuning in on you.
If I was young it didn't stop you coming through.