Yeah, that's the Foo Fighters with No Way Back.
That is the fourth single to be taken from the group's fifth album, In Your Honour.
Oh, too many numbers.
I'm tired already.
This is Adam and Joe here on XFM this Saturday afternoon.
Now you can help us with some technical business listeners this afternoon, because we've been having some problems with our microphones in the studio.
And apparently, Joe's microphone possibly might not be working if you're listening to us digitally.
Digitally.
Is that correct?
Yes.
So if you're listening to this show on a DAB, what does that stand for?
Digital.
Digital and business.
Then just, and you can't hear me properly, you'll probably hear me through Adam's mic, right, quieter and more ambient.
Give us a text, let us know, because apparently there's been this technical problem at XFM for three weeks.
and no DJ has actually had the idea of asking the listeners.
We're the first- we came up with it.
Yeah, we care.
We break through that wall.
Yeah.
So if you can't hear us properly and you're listening on DAB, please text us.
The text is 83XFM.
And that's it.
We've got great stuff coming up in the next two hours.
We've got a crap commentary competition, which is really good this week.
Is it a tough one?
Yeah.
Well, it's not tough.
It's just funny.
Yeah, good.
Yeah.
so stay tuned for that and we've got loads of great music coming through your gaff into your radio box your ruddy radio box are you trying to be tommy vance i'm like the guy from the e4 promos isn't that tommy vance into your ruddy gaff i think tommy vance is dead man oh
I think he died.
They've got another guy that sounds like him.
If he's not dead, I'm really sorry, Tommy Vance, but I think he is.
So may he rest in peace.
Yeah, music coming up from the Stereophonics.
Well, some people like them.
The Stereophonics, The Charlatans, Dirty Pretty Things, Radiohead.
Uh, awesome.
Is that new?
This band is tipped for huge success in 2005.
Editors, Goldfrapp, all the usual brilliant bands.
And a few, uh, nuggets from our own vaults as well.
Ditty's in the Dot coming up, it's country and western this week.
Wow!
We've got a text competition, we're gonna talk about all sorts of stuff, like a couple of miserable old twats, like we usually do.
Nicely mangled bit of profanity there, man.
Thank you.
Um, I think that might actually be ruder.
That was, yeah, it sounds a bit ruder the way you said it.
Did you say something about, um, Coco Pop Straws there?
Yeah, um, we'd like to also apologise to anybody who's emailed in the last four weeks, cos the email system has been down, part of XFM's massive technical breakdown that's now over and it's emerging from Phoenix-like, er, you know, with all sorts of new-fangled equipment, um, but we haven't been able to read the emails.
And I was just looking through the 1,157 we've got, most of which are internal warnings and cautions from various radio authorities.
But one of them said that Coco Pop Straws might be banned.
Really?
And why?
This is allegedly, I can't confirm that.
Well, I'll have to go back to the mail and read it.
Right, because we were talking about Coco Pop Straws the other week.
I was curious to know whether any mothers out there had actually followed the... In what sense, mothers?
mothers of children, birth mothers, had followed the implication these days.
Not mofos, just mothers.
Had followed the advice of the commercial, because in the commercial they imply that Coco Pop straws are a good way of encouraging your children to drink more milk, whereas in fact we all know they're just yummy crunchy snacks and they've got nothing to do with milk whatsoever.
Um, they may as well be encouraging you to drink cider, I don't know.
But I was curious as to whether any mothers, um, had actually used them successfully.
But I don't think that anyone in their right mind would drink straw through a Cocoa Pop straw as a way of drinking milk.
Shall I stop talking and play some more music?
Yeah.
Oh, brilliant, it's this one.
A little soft intro, isn't it?
Yeah.
Lucio wouldn't have done a soft intro like that.
He would have gone, it's Jose Gonzalez!
Deal with it!
Oh, sorry?
That was Jose Gonzalez with heartbeats.
So listen, I don't know if anyone out there, uh, enjoys watching telly.
I love watching telly.
Do you?
Yeah.
Oh, great.
Um, because we were on it the other weekend.
Oh, I wish, I wish he- Do you not want to talk about this?
I can talk about it if you want.
We were on Channel 4's, what is it, 100 Funniest- 100 Greatest Funny Moments.
Yeah, I don't know whether anybody saw that.
And if you're a regular listener to the show, you might remember that Adam and I weren't sure whether to go on it.
And we asked the listeners, didn't we?
Yeah, we polled.
And who overwhelmingly encouraged us to be interviewed for the hundred greatest funniest moments.
Yeah.
But what a peculiar show.
Very strange.
What was the criteria?
If you saw that show, listeners, last Sunday night between noon and 3 a.m.
the following week, it seemed to last forever, didn't it?
It lasted about three and a half hours or four hours.
Do you know what the criteria was?
Because it seemed so random.
They had clips from films, they had bits of stand-up, and they had kind of spontaneous prank comedy.
So at the beginning I thought, well, it must be spontaneous improvised comedy.
That's the criteria.
But then they had bits from stand-up routines, which are largely scripted.
Yeah, but I think their criteria was that it had to be something real.
There had to be an element of reality in it.
Oh, what does that mean?
Where's the element of reality in Peter Kay's stand-up routine?
he's standing in front of some human beings.
Yeah.
He's alive.
Well that's rubbish.
I know that's rubbish.
It's getting weird.
Something strange is happening to Channel 4 clip shows.
They've run out of subjects to do so now they're using them as kind of revisionist propaganda tools.
Well it was like a hundred greatest moments from other hundred greatest shows was what it was.
Yeah.
But it did give them an opportunity to slip in some quite cool stuff like the internet stuff I thought was pretty funny.
The Star Wars guy.
that made the criteria even weirder.
I mean, you could do a top 100 internet funny things on their own, couldn't you?
What's the connection between an internet clip and the going up to 11 clip from Spinal Tap or the bit where they feel the dog's nuts in Best in Show?
I suppose they're kind of water cooler moment things, aren't they?
Whatever your theory is, put it into the title.
The 100 Greatest Water Cooler Moments.
yeah but then people might have been confused by what a water cooler moment they wanted to make it as basic as possible funny moments hundred funny moments it was weird man i don't know whether anybody out there understood it better than i did but it was nice to see that your dad is one unit less funny than punked the entire series adam's dad is one unit of channel four's currency whatever it is less uh no less funny than punked yeah punked was uh 70 69 was it i don't i didn't write down the numbers my dad was a number 70 yeah
Dylan Moran live is one unit less funny than the whole of Daisy Donovan's career.
The Napoleon Dynamite dancing scene was at 49.
What was spontaneous about that?
I mean it's dancing so in a way you can't really script dancing but you can choreograph it.
It's just a funny moment it's just a thing isn't it?
Yeah but... It's like when people talk about do you like that bit in that thing?
Yeah but there's so many what about then all the funny bits in all the sitcoms and scripted films and...
I don't know.
Am I being pedantic?
What about Be Somebody or Be Somebody's Fool, the Mr. T thing they had a clip from at number 45.
Never been shown on UK television.
Only available, like, on bootleg.
Were you upset about that?
Well, if they're going to do bootleg stuff that's not available on telly, then there's millions of brilliant things to show.
Yeah.
Star Wars Holiday Special.
There's a whole... millions.
There's a whole subculture of that stuff.
Well, it was kind of a personal list that some desperate researcher had drawn up, I suppose.
Alex Zane's bits on Balls of Steel are funnier than Best in Show and Spinal Tap.
Well, if you put it like that, it's difficult, isn't it?
You and me, the Adam and Joe show, all four series, were one unit less funny than that fat, sweaty bloke off Pop Idol.
Fair enough.
well I think I think that's fair enough he was amazing I've never seen those but nothing from rock profiles nothing from shooting stars hmm it was weird if anyone out there understood it better than me but to round this rant off I don't know I don't think we'll be going on those again now well we are here I might never go and tell you again
I think you're doing well, Adam, with the It crowd.
Keep up with the acting.
I'm gonna stick behind the camera.
Yeah, I agree.
Television's gone weird.
We spoke for about 45 minutes and wrung our hands and agonized over every word we said and in the end they just used two lines.
They used two of the most arrogant things either of us said.
You just said, well, we were the best thing in takeover TV so we got a series.
Anyway, that's that last you'll see of me.
We've learned our lesson.
We won't do it again.
We promise now.
Here's a free play This is a one of the first singles to be taken from the clap your hands say yeah album last year And I'm really enjoying this album more and more the more I listen to it.
Hope you do, too
that is clap your hands say yeah which is a bad name for a band let's face it don't you think Joe well it's common knowledge that band names are thin on the ground yeah I mean most of the most cops mathematically speaking most most combinations of words have been used do you like making up names for non-existent bands yes I do
it's enjoyable isn't it yeah well when you say something random in conversation you can just add the line that will be a good name for a band yeah exactly on the end and it's just fun isn't it i i was um it's just fun isn't it that no it'd be a bad name for a band the is just fun isn't it the is just fun isn't it yeah anyway that was clap your hands say yeah bad name brilliant band uh that was called in this home on ice this is adam and joe on xfm uh we're gonna play some adverts joe
Yeah, and then after the adverts, listeners were gonna do our crap commentary, competition, or corner, or whatever we call it.
Now you might have noticed it's rather a beautiful day today.
It certainly is in London.
It's cold, but it's lovely and sort of clear and sunny, or it was.
So that means fewer people might be listening.
No, because a lot of people are out.
I was out on London tonight yesterday.
They said, because it's so cold, people are coming into the A&E with nosebleeds because their nasal pastures are getting all dried out and irritated.
And this.
They're getting nosebleeds.
People are coming in.
It's like zombie town out there because of the freezing cold.
I'm telling you.
It's like a nation of toddlers with nosebleeds.
And they're saying to them... Since when do you go to A&E with a nosebleed?
It's frightening getting a nosebleed.
You think your brain's exploded or something.
You know, if you're not prone to nosebleeds normally, suddenly you start, you know, you just think... Depends what sort of a nosebleed... If it's like one of those nosebleeds out of The Fury...
Then that's different.
In movies, it's like, in movies if someone gets a cough, that means they're gonna get a... It's true, and if they get a nosebleed it means they've got an aneurysm.
Exactly.
Doesn't it?
It's very bad.
People never get nosebleeds in films casually.
That's right.
It always means their brain's melted or they've got some sort of Ebola-style virus.
Ebola!
We'll be back shortly.
XFM.
This is XFM.
XFM.
Love XFM
There we go, the stereophonics.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM, London's 104.9.
Little bit of torture for everyone who doesn't like the stereophonics, but pure pleasure for people who do.
Some delicious balm.
Aural balm.
We haven't had any texts in about the microphone situation, have we?
We have.
Apparently it's A-OK.
Loud and clear.
Thank you very much, all digital audio listeners who texted in.
It's time for a competition now, and it's Crap Commentary Corner.
Go ahead, it's easy.
You can use IMTV.
Many young children are listening.
Crap is not a clever word to use.
Crapity-crap-crap-crap.
Not clever.
Don't copy it.
Crapity-crap.
Um, so it's time for- for Crap Commentary Corner, and this week we've got, uh, quite an easy one.
So stand by your phones.
0-8-7-1-2-2-2-1-0-4-9.
I'll say that again in a second, so grab a pen and paper.
Mm.
Yeah?
You reckon people are gonna get this one pretty easily?
I think so.
Yeah, I don't know.
Who knows?
Now what's the pri- what prizes have we got, Xanthi, this week?
Is it This Life DVDs?
The- the- the 90s- wow, this is from when we were on telly.
I'm so excited about This Life coming out.
Oh, and Ghost in the Shell?
That's more exciting.
Ghost in the Shell 2.
So This Life is for- is a prize for ladies and Adam.
Oh, he's steady.
This Life is amazing.
And Ghost in the Shell is a- oh, I haven't seen this.
Ghost in the Shell 2, Innocence.
Supposed to be brilliant.
I think he- Something to do with Studio Ghibli.
This Life trivia fact, I think Ricky Gervais was responsible for picking a lot of the music, incidental music, that was used on This Life.
It's a little, uh, fact for you, fact fans.
Anyway, shall we play this competition?
Yeah.
So, really good prizes.
0-8-7-1-2-2-2-1-0-4-9.
What's that, Xanthi?
And tickets.
Oh, and tickets as well.
We might give the tickets away for, um... Yeah, we got something else that we might give away.
Anyway, really good prizes.
Here comes clip number one.
So all you have to do is tell me who this director is and what movie he's talking about.
In clip number one, he describes how he kind of wants you to watch his film on DVD and he expects quite a lot from his viewers in these, you know, time-stressed days.
Let's hear it.
This film has really been designed to be watched more than once.
My advice is to watch it once without the commentary, then watch it with the commentary, then watch it again without the commentary.
And each time you watch it, the concept becomes deeper and deeper.
Right and then watch it then throw it away with the commentary Then take it out of the bin without the commentary stamp on it stamp on it with the commentary Yeah, and then again with the commentary you're only saying this because you know the answer and Buxton pop it in your beautiful some people are prejudiced against this director No, and some people are prejudiced against this film.
It really divided people, but you could you had a sneaking admiration for it I do have a sneaking admiration for it, but it lasts over two hours I think so he's asking you to give six hours of your life to
his confused film.
Anyway, no more clues.
Here's clip number two.
So in this clip, the same director is explaining one of the brilliant visual metaphors in his film.
And this is a visual metaphor or basically a metaphor that people may not have thought of before.
OK, the chess game.
The chessboard has many mystical meanings.
The Temple of Solomon was checkered like a chessboard.
64 squares and 32 pieces.
One of my metaphors here is that, essentially, life is a chess game.
Everything's chess.
Chess is everything.
Ultimately, you're only playing yourself.
And the projection is that you're playing on the board.
And the environment is the board.
But if you stay on that board, you'll always remain vulnerable.
I'll talk more about the chessboard as we go along.
Please don't, please shut up about the chessboard.
So wait, I don't understand.
Life is like, yeah, is like the chessboard.
Don't try it.
Right, clever enough.
Okay.
OK, 0-8-7-1, 2-2-2-1-0-4-9.
If you know who that director is and what movie he's talking about, you can win this life or Ghost in the Shell.
Two Innocents.
Shall we do the third clip?
There's a third clip.
Let's play that afterwards.
Just play some music right now and then we'll get some callers and then we'll play the third clip.
I'm quite excited to hear it.
Now, this is The Charlatans.
Blackened Blue Eyes is the name of the track.
And for Charlatans fans, I'm sure this is a momentous occasion.
That was the Charlatans.
I wasn't laughing at the Charlatans, uh, there.
I was laughing at something Jo just said.
That was called Blackened Blue Eyes.
Uh, now, we have a couple of people on the line.
Can I just let everyone know I've dusted the text, uh, screen.
Oh, well done.
I've just dusted the text screen with a little bit of bog roll.
How dirty is the bog roll now?
It was very dirty.
Really?
Oh, the bog roll is, isn't it?
Yeah, dusty.
so um there you go the text will be coming through all legibly nice and clear so uh you join us in the midst of crap commentary competition we've played you uh a rather haughty sounding director with some um uh you know kind of simplistic uh metaphorical ideas about his his movie uh and we've got a caller on the line have we yeah i think we've got trevor trevor phillips hello hello trevor phillips are you a politician
I'm not, I'm afraid no.
No, the wrong one.
I'm an animator.
Yes.
Kids TV.
The Cram Twins on Cartoon Network.
Probably the best thing I've done.
Man, I thought those things were sort of farmed out to India and places like that.
Yeah, they kind of are.
And then we get them back and we kind of finish it all off.
Really?
You punish them when they go over the lines.
Yeah.
Is that what you do?
Fly over to India and spank them?
Well, I don't get to do that personally, but the director gets to do that.
Man, The Cramped Twins is good.
Do your kids watch The Cramped Twins, Adam?
They haven't got into the Cramp Twins yet, but it's only a matter of time.
I think it is.
My children are about three and a half, so they're a bit young, aren't they, for the Cramp Twins?
What else do you do, Trevor, apart from the Cramp Twins?
Well, that's enough, isn't it?
Well done.
That's a full-time career.
But you don't do it regularly.
You're not what we refer to as a prize pig.
Well, we don't refer to... We don't use that phrase.
We don't use that phrase.
Our old producer Lila used to say, oh, it's this guy again.
He's a prize pig.
Hey, Trevor.
Trevor, we're honored you've called because your fingers bring so much joy to people.
Oh, I'm glad to hear it.
Yeah.
And so, can we play you this third clip just before you make your guess?
Of course, yeah.
Is it more twaddle?
It is more twaddle, but this third clip is twaddle.
I mean, obviously he thinks he's clever to come up with the idea of chess being a metaphor for life.
He thinks that's quite a stretch.
But then, you know, most people have tweaked who this is and what movie it is.
Have a listen to his overarching theory for the colour scheme in the film and the sort of characterisations in the film.
This is the theory that underlines the whole film.
See if you understand this.
There's three columns, green the central column, white is right column, black is left column.
Can you explain that, what that means?
Well, everything manifests in processes of three.
So you've got proton neutral electron, sun, earth, moon, masculine, feminine, child, positive, negative and filament.
White blood cells are mercy, red blood cells are judgment.
All the environments do represent left column or right column energy.
Okay, all right, all right, okay.
so wait masculine feminine child yeah was that those three distinct entities according to this man hey trevor put us put put the listeners out of their misery who haven't realized who it is and let us know your guess
It's Guy Ritchie from Revolver.
Oh yes, correct.
Absolutely, that's the commentary from Guy Ritchie's Revolver.
I think it comes out next week or something.
Well, good.
I got it from a special sneaky shop where they sell things a bit too early.
The Guy Ritchie shop.
The Guy Ritchie shop, yeah.
And in that shop they said it was flying off the shelves.
And if you check out Amazon or one of them websites, people go, people are crazy about it.
Some people think it's the greatest film ever made.
because of all the colours schemes.
They're just more clever than us.
They're cleverer and they understand things like chess being like life.
Who is that interviewing Guy Ritchie there?
The interview's funny because, I don't know, he's trying to make sense of Guy Ritchie but he's also a bit frightened by him.
Yeah.
So he doesn't really have the balls to push Ritchie far enough and say that's
And you're talking rubbish.
What are you talking about?
You're mad.
Madonna's mad.
You're mad.
Which is what any sensible person would say, don't you think, Tony?
Hello?
He's hung up.
Why didn't Tony reply?
Couldn't you pretend to be Tony?
Listen, Trevor, congratulations, you got it absolutely right.
What prize are we gonna give Trevor?
I'd assume he might like Ghost in the Shell 2, Innocence.
Have you already got that?
I wouldn't mind it.
No, I haven't got that.
Okay, Ghost in the Shell 2.
How about This Life?
Would you like that as well?
Oh, if it's going, I would love this life.
Yeah, series one on DVD of This Life, which is out this week.
Those two are on their way to you.
Thanks so much for calling in, Trevor.
Oh, thank you.
Have a good weekend.
Bye.
And keep up the good work on The Cramped Twins and all those other marvellous animation things.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM.
That was awesome!
Absolutely awesome with a song called No Tomorrow.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM.
I enjoyed the awesome.
This band is tipped for huge success in 2006, it says on the sheet that we get given at the beginning of our show.
So there you go, you heard it here first.
What are you reading there, Joe?
Well, you said we were going to talk about the Oscars, so I got out my stupid Oscar magazine.
Oscars which which is your stupid Oscar it's an American entertainment magazine called entertainment weekly and it says it's got a complete guide to Oscar night you know I don't know about you listeners but I've given up on the Oscars have you well a good film hasn't won since Silence of the Lambs but all the important show issue films this year Joe it's true isn't it it's a good year for the Oscars because there's lots of very serious films hmm like Capote Capote have you seen Capote no
I'm quite excited about Capote.
Brokeback Mountain I've seen.
Quite good.
Not amazing though.
Good Night and Good Luck I wanna see.
Have you seen that?
Haven't seen that yet, no.
With Clooney.
With the Cloone.
Clooney or Looney, no.
Clooney, see, he's on like a double serious film assault at the moment.
Or is it triple even?
Siriana, Good Night and Good Luck and... Oh no, he's not in Munich, is he?
No.
No, no, I was thinking of someone else.
but it's non-stop serious Clooney, which strikes me as odd because Clooney's a bit of a thicc-o, isn't he?
No, he's not a thicc-o.
Is it?
No, he's not.
Is he not?
No, his parents are very clever people.
He's from a very sort of influential liberal family, I believe, in America.
Someone can text or call or mail and correct me if I'm wrong, but no, he's a very intelligent man.
He's the sexiest man alive.
Is he?
Well, he's physically sexy.
He's very rich.
He's handsome.
He defends ladies in fights.
We know that much from his recent tabloid escapades.
What was that?
He stopped a woman from being beaten up outside a premiere last year.
He stepped into the breach.
He's very chivalrous.
I wouldn't do that.
I know.
You're not Clooney.
By a million miles, Evan.
By a million miles.
You are like one of a zit on Clooney's bum.
I dream of being a zit on Clooney's bum.
You wish you were a bit of a zit on Clooney's bum.
Added to all of that, he's very politically conscious.
And he's got a sense of humour.
Yeah, he's so sexy.
Oh, he's sexy.
Yeah, you see, if I saw a woman getting hassled outside the Oscars, if someone was threatening to beat her up, I wouldn't do anything.
You wouldn't, would you?
I'd just watch.
Yeah.
Well, they pushed her about.
Anyway, what's your point about the Oscars?
I didn't really have one.
I was just interested to hear if you were interested in watching them and stuff like that.
Man, I don't know about anybody out there, but I used to stay up all night and watch them.
I used to have a sort of slightly camp
an unintentionally camp Oscar party.
Everything to do with the Oscars is unintentionally camp.
You just don't realise it when you're younger.
But I don't do that anymore because you always end up sitting in your house at six, seven in the morning on a Monday morning.
still in your pajamas and they've gone all sweaty and loads of loads of your mates is set there smoking tabs and yes all sort of feeling weird and then i don't know some awful film wins yeah that's right but john stewart is hosting this well that'll be exciting the daily show he's very it's going to be political it's gonna be like the 60s all over again it's gonna be charged with politics
So listen, we're coming up to the top of the hour.
In the second hour, we're going to be having a text competition and giving away some fantastic tickets.
What tickets are they to this brilliant play all about Pete and Dud?
Pete Cook and Dudley Moore's called Come Again.
I saw this when it was having a run in Edinburgh and it was remarkable.
It was really good.
I'd recommend it.
And I felt as if there was nothing more to be said about Pete and Dud.
I don't know if it's breaking any particularly new ground, but it's brilliantly done, this play.
So these are good tickets.
Plus, we got a pair of tickets to see The Delays at the Shepherd's Bush Empire on Tuesday.
Have we got more This Life DVDs?
They're for ditties in the dock, I think.
Oh, no, and we've got more Ghost in the Shell DVDs.
Oh, it's fantastic.
Stay tuned.
Yeah.
Before I play some more music, can I just talk about Gary Glitter quickly?
Yeah, go on.
Are you sure that's sensible?
I'm not going to say anything terrible about Glitter or controversial.
Just that whoever's advising him on his haircuts and stuff,
What are they thinking about?
He hasn't made himself look much nicer.
What with the evil goatee?
Yeah, basically it's like his stylist or whoever is advising him has said, now listen, we want you to come across well because this is not a very pleasant thing that you're involved with here, Gary.
So I think it's important that you present a nice, cuddly image to people.
And I was thinking that we should style you as maybe an evil dictator from space.
What do you think?
Yeah, that sounds good.
I want to be in that gang or something that Gary Glitter might say just a thought anyway, here's some music right now and This is not a very XFM type of a track But it's a lovely song by the Beach Boys Who one of my favorite bands and it's a lovely romantic afternoon song called time to get alone This is the Beach Boys Adam and Joe here on XFM.
Oh
Don't bother texting in.
What the hell is this wet rubbish?
I just like wet rubbish.
That was the Beach Boys with Time to Get Alone.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM.
We'll be back very shortly.
XFM.
Love music.
Love XFM.
I've been having a lot of very annoying minor injuries recently.
Yeah.
This is our subject, listeners, for this link.
Minor injuries.
This might turn into a text competition.
Yeah, I'd be interested to hear from other people, but you know the kind of things I'm talking about?
Things that aren't in any way life-threatening.
They're not life-threatening.
They're incredibly painful.
I tell you the most painful thing to do is get a splinter under your fingernail.
That's exact- I had that on my list.
Is that what you had?
On my list.
There's nothing more painful than that.
No, you know what I did this morning was I, um, just thinking about it makes me feel a bit puke-y, actually, but I was having some cereal and the spoon that I was eating with touched my filling.
and created some kind of pain circuit that went just right through me it was horrible it was like marathon man it was unbelievable the pain sounds horrible you know it's like a sort of low level electrocution thing have you never had that no i don't have any feelings no fillings have you really got no filling i've got one filling but it's i think it's made of metal we discussed this the other day did we yeah it's made of pure i don't know gold pure genius yeah that's right i forgot it was made of genius yeah
Yeah, no, because I think maybe that's my worst one is the vomity feeling that you get.
It's almost the same as when you get flicked in the gonads with a towel.
That same feeling of absolute nausea that you get.
Yeah.
That sort of remains with you as a memory, a sense memory of pain afterwards.
So I'd be interested to hear people's top minor injuries.
Some of my other favourite minor injuries are paper cuts, of course.
Where was the last time you got a paper cut?
Quite recently, I think.
Really?
Opening a letter, yeah.
And it really ruins your day for a little bit.
There was a great bit on Jackass where they gave each other paper cuts.
Remember that?
Yeah.
That was one of the more imaginative things they had on that show.
Biting your tongue, of course.
Oh, that's terrible.
I'm always doing that.
Yeah.
Yeah, always doing that.
It's something you forget about until you do it again.
And then you think, oh, this is the most awful thing that's ever happened to me.
You can't speak or think or anything.
Have you got toe stubbing there?
That's probably the most famous one.
Stubbed toe, of course.
A nasty toe stub.
And it always happens around the bed, doesn't it?
Yeah.
Just when you're all relaxed in your jimmy jammies, and you're getting ready to hop into bed all cuddly wuddly.
And then, bash!
Yeah.
Game over.
The greatest amount of pain in medical science.
apparently more painful actually than having your brain ripped out.
No way!
Apparently that's true.
And you cr- do you ever cry when you get these?
Because that's the closest that grown men get to crying.
I never cry.
I'm not like one of the men in The Apprentice.
Now I sometimes feel like crying when I get some of these injuries.
Now a couple of other injuries which are minor if you're lucky but can turn major if things go badly.
Car, car.
No not car accident.
Well, I suppose you could have a minor car accident, of course.
Walking into a lamppost or a window.
Nobody does that, only the Chuckle Brothers do that.
Have you not, have you never walked into a lamppost?
Not for a while.
Yeah, you've been walking down the street, Xanthias, haven't you Xanthi?
I walked into a lamp post the other day.
How do you end up walking into a lamp post?
Because you're looking at ladies or I don't know.
So you're looking behind you and you just... Yeah, yeah.
...wallop into one.
You're just not looking where you're going and wallop.
And something about the fact that you don't realise it's there, the momentum that your body has when it's walking... It's shocking, it's a shock.
It's amazing.
It's like you've been hit in the face with a truck or something.
With a lamp post.
With a kind of lamp post.
Because you sort of have.
Yeah.
Only the other way round.
And the other one, of course, is walking into a pane of glass that you don't realise is there.
Now that's terribly dangerous.
Have you done that?
Yeah, I've done that a couple of times.
Where's that happened?
Big pane of glass place.
Pains and urns.
Pains and urns?
Sue them.
talking.
Oh, I see.
No, no, yeah, that's the kind of thing you could do, yeah.
I walked into a pane of glass that I didn't realise was there.
Luckily, pane's announced.
Got four thousand quid for that.
Yeah, that's right.
So, so we want people to text in, if you can pinpoint a more painful, non-life-threatening or non-serious injury, we'd like to hear from you.
Yeah, make them as peculiar as possible.
Is there anything more painful than pulling out a nose hair?
Is there anything more painful than pulling out a nose hair that's actually on that bit of the inside of the nose that has quite a lot of give?
Yeah, yeah.
And that actually strip poings out?
That's right.
And you think you might actually pull your nasal interior out into the exterior world?
But do you ever just pull a few out for fun?
Well, I usually use some nail scissors.
Yeah, scissors, not tweezers.
You never tweeze them out?
No, that's horrible, why would you do that?
No, I prefer the randomness of just going like that, with the tips of the fingers.
You shouldn't, don't pull too many out, they're there for a reason.
Why?
To stop dust and particles getting up your important passages.
Yeah, that's true, it's true, isn't it?
Don't stop yanking them out.
Yeah, but I can have them growing out at the end like...
Ferns.
Anyway, if you've got better minor injuries, 83 XFM and you could win some of our superb prizes, two pairs of tickets to see the Pete and Dud come again, a brilliant play telling the story of the two legendary comedians, Peter, Cook and Dudley Moore at the venue, tickets to see the delays and loads of DVDs, loads of stuff basically, so text now.
Music time now, another non-playlist track.
Oh this is good, sorry, this is good already from Julia in Camberwell, treading on a piece of Lego or a plug.
that's treading on a plug with bare feet is horrible when the pins are up and lego you're absolutely treading on something in bare feet something sharp that's no it's horrible treading on a plug is a brilliant one yeah very good okay yeah a bit of music from the stragglers right now this is nice and sleazy we'll be back after this
Is this a free play?
Was that a free play?
Yes it was.
What was it?
That was the Stranglers with Nice and Sleazy.
Makes me chuckle.
He's got winning delivery, I think, Hugh Cornwell.
Nice and sleazy.
Does it every time.
You alright there, Xanthi?
Now we've got any more minor injuries coming in?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We've been asking you listeners to text in things that, like non-threatening injuries that are amazingly painful, possibly more painful than a serious injury.
That's my theory.
That's right.
Yeah.
We should say as well that, you know, some of these minor injuries can turn very serious.
Walking into a pane of glass, that's a disaster if the glass breaks.
Now I should say that we're not doing anything Willy-based.
so you know you give up oh what uh no no that's a good one though is it shutting the old chap in the zip well we're going to have to change some of the terminology in that case come on that is one of the all-time great let me let me rewrite some of them during the next record and i'll come back to those um here's a very oh man
Just speak, come on, Buxton, speak.
Whenever I've got, come on, keep talking.
I'm thinking about shutting your winkle, but that's, but it always struck me as odd in There's Something About Mary, you know, in that scene where at the beginning where he shuts his old chappy in his zip just before going to the ball, that he shuts his testicle in there rather than the end of his torture.
Man, this is out of control.
A second ago, I had a really good one, but now 500 more texts have come in.
Oh, no, and now people are texting on my home phone.
It's all the people who've ever, um, shut their willow in there.
Keep talking.
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
Okay, here we go.
Slipping on- slipping on- in fact, I did this the other day.
Slipping on the stairs in your socks and falling backwards.
That happened to me the other day.
I was alone in the house and I was running down the stairs to answer the phone, which is at the foot of the stairs, in my socks.
If you step on the lip of the step rather than the actual flat bit, I went backwards.
Life went into slow motion.
And I thought, man, I'm gonna land on my spine and I'm gonna fracture my spine.
So I threw myself against the wall.
there but therefore thereby I pushed with my left hand oh it's so exciting I can't describe it adequately because it was so amazing I can imagine it happening yeah but it was brilliant that's that could have been the end of Joe Cornish you know what I might need some more time with these texts because there's millions of them and I forgot to go through them I was reading a mag
I'll tell you exactly what he was doing, listeners.
He was ruining my lost fun, because he's in his special American mag, are a load of spoilers for exactly what lost means.
Yeah, my American mag tells me all the secrets to lost, and I've been taunting.
Joe was just blurting out loads of things that I deeply, deeply care about.
I know what the secrets are.
He knows about the hat!
he's been taunting me about the hatch.
I haven't even watched it, but I know all the secrets.
I don't want to know about the hatch.
I want to find out.
Anyway, let's play some more adverts.
We'll be back shortly with a few more minor injuries.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll do it properly.
I do apologise.
This is XFM.
XFM.
Love music.
Love XFM.
That's Green Day with American Idiot.
This is Adam and Joe, my ex-fem.
Yeah, net, cricked.
Net, net, cricked.
That's a good one though, isn't it?
I did that the other day in the car.
What, the one where you trap a nerve and it feels like you've just been struck by lightning?
Yeah, when you just look round and suddenly it feels like you've dislocated your head.
Yeah.
That's terrible.
That happened to me the other day and then it takes ages to go.
But you know sometimes when something's hurt really badly and the pain starts to fade, about halfway through the fading process it gets pleasurable.
Yes, that's true.
Do you ever get that?
There's something about a 50% amount of pain when you just recently had 100% that's actually nice.
Maybe I should get into bondage.
So listen, listeners, if you've just tuned in, this is Adam and Joel on XFM.
We've been asking you what the most painful, non-life-threatening, non-need-to-see-a-doctor injuries are.
We've had an overwhelming result.
This is obviously a national pandemic.
That's the latest word, isn't it?
Pandemic of minor injuries.
So, are you ready?
Yeah, hit me.
This is a good one.
If you're a smoker, which is obviously very stupid.
Well, exactly, you're heading for a major injury there.
Yeah, and you get smoke in your eyes.
And you get all blinking and watery, and that can really be painful.
It can be as if someone stuck a twiglet behind your eyeball.
Well, I recall from my smoking days that that happens when you... What, yesterday?
No, no, no, I haven't been smoking for a while.
Haven't you?
No.
When you're dangling a ciggie in your mouth, and the smoke goes in your eyes, that's when it happens, when you're trying to be a bit of a poser.
here's a lady one for ladies and this came from um that the smoke in your eyes was anonymous this comes from Christine in Orpington uh a paper cut on your nipple while reading a magazine in bed now Adam when I read that out just now while the record was playing Adam was surprised about that but of course uh you've got to remember that ladies nipples are more prominent than men's they're further out from the body because of the lady that they're mounted on sacks on the front of the woman articulated areas and they tend to be a little more you know
proud they get in the way of stuff they're more proud they can fall into machinery yeah and obviously christine was reading i don't know maybe the times literary supplement and she slashed her nip on the edge oh now she's got three
What are you talking about?
Uh, stubbing your finger when catching a football or a netball is a very good one.
Yeah, that is a good one.
If someone throws you a heavy ball and it stubs it, it hits the end of your... Ow!
Your thumb.
Swallowing scratchy food.
Not a problem for me.
Hitting the face with a ball as well is a bad one.
Yeah, that's an assault rather than an injury.
Yeah.
Uh, swallowing scratchy food, well that's bad when you've got a sore throat or something.
It's like there was a very good advert on for strepsils a while back, I think it was strepsils, where it likened, you know, swallowing a piece of celery and you see visually the celery turning into like a log with horrible scratchy things coming out of it.
yeah yeah yeah okay uh hannah and adam sent in the the uh starving your finger when catching a football or netball this is a good one from pete in lay is that right leon c leon c l e i g h how do you pronounce that i'd say leon c there you go uh having numb fingers so you're working outdoors and it's cold and your fingers have gone numb and then you you you hammer your finger
or you hurt it when your finger's numb.
So you can't ascertain the level of injury or pain.
And, you know, it's more frightening because you have to guess how badly you've been injured.
Another way of saying- Sam's just looking a bit ill.
Another way of saying le'once is le'once.
Le'once, yeah, that's a more fashionable way of saying it.
So here's another good one that I've suffered from recently, sitting on your nuts.
Sitting on your nuts?
How big are your nuts for goodness sake?
It's not a question of how big, it depends on atmospheric pressure and the dangly level.
what are you talking about?
How do you sit on your own naps?
Well if you just catch them in your- in your underpants or come on listeners, come on men.
Adam what have you got little- we can't get too- draw a picture.
I haven't got great big swinglers.
Do a little sketch.
Well neither have I but it is possible to sit down in a way that uncomfortably catches your family jewels
and that can be very painful.
Certainly you don't want any any interruption to the nutties because that makes you feel as if you're dying.
Yeah exactly but it can happen and it happens very suddenly without well you know you don't expect it.
Girls don't really understand that I remember my wife saying to me there was a scene in a film where someone gets flicked in the shower and the person is sort of bent over crying in the shower and stuff she's like what's the deal and she genuinely didn't realize that for men that's just about the most painful thing that can happen.
Well her nipples are all slashed up instead.
with paper cuts.
Um, biting your- here's a very good one that happens to me.
Some of the- some of the phrases- Come on, this isn't it!
I know it was meant innocuously but sometimes your choice of phrase- I appreciate that and I tend to do it on purpose.
Comes out really frightening.
Cause I like to, um, be a bit frightening.
Yeah.
Biting your nails, this is something I do quite a lot, when you're- if you bite your nails, and you've got a good bit going, and do you know how you sort of rip it across the top of the nail?
Yeah.
But the tangent goes wrong, the angle goes wrong, the line goes wrong, and you end up-
ripping half the nail off yeah yeah oh amazingly painful that's bad when it happens on your on your foot as well you don't bite your toenails do you no no no but but sometimes when you and you should cut them but maybe you're just picking the nail and that exact same thing happens yeah and then you've is that called a hang nail in fact probably and then you you have to walk around with it you know and you're putting your socks on and it gets caught on the nail bit and you haven't got the guts to rip the whole thing off yeah just dang nasty
Uh, and then we've got some more predictable ones like Ice Cream Brain Freeze.
Squeeze- squeezing spots from Sarah and Cass.
Listen, let's play a bit more music and wrap this up in a second.
Burning the roof of your mouth.
Now this is a track from someone called Gnarls Barkley.
Is that really true?
Gnarls spelled G-N-A-R-L-S.
Barkley.
Gnarls Barkley!
That's kind of a brilliant name.
Well, man, we said earlier they're running out of band names.
They're running out of human names as well.
Gnarls Barkley.
This is called Crazy.
I have no idea what this is like, so I'll be interested to find out what Gnarls Barkley sounds like.
So there you go, that's what Niles Barkley sounds like.
That was quite nice, wasn't it?
Yes, brilliant.
It's nice to have some people just going ooooh on a Saturday, isn't it?
That was Cee Lo, who was doing the singing there.
But Niles Barkley is a project put together by Danger Mouse, who of course was the producer on the Gorillaz album.
No, he had nothing to do with Penfold.
or anyone involved with danger mouse he's just danger mouse himself i don't know what i'm talking about uh so yeah he produced the uh gorilla's album demon days and that is their debut single gnarls barkley crazy it's called they make their live debut at california's coachella festival in may the album comes out on the first of may you're so knowledgeable i know hey i want to go to the coachella festival
Really?
If anyone out there can get me to the Coachella Festival in a way that enables me to travel for free.
My girlfriend's booked us at the Green Man Folk Festival.
Where's that happening?
It's somewhere in Wales.
That's not... We're going to be camping.
Coachella happens in California.
Yeah, anyone going to that?
Oh, does it?
Yeah.
That's a bit more glamorous.
Yeah, it's a bit more glamorous.
But, um, the Green Man Festival's supposed to be brilliant.
Anyway, there you go.
That's, uh, Gnarls Barclay.
I'm sure we'll be hearing more of that.
Hey, uh, Paul in Carshalton has sent in a very good one.
Kneeling on a marble.
That's a good one.
He's absolutely right.
Kneeling on something is more painful than stepping on it.
Sometimes.
There's something about the... Knees are wrong, I think.
Why isn't there a school of Chinese medicine based around the knee?
I'm sure there is.
Because they're always massaging your feet.
What about the knees?
There's a lot of, uh, nerve endings in the knees.
You know what?
Just kneeling down is painful.
sometimes it is.
For more than about 15 seconds.
It's true, isn't it?
That's just old age though, isn't it?
When we used to do things on telly where you had to kneel down, we used to get ill-tempered and have to get cushions and stuff.
That's true.
It's more difficult for you, I think, because you're quite tall.
I've got knobbly knees, yeah.
Can I do a couple more?
Yeah, please do.
Let's wrap this one up.
Yeah, orange juice if you're peeling an orange and it squirts in your eye.
Yeah, that's a good one.
Very painful.
Putting in a contact lens when you've forgotten to soak it in the second solution that removes the disinfectant.
Oh, I can imagine that.
I imagine that's very scratchy.
Getting anything in your eye is horrible.
That's from Paul in Rotherhide.
And smashing your front teeth on a pint glass is a good one as well.
Smashing your front teeth anywhere is bad.
You know another one, which is really banal, but it's being made to cry when you're cutting onions.
you know you forget sometimes if you get it that's okay is that painful it's agony it's when you got it when you get an odd sensation isn't it no no no no no sometimes if you if you're really squirting the onion juice right in your eye by accident and and just the aura coming off that onion is really strong the thing is you don't do too much cooking i imagine hey i do cooking all the time do you i'm sorry yeah ready meals cook skills but what if you get a bad onion there's nothing worse
Have you got another one down there?
No.
Is that it?
We've got to award the prize now, though.
Oh, yeah, we do, yeah.
I tell you what, we should get- try and get the person on the phone as well.
Oh, but the phone's- the phone's broken.
Having some phone probs.
Listen, listen, so let's come clean.
Uh, we were talking about the technical problems here at XFM.
Now the phones have gone down.
I think- So- so didgies in the dock may be in jeopardy.
Can we not have some kind of fundraiser to get XFM some new equipment?
That's the thing we should do.
Me and Joel play a gig.
It's not very professional to, uh, mention it, but, you know, there's a- there's a limit.
Yeah, it's just bad luck.
XFM runs like a very smooth ship normally.
It's just when me and Joe come in.
So, what are we going to do about Dis is in the Dark?
Do it via text?
I don't know.
Should we launch it right now anyway?
Adam's plan was to give you his mobile number.
I didn't think that through very well.
Through his mobile.
Through the speakerphone.
Anyway, let's think about it.
Let's play a record and think about it.
Well, okay.
We'll play some ads.
How about that?
We'll be better.
We'll be back after these.
It's Ditties in the Dock time.
Now, this is a bit of an experimental Ditties in the Dock, because we're still having some phone problems here at XFM today.
So, instead of speaking to you folks, we're going to get you to text in.
And it's basically the first six, five texts that we get in.
65 texts?
I don't know.
Why would it be six?
It's five.
Well, let's just, let's just, you know, we'll just keep them keep counting.
And it'll be like a sort of numerical barometer.
OK, then.
It's much less satisfying.
I like talking to people.
I like talking to people as well.
If we'd known this was going to happen, we would have got... I was thinking we could just get a listener who's in Leicester Square now just to come up and decide.
Well, here's the deal.
If someone can get up here to XFM... It has to be literally in the next five minutes.
In the next five minutes, so by 10-2 or something.
But what do they do?
They can't even call us, can they, Zanthe?
Right, so they can buzz on the door.
They don't know where.
People don't know where it is.
How would reception let them in?
They call they call us up and say there's a person here for you Okay, number one less to square if you're in less to square buzz on the door Otherwise, we'll do it via text but let's pitch because we're gonna just completely run out of time This week is country and Western if you're a regular listener You'll know I'm obsessed with Werner Herzog's film grizzly man And I'd like to play the song that plays over the closing credits of that movie.
It's called coyotes I think it's by a guy called Don Edwards, but I've forgotten my piece of paper where I wrote it, but I remember he's a very old-school respected
you know, proper good old boy, proper cowboy and singer, and it's a beautiful song, and the chorus is just the noise of a coyote.
Boop, boop, boop, boop.
Didn't do it very well, but something like that.
And it's all about how the, you know, the prairies and the wilderness has been ruined by roads.
And man, with all these shops and radio stations and things.
It's beautiful.
I'm sure it won't win, but it's called Coyotes by Don Edwards.
So text 83XFM, text coyotes if you want to hear that.
um alternatively it's not the same is it texting it's not the same it feels wrong well you never know someone might make it up here in the next four minutes it is now yeah um and we can add a personal angle to the whole procedure my choice this week is johnny cash sorry it's not very imaginative
but I was going for my, you know, favourite.
Is he the Walk The Line Man?
Yeah.
Yeah, very popular at the moment.
And I'm going for the song, I Walk The Line.
Wow.
Because it is extraordinary.
I mean, it sounds so modern.
If you've never heard it, you should check it out and vote for it because it's really an amazing thing that he does in this song.
He sort of sings every verse in a different, I don't know what the technical term for it.
Voice.
Well, he starts off sort of singing very high and then he gets a bit lower and then he gets lower still.
A range, an amazing range.
Amazing range.
I keep a close watch on this heart of mine.
It starts off like that and then he goes, I keep my eyes wide open all the time.
Has anyone come up, Xanthi?
Because you're mine.
I walk the line.
It's an amazing song and I want you to vote for that.
Johnny Cash, I walk the line.
So text 83XFM with, uh, coyotes or cash already.
One, two, three, four.
We've got four votes.
Don't tell us what it is though.
Four, one of them.
and one rude word that's what we got so far okay let's play some music and come back with the outcome so exciting uh this is exciting very different uh they're called the ordinary boys they're fronted by a very pleasant young man he's called press dong and this is called boys press dong and this is called boys will be boys
That's the ordinary boys with boys will be boys.
I don't like that.
Why not?
I don't, I just don't like it.
I like Preston.
Boys will be boys.
But that's not a good, is that a good single?
Maybe I'm out of touch, but I don't know.
It's okay.
I don't know.
It's okay.
There's a man here trying to repair the phones, but it's too late because we're doing Ditties in the Dock text style for the first, hopefully last time ever.
And to be honest, there's so many texts that I can't keep count.
I can't count.
So you've got to find some way of making the whole thing exciting, though.
Well, because we don't have the callers to chat to.
Yeah.
Oh, man, this is terrible.
What about this man who's repairing the... What's your name?
Ottles.
Ottles?
Ottles.
Your name isn't Ottles.
Come here, Ottles.
This is the man repairing the phone.
Say hello to the listeners.
Hello, listeners.
How are you?
So this is the man really responsible for the phones breaking down, right, Ottles?
Where were you when we paged you and called you half an hour ago?
Sitting in the workshop.
Drinking?
No.
No?
No, water.
Why, why, why, why then?
I don't know, I'm just switching it away.
Man, you shouldn't hassle Ockels otherwise he's just gonna work out.
I'm trying to be sorry, Ockels.
Listen, so, you know, seeing as, you're not the cause of this, but seeing as you, will you accept some responsibility?
Oh yes.
Yeah, okay, so, uh, maybe you- maybe he should make the choice.
Okay, yeah, we could- maybe- Are you a country and western fan, Ockels?
Come closer to the mic, Ockels.
Yes, yes, do I- what choice do I have?
Uh, do you want to hear, uh, Johnny Cash with Walk the Line, or Don Edwards, yeah?
Uh, I suppose- am I supposed to pick Don Edwards?
Have you heard of Don Edwards?
No.
Well, I'm just trying to compensate for the fact that you haven't heard him by making his name sound colourful and interesting.
Yes, I see.
With coyotes.
Uh, okay, we'll try that.
You haven't seen a film called Grizzly Man, have you?
No, you can't, sir.
No, I haven't.
Oh, right, okay.
She better choose Johnny Cash, because everyone's asking for Johnny Cash.
Johnny Cash, I've heard of him.
There you go.
Nice tune.
Well, go for Johnny Cash.
And tell us some sort of anecdote.
You can't just put Ockels on the spot with him.
Well, I'm trying to make up for the fact that usually we have callers that say funny things.
What's been going on lately?
Ockels at home.
Home had nothing too much really.
I went off to do an XFM live gig on Thursday night and slept on Friday.
Right, good stuff.
Let Ockels off the hook and thank you very much indeed for talking to us and good luck with those phones.
Brilliant name, Ockels.
So, well, it's a walk over for Johnny Cash.
All the people that have been texting in have gone for Johnny Cash, which is understandable.
I must say that the song that Joe is going to vote for as well
it's a beautiful song maybe maybe a free play next week absolutely that'll be good i saw grizzly man finally this week and it's brilliant i'd recommend it to anyone who hasn't seen it yet yeah it's absolutely extraordinary but uh to play us out this week it is johnny cash who's coming up after this southie do we know
Is it Marsha?
I haven't seen her lovely face yet in the corridors.
Hey, thanks for listening everybody and thanks for everybody who's texted and emailed and we'll be back next week with another fun-packed two hours of radio.
Of craziness.
Yes, thank you very much indeed.
Thank you, Ockels.
And might I remind people that I am gradually putting up a few bits and pieces from these clips from the show, yeah, radio shows on my website, which is Adam-Buckston.co.uk.
I've been sitting in my pants listening to them, listening to myself.
It's a lovely image.
Yeah.
So if you're a fan, you can check out a few bits and pieces on there and we'll be with you again next week.
Right now, here's Johnny Cash.
We love you, bye.
Bye.
I keep a close watch on this heart of mine I keep my eyes wide open all the time I keep the ends out for the time it binds Because you're mine
I walk the line I find it very, very easy to be true I find myself alone when each day's through Yes, I'll admit that I'm a fool for you Because you're mine I walk the line
As sure as night is dark and day is light I keep you on my mind both day and night And happiness I've known proves that it's right Because you're mine, I walk the line
You've got a way to keep me on your side You give me calls for love that I can't hide For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide Because you're mine, I walk the line
I keep a close watch on this heart of mine.
I keep my eyes wide open all the time.
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds.
Because you're mine, I walk the line.