You and I tonight
Yeah, that's hard fi.
We're living for the weekend, kicking off the Adam and Joe radio spots show here on XFM this Saturday afternoon.
How you doing, Joe?
I'm fine, thanks, Adam, and hello, listeners.
Thanks for joining us.
We're here with you for the next two hours until three o'clock, and we've got some great music from bands such as Oasis, The Foo Fighters, Green Day, Supergrass, Block Party coming up in just this hour.
We're going to have a competition crap commentary corner.
We've got Pretty Woman special editions to give away.
Wow, what's special about it?
I don't know, they come with a free prostitute.
A free lady!
Fantastic.
No, they don't.
Of course, you can call 08712221049 if you want to enter any of our competitions and text us at any point on 83XFM.
We've got competitions galore this week, don't we?
Yeah, we're gonna have, are we gonna have four competitions?
No, we can't have four, that's insanity.
We're gonna have ditties in the dock.
Yeah?
Yeah, well, yeah, if we think of something.
If we think of something.
We're going to have crap commentary competition coming up pretty soon.
We're going to have bad accent.
Has that got a title, that competition?
Bad accent competition?
Bad accent box?
Don't know.
Bad accent box?
We're going to open the bad accent box.
Brilliant.
See if you can guess who's doing the bad accent.
Yeah because a few weeks ago I asked if anyone knew the Frasier episode where Daphne's old boyfriend Clive turns up and someone very kindly texted in and told me exactly which one so I went out and bought it.
Obviously that's not the accent that I'm going to be using this week but I do want you to, I do want to play
But that's reignited your passion for bad accent.
Yeah, yeah.
I want to play Clive because I've forgotten how bad it was, the accent in Frasier.
It's unbelievable.
So I'll play that a bit later on before we play the bad accent competition.
And I want to talk to you about your XFM party.
Yep, I went to the XFM big night out last Sunday night.
The big night out?
Yeah, extraordinary.
Brixton Academy?
Yeah.
Is that the first time you've been out to a young person's shindig for about six years?
No.
Wow.
really yeah i'm just jealous because i don't go out to those things anymore so i want to hear all about it anyway let's play some more music this is the dead 60s
Yeah, come on.
That's the Dead Sixties with Riot on the radio.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM.
So, man, tell me about your party.
It wasn't my party.
I just happened to go to the XFM Big Night Out last Saturday night.
And Adam and me don't usually do that sort of thing, do we, Adam?
Because we're only here one day a week.
We don't usually hear about these things, but it was at the academy.
Yeah.
Right round the corner from my house.
So I went, and it was amazing.
Have you seen The Matrix?
The Matrix?
Yeah.
With Keanu Reeves.
The Matrix.
Yeah, he gets sucked into a kind of a computer world.
But you know Zion?
Yes.
Do you know they were always having a big party in Zion?
Yeah.
That's what it was like.
Really, with people with dreadlocks and stuff?
No one with dreadlocks.
But everybody, basically it was rammed.
There were thousands of people there, there was no room to move.
And to me, that's exciting.
Wow, that's terrifying to me.
Yeah, it was slightly terrifying in terms of health and safety.
But were you enjoying being pushed up against the young ladies?
Yes, yes.
There was a very, very narrow corridor to get to the bar.
It basically involved rubbing up against about 20 people in a row.
So you just kept on getting everyone drinks the whole night?
It's not true.
That wasn't even going through my head.
That'd be going through your head, Adam.
It wasn't going through mine.
But it was amazing.
Every single area had been turned into a dance floor.
Were you there, Xanthi?
Xanthi, our assistant, was there.
People were dancing everywhere.
All sorts of different styles of music.
Young people are into hip-hop.
all the different musics dog dog bash dog bash uh and it was amazing and the band were amazingly good and uh alexane dj'd and his silly assistant ashley did stupid dancing in his monkey suit he wasn't wearing a monkey suit but he was obviously off his trolley really and dancing in in front of what four five thousand people maybe and loving it i envied him
And it proves that you know how you can be at a rock concert and you can think, man, I wish I was up there.
It's not to do with the talent of the performer.
It's just the fact that he's up there.
Because to me, Ashley was an amazing rock star dancing like that, sweating.
Yeah.
You could have been up there.
They would have had you up there, man.
Well, I wasn't asked, was I?
I tell you, the only thing that was bad about that night was the bar staff.
Rude.
There were about five bars dotted around the academy, and there was one person per bar.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, the crowds... It literally took about 45 minutes to get a thing of beer.
To me, that's silly.
I mean, are they doing that to stop people from getting really drunk?
Or are they doing it because they just want to make a 15th of the profit they could make?
I guess it's a bit of both, really, isn't it?
People couldn't have been any drunker.
Surely they can't take into account the fact that they don't want to get people wasted.
Well, in that case, management of the academy, you are losing a lot of money.
There's got to be an easy way of doing it.
The thing that takes so long is that they decant all the lager, don't they?
They should just hand it out in cans, you're saying.
Well, they've got to figure out some way... People bite cans, whip slash each other and stuff like that.
What about this?
Plastic... It's like feeding monkeys.
Plastic cans for lager.
Insane toddlers.
Is there a reason you can't have that?
A plastic can for lager?
Yeah, like a plastic bottle, basically.
Man, keep that to yourself.
Yeah, they give beer in plastic bottles, don't they?
Yeah, but obviously otherwise Ashley would have been bottled to death within seconds.
Yeah.
For safety reasons.
But yeah, plastic cans.
What's wrong with that?
You know, because that's a part of that's an intrinsic part of the rock and roll experience.
That could be your fortune, man.
The plastic bottle battle.
Well, there you go.
I think the next, I think you should come to the next one, Adam.
I'd love to.
Do we know where there is one?
Do we know who's playing?
Who was playing at the last one?
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club.
Oh, yeah, and they were good, were they?
They were really good.
I don't really understand that sort of music.
I know.
But they sounded very, very good indeed.
They got guitars, I think.
Yeah, they sound a bit like the Jesus and Mary chain to me.
That's correct, they do.
Yeah, with a little bit of what's the guy that does... Oh, that Texan guy.
Oh, man, I'll think about it.
I don't know, but, you know, a little bit of Ry Cooda in there or something.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, they've gone a bit more folky recently, haven't they, the BRMC?
He's the guy that's in all the David Lynch films, you know, with the big quiff.
He does the songs for them.
Yeah, I know the guy you mean.
Chris Isaacs.
Touch of Chris Isaacs.
There you go.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Do you remember the Black Rebel Motorcycle Club?
The guy at the NME Awards a few years ago.
That's one of my favourite bits of TV.
After they'd got some award or other, I think it was the drummer just stood there, wouldn't leave the stage, and he just stared everyone out.
And then Bill Bailey, who was hosting, tried to sort of say, all right, mate, off you go.
And the guy wouldn't leave.
He wouldn't leave.
He just kept on staring, trying to freak everyone's minds.
But everyone was just going, get off, you ludicrous loser.
And he wouldn't he just wouldn't go.
It turned into a sort of art statement.
But he was so afraid and he was shaking with fear that the art statement got slightly blended in with a kind of just frozen terror loser statement.
Yeah, but it was good.
I sort of respected him for it.
Hey, let's do a crap commentary corner next.
Okay.
But before that, rock me Adam Dayles.
Okay, here's an oldie but goodie off the XFM playlist from The Damned.
Ladies and gentlemen, how do...
That's the damned with love song.
That brings back memories of being pushed around by people in winkle pickers with bird's nest hair.
Yeah.
In the good old days.
Okay.
So, uh, oh, it's, I've got to get the jingle.
Phil, man, Phil.
Hi, this is Joe.
I'm fillin.
I like fillin, fill, fill, fill.
I'm not very good at filling am I?
Come on!
Okay, I'm there.
Fill a tiny bit more.
Fill, fill, my name is Joe.
My name is Joe.
I'm fillin.
Fill, fill, fill, fill, fill.
I'm gonna call you Phil from now on.
Competition time.
You could win a DVD or tickets to a show.
You just never know.
So sharpen up your brain and get ready to play.
Wow, that's exciting.
It's time for crap commentary corner or competition.
It changes from week to week.
Corner.
And we're going to play you an excerpt from a commentary from a recently released DVD.
You've got to tell us who is speaking and what film they're commentary-tating on.
It's very, very easy this week.
And in fact, I'd say this week it's a lady competition.
Really?
For ladies.
Because the man who's talking on the DVD is very sexy.
Oh, okay.
So you're saying it'll appeal to ladies?
If it'll appeal to ladies, and the prize will appeal to ladies, because it's the collector's edition, the 15th anniversary.
Can you believe it's 15 years since we were mildly amused by Pretty Woman?
It's the special anniversary edition, which includes special features as the wrap party live event.
What?
The Pretty Woman tour in Los Angeles.
What's that?
What is that?
That's just walking around the streets of LA with a prozzie.
Seeing what business she gets.
That sounds good.
A 1990 production featurette.
That sounds good.
And the song Wild Women Do performed by Natalie Cole.
So there you go.
That's good.
But ladies love that film.
You know we can't talk about this really objectively because it's a film programmed for ladies.
I love it.
I love it too.
Do you?
I kind of love it.
I like the bit where she laughs, where she does her Julia Roberts laugh.
You know when he gets out the necklace and he says look I've got you this and then he snaps it shut just before she's about to take it out and she goes
A big horsey laugh like Keira Knightley.
Women with big horsey laughs do very well in Hollywood.
Anyway, that's the prize.
The phone number is 0 8 7 1 2 2 2 1 0 4 9.
0 8 7 1 2 2 2 1 0 4 9.
If you can tell us who this is, commentating on what film.
Oh, it's amazing.
It was miraculous.
It was a dream come true.
Just great stuff.
Great directing.
Look at that beginning.
Wonderful.
What marvellous titles, what marvellous beginning, what purity.
This is a great sequence.
I love this.
Look at that.
Look at that shot.
Wow.
He likes it.
He really likes it.
He enjoys it.
Shall we have one more?
OK.
08712221049 if you want to win the Pretty Woman anniversary special edition and you can tell us who's talking about what movie.
Yeah, you've got to get it absolutely right because it is easy.
Yeah, it is easy.
OK, here's another one.
That is pure...
simplicity and purity at its best.
Marvelous.
Marvel tremendous.
Wonderful.
And look at that marvelous, simple, impressive rocket.
It's terrific stuff.
Look at this.
Wonderful, wonderful stuff.
Marvellous, simple, impressive rocket.
That's what the ladies say.
God, it is its best.
Who is that?
That's so easy.
That is so easy.
0871221 049.
We'll see what guesses we get in during the next record, if in the unlikely event that no one's getting it, we'll play another clip.
Yeah.
Otherwise, we'll go to the phones.
0871221 049.
Call now!
XFL.
Twisting my stomach into knots Good stuff.
Oh, I'm glad you played that one.
I don't know what that was, because I pressed the wrong button.
It was the sound of settling.
I think it's the sound of settling.
The sound of settling.
Maybe we could give someone a prize if they could tell us who that was.
Text us in if you know what that track was.
It was alright then.
It was brilliant.
I've always wanted to hear a song about the sound of settling.
His stomach is in knots.
All right, so listen, we've got a couple of people on the line now who think they might know who that extremely easy crap commentary was.
Shall we just remind people with a brand new clip?
Absolutely, here goes.
Then I suddenly appear.
The ladies always loved my legs.
I don't know why, they always thought I had sexy legs.
What a shot.
Isn't this great?
Look at this, isn't this marvelous?
Wonderful.
This is a brilliant fight.
The whole film is a masterpiece.
an unambiguous thumbs up from that actor, referring to the movie he's in.
Of course, the movie that he's talking about and his name is a mystery that's going to be solved by our callers.
Absolutely.
There were some really obvious music clues in there as well.
Yeah, there were some big clues.
So who's on the line?
Who have we got, Cynthia?
We've got Fred.
Fred.
Hello, Fred.
Now, Fred, you can't change your mind just because you might have heard extra clues.
Really?
Yeah.
Shoot, OK.
Shoot, were you about to change your mind, Fred?
I wasn't, yeah.
What was your guess that you originally called in with?
I was thinking Patrick Stewart.
Patrick Stewart, right.
Good guess, good guess.
English and fruity.
Which film?
One of the Star Trek films, possibly Star Trek Nemesis, something like that.
Now, what made you think it was Nemesis, specifically?
He mentioned the spaceship.
And there's a space... Yeah, but there are spaceships in Nemesis.
To be honest, I just pulled a Star Trek film from thin air, really.
I just thought generic... I don't think even Patrick Stewart would have anything good to say about Star Trek Nemesis.
I'm afraid that's wrong.
But you've changed your mind, haven't you, since?
Yes.
You can't say it, but do you know who it is?
I-I-I think it may be Brian- Brian L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-
Are you sure?
What about, there's also a copy of Chicago.
Chicago?
Chicago.
It won six Oscars.
Give him, give him Chicago.
As a consolation prize, as a punishment.
As a punishment.
You get Chicago as a punishment.
It's two discs.
Thanks for phoning in though, we really appreciate it.
That was Fred, right?
Thanks Fred.
Who else have we got on the line?
Dominic.
Dominic, how you doing Dom?
Can I call you Dom?
Yeah, no calling me Dom, it's fine.
Can I call you Domski?
You can call me whatever you want.
Can I call you Dominatrix?
I prefer my personal friend to call me that.
The Domster.
So, Dombo, what do you think it was?
I think it was Brian Blessed in Flash Gordon.
Of course it was.
How did you pick that up?
Last time I listened to your show, Joe was going on about how he'd organised a screening of Flash Gordon at the house and he loved Flash Gordon.
It's the sort of thing that I think you'd have watched the documentary on it as well.
I did.
We were giving them away last week, and I nicked one, took it straight home, listened to it.
It's a fantastic commentary.
He's so enthusiastic, Brian Blessed.
You know, I think someone should put him on screen opposite Tom Baker.
Can you imagine?
He sounds kind of subdued, though, in that commentary.
Like he was told to keep his voice down.
Really?
Yeah.
Really?
Well, in that, you know, he wasn't big and brooding.
It was friggin' booming enough.
Anyway, listen.
Domster.
Domski.
Congratulations, that was absolutely correct.
Thanks for phoning in, and Pretty Woman is on its way to your house for a good time.
Pretty Woman's a fantastic movie.
Could you send it to my mum's house instead?
We could do if you want, yeah.
If you give Xanthi your address, then we'll sort that out for you.
Thanks a lot for calling in.
Cheers, Dominic, thanks for listening.
Hey, can we play one more Brian Blessed clip?
Sure, why not.
I love it when people talk about dwarves.
Here's Brian Blessed talking about dwarves.
and all those gorgeous dwarves, wonderful dwarves.
I mean, whatever their names, Tiny and Mike and Sean and Rusty and Richard.
And they were, you know- They can't be called- You know, we knew what?
Tiny and Mike.
Tiny and Mike and Rusty and Richard, marvelous dwarves.
Bingo and Bom Bom.
Wow.
He's great.
He is great.
He's fantastic.
Well, that was very enjoyable.
Let's listen to some more music right now.
Here's the Foo Fighters.
That was the Foo Fighters with Resolve and do you like the way I said that?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Resolve.
Hey, thanks to everybody who's texted in with the name of the song we played accidentally before that.
It was, of course, The Sound of Settling by Death Cab for Cutie.
Obviously Death Cab for Cutie.
And there's going to be a prize going to what was the nice person's name that called in?
Mark Spool.
Thanks, Mark Spool.
Yo with cool.
He's going to get a copy of Pretty Woman as well, is he?
No, no, he can't, because I want to nick that one.
Yeah, you're going to get something.
We're not quite sure what it is.
Paul Weller, how about that?
Yeah, those are for digits in the dog.
Oh, it's all too confusing.
There's so many prices.
One, two, three, four, five.
Yeah, yeah.
So listen, is that CD with Brian Blessed still in the player?
It's on top here.
Pop it in there, because I've had a difficult week, listeners.
I don't want to turn this program into watchdog, but my Sky Plus box broke.
Right.
Oh no, I was trying to, I don't know if people have got Sky Plus, it's this, I do recommend it.
Fantastic box that records any program you want just with the touch of a button.
I recorded Risky Business because I haven't seen that for years.
I thought I want, you know, check out Risky Business again.
So I tried to play it back on Sunday, but it asked me for a parental code.
I thought, come on, I'm a grown man.
I can watch Risky Business if I want.
I tried all sorts of different codes, 1111, stuff like that.
Didn't know what to do, basically.
So I thought, well, I'll call the Sky support line.
This was about noon on a Sunday.
I thought, I'll call the Sky support line.
So I called them up, and I've recorded what you hear when you call the Sky support line on a Sunday.
I think it's track five.
OK.
Can you play?
It's a bit buzzy.
Can you play track five?
Here we go.
Your call should be answered in under 101 minutes.
Thank you.
That's an unusually long wait, wouldn't you say?
101 minutes.
101 minutes?
Yeah.
So I think, well, that's probably just an aberration.
101 minutes to wait for the skybox?
I mean, that's longer than the duration of risky business.
One hour, 41 minutes.
Yeah.
So I call back, and this is what I hear the next time I call back.
If you play track six.
Your call should be answered in undo.
One hundred five minutes.
It's gone up.
Thank you.
It's gone up by four minutes.
You should have got in there while you had the chance.
Something funny's going on there, isn't it?
That's bad.
Has anybody ever had a longer wait on the phone there?
What am I supposed to do for 101 minutes, listening to that music they were playing as well?
That's very low quality service.
Terrible, isn't it?
Well, maybe there was a... Maybe everyone was having the same problem.
Maybe.
Maybe everybody wanted to watch Risky Business.
Everyone was getting locked out of the risk calls.
Well, it's good that there's a parental lockout, because it is saucy.
Yeah, but you know what I'm hoping now?
What?
Someone from Sky's listening.
And I'll get something free.
Send you some free cards.
Yeah.
What are you supposed to do?
Didn't you read your manual?
Surely it's very simple.
No, no.
Well, you know what?
Actually, the problem was very simple.
You just put in the last four digits on the back of your smart card.
Oh.
When did you figure that out, Mr. Smartcard?
You know what I did?
I called the sales line, because they tell you in situations like that, call the line that's designed to sell you things, not the line that's designed to help you after you've bought them, because they're much more keen than people at the selling line.
So I called the sales number and they talked me through it.
I must say, it was pretty ambitious to call a helpline.
When has a helpline ever helped anyone with anything?
You know?
England.
Quite right.
Rip-off Britain.
I don't know what I'm talking about.
OK?
Let's have some more music.
Now, who's this?
I've got to press the right button this time.
Ah, it's Supergrass.
Supergrass.
I'm turning it to my dad.
It's a... With low C. What were you going to say?
Nothing.
Sounds like a pirate.
I am a pirate.
A sexy radio pirate.
That's Supergrass with Low C. This is Adam and Joe on XFM.
We'll be back shortly.
XFM.
Hurrah!
What was that?
That's Block Party.
Hooray, this is Adam and Joe on XFM.
London's 104.9, do we still say that?
It's not really London, is it?
Because it's available all over the country and all over the world.
Is it on digital?
Yeah.
Can you, er, you can't download our shows after the event, can you?
No, you can't, and several people have emailed and texted to complain about that.
Some have emailed and, er, texted to thank us that it's not available.
You know what, I feel as if I should apologise to this girl last week who emailed in to complain about my comments on Brush With Fame, which is this bad elimination show.
You were being very rude about it last week.
I don't know if anyone was listening, Adam was being very rude about Brush With Fame hosted by Carol Simile on ITV.
You got the station wrong, didn't you?
You said it was on the BBC.
And as we left the studio, we got an email that said, I think it called you... What did it say?
It compared your manhood to a pencil.
To a needle.
To start with, a needle, yes.
Needled it.
And then it said that she was on Brush With Fame, and that struggling portrait artists have to take any break they can, and it's wrong of you to condescend to her.
I don't think that was her point exactly it was her point was because I had said I don't know you know I don't think that's why most people pick up a brush is to end up on brush with fame and paint a picture of Paul Baril yeah but anyway she disagreed and she said that you know not all portrait painters are so snobby that they would turn their nose up at it and she was trying to improve her life by appearing on the show
No, I'm not.
I'm explaining her case.
OK.
I'm not taking the mix out of her.
It just feels like you're making it worse.
No, no, I felt genuinely bad that she was upset about it.
I don't think she needed to call me Needle Dick and the other things.
What did you call me?
I don't know.
And it's not true either.
What?
About your dick?
No, it's not true.
It's bigger than a needle.
And it's much bigger.
And I don't think she was right to swear at me in that way in email.
But I am sorry that she was upset.
And if she's listening still, which she probably isn't, but... I'm not sorry.
I saw it.
It's rubbish.
Well the thing is, I was not getting at the people taking part.
They've got every right to.
And I hope it's fun.
But it's not a good show.
I tell you what I thought from watching the show, I thought those painters are better than this show.
I thought it was, you know, they were lowering themselves to paint a picture of Paul Burrell and be judged by Carol Smiley.
And the two art critic guys are rubbish.
Who are they?
they just you know but we're doing it again now she's gonna she's gonna email in again and complain all over again well don't i'm sorry comment about my dick girl in bristol no uh all right what would she say about yours anyway listen uh in the second hour we have log dick you didn't need to anyway um massive knob
Play record you're just being rude.
I know I am I'm sorry.
I'm sorry again.
I apologize again I was going to play some bad accents to To ease us into the world of bad accents because in the second hour we'll have a bad accent competition Okay, but this is this is the one from Frasier Clive Daphne's old boyfriend turns up and it's played.
It's played by a
an act called Scott Atkinson, who is clearly American, doing what he thinks is a British accent.
But I think he's used Mary Poppins as his source material for finding out about the British accent from Dick Van Dyke.
So I'll just play you a few moments to remind you.
Hello.
Look at you, you look wonderful.
Oh, go on.
No, no, I'll meet you.
Very pretty and warm.
Very pretty.
And warm.
Do you want more?
It sounds like mighty boosh, the moon.
Yeah, there you go.
What brings you to Seattle?
My undying love for you.
Oh damn, I meant to lead up to that.
Sorry.
No, it's all right, just a bit.
Abrupt.
No, how are you?
No nice place you have here.
By the way, it is lovely.
Is that the space needle?
It's lovely.
That's how I talk in England.
By the way, it's a lovely day.
It's all going all Stavros now, isn't it?
But that's amazing, isn't it?
So listen, we could turn this into a little competition for Frasier nerds by way of saying thank you to the person that told me exactly where to find that episode.
They will probably be able to complete the punchline for this little bit of dialogue here.
So Clive is saying something and then at the end,
Niles turns up from the kitchen and adds a one-word little punchline to the whole thing.
And if you can tell us what that is, then we'll send you a prize.
But it's just an excuse to play more of Clive and his extraordinary accent.
Here we go.
I remember what you told me five years ago, and I thought my feelings might change.
Five years is a long time, but my feelings for you haven't changed.
I think about you every day, every night, and there comes a time in every man's life when he's got to summon up the courage to look a woman straight in the eye and say,
Well, don't bother guessing if you don't know it, because you won't get it.
But if you are a Frasier nerd, then give us a call.
Or you can text, or you can email, of course.
And tell us what Niles says, the one word that Niles says when he comes out of the kitchen after that.
Shall we play some music and we'll see if anyone gets that?
Yes.
Here are the mighty spoon.
Yep, that's Spoon with a track called Monkey Feelings, which is on their new single, Sister Jack.
And this is Adam and Jo on XFM.
So we've had an underwhelming response to that kind of- To the Big Frasier quiz.
The Big Frasier quiz, which was, what does Niall say at the end of that little bit of dialogue?
We've had a couple of text entries.
Nobody's calling, but we've had some text entries.
Does he say, Harold?
I've no idea what he says, but the guy's clearly been using Steptoe and Son as his sole reference point.
Yeah, that's true.
Hey, speaking of... Is Harold... Oh, Harold as a Steptoe and Son thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You better give us the answer, Adam.
OK, I'll put you out of your misery.
And it comes a time in every man's life when he's got to summon up the courage to look a woman straight in the eye and say, cheese nips?
oh but that's what's his face coming in and interrupting niles niles i said it was niles coming in yeah i wasn't listening yeah yeah cheese nips cheese nips brilliant that's see that's a good little payoff staff for anyway uh so that was by way of getting you into the idea of bad accents we'll have a bad accent a proper bad accent competition for you in the uh second part of the show uh speaking of harold that reminded me that have you seen joe mangle's back in neighbors well it's been a big week for neighbors all the old cast members have been back
Er, yes, since Tuesday, I think.
Who else has been back?
I don't really remember it or watch it, but I've read a lot about it, and listeners probably can tell us who's back, but as many cast members as they can get their hands on.
I think everybody apart from Kylie and Jason.
Right.
Everybody of any significance.
That would be... See, I'd respect Kylie if she did it.
Yeah, I wonder if Craig from Check One Two... What was he called?
Craig McLachlan.
I wonder if he was back.
Yeah.
That would be amazing if he played a special gig, if he came back as a big rock star and played a gig.
That would be really great.
Anyway, let's play some ads and then get into the second hour of our show here on XFM.
Crikey O'Reilly.
Hasn't finished yet.
Hasn't finished yet, shush.
Oh dear.
That sounded like a tummy.
Listen, I've got to say hello to Adam, who's listening in Lithuania.
You've made me very happy.
If you could say hello to all my friends in London for me, I now live in Vilnius, which is the capital of Lithuania, listening to you on the net.
My friends are big XFM fans and they'll all be listening.
If you would like to know what it is like here, the weather is sunny, a little chilly but beautiful, the town is beautiful, lots of old baroque buildings and churches.
That sounds nice, doesn't it?
That's nice.
I wish I was there.
Little message.
Sounds like living in Chichi Chichi Bang Bang Land.
Hello Vilnius.
Yep.
So listen, it's the London Film Festival at the moment.
Very exciting.
I've got a press pass.
Have you?
Yeah.
The ladies out there will be excited by that.
Wow.
Me, Joe Cornish, got a press pass.
I can see anything I want.
Yeah.
So last night I went to see A Cock and Bull Story, starring Steve Coogan, Rob Brydon, David Walliams, everybody basically.
Kevin Donald, she's in it.
Kelly is in it, yes.
Kelly's in it.
Had quite a sexy sex scene with Steve Coogan.
Really?
Yes, she does not show any of her bits.
Did I put that nicely?
Yes.
But she does have quite a sexy scene.
And it's a good film.
Is it?
It's based on a novel called Tristan Shandy.
I didn't know anything about Tristan Shandy, despite my expensive public school education.
Never heard of it.
But apparently it's an amazing novel from the early 1700s.
I think it was written.
And it's a sort of failed biography.
A man that sits down, tries to write his own life story.
But so much has happened in his life that he can't impose any structure on it at all.
It's just a chaotic mess bits of it are like an encyclopedia bits of it.
It's just a random It's a postmodern novel before there was any modernity to be post about brilliant Yeah, that's what they say in the film actually and the best thing about it I do recommend people go and see it Is that in the middle of it Stephen Fry pops up and just explains what it's about to the camera He explains what Tristan Shandy was about he explains what the films about yeah, and then the film just carries on and
That's what you want.
And basically the film's about the chaos of trying to impose any kind of structure on the narrative that is our lives.
So it's just an excuse for this sort of chaotic film about people making a film.
A bit like Truffaut's Day for Night.
Ah.
Which you might know as Les Nuit Américaines.
Yes, it is.
There is a title in French.
I was wondering why you didn't use the original title immediately.
Anyway, the best thing about the LFF after that rant is there's no adverts.
Just a Nice Lady comes up.
I mean, the best thing about film festivals is you buy tickets to stuff you don't know what it is.
And sometimes you've discovered an amazing gem.
Other times you've wasted money and two hours and are very bored.
But the best thing about it is no adverts.
No trailers.
Just a Nice Lady comes up, introduces the film.
Often the director and the stars are there.
Brydon and Coogan and Ian Hart were there last night.
Did a Q&A afterwards.
But any time I can go to the cinema and not see one of those Orange Wednesdays adverts,
Why have you got a problem with the Orange Wednesdays ads?
Well... That's the one with Lenny Bay, Steve Furst.
Yeah, yeah, lovely Steve Furst.
He's very good in them, obviously, because we know him.
But they're terrible, aren't they?
They make me want to die.
And you know the thing about it, people who laugh at them, you can always tell someone who hasn't been to the cinema for six months, because they laugh at the Orange Wednesday adverts.
And basically, the list of people who've been in them, what's the connecting factor between them?
Carrie Fisher.
Yeah.
Sean Astin.
John Cleese, Daryl Hannah, Patrick Swayze, Verne Troyer, Darth Vader.
Is there a linking factor?
They've had it.
Yeah.
They're sort of washed up on the shores of Orange Wednesday Island.
Yeah.
and then obviously they have to tailor the script around whoever's available.
And sometimes, you know, it's hard to explain, to make the commercial work, the Orange Wednesdays team have to be responding to this washed up person as if they're a hot, hot celebrity.
A hot American celebrity.
But actually they're just another kind of failed American celebrity who's washed up on the shores of Britain.
Well they're not that fair, I mean Spike Lee's on Mary's.
That's true, that's too harsh isn't it?
It's too harsh.
But maybe, you know, like us when we did our surf commercial, there's a bit of a dip.
You had to bring that up didn't you?
A bit of a dip in their careers.
And I feel so, you know, I love John Cleese.
I think he's a genius and I can't help but feel a bit sorry for him when he does his silly walk out of the Orange Wednesday office where they shoot it and the guy goes at
Yeah.
No, they are, they are... Could we mobilise some kind of thing?
Maybe we could write them.
Someone else write them.
Well, they wouldn't be better if we wrote them.
I think they would.
You reckon?
Yes.
I don't know.
It is tough, isn't it?
Because the whole premise of them is supposed to be that they are deliberately squirmy and that the celebrities are getting, you know... Why does the woman never say anything?
Because she's a woman.
The woman never says anything.
That's what it's like in film land.
Because she's a woman, did you say?
Yeah, but I'm saying it's... Is that what it's like for women?
Apparently.
They don't get to say anything in the film world.
It's a disgrace, but it's a brilliant parody of that, you see.
Anyway, I'm very excited to see Cock and Bull Story.
Yeah, it's good.
Michael Winterbottom, isn't it?
Yes, Michael Windybottom.
There you go.
Excellent.
Well, thanks very much for telling us all about that.
That's okay.
Bye.
So shall we do the crap accent competition fairly soon?
Yes.
Yeah, let's do that after this in fact.
This is a track now from Maximo Park.
Apply some pressure.
Incidentally before that you heard The Killers with Jenny was a friend of mine.
Here's Maximo Park.
That was good.
I would love to see you undress.
Apply some pressure.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM.
Okay, it's competition time once again here on the show, and it's a crap accent for you.
All you have to do... I'll play the jingle first, how about that?
They've only nosed up the mainframe couplet, nosed it right up!
Can you tell me what's on earth, Batman 10?
Who the hell is doing this crap accent?
Wow!
That's a powerful, short and strong jingle.
That's a little stab thing.
Bang!
Yeah.
A musical punch in the face.
Uh, and it sort of explains... Play it again!
Can you play it again?
You wanna play that one again?
Yeah, I couldn't quite hear what it said.
Well it starts off with a bit of classic Don Cheadle.
Shoot.
They've only gnarled up the mainframe couplet, gnarled it right up!
Can you tell me what on earth that meant?
And who the hell is doing this for our accent?
That man tent?
Can you tell who's doing that man tent?
No, can you tell me what on earth that meant?
And who the hell is doing this?
No, but you don't say meant, do you?
What do you say?
I do, I say meant.
What on earth that meant?
Oh, I can't make you play it again.
No, you can't.
Let's get on with the competition, I'll keep my problems to myself.
So yeah, that was Don Cheadle at the beginning there, my favourite crap accent of all time from Oceans 11.
But can you tell me who this is?
I think this is a quite difficult one, you don't know who this is at all, do you?
No, no, this is going to be fresh on me, and this is a phoning competition, is it?
Yeah, I reckon so.
0-8-7-1-triple-two-one-o-four-nine, we're not sure what the prize is going to be, but whatever it is, it'll be amazing.
Maybe we'll just give you Xanthi.
No, come on.
Not in that sense.
Well, just for a day.
To say nice things and look lovely.
I wouldn't mind winning that prize myself.
Hey!
Okay, now let's see, who the hell do you think this is now?
And what film are they in?
Want to know how long it takes a body to write?
Boy, do we.
Well, if they're not already rotten before they die, eight or nine years, some of them Beverly Hills women are there to last you 12 years, they will.
How come?
Well, the skin is so tan.
It's all stretched and polished up like a bloody shoe.
That'll keep the water out, and water's the thing that'll ruin a perfectly good dead body, it will.
Also, they got them extra parts, you know, some of that stuff, it's not biodegradable.
Wow.
It's not biodegradable.
So that's another American actor doing an English accent.
That's very difficult.
That's hard, isn't it?
Have you got any idea at all?
Nope.
It doesn't sound new.
It sounds quite old.
It's, I suppose, yeah, it is old.
It's a good 15 years or something.
15 years?
What does that make it?
Sort of early 90s.
Really?
Yeah.
Do you want another little snatch?
Yeah, yeah.
Here we go.
Oh, now.
Here's a bloke that's been around for 35 years, I bet.
Who is he?
There's the magician, the great Blunderman.
Not so great now, is he?
Hmm.
And this is a film.
Feature film.
Yeah.
It's in a graveyard, isn't it?
It's a little scene.
The scene's in a graveyard.
In a graveyard.
And that's the gravedigger.
What could it be?
They're not The Frighteners.
No.
0-8-7-1-triple-two-one-o-four-nine, if you know what film that's from.
Well, I bet no one's going to get it, are they?
Do you think?
Well, we've got to give a good price for this.
Let's open it to text us as well.
8-3-X-F-M.
You could give a clue.
A clue?
Play a record.
If no one's called, we'll come back with a clue.
Okay, I'll do that.
Let's play... what should we play now?
Oh yeah, let's play Razorlight.
This is Golden Touch.
We'll be back after this and see if anyone's got any idea who that crap accent was.
Ooga booga.
They all have to put a little special something at the end, don't they?
Yes, that's razor-like with golden touch.
OK, we've got Bill on the line.
Hi, Bill, how you doing?
Hey, guys, all right?
Yeah, good, thank you.
And you think you know what the crap accent is?
Don't tell us yet.
Sure.
But you think you know it?
I think I know it, definitely.
Are you pretty confident?
100%.
And was it something that you immediately thought, oh, yes, I know where that is, or did you... What was your process of deduction?
It was just so bad.
When I first heard it, it just stuck in my memory.
Oh, that's good, because Joe didn't have a clue on that one, but it's... And I'm a film expert!
He's an expert!
I'm movie buff of the year.
He's got a pass.
I've got a pass to London Film Festival.
Anyway, I'll just play it once again to remind people what it was.
Wanna know how long it takes a party to write?
Boy, do we!
Well, if they're not already writing before they die, eight or nine years, some of them Beverly Hills women are there to last you 12 years, they will.
How come?
Well, the skin is so tan.
It's all stretched and polished up like a bloody shoe.
That'll keep the water out.
And water's the thing that'll ruin a perfectly good dead body, it will.
Also, they got them extra pots, you know, some of that stuff.
It's not biodegradable.
So, what do you reckon?
It's Rick Moranis.
There you go.
And the film is L.A.
Story.
Of course.
Love it.
Great film.
Where these streetlights send messages to Steve Martin.
Yeah.
We wait to talk to him.
Do you remember when we went to see that film, Joe?
Yes, I do.
And you said, that's magic realism.
I said, wow, you know so much about films.
I didn't know what magic realism was before that.
What is magic realism?
Well, it's heightened realism, isn't it?
It's magic in a normal environment.
It's actually something novelists use, don't they?
And it was kind of fashionable in the early 90s to have quite a gritty novel but then bits of little magic in it, usually set in some sort of slum or third world country where magic is in short supply.
That's good, man.
You see, someone's learned something today.
And I taught you about Tristan Shandy.
Yeah, amazing.
Except isn't it Tristram?
Probably.
It would be nice if we knew who wrote it.
For Laughter and Learning.
It's not a famous name, it's like Leonard... Toddybridge or something.
Are you sure?
It's my wife's maiden name.
Is it?
No, no, Todd wants that.
All right, Toddy Bridge.
Bill, thanks for calling.
You know what, though?
We haven't got... Are we allowed to give away promotional CDs as prizes?
You can't give Bill those CDs.
They're rubbish.
Yeah, some of them are quite good.
Well, all the good ones that I put in my bag.
Yeah, you've nicked all the good ones.
What can we give him?
We can.
As Anthony says, we can.
Yeah, but I'm saying that we shouldn't, because there are no good ones there.
Listen, Bill just nailed a really obscure... There are good ones that you don't know about, because I stole them.
Oh, OK.
Beastie Boys' Greatest Hits.
Bill, shout if you want something.
New order, the singles.
There you go.
There we go.
Happy.
Is that enough?
Yeah, it's great.
Well, check something else in.
I tell you what, look, there's... Can I have your scrubs?
Yes!
No one's ever asked that before.
That's brilliant, yes.
We spend hours on them as well.
We just got an email from someone saying, I worked on your surf ad.
I was at the advertising agency and we got fired afterwards.
They lost the account because of our surf ad.
Well done calling in, Bill.
Thanks for listening.
And I'm going to send you New Order of the Singles plus a packet of promotional New Order postcards.
And we'll sign it.
We'll sign it as well for you.
We'll sign them and make it valueless.
Good times, as JLC might say.
Thanks very much for calling in.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM.
We'll be back after this.
Hmm.
That's athlete.
I wasn't worried about it or anything.
It's just, I was thinking about it.
Was that Half Light, the second single from the depth of cortex platinum, second album tourist and follow up to their single wires, which went top five in January.
Yes.
Yes, it was.
Yes.
There you go.
Yeah.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM.
Now, Adam, are you excited about the sequel to Zorro?
Yeah.
Yeah?
What's it called?
Zorro 2?
Moro?
Zorro... What is it called?
I don't know.
Because it's interesting to see that Zorro, they've done a promotional tie-in, which they often do in these films, but it'd be nice if they sort of thought about the film and chose something apt to do a promotional tie-in with.
Well, what's the tie-in for this one?
I think it's a Peugeot.
A silver Peugeot hatchback.
I just can't see Zorro arriving on the scene in a silver Peugeot hatchback.
I think I can.
Can you?
If a small Mexican town is under attack from... Who would attack a small Mexican town?
Bandits?
Erm... English businessman.
Hello!
Zorro.
In his Peugeot?
Yeah.
It's not going to happen.
Well... It would have been better if he'd sponsored a razor.
Yes.
He could have gone... and done a Z in someone's stubble.
Yeah, Wilkinson... Or if he'd just scratched up the Peugeot with his sword.
That's what kids do these days, isn't it?
Key them.
You don't want to encourage that.
I'm not encouraging it.
I'm just saying it would have been a better thing for Zorro to do.
Similarly, War of the Worlds had a time with Hitachi flat screen plasma televisions.
I don't know if you'd be doing a lot of television watching in your basement while you were hiding from alien tendrils.
You might be checking to see if the coast was clear or what the news was about the alien attack.
And you'd want it clear, wouldn't you?
Yeah.
You'd want a good picture.
You'd want a good, widescreen picture of the aliens.
You'd want detail, that's true.
That's true.
That's the end.
Have you seen the Zorro sequel?
No, I hate Zorro.
Did you see the first one?
I think he should be put to death.
Yes, I did.
The first Zorro came out when DVD had just started so I think a lot of people bought it simply because it was on DVD or watched it just because it was on DVD.
Seems like an exciting new release.
You know what, the best thing in my life that's happened recently is that the shop where I usually buy my grotesquely overpriced import DVD.
It's closed, hasn't it?
Yeah, so some of our listeners might buy them there.
It's in the basement of a shop in Shaftesbury Avenue.
Is it Shaftesbury Avenue or is it The Strand?
No, no, Shaftesbury Avenue it was.
It was opposite the cinema there and it was called SRL Laser World or whatever.
But anyway, it's closed down and I'm so pleased.
It's like I'm a junkie and my pusher's suddenly been put behind bars, you know what I mean?
So I don't have to waste all my money on these films that I never watch, because Zorro is one of those.
And I automatically just went out and bought anything new that they had, if it looked big and stupid.
And it was always dreadful.
This is another topic for discussion, but DVDs are sort of dying, aren't they?
I mean, I don't bother seeing films at the cinema anymore, I just wait for them to be given away with the times.
It's only a couple of years, you know.
All that time I wasted on The Last Emperor.
Fell out of the paper.
My mum.
It used to be rubbish films, didn't it?
Yeah.
Do you remember they did a Jack Nicholson double bill?
Did we talk about this before?
I don't remember.
And one of the films was Pritsey's Honour.
That's a good film.
And the other film was Little Shop of Horrors.
That's alright, that's a good double bill.
No, it was made in the 60s and Jack Nicholson's in it for two seconds.
Wow.
I think you're being a bit picky.
My mum turns up with those giveaways.
She gets them from the Daily Mail.
And they do loads of films and sort of compilations of easily clearable rock music.
And she's constantly wrapping them up and giving them to me like a present.
Wrapping them, actually wrapping them.
Well last weekend was my sister's birthday and she wrapped a couple of them for my sister.
Well it must be, if you're of the older generation it must seem quite amazing that they just give away free films on a silver disc.
What are they going to be giving away when we're like in our 60s?
iPods.
A free iPod.
Imagine.
My dad was dazzled by the nanopod.
We gave my sister a nanopod for her birthday and my dad couldn't, he sort of more or less, his brain exploded when we explained to him what it was.
So you could get the entire works of Wagner on this one thing.
I said, yeah, you could get more than that.
You could fit Wagner and all the other fascist composers that you enjoy.
I don't think Wagner was a fascist himself, but he was championed by the Nazis, of course.
And my dad just couldn't believe it.
And he just said, well, there you go.
I mean, how can you not believe in God?
And I said, what do you mean?
He said, well, what's easier to believe?
That, uh, that God exists or that they can get all that music on this tiny little player?
And, uh... I believe in jobs.
In what?
In God's jobs.
Jobs.
Steve Jobs.
But there you go.
It was an interesting philosophical discussion.
Wow.
It's a frightening thought, isn't it?
That's going to be the thing I'm saddest about when I'm on my deathbed.
What, they haven't got a nanopod?
Just the latest technology.
Doctor, keep me alive!
The Xbox 980 comes out next week.
Please!
I'll have to see the graphics!
There you go.
Well, it's almost time for Ditches in the Dock.
Have we sorted out what we're going to do yet?
Yes, we have sorted it out.
And just to keep people listening, we're going to be giving away Paul Weller's Stanley Road in a deluxe edition for everybody who gets on the air with Ditches in the Dock.
And it's one of those big double CD things with all the, you know, offcuts and demos and stuff.
So that's a pretty great prize.
The number's going to be 08712221049.
We'll tell you what the theme it is in the doc is quite soon.
Yeah.
First, we're going to swerve off the playlist again.
This is The Cars.
You know we were just talking about iPods and stuff?
Yeah.
And people being dazzled by technology.
Did you read all the stuff, and I don't know whether any listeners saw this, that they have actually now invented paper televisions.
What?
They were talking about this while we were in Tokyo a few years ago, but there was a lot of stuff in the press about it last week.
You're blowing my mind!
Yeah, it's to do with LCD, now that they've got LCD tellies, they can stitch it into paper.
Well, I don't understand.
So basically, apparently within the next couple of years, newspapers are just going to have what looks like a short, quick-time movie on the front.
It'll start off quite bad quality, but it'll actually be a little clip that'll rotate.
No.
Yes.
Yes, believe it.
I don't understand, what, the actual paper?
Yeah, and they can stitch it into fabric.
Yeah, I think Phillips have invented this or someone like that.
Boy, I was just getting used to all the little glowing lights on the Nanny McPhee adverts on the side of the buses.
Yeah, there you go.
Now I've got to deal with that.
Oh, yeah, Phillips have invented it and they've invented what they call the SMS pillow that you can send a text message to a pillow a backpack that has a telly on it and They can also now put televisions into into glass So, you know in sci-fi movies when people live in a horrible dystopic nightmare world Yeah But yet they switch a they flick a switch on their window and they get a view of the Grand Canal in Venice like in Total Recall Yeah, that's gonna happen good.
It's basically on the cards
Wow.
That's unbelievable.
What would the implications be for paper televisions?
Ideal for pathetic rock bands?
Who want to destroy a hotel room?
Yeah.
Do you like Belle and Sebastian or someone?
Uh huh.
Just rip it up.
Throw it out the window, get a new one.
Can't think of any other application for you, can you?
Advertising on chef's hats.
I wish I'd had some warning, but that would be, yeah, well, the applications, I mean, it boggles the mind.
Sales of the Sunday Sport Rocket?
Yeah.
Good for tramps to sleep under?
Gives them something to watch.
Bit of light, bit of luminescence.
The pornographic applications are staggering.
The porno mag industry.
Wow.
Through the roof.
They're gonna be rubbing their hands and all the rest of their base.
Well it's an all-in-one solution for the porno fan.
Absolutely.
Well let's let people think about that for a moment.
Play some ads and we'll come back with digits in the doc.
Okay, it's Diddy's in the Dock time here on XFM.
That was quite a funny advert, the anti-marana advert, wasn't it?
The one where the ganja's speaking to him.
Yeah, the ganja's speaking.
Isn't there a simple solution to that if you're spending more times with weed than you are with your mates?
Just hang out with some better weed.
Hang out with some mates who smoke weed.
Isn't that the solution?
I don't know.
You're not supposed to say that.
Sorry.
Anyway, this is in the dark time.
This is the part of the show where you decide which song we play the show out with.
Today it's going to be an Elvis Costello playoff.
Yes, and, incidentally, I think we should point out that Joe was just joking there, obviously, about that, and he's not advocating drug use in that way.
No, I was commentating on, I don't know, nothing.
I didn't say anything.
No.
Elvis Costello.
Okay, I'm sorry.
I don't know what I was thinking.
I must have been stoned.
Um, Elvis Costello, and we're going for early Elvis, right?
And it's an early Elvis playoff.
I don't know, is my Elvis early?
It's 80s Elvis, my Elvis.
Well, Elvis is still making stuff.
Of course, I guess that is early, yeah.
So yeah, we're talking about early to mid-period Costello.
So the number's 08712221049.
Everybody who calls and gets on air wins a copy of Stanley Road, the deluxe edition, the Paul Weller album.
You know if you like that you'll be very excited.
If you don't you can give it to someone who does like it.
It's a classic album forever.
It's almost Christmas anyway.
You can give it away to your mum.
So I'll start.
I'm gonna go for Every Day I Write the Book, which is Elvis Costello's... I think it was off Punch the Clock, wasn't it?
I think.
You're a bigger Costello fan than I am probably.
I like all his singles and stuff, but I haven't got many of his albums.
Yeah, that was- I got into him in the mid-80s, I'm afraid to say, so it's kind of, probably for a Costello hardcore fan, it's maybe not one of his most brilliant songs, but for an 80s idiot like me, I like it.
It's overproduced, it's got a silly story, and it's a sort of unlikely thing to write a song about, you know, a novelist, an author.
Uh-huh.
If it is about that.
I haven't really listened to it properly.
so there we go thanks every day every day i do what write the book then uh call 0 8 7 1 triple 2 1 0 4 9 what's yours at i'm gonna go for accidents will happen uh just because that's my favorite elvis castello song i suppose what film does one of the characters sing an excerpt from that in et correct i believe trivia question yeah eliot's older brother
That's right, and he's going to the fridge and he's sort of singing to himself.
Yeah.
So many people you can check upon and add to your collection, which is the best line in the song.
And then that's just before he closes the fridge door and sees E.T.
for the first time.
Is that right?
I think so.
I think it's during that sequence when no one's seeing E.T.
Yeah.
Everyone's avoiding him.
Anyway.
Haven't seen that song for a long time.
Anyway, yes, so I'm going to go for Accidents Will Happen.
Elvis Costello, if you want to vote for that one.
0-8-7-1-2-2-2-1-0-4-9.
Or Joe is going for Every Day I Write the Book.
0-8-7-1-2-2-1-0-4-9.
As we say, everyone who gets on wins a copy of Paul Weller's remastered deluxe edition of Stanley Road.
So get calling now.
Here's the editors.
Oh, there you go, that was the editors.
And, uh, what was it called?
I threw away my thing.
Phil, Phil!
It's called Bullets.
And of course it's a re-recording of the Birmingham bass quartet's debut single originally released in January, taken from their debut album, The Black Room Follow-Up to Blood, which went top 20 in July.
Lucky I know all about that!
It did it in the dark time, the time when you, the listeners, get to choose which record we play the show out with.
It's an Elvis Costello play-off, accidents will happen, versus every day I write the book.
Couple of classic Costello tracks.
We've got five callers on the line, everybody who gets through wins a copy of, oh, digitally remastered, what, digitally remastered, is it?
Dunno, anyway, it's the deluxe edition of Paul Weller's Stanley Road.
So who've we got on line one, Xanthi?
We've got Paul.
Hello, Paul.
How you doing?
Very well.
Does anyone ever call you, Paul?
Only very close friends.
Accidents, please.
Only marginally.
I'm pretty much the same.
Singles and stuff like that, but I think accidents is a more sort of moody.
Right, the book was very much like Paul Weller when he died on the style camp.
Hey, hey, what are you trying to say?
What are you trying to say?
I know, it's a bit coppy, a bit cop-out.
A bit cop-out?
I agree with you, Paul.
What are you talking about?
Thanks very much for your vote.
That's one for accidents will happen.
I can tell this is going to go badly for me.
It's the soul boy thing.
You're a soul boy at heart.
My crappy 80s taste.
And I like the more pot thing going on.
Who have we got on line two, Xanthi?
Catherine.
Hello.
Hello there.
How are you doing?
Not too bad, thank you.
Good, good, good.
What are you up to this afternoon?
I'm going up to Brighton to watch a friend who's got a short film showing.
Oh, really?
Yes.
How short is it, a short film?
I don't know, actually.
I think it's probably about 15 minutes.
Oh, that's okay.
That sounds good.
Is it a festival or something down there?
I think so.
I don't really know very much about it.
I don't know that his film's being shown and there's some other...
Other films being shown in BBC3, I've got something to do with it.
Oh, right.
Yes, I might well be presenting that, I think, next week.
Oh, really?
New Filmmakers Awards, yeah.
I present that every year in Bristol.
That's exciting, isn't it?
Fantastic.
Anyway, so, who are you voting for?
I would like, every day I write the books, please.
Hey, well done!
Yes.
It's a good song, isn't it?
Isn't it?
It's a very good song.
It's on the soundtrack for The Wedding Singer as well.
Oh, don't tell anybody that.
No one will vote for it.
I see.
That's a good soundtrack.
Thanks for your call, Catherine.
Thanks for calling you and you win that Paul Weller CD, of course.
Who else have we got, Xanthe?
Hello, Kate.
It's one all now.
Hello, Kate.
Hiya.
How you doing?
Not bad, thank you.
Good, good.
Who are you voting for?
Accidents will happen.
Yeah, come on.
It's a great one, isn't it?
It is.
It's just that beginning is so amazing.
Oh, I just don't... I'm not really helping things, but thanks very much indeed for your vote, and let's go on to... Oh, I'm excited now.
It's 2-1, it's 2-1.
I've got to get this one.
Who is it?
Phil.
Hello, Phil.
Hello.
Phil, what are you voting for?
Put me out of my misery.
I'm going to go for accident sort matter.
What?
Oh, he takes it.
Thanks very much.
So it's over for Cornish.
It's over for Cornish.
Thanks for your Cornville.
That means we only give away three Paul Weller singles.
Well, we could take the next one anyway and just, uh, see what they were going to go for.
We could give the other one to the nice man that called in earlier in the show and we didn't have a prize for it.
That's true.
I've just got an order as well.
I don't know.
We could take the next caller anyway.
We've got Kate.
Go on.
Another Kate.
Hey, Kate.
Hello, how are you doing?
Fine.
Kate, what were you going to vote for?
Accidents will happen.
There you go.
Is it a complete walkover?
Did we have another call, Xanthi?
We had loads and they were all... They were all for accidents will happen?
No one likes every day.
No one likes me.
You're insane.
Lots of people like you.
I like you.
I don't have to answer that seriously as if it's a real problem.
I know it is a real problem though, isn't it?
But thanks very much for your call, Kate.
And thanks to everyone who called in.
And thanks for listening to the show.
Justin Lee Collins is coming up, is he, Xanthi?
He's not like off hosting some new frightening program for Channel 4 somewhere.
No, he's here, and he's gonna be with you very shortly.
So we'll see you next week.
Thanks for listening.
Yeah.
And calling, and emailing, and texting.
And all that.
We love you, bye!
Bye!
Here's Elvis.
The silver chamber on She says she can't go home without a chaperone Accidents will happen, we're all we're hit and run Just to be here thinking now you're not the only one Accidents will happen, we're all we're hit and run I don't wanna hear it cause I
You can only rise up and expect the smoke to work you in, but they keep you headed on.
They'll see you so just, your mind is made up, but your mouth is undone.
Accidents will happen, we're over your run.
You used to be your thinker, now you're not the older one.
Accidents will happen, we're over your run.
You'll never know.
It's the words that we all say that scare me.
So it's something people do see.
So many people object upon and add to your collection.
But they keep you hanging on until you're well hung.
Your mouth is made up, but your mind is under.
As soon as you're happy, we're all in love.
I'm a
XFM.