Wow!
That was the Foo Fighters with Best of You.
This is Adam and Joe here on XFM for the next one hour and fifty-five minutes.
How are you doing, Joe?
I'm fine, thank you very much.
Good.
Cletus, I'm bored.
What plaything have you to offer me today?
An obscure planet in the SK system.
Its inhabitants refer to it as... ...the planet Earth.
How fable it looks.
Maybe I will destroy this earth.
That sounds as if we rehearsed that, but we actually didn't.
Yeah, lines from Flash Gordon, the classic Mike Hodges film from the early 80s.
That's one of the prizes we've got to give away, and a special sort of tin snap case.
Any special extras on there?
Snap case?
A snap case.
What's a snap case?
You can just snap it shut.
Really?
Yeah.
Wow.
There are.
There's a Mike Hodges audio commentary, and there's a Brian Blessed commentary as well.
Is that too loud?
That's my Brian Blessed impression.
Apparently he's drunk on it.
Very drunk all the way through.
Really?
So I've heard.
Yeah, I haven't listened to it yet.
Fantastic.
Did you glean that from when you spoke to Blessed?
No, I'm just assuming.
OK.
Yeah.
That might be libelous.
Nah, not really.
Uh, that's a good prize.
Plus we've got Chronicles of Riddick DVDs to give away.
You know what, I was surfing my Sky movie channels the other day.
Yeah.
And I saw a clip from the Chronicles of Riddick.
I didn't know what it was, but it looked like the most amazing film I'd ever seen.
Do you ever do that?
You're surfing through the telly and you just come across a film.
You can't identify it and you think, my God, this looks incredible.
It was millions of space soldiers running across a planet and an enormous spaceship crashing on them and squashing them like ants.
So it might be quite good, the Chronicles of Riddick.
Yeah.
Or not.
Or, er, what we should do is just give it to someone and they can tell us if it's any good.
Come on, it's a great film.
The nice people who've made it have given it to us as a prize.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
So we've got to get behind it.
I think it looks brilliant.
I think it looks really good.
It cost about 150 million pounds and you're going to get it for free.
That's amazing.
It's the equivalent of us giving away 150 million dollars.
Is it?
Yeah.
In a little box.
That's a really good prize.
Pressed onto a silver disc.
Hey, listen, I've got a jingle for us, an intro jingle.
Oh, good.
It's kind of generic this week, cos I really, from week to week, I can't tell what's happening.
Anyway, here it is.
I never know what you'll say Have you seen that really crappy advert?
It's annoying and it makes me scream I'm not sure about that new TV show Have you seen that brand new film with the man from the other day?
It's supposed to be a great new film
I'm not sure about that new TV show That sounds interesting, let's talk about it Let's start talking now It's just hard to know what you're talking about
What new advert?
What film would demand from the other thing?
That's why I said I kept it generic.
So you weren't actually thinking of anything specific?
No.
I think I have seen the film with demand from the other thing, yes.
You know, I was thinking about something when I thought of that.
That's exciting.
I can't remember what it was.
We got some good music coming up in the show.
We got the Kaiser Chiefs, I'm gonna play that in a second, Dead Sixties, White Stripes, Killers, all the usual kind of stuff.
Supergrass, fantastic.
Oh, I love that song, Low C. Have you heard that?
No.
Oh, it's very good.
And we'll be playing a few free plays as well.
We've got a competition, Celebrity Regression Therapy this week.
Oh, good.
It's really a very easy one.
So if you want to win that, then stick around.
Maybe for the Flash Gordon DVDs.
Oh, yeah, you reckon?
Yeah, the phone number's 0-8-7-1-triple-two-one-o-four-nine.
The text is 83-X-F-M for when the competition starts.
Or you can text us at any point on 83-X-F-M.
We'll do the competition in, like, about 20 minutes or so.
I wanted to talk about Santa Land.
Santa Land?
Yeah, at Earl's Court.
Is that real?
Yeah, well, I can't tell you too much about Santa Land, but I've just noticed it's sponsored by Hart.
Wow.
They're on the same- they're in the same building, aren't they?
Yeah.
Aren't they?
I was in the lift with the DJ and he said he worked at Hart.
He said it was on this floor.
Is it?
Oh, that's all right.
Xanthe looks befuddled.
No, I think Hart's miles away.
Is it?
Yeah, it's in the Christmas.
Is it?
Okay.
In that case, I'm gonna go health- I'm gonna lay into Santa Land.
Okay.
I'm gonna rip it apart.
Well, we can do that later.
I want to talk about Dick and Dom again as well.
It's over for Santa and Dick and Dom.
I've got some problems with Dick and Dom again.
Last week it was over for Franz Ferdinand.
Yeah.
And this week it's over for Santa and Dick and Don.
Yeah, stick with us.
Yeah.
The Kaiser Chiefs, they're so hot right now.
Every day I love you less and less.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM's nice Saturday afternoon here in London.
I'm just setting the scene, Joe.
I'm starting to feel guilty because last week somebody called in, I think his name was Rory, and we had a really good chat about zombies.
He was a nice guy.
And I made a flippant comment about meeting him.
I said, we got a lot to talk about.
We should meet in the Virgin Megastore.
But you were very specific.
You said, let's meet in the hip-hop section of a rented megastore at 10 o'clock.
And then as we left the studio, he texted and said, are you serious?
But I just sort of ignored it.
And now people are texting and saying, did we meet?
Oh, no.
Rory, call in.
Rory, if you're listening again this week, give us a call, because I'd like to apologize to you.
You're a tease.
I am a flirt, a tease.
You're a dirty, dirty, cheesy flirt.
So listen, I was watching Dick and Dom in Dabungalow this morning.
Uh, like you do.
Do you still watch it?
No.
But I turned on while they were having this competition thing that was like the scene from the Deer Hunter where they do Russian roulette.
So it was Dick or Dom, whichever one, in an attic in Dabungalow.
with a young girl and they were both they both had bandanas on you know and sort of camouflage paint as if they were in Vietnam even though of course they're not dressed like that in the scene in the Russian roulette scene in the film and they had to and they were eating like toffees you know they were going they're picking toffees from a circular tray and eating them one by one and one of the toffees we were told tasted like vomit you know so that was the game and eventually it was whichever one dick or dom that got the vomit toffee
And he screamed, and he went, ah, it's disgusting.
And, you know, that was it.
So I had problems with this on a number of levels.
First of which being, just on a very banal level, I don't like things on TV where you're just told that it's bad and you have to trust them.
You know what I mean?
I don't believe the vomit toffee really tasted offensively bad.
And I was just bored watching it.
And do you remember on Distractions with Jimmy Carr when they used to electrocute people?
I just don't believe that they would seriously electrocute them.
If people are going to be electrocuted for fun on TV, I want to see some physical evidence that they've been hurt.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
What else?
What are your other problems with the toffee?
Well, my other- my main problem is who cares about the deer hunter?
It was- it was like a really elaborate exercise aimed at spoofing this thing for the- from the deer hunter.
Kids love the deer hunter.
Do they?
Underterms are crazy about the deer hunter.
Well, that's what I was wondering.
I mean, is Michael- Do you know what I bet?
Do you know that game, Beer Hunter?
That's a better game.
They should've done that with cans of coke.
That would've been the thing to do.
Ten fizzy drinks, shake one up, much more visual.
Exactly.
You should be producing that show.
I should be producing that show.
But it just made me, er, confused and I thought, well, if they're going down this route, you know, then I thought of some other games they could play from, from that, you know, from, from, er, movies that kids are obviously into.
Yeah.
Er, for example, The Ice Storm.
Ah, you know, that's a British kids movie, isn't it?
Not sure those would be appropriate games, the games they play in the ice store.
Yeah, the gunk key party.
The gunky key party, right?
The gunky key party, right.
So there's a scene in the ice storm.
Who's it directed by, the ice storm?
Ang Lee.
Ang Lee, there you go.
Dummy Ang Lee.
Where there's a group of people at a drinks party and they put their car keys in a bowl and then they take turns picking them up.
I think our listeners know what a key party is, Adam.
Do they?
I'm just explaining for the non-hipsters.
They pick them out at random and they decide who goes whom with whom at the end of the night.
So I was thinking Dick and Dom could get the kids in Dabungalow
to do the same sort of thing but instead of a night of passion with a random spouse they get gunked depending on what car they got here's another one okay paths of glory right yeah stanley kubrick film cowardly custody court martial
Right.
So you force a group of kids to jump into a tank of rancid custard and then, if any of them don't do it, if they refuse to go into the custard, you conduct a kind of crazy court-martial and then they're found guilty and then you shoot them with gunk.
What do you think?
I think those are terrific ideas.
I've got one more and then I'm going to shut up.
OK, remains of the day, yeah?
How about this?
Remains of the cake challenge.
So you starve some kids and you put them in da bungalow, starve them for like a week or something.
And then you make them stand around a few slices of delicious birthday cake.
Oh, right.
And then Dick and Dom ask them if they want cake, but they're not allowed to say if they want the cake.
I'm confused.
Like Anthony Hopkins.
Oh, I see.
Wow, that's very sophisticated.
Unrequited cake.
I think we need a song so we can all think about that.
If anyone says they want cake, they get gunked.
Do you get that?
And if they don't say they- Ah, that's deep.
That's deep.
If they don't say they want the cake, they don't get anything.
That's deep.
Let's have some time to think about it.
He's gonna shave his wicked soul.
He's got a hairy... He's got a hairy soul.
That's disgusting.
That was Cub with wicked soul.
Cub spelt K-U-double-B.
He's gonna shave his... Anyway.
Um, this is Adam and Joe, and XFM will be back very shortly.
Oh, I pressed the wrong button.
Okay, here we go.
This is gonna be good now.
Adverts!
You can't totally hear but I love XFN
This is like a riot on the radio, isn't it?
Yes, it is.
Did we say that before when we played that?
Probably.
This is Adam and Joel on XFM.
We're about to do celebrity regression.
If you'd like to take part, call 0871 222 1049.
This is how we usually do it, isn't it?
Just get somebody to call.
I know we regress you first.
Yeah, you've got to do the actual commentary.
So listen, Santa Land.
Yeah!
Now, Earl's Court, this Christmas, is going to be the home of Santa Land.
And this is not the first year they've done Santa Land.
I think they've done this for the last two or three years.
And Adam, I want you to take your kids to it.
Oh, man, don't ask me to do that.
Come on, look.
Look at this.
It's the Daily Mail's Santa Land and the Adventures of Santa's Magic Ribbons.
What's that?
Well, this is what I want to know.
I mean, presumably they've hired out Earl's Court and they've built some insane Santa-based attraction.
Yeah.
And you've got to pay quite a lot of money to get in.
Really?
Yeah.
How much?
I don't know.
I'll find out during the next record, but it's a lot.
And, uh, everyone has to pay, the kiddies have to pay, adults have to pay.
And then when you get in, this is what you get.
What I'm gonna do, I'm gonna tell you the list of attractions, and I want you, Adam Buxton, to tell me what you think that'll actually be like.
All right, then.
First of all, meet Santa, explore his magical land, become one of his little helpers, and help save Christmas.
Visit Santa in his grotto.
That'll be nice, won't it?
Ricky and Steve talk over each other
I think that's just the Piccadilly line.
With a Santa stuck on the front.
Could it be?
What's that going to be?
Catch the Santa Land Express.
It's not the Northern line, is it?
At best it's going to be a tiny, tiny little train like you sometimes have at seaside crazy golf courses.
Well that would be fine.
Could you be quite happy with that?
Frank would love that.
A 100 foot real snow slide.
One hundred foot?
Yeah.
Is that quite big?
That is quite big.
Well, that sounds good.
I like that.
With a three hundred foot queue.
Wow!
And how long does it take to get down the slide?
A second.
That's right.
Okay.
Huge Christmas market.
That sounds awful.
That's just a shop, isn't it?
A shop.
I've been to a huge Christmas market.
I mean, that's now the fourth thing, and they're already trying to sell their shop as an attraction.
Santa's house and secret rooms.
Have you ever been to a Christmas market, can I just say?
No, what is a Christmas market?
Well, it's like a market, but it's under, it's under, um, you know, a tent or whatever.
Yeah.
And it's loads of stalls with either Christmas- directly Christmas-related things like tinsel and baubles.
Yeah.
Or- Baubles.
Baubles.
Or it's just gift ideas, you know what I mean?
And the last time I was there, I got suckered in by so many bad gift ideas, the worst one of which was refillable ink for your printer.
Have you ever done that?
You get like a set with a syringe in it and you... No.
Yeah, it's really... It's madness.
It's madness.
And I paid about 50 quid and this guy talked me through it and everything and I thought, wow, I'm never gonna have to pay for expensive printer refills again.
but instead I spent 50 quid and threw it away the next day.
Santa's house and secret rooms.
Would you let your kids into Santa's secret rooms?
Yes.
Santa Land post office.
Why would you pay for entry into Santa's post office?
Because there might be elves.
Animatronic Polar Park.
What's that going to be?
That'll be bears, won't it?
There'll be two- possibly a couple of penguins if you're lucky, robotic penguins, whose heads turn from right to left repeatedly.
Anyway, shall I go on?
Christmas Factor Xmas Factor Christmas Karaoke.
Basically it sounds like the biggest old pile of Santa poop.
It sounds like hell on earth.
When does it start?
It starts on the 3rd to the 23rd of December.
Has anyone been to Santa Langs?
It was on last year.
What, it starts on the 23rd of December?
Sorry, 3rd of December till the 23rd of December.
Oh, the 3rd of December.
OK, I'm gonna go.
OK.
You're gonna go?
Yeah, I'm gonna go with Frank and we'll take a tape recorder.
Wicked.
And we'll do a report for the show.
Wicked.
How about that?
That's exciting.
OK.
So coming up after this, it is time for celebrity regression.
Here's one off the playlist now.
This is Talking Heads with The Good Thing.
Talking heads with the good thing, this is Ed and Joe on XFM.
So someone told us how much Santaland was.
Santaland cost £22.50 per adult and £17.50 for a child.
That's a lot.
So- so you, uh, you take both kids?
No, just Frank.
No, okay.
Nat's too young.
So what does that make?
£39- £30- £40?
I can't count.
£40 plus all the money you spend in there as well.
Wow, Santa Land.
That's the magic of Christmas.
That is the magic of Christmas.
They've successfully captured the magic of Christmas.
So now it's time for celebrity regression.
OK.
OK, so we're going to establish a clinical atmosphere here in the studio.
I'm a trained hypnotherapist.
What I'm going to do is regress Adam into the mind and movies of a famous film star.
you have to listen carefully to what he witnesses when he's in his hypnotic state and tell us the name of the actor or actress and the three films that he's going to be regressed into.
The numbers 0-8-7-1, triple 2-1-0-4-9 and you could either win the Flash Gordon collector's tin or, and this is a new late in the day prize that we haven't previously announced, tickets to see the League of Gentlemen live.
It's supposed to be very good.
Started this week with some preview shows and apparently they were a smash.
So here we go, let's ring the bell of hypnosis.
And take a deep breath, pushing the stomach out, breathing in through the nose and out through the bottom.
And relax and drift back, back, back, back, all the way back until you're a little baby.
Until you're a tiny spermatovore riggling around in your dandies.
Oh dear.
Yeah, okay, good.
I think Adam's been successfully regressed.
Can you hear me, Adam?
He's a long way away.
Now wake up, tell us what you can see.
Oh, I'm on a ship.
I'm on a big ship, creaking boards and bits of rope.
And there's a kid here, his arm's all busted up.
They're gonna cut off his arm, and that's the way it goes on a ship.
But I'll give him a book when they're finished cutting off the arm, and that should make him feel better about the whole thing.
He'll have a tough time holding the book and turning the pages with just one arm, but he's gotta work it out!
Cuz that's what it's like here on a ship, you understand me?
And he's happy anyway, cuz I gave him a book.
I'm not a pansy, and he respects that.
So everybody else on the boat respects that as well.
And if anyone says I'm a pansy, I'll knock their face off with my hand, you understand me?
And ruffle up their hair, and I'll spit on their trousers, and I'll knock them around.
OK.
Breathe.
Just relax.
I think I know who this could be.
A very different voice he's got from what I remember.
Let's take Adam into the second film.
Remember 087122149?
If you can guess the movies he's experiencing and the name of the star.
Wake up.
Tell us what you can see.
I'm in a room.
It's a nice college room.
University kind of situation.
My head hurts because I'm intelligent.
And right now I'm pretending to be sensitive.
I'm a thinking genius.
I got a lot of things going on in my head.
Numbers flying around all over the place.
Maybe too many numbers.
I can't deal with the numbers or I'm losing it.
I'm gonna smack some people right in the jacket, because I can't even deal with the numbers that I may be thinking, genius.
But I'm no pansy, so I'm gonna push some people over and pull their ears and grab their socks off in that kind of situation.
Ah, I'm kinda...punching.
OK.
Oh, it's in 1221049.
It's not very difficult.
No, I told you it was good.
And here's the third film.
OK.
Relax.
Wake up.
Tell us what you can see.
I'm in South America.
It's a mess.
It's just a mess here.
Cars and shooting and punching and gorillas.
Not monkeys, you understand me, but foreign people with guns and bad ideas.
I'm on a tough assignment.
I gotta... I gotta get this guy out, cause he's one of us.
Not foreign, I mean.
He's a...
And that's a tough, it's tough, because I, you know, I could go in there and shoot people in the ankles and ruffle up their armpits, but that, that's the easy part, you know?
Cause I'm not a pansy, the problem is his wife, the wife of the man who I gotta get out, cause I'm fixing on boinking her, I'm gonna boink her in the film, and in real life, on the stairs, in a box, I don't care, cause I'm not a pansy, and if it causes problems, I'll knock over some people's legs and kick them in the jacket and deliberately bruise their apples, and I'm gonna, I'm gonna kick them in the jacket!
OK, Adam is going to stay in a regressed state until we get a correct answer.
The prize is the Flash Gordon box set, all tickets to see the League of Gentlemen, the numbers 0-8-7-1-triple-two-one-o-four-nine.
We'll be right back.
Call now!
Welcome back to celebrity regression.
Adam is regressed into the mind of a film star, but Xanthi hasn't come back from the phone room yet.
Come on, Xanthi.
There she is.
OK, and we'll find out who we've got on the line.
Who do we have on the line, Xanthi?
You can tell us using words.
Chad.
Hello, Chad.
Speak to us, Chad.
Hello!
Hey, how you doing?
Good, how are you guys?
We're very good, so keep your voice nice and low, Chad, because Adam is in a regressed state.
If you frighten him in any way, you could damage his brain violently.
Hello, Chad.
Hello.
Hello, well done.
OK, Chad, who do you think it is?
I think it might be Russell Crowe.
Rattle crow.
Let's see if Adam responds.
Russell Crowe.
Yes, that's cool!
How on earth did you work that out, Chad?
That was pretty difficult.
The voice threw me.
Yeah, that was a little, you know, I threw that in just to... That kind of Brooklyn version of Russell Crowe.
I gotta punch you in the jacket!
Well, yeah, I told you it was easy I was gonna do I was gonna do the guy from shine that plays David health gots dad But if anyone can tell me his name while they can because they can look it up.
Well, hang on Let's get let's get the crow dealt with first I know but I was just saying that's why it was so easy because I thought well easy or really obscure and I Just went for easy.
So how did you how did you deduce that Chad?
Oh
Well, I've seen Master and Commander and Proof of Life and Cinderella Man, so... What's Cinderella Man?
Now, hang on.
No, Cinderella Man wasn't there.
I was the middle one.
I thought that was Cinderella Man.
No, that was Beautiful Mind.
Cinderella Man's the boxing movie.
There was such a massive flop in the States.
They had to offer people their money back if they didn't like it.
Well, that's fair.
Is that really true?
And most people claim their money back.
Yeah, that is true.
That's desperate.
Wow.
Well done.
And so what's your choice of prize, Chad?
I'll go with the Flash Gordon box fill I think.
Good choice, that's in a limited edition steel pack so if some kind of space mongo does invade, it'll be protected.
I think, isn't space mongo a racist term?
No, because there's a race of people in Flash Gordon called the mongos.
Oh yeah, they're from mongo aren't they?
So I'm alright, I'm justified.
Mean it's from mongo.
Mean the mongolas.
so listen jack congratulations thank you very much indeed for phoning in thank you and enjoy your prize it's a wonderful film and of course the other film that chad didn't actually get even though we gave him the prize anyway was proof of life or the rescue man as i like to call it it's a really quite boring film that one the rescue man with meg ryan doing a really weird serious performance
Anyway, there you go.
That was an easy celebrity regression.
Next time I'll make it a little bit harder.
But let's play some... Actually, no, we should play some adverts now.
More adverts.
We've got to pay the way.
And then we'll be back very shortly.
This is Adam and Jo.
you
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Wow.
I love that.
That was good, wasn't it?
That's... Jenny was a friend of mine by the Killers.
But almost better than that song was the ad break that went before it.
Well, ad breaks are just a phantasmagoria on this station.
There were so many things to talk about that we're probably not allowed to.
Because they're adverts.
But, um... Well, don't talk about the adverts themselves.
No, I know.
OK.
Well, the one about the Robbie Williams interview... I don't secretly love Robbie.
No.
Is that what it said?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's the scenario is you're going into a shop and you're buying the observer because you're ashamed.
But you're ashamed.
It's as if you're buying a dirty mag.
And the guy behind the counter goes, Oi!
This bloke's buying the observer for the Robbie Williams interview!
And the voice over goes, Come on, admit it.
You love Robbie.
I don't, I don't.
No, I'm not going to admit that either.
I don't want to listen to XFM, do they?
Do XFM listeners have a secret repressed desire for Robbie?
He doesn't need that kind of advertising.
He's got a huge loyal fan base of slightly stupid people.
Yeah.
And no one else is secretly harbouring a yearning for Robbie at all.
Have you seen the new Will Young video?
No, I haven't.
It's a Top Gun parody.
It's quite good.
With Young as the Tom Cruise figure?
Yeah, that's the only bit that doesn't really work.
He doesn't really look like Cruise.
No.
He looks like Tom Cruise if you cut Tom Cruise's head off and replaced it with a wellie.
But Tom Cruise probably sings a bit better.
That's very rude, isn't it?
It's probably absolutely lovely, William.
OK, but the thing I did want to talk about, which also featured in the commercial break, was The X Factor.
They had a good little trailer for The X Factor, obviously very exciting.
But I don't know whether anybody who listens to our show watches The X Factor.
personally for me it's over it was over at the end of last saturday because it's they finished the auditions which is the interesting bit and they've moved on to the live shows which are tedious they're like old school variety shows no one actually wants to hear these people sing a full song we just want to see them either very happy or very sad and the interesting thing about the x factor i don't know whether you agree anyone listening or adam is that they've managed to get they're doing this american thing where it's all about teasing you to keep you watching yeah so they've got a few they know that the best bit is when the hearts are broken
You know when the people are either their dreams are made or shattered Yeah, so they delay that bit till the very very last segment of not one one-hour show, but two one-hour shows Yeah, there's one from like seven to eight then there's one from Nine till ten or something.
I don't know.
There's two one-hour shows.
You never watch it.
Do you Adam not really baffled?
Okay, but this is how a segment of The X Factor works at the beginning of the show they tell you what's still to come and that lasts a minute and
OK, how long is an ITV segment between breaks?
Is it 11 minutes?
Er, if that.
It's about 11 minutes maximum, so they've got four 11 minute segments to play with.
So segment one, still to come, is a minute, OK?
Then there's a catch-up package to remind you, if you haven't seen the previous segment, that's a minute.
So that's the first two minutes.
And they always put Carmen, what's it called?
That song that Michael Jackson uses, and Carmen Bavura, what's it called?
Thank you very much, Santi.
Sorry, that's my limited knowledge of opera.
It's always got that on it.
Then they have a clip of each person who's gonna sing, singing, so you're reminded what their singing sounds like.
That's two minutes.
We're into four minutes.
There's only six minutes left of the segment.
Yeah, and then Kate Thornton turns up.
We haven't even factored in Thornton, because then there's an interview clip of each person.
They interview them about whatever is about to happen.
Does that make any sense?
Yeah.
So they go, oh, I feel really nervous about the big thing thong in front of
Um, Nasty Nigel.
No, it's not him anymore.
Um, that lasts two minutes, cos they do all the contestants.
So what are we up to there?
For six minutes.
We've only got five minutes left.
Then there's about four minutes of actual programme.
Because after that there's two minutes of coming up after the break.
So my point is they've managed to get the actual content.
It's like mini Pringles.
much- so much packaging.
You know, the packaging to actual content ratio is so out of whack.
And with the X Factor, that is the most heinous example of that phenomenon.
I think there's only about four minutes of actual good telly in the X Factor.
Steve of nutritional telly.
Ricky Yeah.
Of nutritional content.
Steve Well, that doesn't surprise me.
That's why I don't watch it.
Why do you watch it in a minute?
Ricky But, I tell you why I watch it, because going by that equation, the final segment of the final show last week was amazing.
Steve Yeah.
Ricky It was twelve people, two of them children,
whose entire hopes and dreams for their whole lives were smashed rapidly in succession in about a four minute segment.
Bang!
There was a tiny little spotty blonde boy with glasses who could hardly speak without crying.
whose dreams were shattered.
And they put a camera crew with this kid's family, wait for him to come back from wherever the hideous training session is in Sharon Osbourne's house in LA, or wherever, and then film it as he comes in and announces to his parents that he hasn't made it.
The poor boy couldn't even speak, he just ran into his mother's arms.
What I want to know is what happens when the camera crew leave.
So they're filming, it's alright, it's alright, you're better than that, you'll still make it, try again next year.
Camera crew's standing there slightly shamefacedly filming it and going, right.
Thanks very much.
Thanks a lot.
Bye.
Cheer up.
It'll never happen.
Have you tried macrame?
but maybe they don't say that.
Well, man, that's the end of my speech.
That sounds really sad.
Here's something to cheer you up.
This is a song by Pavement, and taking us into our second hour here on XFM.
That's Pavement with Major Leagues.
This is Ed and Joe on XFM.
We'll be back for our second hour very shortly, so stay with us.
XFM one two one two two
them.
That would make a great theme tune for a new Channel 4 property show.
That's a good idea.
Let's raise a light with Kirby's House.
Yep, Kirby's House.
Maybe a Saturday morning kids show.
Yeah, mate.
That was like being in church.
I don't know why I'm talking in an Australian accent.
I like it.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM.
It's time for our text competition.
The text number is 83XFM and we've got tickets to see the League of Gentlemen live.
This is their sort of panto, isn't it?
Yeah, they're kind of Christmas panto.
The League of Gentlemen are behind you.
Yeah.
So I think it's probably got quite a lot of raucous audience interaction.
Absolutely.
I'm looking forward to seeing it.
I think we're going to go to a party.
Are we?
Yeah.
But what about the League of Gentlemen show?
I don't know.
I'm just saying I'm excited about the party.
Changing the subject.
No, no, no.
I think there might be a League of Gentlemen party and we might get invited.
Wow.
That's exciting.
Yeah.
So if you want to win those tickets, um, you've just got to, uh, answer our text competition.
So listen, this is sort of inspired by, uh, a show called Brush With Fame, which I saw on BBC One this week.
It was on yesterday afternoon.
And, uh, it's hosted by Carol Thmaily.
It's a good title, isn't it?
Brush With Fame.
Is it paying with the word brush?
Yeah.
So can you guess where it is?
Yeah.
Well presumably it's non-painter- or is it amateur painters?
Yeah.
Er, competing... I don't know, what is it?
This is the latest in a long line of increasingly desperate BBC rip-offs of pop idol style elimination shows.
Do you know what my second, sorry, favourite phrase apart from brush with fame is?
What?
Pizza the action.
Pizza the action?
Yeah.
I'd like a show called pizza the action.
Well there's a pizza company called pizza the action, isn't there?
Is there?
It's a similar kind of phrase.
Yeah.
Anyway, Brush With Fame.
Like, for example, Political Idol?
Did I imagine that?
Or was that a real show?
I think that was a Channel 4 show, wasn't it?
Right.
OK, so not a BBC one.
Anyway, this show, Brush With Fame, basically is attempting to find just a competent portrait painter, really.
Not anyone particularly spectacular, because after all, if you were a really good painter,
Why would you be on that show?
You'd be just busy being an artist, wouldn't you?
Anyway, if they're sufficiently okay, they can win 10,000 quid and they get an exclusive publishing deal, whatever that is.
And it just seemed like a baffling show.
And you've got all these people in the room painting self-portraits for the first round.
And then you've got a couple of art, so-called art experts.
We don't know what they've done or how they're qualified to comment about art in any way whatsoever.
And they wander around the room and they,
They disagree about what they think of the art in a hilarious Simon Cowell versus Louis Walsh type way.
But the level of the banter is really not very high.
I can't even, I haven't even got any down here.
The only banter I've got is between one of the art critics and one of the people, one of the artists that he's talking to.
And this is the kind of whole level of the show.
So he's saying, you've made the eyes very watery, like
like eyes he says he didn't say that yeah he made the eyes very watery like like eyes that's a good metaphor is that a metaphor or a simile i don't know it's saying i don't know what that is it's a new type of grammar and the woman says well i always think that once you've got the eyes right the rest just falls into place and the art critic goes yeah well they say that the eyes are the window to the soul
Ricky and Steve laugh Ricky and Steve laugh
rest of it.
Easy.
It made me think though that there's a lot more types of shows like this.
Elimination shows that the BBC will almost certainly be making.
Rolf Harris is a great artist though, isn't he?
Or other broadcasters.
Yes, absolutely.
What are you talking about Rolf for?
I'm just talking about the BBC's concept, you know, idea of art.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Which, as illustrated by this program and as illustrated by Rolf being now King of Art.
Well, it's sort of anti-snobbery, isn't it?
But it's gone a bit too far the other way.
Yeah.
Anyway, what I would like to do is a very long-winded way of saying that we'd like people to text in what they think the next type of elimination show will be on not just the BBC, but any channel.
ideas.
OK, I came up with Top Docs.
Now this is a quest to find a bright young surgeon of tomorrow, and the winner, so you have like surgery, surgery, good ideas, and you get, because people like watching surgery.
Yeah, so if you mess up the surgery,
And you're out.
There's a lot at stake, yeah.
If people are disfigured or if they die, then you're out.
You don't go through to the next round.
And they get awarded, you know, paid tuition at medical school.
That would be good because you'd follow the emotional story of the person who has operated on as well.
That's right.
Could they operate on each other?
on each other.
this is a search for a sparky, attractive, yet committed aid worker.
Er, you know, cos you want someone sexy who's gonna- but who's also sensitive.
Like a UN ambassador sort of thing.
Like Jerry Halliwell.
Exactly.
And the winner of Make Me an Aid Worker gets a year's worth of free medical supplies and a guaranteed job at the next site of- of any major environmental disaster.
That's good.
And what do they have to do at the audition?
They stand on their necks and just empathise.
yeah you'd you'd give them some bad some malnourished children to empathize with but they'd have to do it in a sort of sexy telegenic way i'm so sorry what a pity you wouldn't be going through to the next round no how about this yeah no it's it's and it's essential that aids
What?
No, I'm not missing that joke.
Keep talking.
No, no, no, bad, bad.
Anyway, so text in now, okay?
83XFM.
No, yeah, that's right, isn't it?
83XFM, and we want to hear your suggestions for more... For the latest big elimination show.
Big elimination shows.
We should play some music.
We've been going on for ages.
Here are the Ramones.
Come on.
That's the Ramones with beat on the brat.
This is Adam and Joe here at XFM.
It's such a beautiful day today, you know, I'm slightly surprised anyone's listening.
Well... It's such a lovely day.
But people are, and we're being flooded with ideas for new reality shows.
Do you want to hear some of them, Adam?
Yeah, these are sort of not just reality but elimination shows, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
OK.
Here is one.
Cheeses of Nazareth.
What's that?
Where people model religious figures from dairy products.
That's more sort of a pun that that person has sort of, um...
just sort of turned into an answer to the, er, to the text competition.
OK, OK, OK.
Maybe we just haven't got any that are good enough to read out.
Jesus of Nazareth?
Yeah.
That was the best one.
What are you thinking about?
Who wrote that one?
Er, hang on.
Where's he gone?
James.
In Rochester.
Well done, James.
That's a very obscure elimination show.
Yeah.
It really is.
All you've got to work with is the title there.
I don't really think people will go back to the cheeses.
that's a real show.
They made that already.
You know what?
I'm not sure we've got any that are suitable to be read out.
Are they all disgusting?
They're all either disgusting or not very good.
Well, that's what we're like, Joe, you see.
That's a reflection of us.
What do you mean?
Disgusting and not very good.
Oh, no.
Well, remember, there are tickets to see the League of Gentlemen at stake here.
Yeah, come on, get it together.
We'll play some more music and give you some more time to text us, 83XFM.
And we want to hear some of your ideas for what you think the future of the elimination show is, the pop idol style elimination show.
So think about like what people are actually doing, not just the title, although the title is important, of course.
And we'll be back after this one from feeder.
This is called Shatter.
AHHHH!
That's the Beatles needed with Hey Bulldog.
I shouldn't really have played that after the break.
I should have played Superglass with Low C, but I'm going to play that very shortly.
So you join us in the middle of our text competition.
We got tickets to give away to the League of Gentlemen.
Behind you, their great new panto show sort of thing that's touring the country this winter.
And we've had some terrific responses to our proposal for what the next big reality show will be.
Erm, I could read out some of the text, but why don't we go straight to our two favourites.
Yes.
Cos we've got them on the line.
Who have we got first?
Natalie, you there?
Yeah, hi.
Natalie, thanks for speaking to us.
Hello.
Now, er, are you a fan of these, this kind of programme?
No, I think they're terrible.
Which ones do you watch?
Erm, none of them as I can help it.
Really?
Not even The X Factor?
I'm watching The X Factor, but it's got a bit boring now.
It has, hasn't it?
Yeah.
Did you see it last week?
Oh, so you missed the, er, the misery fest, the people's eyes being ruined.
Well, when I went home on the plane, I did see it, yep, and yeah, no, I did see it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
OK.
So what, so what's your idea, Natalie?
Erm, I thought there should be one called Top Tramps, where, erm, you had, erm, a selection of homeless people who had to go and basically earn the most money, and obviously tried to not, you know, get beaten up.
or giant fruit at night or anything like that.
Natalie, you're sick.
You're sick.
I think Channel 4 are working on that for their new Friday Night lineup.
Top Tramps.
Like Top Trumps, but with tramps.
Absolutely.
Would you play the tramps off each other?
I hadn't thought of it, but yeah, it's probably a good idea.
Because that's what Top Trumps was, wasn't it?
You sort of break down their stats.
Yeah.
You know, what stats would you have on Top Tramps?
I don't know.
Alcohol content.
Yes.
Stink.
That sort of thing.
That's a good idea.
Adam, what do you reckon on that?
You set the competition.
That's good.
I mean, you know, as a piece of satire as well, it's good.
It's all about satire.
It's all about the satire.
No, I like that one, Natalie.
And as I say, I'm pretty sure that if you went to Channel 4 with that, you'd get a commission.
So, you know, it might be worth thinking about.
But that's definitely up there.
I think we're going to have to give you some tickets to the League of Gentlemen.
Are you a League fan?
I absolutely am, yeah.
Steve Oh, brilliant.
Well, this is apparently an amazing show, so I hope you have a good time.
And thanks so much for calling in.
Thanks for listening, Natalie.
Hey, we called her.
Let's not lie about it.
We've got someone else on the line.
We've got, um, thanks, Natalie.
We've got Lewis.
Hello, Lewis.
Lewis Hello there.
Steve How you doing?
Lewis I'm very well, mate.
How are you?
Steve Very well.
Thanks for talking to us.
You've got a really good idea.
This is my personal favourite.
Tell us your idea.
It's called flight school.
You get wannabe pilots, give them a plane, say off you go, and if they make it to Australia- Is that the catchphrase, off you go?
That's a good idea.
Off you go.
And they- hang on let them finish.
So if they get there then they win and they get a good job with BA or whoever.
And if not then they die or they end up on an island.
So there's just one round?
Yeah, basically, yeah.
It's a one-off and, and how many contestants, how many planes?
I don't know, about, about 20.
20 planes.
Well, you should do it so that they, there's various stages, there's various points they have to get to.
Well, they could start with a hang glider.
Well, no, because you want to, I mean, you, you want to see the big planes crash.
Yeah, because you, you come and you say, well, we're at Singapore and, uh, six planes have made it.
Yeah, yeah.
So are these, are these planes, what, what sort of planes, Louis, are you imagining?
Well, I was imagining a big jump.
Like the one in Flight Plan.
With, like, massive, like, the Titanic plane.
Two stories.
One of those new Airbus ones.
What's Flight Plan, a video game?
Flight Plan's, no, it's a Jodie Foster film.
Oh, OK.
Where she's on this ridiculously huge plane.
You know what I'm talking about, don't you, Lewis?
No, I have no idea.
Lewis, I think that's a good idea.
I mean, I think we might have some... One last question for Lewis.
Are these planes empty?
Why are they full?
You could stick them with Simon Cowell and, you know...
unpopular celebrities.
That's a good idea.
And glitter.
Gary Glitter.
No Phil, not Gary.
Just Phil and Phil of actual glitter.
I saw when they crash it's pretty.
Yes.
What do you think?
stuff full of glitter.
They should do that anyway with planes.
Even if they crash with a lot of people, at least it's pretty.
This is not good to say.
It was an appalling tragedy, but it looked lovely.
That's awful, you can't say that.
It's not like there's no spirit in the laughter anymore.
This is not funny.
Louis, thanks very much.
You're going to win tickets to see the League of Gentlemen as well, will you go?
Yes, I will go, yeah.
Cool.
Well, I hope you enjoy it.
I'm sure you will, for letting us call you.
Yeah, thanks a lot, Lewis, and thank you very much indeed, Natalie.
I feel as if we should make some kind of disclaimer after some of the things we've said, but probably best ignore it.
Here's Supercross.
Very nice.
That's Supergrass with Low C. This is Adam and Joe on XFM.
We'll be back very shortly with Ditties in the Dark, so stick with us.
This is XFM.
that's good i like that that's good well done that's the gorillas well done well done gorillas that's dare by gorillas you may go outside and play with shawn rider i think i heard him on there uh right should we do yeah yeah come on let's get going
OK, it's Diddy's in the dock if you haven't heard the show before.
It's when you, the listeners, get the chance to vote for the song that we play the show out with.
Each week it's themed.
This week, the theme is bad rap.
Bad rap.
Shall I start?
Yeah, why don't you start?
OK, we'll make this quick.
Come on over to explain the rules to new listeners.
Yeah.
So you choose one of the songs.
Adam and me are going to pitch a song.
You guys have to select which one we play the show out with.
You call 0 8 7 1 triple 2 1 0 4 9.
Everybody who gets through to vote wins a copy of the Chronicles of Riddick on DVD.
Wow.
The director's cut.
So even longer than the thing in the cinema that got such great reviews.
It's supposed to be amazing.
It's supposed to be like a film with people in it and there's talking and you know.
It's fantastic.
Yeah it's exciting.
And it's terrific and it's out in the shops now so if you don't get through and win it go and buy one because you won't be disappointed depending on what your expectations are.
So bad rap, Adam, what are you proposing?
I'm going for a track from the glory days of the early 90s, the early 90s dance boom, and it's a track from Wii 3, O-U-I 3, and it's called Break from the Old Routine.
Don't know if our listeners remember that track, but it's not bad, exactly.
I mean, it's a bit rubbish, but the rapping in it is just odd rather than terrible.
And I liked it because it had the rhyme, I'm disinclined to sit and watch the dust settle, turn up the heat a little, get like papa catapetal.
And any rapping that goes and names some volcanoes is good as far as I'm concerned.
That's all I'm going to say, basically.
A little blast from the sort of hinterland, the weird lost years of early dance music, which I think will probably resist revival.
So we're not saying either of these are good records.
In fact, they're actively awful records.
I don't know about awful.
I mean, my one is quite listenable, but it's... But the category's bad rap!
Well, it is bad.
It fits into that category.
So, what would people vote for?
We three.
Break From The Old Routine.
OK, so if you want to hear Break From The Old Routine, you call 0871221 049.
Or, my choice is Kenny Everett with the snot rap.
And if you're a fan of the Goldilocking Chain, or one of these modern satirical hip-hop bands, this is basically where they got their ideas from.
It was released in 1984.
If you're a younger listener, Kenny Everett was a TV comedian who specialised in media parody.
He had a TV series that ran from the early 80s till about 88, I think.
He was a visionary genius!
He was a visionary genius.
He was a very famous and successful funny DJ and had a brilliant TV show with all sorts of stupid characters like Gizzard Puke and Reg Prescott, a DIY man that used to just accidentally sever his limbs off and stuff.
That's right, I forgot that.
Cupid, this character with, well it was man in drag, big beard, big boobs and sexy legs, used to say it's all in the best possible taste!
And this is Kenny's big single from 1984.
It's called Snot Rap.
It's got the most, I mean, it's dreadful.
It's when people are just trying to come to terms with what rap is.
One of the lyrics is, I thought a rap was something you wear.
You know, round your shoulders and the rest is bare.
Okay?
That's just a glimpse.
And also rhymes the word circumcision with the word Eurovision.
So if you want to hear Kenny Everett's Snot Rap, call 0 8 7 1 triple 2 1 0 4 9.
And remember everybody who gets on air wins a copy of the Chronicles of Ridiculous.
Call now.
there you go that's the doors with break on through this is adam and joe here on xfm and it's time for dissing the dog isn't it just before we go back to dissing the dog yeah i don't know if you noticed there joe but they've changed that on the reissued version of that doors album the first doors album they've restored the lyrics that were originally taken off taken off break on through which were it was supposed to say uh
He goes, she get, she get, she get high at the end.
He wasn't supposed to say hi.
Right, and they took that off because it's a naughty drug reference.
It's a naughty drug reference.
And they put it back.
So now he goes, she get high, she get- And I think it was better before, anyway.
Wow, that's another conversation, isn't it?
That's a different conversation.
It's time for Diddys in the Dock.
And it's time for the verdict.
We've got five callers on the line.
Each of them are going to be the lucky recipients of a copy of the Chronicles of Ridiculous, Vin Diesel's epic sci-fi masterpiece of bald men.
So, you know, good news for everybody.
Nicely sold.
Thanks a lot.
The first person is Carly?
Carl?
Khalil.
Hello, Khalil.
How you doing?
You are wicked?
Why?
How do you know you're wicked?
You've got little horns.
Perfect answer.
How do you spell your name?
Is that the name of Superman?
No, that's Kal-El.
Right, Kal-El?
Like, when he's in- Like, when he's in- Like, when he's in- Like, when he's in- Like, when he's in- Like, when he's in- Like, when he's in- Like, when he's in- Like, when he's in- Like, when he's in- Like, when he's in- Like, when he's in-
The bogey rap?
It's the snot rap.
Whatever.
The snot rap.
Very good choice.
Thank you very much, Khalil.
You win a copy of the Chronicles of Ridiculous.
Thank you very much.
And thanks a lot for calling.
Very good vote.
One nil to Cornish.
Thanks for calling.
It's Joel on the next one.
Hello, Joel.
Yeah, hey, man.
How you doing?
Yeah, what's up?
What's up?
We've got lots of, like, young kids listening today.
It's like street sounds.
Wow!
Yeah, the bright young things are out in force, you know?
Well, good for you.
And what are you going to be voting for, Joel?
Oh, I'll vote for Wii 3, because it actually sounds really crap when I hear it.
Do you remember it at all?
I don't actually know.
You've got to admit we hit a spot of bad form.
We used to be hot, but now it's getting kind of lukewarm.
Wouldn't you agree we need to change the scenery?
Instead of going through the motions like machinery.
It's like that.
So good vote, Joel.
Thanks very much for that.
What?
Later.
What?
Later.
Kick it.
Joel said later.
He said later.
Hillel said wicked.
You know what?
Joel said later.
I know.
He didn't say later.
He said later.
Later.
I bet both of those guys have got hooded tops, you know.
You know what this is?
It's the Riddick.
It's the power of Riddick.
The kids love Riddick.
Kate, are you there?
yes i am hello how you doing i'm quite hungover but i'm you sound sexy you do sound sexy very sexy kate say something don't say something rude but say something oh i smoked far too many cigarettes oh sexy i love a woman that smokes a lot the massive amount of siggies oh stop smoking yeah so what are you voting for sexy kate i'm gonna go with kenny everett i think kenny are you old enough to remember kenny i am i am but i've never heard
Well done I tell you what spark if we win spark up 20 at once Are you excited about winning Riddick I am actually you know, I figured that that's really what motivated me to call.
Yeah Yeah, you think Vin Diesel's quite sexy don't you I you know, I've never seen a Vin Diesel film really keen to see that
He's a nanny.
The one I want to see.
The one where he's a what?
A nanny.
Oh, a nanny.
He's a hardcore nanny with guns and stuff.
Well, good luck to you, Kate.
With your Siggy's and your Vin Diesel films.
It's going to be a great weekend.
Thanks for calling, Kate, you sexy, sexy-sounding woman.
So that's 2-1 to Cornish with snot rap.
Greg.
Greg, are you on the line?
Old Greg.
Yeah, yeah, I'm here.
How are you, Greg?
I'm, uh, I'm cool.
You sound more intelligent and sophisticated than the previous callers.
Maybe older.
Older American?
Canadian.
I thought he was Canadian.
That's why he sounds intelligent.
They're all intelligent in Canada.
What do you do for a living, Greg?
I'm kind of unemployed, basically.
Oh, that doesn't sound right.
Well, but like when you don't have to work, it gets you unemployed.
Oh, you don't have to work.
You mean you're independently wealthy.
We could make a lot of allusions for that, but I think that in the spirit of John Keel's review,
We should also tribute one of the great entertainers.
What?
Kenny Edwards.
Yeah.
Oh, Kenny, well done.
Absolutely.
See, he was getting there.
Greg, I sort of want to learn the secret of Greg.
What is the secret of old Greg?
Greg might just be like a mogul or some kind of amazingly famous guy.
Anyway, Greg, thanks a lot for calling in.
We appreciate you listening.
Now, so how are we doing?
Don't mess with Greg.
Have I lost yet?
Uh, have you?
I don't know.
That's 3-1.
Isn't that 3-1 to Cornish?
You won!
I didn't realise that.
So what about Tristan?
I was so interested in Greg, and so... Let's hear Tristan's vote.
Hello, Tristan.
Hi, Adam.
You all right, Jerry?
I'm very well.
Hey, thanks for calling us by name, Tristan.
Oh, that's all right, mate.
That's all right.
So look, you've been completely castrated.
Your vote is moot.
Well, it doesn't make a difference, because in the worst possible taste, I'm gonna go with Kenny Ambrick.
Tristan, that's disturbing.
That's a good impression.
That is good.
Have you got a helium balloon beside you?
No, no, no.
I just crushed myself and walked out of myself.
Wow.
That often happens to me.
I wish I was there with you.
Why?
Because I could help him.
Scoop is nuts.
Oh, stop it.
OK.
Well done, Tristan.
Thanks a lot for calling, Tristan.
Thanks a lot to all our callers.
Can we not hear a little bit of us three, a little bit of the rap?
You haven't got it lined up, have you?
I have, but it's got kind of a long intro.
Do you remember it?
Can we fast forward it?
This is the losing record, listeners.
We're just giving it an airing to see what we're missing.
It sounds uplifting.
It's a good beginning.
It sounds like MP4.
Doesn't it?
It's from the same sort of era as MP4.
This is what all music was like in the early 90s.
It sounds like Labour Party conference music.
You see, technically it is bad rap, but it's quite a good song.
I like it when rap is like that.
see there you go turn up the heat and get a bit of papa catapetal turn up the heat a little get like papa catapetal Wow that's the key line so I'm glad I got to play that okay well Kenny Everett it is and we should say goodbye we say goodbye and yeah get you ready for JLC Justin Lee Collins in the house I think the big Harry conflake I've seen him wandering around he's gonna come with you very shortly and hey thanks for listening listeners yeah it's been quite a verbose
a wordy show.
But we hope you've enjoyed it and we'll be back next week.
And maybe we'll work a bit harder next week.
We'll work a bit harder, we'll make the links a bit shorter, all that kind of things.
More music, less talk.
So, here's Kenny.
See you next week, thanks for listening.
Flamin' out, it's all in rhythm, it's all in rhyme You wonder what I'm talkin' about half the time, it's a rap It's all over fireballs, it don't make sense It's all off the wall of the local gens You can listen if you want, I couldn't care less The whole thing's just all a musical mess, it's a rap
I thought I'd wrap with something you wear You know around your shoulders and the rest is bare But I love records of big hits Suddenly get your hand off my tail Shut up, fatso!
It's a wrap!
Listen, Slaggy, if you're doing it wrong, you've got to stay on the beat to do this song.
Oh, Sid, you know I'd love to do it.
I'll leave it out.
There's nothing to it.
It's a wreck!
What do you think this record's going for?
It's going round, Dobby.
It's funny.
I used to go round with Bert Reynolds.
Shut up, dog breath.
You know what I mean about things you've done or think you've seen?
Well, I've seen things big and small, but let's not get into that at all!
It's a wrap!
Look, you just might get up, it should go along, so nobody knows if you're doing it wrong, and you can chuck in a word like circumcision, cause we ain't going in for your efficient, it's a wrap!
It tastes like the best possible taste It's all done with taste and the best possible taste Well, Cindy, what do you think of my new record?
Your record?
It's my record!
No, it isn't, it's mine!
I'm the star out here!
I mean, look at the makeup of my hair!
And the pink!
And these!
What do you think these are, chopped liver?
They're so tall, right?
Let's get something to try between those two!
We'll go back to my place.
I've got some light, sweet music, and we can watch a video of my latest movie.
Oh yeah, what's it called?
The town death of the recording studio?
Oh, see, you're only jealous.
By the way, do you think we'll get on top of the tops?
Why not?
You've been on top of everything else.
Oh, sick!