That's the Zootons with Valerie.
Hello, this is Adam Buxton.
Hey, this is Joe Cornish.
Welcome to the Adam and Joe radio show here for the next three hours on XFM, London's 104.9.
We've got some fantastic music to play you, including hits from the likes of Macalmont and Butler.
It's good to see that one.
That's a new one, is it?
One-off single from the London-based duo.
That's coming up very shortly.
Julian Cope, Arctic Monkeys, Hard Fi, all the best music here on XFM.
And we've got fantastic things to give away, don't we, Joe Cornish?
Yeah, we do.
What have we got to give away?
I think we've got Sonny Cheever box sets, we've got some Doctor Who action on DVD, and we've also got some Blake Seven action.
late seven yeah and we got two pairs of tickets to the TDK cross central festival what's that that's some sort of religious festival no it's where they they give you cassettes and you tie the end of the cassette to a lamppost right and then you drive away drive away as fast as you can from from the lamppost and the whole street is mysteriously covered with cassette tape
believe that's what it is apparently it's not it's just a music festival and playing there will be hot chip ladytron block party king creosote andrew weatherall nightmares on wax sound system jars peterson and money mark that's just saturday alone wow sunday's got sasha booker shade a montobin london electricity spelt with a k joey negro moody man annie circle loco and secret sundays some of those names i've never heard of and it reminds me of on one of my new competitions here on the show later on in the last hour i think
we've got a brand new competition for you and it's called rock check this out Joe all right rock and real or rock and rubs are those two alternative names well no you have to decide I'm a list of ten band names right some of which are real and some of which are rubbish and you have and you the caller have to decide which are rock and real exciting and which are rock and rubs
So that's part of the X list, that the final hour from 12 till 1, it's going to be a competition hour as well as a request hour to try and give it a bit of pep, vim, verve, spice.
Yeah, so that's it.
And plus there's lots of chat about things and a text competition and crap commentary corner.
It's going to be an action packed three hours.
We were both away last week.
We were.
So we've got stories to tell.
Stories to tell.
All about it.
Stay tuned.
I was just scratching that there for you.
Here's the feeling.
And that's really serious, though.
I mean, he's on fire, he's burning, and you'd think that the first thing he would do is just try and douse himself, wrap a towel around himself, you know, something like that, put himself out.
But he goes into the studio, he writes a song about it.
Must have been very painful.
Puts it out and all the time he was on fire.
He's probably seriously disfigured now.
That's a shame but worth it for that track.
Exactly.
Hey, as Adam was saying earlier, we both went away during the week.
Listeners, Adam went to France.
That's right.
Soon as the show was over last weekend.
Right, we zipped out.
I went to America.
You went to America?
Yeah, I know.
Most people can't afford to go to America.
Not many people have been.
What's it like?
It's extraordinary.
Coca-Cola comes out with the taps.
Does it?
Trainers grow on trees.
Everybody twats like this.
Twa-twats coffee.
McWarmick and Zwick.
Yeah, it's true.
What, um, are there rappers everywhere?
what rappers that everybody raps everybody speaks in rap yeah yeah it's an amazing place and you know listeners you'll never be able to afford it because it's impossible but if you ever get successful as me you might be able to go there what's julia roberts like oh she was boring oh shut up i said to her oh not you okay even though yeah you shut up as well i was on the plane though right yeah and i decided to fly premium economy because i'm bored at first
Woah.
I thought I'd mix it up with the plebs.
Premium economy.
Yeah.
So is that double the airfare or that, because first is like six times the... You nearly said a very rude word then.
Did I?
Yeah.
It started with a... Anyway, no, of course I can't afford to pay for myself to go first and no one else was paying for me to go first.
So I went premium economy, which is slightly better than economy.
You know, you can feel slightly superior without actually having to pay for it.
But guess who was on the plane?
Julia Roberts.
No.
Oh.
Superman.
Superman?
Yeah, this buzz went round the cabin crew.
Superman's upstairs.
Is he...?
What's his name, Ruth?
Brandon Ruth?
Seriously, Superman was on.
I'm confused.
But I was so excited because you know what that meant?
We were fine.
You were safe.
If there was any kind of incident, we were fine.
Did you not consider... Because Brandon Ruth was in the roof.
Right.
Ruth.
He was sitting in the roof.
Did you not consider the way that irony sometimes works?
Well, there is the curse of Superman, isn't there?
Everyone who's played Superman has famously died in, you know, accidental or difficult circumstances.
One of those stupid curse stories.
But you know what?
If the plane had gotten to trouble, I think we would have just chucked him out anyway.
You know?
It was worth the risk.
We would have opened the door, kicked his arse out.
just you know if you if so if you're an actor then fine you know it's it's a necessary loss but just in case you do have superpowers yeah boot get out there see if he suddenly his cape emerges yeah but it was fine there was no trouble so we didn't get to test his superpowers and when we landed in America I kind of got to the front of the queue and walked out right behind him and I was looking at him
I looked at his super elbows.
He'd grown stubble, probably because he was getting recognized a lot, but that made him look a bit like evil Superman.
Is it Superman 3 where he goes evil and grows stubble?
Yeah, Superman 3, and he straightens out the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
graceful acts like that.
Does he grow stubble?
I've forgotten that.
Yeah, I think he does.
He doesn't smoke siggies or anything, does he?
I don't know, Margot Kidder, Lois Lane smokes loads of siggies.
But anyway, that was pretty exciting.
And yeah, I looked at his super elbows.
And he seemed super to me.
Did you smell his super smell?
I couldn't smell his super stent.
But you were right behind him.
No, I was walking behind him from the getting off the plane to the baggage reclaim.
Yeah, but like you were in his smell wake.
Yeah, well he smelt perfectly of nothing.
Super.
Didn't he smell super?
Americans deodorize every orifice anyway.
Yeah, yeah.
They've got deodorants for literally, nostril deodorants, ear deodorants.
Every hole has some kind of chemical.
Anyway, more music?
Yeah, let's play some more music.
Here we have, oh this is a free play, first of our free plays this week.
This is a track by Jamie Liddell, or Jamie Liddell, don't know how you pronounce that.
Is his family related to the supermarket chain?
The low-cost supermarket chain?
No, I don't believe they are.
OK.
All I know about him is that he's a white guy who sounds amazingly like a kind of stax soul singer.
Someone like Otis Redding.
That old gambit.
Yeah, but it's good, man.
It's really good.
OK, let's hear it.
The proof's in the pudding.
And it's on Warped Records.
I defy you not to enjoy at least part of this.
This is multiplying genuinely.
I hate it.
Come on, that is good.
Jamie Liddell with Multiply.
I don't even know if that was a single or if it was a hit or what.
It's been out for ages, that album, but it's very, very good.
I recommend it.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM.
Hey, more feedback about that record.
One texter says, and you can text us on 83XFM if you want, says, it sounds like Charles and Eddie.
Charles and Eddie.
It does sound like Charles and Eddie.
Sounds like a lot of soul stuff.
Yeah.
But it's good.
You know, even as a pastiche, it still packs a punch.
We should play some ads.
We'll be back shortly.
XFM.
You've got the face on.
This is Adam and Joel on XFM London's 104.9.
Sorry, I'm still savouring the monkeys.
That's the Arctic Monkeys with Marty Bum.
Is it competition time or are you still savouring?
I'm still savouring.
Finished.
So yes, it's crap commentary corner competition time, listeners.
Get yourselves out of bed, splash some icy cold water on your faces, take a swig of Red Bull, or kouros aftershave for chiseled Greek men, or just smack yourself in the face, or maybe stub your toe.
That's the best way to wake up.
Shuffle to the bathroom and stub your toe.
Or go to the bathroom, have a tinkle, and then realise that most of it's gone on your leg.
All good ways to wake up with a bit of morning fury.
But this is an easy one anyway, is it?
Yeah, so it shouldn't be too hard if you're still in bed, you lucky sod.
In what way is it easy?
Just the... Well, it's a very recognisable voice.
The idea for this competition, if you haven't heard this before, is we're going to play you an extract of a DVD commentary with some sort of Hollywood person, more relaxed than usual.
Yeah.
Letting their guard down a bit and revealing an aspect of their true personality that wouldn't usually be allowed to shine through in the PR-massaged world of Hollywood.
Hollywood show business that's on the good DVD commentaries yeah the others most of them are just plain tedious and boring yeah but we you know like pigs foraging for truffles we get the good bits and pop them on the radio so here's a good bit and you have to call oh eight seven one two two two one oh four nine I'll repeat that oh eight seven one triple two ten forty nine
Well, you changed the way you said that.
Yeah, it's sexy.
Call that and you get your choice of all the amazing prizes.
If you can guess who this is, it's very terribly easy.
But I tell you what, because it's so easy, you've got to tell us who's talking, who the director who's talking is and what film they're talking over.
Three bits of information.
Let's hear clip number one.
And if you believe that, he also believed Richard Simmons Jr.
is running around.
I love it.
I forgot about that.
That's funny.
He was laughing.
He didn't laugh long.
Oh yeah.
That is funny.
Wow.
Tony Blair's boyfriend.
Who is that?
08712221049.
Soon as you can figure out who that is and you can win a prize.
Shall we play clip number two?
I tell you what, play clip number three on that CD.
All right, then.
Because this is them talking about a quite a violent scene.
He was talking.
That's funny.
OK, here we go.
There's nothing slick about that fight.
It's just... No, no.
Just pounding him with the head and breaking his head.
Boom.
It was total like that with no emotions.
Just hacking away.
Look at his blood spilling out.
Oh this is great with the eggs.
Now I'm enjoying it already.
That's a good noise at the end.
He turns into Chewbacca.
That's a description of him making love to his wife.
Yeah.
What, really, in the film?
No.
Yeah, no.
Okay.
So, as soon as you know who that is, 08712221049.
Obviously it's very easy, the voice, but can you tell what film they're talking about?
And he's talking with the director, so all you have to do is give us the name of the director of the film as well.
Call 08712221049 if you know that, and you can get a prize.
It's Macalmont and Butler time.
Here is speed.
Why is it?
It's not very speedy.
Where's the speed?
Here we go.
Speed.
What's going on?
I'm pressing the wrong buttons.
Here we go.
Listen, McCalmont and Butler, I'm really sorry about the fact that I've kind of ruined... It's the thing they're listening.
Yeah.
Yeah, they always... They'll be very upset.
Well, McCalmont particularly gets absolutely furious if the introductions to his songs... If there's a stumble.
If there's a stumble.
Yeah.
So I wouldn't be surprised if we see him before the end of the show.
Is it gonna work this time?
Here we go.
Speed!
One, two, three.
Keep moving.
That sounds like the song we used to sing in the sex factory where I used to work.
A sex factory?
I used to work in a sex factory.
What, applying the gender to things?
No, no, we were, it was more raunchy.
I can't really talk about it on a... Right, why does that sound like a sex factory song?
Oh, that's what they sing.
Other machines.
Oh, I wasn't sweating the lyrics.
It wasn't very fast for a song called speed No, no, that's why it's good for working in factories.
You know, it's all the rhythmical Machine movements it keeps you focused on whatever you're making good stuff And make out wanton butler that was of course with speed Joe Joe corn is just casually announced as that song was ending So some someone dropped by some chocolates.
I took them and ate them.
Yeah Well, I don't want to make it sound as if we don't often get gifts
And I was thinking maybe they were horrible chocolates like, uh, something dark chocolates or cooking chocolate or something with pralines.
Poison chocolate.
But they were!
Capri's heroes!
Which are good chocolates!
You know, I can't remember the person who sent them in.
I'll thank them properly next week, but thanks for the chocolates.
How big was the thing?
It wasn't that big a box, you know?
$3.99?
$4.99?
That's how much he likes us.
That's a decent sized box of heroes.
But listen, we've got a caller on the line, haven't we?
We can't keep him hanging on.
For the competition,
Where is he, Chris?
Hello.
How you doing, Chris?
I'm fine, thank you.
Yeah, having a nice morning?
Yeah.
What time did you wake up?
About half eight.
Do you live alone?
So you sleep in a single or a double bed?
Double.
Yeah.
Why are you waking up at 8.30 if you're living alone, Chris?
Forced to have it, I guess.
What time did you get to sleep last night?
About two in the morning.
Two, so that's six and a half hours.
That's not enough, Chris.
That's not enough, man.
I mean, how's your face?
Are you looking a bit puffy?
Yeah.
Puffy coons?
Yeah.
How are you feeling generally?
Are you still in bed?
No, no, I've been shopping.
I've just got back.
I've been shopping?
Yeah.
For groceries or for fun things?
Yeah, you've got to be accused.
That's very good.
You've got your life sussed.
Yeah, that's true, man.
Especially on that.
What do you do for a living, Chris?
I work for Transport London.
Oh, do you now?
Yeah.
Well done, you.
I'm the reason why your bus fares are £1.50.
It's 80 pence with an oyster.
Yeah.
I don't... No, I don't pay for bus fares cos... Do you know that... Sorry to interrupt you, Chris.
Do you know that advert with the bloke who goes round London on his oyster?
Yeah.
Pop into town, meet a famous footballer, get me book signed, all that sort of stuff, get your oysters, pop over to the market, next morning I'm brother of the year.
The Velvet Underground.
What do you make of that one, Chris?
Part of me thinks, how on earth does he get from place A to place B without, in that amount of time really, it's like falling down.
And stay happy.
Yeah.
And not be really angry and miserable.
Exactly.
It is like falling down.
Not want to pull a shotgun and take it out on the world.
The other thing is I tot it up how much he spent.
I had it on, you know, on Skype Plus and I frame advanced through it.
I was a bit bored so I thought, how much did this day actually cost this man?
It's something like 80 quid.
Right.
And all he's got out of it is a book and probably a bad tummy from the oysters.
He got a present for his sister.
He did and he was brother of the year.
Exactly.
So that's a gift that money can't buy.
You still there, Chris, or have you killed yourself?
So, to remind listeners, Chris has phoned in in response to our competition this week, Crap Commentary.
There's another clip we can play just to, you know, keep things lively.
Chris has already made his mind up, but here's a reminder of who we're talking about.
Stay on the line, Chris.
Oh, hang on a second.
What have you done?
What's wrong with you, Chris?
It's because I went and went to France.
Adam can't operate the knobs today.
I went to France.
He's fiddling with the knobs.
I'm pressing the ones on the left instead of the ones on the right because I was in France.
Play, here's another clip.
That's funny.
Now they're all dashed.
Now they're all looking at the whole thing.
Now what the hell is going on with this guy?
Yeah, I remember.
That is so funny.
No, we're running.
It's such a torturous commentary.
He just describes what's happening on the screen.
Anyway, who is it, Chris?
Put us out of our misery.
It's Arnold Schwarzenegger in Conan the Barbarian.
Correct.
And who would that be talking with him?
Who's the director?
John Milius.
Nice.
Three out of three.
Yeah, that's good.
Is that one of your favourite films, Chris?
it was until i watched it with the commentary on yeah it's quite torturous isn't it it is and milias is kind of getting quite old and he's quite sleazy and he keeps breathing down the microphone whenever a woman comes on and saying you know how amazing her eyes are your dad says adam's dad says that as well that is that's my dad's a woman if you fancy a woman and you're over 60 you talk about the eyes
Well, with my dad, it was just code for, uh... Boobs.
For totties, yeah.
Yeah.
He would just look at the... He would just sort of go, look at... She's got extraordinary eyes.
He used to say about that... He used to say that about, um... I think her name's Erin Grey on Buck Rogers in the 21st century.
She is sexy, though.
She's got, you know, uh... What's her name?
Doctor?
Someone or other.
Anyway, she's got a very tight suit and, according to my dad, extraordinary eyes.
So, Chris, what would you like to win?
Oh, what have you got?
So you want- well, you can have a pair of tickets to the TDK Cross Central Festival.
We're not really sure what it is, but it sounds really good.
Or where it is.
Or you can have a Sonny Chiba box set.
Or you can have a Doctor Who Series 2 DVD.
Or you can have a Blake 7 box set.
I'd go for the Blake 7.
Yeah, I'd go for the Blake 7.
Yeah, you can't beat Blake 7.
You can, actually.
Yeah, no, you can't.
Can you?
You actually can't.
I didn't realise.
Is it a box set with one of the toys on it on the front?
Is it, Xanthi?
No, I don't think it's got a toy.
What was the spaceship called?
The Interceptor.
The Liberator.
Do you know what, Chris?
When I was a boy, I had a little kid.
I had my own version of Blake 7.
I used to play with my toys.
It was called Gladiator 9.
What?
Gladiator 9.
I had like a series in my head.
Did you never do that sort of thing, Chris?
I used to just have my own sort of fan fiction in my head.
I didn't sort of make things up.
Oh, so you just do your own episodes of Blake's Seven?
Yeah.
That was good.
Can you remember any particularly good ones?
Or, I don't know, just like, you know, when Adam's Dad talks about Wilma from Buck Rogers, anything with Servan in it, or where Avon just places an eyebrow and shoots people in the back.
That was good, wasn't it?
Mind you fancy Servan.
She was quite saucy, wasn't she?
What's on to you, Chris?
Anyway, so there you go.
You'll get that Blake 7 box set.
My games always used to end with a couple of play people trying to make love.
Oh, dear.
That's just too much.
And then I'd lose interest in the story.
And then I'd feel a bit ashamed and put them all back in the box.
Oh, good.
Thanks a lot for calling, Chris.
Cheers.
Congratulations on getting that stuff right.
Sometimes I take the play people's hair off.
Yeah.
You know their hair would come off.
I do, I remember.
And I'd make brains out of plasticine.
Oh, I did that as well, and you'd pop them in.
Yeah, and you'd make the brains all spill out.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, those were the days.
Now I do it for real.
Okay.
Free play.
Now this is one of yours, Joe.
This is Phoenix.
Yeah, this is great.
This is Phoenix with Everything is Everything.
There you go, that's Phoenix.
I like that.
With Everything is Everything, you're listening to Adam and Joe here on XFM.
Adverts, adverts, adverts, adverts.
Buy it, buy it, buy it, buy it.
XFM.
That's hard fire with Cash Machine.
This is Adam and Joe here on XFM.
Just coming towards the end of our first hour.
Hey, Mel's here.
Mel's here.
She's got news.
Mel's here to read the news.
Hello, Mel.
Hello.
How's the news?
Well, how's the news looking?
Is there anything that's going to really depress us?
It's going to be exciting.
Is it?
It's a big march today, isn't there?
I kind of wish I was on that march.
What are they marching for?
To stop the flippin' stupid war.
Oh, which one, eh?
Yeah, well, answer that, Tony Blair.
Exactly, Tony B. Liar.
But first, we've got some more adverts for you.
XFM.
That was glorious by captain.
Hello, this is Adam and Joe on XFM London's 104.9 in the second hour of our three hour Saturday morning slot.
Welcome.
Good morning.
What a beautiful day.
Absolutely lovely.
A great day for marching against the war.
Yeah, that's right.
You're not supposed to say things like that, though, are you?
Why not?
It's impartial.
Well, no, well, I say that and then you say, don't march against the war.
You're pro-war.
Right, exactly, yeah.
Is that what we're supposed to do, Christmas?
You're supposed to be balanced on the radio.
So I say, I think the war's a dreadful idea and it's being hideously mishandled by the British government.
And then Adam says, Well, they've got to strike back somehow.
It's a shame that the civilians are getting involved, but it's Hezbollah's fault.
Yeah, Adam thinks it's a great war.
So there you go, there's a balanced opinion here on the radio.
So listen, I was saying earlier I went off to America and I went to this thing called Comic Con, which is a massive festival for comics fans in San Diego in America.
And they have basically a massive conference floor, it's a mile long, you can buy comics
posters and DVDs and also it's become massive with the Hollywood studios they are they launched their new products so there was a massive snakes on a plane snake mouth they all the comics companies have massive stands all the film distribution companies are launching their new product because most films these days are tied into comic books aren't they these days yeah
And they have panels where the stars appear.
So it's basically almost like an evangelical meeting or some kind of political rally.
There'll be 8,000 fans in a massive conference center.
There'll be a huge stage, an amazing sound system, lots of suspended screens.
And then all the stars will come out.
For instance, if it was Spider-Man 3, which it was, Sam Raimi came out and Kirsten Dunst and what's-his-name-that-plays-Spider-Man, Tobey Magoon came out.
And they were all there, and they show clips, and they preview bits of the film, and they show you special things.
and then fans get to ask them questions.
There's a microphone in the middle of the floor and a massive queue forms and fans of all shapes, sizes and ages come and ask their heroes questions.
So it's quite an extraordinary event.
Geeks we call them, we call them geeks.
We call them geeks, yeah, or nerds.
They wouldn't call themselves geeks and nerds, but yeah, they sort of are.
And I'm one of them, you know?
I've got no shame.
We both are.
It's like geek pride.
That's right.
So, uh, one of the most exciting things I saw there was the Grindhouse, um, panel.
Grindhouse is a new double bill film.
One of them's directed by, uh, Robert, what's he called?
Rodriguez.
I've suddenly... Robert Rodriguez?
Yeah, Robert Rodriguez.
The other one's directed by Tarantino.
So it's two kind of exploitation films.
And they showed an amazing clip from that, listeners.
It was extraordinary.
It's gonna be brilliant.
Grindhouse is like a genre, though, isn't it?
Yeah, Grindhouse is like old, uh, 60s and 70s exploitation films, which had shocking titles.
uh you know but then were actually quite disappointing when you saw them but they always featured some kind of lurid uh sex or violence angle so these guys are trying to bring that back yeah and make a kind of old style double bill uh of horror films i thought tarantino was doing a war movie like a 70s
Yeah.
Can we say that second one?
Bastis.
Bastars.
Bastis.
Yeah.
No, but he's shelved that.
He rose it, but he's shelved it.
And now he's doing half of this movie.
It's called Death Proof.
Anyway, they showed a clip from Grindhouse.
This is the point.
And the clip was amazing.
It was 10 minutes.
It was Robert Rodriguez's bit.
Started with Rose McGowan, who's quite a sexy actress, in a hospital that's been surrounded by zombies.
OK, you have to picture this, listeners.
She's got a severed leg, a stump.
And she says, I wish I had a leg.
And the other bloke in the room, Freddy Rodriguez, basically turns around, grabs the wooden leg off a wooden table, rips it off, shoves it up her stump.
Oh, dear.
And goes, now you do.
That's good.
Why are you looking so shocked?
Well, it's disgusting.
It's the kind of thing that excites people.
So she's walking around with just a wooden table leg in her stump, hobbling around.
And being attacked by zombies.
The zombies attacking gets a bit more serious.
So another character grabs a gatling gun.
You know what a gatling gun is?
Massive machine gun off the back of a truck.
Santhi, you're looking quite depressed and disturbed.
It's supposed to be exciting.
Grabs a gatling gun, pulls the wooden leg out of her stump, shoves the gatling gun in her stump.
Oh wow.
old hairs on it and stuff right and the music was amazing it was kind of in mono and slightly distorted it was very exciting wow when's that coming out I don't know next year probably yeah yeah but I'm looking forward to that and that was just half of it that's just Rodriguez's half god knows what Tarantino's is gonna be like that's amazing Gatling guns are always good value there was one that was used to brilliant effect in predator predator yeah great Gatling gun sequence in predator just went on about ten minutes down the whole forest in the hope of getting the predator yeah
yeah it's great and then it just runs out and there's just the sound of the gun going it's exciting so we're going to have a text competition very shortly but first let's play some more music this is the raconteurs
There you go, that's the raconteurs with hands.
You're listening to Adam and Joe on XFM.
Now, of course, there's been a bit of a break from the heatwave, right?
Heave wave!
I'm gonna shop you into the coppers.
But it hasn't been, we sort of avoided the worst of it, I think.
We went away when it was really grim, didn't we?
Or were you in town for... No, I was in town when it was very, very hot.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
How did you cope?
How did I cope?
Well, splashing water on the face is the only thing that one can really do.
I tell you another good thing, listeners.
Good tip for keeping cool.
Ice cube, and you can't do this if you've got short hair, but ice cube in the hair.
Pop it in your hair.
so that it sort of stays there on the top of the head.
It'll slowly melt and reward you with ice cold dribbles down your face.
Doesn't that slightly freeze your scalp in a very localized way?
My brain's numb anyway.
Yeah.
Most of the day there's not a lot going on up there.
Well, when I was in France, it was very hot in France, but it was nice.
And they had a new thing that I've never seen before in cafes and outdoor spaces.
I don't know if they have this all over the world or what, but they've got big fans, big, you know, stainless steel fans.
aimed at the punters in the um cafes and stuff yeah but also the fans are connected to big tanks of water and they blow out missed jets of mist yeah as well they've got those in theme parks actually have they yeah i was at uh universal when i was in la and they had those they had cool steam jets blasting into the queues yeah yeah that's good isn't it do they have those in london yet
I don't know they must do surely get those I haven't seen them in London yet but it was good did you not find it a bit disconcerting because you sort of worry about what's in the water tanks how clean it is whether there's any wee wee just being sprayed with disease more or less I would say surely you know what I mean because they I bet you they recycle a lot of that water in a quite a bad way and who knows how long the water has been hanging around there's got to be all kinds of little
There was another thing I saw advertised on TV.
This is on the theme of ways to keep cool on TV in America.
There was a neck brace.
It was kind of like a horseshoe shaped blue plastic thing.
And you put it on your neck.
And it was as one of those testimonial adverts and golfers were going, it's revolutionized my play.
Yeah, I'm really cool.
They had footage of people in business meetings going, Yeah, I'll give you $50,000 because my neck's so cool.
They had these cool and they look idiotic.
yeah but the advert was claiming that it was brilliant for all walks of life and just by keeping your neck very cold wouldn't that just give you a cold neck the neck isn't exactly you know the center of nerve activity and heat is it well that's the area you go for i tell you what you could do here's another technique this is building up to a text competition listeners the other technique is get those uh cool pads you can get from uh the chemist gel packs yeah it's for kids with fevers right why not stick them all over your noggin
Yeah.
Like loads of them all over your face.
You'd be sorted.
With the neck brace, was it like a big gel thing that you put in the fridge?
No, it was like that guy in Star Trek, what has the glasses... Geordie.
La Forge.
Now Geordie La Forge, isn't that Wil Wheaton's character, the kid?
No, no, no, no.
Are you sure?
Yeah, Wil Wheaton is a crusher.
Okay, are you sure?
I'm positive, man.
Sorry, I'm a nerd.
Yeah, it's like that.
It's just like a strap that goes around you.
It's like a sort of a two-thirds of a collar.
Yeah.
So that's what I do to keep cool.
I put one of those cool collars on, I would coat my entire head with cool strips, and then I'd put some ice in my hair.
My dad was telling me about a time when he was, this is during the Second World War, and I don't know what he was doing, or maybe it was just after the Second World War.
Anyway, he was in Iraq, or somewhere like that.
It was extremely hot.
And to cool down, he soaked the sheets of where he was staying, like with water, and wrapped himself in these damp sheets, and then lay in the full blast of the fan, which he turned up full, right?
Quite nice, you'd think.
Unbelievably dangerous.
Because if the fan fell over he'd be electrocuted, no?
No, because you get hypothermia.
His body temperature lowered so rapidly... Really?
...that he got severe hypothermia, woke up in hospital.
Your dad, man, he lives at the edge, doesn't he?
This is when he was, like, 20.
He has, like, mountaineering Brian Blessed-style adventures, even when he's asleep.
He told us another story.
He caused danger every day.
So we were quite impressed with that story.
I was like, Dad, you moron.
He said, well, I was only 20.
I didn't realize how dangerous it was.
And then he told us another story about getting some kind of fever in a similar way.
I think he was very feverish.
He got some miserable bug out there and basically told us that he woke up and there was like a cobra on his chest.
Staring at him in the face.
Is it definitely a cobra?
It was no he imagined it.
It was his hand It was his hand lying.
No, it wasn't something else It was his hand and it was his hand lying on his chest and he woke up because he was so feverish.
He just thought
I think all his stories are just hallucinations.
But listen, here's the text competition and the text number is 83XFM.
We want your innovative ways to stay cool in the heat.
And, you know, that sounds a bit Capital Radio, I know.
But we want... We are part of the Capital Group, so I think that's fair enough.
That's true, GCAP.
But we want kind of stupid, weird and interesting and bizarre ways to keep cool, because we've all been driven to extremes over the heatwave period.
That's right.
You know, my girlfriend even suggested sleeping in damp sheets.
Yeah, be careful.
Damp sheets is okay.
You know, it's alright to splash a bit of water on yourself, but don't, um... What kind of dreams would they give you?
Sexy dreams.
But don't start turning the fan on yourself as well.
Now your suggestions don't have to be entirely serious.
Entirely serious.
What, what?
Here's a couple of ones I did earlier that might be a bit rubbish.
Okay, how about this?
To stay cool, cover yourself in Bonjela and watch Be Cool with Kate Moss.
Right, what, with Kate Moss sitting next to you?
Yeah.
Cos she's really cool.
Cos she's cool.
She's cool, isn't she?
Yeah.
And what cover, what does Bonjela do?
It's cool.
It's four ulcers.
Is it?
Oh, that's right, it's kind of minty.
Yeah.
It's fresh.
Here's another idea.
That's a good, actually just brushing your teeth is good because it gives you a blast of cool air.
Exactly.
Like what?
Or have a mint.
That's right, I'm adding a mint.
Check this out.
Make a suit out of froobs.
OK, a bit like the suits on Dune, you know, that they wear in the interesting fact about Dune.
Or the money suit in my favourite programme, the Friday Night Project, which is great.
Well, you know, on Dune, they wear those suits which are supposed to cool them down, the fighters and stuff, but actually they were unbelievably hot in real life because they were made of leather and all the actors would just fall over.
Anyway, make a suit out of froubes and eat a salad made from iceberg lettuce and airwaves chewing gum.
That's a very good idea.
Froobs are like frozen orange juice and stuff, aren't they?
Frozen yoghurt type thing.
Oh, yoghurt, there you go.
And here's a final way.
Join the Arctic Monkeys and catch a cold.
That would be very cool.
But get your strange ideas for staying cool in the extreme heat to 83 XFM.
Our favourite one will call you up and give you a prize and, you know, stuff.
Here's a free play right now.
This is a track that I played once ages ago on the show, but I'm going to play it again because it's great.
It's the Kingsbury Manx with Pelz Comet.
That's the Kingsbury Manx from their album Aztec Discipline with a track called Pelz Comet.
This is Adam and Joe on SFM.
Aztec Discipline?
What's wrong with that?
It's just the name of the album.
What's Aztec Discipline?
it's like you know how do they discipline each other in aztec times they hit each other with pyramids is that it yeah i'm pretty sure unlikely we got to play some ads and we'll come back with some of your texts very shortly xfm
Hey, this is Adam and Joe here on XFM on a Saturday afternoon.
We're in the midst of our text competition at the moment.
We've got a lot of suggestions coming in for ways to keep cool.
Is there anything exciting on your screen there, Joe?
Someone texted in that you should tie a plant pot to your head and fill the plant pot with ice cubes.
Is that right?
Someone did text that in.
OK, here we go.
Fill the plant pot with ice cubes and then... We'll get to that.
It's at the top of the list.
I'm going to start at the bottom.
All right, then.
Stick some ice cubes in your knickers, says Alice.
That's a good idea, even if you're not hot.
It's just enjoyable.
It's just enjoyable, isn't it?
Organise a party at McDonald's and go stand in their burger freezer from Rob in SE7.
Now that's not bad, but it's not very instantaneous, is it?
You've got to call them up, make the appointment.
They might not be so hot on the day.
Why would you go to McDonald's as well?
Because have you never been to a party at McDonald's?
Now part of the party is a tour.
It certainly used to be as Rob Fulwell knows was a tour behind the counter to see the magic of McDonald's to see them putting all the whale blubber in the Yeah, and all that so no all the healthy goodness chopping all the fruit and vegetables part of the highlight of the tour was going into the into the
You know, freezer!
The big freezer, the walk-in freezer.
Yeah, and they shut you in there!
They shut you in the freezer like it's shining!
Yeah, like in Chiselhurst Caves when they turn all the lights out.
You know, a scary bit.
Yeah.
And yeah, that's good, but you can't stay in there for that long.
What's... Oh, I've been shot by an XFM gun!
Oh, I'm dying!
Oh, Gandhi.
Oh, my Gandhi.
That was amazing.
Cricklewood Junction.
What happened there?
That was just keeping you on your toes.
Yeah, that's exciting.
You should do that more often.
Just got over excited.
Oh, it's like an assassination.
Here we go.
What else?
What?
No, that's just a stupid one.
Sorry, listeners.
I haven't sorted through these, so it's becoming a bit improvisational.
And now they've vanished.
I'll tell you what.
Let's play some music.
We'll come back with some more text.
This is The Strokes.
That's the strokes with You Only Live Once, the third single to be taken from the New York Quintet's third album, First Impressions of Earth, which I've had for a long time and I've hardly listened to it at all.
I don't know if I should get back to it at all.
Their second album was kind of a slow grower, but it's really, really good.
And I'm just not sure...
If the third one's as good, I'm more or less talking to myself, aren't I Joe?
I'm not listening.
We're going to be playing a Cyprus Hill classic for you very shortly.
And talking of classics, don't forget at noon it's an hour of X-list requests so you can get your requests in.
Text them on 83XFM or give off a call.
Yeah?
Yeah, you sounded very laid-back when you were saying that.
Yeah, I am laid-back.
I'm Mr. Cool, I'm Mr. Freeze.
Speaking of which, here's some more stuff what's come in from the text competition.
Yeah, some of them are very silly.
Yeah, well, that's good.
Get yourself a roll of gaffer tape.
Tape frozen peas all over your body.
It'll keep you cool, and when you rip it off, you can have a free hair wax.
Peter and Dagenham.
That's a bit like your fruits.
That isn't silly, that's a sensible idea.
It's got the twist of the wax.
Fros en prie is good.
It's a good idea.
It really works.
When we were in France, I was improvising cool boxes, you know what I mean?
Like when we went out for a picnic, we didn't have a proper cool box.
So I was trying to keep a few beers and things cold.
And so yeah, we got like packets of frozen peas and packed them round.
About around the booze and it worked a treat, it was really good.
I also like just wrapping things, you know, in towels.
Works fairly well, as long as they're cool in the first place.
A damp towel.
A damp towel is good, yeah, but you know, if you've got something cold and you want to keep it cold, like just wrapping it in a towel does the job.
tie a piece of bacon to your hat and visit your local dog pound all the wagging tails will keep you cool who wrote that james james what are you doing very stupid chuck ice on the ground in a long line and walk over them like hot coals it has a double effect of cooling you down and proving how manly you are that's a good idea yeah rob patrick stewart's house steal his transporter
Use it to replace the air in your room every 40 minutes with air from Antarctica.
Would that work?
So you just turn on the transporter but without anybody in it and set it to Antarctica.
And you just transport air.
I'd have to speak to a technician.
There are books where they actually work out the technology of those things, aren't they?
And I'm pretty sure that that's not the way the transporter works.
It's molecular, isn't it?
It doesn't break down molecules, but it just breaks down the person's molecules, not the air.
It screens out most of the air and the impurities, you know, it just transports matter as far as I know, so I'm not sure that would work.
But I could be wrong, I'd have to talk to Stephen Hawking, or a nerd, to find out.
Rufus says, to keep cool, I will coat myself in honey, sit outside, and be wafted gently by the downdraft of a million wasps.
Now obviously that's stupid, but that's quite violently stupid, Rufus, cos you'd just be stung to death.
Yeah, he would, it would be Macaulay Culkin.
That wouldn't be cool.
Why would it be like Macaulay Culkin?
In what's-its-face?
Me and my girl.
The one where it gets a kiss, yeah.
is it called me and my girl something like that my girl it's just my girl my girl yeah yeah okay do you want more yeah go on let's finish let's polish this off let's get a winner tie a piece of string through a plant pot fill it with ice cold water this is the one we attached your head wear wellies to catch water to keep feet cool i like that it's stupid that's not stupid that's sensible that's practical yeah okay have we got to find a winner
Yeah.
Let's play a record and find a way.
Actually, we've got to do the ads.
So let's see.
Shall I tease the ads for you?
Yeah, I love ads.
Emodium ad?
The thing that I like about ads is, you know, they're selling you stuff, but they find ways to make it funny and interesting.
Well, how do you think the emodium ad is going to be serious?
That's the one with Mel from Mel and Sue, isn't it?
Now, does emodium is for the runs or for constipation?
Depends how you consume it.
I think Imodium is... Depends if you pop it up for the run.
Yeah.
So I'm guessing that it's going to be a funny one.
I don't remember the Imodium ad.
Hey, here's a good one from Michael in Lewisham.
To stay cool, listen to XFM, especially Adam and Joe, all day.
The coolest radio station on the goddamn planet.
I think Michael works at XFM, doesn't he?
Also, we've got Adwise, something for the... Oh, the Holloways.
Are they a band?
Virgin Megastore.
It's very exciting.
I can hardly speak.
It's all coming up in these ads.
We'll be back shortly.
XFM
That's very good, isn't it?
Is that the rapture with Get Myself Into It?
Exactly right.
That's a brand new playlist edition.
Don't forget to get your request in for the X List coming up in 10 minutes.
We're gonna, excuse me, little burp, put our text competition to bed now.
Yeah, we have someone on the line who suggested something which we thought was extraordinary as a way of keeping cool.
And here he is.
Is he there?
Paul, hello.
Hi.
Hey, Paul, listen, don't say it yet, because I want to run some other things by you, mate.
Right.
Well, we like the simplicity of yours, but here's another one.
This is from a guy called Mark, who's at work.
Is that a little doggy there, Paul?
No, it's actually a little girl.
A little girl?
Yeah.
Are you sure it's not a mutant dog girl?
It's not a dog, no.
Oh, but yeah, but is it a mutant dog girl?
It could be a mutant dog girl, maybe.
Okay, so how about this?
Dear Adam and Joe, I have a typically British way to keep cool.
Get drunk to the point where you puke, at which point you'll be very cold.
That's binge Britain for you.
Isn't that good?
That's nice, yeah.
Just to be ill is quite a good idea, isn't it?
Contract a disease and get the chills, get the shivers, would be quite a good idea.
That's a really good idea to cool down.
Thank you very much.
But you don't feel too good.
Someone else texted Adam and Joe text competition, to be cool, smoke cigarettes, because they're groovy.
Yeah?
Is that?
What do you think of that, Paul?
That's a good idea, but you might get cancer.
That is true.
You look cool.
Yeah, that is true.
That is one of the drawbacks of Siggy's, isn't it, is the whole getting cancer thing.
But Paul, your text was so, it was so blunt and so simple.
It was just one, two, three, four, five words.
What were those words, Paul?
Put on a fan, Paul.
He texted in, put on a fan, Paul.
So talk us through that.
Well, usually when it's hot in the summer,
I usually invest in a fan at the beginning because if you turn it on, a fan is this invention where some blades spin around powered by electricity or batteries if you get them one pound ones and it just cools you down.
How does it work?
It spins round and then the air gets really cold and it cools you down.
You know, my problem with fans is it doesn't actually cool the air, does it?
It just throws the warm air at you, doesn't it?
That's right.
If it's sufficiently hot, you just get a blast of hot air.
Answer us that in five words, Paul.
He can't.
No it doesn't.
He comes back.
There's no arguing with Paul.
You're amazing.
You should go into politics, Paul.
Paul, congratulations.
You are the winner of our text competition this week.
Do you want a prize?
Yeah, sure.
Do you want to have tickets to the festival?
It's called the TDK Cross Central Festival.
Yeah, sure.
I would like that, thanks.
I've already asked you.
Did you really?
Yeah, I did.
And he had a good time.
Yeah, it was really good actually.
Yeah.
There we go.
Well, um, you're going to go again.
Thanks very much.
Congratulations, Paul.
Thanks very much indeed for calling in and for your suggestion there.
That is true.
You know, I had a big argument with my wife about the whole, uh, way that fans actually work.
And she said, no, cause she was in favor of like leaving them on all day.
Do you know what I mean?
And I said, why are you leaving the fans on when we're not around?
She said, oh, it cools the place down.
No, it doesn't just moves the air.
If you've ever worked in an office,
near a busy road where they don't open the windows because it's too noisy then they put fans on and it just makes it horrible it's like a a dry jacuzzi yeah instead of bubbling water bubbling air and i'm convinced it's a breeding ground for bacteria and disease a dry koozie a dry koozie goodbye news time very shortly but first more extraordinary advertisements
very good that's the pixies with where is my mind kicking off our xlist final hour here on xfm what a frightening noise adam and joe that's the sound of kim deal in the void really she's shrieking that's scary man scary woman she's a scary woman but she's sexy and i'm going to dedicate that song to a guy called uh dan
Gold?
G-A-U-L-D.
How would you pronounce that?
Gold.
I like the way you said it before.
Geld.
Why are you dedicating that to him?
Are you lovers?
Ooh, I might be.
No, he sent us some comics.
Some of his comics, some of his amazing illustrations.
I never got to see them.
He's got a website.
Well, that's because I'm keeping some of the things.
I get the chockeys.
You nick all the other stuff.
And he sent them to my...
personal address so uh i think it's fair enough that i keep them you know i think i'm allowed to keep some of my post anyway that was going out to you dan thanks very much for sending me your stuff it was amazing check out his website i'm sure you can just type in dan golden there it'll be
And don't forget to keep your requests coming in.
You can request anything from the amazing X-list back catalogue.
All the indie rock classics you could ever hope to hear all stored away in the XFM vaults.
So give us a shout.
Also, I think we should try out a new competition for the final hour of this show this week.
It's a competition where you have to identify which band names are real and which are made up.
I've picked about
sort of, just a handful of band names from the NME gig listings from the last few weeks, okay?
And the next person who calls in will have to identify which ones are real band names and which have been just made up.
What's the competition called?
It's called Rock and Reel.
Rock and Reel?
Or Rock and Rubs.
rock and reel or rock and rubs?
Which ones are real and which ones are rubbish?
I'm writing that down and the number is 0 8 7 1 triple 2 1 0 4 9 so this is in conjunction with the xlist we're taking requests but we'd also like some callers to play that competition we've still got great dvds and stuff the sunny tuba box sets yeah have we got another pair of tickets to that festival
Have we, Xanthi?
Yeah, we got- so we got Super- and we got Blake 7.
We've still got all the prizes present and correct.
It's gonna be a brilliant competition, so if you think you are knowledgeable about the latest cutting-edge bands... I mean, it's almost impossible to tell.
Is it impossible?
Because there's so many new bands coming up.
So many new- these are all, like, new bands.
They're not famous bands, necessarily.
Names are getting weirder and weirder, right?
Because they're running out of names.
So it's almost a lottery basically.
But we'll play it three times.
This is a total disaster for the first time.
Excellent.
It won't be.
It'll be brilliant.
We'll play it three times and then the person who gets the best score will win the prizes at the end of the hour.
Look at that.
I can see so many lines lighting up.
People are desperate to play rock and reel or rock and rubs.
The prices are brilliant.
They seriously are.
Come on, be positive.
I am positive.
I spent ages making a new jingle for it, which I'll unveil after this.
Oh, this is so exciting.
Next song.
Now, here's a track going out to Marie and Kat in Hornsey.
I don't know if that's two human beings or just Marie and the Kat in Hornsey, but it's blur with girls and boys.
That is such a wicked song.
yeah but he's gay what he's gay he says he likes boys he's gay i don't like that you know it's not you know no disrespect but i do not like that you know i think it's wrong yeah yeah that's not true but it's not my opinion such a wicked song it's a very good song hey and that was for um marie and cat
right yeah and you were suggesting that it was just a woman and a cat uh-huh but she's texted in and said hello adam and joe i'm the cat who lives with marie in hornsey she is playing that we do also have a cat called candy she likes blur too that's good i don't think the cat likes blur i don't think cats generally like music
No, Cats Do Like Durr.
Cats Like Anything by Damon Albarn.
Really?
Yeah.
Okay, I stand corrected.
So it's new competition time, Joe.
Oh, this is exciting.
Yeah, we've got a new jingle.
Yeah.
Now, just to explain again, because the lyrics in the jingle might be a little confusing.
This competition is called Rock and Reel or Rock and Rubs.
Basically, we've got a caller on the line.
And what's the name of the caller?
Claire.
Claire is on the line.
We're going to speak to her shortly.
And I'm going to list 10 band names.
Some of those band names are real, they're rockin' real, and some of them are rubbish rockin' rubs, okay?
So after each one she just has to say real or rubs.
Can we get the jingle on?
Yeah, let's check out the jingle.
Here we go.
This might make things clearer.
Rockin' real or rockin' rubs?
Are the bands real or are they just rubbish?
Rockin' real or rockin' rubs, are they real?
That's explained it.
That's crystal clear.
That's very good.
So it's Claire on the line.
Hello, Claire.
Hello.
How you doing?
I'm okay, thank you.
What did you reckon on that there jingle?
Very good.
It's good, wasn't it?
It was musical, it had a bit of thrust and it was expository.
I'd done that last night.
I learned how to play the bass, especially for that jingle.
That's the first time I ever played bass there.
What do you reckon on that, Claire?
It sounds like it.
That's very rude.
How rude is Jojo?
It's very good, it's very good.
Okay Claire, are you ready?
Do you think that you're someone who would know instinctively if a band name was real or rubs?
I'll say I would, but I'll probably end up being completely rubbish and not getting any.
Well, I'll tell you that exactly five of these band names that I'm going to read you are real, and the other five are rubs.
Okay, so after each one that I read out, I want you just to say real or rubs, okay?
And then after we get through the whole list, then I'll tell you how many you got right.
Have we got backing music to this or anything?
Yes, we got some backing music.
This is the music from the shipping forecast.
Oh, that's nice.
that I just thought might calm things down a little bit.
Okay.
And now these are all real bands that I found in the gig section of the NME, like a recent edition of the NME.
Or are they?
No, well, exactly.
Half of them are, half of them aren't.
Are you ready, Claire, to play rock and reel or rock and rubs?
I am.
Okay, here we go.
Number one.
Lake Boiler.
Reel or rubs?
Lake Boiler.
Yeah.
Number two, monkey swallows the universe.
Real or rubs?
Real.
Number three, the exploits of Elaine.
Real or rubs?
Real.
Number four, up three, left two, down, right down.
Real or rubs?
Rubs.
Number five, planes mistaken for stars.
Real or rubs?
real number six the sky pirates real or rubs real now wasn't that number seven no that was number six number seven the jimmy version real or rubs the what the jimmy version number eight and their eyes were bloodshot real or rubs
Number nine.
Vestigial tail.
Real or rubs?
Rubs.
Number ten.
Chloe is a dirty person.
Real or rubs?
And that concludes the first round of Reelor Rubs.
Well, I can tell you, Claire, that you scored a total of eight correct answers there.
Can we take the shipping music away?
Because then it'll create some structure.
There we are.
That was brilliant.
That was amazing.
You were almost completely spot on there.
Lake Boiler.
is rubs monkey swallows the universe real the exploits of elaine real up three left two down right down rubs planes mistaken for stars real the sky pirates real the jimmy version not real oh come on that should be real and their eyes were bloodshot you thought that was rubs they're real okay vestigial tail
They're rubs, as you guessed.
That's a good name.
Chloe is a dirty person.
You thought they were real.
That's rubs.
But you did incredibly well there, Claire.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
You're our first ever contestant on Real or Rubs.
You scored 8 out of 10, which puts you way in the lead.
And what are you saying?
That we're going to play that twice more?
Yeah.
With different, with new band names?
With new band names.
Right, we're not sort of going to go give the prize to the best person.
No, no.
Well, that's good stuff.
Well done, Claire.
What would you like to win?
Well she's just requesting the tracks.
Maybe she doesn't win anything.
We don't know because she's got to take part.
Like if she's the best of the three callers, then she wins.
You see, that's how it works.
But you can have a request, okay?
Why is that bad?
I don't know.
You know, on the one hand I think it's brilliant because... Are you still there, Claire?
I mean, there was a lot in there, wasn't there?
There was.
There was a lot to think about.
Yeah.
Erm, I don't know, I'm just lazy, I think you could spread it more thinly.
Maybe.
Cos that was high fibre, wasn't it?
Well, we might be able to speed things up, you know, there was a lot of explaining before that one.
Yeah.
Anyway, Claire, what do you want to hear?
What song do I want to hear, Jeff?
Are You Gonna Be My Girl?
OK, this one's for you.
Thanks a lot for calling in, Claire.
Here's Jeff.
David Bowie with Starman.
That was dedicated to Michael in Lewisham.
Thanks very much for your request, Michael.
We're going to be playing rock and reel or rock and rubs again quite shortly.
But first, I've got a few mistakes that I need to clear up.
I've got a backlog of mistakes going back about three or four weeks.
that I should probably just get through.
My most recent one was saying thanks very much to Dan Gauld.
I think his name is Tom Gauld.
He's the guy that does cartoons of robots going to the shops and robots sort of lying dead in fields and stuff.
We've got to thank Sophie for texting him with that correction.
Thank you, Sophie.
And sorry, Tom, no disrespect.
Your stuff's brilliant.
Other mistakes I had made recently
Have you got any mistakes, Joe, that you're aware of?
No, I never make mistakes.
You always say that.
I never make mistakes.
You make loads.
Now, the other day we were talking about the trailer for Stormbreaker.
Yes.
And the fact that it made it look as if Ewan McGregor was in the film a great deal.
Yes.
When in fact he's only in it a little.
Yes.
I said the same thing happened with Jimmy Carr and the life and death of Peter Sellers.
Ah, Jimmy Carr wasn't in.
He's not in that.
You know I went to see Stormbreaker.
How was it?
With my girlfriend in the clapping picture house.
We left.
We left after about half an hour.
It's a kiddies movie though.
Yeah but I don't think that kiddies like it either.
Kiddies like an awful lot of weird stuff.
Jimmy Carr, however, he's in Alien Autopsy.
Is he?
Yeah, and he was in something else.
Oh, and he's in Stormbreaker.
He's in Stormbreaker, yeah.
He's got to get a new agent.
I was thinking of David Walliams, you see, who featured heavily in the trailer for Stoned, about Brian Jones, because he played Brian Jones' accountant, even though he only appeared, like, in a couple of very small scenes.
Walliams was featured heavily in the trailer.
That's what I was thinking of.
neither of them was in the life and death of Peter Sellers.
Mistake number two, the other week I implied that the Alamo was in Mexico, when of course, in fact, it's in San Antonio, Texas.
We were talking about, like, rubbish car rental companies.
I don't think I mentioned the name of the place.
You know, you've made another, we've made another mistake.
What?
That was not the shipping forecast music.
Was it not?
It's Sailing By, which is played just before Radio 4 goes over to the World Service at night.
There's no music for the shipping forecast.
I know there's no music for the shipping forecast, but it comes in conjunction, like it's associated with the shipping forecast.
Yeah, man, I made the same mistake.
Okay.
Anyway, sorry about the Alamo.
Being in Mexico, of course, you know, the whole point of the Alamo was that they were defending themselves against the Mexican army.
Jim Bowie and Davy Crockett, that's what they were doing, they were at the Alamo.
Mistake number three.
This is my last mistake for the time being, I'm sure I've made many more.
Mistake number three, the other day I played a track in memory of Syd Barrett, and I thought I was being very clever by playing Paint Box, a very early track by Pink Floyd.
I assumed that was a Syd Barrett track.
It isn't.
That was written and sung by Rick Wright.
How embarrassing.
Nothing to do with Syd whatsoever, even though it's a great track, and obviously I guess Syd must have been playing on it, but...
You know, talking of David Walliams, he and I went to see Miami Vice last night with some other friends.
He walked out.
Did he?
Yeah, after about 15 minutes.
He said, life's too short.
Brilliant.
Classic Walliams.
He was right though.
What a load of rubbish.
Was it?
Well, it got quite good at the end.
but it's a film for men with tiny willies.
Echo Eshan, on the late review, thought it was marvelous.
Did he?
He's got a tiny willy.
You may well do.
Okay, let's play some more music.
Don't forget that if you'd like to take part in our extraordinary competition where you have to identify which band names are real and which ones are rubbish, give us a call right now and you can also get a track played.
Wait a second!
Anya says it is the shipping forecast music.
It comes before the midnight one and lulls you to sleep.
I think it's the transition, isn't it?
And the first thing they have on World Service is the shipping forecast.
Well, exactly.
Yeah, that's right.
Of course there's no music playing underneath the actual, you know, stuff about... Should we play some music?
This one's going out to JP.
That was The Cure with Boys Don't Cry.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM.
We're here with you for another 25 minutes and coming up next is Mick Rock.
Is he still Mick Rock?
Live from New York.
With his amazing rock anecdotes.
So stay tuned for that.
I once saw Paul Simonon from The Clash.
That's a good anecdote, for instance.
And keep your requests coming in for the X-list.
Plus, in a second, we're gonna play Rock and... What's it called?
Rock and Roll or Rock and Rubs.
Rock and Reel or Rock and Rubs.
It's the amazing quiz where you have to guess which band names are real and which ones aren't.
It's a genuine test of your knowledge of indie music.
Exactly.
Right, because... Your rock and roll instincts.
What was the name of the lady who got 8 out of 10?
Claire.
OK, so when Claire got 8 out of 10, a guy called Pedro called in, er, no, texted in, and he texted in 10 out of 10 for me.
Too easy.
Nice!
So Pedro, you know, Pedro's been provoked by it.
Pedro, give us a call.
He's felt motivated.
Give us a call and see whether you can get 10 out of 10, because Adam's got 10 brand new rock and rubs or rock and reel for you.
I thought I'd make it quite obvious, you know.
I didn't know how obvious to make it.
Maybe I made it too easy.
Well, you can make it harder next week.
The number 08712221049.
Call now to play rock and rubs or rock and reel.
Is that what it's called?
Rock and reel or rock and rubs.
Yeah.
you know.
08712221049 we've still got amazing sunny cheeba dvd box sets even if you don't like that sort of thing you can sell it on ebay and make 20 pounds
No, would you get that much on eBay?
Yeah, possibly, yeah.
It's a box set, there's lots of DVDs in there.
Still don't understand eBay, don't understand how it could possibly be anything but a waste of time to put your shoes up there.
Man, because kids don't have any money, you're an adult.
And get £1.50.
But surely the whole effort of the thing, of logging on, of running your computer, you know, you say you don't have any money but you've got a computer, you're doing it on the internet, you've got broadband, you know,
And you're selling your shoes for £1.30p?
You'll never understand, Grandad.
I don't understand at all.
I'm not even going to bother trying to explain.
That's because you don't understand either.
Go on, smoke your pipe and watch Heartbeat.
Okay, here's the Foo Fighters.
This goes out to Ross.
Hey, this is Adam and Joe here on XFM on a Saturday afternoon.
It's the final quarter of an hour.
Quarter of an hour?
I can't speak properly again.
You're doing alright, man.
Brush on.
Of our show on a Saturday afternoon.
Can we hear the jingle again?
Okay, here it is.
Jingle time.
The Who is on the line caller?
we have Erin.
Hello Erin are you there?
Hello.
How are you doing Erin?
I'm doing fine thank you how are you?
Yeah very good nice to hear from you.
Now you are going to play our competition and you're also going to get to request a song afterwards and you spent about 15 minutes on the phone with our producers Anthony trying to find a track that we actually had.
You had all sorts of things like you wanted the Cocteau Twins and this mortal coil all sorts of stuff that's
A bit too obscure for XFM.
That would have been XFM when they first started out.
But now, XFM's a big, fun, family-favourite pop show.
And we play music that's a little less left field than that.
Anyway, we've got a good track for you coming up.
Are you ready to play rock and reel or rock and rubs?
As ready as I'll ever be.
Yeah, fantastic.
That's what I want to hear.
OK, so you know what to do.
I'm just going to read these names out.
And after I say each name, you just say real or rubs.
OK, Erin?
OK.
OK, here we go.
Here's the music.
Maybe it's the shipping forecast.
We don't really know.
And here we go with the names.
Number one, job for a cowboy.
Real.
Number two, eulogy for Luigi.
Rob.
Number three, the dryer burned my pants.
Rob.
Number four, red cars go faster.
Real.
Number five, psychedelic girls.
Real.
Number six, daylight for dead eyes.
Real.
Number seven, organ Morgan.
Rob.
Number eight, Dog Tanyan's filthy coffin.
Rob.
Real.
There you go.
You scored 7 out of 10, Erin.
Oh, that's not so bad.
That's not so bad at all.
It's not quite as good as Claire, though.
She got 8 out of 10.
Which ones did she think were real but weren't real?
She thought, uh, Psychedelicate Girls was real.
Psychedelicate Girls.
That is a good name.
That's a line from a Bowie track.
I noticed that there were a lot of bands using names from like songs, you know.
Any others that she thought were real?
She thought she thought Organ Morgan was Rubs.
Organ Morgan's real.
And Aaron, you also thought The Punchline is Murder was Rubs.
That's a real band.
They're a real band.
all the other ones you got absolutely correct yeah all those real bands are in last week's edition of the NME if you want to check them out playing at a venue near you but according to your ruthless prize logic Adam Aaron don't win nothing because the woman what was on before got eight yeah it seems that's a bit cruel isn't it seems a bit much doesn't it well what can we give you Aaron I'm not sure that we've got anything in that you'd be that interested what about Blake seven seven
I'm only 15, so I don't know about you.
OK, what about Doctor Who?
That sounds great.
Everybody loves Doctor Who, Billy Piper.
Erin, you're 15 and you're listening to this mortal coil and all that weird depressing music.
I get it from my dad.
Oh, cool.
That's good stuff.
Hey, listen, thank you very much indeed for calling in.
You're most welcome.
and uh you were excellent thank you you were fantastic and uh hope you enjoy your doctor who dvds and uh this is for you this is the clash this is the only uh clash track that we actually had that you wanted i hope you enjoy it it is a peach rock the casbah oh yes sorry i hate to but could you say it's from work for my mom she's 40 today my mom gainer
Oh yeah, absolutely.
Happy birthday, Gaynor.
Hope you have a wonderful day.
Many happy returns.
This is for you, from us, and from Erin.
It's The Clash.
That's The Clash with Rock the Casbar.
Yeah, and we've got to say thanks to Claire, who beat Erin at Rock and Reel, Rock and Rubs, because she got eight and Erin only got seven.
Claire, we will give you a prize.
What's it going to be, do you think?
Tickets, we'll send you some tickets.
We'll send you a few tickets for the tube.
You can go anywhere you want.
It's nearly the end of our show now.
Thanks for listening if you've been listening since 10.
If you've only tuned in late then what are you doing?
Yeah, what could possibly be better than listening to us?
Don't forget of course that there is an Adam and Jo podcast available.
We need your we need your subscriptions.
We need your votes.
We need your downloads.
You know, we're being beaten by the likes of Ricky Gervais, Russell Brand, Scott Mills, even, you know, and that's all right.
Because Ricky Gervais is very famous.
Scott Mills is on every day on a national radio station.
And who else did you say?
Russell Brand.
That's a bit embarrassing.
He's on six music.
That's digital.
Yeah, but he's a very famous guy.
But he's on Big Brother's Little Brother all the time and he sleeps with stars, which we don't.
Maybe we should, you're married, maybe I should sleep with a celebrity and get in the papers.
Yeah.
That's the way to do it these days.
I've got a girlfriend, don't forget.
Yeah, she wouldn't mind.
Imagine the kickbacks.
Well, you know, the other way of going about it is to make her famous.
Make my girlfriend famous?
Yeah.
Right, that seems to be the long way round though.
Well, she would probably appreciate it, don't you think?
Rather than you going off and sleeping with someone.
I could try and make my wife famous as well.
How would you do that?
The quickest way to get famous, that sounds like a text to maybe for next week.
Well, the quickest way, instead of come full circle, the quickest way to get famous is to sleep with someone else famous.
I mean, the thing is, would you, you wouldn't want her to sleep with someone famous, would you?
Not really, it depends on who.
You'd want to do that.
Maybe if it was another sexy lady.
What's going on here?
What did I just do?
You slipped.
Oh, I fell and I've got my cordonieur.
I've slipped Kirsten Dunst.
I didn't say anything rude, so Anthony thinks this is a bit risky.
Anyway, so don't forget to download the podcast, alright?
Because until we sleep with someone famous, we don't have those extra things that those other people at the top of the list, the advantages.
Hey listen, are we gonna finish up with this request for Mitchie Monkey?
Yeah, we are.
Yeah, this is a text we've had in, and it's a birthday request for Mitch Tom.
Or, I think he's also known as Mitchy Monkey, and he once breathed by the prodigy, but happy birthday Mitch, he's 16 today, and apparently he loves the show.
Ah, fantastic.
Intelligent young man.
Yeah, because we're going to try we're going to I think last week's podcast was more or less I'm still obsessing about the podcast.
Yeah, just for podcast fans.
I think last week's podcast is more or less.
It was just a compilation of because we were away.
We were away.
No, Matt did a great job on it.
Matt, but maybe we were a bit rubbish as well the week before we were a bit slack.
But good.
But you know, podcast one to 12 are really good.
Just skip 13 unlucky number bad podcast.
Exactly.
So we're gonna really work hard this week and pack next one with, uh... Pack next one.
Pack the next one with lots of stuff, extra new stuff.
Yeah, but... Hope you enjoy it.
That's it from us this week, isn't it?
Because we're coming up to the end of the show.
It's Mick Rock coming up after the top of the hour.
Thanks a lot for listening.
We'll see you next week.
This is, uh, Breathe by the Prodigy.
You're gonna say goodbye, Adam.
I love you, bye!
Bye!
Thank you, I love you, bye!
This is for Mitch.
Happy birthday, Mitch.