Hi, I'm Adam.
Hi, I'm Joe.
Joe.
I would like to thank you for choosing.
Please have your headsets ready for Adam and Joe in the studio, coming through loud and clear.
Oh, fantastic stuff.
That's Steady As She Goes from The Raconteurs.
Hey, this is Adam Buxton.
This is Joe Cornish.
Welcome to our Saturday morning show.
We're with you all the way until what?
Until one, I think.
Till 1pm when you enter the world of Mick Rock and his extraordinary rock and roll anecdoteage and an excellent selection of music.
Yeah.
we've got some great music for you as well uh civil sin no that's i keep on getting the title and the artist mixed up because i'm getting ancient boy kill boy that's the name of the band but you can't you know what blame me for confusing civil and civil sin and boy kill boy
that's too just a mistake I'd never make really yeah you try to get them confused we got brilliant music Franz Ferdinand Foo Fighters captain with glorious yeah some blur coming up but it might be glorious no it isn't the zootons
Yeah, and a couple of free plays as well.
That's just the first hour.
We've got a competition coming up.
We've got stuff to give away.
It's just overwhelming.
It is overwhelming.
Don't be too overwhelmed though.
I find it overwhelming.
I think I just want to go back to bed.
Don't go back to bed.
You know, I've had a very difficult week as well.
Really?
Yeah, it's been quite stressful.
Has it?
I'll tell you about it in a second.
Let's have some more music.
Here's the Dirty Pretty Things.
Dirty?
There you go, Franz Ferdinand with Walk Away.
Did you like the video for that track, Joe?
Were you aware of the video?
No, what happens in the video to that?
It's a kind of a 50s noir throwback thing, you know what I mean?
With the Franz people wandering around.
They're in a car chase.
He's driving a car.
There's a clearly fake backdrop kind of thing.
Do you know this sort of thing?
It's all very moodily lit.
There's a lady.
She's got stockings.
She's got blonde hair.
that kind of thing there's a lady she's got star kings she's got blonde blonde hair that's the new friends you know what i have been reading though what is what's the lead singer called alex capranos he's got a column in the guardian on the food pages does anybody read that i don't read the papers enough does he really have a column yeah he's got a column about food
I don't know whether it's a joke.
I sort of hope it's a joke, because it's very pretentious.
He once described an omelette that had bacon and cheese and apple in it.
And he started going on about the characteristics of apple.
Man, I should bring it in.
But it was apple as a cheeky fruit.
Zesty, but bitchy.
Whereas bacon is a lazy meat.
elegant and reclined cheese bottoms the two like a naughty sibling or something seriously I'm not exaggerating so now I read it every week because I thought I think I might get a fiver out of private eye by sending it to Sue's Corner yeah yeah why don't we get a column in the Guardian
You know, commenting on something like what he does.
I don't think we've got the skills, do we?
Yeah, I could write about the personality of foodstuff.
Does Dom Jolly still do his column?
That's in the Telegraph, yeah.
Dom Jolly, the host of TripTV.
Was it The Observer?
I thought it was The Observer.
In fact, I think it's The Independent.
Is it?
Is what it is.
Yeah, and yes he does.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There you go.
Yeah, and I read it.
And I bubble with hate.
It's very difficult to win with columns, isn't it?
I mean... I tell you, the problem with most columns is the picture of the person.
You know, you open up a... They don't have this in the tabloids, but you open up a broadsheet and they insist on putting a silly little photo of the journalist.
They always look smug.
The journalist, yeah, they're not allowed to smile like a normal person would do.
Hee hee, get my photo.
Hee hee, ooh!
Like that.
Most people, right, or maybe that's just me, they have to look really cool, you know, like they've got attitude.
Well, yeah, exactly.
The photo has to express the fact that they're thinking something that you would never think.
Something so cleverly extraordinary and unusual that it's going to blow your stupid mind right across the room.
Some of them have a hand up to the face, leaning on the hand.
Others just have a raised eyebrow.
Some have a half smile, like funny, or is it?
Kind of like that.
It gets you thinking from the word go.
Yeah, our pictures always had us just grinning.
Generally, we grin.
Yeah, that's why people have no respect for our opinions.
Alex, what's his name?
Pocahotas?
Pocahontas?
Capranos.
I think he has a sort of wry smile.
He's just kind of head on, full frontal, directly looking you in the face with a half smile.
Like, can you deal with this?
What do you make of this?
Is it a joke?
Is it not?
Yeah.
Anyway, I recommend his column in The Guardian.
Oh, that sounds fantastic.
Yeah.
Anyway... I'll bring it in.
Okay.
In future.
There you go, Franz Ferdinand news.
Uh, music.
Here is Boy Kill Boy with Civil Sin.
That was the re-recorded version of the East London Quartet's second single, originally released in September last year.
I'm talking about Boy Kill Boy.
I knew it!
I knew you were.
And the song was called Civil Sin.
I knew it.
I knew it was.
What kind of a name is Boy Kill Boy?
Uh, sexy.
Sexy.
Homoerotic, violent, challenging, truthful.
Shocking.
truthful yeah thought-provoking it's probably from something or somewhere isn't it like a comic or something something like that yeah we're probably showing our ignorance in not knowing where it's from doesn't say I'm scanning the notes here oh here we go the name stems from frontman Chris miss hearing a bloke in a Bethnal Green pub talking about a group called a band called Roy
Wow, that's pretty thin ground to name your band on, isn't it?
It's all you need.
It's all you need for rock and roll.
For a name.
So, man, I had a bit of a nightmare last weekend after the show.
Right.
Because I was going off to a wedding with my wife.
And we'd hired a car and hiring a car is one of those things that Derails your life from its normal safe path Do you know what I mean and immediately puts you into murky waters where anything could go wrong puts you into a hired car?
I know that's the theory isn't it, but you know what I'm saying It's like once you get off the routine of your normal knowable life all sorts of grim things can happen and we made the mistake of
visiting a car hire company that has the same name as a big building in Mexico that Ozzy Osbourne once took a wee against.
Remember the... OK?
And you can fill in the blank listeners.
Anyway, it took two and a half hours to queue for the car.
No.
That was a long queue.
Yeah, that had been booked
4 days beforehand, it was all done and dusted.
4 and a half hours, 2 and a half hours.
Go and pick up the car, you go and pick up the car, all paid for, all done and dusted, 2 and a half hour queue.
4 and a half, no.
And then when finally we get to the front of the queue,
And all the time that we're queuing, right, the staff are sort of giggling about how frustrated all the customers are getting.
Somebody's car doesn't go through.
They start chuckling about that, smirking at each other, taking delight in the absolute fury and frustration of their patrons.
And of course, you're completely powerless because you're in the queue.
You need your car.
All your arrangements are made.
There's nothing you can do.
You just have to stay there and hope that you get your car at the end of it.
We get to the front of the queue finally,
And the car that we'd reserved isn't... It's gone.
They've given it to someone else.
So they give us a different crappy car.
It was incredibly hot in the car and the air conditioning didn't work at all.
You know?
Completely busted.
In fact it was blowing hot air out at an incredible rate.
And the higher you turned the thing, the more it blasted very hot air.
What sort of a car was it?
A blue one.
A blue one?
Yeah.
They're not supposed to be very good.
No.
I've heard bad things.
Yeah.
What car says the blue ones are no good?
It's on the cover.
Exactly.
Pink ones, yes.
It was dreadful.
Anyway, so that was a traumatic thing in itself.
Sunday night we get back, park the car, getting ready to take it back to the higher place in the morning.
We wake up in the morning to find at 9.15 in the morning, the car's been towed.
What?
By Lambeth Council.
Yeah.
Because it's been there unticketed.
You know, because we didn't even think about the fact that it was... we just left it in our normal space.
But it's... And you didn't have your residence thing on.
No residence thing.
So they towed it immediately.
As soon as they could.
That's how it goes down.
It's just... I mean it makes you want to... And that costs about 150 quid, doesn't it, to get it out of that.
200 quid.
200 pounds.
So at the end of the weekend we'd spent about 350 quid on a blue car with fire coming out of the air conditioning vents and rude service from the car hire company.
That's terrible.
Was it a good wedding though?
Fantastic.
So there you go.
There is a happy ending.
Isn't that terrible?
You know, the weird thing is I've had a bad experience in there as well.
Have you?
Yeah, I got really angry with the guy behind the counter for exactly the same reason.
Because they were taking so long.
Taking ages, just being really rude.
Really genuinely rude.
Makes me angry.
What can we do?
Stop it!
OK, free playtime.
Here's eels with lick your boots.
What?
That was Eels with To Lick Your Boots, bit of a free play there.
That was from their last album, a huge, great double album, I think it was, and it was fantastic, well worth checking out.
We're gonna be back after the break.
It's gonna be competition time.
I love competition time.
Everybody does, because it's fun to listen to, plus you stand to gain personally from the whole transaction.
What's it gonna be, what competition?
I think it's gonna be a crap commentary, isn't it?
So it is, yeah.
Yeah, I've got a good one this week.
Okay, get set for that after this.
That was the mighty Foo Fighters with the best of you.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM and it's competition time this week.
It's...
Go ahead, it's easy You can use IMTV There we go, it's Crap Commentary Corner This is the competition where we play you some excerpts from a DVD commentary You have to tell us who's talking and what movie they're talking about You know, it's not just a boring clip of someone ranting on
Oh no no no no.
I've scoured the world's DVDs to bring you the stupidest ones.
Anyway okay so uh stand by your phones 0 8 7 1 triple 2 1 0 4 9 uh if you know who this is talking about what film you could win either a pair of tickets to see DJ Shadow at Coco on the 29th of August or
Lost Series 2 Part 1.
A DVD box set.
That's exciting if you're a fan of Lost.
That's amazing.
That's a good prize.
Yeah, so here we go.
Here's clip number one.
This is a director.
It's not a new film, but it's a really, you know, it certainly lasts ten years.
Ten years?
Five years?
I forget.
Anyway, it's quite a famous big blockbuster.
And here's the director talking about how he got his story ideas.
Because there was an agenda for me to do a more kid-friendly movie, I went to the source.
I went to my godson, who was about six.
So a lot of these ideas come from him.
That's encouraging.
That's not good news, is it?
I mean, the last person to do that was Robert Rodriguez, who got his six-year-old kid to write a film that ended up being called Sharkboy and Lavagirl.
And that's not the answer.
Yeah.
That's not the sound of Robert Rodriguez.
And that was the worst film ever made.
Certainly up there, wasn't it?
Don't ask a six-year-old for advice on anything.
What could you ask a six-year-old for advice on?
Um... weeing on the floor.
There you go, that's it.
That's the extent of their knowledge.
So, if you know who that is, 0871221 and 49, we'll make it a bit easier by playing you another clip.
This is a new word that the director learnt when making this film.
A new term that would be useful for all of us.
As you can see, a lot of things look like action toys and action figures because I'm sure I don't have to tell you what kind of profits those toys make.
I learned a new phrase in my life called toyetic, whether a movie is toyetic or not and how many toys people can get out of it.
Toyetic.
That's a ridiculous word.
Why doesn't he just use the word like marketable?
Is that not a word that does the same job in that situation?
It's not as exciting as toyetic.
Toyetic.
Toyetic's a good word.
The way he said it as well.
I learned a new word.
Toyetic.
He sounds frightening, man.
Well, I think he's probably quite nice.
So two clues so far.
He gets his ideas from his six-year-old nephew.
He has made a film that's very toyetic.
Here's clip number three, and this will probably give it away.
But you know, this movie was perceived as a failure.
But the director, in retrospect, doesn't think it was, and here's his justification.
I don't think it's considered a success, because I think that I disappointed some people.
But I just wanted you to know it ruined all our lives.
George went on to become one of the biggest movie stars in the world.
Uma starring in the Kill Bill series, as you know.
And Arnold went on to be governor of California.
So yeah, it just destroyed all of us.
there you go he's a little insincere there yeah sarcastic even i know smug even uh we can't go into that in any more detail without giving it away but it's pretty easy 0 8 7 1 triple 2 1 0 4 9 if you know what director that was and what movie he was commentating on you can win uh lost dvds or a pair of tickets to see dj shadow if you know that call now
That was Captain with Glorious.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM.
It's time to resolve our competition.
Crap commentary corner for this week.
And we have a caller on the line who thinks he knows not only the director's name, but what film he was talking about.
Are you there, Derek?
Yes, hello.
How are you doing?
I'm very well Derek I'm just telling you that before you ask me just to get that out of the way.
You intercepted that.
Yeah I'm incredibly well so don't ask.
I'm very ill Derek.
Joe's very ill.
Yeah so don't ask about that either.
Don't bring it up because he's very sensitive about it.
How are you though Derek?
I'm fine.
I'm good.
Very good.
Thank you.
Matt, our callers sound like they're in space today.
We've got a space link up.
Shall I tell you a secret, Joe?
I didn't want to mention it before, but we're actually in space.
Are we?
Yeah, we're doing the show from space.
Wow.
Because it's cheaper, we get a tax break and we're orbiting just over Greece and it's looking nice.
It does look nice.
Looks lovely.
It's very like Leicester Square.
So listen, Derek, you heard the clips, right?
Say yes.
Yes.
And we're going to play you one more clip just to, you know, cement your correct answer.
One more clip of this silly director.
Are we going to do that, Adam?
Yes.
Oh dear.
Adam headbutted his microphone.
So Derek, stay on the line.
We'll fade you down.
We'll just play one last clip.
And this is a clip of the director.
I don't know what this clip's about.
Let's just hear it.
So of course, the two villains combined their evil here against our fabulous heroes.
Oh, what will happen?
I'm so worried.
Oh, they've saved the day.
Did you doubt it?
And still look so good.
That's just him being very insincere.
Yeah, I'll tell you what that clip's about.
That clip's about the most cynical man in Hollywood sitting back and counting his millions while he insults the viewers of the world with his disgusting pile of stinky food.
Well hang on, let's see what this disgusting pile of stinky is.
Derek, are you still there?
What's the name, what director was that and what film was he banging on about?
It was Joel Schumacher and he's talking about the film Batman and Robin.
Yes, now did you see that film Derek?
Yes, it was terrible.
It was terrible wasn't it?
And he said, he talks earlier on, Schumacher talks earlier on on that commentary clip that we just heard about, oh this film may have disappointed a few people.
I think it's pretty safe to say it disappointed every single person.
Even the children.
Yeah.
I was disappointed.
Definitely.
It's a pretty cynical commentary, isn't it?
He released that, that DVD was released along with Batman Begins, right?
A sort of super special expensive edition.
Wow.
And he shows no remorse.
In fact, he sort of wallows in the fact that he's made loads of money out of doing a bit of rubbish.
Derek, thanks for calling and congratulations.
Would you like to see DJ Shadow at Coco on the 29th of August?
Is that today?
No, it's next month.
Enjoy yourself at DJ Shadow.
Thanks very much indeed for calling in Derek.
Cheerio, have a good weekend.
Bye bye.
Well done Derek.
That was brilliant.
That was competition time here on the Adam and Joe show on XFM.
We'll be back very shortly.
That was Valerie by the Zutons.
This is Adam and Joe on XFN.
Yeah, in our new Saturday morning slot we're just coming to the end of our first hour, but we're here with you till one.
Now I was at the gymnasium the other day, Joe, because I like to keep my body in the peak of physical perfection.
It looks extraordinary.
Thanks very much.
It's beautiful.
Thank you.
You're more of a machine than a man.
A muscle machine.
Yeah, I'm like the Terminator.
but more attractive.
I'd say it's perfect.
Thank you.
Your body's perfect.
Thank you very much.
Your body, my body, everybody needs somebody.
That's true.
Anyway, so I was in the gym and I was on the running machine and you know, you've got to love the running machine, going round and round and running, looking at the TV, watching MTV, that kind of thing.
Have you ever been on a running machine?
Yeah, only a couple of times.
Not regularly.
I don't like gyms.
I don't really like them either.
So I'm on the running machine.
Anyway, the guy in front, there's a running machine in front, and he stank.
He was stinky.
He smelled.
And he was a huge guy.
And I don't mean fat, I just mean he's one of these chaps that's like really massive, like every part of him is massive.
I think he was a sort of rugby playing type of a person.
So he had huge chunky legs, like big thick tree trunks.
And I realised that it's my least favourite physical characteristic on a man, is massive legs.
you think?
Oh, that guy probably smells.
And it's totally unfair and irrational.
Why would there be a connection between a stinkage and large thighage?
Because the two times that I've seen different blokes with huge tree trunk legs in the gym, they have stank.
What sort of a stink is it?
A sweaty stink?
A B.O.
stink?
No, wet dog.
Wet or what kind of a stink is that it's the stink you get from not washing your gym kit well enough And you put it back on and when you start to sweat it sets it off again.
Do you know what I'm saying right?
It's like a mildew II Smell like here's the thing you get it sometimes when you when you wash your clothes But you leave them in the drum for too long before taking them out and drying them.
That's a fungus.
That's a kind of a fun
Yeah, that's just the water going putrid.
That's right.
Yeah, but I'm not sure that's connected to the thighs.
That's just his washing routine.
That's his washing routine, but in my mind... His thighs are activating the fungus.
Because the thighs are so thick.
uh... they're so thick and they're bald they're pushing the uh... what?
they're pushing the material rubbing it and therefore i mean they could be an advert like a unilever style parcel advert uh... working out the science of this i can see cross sections of thighs and uh... animations to illustrate the putrid fungus being released by the giant legs by the giant legs yeah i don't know what your problem is though with giant thighs no it's irrational have you got any irrational kind of body uh... turn offs
Oh, I tend to dislike growths.
Any major growths.
Double heads emerging from the body.
But that's unusual, isn't it?
Catastrophic freakism.
Catastrophic freakism tends to unsettle me.
I usually make an effort to counteract it by being over friendly.
But you've got nothing like...
I'm talking about like an irrational dislike of a physical characteristic in a man or a woman, you know, like a woman with a pronounced jutting jaw or a flat nose or large ears.
I tell you now, I tell you what gets me is enormous earlobes.
and some men have enormous earlobes.
Old chaps do, old lobes.
Old chaps have enormous earlobes.
Useless great globules of flesh.
David Lean, he had giant ones.
Did he?
Well I agree, it happens when you get older but sometimes you get it on young guys.
Yeah.
Just a useless amount of earlobe.
Then sometimes you get people with none.
None?
None at all.
That's right.
I think in fact my earlobes aren't that generous.
They're not pronounced.
It's almost just a flap of skin.
But you've got one.
You've got one.
I've got one.
It's not like it comes straight out of your face.
Aquaman.
Or what's he called the Thames Barrier?
What was he called?
That superhero wasn't called the Thames Barrier.
The Gemini Man.
That's the fella.
Was he called the Gemini Man?
No, the man from Atlantis.
The man from Atlantis, that's right.
So what I'm saying is it's almost as if you've got gills rather than ears, you know?
Just flaps of skin.
That's the closest I can get to it.
But I think rugby players have to have very big thighs.
They don't have to stink though.
Sort your personal regime out, big legs!
This is Adam and Joe on XFM, we'll be back shortly.
That was Your All I Have by Snow Patrol.
This is Adam and Joe here on XFM on a Saturday afternoon.
And don't forget that from 12 till 1, it's the X List here on the show.
So you can text us 83XFM or email AdamandJoe at XFM.co.uk with any requests of kind of classic indie moments, isn't it, Joe?
That kind of thing.
Yeah.
uh... that's correct now joe i was a bit worried this week because i feel as if i'm turning into my dad in lots of ways and i know you've mentioned this to me before once or twice when i've been particularly grumpy uh... but this this was just things that i found myself saying to them that i thought oh god i can't believe i'm actually coming to your parents and i'm just saying to my children that my parents used to say to me and i'm just sort of saying as a fallback you know without even thinking about it just automatically holds that all these things are very wise
OK, we'll see what you think.
I bet these are all words of wisdom.
Don't sit too close to the TV, I was saying this week.
Very wise.
What's the reason for that?
Because it's bad for your eyes.
Bad for your eyes.
It can't be that bad, can it?
Yeah, it's pretty bad, especially for child's eyes that are still forming.
Yeah.
Those eyes are still growing.
Having said that, is it not true that your eyes are the only things that don't get bigger as you grow?
I think that's right.
Yeah, they stay the same size.
When you're born, your eyes are the same size.
Yeah.
Can that be true?
It is true, that's true.
The actual balls.
Yeah, that's the true fact.
The eyeballs.
Is that really so?
That's so.
Babies, that's why babies have big eyes.
Exactly.
That's why children have big eyes.
Yeah.
Well, you see, I once got that fact confused in my head, and I swore blind to someone in a big argument.
that the one part of the human body that stays the same size your whole life from birth till death is your head.
When was this?
When did that argument happen?
Probably not that long ago.
No, this is like 10 or 15 years ago I remember having this argument.
And these people were like, what?
Your head?
So like a baby's head is the same as a fully grown adult's head.
That's simply not true.
No, of course it's not true.
And I was completely insane.
But I just dug myself so deep into this hole of erroneousness, I couldn't get out of it again.
I did the same thing once with an argument about how fast supersonic flight was.
I swore blind and got really angry about it and just said, you're so stupid, don't you realise that supersonic flight, i.e.
Concorde, went at the speed of light.
Yeah, that's much too fast.
Yeah.
So don't sit too close to the TV.
I think you're right.
I think that's important for kids.
Yeah.
Because TV is exciting.
I tell you the other thing, Adam, is televisions have got bigger and more powerful since we were children.
So if anything, you should say you should make them sit even further away than you did in the next room.
Imagine all the lethal things that are coming out of that telly.
Lasers.
Lasers, poltergeists, video drones.
Sillet bangs.
Sillet bangs, subliminal advertising.
Tell me to face the other way, in fact.
Yeah.
Just get out.
No TV.
Bible.
Yeah.
Get in the cupboard and read the Bible.
Here's the other thing.
Now this is the thing that really gets me about being a dad.
Put the DVDs back in their boxes.
Oh, would you, please?
Come on, you can relate to that, right?
Yeah, I don't like grubby fingers over the DVDs.
I mean, it's maddening.
These things cost... Why do you let them touch the DVDs?
They shouldn't be allowed to.
And so they just grab the things and they take it out of the player.
They don't put it back in the box.
You know, they put the thing face-downs.
It scratches up the... the silver... What are they watching?
Zombie Flesh Eaters?
Private Insay Shells?
What kind of things are they watching?
Debbie Does Dallas.
That kind of thing.
Really?
I hope you've put all that stuff on the top shelf.
Yeah, no, that's all on the top shelf.
But that's something that you can relate to, and most parents can relate to.
That's fury and frustration with not treating the DVDs properly.
Do you think I'm turning into my dad for that?
I think you are, yes.
Oh, no.
But you should be proud.
Your dad's a good man.
Shall we have some music?
Yes, music.
Here is Keen.
That was Break the Night with Gullah by Richard Ashcroft.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM.
So it's movie review time, this time reviewing a movie that I've seen.
You haven't seen it though, have you Adam?
Which one is it, Superman?
Super poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo.
That's how you say it.
Super poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo po
And super poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop What about Jaws?
Jaws Jaws Jaws Jaws Jaws Jaws Jaws Jaws Jaws Jaws Jaws Jaws Yeah that one kind of works Jaws Jaws Jaws But super poop poop poop poop Man, I mean that's a good one It's a good one, I enjoyed it, I saw it at the IMAX This is the one, what's the full title of the thing?
Superman Returns Superman Returns, is that all it is?
Even though if you rub out the U It says sperm man
you can do that quite easily on the posters you're dirty i am stupid superman returns and this is directed by uh the guy brian singer brian singer he is a director what did x-men 1 and x-men 2 and the usual suspects
And another film that no one's seen called Family Viewing or something was his first film.
But anyway, he's very talented.
And he's done a super duper job of super duper man.
Really, it's good, is it?
It's very good, especially the first hour.
After he saves the plane, you can bugger off.
Right.
Because the rest of it's pretty uneventful.
With some positively bad things happening.
Like Superman has a kid.
Does he?
And that's no good, is it?
And that kid's got superpowers.
Well, you'd hope he would.
Emergent superpowers.
Right.
But that doesn't bode well, does it, for the... for the sequels?
He's only six in this one.
If they make another sequel in four years, he'll be ten.
You don't want a Superboy, do you?
Yeah, it'll turn into a Smallville, won't it?
I suppose so.
Does Superman have a kid in- Oh, you mean the kid'll become a teenager and be like teenage Superman?
Yeah, it'll go all OC on your arse.
But man, the first hour is incredible, is it?
Absolutely incredible.
But wait, look, are we talking about like a disastrous tail-off in the style of Independence Day, or is it just a little bit?
No it's just a little it basically just can't match the bit where the planes going down and he saves the plane and that's so incredible and then there's a brilliant twist about where he lands with the plane and it's so exciting and we all thought up to them we all thought it was the best film we'd ever seen in our lives right
I was crying.
My girlfriend was puking and weeing at the same time.
That's not true.
Your trousers were soaked.
It was just very, very, especially in 3D.
3D technology is just brilliant now.
I didn't realise it was a 3D film.
Bits of it are in 3D.
About 20 minutes of it are in 3D.
A little logo comes up and you put your glasses on.
No.
In every cinema this is.
No, just in the IMAX.
Oh, in the IMAX.
You've got to go to the IMAX.
But IMAX is the future.
Forget about conventional cinemas.
IMAX is the place to go.
Yeah.
Especially in 3D.
You know how passionate I am about Bola Express.
Yes, that's right.
Oh, boy.
Joe's the Bola Express king.
Superman, I do recommend it.
It's really, really very, very good.
But the ending's not awful, is it?
Is it awful?
It's a bit of a... I tell you who is awful.
Who?
Kate Bosworth.
And her Lois Lane.
Right.
She's boring.
Female characters in movies, generally, they're not allowed any personality.
Cos personality's sort of sexist, isn't it?
All women have got to be amazingly strong and have no sense of humour.
And you know what I mean?
Yeah, they're characters.
The closest to a sense of humour you're allowed to get is Jennifer Aniston.
who just says whatever and stuff like that.
Well if women have a sense of humor yeah women generally if they've got any personality they're either real Harrods and all they do is shout and bitch and they're really sarcastic or they're kind of like Jennifer Aniston slightly wet and ditzy or whatever.
Ditzy.
But this Kate Bosworth makes Margot Kidder's performance in the original Superman looks like a complete masterpiece.
Well, it kind of was.
It kind of was.
She was brilliant.
I tell you what's even worse than female characters in movies are black female characters in movies.
Oh, tell me.
They've all got to be eco warriors.
They've all got to be into Mother Earth and the environment.
Yeah.
Can't have a sense of humor at all.
Got to be really serious and angry about everything.
And, oh, terrible.
Well, in animated films as well, I noticed that all the black characters are just sort of sassy mamas, you know?
Yeah.
They're all like, mm-mm-mm, girl, don't talk to the hand.
Well, that's what it's like.
Don't look at me.
It's like in The Incredibles, isn't it?
The black character has to be Mr. Freeze, Mr. Cool.
Come on.
Anyway, I do recommend Superman Returns.
Yeah, and if you see the poster, get a black pen, scribble out the U. It says, sperm man.
Everybody's happy.
Okay, music time now.
Here's a free play for you.
This is Spoon with Small Stakes.
That was Small Stakes by Spoon from their excellent album Kill the Moonlight.
Stakes spelt how?
S-T-A-K-E-S.
Right, so they mean like low snakes.
Low snakes.
Low tiny snakes.
Low snakes.
Yeah, the stakes are low.
Okay, good.
Why were you worried that they were just talking about little bits of meat?
Yeah.
It was just a rather boring restaurant order.
Small Stakes, please.
We'll be back shortly.
XFM.
That was Oasis, Joe's favourite band.
I love Oasis.
With Lila.
What is it about Oasis that you most like?
I most like... What do I most like?
Just the arrogance.
The aloofness.
The swagger.
You know, weirdly, at this Superman preview that I went to see, there was a guy, I think he's a journalist, possibly for the NME, and he might be quite a well-known man around town, but he was dressed exactly like
Is it like Liam?
Yeah exactly like Liam circa 97 right so he had one of those hats on you know how would you describe the Liam hat like a sun hat thing?
No, it was like a more like a sort of an handicap flat cap thing yeah I know I sort of designer style one right then he had a sort of Beatles mop top thing he had stubble and
It's basically a mod look.
Yeah, but very recognisable as Liam Gallagher.
But it was as if he'd just come off stars in their eyes.
And I thought, well, what does that do for you in life?
Like, if you're a journalist on the NME, then that's probably quite good for you because people go, oh, that guy's hardcore.
He's so devoted to Oasis that he's prepared to make himself a walking joke.
There are some people in TV like that as a commissioning editor We know in television he dresses very eccentrically and if you didn't know what he did you'd think that person's a bit of a prat But when you do know what they do you immediately think that person's not a prat.
He's so devoted to His his passion.
Yeah, he doesn't care what anybody thinks about him and so this guy
that's what I thought about this guy dressed as Liam but who would you who might you dress dress as if you were gonna go that way well as you probably remember I used to have a bit of a David Byrne fixation you dress as David Byrne so you dress in like a big suit suit a crazy big square suit yeah yeah but you know the thing about David Byrne is that he's long and thin and I'm kind of squat so I never really got away with it that well
But my mania extended to going out and buying a white waiter's jacket, which I bought, and I thought that would make me look like David Byrne, and I used to button up my shirt, like a dress shirt, top button done up, no tie, white waiter's jacket on, wandering around town thinking, I'm an eccentric man, from a new wave band, when in fact I was a kind of brat.
Anyway, let's play some more music right now.
Here's James Dean Bradfield.
He doesn't really dress like anyone.
No, he's got his own style.
Yeah, yeah.
And here he is working it with a track called That's No Way To Tell A Lie.
James D. Bradfield there with That's No Way To Tell A Lie.
That's the debut solo single from the Manic Street Preachers front man.
And it sounds very like a Manic Street Preachers single, doesn't it?
Yeah.
It's got the same instrumentation, which must be weird for the other members of the band.
Like there they were having a nice time being in a famous band.
I don't know what happened.
What happened with the Preachers was Wizard and... I don't think they split up.
They haven't split.
It's just his side project.
Yeah, it's like Thom Yorke, you know, they like to they like to kind of bust out on their own for a little while, flex their solo muscles.
So how must they feel if he releases a single that just is exactly the same as it would be if they were still there?
Well, probably not exactly.
I mean, Nicky Wire, Nicky Wire usually writes the lyrics and I don't suppose he wrote the lyrics for that one.
Maybe he did.
I don't know.
Well, I don't know.
Does it sound less good?
Do you think it sounds less good than their usual stuff?
That's good.
Do you miss the rest of the band?
Well, no, it's like a certain type of Mannix track, isn't it?
It's not like all their stuff.
That's a good answer.
If I was the rest of the Mannix, I'd be a little bit unsettled.
You'd think you'd feel a bit... I'd be a bit unsettled, yeah.
It'd be like when Ronan went solo from Boyzone.
You know one other fallacy?
I mean, you release Life is a Rollercoaster, there's no going back.
Is that for the rest of the band?
No, exactly.
That's true, isn't it?
And here's another fallacy, when they go solo they always complain that, no the band hasn't split, everything's fine.
I'm just having like a holiday.
But it's the beginning of the end.
Like what about York Tom York?
Exactly.
His solo stuff.
Exactly.
that's the end of Radiohead no it's not no no no it's not yes it is internal ructions surely surely wouldn't you think and it's got to be no but I mean sometimes it has the effect of making everyone happier to see each other you know bringing bringing people together yeah exactly once you've gone out and proved a few things for yourself then you come back you see your band mates you realize that you're a stronger proposition that's when you've
You prove that you can't really do it on your own.
Right, that's when you've had a ton of failure.
When you go out and prove that you can't do it, then it's, hey guys.
Hey, we're better together.
Suddenly I see the value, but when you go out and you make a record like Life is a Rollercoaster, then it's goodbye boy zone.
That's right.
It's like you and me though, isn't it, Joe?
Yeah, I did.
I'm Ronan and you're the gay one.
All right then.
Now, which one are you from House of Pain?
The very, very high one.
Here's Jump Around.
OK, I think it's time for some advertisements right now.
Very exciting time for us both.
We're both big fans of the advertising world.
Yeah.
And the little playlets therein.
Little dramas.
The little dramas.
Hopefully it might be Sue from Mel and Sue doing diarrhea pills.
That's my favorite one at the moment.
That's your current favorite.
Yeah.
We can only hope.
Windy pops.
Back shortly.
That was Lily Allen with smile.
Now she's the daughter of Keith Allen.
Did we already talk about the video for that?
No, no.
Well, the video's quite aggressive, isn't it?
Her boyfriend dumps her, she arranges for him to be mugged.
Then she arranges for these naughty men to go round to his flat and burgle him, ruin his trash flat, get his entire record collection, scratch up all the records.
and it's very vicious and nasty and it's intercut with her having a meal with him in a caff and singing the lyrics of the song as if, you know, she's Lily White.
Right.
Does that make sense?
She's Lily Allen.
Instead she's Lily Allen.
Exactly.
But I don't know, I saw that and I thought, first of all, I thought it was a public information film about how to stop being like done over by a woman.
Yeah.
And then I realised it was a pop video and being presented as entertainment.
And that made you appalled.
It made me quite appalled, yeah.
Well it's a, there's a completely... It doesn't stop at nothing, the Allens.
No.
for stardom and celebrity they'll stop at nothing ruthless anything they'll do anything appear in anything it's a good single though it's a great single I'm not putting them down yeah I think that's a brilliant thing to do there's an album coming out as well
Yeah, no, the album, we've got the album, I've got the album, we were sent it the other day.
I haven't got the album!
Well that's because I nicked it.
You nicked it, you always nicked the good stuff.
I'm a knicker-knocker.
You know, we're talking about pop videos though, and especially the way that women treat men in pop videos.
Women.
It's got completely nuts, because I think the assumption is that women used to be treated as like pieces of meat in pop videos, right?
Yes.
So now... And they still are in the hip-hop world.
That's true, I suppose.
Yeah.
Yeah, but...
Yeah that is true.
No take it from me then.
But then they go too far the other way sometimes and treat men in a kind of outrageous way that you would never ever treat a woman like that.
You know what there's been quite a lot of think pieces about this in the papers particularly in relation to the advertising industry how men have become like completely wimped out by adverts.
Men are like the inferior race and women rule everything right?
There was a pop video I saw the other day... Yeah, she's happy about that.
Our producer, she's a woman, you see?
Yeah, get in the corner, Xanthi!
Just stop nodding.
Put on a bikini and grind your booty.
That's right.
But no, there was a video I saw the other day where it was like a whole bunch of sexy women with little bikinis on and they had a sexy man, right, and he was just wearing a thong and he was sort of oiled up and he looked like a...
a dream boy or whatever they were.
They were called.
They were stripping men.
Well, you tell us your dreams.
Who were the Chippendales?
There you go.
There we go.
He looked like a Chippendale.
And they had him strapped to a chair and they were humiliating him and throwing things on him and slapping him around and just treating him in a totally outrageous way.
And you thought if this was reversed, if it was a sexy woman strapped to the chair and there was like a load of sexy men doing this to her, it would be the most appalling thing you'd ever seen in your life.
You know what I mean?
No one would stand for it.
So I don't see why it's necessarily okay the other way around.
Yeah, I don't know.
I think it should just be free for everybody.
What?
You know, anyone should be allowed to strap anybody to a chair.
Yeah, you know?
Yeah.
Sexy.
Hi, I'm Adam.
Hi, I'm Joe.
Joe.
That's noisy.
I would like to thank you for choosing.
Please have your headsets ready for Adam and Joe.
Joe in the studio, coming through loud and clear.
Hello, you're still sitting.
That was Modern Love by David Bowie.
And before that you heard Sun Hits the Sky by Supergrass.
This is Adam and Joe.
It's the X list here on XFM for the last hour.
So keep those requests coming in.
We look at every one.
Sorry if we can't play your one, but we're doing our level best.
Mainly it's about the music.
We're just going to play a whole bunch of great music for you this hour.
I love Modern Love.
by David Bowie.
That's an absolute peach of a song.
I don't want to go out.
I want to stay in.
Get things done.
Does anyone care about David Bowie's Modern Love?
Do the kids still know that record is Let's Dance an enduring album?
It's a classic.
Do kids have it in their back catalogue?
I would have thought they had like Heroes or maybe The Best of Bowie.
Do they have Let's Dance?
Yeah I think it's considered a classic album, a classic Bowie album.
I mean it's the last classic Bowie album really.
Yeah.
At the, well it was the beginning of the 80s wasn't it?
The beginning of the end.
it was the beginning of the end for me it was a difficult one to love you know because it was so commercial very poppy so different from his previous stuff different during the 70s mmm different did you just say yeah like is that what you'd be like if you're a music journalist different now you said different I know I know it just amused me that you repeated it different
Yeah, yeah, I'm making notes you see yeah, I'll be my subheading different David Bowie's new album is different from the last He has not re-released the previous one.
He has done new songs
Anyway, exciting stuff.
Get your techs in.
8.3 XFM and we'll try and play them.
Alright, we've got a track from the Chemical Brothers right now.
This one is going out to Paul Brampton who is listening to the show and enjoying it very much.
Paul and Sophie, the sinner from Pinner.
Enjoy this.
This is Star Guitar.
Chemical Brothers there with Star Guitar.
Is that the one in the video when they're on the train?
And it keeps repeating and repeating.
And all the buildings are going to the beat.
And it's going to the beat.
Yeah, that's clever.
I love that video.
Clever idea.
It's directed by Michel Gondry, is it?
Yeah.
Yeah, he does all the good ones.
He's a genius.
He's a musical genius.
We got a caller on the line.
His name is Tom Price.
Hello, Tom Price.
Hello there.
What's going down?
How's it hanging?
It's all good.
How are you?
That's good.
I'm glad we've used three hip phrases.
What's going down?
How's it hanging?
It's all good.
Yeah.
What's the nut butter?
No, Adam.
You've messed it up.
Sorry.
Tom Price, are your jeans really low?
Is your bum sticking out?
No.
Well, you want to do that because all the kids are doing that.
Oh, right.
Get with it.
Are you on a skateboard now?
Oh, I am actually.
I just came off of it.
Oh, did you?
Hey, Tom, are you enjoying the show?
Yeah, great.
Really, really good.
Hey, thanks very much, Tom.
Put him on the spot a little bit.
Well, you know, some people would say no or come with some complaints.
I think our listeners are quite, you know, what's the word, forceful?
Yeah, you reckon?
Got the courage of their convictions.
That's true.
That was an honest response.
Absolutely.
What would you like to hear, Tom, on the X list this afternoon?
Can I have Morrissey, first of the gang to die please?
The first of the gang was the one to die, he was the first of the gang to die.
There we go, was that good enough or do you want to hear the actual record?
That was pretty good but the record's to be good enough.
Alright mate, fair enough, if we must.
There we go, thanks Tom, this is Adam and Joe on the Eclist, it's Saturday afternoon, this is Morrissey.
That was Morrissey with first of the gang to die.
And that was going out to Tom Price from Islington.
Tom, hope you enjoyed that slice of moz.
The Manchester Pope of Mope.
They always put that on the notes.
That's still on here.
The Manchester Pope of Mope.
Yeah.
He's the pope of mope.
Is there always a pope of mope?
I mean when he dies will they have to get someone else?
There will be a great big ceremony.
Will there be a ceremony to crown the pope of mope?
Wow.
I mean there's almost like a music because there's the king of pop, there's the pope of mope.
Are there any others?
What's Madonna?
She's the slag of handbag.
The slag of handbag.
You need a place rhyming with slag.
A slag of, I don't know, there's probably somewhere in Wales, Modrag.
We'll be back shortly.
That was Waterfall by The Stone Roses.
This is Adam and Jo on XFM London's 104.9.
That was requested by David Cox in Hampstead, who is apparently in bed.
He's in bed.
I wish I was there too.
Not in bed with you, David, but just in bed.
Wouldn't it be nice to do the show from bed?
I know, you can only get that kind of... Didn't John Peel do that?
Well, John Lennon did it... He did it from his house.
Yeah, John Peele did it from his house.
I don't think he ever did it from his bed.
Get it to your house, then it's just a short distance to get it to the bed.
You know the alternative is just to come in our dressing gowns and slippers.
To arrive in our dressing gowns and slippers at the studio.
Yeah.
Don't you think?
No, that's not fun at all.
That's the worst of both worlds, is it?
Oh, be a bit grotty.
You're right, you're right.
It's ad break time now.
We'll be back shortly.
modest mouse with float on this is adam and joe on xfm london's 104.9 number one station for rock music chittity chatting and adverts in the world now joe cornish uh this may seem a little trivial and i know usually we deal with news topics on the show yeah but uh forgive me because it's bugging me would you consider a jaffa cake would you consider it a cake
or a biscuit?
Well, the Jaffa cake is described on the packaging as a cake.
Yeah, yeah.
The Jaffa cakes are cakes, hence Jaffa cake.
Exactly, the inclusion.
So I'd describe it as a cake.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah?
But I appreciate it's a biscuit-sized cake, so I'd like to offer you this.
Yeah, who?
Biscake.
Biscake?
It's a Biscake.
Sounds like a different expression, doesn't it?
What?
uh but it's a bit of biscake you know because it's biscuit shaped and sized yeah but were you to take the the jelly orange off uh-huh and the chocolate you couldn't describe that thing as a biscuit a biscuit's to do with consistency and crunch crunch right like something soft is a cake
Yeah?
Something tough is a biscuit.
Uh huh.
Yeah?
That's interesting.
Well you know because... It's not interesting, it's just fact.
It is fact.
It's pure baking fact.
Yeah.
Well, it is, but, and, yeah, and it has an important financial consequence for the manufacturers of Jaffa Cakes, Joe Cornish, because, check this out, under UK law, no VAT is charged on biscuits and cakes, right, they are zero rated, but check this out, deal with this, chocolate covered biscuits, however,
are classed as luxury items and are subject to VAT at 17.5%.
No.
Yes.
But there's no VAT on food.
On chocolate covered biscuits.
Is there?
You're telling me there's VAT on chocolate covered biscuits?
Yeah.
I thought generally there's no VAT on food.
Like you don't go to Sainsbury's, you don't get VAT on the bottom of the thing, do you?
You don't give your supermarket bill to your taxman, do you?
Adam Buxton.
Do you give your accountant your supermarket receipts?
No.
Exactly.
And you certainly don't get a separate... Here's your receipt, sir, for your shopping.
And here's your biscuit receipt.
Here's your luxury good receipts that you can declare to your account.
It doesn't happen.
You're quoting what?
Wikipedia.
I'm quoting the facts from Wikipedia.
You know that Wikipedia is mostly Robopedia.
No, no, no.
In 1991 this was challenged in court, so I don't think they would have had like a court case.
At one stage the judge would just say, has anyone considered the fact that none of this is real?
Surely we're all wasting our time.
I've heard from Joe Cornish.
He disputes the fact that any of this is actually real.
You're missing out the middleman, which is Wikipedia.
In 1991, the question of whether Jaffa cakes were cakes or biscuits was challenged in court.
Now this may have been because their Jaffa Cakes are about the same size and shape as some types of biscuit.
The question that had to be answered was this.
What criteria should be used to class something as a cake or biscuit?
McVitie's defended the classification of Jaffa Cakes as a cake by producing a giant Jaffa Cake.
Wow.
To illustrate that they're... Just to distract the jury.
Yeah.
Ooh, it's a giant cake.
Not guilty.
Made a cake, it looks like a chocolate UFO.
with an orange alien inside driving it.
A big flat orange alien.
No, they produced a giant Jaffa cake to illustrate the fact that their Jaffa cakes were simply mini cakes, right?
They just blew the whole thing up and said, look, it's a cake.
They also argued that the distinction between cakes and biscuits is simply that cakes go hard when stale, whereas biscuits go soft.
It was demonstrated that Jaffa cakes become hard when stale and McVitie's won the case.
Wow, that's earth shattering.
I threw my piece of paper across like a lawyer.
That's amazing.
Yeah, because I feel as if I've won my case here and given you some facts.
Wow.
I really didn't follow that at all.
From when there was a court case, when Vitties had something to do with it, a giant UFO landed.
It had a big flat orange alien.
The jury were so amazed and excited by the giant cake that they threw the case out.
Is that what happened?
Yes.
Oh, we've learned so much.
So, but in conclusion, a Jaffa cake is a cake, because it's called a Jaffa cake.
Music time right now.
This is a free play, and we're allowed a free play every now and again, even in the X list.
And this is one that I hope you'll enjoy from a classic album by a classic XFM artist.
Beck is the artist, Mutations is the album.
This is cancelled check, and it's going out to Garth Jennings.
this is adam and joe on xff listen we've got a caller on the line it's meg i think she's at work hello meg hi hey there now you're cheekily calling from work so we've got to make this quite quick otherwise you might be fired right absolutely the boss is on the prowl yeah yeah where do you work meg uh i'm working for a small charity in philham oh man and and you're just giving charity stuff to anyone small uh
No it's full and profound and multiple learning disability.
Yeah that's put you in your place hasn't it Adam with your facetious comments.
Here feathering your own nest by doing a lazy radio show while other people are raising money for people with proper difficulties.
So are they all small the people with... Okay now what are you going to request Meg?
Crash please by the primitives.
Yes, very good choice.
Meg, best of luck with all your fundraising.
Thank you very much.
Just believe in yourself and you, believe in the world and everything will be fine.
I'm small, am I getting any money out of it?
No.
As usual, nothing.
Thanks very much, enjoy your song Meg and your charity, Neon Small Bible.
That was The Primitives with Crash.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM.
It's the X list here, the final hour of our show on a Saturday afternoon.
We'll be back shortly.
XFM.
That was the kind of plastic punk stylings of Green Day with Warning, taken from the album Warning, all right?
So just... I have been warned.
You know, have you ever seen Green Day live, Joe Cornish?
What, in the flesh live?
Uh, playing music.
at a festival or anything like that.
No.
They're very good.
And one of the things they often do is get a member of the audience up to actually play guitar on one of the tracks.
Right.
You know, they'll say, who wants to play guitar?
Everyone puts their hands up.
They say, well, you've got to know a few chords, you know, so it can't just be someone who's never played the guitar before.
Yeah, but you don't have to play very well.
They get the person up the fan comes up, you know shaking with excitement and they Say to them.
Okay, this one you just play a D a G and an F and You know chances are the fan will already know it and off they go They play along with us be really exciting for the fan amazing.
I never trust that kind of thing ever since Bruce Springsteen pulled Courtney Cox Yeah, exactly.
I never trust that.
She was Courtney Cox.
She's an actress.
That's right Well, that was a video though not a live gig.
I mean it was a video of a video of a life
You know who I mean by Henry Rollins?
Yeah.
Hank Rollins.
That's how he became the lead singer of Black Flag.
By being pulled out of the crowd?
Yeah.
That's amazing, isn't it?
I know.
They used to do that as well.
Black Flag used to just get their fans up and singing.
Hank did such a good job that he was... Does it ever work the other way?
Do they ever just push a band member into the crowd and say, stay there?
That's where you belong.
Go back.
That's right.
Throw them back into the sea.
It's like fishing, isn't it?
Into the sea?
Yeah, the sea of people.
The people sea.
Well, that's pretty much it for our show this week.
Yeah, thanks for listening.
We'll be back at the same time next week, 10 a.m.
till 1 p.m., with more exciting chit-chat and music and adverts.
Don't forget, if you haven't signed up for the Adam and Joe podcast,
Get to it right now, this very moment.
Find a computer and sort your lives out.
You know, these things are free.
They're enjoyable.
Don't be aggressive about it.
You'll put people off.
That's true, isn't it?
Yeah.
Do it if you want.
Don't if you don't want.
They're free and they're really, they're fantastic.
It's like the boiled down best bits from the XFM show.
Plus, never before heard nuggets specially created for the podcasts.
Yeah.
So do check them out.
Anyway, thanks for listening.
See you again next week.
See you next week.
Bye.
Love you.
Bye.