That's Razorlight within the morning.
Hi, it's Adam Buxton.
This is Joe Cornish.
We are in the morning.
It is the morning.
It's legitimately, you could call it the morning, Joe Cornish.
Could you name the lead singer of Razorlight?
Sure.
I could.
Yeah, I could.
If you knew it.
Why are you asking?
I'm just wondering.
Do you want me to name him?
Yeah, go on.
Johnny Slash.
Yeah, Johnny Slash.
Johnny is right though, I think, isn't it?
Runtle Thrum is the bass player, I thought.
No, that's Monty Thrum.
Yeah.
They're brothers.
Okay.
And Steve, get off.
is uh i don't know he's just a friend of theirs double-barreled name next question is he posh yeah steve get off yeah he's very aggressive he's very spiky spiky guy why are you asking me this on a saturday morning just checking your pop knowledge i know everything about indie rock i'm an xfm dj
Who's the most happening MySpace band at the moment?
Oh, Krusty P. Krusty P?
Yeah, Krusty P. Is he a rapper?
Yeah, yesterday.
What?
Is he a rapper?
Yeah.
Well, a rapper?
What is that?
Stop using 90s terminology.
What's the current term?
He's a word... Yeah, those noises are part of it.
Right.
He's a word...
yeah god you might you live on the street like me i don't know what's going on at all no you're you're in the past granddad um you know yeah it's 1989 get with the program what's the big festival this weekend oh uh uh yeah um it's like smack in the park smack in the yeah it's just for it's not that sort of smack it's just for mums and toddlers exactly just shut up shut
smack smack it's just legal to smack your kids and uh most moms are underage these days i don't think it is legal to smack you no on this in this festival it's got special jurisdiction in this festival and most most moms these days are under 14 so they're into pop music and they just bring their toddlers and it's fine to smack them sharp sharp
Like that goes on for 17 hours.
People camp and everything.
Smack in the park.
It's brilliant.
It's sponsored by Pampers.
That's not true, legal fans.
Yeah.
Well, wow, that's a good round-up of the latest up-to-the-minute pop news there from our pop guru, Joe Cornish.
Man, we're in the deep end.
this week absolutely hey incidentally we're Adam and Joe and you're listening to our show we're gonna be here for the next just less than three hours can you believe it but you know if you're fans of music we've got lots of great music coming up awesome Jack Johnson arctic monkeys magic numbers strokes pulp muse that's just the first hour yeah there's loads of it and of course don't forget that our final hour is given over to the x-list so you can text us or you can email us with your requests for the x-list get your text quests in now 83 XF
And in numbers, that's 83936.
Or you can email us, adamandjoe at xfm.co.uk.
And when it comes time for a competition, what?
Just calm down.
We're both quite tired.
Calm down.
When it comes time for a competition, you can call us on 0871 222 1049.
This is Radio 2.
And now, on Radio 2,
It's XFM, actually.
It's XFM.
It's not really a deal.
It's XFM.
What now?
Music?
Awesome.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM London's 104.9.
We're with you until one o'clock.
That was Jack Johnson with Breakdown.
Jack Johnson, of course, star of the animated monkey movie Curious George.
Is he actually in it?
No, but he sings all the songs.
He does the songs.
Oh, the monkey's gone to the swimming pool.
Everybody's looking at it, just swimming up and monkey ears, monkey ears.
Look at the big round monkey ears.
Oh, dear, you've trodden on a banana.
I'm guessing, but I imagine it's that sort of thing.
Good time monkey music.
What's the film like, do you know?
I don't know.
It's for very young kids.
It's got Will Ferrell playing, like, some kind of a Mountie.
A Mountie?
Yeah, and it's, I don't know, apart from that, that's all I know.
But apparently, it's not one of these films that's good for kids and adults.
It's just for the kids.
Just for the kids.
And the adults may try and kill themselves.
Did you see Over the Hedge?
Haven't seen Over the Hedge yet, no.
Quite good.
Is it quite good?
Yeah.
It shares a title with my favourite film of all time, which is a film called Over the Edge.
Right.
Which is a fantastic 70s film about teenage delinquents.
I would imagine that it's a reference.
Uh, do you think?
Yeah.
Do you think?
It's kind of a smart film.
Is it?
Yeah.
Well, that's a reason for me to go and see it, cos every time I think about going to see it, I think, man, I'd rather watch Over the Edge.
It's a good cast.
Very good.
Although it suffers from that problem that we were talking about this the other day, a lot of animated movies, the black character in it, she's all sassy.
She's a sassy mama.
And all she does is sort of say things like, girl, get out of my hair.
Yeah.
Okay, so we've got competition time coming up very shortly.
And it's a celebrity regression this week.
Is it?
Yeah.
Oh it's a great competition if you're not a regular listener to our Saturday morning show which is very likely because we've only been on for what, four weeks?
Adam gets regressed into the mind of a Hollywood celebrity and witnesses their films happening around him.
It's like a kind of phenomenon and... Like with John Travolta.
Exactly.
Yeah, and people have to phone in and figure out what movie scenes Adam is witnessing.
And it's a fairly easy one this week, right?
I would say so, yeah.
So the number for that is 08712221049, when it happens.
It'll happen pretty soon.
Good prizes to give away, man.
What prizes have we got?
Well, we've got two pairs of tickets to see... This is one of your favourite bands, Joe.
Jurassic Five.
Jurassic Five?
At Carling Academy, Brixton.
Can I just add an addendum to that?
Go on then.
I do like them, but I really have a problem with the voice of Charlie Tuner.
He's one of their rappers, and he's a bit like that guy that used to be in the digital underground.
He's like a sort of maths professor rapping.
He goes like this all of the time.
That's a terrible impression, isn't it?
No, but they're a brilliant band, Jurassic 5, and I'm sure they're terrific live, and that's a great prize.
We also have DVDs to give away, four copies, count them, of The Hills Have Eyes.
Ah, that's a nasty film.
I'm assuming that's a remake, isn't it?
Yeah, yeah, it's directed by Alexander Aja, who made Hortensión, the American title was, I don't know.
High Tension.
Yeah, no, something like that.
No, oh, Switchblade Romance, it was called.
Oh.
Very good if you like, you know, people being attacked with massive circular swords, which I do.
They're bigger, they're better.
And the Hills Have Eyes, that's one of those superior remakes then, isn't it?
Yeah, no, it's an inferior remake to Wes Craven's superior original.
Yes, I know that, but of the remakes, you know, like the whole wave of remakes.
Yeah, it's one of the better ones, that's true, that's true, well said.
So those are great prizes, Hills Have Eyes DVDs, Jurassic 5, tickets at the Academy.
Let's have more music and we'll come back with celebrity regression.
Right now, it's the Arctic Monkeys.
The who?
The Arctic Monkeys.
Who are they?
The Arctic Monkeys.
Oh.
There we go, that was the arctic monkeys.
I like to say both seas.
You know, cause some people say arctic, as if there's no first sea in it.
Yeah, I know.
I like to say the arctic monkeys.
It makes me different and cool.
You know one thing that people say as well, is instead of saying anaesthetic, they say anaesthetic.
Anaesthetic?
Yeah, have you ever noticed that?
Who says that?
Some people.
I saw them on the news.
I don't like them people.
There was a woman on the news the other day talking about anaesthetic.
Oh, she's a silly one.
I can't, you know?
She needs to be.
She's a big silly.
Stop it.
Stop that.
Put the H back in there.
Yeah.
There we go.
Adam and Joe with three hours of grammatical correction here on a Saturday morning.
Stay tuned.
That was the magic numbers with Love Me Like You.
This is Adam and Jo on XFM.
I tried to make friends with the magic numbers, you know.
Did you?
Yeah, I met them in Edinburgh when I was doing my show last year.
What was your make friends tactic?
I'd put my arm around one of them.
Without introducing yourself first?
No, they came to see my show.
Well, at least two of them did.
Right.
The hairier of the two men.
Yeah.
And the girl with a lot of small sharp teeth.
And you talked to them before you tried to hug them?
Yeah, they were really nice.
We got on very well.
So what went wrong?
They never called me back.
They gave me their magic numbers.
Did they?
Yeah.
And they were wrong, I guess.
Or they were just trying to help you out.
They probably weren't the magic numbers then.
I don't think they were.
They gave you the wrong numbers.
They were the wrong numbers.
Maybe they were the wrong numbers.
There you go.
Love me like you.
Love me as much as you love yourself.
That's impossible.
You know, that's just too much to ask.
Isn't it?
I'm never going to love anybody as much as I love myself.
You can't conceive of that level of selflessness.
Come on!
I mean please, get realistic.
Anyway listen, competition time.
You just never know.
So sharpen up your brain and get ready to play!
And it's celebrity regression this week, Joe.
I love this competition.
Do you really?
Yeah.
Why?
Because it's exciting.
A. I don't have to do any work.
I'm in charge of crap commentary corner, so it means a week off for me.
B. I like the silly voices and the fart noises.
And D. I don't know, I'm just a bit thick.
Okay, good.
So let me explain the competition.
Adam is now going to be regressed into the mind and movies of a Hollywood film star.
You have to listen to his hypnotised descriptions of what's happening around him and figure out the name of the star and the name of all three films.
To get the full prize you must name all three films and the name of the star.
Say that again backwards.
all right so there we go so the number is 0 8 7 1 2 2 2 1 0 4 9 0 8 7 1 triple 2 1 0 4 9 let's ring the regression bell
Create an atmosphere of clinical calm in the studio, a new age atmosphere, an environmentally friendly atmosphere of moonstones and tarot cards and pyramids.
And we'll regress Adam now, taking a deep breath, going all the way back, all the way back into the mind of this Hollywood star.
Now, Adam, wake up in the first film.
Tell us what you can see.
I'm in a large outdoor environment.
It's olden times, big ships, lot of people.
Swords.
I love swords.
Swishing, swashing, buckling.
It's pure cinema, isn't it?
So I wonder why it's not at all exciting.
I don't know.
Maybe it's just me sucking all the excitement out of it with my face and my total lack of charisma.
Something to think about, I suppose.
There we go.
That's the first film.
Adam's now fallen unconscious.
Remember the number 0-8-7-1-2-2-2-1-0-4-9.
Call it the second you know the name of the star in the movies.
Let's go to movie number two.
Adam, wake up.
Tell us what you can see.
I'm in another large outdoor environment.
Lots of people again.
Swords.
I've got a bow and arrow this time.
It's a bit more exciting than before.
Although I'm doing my best to suck out all the excitement again with my face.
goblins goblins that's film number two oh eight seven one triple two one oh four nine here's the final film adam wake up tell us what you can see oh i'm in a large outdoor environment a lot of people swords i've got a sword again which is nice not exciting again though i'm afraid
My character has the same name as an American lady who's made an entire career out of being stupid and performing fellatio.
No, it's not Courtney.
It's different.
There he goes.
That's extraordinary stuff for Ladio.
I don't even know what that is.
Adam's going to remain in a hypnotized state until someone calls 0-8-7-1-2-2-2-1-0-4-9, announces the names of the three films and the star and puts him out of his regressed state.
So for God's sake, call now!
That was The Strokes.
This is Edelman Joe on XFM.
You join us in the middle of celebrity regression.
Adam's been regressed into the mind and movies of a famous Hollywood celebrity.
We've got a caller on the line who thinks they know the name of the celebrity and the name of the movies.
Hello, Damien.
Hello.
How are you doing?
Fine, thanks.
Are you Damien O'Mann too?
No.
Oh, good.
I was pleased to hear it.
You sound a bit angry, Damien.
Is everything OK today?
It's mostly good.
Mostly good.
That's a very good answer, a realistic answer.
You're a realistic man.
Now, Adam is obviously regressed.
Have you heard this feature before, Damien?
Yes, I have.
Yeah, and you know that it's a clinical condition and that if you get the answer wrong, you might damage his brain.
Do you hear that?
Did you hear that noise?
What is that making you feel?
Did you hear that one?
It is frightening, isn't it, Damien?
Chilling stuff.
So listen, when I say go, tell me the name of the actor and we'll see whether you're right.
Go.
Orlando Bloom.
That's amazing.
You were correct.
Did you know the movies, Damien?
Yeah.
Pirates of the Caribbean was the first one.
That's right, it was Curse of the Black Pearl, and of course I imagine you identified that because of the ships.
That was really the only clue that I put in there, the ships and the swords.
What was the next one?
I think that was Lord of the Rings.
Correct.
That's correct.
Also subtitled Curse of the Black Pearl.
It could have been any of the Rings trilogy there.
Of course, the bloomer played Legoland, the huge Lego man.
And what was the final film?
Troy.
You said that well, man.
You should do trailers.
Yeah, you sound appropriately bored.
Did you like any of those films, Damien?
Did you see any of those films?
Uh, Troy was very boring.
Did you see, uh, did you see Lord of the Fellowship of the Rings?
I think so, at least they're all one big long film, it's kind of confusing.
A big CGI mulch.
And do you remember the name of the, going back to Troy for a second, do you remember the name of the character he played in there?
I imagine you got my clue.
He played Paris, you see, hence my Paris Hilton clue.
That was a brilliant clue, that was a very funny celebrity regression.
Do you think, um, Orlando Bloom is a good actor then, Damian?
I just think the girls like him, but otherwise he's pretty dull.
A lot of people think he's very wooden.
That seems to be the popular opinion.
You know what I think a better name for him would be?
Marlon Blando.
Oh, that's brilliant.
Yeah.
What about Orlando Blooming Rubbish?
They're nice!
Yeah.
Kapow!
What do you think of that, Damien?
I think that's exciting.
That's for Orlando Bloom in his place.
Yeah.
Yeah?
Hey, listen, thanks a lot for calling.
Would you like a prize?
Yes, please.
Very much.
OK, we'll send that in the post.
Thanks very much for calling and listening.
You're a very clever man.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM, London's 104.9.
That was Muse with Supermassive Black Hole.
Yeah, we stress that supermassive is all one word.
Supermassive Black Hole, the first single from the Tainmouth Trio's fourth album, Black Holes and Revelations, out July the 3rd, so it's already out.
You know, I know it's a problem with me and my brain, but I can't help thinking that Supermassive Black Hole is just a dirty title.
It's a bit filthy, yeah, like, uh, brown starfish, whatever that one was.
That was deliberate, I think, that one.
Yeah, I'm sure this is deliberate as well.
Super Massive Black Hole, you think it's a great big bum song?
Probably.
Really?
Probably, yeah.
Knowing Muse.
Knowing the Muse.
Anyway, this is Adam and Joe here on XFM.
We're just about to head into our second hour here on the show.
And don't forget, in our third hour, it's the X list for which we need your requests and dedications.
It's the kind of part of the show where we turn into real DJs, really, isn't it?
Yeah, who serve some sort of a purpose.
Yeah, we're playing decent music.
We're sending songs out to people Yeah, and chatting to bit shitty chatting to people on the phone doing chatting We're trying to find an interesting way to do it, but we haven't found it four weeks in we still haven't found No, well, we will find it eventually though.
And when we do it'll be amazing I'm coming up in a second is of course and harrod with the news.
She can make anything sound sexy even the most terrible event
can be slightly arousing when it's read by Ang Harrod.
I notice you haven't been disturbing her the last few weeks.
No, because I'm scared of her now.
Are you?
Yeah, she's too professional for me.
I tell you what, she doesn't look amused sometimes when you do disturb her.
I don't think she liked it.
Because it's a collision of frivolity and news.
Yeah.
And that collision is very uncomfortable for people.
It is.
Anne Harrods, she's just very professional and let's face it, we're just feeble amateurs.
We are feeble amateurs.
And it makes us look like idiots.
Because you know, in the olden days, when we first started this radio game, you know, sometimes I had lofty ambitions about like...
about, like, dealing with serious subjects, you know?
Oh, don't be silly.
I've realised that there's really no point.
We should leave that up to the professionals.
Yeah, exactly.
We should only be allowed to handle trivia.
Yeah, exactly.
Even then... Even then, with gloves.
Even then, quite trivial trivia.
Exactly, yeah.
Not much trivial trivia at all.
Adam and Joel on XFM, is it news time now, in fact?
I think it... No, it'll be news time after this next track.
So, to prepare ourselves for the news, here is some music.
Lost out.
That was The Rentals with Please Let That Be You.
Bit of a free play there.
Of course, you might know that The Rentals were a sort of offshoot of Weezer.
That used to be me and Adam's shorthand name for our parents, The Rentals, The Parentals, The Rentals.
Yeah.
You're my rentals are out tonight.
Let's go around yours, that sort of thing.
Exactly.
I used to think we were the only people who used that word.
Do you think we were?
Did we make it up?
Do you think somebody else calls their parents rentals?
Well, that sort of thing, yeah.
You think it's yours, don't you?
And then everyone says it and then, you know.
kids have a lot of fun like me then you get quite angry yeah get in an argument with someone I thought that I thought that I thought no I thought that before you I thought it before you got a joke I don't know check as much I copied my exactly
You know what I thought that about the other day?
What?
Was when I was reading Word Magazine and they had... I thought of Word Magazine?
No, I thought of that.
Of having articles about things and people.
No, they had a rundown of made up band names.
Oh yeah.
And I just thought, I thought I'd done that joke.
You make up band names.
I make up band names, I...
But then I remembered that everyone makes up their names.
Right, so that was the free play, that was very good, well done.
This is Adam and Joe, XFM, London's one of 4.9, number one for rock, adverts, and chit chat.
Let's check out some adverts right now.
That's the mighty Zutons with Valerie.
That's good, man.
I like that.
I like the Zutons more and more.
I like it as well.
They're a nice bunch.
They are a nice bunch.
And you know, that helps if a band are nice people, you know?
I think you're right.
Sometimes people don't take a nice band seriously, you know?
They prefer the miserable behaviour of someone like Black Rebel Motorcycle Club.
Are they miserable?
They are absolutely miserable.
Hey, you know what?
I like them.
I'd never met them, but I'm just being objective.
I'm providing some BBC-style balance.
A bit of balance is good.
Exactly.
Yeah, this is Adam and Joe.
Welcome to the second hour of our Saturday morning show.
We hope you're having a lovely Saturday morning.
If you're watching Mighty Truck of Stuff... What's Mighty Truck of Stuff?
Well, that's the BBC's kids show, you know.
Is there really a show called Mighty Truck of Stuff?
Called Mighty Truck of Stuff.
It's invented by Joe Mace.
Wow.
It's presented by Reggie.
Who's Reg?
Reggie's the latest guy.
I don't know what's going on at all.
He's the new BBC guy.
Oh, it's brilliant.
But if you're watching it, then turn the sound down on it at least.
Is it kind of insane anarchy going on there?
No, the thing about Mighty Truck of Stuff is it's just a bit greedy.
right it's kind of a kids saturday morning show for the new millennium because it's all about one kid winning everything really swap shop in the 70s was about kids swapping things and everybody won yeah this is about one kid
win like every prize crammed into the back of a truck then they drive it to the kid's house and he gets the lot it's a good fantasy fulfillment though isn't it maces canny well i wonder whether uh whether it brings misery you know like how adult millionaires who win millions of pounds on the lottery sometimes go off the rails absolutely surely that could happen on a kiddie scale with the mighty truck of stuff but you need i mean imagine what they're giving them though man it's probably the mighty truck of crap
Well crap, it depends.
One man's crap is another man's gold.
Isn't it?
When I was a child, leaflets were valuable to me.
A leaflet was amazing.
A plastic bag with an exciting design on it.
Yippee!
So there's no such thing as crap when you're a child.
If it exists in three dimensional space, it's amazing.
What were the most enjoyable free things you ever got as a child?
Stickers, badges, stickers, basically stickers.
Ideal home exhibition, 500 stickers.
Wow, and then all over the bedroom door, then your dad complains, because they won't come off, they leave their backing on.
When I was at school, there were a few children who knew the secret of how to write to companies.
Well, there was a book.
And get stickers.
Yeah, there was a Penguin book.
I forgot what it was called, but it had all the addresses of all the companies that would send kids free things.
You could spend your whole summer writing off for stuff.
And some of these guys, they had like,
Pens and patches and stickers.
Pens are brilliant.
GONKS.
A lot of free GONKS going around.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I just thought, what?
I can't believe they're getting all this free stuff.
I'm not getting any free stuff.
But the Mighty Truck of Stuff, do you not think I've got a point?
That when the kid wins the Mighty Truck of Stuff, maybe he might turn into some kind of, you know, junkie.
Well, I feel sorry for his parents.
I don't mean that in a drugs way.
I mean just a lot of junk, have a lot of junk.
Yeah, well, you get spoiled.
Simple as that.
Bedroom full of junk.
Exactly.
I feel bad for the parents though, seriously, because... Where do you go if you're 11 and you've won a mighty truck of stuff?
Yeah.
What will satisfy you in life?
Plus... It's like being one of Jonathan Ross's kids.
But you know what?
I think I'm going to make like a documentary, a follow-up documentary about one of the kids whose lives, whose life has gone off the rails due to the mighty truck of stuff.
Yeah.
Yeah?
Stuffed by the mighty truck, you could call it.
That's what I'll call it.
It'll be on Channel 4 at about one in the morning.
Excellent.
I'll look out for that.
That's something to look forward to.
Let's play some music.
That was Franz Ferdinand.
They're not quite so hot right now.
Well, what do you mean?
I don't know, they're just... Have they gone off the boil?
They, they, they used to be so hot.
They're not quite so hot.
How long did they have?
I would say they... Six months?
They had a good year.
They had a year?
Yeah.
Well, that's quite a long time considering these days.
Absolutely.
But do you think, do you think it must be upsetting if you're in a band and you've got heat all over you for about 12 months, you know, and you get used to it, and then suddenly you wake up one morning and you think,
Oooh, it's a bit chilly.
That's when it's time to change your name.
You reckon?
And your image.
Split, you know, reinvent yourself.
Yeah, that's the way to go.
But even if you're on your third album only?
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah.
What about The Darkness?
Can you imagine how they felt?
They had a flipping documentary made about them by the South Bank show and they were just... After the first album?
After the first album, they're phenomenal.
Heavy rotation on every single radio station.
Well they're coming back, aren't they?
So by saying by using the word coming I've revealed the truth yeah that they never arrived back and they left the house They got on a train, but it got stuck in a tunnel and then decommissioned
Right?
Sent to a scrapyard.
With them inside it.
That's a bit harsh.
I'm sure there's a single on their album that'll bring them all the way back.
But you know, Justin Hawkins, he's a man who's reinvented himself many times.
Yeah.
He can always go back to journalism.
Absolutely.
I'm sure.
No, he used to do jingles and stuff.
He can always go back to jinglism.
uh Franz Ferdinand there we go they're off the boil you you heard it here first on Adam and Joe on xfm but listen if Franz Ferdinand are listening we're just being silly we're just being also also if the darkness are listening you know what i'm just being silly i'm sure i'm sure no one does care about us and i'm sure they couldn't care but i always have a uh a horror of being responsible for one of those spinal tap moments you know like when they're banned or listening to the radio
and the DJ says well they're currently residing in the where are they now file and that they look so gutted and I know it would be gutting but you know they that the victory is theirs because because they've all been more famous and successful than we ever ever will be if they put no perfectly well it's just that
grumblings of a couple of bitter old men.
It's the ebb and flow of the pop world.
Yeah.
OK, music time now.
Once again, it's a free play, Joe.
That's exciting.
And this time I've got for you a song that you would normally not hear on XFM, I would say.
Why?
Because it's no good?
No, because it's not in the style of the jangly pop bands.
It's by Donna Summer.
Oh, my gosh.
You know?
And it's, for me, her peak moment, which is State of Independence.
Anyway, hope you feel the same way about it as I do.
Donna Summer with State of Independence.
Hello, is that XFM?
Yes.
Why are you playing rubbish old disco music?
You're an indie station supposed to play the Arctic Monkeys over and over and over again.
Why can't you play Hot Foot?
I am your friend by the music call that you play all the time.
We are your friends, that one.
Simeon.
Yeah, by Simeon.
Why aren't you playing that?
Why are you playing Donna Summer in a disco rubbish?
It was just a little deviation.
What's your name?
I hate you, civil.
Cyril.
Thank you Cyril for your call.
I hate you.
Okay thanks a lot for calling in.
Bring back Justin Lee Collins.
Oh we can't.
And the A-Team.
He's too famous.
Bring back the A-Team.
Alright then, thanks a lot for your call.
Number one, one has been has been.
Oh alright cheerio.
Bye bye.
Do you like adverts Cyril?
Cyril's gone now.
Cyril's gone.
Why have we got adverts coming up?
Yeah we got some ads.
Ah party.
Let's party.
fix you I'd like to fix you Oh listeners I've just spilled a little bit of PJ strawberry and banana smoothie on the work surface it looks like the blood of some sort of little alien oh it's disgusting looks like hemoglobin it's like the blood of Anton deck that's gonna be that's why it's called PJ oh I'm gonna lick it off this piece of paper can you get Duncan as well hmm
dunk something in it.
This is Adam and Joe XFM London's 104.9.
That was Coldplay incidentally of course with Fix You.
Don't forget of course in the final hour of our show it's the X-list a chance for you to request any XFM classic song by simply texting us or emailing us the text is 83 XFM email Adam and Joe at XFM.co.uk.
That's correct you can even call with an X-list request
0871 222 1049 because we do like to have a little sort of doctor and patient style chat with some of our callers in that last hour.
Yeah, exactly.
We like to sort of say things like, so what are you up to?
And what do you do for a living?
What do you do for a living?
Yeah.
And what are you doing this weekend?
Yeah.
And generally people will say, I don't know, painting decorator, going out to the pub.
I'm in the bath.
I've got a hangover.
Yeah.
It's along those lines.
Hey Joe, I was in the supermarket the other day and the woman behind me in the checkout area, she was talking to her friend on her mobile and she was planning an afternoon's drinking fun.
It was the weekend.
It was a nice hot weekend.
And at one point she was talking about what kind of booze to bring over, and she said, completely irony-free as far as I could tell, I think it's Pim's O'Clock, don't you?
I just thought like, hmm, is she, I mean it wasn't, she didn't say it in like a jokey way, but then it made me think like, whether I've ever used a catchphrase like that myself, because as soon as you start using the tagline from an advert,
Well, even if you think you're doing it in a funny way, they've got you.
They've got you.
They've won.
Exactly.
The evils have won.
Job done.
You're the final... Job done?
Yeah.
That's probably a catchphrase from, say, Doosan's or some sort of equipment hire shop.
You reckon?
Pop down to Doosan's.
Job done.
You've been got.
Yeah.
Go on, say something else.
Um... That's a catchphrase.
No, it's not.
That's nearly Madison's backwards.
Have you ever used an advertising catchphrase like that?
I don't know.
I use them brilliantly, ironically.
Yeah.
But probably never knowingly, because I'm much too clever.
What's up?
I suppose that was a... Well, it was fun.
It's fun to use that sort of thing the moment they become really sickening, isn't it?
Yeah.
Don't use them while they're still fashionable, but the moment they become really sickening, then go in there with them.
Yeah.
But no one ever used that one, seriously.
Obviously that one was the deliberately funny one.
I mean, most of them are.
But it's depressing, isn't it, to think that advertising is actually more effective than you give it credit for in those moments.
Sometimes you sort of think, what's the point?
You know, they're not getting through to anyone, but then if you're in a queue and someone's saying it's Pim's o'clock, that's pretty categorical proof that they are getting through.
Well, you know, I would have tried to go to her party and have some Pim's.
You know, stalking people or being a spy would be very easy in this day and age, wouldn't it?
Why?
Well, because everyone just walks around announcing their plans on their mobile phone.
A number of times I've heard exactly who is going to the cinema, when, what they're seeing, when they're getting there, and thought, well, I'll just pop along.
I've got the information just to insinuate myself into that woman's social circle.
Judy?
Hello?
Yeah, it is me.
We had plans to go to the cinema.
They'd be so polite, they'd have to let you come along.
Right.
That's possible, isn't it?
That's a good idea for a film.
Yeah, I could have James Belushi in it.
You could call it The Overhearer.
Yeah.
Over here.
That's good.
Or over here.
Yeah.
That's good, okay.
I'm gonna write that film.
I've finished writing it.
There we go.
Let's play some more music.
Are you ready for Boy Kill Boy, Joe Cornish?
I'll never be ready for Boy Kill Boy.
Boy Kill Boy there with Civil Sin.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM.
That was the raconteurs with Steady as she goes.
This is Adam and Jo, XFM, London's 104.9.
Hope you're having a nice Saturday morning.
I'm joined by Adam Buxton.
Hello, Adam.
Hi, how do you do?
And you're going to talk to us about some problems you have with mini cabs.
I just wanted to get a couple of mini cab beefs off my plate.
Sure, everyone uses mini cabs.
Yeah, generally I guess you'll use a mini cab when you're coming back from the pub or whatever.
You're stuck in the middle of nowhere exactly.
Most people are a bit drunk, small hours of the morning.
You go in there, it's all lemony scented, smells like a pine forest.
Better than they used to be because now of course they're licensed.
Before they weren't licensed, you used to get death cab for cutie, right?
That's the name of a band isn't it?
That's well done.
A door hanging off like a
criminal driving it.
Yeah.
It used to be terrifying.
They would go a funny route.
They still charge you outrageous.
You've got to fix your price before you get in the minicab.
Very important.
But anyway, so you take a lot of cabs and you've built up this kind of list of complaints.
The thing is that when you're a hugely successful television personality like me, you often have to work across town and... They send cabs for you, don't they?
They'll send a cab.
The production company will send a cab.
sometimes a limousine, sometimes it's gold.
And when you get in, you're always confronted with the same sort of problems.
And it's getting even worse, I'm noticing.
All the annoying things about minicabs are just building up.
So what are they?
What's one of them?
The first one, like a recent nightmare, sat-nav boxes.
Well, sat-navs aren't nightmares, they're brilliant.
They mean that people who have no knowledge of London whatsoever can guide you around London without having to stop and look at the map all the time.
But it's the annoying sound of the things.
Do you not get bothered by the little... At the next turning, go left into Hardwick Road and proceed for 300 metres before turning right.
You know, just... I like it.
I immediately want to obey you.
Really?
Yeah, I want to go to Hardwick Road and turn right.
It's so annoying.
The worst thing though is when you get back to your general area and you know the sat-nav box is not taking you the most efficient way.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know that.
Yeah.
That winds you up.
Ignore the sat-nav box and just take the next ride.
It'll be quicker, I promise you.
is how I feel sometimes in that thing.
Here's another thing that I hadn't seen before in a cab until the other day.
Speed camera detectors.
Right.
Well, they can't be legal, can they?
I don't know.
They've got them in America.
People have them a lot in America on freeways.
They tell you when the police are around.
Yeah.
so you can slow down and drive at a legal limit.
Well this thing was like a big plastic dome on the guy's dashboard and when you would come within a few hundred meters of a speed camera it would start flashing red and a big siren would start beep beep beep beep beep beep getting louder and louder and more frequent the closer you got to the speed camera and then it would kind of die off.
Man I want one of those.
But we were coming into London.
I'm going to draw up a shopping list.
There's a lot of speed cameras and it was going off every couple of minutes.
Speed camera detector.
It was driving me nuts.
What else?
What else have you got?
All the things you want to get.
A contemporary traveler.
Well those are just sort of gadgets.
The other phenomenon that makes my life miserable when I'm in a minicab of a morning is talk radio.
Something like this.
Right, well that's a different kettle of fish.
You mean like Nick Ferrari and Vanessa Felt?
Exactly that.
And all that kind of thing and John Gaunt and people like that.
You like that stuff don't you?
Well it gets you up in the morning you know it boils your blood and get it gets me awake.
Right.
And they just find the most they get the tabloid papers and they look for the most stupid story like old woman arrested for sneezing something like that.
So they go what the hell is Britain coming to?
Or man stubs toe in prison for saying poo you know or something like that.
It freaks them out.
They've got this agenda that the world is going to hell in a handcart.
And they're just on the lookout for anything that supports that theory.
I love it, it's exciting.
So far you're having the best time in the minicam.
Yeah, I'm having a brilliant time.
The sat-nav, the speed camera detector, Nick Ferrari on the radio.
This is brilliant.
What about personal music choice of driver?
If it's not Nick Ferrari, then they will stick on some music.
Excuse me, choice.
No, no, no, no, not a radio, like if they put in a CD.
Oh, right.
Yeah.
And generally, it's bad enough when your friends want to play music in the car, you know, and you very seldom get down with their taste.
You and I have had many drives when we've got on each other's nerves about our music choice.
Yeah, but that's because mine's better than yours.
Yeah.
But I don't mind, I usually try and tap along and impress the driver with my rhythmic sense.
Hey, listen, I was tapping along.
I do as well.
I was tapping along very happily to Jimmy Cliff the other day.
I thought, this is good, I've lucked out.
Nice bit of Jimmy Cliff.
Three hours later in a traffic jam, he's still playing the same Jimmy Cliff CD.
Round and round and round we go with Jimmy and I was at the end of my Jimmy tether.
It was a nightmare.
it sounds like a nightmare a terrible terrible nightmare i tell you what happened to me the other day i'll make this very quick i've gotten to a mini cab there was a stain on the back seat didn't know what it was looked quite old it was a hot day sat down rested my hand next to me sort of didn't realize it was on the stain my hand got sweaty during the journey the sweat went into the stain whatever the stain was got into my hand got out of the cab 10 minutes later sniffed my hand a stronger smell of puke
I'd ever smelt and I had to sort of puke.
Where did that puke come from?
Then I realised that the 20 minute journey to the place of sweat in my hand had soaked into the old stain and the puke had gone on my hand.
That's disgusting.
That's the worst thing so I licked it all off.
This is Adam and Jo XFM, London's 104.9.
Okay music now, something a tiny bit less disgusting.
This is the Manic Street Preachers with If You Tolerate This, Your Children Will Be Next.
Oh God.
Massive Attack with Protection there, and before that you heard The Jam with Start, two classic tracks.
Yeah, you know, when Massive Attack first came on the scene, the name of the band was a kind of comment on military intervention in the Middle East.
One would have had...
Wait, let me finish.
Yeah, where's it going?
One would have hoped that in the 10 years to 20 years, how long have they been going for?
At least 15 or something.
In the 15 years since they made that name, the world might have changed, but it hasn't.
You're listening to Adam and Joe here on XFM.
London's 104.9 and we hope all the listeners enjoyed the adverts before that record.
Did you like those adverts, Ad?
I think adverts are getting better.
You know what, Joe?
Sometimes the adverts are better than this stuff either side of them.
What an imposturous thing to say.
We were wondering whether any like trendy young person DJ's with adverts.
It's gotta happen.
Do you think that'll happen soon won't it?
Somewhere in Hoxton.
Somewhere in Hoxton someone is doing like an advert party.
Yeah.
Where everyone stands around and they chat and listen to adverts.
Do you think they would listen to the talking as well or just the jingles?
Yeah, they were just like a jazz club.
You can't chit chat in a jazz club.
You've got to listen to the jazz.
Yeah.
So there's some chit chat maybe on the terrace.
I'm sure that's happened.
But on the dance
You can buy big CDs of advert jingles.
Yeah, the TVs have great, great adverts on them.
Yeah.
And then a guy's DJing with scratching some adverts.
Uh huh.
Yeah, it's gotta happen pretty soon, but I wouldn't be at that party because it would be rubbish.
No, come on, it might be quite good.
It would be really annoying.
No, it would be terrible.
No, they'd be playing, uh, they'd be playing, oh I'm a secret lemonade drinker.
Well now that would be like a cheesy classic.
That would be like playing disco hits at a disco, right?
You know, that was written by Elvis Costello's father.
That would be like playing Boogie Wonderland at a wedding.
Boogie Wonderland's good!
Yeah, but it's not, you know, this would be a trinlier party.
Anyway, enough of that nonsense, and time for some different nonsense.
OK, the next track is from the Charlatans.
This is A Man Needs To Be Told, and we're dedicating it today to David O'Reilly.
Enjoy this one, David.
That was the Charlatans.
This is Adam and Joe.
It's the X list here on XFM, London's 104.9.
We've got a caller with a request on the line.
It's Gav.
Am I right?
Is his name Gav?
Gavin.
Hey Gavin, how are you doing?
Gav.
I'm great.
How are you?
Man, we're all right, but you sound like you're in a cockpit of the Apollo 13.
Are you in space?
I am actually, yes.
We still get XFM.
It's great up here.
Do you?
Yeah, well it's essential.
It's my only link to the outside world, so I have a very strange view of what's going on.
Yeah.
How are you anyway?
I'm just fascinated by the idea of what Gav's doing up there in space because you know he's got this TV on it sounds like there's a lot of very powerful nuclear equipment working in there.
There's just a lot of lounging in space isn't there Gav?
There's a lot of lounging yeah you wouldn't believe how much lounging I do up here.
Are you smoking ciggies in space?
You smoke ciggies.
Can you smoke ciggies?
It's dangerous man, it's very dangerous.
It's not dangerous in space.
It's fine in space.
You don't get any of your associated heart disease or anything in space at all.
I was thinking about the fuel tanks blowing up.
That's mainly the thing.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
We don't worry about that anymore.
Now, listen, you're going to request a song right now, Gav, aren't you?
And tell us which band you're choosing.
I would love to hear a Blur song.
Now, you sound a little bit like Damon Albarn, don't you?
Yeah.
You found me out.
It's Orban, we've got Orban on the phone from space.
I don't turn anyone, alright?
Orban, which song would you like to hear then?
Can I hear song two?
I've always liked it for its shortness.
You can hear song two only if you do the sound at the beginning, the woohoo sound.
Woohoo!
He did it, there we go.
Do you like being called Gav?
Yeah, well my name's not Gavin actually.
What is it?
It's very confusing, my name's Gabriel.
Gabriel, that's a better name.
You could be called Gabe.
Gavriel, he's called.
Oh, Gavriel.
Yeah.
Wow, keep it Gavriel.
Yeah, that's like, keep it real.
That's like how Westwood would address you.
Keep it Gavriel.
OK, Gavriel.
Here's a song going out to you.
Hope you enjoy this one.
Yeah, thanks for calling.
Thank you.
Cheers, man.
Have a good weekend.
It's the Mighty Blur.
That was The Verve with Bittersweet Symphony.
This is Adam and Joe with the X List on XFM, London's 104.9.
Keep texting in your requests, 83936.
That's the numerical texting code, yeah?
Yeah, Bittersweet Symphony, you know, that track by The Verve that we just done heard on the radio.
That's one of those songs that takes me back completely to a very strange period in my life and a lot of other people's lives as well.
When you served time.
When I done time.
Stormbreaker's out at the cinema.
Do you know what Stormbreaker is, Adam?
I do.
All I know about Stormbreaker is that the posters use that unpleasant colour combination of kind of pathetic orange and stupid blue, which I don't enjoy.
Are they proper colours?
Pathetic orange and stupid blue?
Yeah, they are.
I've never known anyone to be angry about colors.
The other thing I know about Storm bring a breaker breaker is that Jimmy Carr is in it It's been out for a week now, I think but a lot of British movie stars are in it Ewan McGregor Stephen Fry all the trimmings, you know all the fellas I haven't seen it yet, but I wonder if it's any good.
Do you think it's any good?
You sound as if you're limbering up to voice some prejudices
No I'm not but I saw the trailer and the trailer had this funny thing in it where they've obviously got Ewan McGregor in it and they've got him in it in a scene where he's driving a car but I don't think they've had him for more than a day.
No.
So they've got him in the car driving up and down the road.
In the trailer they cut to that car on that road about three different times.
Yes.
As if he's a major star in it, and I just wonder whether he's in it that much.
Well they did the same sort of thing with Jimmy Carr in another film that Jimmy Carr popped up very briefly in, but he was heavily edited into the trails.
He's in Ant and Dec's Alien Autopsy.
Jimmy?
Yeah, Jimmy's in that.
But he was in... I don't think he reads the scripts.
He was in the Peter Sellers one.
Right, yeah, I forget what that one was called.
And he was featured fairly heavily in the trail for that, I think.
The Life and Times of... Are you gonna be seeing Stormbreaker?
No.
Why not?
It's a new British Bond.
Well, but it's not so much Bond as, like, Cody Banks, is it?
Team Bond.
Yeah, Cody Banks.
That doesn't sound good at all.
Why would I want to see that?
Because, I don't know.
I don't know why anyone would want to see it, but I'm going to go see it.
I think it's exciting.
I want to see how much Ewan McGregor is actually in it.
You know, it's tricky because the lead actor in it is like 14, right?
Which is always a tricky one because when you're at that age, your looks change instantly, don't they?
It's a very mercurial age.
You know, one minute your voice is high, next minute it's broken.
Your skin's perfect one day, you wake up, you're like a pizza the next day.
Your hair's all fluffy and lovely one day, next day it's all greasy and disgusting.
It's what happened to me anyway.
Yeah.
Your arms grow at different lengths.
One nostril's huge, the other one's tiny.
Ears are flopping all over the place, teeth are coming out at all angles.
Your feet get huge claws.
Exactly!
It's like sort of turning into a monster.
You can float.
So it's always interesting when people make movies with kids at that age because they turn up doing interviews and stuff.
Right.
And suddenly they look completely different.
for what they do in a film.
Like Haley Joel Osment.
Osment.
Is that what his name is?
He made a film called Regarding Lions.
Oh yeah.
It wasn't called Regarding Lions but it should have been.
And they made it while his voice was breaking and he's really odd in that.
He's kind of like a mutant.
Half child, half man, very odd.
I can't wait for Stormbringer now you've really sold it to me.
Breaker.
Stormbringer, Breaker, I don't know.
Storm.
What are we going to hear now?
Have we got another request?
Yeah, well, this one is going out to Dave in Stockwell.
That's where we live.
Hey, well done, Dave, for living in Stockwell.
Yeah.
And surviving.
Exactly.
Yeah, because it's tough around there.
124 gun muggings a month.
Gun muggings?
That's what it said in the Standard the other day.
No.
I've lived there all my life.
I haven't seen a single gun mugging.
I've never had a gun mugging in Stockwell.
Because they're too scared.
Yeah.
Doing a gun mugging on me because they know the reprisals would be catastrophic.
Exactly.
You'd just tickle them.
I'd tickle them.
No one wants to be tickled.
No, exactly.
I'd go round, I'd dribble on their bikes, I'd do all kinds of things.
I'd put chewing gum on their trainers.
Hey, easy, easy.
Well, I'm just saying... What's Dave requesting?
Oh, Dave is requesting a song that I'm very pleased to be able to play.
This is The Breeders with Cannonball.
That was Cannonball by the Breeders.
Always a pleasure to hear that.
What an absolute peach.
Now we have a caller on the line who wants to request a classic number.
It's Ellie.
Are you there Ellie?
I am, hello.
Ellie, you sound as if you're surrounded by many tiny children.
I am, I am.
I'm in a playground so there are lots of little kids around.
And are you going to request a song that's appropriate for that scenario?
indeed i'd like um family affair by flying the family that's very uh good because it sounds like it's a bit of a family affair where you are i must say joe uh when we first started on the radio i didn't think you were that good no to be honest but now i said that you've grown into a truly uh amusing entertaining presenter thanks a lot well uh from one family
to another family affair the one by Sly and the family oh dear listen uh we're a bit tired here really thanks a lot for calling thanks for calling have a great afternoon here is Sly and the Family Stone
was Dodgy with Good Enough.
And that was for Nick.
Don't know where he is, what his second name is, who he is.
He's just Nick, but that's enough for me.
Yeah, he communicated with us via the text world.
And it's all very informal in the text universe.
That's true, you know.
No Ps and Qs.
No, exactly.
You know what, I was listening on my headphones to that track while it was on, and my phone went off and it did that mobile phone...
Yeah, can you do that impression?
Didn't I just do it?
Yeah, you did do it.
Can you do any impressions of any other pieces of machinery?
No, but you know that advert?
There's an advert, I think it's for Lenore, where a woman is washing, or she's doing something that requires her to pretend she is somewhere where she isn't.
And she gets her phone and she mimics the sound of a road drill by running the receiver across the top of a metal radiator.
But I just don't believe it.
Well no, they've dubbed the sound of a pneumatic drill.
They've dubbed the actual sound of a pneumatic drill because the sound plastic against metal would not make.
Metal on metal would make that sound.
Plastic on metal wouldn't.
No, because all you'd hear on the phone is just like something bashing against the microphone.
It's typical of the advertising industry.
Lazy.
A parade of lies.
Manipulative lies, apart from all the adverts on XFM.
That's true.
Which are the best ones?
Right, this next track is going out to Carole in Sheen and it's the Nirvana with Lithium.
There we go.
What an extraordinary hour of music here on the X-list.
We're Adam and Joe.
We'll be back with you between 10am and 1pm next Saturday morning.
Be sure to stay tuned and we'll bring you a really, really strong radio show.
Mick Rock's coming up.
Don't forget to stay tuned for that.
That's right.
Mick Rock live from New York.
Yeah.
I once saw David Bowie.
on a train, and he was riding from one place to another.
He is the Jean Genie.
That's the kind of thing you might... Yeah, that's what you've got to look forward to.
And don't forget, listeners, to subscribe, if you haven't done already, to the Adam and Jo podcast, all right?
Go to iTunes
Click on the little podcast button.
We're in the top 10 and just click on the Adam and Joe podcast and you'll enjoy all kinds of great highlights.
It's a concentrated show.
We take out all of the waffle and just leave bits that have been focus grouped and you know, determined to be amusing.
Yeah.
And we take out the adverts and the songs and stuff like that.
And we put some extra stuff in as well.
Yeah, there's loads of extra stuff that you never before heard exclusive podcast content.
Yeah, and if you ain't got iTunes, you can always go to www.xfm.co.uk and just get it through the website.
You don't have to be, like, technically proficient or anything.
No, it's not.
It's easy.
So just relax.
Stop hassling me.
Get off my back.
Get off my face.
Leave me alone.
I don't know you.
You don't know me.
Get off.
What are you looking at?
Don't look at me like that.
It went all aggressive suddenly.
Thanks for listening.
We'll see you again next week.
Bye.
Love you.
Bye.
Love you.
Bye.