I'm exhausted.
That was extraordinary.
What an epic.
Absolutely.
That was an immoverload.
A what?
Immoverload.
an emotional overload.
Yes.
Immoverload!
Hello listeners, this is Adam and Joe, we're with you for the next two hours here on XFM London's 104.9.
And have we got radio for you?
Yes, we certainly do.
Prizes galore.
Yeah, if you're a fan of prizes, then in the next two hours you can win £150 million worth.
That's an exaggeration.
Is it?
Not that much of an exaggeration though.
£150 are they worth?
These?
Is that it?
£130 worth of professionals DVDs.
That's right, the entire 57 episodes of The Professionals.
Every episode ever made of Bodie and Doyle and the cars and the guns and the shooting and the... Was there swearing?
Don't know.
There was breasts in The Professionals, wasn't there?
There was breasts.
yeah there was breasts i was there was i was remembering breasts uh we'll be getting we're not sure what we're going to give those away for but we've also got uh copies of a terrific uh you know anime thing called samurai seven that looks really good if you like samurais is it anything to do with lucky number seven i hope not have you seen lucky number seven no i promise i hereby promise i will never ever see lucky number seven
But it's got, um... Morgan Freeman?
It's got floor stars.
Floor stars?
It's got floor stars and fly stars.
Uh, unfortunately they don't go up to Slevin stars, but if it did, they probably would have Slevin stars.
The poster's got stars all over it.
I tell you what, there's a text competition in there, isn't there?
Yeah.
The stupidest name for a film involving a number.
Or, you know, or an upside-down letter.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, that's right.
Because that's a trend, isn't it?
Putting numbers in the names of films.
They did it in seven for the first time, replacing the V with a seven.
Except they didn't call it Slevan.
Maybe they should have.
Maybe they made less money.
It's so rubbish, isn't it?
Slevan.
Or none.
It could have.
And it would have to be pronounced that way.
None.
We've got good music coming up as well.
Arctic Monkeys in a Second, The Charlatans, Gorillas, The Streets, The Stone Roses and Coldplay.
The Coldplay?
All just in the first hour.
So my friend of mine the other day said, you're always quite sarky and nasty about Coldplay on your show.
It's not very nice is it?
Do you think we're responsible for them quitting?
Do you think?
Single-handedly?
Yeah, they cut that bit out of the brit.
Only they're not quitting, they're just taking a break because they're tired.
Because of unpleasant comments on Adam and Joe's show on XFM, we're going to take a long break.
Yeah.
That was the unexpurgated version.
Well, do you know what I say?
What?
Good.
Oh, don't be nasty!
Why not?
I love the Coldplay.
I don't.
I enjoy the Coldplay.
What a day it is out there, though, in the streets of London, Joe Cornish.
Is it?
Yeah.
Did you go and see all the Mohammed fans in, um... That was last weekend.
Trafalgar Square.
There's more Mohammed fans there.
Really?
Yeah.
Well, good for them.
They absolutely love Muhammad.
I like his early stuff, but I'm not so sure about the more recent bits.
Music from the Monkeys!
There you go, the Best British Newcomers, I believe they were.
Yeah, no, Best British Breakthrough Act at the Brits this week.
Now when they received their award at the Brits, hello?
Hello, there you go, sorry mate.
They did it by video, didn't they?
Because they were too busy to turn up.
But that wasn't one of them doing the talking, was it?
No, it wasn't.
It was one of their mates.
It was one of their mates to scramble our minds.
They got one of their mates.
And the mate was a guy called Keith Murray.
Right, the rapper.
Not the rapper, no.
He's the lead singer of We Are Scientists, an American group who are on tour with the Arctic Monkeys at the moment.
And they were playing a gig in Portsmouth that night, so they couldn't be the...
at the Brits and they taped their little acceptance speech on their tour bus and apparently the people who taped went to film the speech didn't realize that um Keith was not actually part of the monkeys so they let him just do this sort of sarcastic American ramble about oh what did he say I've got it written down here
Uh, we're so, oh we're awash with emotion.
We're aghast, we're practically discombobulated, he said, sarcastically, as the others sat round, guffawing like monkeys.
I think you've gotta make up your mind whether you're gonna diss the awards or not, you know what I mean?
Don't you reckon?
Like, if you are- I think they did, and they did.
Yeah, but if you have contempt, why not just- Just not show up at all.
Yeah, just don't bother.
Do you know what I like?
I really like the Gorilla's approach.
I thought the Gorilla's thing was fantastic.
They just-
You know, I've got amazing respect for the gorillas.
I think that's the way to do it.
Be invisible, but yet have a famous name.
Put that guy's cartoons up front.
Very clever.
And then just to throw, what was it, 200, 100 kids on stage having the time of their lives.
They didn't actually throw them on stage, did they?
I think they did.
The cameras weren't looking at it.
Wow.
That's the kind of thing that Michael Jackson would get very upset about throwing children on stage But they looked so happy didn't you think yeah, they did they were brilliant like why just you know Damon Auburn?
He's been to those things a million times, so that's the right decision I'll step back and I'll let 200 underprivileged kids in tracksuits Have the little evening of their tiny little lie well underprivileged Joe probably they were probably terrible stage school kids from an a share of success
They did a good job, though.
Yeah, and so they just radiated enthusiasm.
It was a brilliant spectacle.
They did good clapping and good head bobbing.
Very good head bobbing.
They made a wonderful sound.
It's a great single as well.
It sounded current, innovative.
You know, by contrast, you've got Prince, who we both adore.
Yeah.
But he sounded like a man who's been in a box for 15 years and never heard any modern music.
And it was just like, why was he there, even?
Is he promoting one of his new internet albums?
Yeah, well he's got a big new album out.
He sells millions and millions of albums, Prince.
He's still huge.
I'm not putting the purple ponce down.
Only because he gives them away free with tickets to his concerts.
I mean, he made an amazing noise, certainly.
He was spectacular, and I would take him above the Kaiser Chiefs.
Any day of the week I've got stuff in my throat.
So listen, let's do a competition soon.
What are we going to do?
We can either do an over-the-top special effect or we can do crap commentary.
Or we can do both.
I've still got things in my throat.
I'll tell you what, let's do... Oh, I just don't know.
It's a good crap commentary this week.
Well, let's do that.
No, I was gonna say let's, let's, let's save it.
Let's do the over-the-top effect then.
Do the over-the-top effect.
Nice one.
Okay, listen.
Here's the plan, Joe.
Yeah.
I'm gonna play a song now.
This is a free play.
It's by The Clash.
Right.
And it's called Safe European Home.
I'll pop to the bog.
You pop to the lave, it will play some adverts, and then when we come back, we'll have our mystery sound competition.
Bog.
Here we go.
There you go.
It's the Gorillaz with Feel Good Incorporated.
They didn't actually win anything in the end, did they?
They won my heart.
Did they?
Yeah.
They won mine, too.
There you go.
So that's two awards.
So they did win something.
Yeah.
Do you think that's probably a better award than that guy who went up on stage with the Kaiser Chiefs was brandishing?
Oh, I didn't see that bit.
What was that all about?
I don't know.
Someone does that every year.
It's traditional.
It's so boring, though.
Stage invasion.
It's hardly Brandon Block.
That was amazing, Brandon Block.
I was thinking about that the other day, like, can you imagine how happy his mate must have been?
The guy who told him, like, hey, Brandon, your name's just been called out.
Come on, get up on stage quick.
And then when he actually did go up on stage, the guy must be thinking, this is the best day of my life.
My mate is so stupid and wasted that he's up there on stage getting in a fight with Ron Wood.
Anyway, so, Joe, what have we got now?
Competition time.
Where's the jingle?
Haven't lined up the jingle.
Well, let's not do a jingle.
Let's just go straight into it.
This is our new competition called Over the Top.
Sound effects.
We've taken a sound effect from a big stupid film.
All you have to do is guess what's happening.
What's making this noise?
The numbers 0-8-7-1-2-2-2-1-0-4-9 up for grabs are tickets to the XFM live session tonight at the Carling Academy, Islington, featuring the Magic Numbers.
Oh, that'd be brilliant.
Or you can go and see Antenna, the fantastic pop video retrospective thing at the NFT this Thursday.
So brilliant tickets up for grabs.
Here comes the competition.
Here comes the noise.
Shall I give you some context?
Yeah, go on then.
OK.
This is from the film Underworld.
Mmm.
Starring Kate Beckinsdale.
I can still smell it.
And vampires.
Yes.
It is a big old pile of poop.
Yes.
However, at one point Kate Beckinsdale is sitting reading a very old book.
Yeah.
OK.
It's a quiet house, the vampire's house, but it's a quiet night in for the vampires.
So she's sitting reading a book, mainly looking at the pictures, because I'm not sure whether she can read, when suddenly this happens.
Yeah?
A bomb.
Could it be a bomb?
Call 0871 222 1049.
If you know what that is the sound of, what's happening to make that sound?
Kate Beckinsale just lets off.
Play it once more?
Can you play it once more?
Yeah, here we go.
I've got to wait for it to cue.
It's a bit technical.
Here we go.
What's happening to Kate Beckinsdale?
0 8 7 1 triple 2 1 0 4 9.
If you get it right, you'll win... Give her an extra D in her name there.
Beckinsdale?
Is she called Sale?
Beckinsdale, I think.
I wouldn't stake my life on it.
So there we go.
And you know, you don't have to get it right, really.
Beckinsdale's where she lives.
We're not looking for right answers necessarily.
Like Emmerdale.
Um, yes, sorry, I was just talking rubbish there.
No, exactly, we want speculative answers, don't we?
Yeah.
And if they're, you know, if you can speculate amusingly and get the right answer, that would be an amazing double whammy.
0871-221049 to win those tickets for the XFM live session with the magic numbers or antenna.
at the NFT on Thursday.
Yeah.
Call now.
Now, Joe, we've got an exciting piece of music to play.
Have we?
Yeah.
This is The Streets.
This is a new track from The Streets.
And it's called When You Wasn't Famous.
That doesn't make grammatical sense.
No, apparently it's the language of the streets, you see, and I think he's going down the M&M route of just dealing with real life as it affects him, i.e.
the problems of being a famous person now.
Okay.
So let's see what he has to say about it.
Ah, see, right, see the thing that's got it all off up now is camera phones.
They're in the thing we were going to do, Michael!
I know.
That's good.
There's a lot of swearing in there though, isn't there?
Didn't make much sense.
There's swearing and drug references, which is pretty, I mean... Didn't they back mask the drug references though?
Not really.
Well, rolled up notes and all that stuff.
Oh dear.
And what's praying?
You were so pranged up.
Pranged up.
Listen, who is the CDUK star who he's sleeping with then?
Or the female performer who appeared on CDUK?
Who is it?
You're assuming this is autobiographical?
Oh, it's gotta be.
It's gotta be.
Who is it?
Skinner can't.
One of the sugar babes?
Skinner can't make it up, can he?
Is it a sugar babe?
Probably.
You reckon?
Ayesha.
Muja.
She's not a sugar babe anymore.
One of them's dropped out.
I know, that's true.
Listen, should we do this competition?
Yes.
This is our over-the-top special effect competition.
OTT, FX.
We've got some callers on the line.
We've been asking you what's happening to Kate Beckinsdale in Underworld when this noise happens.
Stop calling her Kate Beckinsdale.
I will call her Kate Beckinsdale.
I'm sorry, I've written it that way.
Okay, here we go.
Now, who have we got on the line?
Who do we have on the line, Xanthi?
Steve.
Hello, Steve.
Hello.
How you doing?
Not bad, thanks.
How are you guys?
Are you a fan of really bad vampire movies?
I'm a fan of Terribly Bad.
Really?
Have you seen the new one?
There's a sequel, isn't there?
I haven't had time yet, no.
No, who would have time?
What sort of person would have time for that kind of crap?
What's your guess, Stu?
Is it, by chance, a werewolf crashing through a door?
A werewolf crashing through, it sounds like it, doesn't it?
You don't hear it yet?
That's a good guess, man.
That's a good guess, but it's wrong.
You know, the sort of, the clues in the competition, over-the-top special effect, the idea of the competition is whatever's happening does not justify that level of noise.
Think more boring, Steve.
Have another guess.
Ooh, er, er, is it, er, the peace delivery boy, knocking on the door.
Hello, pizza!
That sort of thing.
Wrong.
Santi, we were supposed to have lots of people lined up.
We only got one caller.
Well, what did you do with the others?
Get out.
Pack your bags.
Get your bags fired.
Out.
Santi's fired again.
OK, Steve.
He's wrong.
You're wrong.
Yeah.
Shall we give him the right answer?
Do you want to know what is really happening?
I'd love to know.
Yeah, OK.
So that is the sound of Kate Beckinsdale seeing a drawing of a medallion that she recognises.
Really?
The sound of sight?
That's not even actually the sound of anything physical happening.
It's the sound of her thinking and realising something.
Does it even go over a zoom or something?
Yeah.
Okay.
The sound of zooming.
It's from the Edgar Wright school of filming.
Hey.
That's good.
I'm not saying anything bad about it.
I'm just saying that every camera move has to have an explosive sound.
Yeah, but no, that's the sound of her thinking.
Yeah.
Wow, there you go.
So now you've been told, Steve.
Hey, Steve, do you want some tickets anyway?
Do you want to go see the magic numbers tonight or antenna on Thursday?
Antenna on Thursday, please.
Good choice.
Very good choice.
That's happening at the NFT and there should be some availability if anybody else wants to get down there and that's a showcase of the latest cutting-edge pop videos at the NFT on Thursday night, including the world premiere of the follow-up to Nizlopi's JCB video.
There you go.
There you go, so that'll be great.
Thanks for calling, Stu.
Cheers, Stu.
Lots of love.
Bye.
Love you.
So there you go.
That's OTT sound effects.
We've still got another competition this week.
Maybe we should even hold it over until next week.
It's quite an amazing crap commentary that we've got.
Shall we have a record?
Yeah, let's have a record.
Now, who is this?
Stone Roses.
The stonies.
You know what?
I'm not sure it is the stone roses.
Are we dropping the roses?
I thought maybe of dropping the roses, but I can't remember... Well, then it's gonna be Coldplay.
What I replaced the roses with.
What a choice.
Oh, man, I don't remember.
We're stuck between a rose and a cold place.
Hang on.
Oh, you know what?
I thought that was a free play.
Sorry for speaking off-mic there.
It's quite rude, isn't it?
I thought as a free play, I'd bring in a track from a band that was sort of fated and then F-E-T-E-D rather than F8.
But then just sort of didn't really do much.
I don't know if they're going to follow up with an amazing spectacular album of nuttiness, but this is Junior Senior with a track called Shake Your Coconuts.
Adam and Jo on XFM this Saturday afternoon.
Now we're debating whether or not we should have a crap commentary corner in this week's show.
Because we've got a lot of competitions, don't we?
We've got your over the top effects competition, which we've just done.
And then I was thinking we could have a kind of a text competition.
I'm still obsessed by the idea of coming up with new words.
Advertisers just don't seem to be able to do anything other than invent new words for their products.
Do you know what I mean?
Have you seen the Worcester Sauce ads?
No?
Oh, they're dreadful.
Anyway, I want to talk about those a bit later on.
But let's play some more music now.
Who have we got?
Stone Roses.
The Stone Roses with She Bangs the Drum.
That's the Stone Roses with She Bangs the Drums.
Drum even.
Just one drum.
She bangs.
Now, it's, uh... Hello.
Sorry, we're using a different mic this week.
Yeah, it's all gone a bit, uh... We're having a sort of technical breakdown at XFM.
A lot of the machines are just simply very old and breaking.
Yeah.
OK.
So, it's time for movie and video game news, listeners.
If you're a fan of The Godfather, then there's something exciting on the horizon.
A video game based on the film The Godfather.
Are you a fan of The Godfather, Adam Buxton?
Uh, yeah, I'm not massive, but yes, it's true.
Well, you'd agree that it's a classic film?
Yes.
Yeah, and it's an important film.
Important.
Historically important.
In what way?
Well, it's just one of the most famous films ever made.
That's true.
Yeah?
And it's got an amazing cast of people.
Extraordinary cast of people, and the idea of it being made into a video game, well, that's exciting, isn't it?
Yeah, that's mystifying what would happen.
OK, it's exciting, isn't it?
And the people who are making the video game are a company called EA.
They make all the James Bond games.
At the beginning of their games, there's a sort of logo and someone who goes, challenge everything.
Yes.
If you play video games, you'll recognize that.
Well, slightly.
OK, so they've been given the task of making a game out of The Godfather.
And it says on their website, The Godfather is one of the, I'm quoting here, The Godfather is one of the most exciting, dramatic, and memorable works of fiction in the world.
Yeah?
No arguments from me.
That's true.
Our goal has been to maintain the legacy of the Godfather and empower players to interact in a world based on one of the most remarkable motion pictures of all time.
So that's exciting, isn't it?
The thought of actually being able to live the Godfather movies.
Don Corleone and all the other characters, you know?
Vito, Luca Brasi, Sonny, Tom Hagen.
Yeah.
So let's hear a clip from the forthcoming video game of The Godfather and and just admire how brilliantly they've captured the flavor of those those films.
This is a genuine clip from the new Godfather video game.
You order a cake or something?
The Corleone family wants to make sure your bakery stays safe.
See, you don't scare me.
You Corleone scum.
Be a good little baker.
Give me what I want.
Leave my bakery now before I call the police.
You see?
That's amazing.
They've really... Classic scene of intimidation.
They've stayed true to the spirit of the film.
They have, yeah.
Isn't that brilliant?
Get out of my bakery, you gangster man!
Or I'm gonna throw a cake from my bakery at you, you mad... you bet... you man!
Do you want another clip?
Yes.
Here's another brilliant scene.
I think this is, again, him demanding some money from somebody.
Listen Emilio, the Corleones run this neighborhood.
If you're not paying them, you'll pay the consequences.
Why should I even give you a dime?
No more!
I'll pay!
That's the end of that scene.
Was that you playing there at the end with a bit of punching?
No, no, that's all.
No, that was just a demo.
You know, not an interactive demo.
It was just a movie.
But that's promising, isn't it?
Yeah.
Wow.
The Godfather.
They've really stayed true to the spirit of the Godfather.
All the music that makes you, that brings you back to Italy.
I like the way it fades in and out as well.
When you approach a character, it comes in and when you walk away, it goes away again.
That's a good line, though.
You don't pay the money, you pay the consequences.
Yeah.
And then, poof, poof, OK, I'll pay.
Simple as that.
Brilliant.
That's the end of that, then.
Get out of my bakery, you gangster.
You're a gangster.
I'm going to call the police about it.
Should we play some Coldplay?
Yeah.
That's the mighty Coldplay with talk.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM.
We'll be back shortly.
XFM.
That's Editors with Munich.
This is Adam and Joe on a Saturday afternoon in XFM.
Is it text competition time?
Text competition time.
That's exciting and up for grabs if you win this text competition are these very valuable box sets of professionals DVD.
Every single professionals episode ever made.
Wow.
57 episodes.
Uncut.
and digitally remastered.
Wow.
Yeah.
Commentaries?
Probably not.
Making of featurettes?
Probably not.
Surely.
I don't know.
You would imagine so.
Did you ever watch a single episode of The Professionals?
Yeah, I used to love The Professionals.
Did you?
Yeah.
Enjoyed The Professionals a lot.
Wow.
That was the Rough Boys that watched The Professionals.
Yeah, I was one of them Rough Boys.
Boy Joe!
I also liked The Return of the Saint.
That was my favourite.
That wasn't so much a rough boy show.
No, that was the gay boy show.
That was a girly boy show.
So anyway, I was saying before about the Wooster Sauce ad, which you haven't seen Joe and Zantoo.
No.
Hasn't seen it either, but I'm hoping that someone out there has seen these Wooster Sauce ads.
They're very quick.
They sort of sprinkle them almost like drops of Wooster Sauce throughout the ad breaks.
There's like two or three.
You know the way they do that sometimes?
They kind of return to them as little stings.
Sure.
And, uh, it's more new words.
We've talked before on this show about advertisers inventing new words, particularly for cars.
Not only do they want you to buy their products, they want you to speak their language as well.
Exactly, yeah.
Put it in your dictionary, they say.
Big small, we were talking about.
Big small, yeah.
Before it was, um, all the Nissan micro words like spafe, which was my personal least favourite.
Anyway, Worcester Source have gone down a similar route, um, talking about
putting a splish of Worcester sauce on your food.
And they've got some other words.
Maybe someone could email in what the other words are.
I tried to find them on the internet but I was stumped.
I couldn't remember.
There's another even more annoying word than splish.
So let's get this clear.
You want people to text in words like splish?
Yeah, basically.
Because splish is a word.
Yeah, splish, splosh, I was taking the bath.
Yeah, but you can't separate splish from splash, though.
Splish is, it's splish dash splash, splish splash.
I don't know, I would argue.
You can't just wander around saying splish.
But anyway, for the sake of this competition, I'll agree.
Yeah.
But anyway, it doesn't matter, it's just that the application of that word to Worcester Source, they obviously think that it's idiosyncratic and it makes me feel queasy.
Yeah.
Okay.
And so I'm thinking,
Basically, I want people to get their creative minds, you know, get in the creative mindset, or the mindset of a creative in an advertising agency, and come up with some annoying words to describe other food products.
For example?
For example, Marmite.
Okay?
Yeah.
So what about, just add a poop of Marmite?
A poop.
A poop?
Yeah, how about that?
Might not shift many jars.
Well, yeah, but I'm thinking this is the similar sort of thing as the Worcester sauce thing.
OK, keep going.
Give us another one.
Here we go.
Why not try scrambled eggs on toast with an ouzel of Marmite?
An ouzel?
Yeah.
So are these specifically words to describe the application of a substance?
It's got to be specific to the product.
Specific to the product.
So I'm thinking a poop or an ooze-all is good for Marmite.
Right.
But for tomato ketchup, what about a fart of ketchup?
Right.
There's a trend emerging in your made-up words.
Or a pukelet.
A pukelet.
A pukelet of ketchup.
I think people will get the idea, so text 83XFM with your ideas for what Adam just said.
What I've been saying.
83XFM.
How about a yawn of Bertolli?
That kind of thing.
There you go.
That's the soppy surfer.
Jack Johnson with Better Together.
Adam and Joe here on XFM this Saturday afternoon.
And we've got huge amounts of ideas coming in through the... We've got a very good response.
Keep texting 83XFM with your adjectives to describe... I can't explain it but if you were listening earlier you'd understand.
What?
Just I can't explain it?
Well it's... No, no, no.
You were on the right track.
Adjectives is all I said.
Adjectives, yeah.
sort of invented adjectives or at least for the application of a product to a product related surface yeah that kind of thing yeah yeah toast is a product related surf surface and joe was saying before is a surface while we were playing jack johnson joe was convinced that i believe splish might be in the dictionary but i've been proved wrong according to the online dictionary yeah but maybe in the complete oxford splishes there i was just thinking if you were reading a novel
Uh, you wouldn't really, um, what's, you know, you wouldn't think that Splish was out of place if, say, Stephen King described the rain splishing down?
Absolutely not, but I don't, I think that it's not the context for it.
An advert for Worcester sauce is the thing that makes me angry about it.
You're right, there are worse, though, and God knows we've had some worse ones texted in.
Yeah, exactly.
Very stupid ones, and some quite rude ones.
Some filthy ones, yeah.
Mostly filthy, in fact.
I'm not totally surprised about that.
Um, so let's see.
What were we gonna say?
Have you got anything to say, Joe?
I've got lots to say, but let's have a record and come back and do some more saying.
I'd like to take everybody into the world of Timothy Treadwell in a second.
Treadwell?
Who is Treadwell?
I'll take them into the world of Timothy Treadwell in a second.
I'm gonna tease it.
Wow, that's such an obscure tease because we've got no idea who he is.
Okay, here's a free play for you right now.
This is Supergrass.
At Supergrass with We Still Need More Than Anyone Can Give, this is Edward Jo on XFM.
We're going to wrap up our text competition very shortly, so stick with us.
But here's some marvelous adverts for you.
XFM.
There you go, that's the marvellous Magic Numbers with Love Me Like You.
This is Adam and Joe here on XFM this Saturday afternoon.
Now we're going to wrap up our text competition, promise, but not just yet, because we've still got a lot of entries coming in.
So in the meantime, I'm going to hand you over to Joe Cornish.
Yes, but yeah, because it's movie news time.
And I'd like to talk about a documentary called Grizzly Man.
Have you heard about Grizzly Man, Adam?
I've heard lots about it.
Everyone who's seen it says it's amazing.
It is amazing.
And if you haven't heard about it, it's made by a very famous German director called Werner Herzog.
And he's basically discovered this footage, DV footage, you know, handicam footage, that a man called Timothy Treadwell filmed of himself trying to make friends with a colony of bears.
uh... in alaska i think in uh... in in in in a sort of uh... gamers of what would you call it not gamers of like a national park national park exactly so fun i had such stumbled upon all this amazing footage that he's filmed on his own with these bears so i saw the poster to this film i thought it was going to be like grisly adams like a kind of uh... you know brutish bearded uh... tough guy you out in the wilderness making friends with bears
couldn't be more wrong timothy treadwell is the softest sweetest sort of michael jackson-esque person you've ever seen but yet it's almost as if he's trying to prove his masculinity by making friends with this with these bears yeah so i'd like to play a few clips here's the first clip and this is timothy treadwell uh
who's basically been on his own, he spends years on his own in this national park, completely alone, nothing but his camcorder for company, so his self-censorship levels kind of drop, you know, after a while, he doesn't think anyone's watching him, and he gets deeply, deeply involved with the nature.
Because there's no people for him to talk to, only animals.
So he gets very, very bonded with the animals.
And here's him coming across a dead bee.
And listen to how moved he is by the fact that this bee has died while he was taking pollen from a flower.
Have a listen to this.
This is a bumblebee who expired as it was working at doing the pollen thing on this Alaskan fireweed, and it just is just, it's really touched me to no end.
It was doing its duty, it was flying around, working busy as a bee, and it died right there.
It's beautiful, it's sad, it's tragic.
I love that bee.
Well, the bee moved.
Is it sleeping?
So the bee was just sleeping.
But he got so involved in the idea that it might have died on the flower and how beautiful that would be.
Yeah.
That, you know, he almost wanted it to be dead, I think.
He sounds like a fragile man.
He is a fragile man.
Can I play you one more clip?
He's so in love with these bears.
One of the most amazing things about this film is he gets amazingly close to the bears.
He's literally got his camcorder in his left hand and his hand stroking the nose of a massive grizzly bear.
talking to it kind of like this and he gives them names like Timmy and Bobo and Sergeant Brown and Quincy and he commentates on their movements oh sergeant Brown is attacking Quincy sergeant Brown stop it don't do that to Quincy stuff like this so this is what happens when he goes up to a poop a poo that a bear has just done and it's a bear he particularly loves and he loves this poo almost as much as the bear you might need to give this one some some volume listen very carefully to how excited a man can get over a bear's poo
It just came out of her butt.
I can feel it.
I can feel the poop.
It's warm.
It just came from her butt.
It was just inside of her.
My girl.
I know it may seem weird that I touched her poop, but it was inside of her.
It's her life.
It's her.
It's her poop.
It's Wendy's poop.
Now, that's an amazing sequence.
So what's the deal though?
Because the guy, is the guy not well then?
He's having a sort of a nervous breakdown in the wilderness and there's a lot more to it than I'm giving you.
I'm just trying to get people to see it.
Yeah.
Because it's amazing.
Well I haven't heard a bad word about it.
It's really good but there's so much more to it than I thought there was.
Yeah because it's partly about Herzog himself isn't it?
Well that's a whole other layer of fish cake.
Can I play you one last clip?
Yeah please.
So obviously Treadwell's having a bit of a nervous breakdown, and he might be having a slight sexual identity crisis, a sexual orientation crisis as well.
But he does talk about that a bit, because obviously, you know, with those mannerisms and that kind of voice you might draw conclusions about him.
But he puts those conclusions to rest in this little speech that he gives to the camera.
Have a listen to this.
I've always wished I was gay.
Would've been a lot easier.
You know, you can just bing, bing, bing.
Gay guys have no problem.
I mean, they go to restrooms and truck stops and they perform sex.
It's like so easy for them and stuff.
But you know what?
Alas, too many turtles not gay.
Bummer!
I'm sure gay people have problems too, but not as much as one goofy straight guy named Timothy Dredwell.
One goofy straight guy.
So that's it.
That's just to try and get you people out there to go and see Grizzly Man.
Which is on general release.
Yeah, I think so.
And if you don't get to see it at the cinema, watch out for it when it comes out on DVD, because it's better than most of the silly Hollywood features out at the moment.
Absolutely.
Yeah, I can't wait to see that.
OK, let's play some more music.
And after this, we really should wrap up our text competition.
So if you've got any more entries for that, insane words for products that advertisers might come up with, anything annoying, then let us know.
Until then, here is a song.
There you go.
So, you see, every now and again, listeners, what I like to do is I like to play just a mystery track by accident and then see if anyone out there can show off their musical knowledge by telling us what it is.
Because I've got none idea what that track just was.
I played it by accident.
I'm sorry, I'm a bit sort of confused today.
I blame it on the fact that I electrocuted my filling this morning with Spoon.
Do you ever do that?
Oh, when you get a bit of metal, you know, like tin foil or whatever on a filling, it goes right through you.
I've got one, but it's not made of metal.
Oh, right.
It's made of solid... Genius.
Genius, yes.
So let's put this text competition to bed.
We've been asking you to come up with new adjectives.
Are they adjectives?
Kind of, yeah.
Are they verbs?
I think they're adverbs.
They don't necessarily have to be totally invented.
It's just the annoying application of words to... Are they adjectives, verbs or adverbs?
Well, adverb is describing how something is happening.
Exactly.
So they're adverbs.
Right.
So let's go to these texts.
Let's start off with Ellian Wimbledon, who has suggested a fuzz of Parmesan.
That's very that's so good.
I think that might be real.
Madam, would you like a fuzz of Parmesan on your spaghetti?
That's good, you say?
That's good, isn't it?
But there's no actual product, though.
Parmesan.
Yeah, I know, Parmesan, but Parmesan doesn't come pre-fuzzed, does it?
Any brand?
Oh no, it does come pre-fuzzed, in little tubes.
Yeah, yeah, in little powdery tubes.
How about Kim from Croydon has come up with a thud of custard?
Custard thud, nice.
Custard thud, suggesting the density, the weight, the impact of custard arriving, say, on a jelly.
Yeah.
Birds.
Birds could use that.
What, birds?
Oh, I see.
The firm.
The custard firm, yeah.
Remember, there is the complete professionals up for grabs.
57 episodes on DVD worth 150 boons.
Boondes?
That's why we're taking this text competition so seriously.
Mark,
suggests a gurgle of ketchup.
That's nice.
It's nice, it's very simple.
Yeah, well hey.
Hey, simple ones are often the best.
Absolutely.
How about, this is one of my favourites, for me this could be the winner, a Chasnay of Baby Sham.
That's perfect!
Would you like a Chasnay of Baby Sham?
How much would a Chasnay be?
Not very much, probably.
A thimbleful.
Yeah.
Maybe it would just be like wiping it on your face.
That's sent in by Dan Brown, who insists he's not the Dan Brown who invented the Da Vinci Code.
Otherwise he wouldn't be sitting at home calling us.
He'd be swimming in money.
Exactly.
OK, Rob from Pimlico suggests, in a slightly Roland Rivron manner, a scrote of meatballs.
I think that's just a bit sordid.
Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's gone for the balls aspect.
He's gone for the nutties.
Roxy Game, you're filthy.
You're filthy, but I like you.
Maxine says a plap of cottage cheese.
A plap, P-L-A-P.
That's perfect.
That's very onomatopoeic, Maxine.
Well done.
This is kind of like English class, isn't it?
It is, it's the way I'm doing it, yes.
It's like when a fun teacher comes in for English class.
A feature, a furniture.
Pam has come up with... Pam!
What's your second name, Pam?
You'll be very naughty.
Pam has done a league of lemon juice.
A league?
That's perfect.
A league of lemon juice is good.
Oliver in Whoppings says a grunt of peanut butter.
No, not a grunt, a grunst.
That's just nonsense.
A clag of cream from Tony and Whopping.
A clag?
That's a real word, isn't it?
Clag?
Is it?
Something clags up?
Claggy.
You can be claggy, yeah, yeah.
And little Jason.
Little Jason?
Is he any relation to little what's-his-name from rock school?
Little Billy?
Little Timmy?
What's that stupid kid from rock school called?
Lovely kid, I love him.
With the silly baseball cap.
You don't know what I'm talking about, do you?
I do, yeah.
He's the guy that's... Little Timmy, little Robbie, little Bobby.
He's the hope of the band.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jason, isn't he?
Little Jason, I don't know.
Anyway, our texture is called Little Jason.
He suggests, after all that, a sprizzle of mayonnaise.
A sprizzle?
You see, I don't think mayonnaise sprizzles, it's too thick.
Something that sprizzles it, that's a sprinkly drizzle thing.
Not a... You see, sprizzle would have been better for Worcester sauce to bring us full circle.
Exactly, exactly.
Come on, Little Jason.
You've got something going on there, Jason.
An enumpty of jam.
N-U-M-B-T-Y.
I don't know even who that's from.
Anumty of Jam is good, I like that.
I'll try and find out who that's from.
So should we do another record and announce the winner while we deliberate over these?
I think we should wrap it up, man.
Shaznay of Baby Sham.
A Shaznay, yeah.
Have we just got the one thing to give away?
Yeah, Dan Brown.
There you go.
You're gonna win the 57 episodes of The Professional.
So you better not be the guy that wrote The Da Vinci Code.
Otherwise you could afford those.
But that was a narrow win because all those entries were excellent.
Yeah, but aren't there two set box sets?
We can award someone else with a box set.
Oh, yeah.
A scrote of meatballs, gurgle of ketchup, thud of custard, fuzz of parmesan.
Fuzz of parmesan was good.
Fuzz of parmesan is nice.
Flap of cottage cheese, leak of lemon juice.
There's so little in it.
Grunts to peanut butter, clag of creams, bristle of mayo, numpty of jam.
Come on, Adam, quickly, decide.
Let's go for the fuzz.
The fuzz.
Ellie in Wimbledon.
you get that second professional's box set.
That's genius.
Enjoy the shooting, the Matt Kismo, the wife-roes, that's a white man's afro, um, etc.
The cars, the cars, the bros, the stars, from the 70s, and the bras again.
That's the, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes, yes, yes, with a cold, a gold lion.
I can't speak or read.
They're still coming in.
Apparently people are telling me, what are they telling me?
They're collective nouns.
Collective nouns?
Rather than adverbs, I don't know.
I should have listened at school.
A beetle of peanuts?
That's true, yeah, that's a collective noun, yeah.
A beetle of peanuts?
A beetle of peanuts is quite nice.
That's quite good, isn't it?
Oh, I see, that's another nasty reference to Jeremy Beedle's hand.
Why?
Well, because that's... What's that got to do with holding some peanuts?
Well, I'll tell you when we're off air.
I don't understand that.
I mean, I do, but... What?
That doesn't make any sense.
A Winnet of Bovril?
That's from Cassie.
A Winslet of Bovril?
Richie on the M25 was responsible for the beadle of peanuts.
Richie.
Concentrate on driving.
Shocking.
Now let's play some adverts and then come back and... Oh, maybe we should do...
We're going to do Ditties in the Dock.
Hey, I really hope that gospel song about the congestion charge is in this set of adverts.
Did you hear that?
What is the, oh yeah.
It's just a jubilant, I mean, what better use for gospel music generally, a type of music that's, you know, born in the church and evolved over hundreds of years than to tell us about the congestion charge.
And I'm sure that'll change Madonna's mind about it.
Yeah, here we go.
Let's see if it's in here.
Yes, you're listening to Adam and Jo here on XFM London's 104.9.
It's the last 15 minutes of our show and it's time for Ditties in the Dot.
This is the part of the show where you, the listeners, get to vote what song we play the show out with and everybody who gets through onto the air will win a copy of Samurai 7, the anime version of Akira Kurosawa's classic epic feature film, The Seven Samurai.
And I can tell you from the stills on the back of the box,
it looks wicked there's men with long hair who are looking mean and they've got swords and there's things on fire and there's a blonde bloke and there's people being sliced up and everything you want big spaceships with spiky bits and crows flying around them in the sun it looks brilliant five copies of those to give away
But of course, you know, if that's not incentive enough, it would just be nice to chat.
Exactly, to hear from you, our listeners.
OK, so the theme of this week's Ditties is Breakbeat Classics.
So songs that are just samples and drums, yeah?
maybe not even necessarily classics, but breakbeat songs.
Is that right, Adam?
Have you bought something in that isn't a breakbeat classic?
Well, no, I was a bit pushed, but I think I've only got one CD that falls under that category.
In your entire collection?
Well, no, that I enjoy, because generally you buy those sort of things and you think, oh, this is going to be fun, and then you sit there and listen to them and you go to sleep and then you never play them again.
But this is one that I do like.
I don't mean like breakbeat, like loops for DJs.
Is that what you thought I meant?
Like drawing patterns?
I know what the breakbeat is.
Hey, by the way, I should also mention that that guy in rock school is called Little Chris.
Thanks to all the million people who texted that in.
We should talk about that as well, but maybe next week.
So I'll get on with my vote.
for Ditties in the Dock is called Holy Calamity, and it's by Handsome Boy Modelling School, which is a duo of, everyone knows who they are, Prince Paul and Dan the Automator, and all I can say in order to pitch my track is I'd like to play you the very, very beginning.
So this is my pitch, it's called Holy Calamity, and it starts like this.
Holy calamity, scream insanity, all you ever gonna be's another great fan of me.
Oi, oi, oi, oi, I'm gonna switch it off now.
Thank you.
I just wanted to tease them with the talking at the beginning.
Yeah.
So that's it.
If you want to hear the rest of that, it's a fantastic song.
And if you've ever played Tony Hawk's Underground, it's on there.
Oh, right.
Yeah.
So there you go.
If you want to hear that, what are they called?
The Handsome Boy Modelling School, call 0871 222 1049.
Alternatively, I've got, I also want to do an hour-old pitch as well, because I think it's important for these kinds of things, because they're sort of anonymous, these tracks, basically, aren't they?
It's not like voting for your favorite Bowie song.
So this is by DJ Magic Mike.
And I don't really know anything about DJ Magic Mike except that he was on XL Records for a while and that's the home of a lot of good music.
But this was a track from a really good album actually that features a lot of very impressive scratching.
And it is pretty minimal stuff, but for some reason it manages to hold your attention.
Anyway, this is how it begins.
That sounds good.
Sounds pretty good.
It's got the sort of public enemy thing going on.
So who's that by again?
That's DJ Magic Mike.
So there we go.
Call 0871 222 1049 and vote for DJ Magic Mike or Handsome Boy Modelling School.
And everyone who gets on the air wins a copy of that marvellous Samurai anime DVD, what I was describing earlier.
Call now.
Right now, here's some music from Awesome.
Thank you very much.
That was good.
That's awesome with no tomorrow
Yes, it's time to resolve Ditted in the Dock.
We've got four callers on the line.
Now that gives us a clue, doesn't it?
That... there's somebody has had a walkover.
Someone's had a... oh, there's three... must mean it's three-one, then.
I don't believe that DJ Magic Mike is... Come on, you never know.
Hello, John.
Is John there?
Hello, John.
Hello, hello.
How are you doing, John?
I'm nursing a moody hangover at the moment.
Really?
You sound like quite a powerful man with maybe a high-powered job.
You sound sensible, man.
What are you doing listening to this show?
Well, I'm just trying to dumb myself down a little bit, thank you.
Well done.
What, John, who are you?
What do you do?
I'm head chef at a golf club.
No.
Yes, really.
Wow.
Is that a good place to be?
I don't know if any of them will be listening to XFM, but... No, do people who play golf appreciate really good food?
Um, I wouldn't know.
They appreciate the rubbish that I turn out.
Well, there you go.
Done deal.
What's your favourite dish to make?
Good question, Adam.
Cheese sandwiches.
Which cheese sandwiches?
That's a difficult one, yeah.
Well, we didn't try to do them at college.
I'm just kind of making it up as I go along.
And do you apply a splish of Worcester sauce?
I certainly do not, thank you.
Okay, good.
What are you going to be voting for, John?
Is it going to be DJ Magic or Handsome Boy Modelling School?
It's got to be Handsome Boy Modelling School.
Do you know the song?
Yeah, it's the best song on the album, I think.
Hey, I agree.
There you go.
Well, thanks for your vote.
And you get that DVD of Samurai 7.
How are you?
They've been kind enough to give us them to give away.
So I'm going to repeat it every time someone wins one.
Yeah, fantastic.
Samurai 7 available on DVD now.
So you've got 15.
There you go, John.
Thanks for calling.
Thanks very much indeed, John.
Yeah.
And I hope your hangover improves.
Heather, are you there?
Hello.
Hello, Heather.
Somebody curious.
Hello, Heather.
Do you have a question?
Mmm.
It's poor Heather, she's made one noise and she's already been eviscerated.
Well, not eviscerated, but sort of mocked with absolutely no information.
You did the same last week.
Did you call last week?
I did, I had the flea last week.
Oh, there you go.
And did you win something?
Did you get your prize?
I did, but I haven't seen it yet.
Oh, I see.
So you got it, but you didn't guess it?
Yes.
So you're not phoning in to vote, you're just phoning in to complain.
Where is my prize?
Fair enough.
So, Heather, what's it going to be then?
Is it going to be DJ Magic or, you know... DJ Magic Mike.
DJ Magic Mike.
That's why people aren't voting for him.
Or handsome boy modelling school.
Well, I know the Hampton Boy Modelling School track, so I thought I'd vote for DJ Magic Mike.
Ooh, very adventurous.
That says something about you, Heather.
Yeah?
What does it say about me?
It just says you like to try something different.
And that's sexy.
Spicy.
Hey, thanks for calling, Heather, and call back next week and we'll say more idiotic things about you.
I'll look forward to it.
Have a lovely week.
Have a good week.
And enjoy Samurai 7 on DVD, the greatest release of the way.
You know, it's only volume one as well, so, you know, there could be a whole year's worth of Samurai DVDs for you.
Brilliant.
If you'd pardon yourself.
Thanks for calling.
And we've got Dan.
Dan, presumably this isn't Dan the Automator.
Boating for himself.
How are you doing, Dan?
Not too bad yourself?
Yeah, not bad.
Bit shambolic this week.
We always say that though, and then we say, next week we'll be better, and then we're just shambolic again.
What are you up to, Dan?
You're on your mobile phone, aren't you?
I am, can you tell?
Yeah, I can tell.
What are you doing?
You may be operating some heavy machinery?
Like Tom Cruise in War of the Worlds.
Just driving back from watching the football, unfortunately.
Was there some wicked goals?
Was it a good match?
It was okay.
Who done the best kick?
Who done the goals?
What is the footballers when they do the goals?
How round was the ball?
Was it wicked?
Did you cheer and go, ooh yes, ooh yes, ooh kick it in the goal?
Did you do that at all?
No, but I'll be doing that tomorrow on my team, please.
Tomorrow go, my team is good, yours is bad, la la la.
Don't do that.
He'll get kicked in the head.
So what are you voting for, Dan?
Handsome boy modelling school.
Oh, good choice.
Have you played Tony Hawk's Underground on the, on the, what?
Of course.
You have?
Yeah, it's a good track.
I love it when that one kicks in.
Well-voted.
So that's 2-1 to Joe Cornish.
Cheers, Dan.
Thanks very much for your call.
Now, listen, you said earlier on that we only had four callers.
So it's sort of four gone now, isn't it?
Yeah, but not all of us can get our brains around that kind of maths.
So for the stupider people listening and presenting, we'll just carry on as if we don't know.
So what's this, Oliver, Olivier, Olivia.
Do you think someone's named a baby Olivia yet after the spread?
And then changed its name to Bertolli.
Yeah, his middle name.
Olivia Bertolli.
When he's five.
The least sophisticated Italian in the world.
Olivia, are you there?
Oliver.
Olivia, hello?
Oliver?
He's hung up in bored disgust.
Has he hung up?
Speak, Oliver.
Oh, he's on my Twitter.
That'll be why.
Hello?
There you go.
Sorry about that.
Adam's having some problems with the faders today.
How are you doing?
I'm very good, thank you.
What are your headlines, Oliver?
What's happening in your life?
Have you got any problems we can help you with?
Well, one of my best mates called Timothy Treadwell, so that was kind of freaky having you talk about him.
Did you enjoy those clips?
Well, yeah.
The guy sounds mad.
He is.
And are you going to go and see that film?
Well, I might do, yeah.
You will not regret it.
I swear you should go and see that.
Put more money into the coffers of Werner Herzog, who has the most extraordinary voiceover voice.
I hate nature, the murder of the bees.
Next week, if you listen next week, I'm going to play some Werner Herzog clips and see if Adam can do a good Herzog impression.
It sounds like a Chief Arnie impression.
It is, it's a combination of Mark Cousins, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Tom Paulin.
Mix them together and you get Werner Herzog.
All the most enjoyable people there's been like.
Who are you voting for, Olivier?
Oh, there you go.
Well, there you go.
And you get your Samurai 7 DVD as well.
Do you like animated slicing?
That's why I'm folding up.
Hey, there you go.
Well, you'll be a very happy man.
Oliver, thanks a lot for your call.
And here's some other exciting news.
As part of the special features on that DVD, there is the original trailer.
Oh, I love the original trailer.
Yeah, so that's a little cherry on the cake.
Really?
And what's more, if you look a bit deeper in the extras, there are some character profiles.
Probably text.
Stills?
No, probably just writing.
Stills?
Yeah.
So there's a little something to get you all steamed up.
You should have a party, man, and just play the original trailers.
Really, I'd like to have a party and just play the text information from DVDs.
Or, what is it, cast and character profiles?
Yeah, I love it when you press an extra and it's just some text.
So listen, thanks everybody for voting for my one, Handsome Boy Modelling School.
It's very good.
Well, we're going to hear it right now, but can I just say that DJ Magic Mike, well worth a listen if you're into this kind of thing.
It's true.
The listeners have spoken.
He's a musical genius.
It's rubbish.
Listen, we'll be back next week with a superb show.
Superb.
And thanks for listening.
Yeah.
Take care.
We love you.
Bye.
Holy calamity, scream insanity.
Are you ever going to be another great fan of me?
Do it!