Well, we were having such fun talking to Alex and Midge and Lumpy, his two assistants.
After two years, I still don't know what their names are.
Er, Ash.
Ash and Lumpy.
And Lumpy.
And Midge.
Anyway, we were just catching up.
Hello, listeners.
Mark.
I'm Joe Cornish.
I'm Adam Buxton.
Where Adam and Joe, we've been away for the summer and you've had to tolerate low-quality talent like Ricky Gervais and Simon Amstel.
Yeah.
Must have been awful.
No, thanks to those guys, it must have been actually amazingly good.
Oh, absolutely sarcastic, obviously.
Yeah, I know, but I'm just making sure that people realise that.
Yeah, thank you.
I sound as if I'm in the dustbin, is that normal?
I'm just, you know, it's so unfamiliar being back.
It's strange, all buttons are strange.
That was the Foo Fighters you were just listening to, incidentally, with DOA.
Got a lot of good music on the show today.
Uh, ooh, some of them are familiar.
bit of razor light, some gorillas, red hot chili peppers, gold fat, uh, Kaiser chiefs, uh, Danny Warhols, that kind of thing.
We've got a few free plays we'll be throwing in there for you as well, excitingly.
And, um, we thought we'd ease ourselves into the show again today, rather than, you know, coming with a whole lot of new ideas.
We've got a lot of new ideas for the show.
But rather than force them all in today and kind of blow people's minds, we thought we'd do none today and then save them for a bit.
And then people would ease into it a bit more.
That's a good idea.
But we do have free DVDs to give away.
We've got My Summer of Love, the lesbian lady film about young ladies who fall in love, lie in fields and touch each other.
I haven't seen it yet, but...
when I do, that's what I'm expecting to see.
Touching in fields.
And, er, also two copies of Scrubs, series two.
Some people get very excited about Scrubs.
And Zak Brabth.
Zak Brabth?
Yeah, you know, I've got a problem, I've never really seen his name.
How do you say his name?
Er, Z-Z-Z.
Z-Z-Z.
But he's handsome and, er, sensitive and nerdy and he's in Garden State.
Garden State's one of the most torturous experiences of my life.
Have you seen it?
No.
Because you told me not to.
Oh, yeah, well, I stick to my original assertion.
Avoid it like the plague.
Well, if you're a fan of Zach Blev, you can win a Series 2 box set of scrubs.
Plus, we've got tickets to see the super furry animals at the Carling Academy, Brixton, on Thursday the 22nd.
And we'll have a text competition for that.
It's a good text competition.
Wow.
That'll draw on our listeners' creative juices.
Remind me what it is?
It's the American Fall TV.
Oh, brilliant.
Oh, it's brilliant.
It's brilliant.
So that's coming up.
And also, should we talk about our anecdote competition?
It's not really a competition.
It's not a competition between you and my- and myself.
Me and Joe are gonna have a competition, um- Cos we've been away for how long?
Three months?
Four months?
Something like that.
Three months.
Yeah, so a lot's happened.
Oh yeah.
In our lives.
A lot of amazing anecdotes we've got.
All- most of them with a celebrity name involved.
Yeah.
Well you can't have an anecdote without a celebrity name.
So basically we've got here a list of six.
Ricky Laughs Slightly
what's how does it end they score they score the anecdote out of ten oh right and then one of us basically gets fired that's right it's that serious if we one of us is gonna leave yeah the one with the lowest score the weakest summer anecdotes is gonna just leave like the weakest link like the weakest link and then Simon Amstel will come back and Lauren Laverne or Lauren Laverne
Someone good.
Someone better than an us.
Yeah.
Shall we say that- We'll save our anecdotes for a little bit, shall we?
We'll save that competition for a bit, but the number you'll need to interact with all of these fantastic things is 08712221049.
If you want to text us, 83XFM.
I'm hungry for rock.
Okay, how about a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a
Yeah, yes.
Wow, that was terrific.
That was The Killers.
I'm so sweaty.
I'm all sweaty after that.
I don't want to know.
Sorry.
That was The Killers with Jenny Was a Friend of Mine.
Before that, you heard LSF by Kasabian.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM Saturday afternoon here.
It's a nice day.
Nice day.
Nice and cold.
That's the way I like it.
Wow.
I've never heard The Weather Sounds So Sexy.
Oh, I made it.
I make everything sound sexy with my voice.
0-8-7-1-2-2-2-1-0-4-9 is the number to call if you want to take part in our big Summer Anecdote playoff.
We've got six cryptic clues.
We never thought of a snappy- I hate saying that.
We never thought of a snappy name for the thing.
I thought that was quite good.
Where did I just call it?
You just- Summer Anecdote playoff.
It's not snappy, is it?
It's not snappy, it's functional.
We were trying to think of them last night.
What did we come up with?
Anecdot-y?
We didn't come up, we didn't think of any.
So basically, give us a call, 0871 222 1049, and ask us to tell one of our summer anecdotes.
It doesn't sound very rewarding for the listener or caller, does it?
So maybe we should add that everyone who calls will get their choice of free DVDs.
Yeah, so that's a reward.
I've made it sound like they can choose any DVD in the world.
Which isn't quite the case.
Which isn't true, but I'm not going to correct that.
OK.
Shall we go through- you say the titles of your anecdotes and we'll alternate one by one.
OK.
Anecdote number one.
Yeah.
Harvey Keitel.
OK.
What could that be about?
Anecdote number two.
Bike assault.
Bike assault?
Yeah.
Not- Not bike assault.
Not some sort of residue scraped off the body of a biker.
No.
But- But an assault.
Bike.
On a bike.
Assault.
That's good.
OK.
Er, do you want to hear my next one?
Yeah.
Gordon's Alive.
Gordon's Alive?
OK, here's my next one.
Kiki P. Kiki P?
Yeah.
What's Kiki P?
Exactly.
Shall we leave it at that for the moment?
Let's leave it at that for the moment.
That's so tantalising.
Let's go through them once again.
0-8-7-1-triple-two-one-o-four-nine, and you can choose from Harvey Keitel, Bike Assault, uh, Gordon's Alive, and Kiki P. Now, we warn you, these might be rubbish anecdotes.
Just cos it's got Harvey Keitel, it doesn't necessarily mean I've met Harvey Keitel in the summer.
Don't blow it!
They could, no, I might have, though.
Yeah.
I'm just saying they could be the worst, we could have had the most boring summer, and these could just be absolutely rubbish anecdotes.
Hey, give us a quick synopsis of what your summer was like in the end, Joe.
What did you get up to?
That's a very big question to ask out of the blue.
Were you working?
I worked, yeah, and I went on holiday.
And I watched a lot of telly.
Where'd you go on holiday?
Crete.
Crete?
It's Crete.
Yeah.
Wow.
Was it really hot?
Yeah, it was sizzling hot.
Did you go gay?
What do you mean?
That's what you're doing, Crete.
you go gay.
Do you?
Yeah, it's the home of gay.
Is it?
Yeah.
What, in terms of ancient classical Greek behaviour?
I mean I know the classical Greeks didn't really, you know, women for, what is it, women for love, boys for pleasure?
Isn't that how it goes?
Other way round I think.
I don't know, you get confused when you go to Greek.
No I didn't.
No, OK.
Just checking.
Er, if I ever go back there, I will.
Will you?
Yes.
Greek men are hairy, though.
They're very hairy.
That's why.
You have to be a committed homosexual.
You have to be absolutely comfortable with, you know, men, not just girly men, but men who are men.
Yeah.
Big, real, hairy, big men.
That's what I'm like!
Great.
That's fine.
That's where I got my sailor's cap from.
Great.
This is- Yeah.
OK.
Um, now, uh, I was- I was in Edinburgh.
I went to do the Edinburgh Festival for the first time.
And I had a show there- Steve Hm.
Is anyone calling?
What?
Oh, she's gonna go next door.
I just wondered whether we should get to the phones.
I was telling you about my summer.
I'm sorry.
Okay, go on.
I don't feel like telling you now.
Well, no, it's good, but we could save it for later.
We should pay stuff out.
You know, pace it.
it.
Paced ourselves.
So you're the pace king.
By making love.
By making love?
You like making love.
Oh, I see.
You know, not all at once.
Right, right.
I thought you wanted to make love to pace the show.
No.
It was all getting a bit out of hand.
Anyway, listen, more music for the time being.
How about some goldfrap?
OK.
How about it?
OK, if you must.
Goldfrap.
I've loaded up the wrong thing.
How about this then?
What is it?
Oh.
I'm not so sure.
There'll be a surprise.
Hang on.
Do you like Goldfrapp?
Yeah.
I love Goldfrapp.
They're making a comeback at the moment.
Are they?
Yeah.
Alison from Goldfrapp.
She's the lead singer.
She's quite sexy.
What's going on, Adam?
I've loaded it up.
It's all happening.
Listen, it's the first day back.
It's bound to be a little rough around the edges.
Ayo, yo!
This isn't gold frat.
What is that?
That's not gold frat.
It doesn't matter.
Oh, look, I hit it right the first time.
What was that?
That sounded like Ludacris with Lovers and Friends.
Ayo, yo!
Anyone?
Was that Ludacris?
That's gold frat.
That was a beautiful link.
That's good, wasn't it?
Yeah, wow.
Sony Award.
Thank you very much.
Wow.
It feels like 1983, doesn't it?
It's back to the 80s with golf wrap.
Yeah.
That was half Lena Lovitch, my lucky number one, and half bits of Radio Gaga in there.
I'm happy, man.
I'm really happy to be back.
I'm happy to be here at XFM.
We've got the planet's funniest animals on the TV in the corner with the sound down, which is the best way to watch it.
And, you know, we've got good music.
That dog's funny.
That dog's playing the piano.
It's got to be one of the funniest dogs in the world.
That dog's standing up by the sink.
Amazing.
It's insane.
But listen, let's not let the listeners know that you're watching telly out of the corner of your eye.
Sorry.
I don't think that's very good radio.
We've got some callers on the line.
And we've got Dean and we've got Ash.
And we're playing our summer anecdote.
What's it called?
Mix-up.
Anecdotes.
We don't know what we're calling it.
Yeah, we're playing Anecdotes.
Anecdotes.
Yeah.
Come on, we can't come up with anything better.
No.
Basically we've got six anecdotes of things that happen during our summers.
You guys call in, you rate them out of ten, and whoever has the worst anecdotes gets fired.
So let's just run through them.
It's that simple, it's that brutal.
Let's run through the choice very quickly once again.
Yours, Joe.
Harvey Keitel, Bike Assault, uh, Gordon's Alive, and Kiki P. So let's see what Dean wants to hear first.
Dean, hi, how you doing?
What's an anecdote?
Yeah.
Dean, is that a real question?
Yeah, I thought you was giving away anecdote DVDs, that's why I rang up.
What?
You think there's a film called Anecdote?
Yeah.
Well, who do you think's in it?
A Harvey Castell film called Anecdote.
That's feasible, isn't it?
Because he makes those really boring talky ones like smoke and blue in the face.
It could just be him telling a long anecdote.
You know what, Dean, I think you should make that film.
Well, I'll think about it.
I think about it.
You use the script, Eddie.
Yeah.
Are you going to send it to us, or...?
No, because it doesn't exist, Dean.
Oh, right.
We can't send you something that's merely a figment of your demented imagination.
What are you doing, Dean?
I'm driving a cab.
Are you now?
Yeah.
OK.
Well, just listen more carefully.
Do you know, we're playing a game called Anecdotes.
So we're basically, okay, we're going to persevere with Dean.
We're going to give you six different anecdote titles and you've got to choose one.
Do you think we should persevere with Dean?
Yeah, definitely.
He just has to choose one.
Okay, do you want to hear an anecdote?
Basically, Dean, an anecdote is like a story about something that happened to you that's fun and hopefully interesting, right?
No, that's the last thing we want, Dean.
In no circumstances do we want you to tell us a story.
Well, I don't know, maybe later.
No, come on.
Don't take offence, Dean, but listen, at the moment we just want you to choose from four anecdote titles.
Now, of course, you don't know what they could be, it's really a random choice at this stage.
Just choose the one you think sounds most exciting out of these four.
OK, go, Joe.
Harvey Keitel.
Bike Assault.
Gordon's Alive and Kiki P. Which one do you think sounds interesting?
Oh, Harvey Keitel, go with that one.
OK, good choice.
All right, here we go, Dean.
So listen carefully, Dean.
You have to rate this out of ten.
OK, this is my anecdote.
I haven't really rehearsed this or even thought about it.
But, um, OK, Dean, I'm, you know, on the radio and used to be on telly, so I go to dinner at the ivy.
OK, do you know what the ivy is, Dean?
Don't ask Dean that.
It's the right restaurant, isn't it?
Yeah, Ponzi Restaurant.
So I was in the ivy.
This is a terrible anecdote.
Come on, now.
And I was having dinner, OK... Do you want to hear who I was having dinner with, Dean?
Harvey Keitel?
No, but some friends.
And then basically, Sam Taylor-Wood comes over, right?
You know Sam Taylor-Wood?
She's like an artist.
And she brings over a baby.
And it turns out that Harvey Keitel is sitting in the corner, and it's Harvey Keitel's baby.
And I'm sitting with David Walliams, who knows I don't know Sam Taylor-Wood, I hardly know David Walliams, but I'm sitting with him.
They bring over the baby, and it's the most amazing baby you've ever seen, because it looks as if Pixar have
generated digitally Harvey Keitel as a baby because it's got Keitel's eyebrows and face but in the fleshy soft head of a baby and we just stared at this and Harvey Keitel's 66 and it was extraordinary that a man of 66 could have give birth to this beautiful blobby baby with an old famous method actor's face and that's the end of the anecdote Dean.
Oh, right, did that really happen?
Yeah, that's true.
Well, that's pretty amazing.
I'm telling you who else was at the dinner.
Stephen Merchant from XFM.
Name dropping.
Edgar Wright.
Well, I'm trying to just shore up my anecdote.
Edgar Wright, he's trying to... You've got to pick yourself up.
He's trying to score extra points.
Well, listen, you might like to mark him down for that name dropping.
No, that was good, that was good.
So, what'd you get that out of ten?
Oh, please, Gordon.
It'll be an eight.
Oh, that's really good.
Eight out of ten.
That's an eight out of ten.
Hey, Dean, thanks very much indeed for calling in, and have a nice day in your cab.
Don't drive anyone a ludicrously long route for no particular reason.
Yeah, thank you, Dean.
Don't drive Ludacris anywhere.
The rapper.
No, exactly.
If you see Ludacris, just avoid him.
But thanks a lot, Dean.
Take care.
Lots of love.
Bye.
And that's the first- We didn't get to give Dean a DVD.
Yeah, we're gonna give him a DVD.
We'll give you a DVD, Dean.
Yeah.
A Dean VD.
Um, we'll send him scrubs or something like that.
I'm sure Dean likes scrubs.
He loves scrubs.
Hey, congratulations, Joey.
Eight out of ten.
I'm in the lead.
Yeah.
I'm surprised.
I thought I'd be below two.
Name dropping going on at the end there.
Yeah.
That was extraordinary.
So if you want to play Anna Dotty, what is it called?
Anecdotes.
If you want to play Anecdotes, 0-8-7-1-triple-two-one-oh-four-nine, you could win a DVD for merely tolerating one of our summer anecdotes and scoring it.
Well, listen, we've got, we've got Ash.
Oh, should we do another call at Ash?
Hello, Ash.
Hey, Ash, how you doing?
Hey, how's it going?
Yeah, good.
Sorry to keep you waiting for so long, but we had to explain some things to Dean, like, what an anecdote was.
Are you clear about the composition, Ash?
I think so, I think so.
Yeah.
It's not much, but it's our first day back, we, you know, we're a bit rusty, and we're just really trying to get back into it somehow.
So, er, we've got, er, we've got, like, three more, er, titles for you left here, OK?
So Joe's Done, Harvey Keitel.
Now you've got a choice between these three.
Bike Assault,
Joe, what was your one?
You've got to stick with your choice.
You want to hear Gordon's life.
I'll try and make it as quick as possible.
I like to have friends round to watch films.
One of my friends programs big outdoor screenings at Somerset House in London.
And he was programming a season of outdoor films.
And we were sitting in my house, a little bit the worse for wear, trying to think of films to show.
So we think, we should show Flash Gordon.
And he goes, well that would be brilliant, but would anybody come?
If you had to pay £12.50 to see Flash Gordon, would anybody come?
Even if it was outdoors and someone set the house.
We took a risk.
He convinced his finances to put it on.
So, a few weeks ago, an outdoor screening of Flash Gordon.
We were very nervous, because we didn't think anyone would turn up.
It's a kind of campy film.
Some people think it's rubbish.
I happen to think it's brilliant.
Yes, genius.
Yeah.
And, basically, hundreds of people turned up.
Yeah, brilliant.
People turned up in costume, with Emperor Ming beers.
Wow.
We got Brian Blessed to turn up.
He made a speech, a filthy speech that I can't repeat, to the audience before the film.
And then he sat directly behind me during the film, talking along to his lines from Flash Gordon.
Talking along to, Gordon's alive!
Who wants to live forever?
All those classic lines.
That's the end of the anecdote, basically.
It was a triumph.
Well done.
That's all to do with you.
It's all to do with me.
And then blessed afterwards was mobbed.
Yeah, I bet.
By the crowd.
People dressed as Flash Gordon having their photographs taken with him.
So, for me it's like the birth of a new cult.
Yeah.
The Gordons.
The Gordon cult.
Is that any good?
How was that, Dean?
Oh, Ash.
Ash, you've got to rate that anecdote out of ten now.
he's hung up it was so boring it was quite boring wasn't it did you know what it lacked i think it lacked any kind of excitement like sex it needed some sex it needed some okay okay mark out of ten
three three oh man thanks very much for your call ash so joe is so far in anecdote he's or whatever the hell it's called scored eight for the first one no that's the second one i can't that's 11 out of out of 20 all right man 11 points listen now but i'm out of anecdotes that was a that was a lot of anecdotes we should go to the ads and play some more music and uh try a few more anecdotes later on this is adam and joe on xfm
The Red Hot Chili Peppers.
The Californication.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM.
Listen, I've got a bone to pick.
What?
Uh, with Heat magazine.
Oh, right.
I wonder if anybody's been listening, um, to Simon Amstel's shows.
Maybe they could let us know why he gets five red stars in Heat and we just get four.
Because he's better than us.
Do you think?
He's hot, he's young, he's sexy, he's happening.
We're, uh, a bit past it.
It's just that the guy from Heat, Boyd Hilton, used to tell me that he was only allowed to give one thing five stars in the radio and that was his excuse for giving Jonathan Ross' show five stars and us four.
And now that's turned out to be rubbish.
Because he gave Ross and Amstel five stars.
Amstel had guests, I think, didn't he?
We don't need guests.
Maybe we do need guests.
Maybe we should have guests.
Maybe guests would be better.
If you were listening to Amstel, what's he been doing that we could steal?
He had Julian and Noel from the Boosh in for a star.
We know Julian and Noel.
We could have them in.
Maybe not now because they've, you know, they've been in already.
They're probably too busy.
Anyway.
There we go.
Anyway.
Shall we return- shall we have a break from our anecdotes for a little bit?
Why not?
Shall we talk about, um, sign-offs?
OK, let's talk about sign-offs.
Well, this is, um, for me, uh, something that was worrying me over the summer because I watched this morning, uh, usually presented by Fern and Phil, and, uh, while Fern and Phil were away for their holidays,
em, they had some stand-ins and it was, em, Richard Bacon.
Richard Bacon and Denise Van Heuven.
And they were having lots of fun there.
It was pretty shambolic and enjoyable.
But Bacon, apart from being a kind of a genius broadcaster, obviously a wonderful person, has got a very annoying sign-off at the end of the show.
He, he would always say,
Bye-bye.
Oh, we were talking about this last night, yeah.
Listeners, you might have something to contribute to this.
Just annoying ways people say goodbye.
That's what you're talking about, isn't it?
Yeah.
But, I mean, bye-bye.
Fair enough.
Bye-bye is fine.
Bye-bye.
That's terrible.
Bye-bye.
I've got a friend who, um, he's a lovely guy.
Very talented guy.
He's an animator.
But whenever he signs off on the phone, he goes, OK, thanks a lot, Joe.
Beep.
B?
Like the letter B. OK.
Cheers, Joe.
B. B for bye.
Alright.
B. B. I just want to punch him.
He's so busy that he can't manage a whole bye.
B.
Are you sure you- Is there anything more annoying than that?
Bye-bye.
Oh, what about peeking out the phone?
Yellow.
People who say yellow.
Yeah.
Oh, dear.
I mean, Homer Simpson says yellow, doesn't he?
But it's supposed to be, like, because he's a- a jerk, you know?
Well, because he's yellow.
Right.
Is it?
I don't know.
Could be an excuse for another layer, isn't it?
But then there's, uh- I remember you said this once, Joe, but you- I don't think you ever said it more than once.
You said, Slater.
Ricky Laughs Slightly.
Like Christian Slater.
I was probably said it when Christian Slater was a big star.
Around the time of Cuffs.
When he was at the peak of his powers.
And someone else, a friend of ours says, Toodles.
Who says Toodles?
Fenton.
Our friend Fenton.
Toodles.
I quite like Toodles.
Toodles.
Well that's just nice and eccentric and bright.
Yeah.
How about see ya, wouldn't wanna be ya.
I'm glad that one's gone away.
Well, that takes a lot of effort and breath, doesn't it?
The problem with things like bah-bye and beep are there's no getting round the fact that people think they're cool when they say them, is there?
You know, you can't think you'd sound cool if you say toodles.
No.
No one's gonna sound cool saying toodles, but okay, B. And I think I'm supposed to go, oh, that's the B guy.
He's great.
He gets through his life faster than other people and in a cooler way.
Well, the problem with a lot of these things, um, is that they start off being ironic, don't they?
And self-conscious and you say them as a joke.
But then you just slip into saying them all the time and suddenly you're the guy that says B. And, like, well, you know, we used to say man a lot and we still say man.
Well, this is another conversation when you're allowed to say man.
But I think we could do a text competition.
Text us.
83XFM.
We'll give a prize to the most annoying way that someone can say goodbye.
Yeah.
On the phone or in person.
We'll give an amazing prize.
Don't know what it is.
Maybe another Scrubs DVD.
Most annoying sign-off.
Text 83XFM.
If you can think of something more annoying than going, what was yours?
What was Richard Bacon's?
Bye-bye.
Or beep.
We've got tickets to the Stereophonics and the Super Furry Animals, so that's an incentive if you want to- That could be the prize!
Yeah.
If you want to text us some of your annoying sign-offs.
And we'll come back with some more anecdotes after this.
I'm going to have a free play right now, and there's nothing anyone can do about it.
This is Elliott Smith.
There you go.
Steady, watch me navigate.
I did it.
I sang like what they did.
You're like a gorilla, Joe.
Thank you.
Yeah, gorillas.
We're Feel Good Incorporated.
This is Sediment Show on XFM.
We've been asking you what the most annoying thing anybody can say is.
What the hell?
Now, let me rethink that sentence.
We've been asking you what the most annoying thing anybody can say is when they sign off on the phone.
That makes sense, doesn't it?
Yeah, or in person, in fact.
We offered you beat.
Ricky and Steve laugh Ricky and Steve laugh Ricky and Steve laugh Ricky and Steve laugh Ricky and Steve laugh Ricky and Steve laugh Ricky and Steve laugh
Do you think chow's okay?
Do you think it's okay if you're not from a country where they say chow?
No, I don't mind chow.
Chow?
Isn't chow- it's just like a mid-80s, coke-snorting idiot phrase, isn't it?
Yeah, of course.
Chow.
You know, it depends how you say it.
It's sort of a Wall Street phrase, isn't it?
If you're wearing aviator shades and you sort of say chow, uh, like that.
But if you say it with any degree of charm, I think it's fine.
Yeah, that was from Tommy Eskimo Disco.
Sent that in.
Chow.
Keep saying chow, Tommy, that's my advice.
Adam and Joe, I don't know if they're annoying, but I say...
I'm Dustin.
Yes, that is annoying, just to let you know.
As in off man, I don't understand what that says, that was from Jeff Jeff.
You know I've just remembered a whole load of ones that I used to say.
Okay.
Oh my goodness.
Here we go, there's also the guy at the social club, this is from Tim, who says, tatty bye bye.
that's pathetic as well, isn't it?
Pathetic and annoying.
Steve It's not offensive though.
Ricky No.
Steve Do you want to hear a couple of offensive ones that I've just remembered?
Ricky Offensive?
Well, offensively awful.
Steve Offensively bad, yeah.
Ricky Yeah, okay.
Steve This is- these are ones I actually used to say when, um, when I was a lot younger and I was playing video games.
Ricky Yeah.
Steve I can't even believe I'm admitting this.
Ricky Come on, say it, say it.
Steve I'd say, okay, must thrust,
like I was thrusting off in a spaceship.
That's exciting.
I would have been impressed.
That's rubbish.
And another one I used to say was, OK, I'm going to choose to cruise.
That was when you were just taking up cruising.
That's when you lived by the heath.
That's when I used to fly a fighter plane.
My dad doesn't even have the time to say bye.
He just puts the phone down.
That's nice.
And two or three people have texted him with this.
People who don't say anything.
They do that in movies, don't they, in American movies.
They never say bye.
They just finish, they get the salient facts out and then they hang up.
You know, my dad does that, actually.
Does he?
Maybe it's a dad thing.
Maybe that's just a dad thing, when you haven't got time when you're old and you want to savour every minute.
You just hang up.
You haven't got time for niceties.
Over and out is very annoying, says Sibs.
A friend once said, coo-coo-coo-choo.
Ha-ha.
Coo-coo-coo-choo.
Annoying goodbyes.
ABC ya.
that's dreadful that's worse than must thrust from john in south london well done living in south london john uh what else have we got my friend graham says okay ba like he's a sheep ba yeah no i've known people who did that ba ba uh yeah that rings a bell uh like he's a sheep only he's not he's a grown man who rides a motorbike that's from caroline and hamstead wow uh let me see pip pip
from Matt, says Pip-Pip.
That's like an old, sort of Bertie Wooster one, isn't it?
Pip-Pip.
I like Pip-Pip.
Yeah, no, that's all right.
We like Laters with an S. Mark, um, on emails, because the emails is another place where people do little idiosyncratic sign-offs.
Mark Gaiters from the League of Gentlemen used to sign off his emails, um, by just putting tits.
That's funny, isn't it?
That's how you used to make me laugh.
Yeah, I like that one.
Hasselwister, baby.
No one says that.
That says Liss.
Liss has texted that in.
Another person saying people who say chow.
My friend says, see ya bake.
What the hell is that?
What's see ya bake?
I don't know.
A lot of these I just don't understand.
Some of these might be hip hop derivations, I suppose.
Maybe they are.
Ricky and Steve laugh Ricky and Steve laugh Ricky and Steve laugh Ricky and Steve laugh Ricky and Steve laugh Ricky and Steve laugh Ricky and Steve laugh Ricky and Steve laugh
Well, peace and jam from Adam and Joe until, uh, hour number two of this Saturday.
Moshi moshi.
Ta-ta.
Bye.
Stop it.
Bye-bye.
Well, hey, who is that ad?
That's a Kaiser Chiefs.
Quite good, really.
Can't argue with that, can you?
Despite being, I would say, the worst-looking band in pop.
Oh, controversial.
Worst dressed?
Yeah, just ridiculous.
Worst styled?
Yeah, I mean, I dress better than the Kaiser Chiefs, and that's saying something bad.
How do they dress?
What sort of thing do they wear?
Like he wears sort of boxing boots with, uh, jeans and then a suit jacket.
Cool.
It's just all over the shop.
That sounds cool.
I don't know if it is.
He sounds cool.
He is cool.
I mean, they're cool.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying they're not cool.
I'm just saying they look sartorially like a disaster.
OK.
Now we're gonna play the second half of Anecdotes.
What's it called?
I keep forgetting.
Anecdoodles.
Our anecdote game.
We had four different anecdote subjects.
You, the good listeners, had to call in and choose an anecdote and judge them out of ten and whoever gets the lowest score gets fired.
So far, Adam's not coming back next week.
No, because no one's chosen one of my anecdotes yet, so what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna only give you a choice of my anecdotes next.
Well, that's all that's left.
Both of mine have gone.
Oh, you only had two.
Well, actually, I've got more.
No, I've got more.
Do you want more?
No, I've got more.
Not yet.
Hold off.
It's gonna be my turn for an anecdote now.
OK.
0-8-7-1-triple-two-one-o-four-nine.
I should remind people of the number.
0-8-7-1-two-two-two-one-o-four-nine.
You could win a DVD if you get on air.
Please call.
Er, the choice, not that this is going to get anyone to call in, but the choice of my anecdotes is between bike assault, Kiki P and beard fear.
Beard fear, they sound really good, you see, I don't really have any more.
you might just, just, you know, make up a title for something you were gonna- Steve Laughs Slightly Big night out.
Big night out.
Steve Laughs Slightly Big night out.
You're- you've actually got good anecdotes, cause you were just hanging out in London meeting famous people all summer.
Steve Yeah.
Yeah.
Steve Whereas I was, uh, consigned to Edinburgh and I didn't- Steve Becoming a famous- even more famous person.
Steve That's right.
Steve Yeah.
So call 0871221 049 if you wanna play anecdotes, you'll win a prize and you'll hear a brilliant anecdote.
Steve Laughs Slightly Steve And we gave a prize, incidentally, to one of the people who, uh, texted in an annoying sign-off.
I think the, uh, sign-off in question- who was the
It was Jeff.
His name was Jeff.
Congratulations, Jeff.
You're going to see the phonics, I believe.
And what was he saying?
He- I think he said, uh, uh, must- What was that?
I'm Dustin.
We were discussing the most appalling way you can say goodbye on the phone or in person.
I'm Dustin.
I mean, that would be good if you were Dustin Hoffman.
Yeah.
But otherwise- Yeah.
It's not acceptable.
Anyway, Geoff, uh, for you- stop saying it for a start and go and have fun at the stereophonics.
Um, now before- so, you know, call in for these anecdotes, but, uh, before we talk more about the anecdotes, Joe, I just want to ask you a question that is genuinely bugging me.
Uh, you know, over the summer, Batman Begins was out, and I- I was told by lots of people that it was the best of the summer blockbusters.
I haven't seen it yet.
But anyway, I saw Christian Bale doing a bit of press for it on TV and stuff.
Now Christian Bale is English, right?
Yes, he's from Bournemouth.
He's from Bournemouth.
But his family- I think his parents are divorced and he lives in California now.
Oh, okay.
So I think he moved to California just after they made, um, Empire of the Sun.
Is that too much information?
No, that's- His dad separated from his mum and he lives in California.
That's too much.
By the beach.
That's too much.
Yeah.
He's been around to my house, Christian Bale.
Has he?
Yeah.
When was that?
Years ago.
But, like, five years ago?
No, about eight years ago.
And was he- was he speaking with, uh, an extremely broad American accent?
No, he was kind of British.
he is british yeah but in this in this uh press stuff that i saw him doing he was speaking with the same accent that he uses in the film and someone told me that he he stays in character that's very true for each film he does well my friend was the publicist ryan batman begins she won't like me talking about this she sat next to him and did crosswords while he was in his batman suit right uh while they were you know between shots he can't have been in character as batman doing the crossword but
this is what I this is what I mean he was not in he wasn't pretending to be Batman when he was doing this press the only thing that was remained of his character was the accent which made me think like who's he I don't understand what the point of doing that is staying in character of staying like pretending to be American like it does he think that people will be upset if they see the film and they think why is he pretending to be American he's not American so he's gonna try and fool people into thinking that he really is American when he whenever he does press
It just sort of upset and confused me.
Well, does that explain it to you a bit that his family is half American, his dad lives in California?
I mean, that's a good excuse for having a mid-Atlantic accent, don't you think?
I don't believe that it would sink in that fast.
You know, he's an intelligent person.
He's not just a ludicrous sponge.
You see, he's not going to come back from a few years in California.
A ludicrous sponge.
Talking like a Yankee.
A ludicrous sponge talking like a Yankee.
I'm lost.
I'm just having sort of Spongebob visions now.
What?
I mean, you know, was he playing an American in The Machinist?
Yeah, the thing about Christian Bale is he takes his roles very seriously, doesn't he?
Even if it's a piece of old rubbish like Rain of Fire.
Oh, yeah.
Ah, he took that very seriously.
I can still smell that one.
And I think that's commendable, but you know what, I think he's slimmed down too much for The Machinist and he's given himself permanently damaged eye bags.
Really?
I think his eyes are permanently slightly hollow.
Wow.
You can take it too far.
Yeah, yeah.
OK?
Note to bail.
But he beefed up, though, for Batman, though.
He's no longer really skinny.
He beefed up for Batman.
Anyway, I'm just confused, that's all.
Whenever I see someone using an accent that clearly isn't theirs for no particular reason, it just makes me very confused.
Have we got any callers?
We can ask more people to ring you.
What?
That means no.
That means we have no chorus.
We've got one very nice lady who'd like to play.
Oh no, someone else.
There you go.
871-222-1049 to play Anecdotes.
What are we doing now?
We're going to play some music.
This is an old classic from a band that I miss very badly.
It's Pulp.
Hey, have you thought about that?
Well, when was that record released?
Uh, that was about 96, I suppose.
96, that nine years to come down.
Nine years.
a friend of mine actually saw Jarvis Cocker in a park the other day, pushing his kid.
In the UK?
I thought he lived in France now.
He was in a park, pushing his kid.
Hey, did you see that show that Jarvis Cocker presented about pop shows?
It was on E4 and it was like, uh, I think the- Yeah, like the greatest pop disasters.
It was like him mooning Michael Jackson and stuff, wasn't it?
No, no, no, no.
This was a show all about things that he really loved.
you know.
They did a series on E4 with people picking clips of their favourite things.
And one of them was Jarvis Cocker picking clips from classic pop shows and stuff.
And it was a brilliant programme, really good, just out of the blue.
Get Jarvis Cocker to make more programmes, that's the way.
Well that's a taste of the anecdotes there are to come on our competition Anecdotey.
And we've got two callers on the line.
First of all Hayley in Southend.
Hello Hayley.
Hello.
How are you doing?
Welcome back.
Hey, thanks a lot Hayley.
Hey, thanks, Hayley.
God, it's very touching to- to speak to someone who cares.
We've had some very- we've had some really nice e-mails, actually, from people.
I won't, er, read them out or mention people by name, but thank you very much for, er, e-mailing us and being nice to us, er, on our return.
Anyway, Hayley, you- Hayley didn't do any of that.
You have- she's just said.
Well, she's just- she's just- that's true, she's been nice.
So, Hayley, you've got a choice between three of my anecdotes now, OK?
Obviously you don't know about, you know, what any of these contain, but the titles are Bike Assault, Kiki... Don't laugh that way.
Why?
Because it sounds as if you're dismissing the Bike Assault.
I'm excited.
OK.
Bike Assault, Kiki P... That's a good one.
..and Beard Fear.
Which one do you want to go for, Hayley?
Yeah, well, Kiki-Dee, please.
Kiki-Dee.
It's actually Kiki-Pee.
Kiki-Pee.
Sorry.
As in P-E-E.
It's not gonna be a story about Kiki-Dee, Hayley.
Does that change things?
Oh, can I change my mind?
No, no, you can't.
Once you thought it was Kiki-Dee, she doesn't realise it involved urinating.
Pee.
Oh, oh, sorry, how does it say?
Hailey, listen to this and you have to judge it out of ten.
This is rubbish.
OK, when I was in Edinburgh doing my show up there, I had a PR person called Claire Walker who was excellent and she tried to get me in the papers and stuff like that.
And anyway, she was out one night doing some late night drinking in Edinburgh and sat at her table, amongst others, were these two kind of New York drag queens who call themselves Kiki and Herb.
and they do an act where the one that calls herself Kiki is like an old lounge singer and Herb is her accompanist and they're really bitter and twisted and that's part of their act but anyway they were really outrageous that night really drunk everyone was steaming drunk and at one point the guy that plays Kiki was so wrecked
that he'd just got out his winkle and he started to spend a penny beneath the table where he and Claire were sitting.
And due to their, er, close seating proximity, quite a lot of tinkle went on Claire's foot.
Wow.
Wait, wait, wait a second.
Did he announce this?
Did he say, I'm now going to have a wee under the table?
No, he didn't, he just- Or did she just feel a warm flush on her ankles?
Yeah, she felt that ankle tinkle.
Are you still with us, Hayley?
You haven't hung up in disgust.
This is all true, I swear to you, this is absolutely true.
So yeah, she felt ankle tinkle from Kiki and so she jumped up in disgust and said, what the hell are you doing?
And, you know, rushed off to the lab, absolutely furious as you would be.
Anyway, far from being contrite at this point, Kiki meets her when she comes out of the lab, grabs her by the arm, and sort of says- he's kind of annoyed, Kiki, that she's annoyed, you know?
Like him weeing on her?
Yeah.
And he grabs her and he says, I'm sorry I didn't pee in your face.
I mean, that's New York for you.
That's unbelievable.
That's New York.
And then, uh, anyway, so basically, like, she told people that this had happened and a lot of people that knew Kiki just said, that sounds, that doesn't sound like something he would do at all.
You know, he's not that kind of person.
But I'm thinking, like, well, surely, you know, how many times do you have to wheelie on someone's foot before you are the kind of person that would do something like that?
Cos he usually poos in the back pocket.
when no one's looking.
There you go.
Was there any inappropriate weeing?
No, no urinating.
No, good.
I might get sued now by Kiki and Herb's lawyers, of course, but... So what's that out of ten, Hayley?
What are you giving that anecdote out of ten?
I'm giving it seven and a half.
Oh!
Seven and a half.
Yeah.
Our producer Lila, incidentally, this is a footnote to the anecdote, our producer Lila says that it's supposed to be good for Veruca's to pop a bit of wee on there.
Wow.
Well, listen, that's as grubby as the anecdotes get.
But thanks very much for listening to that one, Hayley.
Hayley, yeah, thanks for calling.
Do you want a Scrubs DVD or a My Summer of Love DVD?
Do you want a handsome, nerdy New York doctor or two young ladies making love in a field or tickets to the super furry animals?
Yes, the sexy, nerdy New York doctor, Zach Bruce-Grubber.
You can.
Thanks for calling, Hayley.
We're going to do one more.
Would that take this link over an hour?
Yeah, let's hold off for the moment, play some more music.
Right now, this is a track by the Dandy Warhols.
This is H.F.M.
I saw it, yeah, I saw it with the black tongue tied, well known roses.
That's the Velvet Underground beginning to see the light.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM.
Before the break, you heard the Danny Warhols with all the money or the simple life honey.
Exciting stuff there from the Warhols.
Changing the face of rock.
So let's conclude our Anecdote playoff.
OK, yes.
Shall we?
Yes, absolutely.
I think it's time for another one of mine.
I've only got two left, Beard Fear or Bike Assault.
We need a caller first.
It's James there.
Hello, James.
Hi, there.
Hi, guys.
Hey, James, thanks for waiting.
I mean, I know we called you back, but let's give the impression that you hung on for ages, cos you were so keen.
He hung on for a while and then we had to call him back, so there's been a lot of hanging on and we appreciate the hanging.
So, James, we'll cut to the chase.
Which one would you like to go for?
Bike assault or beard fear?
I think it's got to be beard fear, please.
Oh, it's the weaker of the two anecdotes.
Well, yeah, come on.
Listen, James, you've got a choice between fear or an assault.
What's more exciting?
I was hoping it was going to be Adam's beard.
Well, it is.
It will be.
I'll go for beard fear.
It's fairly short.
It's more of a kind of observation, really.
OK, James, remember you're scoring this out of ten.
Right.
Adam's currently only got seven and a half points.
I've got eleven.
So unless you score this highly, Adam, we'll be fired.
Yeah.
Incidentally, if you're listening to us on your satellite TV, this isn't Simon Amstel.
It's Adam and Joe.
Someone typed in the wrong thing on the satellite listings.
OK?
Beard fear.
Right, now this is another true story.
A few days after the bombings in July, I was in London.
and I was in a t-shirt shop near Covent Garden and this at this point I was cultivating a giant gigantic beard for my show in Edinburgh absolutely enormous looked a bit like Brian Blessed and it was kind of way beyond the limits of fashion really out into something like extremism of some kind and very possibly religious extremism so I was getting a lot of funny looks around that time especially as I often wander around town
with, uh, you know, with a jacket and- and a, um, backpack on, which isn't the best thing to do, especially if you live around Stockwell.
Um, anyway, I was in this t-shirt shop- Which you do.
Which I do, yeah.
Not just throwing that in as a- No.
I was in a t-shirt shop in Covent Garden, uh, or near Covent Garden, and this shop assistant was following me around, I'm not joking, the whole time, like, right behind me, and I was sort of looking at him like, what?
And then eventually he comes up and he goes, aren't you hot?
I said, what do you mean?
Aren't you hot with that jacket on?
He said.
And basically I think he thought that I had some stuff strapped to me and I was going to explode his t-shirt shop, um, because I had my backpack on and everything.
And I swear to you, this guy was really freaking out.
So I said, no I don't.
What do you think, I'm going to blow up your shop?
And he's like, no, no, no, no.
Um, anyway, I left without a t-shirt, feeling slightly as if I was living in a city of fear, which I suppose I was in a way, or
Maybe it was me that was just being incredibly paranoid and actually the guy was just making conversation.
And that's the end.
James, hello James.
James?
Are you still there?
Hi.
Woah.
How you doing?
So, I thought that was like a man-new habit.
What about the one with Jonathan Ross and the PSP?
That was a better anecdote.
You should have had that one in.
I should have done that.
That was a celebrity anecdote.
James, you've got to take some of the responsibility for that, because, er... Well, it's not too... What do you mean?
That was interesting.
There wasn't a qualitative judgement.
It's terrific.
Well done, James.
Does Adam still have the beard?
He does, yeah, it's been trimmed a little bit.
I've got a trimmed version of it.
What did you think of that, James?
Um, yeah, I quite enjoyed that.
Ah, it was rubbish, wasn't it?
I'm sorry, man.
I quite enjoyed it!
It had a little bit of social context to it as well.
Yeah, it was a bit political and a bit heavy.
Yeah.
It was a bit heavy.
It was a difficult context to make light of.
You should have put that in the Times article you were in.
That's true.
There you go.
Hey, listen, I wasn't making light of it.
It was, it was a, uh, just a sad reflection of the Times.
Sad reflection of the Times.
James, scores it, points out of ten.
Oh, it's got to be a 10.
Wow!
James!
What are you playing at?
Thanks, man.
You've given Adam 17 and a half, sent me right over the top.
No, you know, I'm a sucker for a beard, really.
And I'm on 11.
Wow.
Jo, and you- So that's me fired.
Have you got, um, another one that you could come back with?
Because I could- why don't we just do our last two- I was going to tell you about, uh, Vic and Bob's exclusive live Big Night Out.
You do that and then- A one-off only show.
No, I'm not.
I'm going to tell you about it.
I'll do the Jonathan Ross PSP one as well.
We haven't got time.
We do, we got 20 minutes.
have we yeah what now good times hey listen thanks very much indeed for your call james hey james do you want uh what's he got he's got ladies making love in a field in the film my summer of love pretending to be younger than they are or to get super furry uh yeah i'd love the super furries if um if it's for a couple of weeks time is it when are we looking at he's been very specific thursday the 22nd that's next thursday i'll make it oh
It's gonna have to be Dirty Ladies in the field.
You're getting Dirty Ladies.
OK.
Thanks for calling, James.
Yeah, we really appreciate it.
Thanks for having me fired.
Well, it's not too late, man.
We've still got one more anecdote each that we can reel out.
But, erm, it's time for some more adverts now, ladies and gentlemen.
This is Ed and Joe on XFN.
And you jerk it out!
Okay, sorry, I pressed the button and nothing's happening!
Look, I pressed it!
Look!
Oh, now it's starting.
What's that about?
Yeah.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM, uh, London's top radio station for rocking music.
That's good, man.
They should put that on the posters.
So, over the summer, London went PSP crazy, didn't it?
PSP crazy.
Everyone's talking about PSPs, aren't they?
Were there queues round the blocks and stuff?
Well, supposedly, I pre-ordered my PSP, the PlayStation Portable, the new mini must-have gadget from Sony.
And it's got, you can play movies on it.
You can play movies on it, UMD games.
You can play games.
I've only got Wipeout.
I don't know what UMD stands for.
UMD.
But it's great.
It's lovely having a new format, isn't it?
Of course.
Everyone loves a new format.
Yeah, and I'm just excited about going on a plane so that I can buy a movie at the airport on UMD.
A movie.
A movie on UMD.
A movie.
And then watch it on the plane.
But basically, it's one of those things you spend 200 pounds on and then just never use.
Really?
Yeah, I just haven't used it.
I look at it and show it to people, but do I sit and play it?
No.
That's like your winky.
It is, isn't it?
But, uh, long before the summer, of course, PSPs, PlayStation portables, were available in America.
And Japan.
And people who were very rich, or early adopters, as they're called, had one, didn't they?
Like years ago.
You could have had one like a year and a half ago because they were so slow to come out in Britain.
Yeah.
And this created a strange sort of jealousy vacuum where people would, like, I'd see kids in shops hiding in corners playing on them surrounded by about 20 other kids watching and about to mug the child.
But you had a problem, didn't you, with the PSP, Adam?
Well, we, um, saw Jonathan Ross, our- our best celebrity friend, um, quite a few months ago now.
It was Jane- Jane's birthday, his wife, and he very generously invited us along to his house to celebrate.
Yeah, and he's got this amazing office that's basically just- I think when you're quite rich and very successful, people just send you everything in the world that exists.
Yeah.
And because you're so busy making money, you don't have time to open it.
So he's just got this room in his house that's like a sort of Aladdin's cave.
Yeah, like a criminal- Stacked full of- A criminal's warehouse.
Yeah.
It's just stacked full of amazing consumer durables.
Every imaginable box set of DVDs from every country in the world.
Every electronic device.
He doesn't have boring things in there.
It's just fun booty, isn't it?
Yeah, but we should point out to thieves that it's heavily guarded.
Oh, heavily guarded.
Um, and, um... It's not very strong, very husky, though.
Heh.
But anyway, so we're in this room and Jonathan's a very generous man.
He sometimes just gives you things.
Yeah.
If you go, oh, that's a nice Xbox 360, there's a fair chance he'll just go, oh, yeah, have it, go on, have it, I've got a 14.
Well, he was showing us the PSP and I was very impressed and he was saying, you know, especially if you've got children, this is a must-have item because it'll keep them quiet for hours on planes and things like that.
Did he use the phrase must-have item?
He, no.
I imagine he used something a bit perkier than that, but I'm a cheap, stupid person.
That's how I interpreted it.
Um, and he, uh, was basically selling me this, uh, machine very well and I was really excited about it.
And he said, well, you know, I've got a spare one.
When's your birthday?
And it was actually, it would just be my birthday a couple of days before.
So I said, yeah, it was just my birthday yesterday.
Or before.
And, uh, so he said, well, great, I'll give you one.
I've got one in the cupboard over here.
So he goes over to the cupboard and I'm really excited.
I couldn't believe it.
I was so jealous.
Joe was fuming.
But Jonathan had given Adam a free PSP.
Uh, and Joe was going, oh, that's not fair.
It's my birthday, too, in six months.
And, anyway, Joe didn't get one.
I must admit to feeling a tiny bit smug about that.
But Jonathan got to the cupboard and said, oh, no, it's not in the box.
Oh, well, don't worry, it's in the office.
You know, come by and grab it, it's yours.
You know, I was like, oh, well, thanks very much.
So this is an ethical dilemma, isn't it?
Yeah, because then- He's promised you the PSP, but he hasn't actually delivered it.
No.
But now it's incumbent on you to hassle him to give you the thing that he's giving you generously for free.
Yeah.
And to what extent do you do that in life?
Well, I think not is the answer.
You don't mention it again.
You should have just forgotten it and waited for him to go, oh, Adam, that PSP I promised you.
Sorry, I forgot about it.
Here it is.
But I couldn't forget.
Everywhere I went, there was adverts for it and stories about it and ghosts with talk exactly like that, saying that to me in my head.
And it was driving me mental.
And I, you know, just the specter of this PSP hovering there that Jonathan had dangled.
So finally, after I'd had a couple of drinks one night, I emailed him and I said, hey, listen, Jonathan, you know, that generous offer you made, you know, could I collect on that?
Oh my God.
And I tried to phrase it as well as I possibly could so that it- I basically said, you know, this is kind of greedy of me but, uh, can I have that thing?
But there's no good way of saying that because basically it's just the greediest, most horrible thing you could say to a friend.
And then how did you feel after you'd pressed send on that email?
I felt sick.
I felt absolutely sick, yeah.
Dirty.
And what, like a greedy person?
Like a just a worthless- Like a shameless-
Someone who has just not even deserved to be called a friend, you know what I mean?
Just someone who has treated Jonathan purely- A vampire.
A bloodsucker.
A bloodsucking vampire.
A parasite.
Yeah, exactly that.
A techno-parasite.
All right, easy.
Stop it now.
And the best part of this story is you haven't spoken to him since.
No.
I don't know if I ever will again.
Until he gives you that PSP.
He emailed back.
You're going to freeze him out?
He did email back and he said, yeah, no problem, don't worry, I'll sort it out.
But I didn't even, you know, obviously I'm not going to hassle him ever again.
And I fully expect never to speak to Jonathan Ross ever again.
Because I'm the greediest, stupidest man in the world.
And I'm never going to get a PSP either because it'll remind me of the friend I lost.
Wow, that's very touching.
Yeah.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM.
What now?
Music?
A little bit of music and then we'll sign off for today.
Yeah, that's quite good, isn't it?
That's, uh, La Ritornelle by Sébastien Delière.
Yes.
And, uh, listen, um, if you want to win a copy of the Virgin Megastore's album of the week, which is Echo and the Bunnymen's Siberia, then listen to Marsha, who's sitting in for Sean Keaveney on Monday from 10 a.m.
here on XFM, as she'll be giving away copies of that very album.
That's it.
Virgin Megastore's album of the week, Siberia, Echo and the Bunnymen.
Or go to www.xfm.co.uk.
Well, that's pretty much it for this week.
It's, you know, we're sort of easing back here.
Well, next week we'll have Ditties in the Dark.
It's going to be such a tight show next week.
It's going to be amazingly tight.
It's going to be phones, features, it's going to be so fast.
None of our links are going to be longer than a couple of minutes and they're going to be so packed.
So packed.
And we might get an award at the end of the show.
A completely different show next week.
Yeah, next, at the end of the show next week.
A transformation.
And we had some clips of the Boosh that we really wanted to play this week, but we'll do that next week.
Yeah.
And, you know, it'll be great.
I can never sign off properly, do you know what I mean?
I'll do it for you.
Thanks a lot for listening.
Must Dust, is that the one?
Yeah, ciao ciao for now.
What?
Keep busting.
Bye bye.
Thanks for listening.
Me.
Ciao.